My Little Hellsing

by Mr Wolf

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Adventure
Length: 4197

Integra,Alucard and Seras rebuild their organization in Equestria

After hundreds of millennia, Alucard, Seras Victoria and, the newest Vampire of the three, Sir Integra Fairbrook Windgates Hellsing wake up in a world that is no longer habited by humans but by ponies, pegasi and unicorns. Now chaos ensues when the Mane Six find them since Integra wants to rebuild her organisation, Seras now wants to blow up most thing with her Harkonnen and Alucard is being, well, Alucard.

Oh, and somehow, Alexander Anderson and his two students are alive.

Based on the Hellsing Abridged series and Hellsing Ultimate, but with my own flare.
Please don't sue me I own nothing.

Published 2015-06-19 15:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-05 16:20:21 UTC

Prologue: Freedom

Darkness. It's always been there. In our minds, bodies and souls. sometimes the darkness takes forms. - personal Quote

Deep in the Everfree forest, where the sun never shines, where the moon can't illuminate with it silvery glow, where not even the bravest of the enchanted woodlands residents go, where dreams are dashed and replaced by unforgiving nightmares, where devils go to play, is cave with a small entrance big enough for a small filly to fit in. Inside the cave is wonders beyond all equine imagination, old relics long forgotten and waiting to be uncovered, and its most dangerous secrets and its three most greatest responsibilities: three coffins.

One was a long black coffin with silver linings on the edges, completed with a silver cross on the front. Another is a wooden coffin with no special details, and a final one which is white with a gold sheen. In these tombs are powers that would change the world if they should be released.

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At the CMC Clubhouse, Applebloom and Scootaloo was, once again, in a fight. It first started as a meeting to get ideas to find out what their cutie marks are, then when Applebloom suggested that they try knitting, Scootaloo said knitting was for grannies and, long story short (I want to spare the boring details), they began to throttle each other. Sweetie Belle Tried to intervene with no luck when she had an idea.
"Scootaloo! Applebloom! I know how you two can settle your debate." Sweetie Belle had to shout over the noise of the two fillies brawling.

"How?" Asked Applebloom, trying not to get hammered in the face.

"We see who goes the deepest into the Everfree forest without running off." stated Sweetie Belle. Her idea made her friends stop fighting and look at her like as though she was a changeling.

"Okay, I'll do it and show you that knitting is for grannies and we should do something exciting!" Said Scootaloo. who got a near whack by Applebloom.

"Nu-uh, Ah'll win and ya'll do mah idea!" shouted Applebloom. After five minutes of preparing to go to the Everfree, in case they run into a manticore, they set off with Sweetie in tow to see who goes in the deepest into the Everfree. As they walked the ground became less lively, the sun became obscured by the trees and their fear grew. It grew to the point where they stumbled and fell when they tried to run back. Unfortunately, they landed in tree sap so sticky that Applebloom and Sweetie Belle's coats became stuck to Scootaloo's. After many long minutes of bizarre attempts to unstick themselves, they finally managed to do it. But as they trotted back on sore hooves they heard, noise like growling, and, as luck would have it, a manticore appeared.

The CMC forgot about their emergency kit and so ran off, deeper into the cursed forest. Until they came upon a cave, with an entrance that would not allow the manticore to follow them. "In here!" Shouted Scootaloo.
When all three fillies were in the cave they heard the manticore roaring outside, not knowing where his prey went, and then heard his claws
moving around outside.

The CMC looked around, hoping that there is a tunnel around leading to an escape, and saw that there was a tunnel leading deeper into the cave. They looked at each other, each thinking the same thing, and walked into the tunnel. After what seemed like an eternity, they found a
huge cave with extraordinary things.

They immediately went exploring and, grateful to miss Cheerilee for her history and technology lessons (she wanted to see which one of her students was good with tools), knew what was what. They were surprised to see a metal covered zeppelin, a huge cannon-like thing and three
boxes, each with their own design." What's in them?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"Dunno. lets see what's in 'em" replied Applebloom as she moved to open the strange boxes. She grabbed the black one, but then it began to shake violently. Scared, the CMC ran behind a nearby, but unusual looking, carriage. As they looked over the carriage they saw that the lid was coming off, it then dawned on the fillies that something was moving it from the other side. Then they saw a red eye look out of the small crack it made and the CMC ducked behind the carriage once more, hearing a thump mere moments later.

