Chapters Pinkie Pie awoke to a multitude of twitches in a strange order that she had never felt before. Her fetlock pinched, pastern shook, left eye twitched, and third curl of hair vibrated.
"No, no, no. That can't be right, right?" The more she attempted to deny it, the more the twitching intensified. Her Pinkie Sense has never failed her, it has to be right. This is too much though; who knew what this could mean for her and her friends or even all of ponykind for Celestia's sake! She needed someone who is good at listening. Who better to tell than Rarity? "Right I need to tell Rarity."
Rarity shrieked in surprise when Pinkie poked a head out of one of her cabinets. Rarity looked down at the dress she was working on before she was so rudely interrupted. "Oh sweet Celestia!" A large tear ran down the length of the fabric. Her beautifully well designed and masterful fabric...
"Rarity, you have to listen. This is super duper important," Pinkie said in a serious tone slowly drawing closer to Rarity with each word.
But Rarity was having none of that. Instead she was in a near catatonic state staring at the ruined fabric. "Ruined. All ruined," Rarity murmured repeatedly. Pinkie waved a hoof in front of her face, snapping Rarity out of her trance. "Oh! What? Oh hello, Pinkie. I could have spent a moment listening to you, but I must must must get these dresses done by tomorrow and somepony has torn this one." With a scowl on her face, Rarity went back to sowing.
"Do you think this is a game? A walk in the park? Well there will be no walking in any parks under my watch because this. Is. IMPORTANT!" Pinkie thumped the table during the last few words, messing Rarity up further and casting her into an even worse mood.
Rarity fixed Pinkie Pie with an icy glare and speaking through clenched teeth, "What do you want, Pinkie?" She said the last word with such venom that if Pinkie was a normal pony, she would have died on the spot. Pinkie wasn't a normal pony though. Unlike most Earth Ponies, she had many magical reality-bending powers that no Unicorn has ever been able to rationalize. Many have even lost their minds trying. Even the God of Chaos tends to keep his distance.
Pinkie took a deep breath, "I was getting all tingly from my Pinkie Sense® and then I rushed over here as fast as possible, but then I needed to make sure you were 110% serious before telling you the super serious news. The Hub Network is getting canceled!" At this point she broke down crying from the unfairness of it all.
For a moment Rarity looked confused before she chuckled darkly and growled, "Unless you have something serious to tell me, get out. I have some *ahem* fashion to get to." Pinkie reluctantly sulked out of the boutique and sighed to herself.
Pinkie sat in the dewy grass with a slightly deflated mane. "Oh what now? If only I had a really smarty pants friend who can solve any problem that you throw at her..." Suddenly, Pinkie got a whole lot happier.
"Aaaah!" Twilight fell onto the ground from her chair before apprehending the intruder in her fortress of solitude. She knew it was Discord. It was always Discord. "DISCORD!"
"Top of the morning, Twilight. What's up?" Twilight looked up but instead of seeing a mismatch of animal parts, she saw Pinkie Pie situated precariously on a pile of books.
"Hey, Twilight! I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Pinkie said hopefully.
Breathing in deeply, Twilight replied, "No sorry. I just thought you were Discord."
"I'm not Discord? Well I suppose you can call me Disarray or Entropy. I have many names, but just don't call me anything mundane. I'd hate to be something as simple as a Twil— I mean Harmony." She thought she imagined it earlier, but now she knew for certain it was Discord. But as she looked around the room she cou—
"Discord? Where?! It's been like seven forevers since I last saw him!" Pinkie interrupted her musings as she began searching through everything.
"Where are you?"
"I'm right everywhere of course."
"OVER HERE!"
"Not you, Pinkie!"
"Then who are you talking to? Are you hiding a friend from me?"
"She's talking to me."
"Can you hear him?"
"Who's Him? That's a weird name. But if he's here then why haven't I felt my Pinkie Sense go off?"
"Hey! Don't make fun of my name. I happen to enjoy it, thank you very much."
"She wasn't making fun of your name."
"I can't find Him anywhere and you keep talking in riddles. Are you going crazy? I don't know of any crazy ponies and it could be fun! Well their is Screw Loose and Lost Marbles but I never see them around here."
