One Week! That's It!

by Literature

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Comedy
Length: 3130

When the Stargate team finds themselves thrust into Equestria, what will they do?

Please note: If you have not seen the show Stargate SG-1, WATCH IT! You don't need information from it to get the story, but there will references to some events. There is some basic information below.

Colonel Jack O'Neil: The leader of SG-1. He is a sarcastic soldier who has had a sad life. His wife divorced him after their son shot himself with Jacks pistol that he kept in the attic. He quit the military after that, but was brought back to it because of the…

Stargate Program: The Stargate program is pretty much what is in control of the Stargate. The Stargate is an advanced piece of technology crafted by a race of beings called the Ancients. It creates and maintains stable wormholes to other Stargates, planted along the galaxy. It is kept secret from the public, and was inoperative until the code was unlocked by…

Daniel Jackson: Daniel Jackson is an archaeologist. He was the one who figured out how to work the Stargate, and is now a member of the head team that goes through it, SG-1. Daniel is not a military man, he is a civilian member of SG-1, who, now that he has been in so many dangerous situations, is a capable warrior. He is fluent in many languages, and is one of the smarter members of the team, along with…

Major Samantha Carter: Carter(female) is a genius. She discovered how to "Dial" the Stargate by turning it and pushing on the chevrons that are used to dial. The Stargate is dialed a lot like a telephone. There are 39 symbols on the Stargate, and can be put in over a billion different combinations. There are seven chevrons(Technically 9, but that's not important) on the Stargate, and they lock over different symbols to form an "address" to the other Stargates in the galaxy. On the first mission through the Stargate, when SG-1 had only 3 members, they met a Jaffa named…

Tiel'c: Tiel'c is an alien. He is incredibly strong, and uses a staff weapon (http://images.wikia.com/stargate/images/e/e2/Staffweapon.jpg) which is a weapon that shoots explodey laser thingies. He is also known to double-wield P-90s, which are used by the rest of the team. His signature line is "Indeed" Proof here(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtPgr94VYA4) :Rainbowlaugh:

Now for a description of the story. LOL.
When the Stargate team finds themself thrust into Equestia, ending up in the middle of Canterlot Castle, and turned into ponies by the ruler of the realm, what will happen?
The actual description is shorter than Jack's intro. That's kind of sad.

Special thanks to The Gargoyle, who told me he would "Read the hell out of it"

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-26 18:04:44 UTC

Okay, you guys win.

Jack sighed. He HATED waiting for the MALP’s data to come back. It seemed like such a long time.

Being put into the Stargate Program had changed his life. Instead of an old man wanting to be left alone, he had saved the world. Twice. Or maybe more. A lot more. That brought a smile to his face. He was the great Jack O’Neill! Leader of SG-1! He was…

“We have contact” a voice called, snapping Jack back into reality. “The atmosphere is similar to Earth’s, there is enough oxygen to breathe… Actually, it’s exacly like Earth’s. But for some reason, we can’t get a video feed.”

“Did you send in the MALP that had the broken camera? You know, the one that said ‘DO NOT SEND VIDEO BROKEN’ written on it?” a voice next to Jack said sarcastically. He turned to look at his second in command.

“Come on Carter, you can’t seriously believe…” he said, cut off at the last moment by the voice.

“Umm… We might have washed it.” The voice said nervously.

“You washed a MALP?” came another voice from next to Jack. “Wouldn’t it short circuit?”

“Sorry!” The voice cried out, “We were testing the new waterproofing for them!”

“Did it work?” Carter asked enthusiastically.

“Yes...” the voice replied cautiously.

“Great! Now we can…” Carter said excitedly, before being cut off by Jack.

“Okay! We get it! Cool new waterproofy… Stuff.” He said. “Now time for find-y bets!”

Daniel sighed. “Not again Jack.”

This time Teal’c interjected, “I find his reactions when he fails quite amusing.”

“Thank you Teal’c! Now as I was… Hey!” Jack turned to Teal’c, about to say something when Daniel came in, and ended the discussion.

“Fine, we’ll make bets.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“Yes!” Jack cried, “Today’s the day I will win! Today is the day there will be a new race of primitive cavemen! What about you all? What do you say?”

“New advanced civilization” Carter said, without skipping a beat.

“Magic” said Teal’c, sounding serious enough to make Jack crack up.

“Talking horses” Daniel said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Jack was silent for a moment as he recovered from Teal’c saying “Magic”. Then he replied with “You guys should take these more seriously! Think of it as a team bonding activity!”

He was met with blank stares.

“Practice for being gambling hobos in the future?”

Stares.

` “Practice for…” He paused. “I got nothing”

Two sighs of relief. One stare.

