Kilroy Was Here

by Matthew Penn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2878

Someone named Kilroy is vandalizing private property, and Pinkie Pie is determined to take him down.

Kilroy Was Here.

Who is he? Why does he need to state his presence to others by vandalizing private property? That's what "master sleuth" Pinkie Pie wants to find out. The answer may not be what she'd expect.

Published 2015-06-14 19:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-14 19:00:02 UTC

Kilroy Was Here

They saw the graffiti on Davenport’s Quills and Sofas Department Store on their way to lunch. Half of a crudely drawn cartoon head with dots for eyes, with its large nose sticking out, and the caption at the bottom stating that someone named “KILROY WAS HERE.” Pinkie and Rainbow walked up to Davenport as they crossed the intersection and watched him furiously scrub the black ink off his wall. Pinkie sucked in her mouth when she thought she heard him mutter something unpleasant under his breath.

“What happened here?” Rainbow asked.

“I’ll tell you what happened,” Davenport said, not looking at the two young girls. “Some punk decided to vandalize my business! Those darn hooligans!”

Davenport’s arm moved all over the wall with the sponge. He found the graffiti on the wall as he was on his way to lunch. He swore to himself again, cursing the bandit who forced him to spend his break cleaning the building.

Pinkie gazed at the street art while Davenport dunked the sponge into the bucket of water. “What does it mean?”

Davenport squeezed the soapy water out of the sponge in anger. “It means that someone has no respect for other people’s property! I ought to call the authorities!”

Rainbow thought it wasn’t a good time to have a conversation with Mr. Davenport. He seemed very tensed. Also her empty stomach was irritating her. She reminded Pinkie that it was lunch. Pinkie gave her condolences to Davenport before they walked away. On their way to the diner on Alberghetti Avenue, Pinkie couldn’t help but speculate on who could have sprayed the graffiti on the Quills and Sofa Store. It was one of the things Rainbow rolled her eyes at.

“It’s best not to think too much about it,” she said. “Like Mr. Davenport said, it’s probably some kids.”

Pinkie placed her thumb and index finger under her chin. “If it was some kids, then why would they put Kilroy Was Here?” Rainbow shook her head and kept walking, only to stop and look back when she realized Pinkie wasn’t following her. Pinkie’s face beamed and she snapped her fingers. “Unless this Kilroy was the ringleader! You know what this means, Dash?”

“I don’t know, what?” sighed Rainbow.

“It’s a mystery that we have to solve! I always wanted to solve another mystery ever since the National Dessert Competition!”

Pinkie began to charge into another direction, but Rainbow grabbed her arm. “That’s great and all, but can we get some lunch first? I’m starving.”

****

It was Pinkie’s idea that they sit next to a window while they ate their food, so they can spot any potential suspects. Rainbow Dash was astonished of how Pinkie was always prepared for any situation. Once they entered their booth she already brought a notebook, a pen and pencil, and a thin camera that was the size of the salt and pepper shakers.

“Think, Rainbow, who could’ve sprayed the graffiti on Davenport’s store?”

“I don’t know,” she answered with her mouth full of burger.

Pinkie tapped the end of her pencil on the side of her head. She took a drink of her soda to help her think. Rainbow sat in her seat enjoying her cheeseburger, her thoughts not exactly on the Kilroy situation.

“It could’ve been a gang Kilroy is the leader of,” Pinkie said. “Maybe he wants everyone in town to know who he is, and had his gang… henchmen guys to spray on the Quills and Sofa store.”

“I don’t think so,” Rainbow said. “From the way that graffiti looked, Kilroy doesn’t look so threatening. Who going to be afraid of some dude with a large nose?”

“What if Kilroy is some kind of business rival with Davenport? What if he owns another Quills and Sofa store, but Davenport is making more money than he is? And out of anger he spray paints his store!”

“Sure,” Rainbow said sardonically. “That seems kind of childish, don’t you think?”

“What if Kilroy was an alien from another planet? He came to Earth in a flying saucer and uses a laser cannon to spray his name on Davenport’s shop, so the whole world will know that there are beings from other worlds!”

Rainbow almost choked on her burger while trying not to laugh. Pinkie’s elbows were on the table. She held her head on his hands. She forgot how difficult it was to solve a mystery, and Rainbow wasn’t helping matters at all. It was those times she wish Twilight was here to help, although she’ll probably shoot her theories down as well, especially the one with the space alien.

“Pinkie, I think you’re spending way too much thought on this,” Rainbow said. “Let’s face it, it was just some punks looking for trouble. Besides, there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

“But this is a mystery, Dash! And Mr. Davenport doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment! I want to help him any way I can!”

“I think we should leave this alone. Maybe Mr. Davenport already called the cops. Let’s leave it to them.”

Pinkie slumped back on her seat, arms crossed over her chest. Her half-eaten cheeseburger and fries sat on the silver plate. She pushed the plate to Rainbow when she asked if she was going to finish it. Her second crime solving gig and already things were off to a terrible start.

