Celestia and Discord Ship Rarijack

by Script

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Princess Celestia, Sex, Main 6, Applejack, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 9825

Discord and Princess Celestia decide to make Rarijack canon.

Once upon a time , Discord became reformed. But then the boredom set in. So he decided to do the most chaotic and least harmful thing he could. Ship ponies.

But one faithful morning he finds he is not the only one, and him and Celestia go on the quest to make Rarijack canon!

Published 2015-06-15 23:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-19 17:12:00 UTC

Oh, the shipping!

"Discord tapped his one of his fingers on the table in an unsteady, upbeat rhythm.

"Why, dear Luna, is she late for breakfast?"

Luna, who was sitting at the end of the dining room table reading Batmare, gave a simple shrug of the shoulders, and said something most wouldn't be able to understand with a mouthful of toast.

Discord perked up.

"Shipping ponies, you say?"

Luna nodded.

"Celly, of all ponies, shipping! This is great! I can't wait to show her my fanfics!"

Luna nodded again as Discord sped off at top speed. She then paused mid-chew.

"......I'm dead."

"Oh, Celly! I have something great to show you!"

Discord stopped outside her door and knocked six times before inviting himself in to find her drinking tea.

She looked up and smiled softly.

"Oh, hello, Discord."

Discord scanned the room over-dramatically and soon bore a look of confusion on his face.

"Where are your ponies?"

Celestia laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"Luna told me you shipped ponies. Where are they?"

Celestia sipped at her tea again.

"Luna is always like that in the mornings, saying things she doesn't mean. Pay no attention. Next she'll be saying I'm a fan of mixed martial arts and 'Oliver!'."

Discord sauntered around her room.

"Oh? You don't like 'Oliver!'? Why not?"

"I'm not a fan of musicals."

"Celly, I hate to break this to you, but your life is one enormous musical."

If Celestia did hear him, she pretended not to, as she peacefully continued to sip her tea.

After a final look over of the room, Discord feigned defeat.

"I suppose I'll be leaving now, toodaloo... Aha!"

He made a quick grab for a box that lay hidden under her bed. Celestia squealed and jumped up onto her hooves.

"Give me back the box, Discord!"

Discord laughed and opened the box to reveal...many tiny pony figurines.

He made a quick grab for Mini Dash and Mini Twilight.

"One of my favourites, if I'm honest. Twidash so chaotic, with them being so different. Let me guess, you like...... Sunlight, right? You have to be a fan of that. No? Then.... Flashlight! No, don't tell me... Is it... Aha! It has to be Appledash, right! You like Appledash! That's it isn't it?"

Celestia sunk deep into herself as she shook her head.

Discord snapped his fingers in defeat.

"Then which ship is your....... It wouldn't be... Rarijack, would it?"

Upon seeing her face, Discord cheered.

"Aha! Who knew you could be so chaotic?! This is great! Now all we need to do is make it canon!"

Celestia gasped.

"You can't do that! It would mess up the timeline of their lives! It could mean the end!"

Discord shooed her with his claw.

"Oh, please. Rarity is a prude and Applejack is clearly not interested in having a child. I doubt it would change anything. Besides, if we don't do this, Applejack and Rainbow Dash will probably start dating, and that ship is far too overrated."

Celestia tapped her two hooves together.

"Well, I am sick of reading fan fictions that are filled with Twijack.... Alright, you can do it. But it has to be naturally, no potions or enchantments or spells. And if you get yourself seen or caught in the act, you're to stop immediately."

Discord smiled.

"You're? I think you mean, 'we're' to stop immediately."

Celestia shook her head.

"No, Discord. Don't bring me into you're schemes."

Discord's grin grew larger.

"You're not getting to me, Discord. I'm not going to help you get Rarity and Applejack together. Not ever. So don't even think about it."

"How did I get here?"

Princess Celestia surveyed her surroundings.

"Rarity's boutique, strange. Discord isn't here. Is he?"

It was then the boutique door bell rang, and in walked a young mare with ginger curls and a blue coat. Her eyes were dark, and for a second she stared at Celestia, before giving a little wink.

"Discord?!"

Before she could continue, however, Rarity's singsong voice carried out through the boutique.

"One moment!"

Rarity soon appeared, equipped with a needle and thread, which she placed onto the counter before smiling at the new customer. She didn't seem to notice Celestia.

"Discord you brilliant thing. Invisibility spell."

Discord simply nodded at Rarity and smiled.

"Yes, darling, I'm looking for a particular dress," he/she said in a heavy Canterlot accent.

Rarity smiled at Discord, clearly oblivious.

"Of course, darling, what might it be?"

Before Discord could answer, however, a loud, southern, accent filled the room.

"Hey, Rares, any chance Ah could get outta here fer a second? Ah need a different spanner."

Rarity sighed, before faking a smile.

"Of course, darling. As long as it's done by tomorrow."

Applejack suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Ah'll be outta yer fancy hair as soon as possible."

As Rarity gave her bits to buy the spanner, she noticed Discord, who was, ever the good actor, pretending to be completely smitten by the mare.

"Ah thought ya said yer shop was closed today?"

"It is, darling, but I must have forgotten to switch the sign."

Applejack nodded, and quickly left the shop, awkwardly shifting glances from Rarity to Discord nervously.

Discord clicked his tongue.

"That your mare friend?"

Rarity, bewildered, started stuttering.

"N-no! I- she- she's fixing my pipes, is all!"

Discord winked.

"She's single, then?"

Rarity laughed, but then seen that he was serious.

"I doubt you'll get far. Trust me, it'll fall on deaf ears."

"You've tried then?"

Rarity seemed to be caught off guard at that statement, and Celestia could practically see the 'gotcha' in Discord's shining eyes.

Rarity cleared her throat.

"Ehem, well, no... Not exactly..." She stuttered, quickly changing the subject, "W-What did you say you wanted again?"

Discord licked his lips.

"Other than her? Just a dress. But I'll get it tomorrow instead. It looks like you're very, heh, busy right now."

Discord smiled at her, winked at Celestia, and left the shop just as Applejack came in. He suddenly appeared beside her.

"Did well, didn't I? I'm quite good at this whole match making thing."

"You didn't get them together yet, Discord. Now, watch."

Applejack smiled at Rarity, before handing her a bit.

"Change," she mumbled, her voice slightly lisped from the spanner in her mouth.

As the two exchanged glances and touched hooves, there was a hesitant look in Applejack's eye as she pulled away.

Celestia squealed.

"Did you see that?! She hesitated to pull away! She wanted to feel Rarity!"

Discord chuckled at the innuendo in that sentence.

"Keep watching."

Rarity thanked Applejack for the bit, and quickly put it on the counter.

"I don't suppose your busy tonight?"

"Nah, not really. Why?"

Celestia gasped but Discord simply furrowed his brow.

