So, then. You want a story, and I will tell you one. But only the one. I want you to listen carefully, so no interruptions. We clear? Good.
Now, then.
What is friendship? What is its core meaning? I find myself asking that very question, usually when I’m feeling gloomy or sad. It isn’t hard to slip into the gloom nowadays. I have come up with countless answers, all of which lead me to the same thoughts, with no conclusion. But why would I ask myself what the meaning of friendship is? After all, I am the Element of Loyalty. So it should be easy.
Friendship is the unbreakable bond between two individuals...
No...that is romantic love.
Friendship is when individuals share common interests and when one would go out of her way to help the other.
Pretty simple right?
No, not at all.
Friendship is when individuals put their trust, understanding, and commitment toward one another.
If only that were true.
Friendships are formed by ponies. Relatives. Idols. Parents. Teachers.
Just a regular pony come sunset when you really think about it.
But I have to ask: is it okay for me to consider all the friends I have made over the past few years as regular ponies? I mean, my five bestest friends, Rarity, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, have done so much for me over the years, just as I have done so much for them. No...I can’t consider them regular ponies. They are my heroes and they always will be. Even if they aren’t the same anymore.
I look at the picture, sitting on my lap, of me and my friends. The print has been faded out because of how many times I fondled it, hoping that, maybe, just maybe, they would once return to their normal selves. They were so happy back then, during the good old days, until the industrial revolution came into the picture, ultimately creating the gloom.
How could nopony see it coming? Were we blinded by our own pride and ambition to think that this was a good idea? I guess we were.
I wonder what has come of us, as ponies. How could we let this happen?
I have been pretty disconnected from the world ever since the gloom inflicted itself on us. Everypony has, now that I think about it. Now it’s like my life only consists of waking up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, and going to bed. Rarely would I ever see my friends. I would occasionally visit Twilight to see how she was doing, though. Okay, maybe not occasionally. I usually visit her every day when I have the chance, that chance being now. Sometimes I don’t even visit her at all. She rarely speaks anymore.
All she ever does is sit by the window, on the second floor, and look outside, where all the ugly factories, warehouses, and plants are. I never look outside anymore. Only when I have to. I mean, can you blame me? The only thing you will ever see, in our once beautiful world, are buildings that pump toxic smoke into the air, and a marketplace that looks nearly abandoned, infested with rats. What the hay is so appealing about that?
I just can’t believe that we let something like this happen to our beautiful world.
Trees were cut down to make room for the factory district. Lakes and rivers were used for dumping industrial waste. That alone was enough to make Fluttershy go mad...no...insane. So many animals lost their homes because of the clearances. And to make matters worse, she tried so hard to nurture all of those little beasties; but she didn’t get far, unfortunately, as there just wasn't enough food. This was especially true because a big chunk of Sweet Apple Acres was destroyed for more warehouses.
The entire Apple family just isn’t the same anymore. Who can blame them? Applejack is no longer the energetic pony she once was, Big Mac hasn’t said a word in months, Granny Smith doesn’t go outside, and Apple Bloom...well...let’s not get into that.
Sometimes when I’m with Twilight, I soak up enough courage to speak to her, hoping that she would say something back to me. She never says anything back to me, though. Nothing unusual there.
The time Twilight and I spend together, usually consists of two things: silence and thinking. Though sometimes, if I feel it’s necessary, I would make her something to eat, even if she stubbornly refuses to eat. I did this because isn’t that what friends are for? To help one another out, be there when a friend is in need? It seems only I understood the concept of friendship these days.
I steal a glance at her. Still hasn’t moved; and it’s almost been two hours. Two hours of pure silence.
I walk toward her, hoping she wouldn’t give me the stink eye to go away. I never went away, though. Even if she wanted me gone, I never left unless I absolutely had to. The look on her face is enough to make me break down. Twilight never smiles anymore. I miss that eggheady smile of hers.
Now that I think about it, no pony did. Even Pinkie Pie. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it’s true. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Pinkie Pie smile. And she’s supposed to be the element of laughter and the friendly clown. I guess the gloom has taken laughter and smiles away.
I never smile either. Must be the gloom inflicting itself on me. Or maybe it’s the forecast.
