Twilight once told me that the term ‘cold’ describes merely the absence of heat. When it’s freezing outside and the chilly wind cuts your ears, your teeth chattering and your knees knocking, it’s not because coldness envelopes you like darkness to drain your soul, no, it’s that there is no heat around to bother about you and satisfy your soul. It’s that you’re missing something in your life, rather than something else occupying you.
But if by that theory that cold is an absence rather than a presence, then theoretically you’d feel nothing. You can feel comfortable at room temperature, slightly uncomfortable at body temperature, and would be scorched alive at the sun’s temperature. But what if it’s chilly? What if you were in absolute zero? Does it mean you wouldn’t feel anything?
Obviously not.
Participating in that Hearth’s Warming play did not aid me in empathising with those ponies stuck in that blizzard. What must it have been like, to be freezing your flank off, entrenched in hopelessness for what could be an eternity? It was only, after all, a play- people illusion themselves that everything enacted was the truth, but in reality, everything was hollow. It was merely a theatre with an audience, with a stage that had curtains on its edges, along with poorly drawn props and ponies lying through their teeth for others’ entertainment. You could never really feel what would be like unless you had a first-hand experience.
Well, now that I do, I must say that those ponies in that hopeless place... they might have been cursed.
And that’s exactly how I feel now.
Ahead of me is a large blanket of white. Snow, this plain of light balls of tuft, is supposedly fluffy, like clouds, and is supposed to be comforting tactilely. But in truth, snow is just made of flakes, which have spokes and edges. They’re actually sharp... not everything is what it seems. But what it seems now is that all around me is snow. Just an endless white bleeding across the land, an eternal shroud of frozen rain... you can probably tell it is below freezing point. The snow is riding the coattails of the howling wind, icy needles slapping against anything it comes into contact with. My teeth are chattering, like the rapid taps on a telegraph, I am trembling as much as Rarity’s massage chair on full power, and my breath erupts as hiccups, tiny clouds of smoke dissipating into the atmosphere.
I very much like to believe that you can’t feel coldness, but the truth is that you can. Ponies can feel cold.
To be honest, I have no idea how I ended up in this miserable state. All I remember was having a leisure flight through the sky, before I unknowingly and stupidly charged into a blizzard. The cold settled in rapidly, and my wings numbed. Trotting through the large plain of snow fared no better- energy was quickly being sapped out of me, and exhaustion begun to overcome me. It was like slowly being engulfed, the cold seeping into me before conquering my body...
How could have I been so stupid as to not see the snow clouds dispensing its white fluff onto the land, and not see them floating in the breeze? Now I was entrenched here, stuck in a hopeless place, slowly dying... and there was nothing I could do about it.
I had honestly no idea what I would become. It felt dark, bleak, being dominated by nature’s forces... I could possibly end up dead, no longer a part of this world anymore... like I was being taken away. Everything seemed to be completely and utterly hopeless, an eternal white and bitter cold waiting right in front of me. My mind was not resting on anything else... except for the fact that I was stupid, except for the fact that it was as bitter cold, except for the fact that I was going to die.
My breathing was shallow, my body was getting numbed from all the cold, and my consciousness was slipping away. If you want to analyse these things... you might say that I was definitely heading towards my gravestone. It was all just... hopeless. Desolate. I knew that I wouldn’t make it. Unless a miracle somehow, in the slim chance that it does, happens, I was going to die.
But death... it was bittersweet. You no longer see your friends, yes, but you no longer see your enemies. You can’t feel happiness again, yes, but you can’t feel anger anymore. The world is but contrasting emotions... death was a way to pick neither of two sides. It was the end of everything, the end of all the sufferings and bliss in the world. Death is always neutral. And sometimes, when your life has been really hollow, you often crave something that’s better. Something that isn’t negative... something free of any suffering- and that was what death provided.
Maybe I was trying desperately to look on the bright side of things. But it didn’t really matter.
And so I felt the darkness finally enshroud me, the final moments of my life come to a close... and let my consciousness flutter away.
I woke up.
Around me was not snow, but clouds. Snow had that jagged and icy feeling to it, shredded ice, whereas clouds were like cotton, much more comfortable than snow. My teeth weren’t chattering, and my knees were not knocking. Warmth, oh so sweet warmth, shrouded me like a blanket, this time one that made my soul at ease, and suddenly all that death had vanished from me. There was a fabric sort of feeling around my upper torso, and some strange concentration of warmth in one place... but the sensation was much more relaxing than back out in the blizzard.
