Chapters The Beginning
The girls were confused.
Twilight had called all her friends to her castle in, "the name of SCIENCE!", as she put it. Now, when Twilight calls all the girls to her castle, they know it means some serious business. They were expecting a monster, a new objective form the map, a world cataclysm, even... an Ice Cream party to liven up the castle some more.
Instead, they got the old mirror portal with various markings and pictographs around it. What appeared to be a bright red five-pointed star in a circle was surrounded by various symbols that, to anybody without an extensive knowledge of ritualistic magicka, would seem completely and utterly random.
And nobody here was a particular expert on ritualistic magicka.
Just as everybody began to wonder just what the heck was going on, a certain purple alicorn, (who, for the porpoises of Antarctica we shall call Twilight Sparkle), walked into the room. Twilight lit up her horn to bring out a little notepad as she started explaining what the heck was going on.
"Girls, I've been running some experiments on the mirror portal, and I think I've finally figured out how it works. With the array set up here, we should be able to access other dimensions of our choosing!"
Everyone oohed and aahed at the prospect as Twilight begun activating the array. Her horn glowed a bright purple as each symbol on the array begun to glow, one after the other. Twilight began a chant.
"Spirito sanctos anno anno mundi, spirito sanctos anno anno mundi, adducam mihi aliam, adducam mihi aliam."
As everybody braced themselves for what may come from the portal in front of them, the mirror began to glow brighter as the glass began to crack. The cracks grew larger and larger, until finally...
*CABOOM*
It exploded.
In it's place was a bipedal creature very similar to the ones Twilight had seen the mirror portal, but this one was much different. The hair colour was a more subdued dark brow, with light, peach-looking skin. It's eyes were smaller and it was much plumper everywhere in comparison to the humans from behind the mirror. It's clothes were much more impersonal as well, with nothing but a white shirt with black pants.
"What is it?"
"I don't know."
"It looks so drab!'
"It looks so scary..."
"He looks fun!"
"It looks mighty strange, whatever it is..."
"Whola e pirr?"
"Hi doe ilt nokiel."
"Pirr lonki o janka!"
"Pirr lonki o skaRalka..."
"JuR lonki faj!"
"Pirr lonki matal galagad, wholkarra..."
'Who and what the hell is that?' you wonder. You hear vaguely feminine voices whisper above you in a strange and unknown language. Coupled with the fact that you are currently in mild amounts of pain, and the fact that your vision is black, and you've got a recipe for disaster.
Or panic.
"Who the hell are you? What's going on?" you question rather loudly as you open your eyes, causing the voices to go quiet.
Looking around yourself, you notice something odd. Surrounding you are six different coloured ponies, with four different kinds. There were two pegasi, two regular ponies, a unicorn, and a... a... ? Uh... I guess Penicorn. You were on the floor, and with these ponies standing over you, you weren't exactly feeling safe.
"Doe oonka spaR Krrashilka?" asks the Penicorn, who appears to be addressing you.
You, being the articulate and eloquent man that you are, you answer in the most sophisticated way possible.
"What?"
"Doe oonka nokiel whola dore oonka til a?"
"I don't speak... whatever it is you're speaking."
There's a short pause in the... conversation, (if you can call it that), and the penicorn looks around her. You notice that about half of the ponies around you look at you with suspicion, whilst the other half with a sort of cautious optimism.
"Goorr's! Yon er yoon?"
The other ponies around the penicorn gave a mix between "yon" and "yoon".
It's around this time when you brain decides, "fuck this, I'm out," and you faint.
"Girls! Good or bad?" asks Twilight to her friends.
Rarity and Fluttershy give unenthusiastic "Good?"'s, whilst Pinkie gives an exceptionally positive "Good!', and Rainbow Dash and Applejack give unenthusiastic "Bad?"'s. Most of the ponies weren't sure what to make of the strange creature Twilight had summoned. It seemed to talk in some unknown language, but they weren't entirely sure. Maybe it was an-
*FWUMP*
It's right about then that everybody noticed that the creature had fainted, from shock or something else, the ponies weren't sure.
