LOS TRES LOCOS

by Jsyrin

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 10310

So, a shopkeeper, an amnesiac, and a scientist walk into a bar.... eventually. After some shenanigans. A lot of shenanigans, actually.

When Aaron Heibai, proprietor of Aaron Heibai's Emporium of EVERYTHING, decides to go on a side trip and actually go on a real storyline, he comes across a scientist and an amnesiac and picks them up to go on shenanigans.

Many, many shenanigans.

Hold onto your seats people, it's about to get weird.

Coauthors: Lunar Impact and Domaldo

This is less a sequel to Aaron as it is a minor continuation/ side story

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-13 01:50:02 UTC

THE SHENANIGANS BEGIN

 Somewhere in the Void, a Universe exploded. All told, it was a fairly normal occurrence in the Void, due to the vast amount of Universes to be decommissioned on a daily basis.

Since this Universe was a Conversion Bureau Universe, nobody really cared.

Fifty thousand relative miles away, Aaron Heibai picked the remnants of the Universe’s coding from his teeth as he watched a familiar fool trying to move in the Void.

“Oi, the fuck are you doing? You look like a fucking fool.” Aaron waved a hand at the fool, sipping out of a Large Blue Razzberry Icee as he did so.

Said person flailed wildly before turning and glaring at Aaron, “Like you’re helping!”

“Think about moving, don’t actually try moving. God fucking damn, this is the Void, it’s the exact opposite of real physics. Mind over matter, dipshit.” Aaron floated over and lightly tapped the fool on the head, dumping several terabytes of data into his brain nigh instantaneously.

“OW! GOD, HEADACHE! YOU ASS!” the man shouted, writhing as he filed the information away and then shunted it to the back of his mind into the metaphorical filing cabinet.

“Stop sucking so much then, idiot.”

“Heibai, you are the eternal ass,” he growled. “As eternal as Celestia’s ass tattoo!”

“Yes, yes I am… LuLu.”

“Dammit Aaron, my name is Luke not Lulu!” Luke snapped.

Aaron giggled and wrapped around Luke like the world’s grabbiest octopus. “So~? I’m gonna call you LuLu anyway, baka~”

Luke shivered. “...Never giggle again, never; besides you know that my female self is named Luca not Lulu or Luna or any other name that starts with L.”

“Mnyeh~!” Aaron stuck out his horrifyingly eldritch tongue and wiggled its feelers at Luke. “I’m gonna call you LuLu and you’re gonna take it.”

“...Fine, but when we run into a Luna and you call me that, I will kick you,” Luke said, wriggling out of his disturbing grip.

Aaron smirked and shifted fully into shadow form, dissipating and reforming upside down relative to Luke. “You can try, LuLu.”

“I’ll kick you with science, now where the hell is your shop?” Luke grumbled, looking around.

“We’re in the middle of the fucking Void, you dumbass. And you couldn’t kick me if you tried. Also, my shop is safe where it should be… in my pocket.” Note the lack of pockets, if you would, dear reader.

“I don’t want to think of which pocket you keep it in Aaron, though thanks for the few terabytes of information on how to move in the Void,” Luke said, straightening as he spoke.

“You’re welcome, LuLu.”

“So, since I’m here, wanna go find a world to screw with?” Luke asked with a sideways grin, turning into a dark blue unicorn with a curved horn, no cutie mark, and a mane and tail that would give anything that wasn’t a human or Aaron a headache when they looked at it.

Aaron smirked and poofed into a cloud of smoke, swirling inwards and turning into a shadowy echo of a unicorn, with white, glowing lines running over and through his body in a twisted parody of a skeleton and a long, whiplike, bladed tail. “Let’s,” he said, twisting his new form in ways that nopony should ever be able to.

“Huh, that’s an interesting form, I just like this one because sometimes ponies scream Sombra when they see it,” Luke said, casually rummaging in a bag on his back as he followed Aaron.

“I use this form because I love it when people see me for the first time and scream in terror. It’s fucking funny.” Aaron led the way, jauntily cantering into a nearby Universe with nary a single fuck given.

“Try not to blow up Canterlot again Aaron!” Luke called after him.

“I haven’t done that in a while, LuLu, lemme have my fun!” Aaron called back, wrapping his tail around Luke and dragging him into the Universe.

“Yay,” Luke said with a deadpan voice.

[Twilight Zone Theme Song Goes Here]

Inside the Universe, Aaron found himself strangely unharmed, such a surprise was this that he tripped over a loose strand of code and slammed face first into an incredibly surprised Princess Twilight.

“Motherfuck!” This and thousands of other expletives tumbled from Aaron’s mouth as he rolled around on the floor.

Luke gracefully landed next to them with a snort. “Could you use some help sir?” he asked with a pointless accent.

Aaron’s tail rose and the blade split into five tendrils, each one folding around until it had made a perfect replica of a fist with an extended middle finger.

Luke sat on his hind legs and clapped his hooves. “Good job Aaron,”

“I swear to christ if I wasn’t so sure that we couldn’t kill each other without ruining this story, I’d unravel your coding and eat you. Alive. And screaming. With ketchup and ranch dressing. Shut up don’t judge my food preferences.” Aaron slowly stood and looked around, rubbing his forehead as he stared at the unconscious princess lying on the ground. “Well, this is obviously Equestria… and we’re in Ponyville, no shit, so… lesse….”

A glance to the left. A glance to the right. A glance behind. “Ah! There’s that shitty crystal castle!”

Aaron smirked and extended an aura of pure and total ‘WTF’, “Wanna go blow up an architectural monstrosity?”

“I’ll just eat it, I’m sure my gauntlet would enjoy it,” Luke chuckled, pulling an abomination of a gauntlet out of his bag which radiated a large amount of magic. “Yes, this is what you shunted my magic into Aaron.”

“...I… Hmmmm…” Aaron thoughtfully looked at the gauntlet, stroking his chin with his hoof. “I think… it would be better… to have a cat. I dunno, what do you think?”

“If you make me a metal cat I’m naming it Cobalt,” Luke said with a grin.

And with an entirely too creepy and space invading stroke, Aaron drew his hoof over the gauntlet’s shivering form and turned it into a shivering, greyish-blue, metallic cat with bright emeralds for eyes.

Cobalt the cat inched away from Aaron, shivering in fear of its almost literal maker. Aaron merely stuck out his tongue and used it to make the most menacing ‘Follow or die’ gesture ever recorded.

Luke began walking towards the castle with a small hum, Cobalt sprinting after and jumping onto his back.

“So… I’ll blow it up and you’ll eat it, yeah?” Aaron asked, casually walking upside down and over Luke without a single care.

“...I can work with that, Mr. Mary Sue,” Luke snorted, having given up on figuring out how Aaron did what he did.

“......” Having read the above sentence, Aaron snorted. “You really can’t figure out how to alter gravity and change the density of air molecules? What kind of Science Manipulator are you?”

“The kind that gave up understanding you in your entirety. I already understood how to do that, I just don’t understand you in your entirety.” Luke snorted, again, casually making a nearby Lyra trip and kiss Big Mac.