"So she wasn't making fun of my name? I would have never guessed."
"Yes."
"Yes, she wasn't or yes, she was."
"Wait, so Spike wasn't lying?"
"Yes, she wasn't."
"Wait! No sh— he wasn't."
"Now I'm confused. Is Spike a he or a she?"
"Well that's a relief."
"Darn it."
"What's wrong?"
"So now you don't want me to be relieved huh? I see how it is."
"No just please shut up."
"Why? What did I say?"
"I'm hurt Twilight. And here I thought you cared about our friendship." *sniffle*
"No not you, Pinkie Pie, and for the love of Celestia, shut UP!"
"Oh... Ok..."
"No, Pinkie I didn't— Pinkie?" Pinkie was already gone without a trace of ever being there a second before.
"You know Twilight, I best be off too. I have tea to be seen and Fluttershy to be drunk. Or was it tea to be drunk and Fluttershy to be seen? No matter, tatta!" A static noise could be heard, but then all was quiet. Twilight almost forgot what quiet was like and she would just try to forget all the confusion that just occurred.
"Twilight, you called?" Twilight looked up at the regal figure of Celestia before banging her head repeatedly on the desk and muttering obscenities under her breath. "Oh. It would appear that I broke her."
Celestia glanced around nervously before drawing a deep breath and tilting a piece of paper slightly to the left. Instantly the self harm stopped and Twilight glanced around in confusion.
—
Somewhere, in an alternate dimension, Discord's body jiggled for a brief moment. "There has been a disturbance in the force."
—
Celestia hastily teleported back to her palace in Canterlot and breathed a sigh of relief when a loud scream echoed all the way from Ponyville.
—
Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Pinkie needed to find somepony to warn about the Hub canceling. Stopping in the town center, she saw a large elevated platform that everypony could view from the market place. Or she could tell everypony. Mwahaha—*cough* *sputter* —ha!
Author's Note
I realize that about half the chapter was unrelated from the actual plot, but I felt it necessary. For reasons.
"Attention all mares and gentlecolts!" All talking stopped within the market as everypony looked expectantly at their speaker. "A super duper big scary thing happened!"
Many of the spectators just huffed in annoyance and returned to shopping. "Please! You have to listen! The Hub has canceled! Do you hear me? Canceled!" Looking around, Pinkie realized that nopony remained in her audience. She zipped over to a mare with a carrot cutie mark. "Please you have to help me!" Pinkie begged.
"Uh huh." Uninterested, the mare handed a bag of carrots to her latest customer.
"This is super serious and we don't have much time!"
"I'm sure we don't, Pinkie." Pinkie waited a few seconds longer to see if more was to be said. With the sound of a balloon deflating, she slowly walked away... Before dashing over to a mint green unicorn with a harp butt.
"LYRA! I need your help to save the universe!" Lyra didn't look up from the book she was reading. Just then Pinkie noticed that the title of the book read, 'Upgrade from hooves to hands today!' Lyra looked to her hooves questioningly before her eyes widened and she grabbed the hand of the human on the bench next to her. Somehow Pinkie missed the human sitting on the bench even though he is the only known member of his species in Equestria. Not that he was setting a good example for himself with his 'Jerk' shirt.
Nonetheless, Pinkie continued on her journey through the streets of Ponyville. To where, she had no clue, but that would not be for long. She would find an answer to this problem. She would save everypony! A cough from behind got her attention and she turned to see who could possible be interrupting her monologuing. To her surprise and glee, behind her was none other than Ponyville's mayor, Mayor Mare!
"Mayor Mare, you've got to help me!"
With a tone of concern, the mayor responded, "Uh, yes Pinkie Pie? What happens to be the problem?"
"Only the worst thing ever! The Hub is canceling!"
Like any reasonable pony should, the mare became quite scared. "Oh Celestia. Oh dear. What ever are we going to..." Mayor Mare trailed off as she realized that she had no idea what the hub was. "Um, excuse me, but what is 'The Hub'?"
Pinkie sighed in exasperation. How did nopony know about something so simple? "It's only the network that My Little Pony runs on! Without it, Celestia only knows what could happen." Then it hit Pinkie. "We could get... DISCONTINUED!" After the dramatic effect was no longer needed, she threw the 'Dun dun dun Machine®' back into her mane.
