We were sitting in the school library at Canterlot High. We, meaning myself, Twilight, Applejack and Rarity. Human Twilight, MY Twilight, as I prefer to call her. It was Friday afternoon, and we were having a double date.
Yes, date. Blame my girlfriend for that. She is a dork. A really cute, sexy and adorable dork, but a dork nevertheless. I can’t imagine anyone else who would suggest a double date starting in a library. I can’t imagine anyone else finding it the height of amusement either, but Twilight really enjoyed studying that much. To put it simple, I didn’t, and still, I agreed to do this. Because of reasons.
I’ll admit I had no idea why Rares and AJ decided to join in as well, we had already decided to go out for pizza later on. They could have joined us later. But here they were, studying like eager squirrels.
I don’t think they had the same reasons as I, at least I don’t hope so. The reason (and guys, listen carefully) was the fact that the key to good sex is always spelled “F-o-r-e-p-l-a-y”. One might think it begins in the bedroom. Wrong. The foreplay begins already while one is doing the dishes or at the grocery store… or in the library. And if I want to see that cute little butt out of that skirt (And Faust yeah I want to) then I butter her up the way she prefers.
I closed my mouth, realizing I was staring at Twilight and drooling. The other didn’t see, but Twilight did. She gave me an amused look and started to lick the upper part of her pencil, in a very suggestive way. I hate to admit it, but I blushed. Twilight smile turned into a smirk. She know she can get me off so damn easy. I could only hope some kind of distraction would come up otherwise this would be an evening of innuendos. Dorky innuendos, but still.
“Twilight, Darling, would you be a dear and help me with my physics test? I can’t get a grip of the difference between centrifugal force and centripetal force, and it’s absolutely killing me!”
I sighed with relief. Thanks Rarity, for bringing my little dork back. Cute and sexy, but always a dork. I didn’t care to listen to Twilight’s little lecture for more than a few sentences and so I concentrated on my essay. But when she had been silent for a while, I got suspicious and looked at her again.
She was staring at Rarity. Ok, not STARING but… looking at her with that special look on her face, like “You just did something that totally doesn’t compute”.
I shrugged my shoulders and let it be. When Twilight was in that mood, the only thing to do was to wait and hope for it to either pass or mature.
But after ten more minutes and she still kept staring, I sighed. This one was apparently a tough one.
“Twi? What’s the matter?”
The others looked up as well, giving Twilight worried looks. Twilight blushed, and looked away. “It’s… it’s nothing.”
I was not going to have that. “Twilight Sparkle. You have been staring at Rarity for at least a quarter of an hour. You don’t do stare at people without reason. Now out with it.”
“Yes, darling. I would be intrigued to know what in my humble presence fascinates you so.”
Twilight looked really uncomfortable, so this had to be personal. She twisted in her chair, but in the end she told us.
“Alright, Rarity. It’s… your accent.”
Rarity raised a single eyebrow. AJ leaned back in her chair. She was quiet, Rarity was not. “My accent? Darling, what is the matter with my accent?”
“Well… it doesn’t … make sense.”
We all just looked at her, so she went into her “lecture mode”
“For starters, I know for a fact that Sweetie Belle don’t speak like you. I also know is that your mom is born here in Canterlot and your dad moved here when he was 2 years old.” She paused, and shot me a glance. “They wrote about them in Equestria Daily a month ago. No, Sunset, I didn’t stalk anyone this time. There is no reason that they should talk any other way than the regular Equestrian, so there is no reasons for them to speak with a Trottingham accent. But then, there is another thing that… Well, it is strange, but it really doesn’t fit with this either.” She cleared her throat.
“I also was overhearing a rather… animated person having a quarrel with someone over the phone some days ago in the girls’ restrooms. I had no idea who it was, and I couldn’t understand a word. Then, as I was washing my hands, you came out of the booth the mysterious talker had been in. And you muttered something about honey. I could give you more examples, but I think I’ve proven my point. I don’t think your Trottingham accent is real.”
