Through the Cavern

"And those are known as stalactites. Now, are there any questions?" The tour guide grinned like a geek. Ricky rolled his eyes and sighed "Don't suppose there's a bathroom in here, is there?"

The guide narrowed his eyes "As my answers to your previous sarcasm, no. Now, if you would all follow me over here..."

Ricky groaned. He had strongly expressed his disinterest in taking a cave tour, but his professor had strongly insisted that he attend or risk failing his geology final. Geology. Ricky had only signed up for the class in the first place because he was a credit short. He hadn't expected it to be THIS boring, however.

Fuck it, he thought, and stopped to "tie his shoe". Beside him, Melanie Richards frowned at him "You know, if you just gave a damn about these caves, you wouldn't be so bored all the time."

"And if you would pull your head out of your ass, you would realize just how fucking pointless this all is." Ricky snapped back. Appalled at what he said, Melanie stormed off in a huff.

"Nerd." Ricky muttered. He figured he would go check out that side cavern that they passed a while back. It was as good a place as any, and he was dying to smoke a joint. He waited until the group turned the corner, then ran back down the path they came, then ducked into the side cavern.

"Finally. I needed this." Ricky settled down on a flat rock and lit up. As he sucked the sweet smoke down into his lungs, he thought he heard footsteps.

"Damn it...can't ever catch a break." He stood quickly and ducked around the corner. A moment later, he heard a voice.

"Dang it, Scootaloo! I told you we should have stayed with the group!" It sounded like a 9 year old girl, with a southern twang in her voice.

"Oh, come on, Apple Bloom! We said we were gonna get our cutie marks in spelunking, and we're gonna do it!" The second voice sounded like a young girl too, only this one had more of a tomboyish tone.

"I actually wouldn't mind going back myself. It's starting to get dark, not to mention it smells funny down here." The third sounded rather innocent, almost naïve.

Shit! Ricky had forgotten all about the fact that he had a joint going. He tried to put it out, but only succeeded in burning his fingers. He yelped in pain, then tried to cover his mouth. Too late.

"What was that, girls? Sounded like a timber wolf!" The southern girl sounded nervous all of a sudden.

"You numbskull, timber wolves live in the Everfree Forest!" The tomboy chided her friend.

"Then it must be a dragon! Only it sounded like a baby dragon, and the only baby dragon around here is Spike, and he's with Twilight!" The naïve girl whimpered in fear.

Dragons? Timber wolves? Ok, enough was enough.

"Hey, kids, don't be alarmed. It's just me." Ricky stepped out from his hiding place "See? I'm a- YAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!"

What he thought were kids were three brightly coloured young horses...well, one horse, one unicorn and a Pegasus, to be precise. Ricky stammered in shock "Ok...this has to be a hallucination...but you can't hallucinate on weed! OH god...what's happening to me?!"

"Uh....do you need to sit down, mister? I think I have some water left in ma canteen." The yellow pony with the southern voice picked it up in her mouth and walked it over to Ricky who took it, stunned.

"What is he, anyway? He looks like a Bigfoot, only he has no hair. Well, except for what's on his head, that is." The orange Pegasus tomboy approached him with interest.

"Human. Why are you talking?" Ricky went to take a drink, but missed his mouth entirely, drenching his shirt.

"Um...cause we can?" The unicorn offered helpfully "Why are you so shocked at that?"

"Well, horses aren't supposed to talk, for one thing!"

The Pegasus stared at him with an incredulous look "Uh...you're joking, right?"

"No. I mean, how are you possible?"

"Well, you're in Equestria, aren't you? It's made up entirely of talking ponies!" the Pegasus said matter-of-factly.

Ricky was confused "Equestria? I thought I was in New Mexico...wait, that's not the point! Where's the rest of my tour group? I came from over there, and..." Ricky's voice trailed off as he pointed to a dead end "Where the hell's the tunnel I came from?!"

The three ponies glanced at each other, worried "Um, I think you'd better come with us, Mr...what is your name, anyway?" The yellow Southern-accented one asked.

"Ricky. Ricky Lahey. Do you mind if I ask yours?" Ricky asked, calming down somewhat.

"Oh, well ma name's Applebloom. The Pegasus is Scootaloo, and that's Sweetie Belle!" Applebloom said happily.

"So...why are you girls here on your own in the first place? I mean, you seem kind of young. I may not be 100% responsible, but even I know that kids shouldn't be wandering a cave unsupervised."

The Pegasus huffed "Hey! We're not THAT young! Well, we are on a class field trip, so I guess that kind of contradicts what I said."

"Well, where's your tour group?" Ricky asked.

"Oh, they're not far behind. We got sick of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon making fun of us, so we came down here to blow off a little steam." Sweetie Belle explained "So, how did you get to a cave in Equestria, Mr. Lahey?"

"Ugh, Ricky, please. Well, it's kind of ironic, but I was also on a class trip, and I also came down here to relax, when all of a sudden I heard you three. However, I thought you were humans, so I hid because I didn't want to get caught, but when I heard how young you sounded I thought maybe I'd be somewhat in the clear. Then, I saw you were ponies, we freaked out and now I think I'm starting to go insane!" Ricky began to breathe heavily, slowly working himself into a hysteria. Scootaloo tossed a small rock at his head, and he relaxed a bit "Phew. Sorry about that."

"Wow, then you're real lucky that we found ya, Ricky! You know, I'm sure our teacher might be able to help you out. If you want, we can take you to her!" Applebloom said helpfully.

"Sure, what have I got to lose? I don't see my luck changing right away." Ricky grabbed his backpack and stood up. The three fillies led the way down the long, dark cavern, until Ricky heard an older voice.

"And this, my little ponies, is known as pyrite, AKA Fool's Gold. While it looks like the real thing, it's very easy to...Oh, hello, girls! Nice of you to finally join us!" A tall, magenta pony glared at the three fillies.

"Er, sorry, Miss Cheerilee, but we were trying to help our friend out, here!" Applebloom said. Cheerilee seemed to soften at this.

"Well, if it's in the name of friendship, I suppose that's al-YAAAARRRGHH! Girls, get away from that thing right now! Quickly!"