Memories of the Equestrian Wolf - (A DRWolf Origin Story)

by DRWolf

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Other, Original Character, Mystery, Adventure, Cherry Jubilee, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 13377

Finding one's purpose in the world can take a few steps...Or only happen over the course of dozens of lifetimes...

If I am to tell you my story, I think it is important for you to know that I was not always the Teacher, or Doctor that I am today. In fact, helping ponies with their everyday problems in this office has been a fairly recent change in my life. Before then, I had traveled the world with a Dragon. And before that, I had spent all of my time reading books without knowing what I was looking for. And before then...well, even I don’t know all of the details...

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Over four months in the making, this story will be going along with a "Dramatic Reading" series on my YouTube channel, with a total of Four chapters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7MpIoUOxow I've been getting requests from my watchers for many months to create an origin story for the character of DRWolf. So with some general concepts I thought up, and with the help of Godzillawolf: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Godzillawolf who did the majority of the writing, we are most pleased to present this tale for your enjoyment.

Published 2016-09-22 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-22 05:10:02 UTC

Memories of Master

If I am to tell you my story, I think it is important for you to know that I was not always the Teacher, or Doctor that I am today. In fact, helping ponies with their everyday problems in this office has been a fairly recent change in my life. Before then, I had traveled the world with a Dragon. And before that, I had spent all of my time reading books without knowing what I was looking for. And before then...well, even I don’t know all of the details. My...memory of such times is...fragmented. Some memories are clear, others are in a fog. But that’s probably because I was a very different sort of creature then. I did not wear clothes. I did not speak words. I didn’t even walk on two legs. In fact, at the time, I didn't even comprehend such things. I was just like any other wolf.

My earliest memories should have been happy. After all, it is only natural for wolf pups to be born in the spring, and spend their youth enjoying their first summer. Or so I've heard. I did not experience these things myself. For me, there was no spring or summer. It was always cold...so very cold...It seemed as though Winter would never end. In all my youth, I never once saw the sun clearly, always through thick clouds and heavy snow. And even now, I could not fathom as to why… But...that did mean that my family could not have lasted long against such an unyielding blizzard. I could not say what happened to each of them...I only remember that...I had been left alone. Freezing. Starving…

That is...until “He” found me.

To this day, I could not say why he had taken pity on a small and weak creature such as myself. I do not know how he came to find me. All I remember was hearing the crunching of snow under his hooves. I looked up. And he was there, towering over me. I remember at first believing him to be a large member of my kind because he was covered with fur. Imagine my surprise when he took off the fur on his head to reveal a creature my young eyes had never seen. But he took me in. Nursed me back to health. Kept me warm and safe.

He took me inside what I had always thought was a large den made of stone with a bright light coming from inside. The first real light I had ever experienced. And I was cold no more. That is all I remember, but it is one of the more vivid memories I have of that time, perhaps because the concept of warmth was so rare to me, and yet so fundamental to survival that even young I realized how important my rescue was. Only when I was still with my family did I have even the vaguest recollection of being warm before that time.

And though I was so very glad to be alive...I still felt so very alone. For this savior was quite unlike anything I had seen before. Where I had paws, he had flat stumps. Where my teeth were sharp, his were dull. He had two sets of fur, one long that he could remove and one much shorter he couldn't while I only had one long coat.

But I never could’ve imagined just how different we really were, until the day he lowered his horn to touch my forehead.

A bright light flashed before my eyes...I felt great pains throughout my mind. And though I did recover from...this sort of “spell” as I would eventually learn to call it, the process continued on a daily basis. And each time, he would speak to me with strange sounds. Always looking hopeful at first...and then frustrated and angry. Or perhaps at first he was just hopeful and later became frustrated and angry. Or sometimes he was frustrated, others angry, other hopeful. I cannot tell for certain if every session was the same, or each different and they're simply running together.

But one Day...I was listening to the sounds of my Master...and Understood them.

I cannot tell you how many sessions it took, or if the understanding was all at once in a great realization or over multiple sessions, slowly forming together. But I did begin to understand what he meant. He seemed to become more hopeful as he noted me becoming more attentive. I began to understand the sounds were called 'words' and they were to him and his kind what barks, yips, and howls were to mine. I learned his body language as well. The first thing I can remember him teaching me was that nodding meant 'I understand' and shaking my head meant 'I do not'. Well, not exactly in those words. I knew only the concept, like I knew wagging my tail meant 'I'm happy.' But when I first nodded in response to a question that I cannot recall, he repeated it and I repeated my response.

I was taken back by this. You must understand...being able to grasp what was not instinct was something I hadn't been capable of doing before. My 'thoughts' had always been simplistic, straight forward. Things like 'This meat smells good, I should eat it' or 'this creature is pack leader, I follow him.' Those things I comprehended; this was a completely new experience. I suppose...’narrow’ may be a better term for my reaction. I'm sorry if that is incredibly vague but...imagine if a blind pony woke up one morning and could make out the color of one object in the room. That is what it was like to be me in that moment. And it is a vivid image imprinted on my mind ever since, even after all these years.

As the days drew on, so did the spells. I began to understand more and more. I learned more words, though I'd yet to learn how to speak. Two words I knew quite well were 'Master' and 'Wolf', and that Master was the 'pony' as I'd come to know he was called and Wolf was me. I do not believe I even knew what a name was, perhaps I heard his and didn't grasp its meaning at the time. I can't remember.

Nor do I remember the first words I actually spoke. I did not begin as capable of speech as I am now. Far from it. If you heard my voice then, you would not recognize it as me. It was not a matter of age, it was a matter of structure. As I said, once I was no different from any other wolf. But while it was far from perfect, I was able to understand and make myself understood. And I believe that was the point Master desired I reach before moving to the next step of his plans for me.

Now, there was another pony present with Master. Like Master, I do not know his name, in fact I know even less about that stallion than I do Master. All I know is that Master seemed to spend a considerable amount of time with him working on spells and books, and I remember my instincts associating Master's behavior towards this pony as akin to how a Beta Wolf would see its Alpha. I also recall the other pony had more hair on his face than Master, even when he didn't wear his second coat. Other than that, he was simply 'Master's Master' and nothing more.

One day, Master presented me to this other pony. Looking back, I think my Master began pridefully...then became disappointed...and then ultimately angry. The other pony...he looked at me with emotions that I did not understand much of, as I was so young. They may have been worry...perhaps maybe pity. I cannot say for sure. But what I can say is that the two argued. Any wolf or dog worth its salt can understand 'master is upset,' and I was no different. Like any good companion, I tried to comfort Master, but I was ignored.

I do not recall all of the details of what transpired next. I remember Master collecting our things and bidding me come. I remember hesitating. While seeing our things be packed up was new and strange, I hadn't been in that frozen expanse outside of that place since my arrival, as short a time as that had been. Yes, it was still winter. I had sometimes gotten a look outside of the windows on occasion. The snow never ceased. That is part of what made me so reluctant. I knew outside those walls was a place without warmth. A place without life. A place where I last saw my family.