"Oh no! This could be bad!" panicked Twilight, "SPIKE! GET A ROOM READY, WE HAVE SOMEPONY WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF!" Twilights head was racing with possibalitys and scenarios, ranging from 'This alien is playing dead to kill me', to 'This alien is suffocating due to our atmosphere!', and no matter how many thoughts raced around her head, Twilight could find no peace.
"GIRLS! Go get Nurse Redheart! We may need medical attention on this... thing!"
The girls raced off to go find Nurse Redheart, whilst you remained faint.
Spike comes down to tell Twilight the rooms ready, when he sees you. He seems somewhat disturbed at your appearance, but otherwise pushes past it.
"Twilight, the rooms ready!"
"Thank you, Spike. Lead the way."
And with that, Twilight picks you up in her magic and takes you to your new room with Spike leading the way.
And whatever happens next, let's hope it's for the better.
Author's Note
Alright, first story I've started with the intention of making it go long-term.
Wish me well.
This chapter was brought to you by a band called Jungle.
"Uh... Princess Twilight?" asked Nurse Redheart.
"Yes?"
"I don't know how to work with this..."
Nurse Redheart had arrived at the castle a few minutes after you had knocked out, coming as fast as she could under the assumption that she could be effective with the, as Rainbow Dash had put it, "THE SCIENCEY ALIEN WHATEVER" emergency. Being the fine nurse that she is, this wouldn't be beyond the realm of possibility... if she weren't being asked to treat a big... thingy from another dimension.
Nurse Redheart had examined it up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, and start, and she still couldn't quite be sure what to do about you. In fact, all she really did was look for where your pulse was. Luckily, she found it before Twilight had a slight psychotic break over your "Post-Dimensional Travel" Shock. As good a sign as that was, however, Twilight still feared that something might still be wrong with you, and with no evidence either way, she was somewhat worried.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"Are you sure you're sure?"
"Yes"
"What abou-"
"Yes"
"But-!"
"Twilight, I don't know a thing about this creature or its body. Actually, I'm not even sure why you sent for me, since a vet would probably be more useful. All I can do is look for a pulse, Twilight. Just calm down!"
And with that, a shifting in the blankets alerted the ponies to the strange waking creature in the bed.
You wake up to the sound of people talking in a strange unknown language. Remembering where you had fainted, you decide it best to just lay as still as physically possible and to try to keep your breathing steady. Wouldn't want to alert the potentially dangerous Penicorn, now would you?
"Til oonka selkaR?"
"Rral."
"Til oonka selkaR oonka til selkaR?"
"Rral."
But now you have to pee.
"Whola varral-"
"Rral."
You have to pee really bad.
"Blok-!"
"Talli, hi doe'lt nokiel vae theil varralka er pirr'z bolka. ARlak, hi ak ilt evela selkaR whakal oonka stenk ifal hi, sinkal vae ankila-pon whal prroka ba krroR ukela. Loe hi kat doe e lonk ifal vae poke, Talli. Kaldoka!"
Okay, in the interest of your bladder, you decide to just get up and try to ask for the bathroom. It would probably be worse for you if you pissed in the Penicorn's bed anyways. They'd probably lock you in cage and put you on display like some fucked up zoo animal. Aaaand you're gonna stop thinking about that before you piss yourself.
As you start to get up, you notice a new pony staring at you. This pony is white with pink hair and blue eyes. She's got a nurse outfit on and a red cross on her ass, so you assume she's a nurse of some sort. The fact that the Penicorn called for a nurse whilst you were fainted brings you some level of comfort.
Some.
"Uh... excuse me, do you guys know where I can find a bathroom?" you say as you try to make gestures with your hands to speed the process along.
"Whola?" asks the nurse pony.
Realizing that you probably won't be getting very far trying to communicate with words and gestures, you decide to mime out the act of taking a piss. All things considered, it's probably better then trying to teach them bathroom in English.