But what I knew was that I was in another pony’s house. I could see cloud walls around me, random property strewn all over the place. I was in a house... somepony’s house.
I rested my head against my vertical left front hoof, still lying down. I knew this- somehow one way or another I was rescued from an icy death. It was no divine force- it was obviously somepony else’s doing. Somepony saved me.
The question is: which pony?
I surveyed my surroundings again, my eyes scanning for any life form, the one who rescued me when I felt hopeless. And immediately I found a pony, right next to me. As in, to the point where I could feel his head and breath against my hooves, his navy-blue hair against my neck and his hooves... wrapped around my body.
I shrieked.
It was a knee-jerk reaction- literally. I felt my left hoof move, instinctively, a jerk against the pony next to me, as I moved my body away from him. Upon doing so, however, his hooves fell flatly to the floor, while his head that had previously laid on my hooves now clunked to the floor.
“Ow!” he yelped, before he rubbed his head lightly. He cringed and groaned, before his eyes met mine, and at that instant his attention was diverted towards me.
And then I caught sight of his pale blue body, his emerald green eyes, and then his goggles on his head... and immediately I recognised Soarin’.
Horseapples.
“Rainbow Dash!” He exclaimed, a relieved and jubilant smile spreading across his face. “You’re awake! Oh thank Celestia!”
I remained frozen in position, paralysed by the sheer astonishment of it all. I... I was in the presence of another Wonderbolt! Now I was trembling again, but this time not because of the cold. Can you imagine the feeling of being right next to a pony you highly respect and admire? It was as if your life had been completed... your idol, just feet away from you. That feeling... it was jubilation, sheer ecstasy, complete joy and excitement.
Of course, all of that succeed the initial shock- when life gives you the things that you hardly expect... you wouldn’t have known what hit you at first...
What was a little unsettling was that he had his hooves around me, to the literal and physical extent. His head was nanometres away from my chest, and I could feel him... it seemed unnerving that he could get to such proximity to one without feeling the least uncomfortable. I mean, I felt extremely relaxed and comfortable when he did... but why? And how could he have done it without feeling much?
These all came as an afterthought, as Soarin’, the same ecstatic grin on his face, began to trot over to my place, and pressed his head against the back of my head, his neck and my neck two parallel, side-by-side columns. The equivalent of a hug standing-up.
“Oh Rainbow Dash I’m so glad you’re okay!” He continued. “I would never forgive myself if... if anything happened to you....”
Frankly, I had no idea how to react to everything. Soarin’... he was right in front of me... and he had saved me! He had gone out of his way to rescue my life, one that was so miniscule to him that if he had flown right past me... I wouldn’t have blamed him.
But... what exactly had happened?
Soarin’ pulled away, and he caught my expression. His smile faded away, and his melancholic frown-that absence of joy that had been imprinted on his face previously- gave his expression a hollow tint, making me long for his smile again.
“You... you okay Rainbow? Do... do you feel unwell?” Soarin’ asked, concern clearly marked into his tone.
The time to speak arrived, and I grabbed it, utilising it in the most stupid of manners.
“What... what happened?”
Soarin’ gave me a quizzical look, and right there and then I wanted to drop dead, or rewind time and not have uttered such a stupid question. “Did you forget? You... you passed out in the blizzard. I was just ... taking a flight... when I saw you!” Desperation bled into his voice. “And I was worried sick! I... I brought you home... and, well... you... you were breathing. So I decided to try and keep you warm and... well...”
I could imagine Soarin’, flying through the atmosphere like nobody’s business, undaunted by the bitter cold that the blizzard presented. Fearless, strong, everything that I wished I could be... and then, he would catch sight of me, right there, in the snow, a motionless pony. Then, all the flustering that he must have experienced from then, and all the trouble he must have had to heave me all the way back to his house, the weight of me in his hooves/on his back as he flew all the way back here... and the care he had to give me. It made me feel... indebted. Like I owed him something... like I had to return this favour, somehow.
My eyes wandered around the room again absently, before they lay upon a rather damp Wonderbolt costume. I stifled a blush; I could picture Soarin’ dragging me into the house, laying me down and he stripping off the costume as a makeshift blanket on me. I gazed upon his body, almost white save a small tint of azure, and realised the purpose of his hooves being wrapped around me. Trying to fill me with the warmth that I so badly needed... it was as if, should cold be truly an absence of heat, Soarin’ was the presence... it made me feel... comfortable, that Soarin’ could keep me so warm like that...
