Sometimes I do hate you for almost a second.
And then I love you more.
Your face, your taste, you presence, that won’t leave me alone.
I wonder if you still think about me. In one of those buried memories deep inside, your frozen heart, devoid of emotions.
I wanted to see the dark abyss of your soul, so I could understand what troubles you so much.
I wanted to fix you, to bring your pieces together and make you whole again.
Sometimes I think that deep inside, a fire still warms you up. Your skin, you mane, and all of your stories, they are no dead at all.
In my simple mind a million of choices, that won’t let me go. Those secrets, those kisses, those little things that will never, ever be revived again.
And here I’m thinking of you while lying down to sleep, your head in comfy pillows, your rainbow mane spread over the bed, reflecting all the lights of our lampshades.
What are the colors, and the shadows of the strands that bind me here? Red, yellow, green?
What are the purposes, of this love, that confuses me?
I wonder if you still think the same, about that old friend, that silly farm pony that never forgot your face. That little apple following your steps, and playing together in the rain.
I’d take my hat off only for you, put my trust in you, my rainbow-haired love. To see you snickering, to see you laughing, to see your perfect smile, stamped on your lips.
Your happiness was my happiness. Your victories and failures were mine as well, and I accepted all of them.
What is the meaning, behind leaving someone you cared that much? What is the purpose of forgetting?
I wonder if you still think about that word - love.
All your mistakes, all your flaws, and all the disappointment I was willing to forgive. Forgive for our own sake. I’d fight for our friendship, and now I don’t want to think I have fought in vain.
I wonder if you still keep that flower I found for you. Amidst the large and infinite wheat harvest, a lonely rose stood, and only for your heart I picked it up, now it is gone as well.
Dried and lost inside an insignificant paper.
What are the words that you chose, to justify... All of the pain you inflicted, deep in my heart.
Will I be your apple when the world falls apart and walls build up? Will you think about me at all? Or someone else?
Will you be my fortress, if I had no place else to hide?
Every single day I work in the fields, my body aches but I keep going, stopping only to look at the blue skies, your missing silhouette leaves it black and white.
Oh dear don’t you ever, think about it, the times we shared?
Oh Rainbow won’t you ever look back, to the past we left?
As I walk around our old house, hearing the floor shriek, those muffled hoofsteps that walked down the stairs, were nowhere to be heard. That long yawning, that glass of fresh orange juice awaiting for you over the nightstand.
The smell of fresh coffee had disappeared.
The dust covered our fancy furniture in a thick layer of regrets.
All our portraits, picture frames, has become empty voids.
Oily marks on the walls, where lonely nails waited for memories to be displayed.
The dust has just become to form crop circles on the carpet.
What are the things I should have used to keep you close?
Wasn’t enough, all the words?
Sometimes I think we failed, in everything that won’t leave me alone.
The touch of your fur still haunts me at night, does it haunts you as well?
I hardly think so.
Despite all the things you’ve done, and the things we suffered, it hurts to say that I keep loving you.
Why don’t you give back my peace, Rainbow? You took away the most precious thing I had.
What did I steal from you aside from your time?
How could I be so silly?
What are the colors, and memories I have to paint to hold you close to me again?
I had a bad dream another night and woke up in tears, so I called you. The cold in my spine wouldn’t go away.
Your voice was not an antidote, but a poison.
Don’t think it was your fault Rainbow, it was a decision I took by myself.
I wonder if you’ll ever knock the door again.
I hope you don’t.
I have to leave those dreams behind, resume my life. Rainbow, I was born to be strong, not to be loved.
You were born to fly, and paint a watercolor in the skies. To be fantastic, to be gorgeous.
In the bucolic hills of my farm, I find my happiness. And it is a lone happiness, lone but fulfilling.
Sometimes I love you again for almost a second, only to hate you even more.
All in all, you are a part of my past.
And in the past you may rest.
Fly away Rainbow, to a place where better ponies await for you. A place with colors, and not pastel-colored barns.
We have to accept the reality that belongs to us, and I think I have finally accepted mine.
A reality far from you. Far from the rainbows and the thunderstorms.
Here in my room, I humbly look through the window, imagining in which distant cloud you may be hiding.
And there, in this distant cloud of yours, I hope you stay.
When we love, we let go.
So I release you, dear, from all these invisible lassos that could never tie you in place. And I wish, you never find yourself tied.
Fly, my dear friend, my prismatic bird. Fly towards the horizon.
I’ll keep all our good memories in my hardwood heart, no matter how far you are from me.
Friendship is for a life. And love is forever
Author's Note
Okay, you can cry now.
