Just Visiting

“Did I miss anything?” said a voice from the backseat.

I started and looked back, but I saw, much to my relief, it was just Hans.

“Did I startle you?” said Hans.

“N-no… no, you didn’t,” I said, stumbling with my words.

Hans the leaned over to Karl and said, “Did you get the provisions?”

“No, sir, the store was closed,” said Karl.

“Oh, that’s too bad. I really wanted some smoked cheddar,” said Hans wistfully.

“But there is good news, general, were almost to the… wait… is that it right there?” I said, pointing to a castle about two miles away.

“But, when was there a waterfall next to Neuschwanstein, and was Neuschwanstein ever in the center of a city?!” said Karl.

“Never,” I replied. “And, why does it look more like the Kremlin than… oh wait, are we in Russia?!”

“No, if we were, we’d be in a jail cell, probably waiting execution by firing squad,” said Karl. “This is not Russia, Moscow isn’t in a mountainous area anyways. General, what’s your analysis?”

“I’d say we’d better go to the city. I don’t know what to expect, but… it’s just my gut feeling,” said Hans.

“To the city, then,” said Karl, letting out doubtful sigh. The Schwimmwagen roared as Karl pushed on the accelerator.

Sometime later, after some turns, driving through a coniferous forest, and a flat tire, they made it to the river next to the city.

“Like that will stop us,” said Karl. He simply drove the Schwimmwagen into the river and the propeller allowed it to cruise across it.

“If I only had a fishing pole…” I thought wistfully.

The vehicle and landed a few yards downstream of where we originally forded the river. Karl then swore as he they pulled up to… a large set of doors? Fortunately, they were big enough for the Schwimmwagen to go through. We then did a double take as we saw two small pastel-colored equines, about four feet, clad in gold armor and holding large spears, approach the vehicle. The two ponies also looked surprised. One was blue with a black tail and mane and the other was white with an orange tail and mane. They also had strange marks on their flanks. The blue pony’s was a sword crossed over a crescent moon and the white pony’s was a spear with a flaming head.

I blinked and said, “I’m dreaming... or I’m dead, and this is the afterlife.” I instinctively grabbed the MG-34 machine gun mounted on the side of the vehicle and started feeding in a belt.

“Who goes there? State your business!” the blue one asked with authority, thought the officers could detect a bit of fright in his tone.

Karl, I, and Hans sat dumbstruck, eyes wide and mouths agape.

“Am I hallucinating or did that pony just talk, in English?” said Hans.

“I can confirm that observation, sir,” I said. “Now what do we do?”

“We go in the easy way or the hard way,” said Karl.

“Let’s try the easy way,” said Hans.

“Of course,” said Karl. Suddenly, the Schwimmwagen zipped backwards.

“Karl, what are you doing…?” I asked Karl in a scared tone.

“Getting us in,” he replied. The Schwimmwagen shot forward and…

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” yelled Hans as he clutched his Officer’s cap like it was his lifeline.

“Halt! In the name of the Royal Sisters, I place you under arrest for…!” but the guard couldn’t finish his sentence before it was interrupted by a loud BOOM!

The huge doors dramatically burst open and the miraculously undamaged Schwimmwagen zipped into the city. Two spears flew in vain to stop it, but they fell short and clattered onto the cobblestone street.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I yelled. “THIS IS INSANE!”

“I DON’T KNOW, BUT THIS FEELS GREAT!” replied Karl.

“YOU’LL KILL US AAAAAAAAAAAAALL!” Hans screamed as Karl made a sharp right turn.

“Never mind that fact these ponies are intelligent… they’re probably going to hate us for this!” I said.

“You don’t say!” said Hans. He turned to Karl and said, “Well, while you’re at it, find us a grocery or a bakery or something! I’m getting hungry!”

"Yes, sir," said Karl.

“Oh, this is getting bad,” I said as the Schwimmwagen zipped down the street. Then, we turned onto a large boulevard and large crowd of well-dressed pastel colored equines appeared.

They all screamed and dove out of the way, yelling things like, “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!” and, “NOT ANOTHER MONSTER!” and, “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!”

Karl continued through the street and then smoothly pulled to a stop in front of a bakery that had just opened.

“Uhm… donuts and coffee?” I said as I shrugged.

Meanwhile, Karl climbed out and flew into the bakery, where a surprised looking pony was behind the counter, and dozens of plain or well-decorated baked goods lined the store and window display.

“This has got to be a dream,” said Hans. “This can’t be happening! Do you know what would happen if the other generals found out about this?!”

“It’s probably a dream, sir. Whatever happens will happen. Perhaps it’s our stress from moving around so much, materializing in our sub-consciousness as a high-speed drive through a medieval city. Dreams can be weird, The Interpretation of Dreams taught me that,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You read Sigmund Freud?” said Hans, raising an eyebrow.

“Can you think of anything else better to do in your downtime on the front?” I countered.

“Well, I used to play checkers, but… I guess not…” said Hans, now really confused.

"They say you can tell if you are dreaming by pinching yourself. And if you don't feel anything, you're dreaming," I said.

Hans and I then pinched ourselves... and hard.

"I felt something," I said.

"So did I," said Hans. "Well, this isn't a dream, that's for sure. But it feels like it, it's just so... weird.

Meanwhile, Karl was trying to negotiate pastries with the baker, a white pony with a curly brown mane and tail and a cinnamon roll marking on his flank.

“I’M NOT SELLING DONUTS TO A CRAZY MONSTER!” shouted the baker.

“I’ll pay you plenty of money for the donuts!” countered Karl.

“I WON’T SELL!” yelled the baker, slamming a hoof into the counter. “OW! THAT HURTS!” he said nursing his hoof.

“Look, how much for a dozen?” said Karl.

The baker growled and grumbled, but eventually he gave up and sad, “Alright, 16 Bits.”

Karl slapped 16 Reichsmark on the counter.

“Uhm, what is…” the baker began to say, motioning at the Reichsmark.

“Donuts. NOW,” said Karl.

“Of course of course!” the baker said, fearing for his life. He hurriedly gathered the donuts and put them in a box.

“Thank you!” said Karl as he walked out of the bakery with a smile of victory on his face and a dozen donuts. That is, until some more armored ponies stopped him.

“Halt! You’re under arrest for terrorism!” said a pony.

“Oh?” said Karl. He tossed the box of donuts into the back seat, where they landed into Han’s lap. He then leaped into the Schwimmwagen before anyone could move and soon the vehicle was flying away.

“Stop it!” yelled a guard captain.

"Uh, no offense, sir, but how are we supposed to catch up with something like that?" asked another guard.

"I... don't know. But what I do know is that the... monster is a threat, and it must be eliminated at all costs. The princesses will not allow such chaos as this in this city. Since you think it's impossible, you can stay and interrogate the baker, along with Broad Shield. Let's get moving!" said the guard captain as he and his men began a futile attempt to catch with the 'monster' while the other guard and Broad Shield went into the bakery.

"Care for some donuts?" asked the baker, tapping a hoof on a glass display case.