Later they left their tip on the table and exit the diner. Rainbow talked about her upcoming softball game with the girls from her neighborhood, and invited Pinkie to watch or play. However, she was still sour about closing the case of the mystery graffiti artist before it ever began. She had her heart set on wearing the deerstalker cap and blow on the plastic toy pipe like the other famous detectives. She really wanted today to be an adventure. Maybe another time, she thought, but who knows when that will be.

Rainbow continued to boast about how she is the greatest softball player in the entire school, and that she could probably win with her hands tied behind her back and blindfolded. Pinkie would like to see that happen someday. She paid mild attention to Rainbow on the walk home, but she stretch her arm to stop her on her tracks.

“Hey, what gives?”

“Rainbow look!”

Pinkie pointed to a building, and on its wall was the same graffiti from Mr. Davenport’s store. The top half of a crudely drawn head with dots for eyes, with a huge nose sticking out. On the bottom was the caption written in a mish-mash of capital and lowercase letters that read Kilroy Was Here, all of it in black paint. “Do you see that? Kilroy strikes again!” She put a tight grip on Rainbow’s arm and the two sped off into the street. Pinkie ignored her pleas to slow down.

“Where are we going?” Rainbow asked.

“We’re going to solve this mystery!”

“But I’m going to be late for the softball game!”

****

As luck would have it, Pinkie got to wear her deerstalker and blow from her toy pipe after all. Like a true detective she followed a trail of footsteps on the sidewalk with her magnifying glass that led to the perpetrator, if there was actually a trail to follow. Rainbow Dash followed her with her arms crossed and a frown hanging from her face. Sometimes Pinkie would stop and lean closer to the ground with the magnifying glass over her face muttering “Hmm, very suspicious,” then moved along.

“What are we doing here?” Rainbow said. “What are you trying to find?”

“I’m trying to find a clue.”

“Aren’t you suppose to ask different people before finding clues?”

Before Rainbow had a chance to react she found Pinkie uncomfortably close to her face with the magnifying glass between them. She spoke to Rainbow in her best imitation of those hard-boiled detectives. “Alright bub, where were you this afternoon?”

“I didn’t mean me!”

“I was just kidding.”

Pinkie returned to inspecting the sidewalk with her magnifying glass, to the annoyance of Rainbow. She released her cellphone from her pocket and texted to her softball friends that she was going to be late. Pinkie’s snooping led them across town. She asked different people if they knew anything about the mysterious Kilroy, but they knew nothing. There were no clues to be found either. Whoever this Kilroy was, he knew how to cover his tracks. With no progress and no leads, Pinkie and Rainbow stopped at the town square.

“Let’s take a break,” Rainbow said. “We’ve been walking around forever.”

“But we can’t stop now,” Pinkie protested, “we’re getting close!”

Rainbow said nothing, instead choosing to sit on a bench. Pinkie gave in and joined her. She removed the deerstalker from her head and put away the pipe and the magnifying glass. The two girls sat in silence, watching the people and the day pass them by unnoticed. It’s like the town didn’t care that there was a guy named Kilroy vandalizing the shops and buildings. He could be somewhere right now spraying his face and name on another wall.

“I really want to find him,” Pinkie finally said.

“We’ve at this all day, Pinkie. We’re not gonna find him. He could be anywhere by now.”

“But that’s the problem. We can’t just let him get away.” Pinkie remembered the look on Mr. Davenport’s face when he desperately scrubbed the graffiti from his shop. He looked very upset. She didn’t want anybody to go through nonsense like that.

“Why do you want to catch Kilroy so much?” Rainbow asked.

“Because it’s the right thing to do. You saw how upset Davenport was, didn’t you? I wouldn’t want that to happen to me or anybody else.”

Rainbow sighed. “I think you’re taking this too seriously. It’s just some kid with nothing to do but spray paint everywhere. Even I did some graffiti when I was young. ”

“You did? How could you?” Pinkie asked in shock.

“It was a long time ago! Look, I know you mean well,” she said, wrapping her arm around Pinkie, “but I really think we should just let this one go. I’m pretty sure somebody is going to find him eventually.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Rainbow’s cell phone buzzed and chimed, meaning the softball girls were wondering where she was. Pinkie noticed the apologetic look on her face. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. They’re waiting for me. You want to come?”

“No thanks. I’ll just stay here for awhile,” said Pinkie.

With nothing else left to say, Rainbow patted her sympathetically on her back. She hated leaving Pinkie alone, but her softball crew were going to keep pestering her until she came. Rainbow walked away from the bench, promising to Pinkie she’ll her tomorrow. She only lifted one hand to wave, not bothering to look at her. While sitting on the bench she thought about what Rainbow said. Pinkie didn’t think she took things seriously or out of proportion, but it was the principle that principle that mattered. Even if Dash didn’t think so, vandalism was not her idea of fun. She slumped on the bench, waiting for the day to end. She wondered if Davenport cleaned the wall yet.