"I just really need that done today. I hope it won't take long..."

"Ah'll stay longer, if it means that much t'ya."

Rarity squealed and wrapped her hooves around Applejack's neck, which signaled a blush on both sides.

"Oh, Applejack! You are such a great friend!"

Applejack cringed at the word friend, but smiled all the same.

"No problem, Rare'. It's the least Ah could do."

Rarity released the mare and smiled.

"You had better get started then, I wouldn't want you staying here all night!"

Applejack chuckled.

"Heh, or else Ah might wake up in make up."

The mares parted quickly and Rarity sighed.

"Oh, my. I hope that mare from before doesn't come back. I don't need her putting motions like relationships in my head. Especially with- with Applejack!"

Rarity shook her head.

"There's only one pony for me, and he's coming over tomorrow!"

With that in mind, Rarity left for the sitting room. Celestia sighed.

"I suppose it was a bit silly of me to think they would be together so quickly."

Discord... Well, Discord did something with his head and sniggered.

"I say that this is just the calm before the storm. And speaking of storms..."

Discord snapped his fingers, and heavy rain instantly smacked into the windows and building, a massive storm building up outside.

Celestia stared at him as the storm raged on outside.

"I suppose you can do that, but it better not hurt anyone."

Discord waved a claw at her.

"Pish-posh, do be quiet, I'm working here."

He concentrated for a second, and suddenly a loud cry came from the kitchen.

"Bucking Tartarus!"

Discord smiled victoriously.

Celestia squinted at him.

"What did you do?"

Discord batted his eyelashes innocently.

"Lil' ole me? I didn't do anything."

He grinned.

"That will have a lasting effect on her. Just watch."

They suddenly teleported into the kitchen, and Rarity soon appeared.

She yelped when she saw Applejack.

Blood was gushing from her hoof, and was already staining her now matted fur.

She grinned sheepishly at the Rarity.

"Heh, sorry fer the mess...?"

Rarity face hoofed.

"Darling, blood is pouring like a waterfall from your hoof and you apologize for the mess..?"

Applejack shrugged, still trying to find out what to do with her hoof, all attempts at containing it failures.

"Ah dunno, jes' thought ya'd care more about the stain on yer floor.

She blinked at Rarity, who was getting out a First Aid kit.

"Ah don't need that. It's alright."

Rarity scoffed, and grabbed Applejack's hoof in her magic, along with a wipe to get rid of the blood.

"Have you lost so much blood you can't think straight?"

She cleaned the wound as Applejack stared around the room.

"Ah like yer kitchen. It's, uh, nice."

Rarity hummed, not really listening to the mare.

"Ah ain't never really looked at it before, now that Ah think 'bout it."

She stared at Rarity, who was sewing her cut closed.

"It's nice."

"Hmm, thank you, darling. But I'm afraid you're not in your right mind."

Applejack shrugged, before suddenly jumping up right as Rarity fixed a bandage on her hoof.

"Gee, Ah better be getting home. Granny's probably worried sick about me!"

Rarity grabbed her entirely in her magic and tutted.

"Darling, have seen the weather? It's raining cats and dogs out there! What kind of friend would I be if I let you stay out in that? Especially with a hoof like that!" She said, frantically waving the poor mare around with each word, "No, no, Applejack, it won't do!"

Applejack, who was turning green at that point, nodded in agreement.

Rarity smiled and set the mare down.

"I suppose you'll stay with me, then! Oh, I haven't had a real sleepover since I was twelve. I don't really consider the one with Twilight a sleepover, if I'm honest."

Applejack, who had finally regained her composure, nodded again and followed Rarity into the sitting room.

Celestia laughed.

"Oh, Discord, you clever thing! I never would have thought of that!"

Discord grinned, a faint blush on his cheeks. The notion went unnoticed, however, as Celestia lit up her horn and teleported the two into the sitting room, where the two mares where seated, Rarity rambling on one thing or another while Applejack inspected the bandage on her hoof, bending her foreleg in deep interest.

"Would you like some coffee, darling?"

Applejack looked up from her hoof and nodded.

"Sure, Ah ain't had some since this morning anyhow."

Rarity smiled and went into the kitchen.

She sighed when she saw the mess of water and blotches of blood right in front of the sink.

She tutted and grabbed some paper towels in her magic and began to clean the mess, all the while putting on the kettle and grabbing two cups from the cupboard.

She quickly tossed the messy paper towels in the bin, and sprayed the floor with disinfectant.

"Better safe then sorry!"

Meanwhile, in the sitting room, the ever handsome Discord and Celestia were discussing very important subjects.

"I think that if we get Applejack and Rarity in bed together, it'll be instant sexual tension."

Celestia thought about Discords idea.

"But how are we going to do that?"

Discord chuckled sheepishly.

"Oh, I don't know, a romantic candle lit dinner, maybe? Oh! How about a blackout?"

"We're supposed to get them together, not turn their lives into a cheesy romance movie!"

Discord shrugged.

"This type of relationship only happens in cheesy romance movies and very badly written and conceived fanfictions."

He suddenly gasped.

"Speaking of fanfictions, I know just who can help us!"

Celestia looked at him.

"Please don't say..."

And then Twilight appeared.

She looked around in shock.

"Princess Celestia? Discord? Are we in Rarity's Boutique?"

The two nodded.

Twilight looked forward.

"Applejack ?"

Applejack made no sound, but continued investigating her hoof.

(Sexually) Frustrated, Twilight grunted in annoyance.

"Applejack, I swear to god if you don't answer me I'll sell your farm and show everyone that video of you singing 'I just can't fight this feeling anymore'!"

Applejack, completely oblivious to Twilight, stopped looking at her hoof and called into Rarity.

"Rares-"

"Don't call me that."

"Do ya have a spell fer this?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes, really, and if it hurts so much stop poking it!"

Applejack paused.

She poked it again.

"Ah am in serious pain right now, but Ah can't stop."

Discord looked at Twilight, who had her tongue out in concentration as she repeatedly made Applejack poke herself.

"I'm pretty sure that will have lasting effects. And besides, the reason she's ignoring you is because you're invisible. We need you're help getting Applejack and Rarity to make love."

Twilight looked at her phone.

"I may have made that slightly harder."

Discord blinked.

"How so?"

"I kinda just sent Rarity that video."

They all turned and looked at the buzzing phone on the coffee table.

Applejack looked at it.

"Rares-"

"Don't call me that."

Twilight quickly cast a spell on Applejack, freezing everypony around them.

She grinned sheepishly at Discord and Celestia, who were giving her disapproving stares.

She quickly deleted the message.

"Heh, let's pretend that didn't happen...?"

She uncast the spell, and Applejack continued.

"Twi sent ya a message."

"I'll check it in a moment, darling."

"I should probably send her an actual message so she doesn't get suspicious."

Celestia shook her head.

