Draco’s Adventures in
Equestria
Chapter, The First: Hard Landing
I was falling, just, falling.
I don’t know why, but just now that’s hardly important.
Judging from how fast I appear to be going, how quickly the ground is approaching, and how scared I am, I am about to die.
There’s another thing I don’t quite understand, is that Canterlot I’m about to crash into? If it there may be a chance I won’t die, maybe. Well right now there’s not much I can do about anything, so; how did I get here, I don’t mean plummeting out of the sky (although I plan on finding that out as well), I mean here in Equestria? Not that I have a problem with being in Equestria, mind you.
There is still the slight issue of me falling to my death, oh look, there’s a large skylight just there; let’s aim for that!
Crash!
That wasn’t quite as bad as I had been expecting, though crashing through gigantic skylights at what must have been several hundred miles per hour isn’t by any means fun, except that one time. But more importantly, I’m still alive! Hah! Not dead yet! There’s a yellow aura (Sort-of-thing) around me, and that means....
“Celestia?” I asked dazed. I heard collective gasps from nearby ponies, along with the nervous clatter of hooves on marble as the floor was showered with broken glass. I heard a great shuddering creak of metal from above; you see, I didn’t hit the direct center of the domed skylight, which had a large, golden cap in the center, which now dipped precariously downward. “Uh oh...” it swayed deeper into the hall, threatening to fall at a moment’s notice. “Not good... Celestia? Or whoever’s holding me let me drop!” I think that in any other situation Celestia (or whoever was holding me) would have refused, thankfully, she didn’t.
I hit the ground running; well it was a stumble-y sort of run, but a Run-For-Your-Life kind of run none the less. I heard a great rending SNAP! As the final support that held the dome gave, and the whole thing plummeted into the floor of the hall, sending up a cloud of dust and bits of broken marble.
I waved my hand in front of me to ward off the dust. “Phew,” I coughed several times before continuing. “That was a dousy!” I heard coughing on the other side of the rubble; it seemed regal, even for coughing. I, not being one to be deterred by things which have nearly killed me in the last five minutes, went over the fallen dome, rather than around it. (That philosophy being based in the belief that, if that which nearly killed you, didn’t; then it probably won’t in such a short timeframe.) Anyway! I was standing before the princesses, Celestia and Luna (Must. Resist. Urge. To. Hug.). So, I did the first thing that came to mind, I knelt before the pony sisters.
Luna was coughing on the dust thrown up by my entrance, but otherwise the seemed fine. What about me? I’m still alive, nothing broken. Wait, my knee, yeah that’s a big piece of glass, doesn’t hurt very badly though, hmm. Well, I’m not going to stand up anytime soon, oh! Celestia’s talking!
“That was, unexpected.” Okay, she’s not angry, or scared, that’s good right? “Indeed, are you two alright?” Just ignore the shard of glass in your leg.
“Yes, we are alright.” Well that’s good; now, I would stand but, shard of glass...yeah. “That’s good. Nice to meet you, I, am Draco. It’s a real honor, princesses.” Wait! Do they know I know? Well, they do now.
“Likewise.” no questions? “You’re not scared, or confused?” I asked them “We are a bit confused, but no, not scared, no.” Hmm, why isn’t Luna talking?
“I should say not! Man falls out of sky, inadvertently destroys royal property, man makes small talk. And look at you! Not so much as a nervous twitch! I like it!” Luna spoke up.
“Thou art very forward.” Still speaking the King’s English, hmm?
“I get that a lot.” I grinned
“Your leg has a large piece of glass in it.” Celestia observed.
“Yeah, it does....” I trailed off, inspecting the wound. Eh, nothing a pair of pliers can’t fix.
“Art thou, I mean, aren’t you in a great deal of pain?” Okay, she’s working on talking normally.
“Immeasurably so, but, I’ve been around awhile, picked things up, including numerous ways to deal with pain.” I have been, I do. “But I can’t walk on my own, so Luna, would you kindly help me up?” That’s another trick I picked up, only works on one person, and he’s dead now, I still like it though.