This was really bad. Like really really bad with a strawberry on top bad. This was even worse than the quesadilla themed party that was thrown for Twilight. Twilight slept with the lights on for two weeks after that. But this wasn't just some cheesy party that could be stashed deep within her party files. No her mus-stash was telling her that she had to talk to the serious cheese in town.
The Fausticorn.
Author's Note
Oh Celestia, I feel like I want to gag from using the Fausticorn in my story. It's just so overused. But I think I did an alright job on the second to last paragraph. It got a little hairy when I was talking about mustaches, but I think I got the message down.
Please don't kill me.
Where was it? Pinkie dug through the large chest in her room. Many objects flew through the air before she was satisfied. It was the third container that Pinkie had searched in the last five minutes and Rainbow Dash was beginning to get concerned. Only once had she seen Pinkie so agitated and that was something she tried not to remember.
"Pinkie, are you sure it's here?"
"It's so here. So very very... very here." Rainbow shivered slightly at the tone of her voice.
"I just think that maybe you should take a break. It's not like it's the end of the world or anything," She remarked, completely oblivious to the direness of the situation.
Pinkie turned with a manic gleam in her eye as she began to speak. "But that's just the kicker isn't it, Dashie ? I don't think we'll ever have another party ever again unless I find the thing. Never. Ever. Again!" Her unnatural smile went slightly crooked, "Hehehe... I wonder if there are parties in..." Pinkie shook her head as she got back to work.
"Maybe I should get Twilight," Rainbow mumbled to herself.
"AHA!" Pinkie announced and stood up with a small black object in her hand. She quickly began to draw a circle on the floor in her room.
"Uh, why are you drawing a circle on your floor? And what is that thing?" Rainbow asked as she pointed to the item in Pinkie's hoof. It looked like a small black cube with crimson red lines running through its entirety. As Pinkie spit out the chalk, Rainbow realized that an intricate design of ruins and lines spanning the interior circle had been drawn on the ground. It definitely unnerved her how much it looked like those cultist circles in more dangerous areas.
Rainbow was pulled out of her musings by incomprehensible muttering from Pinkie. Suddenly, the cube began to go bright blue and darkness seemed to seep from the lines. Something about it felt very wrong to her. The whole getup just kind of made her feel uncomfortable.
"Pinkie, whatever you're do—" That's as far as Rainbow got before a dark red substance thickly flowed from the cube into the center of the circle. It slowly traced the chalk glyphs as it spread throughout the circle and began to glow. Rainbow began to back away as feelings of nausea and dizziness overcame her. It quickly overpowered her and she fell to the ground, unconscious.
When she woke, Pinkie was long gone and a small coating of ash covered the floor of the room.
—
It wasn't long till the smoke obscuring Pinkie's vision cleared. When it did, she found herself surrounded by strange bipedal, fur-less creatures. They had thin claw like appendages on the ends of their forelegs and variously styled manes adorning their heads. Besides that, they were fully clothed from back hooves to neck and a very small snout on their faces. Most ponies would have been frightened by such creatures, but this wasn't Pinkie's first time here. Indeed she had come many times before, but never somewhere with so many of these strange beings.
They were apparently called 'hyumaans' and had a very different yet somewhat similar culture to ponies. One of the biggest differences was they lacked the magic necessary to influence the weather or lift objects with their mind. They actually had no magic whatsoever. But right now, these thoughts did not matter to Pinkie. She needed to find somepony. Or rather someone. She knew what the person looked like, but not where to find her. The rune she had cast a spell with had been calibrated to place Pinkie close to her, now she just needed to know how close.
Many of the people around her were staring wide eyed at her and most of them parted to let her through. According the the first hyumaan she ever met, ponies like her don't exist on the planet and aren't thought of as possible to most people. Before long, Pinkie realized that she found who she had been looking for and that person was looking down at her with quite a considerable level of surprise.
Neither of them talked for what felt like hours until Pinkie decided to break the ice. "Hello, Miss Faust. I'd like to talk to you about The Hub."
Author's Note
So intense!
