Transdementia

by Kwakerjak

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer, Discord, Alternate Universe, Human, Nightmare Moon
Length: 72979

Pinkie Pie heads to another world to retrieve the stolen Element of Magic, with Penumbra in tow. ("Equestria Girls" as it occurs in the Petriculture AU.)

Things have started to settle down since Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie were crowned as princesses of Equestria, but that doesn't mean that any semblance of normalcy will be arriving. The first major summit of Equestria's ruling princesses is cut short when a thief steals the Element of Magic and escapes to another world. However, because of Pinkie's rather unique skillset, Celestia sends her to retrieve it, rather than Twilight. But even though the other Element-bearers will be staying behind, Pinkie won't have to face this task alone....

This story is a continuation of the plotline begun in The Petriculture Cycle. The first story can be found here.

Artwork (and original story idea) by Page Turner. TV Tropes page by an unknown number of anonymous persons on the internet.

Published 2015-06-14 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-02 21:23:46 UTC

Chapter 2: If I Had Glass Hands and Glass Feet

Pinkie Pie took a few hours to get ready for her mission; for the most part, this consisted of learning as much as she could about Sunset Shimmer from Celestia. Aside from a basic physical description, Pinkie learned that Sunset Shimmer was a highly ambitious and powerful magician (though she probably could have guessed that on her own) who as a student had shown a particular flair for neuromancy (which she probably wouldn’t have guessed). According to Celestia, Sunset’s fascination with the way magic affected the mind had long predated her fall from grace. Thus, it was vitally important to stay on one’s guard around her; regardless of the state of magic on the other side of the mirror, as a talented neuromancer, Sunset wouldn’t need to do very much to cloud her opponent’s mind.

Beyond that, though, Pinkie would have to deal with things as they came up, because Luna couldn’t find any specifics about the world on the other side of the mirror. The best she’d been able to come up with was a vague phrase that suggested that ponies weren’t the dominant species, but she wasn’t willing to commit to that notion with any certainty. Twilight offered to cast a universal translation spell in case a different language was spoken on the other side, which Pinkie readily accepted, even though she was fairly certain that her imaginary friend powers could handle that problem.

In any case, Pinkie spent the last hour or so before dawn in a side room with Penumbra, ostensibly so they could discuss potential strategies for finding the Element of Magic. In reality, she was doing her best to deal with Discord. She had still been considering simply revealing his secret and leaving him behind, on the grounds that her friends were better prepared to deal with him than the strangers on the other side. In response, Discord had reminded her that Penny was the reason he’d decided to reform in the first place, and thus, if anything were to happen to Penny, he would lose most of his incentive to be a good little draconequus. Considering that the Equestrian Defense Squad would be not one, but two elements short while Pinkie searched for the tiara, this was not a very pleasant scenario to contemplate. While this line of logic did nothing to improve Pinkie’s opinion of Discord, she had to admit that he had a point.

With this issue squared away (if only temporarily), there was little reason for Pinkie to stick around. The Element of Magic wasn’t going to find itself, and the longer they stayed in Equestria, the more likely it was that Sunset Shimmer would acquire it first. Thus, soon after Celestia raised the sun into the heavens, Pinkie and Penumbra returned to the mirror, where their friends were waiting to send them off.

As it turned out, Discord hadn’t been totally accurate in his declaration that Equestria would be down by two Elements of Harmony during this mission, as Pinkie decided to entrust the Element of Laughter to the capable hooves of its previous Bearer. Granted, the blue gemstone almost certainly wouldn’t work as well for Celestia as it had in ages past, but it was better than risking a mishap on the other side of the mirror. However, once this detail was sorted out, the last excuse for dillydallying vanished. “Okay, everypony,” Pinkie said, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Her friends responded with somber wishes of good luck and admonitions for caution, all of which were spoken in low tones that seemed to blend together into a mush of indistinguishable tension as they reached Pinkie’s ears. “You look agitated,” Penumbra observed as she finished up her own round of goodbyes and well-wishes.

“Agitated? No, I’m... er... excited.”

Penumbra wasn’t buying it. “Really?”

“Really. I’m about to go on an adventure, and those are exciting, so I’m excited... and I guess maybe a teensy bit nervous, but it’s the exciting kind of nervousness. I guess you could say I’m nervouscited.” Pinkie attempted a weak smile.

Penumbra rolled her eyes. “I suppose I could say that, except it seems fairly obvious to me that you’re just plain nervous. Don’t worry about it. We can do this.”

“Oh,” Twilight interjected, “before you and Penumbra go, have you decided how you’re going to get back?”

Pinkie nodded. “I’ve decided that it’ll be better to let you all know when I need the portal open again.”

“Then I’ll make sure that there’s a guard posted in this room to watch the mirror for your signal,” said Celestia.

“Great,” Pinkie said. “Once I get the Element of Magic back, I’ll send some sort of signal back here. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

And, so, after one final group hug, Penumbra slipped back into Pinkie’s mind as Luna powered up the mirror with her magic, making the silver surface glow a bright white. Pinkie took a deep breath, and after a final glance behind her towards her friends, she stepped through the shimmering surface.

Almost immediately, the whiteness evaporated into an inky blackness, punctuated here and there with barely perceptible splotches of red, green, and blue, though these were so fleeting that they reminded Pinkie of the after images that stayed in her mind’s eye when she closed her eyelids after staring at something bright. Behind her, a glimpse into the world she’d just left was momentarily visible before it abruptly winked into the darkness. For a second, it felt like she was floating in a weightless void, but soon, she began to move, pulled forward by some unknowable force, though she simultaneously felt as though she was falling sideways. The overall effect was disorienting.

Then the noise began. Until the sounds entered her ears, Pinkie Pie hadn’t even noticed how silent it had been in the limitless chamber of everything and nothing. It was a strange, droning noise, vaguely reminiscent of a choir, but with an unnaturally steady, synthetic quality. The music—for the noise did sound like music to her, albeit of a highly experimental nature—seemed to move back and forth in tone, from soothing to uneasy to disturbing to hopeful and back to soothing again, continuously shifting according to some incomprehensibly complex schedule that half of the vocalists (assuming that the sounds around her were actually vocal, which Pinkie was seriously beginning to doubt) had decided to ignore.

As the volume increased, Pinkie Pie felt something like wind blowing into her face, the sensation strengthening as she kept moving forward. But as the intermittent swathes of color grew more frequent and more solid, she also felt something else: a sort of stretching sensation across her entire body, as if it was becoming elongated. However, unlike most of the sensations she was experiencing, there was nothing unfamiliar about this; she’d done more than enough shapeshifting to know when her body was being reformed. The only difference in this instance was that she wasn’t in control. Her first instinct was to resist, but when that proved ineffective, she decided to wait and see how this journey was actually changing her, though admittedly, at the moment, there wasn’t really enough light to see much of anything.

Pinkie began to feel extremely lightheaded. This might have been due to the her general sense of disorientation, but it could just as easily been due to the fact something weird was happening to her muzzle, which felt like it was being scrunched up and pushed into her jaw. What she did know for certain was that she was on the verge of losing consciousness altogether, and all things being equal, she would prefer to avoid emerging on the other side of the portal while passed out. However, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, which in this case happened to be an actual pinprick of white light in the seemingly endless darkness. The light grew rapidly in size, and soon, Pinkie began to make out the outlines of certain objects, such as a tree, and perhaps some sort of park bench, but before she could make out any more details, she was suddenly ejected through the light and out onto the other side.

———————

Pinkie rolled on the ground for a second or two before coming to a stop face-first on some grass. The first thing she noticed was that the grass didn’t taste nearly as good as the bluegrass that grew in the fields around Ponyville, but she didn’t exactly have time to dwell on this. Instead, she rolled over onto her back and raised her head to look back to where she came from. To her mild surprise, she did not see another mirror, but rather an otherwise plain marble plinth for some sort of monument in the middle of a park. The stone glimmered briefly for a few seconds before it faded back to normal. Having determined where she’d been (and thus, where she’d probably have to return when this business was over, her next task was to figure out where she was... or perhaps, what she was.

Pinkie blinked and stretched, feeling her body shift oddly. She looked down at her body and, even though she’d suspected it, it was still a bit of a shock to realize that she was no longer equine. The most obvious difference was the fact that she didn’t have hooves. Instead, her forelegs now ended with things that looked sort of like Spike’s claws, except the hard bits at the very end weren’t sharp enough to scratch anything more threatening than an itch. Also, even though she was still the same shade of pink as always, the pinkness didn’t come from the hairs of her coat, because this body didn’t really have much in the way of body hair. Instead, the pinkness came from her skin. For a brief moment, she wondered if her skin really was that pink back in Equestria; she’d never had a reason to shave away any parts of her coat to find out. Her mane, at least, didn’t seem to have changed. It was still poofy, and she could still see the little hook dangling in front of her forehead, but as she awkwardly repositioned herself so that she could sit on her haunches, she couldn’t help but notice that her tail no longer matched her mane, largely because she no longer had one.

As she considered the matter of her missing tail, she realized her hindhooves seemed to have remained unchanged, save for a shift to the color blue. After twisting to poke them she realized they seemed to be in some kind of boot, as she followed the boot up her leg she realized she was wearing clothing. That was probably the first truly unexpected result of her journey—when she’d left Equestria, Pinkie Pie had been nude, but somehow, she’d managed to acquire a not just boots, but also a skirt and a blouse upon her arrival. Of course, at the moment, Pinkie Pie didn’t have access to anything reflective enough to see her face, but on further consideration, there was only one sensible conclusion: She’d been transformed into a sasquatch.

As all of the pictures she’d seen of sasquatches depicted them as bipedal, she attempted to stand on her hind legs... which, she realized, were technically her only set of legs if her idea was correct. The first attempt was an abysmal failure, resulting in little more than a sore rump as she lost her balance and landed on her bottom. However, the second time, she was able to steady herself against the marble slab she’d just emerged from, and fairly soon, she was standing with minimal difficulty, although her knees felt wobbly. It was then that she took a good look at her surroundings.

She was definitely in some sort of park; aside from the fact that there were benches spread evenly around the area, there was also several pieces of playground equipment off to the side where she spied several small creatures (who, on further consideration, probably weren’t sasquatches—they were standing up just a little too straight and they weren’t nearly hairy enough) frolicking about and having a good time, while some older creatures looked on. Given the fact that every single creature she saw was wearing clothing, Pinkie decided that now would not be a good time to disrobe to see if her cutie mark was still on her hindquarters, or whatever these creatures called that part of the body. Then again, the skirt she was wearing already had a logo that looked remarkably similar to her three balloons, and upon further consideration, she decided that her ensemble was actually pretty cute, so it wasn’t like there was any reason to hurry. Besides, there were more pressing concerns. “I think the coast is clear, Penny. Mind coming out to help me look for the Element?”

“No, but I do mind that you’re calling me “Penny,’” Penumbra’s voice responded as she emerged from Pinkie’s mind. Like her warden, Penumbra had taken on the form of one of the gangly primates, and she’d also acquired a set of clothing in the process: she was now wearing a dress that was a slightly darker shade of blue than her skin with a bodice that was almost the same shade of black as her mane. Also like Pinkie, Penumbra had acquired a pair of knee-length boots, though hers were black and far more rugged-looking than Pinkie’s blue pair, which seemed designed with fashion in mind rather than practicality. Unlike Pinkie, Penumbra’s clothing didn’t bear any logos or other embroidery that resembled her cutie mark, though she was wearing a pendant with a bright silver ring around her neck. She casually leaned a shoulder against the plinth as she continued speaking: “I doubt that tiara has gone very far. After all, the only reason it went through on its own was because Sunset Shimmer was a bit clumsy for a moment, so it’s not likely that she was going to pass it to an accomplice like a baton.”

“You think we should look around this park, then?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, maybe if we had been able to go through the mirror right away that would make sense, but as things stand I’d guess it’s already been found by somebody. If it wasn’t, Ms. Shimmer would probably be in the area looking for it.”

“You’ve got a point... You don’t suppose she’s found it herself, do you?”

Penumbra shrugged. “It’s a definite possibility, but if that was the case, I’d also think she’d be waiting by the portal to ambush anypony who had followed her.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Villain’s intuition,” Penumbra said with another idle shrug. “In any case, I don’t see much point in dwelling on it until we have reason to think it’s true. For now, though, we should probably try to find it, even if we might not be able to retrieve it yet.”

“Well, I guess that’s as good a plan as any,” Pinkie said with a shrug as she carefully pushed herself away from the plinth. Even though her knees were somewhat shaky, she managed to move around on two legs with relative ease, probably because Penumbra was there to give her advice.

“How did you learn to walk like this, anyway?” Pinkie asked once she felt confident in her stride. “Was it something you and Luna did to pass the time on the moon?”

Penumbra shook her head. “No, the only things Luna wanted to talk about on the moon were vengeance, punishment, and the maximization of equine suffering, so all the skills we worked on were to that end. I learned the basics of walking on two legs from Discord.”

On hearing this, Pinkie abruptly halted, nearly falling over as her momentum kept the top half of her body moving forward. She only avoided skinned knees by grabbing onto a nearby lamppost. “Oops...” she said. “I guess it’s a bit harder to stop when you’ve only got two feet on the ground.”

“Are you okay?” Penumbra asked, glancing over.

“I’m fine,” Pinkie said with a wave of her free hand. “You just reminded me of something important, that’s all.”

Penumbra had a pretty good idea about what that something was, or rather who: “Discord is still in your head for the moment, alright? I spent most of the trip convincing him that this new world will require a much more subtle approach than his usual antics, and he’s agreed to hang back for a while—provided that you stop jamming his radio so he can listen in and get a better idea of how this world works.”

Pinkie sighed as she resumed walking. “I guess that’s better than getting whacked on the head with a rusty poker.” She concentrated for a split-second and started broadcasting her sensory information to Penumbra’s living room. “This had better not backfire, though. It seems pretty fishy that he’d agree that quickly.”

“Not really,” Penumbra replied as she allowed her scowl to briefly transform into a smirk. “At least, not from our point of view, I think you went into a dream state of some sort, because it seemed like we were talking for at least an hour.”

“Oh, I see. That does make sense, I guess.” Well, technically, it didn’t make sense, but who expected sensibility from dreams? “So, do you think we should try asking around to see if a tiara has turned up recently? Oh, or maybe we should scour the area for clues, like in a detective story! You don’t suppose they have that stuff that glows blue when there’s evidence over here, do you? Ooh! I betcha I can use my Pinkie Sense!”

“I thought that only predicted vague, indeterminate events.”

Having more or less mastered basic locomotion, Pinkie was now attempting a two-legged bounce. The airtime wasn’t nearly as impressive as it was back home, though Pinkie wasn’t sure if this was due to her relative inexperience as a biped, or if it was because earth ponies were just stronger than the creatures who populated this world. She might have been tempted to ruminate on this further, were it not for the fact that she was already in the middle of a conversation. “Nah, my Pinkie Sense is only vague because half the time I can’t figure out what it’s trying to tell me before it happens. Then again, I’m not sure if it will work as well over here...”

Penumbra groaned slightly and rolled her eyes. “Or, instead of looking everywhere for a strange tiara and making all these creatures suspicious, we can try to find Sunset Shimmer instead. After all, I’m willing to bet that right now, she either has the tiara, or she’s waiting for her chance to get it. Besides, I’m also willing to bet that folks are more like to notice someone with a red and yellow striped mane than a piece of jewelry lying on the ground.”

Pinkie thought about this for a second or two as she rubbed her chin. “Hmm... sounds good to me.”

———————

As it turned out, Penumbra’s idea worked wonderfully: Sunset Shimmer’s mane (or rather, her “hairdo,” as the locals called it) was quite memorable, and she was soon identified as a student at a nearby school called “Canterlot High.” Neither Pinkie nor Penumbra thought this school’s name could be a mere coincidence, though at the moment, neither could explain why an institute of learning would share its name with the capital of Equestria, unless, as Pinkie theorized, they were in a town called Canterlot, which would make perfect sense since they’d just left a city called Canterlot that was on the other side of a mirror. The school itself turned out to be a rather large building, approximately the size of the School for Gifted Unicorns, though its shape was much boxier than Celestia’s castle. Several of the creatures, most of them older than the youngsters at the playground but younger than the ones looking after them, were milling around, conversing about the day’s events. Apparently, the lessons for the day had concluded, but more than a few students were sticking around for various extracurricular activities. They seemed to be interspersed with students who were heading home, calling their goodbyes to friends and chatting.

Naturally, Pinkie’s first instinct was to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, but Penumbra held her back. “Hold up,” she said as she hooked her friend by the elbow and pulled her aside to hide behind a large tree. “We can’t just walk up there and start blabbing about tiaras and Sunset Shimmer.”

“Why not?” Pinkie Pie asked, looking out at the various groups, her eyes eager. “I mean, there’s a good chance we’ll find both of them here, isn’t there?”

Penny groaned and tugged Pinkie to look at her directly. “Yes, but if Sunset Shimmer hears about a pair of newcomers asking about her, she’ll know we’re already here.”

Pinkie scrunched her mouth up. “So? I mean, I get what you’re saying about the element of surprise, but Sunset Shimmer has to know that we’re coming.”

Penny waved an arm as she tried to explain her thoughts. “She knows that somepony is coming, but she doesn’t know who. She didn’t see our faces the night she stole the tiara in the first place, so she wouldn’t know to be on the lookout for a pink... um... girl... who’s friendly to everything that’s ever existed or a dark blue one who’s an eternal curmudgeon. If she does have the Element, we’ll need every advantage we can get to take it back.”

“But... but these are all potential friends! I can’t just not talk to them,” Pinkie said with a whimper, looking longingly at the chatting groups.

Penny rolled her eyes. “At least listen in on their conversations for a bit. For all you know, some of them are Shimmer’s lackeys.”

“How do you know she has lackeys?”

Penny looked at her flatly. “Celestia said she was corrupt and power-hungry. Of course she has lackeys.”

“You didn’t,” Pinkie countered.

“I didn’t need lackeys. I have the Shadowbolts for that. Look, my point is that we need to be selective about who we talk to until we know who we can trust.”

“But that’s passive and quiet and boooring...” Pinkie Pie whined as her shoulders slumped down. It seemed like the best posture to express the emotions that she’d normally flatten her ears for.

“Pinkie, you know I’m right.”

Pinkie sighed. “Of course I know that, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”

The pair found a convenient bush to crouch behind and listened carefully for any smidgen of information that could prove useful; as it turned out, though, there were numerous smidgens to be heard, as quite a few of the random passers-by were talking about a rather intriguing piece of costume jewelry.

“....I can not believe Ms. Cheerilee saddled us with so much homework at the last minute....”

“....Hey, Flash, you heading to football practice?”

“Yeah. I’ll catch up with you later tonight....”

“....They’re seriously replacing the tiara for the Fall Formal?”

“Why not? The old one looked kind of tacky....”

“....Seriously, my parents are saying that I might have to pay my own phone bill. That is so unfair!”

“Well, maybe you could get a job after school or something.”

“What? And give in to my parents? Why should I? They’re the ones being unfair....”

“....Has anyone seen that new crown thing?”

“It was in Vice Principal Luna’s office, but I heard it got moved....”

“Did you catch last night’s episode of House of Thrones? Seriously, those guys will kill off anyone...”

“....I’m telling you, it only has one gem, but it’s huge, and it almost looks like it’s real, instead of plastic or whatever rhinestones are made out of. Only I’ve never seen a real gem cut into the shape of a star before....”

“....For the last time, I’m not going to the Formal with you. If you keep bugging me, you’re going to get maced. With an actual mace....”

“....Walking home sucks. Why do we have to wait until we’re sixteen to get our driver’s licenses? I’m, like, totally mature for fifteen....”

“...I heard that Sunset Shimmer was the one who convinced Principal Celestia to replace the tiara for the Formal.”

“Ugh... that little brown-noser practically has them eating out of her hand. She probably figures she’s a lock to be elected Princess, and wants the crown to match her dress, or something stupid like that.”

“You’re probably right. In fact, I heard that Sunset Shimmer actually designed the new tiara herself, and Principal Celestia even let her pick it up for delivery!”

“Some girls get all the luck. I just wish someone else was willing to enter the contest....”

“Did you hear that?” Pinkie whispered excitedly to Penumbra as the crowd began to thin out. “It sounds like the Element of Magic is going to be the prize for some contest at this Fall Formal thing! You know what that means, right?”

Penumbra nodded. “Of course. We need to steal it before then.”

“Exactly! We’re going to... wait, no! We’re not going to steal anything!”

Penumbra shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, okay, we won’t be doing any stealing.”

“Good,” Pinkie said with a determined nod.

“Technically, it doesn’t even count as stealing, since they’re not supposed to have it in the first place. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that we’ll need to do some breaking and entering if we want to get that tiara,” Penny said, crossing her arms.

“Breaking and entering?! We are doing no such thing! We need to keep our impact in this world to a minimum,” Pinkie shrieked, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at Penny.

Penny glared back, unmoved. “And taking the tiara back by force is the quickest, and therefore the best method. It probably won’t have any effect, aside from maybe ruining this Fall Formal party.”

Penumbra had never seen Pinkie look so offended before. In fact, the only time she’d ever seen anypony look so offended was the time she accidentally insulted Derpy Hooves’ intelligence. “We are not going to ruin anyone’s party!”

Penny threw up her hands in frustration. “Well, how else do you expect us to get it? From what I overheard, it sounds like Sunset Shimmer’s a shoo-in to win this princess contest.”

“Maybe, but you’re forgetting something super-duper-important,” Pinkie said with a smirk.

“And that is?”

“Well, I’m already a princess, aren’t I?” Pinkie pointed her thumb at her chest proudly.

Penumbra sighed. “Pinkie, somehow, I doubt that contest is open to anyone who isn’t a student here.”

“That obstacle,” said a nasal tenor directly behind them, “is hardly insurmountable.”

The duo’s heads whipped around to see a tall, slender male with grayish-brown skin, dark grey hair with a single shock of pure white at the widow’s peak, an immaculately trimmed light grey goatee, and slightly jaundiced red eyes. His clothes were as carefully styled as his coiffure: a white dress shirt with diamond-studded gold cufflinks; a pinstriped burgundy vest (or waistcoat, as Rarity always insisted on calling them) with a matching necktie and a solid gold chain which presumably led to a pocket watch; dark brown dress slacks with a crease that looked sharp enough to split a hair; and spit-shined black leather wingtip shoes on his feet.

“Discord!” Pinkie said in a harsh whisper. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I believe we all established that I would be tagging along on your little mission before you left....” Discord began, calmly adjusting his sleeves and brushing off some lint.

“That’s not what I meant. Penumbra said you promised to stay at her place.” Pinkie stomped a foot to emphasize her annoyance.

“And so I did—until the situation was such that I would be able to offer you assistance. Thus, here I am.”

Penumbra seemed far less perturbed by Discord’s entry into this new world. “I would have expected you to pick an outfit that was more... unconventional.”

Discord let out a low chuckle. “Well, I have been trying to rid myself of that pesky habit of ‘predictable unpredictability,’ haven’t I? Besides, you need to appear trustworthy at first glance if you really want to cause chaos.”

“So that’s why you’re out here?” Pinkie Pie asked, her face in an uncharacteristic snarl. “You want to create even more problems?”

“No, I’m here to solve problems. Specifically, I’m here to solve your problems, which does not preclude the creation of lesser problems along the way.” Discord said, looking at her with a sardonic smile plastered on his face.

“Discord...” Pinkie growled.

Discord sighed and raised a hand to forestall the incoming rant. “I assure you that any chaos I create will not rise above the level of ‘minor inconvenience.’”

“Pinkie, will you please just lighten up for a bit?” Penumbra said, tugging on her friend’s arm. “I know you don’t like him very much, but he is here to help us out.”

Pinkie looked at Penumbra in shock and gesticulated wildly in Discord’s general direction as she responded. “Help? How is he possibly going to help us do anything?”

Discord flashed a beaming, toothy grin that reminded Pinkie of those shady cider salesponies that had once tried to swindle the Apple family out of their orchard. “Now, Pinkamena, is that any way to talk to your father?”

“Don’t call me ‘Pinkamena.’”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 3: Face To Face On High Places

Discord’s plan was simple enough: since Pinkie apparently needed to be a student to win the tiara back, he would pose as her father and enroll her (and Penumbra, for good measure) at the school. Thus, with his “daughters” in tow, he strode into the offices of the school, which, Penumbra noticed from the various banners and bulletin boards she spotted, was named Canterlot High. As the three of them waited in the office’s reception area, she wondered whether the name was just a coincidence—that is, until the school’s principal came out to meet them and unceremoniously dashed any notions of happenstance.

It was Celestia. Oh, not the same Celestia who raised the sun every day, but she was immediately recognizable. Sure, she wasn’t a pony, and her skin was pink as opposed to white, and her hair wasn’t billowing about in the ether, but her eyes, voice, and her overall demeanor were almost exactly the same. And as it turned out, she also shared Celestia’s name.

“Greetings, Mr. Discord,” she said as she extended one of her hands. “I’m Principal Celestia.”

If Discord was in any way surprised by this development, he did an excellent job of concealing it. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he replied with a debonair smile as he grasped Celestia’s hand and briefly shook it. “These are my daughters, Pinkamena and Penny.”

Immediately, the two girls began in unison: “Don’t call me—”

Discord cut them off before they could finish. “Sorry, I mean Pinkie and Penumbra.” He glanced knowingly at Principal Celestia. “I’m afraid I have a nasty habit of mildly provoking my children to irritation.”

Celestia chuckled. “You, and nearly every other human being who’s ever raised a teenager. Shall we step into my office for a bit?”

———————

Penumbra had half-expected Celestia’s office to resemble the interiors of the palace complex in Canterlot, with polished floors, pristine white walls, and an abundance of empty space, but this “human” version’s tastes apparently were more in line with the average resident of Ponyville. The floors were made of wood, while the walls were painted in a soft ochre, and assorted office furniture was cluttered with books and knickknacks, many of which had a horseshoe theme. However, any further speculation was cut short as Discord launched into his cover story, which was surprisingly coherent for something made up on the fly. He claimed to be a widower who had recently moved to town to take advantage of “a job opportunity” who wanted to ensure that his daughters enrolled in a local school as soon as possible. “I must thank you for being willing to meet with us on such short notice,” he said as he finished up his tale.

Principal Celestia’s smile was every bit as warm as her Equestrian counterpart. “Well, Mr. Discord, I’m glad that you’re taking so much initiative in your daughters’ schooling. I’ve always believed that kids learn best when their parents care as much about their education as their teachers. Your wife must have been a very lucky woman.”

“Not half as lucky as I was to know her,” Discord replied with a bittersweet sigh. “But I’m sure she wouldn’t want me to dwell on the past. Not if it might get in the way of our children’s future.”

“Oh?” Celestia said as she raised an eyebrow.

“Indeed,” Discord said with a short, serious nod, “though I’m still not sure if I’m emotionally prepared to meet her last request.”

“And that is?”

“Why, to find a good female role model for the girls who can take her place, of course.”

Penumbra couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Discord wasn’t just laying it on with a trowel; this much cloying sentimentality required about a dozen shovels, or perhaps a backhoe. Granted, it might have been endearing if she hadn’t known that he was lying through his teeth, but that was a moot point. All that mattered was whether Principal Celestia bought into his story, and from where she was sitting, it appeared that Discord was on the verge of successfully charming his way around the blatant holes in his story.

Penumbra idly glanced over towards Pinkie, who seemed to be more disconcerted than disgusted. In the mouth of any other storyteller, Discord’s tale probably would have tugged at her heartstrings, but the knowledge that it was about as truthful as one of the FlimFlam Brothers meant that Pinkie’s heartstrings were decidedly out of tune at the moment.

“Well, I don’t think there should be too much trouble enrolling them; this is a public school, after all. In fact, if you have the time to fill out some forms, I think they’ll be able to start tomorrow.”

“Why, that’s splendid!” Discord said cheerfully.

Celestia nodded. “Do you mind if I take a few minutes to get them? My secretary couldn’t come in today, so I’ve had to do all of the actual work myself for once.”

“Oh, go right ahead. We’ll still be here when you get back.” Discord said, flashing yet another grin as Celestia got up from her desk.

As soon as the door shut behind her, Pinkie Pie made her opinions known. “What on earth are you thinking, Discord?”

“Well, I had to come up with some reason why my spouse wasn’t present, and I couldn’t very well admit that she never existed, could I?” Discord replied as he idly checked his fingernails for dirt.

“That’s not what I meant,” Pinkie insisted. “Discord, you were flirting. With Celestia!”

“And your point?”

“She’s practically your mother!” Pinkie hissed.

Discord, notably, didn’t bother to rebut Pinkie’s premise. Instead, he idly waved in the general direction of the door and said, “That particular Celestia isn’t.”

“That doesn’t make it any less creepy,” Pinkie replied. It was at this point that Penumbra noticed that her friend’s hands had balled up into fists.

Discord tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. “I’m still waiting for your point.”

“Look... just... cut it out, alright? You’re making things awkward.”

“Yes... and awkwardness is simply the most socially acceptable form of chaos, my dear.”

Pinkie bit her lower lip and began to growl in irritation. It was at this point that Penumbra began to consider jumping into the conversation to smooth things over between her two best friends, but the door to the office opened before she could say anything.

“I’m sorry if that took a little longer than expected,” Celestia said as she walked in with a manila folder under her arm. “The truth is that it occurred to me that now might be a good time for Pinkie and Penumbra to take a tour of the school, so I found a volunteer who hadn’t left for home yet.”

“That is a wonderful idea,” Discord said. “Indeed, it may also give the two of us the chance to be a little more... frank in our conversation.” Penumbra didn’t know if Discord could see the expression on Pinkie’s face, but for some reason, she was pretty sure he could guess.

Celestia smiled at Discord yet again before turning her attention to the two girls. “Your guide is waiting in the reception area. She seems quite ready to show you around.”

“What’s her name?” Penumbra asked as she and Pinkie rose from their chairs.

“Applejack.”

———————

Unsurprisingly, Applejack was more or less a human version of the Applejack they already knew. Her skin was orange, she had off-white freckles, her hair was styled like the pony Applejack’s tail, and she even wore the same style of stetson. And, of course, her accent was identical as well. “Well, howdy there!” she said with a broad smile as Pinkie and Penumbra walked towards her. “Principal Celestia tells me y’all are gonna be startin’ here soon.”

“That’s right!” Pinkie Pie chirped. She hadn’t been out of Discord’s presence for more than ten seconds, and already her mood had improved. “I’m Pinkie Pie, and this is Penumbra.”

Penumbra extended her hand. “Penumbra Noctis,” she said.

“Pleased to meet you,” Applejack said cheerfully as she shook hands. “I’m Applejack—my parents decided to go for just the one name when I was born—but if that’s still too long for ya, feel free to use ‘A.J.’”

“Will do!” Pinkie said.

“Mind if call ya ‘Penny’?” Applejack asked Penumbra.

“Very much so,” Pennumbra replied darkly.

“Uh, right...” Applejack said as she let go of Penumbra’s hand. “Well, ain’t no sense in dawdlin’ around here. Let’s get started.”

———————

The tour began in a large hallway just outside of the office. The walls were painted in a light yellow and lined with large, green, metal lockers, while the the floor was made of blue tiles that had been cleaned and polished to a sheen, though Pinkie wasn’t entirely certain what they were made of. “This here’s the main part of the school.” Applejack said. “If you’ve got a class that don’t really need any kind of special equipment, it’s probably around here. It’s also where most of the homerooms where we’re s’posed ta go at the start of the day are, mostly on account of how most classrooms are the normal kind. You two have any idea what lockers you’re gonna be assigned?”

“Not yet,” Pinkie said.

“Well, most of the lockers are in this part of the school, since this is the part closest to the entrance.”

Penumbra peeked into the open door of a nearby classroom, and saw everything she’d expect from a typical school in Equestria: desks, chalkboard, bookshelves, and assorted decorations that presumably had something to do with the subject that was normally taught there.

Pinkie, meanwhile, was continuing her conversation. “Is your locker around here, then?”

“Actually, mine’s down that wing over there,” Applejack said as she pointed to a secondary hallway that shot off from the one they were standing in. “That’s where you’ll find a lot of the science classes. You know, biology, chemistry, stuff that requires a lot of special supplies and equipment.”

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “What’s your favorite subject?”

“Me?” Applejack thought for a second before answering, “I’d have to say mathematics, though that’s mostly because the teacher I’ve got this year is really good at teachin’ it—Ms. Cheerilee. If there were more subjects that had somethin’ directly to do with farmin’, I’d probably like them, but my family’s apple orchard is one of the few farms near town. There aren’t really enough farming families around here to make courses on agriculture worth the money it’d cost.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Applejack said. “If it turns out I need to learn more, I can probably find a college somewhere that teaches that sort of thing after I graduate from high school. Anyway, the classroom numbering in this building is pretty straightforward, so you probably won’t get lost in this part of the school, at least. In any case, let’s keep movin’.”

———————

“Here’s the cafeteria, where you’ll probably eat your lunch most of the time, though when the weather’s nice a lot of kids just head outside. I don’t know if your pa is the type who makes lunch for you at home, but if you end up buyin’ it here, the food’s pretty good. Course, I’m sorta biased, on account of my Granny Smith is the head lunch lady, but I still say the food she cooks for the students is almost as good as the stuff she cooks for the family.”

“Oh?” Pinkie Pie asked Penumbra idly strode over to a nearby bulletin board and perused its contents. “She must really like cooking, then, if she’s still willing to do it for you once she’s done here.”

Applejack chuckled and shook her head. “Nah, my family’s apple orchard is just outside of town, and it’d be a hassle for her to come there every day. It’s only for special occasions, when the extended family shows up. Most of the time, my momma does the cookin’ back home.”

“Oh... right. Of course she would,” Pinkie said, doing her best to conceal her surprise. For whatever reason, she had assumed that what had happened to Applejack’s parents would have happened over here, as well. I guess the mirror image isn’t that precise. Maybe our A.J. could come over to this side to meet them when this is all done.... Then again, that might be way too awkward for everyone.

Penumbra walked over to the pair. “I, er, noticed that many of the planned meals contain meat.”

“Hmm?” Applejack looked mildly confused for a brief moment before she figured out what Penumbra’s point was. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much if you don’t eat meat. There’s always a vegetarian option, though if you’re vegan, you’re probably better off packing your own lunch at home, just to be on the safe side.”

Pinkie was somewhat intrigued by the idea that there was more than one kind of not-meat-eating, but that seemed like the kind of thing she could learn about on her own. “Okay, so what’s next?”

———————

“Up next, we got the library.” This was a large, carpeted space with dozens of bookshelves, each filled with volumes. There were several students here, most of them quietly poring over various tomes of knowledge as they scribbled out notes on sheets of paper. “As you can see, there’s plenty of books here, coverin’ just about everything you might need to learn for a class. An’ in the off chance you’re lookin’ for somethin’ that ain’t in the books, the computer lab is right through those doors over there. Here at CHS, we got ourselves a pretty nice broadband connection.”

“Broadband?” Pinkie asked.

“You know, for the internet,” Applejack said, her voice showing a hint of bemusement.

As a matter of fact, Pinkie did not know this, as she hadn’t a clue what an internet was in the first place, but something in Applejack’s tone of voice suggested that admitting this would needlessly raise suspicion. “Um... right.”

“I’ll admit I don’t quite know what all goes into it myself,” Applejack continued, “but apparently you want your band as broad as possible, or else stuff is real slow.”

“So, were you here after school to do some extra work, then?” Penumbra asked.

“Actually, I was here for band practice.”

“You’re in a band?” Pinkie asked.

“Not like a rock band or nothing,” Applejack said sheepishly. “I’m just in the jazz ensemble. I play bass—both upright and electric. Octavia’s been buggin’ me to try out for the orchestra—she’s the lead cellist—but I ain’t never really been that into classical music. Still, it’s somethin’ to do other than workin’ on the farm, and you meet some nice folks doin’ it. If you play anythin’, you might wanna consider checkin’ it out.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Pinkie Pie said. She would have listed the dozen or so instruments she could play, but she didn’t want to sound like a showoff. Well, not yet, at least.

“Okay,” Applejack said as she lead the two girls back into the hallway. “Next stop on the tour is the gym.”

———————

The gym, as it turned out, was a large basketball court with several rows of seating for spectators. The horseshoe motif found in Celestia’s office was even more obvious here, being plastered across the walls in the forms of various murals depicting stylized students playing a variety of sports. Perhaps more importantly, these murals provided an explanation for all of the equine imagery: the school’s team name was the “Wondercolts,” which was a little strange, since Pinkie Pie was fairly certain Rainbow Dash had once told her that this was a mildly insulting term used for ponies who were obsessive Wonderbolts fans.

That said, the murals on the wall weren’t the only decorations present. “As you can see, we’re in the process of gettin’ this place all decked out for the Fall Formal next week, so there’s an awful lot of extra stuff goin’ up.”

Indeed, there was quite a bit of bunting already in place for the forthcoming celebration, though it seemed to be several banners short for proper party decorations... but then again, perhaps the gym was going to be in use between now and the actual party, and a complete setup would have just gotten in the way. Still, despite its incomplete state, the decorations seemed to have a distinctive flair to them, displaying a rather familiar mix of elegance and panache. “So, who’s doing the decorating?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Applejack stiffened a bit at this question, but she was relatively forthcoming with her answer: “Oh, it’s a committee of students.” She tried to maintain her outgoing attitude, but her smile was noticeably forced.

Pinkie Pie nodded. “Who’s on the committee?”

At this question, Applejack’s wan smile disintegrated into a barely perceptible scowl. “That’s sort of a moot point. I doubt they’re gonna take on new members so close to the Formal.”

“Didn’t get in, eh?” Penumbra asked with a sly smile.

“Didn’t wanna get in,” Applejack retorted. “C’mon, we’d better head outside.”

———————

Outside, Applejack first took them to the football field, where the team was in the middle of practice. Pinkie and Penumbra decided to sit down for a bit to watch them, even if it was little more than an excuse to not be standing in Penumbra’s case. Heavily padded squads in blue and yellow uniforms raced back and forth across an rectangular expanse of grass marked with a gridiron pattern. From what Pinkie Pie could tell, their game was similar to hoofball—at the very least, it had a similar pointy-oval that got tossed around. Of course, this might have been less confusing if they had actually been playing rather than practicing, but Pinkie wasn’t about to complain about that sort of thing.

However, after several minutes, watching a few dozen sweaty teenage boys grunt as they slam into each other in an otherwise empty field lost most of its appeal, and the three girls moved on to look at the rest of the school’s grounds: tennis courts, baseball and softball diamonds, an archery range, and finally, a soccer field, where Pinkie spotted another familiar-looking figure.

A blue-skinned girl with wild, multicolored hair stood at one end of the field, juggling a soccer ball with her feet and head, and occasionally kicking it into the empty net in front of her. Pinkie thrust out her finger in the girl’s general direction. “Hey, who’s that?” she asked with excitement building in her voice, mostly because she knew that Applejack was about to tell her that it was Rainbow Dash, who was one of her very good friends and would she and her sister like to meet her?

Unfortunately, Applejack didn’t get this particular memo. “That ain’t nobody important,” she said quickly. “Actually, we’d better be headin’ back to the office. I reckon Principal Celestia and your pa are just about finished.”

Pinkie wasn’t certain what to make of this; surely her initial question must have been misunderstood. Rainbow Dash wasn’t “nobody important,” and especially not to Applejack! She tried to steer the conversation back to where it was obviously supposed to be heading. “Why is she out there by herself?”

“Probably because she’s a stubborn jock who don’t give a whit about anyone else,” Applejack muttered.

“What was that?” Penumbra asked. Unlike Pinkie, she hadn’t shown any reaction to this other Applejack’s dismissal of the other Rainbow Dash, though that simply may have been because she had more practice keeping her emotions in check.

“Nothin’,” Applejack said, apparently embarrassed to realize that she’d actually spoken aloud. “Forget I said anything about it. It ain’t worth wastin’ your breath, anyways.”

———————

Applejack’s broad smile had returned to her face as she dropped them off back at Celestia’s office; she told them to seek her out if they had any questions on their first day and even issued a standing invitation to visit her at her home. Pinkie, by contrast, had left the final stop on the tour in noticeable distress—though to be fair, it was really only noticeable to those who knew to be wary when her hairdo started to deflate. “This is bad,” she said as she exited the school and began to wander the town’s streets with Penumbra and Discord. “I mean, it’s really, really bad.”

“It certainly must be,” Discord said. “It’s been at least three minutes since you returned, and you have yet to issue me any sort of reprimand.”

Pinkie ignored this bit of snark and continued on with her worrying. “How could this have happened? It’d be one thing if A.J. and Rainbow Dash didn’t really know each other very well, but it sounds more like they actually dislike each other!”

“Well, technically, we only know that A.J. doesn’t like Rainbow Dash,” Penumbra pointed out. “For all we know, Rainbow Dash has no idea how Applejack feels about her. There really isn’t much point in worrying about this right now, Pinkie. For one thing, our priority is supposed to be retrieving the Element of Magic. For another, we don’t know enough about what’s going on between the two of them to do anything about it.”

Pinkie Pie sighed. “I know that,” she said as she nervously twisted a lock of her hair around one of her index fingers, “but I really don’t like the idea that my friends aren’t friends with each other.”

“Hmph,” Penumbra sniffed. “Now you know how I feel.”

“For the record, I am perfectly willing to try forging a genuine friendship with Pinkie,” Discord chimed in.

Pinkie groaned. “Why can’t you do something useful for once?”

“My dear Pinkie Pie, I just managed to get you and Penumbra enrolled at that school, bringing you a step closer to your goal. I’d say that qualifies as ‘something useful.’”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and you did it in the creepiest way possible. I’m surprised you didn’t ask her on a date!”

Discord chuckled and answered, “The thought did, of course, cross my mind, but I didn’t want to seem overeager.”

It was at this point that Penumbra decided that it was time to derail the oncoming argument. “So, now that we’ve got that sorted out, where are we staying until tomorrow?”

“Well,” Pinkie said, “Applejack did just say we could drop by her place whenever we wanted. Maybe we can spend the night.”

Penumbra shook her head. “I don’t think so. Even if her parents we willing to agree, they’d probably spend the whole night fussing over us, and we wouldn’t be able to get away from them long enough to talk about our plans.”

“Well, then, what did Mr. Useful tell Celestia?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh, I made something up about how we already had temporary lodgings while we looked for a more permanent place,” Discord said.

“And she actually bought that?” Pinkie said disbelievingly.

“I will admit that it was one of the tougher sells of the conversation, but I got around it by pretending that I’d forgotten the name of the hotel. When she tried to fill in the blanks with a guess, I simply said she was correct, and it seems my acting was good enough to convince her that I hadn’t been grasping at straws.”

Pinkie sighed. “Still, I’m guessing that when you say ‘temporary lodgings,’ you really mean that you and Penny will be heading back inside my head while I fend for myself out here.”

“Don’t call her ‘Penny,’” Discord rebuked in his most fatherly tone of voice before Penumbra could chime in with her usual rejoinder. “You shouldn’t antagonize your sister like that. Besides,” he added as he pointed towards a small shop, “I have a much better idea.”

