This story´s first chapter´s title is hilarious!

by YetAnotherDiscord

Rating: teen
Tags: Gummy, Scootaloo, Random, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1894

What happens, when Scootaloo walks down an aisle, Pinkie stumbles over an old painting, and Gummy gets a mid-life-crisis?

You know this advice that, when experiencing writer´s block, you should just start writing whatever you are getting from your head, no matter how nonsensical?
Well, that is how this story came into being.

As Scootaloo walks down the aisle, some eldritch stuff happens, and, as the world becomes more and more crazy, it starts falling apart, and the badgers have to chose.

Do not, under any circumstances, unless your name either includes a reference to salt, or your avatar depicts a melon, take seriously.
This story does not make sense.

Also, this story is one of those truly random stories, because after an amount of sentences decided by a dice, I added a sentence from a random page of either the MLP-Wiki, the DoctorWho-Wiki, or TV-Tropes.
I have no idea why I did that, but it gave some interesting results, to say the least.

Well, good luck with reading this story.
You will need it.

Published 2015-06-16 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-13 19:07:11 UTC

This story´s title is badly informed.

As Scootaloo wandered down the aisle, she figured she would not be able to hold on the edge of the glass much longer, so it came as no surprise to her that it was raining jalapenos singing "Happy mirthday to you". No, this really could not be a thing, because when angels fall there must be a ground somewhere to fall upon, otherwise they would not be fallen angels but falling angels, and thus failing at their job.

This creates an unusual situation where the actors who do this do not truly understand what their own characters are saying. However, Scootalooses brief existential crisis solved itself when an up-side-down Fluffle Puff with peanut wings swooped down from the sky and ate her whole, which happened to her twice before, once, when she was a newborn baby, and the second time when she was briefly, because of a misunderstanding, wed to a drop of dew.

While Fluffle Puff flew overhead, the flightless pegasus making her way through her intestines, Pinkie thought it might be fun to do something fun, so she took out her cinnamon carpet and buried it beneath an old shouh-shaped tree. On her way back to the bakery, where her alligator sat in the bathtub contemplated the meaning of the colour purple, the not-waterness of water, and the importance of coconuts, she tripped over an old (but not as old as the old shouh-shaped tree) painting depicting the untimely demise of Celestia´s first pet - or, better put, the first untimely demise of her last pet - and fell straight down a rabbit hole, which did not lead into a strange chamber, but rather to the bottom of the hole, where a rather startled rabbit continued to chew his cucumber. While she scrambled to get out of there, a brightly dark flash of light dusked and took her to another place, or should I say teleported her, or maybe it just transported her, yes, let´s go with that, it transported her to Discord´s broom closet.

The first thing Pinkie noticed about it was that it was filled to the brim with - it took her quite by surprise - brooms. These shapes; magic, just magic. They came in two sorts: Normal brooms, and ordinary brooms. Since watching completely boring brooms was pretty exhausting, she took a piece of cake out of the pocket-dimension that was her mane, and stuffed it up her ear, yet another pocket dimension, after she decided not to it it until later. So she left the closet to the ordinary door, and continued to walk on the ceiling until she noticed there was a cactus, painted blue, standing in the corner, watching her suspiciously. A sign consisting of two horseshoes, with the center horseshoe placed on its side to resemble the letter C, is placed just at the sidewalk. As she approached it, carefull not to float up to the floor, the mushroom called out:

"Do not approach me any further, or I will have to resort to eat the cake that resides in your ear!"

Upon hearing this threat, Pinkie ripped of her face and turned into Derpy, and offered the bonsai a muffin, which the flea munched down enthusiastically. It was at this moment, or maybe a few aeons earlier, or even a few milliseconds later than that, that the auditors took notice of Discord´s little abode, and they took offence on its randomness, which is why Discord had to rename himself "Datcord", and now lives in Ankh-Morpork, selling klim to milkmen and ngiklat sdrawkcab.

So how did this all happen to happen in just a circlet of salt? After escaping a furnace unharmed, the Fourth Doctor claimed to have learnt the tricks of the fire-walkers in Bali. The reason is in plain sight, or, rather, a rain of pugs, as they say, which occasionally happen, but very rarely. Which is a shame, because these unicorns are getting really annoyed at this lamp. It does sound like a remote controle, and it is known that unicorns have a deep fear of those, which means they will most likely sit on wooden stools during meteor showers, heading east while nourishing themself with old (older-than-the-old-painting-depicting-the-untimely-demise-of-Celestia´s-first-pet-but-younger-than-the-old-shouh-shaped-tree-old), rugged rocks sprinkled with squirrel blood, a treat every feline enjoys if there is nothing else around but suicidal peaches. "But now you're a month old today, hey!"

So when Fluttershy faces the question of wether to abandon her fur or their noses, she choses to become strawberries. And as soon as the scuttlebug came out before the wooden can of timbers, the sun exploded, and everything was bathed in eternal night, and also a bit of liquorice.

This bath of eternal night and liquorice lasted for about ten seconds, when Luna yelled from the top of the lowest tower of Canterlot Palace:

"Screw it!" and went down to Tartaros to play poker with Zerberus, which gave the Spirit of Scrambled Eggs the long-awaited occasion to create a galaxis-sized omelette, which then was eaten by a horde of nano-weasels equipped with gummy hammers.