An animal's instinct is to be wary of danger. And there are few creatures, whether sapient or non-sapient, who do not feel anxiety over leaving the only home they ever knew...But Master was the only family I have ever known; the one who'd saved me from death. He was the only 'pack' that I knew. And that overrode my anxiety and fear. Not knowing what awaited me, I followed him out into the bitter cold endless winter.

For the first time since I'd been saved, I felt the full brunt of the raging blizzard. No more was there a warm fire burning nor shelter from the roaring winds. It was deafening. An endless roar. The snow was far deeper than I'd ever remembered, and I was still quite small. I remember a distinct sense of danger. That storm terrified me in ways I do not think it is possible for me to describe. It was like there was something lurking out there in the snow and white. It was instinct, and instinct isn't always rational.

We traveled far. Very far. Each night we found refuge and Master started a fire. He continued the spells and began to teach me a new skill each stop. One of these was reading. Master ingrained in me a sense of that skill being extremely important to what was coming. While it was an entirely new experience for me, I believe it came easier to me than spoken language because it was a constant. A sentence spoken needs to be repeated for you, a sentence read does not. It simply needs reread.

I wish I could say the first book I read is one I treasure to this day, but I cannot recall even one sentence of it, let alone a title. I've read many many books in my lifetime. So many that to name them all would take an eternity. So sadly the first one has been lost in the fog of time.

I cannot tell for sure how long that journey and those lessons took. I know that it was far longer than our time staying at the Master's den. Long enough that I began to grow bigger. But no matter how long or hard the journey became, I never once thought of leaving his side. He was all I had ever known. Canines are known for their loyalty I suppose.

As we and time marched onwards, I began to notice a serious change in that world around us. The snow slowly ceased. At least that is how I perceived it. I began to see green plants. Well, at the time they looked more of a blue or a shade of gray, I couldn't yet see the color green, but I still knew they were something new to me. I saw the sun in full clarity for the first time in my life. I felt it's warm light on my fur. I saw its sister body the moon, and naturally my instincts drew me to it. Yes, at the time I did howl to it (though these days I prefer sitting out watching the full moon listening to Clair de Lune). Master's second fur disappeared for good. Well, I doubt they happened all at once, but that's how my mind recalls it. However, our journey did not end. Finding a warm place where all was green was not what we had came for. What may have been the true goal of our trek I still do not know even to this day. I can't even begin to guess. But I remember two words, simply due to endless repetition. “Library” and “Alone.”

The shift from white to green was not the only change of scenery we were met with. They went from green and mild to sandy and hot. I had never seen 'sand' before in my entire life, at least not vividly enough to stand the test of time and withstand the fog of ages. Now I was surrounded by endless stretches of it. And we'd gone from an endless, unyielding winter to unending heat during the day and far colder nights. Thankfully, Master knew spells to protect us, but all of it still seemed unending. With my growing mind, I began to question how long our supplies would last. How long we'd survive.

But I never left Master's side. I knew he needed me. I knew he had some purpose for me. And that merely made me more dedicated to remain with him.

And eventually, after so many days and nights, the continuous walking finally came to an end. We at long last had arrived.

'The Library' that Master had been speaking of for all that time stood before us.

Author's Note

So it begins...

My sincere thanks to GodzillaWolf for writing the Majority of this story: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Godzillawolf

Memories of Eternity

Even if my memories were completely clear, I do not think I can adequately describe that place. It was massive. I felt so tiny just standing in front of it. And that was before we entered. Master spent days searching the Library to find a way inside. Even now I can't say for sure how Master and I entered, only that it was not how I would some day leave. I had never seen Master more excited than that moment. Not when I'd first understood his words. Not when I'd first spoke. Never before nor after had I seen him so elated as when we finally stepped hoof and paw in that place.

Within its walls, the Library was even more massive. No. Not massive. Eternal. Limitless. Endless halls of bookshelves. You could begin walking in one direction and it would take days to reach the end of a single shelf. And for every one shelf you reached the end of, countless more still waited. Each case extending high into the air. I know I am small, but even Master was dwarfed by them. I can sincerely say we never saw every inch of that place.

I can only imagine it was like an iceberg: that stretched on and on for miles underground. That is to say if it followed conventional logic. To this day, with all I've seen possible through magic, including that of Discord himself, I still can hardly believe that place was real.

Master soon instructed me to begin reading. To begin pouring through the countless books held in that place. Unfortunately, I had only a basic knowledge of the skill despite everything I'd learned. I understood very little of what I had read. Being able to speak, I told Master this, but he reassured me that was not important and he only needed me to read, not understand. And so I gladly continued on. Gladly serving the Master. Gladly doing what he asked of me. Gladly doing all I had ever known.

Despite that, I knew we were searching for something, but I never knew what. And neither of us knew where.

And as we searched, I began to notice more things that perplexed me about the Library. Things that have had a very long time to sink in.

It was deathly quiet. My own foot steps and Master's echoed loudly as we walked through it. The scents were . . . confusing, they were there, but . . . they never changed, never growing stronger, never lessening, every scent stayed exactly as it was. The library itself seemed to have only one scent, Master's and my own were the only others I could smell, and even then they never faded from where we left them.

I couldn't keep track of day or night, I lost track of when the sun or moon should have been up, now deep in the windowless recesses of that place. I had no way to know how much time had passed. It felt like I'd been in the Library forever, and would be in the Library forever. Just, endless. What was stranger was... I began to notice I no longer physically tired at all. My eyes did not grow tired of reading. Nor did my legs grow tired of walking. Rest was merely for my weary mind. I no longer hungered, I no longer thirsted. I simply was.

Nothing grew warm or cold, it was constant like everything else in the Library, never wavering, never changing. Light never flickered. The torches never ran out of fuel, but I never saw Master, or anything else, refill them. Nothing had a speck of dust on it despite how ancient the place clearly was. We left no prints behind on anything. It would be like we'd never been here when we left except for the books we had disturbed.

The same pattern on the floor repeated over and over, the walls and ceiling were all exactly the same, everywhere looking identical. I don't know how Master did not get lost. I feared what would happen if I lost track of him even for a moment.

No matter what, I could not shake off the feeling of intrusion, that I had passed into another's territory, that I was blot on an otherwise perfectly white sheet of paper, and that this place wanted to swallow me up to make itself pure again. I know it sounds like I am exaggerating...but to this day I don't know how or why that place was built, if it was at all. What it truly was. All I know is somewhere in those countless pages and books there was something Master desired, and so I continued to search.

Master eventually decided to use a new spell on me. Where did he get it? I imagine from among the countless tomes in that ancient place. But at the time it didn't matter to me. All I knew was Master told me I could do what he asked of me better. I could help him more. And I wanted to help him all I could. So I willingly submitted. And my life was never the same.