———————

The shop turned out to be a pawn shop, owned and operated by the human counterparts of the FlimFlam Brothers. As such, the proprietors were not exactly the most trustworthy characters in town, but then again, neither was their customer. Discord, it seemed, had picked up a few skills from Trixie during their brief alliance, including the method of creating jewel-quality gemstones from ordinary rocks. Granted, he wasn’t quite as good at it as Trixie; Flim and Flam managed to find quite a few defects in the stones Discord offered them (though doubtless they were exaggerating the effect those defects would have on the stones’ market value). Still, Discord managed to leave the shop with a tidy sum of money, which he then used to check the three of them into the hotel that Celestia had inadvertently recommended.

It was all quite ingenious, except for one minor detail.

“Discord, you can’t just go around using magic all willy-nilly in this world!” Pinkie shouted once the three of them were inside their room, safely away from inquisitive ears.

Discord raised an eyebrow. “Willy-nilly? I think you’re overstating things a bit.”

Pinkie shook her head. “You did on purpose, which means you willed it, and you didn’t have to do it, so it’s worth nil. Willy-nilly.”

Discord, meanwhile, began organizing his pile of currency, which was still substantial, even after paying for a week’s stay up front. “I’ll have you know, Pinkie,” he said as he continued the discussion, “that that is some of the least disruptive magic I know. Trixie did learn it from an order-obsessed nutcase in the first place, after all. Really, when you get down to it, I merely sped up a non-magical process.”

“This world hardly has any magic at all! We can’t just inject magic whenever we feel like it. Things might become unstable.”

“Well, the universe hasn’t imploded yet, so I think we’re safe for now. Besides,” Discord added, “we’re imaginary friends. Our magic doesn’t follow the normal rules in the first place.”

“He has a point,” Penumbra said as she flopped onto one of the two beds in the room, which seemed to be nicely decorated, if a little bland. On one side of the room, there was a large device which displayed a variety of programs when turned on. It was controlled remotely using a small wand covered in buttons, which allegedly worked without any magic whatsoever. This strange device must have been the “teevee” thing that the woman at the front desk had mentioned... though upon further reflection, it could just as easily be the “wyfy.” In any case, the sheets were clean and all the fixtures in the bathroom were working, which meant it certainly met the minimum requirements for a hotel room as far as Penumbra was concerned. “Plus, Sunset Shimmer must have used some of her pony magic over here as well. How else could she have opened the portal to steal the Element of Magic in the first place?”

“I’m not sure how that would make things any better, Penumbra,” Pinkie Pie said.

“I’m only saying that this world might not be as fragile as we’re thinking it is,” Penumbra said. “Like Discord said, imaginary friend magic doesn’t follow the same set of rules. As long as we aren’t actively trying to rip the fabric of reality to shreds, we’ll probably have less of an impact than whatever Sunset Shimmer has already done, so long as we use our magic sparingly.”

Pinkie sighed. “Fine... I’ll drop the subject for now. I’m going to go take a shower.” She seemed to be dragging her feet slightly as she slumped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

“Let me know if you figure out what these bouncy things on our torsos are for,” Penumbra called out.

“I’m pretty sure they’re just breasts,” Discord said offhandedly. “That would explain why only the females have them.”

“Oh, come on,” Penumbra said. “Why on earth would these things need to be this big on creatures this size if they’re just for nursing?”

“I don’t know,” Pinkie Pie said from behind the bathroom door, “but I don’t see any other body parts on here with nipples, so he’s probably right.... Hey, it looks like humans really don’t have cutie marks!”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 4: Dust Devil

Being Twilight Sparkle’s imaginary friend came with more than its fair share of perks and privileges, but arguably the most versatile of these was being her intellectual equal. This hadn’t even been a conscious decision on Twilight’s part; rather, if Surprise hadn’t been as smart as her, the two would have run into trouble attempting to talk about all the esoteric knowledge Twilight had accumulated. Thus, when Surprise first manifested as Pinkie Pie, she took with her a raw intelligence on par with her precocious creator, who was quite possibly the smartest pony who ever lived.

That being said, Pinkie was still somewhat nervous about her first day at Canterlot High School, mostly because so much of what she knew didn’t apply here. This was a world where scientists had no reason to assume magic existed, and thus, whole swaths of what Equestrians would have considered the building blocks of science, like alchemy and ether theory, would no doubt be dismissed as hogwash over here. Likewise, nothing Pinkie knew about Equestrian history was really applicable either; given that there seemed to be only one variety of human (as opposed to three kinds of ponies), it seemed unlikely that human conflicts in the past would bear much resemblance to the mess that Equestria had been before the arrival of the alicorns.

Fortunately, though, there was one subject that didn’t worry Pinkie Pie in the slightest: mathematics. The rules of math hadn’t changed; two plus two plus two still equaled six, and presumably all the stuff about arithmetic and algebra and calculus were the same, too, though thanks to her trip through the mirror, she wasn’t totally certain about geometry. However, theoretical questions like that could wait until later, because the only math course on her schedule was “Algebra II: The Numbering.” Okay, so the course didn’t actually have a subtitle, but Pinkie really thought it needed one.

This turned out to be the course taught by Cheerilee that Applejack had mentioned during her tour, and indeed, Applejack was the first student who greeted Pinkie and Penumbra as they walked through the classroom door. “Howdy, y’all! Glad to see you’re gonna be in this class. You’re gonna love Ms. Cheerilee, I guarantee it.”

Pinkie responded with her widest, most cheerful smile. “Thanks, A.J. Um, do you know when we get our textbooks?”

“Pretty sure Ms. Cheerilee will have copies for ya when she comes in. You wanna take a seat an’ talk a bit before the bell rings?”

“I’d like to... but I have a whole classroom of students to introduce myself to first.” Pinkie quickly excused herself from the conversation and made her way over to a cluster of students.

“Huh... she’s really outgoin’, ain’t she?” Applejack asked Penumbra, who was still standing by the doorway with her arms crossed and a somewhat weary look in her eye.

“You have no idea,” Penumbra answered.

———————

Friendship was magic, and Discord knew this all too well. For one thing, he’d been on the receiving end of such magic several times before; for another, his status as a former imaginary friend meant that this principle was arguably the reason he even existed in the first place. However, he also knew that friendship was magic in a metaphorical sense as well, as it had prompted him to actions that were otherwise inexplicable (even for him), whether it was abandoning a nascent revolution to preserve his friendship with Penumbra or sacrificing his life to save Celestia from history’s most anal-retentive psychopath. And indeed, this principle had proven itself once again, as he was now facing hours of dull, uninteresting busywork, because when Pinkie Pie had called his bluff about wanting to forge a genuine friendship with her for Penumbra’s sake, he had discovered, to his great consternation, that he hadn’t been bluffing.

Now, as his “daughters” spent their day investigating Sunset Shimmer and the tiara, Pinkie had charged him with researching this world’s magical stability, in recompense for his earlier recklessness. Ordinarily, this would have been a relatively simple matter of casting a few diagnostic spells, but since there was reason to think that even these might have an adverse effect, Pinkie had insisted that he do it the boring way, which involved collecting large amounts of meteorological data and meticulously analyzing it for anomalies.

Thus, he found himself standing at the reference desk of the nearest public library with a shopping list of necessary data in his hand, looking like he was about to face a firing squad armed with spitballs. “Can I help you?” asked the kindly-looking woman sitting behind the desk.

“Perhaps,” Discord said unenthusiastically. “Do you have any books where I can find out about...” He glanced at his sheet of paper before finishing his sentence: “...local precipitation for the last 30 years?”

The librarian seemed to consider this for a few seconds before answering, “I’m sure we do, but to be honest, it’s a lot easier to get that sort of information from the internet.”

“The... internet?”

“Oh, yes, there are plenty of sites that keep those kinds of records. I can help you find them if you don’t know where to look...” The librarian paused when she noticed that her guest’s slightly irritated gaze had morphed into something that resembled otherworldly fascination. “Sir? Are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Discord said, briefly returning from his reverie. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just...”

“Just... what?”

“I’m not sure, but I have this strange feeling as though I’m about to have the best day of my entire life.”

———————

It wasn’t until lunchtime that Pinkie and Penumbra managed to spot more human counterparts of their friends. Out of the corner of her eye, Pinkie spied a pink-haired girl with pale yellow skin sitting by herself at the end of a long table, looking like she was trying to avoid eye contact with everyone else in the cafeteria. Pinkie decided to head over and introduce herself, while Penumbra continued to scan the crowded room for any other familiar-looking faces.

Leaving her “sister” behind, Pinkie confidently walked up to the yellow girl, who apparently hadn’t noticed her approach. “Excuse me,” Pinkie said as she set her lunch tray down across from her. “Is this seat taken?”

“Huh?” the girl said in a startled tone of voice, seemingly shocked that anyone would even bother speaking to her. “Oh, um, no.”

“Thanks,” Pinkie said cheerfully as she slid onto the seat. “My name’s Pinkie Pie. What’s yours?”

“Uh, it’s...” the girl paused briefly before mumbling something that got lost in the din of conversation surrounding them.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you,” Pinkie Pie said, even though she was almost certain she knew exactly what her new acquaintance had said.

“Um, Fluttershy,” the girl replied in a somewhat louder voice—though if Pinkie hadn’t been expecting that answer, she still might have missed it.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Fluttershy. I’m a new student here, so I’ve been trying to meet as many people as I can.”

“Oh. Um, well, in that case, maybe you should find someone else to eat lunch with. I’m not exactly waiting for any friends I could introduce to you.”

Pinkie Pie let out a giggle as she picked up a fork and stuck it into her salad. “Oh, don’t you worry about that. I’ve already started a conversation with you, and the way I see it, it would be rude to just stop in the middle.” She shoved the lettuce and tomato that she’d speared into her mouth and chewed them for a few seconds before swallowing. They weren’t quite as flavorful as the veggies she got from the farmer’s market in Ponyville, but they still tasted pretty good, especially since human farmers obviously wouldn’t have access to earth pony magic. “So, what year are you?”

“Oh, um, this is my junior year.”

“Really? I’m a sophomore myself. I hope that’s not a problem.”

“Uh, no, that’s fine,” Fluttershy said quietly. “Actually, when I was younger, one of my best friends was a year younger than me.”

“Is that so?”

Fluttershy nodded. “She actually goes to school here, too. You might see her around; her name’s Rainbow Dash.”

“Oh, that’s nice to hear,” Pinkie said cheerfully as she shoveled another forkful into her mouth. “I was beginning to think that maybe you didn’t have any friends here.”

“Um... well, Rainbow and I haven’t really spent much time together recently.”

The fork dropped from Pinkie’s hand and clattered on her lunch tray. “What? What happened?”

“Nothing really happened. It’s just that after Rainbow got into sports, it was harder for us to get together, and our interests started to drift apart... I don’t think she like animals nearly as much as I do.”

Pinkie blinked a few times before she remembered that Fluttershy’s love of animals was supposed to be new information. “Oh! Do you want to run a shelter, or maybe a pet store, then?”

“Actually, I’d like to be a veterinarian.”

“That’s neat,” Pinkie said, temporarily shoving aside the revelation that Fluttershy’s relationship with Rainbow Dash had... well, it hadn’t really soured, but it sure sounded like it had fizzled out. “Maybe you can help me out with my biology classes... though now that I think about it, I guess we probably won’t have many classes in common since we’re in different years,” Pinkie mused.

“Well, maybe not the required courses that everyone has to take to graduate, but that’s not the case for electives like art, or music, or foreign languages....”

As the pair began comparing their schedules, Penumbra was still looking for a seat. She worked her way towards one corner of the large eating space, where she thought she had spied a familiar-looking purple hairstyle.

However, with her attention on the purple locks, Penumbra ended up tuning out her immediate surroundings, with the result that she bumped into another student, nearly spilling the contents of her tray. “Hey,” said the girl, “why don’t you watch where you’re going, you klutz?”

Penumbra did her best to keep from rolling her eyes as she issued a brief apology. “Sorry. I was distracted.”

“Distracted?! This is a new leather jacket! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get stains out of leather?”

This time, Penumbra couldn’t avoid her eye roll. “No, but I don’t see how it matters, given that you didn’t spill anything on it.” It was only at this point that Penumbra deigned to actually pay attention to whom she was conversing, and the moment that the girl’s red-and-yellow streaked hair registered in her mind, she realized that their quarry had been located.

As it so happened, Sunset Shimmer chose that exact moment to make eye contact, doubtless to better chew out the student who would dare to be so flippant about the state of her belongings. “Listen, you...” she began, but she trailed off, as if she hadn’t expected her target to react with a look that was halfway between boredom and defiance (which, on reflection, was more than likely the case). Sunset Shimmer squinted her turquoise eyes for a few moments—long enough for Penumbra to realize that they were the same shade as hers—and then said, “Who are you?” Her tone of voice sounded like an attempt to cover up suspicion with a threatening demeanor, and it might have worked if Penumbra hadn’t occasionally used that trick herself during her time as The Nightmare.

“Penumbra Noctis,” Penumbra replied as she maintained her stone-faced expression.

“You’re new here,” Sunset Shimmer observed.

“Yes,” Penumbra confirmed, “and I’d like to eat my lunch. If you’ll excuse me...” Penumbra didn’t bother finishing her sentence. Instead, she hauled her tray towards the first empty seat she could find and began eating. She didn’t bother looking back at Sunset Shimmer, though she did listen for any hints of pursuing footsteps, which never came. Penumbra thought this the best course of action to take; obviously, Sunset would be suspicious of any new student, since she likely expected somepony to come after the Element of Magic, and it didn’t seem wise for Penumbra let on that she had any reason to suspect that Sunset wasn’t a normal human (albeit something of a bitch).

More importantly, though, was the obvious confusion that Sunset Shimmer had been trying to cover up. Penumbra couldn’t say for sure, but it seemed that their adversary was second-guessing her initial expectations, whatever those were. She probably thought that Twilight would come to this world, she mused to herself. If not that, then her next guess would probably be all of the Element-Bearers. I bet she never expected the Element of Laughter would come over accompanied by the very being that Celestia had been grooming her to defeat. And she definitely isn’t expecting Discord.

———————

Friendship was magic; that much was true. But Discord had learned something else today: magic couldn’t hold a candle to the internet. Ostensibly a worldwide network of computers that allowed users to share and retrieve information with relative ease, the internet, was, in reality, the thing that humans used to do all the cool stuff that they couldn’t do with magic. You could learn anything, see anything, hear anything, and do anything (though the last case was only valid if the “anything” one wanted to do didn’t actually require one’s physical presence).

Within minutes, Discord had gathered all of the data Pinkie Pie had requested, and more, and he had soon moved on to other reference materials, such as the large, encyclopedia-like sites called “wikis,” where he absorbed massive amounts of human history, science, and most importantly, pointless pop culture references. From thence, he discovered news sites, which, to his delight, contained a great deal of utterly unnewsworthy fluff, much like Equestrian newspapers. However, when one of the ads in a “financial” subsection of one of these sites introduced him to the concept of day trading, Discord immediately left the library, found the nearest electronics store, and used some of his remaining cash to purchase a laptop computer of his own.

Granted, getting started at playing the human stock market wasn’t easy, but this had nothing to do with his complete lack of knowledge regarding this world’s economy. Quite the contrary: the ups and downs of the stock market were so inherently chaotic that just watching it was enough to make his paws itch. No, the problem was that the website required him to have verifiable financial information if he wanted to play this game using actual money, which meant that he needed to open a bank account, which took all morning and was more boring than watching horseshoes rust.

But once he got back to his hotel around noon and used his laptop to access the hotel’s wifi, he was soon wheeling, dealing, taking risks, losing big, and winning even bigger. And the best part was that he was making money without expending a single drop of magic, so Pinkie Pie wouldn’t be able to chew him out about it when he was done.

However, as he’d never been particularly greedy (power-hungry, perhaps, but never greedy), he had little trouble abandoning this pastime once he felt that he’d accumulated enough wealth to last him and his “daughters” for the remainder of their stay in this world... with a little bit extra to start playing the game again tomorrow. But there were other, more pressing matters to attend to, for he had yet to taste from what was quite possibly the internet’s sweetest fruit: cat videos. And it was through the perusal of these videos that he spied a feature that had somehow escaped his notice on all of the previous sites he’d visited: the comments section.

Truly, the internet was easily the most wonderful thing ever in the history of anything.

———————

Whether by chance or design, it wasn’t until after lunch that Pinkie and Penumbra were in separate classes, at least on their first day. This, however, was hardly a problem, as it increased the chances that one of them might spot another one of their friends. Pinkie did exactly that in her PE class, where she found herself playing basketball with Rainbow Dash. The sport was remarkably similar to the version played back in Equestria, although the rules were obviously adjusted to be more applicable to bipeds. Pinkie thought she did rather well for someone who normally dribbled with her tail, but not surprisingly, Rainbow Dash ran circles around her—and everyone else, for that matter.

Still, Pinkie must have made a solid impression, because Rainbow Dash took the initiative and struck up a conversation as they headed to the locker room. “Hey, you’re pretty good.”

“Oh, really?” Pinkie said. “I thought I was supposed to put the ball through the hoop.” Aiming a throw with her hands had turned out to be more complicated than she’d expected.

Rainbow Dash laughed. “I’m serious, though. You played some solid defense, so I’m just assuming you were having an off day with your offense. You’re new here, right?”

“Yeah,” Pinkie Pie said. “I’m Pinkie Pie.” She stuck out her hand.

Rainbow Dash accepted the handshake with a firm one of her own. “Rainbow Dash,” she said. “So, uh, did you play any sports at your last school?”

Technically, Pinkie Pie’s last school had been the one-room schoolhouse in Ponyville, where she had, in fact, been captain of the horseshoes team one year, but somehow, she doubted that this was the type of “sport” Rainbow was referring to. “Not really,” she said. “I was pretty busy with my after-school job. Why? Is there a team you think I should join?”

Rainbow chuckled. “Not if you don’t want to,” she said. “But if this really was just an off day for you, the girls’ basketball tryouts are coming up soon.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Pinkie said, mostly because she couldn’t think of a discreet way to say that she would more than likely need to return to an alternate dimension before the tryouts began.

“That’s about the most I can ask, I guess,” Rainbow said before growing more solemn. “I, uh, noticed you yesterday afternoon, while you were on your tour.”

“Really?” Pinkie Pie said. “We saw you too, but our guide thought we needed to head back to the office before we had the chance to say hello.”

Rainbow raised her eyebrows skeptically. “Really? That’s all she told you?”

“Uh... well, I think that’s all she meant to tell me and my sister, but...” Pinkie decided the time had come to be blunt. “Is there some sort of history between you and Applejack?”

Rainbow sighed and rolled her eyes. “Last year, we were in the same literature class, and we had to do a project together, and we’d worked out who’d do what ahead of time, but even though there was still plenty of time to get things done and I totally have a system, she got impatient and did half of my work for me, because she’s a holier-than-thou redneck who thinks I’m a lazy-ass moron, and then she acts like it’s my fault that she couldn’t trust me to do what I said I would do!” Rainbow Dash was close to shouting by the time she reached the end of her long, rambling complaint.

“Oh, um... right,” Pinkie said when she realized that Rainbow Dash had paused so she could offer a comment. “That definitely sounds like some sort of history.”

“Always talking about that stupid farm...” Rainbow grumbled as her voice lowered in volume. “So what if she’s helping out her family? I’d help out my family too if my parents actually needed it. Hmph... probably spends her time sneering at me behind my back just because my dads are gay.”

Pinkie was fairly certain that she wasn’t supposed to have heard that last bit, but she picked it up all the same. Huh... I could have sworn our Rainbow Dash said her father was single.... Then again, maybe he hasn’t met the right stallion.... Actually, I shouldn’t assume too much; he might like stallions and mares.... Pinkie shoved this thought aside; there were more pressing matters to deal with, such as the fact that this world’s Rainbow Dash and Applejack were considerably worse than not-friends. “Well, enough about that,” Pinkie Pie said. “We’d better get to the locker room or there won’t be enough time to change for our next class.”

“Yeah...” Rainbow Dash said. “You’re probably right. Hey, you wanna hang out after school?”

“Um, I’d like to, but my family and I are still moving in, so I’d better not. Tomorrow, maybe?”

“Sure thing,” Rainbow Dash said with a smile. “Oh, and Pinkie?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for listening. I’ve been needing to get that off my chest.”

“No problem,” Pinkie said, despite the massive, blatantly obvious problem staring her right in the face.

———————

Penumbra’s afternoon was considerably less sweaty than Pinkie Pie’s. Discord, it seemed, had gone to the trouble of ensuring that the surlier of his “daughters” was enrolled in an art course, which Penumbra very much appreciated, particularly since her class had just started a unit on pottery, which, in its combination of the aesthetic and the practical, was very reminiscent of her day job at back at Cloud Nineteen. Compared to magically-imbued clouds, clay was a considerably easier medium to work in, especially for creatures who had fingers, which made shaping the creations on a throwing wheel fairly simple. Not only was this class intellectually stimulating, it afforded Penumbra another encounter with the purple hairdo she’d missed at lunch.

“My goodness, that little teacup is simply adorable.”

Penumbra briefly considered smiling, but decided against it. She’d taken a seat next to Rarity as unobtrusively as possible, and had spent the last ten minutes trying to figure out how to start talking to her. She hadn’t really been paying close attention to what she’d been making, but she had to admit that her cup look rather cute. This wouldn’t have been a problem, except she hated excessive cuteness. Still, though, it had created the conversational opening she’d been hoping for, and she wasn’t about to let it slip away. “Thank you, I suppose, though it’s not really my usual style. I’m Penumbra, by the way.”

“Rarity,” the chalk-white girl replied. “I’d offer a handshake, but I need both to maintain the shape of my vase.”

“Totally understandable,” Penumbra replied. “So, do you like this class?” she asked, not bothering to take her eyes off of the cup in front of her.

Likewise, Rarity remained focused on her own project as the conversation continued. “Oh, of course. I’ve always had a flair for visual creativity, though admittedly, pottery is not the means I would normally use to express myself.”

“Is that so?”

“Indeed. I have hopes of becoming a fashion designer, actually—though as of late, I’ve taken a slight detour into the realm of interior decorating. Have you had a chance to see the gymnasium yet?”

Penumbra stopped her wheel to examine her work more closely. “Yes,” she replied as she grabbed some more clay and kicked the wheel into motion again. “I presume you’re involved in decorating it for this Fall Formal I’ve been hearing about?”

“Oh, I’m quite involved, seeing as I’m the chair of the decorating committee. It’s been surprisingly easy to convince the other members to go along with my overall vision, particularly since the theme was a bit more... abstract, shall we say, than is the norm.”

“Is that so? Well, what is the theme, then?”

“Well, oddly enough, the name was the only aspect upon which I drew a complete blank. Fortunately, the others came up with ‘The Persistence of Elegance.’ I think it’s much better than something like ‘Enchantment Under the Sea’ or some such clichéd drivel. I intend to make sure that this year’s formal is the height of fabulosity! This is, after all, when the Princess is crowned.”

Now this was just the sort of information Penumbra was interested in. “I’ve heard a few folks mentioning that in passing. What’s actually involved in it?”

“Oh, well, when you get right down to it, I suppose it’s little more than a popularity contest, but it’s a most amusing one. Candidates submit their names one week ahead of time, and on the evening of the Formal, the attendees vote on who receives the tiara.”

“I see... are you entering?” Penumbra only asked this question to keep the conversation going while she figured out how to transition to questions about the human versions of other ponies they knew, which was probably why Rarity’s answer was so surprising.

“Oh, my goodness, no!” Rarity replied with a bright, cheerful peal of laughter. “I couldn’t possibly become the Princess this year.”

“Modest?”

“Oh, modesty has nothing to do with it. You see, as the reigning Princess, I’m ineligible for this year’s ballot. No student can hold the crown for two consecutive years; that’s quite clear. However, I will have an opportunity to compete again in my senior year.”

Penumbra became quite thoughtful. “Is that so? I guess you won as a sophomore, then? You must have made quite an impression on the other students.”

“Of that, I have no doubt,” Rarity replied as she checked the stability of her vase’s neck, “but I must admit that circumstances did improve my odds.”

“How so?”

“Well, my stiffest competition dropped out of the running. You see, since the start of that year, there had been a sort of shadow campaign for a girl named Sunset Shimmer. You may have seen her around—”

“Yes,” Penumbra interrupted, “we’ve bumped into each other.”

“And from that hint of barely restrained aggravation, I’m going to assume she was her usual charming self... though to be fair, she really can be quite charming when she wants to be. But I digress. Even though Sunset and her clique had been keeping up a steady whisper campaign, she withdrew her name from consideration the day after she entered. Since most of the other juniors and seniors hadn’t thought they could win, the field was unusually slim, which gave me the opening I needed.”

“Well, that was fortunate,” Penumbra said. “So, why exactly did Sunset Shimmer withdraw?”

“That’s the really odd thing about it; no one outside of Sunset and her clique knows, and they aren’t telling. That said, I do have a little theory....” Rarity trailed off, as if she was mildly embarrassed by whatever idea was bouncing around in her mind.

“Let’s hear it,” Penumbra said as she briefly glanced away from her piece towards Rarity.

“Well, I don’t think she wanted to be crowned with the old tiara. I heard a rumor that she asked Principal Celestia to update the design, and even nearly got her to agree, but Vice Principal Luna objected on the grounds that the tiara had been a part of the Formal for decades, and there wasn’t any reason to change a longstanding tradition. So, I think she dropped out with the intention of entering this year, but after first getting elected to the Student Council, so she’d be in a better position to push her case for a redesign.”

“Are you telling me that the Student Council here actually has that kind of influence on the administration?”

“Ordinarily, no, but when Sunset Shimmer ran for Student Council president, she did so on a platform of using student funds to update the school’s overall look; therefore, when she won, she was able to demonstrate that the student body as a whole was behind the general principle of modernized aesthetics, and even Vice Principal Luna conceded. From what I’ve heard, Sunset Shimmer designed it herself, and even found a high-end costume jewelry maker to produce the finished product.”

“That sounds strange,” Penumbra said. Unless, of course, you come from a world drenched in magic, in which case it’s actually starting to make sense... sort of. Obviously, part of Sunset Shimmer’s plan had involved using school funds to make the replica of the Element of Magic that she’d attempted to leave behind in Equestria, but there was still a sizable number of blanks that needed to be filled in.

Oblivious to this internal monologue, Rarity continued the conversation. “Oh, it is most strange indeed. But what’s truly odd is that she somehow managed to lose it in the park near the school.”

“How do you know that?”

“A few days ago, I saw her searching for something there. She must have spent fifteen minutes sifting through the bushes before she left—presumably to get help. Well, my curiosity was piqued, so I had a look around of my own. I’ve always had a bit of knack for finding interesting things; my father says I’m simply living up to my name. In any case, I found the tiara and took the liberty of delivering it to Vice Principal Luna myself.”

“Why?”

“Well, to be honest, it gave me a chance to highlight Sunset’s tendency towards irresponsible behavior, especially since I know that Luna isn’t nearly as enamored of her as Celestia is.”

“So you wanted an excuse to bitch about her to an authority figure?”

Rarity sighed. “I wouldn’t say it quite so crassly... but yes. Still, I must admit that it’s a very nice design, and whoever manufactured it clearly put in a lot of effort, because the quality is positively flawless. In fact, the central star is so well-made that I initially thought that it was a real pink sapphire, but that’s just ridiculous.”

“That hardly sounds like a reason to abandon the ancient art of bitchcraft in Sunset Shimmer’s case.”

“Oh, it most assuredly isn’t,” Rarity confirmed. “That said, even if I’ve had the occasional sparring match with Sunset Shimmer from time to time, our spats pale in comparison to other feuds. For example, I suspect you’ll hear about Applejack and Rainbow Dash before too long; they’re in your grade, after all.”

Penumbra nodded absently. “Applejack actually gave us a tour yesterday afternoon, but she went out of her way to avoid talking about it.”

“Well, I don’t know all the details, mostly because I’m a grade above them and don’t share many of their classes, but in this case, I don’t particularly want to. Frankly, I find both of them to be rather loud and obnoxious.”

“Really... well, I spotted my sister talking with a girl in your grade at lunch. Quiet, with pink hair. Any hidden drama I should be aware of?”

“Pink hair... I think I might know who you’re talking about, and if I’m right, your sister has little to worry about. That girl... Fluttersomething-or-other... she’s rather boring, if you ask me.”

Penumbra bit her lower lip for a second before asking her last question: “And what about Twilight Sparkle?”

Rarity seemed to be genuinely perplexed by this. “Twilight Sparkle? I don’t believe I know anyone by that name. Is she a student here?”

“Apparently not...” Penumbra said quietly.

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 5: Heart is Strange

Pinkie and Penumbra had a lot to do once they got back to their hotel room. Their first task was to finish their homework; as it happened, this was the easiest task set before them. Second, they had to go over the surprisingly detailed data that Discord had managed to scour from this “internet” thing that was apparently so ubiquitous that none of the humans found it remarkable. It was a fairly tedious statistical analysis made only somewhat more bearable by the natural intelligence of Pinkie and Penumbra and the fact that Discord was having too much fun introducing controversial topics into otherwise unrelated discussions on various internet forums to bother them (at the moment, he was stumping for veganism in a thread devoted to kinky sex).

This was particularly fortunate, because Pinkie was doing a pretty good job of distracting herself without Discord’s assistance. “This has to be part of Sunset Shimmer’s evil plan. She’s definitely responsible for all our friends not being friends anymore. It’s the only logical explanation!”

Penumbra sighed and looked up from her equations. “Actually, Pinkie, there’s a perfectly logical explanation that you’re overlooking.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You say our friends aren’t friends ‘anymore,’ but aside from Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, we don’t have any reason to believe that they were ever friends in the first place. Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t need to wreck friendships that have never existed, would she?”

“But... we’re the Element-bearers. It... it’s destiny!”

“From what you and Twilight have told me, it sounds like your destinies were entwined after Rainbow Dash performed her first Sonic Rainboom. But this world’s Rainbow Dash can’t use pegasus magic at all. No Rainboom; no cutie marks; no destiny.”

“But their personalities aren’t all that different. Why wouldn’t they have come together naturally?”

Penumbra thought about this for a few seconds before she answered: “My best guess? You don’t exist over here... or if you do, you’re still a figment of Twilight Sparkle’s imagination. After all, the only thing we know for sure about how beings like us become real is that massive amounts of magic are always required, and humans don’t have that. Without someone like you to provide the kinds of events where different kinds of people can regularly get together and socialize, why would any of them spend time with each other?”

“Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash used to,” Pinkie insisted.

“Yes... but is it really that unusual for friends to drift apart?”

Pinkie groaned, mostly because she knew that Penumbra had a point. “But that still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to get them together while we’re here.”

“Well, that’s obvious,” Discord said as he looked up from his laptop screen.

Penumbra nodded. “I’m glad we’re all on the same page.”

Pinkie looked stunned. “You’re not going to try to argue that we should be focusing on getting the Element of Magic back?”

“Of course not,” Penumbra said. “When you’re dealing with one of the Elements of Harmony, you’d be a fool not to try and harness the magic of friendship.”

“You always want to have multiple plans running at the same time,” Discord said. “That’s basic Villainy 101 right there.”

“We aren’t the villains here,” Pinkie said, punctuating her statement with a mild glare.

“From Sunset Shimmer’s point of view, we are,” Discord countered. “Look, the point is that getting the human counterparts of your friends together can’t hurt; it just sounds really difficult at the moment.” He set down his laptop on a nightstand and turned towards his alleged daughters. “So, have you gleaned any nuggets of wisdom from all that data I collected?”

“That depends on whether we’ve done our math correctly,” Penumbra said, “but if we’re right, then it seems that the magical situation over here isn’t quite what we thought it was.”

Discord leaned forward, looking genuinely interested as he requested a further explanation. “How so?”

“We thought the lack of magic in this world would make it super-sensitive,” Pinkie said as she pointed to a particular cluster of numbers, “but if this chunk of data right here is really from yesterday...”

“The librarian assured me that it was,” Discord confirmed.

“...then it seems that just the opposite is true,” Pinkie said. “In the short term, weather is still fairly predictable, like it should be if there’s no magic to interfere, and over a few years, it’s not showing regular patterns, which is also like it should be if there isn’t any magic. But we know that Sunset Shimmer has used magic at least once in this world because she reopened the portal to steal the Element, and in all likelihood she’s tried it more often than that. Something about this world... well, the best guess I can come up with is that it absorbs magic like a sponge. Either that, or Sunset Shimmer figured out how to fix any problems she made so that it looks like there weren’t any in the first place, but I really, really don’t think that second one is likely.”

“So... what does that mean?” Discord asked.

“It probably means that magic exists, but it’s horribly inefficient in this world,” Penumbra said. “Particularly since humans seem to lack any body parts that can be used as effective channels, like horns. If that’s the case, then Sunset Shimmer likely can’t use her natural magic stores for very long without exhausting them, because most of it will diffuse into the ether before it can have a noticeable effect.”

Pinkie nodded. “Did you have any problems when you made those gems?”

“Well, it took a bit more effort than I expected,” Discord said, “but that kind of spell isn’t my usual thing, so I didn’t give it much thought. I certainly didn’t feel like I’d been drained. But then again, part of my gig is not following the rules.”

“In any case, it certainly looks like this world is far more resilient than we initially thought, which is probably a good thing, since it means we can use magic as a last resort,” Penumbra said. She leaned back against her chair and sighed. “I suppose that means there’s one problem we still need to deal with.”

“Figuring out the best campaign message to get me elected Princess?” Pinkie asked.

“Okay, so there’s two problems,” Penumbra said. “But I think you can get us three-quarters of the way to that solution with by doing your usual, extroverted thing. On the other hand, we still have no idea where this world’s Twilight Sparkle is.”

A series of rapid tapping noises issued from Discord’s general direction. “Found her,” he announced as he looked up from his laptop. When this garnered little more than a pair of astonished stares, he explained further: “She has a blog, so when I searched for her name on the internet, it didn’t take me long to narrow the results down to a purple teenager who’s probably too smart for her own good. In any case, from what I can tell after a cursory glance over her more recent posts, the reason you didn’t find her in high school is because she’s already graduated.”

“That’s strange...” Penumbra said. “I didn’t expect this Twilight to be significantly older than the others.”

“She isn’t,” Discord said. “I just said she was a teenager, didn’t I? Just like our own little goody-four-shoes, this Twilight is a prodigy, and she graduated from high school two years ago at the tender age of fourteen. She’s already attending college. Luckily for us, it appears that it’s also in this town.”

“Okay,” Pinkie said. “Well, that’s definitely a start. Maybe you can check it out while we’re at school tomorrow.” She paused and waited for whatever snarky remark Discord had prepared for his new assignment, but it never came. “Discord? Did you hear...” Pinkie’s voice trailed off as she got a look at Discord’s face, which had been warped and deformed by the widest, most gleeful grin she’d ever seen on his face. “What are you smiling about?”

“Guess what Twilight’s studying,” Discord said, barely able to contain his obvious jubilation. “Go on, guess.”

“Um... botany?”

“Nope!” Discord said exultantly. “Our dear little Twilight is studying chaos theory!”

———————

Twilight Sparkle walked along the sidewalk, absorbed in her own thoughts. In itself, this wasn’t unusual; most evenings, she would have caught a ride home with her older brother (who was, conveniently enough, also a sophomore at Canterlot Tech), but tonight, he was busy with his officer training program, and she hadn’t wanted to wait around for him. As she trudged along the concrete sidewalks of the tree-lines streets, the notion of getting her own driver’s license flittered through her mind, but as usual, she dismissed the idea almost immediately. After all, the sun was still out, the walk to her home wasn’t particularly long, and she didn’t need to pass through any sketchy parts of town on her journey.

More importantly, she couldn’t afford to waste her precious brain cells on such mundane pursuits when there was science to think about. She couldn’t quite say what had initially drawn her to study chaos, but there was something about the notion of order emerging from disorder, of predictable unpredictability, that seemed endlessly fascinating. It helped, of course, that the only university within walking distance of her home had several professors who were noted experts in the field; she’d already managed to draw the attention of Double Pendulum, who had performed groundbreaking research in his study of weather systems, and his advice on what courses to select with an eye for graduate school had already proven significantly more useful than what she’d received from the professor to whom she’d been arbitrarily assigned as a freshman.

And even though her current workload was overwhelmingly devoted to learning the scientific and mathematical concepts necessary to express her ideas to the academic community, on this afternoon, Twilight was looking to her future. After all, if she was to be a scientist, she’d need to explore some new territory, some aspect or application of chaos theory that hadn’t been fleshed out yet.

It was during a break in her classes that inspiration had struck. She’d overheard a group of students talking about how the social media website they were all using had gone down for some reason or another. The most popular theory was that there had been a surge of traffic due to some sort of event that had been on the news. Twilight had no idea if this was true, nor did she particularly care, but it was enough to form the germ of an idea. It seemed to her that social media traffic, when plotted over time, might make for an interesting dataset when examined under the lens of chaos theory. After all, it seemed like every company with a presence on the internet was trying to “go viral,” but for content to actually achieve that level of recognition often seemed completely arbitrary and unpredictable.

“Of course, if you’re going to examine social networks on a global scale, it might not hurt to have some local experience.”

This was a valid point—Twilight made a mental note to talk to Double Pendulum to see whether he thought taking a few courses on game theory would enhance her research.

“Actually, I was talking about practical experience. You know, the kind you have with kids your own age. Like, maybe down at the mall, or somewhere like that.”

It was at this point that Twilight realized that the voice she was hearing in her head wasn’t hers... well, technically, it was, but it didn’t sound like hers. “Surprise?!”

“Heh... that’s what I was going to say,” replied Twilight’s longtime imaginary friend. “It’s been a little while since you gave me an opening to drop in.”

Twilight sighed. She could almost see the slightly off-white girl with blonde hair and purple eyes in her mind’s eye; she’d apparently gone through a growth spurt around the same time Twilight had (or rather, Twilight was assuming that she would have had a growth spurt if she actually existed). “Opening? What are you talking about?”

“Well, obviously, you’re worried that you’re missing out on something by going to college early, but you’re not quite ready to admit it to yourself. That’s why I’m here: I can say what you’re already thinking, but it’s not in your voice.”

“That’s not why I created you.”

“Maybe not, but you don’t really need anyone to throw you imaginary parties anymore, do you? Besides, you’re just trying to avoid my point.”

“What point?”

“You should really get to know some kids your own age. I mean, I know you get along fine with all the adults at Canterlot Tech, but they’re still adults, even your classmates.”

Twilight stopped walking and looked around, to make sure that she hadn’t missed a turn while lost in thought. She was still in the nice, pleasant residential neighborhood where she’d expected to be. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear the shouts of children, perhaps from the backyard of one of the modestly-sized homes. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just walk up to a group of kids and introduce myself.”

“Sure you can!” Surprise insisted. “You’re just worried that they’ll tell you to leave them alone, or that it’ll become really obvious that you don’t have much in common. But you’ll never know for sure if you don’t try.”

“But starting conversations is so hard...”

“So? Just pretend you’re me. I start conversations all the time.”

“I can’t ‘just pretend’ to be you.”

“What are you talking about? I’m your imaginary friend. Technically, you’re pretending to be me right now.”

Twilight let out a soft groan. As usual, Surprise was correct, mostly because she really was a means that Twilight used to remind herself of things she already knew. “Fine,” Twilight answered. “I’ll give it a shot the next time I have a chance.”

“Are you sure you won’t just put it off?”

“No, I’ll do it this time. I promise.”

“So, we’re off to the mall, then?”

“Uh... maybe... but I still need to check in at home with Mom and Dad.”

Surprise sighed. “Okay...”

However, when Twilight arrived on her block, she spied an opportunity to fulfill her promise to her imaginary friend without having to go through the arduous task of approaching a complete stranger; after all, there was a teenager living next door to her, and when Twilight spotted her walking up to her front door, she figured that striking up a conversation with a passing acquaintance would be an adequate substitute. She jogged the rest of the way to her home and called out to her. “Hi there, Sunset!”

Sunset Shimmer turned around and, once she’d spotted the person who’d called her name, smiled. “Hi, Twilight. How’s college treating you?”

“Uh, pretty good, actually, though it sometimes takes the other students a while to get used to the fact that I’m so much younger than them.”

Sunset chuckled softly as she walked over to the picket fence that divided their yards. “Yeah, I guess it must be weird having sixteen-year-old classmates after you get out of high school.” Even though she was only about two years older than Twilight, Sunset just seemed to exude a confidence that made her seem more mature than everyone around her. Of course, Twilight hadn’t actually talked to her neighbor very often, so she supposed she could have been reading too much into things, but something about her seemed more glamorous than normal, almost magical. “So, what’s up?”

Twilight shifted her weight awkwardly as she considered what she was going to say... which sounded really strange, now that she’d come to the part where she’d have to say it out loud. “Um, well, I’ve kind of been wondering if I haven’t been missing out on something by not having any friends my own age. And I figured that since you’ve always got friends over here, you might know where all the best hangouts are. You know, so I can meet up with some kids... maybe make a friend or two.”

Sunset blinked a few times and ran her fingers through her hair. “You really sure about that?” she said with a mischievous grin... or at least, it looked like it was supposed to be mischievous. The well-meaning nature of Sunset’s expression seemed colder and more calculated to Twilight the longer she looked at it.

Twilight shook her head slightly and looked again—Sunset’s expression seemed perfectly normal. Clearly, Twilight was letting her imagination get the better of her. “What do you mean?” she asked in an effort to move the conversation forward.

“Look, Twilight, I get why you might feel a little bit out of place at Canterlot Tech, but really, what do the kids at Canterlot High have in common with you? It’s not like they can relate to the nucleated equations you work with.”

“Uh, actually, I think you mean ‘nonlinear’ equations,” Twilight cautiously corrected.

Sunset let out another breezy laugh. “See what I mean? I’ve got nearly perfect grades, but I’m not even on your level. Heck, my head’s still spinning from the time you tried to explain the whole deal about a two-and-a-halfth dimension.”

“Actually, we just say something has a fractal dimension of two-point-five. It’s easier to pronounce.”

“Still, you get my point, right?”

“I guess...” Twilight said slowly, “but it’d still be nice to have some friends my age to talk to every now and then. I mean, if I could just figure out how to start the conversations...”

“Trust me on this, Twilight,” Sunset said as she backed away from the fence and began moving back towards her front door. “We’re really not worth your time. You’re a scientist, after all. You’ve got bigger things to think about. Besides, once you’re an adult, four years isn’t much of an age difference at all.”

Twilight sighed. “I guess it makes sense when you put it that way.”

“No, it doesn’t!” Surprise interjected, but Twilight decided to ignore her. She was just glad that someone had validated her original opinion.

“Cool,” Sunset said as she turned the knob on her front door. “See you later!” Sunset waved her hand as she entered her home and closed the door behind her.

“Well, that settles that,” Twilight said, using all of her willpower to keep Surprise from offering any sort of counterargument. So what if Sunset’s facial expressions had seemed off? There were probably dozens of perfectly logical explanations for that. In the meantime, her schedule for the evening was set: studying, blogging, and dinner.

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 6: Scavenger

Coming up with ideas to win the Fall Formal and to bring the human counterparts of their friends together took the better part of the evening, but eventually Pinkie and her team hit upon the notion of solving both problems with a single plan. After all, with only one scheme running there was less to go wrong. Once Pinkie had entered her name, she’d convince Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack to help her out—separately, of course. Penumbra seemed confident that Rarity would be willing to pitch in as well, as she’d gotten the impression that there was a rather heated rivalry between Rarity and Sunset Shimmer. If all went as planned, the bonding experience of working towards a common goal would also allow progress towards the secondary goal of mutual friendship.