“......” And with a single thought, Aaron at once slapped Luke in the back of the head and reversed local time so that instead of kissing Big Mac, Lyra ended up tripping and kissing Bon Bon, while Big Mac stumbled and ended up kissing Cheerilee. “Bad LuLu, no crack-ships. Those are for Universes where we aren’t blowing up national landmarks.”

“But it’s fun!” Luke whined, pulling a large chunk of crystal out of the castle when he neared it by ‘editing’ its molecular structure and holding it with the air.

“Yes, that it is,” Aaron agreed, sliding into the surface of the castle and spreading through its molecular structure, slipping between the bonds and breaking them. It and everything not alive or a document of some sort immediately disintegrated into thin air, crystalline particles floating into the air and in Luke’s general direction.

Luke grinned slightly in response and pulled all the mass and normal energy into himself, pushing whatever magic was in the structure and air around him into Cobalt.

Aaron, meanwhile, pulled himself back together with a loud POP, hovering in the air for a moment before drifting back down and landing on the ground, flat like a piece of paper.

“If I accidentally absorbed a particle of you I will gag and throw up, Aaron,” Luke snorted, returning Spike’s room, the thrones, and the map table.

“Oh piss off. One particle of me would have enough power to let you absorb sixteen Universes over your current maximum.” Aaron stood up again, turning into grasping tendrils that stacked upon each other until they reformed his whole body. “So, before we get ‘arrested’ for terrorism… what do we do?”

“Go make Celestia and Discord make-out?” Luke asked, shrugging.

“Hmmmm… nah. Celly and Discord isn’t a fun ship anymore. Now, princest on the other hand….” Aaron’s face morphed into the most wicked of wicked smirks as he floated into the air and drifted towards Canterlot proper like a tumbling balloon.

“I’ll make sure Luna becomes Artemis,” Luke said, using his own form of teleportation- displacement, making himself appear in the throne room.

Aaron drifted in a second later, bumping into Celestia’s horn and bursting with a loud VWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, startling the solar diarch out of her seat and causing most of the assembled Day Court to fall over and bleat like goats.

“What in the name of–!?” Luna shouted, being stopped by an odd feeling.

Luke grinned and looked at Luna, throwing a purple dust onto the lunar diarch’s body which made it slowly grow into a larger size, no longer female, “Congratulations Lulu, you’re now known as Artemis.”

Aaron silently reformed behind Celestia, pushing her forward in such a way that causality made both diarchs fall to the ground in a tangle of limbs and a truly interesting liplock. As they fell, Aaron made sure to sprinkle several liters of high potency aphrodisiac and inhibition remover all over the room, throwing in contraception codes and sterilization codes here and there. Specifically, the one sterilization code impacted directly into Blueblood’s testicles, throwing him forward, ass over teakettle, into a statue, over the statue, out a stained glass window, down the side of the castle, and finally, testicles first onto the top of a wooden fence. Aaron watched this happen and shrugged as he looked at the camera, “Well, I did make it sterilization.”

Luke casually removed the contraception and sterilization codes from Artemis and Celestia, “Good for you.”

“.... Are we trying for a princest baby here or what, Luke?” Aaron flicked more aphrodisiac around the room.

“Sure, it’ll be somewhat funny, in my opinion,” Luke said, backing out of the room as things began to get frisky.

“......” Aaron slithered from the room, shutting and locking the door behind him as he exited. “Okay, yes, it would be. Hey, that genderbending thing is gonna wear off… right?”

“Nope. Should I let it?” Luke asked, tilting his head.

“Meh, I dunno. I just shifted it so that it eventually turns both princesses into perpetually aroused hermaphrodites.” Aaron snickered and shifted from shadow pony to full on flesh and blood pony, this time in various shades of grey and looking like the most bland pony on the face of the planet, with a black hooded vest and a white, fractal star for a cutie mark.

“Huh, nice disguise,” Luke said with a slight nod.

Aaron blinked at Luke and nodded, voice coming out as a monotone, “This is my rarely used body, known as Fractal Greyscale.”

“Sounds like a rip-off of Auric Fulcrum for whatever reason,” Luke muttered.

“......” The death glare that Aaron aimed at Luke literally froze his head solid and turned everything behind his head for seventeen miles into sterile, blasted ash.

Luke’s head shattered and regrew like in a cartoon, “Okay, never do that again, got it.”

“If you ever… I mean ever compare me to that golden pile of flaming shit again I will turn your entire existence into nothing more than an eternal mass of flaming anguish and despair. And then, when you finally beg me for death-”

“OK OK! I get it Aaron!” Luke cut him off, quite a bit paler than before.

And the worst part is, dear reader, this was delivered in a perfect, soul chilling monotone. Aaron glared for half a second longer before letting up and strolling away with a toss of his head. “Come, whelp, we have things to fuck up.”

“Alright!” Luke said, speeding up a bit until he was next to Aaron, Cobalt acting like a normal cat on his back.

Outside the ground zero for the most embarrassing orgy in seven hundred years, Aaron, rather, Fractal Greyscale, calmly strolled through the streets of Canterlot, causing little bits of mayhem as he went, causing aristocrats to trip, lifting up dresses, giving random people spontaneous erections, etc.

“This is beginning to remind me of that Donkey Kong Displaced’s world…” Luke muttered, increasing the general attraction between all of the ponies and lowering inhibitions as he walked along as well.

“It just occurred to me that we are turning this place into orgy central. Perhaps we should move on to more... TV14 rated things…”

“It could just be mature rated Aaron- no wait, Fractal,” Luke snorted a bit.

“Well, it could. But I think the implications would make it so much funnier if it were Teen rated.” Fractal monotoned as he walked up the wall surrounding Canterlot and scared the crap out of the guardsponies.

“Let’s flip a coin, heads for Mature, tails for Teen,” Luke said, pulling out a coin and flipping it. The coin spun for a few seconds, before landing in his hand. “Heads, Mature it is?”

“Yeah, let’s go with that.” Fractal proceeded to walk off the edge of the wall and headed down for the ground below at a calm, sloping incline.

Luke jumped off of the wall and landed on the ground, Cobalt landing on his back next to him, “A Void cat falling on its back… How fitting.”

“Eh, woulda been funnier if he started spinning in midair whilst trying to decide whether or not to land on his feet,” Fractal deadpanned, picking Cobalt up by the scruff of his neck and setting the cat on his head.

Cobalt shivered slightly in fear when Fractal did this, still recognizing his almost literal maker.

A loud noise rather like a snap could be heard behind the trio, and a voice that sounded like a female Discord rang out, “And what do you think you’re doing?”

Fractal… fractalized and spun out of existence in a thousand swirling pixels, leaving Aaron’s base pony form standing where he once was. Without turning, he lashed his tail out, caught Eris around the waist, brought her up to his face and said, “Hmmm… nope, this is not my Alternate’s girlfriend.” And he tossed her away into Canterlot’s throneroom, locking her inside and dosing her with several gallons of draconequus tested aphrodisiacs and inhibition removers.

“You just shunted an Eris into a throneroom filled with horny ponies. Good job Aaron,” Luke said, slow clapping.