You might think that going from a quadruped to a biped is a simple matter of standing up. That is far from the truth. The pain was indescribable. That much is vivid in my mind. My bones were stretched and bent. I remember the sounds of my body being broken and remade. My front paws stretched and contorted into a new shape. New bones formed where none originally were. My hips and the joints they were connected to twisted and changed into a new form completely. I believe the most painful part was the sensation of my back realigning and contorting. Forgive me if this sounds graphic, but that moment is one of the few that imprinted itself indelibly upon my memories. But not simply because it hurt. It's so vivid because it is the moment I became who I now am.

I don't know how long the spells took. Time had little meaning in that place. Perhaps it took place over several sessions and my mind simply chose to forget the agony between them. But after the process was done, my body was in such pain that it was a long time before could so much as move. Master continued his own search while I recovered.

But eventually, I did regain enough of my strength to return to our search...but not as I was. I began as a simple wolf, I ended as what you see before you now. Standing on two legs. Front paws now capable of grabbing and holding. Of manipulating my surroundings. And that was simply the changes on the surface. My vocal cords had been altered as well to better speak pony tongue. I saw colors that I had never seen before in my life. The way I saw the world was never the same. The way I moved was never the same. The way I was.

But you know one thing? While I admit, the experience is one I do not wish to undergo again, and would certainly not wish upon anyone else...I would never ask to have the gifts it gave me taken away. The ability to speak, the ability to do more than pick up things in my mouth, the ability to interact. This mind that I have. The ability to see the full spectrum of colors. Before all I saw looking at a rose was 'dark gray thing that smells nice,' now I see a beautiful red flower that has inspired entire poems. That is how my entire worldview has changed.

Speaking of things that had changed, Master also began to change. He began to lose that excitement and joy he'd had when we'd uncovered that place. He began to look...empty. He was upset, but something just seemed to...dull in him. That was the only way that my mind could process it at the time. But looking back at it with the knowledge I have now...I'd go so far as to say Master had began to show symptoms of mental illness. Depression. Losing hope...then again, applying psychoanalytic theory to foggy, uncertain memories has its limits so there's no way to know.

He began to spend more and more time in the deeper parts of the Library, away from me. But he always found his way back, and when he did he used some sort of spell on me. I...honestly and sincerely don't know what it was or did. Master said it was important and a check on my progress, but that was all...I remember a vague image of seeing my own memories flickering in his eyes as it happened, but I don't know if that was real or simply a dream.

But the more of those trips Master took, the more I felt like...I needed to follow him. Like there was something very very wrong. Dogs and wolves have a keen sense for that sort of thing. But he would not have it, and every time I attempted it he shooed me back to my post...I have a vivid image of him kicking me back and yelling at me to stay put with wild eyes, no context, no words, just that image engraved in my brain...so I kept reading. I kept letting him use that odd spell on me. I kept working for him and doing all I could to help. And it honestly felt good to know I was helping. I began to realize that as my understanding increased. That I felt great joy whenever he approved of the aid I'd given him.

Then one day...

...Him stumbling back, using the spell again. Not saying a word to me, but mumbling a million things to himself. His twitching eyes darting at the books wildly and his mane disheveled. Ripping them out of their shelves as he passed and scanning them before him. Before vanishing into the darkness.

...I remember that. I remember that one moment vividly...

Time went on...Book after book passed through my paws...So much information I could never genuinely understand, only file it away in hopes Master might some day come and find what he was looking for among it...But...but he never did...More and more time passed...longer and longer without him.

I even began to turn away from my duties some to search for him...To try and follow his scent...but his scent was everywhere, and in that place no stronger in one spot than another...

I kept on going, reading those books every moment, hoping I would find what Master was looking for...but never finding him...never seeing one trace of him again...

Sorry...I...This memory...it's very painful for me...Master had been all the family I had ever known for most of my life...My savior, my companion...The only living creature besides myself I had any sort of connection to...I guess in a sense, you could even call him my 'father'...While I'd make more friends and connections someday, at the time...I felt like I'd lost a part of me...I felt so alone...I've never felt that alone before or since...and I sincerely never want to.

And all I could do was keep doing what he had told me to do. Keep reading. Keep searching for something. I didn't even know what it was, but I didn't care...I felt like that goal was the only thing I had left in the world. The only reason to not lay down and let the Library consume me. The only hope I had left in the world...that and the hope that someday he'd come back and be proud of me...That someday I could help him once again.

And so it continued. It was like that for so long that I can't even begin to imagine. Alone, searching through endless tomes in that isolated place. Most creatures only read roughly eight hundred books in their life time. If I had to guess...I think I've read hundreds of thousands, if not millions.

Up until now, all my memories have been foggy and unclear, as they took place so long ago when my mind was still forming. What vivid ones I possess are ones that for one reason or another remained ingrained in my mind. Grains of sand in an ocean. This next part is far more clear, as it happened so very recently. But so as not to drag on, I will remain brief.

One day, while doing the same as I had been doing for untold years, the overwhelming silence was broken. The first noise another creature had made in that library in so very long. I did the natural thing someone in my position would: assume my long missing Master had finally returned and rush to greet him...but that was not who I met.

The creature I saw climbing down from one of the windows on the top floor of that place was one I had only vague recollections of from books. A Dragon. But a very different sort of dragon. He was green in color, and to my surprise wore clothing, something I'd only seen Master and his Alpha wear. Though his were far different in style. He was smaller than most dragons I had knowledge of, and stood more upright. He also lacked wings and had brown hair on his head.

I was curious, but also cautious. He was an unknown, and the unknown is often frightening. Especially when you only have had one companion your entire life...But one companion was far more tempting to a lonely creature than none.

The dragon was likewise surprised by me, and curious. Especially when I spoke for the first time. He explained his name was Teric and he was on a journey of his own. I suppose you're all curious about that; Teric, as you can assume, is not a newborn dragon. He is 600 years old. His journey was one of atonement. At some point in his youth, an accident claimed the lives of a number of young hatchlings. As a result of that, he had quite the soft spot for children, something my nieces nowadays can attest to. While Teric never said one way or the other, I suspect my child-like state of being when he found me could have influenced his compassion towards me. Regardless, meeting me was neither the beginning or end of his journey. While the desert had been part of his trek, the Library had been an unexpected sight. He'd assumed it was merely ancient ruins, left to decay in the desert sands, and no longer home to a single soul.

Teric would remain in the library for quite some time, but had no desire to stay for long, it was just one stop on his journey. However, he was curious about both it and me. I do recall him shuddering at the contents of one of the many books and questioning how I could read them all. I explained I simply didn't understand most of it, I was merely doing what my Master had asked of me. Given what had transpired there, I wonder if I should be grateful that was the case.

Despite the colossal size of the Library, Teric remained near me, constantly talking to me and trying to get through to me. The years of isolation had made me quite introverted, I had built a shell of single-minded dedication around myself, and he was determined to get through it. Our interaction was unusual for one other reason, he had a sense of humor. Master had been many things, but telling jokes was something he had never done. I had never laughed before I met Teric, and he made an effort to try and get one out of me. To get me to open up.

