A New Kind of Hero

Discord was bored. Oh so very bored!

Only a few days ago he had escaped from his petrification prison, but on the same day he was freed, his hubris blinded him to the threat posed by the Elements of Harmony.

At the time though, it felt like nothing could defeat him.

Oh how he wished he could slap himself.

With his body and magic sealed, there was very little he could do. The fun he had from watching the ponies around him quickly dwindled, which brought him to his current predicament of boredom.

With his mind drifting, the lord of chaos came to a solution.

Before his initial banishment one thousand years ago, he liked to look into other dimensions. One of his favorite dimensions had been home to a planet called ‘Newerth’ where warriors of all shapes and sizes would combat each other. Their crazy array of magical and physical capabilities never failed to provide entertainment.

With nothing more to do, Discord used his chaotic magic to send his mind to once more witness the chaos on the inter-dimensional battlefield.

Nearly giggling with excitement, Discord arrived at his destination. He hoped that he could see Blacksmith once again. Taking a moment to observe his surroundings, all he could see were healthy green-leafed trees around him. It was obvious that he stood within the Legion’s forest.

Now…where are those— Discord instinctively ducked, even though there was no need for it in his ethereal form, as a gigantic metal hook passed through the space his head was a moment ago.

With an accelerated heartbeat, the ghostly form of Discord turned towards his attacker. Slightly hidden under the shadows of the trees above stood an obese bipedal creature with one arm extended to catch the returning hook.

Before the hook even reached his hand, the creature disappeared in a flash of blue light, denying the chaotic lord to take in his details any further.

Strange. Discord thought to himself, They should not be able to see me.

Thinking it was a one-time thing, Discord began floating around the area, hoping to stumble upon a fight.

He didn’t have to look long as he happened upon two more figures. One a gigantic, winged-demon with a sword glowing with an eternal fire. Its glowing eyes were narrowed as it stared down the second combatant, not even a third of his size.

His opponent was covered from head to toes in black bandages. His skin, where visible, was a bright orange colour. The tiny man held two glowing sticks.

Discord looked towards the giant fighter, then towards the bandaged one before nearly bursting into laughter. He nearly pitied the tiny fighter, but whatever pity he had was crushed by the thought of finally seeing some entertainment.

The giant was the first to make a move, taking one step forwards and began shouting, “YOU ARE DOOME—“

His loud bellow was cut short by the bandaged man shaking both of his sticks.

Discord rubbed his eyes. Then removed them from their sockets, dipped them in soapy water, then rinsed them off and put them back again. After he had finished with the process, he laughed heartily once more.

The fearsome warrior who would no doubt give even him a run for his money, had been turned into a frantically clucking chicken.

“My wards, come forth!” Shouted the tiny man. Immediately several yellow, near transparent snakes exploded from the ground. Each of them had strange runic markings on their back.

They all began attacking the chicken, who by now was flapping its wings in a futile attempt to escape the spitting reptiles.

After what seemed like an eternity, the chicken disappeared with a pop, replaced by the same demon as before.

He was not amused.

“YOU SHALL PAY FOR THA—“

“Hold!” The shaman shouted, once again interrupting the demon. Both of his glowing sticks were held forward with solid line of orange light emanating from each. The lights wrapped themselves around the gigantic being, holding him firmly in place while the snakes kept spitting.

“GRAAAAAAH!!” The demon shouted as he fell. The yellow snakes quickly followed suite.

“Well done, well done!” Discord shouted as he applauded the victor.

“KYAAAAAAA!” Shouted the Shaman as his sticks sent several orange bolts of lightning arcing towards Discord.

Covered in black soot all over, Discord coughed up some smoke. As the surprise from the unexpected attack wore off, the Draconequus reached to his back and pulled down a zipper. A completely clean, un-electrocuted Discord stepped from the new opening. Once out, he started folding up his old body and put it in a backpack that materialized out of nowhere. “That wasn’t very nice, I didn’t pack too many of those you know.”

The man paid his words no mind as he danced around Discord, his sticks flailing about as he chanted, “Begone, spirit! This place is not meant for you!”

Normally, Discord would have rolled with the situation to get even more entertainment, but he just had a good laugh and for once he needed answers more than fun. “I would gladly play your games, but perhaps a bit later my good sir.” He said as a top hat and a monocle appeared on his head. “But I seek information. Where am I, and where can I find the one named Cthuluphaunt?”

Stopping his dance mid step, the Shadow Shaman looked quizzically at Discord. “I do not know of this Cat-hulu-fant. Now begone! Doom was not alone, I must find his friend before he finds me.”

This man had never heard of Cthuluphaunt? Madness!

Before he could pursue this line of questioning further, the chaos lord noticed a strange shimmering in the air next to his petite assailant. “What is that?”

“Wha?”

“Nyyyyyx!”

The shimmering solidified, forming into an armoured bug. One who Discord recognised. “Tremble!”

“AAAAH!” Shouted the Shaman as the bug’s claws cut deeply into his skin.

“I am so glad I finally get to talk to all of you!” Discord continued, as if oblivious to the fact that ‘Tremble’ was not paying attention to him. “Where is little Boris? I’ve always wanted to pet the little guy.”

“I see…my grandspirits…”

“Nyx Nyx!” The bug chanted happily as his target fell.

As if taking notice of the battle for the first time, Discord held up his lion arm “Well fought, high-five!”

“Ny.” Long needle-like spikes erupted from Nyx’s body, causing Discord to lower his hand.

“Coulda just said no…” Grumbled Discord. “Could you at least tell me where I am?”

“Nyx Nyx Nyx Nyx Nyx Nyx Nyx…” the spiked covered bug chanted as it gestured around the forest in compliance to Discord’s request. Eventually he stopped and stared at Discord. “Nyx.”

“Erm…” Discord started, unsure of what to say. “Thank you?”

Nodding once, the bug scurried away, leaving Discord with smoke rising from his ears.

When his brain eventually recovered, a realization hit. “This isn’t Newerth!”

Another, much more important realization hit him.

Literally. In the face.

“Ahahahahahaha! Take that you tree! You think you can fool me, think I would think you aint no tree. BUT YOU ARE!” Picking himself up, Discord looked at what hit him. It appeared to be a maniacally laughing purple midget in a metal construct walking on two legs and had a chainsaw for one arm, the other having two fingered claw on it. “Standing between all of these sleeper cell trees. Think ‘ol Rizzrack doesn’t know but he does! I WILL CUT YOU ALL DOWN!” Another blade sprung from the vehicle’s midsection, taking down the trees around him. When they fell, the claw shot out, passing by Discord and hitting a tree behind him. Moments later the purple thing flew towards him.

Time seemed to slow down as the situation fully dawned on Discord.

He was in a dimension that was obviously not  Newerth, but there were warriors here as well, with magic and strange — he glanced at the purple midget who was flying at him, his tongue flapping in the wind — very strange creatures. Not only that, but he could interact with them.

A crazy idea made itself know to the chaotic being. With a gleeful grin, Discord put his paw on the chain next to him, allowing his magic to seep into it.

Just before the manic thing was about to show Discord first-hand how the law of momentum works, they both vanished with a pop.