Devils Never Cry

by OuijaSilverstar

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Profanity, Devil May Cry, Gore, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Romance, Adventure
Length: 42898

Alex Rinehart gets tricked into buying a Complete Amulet replica while cosplaying as Dante from Devil May Cry. Strange and badass things happen.

18-Year-Old, Alex Rinehart buys a ticket to Comic Con and goes as Dante from Devil May Cry. He comes across a merchant and sells him an exact replica of the Perfect Amulet and gets set to a strange new world filled with magical talking anthro ponies.

However, he becomes Dante, powers and all.

He assisted the Alicorn sisters with the war and demons that plagued the newly founded Equestria. After Nightmare Moon was sealed away in the moon, the betrayed and devastated Dante impaled himself with Force Edge and surrounded himself with the elements of harmony and used them to seal himself in stone for 1,000 years. As he reawakens along with the elements of harmony and his devil arms, he begins to relearn the true magic of friendship along with rebuilding his trust and friendship with a newly reformed Princess Luna. His adventures begin once again and hopefully turn out for better.

This fic takes place during the second episode of FIM and loosely follows the series as time goes on.

Season 1
Chapters 1-37

This fic has been rated M for Graphic Violence, Strong Language, and Gore.

The Clop chapters are separated and put into this compilation list [HERE].

Reader's Discretion is Strongly Advised.

This is a HiE/DMC/Displaced combo crossover. My Little Pony is owned by Hasbro and Devil May Cry is owned by Capcom.

Published 2015-10-01 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-01 18:11:32 UTC

1-That Sexy Amulet (The trouble was worth $20)

(Alex POV)

What the hell did I get myself into? Oh well, might as well start from the beginning of my tale and keep it short and sweet. My name used to be Alex Rinehart: an 18-Year-Old, fresh out of high school guy, who loved video games and movies. I also lived alone ever since my dad moved to Boise, Idaho for a job relocation and he was kind enough for me to stay in our old family home. As you guessed it, yes; my parents are divorced and no, I have no idea where my mother is currently living. Although, I did receive a few postcards from Florida that said it was from mom. My parents were divorced when I was 3, so I didn’t remember what she looked like. In a sense, I don’t have a mother anymore.

I opened the door to my suburban one-story house. It’s not too fancy, but it’s comfortable enough. I just got home from work (I work at a contracter company mostly doing heavy lifting and carrying building materials to their designated area on the building site and the job pays well enough) and walked straight to my computer. I started to screw about on the internet since I usually do that on a Friday night. A few friends I knew from High School either worked 2nd shift (4:00 P.M. to 11:00 P.M.) or 3rd shift (9:00 P.M. to 5:00 A.M.) tonight, so D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) night was out of the question.

I shrieked with joy when I found out Comic Con was being hosted in my hometown: Pittsburgh. I immediately bought a ticket on the website and sat on my couch, thinking about who i should go as and also waiting for my damn admission ticket to print out. I stood up from my couch and walked to my printer. “God dammit. Is it jamming again?” I said out loud, seriously annoyed. I raised my right fist and slammed down on top of the printer, making it work again. Right then and there an idea popped into my head; I was going as Dante from Devil May Cry 3. “Of course I’ll go as my favorite videogame character.” I said to myself “This decision is like clockwork.” I chuckled to myself as I went online and bought Dante’s red trenchcoat, pants, gloves, wig, boots, sword, Ebony and Ivory. All for a cheap price of $1,500 because, fuck spending habits; I just wannabe Dante, SON.

A week went by and the package containing my costume arrived just in time for the convention. It was a bastard to put on, but it was worth it. I walked out of my bedroom into the hallway where the mirror was and seen my reflection. I smiled and nodded in approval “I look like a sexy beast!” I looked at my watch: 9:45 A.M. “If I don’t move my ass, it will take me over an hour to actually GET to the con.”

I eventually got to the main event of the con, lots of great games coming out soon, plenty of cosplayers and yes, lots of honeys in sexy costumes. A couple of hours went by and I’ve taken photos with people and some fangirls. One picture had one fangirl’s hand inside my jacket. Around midday, I decided to buy some exclusive crap from some games when one thing caught my eye. There was a person dressed up like the merchant from Resident Evil 4. I was curious beyond compensation since the detail on the costume was spot-on. I walked up to him in the same style of how Dante walks, including that trademarked shit-eating grin. He saw me walk up to him and he spoke in that same voice and accent, “What are you buying, stranger?”

“I was just wondering what kind of shit you’re sellin.”

“I got some rare things on sale, stranger.”

“Like what?”

“You’ll know what I’m talking about.”

The merchant reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the Perfect Amulet. “I’ll sell it to you for about, twenty dollars. That seems about right?” he offered. “Twenty dollars for a perfect replica of the Perfect Amulet? Hell yeah, you got yourself a deal!” I squeed internally. I gave him the cash and he gave me the amulet. “A wise choice, mate. Come back anytime” was all I heard before I fastened the amulet around my neck and I was engulfed in a white light.

When the light faded, I was in some thick forest, later I find out that it was part of a country called Equestria on some planet called Equis. The “ponies” of the kingdom looked like something out of a little girl’s cartoon (I probably watched it but don’t remember) and look somewhat like ponies, but were built more like humans. Did I mention that a group of royal guards tried to kill me, but it seems that being stabbed by spears and halberds didn’t hurt or affect me at all. Instead they brought me to their rulers which are alicorn sisters. Princesses Celestia and Luna. They ordered the guards to put me in the dungeon until my trial, but soon thereafter, the castle was attacked by mysterious creatures and usurped both the sisters from power. I managed to escape the castle, but was stopped by the two sister who gave me an offer: If I help them out in fighting a war and defeat the creature who disempowered them whose name is Discord, I’ll earn my freedom and have myself recognised as a citizen of Equestria.

After making my way through the distorted castle, I confronted the Draconequus and defeated him, making the castle revert back to normal. Discord was sealed in stone by Celestia and Luna using magical items known as the Elements of Harmony. As a reward, I was given a room in the castle to live in, as well as the two swords that appeared after Discord’s defeat: Agni and Rudra. They are two talking scimitars that attribute the elements of fire and wind. After a week of living in a castle, I met an elderly unicorn named Starswirl the Bearded. He taught me how to control my powers and concentrate my power to awaken my demon blood and gave me this gauntlet-like weapon named Artemis.

Before I was able to complete my training, we got reports of riots and sightings of mysterious ponies that call themselves the Dazzlings. When I encountered them at the ocean alongside Starswirl, they were seaponies that sang to control others minds and feed off their negative emotions. With my help weakening the trio, Starswirl managed to banish them from Equis. All that remained was a purple electric guitar-like weapon called Nevan. It is a weapon that uses the power of electricity and every strum sends out either electric shocks or swarms of electric bats.

As if things didn’t get weird enough, two centaur brothers Tirek and Scorpan arrived in Equestria from a faraway land with the intent on stealing its magic. Scorpan turned his back on his brother and began to appreciate the ways the ponies lived and even befriended me and Starswirl. As Scorpan and me confronted the magic thief, Tirek attempts to kill me by impaling me with my own sword. That was all I needed to unleash the demonic blood in me and go devil trigger. With the newfound power and form, I completely sapped Tirek of his magic and the sisters imprisoned him in Equestria’s version of Hell, Tartarus. The reward given to me was a tripartite nunchaku known as Cerberus, able to attack with the element of ice.

I decided to travel across Equestria to learn more about pony culture and hunt any creature that might’ve escaped from Tartarus. I heard rumors of another kingdom being enslaved in fear and unhappiness. I decided to investigate this kingdom far north known as the Crystal Empire. Upon my arrival, the rumors were true. All the ponies I met were in some kind of trance and super depressed. Oh yeah, and they’re mode of crystals, LIVING CRYSTALS. The guards stationed there attacked me on sight, just like Celestia’s guards. I disposed of them easily and ventured to the castle. It turned out that the current Empress was murdered and usurped by the now King Sombra, a unicorn whose body is made of shadows that is fond of crystals for some reason.

I stole some valuable crystals from the tyrant king to lure him away from the kingdom. I saw that the king wielded Yamato, one of my Devil Arms. He cornered me on the summit of the adjacent mountain and a long, drawn out battle ensued. Celestia and Luna found us and used the elements to seal the king inside the actual mountain and retrieved Yamato, a blade that can cut through almost anything with the element of Darkness. After the king was sealed, the entire Crystal Empire disappeared out of thin air. We decided to return to the castle to discuss the incident and evaluate how we are going to recover the entire empire.

Later on in that same week, I noticed Luna growing distant from me and Celestia. It must be the disappearance of that empire really bothered her. A week later, she locked herself in her room, not even acknowledging my presence. One day, I heard them arguing, Luna refused to lower the moon and summoned two of my missing weapons: Beowulf and Force Edge. With those weapons, the demonic energy corrupted her body and transformed her body into her own devil trigger: Nightmare Moon. Our weapons swapped; I had Force Edge and she had Rebellion. With the amulet and Force Edge, my body and sword transformed to reflect the Dark Knight Sparda. The battle went on for about a half an hour, destroying most of the castle. I defeated Nightmare Moon, but I couldn’t finish her off since she used to be Luna. Celestia used the Elements of Harmony on Nightmare, sealing her away in the moon. My devil trigger wore off, but the Sword of Sparda remained the same.

Betrayed and devastated, I went to leave the castle permanently, but was stopped by the Lunar guard and attacked. One by one, they keep coming and keep falling by the sword. Overnight, I managed to defeat the entire Lunar Guard, but was left injured and weak. Considering that Nightmare Moon had both Rebellion and Beowulf, I took the Elements from Celestia and placed them around me in the throne room and impaled myself with Force Edge. With the request of Celestia, she sealed me in stone to wait for the day that Nightmare Moon will return on the longest day of the one thousandth year. So begins my new journey one thousand years later; the journey to discover the magic of friendship.

Author's Note

Sorry if this is a little rushed, but this entire chapter captures all of the key points of what I'm going to use in the prequel to this story.

From here on out, music and sounds will be used to make an atmosphere to the story.

Let me know what you think and please point out details on what I should improve on.

2-I'm Back

Chapter 2
I'm Back

(Third Person POV)

Over the one thousand years the devil hunter spent inside stone, the entire kingdom moved the capital of Canterlot to the side of the highest mountain. The old castle was not repaired from the fall of Nightmare Moon. The roof of the throne room is still missing and many heavily damaged parts of the castle was worn away and covered in overgrowth of the forest that sprang up around the former capital known as the Everfree Forest. This is the longest day of the year and according to the legend, one thousand years on the longest day; the summer sun celebration where the stars will aid the mare in the moon’s escape.

With Celestia’s disappearance, there was one unicorn who knew that Nightmare Moon will return. Her name is Twilight Sparkle who is the Alicorn ruler’s apprentice. Along with five other mares, they make their way to the center of the forest and through many dangerous obstacles to the former capital. Each obstacle pertained to each of the mare’s personalities and talents and luckily they made it to the castle in one piece.

The six mares made it to the old throne room and see a statue surrounded by the Elements of Harmony. They marveled at both the old broken castle and the statue. “Woah, look at that” the mare with the rainbow mane stood in awe. The sixth element is held in the hands of the statue depicted by a stallion on his knees, holding the element close to his chest. It looked like he wore a trenchcoat, pants, and boots. The long hair blocked his face. The cream colored mare eeped when she saw the sword impaled through his chest. “It looks like it's a statue to show that stallion who gave his life to keep the elements from Nightmare Moon” the lavender unicorn evaluated the grotesque statue.

“Even so, those must be the elements we’ve been looking fer” the blond-maned mare with a brown stetson hat and southern accent pointed out. The mares crowded around the statue, picking up the heavy stones that represented the elements. They placed the elements close to the lavender unicorn in a pentagon shape. The rainbow-maned tried to pull the sixth element from the hands of the statue. “Rainbow, what are you doing?” the purple-maned unicorn with an English accent spoke. “I’m trying to pry this rock from this statue’s hands, but nothing’s working!” she whined. “Now that’s odd” Twilight scratched her chin in confusion “That element must be just part of the statue, but according to the old legend, when the five elements are together, a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed.”

A dark blue and purple mist slipped through the opening of the castle and snuck around the mares and to the elements, snatching them away and materializing into the infamous Nightmare Moon.

Nightmare Moon (Tabitha St. Germain)

All six were shocked to see the demonic mare right in front of them. Her fur is black, she has teal eyes with pupils that resemble a snake’s. She wears a black dress that is knee length covered in dark blue armor. As her boots and gauntlets, they are black and white with a lion design. Those boots and gauntlets are Beowulf, one of the legendary devil arms. The sword in her right hand is large, the hilt of the blade is shaped like a bone and in the center looked like a ribcage and a skull whose jaw is open with red eyes. the two bones on the sides of the center extended out to resemble a handguard. The blade goes thin halfway up and gets thicker at the top. Nightmare’s horn glowed, levitating the elements in the air close to her and with one swing of the sword, the stones shattered into pieces while letting out a fit of maniacal laughter. “You little foals, thinking you can outsmart me?” she boasted “Without your princess and your precious elements, the night will last...FOREVER!”

The sound of rock crumbling broke her out of her fit of laughter and caught the attention of the rest of the mares. “LOOK!” the pink poofy-haired pony pointed to the statue. The element on the statue’s hands, shattered and cracks formed at the hands, spreading throughout its body. Glows of yellow light shined through the cracks. “No” the mare in the moon deadpanned “It can’t be. He should’ve died a thousand years ago!” This worried the group of mares, not only Nightmare Moon is afraid of whatever is breaking out of that statue, but he must be worse than the mare in the moon. The pieces of stone flaked off of whoever is trapped in the stone, the trenchcoat turned red, revealing strange devices in two satchels on the lower part of the trenchcoat. Half of the right sleeve seemed to be cut off and the stallion in stone wearing dark grey gloves. He had pale skin and a white mane. When all of the stone on his body broke off, his arms fell to his sides and he fell to the floor. He caught himself with both the handle of the sword through his chest and his hands. He shakily pushed himself to his feet and placed his hands on the sword, pulling it out like a splinter, blood pouring out onto the floor. He threw the blade of the sword down onto the floor, the hilt sticking straight up and lifted his head up to look at what’s in front of him.

“It’s you, the Son of Sparda...Dante” Nightmare deadpanned.

Dante (Reuben Langdon)

He observed her figure with his sapphire blue eyes and smirked at the demonic mare. “Nightmare Moon, it’s been a long time” he spoke “I knew the first thing I would see would be you. It’s been a thousand years since we last danced; where does the time go?”

“I missed you almost as much as I missed Equestria.”

“I see you took good care of Rebellion and Beowulf. Now be a good princess and give those back; they DID originally belong to me, of course.”

“And give up the one thing that trumps even Celestia? You the Son of Sparda should go back to hell! If you interfere, I won't hesitate to kill both you and the element bearers.”

He danced in place and threw a few punches in the air, “Fine; have it your way. Time to party!” he looked towards the six frightened mares “You fine ladies should find a place to hide; this could get a little messy.” They all nodded and ran out of the exit to the room.

Mission 1-Rematch of the Duel Devils
Deja Vu is the word of the day

(Boss 1-Nightmare Moon)

The mare in the moon dashed towards the demon hunter to try to slash him to pieces, but in a flash, he tore Force Edge out of the ground to block the attack, sending sparks flying in all places of the room. The impact slightly threw him off balance, catching himself by his left arm on one of the pillars “Looks like my little nap made me rusty” he quipped. They kept throwing attacks at each other and each one being parried and blocked. Dante was whooping and hollering, he was enjoying the fight. This annoyed Nightmare to her core as her attacks got faster and more precise, but the demon hunter got even faster as he switched to his Trickster style. He bent in different directions, the sword just missing him by inches. “Aw, what’s the matter, baby? Can't you hit me?” he joked. She growled in frustration “Stand still demon, and I’ll make your death quick!”

“I don’t do requests, and we are both demons FYI” he smirked as he spun around his sword at a helicopter speed, reflecting the flurry of energy bullets flying out of Nightmare’s left hand. The bullets impacted all over the room, sending glass, rock and dust everywhere. Her horn glowed a bright blue, shooting a large beam of magic at the half-demon. He disappeared in a flash, and reappeared behind her. He knocked Rebellion out of her grasp and used his left palm to crack her armor, sending her flying across the room, sending a pillar crashing down. He winced and rotated his arm “Goddamn pins and needles” he muttered. Force Edge disappeared and he picked up Rebellion off from the floor and held it up to the moonlight. “Rebellion, daddy’s back” he spoke to it.

He saw the mare in the moon get back up from the crater in the wall, obviously furious. She dashed towards him, aiming the gauntlets towards the half-demon. He drew back Rebellion to perform Stinger and dashed extremely fast toward the enraged demoness, the tip pointed at the gauntlets. The impact created a massive shockwave that shattered the rest of the windows in the room, both recoiling back from one another. More cracks surfaced on Nightmare’s armor.

(Fight Over)

“What’s going on?” she cried. “Without my Devil Arms to keep you empowered, your devil trigger will whittle away and your campaign will die off, leaving behind the mare I used to love” he explained, malice could be heard on every word he spoke. Behind him were the six mares from before, now having necklaces that reflected their cutie marks, but the lavender unicorn had a tiara. “Hey Nightmare” he called. “What, you swine?” she growled. “You are lacking in one thing: Friendship” he explained. “Who needs friendship when you’ve got magic more powerful than Celestia herself?” she boasted.

He chuckled lightly "Friendship IS magic." He jumped high up into the air as a rainbow beam of magic shot out from the six mares behind him who are now wearing necklaces resembling their cutie mark and element, only the lavender unicorn had a tiara. The rainbow magic circled around the wicked mare, who is now losing her mind.

"NO! I WON'T GO BACK!!!" she screamed "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

She let out an ear-piercing scream as her body exploded, sending pieces of her armor flying everywhere. He was filled with both relief and sadness as the day had finally came where Nightmare Moon is no more, but he lost the mare he once loved a thousand years ago. His train of thought was interrupted as the unicorn wearing the tiara tapped his shoulder, making him jump and turned to them. They were giving him looks of curiosity and astonishment, mostly from the rainbow maned Pegasus.

"Who ARE you?" she gleamed in awe.

"Well, you heard it from Nightmare Moon, I'm the legendary Son of Sparda, Dante" he bowed in a goofy manor. The lavender unicorn seemed even more excited than the rainbow one. "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshmohmygoshmohmygosh" she shook with excitement "It's YOU! It's you from the legends in the history books!"

He raised his arms out in opposite directions "The same" he smirked "I have an obvious question to ask."

"What are you going to ask?"

He spun around "Just what the fuck happened in the last thousand years?" he asked.

"Maybe my mentor can answer that for you. I'm sure you remember Princess Celestia."

The half-demon looked up through one of the holes in the ceiling where the moonlight shined through "To be honest, I never thought I would see Sunbutt again; she really let the place go" The purple haired mare scoffed at his pet name he gave the solar princess a millennium ago. "How could you give her such a name you rude beast!" she scolded. "Don't get your panties in a twist; we spoke like that to each other years ago" he explained, holing his hands up in the air. "Oh we both had fun in our youth, funny how time flies" a motherly voice spoke. The sun began to rise and the light, pouring through the back of the room. In a flash, the solar princess appeared from the morning twilight. Princess Celestia.

Princess Celestia (Nicole Oliver)

Everypony bowed except for Dante and the lavender unicorn who was beaming with happiness and ran over to her in joy "Princess Celestia!" she shouted gleefully. The solar princess pulled her into a hug and broke it seconds after. "I knew you could do it" she smiled.
"I knew Nightmare Moon was going to return and the one who originally pointed that out was Dante since he could sense the demonic magic resonating from the moon" she explained while pointing to him who had his pinky in his ear, scratching and making a face of relief.

"It was Dante's assistance that your friendship could be used to purge the evil of Nightmare Moon and the ability to let true friendship into your heart" she explained some more "If only another one would as well...Princess Luna." her mention of the former lunar princess made Dante quickly turn his focus where Nightmare Moon used to be, only to see a young mare tensing up and quickly getting to her feet. Her blue dress was tarnished and slightly torn in some parts. Her blue mane was untouched however. Celestia slowly walked over to her little sister while the half-demon stood there with his arms crossed and a hateful look in his eyes. She kneeled down to Luna's level with a tired and sympatheic look on her face. "It has been one thousand years since I've seen you like this. It's time to put our differences behind us; we were meant to rule together. Will you accept my friendship?" She stood up and held out her hand to her younger sister. Tears formed in her eyes and she rushed into her older sister's arms sobbing "I'm so sorry! I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too."

The half demon scoffed and turned the other way. The sound got the lunar princess's attention and she broke her hug with her sister and she started to run towards him. "Dante! It's been-"

"Don't you 'Dante' me" he growled "Tia may have forgiven you for what you tried to do a thousand years ago, but I won't have it."

"B-but-"

"NO BUTS! You kept two of my devil arms from me having it corrupt you, tried to coup Tia while influenced by that said power, caused a civil riot within the two guards, tried to kill me and when that didn't work, you sent your entire guard on my ass. You think I would forgive you, let alone trust you after all that, you're better off alone the rest of your life."

"Dante! I'm sorry!"

He walked away from the group and towards the entrance to the castle. They all heard the splintering and metal clanging from him kicking the massive heavy doors open and walking out into the forest. Luna tried to chase after him, but she was stopped by Celestia putting her hand on her shoulder. "Don't little sister. We have forgave each other because we didn't spend a thousand years in stone; the incident is still fresh in his mind."

Twilight walked over to the two rulers, confused. "With all due respect your highness's, but what exactly happened between Dante and you, Luna?"

Tears streamed down the lunar princess's face. She swallowed and began to explain, sitting down on a broken piece of pillar.

"One thousand years ago, we had to deal with a few problems when Equestria was first founded. When Dante came, he fought off evil that was once beyond our comprehension. I found two magical artifacts and it told me to keep it from him and it'll give me power; I heard a voice coming from both of them. Over time, I started to fall in love with him. We spent many nights stargazing. We...beded...once" her face was bright red "We were going to be hitched and then...the weapons consumed me...my jealousy for Tia consumed me. Now he doesn't trust me anymore."

"Don't worry little sister; he will eventually forgive you. It took me a long time and many years of regret and understanding to forgive you and you spent the same time on the moon with your own thoughts and memories to think about."

The purple haired posh mare had a confused look on her face "You and Dante were once engaged?" she asked, shocked. She nodded.

Twilight blinked at the revelation "That was never mentioned in any of the history books" she mentioned.

"Talk to Dante; he'll give you the whole story" Celestia explained "Right now, he needs some time alone." She leaned in closer to whisper in her ear "Just don't tell Fluttershy what he does to Timberwolves, Hydras, and Manticores when he's angry. Now, we should return to Ponyville and wait for him; he'll find his way, he always does" she concluded before consuming everyone in a bright flash of white light.

In an unknown part of Equestria, far away from Ponyville, inside a pitch black room. All except for a grey flame lighting in the center.

"So, Nightmare is dead, most unfortunate" a voice echoed throughout the room. The voice was male.

A female voice spoke and a light blue flame lit up next to the center flame "The Son of Sparda was the one who killed her."

Another female voice spoke from a purple flame across from the blue flame that sounded a little more unstable "The Elements of Harmony have awoken as well, most convenient."

A grey flame sprung up next to the blue and spoke like the rest "So, that means the plan will be set in motion?"

The gray flame responded "Of course, when the time is right, each of you will strike. Do not fail me like Nightmare. Failiure of killing the Son of Sparda and/or the bearers of the elements will result in death."

The three flames responded in unicen "Yes Master."

All of the flames flickered away one by one, leaving the room pitch black once more, a silent chuckle resonated throughout.

Author's Note

Finally this chapter is up. It's kind of difficult regulating time writing this with both school and work.

Let me know what you think in the comment section below. It shouldn't be too long before the next is up.

Quick Edit: Just wanted to add this fine piece of music to the last scene to make it pay more homage to Tenchu 3.