“I also dosed her with several gallons of draconequus tested aphrodisiacs and inhibition removers. Boy are those ponies gonna be sore in the… morning is a little soon for the doses I spread around. Let’s say…. next year. Yeah, next year.” Aaron smirked and dissipated, reforming on top of Carousel Boutique.

Luke appeared inside the Carousel Boutique rather than on top with Aaron, and teleported out with a very odd look on his face, “...Don’t need to tamper anything there.”

“What, was Rarity having lesbian incest foalcon sex with Sweetie Belle?” Aaron suggested, idly picking at his now human nails.

“Add an addition of two foals around the same age and you have it right…” Luke still had that odd look on his face that seemed to be somewhere between disturbed and proud of Rarity.

“Well, that is… not quite standard, but nevertheless, it’s still funny.” Aaron lifted his gaze to where Twilight stood, comatose and staring at the remains of her incredibly gaudy castle. “Just like how Twilight’s still staring at what we did to her ‘castle’.”

Luke hopped down from where he was, and walked over to Twatlight Spankle and tapped her on the shoulder. “Grow a new tree.”

She didn’t respond, merely falling over with a quiet tink of stone on dirt. Aaron floated over and poked her in the cutie mark, noting that she still didn’t react. “Huh. Dead to the world. I didn’t think we’d break her mind that much.”

“So, need another Alicorn Twilight to sell in your shop?” Luke asked, sarcasm practically dripping from the words.

“......” Aaron looked left, then right, then finally in every direction, before poking Twilight and copy-pasting another Twilight into his inventory. “Well, they do say to restock your merchandise whenever possible.”

“Actually that reminds me, do you actually have one of my alternates somewhere in your shop for sale?” Luke asked with a snort.

“Perrrrrrrhaps…?” Aaron shrugged, “I dunno, I don’t usually check to see what Alternates I have. They just kinda... restock on their own.”

“I’m not going to bother looking, your shop is basically impossible to navigate to find exactly what you want,” Luke said with a shrug.

“Only if you’re not the Primary Version~” Aaron sing-songed before engulfing Luke and dragging the both of them into his shop.

Aaron warped into his shop with a little swirl of shadows, spitting Luke out and dropping him to his nice, clean, linoleum floor.

“...Please never do that again,” Luke shivered slightly as he stood up, turning back into his human form.

“Wuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssss.”

“I just got basically eaten by my almost friend. I don’t know how to feel about it other than please don’t do it again,” Luke shivered.

“Well, suck it up. If you ever make more Void friends, you’re going to get eaten a lot just so they can show you their pocket dimensions full of stuff. It’s basically the ultimate sign of respect between us Eldritch Abominations… eheh… Not so much with the proper gods and such… they uh… they don’t eat you unless they hate you.”

“I have an external pocket dimension that I don’t use… Oh well. So now that we’re here, maybe I should explain what I was doing earlier?” Luke said with a shrug.

“Shoot.”

“As you know, some of my powers conflicted with each other, and some were obscenely strong, right?”

“...Eh, sure, let’s go with that.”

Luke deadpanned at Aaron, “For someone of my strength and experience at least; but my Science Manipulation fully awakened recently and forced my Life-Force Release to create an alternate personality with the majority of its powers, and may or may not have kicked me into the Void.”

“...Wow, your powers suck. I mean, how the fuck did you even manage that?” Aaron at this point was idly browsing through a stack of pornographic magazines, picking out issues and tossing them into a fire.

“Hell if I know, they certainly didn’t awaken when I actually needed them!” Luke snorted.

“Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahaha. At least you didn’t ram yourself into a shadowy splatter on a cliff within your first five minutes on Equestria,” Aaron deadpanned, finally giving up and throwing the entire stack of hardcopy porn into a raging bonfire.

“I had worse, within my first five minutes Pecila was trying to chain me up for looking half dragon. And I don’t mean imprisonment chains.” Luke shivered a bit.

“...I got trapped in a bubble powered by solar magic, when I was a weak little shadow demon thing. Also, at least you got to keep your balls. I lost mine for the better part of seven thousand eons.” Aaron gestured at Luke’s still intact testicles furiously as he floated upside down over Luke.

“...Wow you really did have a shitty start didn’t you?” Luke muttered.

“Yes. Yes I did. And then I learned how to fiddle with reality and everything went great. Mostly. Sorta. There were ups and downs. Mostly downs. Some ups. Not a whole lot of them, though.”

“Huh, well I suppose the term ‘With great power comes great responsibility’ applies here doesn’t it?” Luke chuckled a bit, idly rubbing Cobalt the metal cat’s head.

“Yes, yes it does. First thing I did when I learned how to warp reality? Get dragged off to join the SysAdmin corps that has since been permanently disbanded.”

“So that’s why you can actually hear fighting so often within the Void… I would assume the other Dwellers are trying to get back up to that strength,” Luke said with a raised brow.

Cobalt began purring even though he was completely made of metal.

“Yup. Power hungry and asshole-ish bunch, the lot of them. Though, some were okay. Still assholes, but not quite as bad as the majority. Not very friendly though. I think I was the friendliest out of all of them, really.” Aaron stretched unnecessarily, reaching up and grabbing a book as he did so.

“The one Void Dweller I saw while trying to travel stably was something that floated by screaming in German,” Luke shivered, holding a confused expression for a moment.

“Thaaaaaat might have been Adolf Hitler’s Alternate, as played by Charlie Chaplin,” Aaron mused.

“...I feel the sudden strong urge to help an Alternate Obama become a Void Dweller,” Luke snorted.

Aaron groaned. “Another one? We already have enough of those, thank you very much. One is way more than we need, to be honest. The fifty five thousand floating out there are just… eugh. Except for the one that actually does a good job at… things. I don’t know what things, but things.”

“Ah,” Luke said with a small snort, before looking around. “So this is a nice area of your shop.”

“It’s the front desk. Not much else to it. The real shop is… well…” Aaron pointed behind the front desk at the endless rows of shelves and display cases and stasis pods and whatnot. As the camera panned out and back towards the pair, an audible whooshing could be heard as the poor recording device reached lightspeed.

“...Huh, well, aside from that, how’s Jupiter doing?” Luke asked, leaning against the desk.

“She’s uh… Hmmmm…” Aaron scanned the shop for a few seconds, before looking up at the endless amount of floors. “She’s mopping the… seven trillion, six hundred thirty-four billion, nine hundred ninety-nine million, eight hundred fifty five thousand, six hundred sixty-sixth floor…. Wow, she works fast.”

“Not really what I meant, but that works too,” Luke chuckled a bit at the absurdity that is Aaron Heibai’s shop.

“Hoh? What did you mean, then?” Aaron asked.

“I meant how she was doing, not how far into cleaning your shop she was,” Luke rolled his eyes in response.

“Ooooohhhh….. Eh, we’re happy. We go on dates and the like, and I try to keep her happy. I think our relationship is going pretty well. She’s also growing pretty fast in power, too. She might even be able to ascend to a full on Goddess of the Skies pretty soon.” Aaron shrugged and strolled around, adjusting the shelves and the displays in such a way so as to create maximum aesthetic appeal.