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Alucard yawned and stretched his undead body, after all, it isn't always a vampire sleeps for 4000 million years. "GNNNUH! Man i really need to get out more. Maybe there's more faggots to shoot after all this time." He turned to Seras' coffin and began to violently shake it with his
hands, shouting "POLICE GIRL! WAKE UP!" Alucard stopped when the lid began to open.

"All right! Yeesh, can't a vampiric girl sleep in peace." Seras complained as she exited her bed. The white coffin then opened and Sir Integra climbed out. Years ago, when Sir Integra was a human running her own vampire exterminating organization with Alucard and Seras as her top agents, Alucard got thirsty. Being the asshole he is, he took a drink from Sir Integra and turned her into a vampire.

"ALUCARD!CAN'TYOUBEQUIETFORFIVEMINUTESBEFOREWAKINGUSUP?" Sir Integra shouted.

"Integra, I want to see the world and you two are coming with me, and yes you must because..." Alucard trailed off as he began smelling something.

Quick as lightning, he ran behind his former boss' car and snatch up three terrified looking horses. They looked strange because one of them was yellow, another orange with wings and one white one with a horn.
"Please don't hurt us!" The yellow horse, presumably a girl by its voice, pleaded.

"And the horse talks. Great. What next? Master developing sense of pity?" Seras said sarcastically.

"Hey! Ah'm an earth pony, not a horse." The filly looked at Seras with a glare.

"Alright tell us who you three are before I turn you into the first meal I had in ages." The fillies looked at Alucard with fear when he said that.

"Ah'm Applebloom. This is Sweetie Belle..." She gestured to the white pony "...and Scootaloo." The orange filly looked at them with a blank stare before she asked.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Sir Integra. This young girl is Seras and the bastard holding you is Alucard. Together we are the Hellsing Organization." Sir Integra smiled a bit as she said that.

Chapter 1: Meeting

After Introductions the CMC and the Hellsing trio explained what they are. The Crusaders were shocked to learn that the three were Vampires and that vampires still existed, Whilst the three vampires were astounded to hear that unicorns, pegasi and alicorns existed with simple ponies. But Alucard was itching to go out and have fun.

"Alright, this is nice and all but where's my guns?" He asked.

"Master, you left them in the car next to Sir Integra's sword."

"Okay." Alucard walked up to the car and opened it. Revealing two guns and a fancy sword. Whilst Seras just went to pick up her cannon by, what the fillies now know as, the Nazi zeppelin. Said Crusaders jaws dropped when they saw Seras lift the huge metal contraption, like as
though it was made of cards.

Sir Integra knew what was going on "Alucard! You're not..."

"Going out for a walk, yes I am bitch." The Red Vampire interrupted.

"Wait! There is a manticore outside and... Where's Alucard?" Sweetie Belle asked. Everyone then heard a gunshot ring out from the entrance.

"AH SHIT!" Sir Integra shouted as she grabbed her sword and the white filly, whilst Seras slung her harkonnen over her back and grabbed Scootaloo and Applebloom. Then, at incredible speeds they got to the cave opening. When they got there they found out the hole was bigger and a quick glance outside told them everything: Alucard shot the manticore ,point blank in the forehead.

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A normal day in Ponyville was interrupted when a loud bang went off in the direction of the Everfree forest. Twilight and the rest of the Mane
Six were meeting at Sugarcube Corner when they heard it.

"What was that?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"Don't know, we need to investigate." Twilight replied. The rest of the Elements were skeptical but the thought of the bang being something dangerous, and the fact it be doom for Equestria, was enough to convince them to tag along the lavender princess into the cursed woodland.
After a few minutes of trotting in the general direction of the sound they heard voices. "Alucard!! Couldn't you have waited!!This could be bad..."

The Mares tip-hoofed to the voices. Looking up from a bush, they were met with a ghastly sight: A manticore lying in its own pool of blood. Three figures were standing over it, two of which were arguing and one who had a cannon strapped to her back. The two that were arguing were peculiar: one, dressed in red, was smirking while arguing with the more furious one. But what caught their eye was that the CMC was in the possession of these strange creatures. Before Twilight could think of a plan all of them rushed the creatures, before being knocked down with a force that felt like as though they were slammed in the face. Looking up they saw the creature with the cannon. "Sorry, but you six did startle me." It... no... SHE... she said.

"Just give them back you filly-nappers" Rainbow Dash demanded.

"Filly-napped!" Sweetie's voice was full of shock."We weren't filly-napped! We just found them in this cave. Please just listen before you hurt them!"

