Uhhhhh...

by Between Lines

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1512

Shining Armor decides he is Twilight Sparkle.

Shining Armor decides he is Twilight Sparkle.

Published 2015-06-15 18:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-15 18:40:02 UTC

...yeah...

“Girls! Something horrible’s happened!” Shining Armor shouted, bursting into the friendship throne room.

His arrival was greeted by stark silence.

Rarity, ever articulate, was the first to regain her voice. “Uuuuuuuhhhhhh…”

“Yeah,” Rainbow added after a moment, “I’m with Rares on this one.”

“Seconded,” Applejack agreed.

“Hiya Twilight!” Pinkie waved excitedly at Shining. “What’s wrong?”

“Not this again,” Twilight mumbled, beginning to massage the base of her horn. “Spike!”

“Yeah?” Echoed Spike’s voice from elsewhere down the hall.

“He’s doing it again,” Twilight shouted, still rubbing the base of her horn.

“What do you…” Spike poked his head out, took one look at Shining, then immediately started to snicker. “Wow, really? Okay, yeah, I’ll send a letter to Celestia.”

“Girls? What’s going on?” Shining finally spoke up again, gesturing to Twilight. “Why am I already here, and why are you all acting so strange?”

“Uuuuuhhhhhhh…” Rarity replied helpfully.

“Shining, look,” Twilight said. “It was cute when we were foals, but now… Cadance is probably worried sick.”

“Cadance? Shining? What are you…” Shining found himself cut short as Pinkie pie reached over and pulled a hoofmirror out of Rarity’s mane.

“Gah! Watch the wave!” Rarity yelped, finally snapped out of her coma, but the rest of the room was focused on Shining’s reaction.

“I… what…” He stared at his reflection in shock, his jaw hanging open. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nor, I think, were any of us,” Rarity finally managed to say. She turned to Twiight. “Twilight, darling, pray tell--”

“What the heck is going on?” Rainbow cut in, only to receive a glare from Rarity, followed by a grudging nod.

“I don’t know,” Twilight grunted, again rubbing her head. “Well, I do, just… When we were foals, sometimes Shining would dress up as me, complete with dye and everything. My parents said he was just acting out his feelings of inferiority since I got to be Celestia’s student. He hasn’t done it in years, so I thought…”

“Wait,” Shining spoke up. “I remember that! But how do you know about it?” He thrust a hoof at Twilight.

“Shining, cut it out,” Twilight replied. “This isn’t even cute anymore.” She opened her eyes to look at him, then chuckled. “Okay, it’s a little cute.”

“This isn’t cute at all!” Shining shot back.

“Shining,” Twilight said. “Your wings are made of cardboard.”

“And we can see your roots, darling,” Rarity added.

“That’s immaterial!” Shining declared, attempting to remove his wings with a magical tug, only to yelp in surprise. “Wow those are glued on hard.”

“Also, you’re kind of a dude,” Rainbow said, craning her head for an inappropriate angle. “Wow, jeeze, no wonder Cadance married you.”

“Rainbow, what--” Shining balked away from Rainbow, only to turn beet red as her words sank in. He glanced down between his legs, and immediately flattened himself to the floor. “Oh sweet Celestia that is an image I never needed to see.” He squirmed on the ground, his mortification only growing. “I can still feel it! I need mind bleach. So, so, much mind bleach.”

“Um, Girls?” Fluttershy spoke up, managing to catch everypony’s attention for once. “Doesn’t this seem a little strange to you?”

“Sugarcube, I don’t think ‘a little’ quite covers it,” Applejack said.

“Indeed,” Rarity agreed. “I think I would certainly rate this as one of the stranger things I’ve seen.”

“Well, I mean, yes.” Fluttershy blushed, glancing at Shining. “But that’s not what I mean?”

“Oh?” Rarity asked as the entire table turned towards Fluttershy, making her shrink back. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just, Shining seems awfully… authentic.” She hid behind her mane. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Forget I said anything.”

“Come to mention it.” Applejack rubbed her chin. “His Twilight is spot-on.”

“Because I am Twilight!” Shining whined from his spot on the floor.

“Applejack,” Twilight said. “He’s been doing this for years. He’s known me my entire life. Of course he’s going to be good at it.”

“I dunno.” Applejack’s gaze fell suspiciously on Twilight. “He feels a might bit too good in my opinion.”

“Oh, you can’t be serious.” Twilight facehoofed. “He dyed himself purple and you’re starting to believe him?”

“I have no idea how I wound up purple,” Shining chipped in. “It looks completely ridiculous.”

“Poor stylings aside,” Rarity said. “I think I can see Applejack’s point. There is something especially peculiar about all this.”

“Ugh!” Twilight threw up her hooves. “What’s it going to take to convince everypony that I’m me?”

“Oh, oh!” Pinkie bounced up. “I know!”