3-Stress Relief

Author's Note

Sorry this took forever, but I had a fuckton of things I had to handle. I'm back and hopefully I won't hit a creative wall anytime soon. Until then, enjoy.

3-Stress Relief

Chapter 3
Stress Relief

(POV Dante)

I walked away from Luna, the memory of her betraying me and her exile still fresh in my mind. I made my way through the castle and to the front gates that were probably locked by Nightmare Moon. I kicked the massive wooden gates open, causing the metal locks on the gate to break and splinter off. The forest that surrounded the castle had really sprung up during my thousand-year stone nap. I really want to hurt something and might as well look around this massive forest to find some. Judging by most of the trees having vines around them and hearing many different kinds of animal cries and growls throughout, there are many hostile types of creatures in the thick of this place. I see a trail through the forest and some skills I need to brush up on, so it's time to start the party!

Mission 2-Road to Civilization
Follow the trail through the Everfree Forest

Funny how time flies. One second you were about to marry the most beautiful mare of the night, another second goes by, you're crossing blades with the same one. I took in the atmosphere around me as I ran down the trail. The wind blew through my white hair and chiseled face...feels like I put on a few pounds. If anypony put on some weight, It would definitely be Tia. She gotten very voluptuous the last time I saw her and her hair too. She used to be a skinny princess with pink hair, now she is definitely one cougar I could-. I should stop before Tia reads my mind and kick my ass again. Nothing turns me on like a mare that can kick my ass.

Oh how I missed this feeling; the feeling of danger, the feeling that you're being watched, the feeling of adrenaline when you're fighting a gnarly creature like a Hydra or a pack of Timberwolves or Manticores. Oh how I felt alive back in the day. I shook the thoughts from my head as I heard growling coming from the bushes down the side of the trail. I sensed glowing yellow eyes glare at me through the thick and leaped out onto the trail. I smiled, pulling out Ebony and Ivory and pointing them at the wooden wolves in my iconic pose, who now have surrounded me.

"Been awhile since I last seen you twigs" I quipped, moving my hand like a stereotypical mobster "Get lost before I turn all of you into firewood." The timberwolves got pissed and started circling around me. I have to say though, this new generation of wolves have balls, but no brains. I heard roaring and saw scorpion tails lash out at one of the wolves who weren't in the circle with me. Manticores; the fun just doesn't end around here in this forest. This whole thing will get ugly, but I like it when things get ugly; it helps me keep in shape.

BANG BANG BANG

Bullets struck one of the manticores on its body, causing it to cry out in pain. The timberwolves leaped at me in a slashing motion. I disappeared in a flash, causing them to crash into one another. I quickly holstered my guns and brought out Beowulf, the gauntlets attaching themselves to my arms and the boots to my own, a glow of white light surrounded them in a haze of light demonic energy. I flashed a toothy grin as I cracked my knuckles "Let's rock, baby!"

I spun around like a crack-happy ballerina, the wolves missed me by miles as I threw jabs left and right, each one of their bodies shattered into twigs and splinters. I sensed one of the manticores sneaking up on me and I spun around with my leg out, the heel of my foot digging into its stomach, sending it flying back into the middle of the forest. Only two left. Another pack of timberwolves leaped in out of nowhere and attacked the injured manticore. With the other manticore distracted, I kicked out its legs from under him while following up with a left hook to its face and finishing up with a right uppercut to send it flying into the air. I jumped up into the air up to its level and roundhouse kicked it in the face, sending it flying into the trees, hearing a crunch and splinter of a tree falling over from the impact. I gracefully got out Ebony and Ivory, aimed downwards to the Timberwolves and spun around, firing off a volley of bullets into the pack.

Many got torn apart by the metal cylinders, exploding out of the barrels. I landed on a dead wolf and looked around to see if any were still left alive. I looked off into the distance, seeing a new dozen running towards the trail of dead wood (Giggity) since I was standing on a Timberwolf carcass, I took the opportunity to do one of my trademarked moves: Wild Stomp. I kicked the ground, sending both me and the body sliding into the group. I spun the corpse around, firing off a rapid fire of bullets, striking most of the wolves. The body slid to a halt and I kicked it to the side, turning my attention to the rest of the wolves that were not struck by any of the stray bullets.

More Manticores broke out of the woodwork and pounced on the surviving wolves, ripping them apart limb by limb, sap-like blood spraying onto the trees and plants. It's convenient when my enemy is the enemy of my other enemy. While the wolves were distracted by the Manticores, I saluted them with my middle finger and snuck away from the riot and continued on the path through the forest.

Further down the trail, I came across a rushing river. I stood there confused, there used to be a bridge where the surface of the river was. The dam from upstream probably busted centuries ago. I noticed a purple-scaled water dragon sleeping in the middle of the river's surface. He had orange flowing hair and a bushy mustache and...wait; the right side of it is purple and curly. (This moment of Devils Never Cry is brought to you by, What in the Actual Fuck Inc.)

I had no idea what the hell we was doing, so I whistled loudly to get his attention.

“What is it?” He spoke in a very feminine voice turning to me, “I was having a pleasant dream.”

“Hey,” I called out to him, “What the hell happened to damn dam?”

He looked at me with a confused look. “The dam was busted centuries ago,” he gingerly explained, “I honestly couldn't remember why it was busted; I was just a measly hatchling at the time.”

“So, can you help a brutha out?”

“Pardon?”

I facepalmed so hard that I nearly broke my nose. “Can you help me across the river, please?” I asked kindly, “That gap’s a bit too long of a jump for me.”

“Hmm,” he thought, he tapped his chin in a rhythm and thought of something. “Do you have any Ginger Root?” He asked, “It’s been AGES since I last had some and I can’t venture outside the water.”

Ginger Root? What an oddly specific offer. If I remember correctly, Clover Leaf gave me some to help calm my stomach after I ate some rotten food the one day, so it must still be good, if it was also preserved in the stone cold storage. I rummaged through the pocket on the inside of my coat and, voilà, here it is! I tossed the root over to the water serpent who happily wolfed the whole thing down like demons we're going to invade tomorrow, which had happened once.

“Thank you…”

“Dante.”

“…thank you, Dante. A deal’s a deal.”

He picked me up like an action figure and carried me to the other side (I swear to Celestia, if I hear someone reference Adele one more time…) and gently put me down.

“If you were a dragon, I would’ve given you…something else to show my gratitude.”

“You probably wouldn't be able to handle it, big guy,” I joked.

He blushed at the remark and waved bye to me. I broke my way through the clearing to sunlight almost blinding me.

4-"Is That My Nephew!?"

Chapter 4
"Is That My Nephew!?"

(Third Person POV)

Dante finally made his way into this new town called "Ponyville." During his slumber, Ponyville was founded half a millennia prior to his reawakening. He finds the whole town to be very foreign-looking.

The architectural design of the buildings didn't seem too different than in the past; they weren't all grey brick and colored cloth, but wood and hay. He noticed the walkways and alleys decorated with streamers and balloons. A smile spread across his face. Wherever there's a party, he would be there.

He saw Celestia, Luna and the six mares from back at the castle, surrounded by a group of cheering ponies. One turned around to see the half-demon covered in dirt and sappy blood. She screamed loud enough to alert everypony in the square. All of them turned focus on the confused stallion whom was surprised her scream didn't break any windows.

"What?" he asked, confused, raising his arms up halfway, "Is it because my fly is down?"

"Keep calm, my subjects," Celestia quelled their fears, "He is of no threat. He is the legendary Son of Sparda, Dante," she introduced him while he was picking his nose and wiping it on his coat.

"HIM?" A mare with grey fur and a long black mane asked in shock.

"He may seem a bit…barbaric," she explained, "But he saved Equestria more than once a millennia ago."

Tranquility returned to the citizens once again after their fears were quelled. Dante decided to add another fact he kept with him in the past.

"Yes; I once ran a business that for the right price, I can hunt down and eradicate any demonic threat on a large scale," he explained, "My business was called 'Devil May Cry.'" (And, roll credits.)

"So, you're some kind of glorified demonic mercenary?" One pony asked the obvious elephant question in the room. The half-demon nodded with that usual grin on his face. Before a anypony else could ask him questions, Celestia interrupted, "I'm sure everypony has a lot of things to ask, but we need to go back to Canterlot; we have a millennia of catching up to do, and happy Summer Sun."

Dante looked the other way as Luna was taken away on her own chariot that was pulled by bat ponies (Batman would be so jelly). Celestia gestured to Dante, having him climb into her carriage next to her.

"Next stop, Canterlot," the one Pegasus guard announced. Dante yet again raised an eyebrow at yet another new town name. Before he could ask, Celestia immediately answered his eventual question, "You see," she began, "After you fell asleep in stone, the harmonal balance in Everfree was destroyed, causing trees and vines to sprout up everywhere, including the monsters."

"Yeah; they got bigger balls than those stone ones in old temple traps."

"Yes, because of that, I decided to plan the construction of a new capital near the summit of the mountain in the center of Equestria, so I can foresee everything that goes on."

"I noticed you have a protégé," Dante noticed Twilight being referred to as her most faithful student, "Passing everything the old wizard taught you onto Her?"

"Not everything," she pointed out, "Even though I know what's going to happen to her while she's in Ponyville, I'm letting her learn on her own, as you will do the same with Luna."

"Let's not mention her name," he growled coldly, "It's bad enough that our old home's in shambles thanks to her."

"If you hadn't led King Sombra astray from the Crystal Empire, it will still be standing today," Celestia raised her voice at his venomous comment.

"I thought he wouldn't hold power over it if he wasn't inside the Empire itself, but I guess you're right; I've been a monumental jackass in the past thousand years."

"Be sure not to say that around Donkeys," she warned, "They take that as a racial slur."

"Sorry; I've got to reorient myself with the times."

His stomach growled, catching the attention of the solar princess.

"We'll eat as soon as we get to the castle and I can get you out of those dirty clothes."

"Just hope they've invented strawberry sundaes and pizza by now," he mumbled under his breath, rubbing his sweat-drenched temples, "Feels like an EON since I last had a good meal."

"You always never had the taste for a royal meal."

"Speaking of Royal, back on my old planet, when I was in a country called the Netherlands, I had a burger called the Ricky Royale Burger with cheese."

"Ricky Royale?"

"The thought just popped in my head when you said 'Royal'."

Half an hour passed before a thought crossed Dante's mind. "Hey Tia," he broke the silence, "What kind of catching up did you mean back in Ponyville?"

Celestia blushed intensely and shot him a seductive look "You know what I mean," she said in a sultry tone. Her hand rubbed his thigh, causing him to turn a deeper shade of red.

"Wow. Been single for a few hours and already I'm sloppy seconds for the elder sister. You're hornier than I thought."

Her head recoiled back at his comment. "Surely you remember, don't you?"

"Remember what, exactly?"

"You know that male-to-female population ratio problem?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"We still have the same problem except, the percentage of Stallion population went from 70% to 15% and 95% of the whole Stallion population is in the Guard."

"Damn! Those mares must be lonely."

"That's not the case. Because of this, I've encouraged everypony to have Herds."

"Herds? Why does that sound familiar?"

"This practice is experimental at best; Stallions can have multiple marefriends in an effort to balance the gender ratio so that everypony can find that special somepony, so it'll make Equestria a happier place."

"So, you're telling me to fuck every mare in Ponyville that's single?"

"Of course."

"You do realize I'm unable to get mares pregnant, right? I mean, that time me and…you know who, had a night of steamy sex and she never got pregnant."

"That's what the other mares, except Luna don't know."

"Wow, I take back that comment I made about you; you are the horniest troll I've met. I ought to call you 'Trollestia,' but I won't."

She giggled at his remark and rested her head on his shoulder, causing his face to turn redder than a tomato. About ten minutes later, one of the Pegasus guards turned his head to look at them.

"Canterlot is ahead," he announced, "We'll be landing momentarily."

"Welcome to Canterlot, Dante" Celestia said to the bamboozled devil Hunter.

The majority of the buildings were white and tower-like. The sight of them made him wonder if those towers were really made of Ivory.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" Celestia took the words out of his mouth. He nodded in agreement. As the carriage descended into the city, he noticed the locals all dressed in expensive clothing and all walk in a similar manner to very uptight society (no shit, Sherlock)

As the carriage screeched to a halt, the twin Pegasus guards whinnied; signaling them that their ride is over. Dante looked around Celestial out the window to see a large group of fancy ponies on both sides being bordered by guards with triangular steel lances. As the door to the carriage opened, everypony bowed while the guards saluted with their right hands and holding their lances in a formation to signal their majesty a safe crossing into the castle.

After Celestia climbed out of the carriage, she waived her hand at the Half-Demon, signaling him out. He obeyed. The moment he climbed out, everypony froze, wide-eyed and gasping. The guards pointed their lances at him, ready to impail him. One royal archer shot an arrow into his chest, nailing him to the side of the carriage. Celestia gasped at the way her guards are treating her old friend.

"WHO SHOT THAT ARROW!?" She called out into the crowd, "For Faust's sake, he's not a threat!"

"Some welcoming committee," Dante quipped, ripping the arrow out of his chest, causing a few mares to faint, "My revival is as close as it can get to the second coming of Faust and this is what I get?"

A few ponies whispered to each other with their sounds drowning each other out. Only he could hear a few of them cohesively.

"What does it mean?"

"Is this 'thing' for real?"

"Why didn't he die from that arrow?"

"How did that wound heal so quickly!?"

Celestia raised her hands at her trembling subjects, gesturing for them to calm down.

"My subjects, there is no reason for fear; what I have with me is an old friend who hasn't been with us for centuries," she explained, "Be sure to treat him with the same respect as you would any other pony."

"With rich folk, it's not that much," Dante muttered under his breath. Celestia quickly elbows him in the side, making him twitch in pain.

"We all should be getting back to our lives at the moment and we will discuss this matter in greater detail tomorrow morning," she concluded, "With that, my little ponies, have a wonderful afternoon."

Celestia walks over to the entrance of the castle which was made of massive slabs of gold, making the half-demon's eyes sparkle in awe. After she passed through the open gate, two lances from each side where a guard was standing, blocks Dante's entry.

"Hey, what is this?"

"Before you enter, you must give us your…weapon," he ordered, pointing to Rebellion.

"And what are you going to do if I don't? Tickle me with those lances? News flash: normal weapons can't hurt me. Besides, I'm an old friend of the Princess like she said."

The guard sighed, "Very well, but we'll be keeping an eye on you."

"Understandable; not everyday you get to meet somepony like me," he bragged, walking through the entrance.

Around the same time they entered the throne room, a young stallion entered through another door on the opposite side of the room. His fur was white, much like most of the ponies Dante has seen so far. He had blond hair and blue eyes and a white tuxedo with a red rose tucked into the front pocket.

"Oh, Auntie Celestia," he called out in a fancy/feminine accent, "I'm back from that filthy country Yakyakistan, when is…" his train of thought was thrown out of the window the moment he laid eyes on Dante, which made him nearly jump out of his tux.

Prince Blueblood (Vincent Tong)

"HOLY TARTARUS!!!" he yelped, "What is that filthy thing and why is it in the castle!?"

"Relax, Blueblood. This is Dante, an old friend of mine and…your Uncle."

Both Dante and Blueblood got wide eyed.

"HE'S MY WHAT!?!?!?" they both exclaimed, pointing at each other and looking at the solar princess like she dropped a piano on top of an orphan's head.

"That's impossible!" Blueblood yelled, "Just LOOK at him: he looks like a cross between an ape and one of those hillbillies from Ponyville."

"Hey!" Dante yelled, "What's wrong with hillbillies? Yeah they smell and don't have money, but they are fun to hang out with and they make food a helluva lot better than the fancy shit I once tried to eat."

"I refuse to call this beast my Uncle!"

"And I refuse to call this whiny little bitch my Nephew."

"I don't want to see you in our castle again! Go back to the Everfree where you belong!" He yelled, storming off out of the room. Dante just stood there, arms crossed and shaking his head.

"Seriously," he sighed, "Is that really my nephew!?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Wonder why I was sworn into the royal family in the first place…"

"It was to marry Luna, but…"

"We're taking a break, but don't expect me to wear my rose-colored shades and act like fuck-all happened in a millisecond."

"I know, Dante. Besides, dinner is in an hour. I'll send one of your maids to clean your clothes."

"Where's my room?"

"It's across the hall from mine and next door to Luna's."

"Speaking of which, is she here in the castle?"

"Yes; she is, but since she arrived, her door's been locked and she was crying the entire time."

"How would you know if you were with me the entire trip here?"

"Sun Goddess, remember?"

"Right…"

"When you think the time is right, you should go talk to Luna. See you till then."

Dante nodded in agreement when he felt a guard tap him on the shoulder.

"This way, sir," he requested. The devil Hunter listened without question and followed suit in silence to his room. They reached a dead end in the hallway which had three doors. One white, one blue and one red. He made a quick laugh since the owners of the rooms were obvious, (You never fail to show me the obvious, Tia,) he thought.

(Believe me; this design's made specifically for you,) Celestia telepathically taunted him subtlety, but obvious enough for him to pick up on it.

(Hey, what are you trying to say? I'm I really that dumb?)

(No, but you do sure act like a little colt, sometimes.)

(Always below the belt.…)

Ignoring his burn of the century, he opened the door to his room to see that the interior design was similar to his original office in the Video Game. On one side is his desk and chair, complete with a wine bottle and telephone on top. Above the desk was a mantle wall with skulls of the giant demons he's killed one thousand years ago all lined up in chronological order in when he killed them. Next to the desk was a drum set and an electric guitar plugged into an amp. It was pointless to him since he had Nevan and her swarm of electric bats.

On the opposite side of the room was a jukebox and a red velvet heart-shaped bed. The very sight of his room, untouched by time nearly made him well up in tears. His trophies, his weapon rack, and his bed, which he once nicknamed the "Shag Sack".

He placed every one of his weapons into the rack and walked over to his Shag Sack, stripping off his clothes. He skipped over to the shower to wash the thousand-year stink off his chiseled build.

After the shower, he stepped back into his room, drying off his hair and steam pouring off his body. The moment he noticed his clothes were gone, he saw a maid walk into the room with his coat and pants, clean and folded. Her face lit up as she caught a glimpse of Dante's "sword."

"Um…" she said meekly, "Here's your clothes, Mr. Dante."

He looked at her body and clothes. (French design,) he thought, (One size too small and cut at the collar to show off cleavage. Tia, are these MY maids!?) He cracked that usual devilish grin and walked closer to her.

"You know," he began, "If you're free this evening, maybe I could show you my demon half."

"S-s-sure," she stammered, obviously flustered. She left the room, metaphorically floating on a pink cloud of lust. He quickly slipped on his pants, coat and boots since he smelt the sweet aroma of his favorite food, Pizza. Before he left he took his guns and rebellion off the rack.

He stopped at the doorway as soon as he felt the sleeves. He looked at right sleeve and saw that is was fixed by the maid. He smiled brightly, (Oh, she's going to get rutted, hard.) He dashed off into the hallway, letting his nose and stomach guide himself to the dining room.

Author's Note

I'm here, I'm straight outta high school and have more time to work on this story. Hope you enjoy.

5-A Dinner and a Bored Platoon (Unedited)

Chapter 5
A Dinner and a Bored Platoon

(Dante POV)

Having my stomach in control of my thought and motion, I rapidly dashed throughout the corridors of the castle. Sadly, to my dismay, I seemed to not even get closer to my goal nor the dining room. Now I can see why Tia designed this castle to be like a labyrinth; potential break-ins could wander the castle for hours and not find their goal.

"Excuse me, Sir Dante?" A guard's voice rushed past my ears. I stopped to ask him advice, but the sweet seductive aroma of my pizza escaped my nose and disappeared. Defeated, I went back to the guard to ask for advice.

"Hello, Sir," he greeted me with formality that I found annoying. When being around me, there's no need for formality; just be yourself. I should remind Tia of guard's actions toward me, but right now, I'm going to die of starvation if I go without food for any longer.

"You seem to be a bit young for a castle guard," I pointed out.

"I just joined The Royal Marines a year back," he explained, "They're stationed here at the castle since there is no war going on."

"What are the Royal Marines, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Royal Marines were formed shortly after you sealed yourself in stone. We're the elite guard with badass black and red armor that's the first in the front line and last to leave."

"Had any inspiration to the founding of this Military branch?"

"From what the Princess once said was that our founding Soldiers were inspired by…you."

My head recoiled in confusion.

"Really?"

"Yes, sir; it's an honor to finally meet the legendary Son of Sparda."

"Let me get this straight…"

"Lance Corporal Metalhead."

Lance Corporal Metalhead (T.J. Miller)

"…Lance Corporal Metalhead, how exactly did your branch train in my likeness?"

"Well…we don't have any of your demonic attributes; we simply learned to fight in two of your styles."

"Which ones?" I asked, stroking the stubble on my chin.

"We trained in Swordmaster and Royalguard; we use a combination of both offense and defense to fully take advantage of our surroundings and use those as weapons against our enemies' weaknesses."

"Sure, but you all can't be as fast as me nor have the rapid healing abilities I do; you're going to have to be smart when taking on foes."

"Speaking of which, how in Tartarus did you heal by that arrow so quickly?"

"Two words: Demon Blood."

"Is that all what demon blood can do?"

"Even though I'm half human, half demon, I can live forever, but I can be killed if I can either get wounded more than I can heal or be cut down by my own devil arms and other demonic weapons."

"So that's how you were able to pull out that arrow like a needle in a thumb."

"Okay, I was going to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Can you help me find my way to the dining room? I got very lost on the way here."

"Yes, sir," he bowed before taking the lead.

"Y'know, you can drop the formalities with me; I'm a very laid back guy."

After what seemed like an eternity, we made it to the dining room. The long table was built to seat the sisters and 30 guests. The other seats were probably reserved for nobles and other royalty from other countries. I saw Tia sitting in a chair at the head of the table with Luna next to her. It was the corruption of her magic with the devil arms that caused her betrayal, not out of jealousy, probably. Tia saw me and waved me over to sit in the chair next to her and across from Luna.

"Dante," Luna called out to me, "I don't think you'll listen, but I'll say it anyways: we need to talk."

"We will; after tomorrow when Tia reintroduces me to the whole Country."

She nodded and sat back down in he chair. Out of the corner of my eye, my "nephew" arrived for the dinner.

"I see you're still here, demon," he growls, sitting in a chair on the far end on the table.

"Love you too, nephew," I sarcastically retorted.

The double doors swung open to see a dozen cooks walk out with various platters of food to the table, many of which I can't eat. (Fucking Daisies.) There was one cook who placed a thin square box in front of me. I knew…I knew…PIZZA! I tore off the lid and shoved a slice into my mouth. The melty cheese, savory sauce, crunchy cheese stuffed crust, oh…I was in NIRVANA, BABY!

By the time I finished my pizza, the cooks finished placing Tia's, Luna's and Bluebitch's platters in front of them. To the awe of the cooks, they were both surprised and appalled over my lack of manners and speed of me devouring that 30 inch pizza.

"Got any more?" I asked, holding my bloated stomach.

"Will you have room for desert, sir?"

"What's my desert, then?"

"Strawberry sundae."

My eyes lit up like a foglight.

"Hell and yes."

"Alright; we will have that out for you shortly."

Tia chuckled lightly.

"Your ravenous appetite didn't change a bit."

"Well, when you have an appetite like mine, a thousand years without eating is sure to make you-"

"What do you call this slop!?" Bluebitch's yelling at the cook interrupted one of my egotistical remarks, "I can't eat this! Make it the right way!"

I roughly sighed at his actions towards the mare. Nobody and I repeat, NOBODY treats mares that way. I shook my head, taking a sip of royal champagne.

"Bloody wench can't make a decent meal," Bluebitch rudely remarked which nearly made me choke on my alcohol. I quietly pulled out Ebony and fired off a shot at Bluebitch as he held up his glass to take a sip. The bullet shattered the glass just as the sound of the gunshot startled everypony, alarming the guards into the room. Bluebitch yelped and leaped out of his seat. I got out of mine and slowly walked over across where he sat.