Once before, I had asked Twilight what the gloom is, and why it’s affecting us. She couldn’t come up with an answer. I never really understood it, the gloom. How was it created? Why can’t we get away from it? So many questions with no answers. I remember all the times Twilight cried, saying that we would never find closure, that things will never be the same ever again, all because of a stupid decision to make a grand industry. Maybe that’s how the gloom came to be, I don’t know.
But the gloom never stopped Rarity. She would keep creating new designs, even when most ponies nowadays wore nothing but ragged clothing. That never stopped her, though. She only had one goal: to make our world more fashionable. And she had to promise that to Spike before he...
Never mind that. The weather is cloudy today. And rainy. It’s hard to go a day without seeing the rain fall from the sky, or the sun blocked out by clouds. Even the moon didn’t show itself at night.
Before the gloom had taken over, we Pegasi were able to control the weather. Not any more, though. It’s hard to fly high nowadays without being suffocated by the toxic smoke that gets put into the air. We can hardly get near the clouds without passing out, making weather patrols impossible. So we let nature take over: cloudy skies all the time.
I miss seeing those soulless bodies soar through the sky. It always filled me up with light. Hope. Faith. But now there’s nothing left. Only gloom and a faded memory.
Twilight once told me that the unforgettable memories you make over the years will never fade away. That they’ll always be with you, no matter what. If only that were true now. Most, if not all, of the memories I had of my friends are gone. Why? Because they aren’t the same now. It would be a lie for me to remember them as something they’re not. And that is what truly hurts me the most.
The clocktower is about to strike seven o’clock. That means it’s time for me to go home and make something to eat. Wash up. Then go to sleep. Same old routine. If it’s one thing I hate most, it’s that stupid clocktower. I hate the way it rings, telling me that it’s time to leave Twilight, my best friend, and sink into my boring life.
Twilight is still looking out that window, her back against the wall. Twilight looking out the window is the only thing that, from what I’ve seen, keeps her all there. I still don’t get why she is so fixated on looking outside, though. Must be the weather or something. As long as she’s breathing, I’m okay.
I stand next to her, look up. Smile. She looks at me but doesn’t smile. Then she looks back outside.
Now, then, I should probably just say what I have to say and leave, even though I never wanted to leave her behind here in this dead place. Can’t keep stalling. That clock tower is ticking closer and closer to the twelve mark. Better get it over with. It’s for the best. Otherwise, I’ll be joining Fluttershy in the...never mind that.
Stupid clock. It’s like it runs my life.
You’re stalling.
It’d be way easier if the ticking of that clock wasn’t that loud.
Quit stalling.
Screw it.
Wait, you’re gonna talk to her about what?
I dunno. I can’t recall the memories of the past we shared because they would only bring an onset of pain and sadness. And I don’t think Twilight wants to remember those days anyways, I think. I mean, really. What needs to be said here? We screwed up? Sometimes she doesn’t even listen to me. Most of the time, if I try and speak with her, she would wave me off with a hoof, or grunt under her breath in anger.
C'mon, you can do it.
Yeah, I can.
“Twilight, I want you to know something.”
Boy does my voice ever sound hoarse. It hurts to use. It’s pretty dry.
I wait there, hoping for a response, though a part of me knows that I probably won’t hear her say anything. She sits there like a statue. Then her head turns to me. The look on her face isn’t happy, I’ll tell you that much.
“What is it?” She doesn’t even sound like Twilight Sparkle. She sounds so gloomy and dead. It’s as if the gloom has drained her completely of herself.
“Well...I...”
“Just say it already, Rainbow Dash.”
“Do you think things could ever be the same?”
Her body tenses up as she comes down to stand on all fours. At this point, beads of sweat run down my temples. I say nothing.
“No, things will never be the same. How could you even consider the possibility of things being the same again? Every day when I wake up, I ask myself if I should keep living in a world like this.”
That’s something I didn’t expect from Twilight. Maybe that isn’t Twilight. Maybe it’s the gloom making her say that. Either way, it scared me to death. I try to look away from Twilight’s gaze, but I found myself looking back at her shortly after.
Say something, don’t just stand there.
“But, why, Twilight? Why do you think that?”
I know for a fact that she has thought this through. She’s always been the type to overthink things, and this...well...this was something that definitely had to have thinking in the mix.
Nothing. She said nothing.