It was really quite elegant. In fact, there was only one obvious problem, though Pinkie considered it potentially serious: at the moment, none of them had any idea how to get Twilight Sparkle involved. Sure, Discord professed himself confident that he’d be able to wing it (complete with visual aids), but Pinkie really disliked the idea of giving him carte blanche to complete his part of the plan. But as Penumbra had pointed out, he was the only one of the three who would have any time to spend at Canterlot Tech; the two of them would be far too busy with Pinkie’s campaign, which got underway the next morning, before their classes began.

Step one was the easiest part: stopping by the office and filling out a short form to get Pinkie’s name on the ballot. The next step was almost as easy: making sure everyone knew that she was eligible. Pinkie did this by standing near the entrance and chatting up every student she could corner, figuring that at least some of them would be willing to spread the news through the school’s gossip networks. This plan turned out to be quite effective indeed, as Pinkie found out on the way to her second period history class.

Pinkie was in the middle of an engrossing conversation about baking techniques with the human counterpart of her mailmare when she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Sunset Shimmer, who was glaring at her with a stony scowl. “So, you’re Pinkie Pie,” she said.

“Um, yes, I am,” Pinkie said cheerfully as she extended her hand. “And you’re Sunset Shimmer, right?”

Sunset ignored the proffered handshake. “You’ve entered your name for Princess election at the Fall Formal.”

“Well... yes, I have.” Pinkie really couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Sunset squinted. “You’ve only been a student here for a day. Why would you even want to enter the contest?”

“Well, it seems like it could be a lot of fun.”

“Fun? You don’t actually think you can win, do you?”

“Why couldn’t I have fun trying? Besides, there’s no reason to think it’s impossible.”

“Oh, there’s a very good reason, and that reason is me. I’m your competition, and only last month I was elected student council president. No one else even bothered to enter their name before you stopped by the office this morning.”

It was around this time that Pinkie noticed that the conversations of the other students in the hallway had petered out. “Well, like I said, it sounded like fun, and I thought it would be a nice conversation starter to meet new people. Besides, a little bit of competition never hurt anyone, right?”

Sunset Shimmer didn’t answer her, and Pinkie thought it best not to mention that a few of the students she spoke to seemed happy that anyone had the gumption to challenge Sunset for the crown, even if it was a long shot (which in Pinkie’s admittedly limited experience with elections usually meant that the front-runner had a few problems brewing under the surface of her campaign).

“Yeah, right,” Sunset said skeptically. “What’s your real game?”

“Knowing Pinkie, it’s probably charades,” a new voice deadpanned.

Sunset Shimmer whirled around and saw Penumbra staring at her with the faintest hint of a smirk forming on one corner of her mouth. “You again!” Sunset said as her eyebrows flew upward. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m attending classes,” Penumbra said. “But as to why I’m here in this hallway, butting in on your conversation, that’s because you’re trying to intimidate my sister.”

“Sister? But... aren’t you both...”

“Fraternal twins,” Penumbra said, guessing the source of Sunset’s confusion. “Though I must say it’s awfully welcoming of you to have noticed that two new sophomores started here yesterday. I suppose that’s a student council thing, though.”

Sunset regained her composure as best she could and tried to return to her usual “alpha female” posturing. “Yes, well, if your sister needs you to protect her from intimidation, she doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to protect her. I was just giving you a heads up that it wasn’t going to work. Take a look.” Penumbra pointed down the hallway, where Pinkie, who had apparently gotten bored with the confrontation, was chatting and joking with another group of students, seemingly unaware that she was supposed to have been cowed by Sunset’s aggressiveness.

“It still isn’t normal to just jump into a competition like that,” Sunset retorted.

Penumbra snorted. “What on earth gave you the impression that Pinkie was normal?”

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Just what are you insinuating?”

Penumbra returned the expression. “Just why do you think I’m insinuating something? Pinkie’s an unusual girl. I’m sure you’ve met lots of those.”

Sunset Shimmer didn’t say anything; Penumbra was fairly certain that Sunset suspected that she and Pinkie were ponies like her, but obviously, she couldn’t say that out loud with a dozen or so students watching (at least, not without some sort of irrefutable proof), so Sunset had to settle for a glare. It was only when the bell rang to signal the imminent start of the second period that the two of them broke eye contact.

———————

In reality, Pinkie had found Sunset to be somewhat intimidating, though she wasn’t sure why. She initially assumed that it was simply the neuromancy that Princess Celestia had warned her about, but upon further reflection, this seemed unlikely. If this world really was resistant to magic, then surely Sunset would have had to exert some sort of effort visibly... unless, of course she was using relatively small amounts of magic to reinforce her preexisting personality. It was an interesting puzzle, but for now it would have to wait. Pinkie’s next class would be her first literature class of the week, and as luck would have it, Rainbow Dash was in this class as well. It was time to start recruiting her campaign staff.

“Hey, Dash,” she said as she plopped into the desk next to her gym class partner.

“Hey, Pinkie,” Dash replied. “How’s your morning been?”

“Pretty good,” Pinkie replied. For this particular pitch, she’d decided to go with a direct approach, and since their teacher seemed to be running late, now seemed like an ideal opportunity. “I signed up to run for princess of the Fall Formal. You wanna help?”

If Rainbow Dash had simply been making small talk before, she wasn’t now. “The Fall Formal? Seriously? Didn’t you just start here yesterday?”

“That’s just what Sunset Shimmer said when she found out,” Pinkie said with a mildly puzzled look on her face. “Is it really that big of a deal?”

“Uh, kinda. I mean, the princess is technically supposed to be the student who best exemplifies the school spirit here at Canterlot High. How can a transfer student possibly do that?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, I sort of figured that when they said that, they were just looking for someone who embodied the school spirit everyone wishes they had, rather than the kind they might have.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “I guess that’s possible. So what kind of school spirit are you trying to be?”

“Oh, you know, I’m just hoping to show off all the basics. You know... uh, laughter... and um, honesty, and generosity, and kindness, and loyalty... you know, all the good stuff.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t seem convinced. “I don’t know... that all sounds kind of corny to me.”

“What’s wrong with corn?”

“Plenty, considering that you’re going up against the student council president. I mean, all those things are nice and all, but do you really think they’ll be able to beat sheer popularity?”

Pinkie tilted her head slightly as she responded. “Well... it’s not like I’m going to be making a speech and listing all those things as if they’re campaign promises. I just try my best to live my life to those values.”

“Huh? How is ‘laughter’ a value?”

“Help me out, and I’ll show you.”

———————

It hadn’t been too difficult to get Rainbow Dash on board, but that was only because she hadn’t known that Pinkie intended to recruit Applejack to her cause as well. Her first chance to do so came at the end of Ms. Cheerilee’s algebra class in the third period. “I dunno, Pinkie,” Applejack said as the two walked out of the classroom. “Winnin’ a competition like that when you ain’t been goin’ here that long sounds like a mighty tall order.”

Pinkie nodded her head. “I know that. That’s why I want your help.”

“Uh, well, I suppose that makes sense, but still, we ain’t known each other for more than two days.”

“Oh... so you don’t want to help, then?”

“Now, hold on, I didn’t say that. I’m still tryin’ ta wrap my head around it, that’s all. I mean, I ain’t exactly sure how I could help ya out with this in the first place. I mean, the way I see it, it’s pretty much just a popularity contest.”

Pinkie cocked her head to the side. “That’s odd.”

“What is?”

“Well, you aren’t the first person to tell me something like that today.”

“Is that so? Sounds to me like they got a good head on their shoulders—pragmatic and all. Who was it?”

As Pinkie was fairly certain the last thing Applejack wanted to hear was evidence that she and Rainbow Dash had any similarities whatsoever, she ignored the question and changed the subject. “I don’t really think I’ll need a really involved campaign or anything; I just need to make sure that as many people as possible know that there’s someone they can pick other than Sunset Shimmer.”

“Is that so?” Applejack said with a rather skeptical look on her face. “An’ what happens if Sunset Shimmer starts to think you might have a shot? I mean, despite the L’il Miss Perfect act, she can be pretty ornery when she wants to, and I doubt you’ve actually had to deal with her clique yet. I mean, no one’s ever proven anything, but Sunset’s win for student council president this year was a bit too much of a landslide for my liking.”

“Her clique?”

“Oh, yeah. She’s got herself an impressive circle of suck-ups and hangers-on to cause trouble for anyone that gets in her way. The student council thing’s a good example; one of her opponents dropped out at the last minute. Rumor has it the members of her clique got photos or maybe a video of Time Turner doin’ somethin’ real embarrassing—and for all I know, Sunset still might have that to dangle around if he does anythin’ else to cross her. Look, I don’t mean to sound paranoid, but you’re gonna have to watch your back.”

Pinkie dismissed this with a wave of her hand. “Oh, don’t worry about that; my sister can handle that. She volunteered, in fact.”

“Really?” Applejack asked. “Penumbra hasn’t really struck me as the overconfident type.”

“She isn’t overconfident; Sunset’s clique hasn’t actually had to deal with her yet.”

Applejack looked around. “Where is she, by the way? I thought she was right behind us a few seconds ago.”

“She had to hurry off to her art class. She’s eager to get back to work.”

———————

As far as her creativity was concerned, Penumbra’s second pottery session was even better than the first; her work seemed sleeker, more geometric, and much closer to her normal visual style. More important, though, was the chance for another conversation with Rarity, who didn’t waste any time before launching into some gossip.

“Well, it sounds as though you have a rather ambitious sister,” Rarity said as the art teacher’s instructions ended and the pottery wheels began spinning.

“I see the rumor mill is up and running this morning,” Penumbra said. “Presumably you’re referring to her decision to compete for that tiara.”

“Indeed.”

“Then it sounds like the rumor is unusually detailed—not to mention accurate—if my name is attached to it. I don’t believe I even mentioned that I had a sister in our conversation yesterday.”

Rarity let out a slightly chastened chuckle. “Ah, well, I actually had to read between the lines of several rumors flying about to work out that bit, mostly from rather garbled accounts of your confrontation with Sunset Shimmer.”

“Seriously? That can’t have been much more than two hours ago.”

“Well, do keep in mind that it follows upon your previous encounter with her in the cafeteria yesterday. It’s not often that a new student resists a browbeating from our illustrious student council president.”

“Take it easy on the sarcasm, there. Not that I mind; I use it all the time, but I find that a little subtlety goes a long way.”

Rarity sighed as she returned her gaze to the teapot on her wheel. “You’re right, of course, and I suppose that Sunset Shimmer does have some qualities which one might call admirable, provided that the rest of her personality is conspicuously ignored.”

“Do you think Pinkie has a chance?” Penumbra asked.

“Oh, she certainly has that,” Rarity affirmed. “After all, there are quite a few students here who respect Sunset only grudgingly; merely providing an alternate will garner her some votes right off the bat. However, her chance is an extraordinarily slim one, unless she’s proactive in her efforts.”

Penumbra offered Rarity one of her smirking smiles. “She’s way ahead of you there. Pinkie’s already recruiting some friends to help her connect to the student body... though I’m sure she wouldn’t mind some advice from the reigning Princess.”

“Nor would I particularly mind providing it, especially if Pinkie is truly as interesting as she seems to be in hearsay.” Rarity said. “However, I must keep other considerations in mind.”

Penumbra glanced over towards Rarity, who was smoothing over a small crack that had appeared in her jar. “Because it would be unseemly for a reigning Princess to weigh in on the current contest?”

“It has less to do with being the Princess and more to do with being the chair of the decoration committee.”

“Ah... a conflict of interest, then.”

“No, it’s actually much simpler than that: there’s only a week or so before the Fall Formal, so I’m going to be quite pressed for time. I doubt I’ll be able to contribute much of anything to Pinkie’s efforts.”

“Well, you wouldn’t have to actually participate directly, but I’m sure you could help us strategize. It seems like out of all the students here, you’re the one with the most experience dealing with Sunset Shimmer.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Rarity conceded, “but experience only gets you so far when dealing with Sunset Shimmer. As far as I can tell, she tends to make up her plans on the fly—it’s the only explanation I can think of for her tendency to change tactics at the drop of a hat. It makes her rather unpredictable.”

Penumbra’s mouth drew up into a sly grin. “Is that so? Well, then it’s a good thing I’ve got experience with unpredictable people.”

Rarity seemed somewhat confused by Penumbra’s statement. “But isn’t Pinkie the one who has to compete with Sunset?”

“On the night of the Formal, sure. Until then, however, I’ve volunteered to run interference to keep her out of Pinkie’s hair.”

“Ah... so that’s the reason behind your exchange.”

“Precisely. And it seems she’s taking the bait, assuming the two freshmen who trailed me to this class are among her lackeys.”

Rarity paused for a moment as she considered this. “That does sound like the sort of thing Sunset would do; in the early stages of our rivalry she had several students engage in reconnaissance to learn about my personal habits. What did they look like?”

“One girl was pink; the other one was grey.”

Rarity nodded. “That would be Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and you’re right: they are aspiring lackeys of Sunset. If I were you, I’d try to avoid any potentially embarrassing behavior until after the Formal, or possibly longer.”

“I’ll do my best. Still, you haven’t really answered my question. Are you willing to help Pinkie out?”

Rarity stopped her wheel and carefully examined her teapot for imperfections. After about a minute, she looked over at Penumbra and grinned. “Well, if there’s an opportunity to throw a wrench into Sunset’s machinations... of course I’ll help.”

———————

Pinkie wasn’t surprised to find Fluttershy eating lunch by herself again—in fact, she’d been counting on it. “Hey, Fluttershy,” she said as she set down her lunch tray and slid into the seat across from the junior. “How are you doing?”

“Oh, um... pretty good, I guess. Last evening I took my pet rabbit, Angel, to the vet, and he got a clean bill of health,” Fluttershy replied softly.

“Awesome,” Pinkie said as she shoveled a forkful of salad into her mouth. She took some time to swallow the greens and continued, “I’m doing pretty well, myself. I’ve decided to compete to become the Princess at the Fall Formal.”

Almost every other person she’d mentioned this to that day had reacted with surprise, and Fluttershy was no different. “Really? But... um... isn’t that a little, you know, soon?”

“After all, I just got here,” Pinkie said, repeating the most common response in a mildly singsong tone. “Yeah, I kind of expected that it would leave some folks scratching their heads when I signed up.”

“Oh... sorry.”

Pinkie giggled. “You haven’t said anything to be sorry for, so you don’t need to apologize. Although...”

“Yes?” Fluttershy said, looking up from underneath her bangs.

“If you did want to make it up to me, I could use a little help convincing the other students to vote me the Princess.”

Somehow, Fluttershy managed to look even more flabbergasted. “What? But... but I couldn’t... What could I do? I’m not really connected with any of the social groups around school...”

“Well, maybe not, but I bet you at least know a few of the other introverts, right?”

“Um, I guess... maybe....”

“Look, the way I see it, people like Sunset usually just ignore people like you, which means they don’t bother trying to pressure them for things like Formal votes, because they don’t have any reason to think you’re interested in the winner.”

“Actually, I wasn’t really planning on going at all,” Fluttershy said.

“See what I mean?” Pinkie said. “You’re exactly the kind of student she’d completely overlook, which means there’s an opportunity for a candidate who makes the effort to connect to folks like you.”

“Oh... well, I guess that kind of makes sense... but I’m still not sure....”

Pinkie sighed. “Why don’t you meet up with some of the others who have agreed to help me out? Once the brainstorming starts, I’m sure you’ll see where I’m coming from. Besides, this’ll give you a chance to get back in touch with Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow’s helping you out?”

Pinkie nodded. “You bet.”

Fluttershy sighed and began to rummage around in her purse. “Well, alright. I guess it can’t hurt. Why don’t we exchange numbers?”

Pinkie looked somewhat confused. “Numbers? Um... okay. I’ve always sort of been partial to π.”

Fluttershy blinked a few times. “Actually, I meant phone numbers.”

“Phone numbers?”

“You know, so we can stay in touch,” Fluttershy said as she pulled out a small, plastic rectangle. She tapped a button and a small display screen turned on—it was like a miniature version of Discord’s laptop.

“Um... I don’t actually have one of those....” Pinkie said uneasily.

“What? Oh, of course. You probably had to change your phone service when you moved here.”

Pinkie chuckled. “Uh, yeah. I’m, er, definitely going to need to talk to my dad about that.”

———————

“I can’t thank you enough for taking all this trouble for me,” Discord said as he walked through the campus of Canterlot Tech with the Dean of Admissions, whose name he’d already forgotten.

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” the dean said. “This sort of thing is what I get paid for. I’m just glad to be in a position where I can help. It’s not often that we have students who are the same age as your daughters, after all.”

Discord nodded his head appreciatively, even though the man’s small talk was starting to bore him. “I do hope I won’t be inconveniencing the young lady too much.”

“Well, when she responded to my e-mail, she said she had the time for a conversation, so long as it wasn’t unreasonably long.”

“I doubt that will be a problem,” Discord said. “Now, where did you say we were headed?”

“She asked us to meet her outside of the library,” the dean said. “There are some tables near there that should be an ideal place for you to talk.”

A few minutes later, Discord spotted the purple teenager, surrounded by a pile of textbooks as she scribbled notes on a yellow legal pad. After a brief introduction from the dean, he left the pair to their own devices, telling Discord to return to his office when they were finished. With that out of the way, the actual conversation could begin. “I must thank you for taking the time to talk to me, Ms. Sparkle,” Discord said as he sat down.

“Please, call me Twilight,” she replied as she pushed her textbooks off to the side. “And really, it’s no trouble at all. Now, Mr. Veritas said that you had a daughter my age?”

“Two, actually—twins,” Discord clarified. “And yes, they’re around your age, and they’re both extremely intelligent, though as their father, my opinion is somewhat biased,” he added with a smile.

“And they’re interested in attending college early?”

“Let’s just say it’s not out of the question at the moment,” Discord said. As it happened, he was fairly certain that if Pinkie really was a teenaged human, she would want to graduate from high school with her fellow students, regardless of how much smarter she was than them, though Penumbra was another matter. Still, there was no need to dwell on such hypothetical situations when there was actual work to do. “As a parent, I feel that I ought to give the matter careful consideration, and while I feel that both are intellectually ready for higher education, I’m somewhat concerned about the effect it might have on their social lives, which is, naturally, where you can assist me.”

Twilight shifted in her seat. “Um, well, I’ll do the best I can.”

“Excellent,” Discord said, grinning. He had successfully directed the conversation in precisely the direction he had wanted it to go; he had read more than enough of Twilight’s blog to know that she was having doubts about her lack of friends her own age, and he figured that the best way to convince her to consider associating with high school students was to reinforce those doubts. “So, tell me, how is the social life of a sixteen-year-old college student?”

“Uh... well... it’s okay, I guess. I mean, I’m really busy with my coursework, so I don’t have much spare time for socializing.”

“But you still have a few friends, don’t you?”

“Oh, sure. There’s my big brother, Shining Armor—he’s actually a sophomore here at Canterlot Tech, too. He’s been my best friend for a long time.”

“Ah, so you hang out with your brother, then.”

“Well, not as much as we used to. I mean, his course load is pretty heavy, too, plus there’s his officer training program.”

“But you’ve been able to make other friends here, right?”

“Uh, not really...”

“Is it because the other students don’t respect you because of your age?”

“Oh, no! It’s nothing like that. I’m shown plenty of respect. It’s just... well, they aren’t all that interested in spending time with someone like me. After all, a lot of the things they do involving going places that serve alcohol, and I’m not old enough to drink yet.”

“Ah, I see. Then do you find ways to spend time with kids your own age, then?”

“Er, not really... like I said, my coursework keeps me pretty busy....”

Discord tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I see.... This is definitely something I’ll need to take into consideration, then.”

“Er, but that doesn’t mean that your daughters would be alone, though,” Twilight hastily added. “After all, if they attended Canterlot Tech, I’d be here.”

Hook, line, and sinker, Discord thought to himself. “Well, if that’s the case, then it seems that I’d also need to consider how their personalities would mesh with yours... and that’s the sort of thing that I’d rather learn directly from them, rather than making a blind guess.”

“What do you mean?” asked Twilight.

“Well, I suppose that I’m suggesting that you actually meet Pinkie and Penumbra. I’m beginning to think that that would clarify the issues far more than a short conversation with their father can.”

“Um... I don’t know... I don’t have a lot of time....”

“Well, you needn’t meet up with them today. The dean said you use email, correct? Why don’t you simply email me when you’re able to make the time, and we’ll set up a meeting then.”

“I, uh, really don’t want to inconvenience you....”

“Oh, trust me, my dear: This will not pose any inconvenience at all.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 7: Secret Days

As expected, Surprise was overjoyed by Twilight’s decision to meet with Mr. Discord’s daughters. “I am so proud of you!” she exclaimed, bouncing with glee beside her creator as the headed home after Twilight’s last class of the day. “You’re going to love having a social life—I guarantee it.”

Twilight, however, was considerably less enthusiastic. “This was a mistake. I just know it. What on earth could they possibly have in common with me?”

It was a simple question, but unlike many simple questions, this one actually had an obvious answer. “They’re your age, and they must be pretty smart themselves, otherwise their father wouldn’t be considering enrolling them in college.”

“Just because they’re smart, that doesn’t mean I’ll get along with them.”

“But it doesn’t mean you won’t. It’s still worth a shot, right?”

“But what if I can’t convince them to attend? Or what if it turns out they aren’t qualified for college yet? Or... or what if they’d rather keep their current friends rather than dropping everything and jumping ahead?”

Surprise sighed. “Twilight, you’re just nervous, that’s all. It’s been a while since you tried to make some new friends your own age, after all. Besides, even if they aren’t interested in college, that doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them.”

“But Sunset—”

“Sunset Shimmer can’t possibly know everything. Besides, there’s something off about her, and you know it.”

Twilight had a counter to that one ready, though: “There’s something off about Mr. Discord, too. It seems really coincidental that he’d have two kids smart enough for college at my age, especially since people like me are so uncommon in the first place. How do I know he’s not making it up?”

“You don't really think that anyone from Canterlot Tech’s administration would have let him anywhere near you if they doubted his story, do you?” Surprise replied. “You are a minor, after all. Plus, you can easily get around the possibility that he’s a loony creepazoid by making sure the meeting with his daughters is in a public place.”

“I suppose that makes sense....” Twilight reluctantly admitted.

“Of course it makes sense,” Surprise said. “It came from your brain, after all.”

“But that means it’s not exactly an unbiased source,” thought Twilight. “Surprise, I know you like being the voice that tells me what I need to hear, but in this case, I need to make sure you aren’t just telling me what I want to hear. Right now, I could really use the opinion of someone else. Someone like... Sunset Shimmer!”

Twilight’s expression brightened as the idea formed in her mind. Her next-door neighbor was the obvious choice to confide in. After all, she was the one who had pointed out the difficulty Twilight had relating to other teenagers on an intellectual level, so she must have had some insight into the matter in the first place. Twilight picked up her pace as she continued to march towards her house, hoping that Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t be too busy to talk to her.

As it happened, she ran into her about a block away from their homes, as Sunset Shimmer sent pair of freshmen girls scurrying off—no doubt something to do with the student council, because Twilight couldn’t think of any other reason why a senior would spend time with freshmen outside of class hours... though why Sunset would be conducting student council business this far away from the grounds of Canterlot High was completely beyond her. In any case, a shout and a wave was enough to get Sunset Shimmer’s attention, and it seemed that she had time to spare for a brief conversation. “Hey, Twilight. What’s up?”

As was usually the case when she talked with Sunset, Twilight felt momentarily starstruck by the older girl’s poise, not to mention her willingness to speak with Twilight as if the two were social equals, which was decidedly unusual if TV shows were anything to go by. Then again, even though Twilight was two years younger than Sunset, as a college sophomore she “outranked” the high school senior by two years as well, so perhaps it evened out in the end. In any case, there were more immediate matters to discuss as the pair strolled towards their homes. “Well, do you remember the conversation we had yesterday?”

“More or less. It was something about your social life, right?”

“Yeah... well, you know how you said that I shouldn’t bother with teenagers because I’d end up talking over their heads?”

Sunset chuckled. “I don’t exactly remember putting it that way, but that sounds like the gist of it.”

“Well, something happened while I was on campus today, and now it looks like there’s a chance that the problem will take care of itself.”

Sunset wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean, Twilight?”

“This afternoon, I met up with a man who says his daughters might be interested in enrolling at Canterlot Tech... and they’re teenagers. Well, I suppose that about half of the students there are still technically teenagers, too, but they’re also legally adults... but you know what I mean.”

Twilight hadn’t really known how Sunset was going to react to this, but she had not been expecting to see bemusement to flash across the older girl’s face. “What? But... but why would someone bother saying something like that to a stranger?”

Twilight shrugged. “The administration set up the meeting because this guy wanted to know what it was like being a college student at my age. He said he was concerned about his daughters’ social lives. I’m not sure if I was able to convince him that his concerns weren’t valid—I sort of forgot all that stuff you’ve mentioned about outclassing other teens—but I did at least point out that they wouldn’t be the only teens on campus if they attended Canterlot Tech.”

“They? As in, more than one?”

“Um, yes. Mr. Discord said they were twins.”

At this, Sunset Shimmer’s eyes bulged in what almost looked like an expression of panic which seemed completely alien from the cool demeanor Twilight normally associated with her. “Did he mention their names?” she asked forcefully.

“Uh, yeah, I think he did. Pinkie Pie and Penultra... no, wait, it was Penumbra. Why do you ask? Do you know them?”

“Well, as it turns out, I do,” Sunset said as her face returned to its usual aloof expression... though it was belied by the heavy breathing that was now flaring through her nostrils, as if she was desperately trying to maintain her composure. “They just moved here, and they’re currently attending Canterlot High. But, if their, uh, father is considering enrolling them in college...”

“Do you think it’s suspicious?” Twilight asked. “I mean, the timing seems almost too perfect: I’ve a little worried about my social life recently, but now it seems like a potential solution just drops into my lap. I mean, on an intellectual level, I know it’s almost certainly a coincidence, but it still feels a little weird.... Of course, I’ll probably have a better idea after I have a chance to meet up with them.”

“Oh... you’re going to spend time with those two?” Sunset Shimmer asked as she ran her fingers through her hair. It was the sort of gesture that Twilight would probably have ignored in other conversations, but something about Sunset’s behavior was making everything about her seem slightly... off. “Could you do me a favor and tell me how it goes? You know, because it would be nice to think that you’ve managed to resolve your social problem.”

“Uh, sure,” Twilight said as the two of them approached their homes and parted ways to head towards their respective front doors. “I’ll let you know.” But as she entered her home, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there had been something strange about that conversation. “Social problem?” Since when does Sunset phrase things that awkwardly?

———————

Sunset Shimmer slammed the front door behind her as she stomped through the empty house, trying to figure out how her carefully-laid plans had gone so awry. Although she had yet to find a smidgen of concrete evidence, she was now certain that Pinkie and Penumbra were really ponies just like her. The idea that mere coincidence could explain why the two newcomers who were frustrating her attempt to acquire the Element of Magic at the Fall Formal were also going to be getting in touch with the human version of the pony she’d taken it from was just too much to ask.

Of course, the fact that Sunset even needed to go through with this idiotic farce of a competition in the first place was fairly solid evidence that things weren’t going her way, but then, nothing had really gone the way she wanted it to since she’d first arrived in this world. Aside from the shock of turning into a completely different creature, her new form lacked anything comparable to her horn, which in turn meant that focusing her magic was incredibly difficult. Thus, when combined with the fact that magic just didn’t seem to work as well over here in the first place, Sunset Shimmer ended up draining her magic reserves to ridiculously low levels when casting even the most basic of spells.

And she had needed to cast a lot of them when she first arrived to cover up all of the gaffes and mistakes she’d made while trying to insert herself into human society. Really, the only break Sunset had caught was the fact that she’d done so much elective study in the field of neuromancy when she was still Celestia’s student. This was a field where even a small amount of magical power could be very effective, provided that you had the insight to wield it only when it was necessary—and considering how inefficient unicorn magic seemed to be here, Sunset Shimmer had needed all the insight she could muster, because she had needed to overcome some unbelievably imposing obstacles just to get where she was... such as ensuring that nobody ever asked her about her parents.

But Sunset’s challenges weren’t simply limited to keeping the inconveniently nosy at arm’s length—there had been far trickier tasks to deal with. Most notably, she’d put forth quite a bit of effort to ensure that her own human counterpart remained on the other side of the country, unknown to anyone from Canterlot High, because she simply couldn’t perform a mind control spell strong enough get everyone to ignore the fact that there was another girl with her name and face walking around... well, not yet, at least.

Sunset skulked into her kitchen to fix herself some dinner. She was so sick of living in this empty house; indeed, upon figuring out how to reopen the portal, she had initially wanted to return to her homeland as soon as she’d rebuilt enough magic reserves to cast the spell, but she had thought better of it. As much she hated spending half of the day in solitude, merely returning to Equestria wasn’t an option—in fact, it had never been an option in the first place.

She was not about to go back and grovel at Celestia’s hooves and beg for mercy, because as far as she was concerned, she’d done nothing wrong in the first place. To Sunset’s mind, there had a been a very real possibility that the Elements wouldn’t be found in time to vanquish Nightmare Moon, and so it behooved her to ensure that she had more arrows in her metaphorical quiver, and even more importantly, that she knew how to use those arrows effectively. Knowledge had to be acquired, which meant that experiments needed to be made, even if the subjects were unaware that they were participating. What did it matter if a few ponies got hurt? The fate of Equestria was at stake!

But no, Celestia didn’t see it that way. She couldn’t see the difference between taking perfectly reasonable risks and “going mad with power.” Sunset could never allow herself to submit to somepony so obviously naive; no, her ultimate return to Equestria would have to be from a position of strength. But, to do that, she’d need to be able to wield her magic effectively over here so she could consolidate her power, which, in turn, meant that she’d had to get something that could be used to effectively channel her magic. But because the humans didn’t use magic in the first place, there wasn’t anything over here for Sunset to find. Thus, in order to effect her triumphant return to Equestria, she would need to do so secretly, in order to recover the one thing that was certain to enhance her magical abilities: the Element of Magic itself.

She had been ready to do so the previous year, even going so far as to prepare everything she needed to fake an illness severe enough to require a lengthy hospital stay to explain her absence while she scoured Equestria for the Element, only to discover on her first reconnoiter that the Element had been found only a month or so earlier and was now under lock and key in the Royal Treasury. That, in turn was what had set off the massive scheme to get Canterlot High to finance the creation of a duplicate... and then Sunset had managed to bungle the actual switch.

Sunset grumbled under her breath as she flopped onto the living room couch, turned on the television, and bit into her microwaved veggie burger. The show was some inane cartoon for children that was little more than a thinly veiled commercial for a toy line, but she was too distracted by her thoughts to notice. “Why in Tartarus didn’t she come here?” she asked out loud.

“She,” in this case, was Twilight Sparkle—the pony one, not the human. All of Sunset’s backup plans had presumed that if she had been discovered while absconding with the Element of Magic, its current bearer would be the pony who would follow her to retrieve it; and she had managed to learn that that pony was the upstart filly that Celestia had been raving about in the months before her ultimate fallout with Sunset. At the time, it had seemed that Providence had been smiling on her, since the human version lived next door, and she’d invested quite a bit of time on their acquaintance, under the assumption that this Twilight could tarnish the pony as an untrustworthy fraud if she’d followed Sunset to the human world.

But instead, she was now dealing with two completely unknown quantities—possibly three if this “Discord” wasn’t some sort of mindless golem who’d been sent along to assist Pinkie and Penumbra. Neither of those names had come up during the admittedly brief sojourns back to Equestria; she now began to suspect that she should have made the effort to learn who the other Element-Bearers were... but the idea that either of those two had any direct connection with the Elements of Harmony was ludicrous. Surely, Celestia would have sent all six on a mission of this importance, if she was to send any at all.

At least part of their plan was obvious: Pinkie was attempting to win the Element of Magic in the Fall Formal—another way that the original plan had derailed, since she had intended to put the damned thing on as soon as she’d arrived here, but Rarity of all people had found it and immediately brought it to Luna, doubtless with the intention of painting Sunset as irresponsible. Still, as an outsider, Pinkie had a tough slog ahead of her if she wanted to build up her popularity enough to compete in a week. That said, Sunset intended to take every advantage she could, because these two sisters were still wild cards.

It didn’t help that neither Pinkie nor Penumbra seemed to have any human counterparts... or if they did, they lived in a completely different part of the country. But that seemed unlikely; she’d been able to learn about her own human counterpart after an hour of internet searches, but these two newcomers seemed to be completely lacking in digital footprints. Even worse, her lackeys hadn’t been able to catch them making any of the mistakes she made when she first arrived here, so she had no material with which to make them laughingstocks of the school. To further complicate things, according to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Penumbra had managed to recruit that stuck-up bitch Rarity to their cause, and they were starting to draw other allies too.

But none of this was particularly confusing; indeed, it was probably similar to what she would have tried upon realizing that using magic to simply steal the tiara wasn’t practical in this universe. What had completely blindsided Sunset was this apparent attempt to ingratiate themselves with the human Twilight Sparkle. That girl didn’t even go to Canterlot High, so why on earth were they wasting time attempting to get in touch with her?

Sunset snapped off the television as she finished her burger. She was overlooking something; she felt almost certain of it. She needed more information, and she could only get that information from her adversaries. The time had come, she decided, to take more drastic actions.

———————

Getting access to smartphones had proven to be much simpler than either Pinkie or Penumbra had anticipated, mostly because they had underestimated just how quickly Discord was becoming a full-fledged technology geek. Within an hour or two, he’d acquired a pair of moderately-priced phones which were at least “not uncool,” even if they weren’t exactly the “cutting-art, state-of-the-edge” models that inspired oohs and ahs from the locals. He’d had to hold back on the hardware because he’d decided that the pre-paid data plans that the phones were attached to were a much better use of their funds. Thus, once their homework was finished, Pinkie and Penumbra had spent most of the evening figuring out how to get their little plastic rectangles to do what they wanted.

For the most part, it was fairly self-explanatory—at least, the parts that they might actually need were simple: long-distance communication, and a camera to record any visual evidence they might need for later (and, Pinkie soon realized, any audio evidence, since the camera could capture that when it was recording movies). Plus, depending on the strength of the phone’s signal, they could access the internet to get answers to otherwise awkward questions, which would certainly make it easier to blend in. For example, when Pinkie tried to find out if the internet knew why the lumps on female chests were so big, she found an answer very quickly.

Beyond that, though, there seemed to be little on the smartphones to hold Penumbra’s interest. There were a few music programs to choose from (though Discord insisted on calling them “apps”), but it seemed that most human music wasn’t all that different from various kinds of pony music, though there were considerably fewer party metal bands (much to Pinkie’s disappointment). Pinkie, however, soon found herself playing all sorts of games, many of which seemed to involve repeatedly tapping rectangles to avoid having to pay real-world money for in-game money to buy things that didn’t actually exist, which probably would have been considerably more ludicrous if Pinkie hadn’t spent the first few years of her life not actually existing.

In any case, the goals for today had been quite straightforward: acquiring the contact information of all their friends so they could coordinate a meetup to discuss Pinkie Pie’s election strategy. For Pinkie, this had been a relatively simple matter, as she had classes with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and Fluttershy firmly established herself as her go-to “lunch friend.” Really, the closest thing to an actual problem that Pinkie had encountered was when Applejack had asked who else would be helping out. She’d needed to do quite a bit of hemming and hawing to avoid saying Rainbow Dash’s name, as her plan to deal with the fact that two of her friends hated each other’s guts was still rather hazy.

Penumbra, by contrast, only needed to get Rarity’s contact information. However, they didn’t have art class that day, so her options were limited to trying to meet up in the hallways. This didn’t end up happening until after the classes were over, and Rarity was on her way to a meeting with the rest of the Fall Formal’s decorating committee. Still, despite the fact that Rarity was a little rushed for time, she did have a few hours on the rapidly approaching weekend that she could clear out for a meetup.

It didn’t take Pinkie very long to inform the others, as her smartphone was quite good at fulfilling its original purpose. For a meeting place, Pinkie selected the park where she’d entered this world. She was still somewhat worried about how to deal with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, though. They were not going to be happy about the prospect of working together again, and since both had been quite clear about their mutual dislike to Pinkie Pie, she couldn’t simply feign ignorance.

Penumbra, however, wasn’t nearly as worried. It seemed fairly obvious to her that the frostiness between Rainbow Dash and Applejack was likely due to a simple mixture of stubbornness and miscommunication, which, though daunting, was not an insurmountable obstacle. Though it probably wasn’t going to be pleasant, corralling the two into a position where both had to admit to their own selfishness seemed quite feasible, particularly since Pinkie was quite certain that both of them enjoyed being her friend.

This train of thought naturally led Penumbra to begin considering how she could effectively present the obvious parallels between this state of affairs and the one that existed between Pinkie Pie and Discord, because she was fairly certain that Pinkie would do her best to avoid applying any lessons learned to her own situation. It was probably due to this distraction that Penumbra was completely taken by surprise when someone grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into an empty classroom.

Seconds later, Penumbra was staring into the glowering scowl of Sunset Shimmer. “Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Penumbra said in what she hoped was a condescending tone of voice. “I would have expected you to waylay my sister if you were going to have another go at intimidation. Or did she just manage to shake you off while exiting the school.”

“Can it,” Sunset said tersely. “You can’t fool me with this innocent routine. I know what you really are.”

Penumbra raised one of her eyebrows as she briefly glanced around the room. She didn’t see any witnesses, but that didn’t mean that Sunset didn’t have some sort of recording device present to gather evidence. “I’m not quite sure how you expect me to react to that,” she said calmly as she put her hands in her pocket. Her smartphone was there, but she didn’t know how she could start her own recording of this conversation without Sunset Shimmer noticing.

“You aren’t human,” Sunset hissed.

Penumbra blinked in surprise as she withdrew her hands from her pocket. There was absolutely no way that Sunset would have made such a claim if there was any chance that someone might hear about it later, which meant that she almost certainly wasn’t being recorded—or at least, that recording wouldn’t be played for any of the locals. Penumbra felt quite a bit of relief upon this realization; this conversation would no doubt be much easier if she didn’t need to worry about third parties. “And your point is...?”

“My point? My point is that you’ve lost the element of surprise.”

Penumbra waved her hand dismissively. “Yes, of course we have. You used to be Celestia’s star pupil, after all; we figured you’d put the pieces together as soon as you found out we were attending school here. However, this does raise a rather pertinent question: Why, exactly, would you go to the effort of telling us this?”

As Penumbra half-expected, Sunset ignored the question, mostly because she was too busy getting infuriated. “Listen, you. I don’t know what sort of clever scheme Celestia’s trying to pull by sending some nobodies to do Twilight’s job for her, but I know it has something to do with the human Twilight, and if you think—”

Penumbra cut into Sunset’s rant before she could finish: “Sweet Celestia, have we really rattled you that badly?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you seriously not know who we are? And more importantly, did you actually intend to tell me that?”

Sunset opened her mouth, as if preparing a response, but no sound came out. It seemed that it was only just now dawning on her that her attempt at intimidation had horribly backfired.

Penumbra, for her part, was grinning from ear to ear, and, as was usually the case, her smile looked more sinister and demented than joyful. She immediately decided that now was the time for some mind games; the opportunity was simply too good to pass up. “Well, my dear Sunset, you’ve caught me in a generous mood, and I don’t see why you should walk away from this conversation empty-handed.”

Sunset was obviously skeptical. “You’re going to tell me who you are?”

“Oh, not all of us,” Penumbra said. “If you couldn’t be bothered to learn about Pinkie Pie before, you clearly deserve to learn about her the hard way. But as for me...”

“Yes?”

Penumbra chuckled. “It’s kind of... ironic, really. You spent all that time training to fight Nightmare Moon. All that hard work and research to combat the gravest threat Equestria had ever seen. Celestia even said that the two of you fell out because you went too far in your efforts. And all of it went to waste when you ran away.”

“That isn’t irony.”

“No, it isn’t,” Penumbra agreed as she stepped close enough to Sunset to invade her personal space. “What is ironic,” she said in a low tone of voice, barely above a whisper, “is that when you became the threat, Celestia sent The Nightmare.”

Sunset backed away from her adversary, nearly tripping over a desk as she tried to maintain eye contact. “You’re bluffing,” she said firmly, though a slight crack in her voice undermined any confidence she may have tried to project.

Penumbra didn’t respond immediately. Instead, she flashed a half-crazed smile for a split-second before rearing back her head and letting loose a barrage of The Nightmare’s soul-crushing cackle.

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 8: Iamundernodisguise

There were a lot of things on Pinkie’s mind as the weekend drew closer, but at the moment, she was concerned with the complete and utter lack of friendship between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. This wasn’t because the issue was on her mental “to-do” list for the day—those slots were filled with such matters as winning over her fellow students, countering the schemes of Sunset Shimmer, and fixing whatever Discord happened to be breaking at the moment (because he must have been ruining something, no matter what Penny claimed). No, the reason that A.J. and Rainbow jumped to the forefront of Pinkie’s attention was because of a snippet of conversation she overheard in the hallway before classes began.

“C’mon, sis, I really need a ride home from the football game.”

“Ask Big Macintosh.”

“Big Mac’s busy at the orchard.”

“Granny Smith, then,” Applejack replied as she rolled her eyes at her little sister.

“She’s gonna take forever cleanin’ the concession stand once the game’s done,” Apple Bloom replied.

“Well, that’s too bad, because I ain’t going.”

“You don’t even know if Rainbow Dash is gonna be there!”

“Why wouldn’t she be? Self-absorbed jocks always show up to support the other self-absorbed jocks.”

“But if she was supportin’ someone else, then wouldn’t that mean she wasn’t self-absorbed?”

“Look, Apple Bloom, I ain’t goin’, and that’s final!” Applejack said as she slammed her locker door shut and stomped down the hall, away from her sister.

Pinkie Pie let out the breath that she hadn’t noticed she was holding as Apple Bloom shuffled off in the opposite direction. Somehow, she’d allowed herself to forget just how much animosity existed between the alternate versions of her friends. Okay, I definitely need to start figuring out how to keep A.J. and Rainbow from killing each other tomorrow. After all, as powerful as the magic of friendship was, it couldn’t exactly reset a dislocated shoulder.

———————

In the immediate aftermath of her confrontation with Sunset Shimmer, Penumbra had felt pretty good about the results. Even though she had essentially been improvising the entire time, it seemed like she had really managed to get inside her adversary’s head—metaphorically speaking, that is. She had left Canterlot High feeling confident that Pinkie would be able to operate from a position of strength in the days ahead. Yet, the very next day, nearly all of that confidence vanished, because on that day Sunset did the last thing Penumbra had expected: absolutely nothing.

Oh, to be sure, her lackeys were still following Pinkie and Penumbra around—indeed, the number of freshmen who’d been roped into providing reconnaissance had doubled, with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon now alternating with a pair of hapless boys who were no doubt grateful that a pretty girl like Sunset was actually acknowledging their existence. That was to be expected; after all, if either Pinkie or Penumbra slipped up and did something that could jeopardize their reputations, Sunset would want to capitalize immediately. But beyond this, there was nothing. No hallway confrontations. No humiliating pranks. No baseless rumors to quash. In fact, the one time Penumbra passed by Sunset between classes, the student council president had simply stared straight ahead and walked by without even a single flicker of emotion to indicate that she was aware of Penumbra’s presence.