"No, don't, it'll come up like you sent her two. Besides, we brought you here to make Rarijack canon."

Twilight nodded, tapping her muzzle with her hoof.

"What's allowed? Love potion?"

"No."

"Enchantments?"

"No."

"Spells?"

"No."

"Roofies?"

"Back up plan."

"Oh."

Discord nodded, and he pointed at Rarity, who was coming into the room.

She grabbed her phone in her magic and unlocked it.

"There's nothing here. She probably accidentally sent it to me."

Applejack, who wasn't actually listening, nodded and got up.

"It's been fun, Rares-"

"Don't call me that."

"But Ah really do hafta go."

She blinked.

"Preferably to a hospital."

Rarity pouted.

"What about our sleepover?"

Applejack furrowed her brow.

"Ya don't actually want t'have that with me, do ya?"

Rarity looked at her incredulously.

"Why not?"

Applejack stood up on all four hooves and returned the look.

"Why would ya? We're hardly friends, why would we have a sleepover willingly?"

Rarity suddenly sighed and slumped. Celestia bit the tips of her hooves in worry. Discord teleported a box of popcorn. Twilight stole a mouthful and shoved it into her mouth.

"I know. I know. It's just- why can't we? I mean, we only fight so much because we don't know each other well enough!"

"Or maybe 'cause we know each other too well?"

"You say that like its a bad thing!"

"That's 'cause it is! That's exactly what it is, any ya know it!"

"Oh, please, now you're overreacting!"

"Am Ah? No, think about it! We do nothing but offend each other an' fight! Heck, sometimes Ah'm afraid to see you incase you judge me! Ah never cared about it before! But there Ah am, making sure mah hooves are clean, mah hair is brushed, mah hat is clean, cause Ah know that if Ah see you, you're gonna judge me for it. 'Cause Ah can honestly say you're the most judgemental pony Ah ever had the bad luck t'meet!"

"You want a fight? I'll show you a real complaint! You know what, Applejack? Don't think you get special treatment, because I'm just trying to make you at least semi presentable for everyone around us, so they don't have to cringe when they see you! You could actually look nice, if you didn't hide behind that stupid fringe and hat!"

"Like would ever understand..."

Rarity opened her mouth to argue, but limpened and dropped onto the sofa instead.

"When did we get like this?"

Applejack's face dropped, and her body soon followed.

"Ah don't know, sugarcube, Ah don't know."

Discord looked at the mares beside him.

"Perhaps we should try this another day?"

The two mares nodded, and they all disappeared.

Applejack looked up.

"D'ya think they're gone?"

Rarity slowly got up.

"Definitely."

Applejack let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank Celestia. Can ya imagine whut would happen if they found out?"

Rarity nodded vigorously, but a sly smile graced her lips.

"Just incase, perhaps we should have make-up sex?"

Applejack nodded.

"Definitely. Just incase!"

She lifted Rarity in her forelegs and placed her on the sofa before making love to her."

Discord looked up at his audience. Celesta had a huge grin on her face, Twilight was open mouthed, Dash had gotten a wingboner, Fluttershy hid under the table, and Pinkie was... Well, let's not say what Pinkie was doing.

He looked at Applejack and Rarity, who he had made sure to tape together facing eachother before he started, at one point duck taping Applejack's mouth shut. Both were red in the face, Applejack more so than Rarity.

He finally looked at the birthday girl, Luna, who had begun clapping.

"Thou hast impressed us! We demandeth thou to make more of these fanfics! And thou must tape the Orange one and the marshmallow together more often! It is hilarious!"

Discord simply grinned.

"Anytime! Happy Birthday!"

Author's Note

Deleted scene:
Discord looked at Twilight.
"Do you have dirt on all of your friends?"

She nodded.

"Do you have any one me?"

"Silly Discord! I said I had dirt on my friends!"

I spent years on this. Okay, the idea was sitting in my notes for a month and I finally decided to write it. Same difference.

Pinkie Ships Rarijack

"Happy-Rarijack-Is-Finally-Canon-Day!"

Applejack felt the urge to plant her hoof on her face, but she fought it and instead grew a shaky smile. She was standing inside Sugarcube Corner, and on all sides of her a wild party raged on.

"Pinkie, why in tarnation did you throw us this party? And then forget to invite me to it?"

Pinkie pointed a hoof at the large hoof-made sign above the counter,

"Isn't it a bit obvious? I threw you a party because you and Rarity are finally together! Also, I didn't forget, I just didn't remember! Duh!"

Applejack fought the urge again, but this time it was stronger, and won, much to Pinkie's disappointment.

"You don't like it, do you? I knew you wouldn't , but I was worried you'd be even more upset if I didn't throw you one and-"

Applejack began to panic, knowing she was threading on thin and dangerous ground.

"Ya know Ah love yer parties, Pinkie. It's just that..."

She paused for a moment, trailing off when she seen Pinkies sad eyes.

"It's just that... Ah would have like to have come with Rarity?"

Despite the fact it was more if a question than an answer, Pinkie took it anyway.

"Oh, good! I thought you hated me for a second there!"

Applejack's unconvincingly horrible grin seemed to grow as she dug at the floor with one hoof nervously.

"So... Uh, speaking of hate, where is Rarity?"

"That's a surprise!"

Applejack furrowed her brow.

"Ah don't like surprises."

Pinkie patted her on the head.

"Aw, don't worry, Applejack. I'm sure no one means it when they make fun of your accent behind your back!"

She paused.

"Wait, wrong comfort advice, one second."

She pulled out a deck of cards, all with a picture of her friends on the back.

She pulled out one that had Applejack's face on it and read out loud, "Surprises aren't always bad, AJ!"

Applejack, who's lip was quivering slightly, began to stutter.

"Every pony makes fun of mah accent?"

Pinkie shrugged.

"Eh, I dunno. I just like to come prepared. Surprises can happen, y'know."

Applejack, earlier fear long forgotten, tilted her head slightly.

"Ah thought ya just- but ya just- and ya pulled out the- never mind."

Pinkie patted Applejack on the back.

"That's the spirit! Now, come in! Everypony is waiting for you!"

Applejack numbly paced towards the center of the room, where her friends were waiting.

Rainbow Dash put her hoof around Applejack's neck.

"I knew you could do it, hayseed."

Twilight embraced Applejack, as did Fluttershy, with a quick hug.

"No more nightly phone calls about Rarity for you, I suppose!"

Applejack wrinkled her muzzle in confusion.

"What? Ah ain't ev'r did that."

Twilight ignored her though, and continued rambling on about one thing or other.

Meanwhile, Pinkie started organizing the cake.

It was huge, so big a pony could fit in it. On one side it was mostly orange up until the top, where it began fading to yellow. The other side was all white, but faded to purple at the top also. It was quite a sight, and as Pinkie began wheeling the strangely heavy cake out into the open, where the gang awaited.