"See, Auntie? He WAS trying to kill me! Guards! Kill this beast!"

"For the love of Faust, stop bitching and think about what you said about that cook."

"Why should I? I should've thrown that dog food in her face for making me that dreadful dish."

After hearing him say that, something inside of me snapped. A fire grew in my stomach and random sparks of demonic electricity arced on my body. I slammed my fist into the table, breaking my side in two. His face grew evermore white when he stared into my red eyes.

"THIS IS MODERN EQUESTRIA, BLUEBLOOD!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, causing the whole room to shake and my Devil Trigger flashing on and off, "I don't give a diamond dog's ass if you're a Prince or not; if I ever catch you treating a mare like that again, I'll break my boot of your royal ass! GOT IT!?"

"Y-y-y-y-yes s-s-sir," he meekly stuttered as he sat back down and sank deep into his chair. I walked back over to my chair and sat back down, waiting for my desert. Tia and Luna looked away during my outburst, obviously agreeing with my actions. A large group of soldiers busted in through the door, surrounding the table.

"Your Majesty!" The Lieutenant called for Tia's attention, "We heard yelling and the Castle shaking; are you alright?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Wind Walker; Dante was just upset is all."

"Wait, THE Dante? The Legendary Son of Sparda? The same one who defeated the entire Shadowbolt Division in a single night using only his bare hands?"

"He is the same one."

His focus shifted towards me. I gingerly smiled and softly waved at him. His color looked as if it had drained out of his boots and the clanking of his armor was more audible due to him shaking like a leaf.

"Sorry to disturb you three; have a pleasant night."

He left along with most of the guards, many of which stopped to stare at me. I found that to be very annoying and I usually like to be the center of attention. It's been a while since I trained and my little escapade in the forest along with my clash with the mare in the moon left my rusty like the buckles on my boots.

"Hey, Tia," I said, "You know where the barracks are?"

"Yes; go through the west wing straight down the hallway, make a left and at the end will be a set of steel doors."

"Thank you. Can you tell one of the cooks to bring the sundae over to me?"

"Sure; I'll let them know."

"Thanks."

Having made it to the Barracks, I looked at the steel plate door. It still retained its features as most of the wooden castle doors from Medieval Equestria. I could hear metal clanging and wood splintering, so I know that the soldiers are training. Might as well make a "Dante" entrance. The only way I know how to make an entrance is to kick open the door. As I kicked open the door, the latches bent over and broke off and all of the soldiers stopped and stared at me. (I will kill the next person who says, 'I'm Sexy and I Know It.)

"Is that…?" One soldier asked.

"That's HIM!"

"Who?"

"It's the one who was with Her Majesty who ripped the arrow from his chest."

"That's Dante!"

I nodded to the one soldier that said my name correctly.

"We're you the one who yelled at Blueblood?"

"Yeah; my nephew has NO manners whatsoever."

The whole group laughed loudly.

"Your outburst shook the whole castle; that's why we asked."

"Wait…are you Blueblood's Uncle!?"

My head hung over and a bead of sweat trickled down the side of my face.

"Yes," I sighed.

"You have our condolences," the Sergeant apologized.

"I take it that you are the Royal Marines?"

"Sir, Yes Sir!" They all said in unicen.

"We hear you have quite the arsenal; can you show it to us?"

"Sure; I'm waiting for my strawberry sundae, anyways. What do you fine gents want to see first?"

"That big-ass sword on your back!"

"What? Rebellion?" I asked, pulling out my sword.

"Yeah, what's so special about it?"

"It's a keepsake from my father," I explained, "It also is my main weapon, aside from Ebony and Ivory."

"What are 'Ebony and Ivory'?" The Sergeant asked. I sheathed Rebellion and pulled out my twin guns.

"Marines, I'd like you to meet my side chicks: Ebony and Ivory."

"What ARE they?"

"Allow me to demonstrate," I said, pointing the guns at a blank target dummy.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Bullets tore through the wood like a hot knife through butter. Bullet casings rang out on the stone floor and smoke poured out of the barrels. All that was left of the dummy was a few chunks of wood covered in splinters. The soldiers were left in shock and awe at the deadly power of my guns.

"Holy Tartarus!" The Sergeant exclaimed, "You have any more to show us?"

"I do have ONE other weapon on me since the rest are in my bedroom," I explained, pulling out my double barreled, sawn-off shotgun.

"Okay, Marines, listen carefully," I explained, "This…is my BOOMSTICK!" I jerked the gun forward as I said Boomstick, everyone flinching as I said it. (Ash Williams, I fucking love ya.) Aiming the shotgun at the other dummy next to the pile of splinters, I looked at my audience to make a shitty joke.

"Knock, knock," I said.

"Who's there?"

"Door."

"Door, what?"

BOOM

The loud noise of both the barrels firing at once tore apart a small number of dummies, leaving some to fall over from lack of balanced weight, leaving few Marines to catch their chests from being thrown off guard.

"What door?" I joked.

"How old did you say you were?" The Sergeant asked.

"Well, it's a few months from my birthday and I spent 99% of my life in stone, so I'm 1,018, going on 1,019 and I still feel young."

(Third Person POV)

In an unknown part of Equestria, A shadowy figure walks into a large dark open room, only illuminated by a large grey fire on top what appears to be a throne.

"Have you tried to 'convince' your old friend to accompany you here?" The flame asked.

"Obviously not," the shadowed figure deadpanned, voice obviously tomboyish female, "She's loyal to her new lamer ones, now."

"Doesn't matter now; I know of a way to sneak into Canterlot and kill the Son of Sparda in his sleep."

"How?"

"Some of my minions will sneak into the sleeping chambers of the sisters and use a poison to temporarily render them unable to wake them up, then you can strike him."

"If normal weapons can't harm him, how CAN I?"

"With THIS!" A part of the room lit up with a demonic-looking sword stuck in a white Quartz pedestal. The handleguard's design was of dragon wings and the blade looking like it was coming out of a dragon's mouth. As the figure laid her eyes on it, it spoke to her mentally in a eerie, whispery voice.

"I am Alastor. The weak shall give their heart and swear their eternal loyalty to me."

"This weapon is one of many Devil Arms that can harm the Son of Sparda; use it well."

A smile formed on her beak.

"Yes, master."

"I have arranged a large group of Hell Lusts and Hell Wraths to aid you in your mission; they are loyal to only you and me."

"Yes, master."

"Now, go and bring me his head, then we can talk about killing the elements; if you fail, your soul will join me here in Tartarus."

The figure took the sword from the pedestal and bows to the flame before leaving the room to the lonesome grey flame.

"One day, you WILL die, Son of Sparda; one day you will slip up and when you do, your head is mine along with the elements' and my kingdom can rise from the ashes once again…"

Author's Note

This has to be the shortest time it took for me to write a chapter for this story. Anyways, next one's in production and hopefully, I can reedit these last two chapters and give them the proper format. Until then, enjoy!

Castle Guards that weren't mentioned that are in the chapter:
Lieutenant Wind Walker (Johnny Yong Bosch)
Sergeant Rockslide (Jack Nicholson)

Rest in Peace, Muhammad Ali. My heart goes out to the 50 people who lost their lives in the Orlando Nightclub shooting. Remember, not all Muslims and not all gun owners, so both Extreme Left and Rights are wrong.

6-A Night on the Town

Chapter 6
A Night on the Town

(Third Person POV)

After spending the evening entertaining the platoon of Royal Marines, Dante remembered about tonight, 'Sexy time with one of the maids,' he thought, blushing and slightly drooling. He entered his bedroom and threw off his jacket onto the coat hanger next to his Shag Sack. He jumped onto his bed and waited for the maid.

The sound of his door opening made his head twitch up to see the maid without her uniform on, but a regular blue dress.

'Should've told her that I have a fetish for maids,' he thought to himself.

"Hello Dante," she courtesies and trots over to the bed, standing over him.

"How about you climb in with me, babe? This bed's made for two."

Dante sat up while the maid wrapped her legs around his waist. He could feel something wet on his stomach and knew right away what that was.

"I'll go first," she commands in a very sensual tone, "Just lay down and relax."

He laid his head down and closed his eyes, hearing the sound of his fly zip open. He then heard a shing sound which threw him awake, making him look forward. He saw a scythe stuck through the maid's chest, her eyes all void of life. Something inside the Devil hunter snapped.

'These motherfuckers are going to pay, BIG TIME.'

He looks past her dead face to see the skull of a Hell Pride moaning lowly. It threw the maid's corpse off of him, making him grit his teeth in rage. As it raised its scythe up, he palm strikes the skull straight off his attacker, causing its body to disintegrate. Zipping up his fly, he instantly arms himself with his sword and handguns and slides to the middle of the room.

He smirked as the Hell Prides appear out of mini worm holes, ready to disembody him. Normal Stallions would run in fear, but Dante; he would rather kick an Ursa Major in the nuts and taunt him afterward. (Sadly, that did happen during the Tirek Incident; what the Hell is wrong with him?)

"Seeing you ugly fucks here just made my day off go straight down the toilet," he said, walking over to the jukebox, "Also, killing that mare, big no-no in my book. Daddy Dante's just gonna have to show ya NO MERCY! Time to dish out discipline!"

Click. (Oh, no.)
Click Click. (Piece of shit.)
Click Click Click. (Wait a minute.)

(Time to make another reference to DMC3, again.)

The devil hunter raises his fist and slams down onto the glass of the jukebox, shattering the glass and shaking the whole row of records. One dropped down into the turntable and started playing.

"Now, before the badass music kicks in and I rip you guys to shreds, would any of you abominations like to say anything? Oh wait, your heads are made of stone; you can't say shit. Let's Rock!"

Mission 3: A Night on the Town
Stop the invasion of Canterlot

(Dante POV)

As they dashed towards me, I activated Quicksilver. This slows down time by 90%, giving me a larger window of opportunity and ways to obliterate my enemies. The only downside is that it drains my demonic magic stored in my body like crazy.

I only needed to swing about three times and they exploded into dust. When Quicksilver wore off, more Hells appeared in my room in random locations.

Being the lazy ass I am, I switched over to Gunslinger and fired off charged shots at the hells, filling up the air with gun smoke and dust of the dead.

Viciously maneuvering around their swings of scythes, I quickly shot well-placed point blank holes through areas of the hells left in the room. As the dust cleared, I ripped one blade from my shoulder that belonged to one of the hells that placed a lucky shot on me. Too bad; that practically tickled. I walked back over to my bloody Shag Sack to see the dead mare, all contorted from her unfortunate end. Faustdammit, she wanted to be penetrated, but not like that. (Giggity.)

Like clockwork, the guards busted down my door, storming into the wrecked room. (They have the response time of possessed Knight Chess Piece statues.)

"Master Dante!" One yelled out through the thick air, "Are you alright?"

"You guys are too late," I coldly criticized their response time, "I would be dead if it weren't for my demonic blood."

"Sorry, sir; somepony must've cast a large-scale forbidden spell that knocked everypony out in the castle, including the princesses."

I walked over to the window, witnessing the demons wreak havoc in various homes and killing few soldiers that were inept enough to let their guard down.

"Funny; that doesn't affect demons and that mare that was in the room with me, she…"

I instantly spun around with both guns pointing at the bed to see the mare absent, only the bloodstain. I rode this rodeo before and I ain't falling for that again. Without looking, I fired off a charged shot up into the ceiling. Hearing a demonic screech, that "mare" crashed onto the floor, making the guards jump in surprise. I took a second glance at the dead succubus. A shame it had to come to this. Nevan tried to do that same trick to me; acting all sexy to let my guard down and then try to rip out my throat. I'll never fall for that trick again. I shook my head in disappointment, turning such a sweet mare into a Demon is just the second lowest thing they can possibly do.

"Wake up the princesses; make sure that they are wide awake because shit has hit the fan."

"Yes, sir. Will you be needing assistance?"

"Deploy the Royal Marines to the city; have them distract the lesser demons while I go find big cheese."

"Yes, sir."

"Good that you guys understand the situation," I said, throwing my coat on, "Also, notify this maid's family about her death, as well as the others who may have been killed so far."

I leaped out of the window, shattering the glass as I free fell into the city below. Getting closer to the ground, this momentum will allow me to rocket jump to the town square from here. I pulled out Kalina Ann: a big-ass rocket launcher that creates even bigger-ass explosions; a phat-ass combustible combination. I shot towards the ground, the deafening explosion and white-hot heat propelled me back into the air towards my destination, whooping loudly in delight the whole way (Quake Ranger, I fucking love you for inventing Rocket-Jumping.).

Descending into the square, I spotted a dozen Hell Lusts. They were red, unlike their green Pride counterparts. They are much more aggressive and can leap about 20 feet forward in a single second. I landed on one and with extra momentum, I moved through the square, spinning around on the corpse firing off shots in all directions. Skidding to a halt, I sensed somepony from across the square carrying one of my Devil Arms: Alastor.

The figure appeared to be female by the shape. The hands appeared to be bird-like and the beak protruding from the darkness of her hood. A Griffon.

Possessed Griffon (Maryke Hendrikse & Mark Acheson)

"I knew I had a few Devil Arms unaccounted for and I thank you for finding Alastor for me. Would you mind handing that over to me, if it hasn't corrupted you yet with its sweet nothings it whispers into your ear."

"Son of Sparda," she spoke in a monotone tomboyish voice and a low demonic-like voice in unicen.

"So I am; what of it? You here to try to assassinate me? That hasn't failed for the hundredth fucking time."

She drew the sword in my direction, pulling back her hood. Here eyes are deep purple with hot pink eye shadow.

"We know who you really are, Mr. Rinehart."

How the hell did they know that!? I once went by that name until I became the legendary devil Hunter, himself. I tried to play it off.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, arms crossed and looking away from her.

"Alex Rinehart: the man with the body of Dante Sparda. Got displaced to Equestria after buying the Perfect Amulet a millennium ago."

I sensed something in that griffon; something just wasn't kosher about her. There were two souls in the same body, so one of them was in control.

"So a demon tries one of the most spineless tricks in the book; possessing a mortal to use and fight as a meat shield, you bastards never fail to disappoint me."

"Even if I'm trapped in Tartarus, I still have control over certain beings that are allied with chaos."

I instantly drew my sword at the possessed griffon.

"Discord!" I yelled out at the soul inside her, "So your powers have grown since I've trapped you in stone."

"Discord? You really think a pasty Pratt like Discord could pull off nasty feats like this? You are naive to think that is possible for him to do so and him: a being that can bend reality at his fingertips is the deepest shade of irony."

So it’s not Discord. As memory serves, I just immobilized him; Tia and Lulu were the ones who sealed him away in stone and he would call me out on that error.

"I'm going to give you one last chance, demon: leave that body and fight like an honor-bound demon or I will force you out!"

"Bah! You would kill this innocent griffon. Besides, all this talk about honor, you're starting to sound like your brother-"

"DON'T EVEN MENTION HIM, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs swinging my blade at the disturbingly omnipotent demon. The possessed griffon leaped out of the way and stood on the tip of the fountain. The being just chuckled at my angry outburst. My entire body was pulsating with demonic magic, waiting to be released in another Devil Trigger.

"Embrace your demonic heritage; only then would you be able to have true power!"

"I heard that before from Vergil, but his lack of humanity made him blind to what our mother wanted us to do as hybrids."

"And that is to do what exactly? Play the boy-scout Gary-Stu, pretending to be righteous? Ha! Real demons like me eat that cliche for breakfast, including you!"

Devil Trigger activated, turning my body into a demon to reflect my father, though not as powerful as him. Faster, stronger and more intimidating for a short time is a bonus with this form.

"I'll enjoy hearing your soul scream for all eternity, rotting in the skull of my sword."

(Boss 2 - Possessed Griffon)

The Griffon opened her wings and shot out lighting in multiple arcs in my direction. With Nevan out, the lighting shot into my body, charging up the weapon.

She growled in annoyance and charged at me, ready to impale me with the sword (as if that worked, to begin with). Disappearing right before she hit me with the blade, she stopped and looked around, obviously confused by my trick. I reappeared behind her, forming a scythe on the edge of the guitar's base. The attack sent her flying through the air. Before she was able to recover, I activated Quicksilver and swapped to Agni and Rudra. Swinging gusts of wind and gouts of fire, the Griffon was both engulfed in a burning throw through several buildings before slamming into an alley, sending rubble, rock, and dust in all directions.

In a pinch, she recovered quickly and flew back up to my level. I let out a quick laugh at the Griffon's displeasure.

"Listen, Griffon or who the hell is in control of you," I called out in my demon voice, "Hand over Alastor and I won't have to kill your pawn."

She let out a long chuckle.

"Mortals like this one are expendable; as long as there is darkness in one's heart, I can possess it - just like that," she said with a snap of the claws.

“Why hold back? I AM a demon after all,” I questioned, pulling out Cerberus. She charged toward me again, swinging away at air and occasionally being reflected by the blunt edges of my nunchaku. With the icy weapon slamming against Alastor, ice crystals formed on the blade that shined in the moonlight and fire in the distance. In a split second, I switched over to Rebellion to perform a roundhouse slash, connecting at the blade of the well-timed block. The force sent her back over one hundred feet away from the tip of my blade, stunning her for a short moment. She stabilized herself and prepared to beeline me again.

“What’s the matter?” I teased, “Stop fucking around and HIT ME!”

As expected, she did the same tactic but failed as I stepped to the side and with her lack of control winds her to crash through a heavy wooden door of a clock tower. I have to give her credit, though; she IS persistent. Too bad she’s too dumb to quit. I followed her into the tower without a second thought.

Inside, I saw dust, bits of rock on the floor and a heavy feeling in the air. It seemed that this tower hasn't been in use for quite some time. All the more important a setting for wrapping up this fight. I watched as she shakily pushed herself off the rubble to ready herself once more. I took my stance and stared her down as she was doing the same.

Blow after blow, hit after hit. One by one. The only thing lighting up the dark room was the power seeping out of my demonic body and the sparks of the blades clashing. I give the puppet’s master some credit; not many swordsmen can keep up with me (only one ever was my own brother, by the way). I can't kill the puppet since it is a mortal possessed by this demon. I knew the only option was to be impaired by Alastor, so I can retake control of that blade again. I swung diagonally upwards towards the handle of the sword and successfully knocked it out of her claws. The sword spun high up into the air and the Griffon swung me over her shoulder, slamming onto the ground with the massive blade skewering my chest like a kebab (NOW I’M HUNGRY FOR SOME KEBABS!). I faked passing out along with my Devil Trigger wearing off.

(Fight Over)

Blood spurted from my wound, my body lie still to fool the demon that I was dead. Strange; I get penetrated by more sharp objects than I can with mares (Giggity). A single broken window was the only source of light in the room as it shone on my body. The Griffon slowly sulked over to me and reached over to the handle of the sword.

The bell at the top of the clock tower swayed back and forth, ringing loudly throughout the room. The sudden noise and my eyes shooting open made her jump away from me. She has lost power to Alastor and finally, the blade has been reunited with me. With that surging through my body, I spread my arms out, lifting myself off the blade, looking like something out of the Exorcist. I noticed her look of fear and confusion, knowing that even though my own weapons can hurt me, it still is not enough to kill me.

In a dizzy trance, I pulled the blade from the concrete floor and raised it up into the air, feeling Alastor’s power pulsate through my body with every bell strike. Bolts of lightning shot up in the air, shattering the other windows, having shards of stained glass fall on top of me.

Before the glass could land on me, I activated Quicksilver and swung at the shards, turning them to dust. With the insane speed of Alastor and my Quicksilver style, I could pull off attacks just as fast as my late brother. Sucks I can't cut through dimensions; that shit he did was badass.

I spun the sword back onto my back and shifted my focus onto the scared Griffon.

“I-I had failed,” She stammered, the other voice was absent now and her eyes went from purple to amber.

“I told you so,” I growled, “You’re dabbling in grave shit nopony should ever have the opportunity to try. I implore you, come quietly with me; I promise you will not get executed for this. I'll even sneak you out of Equestria if you want.”

“You don't understand!” She yelled, “I just angered HIM!”

“Who!?” I demanded, walking closer to her, “Who is your master!?”

Before she could answer, a giant skeletal hand shot out of the ground, knocking me away from the scared Griffon.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I exclaimed "HOLD ON! I'LL HELP YOU!"

I got up and ran over to help, but it was too late. The hand grabbed ahold of her leg and drug her into the ground where the hole sealed up and left a patch of flames where it closed up, dousing out shortly after the hole was closed.

“Bloody, fucking hell,” I commented at the sight.

I fell to my hands and knees, punching the concrete floor.

"FUCK!" I cried out in anguish, "I CAN'T FUCKING PROTECT ANYPONY!"

I was on the verge of tears, my throat feeling like it was about to burst. What the Hell was that!? What kind of twisted, fucked up magic was that? Who is behind this whole attack? Who was that Griffon’s master? Who was that Griffon? Why did they kill that innocent Maid I was going to reward? Just my rotten luck. Most importantly, I’m going to need a shitload of booze to help me sleep tonight. I maybe need to disappear again, for the sake of the ponies' safety here in this city. I pushed myself up and wiped my eyes before leaving the clock tower.

During my long trek back to the castle, I noticed many of the Royal Marines patrolling the streets, looking for the lack of Demons in the city. Now that the one leading the demons is gone, so were them. How could somepony even know how to perform a spell like that is beyond me. What raises even more brows for me is that the vary spell is kept in a locked book in the forbidden section of the Royal library. Assuming Tia brought it with her when she built the new Castle and capital.

I noticed the Lieutenant with his men. He saw me and ran over to my position.

“Sir,” he got my attention, “What happened? We were fighting those unholy bastards until the bell at the old clock tower rang and lightning shot out and suddenly, all of the demons just disappeared out of thin air.”

“That was my doing,” I simply concluded with a monotone voice, “But this was not that Griffon's fault; somepony’s pulling the strings and possessed her and that Succupony to do so.”

“Oh my Faust!” he exclaimed, “We need to tell the princesses about this immediately!”

“You go on and tell her,” I ordered, “I'm having a rough day and seeing a beautiful mare getting gored right in front of me as well as seeing an equally good-looking Griffon being pulled into Tartarus by a giant skeletal hand is just the icing on the cake. Have somepony bring a bottle of whiskey to my room; I need a liquid lullaby for fuck's sake.”

(Third Person POV)

In that same dark room, a gray flame lit up at an old throne. There were other flames in the room that surrounded the larger gray flame.

“We have lost two of our own in the span of 36 hours,” it growled, “It goes without saying that I do NOT tolerate failure.”

“The Son of Sparda now is in possession of Alastor again, is it true?” A bright green flame with a female voice asked in concern.

“Yes; that only makes him even more of a threat to my plans.”

“You mean OUR plans?” A brighter gray flame corrected, “After all when this plan is fulfilled, each of us does get our own domain of chaos.”

“IF any of you succeed in killing him, hopefully, all of the idiotic members are now dead and we can finally get down to real business. Until then, I will contact you all when the next step or attempt will be planned and one of you will be selected to set it in motion. You are all dismissed.”

Author's Note

Sorry this took so long. ADD is a bitch. Anyways as always, enjoy and wait patiently for the next chapter of Devils Never Cry: A Press Conference and a Hangover.

UPDATE!
Some details and dialogue have been changed because as I looked closely at this chapter and with the help of TheOneWithoutAName pointing it out for me, I saw those details and I didn't agree with the way I wrote Dante in this chapter, so that has been fixed. (Hopefully)

7-A Press Conference and a Hangover

Chapter 7
A Press Conference and a Hangover

(Third Person POV)

A loud knock on the door didn’t move the devil hunter, only made him talk in his sleep (something about Anchovies on pizza). The group of the high ranking Royal Marines along with Luna and Celestia entered the room to wake Dante.

He was facedown on the side of his bed, an empty bottle of whiskey was seen in his hand hanging from the bed. Windwalker silenced the others and slowly walked over to the sleeping devil hunter. He noticed a small waste bin next to the bed and picked it up. He then took the bottle and threw it in the waste bin, the sudden loud noise startled him awake.

