Pinkie Pie’s Rocket Propelled Rainbow Farts
Written by TheCrimsonDM
Normally Ponyville is a quiet little village, although it wasn’t uncommon for it to be attacked by a giant monster, or to have few ponies go insane and cause a fuss. Today was no different, for insanity was just a part of life here at Ponyville. Six mares in particular stood out as the most chaotic ponies in the entire town. It was still a mystery as to how they managed to cause so much trouble without any effort but here these mares’ were, sitting down and having a picnic just like the normal ponies, but of course things couldn’t stay normal for too long.
“So when is Pinkie going to show up,” Rainbow Dash asked, as she hovered above her friends.
Twilight let out a sigh, and answered for what felt like the hundredth time. “She’s going to be here. I don’t know why she’s late, but she never misses out on a chance to hang out with us.”
“Whatever.”
Rarity was sitting next to Fluttershy, and looking into a pocket mirror. “Oh my, it looks like I may be getting a freckle.” Dramatically she threw her leg over her eyes and cried, “My life is ruined!”
“Ah resent that,” Applejack replied, considering she had freckles, she had a right to upset.
“But you can get away with it, you’re a farm pony. A fashionable, upper class mare such as myself would be ruined by this.”
Applejack growled.
With a gentle wing Fluttershy flicked the supposed freckle off of Rarity’s face and smiled. “Um, it was a crumb.”
“Oh thank you, darling. You just saved me from a life of turmoil.”
“It was only a freckle,” Applejack said angrily.
“Now, now, it was actually a crumb. There is no need to be worried about me.”
Applejack gave up and rolled over. This was one conversation that she was going to nope out of.
With energy not expected of the purple alicorn, Twilight bounced off her hooves and pointed at a hill some ways off. Pinkie Pie was standing there and waving at the group. Everypony smiled and waved back.
When Pinkie Pie shot into the air, a rainbow colored cloud trailing behind her, everypony stopped waving. They could only stare in horror as the pink pony flew towards them at incredible speeds. Pinkie struck a pose very much like something Super Mare would strike, and steered herself towards Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie opened her forelegs and collided with the rainbow maned pegasus.
The two of them went flying into the ground the rainbow cloud that had been trailing behind the pink pony began settling down. As it covered the five ponies at the picnic they all began coughing wildly. They ran out of the cloud and continued coughing as they fought for fresh air, whatever was in that cloud smelled absolutely wretched.
“Pinkie Pie, what the heck was that?” Rainbow Dash inquired, understandably confused as to how an earth pony could fly without the use of some sort of machine.
Pinkie Pie grinned, lifted her tail, and gave a mighty toot. A puff of rainbow colored smoke flew out behind her and she laughed madly. Rainbow Dash stared in terror.
“What…” was the only response that the pegasus could come up with.
“I CAN FART RAINBOWS!” Pinkie Pie screamed excitedly. “And with them I can fly!”
“Oh sweet Celestia, so you mean you just…”
“I Fart Rocket hugged you!” Pinkie Pie explained. She then turned her head to stare at her other friends and said, “You’re all up next for the most ultimate hug in Equestria.”
Applejack looked at her other three friends. Rarity was nearly vomiting while Fluttershy looked scared, and Twilight was dumbstruck. “Y’all have to run, now! Ah’ll take Rarity, you two get somewhere safe.”
With that said the other four began retreating at a full gallop. Nopony wanted to have a Fart Rocket hug. Poor Rainbow Dash was still under Pinkie’s hold and squirming like mad.
Finally Rainbow Dash managed to shove Pinkie Pie off of her, rolled over, and gagged. “That’s disgusting.”
“Yeppers,” Pinkie Pie agreed. “But that’s why it’s so darn funny.”
***
Applejack had managed to lead Rarity all the way over to Sweet Apple Acres barn, where she had plans to hide until the fallout was over. Rarity’s makeup was running as she cried and complained about having inhaled Pinkie’s gas. Truth be told, Applejack could agree and wanted to tear up about it herself, but she had to hide first. Together they hid behind some hay stacks and waited.
It didn’t take long before the one who farts rainbows showed up. Her bright and cheerful voice called out, “Applejack, Rarity, come on out so that I can hug you!”
Fear crawled down their spines, they knew Pinkie Pie, and they knew her weirdness for breaking the universe. It wouldn’t take much time for either of them to be caught. So Applejack looked at Rarity and said, “Look if we both stay here we’ll be-“
Rarity used both of her forelegs and shoved Applejack violently from her hiding place and whispered, “There’s only room for one pony here!”
Applejack rolled backwards few time before landing on her back. She would have been more angry at Rarity save for the fact that Pinkie Pie was staring right at her. “Oh crap.”
Pinkie gave a playful wink at Applejack before crouching down and shaking. Applejack could hear the rumbling in Pinkie’s tummy. This was the only signal that Applejack would receive before Pinkie’s rear exploded with a cloud of rainbows and she lifted up into the air. Applejack rolled over, got up, and ran.