I looked at Rarity. This was as close to an insult that Twilight could throw, and I was pretty sure Canterlot High’s resident drama queen was going to throw a tantrum.
Instead she sighed, and gave AJ a look. AJ just shrugged her shoulders. And then, Rarity began to speak.
“Alright, I guess I should be honest with you. Dis one is my real accent. The Trottingham one is just one I use to fit in better wit the elite of Canterlot. ”
You could hear a pin drop in the library. That was the thickest Irish accent I heard in days. Everything was there, from the “oy” instead of “I”, to the light l’s and the lost consonants. If I closed my eyes, I imagined the stereotypical red-haired girl standing behind the counter in a grocery store selling cabbage to an old farmer lady. But when I opened my eyes… it still was Rarity wearing one of her usual rad dresses, today a moss green skirt, a white shirt with a pink cravat and over that a green jacket. No doubt this was Rarity. And she spoke like that, she genuinely did.
Twilight, with her analytical brain came to the same conclusion. “You actually speak like that… You’re not faking a single thing… But… but…”
“How? Well, dat’s pretty simple. You know mum and daddy travels a lot? Well, they did so even when I was little. And so, granny was taking care of me those days. As you said, Daddy moved here when he was two, so he speaks standard Equestrian. But granny was born and raised in Ireband. Barrytown to be exact, and she never let go of her speech. And well… two-year old me just went wit it. And after five years with a granny from Ireband dat refuses to adapt… dis is what you get.”
Twilight had switched her look from chock to fascination to RESEARCH MODE.
“Oh, this is so fascinating! I have so many questions! I could write a paper of this! This is more than interesting. This is…”
Rarity laid a hand on Twilight’s arm.
“Twi, dear. I know you love your research, but I would be glad if you kept dis to yourself. Things would go arseways for me if dis came out.”
Twilight looked incredulously at Rarity. There was a fight going on inside her, but in the end, friendship won over science. She sighed. “Okay, okay. But can you just answer one more question? Isn’t it hard to shift? I mean, you speak Irish fluently, but your Trottingham accent is flawless too. Isn’t that hard?”
“Well, it isn’t much of an effort, really. The other accent comes natural to me these days. It’s basically when I’m really wrecked or pissed of dat I let it slip. And of course if I’m too ossified.”
“Oh… Ehm… who were you speaking to, when I overheard you in the restroom?”
“Daddy. He’s not as down with dis as me, but he’s effing like a true Irish. We were arguing about my clothing account, by the way. And I told him to póg mo thóin, nothing about honey.”
“What does that mean?”
Rarity leaned closer and whispered in Twilight’s ear. She blushed really hard, so I guessed it was something really dirty. My dork is a bit of a prude. Trying to shake off her inconvenience, Twilight turned her attention to AJ. “Did you know about this?”
“Eyup. Can’t hide those things from yer girlfriend, can ya? This is the reason she’s stopped teasing me for my accent. Can’t point a finger to the hick when ya talk like one from the docks. It’s hilarious.”
Rarity rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. But I love you anyway, my bird. And as I said, I’d prefer if you’d keep dis to yourselves, girls. I know it’s really nothing to be ashamed of, but I have been speaking wit a Trottingham accent so long I think they would look at me like a bunch of gimps if I showed them my real voice.”
Applejack just smiled, and gave Rarity a kiss on her cheek. Twilight just nodded.
“How about you, Sunset?”
….
“Sunset?”
I realized that I had frozen in the same position for almost four minutes now. I was staring, mouth wide open and eyes on two stakes.
“Sunset? Seriously, what is the matter, darling?”
Rarity was back at her old self again, and slowly, my brain started to work as it supposed to. The other three stared at me, Twilight looking more worried than the others. I smacked my lips a couple of times to get some saliva back. And the first thing I said was the one thought that had been on my mind since she showed us the real Rarity.
“You and I HAVE to perform “Fairytale of Manehattan” on the next Heart’s warming show!”