Rainbow Dash started salivating at the mouth as Pinkie pushed the cake towards Applejack, where she began to stare at her expectantly.

Applejack rubbed the back of her head, not sure where Pinkie was going with this.

"Er, d'ya want me t'eat or somethin'?"

Pinkie threw back her head and began laughing maniacally, and soon the rest joined in.

Applejack (who had begun sweating at this point) stared at the cake.

'That cake is big enough to hold an entire pony!' She thought, in a normal voice, 'Oh.... Well, shit.'

The cake top popped off, revealing Rarity, dressed in a lingerie stripper costume.

Applejack grew red, and began sweating harder as Rarity crawled towards her, a lustful look on her face. She began to tear off her outfit with her-

"Okay, thou hast endured enough!"

Rarity disappeared, as did Pinkie and the rest of the six, leaving Pinkie standing alone in Sugarcube Corner. Soon that faded away too, and Applejack searched the sky and soon spotted Luna descending towards her.

"Princess Luna?!"

The Alicorn shook her head.

"No, Princess Celestia. I'm just having a particularly bad nightmare."

AJ tilted her head.

"Oh? What happened?"

"I turned into Luna and all the cake was gone. Worst of all, someone stole my tea cups."

She paused for a moment, expecting Applejack to say something. When she didn't, however, Celestia nodded.

"Clearly you are so horrified you are at a loss for words. I can respect that. What I can't respect, however, is your dream. It's... Strange, to say the least."

"Ah know!"

Celestia sighed.
"Drop the accent. You and I both know it's not real."

"Alright, fine. You got me."

"The hat too. It's not yours and it probably never will be."

Applejack slowly removed the hat from her head.

"I'm afraid that's not the only thing that's fake. You are not Applejack."

"What ? But, I-"

"Every memory, every thought, every dream, every nightmare 'you' ever had, is not yours."

The mare looked at her hooves.

"But, if I'm not Applejack, then who am I?"

"Think about it. Who was there since the start? Who tricked you into coming? Who? The clues are all there, you just have to see them. But then, you've already learnt that lesson, haven't you, Pinkie?"

"And that's how Equestria was made!"

Pinkie looked at her cheering audience with glee. Amongst them were quite a few of her friends, along with Luna and Celestia. Discord sat beside Applejack and Rarity, who were tied to their chairs in the tightest knots Discord had every knotted. Neither looked very pleased.

Pinkie waved to the audience and gave them a quick solute.

"That's all from this little filly! See ya later, bronies! Enjoy Bronycon!"

Twilight Ships Rarijack

She knew how to do this. She had done it before. Many times. But, this time, the words simply never came put of her mouth, and Rarity looked in confusion. She knew how to ask a question . She always asked questions. But this question simply couldn't be put into words.

"Are you alright, Twilight?"

Twilight smiled at Rarity. They were in the spa. The mud bath, to be exact.

"Of course, just a lot on my mind at the moment."

Rarity nodded, but she knew exactly what was going on. And Twilight could tell.

Rarity cleared her throat. She knew it would happen. All the rumors going around was sure to spark some amount of curiousity. And she knew it would be Twilight's, too.

"No, we're not together, Twilight."

Twilight sighed in relief.

"Oh thank Celestia. I was really worried for a second there."

Rarity smiled.

"Why, darling?"

Twilight shrugged, her shoulders soon dropping back into the mud with a gasp of pleasure.

"I was just worried that it would break us up."

"Excuse me?"

Twilight grew flustered, swinging her hooves about as she tried to explain.

"I-I meant our friends! It would break our friends up!"

Rarity giggled.

"I know, darling. Just teasing. Oh, I do hope those nasty rumours do stop following me around. It's horrible, everypony whispering about it behind your back. Mind you, if I heard about a such scandalous relationship, I too would be a bit excited. Or just curious, really," finished Rarity, suddenly feeling like she was going on a tangent.

Twilight nodded in understanding. Rarity always was a bit of a drama queen, even in dire situations.

She giggled when she remembered Rarity questioning Dash's friendship with Pinkie during a fight with a Minotaur. Granted, Dash fainting in middair was a bit dangerous, but Fluttershy caught her, and Applejack kept Rarity quiet before she could question poor Rainbow's relationship with
Fluttershy, too.

Luckily, her giggle went unnoticed by the other unicorn, who simply settled down more, finally feeling really relaxed after her hard day's work. Bliss, was simply the best word to describe it.

Eventually, another question peaked Twilights interest, and she found herself feeling an all too familiar feeling. Curiousity.

She cleared her throat.

"So, uh, what's up with you and Applejack?"

Rarity almost took a spit take, however she had no liquid in her mouth at the time, and her choke turned into an awkward chuckle.

"Um, didn't I just answer that question?"

Twilights eyes widened.

"You thought I was...? No, I was talking about Pinkie!"

Rarity's eye twitched. Her and... Pinkie? Applejack was relatively reasonable. But Pinkie? Never. Ever. Especially after that... Thing she called a fanfic... But she kept it in. She had to. How would the Princess of Friendship react to that? Not well, she imagined.

"I," she paused, how would she word this? "I wouldn't exactly be her type, darling."

Twilight nodded with a sheepish smile.

"I know, I just... Have a teeny... Well, crush on her."

Rarity nodded with a understanding smile.

"Oh, trust me, darling. I would know what it's like to have a crush on your exact opposite."

Twilight let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank Celestia. I knew you would understand, what with you and all your experience with romance and whatnot. I was just so worried that I-"

Rarity put out a hoof to silence her.

"That you two being together would end up breaking up the group somehow?"

"Uh, yes, actually! How did you know?"

"You mentioned it earlier. I simply thought that the information you used with me was actually something you were worried about. Oh my, becoming a bit of an egghead, aren't I?"

Twilight giggled at that and settled down. They lay in silence for a few moments, enjoying each other's company. Moments turned to minutes. And then Twilight's eye popped open. She missed something. She knew she did.

But what? What did she forget? What didn't she notice? What question wasn't answered? Question....

Ah, yes. Now she remembered. She leaned back and closed her eyes again.

"Say, Rarity, you didn't answer my question."

"Which one, darling?"

"About you and, y'know, Applejack."

There was silence.

"Rarity?"

Twilight opened her eyes and looked to her right.

She was gone.

"Wow. Oh! That gives me a great idea!"

She quickly teleported to her room.

"Now. Spike! Where's my fanfiction collection?!"

Author's Note

This chapter only had a bit of rarijack, but whatever's.

TVs Ship Rarijack

Princess Luna was bored. It was quite a sight to be seen, a Princess being bored, but there she went, dragging her hooves against the hard floor, because she was bored. She had tried telling Celestia, but her sister simply started giving her a lecture on being grateful and all that jazz.

