The Immortal's Midlife Crisis

by Enigmatic Otaku

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1740

Celestia, bored from her centuries-long routine of the same, stagnant thing day in and day out, snaps, causing the Princess of the Sun to make a few drastic changes to her life. A few drastic changes that might not be such a good thing for Equestria.

Celestia, bored from her centuries-long routine of the same, stagnant thing day in and day out, snaps, causing the Princess of the Sun to make a few drastic changes to her life. A few drastic changes that might not be such a good thing for Equestria...

Now with reading by TheCaptainSand - Scarlett Blade

Published 2015-06-15 16:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-15 16:30:02 UTC

Ight, I'm out...PEACE!

How much longer is he going to be? Celestia thought, sipping from her tea as she pretended to listen to the rambling noble standing in the center of her throne room. From what the princess could remember before she lost interest, he was talking about some business proposal that had something to do with either exporting or importing of goods--honestly, she didn't care which, and it was when the noble presented bar and pie graphs that he lost her.

"Princess?"

"Oh, hmm?" Celestia muttered, shaken from her stupor as she refocused on the noble who just called her. "Is something the matter?"

The noble smiled nervously. "Apologies, Princess, but it appeared as if I...bored you."

Celestia lightly shook her head. "N-No...you haven't." She gestured at the stand displaying the noble's latest graph. "Please, go back to that last part, explain to me again those dividends and micro-transactions you mentioned earlier."

"O-Of course," the noble said with a nod, his smile easing before doing what Celestia asked.

Almost within seconds after the noble resumed his practiced speech, Celestia, yet again, grew disinterested; she found more amusement in staring at the minuscule specks of debris floating around in her tea that somehow managed to get through the teabags.

After taking another swig of her tea, Celestia set the cup to rest atop its saucer, then attempted to concentrate on the noble's words. It wasn't easy, as centuries of these oh so similar meetings have taken their toll, making it more difficult for the alicorn princess to keep her attention on...on whatever it was the stallion was prattling on about.

Same day, different date, Celestia thought, sighing before shutting her eyes.

When she opened them again, she found herself staring at her sister, Princess Luna, sitting in her own throne besides Celestia's, eyes focused on the noble. Since the stallion was looking for either one of the princess's stamp of approval, it wasn't mandatory for Luna to even be present at this meeting, but she insisted that she attend, claiming that she wished to update herself on how Equestria's state of affairs currently run. Sighing once again, Celestia turned away from her sister and looked back to the noble, still in his long-winded speech.

Oh how I wish I was banished to some celestial body, a small smile appeared on the sun princess's mouth. That would be a vacation compared to having to sit through another of these dull meetings...

Her eyes shifting towards her sister, Celestia thought about just how lucky Luna was to have been absent from a thousand years of...of this. It was true that Celestia felt terrible about sending Luna away to the moon in the first place, but thinking about it from her current point of view, she had spared her sister from a millennium of sitting through one unbearably long, endless meeting after another.

Sure, even before Luna's banishment they still had these kinds of meetings, but their kingdom was smaller back then, simpler even, meaning that they had more time to themselves, to have fun and relax. Not like now however... Within that millennium of Luna's absence, Equestria naturally expanded, its industry grew, foreign relations were made, and Celestia had to regulate all that and more. By. Her. Self.

When was the last time I threw out my mane and had fun? It was difficult for her to remember, but she recalled that the Grand Galloping Gala was one of her first attempts to enjoy herself, away from all of her responsibilities for just one night a year. And it worked...for a decade or two, but even that was reduced to a simple social gathering, diminishing Celesta's fun to shaking every guests' hoof near the entrance. She did somewhat enjoy herself during the last two galas, what with Twilight and her friends, as well as Discord's attendance, but Celestia was no longer satisfied with having just one night a year of fun. She wanted more...but knew she couldn't, not with so much responsibility riding on her.

One of the drawbacks of possessing such a long lifespan and ruling over an entire nation, I suppose, Celestia thought, sipping from her tea again. Moments later, Celestia's nearly spat out her tea, eyes widening when she was hit with a sudden realization. Oh Faust! I'm nearly immortal! Do I...do I really want to continue doing...this for the rest of my ridiculously long life!? The thought of having another thousand years of siting through more meetings and filling out mountains of paperwork day in and day out with no fun whatsoever sent Celestia in a panic.

What do I do!? What do I do!? Celestia yelled mentally, her body tense as her eyes scanned around the throne room, hoping in vain to find the solution written on one of the walls or columns. Soon, her gaze rested on Luna before--Hello!

"Luna," Celestia called, setting her teacup and saucer aside before getting up from her seat, much to the noble's confusion.

"Yes, sister?" Luna asked.