“Pinkie, where did you....” Applejack muttered, staring blankly at the sight before her.

“Silly!” Pinkie replied, adjusting her suit. “I’m always prepared for gameshow emergencies!”

Before Twilight’s five friends sat a pair of game show podiums, complete with stage and flashing lights, swiftly erected in the crystal castle ballroom. A great sparkling gold banner hung over the entire set, boldly declaring “Friend or Farce: A game of hard questions and harder truths!” At a third podium stood Pinkie, her forelegs propped upon it.

“Alright, ladies and gentlecolts--” Pinkie began.

“Halt!” With a flash of smoke and a bang, the ballroom doors burst open. “The Great and Appropriately Self-confident Trixie refuses to let such a show proceed with an amateur host!”

“Okies!” Pinkie replied, happily hopping down. “All yours!”

“Oh, you can’t be serious!” Twilight and Shining said simultaneously, matching their words with facehooves.

“Now!” Trixie hopped up with a flourish of her cape, briefly rifling through the notecards upon the podium. “Welcome all to Friend or Farce! A game of hard questions and harder truths! Tonight’s guests, Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic and Princess of Friendship, and her brother, also Twilight Sparkle.”

“He is not me!” Twilight pitched in.

“Yes I am!” Shining shot back.

“Trixie is merely reading her cue cards,” Trixie quipped, flipping to the next one. “The rules are simple! Trixie shall ask a question, and the first pony to buzz in and answer will be awarded the point. An incorrect answer will allow the other player a chance to steal with a correct answer.”

“You don’t seem real bothered by this,” Applejack commented, staring at Trixie.

“Trixie has seen stranger. Are you ready to begin?” She asked.

“Yes.” Both ‘Twilights’ replied at once.

“Very well!” Trixie cleared her throat. “How were the parasprites driven from Ponyville?”

Twilight buzzed in. “Pinkie led them away with her own personal band!”

“Correct!” Trixie declared. “First point to Twilight! Next question, what was Spike wearing on his head the night of Twilight’s welcome party?”

Twilight buzzed in again. “A lampshade!”

“Correct! Second point to Twilight.” Trixie shuffled her cards. “What is the one question that most eluded Twilight during her time in Ponyville?”

Shining buzzed in this time. “The Pinkie sense!”

“Correct! Twilight is on the board.” Trixie again shuffled her cards, unfazed. “What is Spike’s favorite kind of gem?”

Shining buzzed in. “Fire rubies!”

“That is incorrect!” The entire room gasped, though mostly Pinkie. “Twilight, a chance to steal, what is Spike’s favorite kind of gem?”

Twilight was silent a moment. “Polished tiger’s eye!"

“Almost a trick question, as tiger’s eye is only a semi-precious stone, but correct! Twilight leads with three,” Trixie announced.

“See?” Twilight declared. “I’m clearly me!”

“You haven’t won yet!” Shining argued. “Another question!”

“What,” Trixie asked, “Is your favorite scent of shampoo?”

Shining buzzed in with an aggressive slap. “Banana mango!”

Trixie glanced at him. “And not something grape flavored?”

“I can’t stand grapes,” He replied.

Trixie sighed. “Thematically inconsistent, but correct.”

“Anyone could guess my favorite shampoo! Especially him!” Twilight grumbled. “Ask something only I would know!”

“Very well, who is your secret crush?” Trixie asked, a certain smug smile on her face.

Shining buzzed in first, though he was blushing like a beet. “Uhhh, could we ask another question?”

“That… is the correct answer!” Trixie declared. “The game is tied at three and three!”

“Ugh!” Twilight huffed, slamming her hooves on her podium. “This isn’t getting us anywhere!”

“You’re just sore because you’re starting to lose!” Shining countered.

“We’re tied!” Twilight argued.

“Then it’s time,” Trixie shouted. “For the lightning round!” There was a crack of thunder, and suddenly the room went dark, the normal lighting replaced with intense spotlights. “Double points, you each have one second to answer. No buzzing, first correct answer wins! What transformation spell haven’t you mastered?”

“Oranges!” Twilight said.

“Oranges!” Shining said.

“Point to Twilight! What is Rarity’s favorite Spa treatment?”

“The Queen’s Indulgence!” Shining said.

“The Queen’s Indulgence!” Twilight said.

“And we’re tied again! Spike’s favorite sport?”

“Hoofball!” Twilight said.

“Hoofball!” Shining said.

“Twilight leads again! Better kisser, Cadance or Chrysalis?”

“Chrysalis!” Twilight said.

“What?” Shining said.

A deathly silence settled over the room. Slowly, Twilight’s pupils shrank to pinpricks as she realized what she’d just done. “Oh, crap.”

Without another word, she turned and leapt through the window, smashing through it into the courtyard beyond. As her figure winged off into the distance, the room continued to find itself at a loss.

“Uuuuuuuhhhhh....” Said Rarity.