unfortunate events

by The4Elemetsoflife

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Comedy
Length: 4269

survival is key

As the last surviving member of the HMS friendship. The captin find himself on a strange world untouched by human destruction. He finds himself to be surrounded by cute and adorable ponies

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-20 14:54:01 UTC

chapter 1 prologue

AUTHORS NOTE: THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT A FANFIC SO PLZ GO EASY ON ME AND THERE MAY BE MORE BY POPULAR DEMAND THANK YOU.

PROLOGUE:

SHIPS LOG. DATE: 2277 the ship HMS friendship departed from earth on a simple task to seek and destroy a race called the omar. The omar are a primitive species that only learnt about space travel over 5 years ago but they all ready have over 500 weapon ready ships on their way to destroy earth. The ship HMS friendship is earths main battleship capable of destroying planets if necessary. It is armed with 13 main battle cannons with 4 on each side 2 on the rear and 3 on the front. The  ship has over 5000 crew members and 1000 drones onboad...

“COMPUTER PAUSE LOG!!” i said in anger, sweat dripping of my face.

“eye eye sir. Should i update you on the ships key syste...”

“NO STAND DOWN COMPUTER IF I NEED YOU ILL ASK FOR YOU”

“certainly sir” and with that he was offline. I dropped the 10kg weights i was exercising with and dried off my sweat with the towel that was next to me i immediately got up and walked over to the changing rooms

“computer display information on the earth defence grid” i said tired out from all the weight lifting.

“Eye eye captain.” He quickly shot into action loading up data left and right. “There’s a new defence system online around a planet called...” he paused as he tried to find the name to the planet “sir my memory banks don’t have a name on the planet by the defence grid is called Harmony”

“Harmony what a dumb name for a planetary defence grid” i said shock of what the ECS had named a defence grid.

“Sir it straits that the reason they called it that was because of the name of each station”

“And what is the name of each station” I replied eager to find out what would be replacing my ship so suddenly.

“sir station 6 is named honesty after the man who built it he was so honest he couldn’t lie. Station 5 is named kindness after saving a medical transport ship with 1 shot. Station 4 is named laugher after the designer because he could not stop laughing. By the way sir his funeral is in 2 days shouldn’t you attend he was your brother after all?”

“no computer i will not attend. He caused me SO MUCH PAIN IN HIGHSCHOOL I LOCKED HIM IN A ROOM AND FLOODED IT WITH LAUGHING GAS!!” i shouted with so much anger and frustration.

“sorry sir. As I was stating station 3 is named generosity and station 2 is named loyalty...”the computer stopped as it read more data “And the last station is named magic after a man...”

“Why did they call it magic? They could have called it destruction or something like that” I said confused on why the ECS named it that.

“I don’t know si... sir the bridge reports a black hole has been spotted 500mm (mega miles) directly in front of us sir”

“ok tell them full reverse until I get there”

“eye eye sir activating red alert” and with that alarms started sounding all over the ship. People were running to their stations and I was running as fast as I could to the bridge.

I finaly reached the bridge and sat in my chair.

“REPORT”

“sir engines are at full power sir and were still moving towards it!!”

“WHY DIDNT WE SEE THIS EARLYER?!?!?”

“sir it just came right on top of us... we didn’t have time to rea...” and with that the entire ship fell into the black hole . the ship span rapidly through the time vortex and came out above a small life inhabited planet.

“REPORT!!”

“sir front engines are offline and were stuck in the planets gravity well were falling in

to the PLANET!!!”

“ok” and with that i turned the ships intercom system on “all hand this is the captain i would tell you all to abandon ship but were falling into the planet and if you eject from the ship the pod would be instantly destroyed so i must tell you to find a safe place and hold on for your life its been a pleasure serving with you all” and with that i turned the intercom system off and a tear slid down my cheek i knew this was it my faithful death, not dying in battle or shot for something i did no... i die from crashing my ship into a planet. “helm pull the ships nose up if were gonna die might as well try to survive” and with that he game me a nod and pull the ships nose up.