“Okay! Let’s go!” Jack said, before ducking through the Stargate, followed closely by Teal’c, who went in a less enthusiastically, but quickly all the same.

Carter and Daniel shared a look before sighing and stepping through, following their leader and comrade.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZKbyygV4SI)

As they stepped out of the Stargate, the first thing Jack noticed was that he was in a castle. The second thing he noticed was that the Stargate was in a wall. The third thing he noticed was Teal'c getting out of the Stargate behind him.

"We are in a castle" Teal'c said calmly.

"Nooooo, we're in a playground for dragons" Jack replied (you guessed it!) sarcastically.

Carter and Daniel came in behind them, blinking at the sudden light. Carter looked over to the MALP. It was just sitting there. She gave it a look over. She chuckled and pointed to some paint on the flat surface. Daniel face-palmed and chuckled, remembering the earlier conversation. Then he looked up, and realized they were in a castle. Followed by Carter. Their jaws dropped simultaneously. Jack chuckled at them.

"You didn't notice the bright red carpet the MALP was on, but you noticed a tiny splotch of paint on a tiny portion of it." Jack said. "That's actually kind of sad."

Then he realized something of his own. "Wait a minute, this is advanced architecture! This cannot be happening!"

Carter just stood there, smirking, as Jack ranted.

"Guys?" Daniel said cautiously, looking at the hole they had made when arriving. "Do you think the owner of this castle is around? Because the Stargate makes a pretty loud..."

He didn't get to finish his sentence. A bright flash of white light, followed closely by a less bright, dark blue one. Jack screwed his eyes shut. When Jack felt he could open his eyes without being blinded, he opened his eyes and saw something... Two things he never expected to see. Horses.

He closed his eyes. "Please don't talk, please don't talk, please don't talk" he whispered to himself.

"What are you and what are you doing in my castle?"

Fuck.

Jack heard Daniel do his diplomatitary... stuff with the horse. The talking horse. TALKING. HORSE. TALKING HORSE!!!!!!!

Jack sighed and got up, startling the smaller horse. Upon a longer-than-a-half-a-second inspection, he noticed these horses had horns. And wings. He sighed again. "One question." he said in a tired voice.

The smaller horse looked at him patronizingly. Then answered. "What is thy..." She (Jack assumed it was a she) cleared her(?) throat, "YOUR question?"

Before Carter could stop him, he asked "Can you do magic?" he felt like an idiot saying that.

"But of course, can your kind not?" The smaller horse replied.

Jack groaned and facepalmed.

He rolled over, hearing the small blue horse say "was it something I said?" to which Teal'c replied in what Jack thought was the worst way possible.

"We had made a bet that all of us won except for him" Teal'c said.

Jack groaned.

"Okay... What are th... YOUR names?" she asked.

Carter replied to that. "I am Major Samantha Carter, the big guy with the golden forehead is Teal'c, the guy talking to the other horse..."

"Pony." The blue... Pony, interrupted. "We are ponies, not horses."

"The other... Pony, then. That's Daniel Jackson. And the guy on the ground wallowing in self-pity is Colonel Jack O'Neill.

"Interesting names. I am princess Luna, and my sister is Princess Celestia. We are the co-rulers of this country, which is called 'Equestria'. Carter chuckled at that.

Jack got up. "Nice to meet you.. Luna, was it?" She nodded. "Can you give us a demonstration of magic?"

Carter rolled her eyes. Teal'c looked at her expectantly. Luna smiled and walked over to her sister.

The group of Celestia, Daniel, and Luna talked for a moment. Daniel was smiling.

"Okay, this is going to be a longer than normal mission. Princess Celestia notified us that there is a DHD here, and we are going to use it to dial Earth and let them know we will be staying for a prolonged period of time." Daniel said, still smiling.

"How long?" Jack asked, wary of Daniel's smile.

"About a week" he replied.

"Okay. Dial 'er up!" Jack said in an awful Southern accent that made Daniel laugh.

"We'll need the DHD to do that Jack." Daniel said. "and it's pretty obvious where it is." He pointed to the wall next to the Stargate, where there was a well crafted outline of a DHD.

"Ah" Jack said. "How do we access it?"

Daniel pointed to Princess Celestia "Magic" he said, chuckling.

Jack was going to make a sarcastic remark, but that had ended badly before, so he decided against it.

Princess Celestia's horn glowed. The outline of the DHD was surrounded it the same glow. It pulled itself out of the wall, and was placed against it softly. Even Daniel looked impressed.

Jack looked inside the hollow wall to see a DHD."Well that was easy." He said as he began to dial Earth.

"Wait!" Daniel said, stopping Jack before he pressed the third button. "We shouldn't just give away the address to Earth."