“Well that’s good. Though I get the feeling there are a few Gods and Goddesses of the Skies around,” Luke said, pulling his iPad out of a bag, because for whatever reason he still actually used it.

“No shit Sherlock, there’s a god of the sky for basically every single culture on Earth and then one for every culture everywhere else. And then there’s their Alternates and their clones and their replacements etc etc.” Aaron looked at Luke’s iPad. “Did you fucking get Displaced with that thing?”

“Yes, I did. I had the season four finale on it, but the file got corrupted. I also kept most of my ideas relating to Scientific Theory in it.” Luke snorted before laughing a bit.

Aaron shrugged. “Well, I guess if it’s got a use. I mean, I still use this.” He held up a small, black wallet emblazoned with a Heartless Symbol and a little chain with the Nobody Symbol at the end. “I never really remembered that I got Displaced with it until I accidentally ejected it from my torso while trying to find my stuff back on Earth.”

“I got Displaced with a bag full of books on Science, and I accidentally absorbed the books within a few weeks,” Luke grumbled.

“Hah… wow, that’s… actually, no it’s fucking hilarious in context.”

“Not to me, I mean sure I got the knowledge from the books permanently stuck in my head, but still.” Luke huffed and crossed his arms.

“Oh come on, at least you didn’t have to work out shadow powers from scratch. Do you know how difficult my first week was? I was actually still mostly corporeal because I still thought like a human. It took me weeks to figure out how to become mostly incorporeal. And even then, whoo, it still sucked.” Aaron crossed his arms and huffed, flickering between his normal shadowy appearance and his human form.

“I couldn’t do anything properly until my Magic was removed from my body, hence why there is currently a magical metal Void cat.” Luke snorted again and gestured at Cobalt.

“Cats are cool.” Aaron nodded, as if his statement were some great piece of philosophical wisdom. “Cats are very cool.”

“Doesn’t Jupiter have cat ears or something?” Luke asked, raising a brow at Aaron.

“Like I said. Cats are cool. They’re also cute and fuzzy and adorable.” More faux-wise nodding.

“‘Kay. So, what should we actually do since I’m new to this whole, ‘living in the Void’ madness,” Luke asked, sitting down on a chair that had seemingly risen out of the floor.

“I dunno… whaddaya wanna do?” Aaron sat on his head, right side up on an upside down chair balanced upon the bottom side of a lamp post hanging sideways from a wall. “The Void is pretty boring half the time, though Void Central City is usually pretty fun, if you got the clearance to get to even half the shit there.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know, I’m new to all the Void stuff,” Luke grumbled.

“Well, I dunno bout you, but I’mma head down to Void Central. Got a few buddies to catch up with and get some of the latest gossip from. One thing you should always know: Void Dwellers are notorious gossips.” Aaron stood up and walked away, opening a random door into what looked like the bridge of a starship, with the view outside being the Void itself.

Luke, being the trekkie he was, followed Aaron and grinned as he looked around at the room.

“Yes, today is Enterprise day, so the bridge of my subspace pocket/vehicle is indeed the control room of the USS Enterprise,” Aaron deadpanned, taking a seat in the Captain’s chair and willing the inverted subspace pocket forward, sending the USS Enterprise shaped shop through the Void at impossible speeds.

“If a Void Dweller that actually goes by Q pops in, I will break down laughing,” Luke snickered, standing where Worf normally would.

“Y’mean John De Lancie’s Alternate? Eh, he doesn’t fuck with me. Not after I accidentally switched his brain with his testicles when he teleported onto my bridge without warning.” Aaron chuckled and brought the ship up to Ludicrous Speed, making a plaid colored trail through the Void.

“Have you noticed how John has two reality warping alternates? Discord and Q?” Luke snorted slightly. “Also is that a Spaceballs reference?”

“Yeah. A lot of people have multiple reality warping alternates. And yes, it’s a Spaceballs reference. Don’t trip over the flamethrower in the corner. I bought it off Yogurt and it wasn’t cheap.”

Outside, the cameraman gave up and turned off his camera, foregoing recording for speed and transitioning us to the next scene.

“Ahhh, Void Central City, a rotten hive of scum and villainy… in the shitty areas, sure, but still.” Aaron strolled down the M.C. Escher-esque sidewalk, greeting seemingly random Void Dwellers here and there as he made his way downtown, walking fast.

Luke followed rather closely, Cobalt sitting on his shoulder.

“Alright, LuLu, follow me closely. Do not look at some of these people directly, or they will engage you. Maybe not in battle, but it’ll be tiring and wholly unenjoyable nonetheless,” Aaron commanded, casually shoving some of the smaller Dwellers out of his path even amidst their rather spirited protests.

“I’m practically touching you with how close I am and I’m not really looking around, except at the ground,” Luke snorted, making sure Cobalt wasn’t looking around either.

“Good. Then you get the gist of how lower level Dwellers survive in this godforsaken place. Also, at your current level, you should watch your wording. Saying the wrong thing might summon the wrong person, and then I’d have to bail your ass out of Void Jail. I don’t have to worry about that because of the fact that I’m very high level and I have access to some very classified areas. Since I used to be a SysAdmin and all.” Aaron slung an arm over Luke’s shoulder and led him towards a seemingly random patch of ground. “Now, lessee… It’s about six pm… Now, where is that cantankerous old bird…?”

Just then, a rush of wind filled the area as massive wing beats echoed for miles around. Aaron grinned. “Ah, there she is.”

A massive, black and blue eagle shapedthing slammed into the dirt in front of Luke and Aaron in a spray of lightning, dirt, dust, and ACDC’s Thunderstruck. Aaron sighed at his longtime friend’s theatrics and waved away the excess dirt, raising his voice so as to be heard over the sweet, sweet sounds of Classic Rock. “Must you always do that, Lady Thunderbird?”

The eagle thing twisted and shrunk, becoming a rather spry looking old Native American woman of about sixty years old in a black and blue, Sioux-themed jogging suit and a pair of lightning themed sunglasses. “Aww, Aaron, honey, won’t you leave an old lady her fun? It’s about all I have left~!”

“...T-bird, if you’re old, I’m dirt. But nevertheless, I shall let you have your theatrics. Now, on to the matter at hand, how ya been, girl? Keeping the Americas nice and thunder-y?”

The Native American goddess of storms nodded and grinned, eyes sparking with restrained lightning. “Ohhhh yeah. Hit em real good last week, knocked the power out over Elkhorn, Nebraska for six days.”

Aaron cackled and held up a hand, high fiving Lady Thunderbird as they fell into piles of helpless laughter, “Ahahaha~! Nice!”

After a few minutes of cackling over the mayhem the older looking woman had unleashed, Aaron finally remembered Luke, “Oh yeah, T-bird, this is my new buddy, Luke. He’s apparently a God of Science or something. This is also his Soul-Bound Cat, Cobalt. God of… Magical, Metal Cats… or something. Luke, Cobalt, say hi.”

Luke waved awkwardly, “Uh, hi?”

Cobalt nodded his head somewhat and partially bowed.