By the end of the day, Penumbra had become rather obviously perturbed, as was made obvious by the high-pitched yelp she let out when Pinkie tapped her on the shoulder after the final bell of the day. “Okay, I was going to ask if you were worried about something, but that kinda sorta answered my question,” Pinkie said in a remarkably deadpan tone of voice (well, deadpan for Pinkie Pie, anyway). “What’s bugging you? Are you worried about Discord?”

“What?” Penumbra said. “No! Discord doesn’t worry me in the slightest. You’re the one who has a problem with him, remember?”

“Oh... right. Still, it’s not like you to be so tense. Was your day just really stressful?”

“I suppose you could put it that way, though by all rights it shouldn’t have been. Sunset Shimmer’s been acting like our conversation yesterday never happened. Actually, scratch that—she’s acting like the two of us have been here for months.”

“And... that’s a bad thing?”

“Not exactly, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. Yesterday, I thought I’d gotten a good read on her. Now, I’m not so sure.”

“Do you think she believed you when you told her who you were?” Pinkie asked. “If she didn’t, then maybe she’s underestimating you. There wouldn’t be much reason for her to go out of her way to confront you if she didn’t think she had any reason to be worried about you.”

“Even if she is underestimating me, she would still have a reason to be concerned, since I pretty much admitted why we came here in the first place. Ultimately, though, whether or not she believed me is a moot point. I had hoped that by claiming to be The Nightmare, I’d goad her into making even more obvious mistakes, but it’s looking like it had the opposite effect: she’s not panicking, which means she’s probably hatching a new scheme, instead of trying to use whatever plan she had in place if Twilight came over here.”

Pinkie did her best to reassure her friend. “Well, it’s not like we have any idea what her plans for Twilight were, so there’s no reason to think that we need to change our plans.”

Penumbra sighed. “I know that. But I really don’t like the idea that my attempt to play mind games has backfired.”

“You don’t know that it’s backfired, either. Maybe Sunset is wasting time because she’s expecting you to act like The Nightmare. Look, what’s done is done, and second guessing yourself isn’t going to help anyone, except maybe Sunset Shimmer. I think you should just set this aside for now so we can focus on tonight.”

Penumbra curled up an eyebrow in confusion. “Tonight? I thought the campaign strategy meeting wasn’t until tomorrow.”

“You’re right about the campaign meeting, but I’m talking about something else. Didn’t you get Discord’s text message?”

“What?” Penumbra pulled out her phone, and indeed, there was a message from her “father” waiting to be read:

“TS wants 2 meet this evening”

———————

“Thank goodness for free wifi,” Discord said as he tapped away happily at his laptop. He and his “daughters” were, at the moment, awaiting the arrival of Twilight Sparkle at Donut Joe’s, a moderately busy coffee shop which was unsurprisingly staffed by the human counterpart of Pinkie Pie’s preferred donut salespony. The internet may have been the most splendiferous idea ever concocted by sentient beings, but actually accessing it could be a massive pain in the butt at times. However, when neither of his companions responded, Discord looked up and saw that both of them seemed to be distracted by the place where the wall met the ceiling. Granted, he had expected this sort of behavior from Penumbra, whose neutral stare was only occasionally interrupted by a sip of her americano. It was the same general attitude she had whenever she was thinking about her next project for Cloud Nineteen, though presumably her attention was on something of more immediate interest than cloudsmithing.

Pinkie, though... well, she looked genuinely nervous about something, and Discord didn’t have a clue what it was. If she had been anyone else, he would have assumed that it was nervousness about meeting Twilight, but Pinkie never got nervous about meeting anybody, so it had to be something else. For a brief moment, he considered asking her why she looked so troubled, but he rejected the idea almost immediately, largely because he was certain that she would never be willing to acknowledge feeling any sort of negative emotion. Well, not to him, anyway. In any case, he hadn’t had much time to dwell on their decidedly awkward relationship before the door to the coffee shop opened and Twilight Sparkle entered, followed closely by a young man with pale white skin and blue hair—her brother, obviously, but Twilight had no idea that all three of them already knew that.

Discord lowered the lid of his laptop and stood up to greet her. “Hello, again, Ms. Sparkle. It’s so good of you to take time out of your schedule to talk with my daughters.”

Twilight shook his hand with a somewhat loose grip. “It’s no trouble at all,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad I can help.” She gestured to the young man beside her and confirmed Discord’s assumption: “This is my brother, Shining Armor.”

Shining’s handshake was much firmer than his sister’s. “A pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“Likewise,” Discord replied. “And these are my daughters, Pinkie Pie and Penumbra.”

“Hi, there!” Pinkie said with her usual cheerful smile.

“Hey,” Penumbra said in a completely neutral tone with her usual world-weary scowl.

“Well,” Discord said as he clapped his hands together, “I figure the three of you can handle your own conversation, so why don’t Mr. Armor and I get out of the way? We’ll be in that booth by the window if you need us.” This separation wasn’t part of the plan per se, but Twilight hadn’t mentioned that someone would be accompanying her. In any case, to his mind, this was an opportunity to wheedle additional information about Twilight out of her brother. “Do you drink coffee, Shining Armor? I’m more than happy to cover for you.”

“No, that’s fine,” Shining Armor said as he pulled out his wallet. “I prefer to pay my own way.”

“Suit yourself,” Discord said as he walked up to the barista. “I’d like a venti two-thirds decaf low-fat soy caramel macchiato with whipped cream and mocha sprinkles. Oh, and a cranberry orange-peel scone, if you please.”

———————

“Um, Penumbra?” Twilight asked hesitantly. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Penumbra said. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, for a moment, you looked like you were grinding your teeth.”

“Oh... right. I, er... overheard something that reminded me of an unpleasant memory. But that doesn’t really matter; we have more important things to talk about. How much did our father explain to you?”

Twilight shrugged. “It seems like he gave me a basic rundown. He said you two are really smart, and you’re considering going to college early.”

In the back of Twilight’s mind, Surprise chimed in with her take. “C’mon, Twilight, show a little enthusiasm! You only get one chance for a first impression.”

“C’mon, Penny, show a little enthusiasm! You only get one chance for a first impression.”

Twilight’s eyes abruptly widened as Pinkie Pie finished critiquing her sister. That... that has to be a coincidence, doesn’t it?

“Don’t call me ‘Penny,’” Penumbra replied in the same aloof tone of voice she’d been affecting. “Anyway, we’d like to hear how you’ve been handling college.”

“Oh, sure. Well, I can give you an overview, at least....”

———————

“So, when exactly did Twilight decide to enter college early? Or was this something your parents decided for her?”

Shining Armor took a sip from his latte before he answered. “Oh, this was Twily’s decision all the way. She really had to push our parents hard to get them to agree to it. I don’t know when she actually came up with the idea, but she started putting it forward while she was in middle school—that’s when she started skipping grades.”

“Is that so? And was there some specific field she wanted to study that simply wasn’t covered in high school, or is this more a case wanting to be around people as smart as she was?”

“A little of both, I think. I mean, it started as the second one, but while she was getting her high school diploma, she found out about chaos theory, and she really latched onto that.”

Discord grinned widely. “You know, that sounds absolutely fascinating. The study of complete randomness, I mean.”

Shining Armor chuckled. “Don’t let Twilight hear you call it that. There’s nothing random about chaos, at least when scientists use the word.”

Discord might have found this disappointing if it wasn’t so confusing. “But... if it’s not randomness, then what is it?”

“Well, I’m not exactly an expert, but basically, it turns out that a lot of unpredictable things in nature are unpredictable in amazingly similar ways, at least when you know how to analyze them properly. Actually, I think Twilight once described chaos as ‘predictable unpredictability.’” Shining Armor suddenly paused the conversation as Discord began to look mildly nauseous. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m fine. That phrase just... reminded me of an unpleasant memory, that’s all.”

———————

“...easy to get along with the other students?” Pinkie finished.

“Uh, yeah,” Twilight responded, hoping that she hadn’t missed too much of the first part of the question to give a coherent answer. The similarities between Pinkie and Surprise may have been superficial, but the real person in front of her was still close enough to her imaginary friend to be a little bit unsettling. “I mean, no one’s really mistreated me.”

Pinkie looked somewhat confused. “That’s not really what I meant to ask. I guess what I’d like to know is if you’ve been able to make friends with any of them?”

“Well, not exactly, but I haven’t really put a lot of effort into it.”

“Intimidated?” Penumbra asked.

“Not really,” Twilight said. “I just really haven’t had much interest in making friends. Not with them, I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I like being able to talk with someone about science and not have it go over the other person’s head, but other than that, I don’t really share many interests with a lot of college students.”

Pinkie nodded. “That makes sense, I think. So, have you made friends with kids your own age? Like, from Canterlot High, maybe?”

For another split-second, Twilight felt oddly spooked as this girl who seemed strangely similar to her imaginary friend managed to bring that imaginary friend’s favorite topic into the conversation. However, there wasn’t anything particularly creepy about Pinkie Pie, aside from the fact that she wasn’t creepy in exactly the same way that Surprise wasn’t creepy. Her smile was warm, her demeanor was bubbly and inviting, and her laugh was infectious. Indeed, if Twilight hadn’t seen her interacting with other people, she might almost think Pinkie was her imaginary friend, bizarre as that possibility was to consider. “Um, I don’t really spend much time with other teenagers,” Twilight admitted sheepishly.

“Does college take up your spare time?” Penumbra asked.

“Oh, no, definitely not. I have time to do other things, like reading fiction or blogging. It’s just... well... hanging out with kids my age wasn’t something I’d ever really considered doing until recently.”

“Recently?” Pinkie repeated, her interest obviously piqued. “So you have been considering it?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I’ve been thinking about taking a closer look at social networks, but I realized that I’d never really had much reason to use some of the more popular platforms myself... but I’m getting sidetracked. We’re not here to talk about my personal life.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what we’re here to talk about,” Penumbra replied sardonically. “You’re supposed to help us figure out if college will put too much of a strain on our social lives, aren’t you?”

“Oh... right.”

———————

“So, are you studying chaos as well?”

Shining Armor stifled a laugh before answering. “Oh, no. My interests are a bit more practical—though I’m sure Twilight could go on for hours about the everyday applications of chaos theory. I’m a computer science major. My interests are mainly in cybersecurity and advanced encryption techniques. That’s actually how I caught the interest of a military recruiter on campus; it turns out that not all battles are fought in the real world. Anyway, my time is split between my studies and my officer training, so I can’t spend as much time with Twily as I used to.”

“You two were close?” Discord asked.

“Don’t get me wrong: we still are close. But that doesn’t really change the fact that I’m four years older, and I’m starting to get this itch to expand my horizons a bit. In that sense, at least, I’m really hoping your daughters hit it off with Twilight. It’d be nice for her to get a few more friends so she isn’t so reliant on me.”

“Getting a little tired of being the protective big brother?”

“Oh, no. This is more a case of trying to wean Twilight off of me so that she isn’t left high and dry when I can’t be there for her. I mean, she’s never been the kind of person who makes friends easily. I can’t remember if she ever had anyone over to our home when she was younger. A lot of times it was just me and Twilight.”

“So she was all by herself when you had something else to do?”

“Basically... though she sometimes claimed otherwise.”

“So she did have a friend or two, then.”

“In a sense. She often played with this stuffed animal I got her for her birthday one year; she named it Smarty Pants. Oh, and of course there was also Surprise.”

———————

Twilight decided that, on the whole, this particular conversation had gone quite well. Sure, the topic of conversation hadn’t drifted into the sciences quite as often as she may have wanted, but Pinkie and Penumbra seemed genuinely interested in her other hobbies, like blogging and watching animated movies and TV shows from foreign countries. On top of that, they seemed to have some interesting pastimes of their own; Penumbra’s discussion of her artwork was fascinating, while Pinkie Pie loved baking so much that she always kept a canister of baking powder on her person “just in case” she came across a situation where her skills were required. However, the conversation’s tone shifted when Twilight found herself discussing the various group activities that she hadn’t had the chance to attempt due to her introversion. Pinkie and Penumbra had no trouble accepting Twilight’s claim that doing these sorts of things with the other students at Canterlot Tech would be needlessly awkward, but to their minds, there was another possibility that was not so easily dismissed.

“I don’t quite get why you can’t make friends with teenagers who are still in high school,” Pinkie said. “I mean, what’s stopping you?”

Once again, Twilight found herself trying to ignore the fact that Pinkie reminded her of her imaginary friend, a feat that was far more difficult than it had any right to be, because surely the similarities could be chalked up to coincidence, or perhaps to a cognitive bias which was preventing her from noticing how Pinkie differed from Surprise. Any other explanation would border on the absurd. Returning her train of thought to the conversation, Twilight responded with one of her stock answers: “Well, I’ve found that most kids my age tend to get bored once I start talking about chaos theory.”

“We aren’t bored,” Pinkie said. “You’re a very interesting person to talk to.”

“Well, you aren’t exactly ‘most kids,’” Twilight said.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Penumbra said. “You haven’t actually talked about what you’re studying for your degree very much in this conversation. There’s a good chance that if you went into detail about the ins and outs of chaos, it would go right over our heads.”

Twilight had no reason to dispute this, but she got an odd feeling that Penumbra would have a better grasp of chaos than most people. “That may be true, but I really don’t have a lot of opportunities to meet other kids my age. I mean, I’m not the kind of person who just walks up to a complete stranger and introduces herself.”

“Well, what if someone else took care of the introductions?” Pinkie Pie said. “Even though Penny and me haven’t been in town very long, we’ve already made some really good friends. I’d bet they wouldn’t mind meeting you. In fact, we’re going to be getting together with them tomorrow—”

“There are three problems with that,” Penumbra said. “First, don’t call me Penny. Second, it’s ‘Penumbra and I.’ Third, and most importantly, there’s the matter of that complication that might come up when all of our friends get together, and I really don’t think we want that sort of thing coloring Twilight’s first impression.”

Pinkie looked crestfallen at Penumbra’s final point. “Oh... that’s right.”

“Is something wrong?” Twilight asked.

“Sort of... basically, two of my friends haven’t been seeing eye to eye recently. If I was going to introduce you, I’d want them to be at their best, if you know what I mean.”

“I think so,” Twilight said.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t meet them when they’ve sorted things out!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Tell you what: Let’s exchange phone numbers, or email addresses, or whatever you prefer, and we’ll get in touch when they’re all ready to meet you. Sound good?”

“Uh, sure...”

“Great!” Pinkie shouted as she jumped out of her chair and caught Twilight in a huge bear hug. “I can’t wait for them to meet you?”

“I’ll.... look forward to it,” Twilight said as her lungs strained for oxygen. It was a relief when Pinkie finally let go and allowed her to sink back to her chair. “What the heck just happened?” she asked of no one in particular.

“Pinkie Pie happened,” Penumbra replied, her expression as blank as ever.

———————

Twilight still had a lot on her mind after her brother dropped her off at home. She found herself standing in the backyard, staring at the sunset while a cool autumn breeze flowed across her face. “You’re still in there, right?”

“Yeah, I am,” Surprise replied. “At least, I’m pretty sure I’m still in your head. That was... really strange.”

“It’s not like Pinkie doesn’t seem like a really nice person. I mean, why wouldn’t she be if she’s just like you?”

“She can’t be just like me,” Surprise insisted. “There must be at least a few significant differences—I mean, besides the whole pink thing.”

Twilight refused to drop the subject, however: “She acts the way you would, she has the same super-curly hair, and now that I think of it, her voice sounds exactly the same as yours.”

“Hold on, Twilight. That last one might be going too far. After all, you’ve never actually heard me speak out loud. You know enough about psychology to know that people sometimes unintentionally alter their memories. For all you know, your recent experience with Pinkie Pie might be affecting your conception of me. Though I must admit, her voice is perfect for me.”

Twilight had to concede this point. “Alright, you’ve got me there, but let’s face it, your personality is the most important aspect of what makes you Surprise, and the similarity there is just... unnerving.”

“Are you sure? After all, I’m basically your idea of what a super-extrovert would act like. I may be an exaggeration, but it’s certainly plausible that a few people who are as extroverted as I am might exist.”

“But why did she keep steering the conversation towards me making friends with kids my own age? And more importantly, why did she seem so excited to actually introduce me to some?”

Surprise paused briefly before answering. “Okay, I don’t really have a solid explanation for that—at least, I don’t have one that will get rid of your confusion. But consider this: Pinkie Pie likes baking.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, given that you’ve never given me any sort of interest in making any kind of food, wouldn’t you say that this is evidence that I haven’t somehow managed to pop out of your head and become a real person? Why on earth would I care about baking to the point where I’d keep supplies with me for ‘baking emergencies?’”

Twilight’s eyes widened as she realized that Surprise had a point. “That’s right.... You’ve never been interested in baking.” She let out a slow breath. “Thanks, Surprise. I think I almost went a little nuts, there.”

“Hey, who else is going to keep you sane, if not the voice in your head?”

“Quiet, you,” Twilight replied in mock indignation as she walked back inside her home. It had been an eventful day, and there was still blogging to be done.

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 9: White Wind

For once, Sunset Shimmer had decided to forgo her usual weekend ritual of spending Saturday morning watching cartoons aimed at preteens; there was simply too much on her mind to indulge in any sort of escapism. She’d spent most of the previous day trying to sort out Penumbra’s claim that she was actually “The Nightmare,” and she still wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. By all rights, it should have been a non-issue: Nightmare Moon was Luna, and Penumbra was nothing like the Vice Principal. Well, beyond her tendency to come off as stiff and unapproachable... and the fact that both seemed to have a natural rapport with Rarity....

Sunset shook her head rapidly. There was no time for such pointless speculation. Magic was so inefficient in this world that shape-shifting was, in theory at least, impossible, so Princess Luna would undoubtedly look like Vice Principal Luna had she traveled through the mirror. But then again, Penumbra had called herself “The Nightmare,” not “Nightmare Moon,” and as far as Sunset could remember, there was no record of Luna using that particular name during her rebellion—nor had Celestia ever used the name to describe Nightmare Moon.

Sunset groaned as she paced about her empty home. This was no time to travel down paths of mere speculation; she had to stick to things that could be verified, and right now, she needed to figure out which member of the team Celestia had sent was actually in charge of the operation. Obviously, Penumbra was the top candidate at the moment, if only because Pinkie Pie seemed too spacey to lead a tour group in Celestia’s castle, much less a semi-covert attempt to retrieve something as important as the Element of Magic. Sure, Pinkie was the one trying to win the Fall Formal, but that was probably just because she had the outgoing personality needed to actually pull it off.

But this “Discord” person was another matter entirely. Sunset had initially thought that he might be some sort of golem sent to pose as Pinkie and Penumbra’s father, but a brief meeting with Principal Celestia threw that into question. Apparently, she hadn’t noted anything stilted about his personality... but then again, the principal was also somewhat susceptible to mind control, so long as one was subtle about it, so she might have missed the usual “Uncanny Valley” signals that golems normally gave off. And there was also the matter of his alleged name to consider...

He couldn’t be that Discord... could he? Sunset immediately dismissed the notion. There was no way he could be the thing from Celestia’s sculpture garden. After all, if the Princess hadn’t been willing to let Sunset’s relatively minor infractions slide, there was no way in Tartarus that she could ever be willing to forgive someone who had tried to usurp her crown. “Discord” had to be a code name. Indeed, that might also explain Penumbra’s odd claim about being “The Nightmare.” It was quite possible that they were using code names for some reason or another, and they’d decided to go with an “Equestria’s Worst Villains” theme. Of course, she’d never heard of anypony named “Pinkie Pie” running amok and terrorizing the populace, but that hardly mattered. If “Discord” was a real pony, then it was quite possible that he was staying in the background while pulling all the strings.

The fact remained, however, that all her ideas about Discord were based on speculation and secondhand accounts. Once Sunset realized this, her course of action was clear: she needed to observe him for herself to figure out what was going on. Sunset grabbed her leather jacket and headed out the door, determined to find her rivals’ putative father.

———————

As was usually the case, Fluttershy’s social calendar had been completely empty on the day of the initial campaign meeting, but that hadn’t stopped her from worrying about arriving late. After all, this wasn’t just a chance to help out a new friend, but if Rainbow Dash showed up, it would be a chance to reconnect with an old one. This nervous unease was complemented by an equal amount of fretting over the possibility of arriving early and having to make small talk when Pinkie Pie wasn’t present. In the end, she’d decided that her best bet was to aim for punctuality, so she arrived at the meeting place in the park precisely at one o’clock, only to discover that most of Pinkie’s other friends had already arrived and were sitting on a blanket near a small copse of trees.

Fortunately, Pinkie Pie spotted Fluttershy before her social awkwardness could kick in and waved her over to the group. “I’m so glad you could make it!” Pinkie exclaimed after jumping to her feet and embracing Fluttershy in a tight hug.

“It... um, it was no problem.”

“Super!” Pinkie said. “Well, let’s get you introduced to everyone. First, there’s my twin sister Penumbra.”

The dark blue girl sitting next to Pinkie extended her hand, and Fluttershy shook it. “Um, pleased to meet you,” Fluttershy said somewhat nervously.

“Likewise,” Penumbra replied, though she didn’t bother altering her scowl.

“Don’t worry, she always acts grumpy, even when she’s in a good mood,” Pinkie explained. “Penny’s weird like that—though I shouldn’t be calling her ‘Penny,’” she hastily added before Penumbra could voice her usual interjection. The introductions continued: “Next there’s Rarity. She’s a junior like you, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Rarity said with a broad smile. “I believe we have a history class together, though I don’t think we’ve ever had a proper conversation.”

“Oh, um, no,” Fluttershy said nervously. “Uh, I mean, yes, we have a class together, but no, we haven’t really talked.” Indeed, at one sentence apiece, this was already the longest conversation Fluttershy had ever had with a student as popular as Rarity.

“And finally, there’s Applejack, who’s a sophomore like me,” Pinkie finished.

“Howdy,” Applejack said as she smiled and tipped her cowboy hat.

“Applejack,” Fluttershy repeated blankly. It seemed to take her a second or so to fully process what she’d just heard. She might have been an introverted loner, but even she knew about the feud between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. “You invited Applejack?” she finally asked Pinkie with an obviously worried look in her eye.

Before Pinkie could answer, however, Applejack jumped in with her own response. “There somethin’ wrong with wantin’ ta help out a friend?” She squinted her eyes distrustfully at this newcomer.

Fluttershy’s attempted recovery managed to be even more awkward than her initial flub. “Um, well, you see, it’s just that I, um, didn’t expect to see you here, because Pinkie kind of said I’ve have a chance to catch up with... um... somebody else.”

Applejack pushed back her hat and scratched her head. “What in tarnation is that s’posed ta mean?”

Before Fluttershy could dig herself any deeper, the real answer made itself abundantly clear. “What the hell is she doing here?!” Rainbow Dash had just arrived, and unfortunately, the first thing she’d done was to make eye contact with her nemesis.

“I could ask the same thing,” Applejack said angrily as she jumped to her feet.

“I can’t believe you’d want to listen to a thing this self-righteous redneck has to say!” Rainbow Dash shouted in Pinkie Pie’s general direction as she continued glaring at Applejack.

“The hell you talkin’ about, ‘self-righteous’?!” Applejack snarled.

“You always go on about how much better your family is. ‘Mah parents work hard, and they need mah help. I can’t meet you then, mah family needs me to sort apples. Mah family’s better than those two fags who live at your house.’” Rainbow Dash accompanied her over-the-top accent with some sort of head-wiggle that managed to seem derisive, despite the fact that Applejack had yet to do anything that looked like that.

“I never said anythin’ like that!” Applejack shouted, catching the attention of a few passers-by.

“Only because you didn’t have the guts to say it to my face!”

Applejack crossed her arms. “I ain’t never said nuthin’ like that to nobody! I don’t say anythin’ unless I know it’s true.”

“Then why do you keep telling people I’m a self-absorbed slacker?” Dash asked, emphasizing her words by spreading her arms as wide as possible.

“Because ya are a self-absorbed slacker!” Applejack retorted. “I ended up doin’ all the work on that project!”

“You never let me have a chance! You just walked into class two days before it was due, gave me the stinkeye, and said you’d already done everything!”

“Because you obviously weren’t going to do it! I kept tryin’ ta set up a time to meet, but it was always stuff with your stupid soccer team!”

Rainbow Dash looked utterly flabbergasted by such a blatantly insensitive statement. “That was important!”

Applejack shook her head dismissively. “Sports are extracurricular! By definition, they ain’t as important as homework!”

“Then why didn’t you try to meet up on a day when I was free?”

“I had to do work on the farm.”

“Ha! Isn’t that ‘extracurricular’?”

“Hell, no! That’s family business, and family’s the most important thing there is. Don’t you try an’ act like I’m on your level. You’re the one who’s at fault here.” Applejack jabbed a finger at Rainbow Dash’s chest for emphasis.

Rainbow Dash immediately stepped back, brushed off her shirt where Applejack had prodded her, and put her hands on her hips. “You never gave me a chance to do my part!”

Applejacklet out a derisive snort. “We had a month to do the project, and three weeks in, you’d barely even started! It seemed pretty damned obvious that you were going to put it off until the last minute, and there was no way I was gonna let my grades suffer because you were procrastinating.”

“There were two whole days left,” Rainbow Dash insisted through gritted teeth.

“Ain’t no way you’d have finished in two days.”

“You don’t know me! When I start working, I work fast!”

“Maybe you don’t care if your work is sloppy—”

“Will you two please just shut up for two seconds?!” Penumbra suddenly boomed. For a second or two, Fluttershy forgot about the argument, largely because she was wrapped up in amazement at Penumbra’s deceptively powerful set of lungs. More importantly, it seemed that Rainbow Dash and Applejack had similar reactions: both sophomores were currently staring at her, mouths agape and quiet. “I believe Pinkie Pie can explain why she asked both of you here if you give her a chance,” Penumbra finished in her usual volume.

“Thanks, Penumbra,” Pinkie said. “Basically, there’s two reasons why I asked both of you to come here today, despite the fact that you obviously don’t like each other. First of all, as much as I might wish that I could get named Fall Formal Princess by being super-happy and cheerful to everybody in school, there’s no way that’s happening, especially since I’m a new student here. I’m going to need all the help I can get, which is why I asked all the friends I’ve made so far to help out. And yes, that means I consider both of you to be my friends, despite all the nasty things you say about each other.

“Actually, that’s a really nice segue to my other reason for getting the two of you here: Neither one of you seem to match the description the other gives. Rainbow Dash doesn’t seem self-absorbed at all to me; it seems more like she just gets really focused on one thing, and then it’s hard to divert her attention somewhere else. And Applejack doesn’t seem bigoted to me at all; she’s just really blunt with her opinions, to the point where she can sometimes sound insensitive.”

From the glares on their faces, it was obvious that neither Applejack nor Rainbow Dash was thrilled with Pinkie’s description, but both remained silent, which Pinkie apparently decided was a signal to continue. “Okay, from what I’ve heard so far, this whole thing started when you two were assigned to work on a project together. Now, Rainbow Dash claimed that Applejack got impatient and did all the work, which just resulted in a lot of resentment on the part of both of you. But,” Pinkie quickly added when she noticed that Applejack seemed ready to launch her rebuttal, “this little shouting match give the impression that Applejack thought that Rainbow was procrastinating, and she was worried that this would drag down her grade as a result. But A.J., if that had been the case, couldn’t you have just told the teacher about it? Don’t most teachers take that sort of thing into account when grading group projects?”

Applejack sighed. “It ain’t that simple. Most of the grade was gonna come from the presentation in front of the class, and we agreed to split things up half-and-half. Rainbow Dash was gonna handle the first part, and I was gonna do the second part. But that meant that I had to know exactly what she was gonna cover so I wouldn’t end up repeatin’ stuff, which meant that I wasn’t gonna be able to finish until I knew for certain what was in her half.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you just tell me what you needed ahead of time?!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“I did. That’s what I gave you. It was a list of all the things I needed you to cover, arranged in an outline so you could plug whatever extra stuff you wanted to add in. What I didn’t expect was that you wouldn’t add any research of your own! You just explained everything on the outline in the longest way you could think of to fill up time until it was my turn!”

“You never told me that!”

“I did so! I said, ‘Here’s everything I need you to cover’ when I gave you the outline, and you just stomped off before I could say anythin’ else!”

“That’s not what you said!” Rainbow Dash insisted.

“Oh yeah? Then just what did I say?”

“I... er... don’t remember exactly... but you were definitely acting all superior when you said it, because you were talking about your family.”

“Well, yeah. We were getting towards the major part of the harvest, and that meant that there was absolutely no way I’d be able to meet with you before the project was due.”

At this point, Pinkie clapped her hands cheerfully. “That’s it! We’ve found the problem! Well, the obvious one, at least.”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, obviously, this whole thing is just a big ol’ misunderstanding. Applejack told you what she needed you to cover, and you thought she was saying that there was no need to cover anything else, so you didn’t bother adding to it.”

Rainbow Dash seemed taken aback by this assertion. “Hey, I did so add to it... it’s just that the way she laid it out made so much sense that it didn’t seem like there was any point in going off on any tangents.”

Pinkie was practically beaming. “Did you just say something nice about Applejack? Hey, A.J., I think Rainbow Dash just complimented you.”

“That was not a compliment!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “She was being all high-and-mighty when she did it!”

“That, or she was just really stressed out because of the harvest, so she wasn’t able to really get the point across that she was trying to help,” Pinkie said.

“Er... that ain’t exactly true,” Applejack sheepishly admitted. “I pretty much did finish all the parts I needed her to cover for my half, mostly because I didn’t think she would finish.”

“Ha!” Rainbow exclaimed. “You see?”

“Okay, look, I’m sorry I didn’t trust you to finish,” Applejack said. “But at the same time, you coulda taken some time out of your schedule to actually explain how you were gonna approach the whole thing, because I got the distinct impression that you were just gonna wing it.”

“That’s what I was going to do,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s always worked for me before. But whatever, now that I’ve finally won this argument—”

“I wouldn’t say you’ve won it, though,” Pinkie said. “After all, in group projects, there’s supposed to be some give and take so that everyone can work together. It sounds like you were all take and no give, even before A.J. gave you that outline. I mean, couldn’t you at least have shown her your notes or something so she’d know you’d gotten started?”

Rainbow Dash blushed. “Uh, well, actually, I hadn’t started... um... and I guess I probably would have been in trouble if Applejack hadn’t done all the heavy lifting. I sort of underestimated how much there was to the subject.”

“And what do we say when we realize we did something wrong?” Pinkie prodded.

Rainbow Dash let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Applejack.”

“So, are you willing to call a truce to help me out?”

“Pinkie, I am not just going to suddenly be her friend out of the blue,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yeah, the last twelve months or so ain’t just gonna go away like that,” Applejack agreed with a snap of her fingers.

“I’m not asking you to be BFFs, I just want to you guys to try to work together, because, like I said, I need all the help I can get.”

Rainbow Dash sighed again and looked over at Applejack. “Truce?” she offered, extending her hand somewhat reluctantly.

With equal reluctance, Applejack shook it. “Truce.”

Pinkie jumped into the air, clapping her hands in joy. “Great! Well, now that you’ve both admitted that you aren’t completely horrible people, maybe we can actually get this meeting started. Rainbow Dash, you’ve met Penumbra, but Rarity and Fluttershy are here to help out as well.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened as she took note of who else was present. “Fluttershy?! Oh, jeez, I can’t believe I didn’t even notice you. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said.

“No, it isn’t. We were best friends in grade school, but I completely ignored you so I could have that shouting match. Crud, maybe I really am self-absorbed.”

“Can we get started before Rainbow thinks of someone else she needs to apologize to?” Penumbra said. “We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, and we still don’t know where to begin.”

“Au contraire, my dear Penumbra,” Rarity said with an amused smirk. “The road to Pinkie’s election was just cleared for us moments ago, and we all bore witness to it.”

“Uh, I’m not sure I’m following you there, Rarity,” Pinkie said as she scratched her head.

“My dear, do you realize what you’ve managed to accomplish here today? Thanks to several rather public outbursts between Rainbow Dash and Applejack over the last year, everyone in Canterlot High knows about the intensity of their feud. Why, it even eclipses my own rivalry with Sunset Shimmer, which is saying quite a bit. Yet not only did you convince these two to set aside their differences for a common cause, but that cause is your election as Fall Formal Princess! I would say that this alone makes you the ideal Canterlot student, regardless of how long you’ve actually been attending. Once word of this spreads, your candidacy will be seen as legitimate overnight!”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash said. “So does that mean we won’t actually have to do anything?”

“Er, not exactly,” Rarity replied, her tone becoming considerably more subdued. “You see, your feud is so infamous that hearsay alone won’t be enough to convince the rest of the students. To prove that you have decided to bury the proverbial hatchet, you and Applejack will have to engage in some sort of public demonstration.”

“What?!” Applejack asked. “You can’t be serious. I mean, I’m pretty sure I can ignore her easy enough while stumpin’ for Pinkie, but actually tryin’ ta do somethin’ with her is out of the question.”

Rarity shook her head. “If Pinkie Pie is going to present herself as a peacemaker, the other students will need some evidence that she’s actually made some peace. It needn’t be anything over-the-top; a polite, civil conversation in the hallway will probably suffice.”

“I don’t know,” Rainbow Dash said. “How about the two of us just sort of coexist in the same general area without snapping at each other for a week? That sounds doable.”

“Oh, come on, you’re exaggerating,” Pinkie said. “It can’t be that hard.”

“Pinkie, were you not payin’ attention durin’ our shoutin’ match?” Applejack asked.

Fluttershy wasn’t sure how, but at this point she managed to summon the fortitude to enter the conversation. “Um, I don’t think Rarity’s saying you need to compliment each other. All you need to do is show everyone that you’ve stopped fighting, right? What if you just said hello?”

“Great idea, Fluttershy!” Pinkie said. “Okay, let’s roleplay. Applejack, why don’t you start?”

After a few moments of awkward silence proved that Pinkie wasn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer, Applejack reluctantly began: “Uh, howdy... Rainbow Dash.”

A few seconds, later, Rainbow Dash responded. “Um, hey, Applejack.”

“Er, how are ya doin’?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Rainbow exclaimed. “We were just talking about hellos here. Nobody said anything about going any further than that.”

“Okay, so it clearly needs some work,” Pinkie said. “But that’s not a problem! We’ve got plenty of time to workshop this before the weekend’s over.”

“What?!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash shouted in unison.

“Just kidding,” Pinkie reassured them with a mischievous smile. “I doubt it’ll take more than fifteen minutes of practice before it starts to sound natural—but if we do that now, the others will probably get really bored waiting for you to finish, so we should probably move on to the next idea. Somehow, I don’t think getting you two to stop sniping at each other is going to be enough.”

“Sadly, you are probably correct,” Rarity said. “Indeed, had Sunset Shimmer not dropped out of the race, I likely would not have been crowned as Fall Formal Princess last year, despite being the self-evidently better candidate. But I digress; we shall definitely require some sort of additional plan to bolster Pinkie’s support.”

“Um... is this where your idea of recruiting the loners and introverts comes in?” Fluttershy asked Pinkie timidly.

“Yepperoonie!” Pinkie said. “Are you up for it?”

Fluttershy stared at the ground as she answered. “I guess I could try, but it’s not like we’re some underground social network. We’re introverts for a reason, after all.”

“Still, it’s probably an audience that Sunset has never bothered trying to reach,” Rarity said.

“More importantly, you can talk to the kind of people who aren’t comfortable with Pinkie’s usual boisterousness,” Penumbra added. “After all, she can be a handful if she catches you by surprise.”

“Yeah, and Pinkie Pie being herself is still going to be central to her getting that silly crown thingie,” Rainbow Dash said. “Assuming you can keep Sunset Shimmer from doing her alpha bitch thing.”

“Leave her to me,” Penumbra said darkly. “I’ve volunteered to run interference to keep her out of Pinkie’s hair, and Rarity’s been giving me advice.”

“Okay, so it sounds like everyone’s got their assignments, then!” Pinkie said. “Well, how about we split up for now, and meet again in a few days to update the plan?”

“Sounds good ta me,” Applejack said. “I need to get back to the farm anyway.”

“Not before you and Rainbow can run through a conversation without sounding like you’re on the verge of tearing each other’s hair out, I hope,” Pinkie said.

“Dang... I was hopin’ you’d forget about that.”

“You and me both,” Rainbow Dash agreed.

———————

Discord found himself once again taking advantage of Donut Joe’s free wi-fi and general atmosphere, pausing between videos of cat owners scaring their pets with cucumbers to take sips from his latte, all the while pretending not to notice that Sunset Shimmer had been watching him for the past fifteen minutes. Even though he’d never actually seen Team Pinkie’s adversary before, the red and yellow streaks in her hair were a dead giveaway—not to mention the fact that Donut Joe greeted her by name when she placed her order. At the moment, she was in a nearby booth, doing her best to look inconspicuous.

For a brief moment, Discord considered texting Pinkie Pie to ask what he ought to do, but he thought better of it. Not only was it likely that Pinkie had her hands full with Rainbow Dash and Applejack at the moment, but odds were good that she would just tell him to do something boring, like not interact with Sunset in any way, shape, or form, which was showing a little too much respect to this wannabe villain for Discord’s taste. More importantly, though, doing nothing would mean passing up a chance to have some fun, and there was no way Discord was going to do that.

Calmly, Discord closed the lid of his laptop, rose from his chair, and walked over towards Sunset, whose eyes grew wide as she realized that her attempt at subterfuge had utterly failed. “Do you mind if I sit down here?” Discord asked with an exceedingly polite smile on his face. Through long experience, he’d discovered that there were few things as unsettling as an unnatural display of manners.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Sunset said warily.

“So,” Discord said as he slid across from his opponent, “you’re Sunset Shimmer.”

“And you’re called Discord,” she replied.

“At the moment,” Discord said with a nod, knowing full well that Sunset would assume that he was admitting to using an alias.

“And why are you here?”

“Me? Oh, I just do all the assorted things that Pinkie and Penumbra can’t do while they’re at school. You know, this and that. It can be surprisingly interesting.” Discord picked up a packet of sugar and idly manipulated it in his hand for a few seconds before he continued. “And of course, in a pinch, I can provide some emergency backup,” he said as the sugar packet vanished.

“Congratulations,” Sunset Shimmer said, clearly unimpressed. “You’ve gotten used to using fingers, and you’ve figured out some basic sleight of hand.”

Discord chuckled. “Perhaps that’s true,” he said as an Equestrian bit suddenly appeared in his other hand. “Or,” he continued, laying the coin in front of Sunset, “perhaps I want you to think I’m bluffing.”

Sunset glanced at the coin long enough to see Princess Celestia’s profile turn its head and wink playfully at her. As Discord had hoped, this relatively minor display of real magic seemed to throw her off guard. “Did you prepare that ahead of time back in Equestria?”

Discord shrugged his shoulders. “Would you believe me if I said I didn’t?”

Sunset didn’t bother answering. “Why are you even talking to me?”

“Well, you were putting so much effort into your little attempt at surveillance that I figured you deserved something for your trouble. You certainly wouldn’t have gotten anything without my cooperation. Perhaps if you’d have thought to cover that hair of yours with a hat, I wouldn’t have noticed you the moment you walked in, but I suppose that a hairdo that perfect requires a lot of effort to maintain.”

Sunset decided to ignore this comment. “Listen,” she said, lowering the volume of her voice even further, “I don’t know why you’re spending so much effort to recruit this world’s Twilight Sparkle, but I’m going to find out.”

Unfortunately, her tactic of trying to startle information out of Discord with an abrupt subject change failed. “Is that so?” he remarked as he thoughtfully tapped his chin. “Now, I wonder how you managed to learn about that, particularly since Pinkie and Penumbra only met Twilight for the first time yesterday. I suppose it’s theoretically possible for you to have connections at the university, but I’d say it’s far more likely that Twilight told you about this herself.”

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. After all, if you are acquainted with Twilight Sparkle, you’ll more than likely merit a mention somewhere in the archives of her blog, which in turn means that I now have something relatively productive to do for the rest of the afternoon, and for that, I thank you.”

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to be so flippant with me?” Sunset asked as she furrowed her brow in obvious annoyance. “I’ve been exiled here for a reason, after all.”

“True, but then again, you’re hardly the first to fall away from Celestia’s good graces,” Discord said. “But if you play your cards right, she’ll give you a chance to redeem yourself. Probably.”

“Are you telling me to surrender?” Sunset asked in a harsh whisper.

Discord shrugged. “Well, I wouldn’t exactly put it in those terms, mostly because I know full well that you won’t, but a change of heart would certainly make our job much easier.”

“Fat chance.”

“So it’s greater than a slim chance, then? That’s encouraging.”

“That’s not what—”

Discord refused to let Sunset finish her sentence. “Nonetheless, I think you’ll find that that three of us are not to be easily intimidated. We can be quite dangerous ourselves, when we feel the need.”

“Well, I’m not easily intimidated, either,” Sunset replied, jabbing her finger forward. “And you can tell Pinkie and Penny—”

“Don’t call her ‘Penny.’” For the first time in the course of the conversation, all of Discord’s usual glibness departed, and he stared Sunset in the eye, utterly stone-faced.

“Excuse me?”

“Her name is ‘Penumbra,’ not ‘Penny.’ Now, if you will excuse me, I have much to do.” With that, Discord rose, grabbed his laptop and his latte, and exited the coffee shop, leaving behind a decidedly bemused Sunset Shimmer.

Author's Note

In case you're wondering, it's significantly more difficult to write an argument when both sides are mistaken to some degree.

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 10: Prince of Peace

For some reason, Discord wasn’t particularly surprised to learn that Pinkie disapproved of his unauthorized contact with Sunset Shimmer.

“You can’t just walk up to her and start yammering for no good reason!” Pinkie said as she stormed around their hotel room. “We need to be extra-super-duper-careful about how we deal with her, or else we may end up giving away something without getting anything in return.”

This, however, didn’t faze Discord, mostly because he figured that the best way to irritate Pinkie Pie at the moment would be to take her criticism in stride. Besides, there was a glaring flaw in her reasoning. “You didn’t seem to have much of a problem when Penumbra did it.”

“I trust Penumbra,” Pinkie retorted, “and besides that, she wasn’t nearly as flippant about it afterwards as you’re being.”

“Would you two mind not dragging me into this?” Penumbra asked from behind her biology textbook.

“Sorry,” the pair replied in unison—which was likely a coincidence, since both of them immediately glared at each other as if they’d been subjected to deliberate mockery.

“In any case,” Discord said as he continued to stare at his laptop (more to avoid dignifying Pinkie’s scolding with eye contact than due to actual interest in the contents of the screen), “I did get something in return. Sunset accidentally dropped hints that she knew Twilight Sparkle, and I was able to confirm this by reading through Twilight’s blog archives. Thus, we are now better prepared this evening than we were this morning, and it’s all thanks to my initiative. I presume that I have an apology coming my way.”

Pinkie, though, was in no mood to be so generous. “You didn’t actually need to talk to Sunset to learn that she knew Twilight, though. If you had read more of Twilight’s blog, you could have easily learned that they knew each other on your own.”

“But, alas, I didn’t, which means if I hadn’t spoken with Ms. Shimmer, you likely would have found out from Twilight... perhaps upon asking her to help defeat the closest thing she has to a teenage friend. I’m sure that wouldn’t have been awkward.”