"We will leave, we understand you need for secrecy." said Celestia, walking out.

When they were gone, Daniel turned to Jack and motioned for him to continue.

The stargate opened

Jack went over to the MALP. He pressed the radio button on the MALP, and began to speak into it. "Hello, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill. I'm calling to tell you all that we will be staying for a week. About. If we don't come back within 8 days, remove our IDC from the database. O'Neill out."

"Are you sure, Jack?" came General Hammond's voice, "That's a long time to be off-world."

"It was Daniel's Idea. But, anyway, did you hear the first part?"

"Yes, we did." Hammond replied. "We'll do it on one condition."

"What's that?" Jack said, already knowing what it was.

"Don't make us fulfill the second part of it."

"Second part of what?"

"The first part."

"The second part of the first part. That's helpful."

Hammond chuckled. "Good luck Jack."

The Stargate cut out, leaving silence. The Princesses came back in, and Daniel got his smile again. Jack was about to ask when Celestia's and Luna's horns began to glow.

"Daniel." Jack said cautiously, "What did you do?"

"You'll see in a moment." Daniel said.

"You better..." He didn't get to finish the scentence, a bright light flashed from the Princesses horns toward his team, they were enveloped in a bright light, and then lowered to to ground.

"Daniel." Jack said again. "What just happened?" Jack turned toward him, only to find his mouth hanging freely. In Daniel's place was a dark green unicorn with a brown mane that looked an awful lot like Daniel's. He sputtered for a moment before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed.

One Week! That's It!

Jack O’Neill loved to think that he was a very strong-willed man. That nothing fazed him. You could easily be further from the truth, but it is still false. He could be fazed. For example, getting all the knowledge of the Ancients stuffed into his head? No problem. Facing impossible odds to save the world? He’s one that multiple times. But this? Getting turned into a horse? A HORSE. A TALKING HORSE. It was too much. But then again, there really wasn’t a good way to freak out. So he just lay there. Pretending to have fainted. After what seemed like a really long time, long enough to fool the horses that were his team into thinking that he actually had fainted of fright, he opened his eyes.

“How long was I out Carter?” Jack said, trying to rub his eyes, but accidentally hitting them in the process.

“About ten seconds sir.” Carter replied calmly, looking at her hooves. She was used to strange things happening offworld, but this was just too weird. The instinct spell the Princesses had cast on them helped her know how to walk and use basic levitation. Which brings her back to the fact that she was a unicorn. She could use magic. Magic doesn’t exist. “It’s just some strange technology” She kept telling herself, it couldn’t possibly be real magic. Which didn’t exist. Carter sighed. She hated not being able to understand something. She saw the Princess of the Sun move over to Jack, her horn glowing as he looked on curiously.

Jack looked at Daniel with a sadistic grin as the Princess prepared the spell. Daniel cut in before she could complete it, however.

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea, Princess.” He said, looking into Jack’s (Now Ponified) face, seeing that scary grin and shuddering. “We might want to give him a little time to calm down before letting him walk and fly around. Because, judging by his face, he wants to kill me.” He sneaked another look at him behind his hooves. “Several times”.

“Okay...” Celestia said, stepping away from him. She turned to Daniel, and opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Jack.

“Wait a minute, did you say walk… and fly?” Jack said, the sadistic grin transformed into a look of confusion and interest.

Daniel Chuckled. He replied, "Yes Jack. Fly. You have wings."

Jack's eyes widened. "Instinct spell. Now." he said, excited beyond anything his team had seen him before.

Daniel looked at the Princesses and shrugged. "I suppose his excitement over wings will trump his urge to take revenge on me for turning him into a horse,"

Meanwhile, in Jack's head.

Checklist:

Fly

Fly some more

Fly even more

Dive-bomb Daniel endlessly for days

Jack smiled at the thought as he felt the... Hehe. Magic of the Princesses wash over him.

He hopped to his feet. "I don't think it worked, I don't feel any different"

Daniel snickered. Jack glared at him, advancing. "Don't think that I will forget just how this happened, Danny-boy. I still remember you whispe..." he paused for a second "Wait a minute, I'm walking!"

Now Daniel was laughing his head off.

He paced around in a circle. "It's like walking normally, but with four legs. Huh," he paused again and looked at the ceiling, a grin on his face.

Carter barely had time to say "Uh-oh," and duck before Jack flew upwards.

But of course Jack wasn't specific enough for his wings to know what to do, so he hit the ceiling at high speeds, causing his head to get stuck, and a shower of rock to cascade down on his team, who were standing below him.

"Are you alright Colonel O'Neil?" Teal'c said, with but an ounce of worry in his deep voice. Teal'c, out of all the team, seemed the least phased by this. He took it calmly. Like every other fucking thing he did.