“Anyway,” he continued, snapping me out of my trance. “Are you fine? Do you still feel cold? Do you feel unwell or anything?”
“I’m... alright,” I answered. That was the truth, actually- I was warm and the feeling of death and freezing cold didn’t engulf me. Energy began to pour into me slowly, completing me and making feel... normal, again. And it was all thanks to Soarin’. But, to be honest... I felt extremely guilty for troubling and burdening him like this... if it were me, it would have been way too much to handle.
“I...” I continued, hesitantly, since I was after all in the presence of my idol. “I-...I’m just so sorry, about that Soarin’. That you have to save my pathetic life and all... and had to go out of your way to-”
“You don’t have to be sorry, Rainbow. And it’s not your fault. I... I just did what I had to do...” Soarin’ said, his voice trailing off at the end. “It’s quite alright.”
Full disclosure: I had honestly expected myself to have undergone a complete fan girl breakdown- to go completely bonkers and squeal and beg for an autograph or some sort of attention... but something superseded that. The fact that he had saved my life attributed to this... the guilt that had came with it all. It must’ve been absolutely taxing to him, I figured. And to tax him with my own interests and emotions... it seemed like a lot of trouble.
“Anyway,” Soarin’ said, a ghost of a smile appearing his face. “The blizzard’s managed to spread to most of Equestria... you’ll have to stay here a while, with me.”
And suddenly my face lit up like a Hearth’s Warming tree, the euphoria entailing the mere notion of spending the night with a Wonderbolt. “Really?” I asked, with much enthusiasm in my voice. The prospect of staying with a Wonderbolt, to be frank, exhilarated me. To be so much in presence of one had already filled me with completion... to be in one’s residence for a period of time was a different story.
I went a little hysterical as he nodded, and his smile turned into a smirk. “You must be happy, huh Rainbow, considering how big a fan you are of us. Heh...”
I took Soarin’s left hoof with both of mine, shaking it violently. I didn’t know what came over me; I just thanked him over and over and over again, the words flowing from my mouth like a waterfall. I must’ve looked rather silly, as I realised later, as the notion of staying with a Wonderbolt proved to be double-edged.
I halted. Soarin’ is a Wonderbolt; he would most likely have craved freedom as much as I did. To have an almost complete stranger in his house, taking up his personal space like a burden, and having him to take care of me like this... it was another tax on him. To encumber my idol and to make him do so much stuff just for me... it seemed selfish of me. The guilt increased on my shoulders.
I pulled away from his hoof, returning to my original position, sheepishly sweeping the ground with my hoof, small strokes on the ground. I had caught a glimpse of his shocked expression, of my fan girl spectacle that I had exhibited to him... he must not have held me in high regard anymore. I internally kicked myself.
“I-I’m so sorry, Soarin’ I... I couldn’t control myself that time. I... I’m sorry... that I have to burden you like this... it really just makes me feel guilty... I-”
“Whoa, Rainbow,” Soarin’ interjected, an assuring smile stretched across his face. “It’s alright. I just want you to feel comfortable, that’s all. I mean, I can’t kick you out into that blizzard now can I? You’ll have to stay here.”
I didn’t meet his gaze. It was really embarrassing, to have to be sheltered by another pony... by your hero. I mean, there’s the excitement and thrill of being in your idol’s presence, but to burden him... it was neutralised with the burden of guilt that rested on you.
“I don’t know what to say, Soarin’... just, thank you so much...”
Soarin’ flashed me a huge, goofy smile. “’sokay Rainbow. I don’t mind at all. Now, I figured that it’s not really all that warm here... I’ll go make something in the kitchen; I’ll be right back, ‘kay?”
I tried to return his smile; the result was a crooked, inauthentic copy of his genuine one. “Alright then.”
I watched as he pressed his head against the back of mine again, and as he trotted off into another room, disappearing out of sight.
Suddenly the weirdest of sensations hit me... somewhat of emptiness, hollowness. It was eerily silent, save the random jangle of metal and other noises in the kitchen... and without Soarin’ here, everything seemed... lonely. It was as if some part of me had walked into the kitchen with him, as without him him the lack of warmth, completion... companionship, triggered off in me.