Teric also tried to convince me to take on a true name, instead of just Wolf; but at the time, I honestly saw no reason in it after so many years. So Wolf I stayed.

Still, despite my nature making me sometimes difficult for him to get through to, our bond did grow...and it was a very different sort of bond than I had had with Master. I could never see Teric as a Master. He asked, he didn't demand. He tried to help me when I needed it, reaching the books that had long been out of my reach when asked, even though he felt what I was doing may be a little unhealthy. Master, while I did and will always care for him, was very demanding. Teric was simply trying to help me during his stay there. And of course, any companionship was welcome in my solitude...though I was still always looking out for Master's return.

However...that stay eventually did have to end...but Teric didn't want to leave me there. He didn't wish to leave me searching that Library for all eternity. Naturally, at first I didn't wish to leave. It was all I had known for so many long years. And I still hung onto the hope that Master was still in there somewhere...And I was terrified of leaving the only world I had ever really known.

But after much, much conversation...Teric finally convinced me of something that I consider the most painful truth I've ever had to face: that Master was gone and was never coming back. After waiting for so many years, searching so hard, there simply weren’t any other options but that. Master had needed me, he'd relied on me. He clearly had been able to find his way back to me time and again before his disappearance. If he hadn't come back after all this time and him becoming lost wasn't a possibility, what other answer could there have been? Master was gone, and if I hadn't found him by now, it was simply a fool's errand to continue searching...To this day, I still don't know what became of Master...I only hope with all my heart he's happy. Wherever he may be...

But just because I had accepted Master was gone, did not mean I was ready to leave; or ready to do anything for that matter. Imagine losing a job that you've had for your entire life, working for a member of your own family who you loved and was now gone forever. Now imagine that feeling multiplied by several lifetimes. That is how I felt. I just...didn't know what else I could do. I felt...broken. Like the world had ended for me. My purpose in life suddenly gone. What was the purpose of searching the Library for knowledge when Master was never returning to claim it? But how could I leave the only place where I felt I had a purpose? What would my life mean when the only purpose I had ever known now lay in ruins?

But Teric had no intention of leaving me a broken wreck. That is not the kind of dragon he is in the least. Instead, he stayed by my side and introduced a new concept to me. The idea that who I was and what I could do with my life...was something I could decide for myself. That we should all seek our own purpose in life and make our own fate. That we make our own identities. That in the world outside those walls, everyone had the right to choose their future, and did. And for that I am eternally grateful to Teric. While Master had taught me understanding, Teric...he taught me choice.

And this concept was such an alien one. The idea of free will. Yes, I'd long since been capable of thinking beyond my instincts, but for the first time...I was being asked to think outside of Master's suggestions and ideas. To form my own rather than take in what others showed me. With all this in mind, there still was the question of whether I should go with Teric or remain in the only place I had ever known. And Teric made it clear that was my first exercise of my free will and only I could make that decision. On one paw, the outside world terrified me for the same reasons leaving Master's den had so long ago. On the other, I knew without Master, the Library held nothing for me.

In the end, I decided to leave that ancient place, returning it to the quiet endlessness Master and I had found it in. The last thing I did before departing was write a note, thanking Master for all he'd done for me and saying my goodbyes, and leaving it in there. It wasn't a matter of hoping Master would find it, it was the principle of it. Whether he would ever find it or not, I knew in my heart I had to put those words down. Since then I've learned more about why. It was the same principle as writing down words or thoughts and then ripping the paper up to get them off your chest. Saying my final goodbyes, even in the form of a letter that may never be found, was my way of finding closure so I could move on.

I remember the first steps I had taken outside the library in what seemed like a lifetime. The sun was blinding...but the warmth...the heat. Those were things I admit I had missed during my long solitude. Teric had to guide me for some of the early steps of that journey while my eyes readjusted to the bright light of day I'd not seen for countless years.

But light was not the only thing I had to get used to again. As you can probably guess, I did not instantly age to a skeleton the moment my paws exited that place, but its power did wane rather quickly. I didn't notice it for several days, but I began to feel hungry and tired again. I began to thirst. I began to feel all the things a normal creature would. And with the return of these needs, came unexpected complications. Teric shared what food he had brought, but Dragons don't need to eat as often as ponies or wolves do, so finding food in the desert, while incredibly difficult, was now a necessity Teric had not planned for. Water was another rarity, and we frequently were without it, any sources very few and very far between.

And then there was the heat. When I had come to the Library, Master's magic had protected me the entire trip. Teric, while more than capable of surviving the heat himself, had no such ability to protect me. While I retained the same determination that had kept me at Master's side now directed towards getting out of the desert safely with Teric, my body was not as strong. It was miles and miles of burning sand and scorching heat. The cold nights were easier, but now I grew tired and needed rest, and Teric, while more durable than I, still needed breaks himself.

Of course, Teric, like any goodhearted being, wasn't about to let the creature he'd drawn into this journey perish because of it. He did everything he could to ensure I'd stay alive. From keeping me in his shadow to try and keep me cool to makeshift sun hats and clothing for me, he did everything on hand to try and preserve my life. I was taken aback by this, unused to seeing another inconvenience themselves for me and not the other way around. It reminded me of how I tried to help the Master whenever I could...and made me realize that now I had no one to direct my help and aid towards.

But even with Teric's help, the elements and lack of provisions gradually took their toll on me. I became very, very ill towards the end of our journey out of the desert. My head hurt constantly...I felt weak and dizzy. My stomach churned. Teric said they were signs that I was in grave danger, and made certain to try and keep me cool if at all possible. But my condition continued to worsen. I became very confused and disoriented to the point I couldn't walk and Teric needed to carry me. I wasn't even conscious for the final leg of our journey.

The next thing I remember is finding myself in the water of an oasis at the desert's edge. Teric had finally made it and used it to drag me back from the brink. To cool me down and rehydrate me. Had he not found that oasis, we are both certain that I'd have perished there. While it had come very close to being the end of me, I had finally made it out. And I know for certain I could not have done so if Teric hadn't been by my side.

Teric did apologize for what he perceived as shortsightedness on his part. I'd nearly perished in that journey, so naturally a part of him did feel that he'd made a mistake and endangered my life in the process. I reassured him that it was quite the opposite. That while perhaps we could have planned things out better, it had been my choice, I knew there'd be a risk and chose to do it anyway. And that I'd have had no way of even hoping to escape the desert without his aid. I refused to let someone who had done so much for me beat themselves up for my sake. Teric joked that I'd 'make a good psychiatrist' and ultimately promised me he wouldn't be too hard on himself, if I promised him I would just relax and recover.

The desert was behind me. The Library was behind me. But those first steps out of a desert were merely the first steps on a much greater journey. One that would define the rest of my life.

