Why to Not Read Clopfics

by Tronie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 2169

Firm reasons as to why

This here will explain to you the specific reasons not to read Clopfics. These are crucial to remember if you ever get the temptations so please I begheth you to please listen for those of you who are new and those who already read to help break this curse upon you.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-05 21:34:48 UTC

Common Sense

       Now this is for those of the norm in society. For those of you who have certain attractions persay, I have no negative feelings towards you. We are all bronies. We are meant to love and tolerate. Now first, IT'S FUCKING BEASTIALITY I mean sure porn is something used to entertain some people (putting it really lightly as possible) but you gotta know where the boundaries are for some things. When it gets to the point of relatively small multicolored horses fucking eachother, you have to pick up the signs that it is not exactly normal. This is looking at it in the logical basics.

       Looking at it in the moralistic point of view, we're talking about a little child's cartoon and many of its innocent characters here. Ae you really going to read something that takes something, or for those of you who really take this personally, someone so lovable (AND NO NOT THAT WAY) and turns them into some filthy lust-filled slut. Where the fuck is the dignity in that!? Well this is the morale of it all. Please progress to next chapter.

Our Mane 6

       As you may have read in some place or another, you may have found out the side effects of reading Clopfics on the Mane 6. Well in case you live in a cave or under a rock with Internet access and still managed to avoid reading these effects, then here they are

Fluttershy: she cries miserably if you read a Clopfic.

Rarity: She becomes utterly disgusted and will no longer consider you a brony.

Twilight Sparkle: She hides herself in shame and embarrassment of the lies you have just read and endorsed.

Rainbow dash: She has the power to give and take away. You will become 20% lamer.

Applejack: She will deem you with no dignity and lasso you to hang from the highest branch in their orchard until the blood rushes to your head and explode.

Pinkie Pie: She was insane, she is insane, and she will always be insane. You will be killed by her in an instant because this is no funny matter to her (and that's saying a lot).

       Don't believe me? Well let's just hear what they have to say now.

          "*'sob... 'sob... 'cry... 'sob... You... Shouldn't read clopfics... Because... *whiine... Cry" -Fluttershy-

          "If you were to ask mua about the foul literature that are the... Clop fictions, then let me just tell you that it is dirty, low, and downright despicable. Only the most disgusting of low-life ruffians read them. And for those of you pony fanatics, or how you refer to yourselves as, ahem, bronies,  that do read this garbage that mars all of pony society, can all just direct yourself out of my sight and the sight of all my fellow ponies, for you are now nothing to us any further from this day other than the scum of the earth." -Rarity-

          "I, Twilight Sparkle, am deeply disappointed in all of you. You have ridiculed me and my friends, but I suffer the extra mile for I am the most cliche out of all. And for those of you who believe those who have written such blasphemous lies, you too have driven me to shame and embarrassment to where I must hide from society, even from my closest friends who have never looked at me the same ever again. Thanks a lot for the life scarring, your no longer faithful nor existing, Twilight Sparkle." -(third times the charm) Twilight Sparkle-

          "HEY!! YEA YOU, AT THAT BOX LIKE THINGY! Who in your right mind do you think you are talking about my friends like that let alone me!? Sure for some of them it might be possible ~RAINBOW!!!~ (mane 6) hehe, but me!?!? Let me just tell you something bub, I did not become 20% cooler multiple times to be bought down to the rank of a bucking ho! You bring me down, I bring you down. 20% MUTHA BUCKA!!" -RainbowDash-

          "Now lemme tell ya'll somethin' here right now you yung li'l buck, I don't like it when people start goin about town tellin their lies, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT FORSAKES THEIR HONOR LIKE THAT!! You might trample over me and you'll live through the torturen' but when y'all gonna be doing it to my friends, you'll be hangin' from the highest point in all of Equestria. YA GOT THAT PUNK!?" -AppleJack-

      "Screw the rules, I'm Pinkie Pie and this is no laughing matter and since it makes ponies sad and not happy then you die! YAY! WHO WANTS MUFFINS!!!" -The Great Wise Budha Guru that is Pinkie Pie- (she payed me extra to write that)

       Wait a minute... I'm getting a live broadcast from Princess Celestia herself! Here she is now.

       "Attention all Bronies, for all who defile the name of me, my sister, or any of our subjects; you will be sentenced to immediate deportationn to the moon."

       Well there you have it from the princess.

Anti-CCC

       NO! NOT THE CUTIE MARK CRUISADERS!!! Seriously though, let's take a moment to consider this. Imagine we're in the future. We're in the furure and the cutie mark crusaders: AppleBloom, Scootaloo, and SweetieBelle are all grown up. Yea I know that SweetieBelle seems a little far fetched but let's get back to the mane picture. See what I did there!? ~silence~ Right, well anyways, imagine them being turned into slutty dirty whores. Now keeping that thought in mind let's immediately return to the present where they're small and adorable. Now in that state imagine them sucking horse dick, licking pony pussy and nibbling furry tit.

...

...

...