"You take over," Celestia said with a wide smile before walking down the throne room towards the humongous double doors, passing by the agape-mouthed stallion.

"Very well, Tia," Luna replied, moving over to sit in Celestia's seat. "I believe I'm familiar enough with modern governing to take care of this matter for you." Positioning herself to rest more comfortably on her sister's throne, Luna then asked, "Tell me, how long do you plan to be out, dear sister?"

Opening the door with her magic, Celestia turned to her sister, but instead of answering, she merely smirked at her before exiting.

"Sister?!" Luna yelled, her voice echoing around the throne room. "How long?!"

Her response went unanswered, as the door then closed on its own with a thunderous boom.

Two Weeks Later.

"Try it again, Spike," Twilight said, floating another rolled up scroll before the young dragon.

His arms crossed over his chest and his expression a bit irritated, Spike sighed out his nose. "Twilight, if it hasn't worked the last hundred times, what makes you think this'll be any different?"

"One more," Twilight said, her voice pleading and her mouth a few degrees away from frowning.

With a roll of his eyes and the promise that this was the last attempt, Spike gave in. "Fine..." He faced the scroll, then spat out a gout of green flame, causing it to go up in embers before being sucked up into some unsee-able void. Moments later, Spike burped cinders, causing another scroll to materialize.

Catching the scroll in midair with her magic, Twilight opened it, only to be distraught when she discovered that the response was the same as before.

We're sorry, but the pony you're trying to reach no longer has their enchanted mail system in service.

Groaning, Twilight crumpled the letter up and threw it at the wastebasket that was just overflowing with similar letters. Walking over to her window, Twilight looked out her crystal castle to see anarchy in the town below. It was a horrible scene in Ponyvile; ponies were rioting in the streets, shops were being looted, and fights were breaking out, all this and more that would bring a smile to the spirit of chaos' face because of Celestia's disappearance two weeks ago.

It all happened so fast; with Celestia gone, Luna was left to take her responsibilities, and she was doing such a wonderful job...if this was a thousand years ago... Luna's methods of ruling were...weeell--she somehow started a war with the griffons, brought back an ancient law that permitted the use of dueling to the death to settle disputes, and decimated the economy so much that young colts and fillies were currently playing with bits as building blocks while the adults traded food or other services for what they needed--for some reason, some of them were walking around wearing barrels...

Resting her hooves atop the balcony, Twilight sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do to fix this since Luna had tasked her with finding her sister. A task that was proving to be quite difficult, what with Twilight having no idea where to even start looking for her.

"Twilight!"

Strange, Twilight could already hear her voice...

"Hey, Twilight! Down here!" Beep Beep Beeeeeeeeep

Twilight's eyes widened, as she knew for sure that she heard that; the sound was like a foghorn's, only more high-pitched. Looking down, Twilight was surprised to see Celestia of all ponies, sitting before her castle's entrance in what looked like a red, roofless carriage.

"Princess!?" Twilight exclaimed before flying down in a mad dash to meet her. "Princess, where have you been?!" Now that she was closer, Twilight noticed that Celestia wasn't adorned in her usual crown or regalia, but was instead wearing a tie dye shirt and a pair of shutter glasses.

"Me? Nah, nowhere really," Celestia answered, smirking at Twilight as she kept her forehooves atop some kind of wheel protruding from the carriage. Studying the strange red carriage, Twilight discovered that it was made, not from wood, but of metal, and that there was nopony strapped to the harnesses...in fact, there were no harnesses.

"Princess, what is this?" Twilight asked, gesturing at the carriage.

"This?" Celestia said, looking at the wheel before her then at Twilight. "Just a sports car; had Discord poof it up."

Twilight seemed confused. "Had Discord poof i--" She shook her head, trying to get back on track. "Never mind that! Princess, you have to--"

"It's just Celly," Celestia interrupted.

"What?" Twilight asked.

"It's just Celly; none of that 'Princess' stuff." She smirked at Twilight, then gestured with her head towards the empty seat besides her. "Anyway, are you gonna hop in or what?"

Twilight was puzzled by Celestia's strange behavior, but decided to go with her in order to find out what was going on. "Where are we going?" Twilight asked, lowering herself onto the unoccupied seat before hearing banging and a voice coming from the back of the 'sports car'.

"Twilight, is that you!? Help!"

"Big Mac?!" Twilight yelled. "Is that you?!"

"...Eeeyup..."

Before Twilight had the chance to ask Celes--Celly why Big Mac was in the back, Celly said one last thing before stepping on a peddle below her, causing the red carriage to give off a roar as it ran down the road.

"Strap in, loser. We're going to Pegas!"

Author's Note

I...I don't even...