Memories of Teric

It would take me some time to fulfill my end of the promise after my brush with death. And naturally Teric decided to replenish our supplies, so we remained at that oasis for some time. It was simply a pool of clear water, surrounded by green foliage and trees, nothing more, but it did save my life. Since I couldn't move very well in my recovering state, I took the time to reflect on just how different things were for me now. I still had my sensitive ears and nose, but now my eyesight had become far better. My mind was much sharper. And I was even able to apply some of the massive stores of knowledge I'd taken from the Library into practice...some of it. I knew what many of the flowers and plants were. I knew the oasis must have originated from an underground spring. I knew many other things I simply hadn't been able to fully comprehend when I'd originally traveled with Master.

It wasn't just my body and mind Master had changed profoundly. It was the very fundamentals of how I viewed the world around me. And I believe that was to my benefit. After all, if those first steps out of the Library had been the first steps into a new life, wasn't it a positive thing that I had a whole new outlook on the world to take advantage of it?...Still, that left the question of what my new life would be and where I'd live it. What I'd do. At the time I didn't even know what Equestria was, let alone that I'd soon be living there.

I admit, it must sound rather odd that I risked so much to reach a future that I could not know was truly there, but all my life the only two bonds I had were Teric and the Master. And for Master I had spent untold years searching for elusive information, all the while without a clue as to what I was looking for. So for Teric, and myself, I would put just as much effort into searching for a purpose I did not know. I suppose when you have very little, what you do have or want makes you all the more devoted to it.

Once I had recovered, we began to travel again. We were still far from any kind of civilization, deep in the uncharted areas of the world. Teric tried to find out where I'd once lived and head there to see if anything remained, but naturally the trail had been buried by time and even if my memories of that time were clear, I don't know if we even left the desert the same way Master and I had entered it. We ultimately decided that it was for the best, as even if it'd be nice to see the place I'd once lived, it might also make letting go of the past more difficult than it already was. So we simply traveled for traveled for a time across that distant land.

We saw many things. Many places. So many that to try and describe them all would fill an entire book. We saw vast canyons, distant valleys, lush forests. And as we traveled, we spoke. We spoke about the ways I could find my new place in the world, places I might be able to help. Teric was confident that there is a place for me. I use is and not was because...at the time, I needed that distinction. I knew I had a place in the world, I needed to find where I belonged now. I needed that reassurance. I truly did. Being determined did not mean I wasn’t fearful.

And as we spoke, we bonded. Teric and I grew closer and closer. I began to see him as a close companion. As you have likely heard by now, we have become so close we are brothers. He never let me stumble and fall on our journey. He never once saw me as just an animal, always as a person. And likewise, I helped him however I could. Supported him whenever he needed me. While he did help me open up, I think just having a companion helped him be more open and outgoing. Teric is somewhat introverted under normal circumstances, though surprisingly he's at his most outgoing at larger events. There's an interesting story about an event we've gone to, but I'll save that for another time. I suppose part of our bond was that we viewed one another as kindred spirits. He was not the average dragon, I was far from the average wolf. We both were searching the world for something deep and meaningful to us. Though on the other hoof, we are opposites in ways that benefit the other. I'm typically more grounded while he's more of a joker when we interact, and I think that makes us good for one another. I suppose all of these things put together is why our bond is so close.

But despite all of this...I admit, Teric alone wasn't the only companionship I longed for. Keep in mind, dragons, even one as different from his kind as Teric, are still dragons, not ponies. Having been practically raised being the loyal companion of a pony had left an impression on me. Back then, I may have moved on to a new life, but to help a pony was something I simply couldn't shake off. In fact...I suppose a part of me didn't want to. It was the one aspect of my past I felt could play a part of my new purpose. And while I had a vague idea what Master had wanted me to do, I still had no idea the specifics or reasons for why he made me. I knew the ends, but not the beginnings or meanings. So I also hoped that perhaps being around other ponies might show me a more precise reason why, or jog some long forgotten memory. As you can very well see, that was merely the start. Now I've seen everything from ponies to Hippogriffs in this office of mine. But all big things begin with little ones, and my little one was a simple desire to aid ponies as I had aided the Master.

Teric asked me if that was sincerely what I wanted, and when I agreed, he promised to take me to a place where ponies lived so we could perhaps find answers, to a kingdom called Equestria. It was a long journey, across several lands. I grew more and more excited...and nervous the closer we got to our destination. The Master often talked to me, not me to him, and then I'd spent countless years without any interaction at all. I simply never had a chance to develop very good necessary social skills, and I worried that this shortcoming would be my downfall and ruin my new, still fragile dreams.

But, as he had done since he met me, Teric took it upon himself to help me open up and be able to express myself more. And as it would ultimately turn out, being so used to listening wasn't just a weakness, but a strength.

Eventually, we reached Equestria's borders, and I'm thankful it is such an accepting place. After all, I am the only creature of my kind, and while I was treated as a curiosity for it, I had little trouble being accepted as a sapient creature. This was a nation where dragons, ponies, griffins, minotaurs, and countless other species lived and were seen as equals, so a sapient wolf, while unusual, was simply another unique flavor in a melting pot. Still, that didn't change the fact that, as an immigrant who intended to potentially stay, I had to fill out a good bit of paperwork, most difficult of which were citizenship papers. Which I will say, isn't very easy when you're a one of a kind species and don't even know how old you are.

Interacting with ponies for the first time in so long was a tad strange admittedly. They were nothing like Master, but most were intelligent, kind, and civil. I got many odd looks, but I can thankfully say prejudice is not something Equestria has in large amounts. Though I did end up having to have my medical exam from a vet and not a doctor, since my biology was still that of a canine, if heavily altered. Still, she was a nice pony, if a bit lonely. When I noticed that and questioned it, she explained that her job was to check out any pets that were coming from foreign lands through this specific checkpoint. But this meant she spent most of her days in the middle of nowhere with only guards and other workers for company. She missed her family and friends back home, even if she still traded letters with them. I still was getting used to being social, but I did explain that I sympathized with her after my many years in isolation. I made a comparison to Teric and I, and how having one person as a close companion had greatly helped me. She listened and decided that maybe getting to be closer friends with those around her to help make the long time on the job more bearable. I never got her name, as I was still getting used to the importance ponies placed on them, and we left with little fanfare, but looking back on that moment, I think I owe that mare a great deal for helping plant a seed in me that would grow into something wonderful.

After all the paperwork and technicalities were settled, we began heading towards the nearest town. In this case we'd entered Equestria from the south, and Appleloosa had not yet been built, so the nearest town was Dodge Junction. Do remember that the only civilization I'd really ever seen before was Master's den, so the sight of a cowpony town was very new and unusual to me. The locals were so enthusiastic and had an energy to them that did frighten me at first, but quickly became contagious. It was difficult not to get caught up in it; there was just such a love of life. Teric encouraged me to exploit that feeling to perhaps get started on my journey of self discovery.

Conveniently, there was a cherry orchard in Dodge Junction owned by a mare by the name of Cherry Jubilee. At the time, they were a few hooves short, and in my desire to be helpful, I volunteered my aid in harvesting the crop.