To be completely honest, I was absolutely perplexed as to what this strange emotion was. It might have been emptiness and loneliness as of now... but when Soarin’ was here? It was like I was completed, and that when he was here I would feel like myself again. But now... It wasn’t like something else had filled me... it was something was missing. I had no idea why, and it was all completely involuntary... but I didn’t feel like myself without Soarin’. Maybe it was the loneliness and all that engulfed me, maybe it was the lack of somepony to talk to and revel in... but I’ve been like that with other ponies. I’ve hung out with some of my best friends and when they left, it left a lingering sense of longing for them... but it never lasted too long.
As for now, with the various noises in the kitchen not emerging, the loneliness settled heavier than ever, one that replaced the space that guilt had once occupied on the shoulders of my soul. It was almost unbearable- and this puzzled me further- and the desire to have Soarin by my side again burned like wildfire, building up power as time breezed by... It came to the point that I wanted to check on Soarin’, crossing the forbidden barrier of respecting others’ privacy, just to reveal to myself more to what his house was. The room that I was in- which I presumed was the sitting room from the table and the couch, both somehow sturdy but made of clouds- was rather large... should it be replicated to the rest of the house... he was after all a Wonderbolt...
Somehow my eyes drifted over the costume that Soarin’ had draped over me, sacrificing his warmth to me. I trotted over, and took a deep inhalation. His scent, albeit diluted by the melted snow from the blizzard... it still lingered in, and I could picture Soarin’ in front of me, giving me that smile of his... just by me and concerned over my well-being...
Wait, what was I doing? I shook my head violently- why was I thinking such things? Why had Soarin’s absence left such a gaping hole inside of me... why was I feeling so coltdamn empty? It was so peculiar, that I had to resort to using olfactory imagination to think about Soarin’...
Also Soarin’, of all ponies. I mean, he was a Wonderbolt of course, which probably accounted for a little bit of everything I was feeling right now, but to be honest... it was really peculiar. It was as if a magnet and metal were separated from one another... and as odd as everything was, I couldn’t say that all this was my doing.
But maybe... just maybe...
Before my mind could finish the trail of thoughts, Soarin’ entered the room, a plate holding two cups held precariously in his jaws, and a sort of blanket draped over his body. “Waefo Fashh!” he called, making me perk up, and the corners of my mouth rose again, a phoenix out of the ashes. I watched as Soarin’ struggled to keep the two cups on the plate as he staggered towards me, careful not to let whatever liquid was the cup spill over all the while keeping sight of me as he trotted over.
He didn’t have to be this burdened, I thought. “Soarin’!” I exclaimed, going over in front of him. I watched as he hesitated slightly, until I was right in front of him. “Here, let me help.”
And so, without thinking, I clamped my jaws on the opposite end of the plate, and when my eyes fluttered open, I could see Soarin’s muzzle inches away from mine.
If it weren’t for Soarin’s mouth still on it, I probably would’ve spilled all of the liquid over us.
It was an awkward silence, with the both of us still revelling in what I had done... until both of us somehow snapped out of the trance we were in simultaneously, and we both slowly placed the plate down.
For a moment we both stared into one another’s eyes, unwavering silence lingering over us. It was not but an awkward, solitary silence that bore into one’s soul, but this one was dreamy, like the clouds in the sky, a lofty one that drifted over me as I gazed into Soarin’s emerald pools, with an unfathomable emotion on his face, and one that was reciprocated on mine....
...was it Soarin’, whose presence made me feel like this? Was it that because he was here, the silence was more comforting and less razor then when he was in the kitchen? Or was... was it something else?
To my dismay, he pulled away from the eye-lock, and he gazed downwards. “A-anyway,” he said awkwardly, evaporating the cloud of silence that drifted over us. “I made some cocoa for you, since, you know, it’s still kinda cold in here still. Go ahead; have it while it’s hot.”
I watched as he busied himself, as he laid the blanket on the floor, smoothening out the creases and folds. An eye lazily turned to me and he tilted his head, gesturing to try his concoction of hot chocolate.
I breathed it in deeply, taking in the familiar chocolate smell that was mixed with warm steam. Without missing a beat I carefully took the cup by the hoof and took one sip.
I looked at the cup, my eyes slightly widened. “Nice recipe,” I remarked, taking another gulp, letting the heat and sweetness wash and linger in my gullet.
