The Desolation of Kraid

by Lunafan1k

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Sex, Random
Length: 1098

Kraid winds up in Equestria full of pretty ponies after getting blasted through space by Samus.

Kraid gets his butt kicked by Samus and winds up in a world full of pretty ponies! Terror ensues.

Honestly I wrote this over lunch, so don't expect a work of art. Pretty sure this qualifies as a troll fic.

Based entirely off of this
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=And-vdjC71E

Published 2015-06-05 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-05 23:50:02 UTC

The Strongest Dragon That You've Ever Seen

“Do you like puppies? Here’s a basket of puppies!” Kraid said as he held up a large basket of adorable puppies. However Samus fired a powerful blast at him anyway.

The Chozo weapon immediately overpowered Kraid, but the cuteness of the puppies reacted with the energy weapon in a strange way. A hole was torn through the fabric of reality and hurled him though the unknown, causing him to black out.

He soon regained consciousness and held a claw against his aching skull. “Aw man, wow she can hit hard, just like my good ol mum!” he said as he looked around. He noticed the puppies made the trip with him and seemed just fine, but for some reason they were now much larger.

“Aw what the hell is this shit?” He exclaimed as he looked over himself. Somehow his bogy regressed in age to that of his awkward lanky teenage self. “Now how am I going to get all the ladies… Oh! I still got the puppies!”

“Wait, what about that old hag, the floating brain thing or Ridley? Ah fuck it, I’m sure they will understand.” He said as he stood and gathered the puppies. “Time to find the ladies!” He exclaimed and flew into the air.

After a moment of circulating around he found a small town of thatched houses, obviously Ponyville . “Aw man, is this one of those shitty era’s where everyone is sick and dying of the plague or something? I can’t get off to that!” He said. “Fuck it, I’ll burn their shitty town to the ground and end their misery. And mine. And my boredom.”

He dove and flew low over the town to strike fear in the people that he did not know we're the ponies, but when he looked close they weren’t people at all, but ponies. “Ponies?! What the shit, this is awesome!” He exclaimed and landed in the square, grabbing one at random that happened to be Rarity Belle, you know the white one with the stylish mane, as they began to panic. “Sh sh sh! Don’t worry you cute little thing! Look at the puppies!”

“Arf!” they said. Unfortunately the pony was not relived and started neighing something he didn’t understand.

“Aww!” He said and kissed the while unicorn he was holding, messing up her mane with his saliva. “Here, play with the puppies!.”
The unicorn yelled something and ran off. “Leading me to your friends? Sweet!” He said and took off into the air behind her.

He watched her run into a house made of a tree. He landed outside and looked it over. “Aw come on out! I don’t want to hurt you!” After a moment of the mare not coming out he kicked in the door with ease. “Come here my-Oh!” inside he found another unicorn, this one purple, whom he didn't know was none other than Twilight Sparkle.

“Hey there cutie! Come to Kraid!” He made his way inside but something stepped in his path, a little baby dragon, obviously Spike, was spitting a few small flames at him. Kraid picked him up. “Sorry bro, but I’m not into dudes.” He then proceeded to bunt the smaller dragon out the open doorway.

“Now my pretties-!” He was interrupted by a flash of gold light and found himself in a gold cage made of solid light. Before him was two thrones, one with a big white horse and one with a smaller blue horse, no doubt the Princess Ponies of Equestria name Celestia and Luna.

“Wow! That hair is pretty! I could brush it all day!” They said something to him, but he didn’t understand a word of it. “Do you want to try some deserts that I baked this morning?” He said and pulled out a few plates with some slices of cake on them. “I love making sweets for the ladies.”

The horses on the later seemed to hesitate at his offer. “Do you like puppies? Here’s a basket of puppies!” and presented them with puppies of cuteness unending.

The horses shook their heads and steeled their gaze, seemingly coming to an agreement. Their horns lit up, “Ohh that’s a pretty-” and Kraid was gone from their land.

The next moment Kraid found himself back in his own lair, a massive hole blasted through his ‘scary wall’ as he called it. “Aww. Oh well, time to get that hot babe some flowers!” he said as he frolicked out to his garden.

He didn’t spend too long picking out a bouquet of various flowers for his lovley, but he was interrupted by another huge energy blast that was pushing against his boss Ridley, and was heading straight toward him. “Oh fuck me.”

He was hit by the blast a second time, and this time it reacted with the flowers and they crashed through the castle with the white and blue horse. Kraid pulled himself up and found Ridley, but he was now a baby dragon about the size of the other one he saw.

“What the fuck Kraid! You had one fucking job, kill the bounty hunter!” He exclaimed.

“But she was a babe, what was I supposed to do!?” Kraid defended.

“Eat her!” He answered.

“I like to treat by ladies to some dinner before I eat them out.” He responded.

“No you fucking moron, eat her!” He yelled.

“Oh yea? Well fuck you, I’m the badass now!” Kraid grabbed Ridley and ate him in one bite. “How’s that you little fuck?”

Ridley didn’t respond as he was currently being dissolved in acid.

The horses said something and blasted him with magic again, returning him to his now destroyed garden. Kraid mourned the loss of his lovely garden.

Back in equestrian the citizens were recovering from the dreaded dragon attack and Spike was mostly fine. Rarity, however, will probably never recover, forever will her mane will be stained with dragon spit.

The door to the library was repaired easily enough but the damage remains: they were lucky to be alive.

The princesses let out a formal statement saying they were the heroes and didn’t need the elements of harmony after all, thus returning the faith of the citizens in the princesses to defend their lives.

The end, or is it?

Author's Note

Like and favorite anyway, and fight in the comments, it amuses me.

Also awkwardly edited to add the names of the ponies because aparently describing them isn't enough to qualify as a story taking place in equestria.