A cherry orchard is not a place a wolf forgets easily, the sights and smells were so vibrant and new. Keep in mind, the color red was in and of itself something I'd once never been able to see, so the sight of an orchard of bright pink cherry trees was stunning. I was quite hopeful this would be a place I could be at home and finally begin helping ponies as I planned.

Sadly, that wasn't the case, as fate would have it. I may have been far smarter and more dexterous, but I was still a little wolf. I didn't even come close to reaching even the lowest hanging branches of the cherry trees. The best I could do was collect the ones that had fallen but were still good enough to be used. Even the sorting process was difficult, as I was too short to reach the table and standing on a conveyor belt wasn't something anyone was comfortable with me trying. So while I was capable of helping some...I couldn't help nearly as much as I wanted to.

However, while I was staying in Dodge Junction, something very interesting happened. I came across Cheery Jubilee alone in the orchard one morning while giving the situation thought. I don't believe she noticed me, either because of my size or simply because ponies weren't quite used to expecting canines of being capable of knowing what's going on. Regardless, I sensed she was distressed. Very distressed.

I can't exactly explain what caused me to approach her, but I just felt like it was the right thing to do, like I'd regret it if I didn't. So I spoke with Miss Jubilee and, while she was hesitant to talk about it at first, I simply suggested there couldn't be any harm in it. She revealed that her job had become very stressful as of late. Without enough hooves to properly manage their crop, she was reaching her wits end trying to make it all work. Trying to keep her business running smoothly despite the fear of failing and losing it at all. The orchard had remained in her family for quite some time, losing it was inconceivable to her.

Once again, I found myself sympathizing with her. After so many years of doing my work for the Master, the fear of failure was one I knew very well. The feeling that if you do one thing wrong, you're letting yourself and everyone depending on you down. And that little voice always asking you if you've done enough. So I told her more or less exactly that. That I knew how it felt to be in that situation, and that, while in my case I needed to leave my work for my own good, while I had Teric there to talk with and understand me, I felt much better than I had in a very long time. In the end, she decided that perhaps it'd be a good idea to share her own troubles with somepony else she knew.

However, despite being able to help some, I still felt dejected at how little I had perceived myself as having accomplished. Teric told me that it simply wasn't my thing, and we could try elsewhere. If I didn't belong in Dodge Junction, logically there must be somewhere else I belong. So we moved on.

Our next stop was Manehatten, thanks to the train system. I have to laugh, thinking back at how jumpy I was on that first ride. I was a bundle of nerves, and while I wasn't hiding under the seat, I found myself startled at every jolt. I did calm down by the time I arrived, but it was my first real taste of modern technology, and it did take some time to get used to it. Though there was a funny moment were a filly on the train mistook me for Teric's pet and wanted to pet me and wanted to scratch behind my ears. Such is the life when you're a sapient wolf.

When we finally arrived at our destination, I tried my paws at helping a local newspaper office in need of 'papercolts,' but I was too small to effectively carry much for long distances, and the ink from the presses dyed me black for a week (something that was rather problematic when Teric took me to a showing of a film with a rather frightening black wolf seen during that time). But I did give the editor some advice about dealing with his daughter during a very large argument that happened in the middle of the office. I remembered my Master's argument with his Master and how afterward they never saw one another again, parting with obvious distress. I admit that I have no idea if that was what happened with the Master, but suggesting that perhaps it was better to forgive and work through the source of the problem than let it potentially destroy their relationship did feel like a good idea. It was something I'd recalled whenever Teric and I had arguments, rare as they were and something I sincerely feared. I think they honestly just needed a calm head to remind them that they did love one another. But while that did seem to help resolve the problem, as with Dodge Junction, I left the job and Manehatten with disappointment in my heart and on my mind.

As with when we were on our adventures before, I could fill a novel with our misadventures and my numerous attempts at fitting in. I suppose you could say I was much like young Applebloom and her friends here in Ponyville: not knowing what my place or destiny was, but desperately searching for it. Every location and town was much the same: I tried to assist ponies in some small way, but ultimately the limitations of what I am foiled my attempts. But while I didn't notice it at the time, most of the places I visited had a common theme. Ponies, despite my unusual status, still seemed to be more willing to let their guard down around me for reasons I'd discover more later on. And when they did, I had trouble seeing them suffering, and tried to do something to comfort them. Still, I kept becoming more upset and frustrated as time went on, as I imagine anyone would. I just wasn't able to help as much as I hoped to, or that I felt that I should have been able to. I suppose I almost became depressed with my situation. I can't imagine what I'd have done if I was alone and didn't have someone by my side.

Teric decided perhaps a change of scenery might be for the best, and we should go to a very different town; namely, Equestria's capital city of Canterlot. This was admittedly the first time I'd ever really gotten dressed like you see me now. At the time Teric's preferences to it had rubbed off on me to a degree, but I hadn't really gotten into the suit and tie look. However, walking around naked in Canterlot wasn't something that would be accepted by most citizens, no matter what species you were. As you can tell, the experience grew on me and became something I enjoyed taking part in.

Canterlot was actually rather intimidating to me. Not quite because of the size, but because of the overall demeanor of the city. Manehatten had been busy and big, but ponies there didn't act superior. In Canterlot, I felt like even what I was didn't attract much attention. Teric suggested that the city probably saw ambassadors of all types there to see the Princess and was likely desensitized to the strangeness, but it still felt painful. I know not all Canterlot ponies are like that, but those that are stood out quite a bit. And it made my desires a little bit more difficult to try and reach. Do remember, I was looking for opportunities to help ponies, and if I was ignored, finding an opportunity to do that was not going to be an easy task.

However, after several empty hours of searching high and low for somewhere I could help, Teric came up with the idea of going to the Canterlot Archives to see if there was any answers about my origins or the Library. While it'd taken a back seat to my primary goals, I still did want to figure out those things. The Archives were home to Equestria's largest stores of knowledge, and largely open to the public, so it seemed like a good idea. I ironically found Canterlot Castle itself far less intimidating than the city proper. It reminded me of the vague memories I had of being brought home by the Master that night, the comfort I'd felt when I experienced true warmth for the first time in my life. And the Archives themselves did have a certain sense of comfort to them, though that might have been as much because they differed from the Library in all the right ways than being similar to it in all the wrong ones. It was a place of learning and knowledge, but lacked the sense of being otherworldly that made the Library frightening. Perhaps that's why I spent a good deal of time at Twilight's library after coming to Ponyville until...recent events.

Sadly, we found nothing relating to me or the Master or the Library, and certain branches of the Archives were only accessible by royals or those with special access, and we were neither. We were right back at square one, and I left the Archives feeling frustrated and angry. Months of tension finally began to boil over. I even gave Teric a bit of a cold shoulder for a short time, lost in my own emotions. It was painful to have all of my efforts up until that point fail, then to not only have no opportunities to even try to help, but fail at a secondary goal. That doesn't make trying to disregard Teric's attempts to help any more justified, but I just felt like I was at wit's end. Canterlot was beginning to feel like the straw that would break the camel's back. I was upset and in pain, and Teric simply had the misfortune of being present for my bad mood.