“Let me put it this way then...after all this time, learning about friendship, teaching others about friendship, and creating friendship, does that mean nothing to you? You have so many ponies that care about you, and you're wondering if you should keep living? Think about your brother. Think about me, your friends. If I left right now and never came back, you probably wouldn’t care.”
I see something in her eyes. Three things that are gloom related: sadness, anger, and despair. I’ve seen it one too many times to know just that, but I’ve never seen it in her eyes. They are pooling with tears now, and the only thing I can do is stay frozen because of fear.
She breaks down crying with wracked breaths. “How could you even say that to me, Rainbow Dash? Are you so self-righteous that you actually believe that?”
“No, no, I—”
“Get out, now. I want you to leave.”
Even though she wants me to leave, I won’t. I can’t. Not until we get this right.
“No, Twilight. I won’t. I care too damn much about you.”
She looks up at me. I can see it in her eyes again, the sadness, anger, and despair. Why’d I have to say something? Why did I have to make things worse for her? Why didn’t I just leave in silence and go home to my regular routine?
Right now, Twilight was in front of me, scowling at me with her eyes. But then, I see the gloom’s emotions turn into compassion and remorse. I’m so focused on keeping my eyes on her, that I don’t even realize that she’s smiling...somewhat smiling. And then I asked myself why? Why of all times does she smile here and now? Was it something I said? I didn’t know. I’m too hesitant to break eye contact with that smile of hers.
I feel her soft touch. At first I thought I was going to feel pain, but now what I’m feeling is something beyond my expectation. I think I got to Twilight. She pulled me in for a hug, and I had no reason to dent it. It’s been a long time since I had physical contact with anypony, and having been touched by Twilight is something I could never put a price on. She is so gentle and warm...even with the gloom.
I squeeze her tightly, holding her close. I could feel her tears running down my back, and she let out pain-filled sobs with every passing second. It killed me to see her like this...if only I could make the present the past, then that would be a true gift of friendship. I didn’t cry, though, even when she was in pain. I wish I could, though. Because then she’d know I feel the same way.
I pull back, look her right in the face. Her smile didn’t fall. She’s pleading for me to understand that I would always be part of her life, no matter what, and that she would never be that cold-hearted to not care if I were gone. I knew now that she would care.
“I’d care plenty if you were gone, Rainbow Dash. It’s just that I’m not the same anymore. And I never will be. The gloom has gotten to me...and our friends. All except you. Which is why things will never be the same again. I can’t give you want you want, Rainbow Dash. I’m sorry.”
The way she spoke made me understand that she would never be the same ever again. And I had to accept that.
Before I could say anything to her, a teleportation blinds me, and then she was gone, out of my sight. Where’d she go? That was something I never found out.
Now I’m left alone in the library, the place where the friendships I once had grew and grew, until the gloom. I rest myself on the balcony railing, looking over the front entrance. No sign of Twilight there.
How could I let this happen to her? No...wait...how could I let this happen to my friends? I’m the Element of Loyalty for buck sake. And it all started when I met Twilight...she’s the one that has given me a taste of true friendship. She’s the one that made me realize that I’m loyal, and that I will always remain loyal...to my friends.
I wither on the railing, crying to myself. There should have been an exchange of words, instead of this painful moment, but Twilight is no where to be seen. So I let it happen: I cried and cried until my eyes were completely dried up. And then I did it again and again, until I remembered a story Twilight had told me a long time ago.
It was about a stallion who loved a mare immeasurably. She loved him too. They had a colt and then a filly, and for many years the stallion felt he was the most fortunate pony in Equestria. His life was bliss. But then one night, a stallion came to his door and gave him a terrible choice: to leave his family without saying goodbye, or stand and watch them be toured and killed. And he left without a farewell. And to spare his family the pain, he suffered an agony worse than death.
Then Twilight told me that if there’s one immutable truth about life, it’s that life is easily more cruel than fair to you, and it hardly provides a chance for any of us to find closure.
Maybe Twilight was trying to teach me just that. Or maybe she wanted to spare me the pain of telling me that she would never be the same pony I once knew her as. So she left without saying goodbye.
Either way...I still have a job to do. And that is to remain loyal to all my friends and help them regardless of who they are today. I owe that much to Twilight.
I’ll be her hero.
Always.