Some muffled mutters and a hoof waved in Daniels direction said he was just fine. A little louder and a little clearer voice was heard saying "Can you all get me down from here?"

He was surrounded in an aura of light yellow magic and pulled down from the ceiling, smashing into the floor.

"That should have hurt a lot more than it did," Jack said groggily. "I should be in actual pain right now,"

Princess Luna stepped in, saying "Ponies' forms are more resilient than they look."

Jack looked at her, unimpressed. "Can it stop a small chunk of lead travelling at 820 miles per hour directly towards your chest?"

Princess Luna opened her mouth, then closed it.

Jack smiled. "Case closed, humans are better,"

Carter looked at Jack, "We have more advanced technologies, while they have magic. I am willing to bet that a magical shield could withstand a missile if made by a being with enough power,"

Princess Celestia looked at Carter warily, "How much force does a 'missile' generate, exactly?" She asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Carter looked around and coughed a little. "Well, I don't know the exact number, but one could be able to destroy an entire tower with one of them if aimed correctly."

Princess Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. "We could stop that with a shield,"

"Now," She said, her tone more businesslike, "We must discuss where you will be staying for the duration of your stay,"

"Can't we just stay in the castle?" Jack asked, flying upside down over Carter's head. "It seems nice enough,"

Daniel replied, "It would probably be better if we actually stayed in a different town then..." He turned to Celestia, "What is this city called?"

"Canterlot," Celestia replied calmly.

Daniel clutched his chest as he fell over, laughing far too much for his own good. "Ca... Canter..." He fell over in another fit of laughter. Jack and Teal'c didn't get it. Carter was chuckling under her hoof.

Luna turned to Jack, "Is this normal behavior?" She asked, eyeing Daniel warily.

Jack replied, "For me it is! Daniel is usually the one to stand there acting all serious while I roll on the floor laughing my head off,"

Luna turned to Teal'c, but before she could say anything, Teal'c said "He is indeed telling the truth Princess Luna. I have witnessed it firsthand many times,"

Meanwhile, in Jacks head.

If I wasn't hurt by smashing into a stone ceiling, Daniel won't be hurt by being kicked into a stone wall!

He walked over to Daniel and pulled him to his hooves.

Carter looked at him, suddenly very worried by the look on his face. "Sir..." She asked, "What are you doing?"

Jack calmly replied "Experimenting" Before bucking Daniel into a wall.

He then went up to Daniel, who was standing on his head, back against the wall in a comical fashion. "Did that hurt?" He asked, looking at Daniel.

Daniel groaned, "Not really,"

Jack smiled, "In that case, get used to it." he said before going up to the Princesses again.

"So! Princesses! Back to business. Where will we be staying?" Jack asked, eyebrows raised as Carter helped Daniel to his feet.

Celestia looked thoughtful for a moment. "I will have you staying with my faithful student in Ponyville."

Now even Teal'c could barely contain his smile as the rest of his team was laughing their faces off.

The Princess looked confused, "Why are you laughing, does it have something to do with the names of our cities?"

Teal'c replied "Indeed."

The Princesses opened then closed their mouths, shrugging at each other.

Celestia sighed. "I will send a letter to her."

Jack looked at Daniel. "Letter?" he whispered.

Daniel whispered back "Magic" Just as the letter disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

Jack whispered back "Ah" As the green smoke flew out the window at high speeds.

Carter looked on curiously and opened her mouth as if to ask a question.

"Ehp!" The Colonel said, glaring at Carter.

"But Sir..." Carter replied.

"Ehp!" It was little more than a syllable, but it's effect was instantaneous.

"That doesn't..." Carter tried

"Ehp?" The Colonel said again.

Carter sighed. "Fine."

Jack leaned back. "Ehp." He said in a satisfied tone.

Carter turned back toward the Princesses just as a letter materialized out of thin air in front of her. Carter opened her mouth, then closed it again as the Colonel glared at her yet again.

The Princesses eyes scanned the letter before it disappeared in a flash of light. She turned to the group, and said "I will teleport you to the library," as her horn began to glow. Jack opened his mouth.

Carter shut it, said "Ehp." and stuck out her tongue at him. Jack scowled, just as the group disappeared in a flash of light.

They reappeared in a wooden building filled with books.

Carter looked around. There was no sign of the Princesses. "I have got to learn how to do that."

A/N: Well here you all go! I know, I know. "Literature! You taked too long to write this!" "You shouldn't procrastinate!" "You are eviiiiiil" and all that jazz. But anyways! I have completed it! So shut up.

Next chapter hopefully out within a year. Sorry. :trollestia: