It’s Just a Matter of Coolness
“Thanks for helping me out, Twi,” Rainbow Dash was saying as she landed in front of her home.
“A friend in need is a friend indeed,” Twilight recited as she landed next to Rainbow with considerably less grace and casualness.
“You keep saying that, Twi,” Rainbow said as she approached the front door to her cloud home. “Makes me wonder if you’re not planning something for down the road.”
“Me, planning something?” Twilight said as she consulted her checklist and watch to ensure she was right on schedule. She tucked both back into her saddle bags before saying, “What could I possibly be planning?”
“I dunno,” Rainbow shrugged as she opened the door. “Some sort of favor…?” The pegasus paused in her doorway. “Wait, is this because I got the new Daring Do book early? Because if you want to borrow it, you can just ask.”
Twilight, who had been temporarily distracted by a particularly interesting cloud formation (which did not remind her of Sunset Shimmer, not that she was thinking about her or anything), perked up at the mention of the adventure series.
“You already have the new book?” Twilight said excitedly, dashing over to Rainbow and pressing herself against her. “What’s the title? Who’s the villain? Does Daring finally kiss that Wonder-Bolt Captain?”
Feeling a little uncomfortable with Twilight all over her, Rainbow quickly trotted inside her home, leaving Twilight to stumble in the doorway for a moment before regaining her balance.
“Yeah, it came yesterday,” Rainbow said, wary of surprise snuggles as she stopped in her living room.
Twilight blushed and closed the door before sheepishly entering Rainbow’s home proper.
“Sorry,” the purple alicorn apologized. “It’s just I’m kind of nervous the Wonder-Bolt won’t be in the new book.”
Rainbow nodded, “Yeah, I still can’t believe we haven’t heard of Shadow-Mask since The Changeling Collective.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Dash, Shadow-Mask dies in that book.”
“Uh, no he doesn’t,” Rainbow said in a matter-of-fact tone.
Twilight frowned slightly and shook her head. “He does. When the hive temple is collapsing, he stays to fight off Queen Greenshine’s Handmaidens and Daring doesn’t see him after she escapes.”
“Daring got picked up by Royal Guards after she got out of the hive; Shadow-Mask knew he couldn’t let them see him,” Rainbow argued back. “He hid and was the one who knocked on the door at the end.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “That was Daring being optimistic and hoping her friend was still alive. It was just room service.”
“‘Friend’?” Rainbow said like she couldn’t comprehend the word. “Shadow-Mask and Daring were not just ‘friends’, Twi. They were totally banging.”
“I think you’re reading too much into it, Rainbow. They were good friends, but I don’t think they actually had sex.”
“Sure they did.”
“When?”
“Just before they infiltrated the temple.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Dash, that would mean they had sex while they were on the boat.”
“Motion of the ocean, Twi,” Rainbow said with accompanying eyebrow waggles.
“First off: it was a river. And second: that boat also had about twenty other ponies on it and no cabin. Are you seriously suggesting that they made love in the midst of all the others.”
“They did it while everypony else was asleep.”
“Impossible,” Twilight said matter-of-factly.
“The book says that Daring and Shadow-Mask kept watch while the others slept. I can show you.”
“And I can show you that Daring calls herself, quote, ‘a screamer. Get noise complaints all the time.’”
Rainbow fixed her friend with a befuddled look. “Twi? Even if that’s true, why in Tartarus do you know that?”
The alicorn blushed. “Eidetic memory. And it is true. Page four-fifty-one of Daring Do and the Burning Moon.”
“You are so wrong.”
“You can check.”
“Maybe I will,” Rainbow said, poking Twilight in the chest before spreading her wings and zipping up to her room.
Twilight sat on her haunches and waited, wincing when she heard a crash followed by some choice swears from Rainbow. The pegasus quickly reappeared, brushing twigs from her mane and clutching a copy of the book Twilight had named.
“Dash, why are there-”
“Not important,” Rainbow said quickly as she landed next to Twilight and opened the book to the page the alicorn had indicated. She murmured softly as she slid her hoof over the page until she stopped at a particular spot and frowned.
“Well?” Twilight said with a hint of smugness.
“Fine,” Rainbow closed the book. “But they still loved each other. And Shadow-Mask is a way better love interest than Firespitter.”
“I disagree,”
“And you are entitled to your wrong opinion.”
“Firespitter has far more chemistry with Daring than Shadow-Mask did,” Twilight said, ruffling her wings. “She actually has real conversations with Daring, rather than arguments about how to deal with the next obstacle.”
“Those arguments were sexual tension, Twi; everypony knows that.”
“An argument does not equal sexual tension, Rainbow.”
“And chemistry does not equal love,” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Besides, Daring isn’t into mares.”
Twilight actually turned up her nose, which meant she had been spending too much time with Rarity. “Daring Do is bisexual.”
Rainbow sighed. “Okay, even if she was, she wouldn’t shack up with Firelicker, or whaterver. She’s pretty lame for a Wonder-Bolt.”
“How in Equestria is Firespitter lame?”
“What did she contribute to the adventure to find the Fertility Stone? Nothing, that’s what.”
“Daring came to her for advice.”
“And then she cowered under a table while Daring battled sky pirates. That’s not cool. Shadow-Mask was cool. Shadow-Mask dripped coolness.”
“It’s not a matter of ‘coolness’, Rainbow.”
“Yeah it is.”
Twilight brought a hoof to her forehead. “Ugh, you know what? If it matters so much to you, write a fan fiction about it.”
Rainbow averted her eyes.
“You didn’t.”
“I was actually hoping you could look it over. And, uh, help me organize my closet.” Rainbow offered a guilty smile.
Twilight sighed but returned the smile. “Alright.” She began trotting up the stairs to Rainbow’s room. “But after I fuck your brains out, okay.”
Rainbow snickered as she followed the alicorn. “Of course, Twi. You always edit better after some patented Rainbow Dash lovin’.”
Author's Note
Feels good to actually finish something, even if it is short and relatively pointless.