But as fate would have it when we prepared to leave, I noticed some symbols inscribed in the castle. They were symbols I'd seen in the Library or in one of the countless books that were located there. Their meaning had long since faded from my memory, but there was no mistaking how familiar they felt. As I stood examining the symbols, the Princess herself happened by and noticed. I explained the situation, and she said the symbols were very old, very ancient, and that few could know of them.

Admittedly, I was at first afraid I'd somehow gotten myself in trouble. I'd never met Princess Celestia before, and only knew of her from second hand accounts, and that ponies did fear disappointing her. I had no idea who she was, and just like any Omega Wolf, I was afraid of angering the Alpha by instinct. Instead, I was politely asked to come talk to her in private. And it was quite the opposite of what I expected. Princess Celestia was quick to show me sympathy in regards to my one of a kind existence when I revealed it, being one of two Alicorns presently in Equestria herself. She also gave me her condolences about the Master...and told me something I'm sure all of Equestria is now well aware of: that she knew what those feelings of loss felt like. What it was like to see a loved one drift away and finally disappear into the darkness.

I admit...after being treated with such coldness by the majority of Canterlot, it felt very surreal for the highest authority in the land to be so compassionate and kind. A friend of mine is of the opinion that any who think of Princess Celestia as a tyrant have never met the kind and motherly pony she actually is. That is a good description of the impression Princess Celestia left on me. When she looked on me, she didn't see a strange creature, an abomination, or even one too low for her to notice. She saw a living being that was deserving of her attention and kindness.

I did open up a bit to her and explain my current problems. The pain I was in. The turmoil I'd been dealing with for all this time. And I still remember what she told me: a pony's Cutie Mark only appears when the moment is right, it cannot be forced. While it is normal for blank flanks to try, it is ultimately a futile effort. Likewise no more can any other creature's true special talent and destiny be uncovered before its time, and trying to force them is just as futile. The best thing to do is to pursue what makes you happy, continue to try and do good and noble things for the right reasons, and the door will open in time. And most importantly, don't go at it alone, having friends can make the long wait feel that much shorter.

I suppose this does sound similar to some of my interactions with my patients. That same variety of kind wisdom Princess Celestia showed me is what I try to present to others, because it's a wisdom that they're likely to feel has their best interests at heart. My goal is to comfort others, and I suppose in a way, I did learn it from Princess Celestia's kindness towards me. I believe an old saying is adequate for this situation: kindness begins like ripples in water. One act of kindness ripples outwards and spreads. I honestly believe that ponies having that attitude in general is part of why Equestria is such a wonderful place to live.

As the time to go came, Princess Celestia met Teric, and we explained that we were brothers in all but blood...Princess Celestia told us in a surprisingly somber tone that we were lucky to have one another, and we should never let our brother slip away. Needless to say, after that I apologized to Teric for allowing my stress to get the better of me. I felt so awful about taking out some of my stress on my brother, on the one who least deserved it. Thankfully, Teric forgave me and was understanding, as I had been with the close call escaping the desert. I wasn't perfect, we all have moments of weakness and anger, but that doesn't make us bad creatures.

However, Canterlot was not the end of my journey. No, the final leg of my quest would lead me to a most unexpected place. Not the big city of Manehatten or the bustling capital city of Canterlot...but to somewhere far more quiet and off the beaten track.

Memories of Ponyville

Shortly after that, we left Canterlot and headed to a small town in its shadow, Ponyville. The difference was night from day. Canterlot was huge, bustling city where everypony was so busy and took little care to notice others. Ponyville was a small, peaceful village where everypony knew everypony...well, peaceful until we caught the sights of a certain pink pony. Miss Pinkie Pie's 'welcome parties' are apparently a Ponyville tradition, and one she decidedly takes quite seriously. However, in my case, I admit it wasn't the most enjoyable welcome to the town. I appreciated her intentions and knew she meant well, but stepping foot in a town and having a large party thrown for me was quite overwhelming. I'd yet to ever be the center of attention, just a curiosity, so having all eyes in the room on me gave me a bit of a fright.

In the end, I simply told Pinkie Pie that I appreciated what she'd done and agreed with her desire for us to be friends, and then allowed Teric to be the guest of honor while I stepped out of the spotlight. I did genuinely appreciate her desire to help others find joy in life, that wasn't what overwhelmed me so. In fact quite the opposite. In a number of ways, I felt a minor kinship with her in that desire. The desire to be of help and use to another. While Pinkie Pie and I rarely interact, we did part on friendly terms. On the other hand, Teric and Pinkie got along swimmingly. Both are jokers and like to help others open up, and Pinkie seemed quite excited to meet a dragon and hear about Teric's adventures and the places he's been. I imagine they still do communicate.

Of course, that party wasn't the end of our time in Ponyville, as you can plainly see. I did meet one pony that would prove quite important in my life. A nurse named Red Heart. She had been sticking to the walls, like I ultimately did. So, with nothing much else to do, we ended up talking and when I explained that I came to Ponyville looking for an opportunity to help ponies, she replied that she knew how that felt. Red Heart was not a nurse because it paid well, at least not in a small town like Ponyville. She was a nurse because helping ponies made her happy, simple as that. The more we talked, the more I think we saw one another as kindred spirits in our desires. I'm proud to say that next to Teric, Red Heart is the first true friend I made in Equestria, and one I still have to this day.

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't my request that I help at the hospital, but Red Heart's. Apparently, there was a small filly named Nursery Rhyme who was working at the hospital to learn more about medicine, primarily because her special talent revolved around nursing and medicine. Red Heart believed it'd be good for her, and for me, to have another learner taking part in the assistant program. I saw no harm in it, and agreed to give it a try. In fact, I even had some knowledge of the subject already. There had been many medical books in the Library, and that knowledge was still in my mind. And while I hadn't been able to apply it to aid the Master, perhaps I could apply it to help at the hospital. The next morning I headed to the hospital and was given a trial period as a 'young' assistant nurse.

Nursery Rhyme is quite the joy to be around. She's filled with both a child's love for life and a deep desire to be of aid and help to others. Granted, this did often cause trouble when she tried to help in a way that was beyond her abilities, but that was simply part of the learning experience. With all that said, like me she struggled with the feeling of being 'too small' to truly help at times, and in that way the two of us helped one another. We understood that common pain and were somebody the other didn't feel threatened to open up about it to. I think having that listening ear has helped both of us grow and become better creatures in the long run. And yes, I still do speak to Nursery Rhyme, she's even pitched in to help me around the office, and gets along well with my nieces.