“BRACE FOR IMPACT!!” i shouted just as the ship hit the ground. People started falling over every were i knew one place i could survive and with that i got out of my chair and ran to the security room that was installed on the ship (it was designed for riots but this was more important)as soon ast the door slid closed i hared the screams of people out side being throne out of the windows and through doors when all of a sudden it all went black...

chapter 2 a new world

                                                                           CHAPTER 2 A NEW WORLD

i woke up to the smell of death and burning i lifted my head slowly as i regained my vision i looked left to right as i tried to gain my bearings. I stumbled to my feet as a sharp pain hit me i was seriously dehydrated and my body was staved of water. I slowly moved forwards to the large steel door

“computer?” i asked slowly.

“ah sir your awake i am allwa...” the computer was running on backup power by the sound of static in his voice “ys here for you sir”

“how long was i out?”

“you was out exactly 3 days 5 hours and 45 minutes after the crash sir” he said in a cheery voice as if he did something good and wanted a treat.

“computer how much power is available??” ia aksed conserned.

“  there is enough power for me to stay online another 1 hour and provide 1 meal and drink si..” he cut out again. the power loss must be getting to him.

“computer provide me with 1 glass of water please” i said almost passing out.

“certainly”

The replicator in the room sprung to life and produced half a glass of water then a puff of smoke flew from the machine. It was broken... great. I quickly drank the water and felt the pain slowly fade away.

“computer how many personnel survived the crash???”

“crew complement survived...” he paused to calculate and scan across the ship “one”

“WHO WHO SUVIVED!!??”  i asked with so much joy

“why you sir you are the only survivor” he said with so much joy.

I quickly thought through my mind on what to do first by befor i could ask the computer said

“sir may i suggest getting the main engine reactor back online with that we would have sufficient power to activate the drones to repair the sh...” his voice muffled by static again “ip then we could get out of here.”

“ok whats wrong with the engines and ill get started on repairs??” i staited waiting for orders like i was a cadet.

“oh but theres nothing wrong with the engines you just need to put in the access code left by the chief engineer”

So with that in my head i quickly pride the door open that was blocking my path and headed for engineering. A few minutes later i got to the engine room and search franticly through the mess o the table.

“aha success” i shouted as i found a sheet of questions to find the pass word. i smoothed the paper out and read the sheet out loud so the computer could awser. “ok 1st question how many heads are on a dog??” i said in such confusement but i imputed the number 1 to the first box.

“INCCORECT” the computer said in and evil tone. I sat down and tried it again “INCCORECT” it didn’t work. So i stood up and looked around the room the first thing i saw was that the engineer was a brony .he had my little pony pictures every were

i immediately shouted “YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY LITTLE PONY HOW AM I SUPPOST TO..”. when all of a sudden a 3 headed dog ran past the opening in the hull. and a pony running in front. I thought “you’ve got to be kidding me”.

A few minutes later i was in a titan war munger robot opening the cargo bay door. the titan was a two legged machine that had 2 gatling guns on the arms and an over sized shotgun on the back. I immediately started running the same way the pony ran.

I came up to a giant cave entrance and a sign next to it said welcome to the gates of tartarus. i looked back inside and i thought “well welcome to hell would have been a nice sign”. And i ran off inside.

As i reached the big gate  i noticed the 3 headed dog and pony in front of it. I thought to my self “hang on if the question was how many heads does a dog have then lets try this” i pulled out a small device that was liked to the ship and i acsessed the engines and imputed the number 3 in and it said

“CORRECT”

“YES” i shouted then realised i gave my self away the little purple pony was standing in front of me with a scared look on her face. “no no no don’t be scared” i said when all of a sudden i was interrupted by her.

“y-y-your a human arnt you?” she said softly.