"Sister is such a hypocrite! Thou hast not even enjoyed one day of princess hood!"

She groaned.

"Ugh! Where is Discord when we need him?"

"Why, (haha) right here, (haha) dear Lulu!"

Discord suddenly appeared, his face yellow with laughter.

Luna furrowed her brow.

"Why hast thou a yellow face?" She asked, confusion clear on her face.

Discord smirked.

"Because I have just thought of the best prank to play on Rarity and Applejack ever! I can't wait for April Fools Day now! If you can help."

Luna nodded.

"April Fools Day is years away. Thou will have to wait."

Discord waved a talon in her direction.

"Pish-Posh, waiting is for losers. I say we do it now."

He smirked.

"Unless you don't want to do it?"

Luna shook her head.

"Thou hast not seen our power! We are the ultimate prankster!"

Discord grinned.

"Perfect. Let's get our victims, then?"

"Indeed. The day is still young."

Discord snapped his fingers, and they suddenly appeared in Applejack's barn.

"Ah, yes, I regognise this," said Discord, surveying the location, "This is the barn Applejack used slaves to build. Perfect!"

Luna tapped the floorboards.

"Now what?"

"Now? We wait, dear Lulu. We wait."

Luna whipped out a muffin from somewhere.

"And what are we waiting for?" she asked with a mouthful of crumbs.

Pulling out an umbrella to shield him from the oncoming attack of crumbs, Discord laughed.

"Not what, Lulu, who."

"Oh! Who are we waiting for, then?"

Discord pulled a talon towards his face.

"Who do you think? Applejack, of course!"

Luna huffed.

"We think your plan is stupid."

"You don't even know my plan!" Yelled Discord, exasperated. "Just give it a chance, Lulu!"

"Fine, but if we get bored, thou hast to throw us a party."

Discord shrugged.

"Fine then. Be like that. All because you wanted to pull a prank on Applejack and Rarity."

Luna gave up and went back to sulking. Moments later, however, a loud accent filled the barn, and the two of them ducked behind a large convenient haystack.

"That's convenient," whispered Discord.

Applejack soon trotted into view.

"How many?"

"Five."

Applejack nodded.

"Alright then. Just a second, Mac."

Applejack whistled a tune as she walked over to the tool box.

"Five. Ah hope we have any nails at all."

"Do you always talk to yourself, Applejack?"

Applejack leapt into the air and turned swiftly around.

"Celestia, ya scared me there, Discord! Ah thought ya- whut are ya doing with that rope?"

A short hogtie later, Applejack was being dragged through Ponyville by Discord.

Of course, seeing the toughest mare in town being dragged across like a hog tied rag doll was quite hilarious, and sparked quite a lot of laughter.

Applejack, however, appeared to be too angry to notice.

"Ah swear on Celestia's White hoof, if ya don't get me outta her righ' now, I'mma buck ya in t'tomorrow!"

"Applejack, remember when I taped your mouth shut?"

There was silence.

"That's better. Luna will be here soon with Rarity anyway."

As if on cue, Luna appeared, Rarity right behind her, bound by leather straps.

"The marshmallow wasn't particularly hard to get. We simply pulled out the leather and she gave in."

Applejack snickered at Rarity's expense, but soon found she was also being laughed at by Rarity.

"Oh, did they hogtie you because you're a pig?"

Applejack scrunched up her muzzle incredulously.

"Atleast Ah wasn't turned on by a princess with leather. Whut, didja picture Blueblood in them?" Applejack teased, earning a blush from the other mare.

Soon, insults were being shot like fire across the vicinity, and everypony stayed clear, for fear they might be caught in the crossfire.

Luna and Discord watched in amusement.

"And to think I haven't even started the game yet!"

Luna gasped.

"Thou isn't finished?"
"Of course not! If I had known that they'd had a fight before, I'd have been even more eager to get the joke done. Consider it a friendship lesson."

He glanced at the mares and sighed.

"But all fun must come to an end. Let's get these two where we need them."

With a snap of his fingers, or claws, if you will, they were outside an abandoned warehouse.

It took both Rarity and Applejack a moment to realise they had changed scenery, and the started to panic.

Before they could ask questions, however, they were suddenly free from their bounds.

Applejack jumped from hoof to hoof.

"Whoo, Nelly! Did Ah miss this!"

Luna jumped up and down like a giddy filly.

"Oh oh, let me do this part! Please?!"

Discord simply waved a claw and began sharpening his talon.

Luna gestured to the two mares.

"You two! Thou hast to enter the door!"

Applejack pushed her hoof to her cheek in confusion.

"Why?"

"BECAUSEWEAREBOREDANDWEAREYOURPRINCESSANDRESPECTYOURELDERS!!"

Applejack nodded slowly, and started back off towards Rarity.

"Ah say we just do what she wants us to do and get outta here as soon as possible."

Rarity nodded.

"Yes, as soon as possible."

With a glance at each other and a firm nod, the two walked through the rusty door and into... A high school?

Applejack turned to see a wall where the door was, and looked at her letterman jacket in surprise.

"Ah don't remember joinin' th' football team in high school...! Or goin' t'high school...!"

Rarity pulled at the necklace on her neck.

"I don't doubt you never went to high school. But I have to agree, this is very strange."

Suddenly, a stallion with short brown hair ran up to them.

"Sam? Mercedes? Hurry up, you're gonna be late for glee!"

With that, he ran off, leaving Rarity confused and Applejack with a small amused smile on her face.

"Heh, we're in Glee Club*..." Applejack mused, earning a gasp of understanding from Rarity, "An' if Ah remember th' latest episode correctly, Sam an' Mercedes are dating."

Rarity shook her head.

"Discord, you clever, um...Whatever he's called."

They started walking, and Applejack nodded, but, like most things Rarity said, she wasn't really listening to her.

She was all too busy watching everyone converse as if normal.

"So, what? Are we in Glee Club* land now or sumthin'?"

Rarity scoffed.

"Or something. I say Discord is never just. He's always and."

"An' whut Ya mean by that is?"

"He's not just going to trap us in one show, he's going to trap us in lots of different shows."

Applejack ah'ed in understanding as she opened the glee club door.

"As long as we don't hafta sin' a duet or nuthin'."

A mare with bangs greeted them.

"Sam! Mercedes! It's a good thing you're here! It's time for your duet!"

Rarity glared at Applejack.

"You just had to say it, didn't you?"

The mare didn't give them time to continue, however, as she started pushing them towards the front of the room.

"Let's give it up for Sam and Mercedes!"

Applejack grabbed the mare and whispered in her ear.

"What do you mean you don't have anything prepared?!" She whispered back, soon followed by, "And what's up with the accent?"

Applejack shrugged.

"Fine, you'll have to improvise then. Here, take this song."

She handed Applejack the papers and sat beside the stallion from before.

Applejack reefed through the pages.