As you make your gestures for the bathroom, understanding slowly dawns on the purple Penicorn's face. It seems to beckon you towards a door you honestly hadn't noticed before, and you cautiously follow it into a huge hallway.
As you walk through a giant crystalline hallway, you decide to reflect on your situation...
Jack had been having a hard time lately.
He had just gotten off work, and he was going to visit his girlfriend Dalila. He hadn't been getting the gigs that he had hoped he would, and his friends were all away on various vacations and such. Aside from that, people were getting laid off left and right at his work, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he would be next. With his not so stellar mood, he decided a visit to his girlfriend would probably cheer him up.
As Jack kept on driving through one of the neighborhoods, passing an apartment complex, he noticed a stray raincloud looming over the road ahead. It wasn't unheard of in Ventura, but what really got Jack about it was the fact that it was purple. It looked very static-y to boot, and then just doesn't bode well with a man of superstition like Jack.
The cloud gravitated towards his car, looking ready to burst as Jack started driving a bit faster to hopefully get away from it.
And then there was white...
And now that you're in this strange world, you start to feel the wait of what you've been taken away from start to weigh on your shoulders. Luckily enough, you still have some hope of this just being a small visit of sorts; otherwise, you'd have been crushed.
All the while that you had been contemplating your situation, the Penicorn had been making one sided small talk with you in that strange language of hers. You couldn't really understand any of it, but at least she made the effort to communicate.
You start to realize how expansive this crystal area you're in actually is . You have been walking for about five minutes, and it isn't doing your bladder any favours.
Guess you're in for the long haul.
You gotta pee.
It's become increasingly evident that wherever the Purple Penicorn is taking you is way too far away for your bladder. The hallway seems to just be repeating itself over and over. Even the Purple Penicorn seems confused by this. She looks suspicious of something, to. She's looking around for something, and from the way she's doing it, she ain't looking for the bathroom.
"Diskala! Hi nokiel oonka til thlaka!" it yells at what appears to be nothing.
"Talli! Hi ak kunrrulka oonka fowlk hi!" responds nothing.
And now you're confused. 'This place can talk? What the hell? Does that mean this place is alive? What?' you think, confused at the idea that this place that you've been in for the past *cough* minutes has been alive this whole time. Does that mean you're in some sort of stomach? But then why is it made of crystal? Aaaaand now your head hurts.
"Diskala, stathkal doela rra! Hi eelkath ote jez rra ote ja toleak!" responds the Penicorn.
And then, out of the wall, like the Kool-Aid Man on crack, comes crashing in the Devil himself, with tiny fireworks and an explosion of suspiciously yellow liquids.
And you still have to pee.
"Ala ooli e rra?" asks Satan.
"Pirr doke'lt nokiel Krrashilka." responds the Penicorn.
"No, but I can speak English!" answers Satan.
'What. What the fuck?' You are now seriously confused. Satan speaks English, (which, actually makes sense, now that you think about it), but it speaks Penicorn as well? And why is the Penicorn so calm around this LORD OF FUCKING EVIL!?
"So tell me about yourself, thing! I'm curious; just what are you?" asks Satan as he walks up to you. He looks down at you with a friendly smile as he stands in front of you.
And now's around the time you piss yourself.
Jack pissed himself in fear of the prince of darkness.
Twilight cringed at the look of fear and embarrassment on Jack's face.
Discord started laughing his ass off.
"Oh, I must say, Twlight: I think I like this one!" exclaims Discord. "It even has a water squirting feature! This one is going to be oodles of noodley fun! I can just tell!" Discord walks around Jack, examining him, cause some mild botherations to the already piss soaked and demeaned Jack.
"Discord! Do you realize how much you've scared it? It looks like it wants to die!" exclaims a certain yellow pegasus from the end of the now (relatively) regularly sized hallway. Fluttershy runs up to Jack and tries to comfort him, (to minum effect, since Jack doesn't speak Equuish).
"Oh, but Fluttershy! He could be so much fun!"
