Pinkie's Cannon

by Short Stories

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random
Length: 1593

Twilight tries to solve the mystery behind Pinkie's canon. "Mystery"...right...

Twilight wanted to find out how Pinkie's cannon worked. She expected a simple, logical explanation.

Boy, was she way off.

You can find the cover, and other amazing art here.

Takes place after A Canterlot Wedding Part 2.

Published 2015-06-13 04:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-13 04:10:02 UTC

This isn't cannon. (Or is it?)

Pinkie awoke to a faint knock on her bedroom door. Still groggy from sleep, she got up and walked down the stairs, nearly tripping on the last step. A shiver ran thorough her body, making her hair, which was smushed down against her pillow and almost straight, poof up. She smiled, loving that feeling, then proceeded to walkover and open the door.

"Pinkie, do you mind if I interview you?" Twilight asked, not even waiting for a 'hi' or 'how are you' or 'sorry I woke you up'. "I was curious about something. Remember when we were fighting the changelings and you used your party cannon?"

"Oh, yeah. I totally remember that. The changeling was changing from you to Rainbow to Fluttershy, then I asked if he could do me, so he changed to me, and I was like, 'I've seen better' and blew him up because he's a changeling, and they should really better at changing. He didn't get my hair poofy enough." Pinkie took a deep inhale. "Plus, there the bad guys."

She motioned Twilight in, leading her over to the table. She sat on one end, and Twilight, on the other so they were facing each other. Pinkie leaned forward. "So, why are you bringing this up now? That was, like, two weeks ago."

Twilight nodded. "I know, I just couldn't get something out of my head."

"Oh, getting stuff out of your head is hard! This one time, I put a cupcake up there because I wasn't hungry and I would save it for later, well, later, I had trouble getting it out"--

"Pinkie!" Pinkie looked at Twilight, taking her hoof out of her ear. "That's not the type of 'out of my head' I was talking about. I mean, like a song that gets stuck in your brain. But, in this case, it's not a song.

Pinkie tilted her head to the right. "What is it, then?"

"The cannon." Twilight said, pointing to the light blue cannon sitting on the stairs. Pinkie followed her gaze.

So that's what tripped me this morning. Pinkie thought, then turned back to look at her friend. "What about my party cannon?"

This time, it was Twilight that leaned forward. She levitated a pencil and notepad in front of her. "How does it work?"

Pinkie tilted her head even more. "What do you mean?"

Twilight let out a small sigh. "I mean, how does it work? You don't light it, confetti dosen't hurt you that much, you don't even pull the string, you just pull it in front of you and it goes off!"

Pinkie giggled. "Twilight, you explained how it works perfectly! I don't know why you're confused."

Twilight sat up a bit. "I did?" She asked. Pinkie nodded. "Okay, well, I still would like to know. Let's start off small... how does confetti hurt you?"

Pinkie shrugged. "I don't think it hurts you, it just startles you."

"Then why do you bring it when we're fighting?"

"Because when somepony gets startled, their off guard, then everypony else can go in for the kill."

Twilight shook her head. "No, first of all, I think that when somepony gets startled, their guard is up more than ever. Plus, you didn't answer my question."

"What?" Pinkie looked around. "I just did. I said 'I don't think it hurts you"--

"There!" Twilight shouted. "That word right there. 'think'. 'I don't 'think'." She took a deep breath to calm down. "I just want to know how it hurts anypony, I mean, you know that cannon better than anypony! I'm pretty sure you'd know how it would hurt somepony."

Pinkie shook her head. "Twilight, if you want to know what I know about confetti hurting a pony, and not what I think, then, I can't exactly help you there."

"Oh." Twilight looked down, scratching something off of her notepad. She looked disappointed for abit, then perked up. "How do you light it?"

"What?"

"How does it go off?"

"Well, I think FIRE, and it goes off." Pinkie said. She didn't understand how Twilight didn't get this. It was really simple, why didn't the smart unicorn just let it go and move on?

Twilight let out a frustrated sigh, slumping forward. "Okay." She paused for a minute. "That isn't possible." Twilight said slowly.

"Sure it is!" Pinkie beamed. In truth, she was hurt her friend was doubting her. They've known each other for a month, and she was doubting her?!

Twilight sat back up in her seat, a smug look on her face.

"Prove it."

Pinkie was taken aback.

"Prove it? Here? Now?" She asked. Twilight nodded. "Can we not fire it in my house?"