Sadly, having that common problem did mean it was still a problem. I was of some minor assistance handing doctors or nurses tools thanks to having actual hands, but that was my limit of direct help...or so I believed. Have you ever heard of 'therapy dogs?' They're canines specifically trained and kept by hospitals because their very presence helps relieve the suffering of the patients. They're there to be emotional support and a comforting presence, a companion to make the pain and loneliness of being hospitalized more bearable. I didn't know this at the time, but I did notice that the longer I stayed there, the more the patients seemed to look forwards to my visits with the nurses and doctors. While I had been kind to them, as anyone would be, my presence and the kindness I offered did seem to make them genuinely happier.

The doctors noticed this as well, and asked if I could perhaps stay a little longer than I was planning to and simply spend time with the patients. This was not an easy choice, all things considered, as Teric did have his own journey and adventure to continue. He couldn't stay in Ponyville, there was no questioning that...so in the end, I had to choose between staying in a place I seemed to at least be of some help or continue my search. Teric's response was to promise to stay in contact and if I decided this wasn't my place, he'd buy my train ticket to where we could meet up again. He encouraged me to try and explore if it truly was my place...and we ultimately parted ways. I will admit, it wasn't until Teric's first letter reached me that I was able to relax. I was fearful of losing Teric as I had the Master...that was a fear that it took a few years for me to overcome.

Thankfully, I did have Nurse Red Heart and Nursery Rhyme to be my friends and companions in the meantime. Any who doubt the value ponies put on friendship has truly never had a friend, because I am certain I wouldn't have lasted very long in Ponyville without Teric's direct presence if I hadn't had some companionship. And for that, I am eternally grateful to them.

Speaking of companionship, I began to do as the doctors wished and be just that around the hospital...and as I did, I began to notice the underlying causes of some of that suffering my presence was meant to help with. Some ponies for example feared that their family had forgotten them. That no one cared for them any longer. Others feared that they might not recover from their injuries. Still others feared that the doctors might discover something even worse was wrong with them. While it wasn't my job, I couldn't resist trying to help them any more than I could have resisted aiding Cherry Jubilee or the other ponies I met along my journeys. Having the knowledge I had was a blessing, as I was able to reassure the ones that feared about their health that it was in their mind, and even if it wasn't, the doctors should be able to help. I was a constant companion for those that were lonely and had nopony. And I suggested that those who feared their loved ones had forgotten them to speak with their loved ones about their fears, and in the meantime remained their friend and confidant.

And it didn't end there. Sometimes I would walk into the waiting room upon ponies who were worried. I remember a specific moment when Miss Cheerilee had brought a filly who'd gotten badly injured playing and sincerely feared she'd failed the child somehow. That she'd not been watchful enough. I simply listened and only spoke to give my advice. I told her I sometimes felt as if I failed others no matter how hard I tried, but that my brother had taught me that beating myself up over it would solve nothing, something that I had to remind him of in return sometimes. That if she didn't wish to fail the child, then she needed to be there now, at least until their parents arrived. That was actually a common occurrence with ponies in the waiting room: they felt that somehow, the suffering and pain of their loved one was was somehow due to negligence or a mistake on their own part. The guilt that came with that tearing them up. And I did my best to be with them and shared my experiences, gave what advice I could. I even began to make use of the hospital's library to study up on psychology and aiding others with emotional pain, adding that knowledge to the vast stores I'd taken from the library and filling in the gaps that still remained.

And as I helped, ponies in Ponyville itself began to take notice. Some merely asked if I was around when they visited the hospital, either as a patient or as a visitor. Some ultimately came solely to see me. I admit, the first time that happened I was quite shell-shocked. Never before had somepony actually sought me out for help. I'd always wanted it, but when it actually happened it took me sincerely off guard.

And throughout this...I began to feel satisfied and content. I couldn't quite put my paw on it, but a part of me felt I was on the threshold of a door I needed to open. Ponies began to call me 'Dr. Wolf.' I believe at first it was playful, just some simple nudging and joking. But gradually, it actually started to become less a nickname and more a genuine sign of respect for what I'd been able to do for them.

The door finally opened one day when Nursery Rhyme, in that innocent way children often do, hit the nail on the head with a comment. She simply told me 'I wish I could help ponies as much as you do.' It wasn't jealousy, it wasn't envy. It was simply a child saying 'I want to be like you when I grow up.' I literally stopped in my tracks. All that time, I hadn't been helping ponies as I had out of a desire to find my place or seek out some hidden meaning. I'd been helping whenever I saw somepony who needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to open up to, I'd always thought I was helping the hospital staff by being a therapy 'dog.' But when Nursery Rhyme said that...it hit me that I really had been helping all of this time. Not just at the hospital, but throughout my journey.

I remembered the loneliness of the veterinarian at the border. Cherry Jubilee and her stress. The editor in Manehatten and his problems with his daughter. And so many more. All the ponies I'd given a little bit of kindness and aid towards. Princess Celestia's advice rang in my ears: that no one, pony or otherwise, could force their destiny and special talent to surface. That they simply needed to pursue what makes them happy and it will surface all on its own. All this time, I'd been doing something that did make me happy, but I hadn't realized that in the process I'd discovered a new talent and how I could truly help: being a comforting presence and helping others with their emotional problems, not their physical ones.

I admit, I actually did cry tears of joy in that moment. I hugged Nursery Rhyme and thanked her. I quoted to her Princess Celestia's words to me and reassured her that she would be able to help more and more over time. I instantly wrote a letter to Teric, that I'd found it. I'd found my place. Yes, I know this reaction is likely a bit emotional, but I'd finally found the thing I'd devoted every moment since we left the Library searching for: how I could help ponies. And it'd been under my muzzle the entire time.

Nurse Red Heart heard me out when I explained this to her, and asked how much I knew about psychology. As I explained before, I did have quite a bit of knowledge prior to ever coming to Equestria, and I'd assimilated quite a bit more of it from books around me. She told me she'd help me become a psychologist so I could use my talents to their fullest. Naturally, this left me speechless for a moment, and I asked her why. She explained to me something I have told a great many ponies who needed to hear it since then: that ponies don't value Cutie Marks as status symbols, and those that do are missing the point. Ponies value Cutie Marks because it's a symbol of what makes you special, what makes you you. And that no pony in their right mind would ever discourage another from pursuing what makes them special. Just because I was a wolf, didn't mean Red Heart saw my talent as any less worth cultivating than her own talent for medicine or Nursery Rhyme's. And as my friend, she felt it'd be very wrong of her not to help me do so. And so she did.

As you can see, I've succeeded in reaching that mountain top. And I owe Nursery Rhyme, Red Heart, and Teric a great deal for helping me. Looking back on my life. I can't believe how far I've come. I started my life so many years ago as a little wolf pup lost in the snow. Now I'm doing something I love. Something no other wolf is capable of even imagining doing. I'm helping ponies live better lives and deal with their problems. That is the road I've traveled down, from that moment Master picked me up to now. My life has had its ups and downs. Sometimes I feel discouraged, even depressed. I still do feel some emptiness that I never discovered the true reason I was created or what became of Master. But so long as I remember the good I've done, I will return to doing what I love to do. I will always return to helping others.

After all...It's good to be helping.