Soarin’ chuckled. “Thanks,” he said, trotting over to me and taking the other cup in his hoof, taking a lengthy sip before licking his chops contentedly. “I swear this can be the nectar of the gods on wintry days like these.”
He turned to me and gave me that same cheery, goofy smile, as if the whole issue with the plate had never occurred. “Here, I’ve laid the blanket already. You get under it and get comfy.”
I smiled as he nudged the plate, still holding the two cups of cocoa, over to the blanket. It seemed like a horrible notion that one would let his guest to sleep on the floor, but of course, it was made of clouds. Obliging, I slipped under the fabric, surprised at how large it actually was, and popped my head to the other side where the plate was. I was greeted with a rather amused smile by Soarin’, flashing his white teeth from above me.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, curious.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” he assured, the sincerity that nothing embarrassing of which I was oblivious to was happening. “It’s just that... you look really cute from under there.”
This time the heat fully exploded onto my face, the temperature spiking in my cheeks... as with Soarin’, his face going slightly pink as well as he attempted to keep his smirk. In normal circumstances I would’ve reacted violently to such a borderline-flirty comment like that... but for someone like Soarin’, one that I highly respected and admired... it came like a pleasant compliment, warming my face as the heat continued to linger on...
To avoid any awkwardness, I let my wander around again, trying to find another object of interest. Eventually I realised that the blanket I was under in, the cerulean cotton shroud... it was the sole one that Soarin’ had brought in.
“Hey... if I have this blanket.... what about you?” I asked, taking another sip of the cocoa. And judging by the red colour that re-emerged on his face...
“It’s the only one I have... and I was thinking... that since it was enough to take the both of us...” He let his voice trail off as he averted his gaze. “I-I’m so sorry, it... it never occurred to me that-”
“Nah, it’s okay,” I assured. “It’s your house and all... I guess we all have to make do with what we have now, don’t we?”
Relief swept across his face. But then a sheepish smile crept onto his face as he realised again how he would join me- he would have to go to the back and slither in as I did. Which meant that, should he not been careful... he would ram his head right into my posterior.
I tried not to chuckle as he attempted to smoothly slide into the blanket without thinking any... dirty thoughts, to say the least. He stared at the path he would take, trying to avert his line of vision away from me... he inhaled, mustering his courage, and in one swift motion, he crawled under the blanket, his head popping up the other side inches away from mine and his face with that same sheepish grin.
From then on we put all the guilt and burdens and everything aside and instead replaced with jovial liveliness, as we talked and chatted about our lives. Obviously he knew how much I admired and idolised the Wonderbolts and he shared about his life, even though I knew most of the facts- how his talent was recognised when he was in Speedster Flight College, how he had to go through much selection and trouble in order to be part of the Wonderbolts. But he told me how he was made fun of because of his unusual interest for pie, how he adored the delicacy to a level that people could laugh and torment him about. It was something personal, something that was deep in his heart and something you don’t share to mere strangers. And in all honesty, it moved me, deeply.
I was actually at a loss when Soarin’ asked me about my life- most of it was as boring as hay, being in Ponyville and Cloudsdale living the life of a weather patroller, but part of how people looked down upon me and decided my talent wasn’t qualified for the Wonderbolts... it was a reciprocation, and even though it was something I wished not to share, I did it anyway. It was like an unspoken deal- you give me your heart, I give you mine. And of course, we had each others’ empathies.
We were so lost and enchanted in each others’ words that it wasn’t until I realised how cold it really was. Shivers begun to run down my body- perhaps on hindsight, clouds were made of water, not to mention cold ones, and even if the cocoa (now all gone into my and Soarin’s stomachs) and blanket and house providing us heat... there was a blizzard outside, for Celestia’s sake...
But I guess on hindsight, what I did was probably not the wisest of things. Because before I knew it, my hooves made their way around Soarin’s body, entangling around it before forming a loop and drawing it towards me in an embrace.
It wasn’t until ten seconds later that I caught Soarin’s expression, one of puzzlement as his brows were knitted together, squinting at me as if I was distant or something...
And in that second I yelped, quickly retracting my hooves from his body and turning my body away. “I’m so sorry Soarin’!” I quickly apologised. “I had no idea what I was thinking I... I was just so cold and I...”
Before I could finish my sentence, Soarin’ put a hoof on my muzzle. He gave me that same jubilant, goofy smile as before, the one that could assure me that everything was alright. Nothing on his expression suggested that he was offended or that he blamed me for anything... or that I had committed any heinous sins... or that his impression of me had deteriorated... he instead smiled back at me reassuringly, as if what I had done was harmless.