“It still is going to be awkward,” Pinkie insisted.

“True, but now you can prepare for it.”

“But how do you know you didn’t slip up yourself? Just because you took the time to gloat when she made a mistake doesn’t mean she will. We can’t underestimate her—Celestia doesn’t take fools on as her personal students.”

Discord groaned. “You know what I think? I think you’re getting yourself worked up over nothing, simply because you want an excuse to be angry with me. Do you really think I’m that much of a threat to your friendship with Penumbra?”

“She has nothing to do with this!”

“Actually, I’m fairly certain that she has everything to do with this, because I really doubt that you give a feather about Sunset Shimmer. Need I remind you that we can easily defeat her if we’re willing to use all of our abilities? The only reason we’re being so careful is out of consideration for the locals. As long as we have brute force as Plan B, I say there’s plenty of room for error in how we go about executing Plan A.”

From her corner of the room, Penumbra rolled her eyes, let out a loud sigh, and stood up to keep this argument from becoming even more counterproductive. “Look, what’s done is done, and there’s no point in bickering, right? Besides, we have more important things to do.”

“Such as?” Pinkie asked.

“Such as letting Twilight know that our friends have more or less resolved their issues, which means we can introduce them to her at our next meeting. She did say she was willing to meet, them, didn’t she?”

“Oh... that’s right,” Pinkie said as she grabbed her smartphone. “I’ll get right on that.”

———————

Considering how long Pinkie’s half-hour “practice session” had felt, the rest of the weekend zipped by far too quickly for Rainbow Dash’s liking. Perhaps it was because she spent most of her time doing her homework (for once) in an effort to keep her mind off of her forthcoming reconciliation with Applejack, or maybe the blame lay on the power naps she took between her homework sessions (again, in an effort to avoid thinking about Applejack). All she knew for certain was that Sunday evening had showed up way ahead of schedule.

Trying to explain her feelings to her dads had mixed results, as they seemed to be too overjoyed that at the maturity she was showing to fully appreciate the fact that publically making up with Applejack was going to be worse than listening to an hour of microphone feedback, and no amount of praise from her family was going to make it any less uncomfortable. The only small consolation (and it was indeed infinitesimal) was that her longtime nemesis was almost certainly feeling every bit as miserable as she was, because it turned out that one of her dads was an acquaintance of Applejack’s grandmother, and he’d immediately called up Granny Smith to inform her of the good news, which in turn meant that even if Applejack had tried to avoid letting her family know about this, she was doubtless being showered with awkward, unwanted praise as well.

For a while, Rainbow seriously considered putting off going to bed for a few hours to minimize the chance that the forthcoming conversation would end up in her dreams. However, since she rarely remembered her dreams—good or bad—Rainbow Dash ultimately decided to go to bed early so she could just get tomorrow over with. Miraculously, this had worked exactly as she hoped, and she woke up to her blaring alarm clock and set out for the school grounds as soon as she could.

She had hoped that she would arrive early enough to put her stuff in her locker before her “chance” meeting with Applejack, but as she looked through the glass doors of Canterlot High’s entrance, Rainbow spotted the farmgirl leaning against a wall with a somewhat nervous look on her face—apparently, she’d had much the same idea. Rainbow was tempted to simply walk in and get on with this rather nasty business, but Pinkie had stressed the importance of making sure there were plenty of witnesses, which meant that she had to wait outside for the lobby to fill up a bit. Fifteen minutes later, she decided that there were enough folks milling about, and she entered.

As soon as the door swung shut behind her, she and Applejack made eye contact, and within seconds the by-now-customary silence had fallen over the modestly-sized crowd of onlookers, who seemed ready to take in yet another social trainwreck. The silence continued for a few moments before Rainbow remembered that she’d lost the coin toss on Saturday, which meant that she was obliged to start the conversation.

“Uh, hey there, Applejack,” she said with an awkward wave of her hand as she shifted her backpack’s weight closer to her neck.

“Howdy, Rainbow,” Applejack replied as she pushed back the brim of her cowboy hat to scratch an itch near her hairline.

“I’ve, uh, been doing a little soul-searching lately, and I’ve kind of been thinking that maybe we got off on the wrong foot last year.”

Applejack sighed. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Things sort of got a little out of hand. I’m sorry for saying all that stuff.”

“Yeah, me too.” Rainbow tried not to look too relieved; the nasty pride-swallowing part of the conversation was over. All that was left was to name-drop the girl responsible. “So, I’ll see you at Pinkie Pie’s next campaign meeting, then?”

“Sure thing,” Applejack said as she managed to curl her lip into something that vaguely resembled a smile.

It was here, though that a slight flaw in the plan emerged. Pinkie had seemed confident that by this point, the onlookers would have broken out in gossipy whispers, giving the two of them the chance to part ways with a minimum of fuss, but instead, the silence in the room lingered, as though the spectators couldn’t quite believe that Rainbow Dash and Applejack had actually managed to have a civil conversation. It was only when a peal of celebratory laughter rang out from the open door of the principal’s office that things began to return to normal. Principal Celestia strode over to the pair as students returned to their usual morning routines.

“I’m so proud to see that the two of you have managed to work out your differences,” Celestia said, placing an approving hand on the shoulder of each girl.

“Er, yeah,” Rainbow replied. “Well, Pinkie Pie sort of help the two of us put things in perspective.”

“Is that so? Well, be sure to let her know that I’m impressed. Peacemaking isn’t exactly an easy skill to pick up, after all.”

“Uh, yeah... we’ll do that,” said Applejack. “I, uh, better be gettin’ on. Class and all that.”

“Yeah... ditto,” Rainbow Dash said. Soon, had left to get to her locker, but not before spying Sunset Shimmer out of the corner of her eye, staring at them in utter disbelief.

———————

As was usual, Pinkie Pie joined Fluttershy for lunch. Today, however, they had some company.

“Either Sunset Shimmer was expecting something like this, or she’s really good at coming up with plans on the fly, because she’s already got a counterargument circulating through the rumor mill,” Penumbra said between bites of salad.

“What’s the gist?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, according to Rarity, there’s several different theories floating around, but pretty much all of them imply that Rainbow and Applejack are faking it, either as a favor to you, or because you’ve paid them off.”

“Oh, that sounds pretty bad, actually,” Fluttershy said. “And it is kind of believable... I mean, it’s hard to think they’d just settle their differences on their own.”

“Actually, I don’t think that first rumor should count as just a theory,” Pinkie said, gesturing with her lettuce-laden fork, “mostly because it’s absotively-posilutely one-hundred-and-three percent true. I mean, they really are just doing it as a favor to me, aren’t they?”

Penumbra didn’t reply immediately, largely because she wasn’t in the habit of talking with her mouth full. After swallowing, though, she said, “It doesn’t make much difference, though; the rumors aren’t really taking that much away from what happened this morning. If they’re just being nice as a favor to you, that must mean you’re the kind of person who’s worth that sort of trouble. And if you’re paying them off, that means you’re clever enough to realize that a scheme like that could actually work. Either way, it’s not that bad.” Penumbra paused and briefly looked over her shoulder before she went on. “Plus, given that Sunset’s eavesdroppers just overheard everything I just told you, there’s a good chance she won’t push those rumors too hard for the rest of the day—not unless she comes up with a way to spin them into total negatives, that is.”

Fluttershy looked over to where Penumbra had glanced just in time to see two of Sunset’s lackeys—she couldn’t recall their names at the moment, but she was all but certain that this was the pink-and-gray duo that Pinkie had mentioned in a previous lunchtime conversation—quickly rise from their table and head for the door in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid bringing attention to themselves. “Is it really alright to let them keep following you around like that?” she asked. “It, well, seems a little bit creepy.”

“Hmm... it is a little bit creepy, and it probably shouldn’t be alright,” Pinkie said, “but I don’t think it’s worth the effort to call them out on it. I mean, what good would come from making a scene?”

Fluttershy couldn’t exactly argue with this line of reasoning; after all, the concept of “making a scene” went against every fiber of her being. “Um... in any case, since Rainbow and Applejack have made such a splash, maybe we won’t need to use Plan B.”

Penumbra shook her head. “Sorry, Fluttershy, but we can’t exactly take polls to see how well either candidate is actually doing, so we need to improve Pinkie’s standing any way we can.”

Fluttershy sighed. “I suppose you have a point. I’m not exactly looking forward to walking up to strangers and starting an awkward conversation, though.”

“C’mon, I’m sure you go to class with some of the other introverts,” Pinkie said. “You can ask them about an assignment, and once you’re in a groove, you can easily shift to other things.”

“I suppose...” Fluttershy said uncertainly.

However, Fluttershy turned out to be fairly lucky, because almost immediately after Pinkie and Penumbra left, the loners, misfits and introverts began to approach her themselves. Apparently, they’d noticed that a rising star of Canterlot High’s social circle had made one of their own her regular lunchtime companion, and Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s public reconciliation had piqued their curiosity enough to get them to approach her. This was a huge relief, because doling out information was far easier than standard electioneering.

Best of all, since most of them wanted to know more or less the same thing, Fluttershy was able to hone her pitch with relative ease: Pinkie Pie was a really nice person who was genuinely interested in making friends from all sorts of social circles, which was why she’d decided to strike up a relationship with Fluttershy. Yes, she was very talkative, but she never really overwhelmed a conversation, and topics of discussion tended to be split evenly between their interests—and she really did want to know about Fluttershy’s interests. As far as Rainbow Dash and Applejack went, Fluttershy decided to take the line that they were being nice as a favor for Pinkie, with the proviso that Pinkie had set up their reconciliation in the hopes that it might eventually result in a permanent cease-fire, if not actual friendship.

By the end of the day, word that Fluttershy was more or less Pinkie’s liaison to the introverts had filtered around the edges of Canterlot’s social structure, and perhaps most surprisingly, Fluttershy found she enjoyed her unofficial position. Conversations, it seemed, weren’t actually that bad, as long as she didn’t have to start them herself.

———————

Pinkie was cautiously optimistic about her chances as her team gathered that evening for their second meeting in a booth at Donut Joe’s. Of course, Pinkie being Pinkie, only an expert could have distinguished her “cautious optimism” from outright jubilation. “All righty, we’re off to a super-duper start, but we can’t rest on our laurels. Sunset Shimmer isn’t just going to sit back and let me win that tiara, after all. We need to think about what to do next.”

“Uh, beggin’ your pardon,” Applejack said, “but shouldn’t we wait until your sister arrives? I mean, she’s the one who’s gonna be tanglin’ with Sunset, ain’t she?”

“Oh... you’re right,” Pinkie agreed. “We really should wait for her, but not because of Sunset.”

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked with a somewhat quizzical expression on her face.

“Well, I know this is kind of out of the blue, but I’ve invited someone else to sit in on this meeting, and Penumbra’s meeting her so she doesn’t have to just walk up to us by herself.”

“Hey, the more the merrier,” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, if I can work with Applejack to help you win, I can work with anyone.”

“Um, Rainbow, is it really a good idea to use backhanded insults like that?” Fluttershy asked as her eyes flicked between her friend and her friend’s erstwhile foe.

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash asked. “What’s so insulting about that? Hey, Applejack, were you insulted?”

“Not really, seein’ as I feel pretty much the same way. And quite frankly, I prefer her bein’ honest instead of pretendin’ that she actually likes me.”

“See, Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s not disrespectful, it’s the truth.”

“Nonetheless, you two should probably be on your best behavior,” Rarity said. “Who knows how a bad impression could affect what this newcomer tells to the rest of the student body?”

“Um, about that,” Pinkie said. “I don’t think that’s really as big a problem as you think, unless students at Canterlot Tech get to vote at the fall formal, too.”

“You invited a college student?” Rainbow Dash asked, sitting up straight.

“Yeah, but she’s not a typical college student; she’s actually our age. She graduated from high school early.”

“Hmm...” Applejack said, tapping her chin as she thought through this new information. “You wouldn’t happen to be talkin’ about Twilight Sparkle, would ya?”

“You know her?”

“Not really; our parents know each other, though, so I’ve heard bits and pieces, and she sounds like a real overachiever. Why would she be interested in meetin’ up with us?”

“I don’t think it’s the Fall Formal she’s interested in, so much as the chance to hang out with kids her age,” Pinkie said.

Applejack shrugged. “I s’pose that makes sense.”

Before the conversation could move any further, the door to the coffee shop opened, and Penumbra entered, followed closely by a purple-skinned girl with long, indigo hair. “Everyone,” she said, “I’d like you to meet Twilight Sparkle. Twilight, this is Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and you already know Pinkie.”

“Um, hi,” Twilight said with a shy wave.

“Howdy,” Applejack said, extending a hand as the rest of the group chimed in with their own greetings. Once this was finished, Twilight squeezed into the circular booth between Pinkie and Penumbra, who continued her introduction. “Twilight is a sophomore at Canterlot Tech, where she’s studying chaos theory. She likes science fiction, she’s an avid blogger, and... she lives next door to Sunset Shimmer.”

A round of gasps went up around the table, including a fairly convincing one from Pinkie, who had decided to pretend that she was just learning this for the first time. Rarity was the one who broke the silence. “I see... well, then, I hope this conversation isn’t... oh, what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“More awkward than two people who are trying to figure out who should get the last piece of pizza without either of them actually saying that they want the last piece of pizza, which only makes things even more awkward when a third person comes along and just takes the last piece of pizza because they didn’t realize that either of the other two wanted it?” Pinkie suggested.

“That’s more of a phrase than a word, but I suppose it works,” Rarity replied.

Twilight sighed. “Yeah, Penumbra mentioned something about Pinkie Pie having some contest with her. It sounded like some sort of election, but not for student council or something like that...”

It was at this point that the rest of the group explained the basic concept of the Fall Formal Princess to Twilight, who nodded comprehendingly when they finished.

“I think I understand. I mean, I vaguely remember hearing about it during the two years I was attending Canterlot High, but my advanced courseload had me so busy that I basically ignored stuff like that. I suppose it is kind of a big deal to hear you describe it. It’s sort of like an official popularity contest, except the winner is supposed to make everyone feel better about the school, or something like that?”

“Something like that,” Rarity said. “The Princess is supposed to exemplify the values of our school, but the fact that it’s awarded by election means that popularity is inevitably a factor as well.”

“Right,” Twilight said with a nod.

“So, uh, is there anything you can tell us about Sunset that might help us?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Uh, well, I don’t know...”

“Are... are the two of you friends?” Fluttershy asked.

“We’re more like acquaintances, really. I mean, Sunset always acts friendly enough when we have conversations, but...”

“But... what?” Applejack asked.

“Lately, I’ve just been getting this really weird vibe from her. It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to, though,” Pinkie said encouragingly.

“Well, when we do talk, I get this odd feeling that she’s going out of her way to treat me like I’m her equal, or even socially superior to her, except I’m not entirely sure she actually believes that.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Fluttershy said.

“I’m not sure I understand either, to be honest,” Twilight admitted. “I mean, I don’t have any evidence one way or the other about what she really thinks of me, so I’m just going on gut feelings, and let’s face it, those aren’t all that reliable. But that being said, there must be some reason she keeps giving me, well, really odd advice.”

“Such as?” Penumbra asked as she cocked one of her eyebrows.

“Well, she’s spent a lot of effort trying to convince me that hanging out with high school kids would be a waste of time... but the more time I actually spend with high school kids, the less sense it makes. I mean, I’m not boring you guys, am I?”

“Heck, no,” Rainbow Dash said. “Especially since you’re talking about Sunset Shimmer acting totally weird. I mean, if you went on and on about whatever it is you’re studying at college, I might get drowsy, but there’s a lot more to life than schoolwork, you know?”

Applejack rolled her eyes before adding, “Point is, you’re right to think that her advice is ‘odd.’ If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was tryin’ ta keep you from gettin’ involved in anything at Canterlot High.”

“But... why on earth would she do that?” Twilight asked.

“I have no idea,” Applejack replied, “which is why I threw in that little proviso about ‘not knowin’ better.’”

“So... um, would you like to help us plan our next move?” Pinkie asked. “We could certainly use an outsider’s perspective... especially from an outsider who knows Sunset personally.”

Twilight hesitated for a moment, but soon she had an answer: “Okay.”

———————

Sunset Shimmer’s home was utterly dark and completely silent, save for the starlight that snuck into the window of the living room and the sound of air moving through her nostrils. Sunset had known that Pinkie’s move would have something to do with Rainbow Dash and Applejack. After all, their original reconciliation had taken place in public as well, and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had dutifully reported the entire exchange to her on Saturday.

Her plan had been to cast doubt on whether that truce would last, or indeed on whether it had even really happened, since only the initial argument had taken place at a high volume. The possibility that Rainbow Dash and Applejack would be willing to reiterate their rapprochement had never occurred to her, though in retrospect, perhaps it should have. After all, Penumbra had implied that Pinkie Pie was a pony of some standing back in Equestria. Given that nopony there could have known that Sunset had lost the tiara after returning, it was quite possible that Pinkie had been chosen for her diplomatic skills—though if that was the case, then Pinkie was also quite good at hiding those skills, because your average diplomat wouldn’t dare spend so much time acting like a giggling naïf.

One thing was certain, though: as long as Pinkie could claim the mantle of a peacemaker, she would be a serious threat to Sunset’s designs. Thus, Sunset’s best bet would be to think of a way to undermine that image—the only question was how. A direct confrontation didn’t seem like a good approach; if Pinkie really was a skilled diplomat, then she’d figure out whatever Sunset was trying almost immediately, and besides that, her “sister” appeared to be tasked with running interference.

Wait... Sunset thought to herself as she recalled everything she’d learned about Penumbra over the past few days. An idea started to congeal in her mind, and as it took form, it seemed more and more plausible. Granted, there was no guarantee of success, but if she actually managed to pull it off... well, if she pulled it off, it would be enough to put Pinkie on the defensive, and with less than a week until the Fall Formal, that could very well be enough to stop her from gaining momentum, which was really all that Sunset needed.

In the darkness, Sunset Shimmer finally allowed herself a smile. She had a plan.

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 11: Low Times

Sunset Shimmer was up to something, and Penumbra didn't like it. Thus far, the school day had proceeded just like the last time Sunset had gone quiet, with one difference: this time, she had gone out of her way to make eye contact with Penumbra, and every time, she had an increasingly arrogant smirk on her face that just oozed an infuriating sense of superiority.

Of course, such posturing didn't necessarily mean that Sunset was actually overconfident. Penumbra was well aware that this could be little more than an attempt to provoke her for some unknown reason, as evidenced by the lack of such treatment given to Pinkie Pie... though by the same token, it was entirely possible that Pinkie was simply too cheerful for such mind games to work, assuming that Sunset was actually playing mind games in the first place.

However, one thing was certain: if Sunset was trying to piss Penumbra off, it was working, which only served to make her even grumpier as the day wore on. It was almost a relief, then, when Sunset finally made her move. It happened about midway through the afternoon, in a hallway on the second floor of the science wing.

Pinkie and Penumbra had just exited from their biology class to make their way to their lockers when Penumbra spotted Sunset heading right for them with a steely look in her eyes. Given that Sunset’s own schedule made a chance meeting in this part of the school unlikely, it was fairly obvious that she had something planned. The pair responded with their usual tactic of splitting up, with Penumbra intercepting Sunset and allowing Pinkie to avoid a needless interaction. In one sense, it may have been somewhat cowardly, but neither of them saw any point in giving Sunset Shimmer anything to work with.

It wasn’t until Sunset started talking that Penumbra realized that they may have made a mistake. “Ah, Penny! Just the girl I was looking for,” she said with a smile that would only look genuine from a distance.

Out of habit more than anything else, Penumbra gave her usual response: “Don’t call me ‘Penny.’”

“What’s wrong with ‘Penny’? It’s just a harmless nickname, isn’t it?”

“I never said that there was something wrong with it,” Penumbra replied in a tone of forced civility. “I just don’t like the name, that’s all.” She wasn’t quite sure where this conversation was going, but she was fairly certain that she wouldn’t like the destination.

“But why not?” Sunset asked, her voice becoming even more cloying. “‘Penumbra’ sounds so formal and stuffy, while ‘Penny’ is much easier to use in conversation. It rolls right off the tongue. You really need to lighten up, Penny.”

“Stop it.”

Sunset shrugged. “If you insist, Penny.”

Penumbra was having difficulty hiding her rapidly diminishing patience. “Is there an actual point to this conversation, or are you just trying to annoy me?”

“As it so happens, I do have a point.”

“And...?”

All of Sunset’s mock friendliness vanished as she stabbed a finger into Penumbra’s shoulder. “You say you’re the Nightmare—whatever that means—but you have yet to show me any evidence beyond a grumpy attitude and a creepy laugh.” She then lowered her voice to prevent any passers-by from discerning her next sentence: “In fact, other than the fact that you and your team are obviously ponies, I haven’t found a single reason why I should take you seriously at all.”

“Pinkie’s going to win back the Element of Magic,” Penumbra replied with a snarl.

Sunset let out a short, derisive laugh. “Oh, please, this contest is just the least messy way for me to get my hands on that tiara, and you know it—or at least, I hope for your sake that you weren’t naïve enough to think that this was my only plan.”

“Oh, we know it, and you aren’t the only one with more than one plan.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you can’t hold a candle to me.”

“You want a demonstration?”

“Hah! Even if you could do something impressive, there’s no way you’d try anything obvious in front of the humans.”

“Maybe you ought to treat your opponents with some respect,” Penumbra said.

“Maybe my opponents ought to do something to earn my... Oh! I get it!” Sunset’s eyes suddenly widened, though whether this had been rehearsed or an indication of genuine insight was difficult to say.

“You get what?”

“That’s why you insist on being called ‘Penumbra.’ It sounds refined and dignified and respectable, and you can’t tolerate the idea that someone isn’t taking you seriously, can you?”

“How about you stop talking out your ass?” Penumbra asked in a voice that was verging on a growl.

“It even explains your little code name. After all, isn’t respect what Nightmare Moon wanted?”

“That’s what Luna was after. I had my own goals.”

Sunset’s triumphant smirk returned to her face. “Luna was Nightmare Moon, end of story. And since you just admitted that you’re not Luna, you can’t be the Nightmare. No one who could threaten Equestria would run to her pretend ‘daddy’ and have him tell the mean girl to stop using her nickname. In fact, as far as I can tell, you may even be outranked by cotton-candy-for-brains. So, as far as I’m concerned, you’re just a pathetic, anonymous, unimportant, and quite possibly delusional nopony... Penny.”

Penumbra wasn’t sure why she did what she did next; under most circumstances, she was good at keeping her emotional impulses in check. But something about Sunset Shimmer’s unearned sense of superiority and overwhelming arrogance just made her want to slap that stupid, snide grin right off her face... so that’s exactly what she did.

Except it didn’t work.

Oh, Sunset was certainly wincing from the sting as Penumbra’s open palm slid off of her face, but that damned smile was broader than ever—in fact, Sunset briefly flashed her teeth at Penumbra, which had the bizarre effect of making her appear to be genuinely happy at this development. This left Penumbra utterly bewildered... for perhaps half a second.

“What in heaven’s name is going on here?!” It was Principal Celestia’s voice. She’d seen everything... well, actually, she’d probably only seen the last two seconds or so, but Penumbra doubted that hearing the entire conversation would have made Celestia any less angry.

The end result was now painfully obvious: Penumbra was in big trouble, and that was exactly what Sunset had wanted. As she turned around to face the consequences of her actions, one thought ran through Penumbra’s mind: Well played, you horrible nag.

———————

It took all of Sunset Shimmer’s willpower to keep from gloating over her success. If she looked like she was reveling in her victory, it could very easily undermine her efforts. Now was not the time for a show of confidence, but rather a calculated display of vulnerability. If she played her cards right, this little episode would generate sympathy, protectiveness, and other useful knee-jerk emotional reactions that would pull her supporters together, all while undercutting Pinkie’s “peacemaker” image thanks to the wonder of guilt by association.

So far, it seemed to be working well. “Oh my gosh, we’re so sorry we were late!” Silver Spoon exclaimed as she and Diamond Tiara apologized profusely. “If we’d known she was going to do something like that, we wouldn’t have wasted time getting our stuff from our lockers before finding Principal Celestia.”

Sunset ignored the stinging in her cheek and spoke to the pair in the most beatific tone of voice she could managed. “It’s alright; I didn’t expect her to respond like that.” Technically speaking, this was true: Sunset had actually been hoping that Penumbra would punch her, because a black eye would have been a great bit of evidence to back up her story and further ruin Penny’s reputation. If anything, these two had brought Celestia too soon, forcing Sunset to pull the trigger before she’d gotten Penumbra worked up to the point where she might have caused a superficial injury. For a split-second, Sunset considered using makeup to fabricate a bruise, but she rejected it—Celestia had witnessed a slap on the cheek, and an apparent injury to the eye could easily raise unwanted suspicion.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Diamond Tiara asked.

“I’m fine for now,” Sunset said, knowing that such an expression of self-reliance would only make her look brave. “Besides, don’t you two need to get to class?”

“Oh... right,” Diamond said. “Well, if you think of anything you need, let us know.”

“I will,” Sunset replied meekly. “And thank you.”

———————

Rainbow Dash had absolutely no idea why Vice Principal Luna had asked her to come to her office at the end of the day, but as soon as she saw Applejack seated in one of the chairs across from Luna’s desk, she was pretty sure that the experience was going to be unpleasant. The thought that immediately sprang to mind was that Luna doubted that the pair had actually set aside hostilities, and they’d have to demonstrate their good intentions yet again. As it turned out, she was only partially correct.

Luna looked more somber than usual as she entered the room, sat down, and folded her hands on her desk. “I’d like to thank you two for being willing to meet with me on such short notice,” she began.

“No problem,” Rainbow Dash said with a brief wave of her hand. “I mean, it would’ve been nice to let me know Applejack would be here, too, but I can deal with it.”

This, however, didn’t seem to reassure Luna very much; if anything, she seemed to grow more concerned. “What do you mean?”

Applejack let out a sigh, “Look, ma’am, even though the two of us have more or less buried the hatchet, that don’t mean we particularly enjoy each other’s company, if you take my meaning. Really, the main reason we spend any time at all together is so we can help out Pinkie Pie.”

“Ah, yes, about that,” Luna said as she leaned forward in her chair. “While your reconciliation is indeed commendable, I must confess my uneasiness when I consider that you seem to have been pressured into this decision.”

Clearly, Vice Principal Luna was phrasing her words as delicately as she could, which meant it took a second or two to figure out what she was driving at. “Nobody forced us to do anything,” Rainbow Dash said. “What happened was that Pinkie pointed out that both of us were blowing things way out of proportion, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” Luna asked. “There have been reports that Pinkie’s sister was shouting quite loudly at you when you all met in public over the weekend.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Penumbra only did that once, and the only reason she did it at all was because we were hollerin’ at each other so loudly that no one else could get a word in edgewise.”

Luna’s brow wrinkled as she processed this information. “So... there was no intimidation, then?”

“Intimidation?” Rainbow Dash gave a bark of laughter. “Are you kidding me? If either of us were the kind of person who was easily intimidated, we probably never would have been arguing in the first place.”

“What’s this all about, anyway?” Applejack asked.

Luna sighed. “There was an altercation between Penumbra and Sunset Shimmer this afternoon. It was heated enough that Penumbra used unneeded physical force. Sunset claims it was entirely unprovoked, while Penumbra says it was in response to an insult—though to Penumbra’s credit, she admits that her response was out of proportion.”

“Huh... can’t say I’m surprised,” Rainbow Dash said offhandedly.

Luna leaned forward. “Does Penumbra strike you as the kind of person who loses control of her emotions easily?”

“Heck, no,” Rainbow Dash said. “I mean, she can be a little grumpy at times, but I’ve never seen anything that would make me think that she acts out on a regular basis. I was talking about Sunset Shimmer.”

Luna wrinkled her brow again. “Would you care to explain that further?”

“Uh, hello? Sunset Shimmer is a conniving bitch. I can easily see her trying to provoke someone just to get them in trouble.”

“You shouldn’t use such language when speaking of your fellow students,” Luna said sternly, settling back into her chair. “Even if some of their personality traits are... er... questionable. And if you’re about to bring up the student council elections, I looked into the most common allegations personally, and I found no hard evidence that Ms. Shimmer had any hand in Time Turner’s decision to withdraw from the contest.”

Applejack let out a sigh. “So, what’s going to happen to Penumbra?”

“Naturally, there will be some discipline for her actions. However, the precise nature of that discipline has yet to be determined—I believe Principal Celestia wishes to speak with her father to make sure that this has not been a recurring problem in the past—but more to the point, Penumbra’s punishments are not really any of your business, regardless of how well you know her.”

“Yeah, but what about the Fall Formal?” Rainbow asked.

“I fail to see how that is relevant; after all, Penumbra is not a contestant for the tiara. Now, I believe I have already taken up too much of your time. If you return to your classrooms now, you should still be able to get some learning in before the day is through.”

———————

Twilight Sparkle sat at the desk in her bedroom, staring at a blank computer screen as she debated whether or not to blog about the things she’d learned earlier that evening. On the one hand, she knew that the account that Sunset had given her was, by definition, one-sided, especially since Penumbra didn’t really seem to be a particularly violent person. On the other hand, Twilight found that this news about Penumbra had rekindled all her uneasiness about Pinkie Pie, most notably the feeling that, even if she had nothing to do with Surprise, there was something else going on.

“Or on the third hand, you could not blog at all about it, because everyone involved knows you have a blog,” Surprise chimed in. “No point in alienating anyone before you’ve had a chance to form an opinion, right?”

Once again, Twilight’s imaginary friend was being the sensible one. “I guess you’re right,” Twilight replied as she closed her laptop and flopped onto her bed. She idly reached towards her nightstand and picked up the hard sci-fi novel she’d been working through. However, as she stared at the pages, little, if any of the speculation about ion drives and interplanetary space travel made it into her head, because that real estate was still occupied by Pinkie Pie.

“Come on,” Surprise whined. “Why should anything Penumbra did change the way you think about Pinkie? It doesn’t make sense.”

“I know enough about psychology to know that the human mind doesn’t always work rationally. Heck, the entire airline industry relies on people’s willingness to travel miles above the ground in metal tubes, even though most of them can’t explain why the tubes stay in the air. It’s not rational to trust your life to something you don’t understand, but people still do it.”

“Stop trying to change the subject.”

“If I was trying to change the subject, I wouldn’t let you keep bringing it up, now would I?”

“Look, last time Pinkie and her friends gave a pretty convincing argument that Sunset isn’t on the up and up, didn’t they?”

“I guess... but couldn’t it be just as likely that they were trying to get me to distrust Sunset?”

“Sure, but that’s why you should probably hear both sides of the story and make up your own mind.”

Twilight gave up on her book and tossed it back onto the nightstand. “What I don’t understand is why either of them is bothering with me. What do I have to do with the Fall Formal?”

“Why not just ask them?”

“Are you nuts?!”

“I’m the voice in your head. What do you think?”

Twilight groaned as she rolled off her bed and walked back to her desk. She’d walked right into that one, and she really didn’t have a good comeback, aside from the fact that she didn’t want to do it and maybe if she was lucky the whole problem would go away on its own. She picked up her phone and stared at the screen, trying to decide if it would be less awkward to call Pinkie or Sunset first, until her ringtone suddenly flared and made the decision for her.

———————

“Uh, yeah, we kinda figured Sunset might have told you what happened,” Pinkie said as she paced around the hotel room with her smartphone pressed to her ear. “That’s sort of why I called.... No, I’m not going to claim it didn’t happen. Penumbra’s already admitted that she overreacted.... Our father told Principal Celestia that she doesn’t have a history of acting out like this, so she got off with a detention, since it’s her first offense.... Well, the reason I called is because Penumbra’s really sorry, and she’s willing to apologize to Sunset, in public, if necessary. Since you live next door to her, we were sort of hoping you’d be willing to pass the message along. Would that be a problem?”

Pinkie looked noticeably relieved when Twilight answered her. “Thanks, you’re a big help. So, um, do you think you’ll be able to make it to the next meeting?”

This response, clearly, was less pleasing. “Oh, well, I guess I understand. A college student would obviously have more homework.... No, really, it’s okay. I’ll see you around.”

“I’m telling you, nothing will come of it,” Penumbra said as Pinkie ended the call. “Sunset Shimmer doesn’t want me to be humbled; she wants me to be the bad guy so she can appeal to the students’ sense of justice. How am I supposed to look unapologetic if she lets me apologize?”

“Are you actually sorry, though?” Pinkie asked.

“Let’s put it this way: any regrets I have are due to the fallout from my actions. I certainly don’t feel sorry for Sunset Shimmer herself in any way, shape, or form.”

“Atta girl!” Discord said jovially from his usual spot behind his laptop, beaming with “fatherly” pride. “Next time, make sure there aren’t any witnesses.”

“Discord!” Pinkie said in an uncharacteristically sharp tone as she wheeled around to face the object of her ire. “Now is not the time to be joking about that sort of thing—assuming that you are joking.”

“I’ll have you know that I was,” Discord insisted, “and in difficult times like this, humor can be an effective coping mechanism.”

“Coping mechanism, my hoof... er... foot! You’re a bad influence! I mean, technically, Penumbra’s still being reformed, and your loosey-goosey, don’t-give-a-flip attitude is not helping.”

“Oh, so I’m to blame, then? Are you saying that Penumbra’s own efforts to reform me were a failure, then?”

“Er... no, I’m not saying that,” Pinkie said.

“Because that’s what it sounds like to me. You know, seeing as youare the one who’s supposed to be keeping Penumbra in line, maybe you ought to be taking a slice of the blame pie, as well.”

“Well, it’s not just bad influences that are causing problems here. If you hadn’t talked to Sunset, I’d bet you fifteen donuts and a banana smoothie that she wouldn’t have thought to try egging Penumbra like that.”

Discord angrily shut his laptop and stood up from his table. “All right, now you’re just stretching.”

From her corner of the room, Penumbra sighed and reluctantly decided to enter the conversation. She tilted her head to the side just enough for her hair to fall away from her right eye and said, “Pinkie may be stretching, but I think she could be right. Sunset made a remark about ‘running to daddy’ that wouldn’t really make much sense if she wasn’t alluding to that little chat you had. Did my nickname come up at all?”

Discord looked indignant that his friend could even entertain such a notion. “Of course not! The moment she used the word ‘Penny,’ I told her not to call you that and ended the conversation immediately. There’s nothing she could possibly have figured out from that.”

“Except that Penumbra is really, really, really super-sensitive about being called ‘Penny,’” Pinkie pointed out. “She lets her friends get away with it because she knows it’s just harmless teasing since we’ve made it clear that we respect her, but when it’s obviously meant as an actual insult, that’s a cake of a different flavor.”

“Oh, er... right,” Discord said, momentarily looking like he’d bitten into a lemon, before he rallied. “Still, I think you’re forgetting something important, and that is that Celestia said that Sunset Shimmer is a neuromancer. Penumbra may have been under her influence, at least partially.”

“Penumbra was able to resist your attempts at mind control. Or are you saying Sunset’s stronger than you?”

“I was being direct! Sunset Shimmer would have been more subtle about it, obviously.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, you oughta remember that part of reforming is learning to take responsibility for your actions instead of making excuses!”

At this point Penumbra realized that this shouting match was going nowhere. No longer content to simply toss occasional bits of information into the conversation, she stood up to start participating actively. “Okay, what in the seventh layer of Tartarus is wrong with the two of you? I’m the one who screwed up, but you’re just using it as a pretense to blame each other!”

Neither Pinkie nor Discord responded immediately; rather, they both chose to shift their weight awkwardly while avoiding eye contact with Penumbra. This, however, did little to discourage her from continuing.

“Pinkie, why aren’t you willing to give Discord a chance?”

“I am! I’ve been letting him stay in my head, haven’t I?”

“Yes, but you’ve been implying that you’ll boot him out the second he does anything that even seems like backsliding. You gave me plenty of chances when I was starting.”

“Yeah, well, by that point you’d already accepted that being a big ol’ meanie wasn’t going to do you any good. From what I can tell, the only reason Discord isn’t trying to take over Equestria right now is because he cares more about spending time with you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Well, no... but the problem is that it’s the only thing. He doesn’t care about anyone in Equestria but you.”

“Excuse me,” Discord said as he jumped back into the conversation, “but that simply isn’t true. I also happen to care about Celestia and Luna—or weren’t you paying attention when I selflessly saved my creator from whatever is was that Sombra was about to do to her?”

“I wouldn’t get too enthusiastic, Discord,” Penumbra warned. “I’ve got a few points for you, too.” She turned her attention back to Pinkie. “Discord has to start somewhere. For now, he just wants to avoid disappointing me, but he could improve given the chance.”

Pinkie Pie sighed. “Yeah... I know.”

This response confused Penumbra—for a moment, at least. “You know? But then why would you even bother scolding him unless...” Penumbra’s eyes widened as she realized what Pinkie had actually been trying to do. “You’ve been trying to get me to blame him so he’ll feel bad and stay in line, haven’t you?”

Pinkie stared at her feet.

Penumbra groaned. “Look, I get why you want Discord to take responsibility for his actions, but convincing me that I don’t have to is not the way to do that.”

“Yeah... I know... but he’s just so hard to deal with.”

“Which is why you decided to finagle with your personal ethics,” Discord said, smirking.

“Wipe that smile off your face, Discord,” Penumbra said, not particularly caring whether her friend would take the order literally (as it happened, he didn’t). “It’s your turn. Pinkie definitely has one thing right here: you are incredibly hard to deal with.”

Discord’s shrug wasn’t exactly the response Penumbra had hoped for. “So? That just means I only have to deal with those who are willing to make the effort to appreciate me.”

“Given that right now you have to deal with Pinkie Pie, I’d say there’s a bit of a flaw in your logic,” Penumbra replied, accompanying her understatement with a heavy-lidded stare.

“Since when have I been logical?”

Unfortunately for Discord’s continued amusement, Penumbra knew better than to try to answer this question, and forcibly returned the conversation to the subject at hand. “Discord, it’s not enough to just sit back and assume that others will make the effort to befriend you. You need to be proactive and actually make some yourself.”

“I don’t need to do any such thing,” Discord insisted. “I already have you as a friend, and I’m sure that Celestia and Luna will welcome me back wholeheartedly once they learn that I’m still alive. As for everyone else, they don’t need to be my friends to be amusing, so why bother?”

“Discord, there’s more to friendship than simply passing time with someone else. You’ve seen for yourself how powerful the camaraderie between close friends can be—multiple times.”

“That’s true,” Discord said in an overly sardonic tone. “So far, it’s turned me to stone, caused me to give up ruling Equestria, and flat-out killed me... er... assuming that I actually died when Sombra and I were sent to The Void. I’m still not sure about that part, to be honest. The point is, as pleasant as friendship is at times, it still keeps getting in my way.”

Penumbra raised the eyebrow that was visible through her hairstyle. “Really? Because that sure sounds like the kind of excuse you normally make when you don’t want to admit that I have a point.”

“Oh, what does it matter?!” Discord suddenly shouted. “I could be the friendliest draconequus you’ve ever seen, but it’s plainly obvious that she’s already decided she wants nothing to do with me!” he added, pointing his finger at Pinkie. “I don’t see why I should waste any effort on someone who has no intention of giving me a fair chance.”

“What have you done to deserve a fair chance?” Pinkie said angrily.

“See what I mean?” Discord said.

Penumbra sighed. “Look... right now, everyone’s stressed out, okay? There’s no point in arguing when we’re all emotional. Let’s just try to sort things out tomorrow, okay?” She didn’t like the idea of her friends going to bed angry, but this discussion (if it could be called that) was clearly going nowhere.

“Fine,” Pinkie said, “but he’s not staying in my head. We’ve got two beds in this room; he can use one of those.”

“Who said I even wanted to spend any more of my time there?” Discord snarled as he snapped his fingers, replacing his everyday wear with a set of pajamas and made a huge show of burying himself underneath the hotel comforter.

As Pinkie stomped off to the shower, Penumbra turned off most of the lights and sank into a chair to stare out the window at the featureless, overcast night sky. All in all, it had been a really bad day.

Author's Note

To any 90's kids who may be reading: Yes, Sunset's plan to get herself a black eye was inspired by that one episode of Saved By The Bell.

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 12: Open Your Eyes

Pinkie didn’t get a chance to assess the damage until the next day. Surprisingly, though, the situation wasn’t nearly as bad as she had feared, though that was an admittedly low bar to cross. It was certainly true that Sunset’s guilt-by-association tactic had been effective; several students made scowling references to gangster movies when Pinkie brought up the Formal in conversation, implying that Pinkie was willing to have Penumbra use nasty air-quote “persuasion” when the more respectable normal kind didn’t work. Still, at least these responses weren’t as bad as the students who loudly proclaimed that Penumbra didn’t scare them, regardless of whether that subject had any connection to the actual conversation. By the same token, Applejack and Rainbow Dash had grown thoroughly sick of being reminded of the importance of standing up for themselves by lunchtime... which, shockingly, resulted in them eating lunch together, since neither one could think of anyone else who could empathize with their extremely specific problem.

However, even though Penumbra’s mistake had solidified the opinions of many of the students who had been leaning towards Sunset in the first place, those who had already decided to support Pinkie proved equally resistant to change. Largely thanks to Sunset’s reputation for skullduggery (alleged or otherwise), there were still quite a few students who didn’t take their student council president’s innocence at face value. Of course, this was in turn undercut by Penumbra, who had basically admitted that her actions were uncalled for, but Pinkie didn’t really mind that. She wasn’t nearly desperate enough to stoop to her opponent’s level by claiming that Penumbra had been manipulated—especially when Sunset’s own notoriety was doing the job for her.

Still, there was no denying that Pinkie’s campaign had been damaged, and with only three days remaining before the Fall Formal, there was no telling if it would be repaired in time to keep the Element of Magic out of Sunset’s hands. At the moment, though, Pinkie was more concerned about repairing her relationship with Penumbra, which, though not exactly in tatters, had certainly been frayed by the previous night’s fight. As she sat through Miss Cheerilee’s lesson, she couldn’t keep her mind from drifting back to it, partly because she was already quite familiar with logarithmic functions, but mostly because she needed to think of some way to put this issue behind her so she could put all her focus on Sunset Shimmer, where it belonged.

On the plus side, both she and Discord had apologized for their behavior when they awoke that morning, each acknowledging that they had been needlessly harsh in their criticism. Unfortunately, both of them had made their confessions to Penumbra, who had wanted them to apologize to each other. This, of course, was out of the question, because it would have meant completely dropping her criticism, and Pinkie needed to ensure the Penumbra didn’t lose sight of what Discord had done in the past, especially so soon after displaying open aggression towards Sunset Shimmer.

Pinkie glanced over at Penumbra, who appeared to be taking diligent notes. Pinkie, however, knew better. In the aftermath of the scuffle with Sunset, one thing was painfully obvious: Penumbra could no longer be directly involved with Pinkie’s efforts to acquire the tiara—or, to be more accurate, she could no longer be involved with her efforts to win the tiara. Thus, to keep her friend occupied, Pinkie had put Penumbra in charge of developing “Plan B,” which at the moment really didn’t amount to much more than using brute force to take the Element of Magic away from Sunset if she won, despite what had been implied in conversations with Penumbra.