“Close enough. So, T-bird, anything new happening around these parts?” Aaron asked, hands in his pockets as he shifted to human form.

Lady Thunderbird chuckled and answered, “When isn’t there something new?”

“True. Sooooo gossip?”

“Right right, so, Amaterasu hooked up with Quetzalcoatl again, except she found him in bed with Apollo a few days later, so they broke up again, then Quetzalcoatl went and hooked up with Baba Yaga, who cut his balls off – not that it was much of a lasting injury considering she used a normal knife – and fed them to one of the rats around here, and then Baba Yaga hooked up with Alice Kingsley for a while before they broke up and Alice went back to her little menage a trois with the White Queen and Hatter. Oh, and also Galactus got some really bad indigestion from this one Universe and ended up shitting himself in front of Death from the DC Multiverse. Then there was that whole scandal about about Smaug and Alduin fighting over some kitsune girl of Inari’s. I mean, c’mon, Aaron honey, this is Void Central. There’s more scandals happening here in half a second than there are in a year on Earth.”

Aaron chuckled, “Yeah, that’s true. Hey, how’s Jesus doing?”

She winced. “Nnnnot good….”

“Wait, what? What happened?”

“Well, he ran into Lucifer again and ended up getting the shit beaten out of him after Lucy dragged him to a bar brawl.”

“Ouch. Pacifist thing really doesn’t help out here, does it?”

“Nnnope. Funny thing is, I was actually involved in that brawl.”

“...Did you hit Jesus.”

“No, but I hit the guy who did!”

“Nice. Well, as nice as this has been, we’re both rather busy, so I’ll seeya later, T-bird!” Aaron called out as he grabbed Luke and pulled him away, Lady Thunderbird ascending back into the sky in a flash of thunder and lightning and more of ACDC’s Thunderstruck.

As the two Void Dwellers continued to dwell in the void, both pondered on the current author’s choice of words in the previous sentence, you could say they were probably pissed at his utter lack of creativity.

Despite their ability to basically fornicate and sodomize the fourth wall, neither of them were truly prepared for what they stumbled upon. Which, considering how messed up they both are, it’s slightly terrifying, erm, odd.

“Oi, we can fucking hear you, Narrator-san!” Go fuck with someone else ya twats! Look! Here comes another deranged asshole! GO TO HIM FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

“Yare yare… just as annoying as my normal narrator… except with less of a sense of humor.” Aaron shrugged, but complied, dragging Luke over to the flailing Void Dweller on the “ground”.

“Oi, idiot, you okay?”

Luke pulled himself out of Aaron’s grip and dumped a bucket of ice cold water on the Dweller’s head.

Aaron blinked and put a hand to his chin. “Huh, didn’t even think about that. I was just gonna punt him a few times, to be honest.”

“Shows I have more common sense,” Luke snorted.

“Shows that you think like a human, not a Void Dweller. A couple punts to the side? Ain’t nobody gonna die from that out here,” Aaron retorted, completing the ironic rhyme.

“And that’s good for the most part,” Luke shrugged.

“...Are you FUCKING SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW?! Cold water!? THE FUCK DUDES?!” the poor wet bastard screamed at them, trying to dry himself with his hoodie.

“And no, I am not going to die from that, but holy shit do I hate cold water!” he said as he shuddered, his hair damp, and shot glares at the two.

 “Well you stopped screaming, so I can see that it quite obviously worked,” Luke grumbled.

“...Dammit. I wanted to punt him~!” Aaron whined, picking up the unknown Void Dweller and dusting him off. “So, baka, who the fuck’re you?”

His glaring eyes softened, he looked at his clothes, his arms and then back at the two. “I don’t fucking know…”

“All I know was me, opening my eyes, and then drifting here in this insane place. Seriously who the fuck designed this bullcrap!? IT’S GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!” His arms flailed, pointing outwards at the multiverse around them.

“...DEATH,” Aaron answered.

The newbie slapped his face, muttering a low, “Of fucking course, how did I not think of that?” The sarcasm was strong in this one.

“He’s serious, by the way,” Luke snorted.

“I can see that, it’s just, ugh, eugh, arugh!” Sighing, he asked, “Anyways, who are you two weirdos?”

Aaron struck a most wondrous pose, finger pointing into the sky as a dazzling spotlight shone over his form. “I am! Aaron Heibai! Proprietor of Aaron Heibai’s Emporium of Anything and Everything! I am the God of Cheating the System! … Oh, and this is Luke, God of Science and his cat Cobalt, God of Magical Metal Cats.”

“...I guess I’m a god of science? Whatever works, I suppose,” Luke shrugged.

Cobalt seemed to puff up for some odd reason.

“...Sure, why the fuck not?...” he deadpanned, but nevertheless he didn’t question it. Drifting to the void can do a number on the part of the brain that tries to understand things.

“......Well, since you don’t know your own damn name, why don’t you just pick your own name for now?” Aaron asked, sitting down on a nearby Paradox Bench (Now with extra paradox comfort!) and chewing on what appeared to be the severed head of Adolf Hitler.

“I don’t know what you’re eating and I don’t want to know, Aaron,” Luke grumbled.

“It is obviously a Hitler, I still don’t know how to feel about any of this though…” Shrugging, he continued, “..hmm, eh I have seen people call themselves worse things.” Extending his hand, he said, “Just call me Zatec for now, cuz I don’t know what the fuck else.”

Aaron stood and tossed his Hitler-skull to a pile of Void Rats, took Zatec’s hand and shook it. “Alright, Zatec it is! So… now what?”

“Find some more ponies to mess with?” Luke snorted slightly.

“...I have the sudden urge to say potatoe…” Zatec said, then beamed. “POTATOE!” Clearly not insane.

“...............” Aaron facepalmed. “That’s not even how you fucking spell potato, you fucking nitwit.”

“It’s the multiverse! Infinite possibilities, how do you know that is not how I spell it?” he teased the shop keeper.

“Good point… nimrod.” Aaron groused, lightly punting Zatec in the ass.

He stiffened up from the touch, sending a glare at Aaron. “DON’T touch the butt, IT IS SACRED!” he said while slapping hard at Aaron’s tush. Aaron merely chuckled in response, slapping Zatec’s ass and giving it a good squeeze.

Zatec turned his cheeks away from Aaron and protected them with his hands. “If I could, I would fucking whip you.”

Luke remained silent, clearly trying hard not to yell out ‘Gay!’. Aaron smirked and slapped Luke’s ass as well, retorting Luke’s unspoken yell with an all too smug, “Pansexual, bitch.”

Luke backed off quickly. “You can do that with Luca, I’m not Luca right now.” He shivered a bit, rubbing both arms.

Aaron stuck out his tongue, “Awww… you two are no fun~ Anyway, let’s get you to a medic. Boys, stand behind me real quick while papa calls a cab.”

“I give up with gaining even the slightest semblance of understanding of you Aaron,” Luke grumbled.

Aaron gave no reply, instead raising his hands to his mouth and shouting, with great force and volume, “YO! HERMES! HELP A BROTHER OUT, YOU SLIPPERY MOTHERFUCKER!”