Dante frantically moved his head everywhere pointing Ivory in opposite directions. He noticed the group and held his head in pain.

“I’m surprised you didn’t die from drinking a full bottle like that,” Windwalker complimented.

“What happened after I went to bed?”

“We informed the princesses of what happened; they haven’t heard your side of the story yet.”

“I’ll tell them when there isn’t a feeling of a heavy metal drum solo pounding in my head.”

“The press conference is in a couple of hours.”

“A COUPLE HOURS!?” he yelled before slumping over and clutching his head in pain.

“Dante, you know how I feel about when you drink before bed,” Celestia scolded him.

“I know, I know. Did anypony die in this little attack?”

“The death total is 68. About a dozen civilians, 20 guards and 25 castle staff. All of them were partially eaten.”

“Did you count my little guest last night Lieutenant?”

“No I didn’t. So that makes it 69.”

“The only 69 I don’t like,” he muttered to himself.

“Here, take this glass of special juice Luna made for you,” Celestia said, handing him a glass of thick, clear liquid.

“What is it?”

“It’s a special elixir I made,” Luna explained, “It can take away that hangover and calm any mental distress. It only works on the elixir maker’s lover.”

“Okay,” he said before taking a swig, “It has a very sweet taste to it, almost like honey. I wonder how it’s made, though.” He finished the glass before Celestia walks over to him and leans close to him.

“She was thinking of you when she made it,” she whispered into his ear, making his face light up red and a couple drops of blood trickle from his nose.

“That’s pretty hot,” he whispered back.

“Use some mouthwash and shave that fuzz, you look alright clothes-wise and get ready; like Lieutenant Windwalker said: you got a couple hours.”

“Alright, see you all, then.”

As they left, Dante went straight into his bathroom to prepare for the press conference. His eyes were bloodshot and his breath made him recoil his head backwards, cringing at his lack of hygiene. He quickly gargled with Coltgate mouthwash and lit his face on fire with Agni to save time shaving. He looked into the mirror to try to boost his confidence.

“Just do it,” he said, pointing to himself in the mirror and repeating the process.

When he was done (or got bored of repetition,) he waltzed out of the bathroom, whistling, only to stop when he saw his wrecked bedroom in plain daylight with a slight breeze coming from the broken window.

“Guess I went a little too overboard,” he said to himself, “Ah, fuck it; Tia can fix that, easy.”

He painfully walked over to the dining hall and sat down in the same seat he was in last night. When one of the castle staff walked by him, he tapped her shoulder to get her attention.

“Hey, can you get me a small cup, a couple uncracked eggs, salt, pepper, hot sauce and Wortrotershire sauce?” She looked at him strangely before nodding and coming back from the kitchen about a minute later with the ingredients on the table in front of him. As he was mixing the ingredients into the glass, Blueblood entered the room and noticed the concoction his hungover uncle was making.

“What in Faust’s name is that travesty?” He asked, disgusted.

“It’s called a Prairie Oyster,” he simply said, “It’s supposed to help hangovers.”

“You’re not seriously going to drink that, are you?”

“Yep,” he said before pinching his nose shut and chugging the cocktail down. His whole body shuddered by the after taste.

“Now that should be gone in a couple of minutes, if not, up the dosage.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Hey, it’s called improvisation, Blueballs; you got your medicinal magic, I got my D.I.Y. cocktail cure-alls.”

“That still doesn’t make them less primitive and more sanitary,” he huffed, walking out the room. At the same time, Celestia enters with a coffee mug in hand that said, “Royally pissed until this is empty.”

“Good morning, Dante,” she chimed, “You cleaned up good, did you light your face on fire again?”

“Lot quicker than shaving.” She noticed the dirty empty glass and cracked eggshell.

“Prairie Oyster?” She rhetorically asked.

“Yep.”

“You and your strange Human drinks.”

“Blueballs admired it,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“I’m surprised the castle walls didn’t crumble from your angry reaction.”

“My head hurts too much to go and kick his ass.”

“What about the drink Luna made for you?”

“That elixir works if the pony loves the maker back.”

“Dante, I know it’s hard for you to accept after the incident fresh in your mind, but I assure you; things have changed drastically in the past thousand years. Please think your anger over.”

“I would love to stay, but what about that attack last night? Somepony obviously wants me dead and nopony is ever safe with my presence known here.” Celestia sighed and took another sip from her mug.

“It won’t matter how many they will kill just to get to me; we’ll have to think of something, but what?”

“Well, I’m scheduled to visit each major city and town in Equestria, how about you come with me to Ponyville after the conference?”

“Sounds like a plan I can wrap my thick head around.”

“Good, because we have less than an hour before the conference.”

“Joy.”

After Celestia finished her coffee, they both exited the castle straight towards the center of the gardens that greeted the entrance to the castle. There stood a massive stage that held a podium with a microphone and seats that were reserved for all royalty and leaders of each branch of Equestria’s military. From left to right, he read the reservations out loud,

“Princess of the Sun, Princess of the Night, Captain of the Royal Guard, Captain of the Wonderbolts, Captain of the Shadowbolts, Colonel of the Royal Army and Colonel of the Royal Marines. I see no Blueballs seat. I wonder who the Marine Colonel is?”

“The Colonel that is selected, serves until he retires or he dies.”

“Where is this Colonel, now?”

“He’ll be here, soon.”

He looked at the curtain he’s supposed to hide behind until his name is called. The curtain is white that bared the sisters’ royal crest. Celestia noticed the ponies come from each street and alley into the garden. Nearly panicking, the solar princess shoved him through the curtains.

“Stay here; it’s almost time!”

Curious, he pulled the curtain back slightly to show only an eye. He saw the mass gathering of ponies, both working class and rich. Stepping back from the curtains, he took a few deep breaths before hearing the taps from the microphone.

“Ladies and Gentlecolts,” Celestia’s voice boomed, “You’ve all been invited to meet an old friend of mine and an ancient hero of Equestria. His coat, red like the planet’s core, hair, white like snow, eyes like sapphire. He who is half demon of Tartarus and half human of the Planet Earth. Some of you might have seen him with me when I returned from Ponyville, some are seeing him for the first time. It is with great honor to introduce to you all, the Son of Sparda: Dante.”

The curtains swung open by Celestia’s magic, having the devil hunter met with mixed reactions. Some were shocked, some were confused and few were curious.

“Dante, would you speak, please?”

Nodding, he slowly walks up to the microphone and holds the sides of the podium, nervously.

“Hello everypony,” he began, “I am honored to be back within society after waiting for Princess Luna for so long. I will answer any question of the hand I pick. Any takers?”

Nearly everypony raised their hands, slightly throwing him off and nearly indecisive, but for the sake of keeping the conference from being a year long, he points to a blue stallion with a thin mustache with a white-furred tall mare next to him.

“Hello, my name is Fancy Pants. My question to you is: what did you do to warrant hero status?”

“Back when Equestria was but a small kingdom, I helped fight against the dark forces that wished to topple this kingdom. I defeated Nightmare Moon and waited for her return. Fortunately, I forever banished the wicked mare from possessing Princess Luna. Next question.”

Noticing some hands drop down, he pointed to a stallion who was wearing a baker’s uniform.

“Doughnut Joe, here, where were you when Nightmare Moon was banished?”

“I waited in the old castle in the Everfree for her return. I held the Elements of Harmony in my hands, sleeping in stone for a millennium until the new bearers broke my own seal by removing them from my body. I didn’t have the chance to thank them, yet. When I return to Ponyville, I will. Next question?”

“Twilight Velvet here, are you as old as the princesses?”

“Slightly older, but since I slept in stone, it kept me from aging. Next question? This time from any nobles.”

“Prince Blueblood; your Nephew, your appearance always makes me question, how can we tell the difference between your human and demon halves?”

“Right now, what you all see, is my regular Human form. However…”

He closed his eyes and concentrated, phasing into Devil Trigger. He opened his glowing white eyes to shocked expressions.

“When I concentrate, and if my body has enough demonic energy stored,” He explained in his demon voice (which sounds like talking into a fan), “I can release that energy to reflect the likeness of my father.”

He reformed back to his Human state and turned to look at the top brass.

“I will now take any questions from any of the Branch Heads.”

A mare wearing a Wonderbolt Officer’s uniform with flame-colored hair raised her hand.

“Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts. I noticed when you turned into a demon that there was something coming out of your back, what was that?”

“When I go into Devil Trigger, I get wings as well. I may not fly as fast as your Wonderbolts, but I’m no slouch, either. You in the side row of the audience?”

“Yes, Night Light, here, can you tell us about your father?”

“Yeah...I can,” he said, suddenly growing melancholy, “Back on Earth, 3 Millennia ago, a war raged on between the Human World and the Demon World. The Dark Knight, Sparda, grew attached to Humanity and rebelled against his own kind. He effectively kept the demon world at bay and ruled the Human World for 2 Millennia, until his death.”

“How did he die?” Celestia asked.

“When he sealed the demons away, he forfeited his demonic powers and form, making him fully Human. He died shortly after I was born from some kind of illness. I carry his legacy. Since I carry half his blood, that makes me immortal like our Alicorn rulers. I hope to keep the citizens of Equestria and the Elements of Harmony safe and possibly get to know some of you. I don’t like formalities; I’m a simple Stallion with simple tastes that likes to fight monsters, that’s all. You beside Fancy Pants.”

“Warrant Officer 2nd Class, Soarin. Are you an only child?”

The question drilled through his very psyche. His head drooped over and tears formed in his eyes.

“I...had a twin brother. His name was Vergil. He became obsessed with power. We fought a millennia ago, even before we arrived here in Equestria. He lusted for the power of our father’s sword. In the end, he sacrificed his power and life for me to defeat Nightmare moon the first time. To this day, he lives inside me. We may have fought each other constantly growing up, but...in all honesty...I miss ‘em. I will try to protect this kingdom from any threat possible and try to make this world more groovier in the process. That concludes the Q&A, everypony have a good afternoon.”

As he left the stage through the curtains, he heard most of the crowd in applause. A small smile grew on his face. They know he drove back the demons and they know he can annihilate the coming darkness. They now believe in him and respect him, how was never thought of in his mind; just relieved that nopony is afraid of him now.

After a few minutes of waiting in the castle throne room, the sisters came into the room. Luna, now anxious, opened her mouth, “Dante?”

“I know; what is it that you want to say?”

“I’m sorry; for everything I did. I should’ve took those arms to you, but...the Crystal Empire...ponies and the night...and…”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and she did the same to his neck.

“If what Tia said is true, then I believe you. It’s too dangerous for me to stay here, though; you saw first hand at the carnage. Just imagine the size of the next wave of demons that comes knocking on our door. I need to keep my distance from Canterlot until it is safe for everypony here for me to return. Don’t worry; I can protect the Element Bearers while I’m there and maybe get to know them too.”

“Just...be careful, okay?”

He softly kissed her and placed his hand softly on her face. Her face tilted in the direction of his hand and looked into his eyes.

“Been doing the same routine the past thousand years; I’m kind of a pro at it, now.”

They broke the embrace and the Demon hunter went over to the Sun Princess, whom was waiting for him.

“I’m ready; let’s go.”

As they climbed into the carriage, Dante looked out the window at Luna, who was at the castle gate looking back as it took off into the air. He sat back down and felt the sun princess’s head resting on his shoulder. He sighed.

“Might as well catch a few Zs on the way,” he mentioned to himself, dozing off. With over the course of 24 hours, it seemed to the Devil Hunter that things will be only getting crazier as time will progress. To the extent of his knowledge, he is ready, but also somewhat moved by the mystery of events to come and chaos will be not too far to follow in its wake.

8-Back to Ponyville

Chapter 8
Back to Ponyville

(Dante POV)

“We are now landing in Ponyville,” The pegasus guard said, waking me from my nap. As the carriage dropped below the clouds, what I thought to be the same peaceful town as I had seen it yesterday, but now has been partially eaten by the looks of it.

“What the Hell?” I mouthed, looking at the carnage. In the distance, I could hear...polka music? Yeah; it sounds like a whole band. Strange choice of music for a potential battleground. I expected to see a whole company of soldiers marching towards the carriage, but it was just that Pink Mare I saw the other day.

Both me and Celestia stepped out of the carriage to get a better look at this sight. The mare looked like she was wearing one of those ensembles out of the short film, “One Man Band.” Behind her were a long-ass line of little ball-shaped creatures with wings and bug eyes. They followed her, bouncing with joy instead of flying. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Celestia’s awe expression. I turned to her to get an explanation to this situation.

“Know anything about this, Sunbutt?”

“Perhaps.”

“Care to tell me?”

“Parasprites.”

My jaw nearly hit the ground in disbelief.

“Those little runts couldn’t have wrecked the whole town on their own.”

“They had help.”

“Lemme guess; an appetite spell backfired?”

“Bingo.”

As the little monsters passed by, the mares from the day before ran up to us and looked at the princess and me awkwardly.

“Oh! H-hello, Princess...a-and Dante,” she stuttered sheepishly, “How was the trip? Hit any traffic?” I just looked at her with an eyebrow arched.

“I’m going out on a limb and say that something like this happens on a daily basis,” I guessed.

“He ain’t far from the truth, y’know?” The Southern mare bluntly said, “The Gala ticket riot, Nightmare Moon, butting heads with Rarity over a slumber party and a psycho Griffion, just to name a few.”

“Well I’m glad it was resolved, my dear Student,” Celestia praised, “But I'm afraid I need to cut our visit short. I have to visit Fillydelphia; something about an...Infestation.” (YEAAAAHHHHH!) She turned towards me and quietly spoke into my ear.

"Be careful of what you say to her," she warned, "My dear student can get quite upset over scenarios like this one."

She kissed me on the cheek and climbed back onto the carriage where it took off into the clouds, leaving me at the mercy of the Elements of Harmony.

“Well, Twi? Are ya commin to help us rebuild Ponyville...again?” The Southern Mare asked.

“I will soon; I’m showing Dante around the town first.”

“Okay, well when y’all are done, you can join us at Sugarcube Corner for sum sweets.” The girls waved to each other and went their separate ways, leaving me with the purple mare.

“I suppose you would like a proper introduction, I’m Twilight Sparkle,” she curtsied, "Welcome to Ponyville, or what's left of it."

Twilight Sparkle (Tara Strong)

“Sorry about the mess; long story.”

“Heh, I’ll bet,” I lightly chuckled, "Care to explain how the parasprites started to eat the whole town?"

She tensed up from my question, she slightly shook and I noticed her eyelid twitched.

"H-h-how did you know!?"

"Celestia knows about what happened and she's not mad about it in the slightest."

Her head sunk after my explanation.

"I try to be the A student I always am, but things just seem to go wrong at any given moment. I thought a basic metabolism spell would stop them, but they just ended up eating the whole town."

"Heh; welcome to my world."

"What do you mean by that?"

"What I'm saying is: Do I really look like a stallion that can go through with his original plans?"

"Not really."

"Well, you just have to work your way around complications in the grand plan."

"I know, but what can you do if put in my position?"

"I would look at things from another perspective, considering the fact I have dealt with a parasprite infestation before."

"You're right; I should've listened to Pinkie from the start."

"Who? The mare with a thousand instruments tied to her back?"

She slowly nodded, making me nod in an understanding tone.

"Even if the solution of your problems doesn't make sense, it does to others when you stop and listen to their opinions and perspectives on the matter. Think about it; the royal visit may have been ruined in your perspective, but this Pinkie, created the ultimate diversion by lulling the parasprites in a single file line out of Ponyville, making it seem like a parade in Tia's honor."

Her shoulders sank, making her sigh in relief.

"Thank you, Dante; what you said, put my mind at ease. Also, you just gave me an idea for my latest Friendship Report."

"Friendship what-now?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Ever since I moved to here from Canterlot and after Princess Luna's reformation, I was asked by Princess Celestia to study the magic of friendship more effectively. When I encounter a friendship-based problem and solve it, I send my report to Celestia on what I learned from that experience."

"No wonder you're Tia's top pupil."

"Yeah; things here in Ponyville, like what Applejack told you, we run into problems almost daily and get into very strange situations in the process."

“Seems like this town isn’t as boring as I expected.”

Moments passed with following silence. I looked over to Twilight where I saw a twinkle in her eye as she closely studied every inch of me.

“Am I everything ya wished for, luv?” I asked in a jokingly English accent, holding my arms up above my shoulders. Her face lit up and profusely shook her head at me.

“Nononono! I don’t mean it like that, it’s just...I’m speechless at meeting a living legend like yourself and…”

“I’m flattered. Besides, it’s a pleasure meeting Celestia’s apprentice.”

“Likewise from a folk hero, like you.”

“I’m curious, what kind of stuff was made after me? I know I’m apart of history and a folk hero, but what else?”

“Oh, there was a long running comic book series, two in fact. Let’s talk about them while we walk to my house.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

I ignored what was going on around me and only focused on Twilight and her spellbinding purple eyes. She spent the entire time of our walk explaining about the history behind my own history and how the author, A.K. Yearling loosely based my adventures off my historical campaigns in between historical moments. The comics were anywhere from tracking down robbers, hunting demons like I always do and even some adult issues were published about my various sexual exploits...which were not too far from the truth as I had been once notorious for that vary reason.

Nopony realized that Luna was my first; only Tia knew, but she gave me her blessing long before I fucked the Moon Princess. Then again, I scarcely talk to others about my lustful evenings; it’s just in my nature.

What interested me about Twilight’s whole history lesson were my encounters with Discord and Nightmare Moon. It seemed that the final three issues were my battle with Nightmare Moon and my whole violent rampage at the Lunar Guard’s expense. It seemed like yesterday...oh wait.

“Well, here we are,” she announced, pointing at a giant tree house? Or was it a house made from a tree?

Without blinking, I pointed up into the sky, while staring blankly at the clusterfuck of a house.

“I have a few questions,” I stated, annoyed and confused by this Van Gogh of houses.

“What’s wrong with my house?”

I took in a deep, long breath before delivering to her on my thoughts of whatever the hell that house is.

“Why would you live inside a tree to begin with? How was it possible to build and carve a house into said tree without collapsing in on itself? How is the tree still alive after that? It seems to be a stupid idea in the first place because of fire and thunderstorms and what if you get termites and/or pill bugs?”

“Simple; magic solves all of those problems.”

Really? REALLY!? Did she go with that explanation? Then again that same question was answered when I first saw Pegasi walk on clouds.

“Well, let’s go inside; Spike has probably cleaned up the last of the mess in the library.”

“What about the tour?”

“Wouldn’t you want to relax a bit and have some tea? You must be exhausted from the flight.”

I opened my mouth but closed it since she was right. That, and I can’t refuse a mare’s invitation into her home. (Giggity)

Following into her house, I noticed a small, lizard-like creature restocking a few books on a low shelf, the walls were somewhat damaged, but fixable with a little magic.

“Sorry about the mess, Twilight,” the little lizard said, not looking over at us, "The parasprites really did a number on the Library."

“It’s okay, my bedroom is in an even bigger mess from one of my parties.”

He jumped about twice his height and spun around to find the source of the voice. His jaw practically hit the floor when he got a good look at me.

“You-you-you…” he trembled, “You’re Dante? The one from the history book?”

“Correct.”

“Twilight! You didn’t tell me you were friends with THE Dante Sparda!”

“Eh, well-”

I cut in, helping her explanation.

“You see, I just recently woke up from a Thousand-Year nap,” I began, being in character (Something I’ve been doing for the past 1,000 years, so why bother mentioning it?), “And I found out that my close friend, Luna was still alive and Nightmare Moon was destroyed. I met the lovely Twilight and I’ve been back to being a full-time demon hunter ever since.”

The lizard’s eyes lit up like I just garnered a new fanboy (Still not enough to balance out the legions of fangirls I have <3).

“Tell me kid, what’s your name?”

“I’m Spike, the dragon.”

Spike (Cathy Weseluck)

“Dragon, eh? Never seen one of your type, though.”

“That’s because he’s a baby dragon,” Twilight explained. I scoffed.

“He’s hardly a baby if he’s walking about, doing chores, thinking for himself and talking in well-spoken Equestrian. He’s a kid, at best; Twelve-Years-Old, at the most.”

“That’s how long ago I met Spike.”

“Really?”

“I studied hard for the special demonstration that would admit me into Magic School. I was 5, going on 6, so I had to work hard to get in that year or be forced to go in next year. I thought I couldn’t hatch the dragon egg they gave me, but a rainbow-colored explosion scared me into not only hatching the egg but accidentally wreaked havoc in the auditorium. It wasn’t until Celestia calmed me down and took me under her wing, no pun intended.”

I sat there, taking in Twilight’s story while leaning on a table to make it like a temporary chair. I rubbed my chin with my index finger and thumb while digesting what she said. So that’s how she’s Tia’s apprentice. She must have something special planned for her, then. If that’s the case, then...no; it won’t. I doubt it. If it has been 1,000 years since the elements were last used before Nightmare Moon’s failed resurrection, I doubt anytime soon that the element of magic could grow powerful enough to be the missing royalty.

Tia and Lulu once told me about the legend of the of the Sixth Element. I believe if I remember it correctly:

“When the bearer of the Sixth Element gains enough power through friendship and unity with the other five, they have the potential to be the savior of the lands, both corrupted and lost. When the love of the Sixth Element and the Soul of a Foreign entity from a distant dimension are in the same reality, nothing can stop them from forging a union more powerful than the Element of Love.”

If that’s the case and Twilight could be the next Elemental Alicorn of Royalty and me being the foreign entity from a distant dimension, she must very well be my soulmate. No; I’m jumping to conclusions. It’s an old filly tale; I stopped believing in those kinds of endings when I was a little kid.

“Care to sit down with me and have some tea?” Twilight asked, breaking my concentration. I nodded in acceptance.

“Sure. I would like to take a break for a moment, get to know you better (and possibly get into your skirt).”

“Spike? Can you make us a couple cups?”

“Sure thing,” he said, saluting and running into the kitchen.

“What’s the flavor?” I asked, my unavoidable curiosity storming through like the Kool-Aid Man on steroids.

“Oh, it’s just Green Tea.”

“What a coincidence; it’s my favorite.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

I saw green flames shoot from the entrance to the kitchen and die down in a fraction of a second. She noticed my “What the Fuck?” look.

“Don’t mind that,” Twilight disregarded the noise, “Spike just heats up the water pot with his fire breath.”

I nodded, knowing that flame belongs to everypony’s favorite dragon. Kind of reminds me of the time I stuck my ass near an open flame on a natural gas stove and tried to reenact a stunt reminiscent of Jackass. Needless to say, but I nearly burnt down the family home after that stunt. I can laugh about it now, but back then, my dad really beat my ass for that. I chuckled from that reminiscence which caught her attention.

“What’s so funny?”

“I remembered something from when I was a colt. You ever pulled any stunts when you were little?”

“No, but my big brother sure did.”

“What did he do?”

“Well, I don’t remember the full story, but it involved firecrackers in the toilet and loose pipes.”

I made a quick laugh, thinking of how the prank played out.

“Sounds like quite the stallion to hang out with.”

“He’s not like that anymore; the Royal Guard changed him, but he’s still the same lovable B.B.B.F.F. I know and love.”

Spike returned with two cups on a metal plate. He first placed a cup near Twilight, then handed me the other one.

“Thanks, little dude.”

I took a sip of the tea and set my feet on top of the table.

“Nice place you have here.”

“Thank you. Spike usually keeps it from getting too trashed.”

“Hey, Twilight? Have you noticed anything off after I left Ponyville?”

“No, why?”

“I’m just asking; trouble tends to gravitate towards me.”

“Aside from the daily friendship problem, then nope; haven't seen any or felt any demonic presence.”

“What is your reason for being here instead of being in Canterlot?”

“Well I was told to ‘go make some friends’. Had no clue that we were the Elements of Harmony.”

“Yeah; you six are the second generation.”

“You mean we aren’t the first after Celestia?”

“Nope; there were the six previous bearers, but they all died before Tia sealed away Lulu for the first time.”