While Discord was probably correct in assuming that the three of them were powerful enough to pull off such a “plan” on the spur of the moment, Pinkie wanted to avoid collateral damage to the humans, which would require some thought. From what she could tell by glancing at Penumbra’s notes, there were two kinds of plans being considered. The first group of plans appeared to call for a strategic retreat until an opportunity to steal the Element opened up, while the second focused on various ways to clear bystanders out of the gym so they wouldn’t be hurt in the ensuing scuffle. Based on her cursory glances, Pinkie supposed both approaches could work, though she’d definitely want to hear exactly what Penumbra had worked out once her ideas were more refined.

That said, there were some rather annoying drawbacks to Penumbra’s withdrawal, and it wasn’t long after the lunch bell rang that the most obvious one reared its head.

“Pinkie Pie!”

Now that Penumbra was no longer running interference for her, Pinkie Pie had expected that Sunset Shimmer would eventually try to corner her into some sort of confrontation; indeed, that might have been another one of the goals behind yesterday’s brouhaha. Pinkie let out brief sigh before she put on the most genuine smile she could manage and turned around. “Hello, Sunset,” she said in her usual pleasant tone.

For her part, Sunset Shimmer was equally cordial—on the surface, anyway. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she said with a smile of her own, though hers had a somewhat forced look to it, as if it was masking a sneer of contempt. It actually made Pinkie think of the predatory grins that the FlimFlam brothers wore while in the midst of a sales pitch.

“Okie-dokie,” Pinkie replied, leaving off the “lokie” because she couldn’t exactly fake that level of enthusiasm. “Do you wanna talk here, or would you like to go somewhere else?” Pinkie hoped Sunset would choose the latter, because she didn’t particularly want to spend her lunch break avoiding whatever inconvenient scenario Sunset might want to trap her with.

Fortunately, Sunset had other plans. “I know an empty classroom we can use,” she said. “Follow me.”

Pinkie Pie did so, doing her best to ignore the bemused looks of the students who had noticed the two of them walking off together. As Sunset shut the door behind them, Pinkie brought up the most glaring flaw in the plan: “You do realize that someone’s going to be listening at the door, right? Or is that what you were hoping for?”

“I’ve got some people to ward them off,” Sunset said dismissively.

“You mean those two freshmen who follow me and Penumbra around? They’re supposed to intimidate anyone who’s getting nosy?”

Sunset let out a laugh. “You don’t seriously think I’ve managed to get where I am with just those two, do you? And to answer your next objection, my, er... ‘friends’ won’t hear us unless we raise our voices, so as long as we’re nice and civil, neither of us has anything to worry about.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Sunset let out a sigh. “The two of us are actually magical talking ponies. Happy now? If they can actually hear me, they’ll think I’m just as nuts as you.”

“Yeah, that’s good enough for me,” Pinkie said with a nod. “So, what did you wanna talk about? If you’re looking for a public apology, Penny’s willing to play ball.”

“I thought she hated that name.”

Pinkie managed to keep from grimacing at her mistake. In an effort to maintain a nonchalant tone, she’d let herself get a bit too casual. She did her best to brush off her little oopsie-daisy. “Oh, she does, but once she knows someone respects her, she lets them get away with it, so it’s really more like an inside joke than an insult.” (This particular deflection had the added advantage of actually being true, which meant that Pinkie wouldn’t need to remember it for later reference.)

Apparently, Sunset accepted this reasoning, because she resumed the conversation. “Look, you seem like a reasonably intelligent pony, so I was hoping we could talk things over.”

“Ooh, are you giving up?”

“No,” Sunset replied in a flat, mildly irritated tone. “But I think you might be interested in what I have to say.”

Pinkie doubted that this was the case, mostly because she was pretty sure that Sunset wouldn’t slip up and give her any usable information so early in their talk, but she figured it couldn’t hurt to find out. “Okay,” she said with a quick shrug of her shoulders. Let’s hear it.”

“As I was saying,” Sunset continued, “I was hoping you’d be willing to hear my side of the story.”

“You mean the thing between you and Celestia?” Pinkie asked. “I’m pretty sure I’ve heard everything I need to know. You got carried away getting ready to fight The Nightmare, somepony got hurt, you refused to apologize, and things between you and Celestia got really, really nasty until you decided to run away.”

This summary appeared to strike a nerve. “She was talking about bringing criminal charges against me,” Sunset hissed. “Me, her personal student! And I was only doing what she wanted me to do.”

“Maybe, but it sure sounds like she didn’t want you to do it the way you were doing it.”

Sunset sighed. “Okay, you don’t understand. I was tasked with taking on Nightmare Moon—the real one, mind you, not whatever it is that Penumbra claims to be. When you’re dealing with somepony that dangerous, you need to be willing to take drastic measures.”

It was at this moment that Pinkie realized why Celestia had never given Twilight a direct order to confront Nightmare Moon at the Summer Sun Festival. Can’t say I blame her—I wouldn’t want to risk making the same mistake twice, either. “I think I understand,” she said tentatively. “I mean, I also think you’re probably mostly wrong, but I’m pretty sure I get what you’re trying to say.”

Sunset didn’t seem swayed by this. “Contrary to what you may have heard,” she said, pointing her finger at Pinkie for emphasis, “doing the right thing isn’t simply a matter of making sure your actions fit your ideals. When you’re tasked with doing the most good for the most ponies, sometimes you have to take options that look ugly in the short term.”

Pinkie tried her best not to look bored, but Sunset’s obvious attempt to justify her actions was a bit clichéd. “What’s your point?”

“Look, you seem like a smart girl,” Sunset said as she gently put a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder.

It took all of Pinkie’s willpower to keep from rolling her eyes, because in her experience, nopony ever used that particular phrase with her unless they thought exactly the opposite. Let me guess, you think I should switch over to your side.

“Celestia may have a reputation as a wise ruler, but the truth is that her judgment has been questionable for quite a while. I mean, look at Penumbra and Discord. I don’t know how much you know about them, but it’s pretty obvious that they’re unsavory characters. Does it really make sense for someone like you to take orders from ponies like them? Of course not!”

Called it, Pinkie thought to herself, though she remained silent and let Sunset continue her pitch, as she hadn’t technically proposed a betrayal yet.

“Ultimately, my goal is to help Celestia see her folly before it’s too late, and I think you’re just the kind of pony who can help her see the light. With your help, I can usher Equestria into a new Golden Age, and as my lieutenant, ponies everywhere will hold you in high esteem. We are on the cusp of an amazing opportunity here, and it starts with me getting the Element of Magic. So, what do you say? Are you in?”

Wow, Pinkie thought to herself. She sounds just like Twilight did when Penny was still The Nightmare. Do all of Celestia’s students go bad the same way? But such pondering would have to wait until later. Sunset was clearly awaiting some sort of response, and Pinkie’s silence was growing more awkward by the second. “I think you might have made some teeny, tiny mistakes when you were getting your sales pitch ready.”

“I assure you, I know how Celestia thinks—”

“Maybe, but you obviously don’t know how I think,” Pinkie said. “You see, Penumbra and Discord are unsavory characters—you definitely got that part right—and what’s more, both of them are notorious for convincing ponies to do the kinds of things that they wouldn’t ordinarily do. However, I’m pretty goshdarned strong-willed myself, which is why they’re the ones who are taking orders from me.”

At this revelation, Sunset looked absolutely flabbergasted. “What... why would... you’re the one in charge?”

“Yeah, I know that must be a shocker. It’s not often that the leader is the cheerful, happy-go-lucky one, too, but I guess I’m a bit of a multitasker.” Pinkie smiled broadly as she finished her sentence, and to her surprise, it was the first one in the entire conversation that felt totally natural. Actually, when she thought about it a bit further, it was the first really easy smile since the previous day. This realization made Pinkie even happier, and her smile grew a bit more radiant, which Sunset clearly found annoying.

“But... if you’re the one in charge, why would Penumbra put so much effort into protecting you from me?”

Pinkie giggled. “Silly Sunset, she wasn’t trying to protect me. I’ve always been pretty sure I could handle you if I needed to. I just had, like, a billion more important things to worry about, so she was running interference to keep you from wasting my time.”

Sunset tried to form an answer, but for several seconds, she only managed a soft croaking noise from her throat. Eventually, though, she was able to get over her astonishment. “Okay, fine. I admit that I was taken off guard by your insipid sunshine-and-rainbows routine, but the time for that is over. Let’s be serious for a minute.”

“Sorry, but if that just means that you want me to be all grumpy and scowly while we talk about big, important things, I don’t do that. You had a chance to do plenty of frowning and glowering while Penny was foalsitting you, but that’s over now.” Pinkie started pacing around the room as Sunset continued to glare at her.

“You want me to be serious?” Pinkie asked. “Okay, I’ll be serious. For starters, I think you’ve made some seriously bad assumptions, and you know what they say about assuming things.”

“No,” Sunset said through gritted teeth. “What?”

Pinkie abruptly stopped walking. “Actually, I’m not too sure myself. Most folks I know just drop off there and assume that I really do know what they say about assumptions. It’s actually kind of irritating... um, where was I?”

“Are you sure you’re the one in charge?” Sunset asked with a sneer.

“Absolootenanny,” Pinkie said with a nod. “Anyway, we were talking about your mistakes.”

“No, you just claimed that I’d made some.”

“Only because you have,” Pinkie replied. “And what’s more, I’m pretty sure I can figure out a lot about you based on the mistakes you’ve made.”

“Such as?”

“Well, for starters, you didn’t do nearly enough research about what was going on back in Equestria. I mean, I know you must have snuck over once or twice, or you wouldn’t even know who Twilight is in the first place, but the fact that you obviously have no clue who I am means you couldn’t have snuck back for very long, and you didn’t do it very many times.”

“And what makes you so sure that I don’t know about you?”

“Two things. First, if you knew anything about me, you’d almost certainly have assumed that I was giving orders, not taking them. I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging, but I have a pretty solid record when it comes to national heroing.”

“Is that so?” Sunset said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Pinkie nodded confidently. “It’s so ‘so’ that you’d never call it so-so. So there.”

“Uh-huh,” Sunset replied, her voice dripping with skepticism. “And the other thing?”

“Well, if you had any idea who I was, you wouldn’t have even bothered trying to get me to switch sides—not by offering me a place as your second-in-command, anyway. The fact is, being your second banana would be a demotion, because I’m part of the top tier of bananas, and there’s no way I’m gonna split.”

“You say you’re going to be serious, and instead you give me a bad pun?”

“A seriously bad pun,” Pinkie countered. “Besides, it’s true.”

Sunset wrinkled her nose in an odd expression that looked like a cross between confusion and disgust. Admittedly, Pinkie had experienced that combination herself, but this conversation didn’t seem nearly as revolting as the compost pile Discord had tried to set up outside of Penumbra’s home two weeks ago. “Top tier? What exclusive level of society would take on a giggling...” Sunset’s voice suddenly trailed off as her eyes widened. “You’re the Element of Laughter.”

Pinkie briefly considered being coy in her response, but she decided against it. Rather, she figured that if she admitted that Sunset was right about this, she would assume that it was the only thing that Pinkie had been hiding, meaning that she could still surprise her with the guess-what-I’m-a-princess bit later on. “Well, technically I’m just the Element-Bearer, but I’m pretty sure you have the idea.” She continued speaking as Sunset absorbed this new revelation. “Anyway, I really need to get to lunch. Good luck on the Formal!”

Sunset snorted. “As if you actually want my luck to hold.”

“Oh, but I do—really,” Pinkie said with utter sincerity. “You see, if you’re really lucky, you’re going to lose this contest, which means you won’t get the Element of Magic, which means you’ll never have to find out what I’m really capable of.” Pinkie reached up and patted the slightly taller girl on the head before skipping towards the door. “Toodles!”

———————

The confrontation with Sunset had left Pinkie feeling quite triumphant, and she was more than happy to share these feelings at the meeting with her election team after school, though she did need to be more than a little vague about the actual details to get around the whole “magical talking pony” part. Still, she did manage to include her line about Sunset being “lucky” if she lost, which was good, since she was really proud of that one. Of course, not everyone was present to share in the revelry. Penumbra was too busy serving her sentence in detention, so obviously she couldn’t make it, but there was another, somewhat more troubling absence: Twilight Sparkle.

This didn’t exactly come as a surprise to Pinkie; after all, Twilight had said that she might be too busy to attend, but Pinkie still wasn’t certain whether she was genuinely occupied with her courseload, or whether she no longer wanted to associate with them, and actually asking her outright would probably just make the situation even more awkward.

Unfortunately, fixing whatever damage had been done to her relationship with Twilight was a fairly low priority. With the Fall Formal mere days away, there were still several glaring issues that needed to be taken care of.

“What do you mean, you don’t have a dress?!” Rarity exclaimed in abject horror.

“Well, I haven’t exactly had time to get one,” Pinkie said, “but I figure I might be able to find a place where I can rent a decent one.”

“Rent? Rent?!”

“Whoa there, Rarity,” Applejack said in her most calming tone of voice. “You better simmer down before you blow a gasket.”

This did have the desired effect of returning Rarity to a more rational state, though not for the reason Applejack may have been hoping for. “I hardly think you are one to lecture someone on the virtues of keeping one’s temper,” Rarity said skeptically. “Besides, I find that the occasional indulgence in melodrama livens up a discussion. In any case, a premade dress will never do; if Pinkie is to make the sort of impression needed to put her over the top, a bespoke gown is a necessity.”

“I get why going all out on the dress can help,” Rainbow Dash said as she balanced herself on the back legs of her chair, “but isn’t it a bit late to find a dressmaker?”

“Not if I clear some space on my schedule, it isn’t,” Rarity insisted.

“You make dresses?” Fluttershy asked. “I thought you wanted to be an interior designer.”

“As a career, certainly, but a girl is allowed to have hobbies, isn’t she?”

“But aren’t you still busy with the decorations for the Formal?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh, the actual creative part was finished weeks ago. Everything that’s left is simply a matter of logistics. Besides, after Sunset’s little stunt with dear Penumbra, I shall make the time to see her denied that tiara.”

———————

“Rarity actually said that?” Penumbra asked with mild incredulity.

“Well, yeah.” Pinkie had met up with Penumbra after her detention had ended, and naturally, the first thing she had done was regale her friend with every single detail of the day, from her verbal joust with Sunset to the points of the election meeting, but for some reason, Penny had singled out Rarity’s dressmaking offer for extra attention. “Why wouldn’t she?”

“I don’t know,” Penumbra said. “I didn’t think she’d get to ‘dear Penumbra’ territory that quickly, I guess. You’re sure she wasn’t just feeling motivated to help you out?”

“No doubt that’s part of it,” Pinkie said, “but you’re closer to her than I am, and I still don’t know why you think that would be surprising.”

“I don’t normally make friends quickly. It took more than a thousand years for Luna to accept me as one.”

“I did it in less than an hour,” Pinkie countered.

“Less than an hour of real-time, sure, but far longer in dream-time. Besides, you were actively pursuing my friendship.”

“And you were actively pursuing a relationship with Rarity, so it’s no wonder she would care about you. I mean, of all our friends, I think our Rarity is the one who’s most like you.”

“Indeed... maybe I should have tried to corrupt her instead of Twilight....”

Pinkie’s smile dissolved almost immediately. “Don’t even joke about that sort of thing, Penumbra.”

Penumbra rolled her eyes. “Are you seriously that paranoid about my friendship with Discord? I’m not about to slide back into villainy any time soon; I wouldn’t want to lose your friendship, or anypony else’s for that matter.”

“Good. I just needed to make sure.”

“Though it wouldn’t hurt for you to remember that Discord has forsworn villainy for the same reasons.”

Pinkie winced and let out a groan; she should have known Penumbra would bring up this particular topic after the previous night’s argument. “Look, I’d like to forgive Discord—really, I would. This would all be way, way less complicated if I could just put everything behind me and be done with it. But you didn’t see what he did to us—how he completely scrambled our personalities into fruitcake. And not the really good kind that Mr. and Mrs. Cake sell in their bakery. I mean the normal kind that no pony wants and is only ever used as a doorstop.”

However, instead of being stunned into silence by this thought-provoking reminder, Penumbra had a response at the ready: “Pinkie, by the time Discord had broken free, I had already infiltrated Twilight Sparkle’s mind. I haven’t merely learned about his misdeeds second-hoof; I saw them myself first-hoof. And what’s more, I don’t really see how his sins are any worse than my own.”

Somehow, Pinkie hadn’t thought of that. She stopped in her tracks as she tried to come up with a rebuttal that could shoot down Penumbra’s points, but the best she could come up with was that Penny hadn’t done anything directly to her, and she could tell that wouldn’t cut the mustard. Heck, it wouldn’t even cut the cheese. She looked over at Penumbra, who was staring at her intently with her unobscured eye. Trying in vain to come up with some sort of comeback, Pinkie eventually managed to force out a rather weak response. “Well... I guess that’s true, but... but he just makes it so hard.” The moment the words had left her lips, Pinkie knew that they were too desperate to be an effective counterargument.

Penumbra laid a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “It took me a while to lose some of my bad habits, too, remember? But I came around because you didn’t give up on me. That said, I’m willing to bet that it would have been much harder if your friends weren’t willing to give me a second chance as well.”

Pinkie sighed in defeat. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just wish he understood how difficult he was.”

Penumbra gave Pinkie a smirk. “There’s no need to get so discouraged. I happen to think that there’s a very good chance he’ll come around someday.”

———————

Discord let out an exasperated puff of air as he clicked on another video of a cat attacking its reflection in a mirror. For some reason, his beloved internet seemed to have lost its ability to provide him with boundless amusement, and he had no idea why. Scratch that—he knew exactly why, but he was determined to stay huddled in the sweet embrace of denial for as long as possible. Eventually, he gave up his attempts to keep himself occupied and shut his laptop so he could start pacing about the hotel room and muttering to himself.

“Stupid friendship.” As near as Discord could figure, it was friendship that was getting in the way of his continued amusement. In the past, he could have shrugged off the previous night’s argument with ease, but now that he and Penumbra were friends, he suddenly found that he actually cared about her opinion, which made it a lot harder to be a selfish jerk. This, to his mind, was a bad thing, because being a selfish jerk was a lot of fun.

Naturally, his first inclination when confronted by his difference of opinion with Penny was to get her to change that opinion. This shouldn’t have been difficult, because Penny freely admitted that he wasn’t at fault for yesterday’s bitch-slap. “She thinks Pinkie’s wrong, and I think Pinkie’s wrong, so why is she still mad at me?”

The room remained silent for several seconds before Discord groaned and slumped down into a chair. “I don’t believe this.... I’m so off my game that I can’t even come up with a snappy comeback to my own rhetorical question. At least, not without feeling even more guilty—which shouldn’t be happening in the first place, because as has been established, I didn’t do anything!”

Nothing, that is, except for needlessly antagonizing Pinkie Pie for his own amusement, but that wasn’t getting in the way of regaining the Element of Magic, was it? Of course, Penumbra had made it clear that that wasn’t the point. But why else would she be disappointed, unless... “Dear Celestia, I think she actually wants Pinkie and me to be friends. The kind of friends who actually enjoy each other’s company. But why? It’s not like we have much in common, except for being nigh-unstoppable creatures whose power with the ability to completely defy all forms of rationality. Oh, and we both like Penny. And Celestia and Luna. And playing pranks. And I suppose I do enjoy a good party, and...”

Discord trailed off as the realization struck him: Penumbra wanted him to stop being a jerk to Pinkie Pie because she really did think they could be good friends... and now that he thought of it, she might actually have had a point. “If she enjoys being friends with Pinkie, why wouldn’t I enjoy it? Pinkie’s nearly as interesting as Penumbra, after all.”

In fact, the more he thought about it, the better that the idea of genuine friendship with Pinkie sounded... he was just about to whip out his phone and call Pinkie up to make amends when another thought struck him: “She’s not going to believe me. Not after all the crap I’ve been giving her. She’ll just assume this is another twisted prank of mine—which is a shame, because it would be a great setup to a twisted prank.” Discord let out a sigh. If this “actual friendship” thing was going to get off the ground at all, he’d have to prove that he was genuinely willing to change his ways—but how was he supposed to do that?

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 13: The Night

Pinkie entered the hotel room, steeling herself for whatever glib, obnoxious commentary Discord had in store for her. When none came, she assumed he was still engrossed in one of his internet things, possibly involving repeating jokes that nobody thought were funny in the first place. However, when she glanced over at his seat, Discord was not hunched over his laptop, but instead sat drumming his fingers on the armrest as he stared out the window. His brow was furrowed and he seemed to be softly biting his lower lip. Pinkie Pie had never seen anything like this expression on his face before, either in his human or draconequine forms.

Evidently, Penumbra was more familiar with Discord’s body language, because she noticed it as soon as she followed Pinkie into the room. “Is something wrong? You look nervous.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say anything is necessarily wrong,” Discord said in a tone that lacked much of his usual confidence. “I’ve just been puzzling over the current situation.”

Pinkie briefly considered bringing up the previous night’s argument again, but decided against it, mostly because doing so would only serve to irritate Penumbra. “So, did you come up with anything?”

“Er, well, I was thinking that perhaps I could patch up the situation with Twilight Sparkle. I seem to have a knack for this whole ‘fatherly authority figure’ thing, so with my natural charm, I’d say I ought to be able to ease any worries she has about Penumbra.”

Pinkie took a deep breath and let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a sigh and a groan.

“You don’t like it,” Discord said as his shoulders slumped slightly.

Pinkie massaged one of her temples as she replied, “It’s not that it’s a particularly bad idea, but there’s not much time left before the Formal. Much as I’d like to get the counterparts of our friends together, right now we really need to focus on getting back the Element of Magic. If we had more time, I might consider it, but Twilight’s a fairly low priority.”

“But what about the Magic of Friendship?” Discord asked. “Surely that will come in handy. Isn’t that why you wanted to get Twilight involved in the first place?”

“Yeah, I know, but that was always just part of a potential backup plan in case things didn’t work out. Like you’ve always said, the three of us can handle Sunset Shimmer on our own. More importantly, Twilight doesn’t figure into any of the plans Penny’s come up with in case I lose.”

“Don’t call me ‘Penny,’” Penumbra said flatly before turning her attention to Discord. “Pinkie is, unfortunately, correct. My plans for the moment center around the three of us confronting Sunset without outside help, so it’s more important for you to come up with a reason to be near the Formal that doesn’t raise any suspicions.”

“If you say so,” Discord said with obvious disappointment.

“I do. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sunset has some tricks up her sleeve in case she loses, so really, we need to be ready for a fight no matter what happens.”

“Got it,” Discord said blandly.

Pinkie was a little surprised that Discord had given in so quickly, but then again, Penumbra was his best friend. In any case, there didn’t seem to be much point in dwelling on it. “Do you think you can come up with something?”

“Oh, that’s simple enough,” Discord said dismissively. “The real trick is going to be making sure that I’m well placed to offer my assistance if needed.”

“And do you have a plan to do that?” Pinkie asked.

“Naturally.”

———————

“So, you gonna be attendin’ the Formal?”

Rainbow Dash didn’t answer right away; instead, she took a sip of her coffee—which, as usual, she took black to offset the sweetness of her jelly donuts. “To be honest, I hadn’t decided yet. I mean, on the one hand, I should probably be there to show my support for Pinkie, but on the other hand, I risk running into you.”

Applejack nodded her head solemnly, completely understanding Rainbow’s plight. “Well, I’m sort of obliged to attend because the jazz ensemble’s providin’ the music for the night, but I’ll probably be to busy to do much of anything else, so it’s almost like I won’t be there.”

Rainbow bobbed her head from side to side as she considered this. “I guess you have a point, though I’m pretty sure other people are going to bring it up when I talk to them.”

An eavesdropper probably would have found it odd that these young women were discussing ways to avoid each other. From outward appearances, the two of them had arranged to meet at Donut Joe’s after school, without any other members of Pinkie Pie’s election team to keep their tempers in check. To some degree, this was the entire point; ever since their first lunch together, they had realized that the best way to stave off unwanted pep talks about self-respect and the need to stand up to bullying was for them to hang out in public as if they were genuinely friends. What was odd, though, was that even without Pinkie around, neither of them seemed to have much trouble keeping the conversation civil.

“Well, maybe that’s for the best,” Applejack said. “After all, the fact that we ain't at each other’s throats anymore is still the best thing Pinkie’s got goin’ for her, no matter what anyone says about Penumbra. If you’re around to remind folks of that while the actual votin’ is goin’ on, it’ll probably help out a bunch.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ve got an excuse to not spend time talking to people.”

“It’s all gonna be over soon anyway, and then we can get back to... uh...” Applejack paused as she tried to figure out how to finish her sentence. Given that Pinkie had rather definitively shown the pointlessness of their original argument, it would be rather silly to restart their constant sniping after the Formal.

Rainbow Dash must have been thinking along the same lines. “Yeah, we might as well try to keep this truce going. It’ll probably be easier when we’re not trying to make a show of it, and... well... frankly, I kind of prefer not being pissed off at you all the time.”

Applejack nodded her head. “Feeling’s mutual.”

“So, uh... you play bass?” Rainbow Dash said as she searched for some other avenue of conversation.

“Yep. Electric bass guitar and acoustic upright. My little sister sometimes jokes that I’m all about the ABCs: apples, bass, and classes.”

“Is she the one with the pink bow?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“That’d be Apple Bloom,” Applejack confirmed with a nod.

“Yeah, I think she’s friends with one of my neighbors. Her name’s Scootaloo. She’s pretty cool, for a freshman.”

“My sister, or Scootaloo?”

“Eh, I think your sister has avoided talking to me for obvious reasons, but Scoots never has anything bad to say about her. Anyway, I, uh, actually play a little electric guitar myself.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow and pushed back her hat. “That so? How long you been playing?”

“Not that long, really. I mean, I think I’ve got the three chords you need to play punk rock down, but that’s about it.”

“Well, if your performance is solid, you don’t really need much more than that, especially if you’re playin’ old school punk.”

“Whoa, hold up—I’m not really talking about performing yet. This is mostly just noodling around.”

“That’s as good a place as any to start, though.”

“Well, maybe we could...” Rainbow Dash suddenly trailed off as she remembered who she was talking to.

“Maybe we could... what?” Applejack asked.

“Er, nevermind.” Rainbow Dash glanced around the coffee shop for anything to change the subject, and to her great relief, she spotted something. “Hey, isn’t that Twilight Sparkle?”

———————

“You really should talk to Pinkie Pie.”

Surprise was being unusually stubborn that afternoon, and Twilight Sparkle was finding it really distracting. “I’m not avoiding her,” she insisted to her imaginary friend. “I really do need to work on my project.” The project, in this case, was for an elective course she was taking on computer programming. She figured that since much of the study of chaos involved simulations, she’d need to learn it eventually. “Shining Armor won’t always be around to check my coding for errors, after all.”

“That project isn’t due for a month.”

As was her usual tactic when she was on the verge of losing an argument with herself, Twilight attempted to dismiss the issue entirely. “What am I supposed to tell her? That I’ve been using Penumbra’s problems as a pretense to avoid her because she’s so much like my imaginary friend that it creeps me out?”

“Why not? It’s the truth, isn’t it?”

“She’ll think I’m a nutcase!”

“Maybe,” Surprise replied, “but from what I’ve seen, she’s just as likely to think that it’s really cool. I mean, aside from the part where you get the creeps.”

Twilight let out a near-silent groan. “I really don’t want to think about this right now....” However, life was not giving her what she wanted that day.

“Howdy, Twilight,” Applejack said as she strode up to her booth, tipping her hat in greeting. “This seat taken?”

“Uh, no... well, I guess it is now,” Twilight replied as Rainbow Dash slid into the seat across from her.

“So, I guess you really have been hitting the books,” Rainbow said as she glanced at the stack of textbooks next to Twilight’s laptop.

“Somethin’ wrong with that?” Applejack said skeptically.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Of course not. It’s just that Pinkie couldn’t tell if she was being legit over the phone or just trying to come up with an excuse not to hang around.”

“Oh, come on, she’s sittin’ right there!”

Twilight sighed. “Actually, it’s a little of both,” she admitted.

For a brief moment, Rainbow Dash and Applejack made eye contact before Applejack finally decided to sit down next to her friend—though Twilight still wasn’t altogether certain that “friend” was the right word to use in this case. “This is about Penumbra and Sunset, ain’t it?”

“Please,” Rainbow Dash said. “What else could it possibly be about?”

For a second, Twilight expected to hear Surprise’s voice in the back of her mind urging her to tell them everything, but the imaginary friend remained silent. It was conceivable that Pinkie might understand, but Pinkie was an unusual person to begin with. Thus, Twilight kept the conversation firmly within the realm of the sensible. “The whole thing was just so... unexpected that I still don’t know how to process it.”

“Look, nobody’s trying to say that Penumbra didn’t do something wrong,” Rainbow Dash said. “She let Sunset get under her skin, and her emotions got the better of her. Slapping her was stupid and immature, and even Penumbra admits it. But doesn’t everyone deserve second chance? From my point of view at least, I can’t really look down on her for thinking with her emotions instead of her head. I mean, me and Applejack were doing that for, like, a year, almost.”

Applejack nodded. “Plus, I still think there’s somethin’ fishy about Sunset Shimmer. From what you’ve said, she seems awful concerned with making sure you stay away from other teenagers, and that’s just plain weird.”

Twilight sighed. “I don’t know.... This whole Fall Formal thing is way too much for me, especially since I’m not even a student at Canterlot High anymore.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged her shoulders. “Okay, so the Formal’s making things complicated. Well, then we can just pick up where we left off when it’s all over.”

“When it’s over?” Twilight repeated. “But how could you possibly have use for what I know about Sunset once this is done?”

“Since when does that matter?” Applejack asked. “You’re a mighty interestin’ girl, Twilight. I think we’d all like to get to know you better, no matter what happens.”

Twilight scratched her head as all this filtered in. “Um... wow. That’s a... surprise.”

“No, it isn’t, because this Surprise has been telling you that forever.”

“In all honesty, I’m surprised you’re surprised,” Applejack said, her voice a little shaky. Apparently, the smirk that had briefly crossed Twilight’s face after thinking about her imaginary friend sent some mixed signals.

Twilight wasn’t quite sure how to respond. “I know you guys said I wasn’t boring when we first met, but I guess I thought you were just being polite. I mean, regardless of how strange some of the things Sunset said are, she did have a point. I’ve never really been into the same sort of things that other girls my age care about. I’m all about science fiction and comics and analyzing data for unexpected patterns. As far as I can tell, all the heartthrob beefcake actors that other girls swoon over look exactly the same.”

“That’s mostly on account of they are exactly the same,” Applejack replied. “Besides, I’m pretty sure the bedroom poster of the week is a pop singer, not an actor.”

“You know what I mean,” Twilight said.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said. “You think that nobody would want to just hang out with you because you don’t have ‘normal’ interests. But I think you’re jumping to conclusions there.”

“You mean I’m not a total nerd?”

“Oh, you’re definitely a total nerd,” Rainbow Dash said, “but you’re the cool kind of nerd. You don’t just spout off random facts to try to impress everyone with how smart you are—you’ve got, like, an actual personality to go with your smarts. You’re a cool person who also happens to be a nerd.”

Twilight was speechless. Eventually, though, she managed to squeeze out a reply. “Wow, thanks.”

“So, you might not be going to the Formal,” Rainbow Dash said as she leaned forward, “but we’re probably going to be meeting up when it’s all done. If you’re going to be free this Friday evening, you’re welcome to join us.”

Twilight grimaced. “I don’t know... I mean, I’m sure it will be fun, but I’m planning on doing some work in the computer lab at Canterlot Tech, and I don’t know if I’ll get back to this part of town in time.”

“Huh...” Applejack said. “Well, that sure is a shame. But let us know if your plans change.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

———————

Discord had a fairly simple plan to get himself close to the Formal without seeming like a creep: talk to Principal Celestia and turn up the charm until she agreed to let him attend as a chaperone. There were, perhaps simpler ways to solve his problem, but within five minutes, it became clear that this method had been the right one.

“To be quite frank, I’m glad you asked to meet with me, Mr. Discord,” Celestia said somberly as she sat down behind her desk.

Discord arched one of his eyebrows. “Is that so? Care to explain why?”

“Well, I think you might be able to break the news to Penumbra more tactfully than I could.”

“What news?”

“I’ve decided it would be for the best if she didn’t attend the Fall Formal.”

Discord didn’t react right away; while he wasn’t really expecting this, he wasn’t particularly surprised, either, as this behavior was in line with a theory he’d been entertaining. “I see.... Forgive me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you tell Penumbra that she would be allowed to attend, because this was only her first offense?”

Celestia opened her mouth as if to speak, then paused, made a nearly imperceptible shudder, and gave her answer. “That is true, however, after giving the matter some careful thought, I’ve decided it would be for the best if she didn’t attend the Fall Formal.”

Discord nodded gravely. If the shudder hadn’t been evidence enough, the repetition certainly clinched it. Principal Celestia was operating under the effect of mind control, and fairly skillfully applied mind control at that, given that her personality was more or less unchanged. It was a more subtle (that is to say, boring) variety of neuromancy than the type he preferred to use, but the telltale signs were still there, advertising their mischief to anyone who knew what to look for. He pondered his best course of action. While simply negating the neuromancy outright would be relatively simple, doing so now would only let Sunset Shimmer know that he could counter what was apparently one of her signature spells, which, in turn, might lead her to do something rash. Personally, he didn’t mind this possibility all that much, but he was nearly certain that Pinkie Pie would. Fortunately for him, the more subtle forms of mind control rarely required the use of magic to be undone.

“Would you mind explaining your reasoning?” he asked. This question was extremely important. If Celestia didn’t actually have a justification, that meant that Sunset had put a lot of effort into making sure that the principal’s mind wouldn’t be changed, either by appeals to reason or emotion, and that meant that he’d definitely want Pinkie’s approval before going ahead with any plan at all.

Fortunately, though, it seemed that Sunset Shimmer was still conserving her magic, and had used a weaker form of neuromancy. “You see, the Fall Formal is supposed to be a celebration of all the values that make Canterlot High a special place to receive an education, but with Penumbra present, the entire atmosphere will be so thick with tension that it will completely ruin the experience for those who simply want to have a good time.”

Discord had to admire the effort that Sunset had put into this scheme to keep Penumbra away from the final confrontation; she’d even managed to feed Celestia a semi-plausible argument to back it up. Unfortunately for her, that argument played right into Discord’s favor, because when mind control was attached to logic, the simplest way to undermine it was to attack the logic. “As it happens, I share those very concerns, which is why I wanted to see you today.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, you see, Penumbra loves her sister dearly, and wants so much to be at the Formal to show her support, but as you mentioned, when she acted up, she created all of this unneeded tension which threatens to make the night miserable for all involved. Therefore, I believe I’ve come up with a solution which will take care of everyone’s concerns in one fell swoop.”

Celestia seemed to find this notion confusing, likely because Sunset’s spell was preventing her from realizing that compromise was even possible in a situation like this. “What do you mean?”

“Why, you can simply allow me to attend so that I can keep her under my supervision. As long as I’m there, there won’t be any need to worry about how she might react in the unfortunate case that Pinkie loses this contest. After all, if there’s anyone who can keep Penny in line, it’s her father.”

“Are... are you sure about this?” Celestia said. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to play it safe?”

Discord gave Celestia a warm, comforting smile—it was a skill he’d picked up from her equine counterpart when he was originally created, and even if he rarely used it, he had never forgotten it. “Celestia, we’re only young once, aren’t we? Let Penumbra have that night, and all the memories that go with it.”

Celestia paused again, and suddenly blinked her eyes rapidly several times. “Yes, of course. There’s really no reason to overreact. I’m sure that there won’t be anything to worry about if you’re there.”

Discord couldn’t hide a triumphant smirk as he left Principal Celestia’s office. While it was true that nothing would stop Sunset from simply casting another mind control spell when she found out that her plan had been foiled, doing so would further drain her magic reserves, possibly to the point where Pinkie wouldn’t even need help when she faced off against her. He’d done his part to improve the situation, and this time, even Pinkie Pie wouldn’t be able to deny it.

———————

As it turned out, Pinkie Pie couldn’t find fault in Discord’s actions this time, though perhaps she could have thought of something if she wasn’t too goshdarn busy to be petty. There was just so much that needed to get done in the last few days, from fitting her dress from Rarity to doing some last minute meet-and-greets with a few of the introverts to convince them that voting in the Fall Formal election wasn’t a complete waste of time. She was so busy, in fact, that she didn’t even have time to think about whether she ought to attend with a date—in fact, the issue never even occurred to her until she found out that Sunset had snagged some eye candy from the basketball team to escort her to the party.

There were far more pressing matters at stake, such as making sure that her supporters took advantage of the early-voting period. Traditionally, the voting for the Fall Formal Princess took place during the first hour of the event, after which the votes were tallied, and near the end of the evening, the winner was announced. However, in order to allow those who couldn’t attend to participate, the polls were opened as soon as the final bell rang on the day of the Formal. Of course, seeing as how most of the students who didn’t attend the Formal usually had little to no interest in who was crowned as its Princess, these absentee ballots rarely had any effect on the contest as a whole.

In Pinkie’s case, however, they were absolutely crucial, because much of her support came from the misfits and loners who found large get-togethers like the Fall Formal to be stifling and unpleasant at best. Sunset’s supporters, on the other hand, consisted of exactly the type of student who saw the Formal as an ideal place to socialize, and Pinkie assumed that Sunset would win a majority (though probably not a landslide) of the votes cast at the event itself. Thus, her plan relied on encouraging her supporter base to actually cast a ballot at the end of the school day, instead of just shuffling off through the doors. Of course this meant that she needed to make sure that they all knew that it was even an option in the first place.

Thus, Pinkie spent the first part of Friday afternoon lingering outside the school exit, hobnobbing with her supporters, thanking them for their help, and gently coaxing several of them back inside so they could actually vote for her. It was actually somewhat stressful, because she didn’t really have any idea of whether she’d been successful—at least, not until the flood of students leaving the building thinned down to a trickle and she overheard a snippet of conversation between Vice Principal Luna and her personal assistant: “My goodness, the ballot box seems a lot fuller this year.”

Pinkie smiled allowed herself a brief, celebratory fist-pump before heading back to her hotel room. It was time to get ready.

———————

Considering the ludicrous amount of attention that had been paid to election of the Fall Formal Princess, the actual event itself was shockingly mundane. That isn’t to say that it was dull, however, Rarity’s decorations alone would have made it interesting. Reams of purple fabric were draped over everything in sight, yet somehow they looked flowing and elegant, as opposed to looking like some sort of weird high-end drop cloth for painting the ceiling. Speaking of which, several yards of the same fabric were stretched over several strategically-placed stage lights that had been moved from the school’s auditorium to the gym, which said quite a bit about Rarity’s persuasive abilities, as getting that bit of logistics approved must have been an undertaking in itself, even if Vice Principal Luna favored her as much as rumors claimed. In addition to this lovely ambience, there was a rather well-stocked buffet table, as well as an area for dancing, though at the beginning of the evening, most of the students were shuffling about around the dance area, with few brave enough to be the first out on the floor.

In any other context, Pinkie would have been that first one without a moment’s thought, but the polls didn’t close for an hour, and there was still politicking to do. So, she went around chatting up anyone who would listen with compliments on wardrobe, while doing her best to deflect any remaining comments about Penumbra’s outburst earlier that week.

This wasn’t too difficult, since such comments were few and far between, which was somewhat surprising, given that Penumbra was off in a corner, silently observing everything as best she could. After Sunset’s attempt to have her banned from the Formal fell through, she’d been expecting her to try something this evening to keep Pinkie as isolated as possible. However, when Sunset entered, draped on the arm of the captain of the basketball team, she seemed to be more concerned with projecting an image of sophistication in her slinky, shimmery red dress, which contrasted with the more playful pink gown that Rarity had designed for Pinkie. The two contestants only crossed paths once during the early part of the night, and much to Penumbra’s surprise, both were calm and civil, with apparently genuine smiles on their faces.

Of course, in retrospect, this was to be expected. After all, neither Pinkie nor Sunset wanted to stir up any trouble that could result in a disqualification, so their respective supporters spent much of the evening in a state of forced politeness that only barely covered up the actual feelings of anticipation that built through the night. For what seemed like the hundredth time, Penumbra scanned the room, to make sure that she’d kept track of the key players.

Aside from Pinkie and herself, the most important was standing near the front of the gym next to a raised platform, chatting up Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna. Discord was still wearing his vest and dress slacks, but he’d exchanged his pinstriped necktie for a solid black one that looked a bit more restrained. If everything went to Tartarus tonight, his job would be to get as many people out of the gym as he could to reduce collateral damage, preferably without doing anything too over-the-top, if that was even possible—and surprisingly, Discord had agreed to do his best to be discreet without any argument.

Penumbra continued scanning the room, noting where each of their friends were. Rainbow Dash was hanging around the buffet table, casually picking at a plate of cocktail shrimp; Fluttershy was in another corner of the gym, looking as though she was trying to decide whether it was worth her while to actually take part in any of the evening’s activities; Rarity was gliding about the room, taking in compliments about her design choices and projecting an air of elegance and refinement; and Applejack was on the platform with the other members of the jazz ensemble, playing a subdued tune on her upright bass. Obviously, none of them knew anything about “Plan B,” but Penumbra had made it clear to Discord that they were to be his first priority for evacuation if Sunset started lashing out: as Pinkie’s closest human friends, they were all potential hostages.

Voting ended about halfway through the night, and Vice Principal Luna went to a separate room to tally them. There seemed to be a bit of tension in the air, though Penumbra was aware that she might have been projecting her own opinions onto that of the crowd. After all, only four people in the room knew that this was anything more than a popularity contest. Still, it seemed to take quite a while to finish counting the ballots, though perhaps it was standard practice not to announce the winner until close to the end of the evening.

Eventually, though, Luna reentered the room and handed an envelope to her sister. As the band ended its latest song, Celestia walked up to the podium, microphone in hand. “May I have your attention, please. I’d like to thank all of you for attending this year’s Fall Formal. I’m sure the memories you’ve made here tonight will last a lifetime. There’s just one thing left to do, and that’s crowning this year’s Fall Formal Princess.” Celestia paused to let Luna join her, carrying the Element of Magic on a decorative pillow.

“I apologize that this has taken so long,” Celestia continued, “but there were more votes cast than usual this year, and this year’s contest proved to be unusually competitive. In fact, it was the closest result since my first year as your principal, and Vice Principal Luna decided to recount the final votes just to be certain. I want to commend all the participants for their efforts.” Celestia paused again to open the envelope. After taking a few seconds to read the name inside, she resumed. “It is my pleasure to announce the winner of the election and your new Fall Formal Princess... Sunset Shimmer!”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 14: Confusion

Rarity did her best to mask her disappointment as Celestia read out her rival’s name, putting on a tight-lipped smile and clapping politely as Sunset Shimmer began moving towards the podium. Deep down, of course, she’d always known that Pinkie Pie had been a long shot, if only because her strategy had been so unconventional that it was all but impossible to discern the extent of its weaknesses, leaving it with little chance of a flawless execution—and that, it seems, was precisely what had been needed.

She supposed she could take some comfort in the fact a complete outsider had given Sunset a run for her money. Indeed, earlier that afternoon, Vice Principal Luna had seemed cautiously optimistic that an upset might be possible. Given Luna’s barely concealed antipathy towards Sunset, this doubtless explained the recount—it was probably a last-minute attempt to find any votes for Pinkie that may have been missed.