"No Discord, stop it."
"But-"
"No buts, mister. I want you to apologize to it right now."
"Oh, alright."
And all the while, Twilight had simply been looking on, still trying to figure out why Discord (apparently) new this creatures language. 'If Discord knows this thing's language, that means he can help translate! Oh! I can learn so much from this! An alien language, an alien culture! All this knowledge could be mine!'
"Discord," asks Twilight, "Could you help translate for me? I think we can get some communication going on here." Twilight paces up beside Discord as she says this, another thought coming to mind as she walked up.
"Oh, and where are the others?"
*SNAP*
*CRASH*
And then everyone fell out of the ceiling, covered in chocolate milk and glue.
"Well... alright then."
You stand there in an awkward state of confusion, embarrassment, fear, and annoyance at everything going on in this crystal hallway of explosive entities. If you had any sense in you at the moment, you probably would've run off, but with the spectacle of a unicorn, a pegasus, and two regular ponies exploding out of the ceiling covered in suspiciously sticky white and brown liquids seems to have you glued to the spot, and wondering just how freaky these ponies actually are .
You then notice that the fabled Pretty Purple Penicorn™ standing next to you. It opens it's mouth and begins to talk.
"Rraka, hinR man e Talli Shpijal. Oonka til a kalkee magla Lakdala-Pon," it says.
As she says this, Satan looks at you and adresses you. "She said 'Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. You are in a country named Equestria."
The Penicorn addresses you again, "Rra e Diskala-" she gestures to Satan in front of you "-ala koonda-" she gestures to the sticky pile of bickering pony behind her, "- til hinR ponpon'z."
"She says, 'This is Discord and they are my friends.'" says the apparent Discord.
You decide to introduce yourself to her and her friends. "Hello, my names Jack, and I'm a human."
Discord translates to Twilight, and the three of you walk back to your room at Twilight's suggestion, leaving behind Fluttershy and the ball of sticky ponies.
"AJ, get off of me!"
"Yer on me, Dash!"
"Oh Celestia my mane!"
"Hey, this is pretty fun!"
The ball of ponies are currently trying to get unstuck from the glue and chocolate milk stuck all over them. They're not having much luck, but at least Pinkie's having fun.
"Uh, girls?"
"How'd we even get in this mess?"
"Ah haven't the faintest clue."
"Will somepony PLEASE unstick us so I can fix my mane!?"
"Girls..."
"Oh stop being a party pooper, Rarity!"
"Pinkie, this is an emergancy! Do you realize I could pull out all of my mane if this glue dries?!"
"Oh... yeah, that doesn't sound fun"
"Girls! I'm going to go find Discord to undo this! Don't kill each other... please?"
And with that, Fluttershy left to catch up with Discord.
You walk with the Penicorn and Discord for awhile, quietly taking in the sights. From purple walls to green tinted windows, if it weren't for the fact that the Penicorn wasn't particularly threatening, you actually might've mistaken it for some sort of nefarious evil lair. To be fair, it doesn't look particularly terrible , but evil has never really been measured in aesthetic, now has it?
As you walk, you can hear the purple Penicorn and Discord talking in their strange language. You notice that the language seems vaguely similar to your own, but as it stands, you can't really understand what they're saying. 'It probably wouldn't be too hard to learn', you figure in your head.
"Whola toold jee doe kip pirr?" asks the Penicorn.
"Oonka fowlk juR, pirrz ulkala," responds Discord, "Thao hi Riln oonka toold juR."
Whatever conversation they're having, it doesn't seem to concern you, so you decide to ignore it in favour of trying to think of a way to get back home. From what you can gather, you just need to get struck by lightning and you'd be good. Only problem there being that you'd actually need to find a purple thundercloud to strike you, and then get it to strike you.
Yeah, not happening. Pretty stupid idea on your part.
But then the Penicorn, looking as cereal as Circle-Os, turned to you and asked, "Whola doe oonka lokla grro ote doe kip oonka?"