“Certainly.” She descended the many steps from the throne (Does there really need to be that many? Just sayin’) and stood at my side. “Here we go,” I put my arm around her neck and lifted myself to my good foot.
“We should get you to the infirmary.” Aw, Tia cares! But I’m totally fine, they’ll listen to reason (MY Reason is hard to argue with) “No, firstly, which way to the nearest balcony?” See? Reason! Wait no reason soon to come. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You are very badly injured, you need medical help.” Aha! Now to counter with the razor-sharp, double-edged sword of, REASON! “Don’t worry, Celly,” Luna snickered, Celestia stared daggers at me “What did you just call me?” Celestia dead panned, I ignored her “My armor will take care of me, always has, now, balcony!”
“What armor, pray tell, is that?” Oh, Shit!
“Huh, well, that’s something, isn’t it? Well, I’m more than willing to bet that Equestria exists in a dimension parallel to the one I previously found myself, so during the trans-dimensional, uh, event, My Armor shut down. That sounds about right, yeah. What do you think?” I asked Luna, she stared at me blankly. “Yeah... But, what brought me here; I didn’t come here on purpose, did I? No, I don’t think so; I wasn’t even aware Equestria Existed as a matter of fact, though I had my hopes.” Blank stare all ‘round! “Well then, I’ll need to reactivate the armor, I’m fairly certain the subroutines are still running for this, if not, well...” Celestia Finally spoke up.
“What, exactly are you talking about?” To be quite fair, I’m not sure if this will work, but if it fails, I’d rather die here in Equestria than anywhere else. “Celestia, this is going to sound insane, but I need you to shoot a little lightning at me.” That sounded more insane than it had in my head. She raised an eyebrow.
“Why would you want me to do that?” Fair question.
“Well, basically, the armor systems are dead, that is to say, they’re dormant and can’t be brought online, just need a not-so-little jolt of electricity to get them going, and it’s either this, or I stand on the roof during a thunder storm holding a lightning rod above my head.”
“Alright,” Yes! “Luna step away from him.” Oh, nearly forgot that bit. “You may also want to cast a ward, Luna.” She looked at me, weird. “How do you know about-.” I stopped her mid-sentence “I studied at the college of Winterhold. Like I said, I’ve been around. Now, hit me!” This is going to be awesome. “Wait, Are you sure this isn’t going to hurt you?” She does care! Time for Medic impression “I have no idea!”
“Alright then.” Her horn glowed and began to crackle with Electricity, and send a Bolt of lightning straight into my chest.
*** *** ***
System Re-initializing
System Online
Warning Suit Breached
User Injured
Breach Rectified
Beginning Medical Action
User Wounds Mended
*** *** ***
Celestia’s lightning had thrown me across the room, onto the rubble left from my entry, but had revived my suit. The helmet of the suit wasn’t like a normal helmet, instead of being pulled off over the top of your head, it’s a part of the suit itself, it is concealed in the collar of the suit until it is needed, then it will form around the head of whoever is wearing the suit, If you still have no idea what the helmet is like, play Dead Space.
Anyway! While I was out my helmet had encased my head, probably to prevent any further damage the suit undoubtedly expected may befall me in my Non-conscious state. The rest of my armor had activated as well. Before I had been wearing a body suit composed of materials and layers so complex it would take the rest of this story and several sequels to explain accurately, along with my trench coat. The reason for which it was worn being that most badasses wear trench coats; Van Helsing, Hellboy, John Marston, Adam Jensen, Albert Wesker, and Dante, to name a few. The coat however, is not as, “Durable” as the rest of the suit, it’s riddled with bullet holes, a couple blood splatters (Especially near the base edge). But it’s not that fragile, it is mostly fire-proof, partially stab resistant, and it has a lot of pockets. Pockets are important to me. Shut up. I don’t have a problem, you do
Cleared To Proceed
Okay, we’re good, uh oh; Celestia and Luna look kind of scared. Well, I’m alright, let’s show ‘em. I was lying flat on my back, so I did a little flip, jump, thingy; and was on my feet in a second.