That said, Rarity felt rather certain that Sunset would refuse to learn anything about humility, despite the close call; perhaps it was the triumphant look on her face as she strode towards Principal Celestia, which somehow managed to look even more smug than usual. Then again, she had won, so one would expect her to lord it over Rarity all year, despite the fact that Rarity wasn’t even eligible to compete. It was also quite possible that there was some relief mixed in with the smugness; as a senior, Sunset would be graduating this year, which meant that she’d never have to worry about facing off with Rarity in a head-to-head competition. Ah, well, it hardly matters now, Rarity thought to herself. At the end of the day, this is little more than a popularity contest. Now was not the time to mope about her loss; now was the time to begin considering her next move in their social chess match.

Thus, Rarity’s mind left the Fall Formal to ponder ways to counter the inane platform Sunset had used to secure her place on the student council. As such, even though her eyes were still open and moving their gaze about the room, she had ceased to “look” at her surroundings, and was instead merely “seeing” them. She saw Sunset ascend the stage next to Celestia. She saw Celestia accept the tiara from the possession of her sister, whose smile barely masked her obvious disappointment. She saw Celestia hold the tiara over Sunset’s head, and for a split-second, it seemed that she saw the crown begin to descend, when suddenly Rarity’s field of vision was obscured by a blast of artificial fog and the sudden descent of mounds of shining purple confetti—far more, in fact, than she remembered installing in the rafters of the gymnasium.

Before she could “see” anything else, though, Rarity felt a tug on her arm as she was abruptly pulled through the glittery chaos, whirling about and bumping into the occasional classmate. Before she could fully process what had happened, she heard a door slam shut behind her, and she was standing outside the gymnasium’s emergency exit blinking up at the stars. A half-second later, she realized that she wasn’t alone.

“What the heck just happened?” Rainbow Dash called out to nobody in particular.

Rarity looked around and saw not only Rainbow, but also Applejack and Fluttershy standing outside, looking every bit as bewildered as she did. Fortunately, Rainbow Dash didn’t have to wait long for an answer.

“What happened was that Plan A failed,” a nasal tenor said. Rarity whirled around and saw the thin, well-dressed man who’d spent the evening chatting up Celestia and Luna jamming doorstops into the gaps around the exit. It took her a moment or two to recognize him as Pinkie and Penumbra’s father.

She opened her mouth to reply, but before she could speak, he stood up and gave his own clarification as he wiped the dust off of his palms. “Pinkie wanted me to make sure you were safe if we needed to resort to Plan B.”

“Plan B?” Applejack asked. “What sorta cockamamie nonsense are you talkin’ about?”

“Let’s just say that this year’s popularity contest had more at stake than mere bragging rights.”

———————

Predictably, Sunset Shimmer didn’t immediately make her move once the tiara was resting on her brow—instead, she took a few moments to indulge in some disturbingly villainous laughter. Pinkie could have chosen that moment to make the first move, but she decided to let her opponent continue, as the extra time would not only allow Discord to make sure their friends were safe, but it also gave Penumbra more time to focus her thoughts so she could create Shadowbolts from the fog machine’s output.

Principal Celestia, on the other hand, had not expected her favorite student to break out in a fit of triumphant laughter upon winning—indeed, the standard reaction was to make a show of conspicuous humility. “Sunset?” she said quietly. “Are you feeling...”

Before Celestia could finish, the gem on the tiara glowed, and a soft orange beam hit the principal, who now stood passively next to Sunset Shimmer with a blank expression on her face. Sunset smiled. “That was even more efficient than I expected,” she remarked to no one in particular.

As the crowd in the gym began to stir, Sunset fired off a few more spells, hitting individuals at first before engulfing the entire room in an orange aura. When the glow finally subsided, Sunset was pleased to see that the overwhelming majority had succumbed to her neuromancy and were awaiting their instructions with submissive complacency. Of course, there were a few exceptions. Pinkie Pie had made her way towards the stage and was now glaring up at her as she cracked her knuckles, while Penumbra stood behind her, her eyes closed with a hand to her temple, likely preparing for her opening move. This, however, Sunset had expected. After all, Princess Celestia would never be so foolish as to send anypony who was susceptible to mind control to face her. On the other hand, Sunset hadn’t expected any of the local residents to resist her, which is why the voice from behind her startled her.

“What on earth is going on here?!” Vice Principal Luna exclaimed. “Celestia? Why are you just standing there? Snap out of it!”

Sunset shot a bemused glance behind her. “Huh... and here I thought my magic simply wasn’t powerful enough to sway you. Turns out you’re actually resistant to neuromancy. Fancy that.”

“What?!” Luna exclaimed, but before she could get anything out, Sunset snapped her fingers, and two members of the jazz ensemble grabbed her by the arms and pulled them behind her back while a third member began tying her up. Meanwhile, a fourth student ripped some purple fabric draped on the stage and stuffed it into her mouth.

“I’ll deal with you later,” Sunset said coldly. “Right now, I have more pressing matters to attend to.” She turned forward and looked at Pinkie. “You’re awfully calm, considering that you’ve lost. I take it you already accepted defeat?”

“No, we’re going to kick your butt one way or the other,” Pinkie replied matter-of-factly. “We’re just trying to keep the mess from getting out of hoof. That’s why I’ve decided to give you another chance to give up.” Pinkie knew perfectly well that Sunset wouldn’t take it, but Discord hadn’t returned yet, so she was happy to stall for more time—though for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what was taking him so long. All he had to do was get their friends far away and come back, which couldn’t be that hard. He’s probably slacking off again. Figures.

———————

Unbeknownst to any of the major players, one of the doors at the back of the gym had cracked open, and four sets of eyes were expectantly peering through it—and they did not like what they saw.

“What in tarnation is goin’ on?” Applejack asked. “Why are they all just standin’ there? And why ain’t Principal Celestia helping her sister?”

Discord was standing some distance away, trying his best to coax the girls to someplace less dangerous. “I assure you, ladies, that there is a perfectly logical explanation, but unfortunately, I have no time to give it to you.”

Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to hear him. “Well, why are we standing around here? Let’s get back in there and help.”

“No!” Discord shouted as he rushed over and managed to wedge himself between the girls and the door. “No, no, absolutely not, no! The situation is far too dangerous, which is why I need to get you four to safety. And when I say ‘safety,’ I mean ‘any place that isn’t here.’”

“Oh...” Fluttershy said. “Well, if you’re sure it’s that bad...”

“I am not entirely certain that it is,” Rarity said. “I’ll grant you that the people in there are acting strange, but is it not also strange for a father to be trying to aid his daughters in fighting over a tiara?”

Discord sighed. His initial plan to shuttle Pinkie’s friends away before they became too curious had fizzled out. Clearly, they’d need to know some of the truth. “It would be strange, except I’m not their father, and the fight is over something far more powerful than mere costume jewelry.”

“What?!” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Pinkie, Penumbra, and I aren’t from around here. In fact, we’re not even from this universe. We come from a world where magic is commonplace. Sunset Shimmer is from our world as well, and she’s been living in exile here for years. Because of some very boring technical reasons, she hasn’t been able to use magic in this world very efficiently, but she believes the tiara will make her more powerful. And, given how many people are now under the influence of her mind control, it looks like she was correct.”

“Mind control?!” Rarity asked, shocked.

“Yes, mind control. Kind of like hypnosis, except with mind control you don’t actually need your subject’s consent to mess around in their head. Now, can we please get you somewhere safe?”

“Oh, come on,” Rainbow Dash said. “You don’t expect us to actually believe that, do you? Everyone knows there’s no such thing as magic.”

Discord let out a groan, rolled his eyes, and snapped his fingers. The five of them vanished in a puff of smoke, only to reappear moments later in the parking lot of Donut Joe’s.

“What in tarnation was that?” Applejack asked.

“Magic,” Discord replied, “and fairly simple magic at that. Or do you perhaps think that this is some sort of elaborate practical joke? Because if you have another explanation for how we all transported here so quickly, I’d love to hear it.”

Applejack puzzled this out a bit before giving in. “Okay, fine, ya got me. How ’bout the rest of y’all?” she asked the others, who were too dumbfounded to come up with anything.

“Excellent,” Discord said. “So, now that you all know that there’s going to be magic flying all over the place, you can retreat to your homes, where nobody will need to worry about any of you being held as hostages, and I can return to assist Pinkie. Sounds good?”

“Uh, no.” Rainbow Dash said. “Our friends are in trouble, and you expect us to just sit it out? No way.”

“I must agree,” Rarity said. “If Sunset Shimmer is truly as dangerous as you imply, Pinkie will need assistance from someone who has been dealing with her for years.”

“My parents didn’t raise me ta just sit back an’ watch someone get hurt if there was somethin’ I could do to help,” Applejack said.

Discord turned to Fluttershy. Surely she, of all people, wouldn’t be willing to rush into a dangerous sitation. “How about you?”

“Um... well, it does sound really scary... but... if Pinkie’s in trouble, I don’t think I could bear to just sit at home and wait until it was over.”

Discord groaned. He wanted to obey Pinkie’s orders—he really did. This was how he was supposed to show that he was serious about changing his ways, after all. But these girls seemed hell-bent on getting involved despite the risks. “This is a friendship thing, isn’t it?” he finally asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“You’re all going to head back there no matter what I do, because Pinkie and Penumbra are your friends, right?”

“Well, obviously,” Rarity said. “Not to mention the fact that Sunset likely has many of our other friends under her sway, if indeed she is controlling their minds.”

Discord sighed. “I figured as much. The trouble is, I’m not sure if you can help without becoming a liability.”

“A what now?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“He’s worried that if Pinkie’s gotta worry about us, she ain’t gonna be able ta focus on Sunset,” Applejack said.

“More or less...” Discord admitted. “Still... I suppose there is one thing you can do that might help out...”

“Great!” Rainbow Dash said. “What is it?”

“Well, first of all, we need to find Twilight Sparkle.”

———————

Sunset was starting to feel a bit confused, and confusion was not in her game plan for the evening. By all rights, Pinkie Pie should have been at least a little bit intimidated, but she had sounded so confident when predicting her victory that it was unnerving. Meanwhile, Penumbra was just standing beside her with her eyes closed and an almost serene look on her face. “Are you truly this foolish?” Sunset said, hoping that her voice matched her opponent’s in tone. “I hold all the cards! The Element of Magic is mine, the student body is mine to command, and most importantly of all, your friends are...”

It was then that Sunset scanned the crowd and realized two things. First, Pinkie’s human friends were nowhere to be seen. Second, neither was Discord. “They’re gone...” she said, momentarily stunned. She turned her attention back to Pinkie Pie. “You’ve just been stalling for time!”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Well, duh.”

“Find them!” Sunset ordered the mass of students. “Now!”

A few teenagers voicelessly began to move towards the exits, but within seconds, all the fog that had been hanging around the gym suddenly floated ahead of them, where it coalesced into large, menacing figures wearing dark suits and wrap-around sunglasses. They stood with their arms crossed over their chests, each looking like a cross between a bouncer and a bodyguard. A few teenagers tried to muscle their way past, but when pushing and shoving failed to move these newcomers, most of the students seemed befuddled as to what to do next.

Sunset looked back at the center of the gym and now saw the remaining fog consolidating behind Penumbra, who, she now saw, had raised an arm towards the ceiling and opened her eyes, which had take on an eerie glow. There was apparently only enough fog left for three more goons, who were noticeably slighter than those who had been designated as roadblocks, but all of whom looked reasonably athletic.

Sunset’s eyes narrowed. The students may have outnumbered these new forces, but they still looked quite formidable. As her strategy relied on keeping the playing field as uneven as possible, her first instinct was to attempt to turn this new development against her opponents. With a few seconds of concentration, she sent out another wave of neuromancy... which did nothing. “What the hell?”

“I take it you’ve never had to deal with golems before,” Penumbra said with a smirk.

“But... but how?”

“I already told you,” Penumbra said. “I am The Nightmare. These are my Shadowbolts, and they are precisely the reason I was considered dangerous in the first place.”

“You think mere puppets will be enough to stop me?!”

“No,” Penumbra said, shaking her head slowly, “but fortunately, Pinkie Pie can.”

Sunset Shimmer wondered how Pinkie could possibly top Penumbra’s feat, but she didn’t have to wonder for long, as Pinkie was suddenly engulfed in a bright pink light. When it subsided, Pinkie’s dress lay in tatters on the floor, and a svelte, winged unicorn stood in her place, her very presence radiating confidence.

“You... you’re an alicorn?!” Sunset said as her eyes widened.

Pinkie grinned mischievously. “Surprise!”

———————

Twilight Sparkle pushed her chair away from the desktop in the computer lab and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The program she’d been coding for her project still wasn’t working correctly, and she was fairly certain that the problem was more than a mere mistyped character, but she still had to make sure that none of her lines contained a typo before settling on that conclusion. It was a slow, tough slog, and it wasn’t helped in the slightest by the fact that her mind was on an event she’d never wanted to attend in her life. She glanced at the clock. The Fall Formal should be ending soon... and they did say they wanted to hang out afterwards....

“Right,” Surprise said, “so you should leave to meet up with them now.”

“But there’s still work I need to do,” Twilight replied. “And it’s not like they need me around—not tonight, anyway.”

“Twilight!”

Twilight looked up in time to see Rainbow Dash and Applejack burst into the room, nearly knocking over an unused workstation and earning themselves irritated looks from the other students present. For her part, Twilight was so startled that it took her a few moments to notice that both of them were still wearing formal dresses, which, she supposed, made sense, though if this was for an informal hangout, she’d have thought that they would have changed first. Then again, if they were in enough of a hurry to risk damaging others’ property, perhaps they wouldn’t have had time to get changed... but what on earth could justify running all the way across town just to talk to her? “Rainbow Dash... Applejack... Is something wrong?”

“There’s a lotta somethings wrong right now, but this ain’t the place to talk about ’em,” Applejack said. “Mind savin’ your work and headin’ outside for a bit?”

Still somewhat confused, Twilight agreed, and was soon even more confused when Rainbow Dash gathered up all her things after she rose from her workstation.

“Trust me,” the blue girl said, “you don’t wanna leave your stuff unattended. This, uh, might take a while.”

Twilight slung her backpack over her shoulder and left the building with the pair, following them to a rarely-used bench on a windowless side of the computer science building, where she saw Rarity and Fluttershy waiting for her, along with... “Mr. Discord?!” Twilight exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“The full answer,” he replied, “is long and complicated, and right now we don’t have the luxury of time. The short answer is that the situation at the Fall Formal went badly. Very badly.”

“What do you mean? Are you saying that Pinkie lost?”

Discord shrugged. “Well, yes, she did, but that’s largely inconsequential compared to what happened next.”

Twilight was still trying to figure out what he was talking about. “So? What happened? Did Penumbra get violent again?”

“Good heavens, no!” Rarity said. “Or at least, as far as we know, she hasn’t yet.”

Fluttershy nodded. “She did seem to be rather calm when we last peeked into the gym.”

“Well,” Twilight said, “then what else could have gotten you to come all the way here to find me?”

“Uh, well, when Sunset won, she sorta... took over,” Applejack said awkwardly.

Twilight scratched her head, “What’s that supposed to mean? She’s become the center of attention?”

“I suppose one could put it that way,” Rarity said, “if one was prone to understatement.”

Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. “Okay, look, I get that something odd’s going on, but I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

The four girls looked at each other, as if hoping that one of them would come up with a decent explanation... but they ended up passing the buck to Discord. “He said you’d be able to help,” Rainbow Dash said, jerking a thumb towards the well-dressed man.

“Well?” Twilight said. “How about it?”

Discord sighed. “Twilight Sparkle, do you believe in magic?”

“What? Of course not. There’s no evidence that it exists.”

“Really? Well, then, would you consider a gymnasium full of mind-controlled students evidence, then?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I know it’s important for parents to support their kids, but your daughter loses a popularity contest, and you’re jumping to far-fetched ideas about brainwashing?”

“It’s not brainwashing. I know brainwashing when I see it—indeed, I’ve done it myself in the past. Trust me, brainwashing takes far longer than three seconds. What Sunset Shimmer has done is neuromancy—the use of magic to alter the thought processes of others.”

“Okay, you know what? I don’t have to listen to this. I thought you were all interesting, but now it’s clear that you’re just plain nuts.” Twilight started to turn away from the assembled group, but Discord stopped her.

“Wait... perhaps a demonstration will convince you to reconsider.”

“If you seriously think I’ll be fooled by some sleight-of-hand—”

“Of course you won’t be,” Discord interrupted her. “But fortunately, this isn’t sleight-of-hand.”

Before Twilight Sparkle could protest further, Discord snapped his fingers twice, and the six of them vanished.

———————

“You’re an alicorn.” Sunset Shimmer’s voice was flat as she repeated her statement, as if stating the obvious in a blasé tone would make it easier to dismiss.

“It’s more or less a prerequisite for becoming a Princess of Equestria,” Penumbra said drolly.

“Princess?! But... I thought Twilight Sparkle was the one who was being groomed to be the new princess.”

“She was,” Pinkie said. “But it turns out Celestia didn’t need to use her original plan to finish the job. Twilight and I fulfilled the requirements together, and we were crowned in the same ceremony. So, now that you have a better idea of who you’re really up against, I’ll give you one more chance to surrender and come back to Equestria quietly.”

For a moment or two, it seemed as if Sunset was seriously considering this offer, but she soon started shaking her head slowly, revealing a little smile in the process. “Okay, as impressive as that was, it’ll take more than some shapeshifting to convince me that you’re really an alicorn. If you’re really as powerful as an Equestrian princess, why on earth would you have bothered with this silly election?”

“Well, I was sort of hoping to avoid making the locals upset,” Pinkie said. “Oh! That reminds me...” She turned her attention to the bound and gagged Vice Principal Luna, who was staring at the scene with utter incomprehension painted on her face. “Don’t worry, Luna, you aren’t going crazy. I really am a magical talking horse. So is Sunset, actually,” Pinkie added, gesturing a hoof towards her adversary. “And she’s just using mind control to make everyone else do bad things for her. I’m sure they didn’t really mean to tie you up. I’ll be able to explain everything after I win.”

Luna began to respond with a panicked moan through her gag, but Sunset interrupted her. “You think you can just take me for granted?! The Element of Magic makes me the most powerful unicorn who ever existed!”

“Yeah, that’s definitely not true,” Penumbra said.

“And why the heck are you still human?!” Sunset asked her with growing agitation.

“Why are you?” Penumbra replied.

Sunset didn’t respond right away; instead, the Element of Magic began to glow, emitting an orange aura that completely engulfed her, lifting her up into the air; when it had subsided, she’d undergone a transformation of her own, her appearance changing from that of a normal human to a winged demon-like creature who hovered over the gymnasium, staring at Pinkie with malicious hatred.

Penumbra leaned over to Pinkie Pie. “I take it we’re going to stop waiting for Discord now?”

“Yeah,” Pinkie replied with a nod. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“Wait, where’s the promise part?”

“Don’t need one,” Pinkie said as she flapped her wings and rose into the air. “I just said I hoped to fly, didn’t I?” She rose to Sunset’s eye level and stared down her opponent. She briefly considered granting herself more abilities to make the fight shorter, but she decided against it. After all, there was no telling what Sunset’s own magic was doing to this world’s magical stability, and there was still no reason to risk making things worse unless she had to. Indeed, even if this world was resilient enough to take the full force of her own abilities, there was always the chance that Sunset would decide to wreak as much destruction as she could muster before going down. No, Pinkie still needed to hold back, even now—it was for the best.

“Now you will see my true power!” Sunset exclaimed. “Attack!”

Sunset formed a ball of what Pinkie could only assume was white, glowy ouchiness between her palms and flung it in her direction. Of course, all her years as an imaginary pegasus had given Pinkie plenty of experience with a pair of wings, so she dodged it easily. Instead, the ball hit one of the purple tapestries on the gym wall, leaving behind a shower of sparks and a singed, blackened ring. For her part, Pinkie elected to take advantage of the considerable earth pony magic she had in addition to her imaginary friend magic by relying on physical strength, at least for the moment. Dodging and weaving around the projectiles that Sunset was now throwing at her, she slammed directly into Sunset Shimmer, causing the she-demon to tumble end-over-end in the air. This only incapacitated her for a few seconds, but that was all Pinkie needed, as she flew behind Sunset, positioned herself carefully, and proceeded to buck her opponent in the shoulders.

The plan worked exactly as intended, and the Element of Magic flew off of Sunset’s head into the crowd below—but when Pinkie looked down, she saw the students were still attacking the small cadre of Shadowbolts that had now formed a circle around Penumbra. Given that the Shadowbolts were actual soldiers fighting off an untrained rabble, this situation wasn’t particularly dire, but Pinkie couldn’t figure out why Sunset’s spell hadn’t worn off once she was without a tiara. Any further speculation was cut short by another glowing ball that clipped the tip of her tail. She looked over to see Sunset rocketing towards her, another projectile at the ready. Pinkie was quite sure that there was a logical reason why Sunset didn’t seem to be hampered without the Element of Magic, but she was equally sure that theories could wait until after this mess had been cleaned up.

Of course, cleaning up would have been much easier if Discord had returned. Where the heck is he?

———————

Discord and his five companions rematerialized on the lawn outside of Canterlot High’s gym. Four of those companions looked somewhat unsteady, but quickly regained their composure. The fifth companion fell to her knees and looked like she was on the verge of hyperventilating.

“What... what was that?!” Twilight exclaimed in a tone that was close to panic.

“Teleportation,” Discord said. “As your friends discovered a few minutes ago, it’s one of the most efficient ways to demonstrate that magic actually exists. Real magic, that is, not sleight-of-hand and misdirection.”

Twilight, however, seemed less willing to accept this explanation than the others. “That’s ridiculous; there must be some sort of explanation. You... you could have access to some sort of classified technology, or—”

Twilight was cut off when one of the doors of the gymnasium suddenly flew off of its hinges, followed shortly by a bright yellow-white ball of something that didn’t behave in quite the way that plasma was supposed to behave. As the ball of energy embedded itself in a nearby embankment before fading to nothingness, Discord turned back towards her. “Well, I suppose it’s theoretically possible that Principal Celestia has invented photon torpedoes in her spare time and chosen to hide them inside a gymnasium that’s still in active use, but I, for one, think that magic is a far more sensible explanation.”

“Is that a... pink horse flying around in there?” Rainbow Dash asked as she peered through the now-open door.

Discord let out a sigh. “That would be Pinkie Pie in her true form,” he said, “and the proper term in her case is ‘pony,’ not ‘horse.’”

“What?” the girls all exclaimed.

“Well, you see... hey! Get back here!” Rather than waiting for any further explanation, the five of them had made their way to the door to get a better look. Fortunately, Discord managed to pull them away before anyone inside noticed them.

“Alright, I’m guessing you’ll want a more detailed explanation, then?”

“Yer darn tootin’, we will,” Applejack said.

“Great,” Discord said as he rolled his eyes. “Okay, here’s the fast version. Pinkie is actually a magical talking pony from another dimension. So is Penumbra, and so is Sunset, who has been exiled in your world for years. Sunset recently stole an important magical artifact, but for whatever reason, when she got here, it ended up being the prize for this little popularity contest of yours.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. “Did her plan involve switching the original for a fake?”

“Quick on the uptake, I see,” Discord said approvingly.

“How’d you guess that?” Fluttershy asked.

“It’s quite simple, darling,” Rarity said, “Sunset obviously pushed for a new tiara for the competition specifically so she could commission a high-quality reproduction of this object.”

“Okay, so now that we’re all here, how do we help Pinkie and Penumbra kick some butt?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, since I assume that the sight of Pinkie flying around in pony-form is enough to convince you that I’m not completely pulling this from nowhere, I can go on to explain that there are five ponies back home who bear a striking resemblance to the five of you, right down to their names, and they are five of Pinkie’s closest friends. That’s why she had such a good grasp on all of your personalities, and yes, Twilight, that’s why she reminds you of Surprise.”

Twilight looked absolutely gobsmacked. “How could you possibly know about—”

“That’s exactly the sort of detail that can be resolved later, after we’ve thwarted Sunset Shimmer’s plans. Now, together, Pinkie and her friends wield the Elements of Harmony to defend Equestria using the magic of friendship.”

“The ‘magic of friendship’?” Rarity asked skeptically.

“Yes, I know it sounds silly, but trust me, it’s really potent stuff, to the point where I’m fairly confident that you’ll be able to do some good with it. Now, the Element of Magic has been entrusted to my world’s Twilight Sparkle, which is why I think that you,” — he paused briefly to point at the human Twilight — “will be able to undo this damage if you manage to get that tiara and put it on. The rest of you will probably have to do some sort of mystical friendship thing to help out, but if you follow Pinkie’s lead there, you should be fine.” Discord finally stopped talking, and for a moment, all five girls were silent.

“Um, Mr. Discord?” Fluttershy asked.

Discord let out a sigh. “There’s no need for the ‘Mr.’ I’m not really an authority figure of any kind.”

“Oh. Well, um, if Pinkie’s a pony, and Penumbra’s a pony, and Sunset’s a pony, and the versions of us from your world are ponies, does that mean...” Fluttershy trailed off, but it was obvious how she’d intended to finish her question.

“No, I’m not a pony myself,” Discord answered.

“So what are ya, then?” Applejack asked.

“Okay, we definitely don’t have time to go into that,” Discord said. “I need an answer from you. Either you guys get the Element of Magic and undo all the insanity, or you all need to get somewhere where you won’t be hurt, because if we have to do this the hard way, it could get ugly.”

“I’m in,” Rainbow Dash said without hesitation.

“Pretty sure most of us already agreed to be ‘in,’” Applejack said.

“Well, of course,” Rarity said, “but now we know the details.”

“I, um, don’t think I’m going to change my mind, though,” Fluttershy said, “unless Twilight doesn’t want to, because it doesn’t sound like we can do much without her.”

Twilight, though, still looked distressed. “This... this is absolutely insane! Even assuming that everything you said is true, there’s no way I can possibly pull if off. Half an hour ago, I wouldn’t have even thought that magic could exist, and now you’re asking me to go up against someone who’s been using it her whole life?”

“You wouldn’t be by yourself,” Discord said. “This is friendship magic we’re talking about, and you’d have all your friends supporting you.”

“That’s the other thing—these girls are nice people and all, but I’ve only known them for a few days. How could that possibly be enough to make this ‘magic of friendship’ thing work?”

“A few days?” Discord exclaimed. “Twilight, your counterparts had only known each other for a few hours when they used friendship magic for the first time. I’m sure that’s enough to make up for your inexperience.”

“But...”

“Look,” Discord said with exasperation. “I get that you’re confused and possibly a little bit scared, and I wish I could reassure you by explaining every single detail of exactly who we are and what’s going on, and why I don’t think this will be a complete disaster, but the fact is that we just don’t have time. Twilight, we need you right now. If Sunset Shimmer succeeds here, your whole world might be in trouble—and ours, for that matter. I know it’s asking a lot, but if you put your trust in your friends—and believe me, they are your friends—you can do this.”

Twilight was silent for a few seconds, and then turned to the other girls. “Do you guys really think of me as a friend?”

She was met with a round of reassuring nods.

Twilight let out a sigh. “Okay... let’s do it.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 15: Ablaze

Pinkie Pie had had enough.

She’d given Discord plenty of time to get her friends to safety, and she couldn’t think of a good reason to think he hadn’t succeeded—it was a really, really simple task, after all. Sure, he hadn’t returned yet, but there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for that: he was goofing off and doing his own thing again. And why should she have expected otherwise? This was Discord, after all. Doing his own thing was his entire “thing.”

Pinkie glanced down at the floor of the gym and saw that Penumbra and her Shadowbolts were still in a stalemate with the students of Canterlot High. She still couldn’t believe that Discord had the nerve to call Penny his “friend.” He doesn’t know the first thing about friendship. Friends don’t leave friends behind like this. Clearly, the draconequus was due for another tongue-lashing when this was all over, but first, Pinkie had a she-demon to take down.

As she returned her attention to dodging Sunset Shimmer’s attacks, Pinkie analyzed the situation. Okay, pro: Sunset doesn’t seem to be shooting too many balls of explodey magic at the students, so they should be pretty safe as long as I stay in the air. Plus, I knocked off the Element of Magic, so that should mean that Sunset’s magic reserves will drain faster. Con: Everybody’s still brainwashed. I guess the hard part of neuromancy is casting the spell in the first place, and keeping it going is easy. This was certainly a major problem, but as a ball of mana grazed one of her wings, Pinkie thought of a bigger one. This demonic form seems to be a lot better at using magic than her human form. Indeed, as she thought about it further, Pinkie realized that Sunset might not actually need the Element of Magic anymore, though Pinkie certainly didn’t want her to get it back. There was no more time for lollygagging; she needed to get aggressive.

When one has the nigh-unlimited resources of imagination at one’s disposal, one has many and various options for smiting one’s enemies, even when those enemies are power-mad, trance-inducing she-devils. Pinkie, however, was still committed to keeping the residual effects of magic to a minimum, so she went with the simplest method she could think of: She bum-rushed Sunset Shimmer as fast as she could and body-checked her into the ceiling of the gymnasium. This seemed to leave Sunset looking a bit dazed, though relatively unharmed. This was good; after all, Pinkie didn’t actually want to hurt her opponent any more than necessary, so knocking her unconscious would be the ideal way to end this. Before Sunset could fully recover, Pinkie had already slammed her into a wall. She was moments away from bucking her into the floor when suddenly—

“Pinkie, stop!”

For a brief moment, Pinkie thought that Sunset was perhaps pleading for mercy, but the cry was, in fact, Penumbra’s, and when Pinkie followed her friends extended finger to the stage, she saw what prompted it. Principal Celestia stood with one arm wrapped around her sister and the other holding a sharp-looking serving fork near Luna’s jugular vein.

Sunset Shimmer regained her composure and let out a laugh. “This, I believe, is the part where I win,” she said confidently, “because if I lose, we all get to see the contents of one of the Vice Principal’s major arteries.”

“What?” Pinkie exclaimed. “You didn’t give an order like that!”

“You seriously think that neuromancy requires orders to be verbalized?” Sunset said. “As soon as I realized that Luna was resistant, I sent out the instructions to have her killed if it looked like you were about to defeat me.”

It was around this point that Pinkie began to wish that she’d taken Penumbra’s initial suggestion of just stealing the tiara a bit more seriously. Sure, she’d anticipated that her friends might be taken hostage, but somehow, the possibility that other potential hostages might be around had slipped her mind. “But... that’s so pointless and violent!” Pinkie said. “You... you can’t really mean that!”

“Why wouldn’t I?” the she-demon growled. “I’ve no use for a human whose mind I can’t control.” Sunset flashed a toothy grin. “I see that Equestria’s princesses are still overly sentimental. This woman is of no importance, yet your immediate reaction is to stop what you’re doing to try to save her. Equestria will never be truly safe until someone pragmatic is in charge.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, I suppose we’ll have to agree to disagree,” Sunset said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She turned her attention to the floor below. “Someone get me my tiara!”

The mind-controlled students responded with some shuffling around as some of them abandoned their attempts to get past the Shadowbolts surrounding Penumbra to start scanning the floor for the errant crown. Within seconds, someone was holding the tiara aloft in the air and Sunset began her descent to retrieve it. Pinkie realized that she had only a few seconds to make a choice: attack Sunset again and risk harm to Luna, or allow her to regain control of a powerful artifact and possibly escalate the conflict. For a moment, the sheer magnitude of the decision froze her in place... but only for a moment. After all, she was a princess, a genuine authority figure, and with authority there came the need to make tough choices. Pinkie Pie, the Princess of Spirit, steeled her resolve... just in time for her decision to be rendered completely irrelevant.

Sunset was less than halfway to her minion when a red blur streaked across the length of the gymnasium, knocking the tiara out of the student’s hand and back into the crowd. Sunset turned to see where the projectile had come from, and saw a tall, well-dressed man standing in the now-open door of one of the gym’s supply closets, leaning against a large wheeled container filled with dodgeballs with a cocksure grin on his face.

“Last I checked, that tiara belonged to somepony else,” Discord said as he casually pulled another ball out of the container and began to spin it on his index finger.

Sunset opened her mouth to reply, but Discord’s second ball smacked her in the face before any words could emerge.

“Conversation over,” Discord said, chucking yet another ball towards Celestia and knocking the serving fork out of her hand. “Dodgeball now!” He whipped the wheeled container out of the closet and began pushing it towards the center of the room, pausing briefly to chuck a dodgeball at any student who appeared to be on the verge of getting the upper hand on one of Penny’s Shadowbolts. Soon enough, he’d reached his best friend.

“No eggnog?” Penumbra asked.

Discord chuckled as he lobbed a dodgeball towards Celestia, who had managed to find another sharp object to menace her sister with. “Oh, goodness, no. This situation isn’t quite that bleak yet.”

“So, what took you?” Penumbra asked as she reached into the basket for a sphere of her own to throw.

“Convincing the girls to stay away turned out to be far more difficult than anticipated,” Discord said as he slammed a ball into the sternum of a burly-looking jock, “as evidenced by the fact that I failed completely.”

“What?!” Penumbra said, stunned. “They’re here?”

“Why do you think I’ve been making such a commotion?” Discord said as he reached out and caught a dodgeball that had been hurtling towards his head. “They needed a distraction to get back inside unnoticed, so I’ve provided one.”

It was then that Penumbra spotted Rainbow Dash making her way around the edge of the gym. She was fairly certain that she would have picked out the others as well, but she decided to avoid looking for them, lest Sunset notice who she was staring at. “I presume they have a plan?”

“Of course. They’re going to get the tiara to Twilight Sparkle.”

“What? Is she—” Penumbra cut herself off. “Who am I kidding? Of course she’s here.”

———————

When Sunset Shimmer noticed that the fog machine had reactivated, she initially assumed that Penumbra was preparing to create more golems. She managed to divert her attention away from Pinkie, who was still fighting her (albeit with somewhat less intensity than before), in order to shout a new command to her troops. “Somebody turn that thing off!” She pointed towards the offending machine... and was stunned to see Rarity crouched by the device, refilling a reservoir with fluid. “Never mind! Grab h—”

Sunset couldn’t finish the order because Pinkie had flown up behind her and muffled her with one of her forehooves. “Rarity!” the pony princess called out. “What on earth are you doing here?”

“Is it not obvious? We’re helping you!” Rarity called back before scooping up a stray dodgeball and pelting a student who was closing in on her position.

“We?” Pinkie repeated, bemused.

Any confusion was cleared up seconds later. “Got it!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she picked up a curved object from the ground.

Sunset managed to tear herself away from Pinkie’s grasp. “Bring me that tiara!” she shouted.

The students began to converge on Rainbow Dash, who retreated towards one of the corners of the gym. However, when it seemed that they were nearly upon her, she tossed the tiara across the gym, just under the surface of the haze and into the waiting hands of Applejack, who twirled it around on her finger like a gunslinger from an old Western.

The students changed their focus, moving away from Rainbow Dash and towards their new target, but just as they were about to reach her, Applejack shouted, “Go long, Rainbow!” and hurled the tiara towards a relatively isolated part of the gym. For her part, Rainbow Dash was no longer encumbered by the crowd’s attempt to close in on her, and was able to break away from the few stragglers and sprint to where the tiara was headed with ease.

The two of them continued this back-and-forth several more times, until Sunset Shimmer managed to dodge out of the way of one of Pinkie’s attacks in time to intercept the object of her desire. “Finally!” she shouted as she held her prize aloft. “Now nothing can... stop... me?”

Now that it was no longer shrouded by artificial fog or whizzing through the air, Sunset realized that the tiara in her hands wasn’t the Element of Magic. In fact, it wasn’t even a tiara at all. “A horseshoe?!” she exclaimed in astonishment.

“It’s amazing what you can find in a gym’s equipment closet,” Discord said as he took a brief break from pummelling his opposition.

“Huh...” Pinkie said as she hovered near the gym’s ceiling. “I thought people would’ve played that game with human shoes in this world. Weird.”

“But why go to all this trouble?” Sunset said. “Unless...” The she-demon’s eyes widened as she suddenly realized what was going on. “Where’s the quiet one?!”

“I’ve got it!” Fluttershy suddenly cried as she rose from beneath one of the catering tables with the real Element of Magic in her hands and started racing towards the gym’s rear exit.

“Don’t let her escape!” Sunset shouted.

“Oh, she ain’t tryin’ to escape,” Applejack said with a smirk.

For a brief second, Sunset seemed to be confused. Then, when she looked at the doorway a second time, she saw Fluttershy handing the Element to the last person she wanted to see. “Twilight Sparkle,” Sunset said, and this time, there wasn’t even a hint of astonishment in her voice. She held out a hand, and her forces ceased their assault, save for a few in the center who were tasked with countering the occasional cheap shot that Discord tried to fire off during the lull.

Twilight Sparkle’s hands were shaking as she took the tiara from Fluttershy and rested it awkwardly on her brow. “I once respected you, Sunset,” she said to the hovering... thing that used to be her next-door neighbor. “I trusted your opinion when you said that trying to make friends my own age was a waste of time. But now... now it’s obvious that you didn’t want me to have friends! You were worried I’d be able to use this thing like the Twilight from your world, so you tried to convince me I was better off as a loner! Well, guess what? It didn’t work.”

Sunset’s mouth twisted into a snarl as she suddenly whirled around and fired off a beam of orange mind-warping magic towards Rarity, who had been attempting to make her way towards Twilight around the edge of the gym. Her aim was true, and if the glow was any indication, the spell was powerful, but it dissipated moments away from impact.

“All right, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash shouted as she arrived at the college student’s side. “That must be the friendship magic stuff. You can totally do this!”

Applejack arrived seconds later, followed by Rarity. “Thank you very much, darling,” Rarity said as she took her place beside her friends. “Now, let us rid ourselves of this nuisance, shall we?”

Sunset Shimmer merely scoffed. “Don’t make me laugh. Without any magic training, you’re going to need five others to make that thing do anything even remotely offensive. You’re one short.”

“You must be really bad at math,” Pinkie said as she landed in by Twilight’s side and folded her wings. “She’s got everyone here she needs.” Pinkie Pie had finally realized what Discord must have been up to during his absence, and though she still wasn’t sure if it was worth the risk, she had to admit that this was quite possibly the only option left before she’d be forced to deal with Sunset the messy way.

“How do I do this?” Twilight asked nervously.

“Don’t worry,” Pinkie replied. “Friendship magic isn’t like the formal magic Sunset uses; it’s more about emotions than theories, so it’s super-intuitive. The five of us just need to concentrate on our friendship with you, and give you all the positive energy we can, then you just take all that energy and focus on undoing all the damage she’s done.”

A sudden flash of light brought everyone’s attention back to Sunset, who apparently had taken a page from Discord’s book and attempted a cheap shot of her own during the brief conference.

“C’mon, Twi,” Applejack urged, “take her out before she does something drastic.”

“Right,” Twilight said with a nervous nod. She took a few deep breaths, forcing herself to calm down as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the friendship she’d cultivated with the girls—and the talking pony—by her side. The jewel in the tiara began to glow. New appendages that resembled pony ears and tails suddenly appeared on Twilight and her human friends. The jewel’s glow increased as Twilight began to focus her thoughts.

Sunset looked like a wild animal staring rapidly approaching headlights, unsure whether to try and dodge or to charge forward in a last-ditch attack. Discord chucked his last dodgeball at a nearby student and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Here we go...” he said gleefully.

The glow of the jewel was now so bright that Twilight could see it filtered through her eyelids. Time to end this, she thought to herself. With all the willpower she could muster, she “pushed” the energy towards Sunset. The jewel brightened... and then it flickered and suddenly returned to its normal state, like burnt-out incandescent light bulb.

It took a few moments before everyone realized what happened. A wave of relief washed over Sunset’s face, which was almost immediately replaced by a victorious grin and a sickening cackle. However, if she had any sort of villainous bon mot at the ready, she didn’t get the chance to make it, as Pinkie Pie had already taken flight and slammed her against the ceiling.

Discord allowed himself a second of confusion before teleporting by Luna’s side to attempt to wrest her from the clutches of her mind-controlled sister. The Shadowbolts resumed their fight with the student body as Penumbra prepared her mind to create more golems to join them from the extra fog Rarity had released into the room. The rest of Twilight’s friends looked at each other, bewildered. The magic had definitely been real—they still had the ears and tails to prove it—but none of them had any idea why it their plan hadn’t worked.

For her part, Twilight’s first thought was to give up and run away. The plan had been completely ludicrous from its inception; there could hardly be a novice with less experience in the field of magic than she had. Clearly, the logical thing to do was to get this thing as far away from Sunset as possible, so that she couldn’t use it to make the situation even worse. “We did everything we were supposed to,” she thought to herself, in an effort to justify what felt like an act of cowardice, rather than sensibility. “Pinkie found this world’s version of all her friends, didn’t she?”

“No... she didn’t,” Surprise suddenly answered from within Twilight’s mind. “I mean, she found all of her friends, but she didn’t find all of Twilight’s. She never got in touch with this world’s Pinkie Pie.”

“Oh, come on,” Twilight said. “We have no idea where our world’s Pinkie Pie could be, and even if we did, there’s no time for me to form a real friendship with her.”

Surprise let out an oddly comforting giggle. “You don’t need to worry about that. After all, I’m already your friend, aren’t I?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t Discord say there was a reason why Pinkie reminds you of me? Well, the reason has to be that I am Pinkie.”

“But... but you’re a part of me! How can you possibly count as a separate friend?”

Surprise, however, didn’t waste any time trying to come up with an answer. “Pinkie just said that friendship magic was intuitive, didn’t she? Well, I have access to your intuition, and it says that I’m right. Come on, try again, and this time, imagine that I’m doing the same thing all the other girls are doing. Throw in the ears and tail, if it helps.”

“But...”

“But you’re scared,” Surprise said in her most reassuring tone. “I know. But your friends won’t give up on you. They haven’t run away yet, after all.”

Twilight looked around and saw that her imaginary friend had been right. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy—they were all surrounding her, waiting to learn what she wanted to do next.

“Okay, Surprise,” Twilight thought, allowing herself a sliver of a smile. “I’ll give it another go.”

“Atta girl!”

Twilight took another deep breath and addressed her friends. “Let’s try again,” she said.

“Right,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just give us a few seconds to get Pinkie’s attention—”

“That won’t be necessary,” Twilight said. “At least, I’m pretty sure it won’t.”

“What are you talking about, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, concerned.

“I... well, let’s just say I have a theory I want to test out.”

“Well, if you think it’s worthwhile, I see no reason why we shouldn’t make a second attempt,” Rarity said.

“Anythin’ we oughta be doin’ differently?” Applejack asked.

“No,” Twilight said. “I’m pretty sure the problem was on my end. Just do what you did last time, and everything should work out.”

“You sound really confident,” Rainbow Dash said

“Yeah...” Twilight said. “I do, don’t I? Anyway, let’s get this done now, while Pinkie has Sunset distracted.”

For whatever reason, the second attempt felt... better than the first. This time, Twilight sensed the energy from her friends much more clearly, and when she began to imagine Surprise joining in, the sensation blossomed into an almost euphoric feeling. It was as though Twilight felt weightless, and as she cracked open an eyelid, she realized it was because she and her friends were now floating above the ground. As Twilight opened her eyes fully, she managed to make eye contact with Pinkie Pie, who smiled broadly and abandoned her fight with Sunset to assist Discord with freeing Luna. Penumbra, meanwhile, released a smile of her own as she broke off her preparations to make more Shadowbolts, instead having her existing golems clear a path towards Discord and Pinkie, mostly to make sure she didn’t get in the way.