A deafening crash shook the sidewalk as a Caduceus marked taxi slammed into the space where Luke stood not five seconds prior. The passenger side door opened along with the rear doors. “Get in, get in, ya shadowy bastard. Where ya headed?”

“Nearest hospital, Hermes. Gotta memory-less Dweller here that might need some looking over; just see if he’s got any other issues besides being an amnesiac… and an idiot.”

Zatec merely hit Aaron’s head with his hand. “Shut up you shadow-assed bastard,” he said while getting inside the taxi.

Luke squeezed inside as well, though Cobalt was forced to sit on Aaron’s lap, making the poor metal cat shiver yet again.

The doors slammed closed as the cab rocketed off at frankly ludicrous speeds as it left a massive trail of plaid behind it. Aaron paid the G-forces no mind as he stroked Cobalt, ignoring the shivering cat’s discomfort while conversing with Hermes. “So, Hermes, any gossip?”

“Ah, not much man, no more than what usually goes. Shiranui hooked up with Inari for a few weeks, T-bird got another pet eagle, a whole sector of the Void disappeared about a week ago, Zeus bought another cat–”

“What was that about a sector disappearing!? Where was this!?”

“It was uh… it was actually somewhere in your jurisdiction, I think. I dunno how you missed it, actually.” Hermes tapped his chin, not even looking at the “road” before them. Behind them, several disgruntled Void Dwellers returned to their business from where they’d been run over.

“What the fuck. What the actual fuck.WHY HASN’T ANYONE TOLD ME THIS!?” Aaron screeched, inadvertently throwing Cobalt out the fucking window.

Clutching his ears, the poor headache of Zatec was growing worse by the second, “DO YOU FUCKING MIND?! I feel fucking hungover!”

Cobalt for some reason was basically magnetized to the side of the taxi, holding on for his so far short life.

“Aaron, why did you throw Cobalt out the window? Aside from a sector of the Void going missing,” Luke asked, somewhat calmly.

“Because it’s under my jurisdiction and I should have fucking known about it but I didn’t and now there’s a fucking chunk missing from my little part of the Multiverse you colossal idiot!” Aaron screeched again, slapping Luke upside the head.

Zatec pulled his hoodie over his head, and leaned against the window, getting comfortable. “Unless you really need to ask me something, I will try to get some Z’s,” he finished, nursing his headache by humming a tune.

Aaron fumed, thousands of trains of thought devoting themselves to the pondering of just how the hell an entire sector of the Displaced Multiverse could disappear.

About an hour later, at the nearest hospital, the doctor in charge, some variant of Asclepius or something, frowned at Zatec’s results and informed the group, “Sir, you have syphilis.”

Aaron immediately broke down into helpless laughter, falling to the floor in a tide of giggles and flailing. “Pffffaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I have no idea why but that is just the funniest thing!”

Zatec just sat there, glaring daggers at Aaron, literally, for they went soaring into him. When he realized it, he jumped backwards with a WTF look on his face.

Aaron only laughed harder, absorbing and disintegrating the daggers as they impacted him. A few feet away, Asclepius rechecked his chart and scratched at his rather impressive beard. “Oh I’m sorry, I mixed up your results with Zeruel’s. Excuse me for a moment.” He exited the room and spoke quietly to the occupant next door. A few seconds later, a massive cross shaped blast of energy ripped a hole through the hospital as toilet paper-looking arms sliced through the walls in anger. Zeruel fled out the hole he had made, chased by security guards wielding massive, dual-tined lances.

“Heh,” Luke snickered slightly at what happened. Zatec just stood there, too overwhelmed by recent events.

Aaron continued snickering on the floor, “Haha! I told him that Leliel was infectious but he didn’t listen! I told you about Leliel bro! I warned you, dog!”

Cobalt made a sound that was similar to laughing.

Asclepius re-entered the now ruined doorway and adjusted his glasses, reading off the proper charts this time. “Well, Mr. Zatec, you appear to have no soul, other than that nothing too serious besides your already stated lack of memories, which I can help easily”

“How?” Zatec asked, unsure, the whole situation being weird thanks to the abominations that could be found roaming the corridors of the odd medical facility.

“Well, there are spells that one may use to regain them. The one that I shall use promotes slow regaining of memories over time, as that is the safest option. Shall we?” The doctor held up a hand glowing with soft purple magics, pulsating as though it were a heartbeat.

His patient looked over at the other Void Dwellers, Aaron waved while Luke read a book, ignoring everything else. Shrugging, he nodded at the doctor, who placed his glowing hand upon Zatec’s head and released the spell, sending healing energies surging through Zatec’s brain and body, promoting the reappearance of his memories.

He closed his eyes, and seemed deep in thought before stating "You weren't kidding about slow, barely feel any different..."

Luke dumped a bucket of cold water on Zatec’s head again to see if the shock would help.

“You’re welcome,” Luke said with a nod.

Aaron, at this point, had somehow passed out and was lying on a nearby hospital bed with a magazine draped over his face to block out the light. Still, an unconscious twitch from Aaron had Zatec dried and standing in mere nanoseconds, even as the arguably most powerful being in the room slept on.

Back in the Displaced sector of the Void, Lady Fausticorn watched over her little ponies’ Universes, plus their unusual intruders. All seemed peaceful here, even with Penumbra attempting to seduce the few Void Dwellers that stuck around this area on a regular basis. Then again, Umbra’s female counterpart did good work, even considering the fact that her entire Corps had disbanded, save for her. Still, even then, it was uncommonly quiet. That is, until Penumbra slammed into her side and sent them both hurtling a few feet as Penumbra shouted out a storm of words the elder (though not by much) deity could only barely comprehend.

“AUNTYFTHERE’SAWHOLECHUNKOFTHEMULTIVERSEHEREMISSINGANDICAN’TFINDITANDITHINKITWASPARTOFAGUYNAMEDROBERT’STIMELINESANDOMFGICAN’TDEALWITHTHISSHITRIGHTNOWWHATDOIFUCKINGDOICAN’TEVENWORKUPTHEAROUSALTOSEDUCECTHULHURIGHTNOW!?!?!?!?!?”

“Calm yourself, Penumbra. Worrying about it shall do us no good. For now, tis best to keep occupied on the Universes still there. Tell me, have any else gone missing?”

“Well… no….”

“Then we should be fine. Now, though you technically have higher clearance than me, get back to work young lady.”

“Yes, Aunty F….”

“And don’t call me that! I’m only six cycles older than you!”

Penumbra sniggered as she flew away, leaving a trail of neon purple behind her, trailing from the sole purple bang she kept in her shadowy form.

Fausticorn resumed her care over the various Equestrias dotting the area, humming lightly to herself as she worked. That is, until a pervasive feeling of unerring wrongness tore through her, emanating from the Disney Sector.

“What in the name of Lady Destiny was that!?” she cried, looking around wildly. When no answers were forthcoming, she resumed her work, immensely perturbed. Strangely, her thoughts turned to her former protege, Aaron.

“Aaron Heibai… I just know this mess concerns you somehow… Stay safe, child...”