She looked away, slightly disturbed by that bit of information that wasn’t mentioned in the history books.

“So...did each of them-?”

“Yes; each of them were killed by Nightmare Moon’s hand. After we stormed into Luna’s domain, she was already too far gone. She was smitten by two of my devil arms, Beowulf and Force Edge, my father’s sword. It transformed into its true form, Sparda and it transformed her into Nightmare Moon. The old element bearers tried to fight her off, but each fell by the blade. I tricked her into swapping swords and I used Sparda against her. We tore apart the castle in the everfree while we were fighting, but in the end, I eventually beat her, but...I felt that Luna was still in there; I couldn’t finish her off. She petrified me with her magic and brought me to my knees. Celestia brought the elements together and used them to send her to the moon. To ensure Tia’s safe return to Canterlot with the old elements’ bodies, I stayed behind and guarded the jeweled elements from the Lunar Guard. I’m sure you read about that one part in the history books where I fought off 1,000 ponies of the Lunar Guard; that was the total number of the guard back then, mind you. All in all, I think that I did a good job, protecting the ponies of Old Equestria; I’m just ashamed I didn’t come to the Old Bearers’ aid. Then again, they told me to stay out of it and I respected their wishes. I just have a smudge of survivor’s guilt, but at the same time, they wanted to sacrifice themselves for the greater good. With that in mind, I’m guessing Equestria didn’t have any wars for the next 1,000 years.”

Twilight sat there, her head hanging low. She was obviously disturbed by my story, any sane pony would be after what I had experienced.

“So me and my friends’ destinies are…?”

“I won’t lie to you, Twilight; your roads will cross with dangerous powers,” I bluntly put it, “Be sure to be ready to do what it takes to make sure that your decisions won’t lead you to ruin, nor take unnecessary risks that will end up killing yourself. I can almost instantly heal from most wounds I can take. You need to be careful.”

Now that I think about it, I really am a lot like Deadpool, except I’m not a walking tumor. (HEY! I RESENT THAT!)

{Ah, shut up and just let me tell the damn story.} (Oh, alright. I'll be back, bitch.)

Twilight was finished with her tea and gave Spike the dirty cup to wash. I chugged the rest of mine and tossed it overhanded into the sink. I smiled when it made a satisfying “ching” sound.

“Three points,” I chuckled.

“So, are you ready to go to Sugarcube Corner?”

“Sure,” I chimed, hopping up from my comfy chair.

“Spike, you coming?”

“Yeah,” he responded in a tired tone, “Need some fresh air anyways.”

He hopped off the kitchen table and sauntered over to me and Twilight. I stood up from my chair and stretched my arms over my head.

“Um, Twi?” I heard Spike calling her name.

“Hm? What?”

“Were you just staring at his chest?”

“W-what!? N-no! I wasn’t!”

I heard the flustered tone in her voice and I decided to mess with her even more. I puffed out my chest to make it look more muscular than before, garnering a furious blush from the embarrassed unicorn.

“If you want, all you can do is just ask,” I suggested in a flirtatious tone.

“L-let’s just go to where my friend works,” she insisted. I kept smirking as we left the library and headed off into the town. I have a feeling that I’m going to REALLY like it here, that if the demons keep their distance from the town when they finally find me again.

Author's Note

Yes, I know this was a long-ass hiatus. Yes, I know I broke the forth wall.

Red=Deadpool
Yellow=Dante

Why did I put that into the chapter? Well, to quote Cave Johnson: "Why not?"

Anyways, Happy Heart and Hooves Day! Excuse me while I go vomit into a kitchen sink because I'm a lonely fuck that hates Valentine's Day.

9-Story Time with Daddy Dante

Chapter 9
Story Time with Daddy Dante

(Third Person POV)

Dante followed Twilight and Spike throughout the town towards sugarcube corner, while doing his casual walk. He imitated a pimp’s walk he saw on a music video years ago, adding his own spin to it. He noticed a pair of mares staring at him, giving him the bedroom eyes. He gestured his head at the mares, winking at them. They giggled and walked away, looking at him until their vision of him was cut off. Spike took notice to it and tugged at his jacket.

“Hey Dante,” Spike asked the suave hybrid.

“What is it, little man?”

“How can you instantly attract mares, like that?” he asked, snapping his fingers.

“Well, it’s a little male secret that I will share with you when you’re older.”

“Oh, you tease!” he furrowed his brow at the chuckling half-demon, “I’m just asking; how are you so popular with mares?”

“I don’t really know how I do it, to be honest,” he confessed, his tone growing serious, “It may have something to do with my profession or it may be the demon blood; I don’t have a clue. But I will tell you this, before my powers awakened, I had such rotten luck with women. Hell; one shot me between the eyes, TWICE!”

“What’s the secret to get a mare to love you?”

“Is this something have to do with a certain purple-haired vixen?” He asked, leaning in close to the young dragon. He blushed as he knew who he was thinking about.

“Y-yeah; Rarity.”

“She is pretty hot,” he truthfully stated, “I’m not surprised you’re chasing after a babe like her.”

“You’re not planning to go out on a date with her, are you?” Spike asked, inching away from Dante, giving him the evil eye.

“She’s all yours, my little drake; those mares are just not my type.”

“Thanks, Dante.”

After a few more minutes of walking, they finally made it to Sugarcube Corner.

“And we’re here!” Twilight announced, showing the flabbergasted demon hunter the candy-coated building to which he burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” she bluntly asked, slightly offended by his possible disrespectful behaviour.

“I should’ve known that was the bakery! It’s a gingerbread house for Luna’s sake!”

“Dante! You’re acting like a dick; stop it!”

“I’m not being a dick, I’m an idiot for not seeing this sooner; I’ve found Nirvana!”

“Oh,” Twilight sighed, feeling like a jerk for overreacting to Dante’s sporadic action.

“What are we waiting for!?” Dante eagerly asked, “I’ve got a bag full of bits to spend on sundaes and other sweets!”

Dante then ran ahead of the group, laughing happily along the way to the door. As they opened the door, he noticed something off right away that killed his mood.

“Twilight? I think they’re closed,” he deadpanned, looking into the dark empty room. As soon as he turned back to leave the shop-

“SURPRISE!” Ponies shouted at Dante, jumping out from every nook and cranny.

“NYAH! OH GOD!” Dante jumped, falling out of the front door onto his back on the outside. Twilight giggled gingerly, holding out her hand to him.

“You’re really jumpy for some reason,” she smirked. He grabbed onto her hand and pulled himself to his feet.

“I’ll give the pony credit who thought this through,” he complimented, “They really caught me off-guard.”

They went back into the now crowded bakery where a certain pink pony was bouncing up and down with joy behind the counter.

Pinkie Pie (Andrea Libman)

“HI DANTE!” Pinkie called out from the crowd, “Were you surprised? Huh!? Huh!? HUH!?”

“Nearly gave me a coronary,” he complained, clenching his chest, “Definitely woke me up, though.”

It took him a few seconds until he realized what the event really is. His smile slowly grew to the point it could crack a mountain.

“Dante, you know what this is?”

“Fuck...yes. Thank you very much.”

“We thought we could throw a ‘Welcome back to Equestria/Thanks for reawakening the Elements of Harmony party.”

“Pinkie,” he began, throwing an arm around her shoulder, “I think this would be the start of a beautiful friendship.”

To that compliment, she lit up with much happiness to the point she could rocket to the moon.

“Well, then? What are we waiting for?” He asked the blissful party pony, “Let’s get this party started!”

“Vinyl Scratch, HIT IT!”

“HOLD IT!” he yelled, holding up a vinyl record, “Play this.”

He flicked it across the room, perfectly landing onto the turntable and knocking both the microphone into the air and setting the needle onto the section that held his favorite song. Before he caught the microphone, he threw off his jacket to the side and held his right hand up, having the mike land perfectly in his grip.

“Now,” he began with his mouth the the mike, “Who wants to hear a jam performed by me?”

The whole crowd in the room cheered on, causing the demon hunter to smile.

“Well, then…REGULATORS...!”

The song started up in it’s starting beat, leaving the crowd stunned.

…MOUNT UP!”

He back flipped into the air, perfectly landing onto the stage. He took a deep breath, pulling out a flute from his back pocket, preparing to “Perform.”

He started to play his flute to the tune of the song to replicate the lyrics. As he went on, the whole crowd fell more and more silent and drawn to his out of nowhere talent (or just able to play one song and knowing jack shit on how to actually play the flute on command). Pinkie Pie rushed to the light switch and shut the lights off with a spotlight on the demon hunter.

A couple mares took out lighters and waved it back and forth to the beat of the song halfway through. Dante started doing a sexy dance along the beat of the song, gaining many stares toward his abs and ass.

When the song was over, he opened his eyes along with the lights coming back on to see a bunch of happy faces. They erupted in applause, leaving the happy hybrid nothing less than pure bliss.

He hopped off the stage, setting his flute on a random table and made his way to the punch bowl. He was surprised when he tasted the alcohol in it.

“Hey Pinkie?”

“Yes, Dante?” she responded, popping out of nowhere.

“What kind of alcohol is mixed with the punch?”

“Oh, that’s Berry Punch’s homemade brew, but I call it ‘Party Juice.’”

He took another swig of the drink, now tasting the full pleasant fruity flavor. He sat down on a chair in the distant part of the room, quietly watching the other mares dace their flanks off when the next song came up.

“So, Dante?” Twilight asked, sitting down on a chair next to him, “How are you liking the party?”

“This should’ve been the first place I went to after getting unpetified; this town kicks ass!”

“It’s usually boring around here, but as you and Celestia saw the parasprites earlier today well, Ponyville has its moments.”

“As do I, but that just means I fit in here just fine.”

“By the way, what was that song you played on your flute? It had a catchy beat to it.”

“Oh that? It was just a version of a song with the lyrics cut out. I played my flute in the same way you would normally sing it. That is called an Instrumental Version.”

“I see…”

“SO DANTE!” Pinkie yelled, popping out of nowhere in her own chair, “I read all about your adventures in the comic books. Can you tell us a cool story from before you came to Equestria?”

He smiled, “Sure, I got one for ya. It kicked off my very first adventure and when I first experienced my demonic powers. Let’s see...it all started like this…”

As he told his story, he didn’t realize the sizable crowd he drew in the more he went on.

“...and then after I left my office, I saw more of them! I sneezed and the whole building came down. I did the same shtick of what you heard me do back in my office, then one of these giant wraith motherfuckers comes out of nowhere with a huge ass scythe and tries to wreck my shit up. I wanted to make him eat his own scythe, but he ran away at the last minute.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you were THAT cool, Dante!” Spike praised him.

“He sounds so badass.”

“Just like in the comics!”

“Can I have your babies?”

“Guys! Calm down!” Rainbow appeared, pushing the other mares off him. She sat down cross-legged in front of the crowd with her hands on her chin, “So, are you going to tell us another story?”

“Sure, this is one from one of my later adventures before I came here to this realm. It started in this one Opera House…”

Dante got lost in telling his story, to the point where he acted out his point of view to the laughter and snickers from the ponies. Spike was laughing so hard he fell out of his chair. When he was done with the story, Yamato materialized in his hand.

“That is how I got my brother’s sword back.”

Pinkie was chuckling throughout the whole story while Rainbow looked at him in the most confused face imaginable.

“You won by out-hamming that guy!?”

“Yep, a feat that could be accomplished by either me or Pinkie, but I think she could beat that guy in one line.”

Pinkie gasped in the crowd.

“It’s true! I could best that guy by looking him in the eye and tell him that he should have TWO bangs instead of one!”

Everypony stopped and slowly looked at her with a “WTF” look. They looked back at the demon hunter, expecting another story.

“So, Dante?” Rainbow broke the silence, “Are you going to tell us another one of your misadventures?”

“How about we get back to the dance floor? We got about 5 hours left until midnight; LET’S GET JIGGY WITH IT!”

Five hours have passed and most of the partygoers have left. Despite the low number of ponies at the party, it was still going on strong. Twilight was surprisingly sober and her friends...trashed. She rushed around the bakery, looking for Dante. She then found him in a corner with his arm around a mop handle. His face was bright red and he was swerving back and forth. She couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably at him so drunk, he thinks he’s flirting with a mare.

“Ohhh, cheh’mon baybe,*hic*I didshent schow you mah deemon-*hic*half.”

“Dante?”

“Oh, haaaay! *burp*Lets meh intradouche ya to mah frehnd-”

“A mop.”

“Wha!?*burp*Why would ya schay schumsching like schat?”

“C’mon, Dante,” Twilight said, slinging his arm over her shoulder, “Let’s take you back to my house.”

“Heh*hic*I knew ya hadsh the hotsh for meh*burp*.”

“Yeah, yeah; let’s find Spike and your coat and we’ll be on our way. SPIKE!”

“Yes, Twi?” he asked, zipping to their position.

“Can you get Dante’s flute and jacket and meet us in the library? He’s a bit inebriated at the moment.”

“Okay, I’ll meet up with you two later.”

After a half hour of falling, stumbling and dragging later, they finally made it back to the library where Dante fell down in the doorway and passes out. She frustratingly sighed and pushed on her back, rapidly cracking it.

“Ah, buck it.”

Her horn glowed and carried him to the couch where he was set down, fast asleep.

BANG

Twilight spun around to see an embarrassed Spike and one of Dante’s guns on the floor with smoke pouring from one of the barrels. Dante shot up from the sound with his eyes still closed.

“I told you...that’s MY cat!” he slurry shouted before laying back down.

“Sorry! I was playing with the gun!”

“Well, put it back before he shoves one of his boots up your ass when he wakes up.”

He recoiled back from the sudden profanity the unicorn used. She quickly covered her mouth after realization of her blunder.

“Sorry, Spike,” she gingerly said, “I guess he’s rubbing off on me.”

“Y’know, Dante’s got the right idea; let’s call it a night and hit the hay.”

“Okay; you go to bed awhile; I’ll be up shortly.”

She watched as the little drake climbed the stairs and into the bedroom out of eyesight before turning to the devil hunter.

“Are you really the same guy that took down an entire army and defeated Nightmare Moon twice? I envy you, though; you are very skilled in your line of work, you accomplished so much under your belt and yet...you can still keep a happy-go-lucky attitude without collapsing under the stress. How do you do it? Still, I’m happy you came into our lives when you did; I wonder if you would be living here? Time will tell. Goodnight, Dante.”

“Omelets...hookers...Ryan Reynolds!?” he snorted in his sleep. She quietly snickered and went up to her bed, content with all that had happened.

“It has seemed that we have lost track of the Son of Sparda,” the gray flame grimly spoke.

“How the hell did he do that!?” a green flame growled.

“Either way, we will need an undercover mare for the job. You.”

“Moi!?” the blue flame asked in shock.

“Travel from town to town with your little smoke and mirrors show, look for him and lure him into his death.”

“How is she going to accomplish that, boss man?” a brighter gray flame asked in a condescending tone.

“The Everfree is home to some dangerous lifeforms, some that are potentially stronger than the Son of Sparda, himself.”

“Is it going to work this time?” the green flame cautiously asked, “Or is it going to backfire the latter two attempts?”

“I am sure this plan will work. Even if we fail again, we are then much closer to finding his weakness and closer to a much more potent plan. Until then, return to your duties. Especially you, insolent Medusa lookalike.”

“Yes, master,” the flames said in unison before dying out.

“I’m starting to wonder if they are even reliable at all.”

Author's Note

Sorry this took an eternity; I started working on a fan game and I worked extra hard to earn my driver's license, so I'm happy about that.

I'm going to take a break on the game and try to focus more on the story. (Luna knows how many times I lied about that...)

Here's the latest romp so far. As always, tell me what you think in the comments below and have a nice day (Depending on where you live in the world).

If you spot the reference, you are awesome.

10-The "Great" and "Powerful" Trixie

Chapter 10
The "Great" and "Powerful" Trixie

(Third Person)

The devil hunter jerked up from his slumber, looking around in the library lit by the morning light. He stood up from the couch, yawning loudly. Looking around for Twilight and Spike, he spotted a note on the coffee table written by the violet unicorn.

Dear Dante:

Spike and I went out for a bit, meet us at the Cafe around 12.

-Twilight

He nodded in assurance and picked his jacket off the railing and set out onto the morning town.

He took notice of the lack of ponies in the area. There were ponies around but not as many as it was yesterday. He looked up to the sky as he was casually wandering down the road, seeing the occasional Pegasus fly over. What seemed off was that they were traveling to one area of the town. Curious, he changes course and follows the Pegasi. He sensed that one landed behind him and he spun around to face it.

“Oh, it’s you from the old castle,” he realized, “What’s up, miss…?”

“The name’s Rainbow Dash!” she announced in a boastful manner, “Only THE greatest flier in all of Equestria!”

Rainbow Dash (Ashleigh Ball)

“Heh, somepony that talks as much as I do; I like you already.”

“Likewise. I heard from Twilight everything about you. I never knew you were some badass hybrid that punches demons in the face for a living.”

“Well, being the same species as them can give you a few perks.”

“It sucks you can’t fly. Otherwise, I would ask you to fly with me.”

“Oh, I can; just only in my demon form.”

“REALLY? Well, let’s see, then!”

“Not right now; I’m not in the mood for flying.”

“Cockblocker.”

He laughed at her profanity. He should’ve known that a mare like her would be foul mouthed like him, but never heard her talk for real until now. It was then when the question came back into his head.

“So, Dash? Where’s all your fellow Pegasi going?”

“The weather team heard that there’s this performing Unicorn at the town square, I think it’s a bunch of bullshit, but I’m gonna take it with a grain of salt and see who she is.”

‘Trixie,’ he thought with disappointment, remembering the character from the TV show.

“Who knows?” Dante reassured Dash, “She might be hot as hell.”

“Oh, no; I heard of your stories in the comics,” she fumed, “I have first dibs on her after I call her out on her possible bullshit.”

They both arrived at the square with a large group of ponies surrounding a small caravan. Dante noticed the other elements at the front of the group.

“Seems like your buddies are curious of this “Trixie” mare.”

“Everypony’s here, let’s see who she is.”

Silence, excluding the many whispers and mumbling coming from the townsfolk. Dante could hear the whispers from across the knoll.

“Who is this character?” a mare with a rose Cutie Mark asked.

“I dunno, I heard from a friend of mine from Manehattan that she’s a traveling magician.”

“Yeah, yeah; we Unicorns do magic, just what’s so special about her’s?” one mare with messy blue hair and sunglasses skeptically crossed her arms.

“Let’s just watch and see,” A mare beside her, carrying a Cello asserted, “It’s not every day we see a performing Unicorn.”

Rainbow poked the devil hunter’s shoulder, knocking him out of his concentration.

“So, what are they saying?”

“Some anxious, some curious, even your buddies are skeptical.”

“Really? Well, this might be a show, then.”

“Yeah; a real shitshow.”

“What makes you say that?”

He facepalmed, flashing back on the episode of the TV show.

“Just watch.”

It was then fog poured out from the sides of the caravan, quickly quieting the crowd.

“COME ONE! COME ALL!” A voice boomed from the loudspeakers, “AND WITNESS THE AMAZING MAGIC OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!”

Trixie Lulamoon (Kathleen Barr)

The curtains pulled back to reveal an azure mare wearing a magician’s outfit with black knee-high boots. She has a styled cornflower blue mane and dark violet eyes.

“Watch in awe as as the Great and Powerful Trixie perform the spectacular themes of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!”

Rainbow turned to Dante, who was leaning against a tree, scratching the side of his face.

“You want to watch up close?” she offered.

“You go on right ahead; I’m standing here, taking this with a brick of salt.”

She flew over the rest of the group where he pondered over a funny feeling in his stomach.

“There’s something awfully familiar about all this,” he thought out loud.

The show continued with Trixie performing the usual shtick he had seen many times at birthday parties and school assemblies when he was a kid. That was when he heard Rainbow booing from the audience.

“Well well well,” Trixie noticed the Rainbow heckler, “It looks like we have some naysayers in the public. Who is so ignorant of challenging the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

She continued boasting on, her ego so inflated, Dante swore he could reach out with a pin and pop it.

“Don’t they realize that they are in the presence of the greatest Unicorn in all of Equestria?”

He felt the heat from the fire in Rainbow’s eyes as she zoomed up onto the stage into the Magician's face.

“So, Great and Powerful Trixie, what makes you seem like hot shit, huh? What makes you a cut above all of us?”

She scoffed at the mare’s question.

“Well, as you will know, The Great and Powerful Trixie has enough magic to vanquish an Ursa Major!”

“BULLSHIT!”

Everypony gasped and turned to look at Dante, who had a look of disbelief on his face.

“Nopony has the power to accomplish THAT kind of feat!”

“Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie can. What can YOU do? You hairless ape?”

“I’m curious, pray tell; how did you manage to ‘vanquish’ this Ursa Major?” he asked, making quotation marks with his hands.

“Well,” she began with a puff of magic shooting out from one of the fireworks tubes, showing a crude animation of an Ursa Major and Trixie zapping the gigantic bear away, “When all hope was lost, the ponies of Puffington had nopony to look to, Trixie stepped up and sent it back from whence it came, deep within the Everfree Forest!”

Dante chuckled at her little tall tale. He knew what an Ursa Major looked like; he once punched one in the balls to defeat it. (Still, why?)

“Well, that settles it; Trixie is truly the best in all of Ponyville!”

She looked at the quiet crowd and all of their faces in awe.

“Still don’t believe me? Well, then I at this moment challenge all of you Ponyvillians,” she bragged, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”

It was then Applejack brought out her lasso and did many tricks with it until Trixie laughed with disappointment.

“Now, how minimal; watch the great talents of Trixie top that.”

She then took off her hat with her horn and used it to move a rope, where she hogtied Applejack in front of everypony.

“Heh, it’s a good thing AJ isn’t into bondage or that would’ve been embarrassing for her,” he joked.

Applejack hopped offstage where Rainbow once again flew back onto the stage.

“There’s no need for strutting around like hot shit!” she growled, “That’s MY job!”

With that, she took off from the stage and performed her usual trope of tricks, flying around the buildings, doing various flying skills. She zoomed up into the sky, flying through clouds and landing back onstage with the water droplets making a rainbow above her head where she was left with a few cheers from the audience.

“They don’t call me Rainbow Dash for nothing!” she boasted.

Trixie smiled as she used her magic on the rainbow to spin the Pegasus in a mini tornado, where she nearly vomited.

“Anypony with a dash of sense will think twice before tangoing with the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“There’s more to a Unicorn than just petty tricks,” Rarity stated, walking upstage. Her horn glowed and removed the curtains. They spun around her where they became a purple dress with gold trim. Her mane style was changed into a beehive style from the 1960’s.

“A Unicorn must have grace and beauty, something with the likes of you forget.”

Trixie smirked and changed her mane color to green and stuffed it with twigs and leafs. Rarity looked at her hair in horror and ran away, crying. Dante cracked his knuckles in frustration and stepped away from the tree, heading straight towards the stage.

“Okay; I get it,” Dante scowled, “I had a little fun with watching your little smoke and mirrors and hear you spin your over exaggerated tall tales, but publicly embarrassing my friends? Doesn’t sit well with me.”

“Oh?” Trixie noticed the devil hunter, “What kind of tricks does this ape have? They probably pale in comparison to the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“More like ‘Great and Powerful Bitch.”

The whole crowd gasped at his insult. Trixie fumed with anger and fired a bolt at the devil hunter. Before the bolt hit, he kicked it up into the air where it exploded into a fireworks style sparkle. The crowd clamored at his sudden parry.

“Nice little trick,” he yawned obnoxiously, “Can the, oh so Powerful Trixie, please show me some more?”

He vanished and reappeared behind her where he tapped her shoulder. She jumped and looked at the hybrid flicking off her hat.

“I’ve been to enough birthday parties to know that you magicians are all the same; I have seen those tricks before, Buttercup; you’re nothing special.”

With that he vanished once again, leaving her in a stunned state. She snapped out of it and turned back to the crowd.