Celestia was visibly relieved and Luna wrapped her forelegs around my neck (YAY!). “Yes, I’m fine.” I hugged Luna back, my helmet retracted in to my collar, I rubbed my face against her mane, which felt like hair, only not, like, hair, I think it was because it was all, floaty and kind of, well, alive ‘n stuff.
“You are not dead!” People say that to me more often than you might think, and not always so happily. “No, I’m not, why are you so concerned about my well-being?” She broke the embrace and put her hooves on my shoulders. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you don’t even know me, why should you care about whether I live or die?” She looked confused and a little bit hurt, “Why should I not care about some pony’s life, whether or not I know them? And still, Celestia put everything she had into that bolt!”” Now it’s my turn to stare daggers. “Celestia,” I took an unusually stern tone. “Were you trying to kill me?” I raised an eyebrow; she looked flabbergasted (It’s a word!) “What? I, how could you even-“
I cut her off “Because it’ll take a hell of a lot more than that to take me down.” Poor Celestia, she’s so confused. “Anyway, let’s see what the damage is, shall we?” Luna backed up and I observed me chest, there was a large, smoking, scorch mark in the center. “Eh, it looks much worse than it is. But, yeah it’ll take more than that to even touch me.” I blew the smoke away and received and indignant look from Celestia. “It looks fairly bad to me.” I waved her off with a “Psh”
“Nah, the damage is purely cosmetic,” now back to business. “As I said before, which way to the balcony,” Luna pointed to a door near the end of the throne room. “Allons-y!” Why do they keep looking at me like that? “Ugh, let’s go, that better?”
*** *** ***
Within a few minutes we were standing on a balcony that overlooked most of Canterlot. It was Beautiful; the marble buildings, inlaid with gold and lapis lazuli, all clinging to the side of a mountain, a snow-capped sentinel, over all Equestria. We all stared across the city. “I’m going to like it here.” I said with finality. The princesses seemed surprised “You’re staying?”
“Of course, Celly.” I’ll never tire of that look
Wait! I hear somepony! Hang on, wait a second, Twilight! I turned quickly and stared into Celestia’s eyes (I think I may have surprised her, they’re not usually that big “Celestia, Is Twilight in Canterlot today?” I, which might not have been the best idea, me staring into her eyes, when I look people in the eye there tend to be, hmm, profound reactions. You see, I am in possession of a Time Agent’s Vortex Manipulator, which I use on quite a regular basis to travel through time, though, time travel without a capsule can have mixed results, most prominent being the most god-awful case of jetlag you’re bound to get, anyway, I think that through my constant state of temporal, uh, instability and travel through the Vortex, that people can actually see into the Time Vortex through my eyes. Generally, three things happen, some will be inspired, some will run away, and some will go mad. (The three usual effects of gazing into the Time Vortex) Thankfully my eyes usually don’t do any that, usually. But they have the power to stun, terrify people into submission, make people’s hair fall out, and once there was an old man who was bald, he grew a full head of hair, just for it to turn white (one, that’s how many time that has happened) Celestia seemed to just be stunned , I shook her. “Twilight Sparkle, Canterlot, Today, yes? No?” She blinked several times “I, uh, yes, I think.” Good enough! I ran towards the edge of the balcony, before jumping I shouted “BRB!” In a split-second my helmet had formed around me head and my boot thrusters fired, sending me down into the city at break-neck speed. Fifteen meters from the ground, I flipped and hit the boost on the thrusters (in the process I may or may not have set the sidewalk on fire, Honest enough mistake) I was standing (in flames) in front of a group of six ponies; a lavender unicorn mare with a dark purple mane which had Shocks of pink and light purple in it. A white unicorn mare with an indigo mane. An entirely pink earth pony mare. A cyan Pegasus mare with a rainbow mane. An orange earth pony mare with blonde mane and an admittedly nice hat. And a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane cowering behind all of them (D’AWWW).
“Hello, my little ponies.” I said. “Oh, shit.” Now was when I realized I was surrounded by flames. “Sorry about that.” I patted my coat, looking for the pocket where I kept the fire extinguisher (old Time Lord Tech, Pockets bigger on the inside.) There we go, make a note of which pocket that was in for later.
Noted
Okay, the fires are out, let’s try again. “Hello, my little ponies. My name is Draco.” I heard the flapping of very large wings, oh, this’ll be good.