Now, you don't know much about this thing's language, but your pretty sure that that was a question. There were many options presented with you, but you go with the most obvious one.
"Hey Satan, what'd she say?"
"She asked what you wanted to be done with."
"Uh... send me home?"
Discord turns to Twilight and says, "JuR keesp juR laklaz ote balgarra molae."
And thus, the everything was awkward .
"He said he wants to go back home."
"Oh... there might be a problem with that..."
"A problem? My dear Twilight, dimensional travel is no problem at all! Just tell me where to drop him off and I can take him there myself."
Twilight looked at the floor guiltily as she collected her thoughts. It hadn't occurred to her that she would eventually have to send Jack back, and now that it had, the weight of what she had done suddenly hit her in the face like a brick made of lead. 'I really screwed up, didn't I?', she thought to herself as she realized that. infact, she had no idea where Jack had come from, and with the explosion of the mirror scorching the array, she wouldn't be able to find out. Twilight took a deep breath, and she tried talk in as steady a voice as she could.
"Uh... we don't actually know where exactly to take him. The mirror portal was destroyed when we brought him here, and it took the magical array with it, so..." Twilight trailed off, letting the implications of this statement speak for itself.
"Mmm, yes, that could be quite the problem, couldn't it? Never worry, I'm sure you can figure it out. When you find what to do with him, be sure to give me a call!"
And with that, Discord imploded. There was a rain of confetti, the roof turned black, and there was a pile of ash where Discord had stood.
Jake stared on, positively mortified.
'Well, that was a thing that happened.'
You, not being used to Discord's bullshit, are positively, absolutely, one-hundred percent, completely mortified. Your only means of reliable communication just imploded right in front of your face. Infact, if you hadn't known any better, you would've said that the universe is actively trying to fuck with you. Well, I'll have you know that I'm not! Just because I'm an asshole doesn't mean I'm only being a dick to you!
Anyways, Twilight looks like a combination of sad and annoyed. She turns to you and starts speaking in her native tongue, (not that you can understand it).
"Hi ak brrasha ifal Diskala'z alRa bantooka krroodka. JuR kat ba nandinka. Oonka kat ilt errzka molae, alla hi ak brrasha ifal shlath, blok hi mantak pirr whal ba vae yon idka ote tesheth oonka muz Shilka-Pon."
You have no idea what she just said aside from it involving Discord, so you just nod and hope that she takes it as a good thing. With your nod of uncertain confirmation, she seems to brighten up a bit, before a purples aura enshrouds your hand and you get pulled with her into the hallway and then the room across the hall.
This purple aura thing wouldn't be so much of a problem if it hadn't had the ability to take you around and move you without your will, consent, or really any prompt that it could. Now, since it is a problem, you take it upon yourself to faint, (once again), out of, if not shock, a bit of fear of the implications of this glowey thing. What else could it move? Why? How? To what ends?
These are the questions that would be going through your head, had you not fainted.
"Uh, Discord? Are you here? Please answer me..."
Fluttershy was currently walking through the hallway, (as established in the last chapter), looking for Discord, Twilight, and the alternate dimension thing. Fluttershy was abolutely lost, due in no small part to the fact that the only reason the hallway was straight before, was because of Discord. Now that he was, (supposedly), gone, his little joke can come into fruition. Whilst Fluttershy may have patience for this bullshit, it doesn't mean she has to like it.
'I swear, I just wanna rip out the throat of whoever designed this castle. Fuckin' magic boxes..."
No, she does not like it one bit.
And whilst she was having super amazing fun times with the maze that is Twilight's castle, the glue had dried on the ball of ponies from last chapter.
Oh there will be fun times to be had when I decide to write the next one.
Author's Note
This chapter has been brought to you by The Cramps.
And then everybody died of cardiac arrest.
The end
Author's Note
Let the hate mail flow through you
This chapter was brought to you by Raisin Bran and the Fugs
Basically, this was horribly written and gimmicky and I'll do better next time.
And thus, that's it.