I opened the back door to the titan suit and steped out to meet her.

“yes i am” i asked in a soft tone trying not to scare her “who are you?”.

She immediately became brave and said “oh you are. im twilight sparkle and i come from pony vile who are you?”.

I kneeled down and said “im john keys captain of the HMS friendship. But you problem don’t know what a ship is do you?”

“no i don’t all i know about ships are ... what am i doing i need to get back to prevent the disaster!!” she said then ran off into the distance.

“what disaster??” i said but she left before i could finish. Then i thought whats next. I looked at the questions again it said how many royal sisters are there. “uuuuuurrrr more pony questions???” i said disappointed “well ill have to follow twilight and find out i thought to myself.I returned my titan suit back to the ships cargo bay .

“carnt scare off the ponys when i arrive now can i” i said to my self.

“sir may i awser the 3rd question?”.

“what you know the 3rd question??”.

“yes its 3” he said cherrly.

“How do you know the 3rd question??” i said confused.

“i had a look at the paper when you put it on the table. it says how many planets are in this solar system and its 3: the sun, this planet, and the moon. Oddly sir the sun and the moon orbit the planet”.

I imputed the awser to the 3rd question into the computer “CORRECT” it said in a happy voice.

“yes only 2 to go”.

“i suggest i teleport you there sir” he said in a bit of static.

“you sure??. your low on power as it is” i said concerned.

“ill be fine sir. if i teleport you I will lose power but you’ll get the code”

“ok” i said un sure

“teleport in 3... 2... 1... telep...”his voice going offline .

I was engulfed by a Wight stream of particles. The world started to fade and got replaced by a tree. I was set down in front of a large dark brown tree. i thought “great stupid comp...” i stopped when i heard talking behind me. when i turned around to find ponies looking at me there jaws hitting the ground because of my appearance .

“you’ve got to be kidding me”...

chapter 3 a new world

CHAPTER 2 A NEW WORLD

i woke up to the smell of death and burning i lifted my head slowly as i regained my vision i looked left to right as i tried to gain my bearings. I stumbled to my feet as a sharp pain hit me i was seriously dehydrated and my body was staved of water. I slowly moved forwards to the large steel door

“computer?” i asked slowly.

“ah sir your awake i am allwa...” the computer was running on backup power by the sound of static in his voice “ys here for you sir”

“how long was i out?”

“you was out exactly 3 days 5 hours and 45 minutes after the crash sir” he said in a cheery voice as if he did something good and wanted a treat.

“computer how much power is available??” i aksed conserned.

“there is enough power for me to stay online another 1 hour and provide 1 meal and drink si..” he cut out again. the power loss must be getting to him.

“computer provide me with 1 glass of water please” i said almost passing out.

“certainly”

The replicator in the room sprung to life and produced half a glass of water then a puff of smoke flew from the machine. It was broken... great. I quickly drank the water and felt the pain slowly fade away.

“computer how many personnel survived the crash???”

“crew complement survived...” he paused to calculate and scan across the ship “one”

“WHO WHO SUVIVED!!??”  i asked with so much joy

“why you sir you are the only survivor” he said with so much joy.

I quickly thought through my mind on what to do first by befor i could ask the computer said

“sir may i suggest getting the main engine reactor back online with that we would have sufficient power to activate the drones to repair the sh...” his voice muffled by static again “ip then we could get out of here.”

“ok whats wrong with the engines and ill get started on repairs??” i staited waiting for orders like i was a cadet.

“oh but theres nothing wrong with the engines you just need to put in the access code left by the chief engineer”

So with that in my head i quickly pride the door open that was blocking my path and headed for engineering. A few minutes later i got to the engine room and search franticly through the mess o the table.

“aha success” i shouted as i found a sheet of questions to find the pass word. i smoothed the paper out and read the sheet out loud so the computer could awser.

“ok 1st question how many heads are on a dog??” i said in such confusement but i imputed the number 1 to the first box.