"Ah dunno this song! An' neither do you!"

Rarity grabbed the sheets out of her hoof.

"Give me that, it can't be that hard! Let me start, ahem."

"Summer loving, had me a blast,"

Applejack coughed.

"Summer loving happened so fast?"

And then everything stopped, and Discord appeared.

"Ooh, don't stop, I love this song! No? Okay, you can stop. You've passed this part, I suppose, but only because I hate Grease."

Applejack growled.

"Discord, whuts goin' on here?"

Discord shrugged.

"It's just a game, really. All you have to do is win!"

Rarity bit her lip.

"And how do we do that exactly?"

"It's simple, really. All you have to do is go along with it. Get in character! Y'know the works! I hope you like sitcoms!"

He snapped his claws and he was gone, and so was the glee club, soon replaced with a stage that looked like a kitchen. Rarity cleared her throat when she seen Applejack, too, was gone.

"Ahem. Applejack?"

Applejack's head popped out from the stage right.

"Er, yeah?"

"I hope you were studying for that biology test last night!"

Applejack stepped out of the door way.

"Hehe, sure was! Ah was studying, uh, biology all night!"

The audience was filled with canned laughter at her obvious lie.

Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Really? All night?"

Applejack looked like she was about to say something, when a very attractive mare appeared in the door.

"Applejack? When are we going to start studying anatomy again?"

Canned laughter filled the room as Applejack shrugged comically.

Another mare appeared.

"You still have to teach me about reproduction."

There was more canned laughter as Applehack began to sweat under Rarity's icy glare.

"Er, why don't you gals head on back t' th' room?"

She soon followed the mares back into her room, and Rarity pouted.

"That bitch! She was supposed to teach me anatomy!"

As the canned laughter died down, the two found themselves in a dark, unkempt room.

They were strapped to metallic chairs, large metal spikes in the hat above them.

"Let's play a game..."

Applejack began thrashing about.

"Nopenopenopenopenopenope."

Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Discord, what is it going to take to get you to let us go?"

"Well, you could always kiss."

Applejack and Rarity walked out of the warehouse, blushing profusely and not quite able to meet eachothers eye.

Rarity coughed delicately.

"Ahem, that was, certainly something."

"Yup, let's never talk about it again!"

"Agreed!"

And they went their separate ways.

Meanwhile, in the warehouse...

Celestia and Luna sat on Celestia's black 1967 Chevy Impala. Celestia was eating a greasy burger, and Luna was reading a new story on her laptop.

"Do you think it's him?" Celestia asked Luna.

Luna nodded.

"Definitely, they found candy wrappers all over the place."

They both climbed into the car. Celestia began backing out.

"Let's get this motherfucker."

Author's Note

Yes this was based on an Episode of Supernatural. Hope you enjoyed!

Rarijack Goes To The Dentist

"Ah ain't going an' ya can't make me!"

Rarity stared at Applejack with half-lidded eyes, a dentist letter in her hoof.

"Applejack, you are seventeen, don't tell me you're still afraid of dentists."

Applejack pouted.

"Ah ain't scared. Ah jes' don't like people poking their metal thingy majigs in mah mouth."

Rarity face-hoofed.

"So, basically, you're afraid of dentists."

"... Ya, Ah guess."

Rarity sighed, grabbing her tea bag in her magic and dipping into her milk.

"When was the last time you went?"

Applejack tapped her nuzzle.

"Uh, remember that time Ah fell off the playground swing and chipped mah tooth?"

"Applejack, that was when you were six."

Rarity sipped her tea.

"You're going to this appointment."

"Ah knew throwing it in your bin was stupid."

Rarity blinked.

"Why did you throw it in there, anyway?"

"Ah didn't want Granny t'find it."

"Ah."

"Yup. Er, actually. Maybe you shouldn't mention this to Granny?"

Minuette sighed. Deeply. Heavily. Harshly.

Infront of her were two mares, Rarity Belle, a personal favourite of hers, and Applejack Smith.

She had heard many a tale in training about the Smith family. Tales of horror, bites so hard they drew blood, kids so feisty they had to be put to sleep before they could operate, and many other unspeakable stories better left to times around the campfire.

She herself witnessed the horror first hand eleven years before. The blonde had come in, fear stricken, and bit her hoof so hard it drew much more than blood. She shuddered at the thought before turning to greet the mares.

"Rarity, such a delight!"

Rarity returned the greeting with a wave of the hoof and a nudge to Applejack's shoulder.

Applejack offered a sheepish smile and awkward wave.

Minuette grimaced.

"Applejack."

"Er, howdy! Ain't seen ya in a while!"

Minuette muttered something unintelligible and smiled with thin lips.

"Yes. Since you were six."

Applejack grinned.

"Ten stitches, weren't it?"

Minuette didn't react, simply gestured towards the surgery room doors.

"Come on, then. Let's get this over with. Rarity, I'd rather you came in with us, for safety reasons."

Rarity nodded and nudged the suddenly defensive Applejack, beckoning her towards the door.

Applejack, however, made no effort to move.

"Rarity?"

"Yes?"

"Get me outta here!"

Turning to escape, Applejack attempted to flee out the doors. However, Rarity, a deadpan expression evident on her face, grabbed the blonde mare's tail in her magic and dragged her towards the door.

And through the doors they went.

Applejack, however, seemed quite determined to stay away from the surgery room. It was quite a struggle, but soon, with the help of both unicorns' magic, they got Applejack strapped into the chair.

Applejack, however, still resisted when Minuette asked her to open her mouth.

Rarity felt like an older sister more than a friend, and glared at the mare.

"Applejack, you're being incredibly immature about this, don't you think? "

"Ah don't think anythin'! Just get me outta hereeeeeee......"

Rarity blinked as Minuette let go of the mask and let it rest on Applejack's muzzle.

"Don't you think that's taking it a bit far?"

Minuette shrugged and removed the mask. Applejack grinned up at her lazily.

"Gee, ain't you a-a sight fer sore eyes...!"

She blinked rapidly at Rarity.

"You too. Wh-where am I?"

"The dentist."

Applejack nodded slowly, as if taking in the information. Then she smirked.

"W-well, if Ah've g-got a view of y-you the entire t-time, Ah don't mind."

Rarity smirked, slightly pink.

Minuette rolled her eyes.

"Yes, very smooth. Now, I just need you to open your mouth."

"F-fer how long?"

"Two minutes. A hundred and twenty seconds."

"Mmmm.... Alright..."

She soon obliged.

Minuette peered inside and nodded.

"For the sake of getting this over with, I'd say your teeth are in perfect condition."

Applejack closed her mouth and yawned.

"Weeeeellll, does th-that mean Ah can go?"

"Yes. And hopefully never come back."

Applejack grinned slowly as she was unstrapped from the chair and hopped off, a little unsteady on her feet.