       Yeah. Not exactly a pretty sight now is it. It is also very inappropriate for fillies as well. Now these fillies grow up in innocence not yet knowing the undesirables of society whether they be certain ponies or cultures. If this clopficary continues into their adulthood where they may be ridiculed as did our mane six and the backgrounds ponies, they would have been lied to about how great the world is because in their world, the undesireables are those who do not understand politeness, social values, or friendship, and that's pretty bucking awesome compared to the shit that we live with. Now why would we spoil that? Or better yet, why would you spoil that, especially to those cute little faces? FORESHAME!

       Also, let's here them tell us how they learned their Essen about telling lies and blasphemous gossip to many around use that forsakes the honor of those around us.

       "Well I remember when we wrote those horrible things in the school newspaper under GabbyGums, and we suffered big time for what we had done. It was wrong, cruel, and completely disregarded the opinion and safety of others. Now for those of you who are in a similar situation, before it gets any worse, please stop writing now while you can while there is still hope." -The CCC-

Please take notice that they are still unaware of the exestance of Clopfics after this interview, bless their souls.

       And now a word from our sponsor.

Celebrity Endorsement

       "Hi. As many of you may know, my name is Saphire Shores, the pony of pop. I think it's SENSATIONAL, that you are such fans of me and those like me. I do also think that it's not hip that you enjoy reading dirty material about us though. If you are a true fanatic, just enjoy us for who we are, and not just some sex toy characters that you get those SENSATIONS from. That is why I am funding this message that is being sent to you from this person who shall remain anonymous. Being a true fanatic doesn't mean the endorsement of rule 34 to the craze. I'm not just refference to us, I'm reffering to anything popular in general. Being a true fanatic means that you have such a great passion and love that you give it respect for what it is and also deem it with its true dignity.

      I am also giving a call out to the authors of these Clopfics, the mane 6, our princess, our background ponies. For all the ponies, I really feel bad for all of you and I'm there for any moral support that you may need. Anything you want just give me a call and iolmtake care of it for you. Now for the bronies that wrote these stories. I want you in order to truly express your fandom, to write a story on the true beauty on the character(s) who's name(s) you have soiled. That in itself will be an apology and I garuntee it will get you forgiveness. We still love you for your support, but at some point you need to learn your lesson."

The Pony of Pop, Sa.S

The Closer

       Well folks, there you have it. Those are all the rea- 'umph thump fall'. Oh I'm sorry sir, I wasn't looking at where I was going.

       "Well that's quite alright my dear boy."

       Oh dear Celestia, Luna, and Cadence, it's YOU!!!

       " Yes we'll, it's me."

       No I mean it's really you, FancyPants.

       "But of course fellow sir, it is none other than I FancyPants. This little presentation I see you doing here, I find it quite exquisite! On what topic are you basing it on anyway young chap?"

       Well Mr. Pants...

       "Please just call me Fancy."

       Oh. Okay sure thing Fancy. Anyway, have you ever heard of the brony community.

      "Why yes indeed I have. I recall reading an article on the introduction of a new line of attire specifically meant to target the market consisting of bronies. From viewing such articles of clothing, I take that they are male fanatics of our species and the show dedicated to us, no?"

       Yes, sir, yes indeed. You truly are a genius when it comes to modern day, historical, or even future social trends.

       "Why thank you, my good lad."

       Well you see sir, er- Fancy, I mean, there are some of those who are a bit, well, over the top. It's hard to explain, low me to explain through analogy. Let us say that a celebrity is caught doing something that is a bit out of the norm but comical. Something that both the celebrity and the masses can enjoy and laugh at for a bit. Now let's say that some of the masses for their own enjoyment exploit this beyond proportions. As a result from this, it makes the ponies feel mad as well as the rest of the bronies. So...

       "Well wait. I see that you've jumped back to the real picture. How are some of these bronies of yours exploiting us?"

       Well you see Fancy, people are writing sex scenes of you and other ponies. The worst thing is that it's actually more a gruesome type of literature. Really down and dirty. This has been known to cause humiliation and depression upon certain ponies, and its also abnormal for different species (equins and sapians) to have these sexual attractions for each other.Honestly I frown upon this as well as the rest of those like me in the Brony community.

       "I see. Well I agree that this is a serious issue. And the message that your trying to get out from this to display to your audience is to bring awareness to this issue?"

       Well actually, most people already know about this. It's just that I want to bring an influence on these people that says that this fad is actually wrong and disgusting. Actually, III- DEEE-YAAAAA!!! If I can get a word from you about this to convey the message, you being a sir and all, it will definitely convince those to turn a new leaf.

       "Well anything to help a major cause such as this, of course I'll put a word in. Take a note...

It has been brought to my attention that there are some of those male fanatics of us out there who partake in the exploitation of some of our friendly neighbors around us. Some of you consider real men to admit that you appreciate a show such as this. While it is honorable, it is also dishonorable to be enjoying such foul entertainment. It is unlike the satire of a real man to do such a deed. If you want to be a true man or sir such as I you will resist such low acts and temptations and uphold the name of something that you are firmly true in believing in.

Quote from: Mr. FancyPants

       And that is truly it for real this time folks. Those are your reasons as to why not to read Clopfics. Thank you all for reading. From your fair and humble author,

The Snob.