“What in the name of all that’s good and peaceful are you trying to do!?” Celestia does not sound happy. I honestly was surprised to see Celestia this soon. “Celly!” You could cut through the awkwardness in the air with a gaze like that. “You’re already up and about! That’s terrific; most people can’t withstand the Vortex Eyes.” Yes, that’s what I call them. “But then, you’re not people now, are you?” well, that did absolutely nothing to diffuse the tension. Damn.
“Alright then, you are far too angry to be reasoned with, so I’ll continue with plan A!” I turned back to the ponies, please, god, let my semi-brilliant plan work. My helmet retracted into my collar, as did my gauntlets into my, cuffs? That sound about right. “Alright, who wants a hug?” I’d like to see you come up with a better plan in the literally 4 seconds in between jumping off the balcony and setting the sidewalk on fire (The weirdest part is, the sidewalk was made of stone, stone doesn’t burn!) Thankfully the plan worked as pinkie pie jumped up, “I do!” She nearly tackled me to the ground, but I caught her instead of being hit full-on by speeding-pinkie pie. I nuzzled her mane (Shut up, I’m living every brony’s dream right now! ((Her mane does smell like cotton candy!)) )
“Oh, you’re so soft; I knew you’d be soft.” She giggled, I nearly did as well. (...Shut up, we all know you would too, and you, and you in the back, and all the other people reading this). After a minute or so of hugging (Shut up!) she hopped back to her friends, I was receiving more than one sideways glance (Do I have something in my teeth? Wait, why am I asking you; you couldn’t tell even if I did)
“I’m not done with you yet!” ooh, Celestia’s really angry; she doesn’t get angry, what’s with her? “I think you should calm down, Celestia.” She seemed to realize just now how angry she was and was quick to recollect herself. Oh, shit, I think I may know what’s wrong with her. The Vortex Eyes! Some inspired, some run, some go mad! Okay don’t panic, it’ll wear off, it always does (Except that bald guy, the white hair stayed, suppose that little venture worked out for the better.)
“You okay, Celly?” May it never be said that I learn from my mistakes (By that I mean this instance only, if you don’t learn from some of your mistakes and you’re me, well, bad things. As in, kiss two-thirds of the universe good-bye, bad) “come on, deep breaths,” Deep breath. “that’s it, now do you hear anything out of the ordinary?”
She looks alright now, “No, I’m fine, thank you.” Okay! Crisis averted! “Alright! That’s good, now” I was cut off before I could continue by a rather irritated lavender unicorn. “What is going on here!? Who are you, what’s wrong with princess Celestia? Why did you hug pinkie?” I love this part.
“Well, in order, I just jumped off of the,” I looked up “Sixth? Yeah, sixth story balcony to meet you six. As I said before, I’m Draco; She’s perfectly fine, and because, why wouldn’t I hug pinkie? She’s Pinkie, She’s made for stuff like that.” Ha, that face, I lifted my fingers like I was holding a camera, clicked the invisible camera, and my collar flashed, having just taken the funniest picture of twilight, ever. Also I think I surprised her with the camera trick, her eyes aren’t usually that big. So then, what happens now? That’s the question, isn’t it? Okay, no if I keep going this way, things’ll get real philosophical real quick. Okay, PLAN B!
“So, what’s up?” (I defy you to come up with a better plan B) I smiled at the ponies; Pinkie was the only one to smile back. “You are insane.” Celestia said, having recovered from the mild case of dementia brought on by the Vortex Eyes (She would have seemed a lot crazier had she been given the opportunity to do something).
“Actually, I’m not; technically well, a little bit, well, at the moment I’m denying it, so, yeah. This story is really gonna throw you ponies through a loop. But, perhaps is best saved for a more, non-public setting.” Celestia raised an eyebrow “And why is that?”
“Because,” I began. “Shit is about to get real.” I don’t think ponies very much approve of swears. “Also, there is a lot of, shall we say, sensitive information, mature themes, and a metric ass-load of swearing so, that being said; where are we going, preferably someplace with a fully stocked bar, I need a drink.”