Rarity rushed to stand beside her, and Applejack rested against her slightly before taking uneasy steps towards the door.

She directed her out of the clinic and thought carefully.

"I live just a five minute walk from here, so I think it best we go there."

Applejack hardly acknowledged the statement and continued walking.

The Carousel Boutique was closer than expected, and they soon made it there without hassle.

Letting the country mare into her home and shutting the door behind them, Rarity sighed.

She led Applejack into the kitchen and set her down into a chair.

Applejack looked at the coffee cup that was soon set in front of her.

"Th-that's a nice cup."

Rarity nodded, pouring hot water into the cup, soon followed by milk.

"Nicer than mine, anyway. Ah don't think we have a cup that ain't chipped.'Cept the one in the back Ah kept fer you."

Rarity looked at her in surprise. She knew Applejack liked to speak her mind, but this was something unheard of.

"Ah mean, Ah should probably keep it fer Twi or something, since she's royalty an' all. But, Ah think she'd take it too seriously. And Ah don't think she cares anyway."

Rarity blushed a bit.

Applejack, recovered slightly from the gas, rolled her shoulders slightly.

"Ain't that a sight? It's five already. Crazy...."

She rubbed up against the unicorn.

"Why don't ya show me your bedchambers?"

Rarity turned pink, but complied nonetheless. As they ventured up the stairs, Applejack winked at her and went ahead, opening the door for the unicorn mare.

She closed the door behind them and pushed Rarity against the bed and planted a kiss on her forehead. And another on her nose. And another on her lips. She then-

Discord shook his head and pushed the notebook away from himself and towards Twilight at the other end of the coffee table.

Twilight smiled at him.

"What do you think?!"

Discord grinned sheepishly at her and tapped his claws together.

"It was... Good, but the pacing was a bit rushed."

But at Twilight heavy sigh, he quickly continued.

"But I know Celestia will love it, of course! In fact, I'll give to her myself!"

Celestia sipped at her tea, a purple notebook levitating in front of her.

Her eyes slowly widened as they read more and more of the written script.

Her breathing grew suddenly heavy.

"Oh my... Oh my... Oh my! Yes! Yes!"

Discord coughed to catch her attention.

"Still here y'know."

Celestia turned slightly pink.

"Ahem, of course. Twilight has learned well."

She thought for a moment.

"Letting her read my clopfics about Sunset Shimmer was rather clever after all."

Rainbow Dash Pranks Rarijack Part 1

There was absolutely nothing Rainbow Dash liked more than annoying Applejack. Except for maybe annoying Applejack on April Fool's Day. Which she was doing as of late, making sure Applejack's day was anything far from peaceful.

She was extremely successful, and after the third bucket of water that had (successfully) landed on her head fell, Applejack was feeling a horrid hatred for the cyan pegasus, and was sick of foalish endeavors, a word Applejack never used unless completely serious.

She sighed, pushing the bucket off of her head with a push of hoof, glaring at the guffawing pegasus. She grabbed her rainbow tail between her teeth and pulling sharply.

Rainbow, caught off guard, fell to the ground with a small 'thump!'.

Applejack stated at her with a satisfied smirk on her muzzle.

"Now, git, vermint. Go on, git!"

She pushed the grumbling pegasus with her hoof, and, with a groan, Dash untangled herself from the ground and stretched.

"Geez, it just a joke."

She lingered for a moment, but at Applejack's aggressive glare, held up a hoof and lazily waved it.

"I'm leaving!"

She flew up into the air, and when she was out of sight, Applejack shook her head, droplets of water landed on muzzle.

She took her hat off her head and wrung it out.

"That girl oughta use 'er head before somepony hits her."

She blinked at her hat, which had a small note attached to it.

It was slightly damaged from the water, but the ink hadn't run too bad, and it was still decipherable.
'Wink at me if I'm sexy. ;)

And her strange day was suddenly explained. Her mouth gaped.

"An' here Ah thought everypony had some nervous tick or somethin'!"

"I can't believe she just shot me down like that!" Rainbow Dash grumbled, her hair whipping through the air as she flew about town, trying to think of a way to get back her best friend.

As she sped past the Carousel Boutique, she pondered its name for boredom sake.

'I used to think she sold carousels, like those zebras that spun around. Flutters likes them. Right?'

As she further questioned the name, she found she had stopped in front door.

"Ugh, that reminds me of the first time I was ever in there. And the last, for the longest time, before purple booksmart came into town."

She shook her head trotted away, preparing to start flying again, but suddenly crashed into a flower cart.

She was about to start to shouting obscenities, but an idea sparked in her mind, and she saunter around the corner she bumped into and towards the front of the cart, where Roseluck was tending to a stallion, who walked away with a large bouquet of roses and a sappy grin plastered on his face.

Rainbow rested both of her hooves on the counter and grinned, flicking her head in a quick motion towards a large bouquet of white roses.

"How much?"

Roseluck smiled.

"Ten bits."

Dash nodded slowly, and whistled loudly. Roseluck covered her ears as Dash continued the high note for ten seconds, before running out of breath and laying her head on one hoof.

"Just give it a second."

Pinkie popped out of the bouquet in question and squealed delightfully.

Roseluck fainted.

"Hey, Dashie!! These for me?!"

"Nah, they're for Rarity."

Pinkie pouted, but regained her look of glee.

"You have the hots for Rare-bear?! Aw!"

Dash rolled her eyes .

"No, AJ does. "

"Jackie doesn't like Rare-bear, Dashie, I thought you knew that."

"I know, that's the prank. I need to borrow ten dollars from you to get them."

Pinkie saluted dutifully and propped a pair of saddle bags onto Dash's back and grinned.

And everything flashed white for a moment.

Rainbow rested both of her hooves on the counter and grinned, flicking her head in a quick motion towards a large bouquet of white roses.

"How much?"

Roseluck smiled.

"Ten bits."

Dash reached into her saddle bags and handed the money over.

Roseluck took the money, but squinted at the bags.

"Were they there before?"

Dash shrugged.

"Probably."

Roseluck laughed and grabbed the boutique and wrapped it with a purple bow.

"Want a message written?"

Dash smirked.

"Just write, 'To the fairest maiden in all of Ponyville'...."

Rarity had been having a very horrid day.

First some colts had been making fun on the phone, and then some silly fillies had drawn on her wall when their obnoxious mother had forgotten about them when discussing her dress.

Her dear Sweetie Belle had tried to wash it off, but ended just marking the wall and scrubbing off the paint.

On the bright side, it gave her an excuse to get Sweetie out of the house. On the bad side, it meant she had to go out and get paint to get rid of the mark.

Her trip was rather uneventful, and she got to watch Rainbow Dash drop a bucket of water on Applejack's head twice, and watch Dash face plant the ground, so it wasn't all bad.

She decided, to lift her spirits, to further delay her trip and get a small treat to eat.