“As you see! I sent the monkey away! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie-”

Her speech was interrupted by a tap on her shoulder and felt a piece of paper in her shirt. She pulled it out and read it:

Dear Trixie,

Would you kindly keep a lid on your ego? It’s bad enough we have dragon naps making the air stagnant. We don’t need to be choked even more by your inflated ego. I could be on the other side of town and smell your bullshit, hell I could smell it right now from the library. Smells like my ass after a dozen chimichangas.

~From Tartarus with love - Dante

She scoffed at the note and burned it with her magic. The devil hunter stood behind the caravan, snickering like a cartoon dog. He composed himself once more and set out to look for Twilight after being urged to show Trixie up by Spike.

He made it back to the library where he saw Spike walk out in disgust. He saw Dante strolling up and passed him. He stopped at the door when Spike opened his mouth.

“Dante, can you try to talk some sense into her? Trixie is very rude to everypony and Twilight has to prove that Trixie is nothing special.”

“It’s very rude to be demanding of a lady, but I’m still curious about what she’s capable of.”

“Then TELL her! I know you are better with words with mares.”

“Yeah, for picking up chicks, but I’m not all that good with giving advice; I punched an Ursa Major in the balls for Faust’s sake!”

The little dragon shot him a weird look before leaving. Dante carefully entered the library where he heard Twilight yell from upstairs.

“Spike, I already told you-!”

“Relax, sparkle butt; It’s just me.”

“Oh, sorry about that,” she gingerly walked over to the railing and rested her arms on it, “Spike tell you about what happened?”

“Yep. Stubborn kid, that one.”

“I don’t want to show my magic off like Trixie; It’ll just make me no better than her.”

“Besides, where’s Spike going?”

“Probably over to Rarity’s. He cares a lot for her.”

“Still, it chaps my ass over what she did to the other girls.”

“You have any way of dealing with this?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I’ve seen you drunk, and I heard from the Princesses about how you saved Canterlot from demons. I’m sure you’re able to pull off some trick that’ll shut her muzzle.”

“I’m sure I’ll think of something. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

“It’s still afternoon. Besides, I don’t have any clients.”

“Alright. If you’re at Rarity’s, tell Spike to come home, okay?”

“Will do.”

They both said their goodbyes and Dante set out on his idea.

Mission 4: Snoop da Lulamoop
Investigate Trixie Lulamoon’s Actions

As the sun went down, Dante silently inched up to the back of the caravan and slowly cracked open the back window to hear the conversation between Trixie and a strange voice. Trixie spoke into a magical device that projected a small magical flame that held a voice.

“Are you for sure it was the Son of Sparda?” it asked.

“Who else would sport such an ugly coat and grin?”

“Good. Good. Await your next command. Sleep for now; we have much work to do.”

“Do we have to kill them? I find it much more satisfying, publicly humiliating them.”

“NO! The only threats to my plans are the elements and Dante; they must die and their physical elements destroyed!”

“Can Trixie really bring herself to murder?”

“Foolish mare. That weak Griffion let me possess her so she could assassinate Dante. If you let your heart open to dark magic, you can be my vessel to terminate our foes.”

She fell silent on her dilemma. Her body shuddered at the thought of her potential failure.

“You have 24 hours to decide; fulfill our goal and receive your place as a Noble in my future Empire or forfeit your place in our circle, your little smoke and mirrors game and go back to being a pitiful rock farmhand for the rest of your miserable life.”

The flame on the device died down, and the distraught Unicorn switched it off. Her deep thought was disrupted when she heard a loud knocking on the door. Curious to see the guests, Dante shimmied around the caravan to see two kids possibly around Spike’s age. The taller, thinner colt had an aquamarine mane and yellow fur. The shorter, chubbier colt had light brown hair and grayish opal fur. Both wore matching red shirts with khaki shorts.

“C’mon, Great and Powerful Trixie,” The shorter one begged, “Tell us the story of how you vanquished an Ursa Major.”

“Trixie is far too exhausted from being the best in Ponyville,” she scoffed, “Be Gone until morning.”

“Okay, G&PT,” The taller one sighed, “We’re at your beck and call.”

As they both left, Dante spotted Spike who was watching them both cross-armed.

“What were you two doing?” he asked the duo.

“We wanted to hear more about the G&PT’s amazing feats,” the taller one explained.

“What and what now?”

“Great and Powerful Trixie.”

Spike rolled his eyes at their ignorance.

“How can you both be so fooled by her tall tales?” Spike ranted, “I mean, she spins so much yarn, she could weave an entire blanket that can cover Ponyville. She’s a sham, unlike Twilight, who could-”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie vanquished an Ursa Major!” The smaller colt yelled in the young dragon’s face, “Can your Twilight do that?”

“Right,” Spike retorted sarcastically, “Like she even has any proof of doing such a thing in the first place. If you want to ask somepony that even encountered such a beast, ask the local Demon Hunter, Dante. He’ll tell you; the proof is in his office.”

“Have you ever been to this so called Demon Hunter’s office?” The chubby one asked, staring him in the eye.

“No; his office is in Canterlot.”

“No proof equals that Trixie is the better hunter.”

“Look, guys, if an Ursa Major comes waltzing down the street for Trixie to Vanquish, I am not going to believe her and neither should you two!”

The chubby one stood there, thinking hard until he got a twinkle in his eye.

“Snails, you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Snails stood there, scratching his muzzle until he spoke.

“I dunno Snips; what were we thinking about?”

Sails facepalmed and tugged him by the arm.

“Come on, I’ll tell you on the way.”

As they left, Spike scoffed and went the other way.

“Gullible lunkheads,” he grumbled.

The Devil Hunter waited until Spike was out of sight until he stepped away from the caravan. He knew those two colts would go looking for an Ursa Major and he would have to stop them. He sighed in frustration and followed the two Colts into the Everfree Forest.

Author's Note

I'm sorry; I have no excuse for this hiatus, but here me out.

My latest blog explains about my absence.

Anyways, here's the latest romp in Dante's misadventures.
Next Chapter is: Attack of the Intergalactic 50 Foot Cub.

11-Attack of the Intergalactic 50 Foot Cub

Chapter 11
Attack of the Intergalactic 50 Foot Cub

(Third Person POV)

Deep into the Everfree Forest, two Colts were on a mission to bring an Ursa Major to Ponyville to prove Trixie’s magic to the town. Both were slowed to a scared stroll, hearing both the sounds of many creatures residing deep within the forest and distant hoof steps.

The Devil hunter was hot on their trail, hoping to find them before either they got hurt by the hostile wildlife or search for and wake up an Ursa Major. He kept his fast pace without a second thought, wondering how fast they got ahead of him. Another idea popped into his head if Celestia still rewards ponies for bringing in Ursa pelts because of the high concentration of raw magic. He pushed that thought aside and focused more on his potential rescue mission.

The duo stopped dead in their tracks when they heard a twig snap nearby.

“Gah! What was that!?” Snips yelped.

“Snips, why d’ya stop?” Snails asked his best friend, oblivious to the sound.

“Didn’t you hear that!? Something’s stalking us.”

“Ah, you're just paranoid.”

It was then they spotted a reptilian-like creature leap from one foliage to another across the road.

“How’s THAT for being paranoid?”

It was then that five reptilian-like creatures surrounded the duo. They had green scaly skin with a shield on their right arms and long sharp claws on their left hands. They both screamed in fear, holding onto each other for dear life.

“I think this is it, buddy!” Snips cried.

“I didn’t even try the strawberry sundae!”

One of them leaped up into the air, only to be shot by a stray bullet. The bullet tore off its left arm, green blood spraying its kin and parts of the colt’s faces. The Blade hissed in pain as it crashed into a nearby tree. The pack shifted their focus on the source of the loud bang and the origin of the bullet.

Dante stood there with Ebony out, smoke pouring from the barrel. He was slowly panting from his long sprint but regained composure as he holstered his gun.

“Hey, don’t prey on little kids; you won’t get much meat from them,” he reasoned, “How about an entre, fit for an Alicorn princess?”

The lizard demons hissed at the hunter, scampering around in various patterns. This gave the two opportune time to slip away while the Blades were distracted. Dante stood still, not breaking his focus on the armless one. He waited as they inched closer, preparing for an attack. It was then they all pounced on him at once. He let out a quick laugh and shifted into his demon form, throwing them all directions.

“Typical Infantry,” he taunted, “All balls and no brains.”

Few have recovered and the rest still stirring in pain. The Devil Hunter dashed forward, throwing a few jabs at the lizard demons, their bones crunching at the explosive impacts of Beowulf. He finished off with a roundhouse kick that took two of the lizards’ heads clean off. The blood instantly evaporated the moment it landed on Dante’s demon flesh.

The other two Blades recovered and regrouped to prepare for another strike. He then switched to Agni and Rudra, holding them with their heads pointing upwards.

“Oh, look, brother,” Agni observed the demons, “Fresh meat for the first time in a thousand years!”

“Ooh, which one? Which one?” Rudra entreated the devil hunter.

“Both,” he smirked.

Both of the Blades leaped towards him, swinging their claws, only to be sliced in half by the blades with mouths. One’s entrails got thrown from its wound while the other got both halves of its body cauterized by the severe burning cut. Dante then changed back to normal, quietly observing the area, only to see the Blade without an arm missing. The cauterized Blade weakly tried to crawl away from Dante, grabbing the dirt and pulling itself, unraveling its intestines from the other half of its body.

For a second, he looked away, wishing it would’ve died right then and there from that slash, but somehow it was still alive. He had to put it out of its misery. Without looking, he quietly pulled out Ivory and shot it once in the head, it lying still for real this time.

(Stop Music)

It was then he noticed both Snips and Snails snuck away while the Blades focused on him. He gritted his teeth and swore under his breath before running after them, still discontent on their persistence. Any other pony would turn tail and run home, but these Colts, they were a special stupid for him.

“Oh, man; I thought we were lunch for sure this time!” Snips grimaced at their near-death experience.

“But who was that guy? Should we go back and thank him?”

“NO! The forest is home to some nasty creatures; that stallion might be one of them.”

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

“Positive; I know for sure that the Ursa Major’s cave is at the end of this trail.”

“Either that or today’s lunch.”

Snips have suddenly spun around and grabbed by his throat by the remaining Blade. As it was about to open its jaws to take a bite out of him, Snips heard a shing and the sound of tearing flesh. The Blade stood there, its body entirely still. A moment passed and the top of its head, remaining arm and waist slid off its joints, spraying its blood all over Snips and the ground. He fell to the ground, only to see a gloved hand reaching out to him.

When he focused on the face, he recognized him.

“Hey, you’re that Stallion from TG&PT’s show!”

“The one and only,” he said, pulling the young colt to his hooves.

“So, you’re one of them, aren’t you?”

“Me? Ha! I’m only a half-breed, kiddo; I don’t hunt innocent ponies.”

“Thank you for saving our lives, but...OH MY CELESTIA!” he exclaimed, pointing past Dante’s face, “WHAT THE HAY IS THAT!?”

Without hesitation, he spun around, aiming his shotgun in Snips’s direction. Snips ran off with Snails not too far behind.

“Uh, kid; there was nothing…” he said, turning around to see them running off again.

“Oh, CELESTIADAMMIT! NOT AGAIN!”

Inside the cave at the end of the trail, the duo started searching for the legendary bear.

“Hey Snips, you got a light?”

“Hold on.”

The small unicorn grunted, panted and heaved until his horn lit up the area. They heard a low rumble coming from further in the cave.

“Did ya hear that, Snips?”

When the light is shown on the blue bear’s face, the two froze in terror. They screamed as the bear roared. They turned tail and ran out of the cave to where they almost ran into Dante.

“HEY! There you are you two little-”

“Can’t talk!” Snips yelled, running past the devil hunter.

“We got a major problem!”

“What problem?”

The moment he turned to look at the bear, it swung its paw at the hybrid, sending him straight into a tree, knocking him out instantly. It noticed Dante’s lack of movement and ran off after the two Colts.

Spike moped around, kicking a rock down the road while thinking about Twilight’s decision.

‘If only Twilight could show her up, she’ll be gone for good,’ he thought, grumbling. A loud roar and screams from two familiar Colts, snapped him out of his stupor when he saw Snips and Snails sprinting past him.

“Hey, guys; what’s going on!?”

“Can’t talk!” Snips yelled.

“We got a MAJOR problem!”

He stood there, scratching his scales for a moment before a loud roar shook the ground. He turned to see the lunar bear running at him at full speed. He leaped about 10 feet into the air and dashed off with the two scared Colts.

“GANG WAY!” the Colts shouted.

“TWILIGHT! DANTE!”

The Colts ran straight to Trixie’s caravan where they rapidly wrapped on the door until she opened it.

“Ugh, can’t Trixie get some shut-eye before being bothered by-”

“Actually,” Snips interrupted her, “We got a tiny problem.”

“It’s a BIG one,” Snails exaggerated.

“What’s so important about it that it can’t wait until morning to disturb Trixie?”

It was then she heard a low growl coming from across the street to see the lunar bear knocking over trees in its rampage towards them. She shrieked in terror and ran off with the Colts following her. It swung its paw onto the caravan, smashing it to pieces. A strange shadow-like mist seeped up from the wreckage and slowly enveloped around the bear, making it stop and slightly losing its balance from the fog. A low chuckling voice echoed from the mist as it mutated the creature, causing it to grow to double its size to resemble an Ursa Major except its color is now red.

Twilight was sitting in her study, reading a copy of the History of Equestria where Spike kicked the door in and stopped next to her desk, panting heavily.

“Twilight, you gotta come, QUICK!” he wheezed.

“Spike, I already told you; I don’t want to show up Trixie.”

“NO! You don’t understand, it’s-”

ROAR

The noise shook the house, prompting her to change her tune quickly.

“Uh, is that what I think it is?” She shakily asked the little dragon.

“Oh, majorly.”

Outside on the streets of Ponyville, Trixie and the Colts’ escape was cut short by a dead end, where the mutated Ursa Minor inched closer to them.

“Aren’t you the Great and Powerful Trixie!?” Snips yelled, “You can vanquish the Ursa Major!”

“Yeah, Vanquish it so we can watch!”

“B-but it stepped on a device that mutated it! It will be much harder to defeat it!”

“Still, it took us a lot of trouble to get this thing here,” Snips evaluated.

“Wait! You brought it here!?” Trixie jumped, “Are you out of your little minds!?”

“Yeah, but you’re the Great and Powerful Trixie; you can do anything!” Snails reminded Trixie of her facade.

The beast roared in anger, waking up the residents of Ponyville. Some ran out of their homes to investigate the noise, only to see a giant red intergalactic bear on a rampage. The residents took noticed and ran off, screaming in terror. Before the bear’s paw could swing down onto the three ponies, a loud, ear-piercing boom rung out from an adjacent rooftop. A bullet ricocheted off the bear’s paw, making it growl in pain. Trixie and the others looked to the source to see the Devil hunter holding Spiral in his arms. Blood was caked in his hair, and the side of his face was swollen, forcing him only to use his left eye.

“HEY! INTERGALACTIC DORITO!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, prompting the bear’s attention, “YOU AND ME HAVE UNFINISHED BUSINESS!”

Boss 3 (Mutated Ursa Minor)

Dante put away the heavy rifle and pulled out his trusty handguns, shooting at random places on the bear. It only agitated it as it charged to the Devil Hunter where he jumped high into the air with the bear’s claw missing its target by inches. He flew over the bear, firing off charged shots at the creatures back, leaving behind scorch marks. It spun around leaving a lucky strike on the devil hunter, sending him flying into the second floor of a nearby house.

He got up from the imprint of the bathroom sink and saw a shocked mare who was in a bubble bath.

“Sorry, babe,” he meekly apologized, intensely blushing, “Occupational hazard.”

He jumped from the opening and grabbed onto the bear’s arm, hanging on for dear life. It flared its arm all around off the random object it could find, only to see Dante still on, spitting out splinters and straw.

The devil hunter slowly crawled up the arm, slashing at the beast whenever he had an opening. He let go and shot the bear in the face with his boomstick, temporarily blinding it. He swapped his gun out for Kalina Ann and fired a rocket at its chest, throwing it off its feet. It landed on the house, ripping it off its foundation. It regained its vision and got up from the rubble, ready to pounce on the devil hunter.

He got out Alastor and shifted into his demon form. Taking off with his wings, he shot out lightning bolts from his sword, jerking the bear in every direction. The bear roared, and a white beam of energy shot out of its mouth. In a split-second, Dante blocks it with Alastor and shot the beam back at the bear, singeing parts of its body. He then dove at the bear, striking its head with Alastor, throwing it across the town square into a building where it crumbled like a stack of cards.

Twilight arrived near the fight next to Snips and Snails with Spike nearby.

“What’s going on!?” she asked.

“We brought an Ursa to town!” Snips bragged.

“You WHAT!?” she growled.

“Don’t worry; Trixie might not have been able to vanquish the Ursa, but this guy can!” Snails praised the hybrid fighting the mutant Ursa.

“Dante’s ok!” Spike sighed with relief.

“Where was he?” Twilight asked.

“He tried to stop those two idiots from finding an Ursa Major, but it seemed like it caught him off guard and knocked him out.”

“Wow, he must be furious.”

“You’re telling me; he went Devil Trigger.”

They all watched the ongoing battle ensue with Dante switching to Beowulf where he swung at the bear’s face, creating shockwaves and white flashes with every connected blow. He finally swung a right uppercut and stunned the beast. With the opportunity, he flew down to the stunned mutant and placed his hand on its head. The black mist flew off the bear and into the demon hunter’s hand, sucking up the dark magic. The process continued for about a minute until the Ursa turned back to normal. The process left the bear unconscious but ended its rampage nevertheless.

(Fight Over)

With a sigh of relief, he shifted back into his human form and sat on a nearby bench. He jumped at the roaring cheers from the townsfolk. Twilight used her magic to teleport the sleeping bear back to its cave, and most of the townsfolk rushed over to the exhausted devil hunter.

“Wow, you were SO amazing!”

“Can I have your foals?

“You showed that Ursa!”

“Can I get your autograph?”

“Ladies, please!” Twilight yelled, “Leave him be! He must be drained from that fight; don’t overwhelm him like that.”

Shortly after her scolding, the mayor of the town entered the scene. She has a grayish amber coat with a gray mane and blue eyes. She wore a standard business suit with a knee length skirt and small glasses.

Mayor Mare (Cathy Weseluck)

“What in the name of Celestia happened here?”

“Dante’s the one who stopped the Ursa Minor from tearing up the town.”

“You mean, that wasn’t an Ursa Major?” Snips asked, confused.

“Nope; that was a baby.”

“If that was an Ursa Major,” Spike analyzed, “Then w-what would an Ursa Major be?”

“You don’t want to know,” Dante chuckled, standing next to the young Drake.

“On behalf of Ponyville, I thank you for your bravery and intuition,” the Mayor said, shaking his hand.

“I did what I had to do,” he quietly said, “Besides, I had to get back at it somehow, on the count of my face.”

“Oh, my Celestia!” Twilight yelped, realizing his swollen face, “You’re hurt!”

“It’s okay; that’s why I have these,” he explained, pulling out a green star and crushing it in his hand. His face returned to normal, and the blood on his head disappeared.

“Whoa! What are those!?” Spike asked.

“These are Vital Stars,” he explained, “They heal a demon instantaneously with powerful healing magic. Very helpful for fights like what you just saw.”

“Well, tomorrow, we can start reconstruction, and this is for you,” Mayor stated, handing Dante a large bag of coins.

“Thank you, but you didn’t need to.”

“Think of it as a reward for your good deed and for saving the town. There are 500 bits inside. I will not take no for an answer.”

“Thank you. I know where I’m going tomorrow.”

“Where?” Twilight asked.

“You know where the Spa is?”

“I’ll show you, darling,” Rarity said, stepping out of nowhere, “Stop by the Carousel Boutique tomorrow morning, and I’ll walk with you. Oh, and I’m Rarity by the way.”

Rarity (Tabitha St. Germain)

“I’m sure you know me,” Dante said, shaking her hand.

Rainbow Dash flew out of nowhere to congratulate the devil hunter.

“THAT WAS SO AWESOME!” she fangirled

“You are just as badass as you were in the comics! I also saw you flying around, shooting lighting at that bear and punching it in the jaw; you are SO COOL!”

He let out a quick laugh and smiled at her praise.

“I’m flattered you think of me like that.”

“How about you and me go flying sometime, see how fast you are?”

“It’s a date, then.”

She slightly blushed at his remark. He then realized the absence of Trixie.

“Say, where’s Trixie?” he wondered.

“She bolted after you went Devil Trigger,” Twilight explained, “I doubt she’ll return to Ponyville for a LONG time.”

After the townsfolk and the Mayor went home, Dante loudly yawned, stretching his arms out with his joints popping.

“Well, it’s been a productive day, think I’ll hit the hay.”

Everypony agreed and went their separate ways. He smiled to himself, saving a town without casualties left him a great sense of satisfaction. He followed Twilight and Spike home to rest for the night with another big day ahead of him.

“Does anypony know the whereabouts of Miss Lulamoon?” the gray flame asked the others.

“No; surprisingly enough I can’t track her,” the lighter gray flame grimaced in defeat.

“No matter; if any of our forces find her, she’ll be dead within moments,” the green fire explained with a maniacal laughter that followed.

“Very well; let’s think of another way to hurt the Son of Sparda.”

Author's Note

Here's another one, you rascals. I'm now in college with a weird work schedule, but I'll find a way around that to work more on this fic.

Also, the chapter after my next one WILL contain Clop. I'm setting up a separate page that will include all future chapters containing sex after the first sex scene is finished and published, of course.

Anyways, be on the lookout for the next chapter, "Just Another Day" coming soon!

Enjoy, and as always, have a great day!

12-Just Another Day

Chapter 12
Just Another Day

(Dante POV)

The morning light shone on my face, signaling me to get up. I stretched with my back and a few other joints popping.

“Ugh! One thousand years can give a such a crick in the neck!” I joked to myself, rubbing my neck.

I sauntered over to Twilight and Spike where he had a rock on his head and stick in his hand. I scratched my chin in confusion but kept observing, much to my curiosity, the rock turned into a top hat, along with a suit replacing his green hoodie and shorts with the stick turning into dress cane.

“Heya, Twi,” I called out over to them.

They both jumped, and the spell faded with the rock hitting him on the head. I cringed at the little drake’s pain.

“Sorry, buddy,” I gingerly said.

“Dante, I didn’t know you were awake,” Twilight said, rubbing Spike’s pain away.

“I just wanna ask ya a simple ques-well two questions, actually; what was that spell you were working on?”

“It’s an illusion spell that can turn inanimate objects into clothes, but in order for it to work, the user and castee must be both focusing on it for it to work. So, what was the other question?”

“What time is it?”

In a pinch, she pulled out her cellphone from her pocket and tapped the lock button on it to show the lock screen.

“It’s...11:47; you slept real late.”

“Thanks. I should head over to Rarity’s then; my back is killing me.”

“Ok, Dante; have fun.”

Spike shot me a weird look but shrugged it off since he remembered the fact that I’m not into mares like Rarity. Nice to see some progress with the little dude; that’ll pay off in the long run.

I stepped out of the library to a bright, sunny day in Ponyville. I took in a deep breath before strolling off into the town. As I was walking down the street, I noticed Snips and Snails wearing uniforms, picking up trash. They must’ve been sentenced to community service for bringing that Ursa Minor here. Since nopony got hurt, they luckily avoided jail time. I’d hate to see those two try to handle prison.

I then came across a stand in the town square where...Applejack, I think her name is? She had a stand where she sold apples (no shit, Sherlock) and Apple Accessories (Make a King of the Hill joke and I’ll kill you). Feeling a rumble in my stomach, I decided to buy something from her stand.

“Well, I’ll be,” she said in a thick southern accent, “It’s the stallion that stopped that crazy Ursa last night.”

“Yep. The name’s Dante, by the way.”

“Ahm, Applejack,” she beamed, violently shaking my hand, “Pleasure to meet ya.”