Soon after introduction were made a second time that day, with the ponies shocked into near unconsciousness to learn that vampires exist and that the sun doesn't harm them, the Princess of Friendship invited them to stay for a while (so she didn't have to hear the complaints of Rarity whenever she stepped in something every time they came.)

"Sure." Sir Integra said."We just need to get our coffins." When they came out with their coffins they heard laughter. But for Alucard and the others they knew the laugh all too well.

"Alexander Anderson." Sir Integra stated. "Fuck all kinds of duck!"

Chapter 2: Three Psychopaths Vs. Three Psychopaths

Alucard could only grin, after all, it's not everyday someone you like to give a beat down survives the battle of London. The laughter grew louder, and louder, only scaring the fillies and Fluttershy. Then came a thundering man with spiky blond hair, glasses, a scar under his left eye, dressed in a trench coat and holding two bayonets.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the two whores and the CrimsonFucker. See you survived these millennia as well, and by the looks of things you began the fun without me." He said, a bit of *Eyetalian in his voice.

"Alexander Anderson, how did you survive having your heart torn out by Alucard?" Sir Integra asked.

"I'm a regenerating agent made by the human race to kill unholy offspring such as yourselves, of course my heart will grow back!" Anderson could only grin with glee, "Speaking of which..." Anderson then lunged at Alucard who merely shot him in the forehead, before being ambushed by, what the Mane Six and CMC presume, Anderson's backup. one of them looked Japonies and the other was dressed the same as Anderson but had a Germane-Oxtrian style to his clothing.

"Yumie!" Shouted Seras,moving to attack the Japonies.

"Hienkel Wulf!" Exclaimed Sir Integra, going to intercept the, now known, Germane. Laughter could be heard and the Ponies could only watch in mixed horror, curiosity, fascination, disbelieve and, finally, awe as the hole Alucard made in the big man's head closed.

The two sides clashed and the forest was turned into a battlefield, trees were blown away by the Harkonnen, sword and gun clashed and body parts kept regenerating on both sides. In short it was a Hellhole.

It soon came to the point that both sides were at a stalemate, but that quickly changed when Seras got an idea.

"Master, Sir Integra we need to swap opponents!" Seras had to yell over the noise of the fight. Alucard and Sir Integra looked at each other and grinned. Alucard swapped with Sir Integra, Sir Integra with Seras and Seras with Alucard. Then the tide of battle changed: Yumie was a skilled warrior but even she could not assault a quick reacting vampire, She was too busy defending from Sir Integra's fast blows. Hienkel Wulf kept dodging Alucard's rounds, only firing a few for himself, and Anderson couldn't cut Seras' shots without being blown back. Eventually the three non-vampires regrouped.

"You know what, I've had enough of this" Anderson pulled a book out of his coat and the pages came out, engulfing the three in a tornado of pages before it dispersed, leaving not one of the attackers being seen.

"And then they went waa, waa, waa, all the way home." Alucard laughed.

"Well know that's out the way maybe we can get back to moving?" Sir Integra looked over to the Mane Six and CMC. They were stunned and shocked beyond believe.

"Awesome, that was so cool how they... Rarity?" Rainbow Dash poked the white mare and Rarity toppled over, stiff as a board and the shocked plastered to her face.

Twilight shook her head "This is going to be a long day."

*Eyetaly is the home of the Cyclops.

Chapter 3: Fear and Anger

"Master! Help!"

The Voice rang out with horror, in the darkness that engulfed Alucard, then light came. It was night, the moon basking in its full glory, looking like a giant amongst the stars. On the ground in front of him was Seras Victoria, speared by Anderson's bayonets, Sir Integra not far away, decapitated.

Then, sudden pain was felt as Anderson stabbed the red vampire in his non-beating heart.

"Monstrous heathen, your servants are gone, your castle plundered and hundreds lie dead on the battlefield, all to end the fire of death that you have created. Now tell me, Vampire, devil, horror on earth, WHAT SAY YOU NOW!?"

Alucard could merely respond with "I have a Raging Boner."

Anderson grunted, before inserting the final blow.
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Alucard jolted awake, he for a moment wandered where he was, before remembering he was in one of Princess Twilight's basements.

"Oh God... It's Monday!" he stated gleefully, a plan forming in his mind.

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At Cheerilee's school, the Crusaders, were trying frantically to persuade everyone that they met an actual vampire. They even tried to persuade Miss Cheerilee that they exist.