Suddenly, after a pause, he did the most unexpected of things- he took my hooves with his and guided them around his body, forming the same loop as before. He then used his own hooves to wrap around my body. He then pulled our bodies together, intertwining with each other, and he pressed his head against the back of my head.
“I’m cold as well,” he muttered, as he dug his muzzle into my hair.
I remained frozen in position, surprised at this move. Immediately I became warmer, Soarin’s bare body filling that warmth that I needed... but I was too surprised to even react. How was I supposed to react? Soarin’... he made me so comfortable, residing in his home and all... and giving me so much warmth. But... but what could this all mean?
The silence that ensued was not awkward again, but rather one that was merely unspoken emotion- part of which was mutual friendship, the bond we shared as we lay here together. But... there was more. Why would Soarin’ have decided to save me? Why would he be so accommodating as to let me stay in his home temporarily, sharing everything with and caring for me? And why... why would he just embrace me like this, literally, with no questions asked?
Of course it was cold outside, and he was being a friend... but it went something further than just that. But... but what was it?
Soarin’ pulled away from the back of my head and gave me a softer, gentler smile, one that could metaphorically melt the ice that any blizzard could bring. “Rainbow,” he started. “I... I’d like to thank you... It’s... it’s actually nice to have somepony by my side sometimes. I mean, with all the other Wonderbolts it’s all fine between us... but you’ve been great company as well. I... I don’t really think saving you and doing this for you... they’re not burdening... you’ve been a great friend to me.”
I didn’t know how I managed to, but I mirrored his smile. “Thanks Soarin’... you’re... you’re one of the best ponies I’ve ever been with, I... I don’t know what to say...”
“Then don’t,” Soarin’ answered, huskily, and a slightly crimson colour started to emerge on his face.
For some reason unexplainable, I felt the heat crawl up to my cheeks as well, as we both stared into each others’ eyes, trying to decipher each others’ emotions in the silence... for me, there was no guilt in me at all. All that Soarin’ had done... he assured me that everything was going to be alright, that what he had done for me... he wanted to do it. And he had told me I had been a great friend to him.
But... why was it so? Me and Soarin’... we hadn’t met too many times at all. The fact that he could remember my name after all these times... and the fact that he could save me and fill me with warmth... it was as if he completed me. But why was it like that? It... it was the strangest of emotions... as if I wanted –no, scratch that, needed, Soarin’s presence to make my life complete... as if without him, I would be left lonely and empty inside...
It wasn’t until I realised that his muzzle was so close to mine that I could taste his breath, that out foreheads had touched and all I could see was his emerald eyes- it wasn’t until all this until I realised...
I realised... that I needed him... like my life defended on it.
I realised that I loved Soarin’.
Why was it then before your first kiss, so many conflicting feelings would race through your mind? All of my olfactory, tactile, visual senses were dominated by Soarin’... would I dare let my gustatory have the same? To press my lips on his seemed like a mere action... but there was more than that. It was one of the few actions that represented ultimate love, an action that could seal a relationship no longer platonic... should I go through that with Soarin’? How would react? What if something bad happens... and should I really be dating him? What would happen if-
My thoughts trailed off, as somehow I felt Soarin’s hooves jerk... towards him... and the next moment, before I knew it, my muzzle clashed with his.
It caught the both of us by surprise, the way I saw Soarin’s eyes enlarge by that fraction... and neither of us moved, a short yelp escaping from my lips. There was a pause, before I felt the kiss, the lock of our maws... it made one small, tiny motion. And another. And so I mirrored those movements... and before I knew it, our lips were dancing in synchrony, the tempos picking up in a crescendo...
I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, as the passion in our kiss heightened, neither of us letting go... and when we finally did for dear oxygen, my mind was dizzy. Dizzy, with ecstasy and pure emotion that pulsed through my body, as his breath spilled all over me, titillating and intoxicating me...
For a while, we just lay there, staring into one another’s eyes almost as if we were in a trance, the dreamy silence hovering over us again, only this time passion and love rained upon us... the look in his eyes, it was one of a lover’s. One that told me how much he would protect me and care for me... and most of all, how much he loved me...
I gave an unsure look. I... how could I be so sure that he loved me? And even then, what would happen if he did? I... I loved him... but what would it do to him? It could strip him completely of his freedom, and whatever he had worked so hard for as a Wonderbolt... would it be advisable that we embark on this journey called love?