Applejack (Ashleigh Ball)

She wore a white tank top with a red and white checkered overshirt tied into a knot at the bottom. She wore slightly dirty blue jeans with an apple belt buckle. Her brown stetson hat fits well with her blond mane tied into a ponytail. She was a Southern Belle in a pony form.

“I’m just here for some grub; how much are the pies?”

“They’re 5 bits each.”

“I’ll take one. Here ya go,” I said, handing her the coins.

“Thanks,” she said before I took a bite from the apple pie. My eyes lit up from the flavor and warm, crisp fruit.

“This is damn good!”

“I appreciate yer satisfaction, partner; them apples came from mah family’s farm.”

“Really? Locally grown is always the best in my book.”

“I want to go to another subject; I saw the whole fight between you and that bear. I don’t think I’ve seen that kind of strength before. You beat the evil outta that thing like it was nuttin. I’m impressed.”

“It’s the demon blood that gives me my resilience and strength,” he explained, his voice muffled from the food in his mouth.

“Interesting. That explained how you turned into that...thing.”

He swallowed his last forkful before explaining the rest of his heritage.

“My father, Sparda, he was a demon. He married my mother, Eva, who was a human. The following result was my brother and me. Sadly, they’ve been dead for over a thousand years.”

“I know how ya feel, sugar cube; growin up without parents can be tough; you just gotta find that strength in your friends to help you day by day.”

“Yeah, my friends…”

My mind shifted to the other element bearers from a millennium ago. All those memories, both the good and the bad. I remember how they died, fighting the Mare in the Moon. They all sacrificed themselves to help Tia and me defeat her and banish her to the moon where eventually she got purged from Luna’s soul. It hurts when these memories surface; I miss them all.

‘Heatwave, Persona, Sea Crest, Shamrock, Ouija Star, and...and...Clover…’

I looked up to the sky, closing my eyes, feeling my throat tense up and my eyes burn.

“Are ya alright, sugar cube?”

“Yeah; I'm all right,” I said, trying my best not to choke up, “It’s just a terrible day for rain.” My sentiment made Applejack shoot me a confused look.

“What’re ya talkin ‘bout? There ain’t a cloud in tha sky.”

“No; it is. It’s raining.”

“I heard from Twi about the other element bearers. You want to tell me about them?”

“I guess I should,” I sighed, “Where should I begin?”

I paused for a moment before digging up old memories.

“Heatwave the Flaming Rock, he was a brash, adrenaline junkie of a pegasus, much like Rainbow Dash. He forged the element of Loyalty. He and I stuck close in the toughest of fights; bastard could take one helluva beating from demons. He saw me as a “Brother bound by blood and flame.” He threw himself in front of me when I hesitated to finish off the mare in the moon, and she lashed out at me. He died in my arms, prompting the others to fight her.”

“Sure sounds like what Rainbow would do if it had to come to that; let’s just hope it doesn’t, anyways.”

“Persona, she was a traveling actress.She was also known as “The Mare of a Million Faces.” She always had a knack for helping other ponies through tough times with her joking nature and many, many plays. The only two times I’ve ever seen her sad was when Luna started growing distant from all of us and when she was mortally wounded on our way to storm the castle. Even in her dying breath, she quoted a character from a movie never even seen from this world or even the time motion pictures were even invented yet. She was an exceptional mare I had the honor of meeting. Her joyful tone and sense of humor forged the element of Laughter.”

“Sounds an awful lot like Pinkie, that’s for sure.”

“Captain Sea Crest, he was an adventurer that enjoyed traveling the seas of Equis. He never hesitated to tell ya what was on his mind. He was foul-mouthed like me, made sense since he technically was a sailor. He forged the element you hold today; honesty. In his final moments, he went toe to toe with Nightmare Moon. Even though he was winning, a distraction left him open for a fatal blow. His last words to me were, “Perpetua amicitia nostra memoria immarcescibilem contentio.””

“What did that mean?”

“It’s Latin for, “Forever friendship, may our memories of strife never fade.” He was a bit of a stubborn stallion, but that never kept him from what mattered to him the most; the safety of Equestria and his “best maties.”

“What about the others?”

“Shamrock the Hood, he was the older twin of Clover the Clever, the student of Starswirl the Bearded. He led two lives, one as a scholar and the other as a professional thief that stole from the rich and gave it to the poor. His actions created the element of Generosity. This was never mentioned in either the history books, nor the comic books, but...he...he...was the only male in my herd at the time…”

She looked at me with an expression I could only describe as both surprised and astonished.

“So yer tellin me...yer Bi?”

“Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Well, yes; he only saw other stallions attractive, me especially. He had an eye for the finer things in life, much like Rarity. In a sense, when I looked into Rarity’s eyes last night, I saw his, staring back at me. While we fought Nightmare Moon, he stayed behind at the castle gates to fend off demons from entering. Needless, to say, but he perished after the successfully pushed them back. Even back then, Celestia encouraged our relationship, even though she never understood it when there were so little stallions, to begin with.”

“The princess always was a kind a just ruler and never abandoned any of her vows. That’s why the citizens of Equestria always adored her.”

“Ouija Star, he had a hard life. He was born into a military family. His mother was the Captain of the Pegasus Lunar Guard while his father was the Captain of the Solar Guard. He barely seen his parents when they were on duty and grew up alone. He was pressured into the military by his family and had a natural knack for it. He stayed in for a solid 5 years until one day, a mare of the same rank as he was, got raped by other stallions. He knew who it was and blew the whistle, so to speak. As a result, he left the soldier’s life to help other ponies with their problems. He also had a sixth sense, meaning he could see and talk to ghosts. He didn’t even need a horn to use his gift either; it just happened on its own. He helped dead ponies cope with their demise and their insecurities that were too complex and difficult to straighten out in their former lives and guided them to the afterlife, thus creating the element of Kindness. He sadly passed away from his illness after we sealed Nightmare Moon. If you ask me, he would’ve been able to ascend into royalty as an Alicorn of the Afterlife. He was offered by Celestia, but he turned it down.”

“Why would he do such a thing? If that was to cure his illness and make him live forever?”

“Because the last thing he told her before crossing over was that he lived a fulfilling life and that his friends were waiting for him anyways; he never wanted to live for an eternity already having accomplished his life goals.”

“I see. What about Clover the Clever?”

It was then I entered the most painful of my memories; my once-beloved.

“Clover...she was my first lover. After I liberated the Castle of the Two Sisters from the Spirit of Chaos, Discord, she was the only one of all Ponies except for Starswirl to open up to me, to prove to others that I’m not the blood-hungry demon they thought I was. She helped me control the demon side of me, nurtured my human side and even became my marefriend. We did everything together, even with Luna, who was also in my herd. I did everything I could to protect them. She knew how to bring the elements together and lead the group to incredible success. I was going to marry Clover, but...she...she...she was killed while we attempted to liberate a foreign kingdom from a wicked ruler. After she died and the tyrant sealed away, the kingdom disappeared out of thin air and I feel that one of the factors of Luna turning into Nightmare Moon was that she grew jealous. I tried to make it up to her by asking her to marry me, but then...she turned.”

“I understand now,” she concluded, putting her hand on my shoulder, “They all sounded very honorable, noble and brave. I’m sure yer in lots of pain, right now, but if you ever need anypony to talk to, you can always speak to me or the others. I see ya as a friend, Dante; I hate to see you try to push away yer feelings to be somethin yer not. Embrace the mortal side of ya and let all of it out. Don’t think I forget the way you acted towards Princess Luna, either; you can’t bottle up yer emotions. From what I hear, you two used to be close. I implore you, Dante; make the right decision and give her another chance.”

Before I could take a breath to protest, I stopped, knowing full well that she was right. Of all the things that have happened to me in the time I was here, yes there were some laughs along the way, but if I take my eyes and put them in the big picture, my reality is much grimmer than I realized. The looming threat of demons, deaths of my friends, lovers, blood brothers and even the haunting implanted memories from when I first donned my new body, the stress seems to just pile up by the tons. I felt like it all was suffocating me. I need to find release and fast. I gave in and let out a deep, shaky sigh.

“You’re right; the next chance I get, I’m going straight to Canterlot to make things right. Until now; I just want to relax for a day and take my mind off my job. Just live a little, know what I mean?”

“Yeah, but we only relax around the Winter when the apples don’t grow, so I get where ya commin from.”

We stood there for another few moments, every second of dead silence kept ringing the air, minus the clamoring from the other townsfolk going with their days. It was then when Applejack decided to break the ice.

“Well, if ya need me, I’ll be at mah family’s farm,” she concluded, kicking the side of the stand where it folded into a small briefcase, “See ya later, Dante.”

I waved goodbye to the farm mare before resuming with my day off. As I was walking along the dirt road, I felt a familiar prodding at my chest and found it was coming from one of my coat pockets. I rummaged through the annoying one and felt a familiar round, thin, weighty item. I pulled it out to the light and...wait...MY CELLPHONE!?

All this time!? ONLY NOW I REALIZE IT WAS IN MY COAT POCKET THIS WHOLE TIME!?

(This just in...Dante Sparda has suffered a minor Aneurism out of sheer stupidity)
[That’s MY line, you inferior ass clown!]

FOR ALMOST A FUCKING WEEK, I WENT ALL THIS TIME AND NEVER REALIZED THAT I HAD MY CELESTIADAMMED PHONE ON ME SINCE THE DAY I WAS FREED FROM THAT STONE PRISON!?

I think I just went crosseyed. Tossing my dumb moment aside, I unlocked my phone and pulled out earbuds and selected an instrumental of a song I used to listen a lot back on Earth.

As the familiar beat, I haven’t heard in a long time, played out, the ambient sounds of the town faded away and left me walking in a pimp-strut. Many of the townsfolk that I passed by smiled and waved at me. I smirked and waved back, knowing that I was back in my prime. Funny thing about being famous in a small town, eventually word will spread about your exploits and then follow paparazzi, movie deals, scores of fanmares and to be frank; I don’t give a damn if it comes to that. I’m just somepony with an incredible gift willing to help out in any way I can.

Come to think of it; I didn’t want the money Mayor Mare awarded me; just the satisfaction knowing that a demon was put in its place and nopony got hurt in the process. I’m just doing (trying) things to be a model hero, granted I indulge a bit at times, but it never hurts to be modest, though. Makes me think of Rainbow Dash. If she were in my boots, how would she handle the fame as the spawn of Sparda? Would she become that fame-addicted starlet or be more down to Earth knowing she has heavy responsibilities where every choice has ponies’ lives in her hands?

Here I assume my thoughts didn’t make sense; rambling in my head like a madman. I guess sleeping in stone just makes you more philosophical, as if the character Dante wasn’t thoughtful already on his merit. Back then, in ye olde Equestrian times, it was encouraged that you would indulge in your fame and take up a nickname given to you by nobility and other lives you save, but here in the now, where the times are pretty much the same where I was in before I came to Equestria in the first place.

This time, I should be a hero for the right reasons; do what I think is right and for the safety of ponies everywhere. If I do reinstate my Devil May Cry business, would I get calls up the ass or none at all? I guess time will tell and I’m almost at Rarity’s so, rant over.

I looked up at the precise nature of the Ferris-wheel esque exterior, observing every detail like an Otaku reading through a Manga. Fits the fancy, complex nature of the mare so well, shame I don’t have any romantic interest in mares like her, right? (RIGHT!?) I shut off my phone and stuffed it back in my pocket before entering the boutique.

(Stop Song)

As I opened the door to the boutique, a bell above my head chimed out through the room, hearing a “Come in,” singsong voice from the posh mare herself. Her work attire consists of a white blouse with a couple of top buttons undone with brown slacks. She appeared to be nearsighted as she also had low-cut glasses, or just to magnify her vision when she’s weaving clothing.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, Dante,” she beamed, “If you ever need stylish new attire for hunting those icky monsters, you know who just to ask.”

I nodded as I surveyed the entire room. I don’t know how she makes enough money in a small town like this to warrant such an artistic architecture.

“What’s wrong?” she asked me.

“Nothing; just speechless on the architecture, is all.”

“Thank you, darling; I redesigned the interior when I first moved in. Took about a year, but I made every detail just marvelous.”

“I’ll say.”

She then noticed my clothes. I then realized what that gauze meant. In one thousand fucking years was this my only set of clothes when I came here. Oh, boy; this would be heavy news to bear to Rarity.

“Anything on your mind?” I asked her.

“Are those your only clothes?”

‘DAMMIT!’

“Well, I had clothes, but during the battle with Nightmare Moon, part of the castle burned and all of my clothes were destroyed.”

She loudly gasped, cupping her hands over her mouth.

“This is a FASHION EMERGENCY!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, “Fitting room, NOW!”

Scared out of my wits, I immediately complied and zipped over into the fitting room where she pulled the curtain closed.

“Now, I will need to take a few measurements, please remove your clothes.”

My face lit up red to the point where my nose slightly bled.

“NOW I DON’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!” she growled, balling up a fist, “It’s just to check your body type, and I can make clothing where it will fit you like a glove.”

I sighed and took off my clothes. Was it too late to say that I didn’t wear underwear? Well, as soon as the pants drop, her eyes fell to my ahem…” sword.” Her face lit up and didn’t take her eyes off my manhood.

“Um, Rarity?”

“What what what?” she shook her head, ”Sorry; I’m stalling, I should take those measurements, then.”

“Sorry; I should’ve warned ya about not wearing anything underneath.”

“Oh, it’s okay; I dabble in a little exhibitionism, myself from time to time,” she explained, the dark blush still present on our faces.

What it felt like forever, she stood up and put away her tape measure.

“Okay, that does it for the measurements,” she said, “All I need now is a little inspiration and voila! I’ll have your new ensemble made overnight.”

“Thank you, Rarity; that means a lot to me.”

“Consider it a gift for saving Ponyville. Since the Gala is coming up soon in a few months, I will need to make you a new outfit. Any suggestions?”

“Well, I would consider it to cover my body since we’re heading into colder weather soon. I would like to have the style similar to the outfit I have on right now, but I would like it to look badass, but professional too.”

“Okay, I’ll just write it down, quick change and we can go to the spa. Be right back.”

After she left the room, I quickly got dressed and waited over by the main entrance for about 6 minutes before I heard hoof steps from across the room. Rarity is now dressed in a white summer dress with a purple trim around the collar and bottom of the crop. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I would get along with her very well. I dunno; just a feeling, is all.

“Okay, let’s go,” she said.

The walk took about 15 minutes. Felt longer considering we had little to no interaction on the way there, but I digress; my back is killing me.

“And here we are,” Rarity pointed out to the tent-like building, “The Ponyville Spa!”

So, I was finally going to one; didn’t expect that to be on my bucket list, but who cares? At least Rarity was kind enough to accompany me on this potentially relaxing experience. When we entered the Spa, a cooling sensation flowed through my body, my shoulders dropped, and I felt a little safer. I can’t describe the feeling, but coming here just might help me with my back.

Rarity and I walked over to the front counter where she ran a golden bell. A mare walked out from the back room and stepped up to the counter.

Lotus (Tabitha St. Germain)

She has blue fur, a pink mane and a tight white uniform that puts barely any effort into my imagination.

“Lotus, darling,” Rarity greeted the spa mare, “Long time, no see.”

“Rarity, will you be doing the usual?” she asked in a thick Eastern European accent.

“Of course, and could you give my friend here the most expensive treatment? He deserves it.”

Her focus changed from Rarity to me, and her eyes lit up.

“It’s you from last night! The stallion who took down that Ursa!” her eyes gleamed of praise, “You must’ve strained yourself quite a bit, I think you deserve the V.I.P. treatment.”

Rarity’s face lit up from when Lotus mentioned “V.I.P.”.

“Um, what does she mean by V.I.P.?”

“I’ll let you figure that out, darling,” she gingerly stated, “Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise, anyways.”

I shrugged it off, and she led us into the main treatment room. I then noticed a mare treating another pony via massage therapy. She looked exactly like Lotus, but her fur and mane color is swapped.

Aloe (Tabitha St. Germain)

“Oh, is this Dante?” she asked her twin. She nodded, and her eyes lit up.

“Get into a robe and wait by one of the tables and we’ll be with you in a moment.”

I nodded and Rarity guided to the changing rooms. I entered the room and changed into a towel. Hopefully, it can cover up my sensitive bits, out of respect for common decency, I think. I left the changing room and went over to the leftmost massaging table and waited for a few minutes. Rarity first entered the area wearing a white robe with her cutie mark embedded on the side.

I watched as she strolled over to the hot tub and dropped the robe to the side. It then clicked in my head that she was naked. I caught a good glimpse of her slightly curvy appearance and a nice firm butt to go with it.

“Mr. Sparda?” Lotus snapped me out of my gauze, and I instantly turned to look at her.

“Yes?”

“Are you ready for your treatment? If so, please lie face down on the table and we will begin.”

I did as they said and lied down with my arms hanging off the sides. I then felt the warm, nimble fingers run down the middle of my back. I shuddered in ecstasy, goosebumps well visible.

“Oh? That feels good, no?”

“Yes,” I slurred, “Keep going, please.”

She moved her hands to my shoulders, then to my lower back, every single joint she worked on felt like mush afterward. I never felt such relaxation in my life. I feel as if...I...could...zzz.

“..nte?”

“Da...e?”

“Dante?”

As I heard Lotus’s voice ring through my head, I slowly stirred awake, stretching out every part of my body. No cracks, pops or stiffness in any of my joints.

“Thank you Lotus; I needed that.”

“Oh,” she stopped me with a finger on my lips, “We’re not done; you said, that you would get the V.I.P. treatment, and that’s exactly what my sister and I are about to do.”

“What is the last leg of the treatment?”

“Let’s just say; there’s one more joint we still have to work on…”

“Wait...you don’t mean?”

It then hit me like a bag of bricks to the melon. They’re offering me sex!? My body shook, and blood started dripping from my nose. I saw Aloe pull a curtain open and gestured me to go inside.

“Here’s the V.I.P. room,” she said, “Make yourself comfortable.”

I leaped off the table and skipped over into the back room. I laid down on the, reclined table/chair, and anticipated the next leg of my treatment. I couldn’t believe it; I’m going to have a threesome with twins! I saw them pull the curtains closed with the light from the outside room dampening with the two lighted candles on both sides of the room being the only source of light. They looked at each other and giggled and then waltzed over to me, their hips swaying with every step and with a lustful look on their faces

“Twins! Twins! Twins!” I wheezed loudly, my face red as my jacket. (Anypony gets that reference, I’m giving you a cookie and a high-five!)

They both got close to my face; I could practically feel their accelerated breaths on my body.

“Are you ready, handsome?” Lotus asked, licking my ear.

I froze up, not knowing what to say. My body and words froze as my lust took over my senses and all I could do was lay down on the bed and let them do what they were about to do. I knew for a fact that these girls were going to take me on one helluva ride.

Author's Note

Well, here it is; the moment you pervs are all waiting for...

As soon as I finished Chapter 12.5, I'll have the separate list set up with the link attached to the word, [HERE] on the story page.

If you're looking forward to the first clop chapter of the story, be on the lookout for "The "V.I.P." Treatment".

If you're just here for the main story, be on the lookout for "One Stubborn Mare"

Both are coming real soon! Have a wonderful afternoon!

UPDATE!
The Compilation List has been added, check out the first clop chapter on the link in the main page of the story.

13-One Stubborn Mare

Chapter 13
One Stubborn Mare

(Dante POV)

I wrapped my towel around my waist before walking back into the spa room, where Rarity was nowhere to be seen. I shrugged it off and went back to the changing rooms, got dressed and walked into the lobby where I saw her waiting outside. I kicked open the door, stretching, only to find that my joints weren’t popping anymore.

“YEAH!” I screamed in blissful relief, “DOWNWARD FUCKING DOG!”

My echoed screams caused the other ponies on the block to stop and stare at me in confusion. I put my arms down, chuckling sheepishly.

“Sorry,” I gingerly said, “I’m just relieved that the treatment worked.”

The other ponies rolled their eyes and went on their merry way. I looked around for Rarity, only to have her sneak up on me.

“Oh, there you are, darling,” Rarity called out to me, “I guess the treatment worked out okay?”

“Twins, Rarity, Twins,” I nonchalantly said.

“I’m glad. So where to for lunch?”

“Where’s the place you usually go to?” I asked, considering I have little to no knowledge of this town.

“Oh, there’s this lovely little place called the Ponyville Cafe; you should really try their tea.”

“Lead the way.”

We set off for the Cafe, me following behind her to take mental notes on which routes to take in worst case scenarios (and to get a good glimpse of DAT ASS).

“So, it sounded you enjoyed the treatment,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows. I blushed, considering the fact that my session was a tad bit noisy.

“Do they do that to all V.I.P.s?”

“Not really,” she explained, “They usually massage the genitals of their V.I.P.s; just to relieve tension and frustration in those areas. They seemed to take a shining to you.”

‘Oh, there was a lot more than shined; believe me.’

“I found it kind of strange that they would immediately ask me of the treatment; it doesn’t seem they would recommend that sort of thing to just anypony.”

“Maybe it was because you took down a menacing demon last night that almost wrecked the town square.”

I nodded in agreement with her theory; mares don’t usually throw themselves at you just because you have a few extra bits. Most of the town did witness my capabilities, so I would get why a few mares would be swept off of their hooves like that.

We eventually made it to the Cafe, with many tables open to boot.

“And here we are,” she said, gesturing to the humble business, “Good place for some food, is it not?”

“I’ll say.”

“Come on; I’ll get us a table.”

As soon as she started trotting across the street, I felt a vibration in the ground. It wasn’t until the ground started shaking more violently was where I could pinpoint where it was coming from and my eyes grew wide as a result. My fears were confirmed when Rainbow zipped by.

“STAMPEDE!” she screamed.

I saw a large herd of cows running closer and closer to where I stand. I quickly looked over to Rarity who was about halfway across the road. I made a beeline straight for her towards the other end. I dove into her and aimed for the closest table with my back. The moment we made it into the closest table, we barely missed the herd by inches. She climbed off my chest, stood up and surveyed the damage the herd did.

“WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT!?” she yelped.

“HOW WOULD I KNOW!?” I protested, pushing myself to my feet, "I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN!”

“Thank you, by the way; I would’ve been a pancake if you hadn’t acted like you did!”

“I feel more bad about the table I broke and getting your dress messed up.”

“My dress is all dirty,” she complained, running her fingers across the fabric.

“Sorry; I tried to break your fall as best as I could. You’re not hurt are you?”

“No; I’m right as rain, darling.”

Our awe was broken by a small dog running towards the herd, barking. It was a Border Collie with brown and white fur. When the rumbling started to fade, we spotted Applejack not too far behind.

“GET ‘EM WINONA!” she shouted.

Curious on how this fiasco will play out, I left Rarity where she was and went after Applejack, but Rarity’s voice stopped me.

“Dante! Where are you going!?”

“I wanna help Applejack sort this out before things get messy, we’ll have tea together sometime later!”

I left the cafe to pursue the out of control herd. Judging where this herd was going, they seemed to be beelining straight towards the town hall. I had to help stop this now. As I passed Applejack while under Devil Trigger, I activated Quicksilver after shifting back to my human form.

The moment I got on top of the front cow’s back, I ran out of demonic magic and time resumed to normal, throwing me off.

“OH SHIIIIIII-!”

I got thrown off the cow’s back, plummeting into the middle of the herd. My arms, head, back, and legs were stomped on, kicked and crunched while I was rolling on the ground by the other cows. While I can regenerate the injuries almost instantly, they still hurt like hell. After the last one kicked me in the nose, I skidded to a stop, face down in the dirt.

I looked up to see Applejack and the dog successfully steering the herd of steers away from town hall and stopping their rampage.

“DANTE!” I heard Pinkie’s scream reach out from the ringing in my ears and the cheers of ponies that witnessed the herd rounding a mile away. Pinkie rushed over to help me up and dust off my jacket.

“Are you okay, Danni?”

Without thinking, I rambled off like a crazy conspiracy nut.