Sunset turned towards Twilight and her friends just in time to see a beam of rainbow-colored magic rushing towards her from the tiara’s jewel. It pinned her against the wall as the colors increased in intensity and began blurring together into a pure white. The students on the floor suddenly stopped their attacks, turning their heads back and forth between their ostensible leader and the silhouettes of five teenage girls, whose features were now almost indistinguishable in the glare that was rapidly engulfing the entire gym.

In the midst of all this activity, hardly anybody noticed a sixth silhouette of a girl with a rather familiar curly hairstyle in the second or two before the light became so bright that it overwhelmed everything else in the room. Pinkie Pie, Penumbra, and Discord, however, were hardly mere “anybodies,” and in the last moment before everything went white, the three of them shared a knowing grin.

———————

It worked.

Once the omnipresent glare had subsided, not only was everyone back in their right minds, but Sunset Shimmer had passed out on the floor, which meant that she wasn’t able to use whatever magic reserves she had left to fire off some last-ditch spell. Of course, there were plenty of questions that needed to be answered, such as “What the heck just happened?” and “What is a talking pink horse doing here?”

Once she was ungagged, Vice Principal Luna was able to answer the first question reasonably well enough, particularly since most of the student body did actually remember what had happened; they just wouldn’t have believed their memories if some sort of authority figure hadn’t backed them up. Pinkie, meanwhile, had an even clearer reason for why she was still in her pony form: her dress had been destroyed, and all of her experience told her that humans had fewer problems with nudity when the unclothed being wasn’t a fellow human. The presence of a magical pony also made it much easier to accept the idea that Pinkie and Penumbra were from a completely different world altogether, as was Sunset.

Once the students had accepted that they hadn’t had some sort of collective hallucination, there was a half-hearted attempt to kick-start the festivities again, but even Pinkie Pie could tell that Sunset had knocked all the wind out of the Fall Formal. Thus, her night ended in Celestia’s office, as she explained everything that had gone on in far greater detail. One thing was certain, though: Sunset had to return to Equestria. For one thing, Celestia knew from experience that it didn’t take much magic to be an effective neuromancer in a world that didn’t believe in it. Similarly, without a widespread belief in magic, it would be nearly impossible for them to prove that Sunset had actually done anything illegal, even though it was obvious that she’d wronged many people.

Thus it was that the following day, Sunset stood under the watchful eyes of Discord and Penumbra as Pinkie Pie tapped out her signal on the statue where she’d entered this world. They hadn’t been able to find any handcuffs to keep her restrained, so they’d made do with zip ties, but Sunset seemed to have more or less accepted her fate, though her attitude was still one of haughty defiance.

Of course, the four Equestrians weren’t the only ones present; as soon as she finished tapping out the rhythm of her favorite song, Pinkie turned around to talk to the human friends she’d made. Even though none of them had really gotten much sleep the previous night, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy all looked remarkably alert, which was probably a lingering effect of the friendship magic. Individually, they’d all said their goodbyes several times over, but one more collective goodbye for the road couldn’t hurt. “It’s been a blast getting to know all of you,” Pinkie said with a smile. “I promise to get in touch once I find a reliable way to communicate. Who knows? I may even be able to properly visit someday. This seems like it would be a nice place when you aren’t trying to deal with evil magicians.”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say that we’re glad you came, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said.

Pinkie’s grin widened. “Group hug!” This six girls immediately embraced in a lump, along with Discord and Penumbra.

“Oof! Why the hell are you getting me involved with this stupidity?” Sunset Shimmer asked grumpily as she ineffectively tried to squirm away from the group.

“Because we aren’t dumb enough to let you out of our sight for any reason,” Penumbra replied.

“Actually, before you go, there is one thing that’s kind of been bugging me,” Rainbow Dash said as the hug finally disintegrated. “Discord, Last night, you mentioned someone called Surprise while you were rushing through your explanation of this Everquest place. Who is that?”

Discord couldn’t help but smirk; the three Equestrians had briefly discussed how to bring up this topic, but this was far more convenient than anything they’d come up with. “Well,” he said as he shifted his weight slightly, “I could answer that, but I’d say that Twilight could give you a much more thorough explanation.”

“Me?” Twilight said, looking around as if there was another Twilight present that Discord might be referring to. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Somehow, Discord’s smirk managed to become even cheekier. “Is that so? Well, then maybe you can explain why Pinkie Pie seemed so familiar to you, then.”

“Oh, well... I can’t really put my finger on it, now that you mention it, but I guess she vaguely reminds me of someone, but I can’t tell who.”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “You don’t have to tell us who, because from your reaction last night, it’s pretty obvious that it’s this Surprise person.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, still obviously confused.

“Well, Discord was all like, ‘Pinkie reminds you of Surprise, right?’ and you were all like, ‘OMG WTF?!’ and then Discord went on to the next thing because he didn’t have time to actually explain to the rest of us what the heck he was talking about.”

“I... I guess that is what happened, now that I think of it,” Twilight admitted, “But I have no idea why. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone named Surprise.”

The conversation was interrupted by a giggle from the other side of the statue. “Just because you’ve never met me,” said a voice that sounded almost identical to Pinkie’s, “doesn’t mean you don’t know me.”

Intrigued, Twilight followed the voice around the statue until she saw a white-skinned girl with a messy blonde hairdo leaning against the plinth with a huge smile on her face.

“Hiya, Twilight. I bet you never expected to see me here. Or to see me at all, for that matter.”

Twilight fell to her knees as she realized who the girl before her was. “Surprise? Is it really you?”

“Yepperoonie,” the girl said, “though technically, my full name is Surprise Party. Pinkie told me it’s really important for an imaginary friend to add something to their own identity when they leave their creator’s head.”

Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie. “You were the other Twilight’s imaginary friend?”

“Bingo,” Pinkie said. “She actually named me Surprise, too.”

“Wait,” Twilight said as she looked between the two girls, who could have been palette swaps of each other, “if Surprise is this world’s version of you, why didn’t she name herself Pinkie Pie?”

“Because I wanted to be different,” Surprise said with a shrug. “Besides, I was in your head for a lot longer than she was in her Twilight’s head, so you had more time to polish my personality. It’s only natural that we wouldn’t be exactly the same.”

It was at this point that Sunset suddenly interjected. “You’re a thoughtform?!” she said to Pinkie, her voice full of equal parts exasperation and disbelief. “But... but that goes against all the known rules of magic! You have to be lying!”

“Oh, for crying out loud, why would she start bluffing now?” Penumbra said with a sneer.

“Besides, you didn’t really think that all the rules of magic are actually known, did you?” Discord added.

Sunset looked like she wanted to say something further, but all that came out of her mouth was a high-pitched creaking noise.

“In any case,” Penumbra said, “it looks like the portal is open, and it seems that Twilight and her new... or rather, her old friend have quite a bit to talk about. We should really be going.”

Pinkie agreed, and after a final round of hugs and goodbyes, Penumbra and Discord disintegrated into a mist which flowed into Pinkie’s voluminous hairdo. “C’mon, Sunset,” Pinkie said, tugging on her captive’s arm. “Princess Celestia wants to talk to you.”

———————

The first thing that Pinkie noticed upon emerging back in the Archives was the crowd of guards surrounding her, or rather, surrounding Sunset Shimmer. Apparently, when her clothing had sublimated in the portal’s ether, the zip ties that had been binding her arms disappeared along with them, and she’d immediately tried to make a break for freedom. Then again, even if she’d managed to slip past the guards, Sunset probably wouldn’t have been able to get far, as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were also present, and they immediately surrounded Sunset in a magical field that prevented her from teleporting away.

The next thing Pinkie noticed was that none of her friends were present, though this could perhaps be explained by the lit torches on the wall and the darkness outside the room’s windows. Still, there was no point in speculating, mostly because it was easier to just ask for more information. “Hiya, Celestia! Hey, Luna! Where’s everypony else?”

“They returned to Ponyville when it became clear that you were going to take more than a few hours to retrieve the Element of Magic,” Luna said. “You, uh, do have it with you, correct?”

“You betcha!” Pinkie replied as she reached into her mane and pulled out the tiara.

“Excellent,” Luna said as she took the Element and looked it over. “We shall send word to Twilight at once. I know she’ll be quite glad to have this returned. Now then, is Penumbra alright?”

“I’m fine,” Penumbra said as she coalesced beside Pinkie. “I, er, just wanted to make sure there were no unexpected complications from the return trip.”

“Of course,” Luna said, nodding solemnly. “Now, if I am not mistaken, my sister appears anxious to speak with your... guest.”

“It is good to see you again, Sunset, though I wish it was under better circumstances,” Princess Celestia said, stepping forward

Sunset remained silent, letting her icy glare do all of her talking.

“Much has changed since you left,” Celestia continued. “The threats we faced then turned out to be more... complicated than expected.” She briefly made eye contact with Penumbra before returning her attention to Sunset, who remained silent.

“Given the circumstances behind your exile, I am willing to listen to your explanations for your actions,” Celestia went on. “If you truly regret your past mistakes, I am also willing to consider granting you some degree of absolution and forgiveness.”

Sunset stared Celestia directly in the eye. “I might be willing to take you up on that, if I had done anything that needed to be forgiven.”

Penumbra let out a loud groan and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s a load of crap.”

“We’ll let the courts decide that,” Celestia said somberly. “Guards, outfit Ms. Shimmer with a magic inhibitor and take her into custody.”

“The stuff she did on the other side of the mirror alone is probably worth several years in Tartarus,” Penumbra said as Sunset Shimmer was led out of the room.

Luna scowled a bit at this remark. “One should not speak so lightly of Tartarus. That place is reserved to those who can’t be safely housed in the normal prison system.”

“Well, given that we brought her back here specifically because she’d still be a huge threat if she was in a human prison, it might be something to keep in mind.”

“Human?” Luna asked quizzically.

“We’ll explain it all later,” Pinkie said. “But for now, you only need to know two things. First, these humans are really susceptible to magic, which is why Sunset was trying to brainwash an army for herself with neuromancy. And second... well...” Pinkie paused and looked around sheepishly her fellow princesses. She knew what she needed to say, but actually admitting it was turning out to be somewhat difficult. She bit her lower lip for a second or two before she managed to finally speak: “If it wasn’t for Discord, things could have been much worse.”

“Discord?!” Celestia said, shocked.

“Oh, come on!” Discord said as he popped into reality on top of a nearby bookshelf, pouting with his arms crossed over his chest. “You knew I was saving my reveal for the most dramatic moment possible. You could have at least tried to goad Celestia into saying that she missed me!”

Pinkie let out a sigh. “I know that the timing could be better, but I wanted to apologize in front of some other ponies.”

“Apologize?” Discord asked warily.

“Yeah...” Pinkie said. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said you’d reformed. I should have trusted Penumbra when she told me I needed to give you a chance. Last night, I assumed you were just goofing off when we needed your help, but I was wrong. More importantly, you didn’t just prove your good intentions last night; you also proved your good judgment. You may have been in favor of just using brute force at first, but you also were the only one who recognized when it wasn’t going to be effective anymore, and you tried to convince Penumbra and me to try something else. Plus, you were also the one who actually figured out how to defeat Sunset, and you did what needed to be done to make sure it happened. I was judging you based entirely on how you treated ponies in the past, and even though I’ve given others in the same position the benefit of the doubt, and that was wrong.”

Oddly enough, Discord didn’t have a rejoinder at the ready. Instead, he stared at Pinkie in quizzical silence for several uncomfortable seconds.

Pinkie let out a sigh. “I guess what I’m saying is... I’m willing to put the past behind me, because... well...”

Penumbra rolled her eyes and jumped into the conversation. “Quit stalling and just say it, Pinkie.”

“I think I’d like to be your friend,” Pinkie blurted out. “That is, if you’re willing to give me a chance.”

Discord broke into a smile. “Indeed I am. Apology accepted. Now then, since none of your other friends are here, what say the three of us pop back to Ponyville and salvage what’s left of my prank before word leaks out?”

Pinkie looked at Penumbra for a few moments before showing a grin of her own. “Let’s do it.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Epilogue: The Wait

Sunset Shimmer’s face was blank as the cell door slammed shut behind her, mostly because she wasn’t about to give the guards the satisfaction of seeing any of the emotions that roiled beneath her calm surface. As she’d expected, her trial had been a fait accompli from beginning to end, though not for the reason she assumed it would be. Instead of trying to prove all of nasty things that Pinkie Pie had accused her of doing in the human world, Princess Celestia had decided to try her for the “crimes” she’d committed in Equestria, which revolved around the incident that had caused her self-imposed exile in the first place.

Of course, there never should have been anything controversial about it. Okay, sure, she’d used neuromancy to make a squad of guardsponies go AWOL in order to search for an ancient artifact, and most of them had gotten killed before the spell wore off, which was technically supposed to be treated as a capital offense, but there were clearly extenuating circumstances. After all, the prophesied return of Nightmare Moon had been imminent, and there was no reason to think that the Elements of Harmony would be found in time, no matter what Celestia insisted. Sunset Shimmer needed a backup plan, and she’d acted accordingly. Unfortunately, the jury was composed of easily-swayed simpletons who returned with a unanimous verdict of “guilty” within less than six hours, and now she was in a maximum-security prison with particularly resilient magic inhibitor attached to her horn, while Nightmare Moon walked free!

After peering outside her cell to make sure nopony was watching, Sunset bucked one of the walls in frustration at the blatant miscarriage of justice. She didn’t care if there were restrictions on the Nightmare’s freedom; the mere fact that she was allowed to be among the common ponies at all was an affront to decency. At least the trial resulted in Penumbra Noctis’ true identity becoming public knowledge, so hopefully she was now being treated like a pariah instead of an upstanding member of society, but Sunset rather doubted that was going to happen. Not if ponies weren’t pragmatic enough to see that her actions were perfectly justified, despite the sob stories of her surviving “victims.”

Ignoring the pain that shot up her leg, Sunset sat down on her haunches and stared at sterile gray walls of her cell, stewing in her own indignation. Eventually, though, her urge to throw a tantrum subsided, and she could finally take stock of her predicament; despite the bleakness of her situation, she did have several things going for her. First, despite the Nightmare’s rather tasteless remarks upon their return to Equestria, she hadn’t been sent to Tartarus. That meant that she would still be allowed to know about the outside world, which meant that she’d be allowed to request reading materials, and there was no reason to think that these materials couldn’t include treatises on magical theory, particularly if she demonstrated that she wouldn’t attempt to tamper with her inhibitor.

Second, and far more importantly, she knew that thoughtforms were more than just fanciful cautionary tales to keep young unicorns from getting in over their horns when dabbling in the unknown. They were real, and Pinkie Pie was one of them. In retrospect, this had to be the reason why she had been so confident in her eventual victory, even if that victory had to be “messy.” At the end of the day, it was only Pinkie’s desire to protect those hairless chimpanzees that had led her to hold back. The whole time, Sunset had been completely outgunned... but that wouldn’t be the case next time. Next time, she’d be properly informed. Sure, there was no way that she’d be allowed access to any classified information, but a unicorn of Sunset’s caliber wouldn’t need to have everything spelled out for her in order to formulate workable theories.

And no matter what the judge had said, there would be a next time, because there was no way Sunset Shimmer was going to spend the rest of her days rotting in a cell. All she needed was patience... and a little imagination.

Author's Note

Yes, I know, it's another sequel hook. I was hesitant to include this sort of ending before, ~~mostly because I have no idea when I'll get around to writing the implied story,~~ but still, it does clear up the one possible misconception I think someone might have about the ending, which the idea that Sunset Shimmer is going to be stoically serving out her sentence. Anything else, like showing Discord's reveal to the Mane 6, would just be a rehash of things you've already read, so I deemed it unnecessary.

(EDIT: I got around to writing that sequel.)

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.

Chapter 1: Reappear

Pinkie Pie bounced through the streets of Canterlot, humming an upbeat tune to herself while keeping an ear out for an opportunity to break into a show-stopping musical number. She wasn’t sure why, but the residents of Equestria’s capital seemed far less inclined to join in such displays of emotional exuberance than did those who lived in Ponyville, despite the fact that musical theater was way more popular there (as evidenced by the fact that they actually had a theater district). Perhaps the high population density also meant that there were more folks like Cranky Doodle Donkey who tended to suck all the life out of an improvised production number, or maybe the local theater unions frowned upon amateur productions in the streets. Or, Pinkie thought to herself, maybe the ponies in Ponyville are just more used to being around ponies like me.

If that was the case, then perhaps this was something Twilight Sparkle would be interested in, being one of the leading experts on ponies like Pinkie Pie, even if only a year ago, she’d had no idea that there needed to be a separate category in the first place. In fact, one year ago, Twilight Sparkle, like everypony else, had been under the impression that Pinkie Pie was a normal, if eccentric, earth pony. Indeed, to most ponies, she still appeared to be exactly that (at least when she wasn’t shapeshifting), though by now the fact that she was really a magically unbalanced alicorn was common knowledge, if the fact that nearly everypony in Canterlot recognized her as a princess was any indication.

What most certainly was not common knowledge was the fact that there had been a time when Pinkie Pie hadn’t been a real pony at all, but rather the imaginary friend of a certain precocious unicorn filly until Rainbow Dash’s first Sonic Rainboom had interfered with that filly’s entrance exam at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. She and Twilight still weren’t entirely certain how it happened, but their subsequent research and discoveries seemed to indicate that massive amounts of magic were needed to pull it off successfully.

And oddly enough, it had been pulled off successfully several other times, but as was the case with Pinkie’s materialization, none of those instances had been intentional... well, unless Penumbra counted. Once upon a time, Penumbra had been The Nightmare, a fearsome creature who, once upon an even earlier time, had been a set of paranoid contingency plans that Princess Luna had developed in the event that her older sister went rogue, but had ended up corrupting her instead. The Nightmare’s path to her present state was long and convoluted, but it had ended with a tense standoff inside the mind of Twilight Sparkle and a substantial reduction in her magical power. It was this incident that had transformed Twilight and Pinkie from unicorn and earth pony to alicorns (and had paved the way for their eventual coronation as Princesses of Equestria), and had finally allowed The Nightmare to fully materialize as Penumbra Noctis, another unbalanced alicorn who usually looked like a pegasus. In an act of extraordinary magnanimity, Celestia and Luna had granted her clemency, but on the condition that she remain under the watchful eye of Pinkie Pie, who could monitor her for potential relapses into her previous behavior.

At the moment, though, Penumbra was waiting for Pinkie at Celestia’s palace along with Twilight and the four other Element-bearers. Rainbow Dash had requested donuts, and Pinkie had insisted on acquiring them from Donut Joe’s shop personally, rather than sending some guard on an errand. Ostensibly, this was so she could mingle with her subjects, thus fulfilling an important duty as one of Equestria’s princesses. In reality though, she simply wanted to mingle with her subjects because mingling was really fun, especially when you had access to a royal allowance large enough to buy a round of donuts for a restaurant full of strangers.

But all good things had to end, and Pinkie had official business to attend to. Her return had been free of the usual distractions that would normally have taken up her time—again, possibly due to the lack of openings for musical numbers—and she soon found herself bouncing through the cavernous hallways of the palace towards a large conference room, where her seven best friends were in the midst of conversation.

“Who wants donuts?” Pinkie Pie called out as she burst through the doorway, holding aloft a cardboard box of delectable sugary goodness. She had hardly finished the sentence before Rainbow Dash had flown from her chair and grabbed the box from Pinkie’s outstretched hoof, extracting several jelly-filled pastries as she set the remaining donuts in the middle of the large table.

“Fanks, Pinkeh,” Rainbow Dash said through a mouthful of jelly and powdered sugar.

“Hey, uh Pinkie?” Spike said as he stood on his tiptoes to have a look at the remaining donuts. “Did you remember to get—”

“A chocolate donut with raspberry frosting and sapphire sprinkles?” Pinkie finished. “You bet I did. After all, what are twin sisters for?” She slid the specially-prepared treat over to the dragon before turning her attention to the rest of her friends. “So, what have I missed?”

“Nothin’ much, really,” Applejack replied as she bit into an apple fritter. “Twi just gave us the rundown on what y’all are gonna be talkin’ about, but you already know about all that.” She paused to savor the taste of the fritter, as if she were judging it for a competition. “Hmm... if I didn’t know any better (and I don’t), I’d say somepony was usin’ Red Delicious apples for somethin’ other than lookin’ pretty.”

“Aw...” Pinkie said as she slowly dragged one of her forehooves across the polished marble floor. “I thought you’d like them.”

Applejack swallowed and took another bite. “Well, it ain’t like it’s particularly bad. It’s just that in our family’s line of work, you end up with a pretty high standard for apple recipes.”

“Um, getting back to your summit, there’s something I was wondering,” Fluttershy said, speaking up as she perused the contents of the donut box.

“What about?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Well, I know that you’re all still dealing with the aftermath of Trixie’s... um... plans, but what about Trixie herself? She’s definitely going to need some help getting back on her hooves.”

“Well, staging a coup doesn’t really help with a pony’s popularity,” Rarity said as she inspected the plain cake donut before her for defects. “Though I suppose we must make a rather notable exception for Twilight.”

Twilight blushed hard at this mention of her abortive takeover attempt. “That was just a series of misunderstandings.”

“And to be fair, she was also dealing with me at the time,” Penumbra added as she brushed aside the locks of her wavy black mane that usually hung over her right eye and bit into a cruller. “This is delicious, by the way,” she added, though her dark blue face retained the slight scowl that passed for a neutral expression in her case.

“Um, okay,” Fluttershy said uneasily as she attempted to redirect the conversation back where she had wanted it to go. “But still, we did all promise to help her out, didn’t we?”

“I suppose that’s true,” Twilight admitted, “but that’s really more of a problem that we have to solve. I don’t see why we need to get the entire government involved. We’ve got plenty to deal with at the top level. Isn’t that right, Pinkie?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Of course. We need to deal with the, er, things, that, uh, we’re here to be talking about. And stuff. Could you just, um, go over it one more time?”

“Pinkie,” Twilight said with obvious irritation in her voice, “didn’t you read that synopsis I sent you?”

“Er, not really. I just figured I’d ignore it and just get the gist from listening to everypony else talking about it, but I ended up taking a bit longer getting the donuts than I expected.” The others in the room all stared incredulously at her for a few seconds before she tried mounting a defense: “What? It’s how I managed to get straight B’s in school without really trying. When you have a super-smart creator who makes you as smart as she is, it’s really easy to coast.”

Twilight sighed. “Well, to put it simply, this summit has less to do with cleaning up the mess than it does with establishing ground rules for the next mess. Apparently, there was a little too much ambiguity about which princess was in charge last time, so all of us are going to put our heads together to formalize some contingency plans. Does that sound familiar?”

“Vaguely...” Pinkie responded as she tapped her chin with one of her forehooves. “So... why are our friends here again?”

“Mostly on account of how all these plans assume that we’re dealin’ with the kind of emergency where the Elements come into play,” Applejack said.

“Oh, right.”

“I still don’t see why I need to be here,” Penumbra added grumpily. “I’m neither a princess nor an Element-bearer, and quite frankly, my time and energy would be better spent forging clouds.” Indeed, most of the rare occasions when Penumbra indulged in any outward expressions of positive emotion occurred when she was working at Cloud Nineteen, her bespoke cloudsmithing service. She really did seem to take quite a lot of pride in her work.

“You know perfectly well that you’re a princess in all but title,” Twilight said. “And even if you weren’t, simply being a duchess would give you some significant responsibilities in any case.”

“Actually, that reminds me of something that’s been bothering me,” Rarity interjected. “Why exactly are you continuing with your business now that you’re part of the gentry? Surely your subjects are obliged to give you some financial assistance.”

Penumbra stared blankly at the fashionista for a few seconds before answering. “Rarity, I’m the Duchess of Everfree. There’s only one resident whom I could demand resources from, and so far, I’ve had to accept Zecora’s taxes in the form of tribal knickknacks. Besides, I enjoy cloudsmithing; it helps me clear my mind.”

“Oh...” Rarity said awkwardly. “That... that’s right, I suppose you would need to clear your mind to help cope with your... er... loss.”

Her phrasing was extremely evasive, but everypony (and dragon, for that matter) knew exactly what Rarity was talking about. Despite Discord’s official return to “good guy” status, and his unexpected display of selflessness when he sacrificed himself to save Celestia after the final battle against Trixie, most of the Element-bearers had difficulty accepting that the draconequus had ever risen above the level of “massive jerk” before passing away, despite the fact that Penumbra had obviously come to consider him a close friend before his untimely demise.

Pinkie Pie, of course, knew otherwise. Oh, she wasn’t about to argue with any claims of Discord’s jerkitude. Rather, the mistake her friends had made was to assume that Discord was still gone, when in fact, he was currently crashing in Penumbra’s home. Pinkie Pie knew this because Penumbra’s home was inside of her head.

———————

Discord leaned back in his armchair as he idly thumbed through the dog-eared pages of his copy of The Life and Times of Ahuizotl for the umpteenth time. His eyes glazed over as he stared at the words without making any effort to read and comprehend them; by now, he knew more about Ahuizotl than half of the archeology faculty at the University of Baltimare. “Ugh! This is almost as bad as being a statue!” he said to nobody in particular as he chucked the book into a wastebasket and began pacing around Penumbra’s living room, trying to think of something to do that didn’t involve causing gratuitous damage to his best friend’s home.

This was very important, not just because he valued Penumbra’s friendship, but because Penumbra’s home also happened to be located inside Pinkie Pie’s mind (or to be somewhat nerdier, the non-corporeal space that her imagination had cooked up as an audiovisual/sensory representation of her mind), and at the moment, he really needed to stay on Pinkie’s good side. Not only was she capable of kicking him out at a moment’s notice, but even worse, she might tell her friends that his untimely death had been considerably less permanent than most, thus utterly ruining the greatest prank ever. Fortunately for him, Pinkie placed a very high value on Penumbra’s happiness; otherwise, she might not have let him inside her head in the first place. Still, Discord knew that his status as the one of the few people that Pinkie Pie actively disliked made his position precarious.

Oh, he supposed he understood Pinkie’s concerns, what with his reputation for stabbing his friends in the back when he didn’t get his way and his tendency to flagrantly ignore the safety and wellbeing of others for his own personal amusement, but this time he really did have every intention of turning over a new leaf. Penumbra was just too interesting to be cast aside for something as petty and trivial as, say, absolute power, but he supposed it was reasonable for Pinkie to have some trust issues. He had, after all, once turned her into a cynical grump.

Penny, on the other claw, needed no assistance in achieving grumpy cynicism, as she demonstrated by bursting through her front door and slamming it behind her. “I hate friendship summits,” she announced as she flew over to her couch and landed abruptly on the cushions.

“I take it the meeting was boring?” Discord asked with feigned nonchalance as he glanced over his shoulder, doing his best to hide his relief that the most interesting pony he’d ever met was finally back home.

“Oh, the meetings haven’t even started yet. No, the first evening is devoted to ceremony.” The disgust that Penumbra injected into the last word would have made a normal pony think that this involved raw sewage, or perhaps one of Sweetie Belle’s attempts at cooking.

“They made you get involved in some sort of ceremony? But the last few times you were complaining to me, you pointed out how you’re ‘neither a princess nor an Element-bearer.’”

“You’re right; I’m not, which is why I got saddled with the press conference.”

“Ooh... this sounds good—er, I mean, it sounds positively dreadful and miserable, and not in the least way amusing,” Discord replied, hurriedly correcting himself. He was fairly certain that Penumbra was about to start ranting, and her rants were fun... so long as you weren’t the subject.

“They get twenty minutes to ask questions about what’s going on, but they only wanted to know about me. What was I doing there? Why am I only a duchess if I’m technically an alicorn? Why is there no record of my existence that goes back more than six months? Gah! The nosy little twerps had plenty of chances to ask that sort of thing when I was invested in my title, but there was nary a smidgen of curiosity then.”

“Well, to be fair, most aristocrats are insufferably dull,” Discord said. “It probably wasn’t obvious at the time that you’d be a member of the Equestrian Defense Squad.”

“The what?”

“You know, the tight-knit circle of ponies that does all the things that other countries use their militaries to handle. Well, except for actually fighting battles in the field of combat, though you and your Shadowbolts could give them a run for their money in that department.”

“In any case,” Penumbra continued, “this sort of thing wouldn’t be a problem if I could just lie my way out it.”

This admission surprised Discord, though perhaps for atypical reasons. “You really don’t think you could improvise a consistent cover story?”

“Discord, these are journalists we’re talking about, and ones who were expecting to speak to somepony with considerably more prestige than me. If any of them were sufficiently annoyed enough to actually check my claims, I wanted to be sure that they couldn’t prove I was lying.”

“Couldn’t you just change the records so they reflected your story, though?” Discord asked.

“Hmph,” Penumbra groused. “You don’t seriously think the princesses would go that far to protect me from my past, do you?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t need to bother the other alicorns,” Discord said as he floated behind her to whisper in her ear. “I could change things with a snap of my claws.” He demonstrated, causing a thick manila envelope to appear in midair.

Penumbra sighed. “You know, you really need to give up your little attempts at temptation. It’s a bad habit, and the sooner you get over it, the better.”

“I can stop any time I want,” Discord replied with a scowl as the envelope spontaneously combusted. He floated back to his recliner and landed with a flatulent thud, quickly tossing away a deflated whoopee cushion before he crossed his arms indignantly. “Besides, the only reason the word ‘temptation’ even applies is because I was suggesting something naughty. If I had been trying to get you to do something good, you’d have called it ‘persuasion’ and you’d be bragging to Pinkie Pie about my moral progress.”

“Feel free to keep telling yourself that,” Penumbra said, “but if Pinkie Pie had been here, she would have flipped her lid.”

Discord lifted his snout towards the ceiling and sniffed derisively. “My point still stands.”

“You had a point?”

“Just because I don’t know what the point was doesn’t mean it isn’t standing.” Of course, now that Pinkie Pie had been mentioned, another thought occurred to the draconequus. “Say, where is your warden, anyway? I haven’t heard anything interesting over the radio for a while now.” Discord idly gestured towards the large, antique radio that occupied a prominent spot in Penumbra’s living room, from whence he could listen in on whatever noises were entering Pinkie’s ears at any given moment.

“Oh, that? I’m pretty sure she’s jamming the signal,” Penumbra said. “National security and all that. I daresay you’ll need to make an appearance yourself if you want any chance to hear what’s going on.”

Discord grumbled to himself. “Ugh... why’d Twilight have to make her so insightful?”

“Because she’s Twilight; that’s why,” Penumbra said.

“That was a rhetorical question.”

“I know, but I don’t particularly care.” Penumbra rose from her sofa and began to pace idly around the room. “As for what Pinkie is doing at the moment, I’m pretty sure she’s dreaming, so she’s probably wandering around somewhere else in her mind.”

“Dreaming? Already? Isn’t this a bit early for her?”

“There’s a lot on the table tomorrow, and Pinkie said she wanted to at least try not to fall asleep in the middle of the summit, so she went to bed early.”

“Really? Maybe I could have some fun with her then...” Discord grinned slyly as he eagerly tapped the tips of his talons against those of his lion’s paw.

“Oh, Tartarus, no,” Penumbra said firmly. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from spending time with the two of you, it’s that you and Pinkie have very different ideas of ‘fun.’ Right now, Pinkie wants some rest, and if I have anything to say about it, she’s going to get a solid eight hours of sleep.”

Discord opened his mouth, ready to deliver a witty retort, but he was interrupted when the Penumbra’s front door slammed open and Pinkie Pie rushed in. “Penny, you need to get outside. Now.”

“Don’t call m—”

“Penumbra.”

Discord couldn’t remember ever seeing Pinkie Pie with an expression of such earnest seriousness on her face. “What on earth is going on?”

“Emergency meeting,” she said, hardly giving any more acknowledgement of Discord’s presence. “There’s been a robbery.”

———————

Penumbra coalesced back into reality inside of a cavernous room filled with assorted objects, artifacts and dusty tomes. In the center of the room the six Element-bearers stood in a circle with Celestia, Luna and Cadance. Penumbra glanced at a grandfather clock sitting next to a starry window as it sounded three low chimes. If Celestia was awake and fully dressed at this hour, whatever had happened must have been quite serious indeed. “Where is this place?”

“We are currently in the most restricted section of the Canterlot Archives,” Luna said as her sister unsuccessfully attempted to stifle a yawn. “As you might have expected, it is here where we house any information that might prove dangerous for release to the general public, as well as many devices that can allow such knowledge to be put to use.”

“I see,” Penumbra said as she squeezed her way into the discussion circle between Pinkie Pie and Rarity. “And are we simply meeting here for the increased security, or do the contents of this room have something to do with the incident?”

“This room is where the story ends,” Twilight Sparkle said with the barest hint of a nervous tremor in her voice, “but it begins in the chamber where Spike and I are staying.” According to her, after the evening’s formal ceremonies had concluded, Twilight went straight to her guest suite for some shut eye. She had taken off her tiara and set it on the nightstand by the table before trying to get some sleep.

“I was having trouble drifting off,” Twilight said, “mostly because I’ve been thinking about that promise we made to Trixie ever since Fluttershy brought it up. I must have eventually started dozing a little, though, because the next thing I remember was a loud crash after somepony stepped on Spike’s tail—he’s fine, by the way. It looks like it’ll be nothing worse than a nasty looking bruise.

“Anyway, I saw somepony wearing a cloak getting to her hooves, and I also saw what she had in her saddlebag. It... it was my tiara. Apparently, she’d switched it for a fake that’s still on the nightstand, though I obviously didn’t learn about that until later, since I was too busy running after her. I called out for help as I chased after her, and I got the attention of Cadance and a few of the guards, but we couldn’t outrun her.”

“Didn’t you think to try some sort of teleporting thing?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You know, to get in front of her?”

“I did,” Twilight said with a nod, “but it turns out she’s pretty skilled at teleporting, too. I managed to grab her cloak in my aura, but she just teleported right out of it, taking her saddlebag—and my crown—with her.”

“Well, at least that should have given you a chance to glimpse her identity,” Penumbra said.

“It did, and Celestia says my description of her cutie mark is more than enough to figure out who she is.”

Celestia nodded. “Her name is Sunset Shimmer,” she said, her voice still slightly groggy from the early hour. “She’s a few years older than Twilight, and she was one of my top students. In fact, I had originally hoped that she would bear the Element of Magic, but although I had never even hinted at this, she somehow figured out what I was really up to, and came to the conclusion that she needed to amass as much power as possible to face Nightmare Moon when she returned. Soon, however, she was seeking power for its own sake, and going to dangerous lengths to do so. And... well, you all know my biggest weakness as a leader. When faced with what seems to be an irreconcilable conflict, I have but two arrows in my quiver: diplomacy and brute force,” Celestia hung her head as she said this; it was awkward to see such a majestic pony expressing any sort of shame.

Twilight glanced nervously at her mentor for a few seconds before deciding to continue her story, if only to give Celestia the chance to regain her composure. “Well, she ran all the way out of the castle to the Archives, though I don’t know why she didn’t teleport there.”

“Most likely, it’s some defensive spell still in place from when Shining Armor was stationed here,” Cadance said with a sigh. “He kept telling me he should come along for this. He said his instincts were bothering him, but I told him to tend to things in the Crystal Mountains. He is not going to be happy when he learns that his little sister was in danger.”

“She didn’t actually try to hurt me,” Twilight said with some annoyance.

“Do you really think a stallion like Shiny is going to care about a detail like that?”

“Good point,” Twilight conceded. “Anyway, we tracked her here, and Cadance actually managed to tackle her and pin her down, but when she did, my tiara flew into that mirror over there—it was glowing at the time.” She pointed a hoof towards a corner of the room, where an elaborately jeweled mirror stood, its base obscured by a slightly moth-eaten tarpaulin. “The thief... I mean, Sunset Shimmer used the distraction to teleport over there, gave me some lame insult about being a wingless princess, and went through the mirror herself. It turned solid almost immediately after that.”

“That part, at least, is not surprising,” Celestia said as her posture resumed a more composed stance. “She escaped into that mirror to avoid being captured by me the first time around.”

“Okay...” Pinkie Pie said. “So why didn’t you just, you know, go in after her?”

“At first, it was because I did not know how the mirror worked, or even what was on the other side. This artifact was unearthed during a conflict with the Griffon Kingdom seven hundred years ago, and I had neither the time nor the interest to examine it closely once I had determined that merely possessing it would not pose a risk to my little ponies.

“It was only after Sunset’s escape that I determined that it was some sort of portal, and, as a search of this world for Sunset Shimmer produced no results, it almost certainly leads to another one. Beyond this, I know little more, as I needed to refocus my attention on preparing the next candidate for the Element of Magic—which, as we all know, produced much better results.” She winked at Twilight Sparkle, causing her former student to blush slightly.

“Ironically enough,” Celestia continued, “I had actually been considering studying this mirror more systematically in recent weeks, as there are more princesses who can lighten my workload. I had hoped to find Sunset myself so we could discuss things under... less tense circumstances, but it seems that those plans must be set by the wayside.” She then turned her attention to her sister. “Luna, I know this is short notice, but is there anything more specific you can infer about the mirror?”

Luna walked over to the artifact and perused it carefully for a few minutes before she found a series of runes around the edge of the frame. “It is an inscription in a very old form of Equestrian, one that predates the Jovian era.”

“Um... Jovian?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’m pretty sure that means it’s from when Celestia and Luna’s dad was prince,” Pinkie said.

“Actually, the Jovian era began with the reign of our grandfather, Jovian I, but I digress,” Luna said. “I am not exactly fluent in this dialect, but I am able to discern the gist of these inscriptions.”

“And?” Applejack said.

“It is relatively easy to open the portal from this side, but there is a warning that considerable effort is needed to open it from the other, as magic is relatively weak in that world.”

“Well, it is small wonder that she coveted Twilight’s crown, then,” Rarity said as she tapped a hoof thoughtfully against her chin. “After all, it is the Element of Magic.”

“Indeed, and that is why it must be retrieved,” Celestia said as the entire group crowded around the mirror for a closer look. “The Elements of Harmony, generally speaking, do not work properly unless they are all together. The Element of Magic must be retrieved to ensure Equestria’s continued security.”

“But if all the Elements are needed to be effective, why did Sunset Shimmer only steal one?” asked Fluttershy, who was staring into the mirror’s polished surface, as if she half-expected to see something other than her own reflection pop up at any moment.

“She probably was going to,” Penumbra said. “I’m willing to bet that she would have tried to get more if she hadn’t bungled her plan.”

“I’m not so sure,” Pinkie Pie said. “I mean, technically, all of the Elements can still do some magic on their own. It’s just not very much. I know, because Twilight had me help her edit all of Luna’s notes on them.”

“So? What good would that do, other than makin’ things a pain in the dock for us?” Applejack asked as she sat down on a nearby stool and watched the others continue to swarm around the artifact.

“Well, if Luna’s right and the mirror says there’s not a lot of magic on the other side,” Pinkie explained, “then maybe you don’t need very much to cause a lot of problems.”

“Okay, I’m sold,” Rainbow Dash said as she left the ground and hovered over the mirror. “Let’s get over there and get back that tiara!”

“I’m afraid that won’t be happening,” Celestia said gravely. “Taking the other Elements over there may allow you to return with relative ease once the Element of Magic had been retrieved, but if this is a world that is not accustomed to such strong magical forces, then such a display of power could wreak havoc on their fabric of reality. That being said, I do applaud your initial idea. I was unaware that you had an interest in the intricacies of magical theory.”

“Uh, yeah...” Rainbow Dash uneasily as she returned to the ground and began shifting her weight awkwardly. “That... uh, was totally what was going through my head when I made that... uh, suggestion. Because I’m awesome like that.”

“That’s why I’ll be going myself,” Twilight said. “It’s my Element to bear, after all, so if anypony can get it to reopen the portal without help from the other Elements, it’s me.”

“That, too, is a solid plan,” Celestia said. “However, I think there may be somepony better suited to this task.”

At this, Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened in panic. “Oh no. No-no-no-no-no-no-no! I can tell what you’re thinking, and you should stop thinking that right now, because it is very, very doubleplusungood badthink.”

“Uh, Pinkie?” Applejack said as she pushed her hat back and rubbed her forehead. “Ya mind explainin’ yourself a bit there?”

“I think Celestia wants me to go after the Element, presumably because I wouldn’t even need to use it to get back. All I need to do is make a Pinkie Promise, and I can use my imaginary friend magic to take care of that. But if I do that, it could cause as much of a problem as if all the Elements were being used together. I mean, this is really powerful stuff we’re talking about.”

“But darling,” Rarity said, “surely a properly worded Pinkie Promise could let you limit the risk to the other world, could it not?”

“And besides, if you’re worried about that, you can use your abilities to send us a signal in this world so we can open the portal for you instead,” Luna added. “I doubt that would leave as great an impact.”

Pinkie looked around nervously. “Um, yeah... I guess that’s true... but that’s not the only thing! I wouldn’t be able to come alone. Penny would have to come with me, since she lives in my head, and I’m supposed to be watching over her. I mean, we want to keep the risk down, don’t we?”

“I’m fairly certain that the risks Celestia mentioned center on the use of the Elements,” Penumbra said flatly. “That’s not really an issue in my case.”

Pinkie looked shocked. “You’re supposed to back me up on stuff like this.”

“And you’re not supposed to call me ‘Penny.’”

“But there might be other complications from taking along someone who’s living in my head,” Pinkie hissed through clenched teeth.

“What are you two talking about?” Twilight asked.

“Nothing!” Pinkie Pie chirped with a rather forced smile on her face. “It’s... uh, a theory Penny and I have been working on,” she hastily explained, ignoring the pegasus’ glare. “You know, imaginary friend stuff. We’ll let you know more when the thesis is ready for publication. But if I’m right, and there’s a pretty good chance I am, things might get... unpredictable.”

Penumbra, of course, knew precisely what Pinkie was trying to avoid saying: that if she went over to this other world, Discord would almost certainly be tagging along. It seemed that Pinkie’s innate distrust of the draconequus was colliding with her desire to accommodate Penumbra’s wish to keep spending time with her friend.

Unfortunately, though, Celestia had no way of knowing this. “Still, I think you are definitely the best candidate for this task. Despite the fact that the mysterious nature of imaginary friend magic inevitably creates some risks, you also have a solid grasp of standard magical theory, and can therefore mitigate those risks. As for taking along a passenger, I don’t see how Penumbra can possibly be a hindrance to you. Indeed, having somepony to confide in as you face this challenge will doubtless be a great benefit. Pinkie Pie, as a princess of Equestria, you are my equal, and so I can not order you to take on this burden. That being said, I sincerely hope that you shall.”

Pinkie Pie looked around at the circle of ponies, searching for any sort of opening that might allow her to extract herself from the situation. None of the Element-bearers seemed to have a problem with Celestia’s idea, and the other princesses were looking at her expectantly. Penumbra chose to be infuriatingly vague when Pinkie looked at her, simply raising her eyebrow. She turned to Twilight. “Um, are you sure you don’t want to do this yourself?”

Twilight bit her lower lip for a few seconds, but eventually she nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. As much as I’d like to handle this myself, Celestia made a compelling argument. You’re the best pony for the job.”

Pinkie Pie sighed. “Okay... I’ll do it.”

Author's Note

Special thanks to djthomp and all of the other supporters on my Patreon.

I've also got an original short story available for purchase on Amazon.