Deep in the bowels of the Disney Universe, a certain Voodoo practitioner crawled out of a portal from the very depths of Hell itself, covered in sickly green flames and looking even more skeletal than usual. Dr. Facilier stood, clad in a disheveled, torn, and overall worse for the wear version of his mortal outfit, though where there once was red, was now a poisonous lime green. Sickly hellfire poured from his eye sockets and pointed fangs filled his grin. As he lifted his hat and ran his clawed fingers through his now wiry and sharpened hair, he gently caressed the twin rows of horns arcing back along his skull, two perfect lines of tiny cones, just visible through the razor wire masquerading as his hair. When he spoke, it was a hellish distortion of his once rich and calming baritone.

“Finally… Finally after six thousand years! I’VE TORN MY WAY OUT OF THAT GODFORSAKEN PLACE!” He shrieked with laughter, a sound filled with the souls of the damned that he had killed and consumed to gain his current power. Centuries had passed since his incarceration, and he’d had to kill and kill and kill, just to gain back the Voodoo magic that so deeply wound through his body.

The unhinged demon finally came to a close with his laughter, wiping an acidic tear from his face as he straightened out as best he could. The not so good doctor ran a hand down his face, leaving behind a pitch black skull mask over his upper face. He grinned evilly as massive wings sprouted from his back, flying through the Void with nary a thought.

“Well then, let’s take a look at the local market, shall we? See if I can’t find myself a new shadow…”

Aaron tossed and turned, then finally bolted upright, flipping into the air in the middle of his shop. “Gah! Fucking SHIT!” he screamed, desperately trying to shake off the pervasive feeling of wrongness coursing through every last facet of his being. “Wait… how the hell did I get back here? Last I remember was the hospital.”

As Aaron glanced at Zatec, he just shrugged and pointed at Luke.

“Hiya.” Luke waved with a small snort.

“...What, did you force your way into my pocket dimension and carry my carcass back in here?” Aaron muttered, shaking out his limbs.

“Yes, though it was less forcing and more going in the entrance,” Luke rolled his eyes.

“...Oh right, I left the shop parked outside the hospital for some reason. I thought my future self was a little stupid for suggesting it, but I guess it’s all handled, really.” Aaron blinked rapidly before just ripping out his eyes and growing a new pair, making Zatec grimace a little. “Eugh, hate it when I get those weird feelings… Hey, is that a pile of ash over there?”

Sure enough, a fresh pile of ash sat at the entrance to the shop, a partially obscured magazine just barely sticking out from the middle of it.

Luke looked over to it with a raised brow. “Huh, look at that.”

“Must’ve been a thief. I do have this entire shop set up to auto-kill thieves. Though, of course, this only works on mortals. For Void Dwellers, it just takes twice the amount out of their accounts.

“...The term Void Dweller has a broad meaning Aaron, so quite obviously whoever came in was a Void Dweller, just a mortal one,” Luke grumbled.

“Meh. True enough. So, now whadda we do?” Aaron asked, stroking Jupiter’s hair while she purred.

“Don’t look at me, I just got here,” said Zatec, ever so helpfully.

Luke walked over and picked up the magazine to look at it before he promptly threw it behind Aaron’s counter. “Of course it was a Playboy, the one with the pony on the cover too!” he snorted.

Aaron picked up the magazine, holding it between two fingers. “Huh, it’s actually Playpony. Must’ve been one of the brony Dwellers… Might’ve been a Tatzlwurm, those ones are… persistent, to say the least.”

Aaron quietly shoved Zatec into a side room, due to him knowing that Zatec’s author would be unavailable for some time.

….DAMMIT AARON STOP BREAKING THE FUCKING FOURTH WALL YOU GODDAMN NINNY.

“WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP.”

Aaron quickly retreated back to his shop, slamming the door in the Fourth Wall closed behind him.

“Dammit Aaron…” Luke groaned.

“Nyahaha~! This is why I’m the best there is!” Aaron gloated, sweeping away the ash pile that had formerly been a would-be thief.

“So, what was with your spaz out earlier, Aaron?” Luke asked, snapping as he absorbed the ash, making it completely disappear.

“Eh, had a weird feeling go through me. A bit ominous. Kinda like the one from last month… and the one from a few years ago… and the one from six millennia ago. Probably nothing to worry about at this point.” Aaron shrugged and resumed petting Jupiter’s hair, snuggling the catgirl to him while he sat in midair.

“Heh, she looks a bit like Essence,” Luke snorted.

“...Eh, Jupiter is like seventeen trillion times more attractive,” Aaron remarked, smirking victoriously. Jupiter snuggled in with a smug grin, satisfied with her man’s words.

“That’s true,” Luke shrugged, idly petting Cobalt.

“Well… now wha- wait, hold on.” Aaron set Jupiter down, eliciting a little squeal of disapproval, and reached through the fourth wall, groping around the animation files and HEY! WHOA! STOP THAT! YOU’RE GONNA CORRUPT THE DATA YOU FUCKING SHOPKEEPER!

“Oh shut up. I just need to find one file in particular…” Aaron muttered, quickly latching onto Zatec’s animation rig and pulling it into the scene, closing the hole in the wall and booting the Void Dweller awake with a quick, “OI! SHITHEAD! WAKE THE FUCK UP!”

“You know you could have just pulled him out of the closet where you left him right?” Luke said with a groan.

“To quote a certain Mr. John De Lancie, ‘What fun is there in making sense?’” Aaron smirked and booted Zatec in the side again, waiting for his author to pick him off the floor. “Oi, Zatec. Keep playing the comatose card and I’m gonna have to delete a few of your animation files.”

And thusly, Zatec’s author arrived, with a wide grin on his face.

“Stop. Fucking. Punting me, you ass, I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER MY FUCKING IDENTITY!” the previously comatose being screamed at the shopkeeper.

“Congratu-fucking-lations, Zatec. Do you remember anything?” he asked as Zatec began to rub his head, before glasses poofed on his face.

“...That I’m nearsighted… and how the fuck did these get here?!” he asked himself, holding his new pair of black rimmed glasses.

“You willed them into existence, fucktard. You’re a reality warping Void Dweller, ya twat.”

“What does that make me Aaron? I’m a reality warper but I still can’t create something from nothing,” Luke asked, turning to the odd shopkeeper.

“I honestly don’t know… to both of you, WHAT is going on?! First I’m in the ‘Void’ swimming for WHO knows how long, then you two weirdos pick me up, throw me into an eldritch hospital of sorts, and then we get here, whatever here is! WHAT?!”

“I should feel offended but I’m not, possibly because of what me and Aaron were doing before we found you,” Luke shrugged.

“What were we doing, again? Oh right, Lady Thunderbird was updating me on all the gossip going around lately. Was there anything else we were doing?” Aaron rubbed his chin, dispelling his shop and depositing all three Void Dwellers in… “Oh shit I dropped us in a Slaaneshi strip bar. Shit.”

Luke instantly covered his eyes. “Aaron I will stab you with a fucking rusty nail for this horrible horrible thing you have done.”

“HEY, I DO THE RUSTY NAIL STABBING!“ Zatec screamed at Luke, completely ignoring the strippers.