“Soarin’...” I whispered after a while. “Do... do you love me?”
Soarin’ exhaled sharply, his eyes drifting off to the side, as if he were contemplating something deeply... he shut it tight, mustering more courage, before he flashed me that gentle yet slightly goofy smile, that one that could fill me with light and complete me, donating me the strength to move on with life.
“I love you, Rainbow Dash,” he said, with an adamant determination in his tone. “All this while you’ve... you’ve been such a great friend to me, and... well, I... I’ve become attracted to you... and well, I-”
I put my hoof over his mouth, and wordlessly pressed my mouth on his once more. Somehow internally... I decided that I couldn’t let Soarin’ go. Once I did that...I would let my heart be subject to the loneliness and emptiness without him, and become incomplete. But when I had him... I could be myself, and I could expose my emotions to him... I decided that I couldn’t live without him.
I pulled away, and tried to paste a replica of his reassuring smile on my expression. “That’s all I need to know.”
The next kiss was one much different than the first two- it was more accelerated, more passionate... but more importantly, it showed how much we loved each other. The way our hooves straddled each others’ bodies and got caught in each others’ hair, the way the moans emerged from our lips begged for more, and the way our maws waltzed in perfect harmony... it was amazing, how such mere actions could express such an extent of love.
Soarin’ pulled away, staring into my eyes once more, this time with the absolute conviction that the way I felt about him... was reciprocated- that he too... that he too could only feel complete when he had me... by his side. It seemed as if he put aside everything, be it his own personal interests and passions, he put them away for me.
And I didn’t care that I only knew him for such a short while... love worked like that didn’t it? To lay aside all your cares and burdens for what truly mattered- the one you loved. And he would do the one thing you needed- he would complete you. He would give you what you wanted, he could let you be yourself and you could never worry anymore...
“I love you, Rainbow,” Soarin’ whispered huskily, his breath assailing my nostrils once again, a perfect scent that never failed to numb my mind, to make all my burdens and guilt dissipate like it was nothing.
“I love you too, Soarin’,” I said back, heart juices wrenched into every single word.
After that, everything was just a blur. I remember us talking more about our lives, sharing secrets that weren’t burdens, but almost like a portion of love that you undertook willingly. We promised to each other stuff, talked about what would happen... and talked about how we loved each other, and completed one another.
I can still remember his hooves all over me, and his lips moving against mine... it was almost like a luxury, to be loved. Completion never comes easily, I realised- most of the time you wandered through life, hollow, aimlessly staggering around and being stuck in a blizzard... but sometimes, even in the most hopeless places, you can find love. And love completed you.
It was almost as if life was empty from the time it was entrusted to you- no aims, no hopes, nothing... until something completed you. Life was merely an absence of love, of warmth to make you content and joyous, of light to keep you from wandering through life without any aims... but with love, you had all these things to fill your life.
And I guess that’s what everybody wants, don’t they?
I remember waking up to see the blizzard gone... but I also knew that Soarin’ would provide me the same house to be with him whenever I needed it. I woke up loved by a Wonderbolt, one of the greatest fantasies coming true, but it was much more than that. Whenever I was with Soarin’ from then on... I would never feel like I was missing anything. It would be so much more than just that... it was a life that I would never forget, one that was truly memorable to me...
I looked to the future, once bleak and empty, filled with possibilities that could lead off the edge and plummeting into rock bottom... but now, I see Soarin’. And then the future ahead of me was complete, and I would never have to be alone ever again. Wherever I would go, it would be with Soarin’ by my side. And that was what I needed- his presence... it filled me with hope and joy.
I guess now I believe in what Twilight said about absences and presences - it applied to life rather well, how life is but a container waiting for love to pour in and make it whole... it wasn’t as if, when there was an absence of a substance, you couldn’t feel it. It was that you felt hollow, incomplete, as if nothing was right, and you felt completely hopeless, even. It wasn’t that you were engulfed- it was that you were being exposed, with nothing to help or protect you...
But when you had a presence, especially with the one you love, it was completely a different story. You had a reason to move on, you had something to fill you with strength and warmth and times were tough and the world was cold to you... he could make you feel like yourself, except that all along , you’d realise that he was present beside you.
And that was all I needed... completion, eradication of the absence in me... Soarin’s love.