“INCORRECT” the computer said in and evil tone.

I sat down and tried it again “ INCORRECT” it didn’t work. So i stood up and looked around the room the first thing i saw was that the engineer was a brony .

he had my little pony pictures every were and i immediately shouted “YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY LITTLE PONY HOW AM I SUPPOST TO..”. when all of a sudden a 3 headed dog ran past the opening in the hull. and a pony running in front.

I thought “you’ve got to be kidding me”.

A few minutes late i was in a titan war munger robot opening the cargo bay door. the titan was a two legged machine that had 2 gatling guns on the arms and an over sized shotgun on the back. I immediately started running the same way the pony ran.

I came up to a giant cave entrance and a sign next to it said welcome to the gates of tartarus. i looked back inside and i thought “well welcome to hell would have been a nice sign”. And i ran off inside.

As i reached the big gate  i noticed the 3 headed dog and pony in front of it. I thought to my self “hang on if the question was how many heads does a dog have then lets try this” i pulled out a small device that was liked to the ship and i acsessed the engines and imputed the number 3 in and it said

“CORRECT”

“YES” i shouted then realised i gave my self away the little purple pony was standing in front of me with a scared look on her face. “no no no don’t be scared” i said when all of a sudden i was interrupted by her.

“y-y-your a human arnt you?” she said softly.

I opened the back door to the titan suit and steped out to meet her.

“yes i am” i asked in a soft tone trying not to scare her “who are you?”.

She immediately became brave and said “oh you are. im twilight sparkle and i come from pony vile who are you?”.

I kneeled down and said “im john keys captain of the HMS friendship. But you problem don’t know what a ship is do you?”

“no i don’t alls i know about ships are ... what am i doing i need to get back to prevent the disaster!!” she said then ran off into the distance.

“what disaster??” i said but she left before i could finish. Then i thought whats next. I looked at the questions again it said how many royal sisters are there. “uuuuuurrrr more pony questions???” i said disappointed “well ill have to follow twilight and find out i thought to myself.

I returned my titan suit back to the ships cargo bay .

“carnt scare off the ponys when i arrive now can i” i said to my self.

“sir may i awser the 3rd question?”.

“what you know the 3rd question??”.

“yes its 3” he said cherrly.

“How do you know the 3rd question??” i said confused.

“i read the paper when you put it on the table it says how many planets are in this solar system and its 3: the sun, this planet, and the moon. Oddly sir the sun and the moon orbit the planet”.

I imputed the awser to the 3rd question into the computer “CORRECT” .

I then said “yes only 2 to go”.

“i suggest i teleport you there sir” he said in a bit of static.

“you sure??. your low on power as it is” i said concerned.

“ill be fine sir. if i teleport you I will lose power but you’ll get the code”

“ok” i said un sure

“teleport in 3... 2... 1... telep...”his voice going offline .

I was engulfed by a Wight stream of particles. The world started to fade and got replaced by a tree. I was set down in front of a large dark brown tree. i thought “great stupid comp...” i stopped when i heard talking behind me. when i turned around to find ponies looking at me there jaws hitting the ground because of my appearance .

“you’ve got to be kidding me”...

chapter 4 whats done is done

                                   unfortunate events chapter 4 whats done is done.

THREE MONTHS!!! I’ve been stuck here for three months. I mean i has been good, ive made friends got a home in ponyville and i now do odd jobs around town i also am just 1 question away from getting the engines on my ship working and... “HEY JOHN” choicest the 3 little fillies out side as they knocked on my door.

“oh hi girls listen im going out soon so...”

“but john we need a story for our news paper can you help us” they said with sad looks on there faces

“uuuhhh... fine” i said as they cheered

Five hours later i met up with my friends at sugar cube corner for some tea and a nice chat. “APPLEJACK ASLEEP ON THE JOB. Can yawl believe this and this one big Macintosh what he hiding??. Who in the hay dose this gabby gums thinks she is” said applejack as i entered the door.