Aaron rolled his eyes and fiddled with a holographic screen that hadn’t been there a second ago. Instantly, an icon appeared over Zatec’s head:

NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: WHINY. FUCKING. BITCH.

Achievement Unlocked: OMFG, Nobody Cares You Fucking Twat

Aaron smirked and leaned back, also proclaiming, “No, your author constantly threatens rusty nail skullfucking like the fucked up twat that he is. You, on the other hand, are… well, a whiny fucking bitch.” At this, Zatec was fuming, literal smoke coming off his ears and his nose.

“Go suck his dick ya shadowy bastard!” He pointed at Luke, who flipped Zatec off with both hands.

Aaron shrugged and muttered, “I would, but this story has so far only merited a Teen Rating. Also, Jupiter might kill me... wait, no, she’d only try to kill me if it was with another woman.”

“What about with yourself Aaron?” Luke asked with a sideways grin.

“Wouldn’t that be masturbation? Or are we talking selfcest here?” Zatec asked both Dwellers.

“Been there, done that, had to clean up the mess. Jupiter was ecstatic for some reason. My ass was sore for three hours after.” Aaron waved it off casually.

Luke looked a lot like he was going to throw up at what Aaron said. “WHY?!”

“Why not?” responded Zatec, giving Luke a small smirk.

Aaron held his fist up for Zatec. “Don’t leave me hangin’ bro.”

Zatec bumped it with practiced ease. “No prob.”

“If I split my two personalities or in my case the personality generated by one of my seals that would be possible,” Luke snorted, kicking Zatec into the orgy in the corner, making fluids fly.

Aaron facepalmed and pointed to the onstage futanari orgy at the center of the room. “Really? An orgy not ten feet away and you kicked him into the orgy thirty feet away? And let’s not even mention the orgy that’s formed around us.”

“Yes,” Luke said, ignoring the one that had formed around them.

“YOU FUCKING DICKWAD,” Zatec bellowed from deep within the orgy, struggling to get out due to being a complete noob at reality warping, and everything else really.

Aaron rolled his eyes yet again and shouted back, “OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THEM SUCK YOUR DICK YOU FUCKING VIRGIN! YOU’RE EVEN MORE OF A PRUDE THAN I WAS SEVEN MILLION YEARS AGO!”

“THERE IS SOMETHING POKING MY BUTT, AND I DON’T LIKE IT!” he screamed back.

Luke was drinking a cup of tea that he pulled from the air, “Huh, GOOD FOR YOU!” he called back at Zatec.

“JUST TAKE IT LIKE A MAN YOU FUCKING HETEROSEXUAL NOOBLORD! I TOOK IT IN THE ASS… albeit, I was a girl at the time… SO YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO AS WELL! JUST RELAX AND USE SOME OF THE SEMEN AS LUBE!” Aaron kept up the shouting match, thanking one of the many fetishistic servers as she brought him a pitcher of some sort of strong smelling… white… drink… oh dammit Aaron don’t tell me you’re actua- he drank it. Motherfucking pansexual Void Dwelling shameless shadow.

Luke’s eyes seemed to have some sort of shield covering them as he drank his tea which made it look like his eyes weren’t there.

After much more screaming in general from Zatec, he wriggled out of the sex pile, with only his green, black and white checkered shorts as he was covered head to toe in, erm, liquids. “...You will pay for that… and my clothes…”

“I can actually pay for it by the way, I still have some gold somewhere after all,” Luke said.

“Heterosexual wuuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssssss,” Aaron snarked, casually honking the crotches and breasts of several nearby patrons.

With a loud facepalm, then a small whimper remembering he still had his glasses on, Zatec just sighed and closed his eyes. “You two will be the death of me.”

“No, I’ll be the death of your inhibitions. Now, try this.” Aaron cheerfully forced a pitcher full of steaming, white liquid down Zatec’s throat. “Warm goat milk, not bad eh?”

Then Aaron winked at the camera, “What, you thought it was semen? Nah, it’s just whole milk. It’s goat milk, but it’s just milk.” And then he proceeded to knock back a batch of actual semen. “Pansexual~”

Loud gagging could be heard from Luke as he was dry heaving into a bag.

“Wow, you’re a prude too?” Aaron snickered, washing down the semen with a healthy chug of vaginal fluid. “C’mon, mate. It’s a Slaaneshi strip bar! Live a little! … Okay, you don’t need to chug down semen and other bodily fluids like I am, but at least stop dry heaving. You’ll attract the people that are actually into that kinda thing.”

“I just got molested by those fucking demons and you don’t see me being a pansy, just, I need a bath,” Zatec said after he recovered from drinking the goat milk, because it’s definitely goat milk, no doubt about it, yup.

Meanwhile, on stage, Slaanesh worked… uh… his… her… its booty, tangoing quite messily with a tentacle beast. If there were more detail applied, it’d be a scene out of some of the most fetishistic hentai doujins on the planet.

Luke wiped away the bile on his mouth and got rid of the bag nearly instantly, “Please, never drink a pitcher of semen in front of me like that again. Please. And I’m not going to look at the stage at all.”

“Fine, fine…” Aaron smirked and handed Luke a bottle of some generic brand of beer, standing and moving to a more secluded corner.

“Sorry, don’t like beer,” Luke said, sliding it away as he pulled a bottle of wine from his bag and headed over as well.

“You can’t even take basic drinks? Wow,” said Zatec, following Aaron because he had nothing better to do, oh yeah and to find some FUCKING CLOTHES.

“You really shouldn’t have followed me over here, Luke,” Aaron muttered, refilling his pitcher from an incredibly obscene looking… that’s not a barrel. It’s a girl. Filled with… jesus fucking christ Slaanesh.

“In that case I’ll leave immediately!” Luke said, turning around instantly and walking back to where he was before. “And I prefer things like scotch, whiskey, and wine to things like beer.”

“Fucking prude.” Aaron refilled his pitcher, replacing the plug that kept his preferred fluid inside the container.

Slaanesh, I swear to christ, this story is never coming back here.

“Word,” Zatec said, also holding a drink, and again questioned how the fuck it got there.

“Ok, I seriously need to understand how the fuck I keep spawning things out of thin air…”

“Magic?” Luke snorted, pouring a simple glass of wine as he read what looked like a newspaper.

“...Maybe…? Fuck if I know, hanging around you two is confuzzling”

Aaron, at this point, had disappeared from view. Around the room, however, several massive tentacles of shadow had spawned and… well, you get the idea.

Luke had become somewhat opaque, letting people pass through him and such while he had a hold on his things, “This is a terrible idea for me since this place is the equivalent of a massive wet dream right now.”

Aaron simply kept flailing around his frisky tendrils, drawing gasps of pain, pleasure, and who knows what the fuck else as he penetrated areas that were meant to be penetrated, and penetrated areas that really had no business being penetrated. Of course, fluids still flew everywhere at this point.

Let us close up on this section, as the more time spent here, the more disturbing it gets. Suffice to say, a lot of fetishes were explored and partially avoided. None escaped unscathed.

None.