Pinkie Pie wasn’t after Applejack however, she was after the other target. Pinkie Pie soared through the air and landed behind the stack of hay, the cloud followed her like a rolling tide of stench.
Pinkie Pie got her hug, and Rarity began to vomit. This was the end of all things sweet and innocent.
Applejack continued to gallop at a full speed before hearing the next sound of the universe being ripped in two. She glanced back to see Pinkie Pie flying at her. Pinkie pie laughed maniacally and said, “Some ponies might cut the cheese, but I destroy it!”
“And now the fart jokes begin,” Applejack muttered to herself.
Pinkie Pie collided into Applejack and together they rolled a few times before coming to a stop. Applejack tried to throw off the pink pony, but once Pinkie wraps herself around somepony, there is no escape. Applejack gave up and tried to hold her stomach inside as the cloud covered the two of them, and the smell infiltrated her nostrils. It was over for Applejack, the only thing she could do now was hope. Hope that Twilight and Fluttershy could still escape.
***
Twilight watched in horror from her balcony as a rainbow streak of evil flew from Sweet Apple Acres towards the town. The cloud spread out behind Pinkie and sunk to the earth covering all in its path with the horrible air. Twilight gave one last look at Fluttershy and nodded. Fluttershy’s eyes were full of worry, but she did as Twilight wanted. Fluttershy went inside to hide, the castle had many places for hiding, hopefully one of them would work.
Before Pinkie could reach the castle with her new found powers of flight, Twilight leaped into the air and above the town. She might not be a great flyer, but she hopped that her experience was better than Pinkie’s insanity, though that was doubtful. Pinkie Pie adjusted her course and flew towards Twilight Sparkle.
Like a pink smelly bullet, Pinkie Pie flew at Twilight. It was mostly luck that helped Twilight dodge the first attack, but sadly the cloud that followed could not be dodged so easily. Twilight held her breath as she flew up higher into the sky, escaping the cloud. However Pinkie was waiting for her.
Somehow Pinkie had so much control over her lower intestines that she was able to maintain a slow hover in the air while staring at Twilight. Pinkie’s rear was making a sound similar to that of a balloon releasing all of its air slowly. The sound alone was enough to gross anypony out, the fact that a perpetual cloud of rainbows was coming out of Pinkie’s bottom only made it worse.
“Pinkie Pie, this is insane. Stop this disgusting behavior this instant!” Twilight demanded.
“I will, once I hug all of you!” Pinkie cried out.
Twilight faced her worst villain that day, not even Lord Tirek could top Pinkie’s villainous powers. That day, the battle to not be stink hugged by Pinkie Pie, was the most difficult thing she had ever done. Twilight flew away, she flew up, and she flew down, she attempted to do loop de loops and failed. And all the while Pinkie Pie flew circles around the alicorn princess.
Finally Twilight crashed into her own castle. As she stopped for a moment to recover, she noticed that the whole sky over Ponyville was covered in a thick layer of rainbow cloud. Twilight tried to run for it, but Pinkie was one step ahead of her. Pinkie was latterly one step in front of her and staring right into Twilight Sparkle’s eyes. Twilight felt the warm embrace of Pinkie’s forelegs and the fight was over. Pinkie Pie had won.
***
“Please don’t let her find me. Please don’t let her find me. Please don’t let her find me,” Fluttershy begged to whatever benevolent creature that was listening.
The clip clopping sound of hooves touching against the crystal floor just outside the cabinet she was hiding in, caused panic to shoot through her entire frame. Fluttershy couldn’t help but shake as she heard the pony coming closer to her location.
Fluttershy finally asked, “Twilight, is that you?”
The cabinet door swung open and the putrid smell wafted in. Pinkie stared into Fluttershy’s eyes and smiled. “Nope, it’s just me.”
Pinkie gave Fluttershy a gentle hug before saying, “Now it’s all over.”
“That wasn’t so bad,” Fluttershy said. She sniffed and added, “I take it back it smells… what did you eat?”
“Cabbage. All though I actually got the power of The Fart Rocket from those neat little energy drinks. You know the rainbow ones that Celestia gave me,” Pinkie Pie explained.
“You shouldn’t drink them…”
“I drank an entire case of them,” Pinkie said proudly.
***
Meanwhile Rainbow Dash was sitting back at Sugarcube Corner and watching the ponies outside freak out. Half of the town was currently covered in a thick rainbow colored cloud of unbelievably bad smell. Nopony knew what to do.
Rainbow Dash leaned back on the bench and drank slowly from one of the energy drinks that Pinkie Pie owned. After being farted on, Rainbow Dash figured that Pinkie Pie owed her a free drink, or a dozen. The energy drink however was a mistake. Sure it tasted like candy, but it left her insides feeling like they were going to explode.
Rainbow Dash shrugged and continued drinking them. What’s the worst that could happen?
Author's Note
This is a story about me, losing my mind, and never finding it again. Hope you enjoyed this slice of pure insanity. XP