“oh yea listen to this one. Twilight sparkle i was a Canterlot snob a well placed scaly source next to the pricy pony says pony Ville is just money roads and low class roofs.” Said twilight staring at spike

“listen guys that’s what newspapers do. they find your weakness and use it against you. just let it slide over your head and you’ll be fine” i said calmly picking up a nearby paper “OMG NO no no no!!!” I shouted in terror.

“what is it john??” asked Fluttershy in all kindness.

“gabby gums says that i kill ponies. No this carn`t be right i never said that!!!” all the other ponies looked at me and slowly backed up in case. “I would never do that!!” i shouted in rage and anger.

Then i turned the page to find the awser to my final question. the question that will get me off this planet!! As i recall the question said how many ponies control the elements of harmony and it says right there that the 6 ponies that control the elements of harmony are taking a break?? I looked up to all my friends reading the same page. I quickly got out a small devise and entered the last number in “CORRECT” it stated happily “SYSTEMS NOW ONLINE. FULL POWER RESTORED, ENGINES ONLINE, WEPONS ONLINE, SHILDS ONLINE, COMPUTER ONLINE.” As i looked up in joy i found the 6 ponies looking down on me

“what is that?” said twilight in curiosity.

“this baby is going to take me home” i said eagerly and with a press of a button i activated the teleported and i was again engulfed in particles the world around me fading away and the inside of the bridge appearing. “computer report”

“ah welcome back sir how long was i offline?”

“you were offline 3 months now report”

“oh yes.... all systems online ready for take off”

“punch it” and with that the ships lower engines ignited and the ship slowly raised off the floor. the ships rear engines kicked into gear and slowly the ship made its way over pony vile. The ship hovered over pony vile so i could at least say goodbye to my friends. But before i could a small team of pegasus flew into action hitting the hull of my ship (as i could recall rainbow dash said that these pegasi were called the wonder bolts) but before i could give my order to fire the princess was there in front of my ship.

“UNKNOWN BEINGS I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTROY MY WORLD AND MY LITTLE PONIES SO I WILL HAVE TO DESTROY YOU” and with that said she opened fire on my lower engines putting mu ship into a falling motion. My computer felt it was time to part and before he could react we hit the wall of a mounting. my ship crashing down the side of the rock face furrowing me out of the front window and braking my arms and legs. I was crippled my ship hit the ground but was soon back up and retreated in to space. I was left there at the bottom of the mounting crippled and losing a lot of blood. The 6 ponies came to my aid but couldn’t do anything they looked at me with so mych sorrow in their eyes i knew i was done for. Then out of the blue Fluttershy slowly walked up to me and kneeled down she leaned over.

“I’m sorry. I-i-I’m so so sorry but there’s nothing i can do but i want you to know...” she paused as she try to find the words “i-i love you” and with that my heart filled with happiness and joy i felt so alive. then the world started to fade and i was being engulfed by a bright Wight light, particles whizzing around me.

“I LOVE YOU FLUTTERSH...” i shouted but i appeared in the medical bay with robots surrounding me

“ah your here don’t worry sir well have you fixed in a jiffy” the computer said very pleased.

I woke up to the sound of the engines of the ship going into overdrive then i opened my eyes. i was sitting in my chair looking into space.

“computer??” i said softly

“ah good morning sir were back. back in good old normal universe i picked up a message about the 6 stations. I- its a good

job we got out of there when we did otherwise...”

“WHAT.  WHAT DID THEY DO” i shouted conserned for Fluttershy.

“why sir they fired through the black whole and destroyed the planet.”

“NO... NO... NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

AUTHORS NOTE: THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HERE MORE PLEASE COMMENT, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE TO ME ON YOUTUBE. THANK YOU

WHO KNOWS EQUESTRIA MIGHT STILL BE SAFE?