She sat up from the bench and decided to go home. If Rainbow was to believed, then somebody will find Kilroy in a matter of time. She just wish the one to take him in was herself. Pinkie held the deerstalker in her hands.

“So much for Detective Pinkie,” she said. She crossed the street with her head hanging low. She never had the chance to look up when she bumped into someone. It was person wearing a black hoodie and khaki pants when she got a good look. The person’s face was obscured because of the hoodie over the head. Pinkie helped the person up, but he walked in a brisk pace away from the scene.

Pinkie wasn’t sure what to do, but something in her mind told her to follow the black hoodie. She had to keep a safe distance from him so she wouldn’t be seen. Whenever the hoodie turned its head to see if it was being followed, Pinkie found someplace to hide. She followed the hoodie wherever it went, making sure to not do anything that could give her away.

Finally, the black hoodie stopped and entered the Pokey Oaks Retirement Home. Pinkie hid behind a bush, took out her magnifying glass and focused on the intentions of the hoodie. The black hoodie hid too, making sure nobody was outside. When the coast was clear, he slowly walked up to a wall. He removed his backpack and took something out of it.

It was a black spray can. She had found Kilroy. He sprayed the same cartoon on the wall, just like the others. Although it was strange when she found that out. The perpetrator was much smaller than she imagined him to be.

“Gotcha!” Pinkie yelled.

The moment Kilroy heard Pinkie’s voice, he dropped his spray can and rushed from the building. Pinkie charged after him. Kilroy climbed a gate to the other side, but Pinkie simply leaped over it in a single bound. The chase carried them into the street, all across town. Kilroy almost knocked some people down and didn’t even apologize. That really set Pinkie off. He couldn’t believe how fast the pink girl behind him can keep up. No matter where he turned or how fast he ran, the pink girl was on his trail, and not a beat of sweat on her.

It was probably his imagination, but Kilroy thought he’d seen her run on the side of a building.

Kilroy turned to an alley, but realize too late that it was a dead-end. With no time to react, Pinkie tackled and pinned him to the ground. Sheer force of will kept her on top of him. The struggle proved futile.

“Okay, okay! I give up! Uncle, uncle!” Pinkie slowly removed herself from Kilroy. Not only was he shorter, his voice sounded like that of a child. Kilroy pushed his hoodie, and she was right. He was young, with blonde hair. He no more than twelve.

“So you’re the one!” Pinkie said.

“Yeah, so?”

“But why?”

“None of your business, that’s why!”

“It is my business! The Quills and Sofa Store is where people buy their quills and sofas!”

Kilroy sputtered his lips at Pinkie and pulled his hoodie over his head. When he took another look at her, he found that she was still staring at him. It didn’t help that she was blocking his way out of the alley. After having a lengthy staring contest he gave up. He took off his hoodie. There was no escaping the pink girl.

“The reason why I do this is because… it’s because I hate my name!”

Pinkie’s face soften. “You don’t like your name?”

Kilroy kept his head down, his eyes away from Pinkie. “No I don’t. I never liked it. The other kids at school make fun of me for it. I mean, what kind of parents give their kid a stupid name like Kilroy? It sounds like I’m a robot or something! I thought by spray painting my name everywhere I’ll feel better about myself. But I don’t feel better. I feel worse.”

Pinkie knelt to his level and place her hand on his shoulders. Kilroy brought his eyes from the ground and saw that she had a sympathetic face.

“Kilroy, just because you don’t like your name doesn’t mean you get to spray graffiti everywhere. You know that Quills and Sofa Store from earlier?” Kilroy nodded. “When Mr. Davenport found what you did, he was very upset. He spent his lunch break trying to clean it off. And what about the retirement home? That’s no way to decorate their place.”

“... So what are you going to do?” Kilroy asked. “Call the cops? I bet that’s what you’re going to do.”

Pinkie never gave a single thought about what to do when she found Kilroy. Since it turned out he was only a young boy, she didn’t have the heart to turn him into the police. He was just someone who hated the circumstances that were upon him.

“No, I’m not going to do that,” she said. “But there is something you can do for me.”

“What?”

“First, I want you to apologize to Mr. Davenport for what happened. Then later you can clean the messes you made. How many buildings did you do?”

“Seven.”

“Yikes. Well, if you want, maybe I can help you.”

Pinkie led Kilroy out of the alley, and from there they searched for Mr. Davenport so he can apologize. Hopefully he’ll go easy on the young boy. On their way out she found her deerstalker on the sidewalk. It must’ve fallen from her head during the chase with Kilroy. She couldn’t believe it was the second mystery she solved all on her own. Her mind created a picture of Rainbow Dash’s face when she learns that Kilroy was captured. She’ll definitely want to hear about it when the day was over.