"And that's how I saved the world from zombie necromorphic wraiths. Any questions?" Pinkie waited patiently as her friends glanced around at each other.
Twilight was the first to speak up. "Well, I would like to know what happened during and after the meeting with this Faust character. We haven't heard any of the establishing dialogue from Faust to progress the story yet."
Gigglesnorting, Pinkie replied, "Duh! Of course I haven't silly, how else would I have a sequel?" How her friends could miss something so obvious was beyond her.
"Sequel? What do you—"
Fin
"Actually, maybe I shouldn't have a sequel. CUT!" The bewildered Twilight opened her mouth to comment, but was beat to it by Applejack.
"Uh, sugar cube? You okay there because it looks like you could use some rest."
"Oh you silly patooty... OF COURSE I'm fine! When have I ever not been fine? HehehehahahahahaHAHAHA!!" Pinkie said with a crazy look on her face, even for her. Twilight would be impressed. "But back to the story! Weeeeeeeeee—"
—
Back in the office of Lauren Fa—
"—eeeeeeeeeeee!"
...
As I was saying, back in the of—
"Oh, hello Miss Faust!" Pinkie said with uncontrollable glee.
Lauren gave a strange look at the pink mare. "What did you... Actually, never mind. I don't want to know."
"Okie dokie lokie!"
"So you were asking about the Hub, am I correct?"
"Yeppidoo!"
"Well Miss Pie, as you know My Little Pony is leaving the Hub—" A sharp gasp from Pinkie gave her a moment of hesitation, "—and is instead moving to Discovery Family."
Pinkie brightened both figuratively and physically and a certain bounce returned to her steps. "Yay! The show isn't ending! As soon as I get back, I'm going to throw a party for all of the ponies in Equestria! Oh my, that sure is a lot of ponies to become friends with, but it's worth it," A burst of confetti exploded out from Pinkie followed by a gasp of realization, "You should totally come back with me! Do you want to go to Ponyville, Faust? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? "
Without waiting for a response, Pinkie continued with her one sided conversation. "It'll be so fun! We'll have balloons and confetti and streamers and cake and games and music and balloons and ponies and fun and candy and food and—
That got Lauren's attention as she quickly turned back to Pinkie, a hungry look in her eyes. "Did somebody say... Chocolate? "
"Yepperooni! Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate... Now chocolate sounds weird. Do you ever say something too much and then it starts to sound weird? I did that once with 'kumquat'. Kumquat, kumquat, kumquat, kumquat. Oh no! I did it again! Curse you English phonetics and psychology!" Quickly righting herself from her spot on the ground, Pinkie addressed Lauren once more, "So I have to go plan a party now, make sure to get there before midnight!"
Pinkie then held her breath and scrunched up her face in concentration. Using her gypsy magic, a portal appeared in front of her, warping reality around it. Distant voices filled the room and whispers echoed from the portal. Pinkie stepped through the shifting black and green tear in the fabric of the universe as she waived back. Once back in Ponyville, she spared a glance back through the portal just in time to witness a familiar blue box appearing in Lauren's office. But without further ado she sacrificed an unborn foal to close the link between worlds. She wouldn't want untold horrors to escape from all corners of hell by leaving it open a second too long.
Fin
—
"And that's the story of how I exorcised a tormented soul from one of Discord's alarm clocks." Pinkie smiled as she finished the recounting of her tale of heroism.
"Pinkie, I thought this was the story of how you saved the world from zombie necro-whatevers," Rainbow Dash said with a roll of her eyes.
"Wait, Pinkie. Who is Lauren Faust? You haven't told us that," Twilight reminded Pinkie.
"Oh, Twilight, I have no idea who you're talking about. And now I have a party to plan!"
"But— How— What— Pinkie, wait!" Twilight shouted after her, but to no avail. Pinkie was already too far away. The rest of her friends just shrugged it off as Pinkie being Pinkie and began to walk away.
But Twilight didn't move again until 15 hours 32 minutes and 9 seconds later. She would know, she counted.
Fin
"STOP SAYING THAT, PINKIE!!"
"Heheh, oopsie."
Author's Note
What is this... I don't even... What...
This is what my sleep deprived brain cooks up after not writing anything for a while.