The question still stays, though, how the Appleloosans managed to build this giant wall in the middle of the jungle, and the answer is clear, they were nuts and nut-people can do anything. In these areas, school never closes for snow, and the phenomenon of a "snow day" is only known from TV and the Internet.

Just look at those squirrels! They are astonishing, aren´t they? How they manage to change colour after being invaded by rectangular rattle-snakes that were far too interested in chemistry.

However, when one sees this sort of thing, one can´t help but wonder, aren´t we all just sacks of water and other stuff pushed together by forces from outside? Or, as the alligator said, is there any meaning to existence? If you walk away from the ponies, you're gonna have a bad time. Wait, he did not say that, he thought that, and it makes therefore sense what he said because his scales are now purple as he falls down the void of his midlife crisis after seeing his loving pet rip of her own face, revealing herself to be Derpy all along! This is all just flabbedly-flap, and goobkledgwoperncdgtge,ejhcgbe.deücklodmmeb sggtvbemkicgbmelöaplereghc i8kendbcgjwpxsbndzhjder,ldjnm fkjkno, I´m sane now, I think, I hope, I deduce, I believe I want to be sane, no, I want to be crazy, and sane, and everything inbetween, all at once, and become the dog of the raw, and so I vanish again into the Chaos of random sigils appearing on a computer screeppf8jneuabnnew3090dhnekalöüvin wö+s´ignwlw´d9iwmöwü+spßaj.w#üdiwnb w2fazkrä#+dßskinwhjdepcf9ke vp0 zjjre

+pß0cvlnsdölascüojmwefkvösdv,sdvsddvönasb,.c anöcnaönv#,nnv- beep - beep - beep - beep - beep - beep - beep - beep - peeb - peeb - peeb - peeb - peeb, popjfgp+wee0úqw+pfkewfkwejgöw#gwweg
dfpqwfwegüwepgjüqwefjäqeöfqgdoqfn He talked about the termites. lefbhwefeg
wgweglöhwepäw,öfqemfpwefüwävbwvbmlbwfwmöwev, and the Applebloom flies to the moon.

After many years of planning, now was the moment, the moment that was awaited for those many years. She hard exercised hard, and learned hard, and trained hard, and now, as she put on the helmet, she realized, the moon was an egg, and as Scootaloo made her way out of it, she realized all her dreams have vanished, but at least her friend was back, and together, they made their way down the aisle, to see what is beyond.

A comedic "Duh!" moment, which is most often.

Author's Note

I regret nothing, everything, and everything or nothing inbetween.

And I think I overcame that writer´s block. If I did, there will be a new chaper for my other story soon, if I didn´t, this story will get a second chapter. Be warned.

Both the story title and the title of the first chapter are right.

Once upon a time, there was a jug of water, and as the paper disks fell out of the desks, a toaster rang, and when the potted plant tried to take it, it got some frozen ears. This was due to the fact that it would have been insane to consider reading this story you are reading right now, and if you are confused now, how the heck did you get through the chapter number e?!

So consider the spiders inside your stomach, and fruit some eat, so they can grow big and strong and invade the bedbugs in your liver, and flourish, and build pyramids out of your bones. And you will not even notice! So, just do it! Or don´t, íf you prefer that!

There is a god of tea inside a cup of coffee, and He hates it, so He will smite you unless you agree to become His prophet. And this prophet will write a book, a holy writ, with much wit in the writ, and certainly no sh....

Well, but the god of tea, comes down, and cries how badly written this book of sacred wisdom is, and how horrible your handwriting, and that it isn´t at all what He had in mind, he will forece them to redo it, to do it from scratch again, and the prophet will eat the god and drink coffee for all of eterni-tea, holding to his or her or its left a piece of lettuce, written upon which are the words "Agadefl" and "Mokjldran".

But why, then, does Rainbow Dash hate to dream of sunflowers, and Berry Punch like to dream of having a balloony head? The reason of this unreasonable question (and story, of course!) lies within the hearth of chrystal - not the heart of chrystal, mind you - and is a stew made from mp3-players and potatoes, stirred by enormously tiny omnicidal peppershakers with strange, on first glance useless, rods in their faces. And no, they are not Daleks. What ever made you think that?! That is as far-fetched as pizza and streamers for a party, I mean, how could you?

"Daleks" isn´t the first answer to everything, you know! That is "Cybermen", or "Borg", respectively. Apropos, do you know how many Borg you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, me neither! Mwwwhhhahhahhahhhhahhhaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And do you know why that requires an evil cackle with an abundance of exclamation marks? Because it is an established fact that staplers are good with porcupines, and if you do not know what this means, than you are a sane persone and kindly ordered to leave this forsaken place of madness! Oh, you want to leave your sanity behind? Well, sadly, that is easier told than said, so just sit back or front or up-side-left and listen to these feelings smelling like purple sours. And yes, I mean dino-sours, giant lemons and pickled onions and vinegared gummy bears roaming deserts, and hunting each other with terrible teeth and horrible horses.

So how does this fit in a small desk drawer?
Hah, you think I will tell you?!
Oh, you really do!
Are you serious?!
Of course you are, and I´m so serious it comes out the other end, which means, somehow, that although I will not tell you, I will, and when you leave this page you will be confused. So, Confused, the reason is: Cobwebs and pink-winged houses, soaring in the ocean´s debths, planning to conquer the world by covering it in liquid borium, and you will be lucky I just stole your nose.