"Hey Blank Flanks, guess what!" Diamond Tiara said, Miss Cheerilee understood why she was annoyed so didn't scold he for name calling, "There is no such thi-"

Just then Alucard phased through the wall shouting "HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!?"

The entire class screamed hysterically, Miss Cheerilee include. Everyone except The CMC. The whole class just stared at him, screaming their vocal chords out, and at least three of them wetted themselves, for a minute before Scootaloo yelled "STOP SCREAMING!" The whole class then calmed down.

"So this is were you go to school, neat. Could use a little more red." Alucard grinned as Sir Integra ran into the room.

"I'm sorry." Sir Integra apologised "I tried to stop him, but when I yelled at him not to he merely responded, and mind my French..."

"Hey! I'm Prench!" someone interupted.

"No offense..." Sir Integra apologised again. "Alucard merely said 'Shit on the Army' he then proceeded to egg and T.P every building he passed on his way here." Alucard began to laugh.

"Well, looks like Ponyville will be busy cleaning up... whatever he did." Cheerilee stated before asking "What is egging and T.P-ing?" earning a few giggles from the class.

"Egging is... ha ha... basically throwing...ha ha raw eggs at... ha ha buildings, and to... ha ha... T.P a building is to... ha ha... toss toilet paper over a building." Alucard explained between laughs.

Just then then an angry mob with pitchforks and torches (Why do they even have those? It's 11 am in the morning.) appeared in the doorway with three of the Princess's in the front.

"MONSTER OF DARKNESS!" Luna bellowed in the R.C.V. "WE HAVE RECEIVED COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOU ATTACKING THIS TOWN AND..."

"Okay bitch, hold it there." Alucard interrupted, hearing a few gasps from insulting Royalty. "I didn't attack the town I just threw eggs and toilet paper at buildings on my way here, scared the shit out of some school kids, and sold a tiara to a thrift store."

"Wait, what!" Diamond Tiara looked up to see her namesake tiara missing, she then freaked out, curling up on the floor and jabbering on about how she is a good filly.

"Okay... FOR VANDALISING, CHILD ABUSE AND THEFT..."Luna continued before being interrupted yet again, this time by Sir Integra.

"Actually, he always does that almost every second week." The female vampire stated.

Seras then walked into the room, through the wall, holding tiara. "Hey Master, look what I bought at the local thrift store, neat eh? But why does it say 'Diamond Tiara's don't touch'?"

Said filly came to her senses to say "That's mine. GIMMEMYTIARA!" Needless to write, her attempt at tackling the vampire was in vain as she crashed into the wall where Seras was standing just a moment before. "But...How?" Diamond Tiara asked.

"uh Hello? I'm a vampire?" Seras stated boldly.

Everyone then turned to Sir Integra. "Yes I'm a vampire too!" before being blinded by a flash of purple light. When her vision returned, it was so quick (even for a vampire) it was like she wasn't even blinded at all. Then before her stood Twilight.

"Twilight, get out of there!" shouted Cadence.

"It's Okay, they're not evil!"

After many pain staking hours of explain, calming everyone down and persuading Seras to give Diamond Tiara her property back (Everyone was getting tired of the filly whimpering and crying) Celestia finally said "Well, seeing as you once fought other creatures of darkness, you are welcomed to stay in Ponyville as long as you like."

"Great, but..."Sir Integra started. "Would it be all right if I can rebuild the Hellsing Organisation here?"

The regal solar Alicorn thought for a moment, then said "of course."

High Budgets, Poor Attacks and an Angry Pony

A month after the Sun Princess said that Sir Integra can rebuild her Organization, she began to regret it. Alucard stole almost all of Spike's gems and attempted to sell it back to him for 50'000 bits (It took a full week to explain the form of currency to the Three) a piece, Seras blew up the Ponyville General Hospital, the Canterlot Vault, Blueblood's house at least six times and a cake store twice (Celestia was lying in her bed, crying and shouting "OH THE AGONY" from both times) with her Harkonnen just for laughs, surprisingly no-one was injured. Sir Integra... Okay she did nothing but literally build her Headquaters from the very first brick.

Luna walked into her sister's room as Celestia, to avoid another incident, was finishing building a cake storehouse.

"We thinks thou should go on a non-cake diet." The Lunar Princess said.

"You know no-pony talks like that anymore right?"

"I know, I just like to annoy you with it." Luna responded with a giggle.

"Luna, can you do me a favour?" asked Celestia.