Twilight sighed again, rolled her eyes, got out of her chair, and rolled the cannon outside. Pinkie followed. Once outside, Twilight checked inside. It was empty.

"OK, go get your confetti, then prove--" BOOM!

Twilight screamed, and ran to duck behind a grinning Piknie, who only moved her eyes toward the frightened unicorn. She stepped aside, so Twilight was now cowering in the middle of the street.

"What are you doing, silly?" Pinkie asked. "That was the quietest it could go!"

Twilight shakily got to her hooves. "Well, yeah, but it was still unexpected!!" Pinkie gave her a duh expression. "Here, do it the hardest. I'm ready this time."

Pinkie's eye twitched. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

Pinkie hesitated. The eye twitch she just got meant somepony was telling a white lie, and you didn't have to be a detective to know it was Twilight who was barely lying to her.

"Pinkie..."

"OK! Ok, but, you may want to cover your ears." Twilight immediately put her hooves over her ears.

"Ready when you are!" She shouted.

Pinkie covered her ears as well, looked at the cannon, and thought Full blast on 3, 2, 1...FIRE!! The sound that followed after was deafening, making trees bend in an unusual way, and making nearby ponies screamed and jumped out of the way of the cross-fire. Twilight jumped, hitting a flower bed.

Pinkie's tail started twitching. Not soon after, a flower pot came down and smashed Twilight on the horn.

"Ow." She mumbled, rubbing her horn. She walked up to Pinkie to look at the destruction the beam left behind.

"Oh! I get it now!" Twilight cheered. The cannon must have damaged her hearing a tad. "Do you have it on full blast during battles?" She asked. Pinkie nodded. "The way it can hurt them is by sound! It also damages their hearing, but, hey, that's a minor price to pay at the expense of getting blown back by a heavy, unseen and unexpected source."

Pinkie nodded again. "I just don't get how you load it with your...mind...?" Twilight continued.

"Oh, I made that up. I break the forth wall, load amo in, then play the tape again.

"Play the tape...?"

"You'll understand when you're older." Pinkie said. They both began walking to Sugar Cube Corner. "Oh, by the way, let me fix your hearing."

"How?" Twilight asked. She barely heard Pinkie speaking, everything was muffled to her. But as Pinkie spoke again, her voice was crystal clear.

"Like this." She said, holding out a pair of grey ears. She tossed Twilight's aside and put on the new gray ones, all the while, saying "Sorry, the animators ran out of your ears, so I got a backup pair. I hope that's okay.

Twilight was stunned. "How?" She asked again.

"Twilight, it's simple logic, silly!"

Twilight stopped in her tracks, almost offended by what Pinkie said, but then decided she dealt with enough randomness today, and continued walking, running abit to catch up with Pinkie.

"I do have a question for you, though." Pinkie told her.

"Oh?" Twilight asked, intrigued. "What's that?" She heard a strange noise, like somepony screaming. She looked around and saw nothing, so she shrugged it off and focused back on Pinkie.

"Why are you always so...serious? I mean, no offense, but, it won't kill you to not think logic all the time.

Twilight stopped again. This time, Pinkie stopped with her. They were at Sugar Cube Corner. "It's..I...it's a long story." She said, blushing a bit, her gray ears folding back.

"Oh, that's fine. You can tell me afterwards. I promised the Cakes I would help out today.

"Take your time." Twilight said. She'd rather not share the naive part of herself, still hidden away in the corner of her mind. She heard the screaming again and ran to find out what was happening, and what was causing it.

Knock, knock, knock! Fluttershy gasped a bit and opened the door to a slightly frantic Pinkie. "Hey, Fluttershy! Can I see these...? She took off Fluttershy's ears and switched them with her own. Discord, who was in the background, laughed.

To Pinkie, everything was a tad too loud. Maybe that's why she was always quiet. "These'll never do." Pinkie said, putting Fluttershy's ears back on.

She ran into the cottage up to Discord. "Oh, no." Discord said, hovering a bit. "I need my ears."

"Twilight needs them more!" Pinke complained, somehow stretching her hoof to achieve the ears. "Here, you can have mine." She finished, putting the pink ears on him. This time, it was Fluttershy that let out a small laugh.

"Thanks! Bye!" Pinkie went speeding off, making sure to get and extra pair of ears for herself as well. She returned soon, unpausing the episode.

"Like this." She said, putting Discord's ears on Twilight.