When she returned, and her day seemed to be getting on fine again, it got even better, for on her porch, was a bouquet of white roses wrapped in purple ribbon and bow.

She lifted it into the air with her magic and squealed delightedly.

"Ooh, a secret admirer, perhaps? Or maybe it's signed?"

She didn't check until got into the boutique, her mind racing.

She read the little note attached to one of the stems with glee.

"'To the fairest maiden in all of Ponyville...'? Oh, how romantic!"

She fanned her face with one hoof as opened the door with the other one, not truly wanting divide her magic between the door handle and the bouquet of white roses.

As she closed the door, her mind raced with possibilities.

'Who could it have been?' she wondered, setting the flowers in a glass vase and fixing them.

Once they were perfect, she smiled.

'Could it have been Fluttershy? I was just telling her yesterday how much I loved white roses. It would be very like her not to write her name. But then , it would also be very like her not to do anything at all. And Fluttershy has already told me she has a crush on somepony else..."

She thought for a moment longer, drawing blanks until she came upon another conclusion.

"I bet it was Twilight. I showed her that book, didn't I? Where the mare gets flowers from a secret admirer? Oh, knowing Twiligjt she probably wanted it to be perfect... But knowing her shed probably do something a bit more than flowers, like chocolates..."

The thought of chocolate was enough to make Rarity's stomach rumble, as she only had that pastry all day.

Pastry.

"Could it have been Pinkie Pie? She knows everything about everypony, so she must have known about the flowers. But then, it's not like Pinkie to be shy, or serious for that matter. I can't see her getting me flowers either. She's more of a chocolates person. Or something a bit more extravagant and showy..."

She blinked. Showy?

"Of course! It was Rainbow Dash! We do have a lot more in common than we act like. Big dreams, big hopes, big hearts... Oh yes, it must have been her! We may not have the same dreams, but we certainly know a lot about what it takes to get there... Professionalism, individuality, hope, luck, talent. She'd sweep me off my hooves, hold me in her strong ones and kiss me and say, 'The fairest maiden in all of-'"

She paused.

'No, that doesn't sound right. Rainbow Dash, calling me a maiden? That's pushing it. And calling me the fairest maiden is pushing it even further. Even I know when things go to far, and that is much to old-fashioned for Rainbow Dash. Too romantic, too."

She sighed.

"But who else? Who else could possibly be so romantic? And know what would push my buttons just right? Who could be so old-fashioned?"

And then she went pink.

"Oh, my."

Rainbow Dash lay lazily on the rooftop of the Carousel Boutique, waiting impatiently for the right moment to tell Rarity about Applejack's crush on her. She waited with bated breath as the door slowly opened and Rarity stepped out, looking extremely anxious.

She propelled down and crashed in front of Rarity, who yelped in surprise.

"Rainbow Dash! Oh, you're just the person I needed to see!"

Rainbow brushed the dirt off of her shoulder and opened mouth to speak, only to be silenced by Rarity's hoof.

"Whatever you are about to say is never going to be anywhere near as shocking as what I'm about to tell you."

Rainbow nodded.

"Applejack has a crush on me."

Rainbow forced herself to keep a still face.

"Uh, ahem, yeah, I-I know."

"You know!"

"Yeah, totally, that's what- what I came to tell you. Er, AJ has a crush on you."

There was silence. Rarity slowly opened her mouth.

"Thank you for letting me... Know... Ahem, I must, um, I must be off now, I have a ruffian to visit."

Applehack smiled at Derpy, bless her, as she flew off.

"Such a lovely-oof!"

Rarity's hoof dutifully smacked Applejack in the horse-gut. She doubled over in pain.

"Applejackpayattentiontome!"

"H-hey, Rares...Can A-Ah help ya in some way that doesn't involve mah gut?"

Rarity feigned a sigh, dropping herself into Applejack's hooves in a faux faint.

"Applejack, I am in the deepest of deep troubles! What has happened to me has got to be. The. Worst. Possible. Thing!"

Applejack's eyebrow tried to reach her hairline as she dropped Rarity and sat on her hind legs, her front left hoof nursing her aching gut.

"Oh? An' whut might that be?"

Rarity smacked her back.

"You dropped me!"

"Ya aren't exactly a feather..."

Rarity hit her again.

"At least I don't have a crush on a mare who is way higher than me on the social ladder of everything!"

"... Whut?"

Rarity huffed standing on all four legs and trotting away dutifully.

Applejack rubbed the back her neck.

"Huh."

"She has a crush on you, dude," Dash said from behind her.

Applejack stare at the haughty mare as she left.

"Oh. Huh."

Dash groaned.

"Huh? Huh? You find out one of the hottest mares in Ponyville has a crush on you and that's what you say?"

Applejack shrugged.

"Ah'd have a better reaction if Ah was fifteen again. And wasn't on the football team. And was in high school. And had a lisp... Alright, Ah had the last one but-"

Dash waved a hoof in her face.

"Hey, A.J., newsflash! I don't care. What I do care about is that heartbroken mare is... well.. heartbroken! What happened to being a hopeless romantic?"

Applejack pondered this.

"... Ah dont think Ah ever was one..."

Dash groaned, face-hoofing.

"Argh! Go hit on her or something! Turn on your natural rustic charm or whatever!"

Applejack pouted.

"One, its country charm, an' two, Ah ain't into her type! All that high-maintenance jazz gets on mah nerves. 'Oh, Ah got ya flowers!'. 'Oh really?! Ugh, Applejack these roses are yellow! They clash with my dress!' she imitated.

Rainbow put a hoof around Applejack's shoulder.

"Yeah, Rarity sucks, but what's worse? You making her feel better, or her complaining about you to basically everypony in town?"

"Well, when ya put it that way... Hey! Ya aren't lying to me, are ya?"

Dash's bravado disappeared. her eyes shifted back and forth.

"Whaaaa? Nooo, AJ, we're paallss, I would never do that!"

Applejack's eyebrows dropped, her eyes half-lidded.

"Ya told me when we was foals jumping off trees didn't hurt."

Dash slumped.

"Yeah, okay but-"

"An' ya told me Pinkie's birthday party was three days after her actual birthday."

Dash rubbed the back of neck sheepishly.

"Okay, I did-"

"Heck, just last week ya told me rain was pegasus piss!"

"I never said that was a lie..."

At Applejack's disgusted flinch, she recovered quickly.

"Hehe... I mean, its just a fabricated truth!"

Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Th' point is ya always lie t' me! How do Ah know ya ain't lyin' now?"

Rainbow thought about it for a second.

"... She's pretty hot?"

Applejack glared at her, but her resentment soon turned to understanding as she watched Rarity strut down the pathway.

"... Yeah, she is, ain't she?"

To be continued...

Author's Note

It's agreed, Applejack is sexiest pony. The mares are all over that country love.