"Hmm... I don't know Tia, the last time you asked me to do something for you it took, like what, a day for for the royal plumbers to unclog my royal throne." Luna shuddered at the memory (A/N It was too gruesome for me to write it down, it would have given you nightmares, IM SERIOUS!)

"It's easy Lulu, just tell Twilight that we're comming over to talk to Sir Integra. I can't do it because I need to find as much cake as possible to store down there." Celestia explained.

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"Okay so let me get this straight, The unreborn Hellsing Organization is being sued!?".

It was only ten minutes into the conference, but for Sir Integra it was an eternal hell. Being the head of a monster extermination company she can handle, turned into a vampire she came to terms with quickly, but it was torture to listen to complaints.

"Yes, I know we said you can stay and build up your business, but we're having a difficult time justifying some of these expenses." Luna began." Most of them under..."

"Alucard, please list them so we can get this over with." Sir Integra interrupted.

Celestia began with the list." First up, a 300 bit fine for robbing a mare of all her goods and attempting to burn down the store in Manehatten."

"Lets not forget about the priceless antique sword collection owned by sno- I mean Prince Blueblood, I believe the note on the claim was 'I thought I could paint them red but I couldn't find enough cockatrices, so i scrapped them.'" Twilight continued for Celestia.

"Truth be told he did the same thing with my father's car, but with goat's blood."

Prince Blueblood chose that time to run into the room, looking like as though he's about to shit real fierce.

"Keep those psycopaths away from me!" he panted.

"ALUCARD! SERAS! STAY OUT OF TROUBLE UNTIL THE..." An explosion rocked the building, followed by screams and the sound of chomping. Then a guard came into the room.

"Your majesties, I have good news, bad news and horrific news." The guard began. "The bad news is: a platoon of changelings are attacking Princess Twilights castle." This earned a few gasps from the attendents.

"And the good news?" Asked Cadence.

"The good news is that Alucard and Seras are handling it as we speak." A changeling head crashed through the windows. "The horrific news is... well... Oh... (glurk)" The poor pony then showed what he had for lunch.

"Alucard and Seras are eating them." Sir Integra finished the sentance for the guard.

Everyone went to the window to see if its true, but the sight that greeted them would scar them for life: A massacar of changelings, Alucard and Seras both eating them all in nightmarish forms.

Sir Integra smirked "So what was the issue on our budget?"

Die-its and Sir In-tech-ra

After the incindent with the vampires eating the changelings, Celestia asked them over for dinner (for both stopping an attack and out of fear for the Three) and had her chefs prepare meals of all types. Some were sugery, others were vegetables and fruit, she even had gryphon dishes prepared, most of which were meats.

Luna invited the Elements, Shining Armour and Cadence, Discord and the CMC (becuase they were the ones who found them) over. Each were ready to have a first meal with their new friends, even if they are mostly deranged lunatics which needed to be locked up in the 'Padded Hotel'.

Then the time came when the guests arrived. First was Prince Armour and his wife, Cadence. Next, Fluttershy, Discord, Pinkie Pie, Spike and Princess Twilight. Then, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity and the Crusaders.

"What do you mean you forgot the song. screw it just hit random, JUST HIT RANDOM! " The guests of honour flung the door open to a song

RA RA RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
RA RA RASPUTIN
Russia's greatest love mach-

"Turn it off." The song was ended. "Twice now, my entrance did not work!"

"Welcome, please take a seat. We prepared a lot of exotic and local dishes." Luna said.

"Great, can you tell us how they tasted!" Alucard asked. The ponies, draconequus and dragon, looked confused but Seras quickly remedied it.

"What master means is that, as vampires we can only drink blood and eat- well some of you saw yourselves."

Celestia took the news in and momentarily stared at them, before casting a spell on the Three.

"Now, you can eat." Celestia said proudfully.

Seras took an eclair, looked at it, and ate it. Everyone looked at her, as if something was going to happen. Then she smiled." Its holding down!"

Soon the banquet hall was filled with the sound of conversation and food being eaten. Most questions were from Twilight, and those regarded vampiric biology. Seras and Sir Integra shared stories from when there was humans around, and those raised questions on how their technology worked. Twilight then had an idea.

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A month after the banquet (which ended when Alucard started a food fight) Equestria saw a massive jump in its technology. Cars and computers were quickly made popular. Guns and artillery cannons were being employed and handed to every pony in the army (after modifications were made) and the Hellsing organization was reborn.

Author's Note

Sorry if this is a crude ending to the story but in the words of the Terminator "I'll be back"...with a sequel.