“I can take on countless waves of demons, castle guards, megalomaniac tyrants and colossal beasts, but I get trampled by a herd of fucking bovines; I’M FINE!”

My yelling made her stumble back a bit and after calming down, I put a hand on the startled mare’s shoulder.

“Sorry; I’m just having a rough week and it was immature to have vented the way I did.”

“It’s okay; you seemed to be in a doozy of pain, but you’re built like a Hearth’s Warming Fruitcake.”

“Still, what the hell caused that stampede to begin with!?”

“Well, let’s meet up with the others, Rarity’s wondering if you’re okay.”

“Lead the way, Miss Pie,” I gestured ahead of me.

We made our way over to the other side of the square where the ponies are still celebrating Applejack’s successful roundup. Good thing they didn’t witness my round-fuck up. We met up with the rest of the group where Rarity ecstatically rushed over to me.

“Darling! What happened to you!?” she yelled, “Your coat is all ruined.”

“Eh, it’s like this in every outing. Getting trampled and kicked in the nose by a bunch of bovines does that to ya.”

“Oh, that’s awful! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Rarity, I’m fine. Let’s just relax. The Cows are gone, nopony's hurt; that's all that matters.”

“Evening,” Twilight pointed out at the setting sun.

“How long was I in that Spa!?”

“Obviously ‘mingling’ with the twins there,” Rainbow teased, forcing a blush on my face.

“Rainbow!” Rarity scolded, “I told you not to brag about his private session!”

“Oops,” she gingerly cupped her hands over her mouth, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay; I screamed ‘downward dog’ and made an ass of myself.”

“But you’re a Demi-demon, not a Donkey,” Pinkie pointed out the obvious, prompting me to facepalm my previously broken nose.

The small talk ended when the mayor went over to us. I wiped the blood from my nose and stood there with my arms crossed.

“What Applejack did was splendid,” she smiled, “We should think of a way to thank both of Applejack and you, Dante.”

“Me?” I asked, confused, “But I thought you already did.”

“We should hold a party in Applejack and Dante’s honor!” Pinkie suggested.

“Good idea, Pinkamena,” the Mayor beamed, “We’ll arrange the celebration for both Applejack and you at the end of the week; so prepare a speech!”

“Speeches? I do improv, Mayor; I won’t memorize cue cards.”

“Even so, you all have a very nice evening.”

We all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways with me and Twilight heading back to the library.

(Third Person POV)

Hidden in the trees, a lone stallion sat in the foliage, scouting the Devil Hunter with binoculars. The stallion wore black robes with a grey flame in the center. The hood was draped over his head where his muzzle only stuck out in a pale white color. He pulled out a cellphone and dialed a number. When the receiver clicked, a raspy voice was heard.

“Yes, what is it!?”

“I’ve found him.”

“The Son of Sparda.”

“Should I assassinate him now?”

“NO! Return to base, immediately; we have much to plan and discuss.”

“As you wish.”

He closed the call, slipping back into the forest, gone without a trace.

ONE WEEK LATER…

The Devil Hunter stood by the side of the town hall, waiting for Twilight. He looked around as the last touches of the decorations of the square were put in place. The colors of the ribbons and balloons were a mix of orange and red; Applejack’s and Dante’s colors respectively. He watched as Rarity levitated the banner over the top of the double doors and fastened them with red ribbons.

The posh mare noticed the devil hunter lounging and decided to prance over to him.

“Good Morning, darling,” she chimed, “It’s strange to see you up and about at this hour.”

“That’s because I didn’t drink last night,” he chuckled. She was stunned by his sudden un-Dante behavior.

“Strange, I’ve heard that you usually drink yourself to sleep on most nights.”

“Well, when the job I have involves hunting monsters up to 50 times your size and trying in vain to keep some ponies out of the crossfire, it’ll take a toll on your sanity at times.”

“I understand,” she said, slightly melancholic, “I wouldn’t know how to handle myself if I were in your boots.”

“Well,” he said, stretching his arms in different directions, “At least nothing happened in the last few days, so there’s a bonus.”

“Anyways, what did you do with the reward money Mayor Mare gave you?”

“Spent half of it on a shitload of pizza, booze, and donations to Twilight’s library,” he stated nonchalantly with a straight face.

“Happy to see you’re using most of your money for something that matters.”

“Yeah, sorry for leaving you there at the cafe the other day,” he meekly mentioned, “I still feel like an ass about that.”

“You shan’t need to apologize like that,” she retorted, throwing the devil hunter off balance, “Applejack appeared in need of aid and you rushed in to help...or at least tried to.”

“Yeah,” he said with a quick laugh, “I still need to perfect my techniques, considering I’m back to square one in terms of combat.”

“Well you shouldn’t push yourself too hard; I don’t think the Princesses will take it very well if you got hurt or worse.”

“Anyway,” his voice trailed off, his face got all flushed giving Rarity a confused look, “Would you like to...try...the...d-date...again?”

Deeply flattered by his shy approach, Rarity calmly pulled him into a gentle embrace; her head turned and nestled against his chest.

“You’re so sweet, darling,” she cooed, “Let’s try it again next week.”

They both heard Twilight clearing her throat and immediately broke the hug.

“Careful on how you act towards Rarity, Dante,” She warned him, “Spike’s a teensy-weensy jealous when it comes to her.”

“I know; but if it should ever come to that, I will have to give him a little talk about it.”

“Just be sure to let him down easily, though; the last thing I want is an angry dragon burning up the place.”

“Noted, so...what kind of speech have you written for the celebration? I overheard you talk about it to Spike a couple of days ago.”

“It’s just the basics; just a recap of what you two did to save the town and future events coming up.”

He smiled and gave a thumbs up to the unicorn.

“I bet you reread and rehearsed it the day before.”

She gingerly nodded. A crowd of ponies started to arrive in small numbers and she took notice to it.

“Well, it’s about to start,” she pointed out, “Best to get into place now.”

“I’m all set, is AJ all ready to go?”

“Actually,” Rainbow said, floating into the conversation, “I haven’t seen her all week, but I know that she’ll be never late!”

‘Don’t jinx it Rainbow,’ Dante looked at her with some concern while walking up to the side of the stage.

A few more minutes of stalling has passed by until the whole square was filled with the townsfolk. Twilight eagerly walked towards the podium with an unusually large stack of cue cards suspended by her magic. She hovered the top card over to her to start the speech.

“Welcome everypony!” she began, “Today we are here to honor the heroic deeds done by two amazing individuals! One with matters no matter how big and small and the other saving our lives from the Ursa Minor. A pony and human who-”

Rainbow Dashed over to the podium, interrupting Twilight’s speech.

“Did you see the moves both Applejack and Dante did!? They’re such athletes! This week AJ is going to help me and Dante with our new flying tricks and it’s going to be so AWESOME!”

Twilight pushed Rainbow out of the way to continue her speech before Pinkie Pie shows up out of nowhere from behind the podium like a whack-a-mole to give her two bits.

“Applejack is one of the best bakers in Equestria and Dante is SO eager to learn about baking that he’ll help out as well, so...FREE SAMPLES FOR EVERYPONY!”

The crowd cheered at her triumphant announcement, Dante stood there, dumbfounded by her sudden choice.

‘I never said that I wanted to learn how to bake; I’ll have to think a way out of this one...maybe the old shit-trick will do. I just have to eat a few laxatives, so Pinkie won’t pick up on my BSing.’

“Okay,” Twilight said with a clear of the throat, “As I was trying to say without getting inter-”

She was cut off by Fluttershy gently taking the podium before the annoyed Lavender Unicorn finished her sentence.

“-rupted.”

“Did you know that Dante has a sensitive side to him and he’ll help me along with Applejack in the annual bunny census? It’s always the cutest thing when baby animals like to snuggle with you.”

Twilight stood there, staring at Fluttershy until she noticed the hint in her eyes and backed down.”

She cleared her throat again and spoke in a more annoyed tone.

“Anypony else? Anypony else that would like to throw in their two bits?”

She looked into the crowd, each one of them shrugged with nopony having anything else to add.

“Okay, so-”

Her voice trailed off when she saw the Mayor next to her smiling.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFF-!” she cut herself off and took a second before regaining composure and tossing the stack of cue cards to the side, “Well, that looks like everypony said what I was already going to say, so...that is my time.”

She walked over to the devil hunter and leaned her back against the wall, arms crossed and furrowing her brow at the Mayor.

“So, without further ado, I feel privileged to award two Ponyville’s Prized Pony awards two Applejack and Dante Sparda!”

The Hybrid walked over to the podium while everyone gasped at the empty space where the curtains were supposed to reveal Applejack.

‘DAMMIT RAINBOW! YOU JINXED IT!’

Everypony in the crowd and the girls looked around, but the farm mare was nowhere to be seen. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Dante felt a familiar smell of apples slap him in the nose.

“I’M HERE!” Applejack groggily cried out from the other side of the square. She stumbled through the crowd, yawning and bumping into other ponies. She eventually made it to the stage. There were dark rings around her heavy eyes. She still had her satchels of apples full to the brim and leaking out some juice. Her clothes were dirty with juice stains in multiple spots.

“Miss Mare!” she shouted, “It’s mighty kind of ya to give me...this...award-thingy.”

She had trouble keeping her balance from looking at the golden trophy.

“It’s always nice to help the...pony folk...and stuff,” she said before her head hung low and drifted off to sleep, only to wake seconds later shaking herself awake, “Thanks...and stuff.”

She quietly lifted the trophy up over her shoulders and carried it with her through the crowd, which made a decent-sized gap so none of them would be hit by the trophy.

“So,” Dante said, “Did anypony notice that AJ was a tad bit-?”

“Tired?” Twilight pointed out.

“Exhausted?” Fluttershy added.

“Drunk?” Rainbow stated before the other girls shot her a mean look, “What? You got your version; I got mine,” she defended herself, armed crossed.

“Come with me, Dante,” Twilight suggested, “We got to see what is going on over at the farm.”

“Right behind ya,” he smiled before leaving the square for Sweet Apple Acres.

They arrived at the farm to see Applejack’s busy moment. It was evident that she was up for days harvesting fruit. She wobbled over to a tree full of ripe apples and kicked them off. She stumbled again before missing the tree and kicking one of the buckets over. She lost balance and fell on her ass, lulling herself to sleep.

“Applejack,” Twilight called, with the sleepy farmer with no response, “Applejack!”

“Please,” Dante implored, walking over to the sleeping mare, “Allow me.”

He unholstered Ivory and pointed it up into the air.

*BANG!!!*

The gunshot woke the mare into a panicky frenzy.

“Wha-what just happened!?” she slowly asked, “Oh, howdy Twi, Dante.”

“What is all this?” Twilight asked.

“Applebuck Season,” she simply answered before stumbling over to the next tree.

“Sounds like you got plenty of time to harvest all the apples; you can take breaks, you realize that, right?”

“We only got a short time befur the apples go bad on the trees.”

“But why are you doing this all alone?”

“Big Mac hurt his back durin harvestin time, so I’m on all mah on.”

Dante stepped in front of the apple farmer, stopping her in her tracks.

“Can’t we help?”

She scoffed at his offer.

“No way! No how!”

“But you look way out of it,” he protested, “There’s no way you can harvest all of this on your own.”

“Is that a challenge!?” she growled, getting in front of his face, “I’m gunna prove to y’all that I can harvest it all on mah on!”

She stomped off, back to her dizzy boxing method of harvesting fruit. He shook his head and left in a rage. Twilight soon followed after looking at the dizzy mare one more time.

Dante arrived by the fence where Rainbow Dash waited. She was tapping her hoof on the post of the fence, annoyed and bored by the waiting.

“Hey Dante, you waiting for Applejack too?”

“I was at the orchard; she doesn’t look good.”

“Eh, she’s tough; built like a steel beam,” she explained, “She’s handled things like this all the time; you need more faith in her.”

“I think you’re right, but I’m starting to have my doubts.”

Applejack arrived and skidded to a halt. Rainbow leaped off the wooden beam and landed near her.

“There you are!”

“I’m mighty sorry Rainbow, but I was busy buckin Apples and I stopped to close my eyes and when I woke up, I was late. So what’s this trick you and Dante wanted to try?”

“Well,” Dash began, pointing to the wooden plank on top of a round rock, “You jump from this ladder onto the platform with the x on it, me and Dante will be standing on the other platform, the impact will launch us into the air where we’ll do some AMAZING tricks.”

“That seems a little dangerous.”

“Not for a pony and demon that can fly.”

“Alright, let’s get ready.”

Dante and Dash stood on the other platform while Applejack pushed the other side down.

“Uh, Applejack?” Dash furrowed her brow at her.

“Oh, yeah; sorry.”

She let go of the platform and both fell to the ground, knocking the devil hunter out. AJ climbed on top of the ladder and jumped off onto the platform, launching both of them into the air. Dash flew up into the sky whereas Dante went straight into the wall of the top floor of a house. The upper half of his body was wedged in the wall where his legs were dangling out of the house. The scream of a mare jolted him awake, making him realize that he’s in the same bathroom from when he fought the Ursa Minor.

“Sorry, again,” he blushed, “Can you help me out?”

The mare hopped out, the bubbles covered her body. She walks over to him and kicks him in the face, punting him out of the wall. He fell from the building and straight onto a hay cart, causing it to fall apart. The shocked pony pulling the cart looked in horror as he saw Dante sprawled out and covered in debris.

"Mr. Sparda! Are you alright!?" the middle aged stallion shouted.

“Hi, I'm Dante Sparda and you're watching Jackass,” he slurred in a concussed tone before passing out.

After waking up from his hour long concussion-induced nap, Dante arrived at Sugarcube Corner where the cakes left from the entrance.

“Hello, Dante!” Mr. Cake called out to him.

“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Cake,” he said, “Where are you two going?”

“We got an order to fill from out of town, you here to help out Pinkie Pie and Applejack?”

“Sure, but,” he trailed off, clenching his gut, “I’m not feelin too well; I think that bad whiskey I drank is coming back to haunt me.”

“Stick to the Hard Apple Cider,” he explained, “Local brews don’t process their whiskey like the imports.”

“Point noted.”

After saying their goodbyes, the devil hunter sauntered over to the kitchen, his face getting all green.

“Hey, Danni!” Pinkie waved to him, “Grab an apron and let’s get started!”

Before he grabbed the apron on the hook, he stopped in his tracks and heard his stomach. The gurgles, growls, and groans ended with a small thump shaking him.

“Oh, shit,” he deadpanned.

“What?” Pinkie said.

“No, I mean MOVE; I GOTTA SHIT!”

He sprinted out of the kitchen into the lobby. He grabbed the service counter and vaulted over to the bathroom door.

(One Hour Later…)

He kicked open the door, buckling his belt.

‘That was almost as bad as that time I ate Chipotle with the hottest sauce they had.’

He slowly walked over to the kitchen where he smelt the aroma of finished muffins.

“Hey, Danni!” Pinkie Pie greeted, “Are you all better now?”

“Sorry I missed the show; got a stomach bug or something.”

“Maybe next time we’ll bake together.”

He then noticed the absence of Applejack in the room.

“Hey Pinks, where did AJ go?”

“She went back to the farm to harvest more apples.”

“Yeah, she’s been really hellbent on this year’s harvesting season.”

“Well, time to give out the samples! Are you coming along?”

“Not right now; I’m heading back to the library to catch up to some more Equestrian history.”

“Okie Doki Loki! Bye Danni!”

(Dante POV)

I left the bakery and went on my merry way. Still, I feel kind of bad for doing the old shit-trick, but today wasn’t the time. I pulled out my earbuds and hit play on my phone. The upbeat music kicked in and changed my stride. I am going to remember that time in the spa, as well as Luna’s first time, Clover’s Shamrock’s, a few maids, one of the Dazzlings and a makeout session with Celestia, but we never went all the way. Oh god, I wonder if she’s still a virgin after all these years...give it time, though; she might get jealous of her sister getting more “attention” from me than her.

‘All you had to do was ask, Dante,’ Celestia’s thought-speech interrupted my thoughts. My face grew flushed with red.

‘I hate it when you pop up like that, all of a sudden.’

‘That’s not the only thing you have popped.’

‘You watched me get it on with the spa twins, didn’t ya?’

She giggled with a slight sensual tone.

‘When you get back to Canterlot, be sure to give my sister a romantic night and…’

‘...and what? You want me to rut you too?’

‘I’ve thought about it long and hard (Giggity) and I think you are the only stallion I trust that will do such a thing.’

‘I’ll hold onto that thought, your Majesty.’

‘I’ll check on you later; love you.’

‘Love you too.’

That surprised the fuck out of me. She said she loved me? It seems only yesterday that she ordered her guards to put my head on a silver platter. I may sound like a broken record, but she’s grown in the last millennium. She’s now more of a motherly figure than a potential lover. (If you make an Oedipus Complex joke, I’ll fucking shank a bitch.) It’s something that I’ve needed over the course of my life so far.

I realized that I’m becoming more of a decent person after turning into Dante. Given the power of change to the right person can do good, I guess.

It seemed that the town was quiet enough, given the fact the celebration ended as abruptly as it started. Needless to say, but I’m used to getting my flow all fucked up. But that’s just the most minor of my many occupational hazards. Strangely enough, but I still haven’t gotten any requests on demonic forces. It makes things a little too quiet to my liking. Somehow, through the week, I had this funny feeling like somepony’s watching me. No, not the occasional gaggle of mares wanting my autograph, but somepony in the distance watching my every move. It could be the paranoia talking, but as history and about as much as memory serves, that mindset usually was right; I’d best keep my guard up.

I made it back to the library and locked my phone before entering my temporary slice of life. Spike was reading a Son of Sparda comic book, while Twilight was pacing around the main room, talking on the phone. She seemed tensed up by whatever news she got, but I’m sure it wasn’t anything pleasant.

“Dante!” she called out to me the moment she pocketed her phone, “I just got a call from Nurse Redheart; something went down at the sample stand.”

“Well let’s check it out,” I eagerly stated, “Call me crazy, but I think it’s gotta be Applejack-related.”

“I wouldn’t shuffle a hoof past that thought, SPIKE!”

He perched up from the sofa and ran over to her.

“What’s wrong, Twilight?”

“Something happened at the sample stand, Pinkie Pie sounds sick; we better get there, ASAP.”

“You read my mind.”

I made it to a green tent with a red plus on the top. I pulled open the opening where we saw multiple ponies on beds with cold packs on their foreheads and puke buckets at the side of each of them. We found Pinkie Pie at the bed on the far corner where she had her face in the bucket, heaving and spewing. The nurse came around the corner praising our arrival.

Nurse Redheart (Ashleigh Ball)

She wore a white nurse’s uniform with a red cross cap. She had white fur with a light pink mane tied up in a bun.

“Oh, thank you Twilight, Dante, we need all the help we can get!”

“Hold on,” I said, “Before we go any further, can you tell me what exactly caused all this?”

“It was a mishap involving some baked goods.”

I snapped my fingers at the revelation.

“That’s it! Twilight, Spike, you two stay here and help the Nurse with the sick ponies, I’m going to go and talk some sense into a certain somepony and...Spike, are you really eating those!?”

“What?” he muffled through a full mouth, “These things are amazing! You should try some!”

“Maybe later; I got some serious business to attend to.”

I swiftly left the medical ward tenet and ran off straight on the route to Sweet Apple Acres. I swear, Applejack’s really done it this time. She needs to take a nap or something, damn.

I made it to the farm where Applejack groggily backs a wagon down a small hill into a large bucket. The wagon tipped upwards where she fell asleep once more with her stuck in the harness. You know, she kind of reminds me of this one photo I saw back home with this donkey and…(DING) Oh, I can be such a dick sometimes.

I loudly cleared my throat to wake her up.

“Oh, hey Dante,” she mumbled, “ If yer wonderin about what I’m gonna say, the answer is NO!”

“But your grogginess is causing havoc across town! You’ve got to get some rest and the girls and I can help you with this.”

Her ears perked up and she freed herself from her harness.

“How many times do I have to say it!? N.O. spells NO!”

‘Jeez, have I really met somepony as stubborn as me!?’

‘What do you think, Mr. Whiskey?’

‘Tia, now’s not the time for a lecture.’

‘I think you’ve already answered your own question. Ta-ta for now.’

I shook my head and refocused on Applejack. I caught up with her and made another attempt to reason with her.

“Please, AJ; you’re WAY overworked, you’re not even halfway done and let’s not forget that YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE CURRENTLY DOING THIS!”

“I’m going to prove to you that you don’t need demon strength to harvest a whole orchard of apples.”

“This is too much strain on your body! I’ve seen farmers before taking matters into their own hands and end up-”

“Not another word,” she growled, “You can be on yer merry way and leave me be with what I need to get done!”

I held up a finger at her with my mouth opened, but nothing came out. I turned around and left her to her strenuous task. Goddamn, this is one stubborn mare.

I arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage to help her with the “Bunny Census.” What Twilight said was right. I may be an ass-kicking demon hunter with a fuckload of testosterone, but I like cute things, like rabbits (blow me).

I pounded on the door a couple times before a little white rabbit answered the door. He had that intelligent twinkle in his eye and he might understand me. I couched to his level to talk to him.

“Hey, little guy, do you know where Fluttershy is?” I politely asked, “I’m here to help her with the annual bunny census.”

He hopped up the stairs to get the shy pegasus, not breaking eye contact with me until he reached the top of the steps.

“Oh, what is it, Angel?” I heard her soft voice echoing from the distant room, “Oh? That must be Dante.”

The clunking of work boots revealed the shy pegasus.

Fluttershy (Andrea Libman)

Her pink flowing mane was tied back in a ponytail, leaving only her bangs to hang free. She wore a green tank top that revealed double d cleavage somewhat covered by an unbuttoned brown vest. Work gloves and blue jeans covered the rest of her figure with dirty work boots that could rival mine in weight.

“Hello, Dante,” she greeted with a small smile, “Shall we get started?”

“I’m ready when you are.”

“Just a moment, where’s Applejack?”

Oh, no; y’mean she’s going to help in her current state? This relaxing task might help her catch the z’s she needs, though.

“I’MA HERE!” AJ called out, slowly walking up to the front of the house, scaring most of the birds from their houses. Winona was seen trotting next to her.

“Applejack, please keep your voice down,” Flutters calmly scolded, “It’s not healthy for the animals to be scared like that.”

“Sorreh; A’hm just bushed is all.”

“In any case, follow me over here,” her wings quietly flapped in excitement.

“Just an FYI, AJ,” I said to her, “Rabbits are very timid animals; nothing like herding cattle.”

“Ya don’t need to tell me twice, right Winona?”

The dog barked in agreement.

I went over to Fluttershy and whispered to her.

“Are you’re sure she’s up to it?”

“Of course; I have complete faith in Applejack.”

“Are you really sure?” I pointed to Applejack and Winona chasing the rabbits into a corner, her yelling and the dog barking and growling.

“NOW, ALL OF Y’ALL ARE GOIN TO A CIRCLE OR AHM GETTIN MY LASSO!”

The rabbits screamed and scattered in different directions. I facepalmed, knowing what this approach led to.

“Fluttershy?” I asked, half-grinned. She turned to look at me in a concerning manor.

“Shit has hit the fan,” I deadpanned.

(Third Person POV)

Twilight left the library to investigate the loud rumbling that happened outside. Was it an earthquake? Was it a stampede like the previous week? She needed to know. She saw two of the three mares in the street help the third one up to her hooves. Twilight went over for some answers, having a funny feeling that this was Applejack-related.

“Um, what was the deal with that Earthquake?” she asked them.

“It was no earthquake!” one of them said.

“It was HORRIBLE!”

“The flowers, plants and gardens DEVOURED, by...by...THEM!” the frightened mare pointed to the rabbits munching on the carrots, lettuce and flowers. The unicorn runs over to the group of scared rabbits to look for Fluttershy and Dante. The animal handler was panicking and flying back and forth to get the rabbits out of the garden.

“No, little rabbits, nonono!” she pleaded, “Please don’t eat anymore!”

“Fluttershy!” she called out to her friend, “Where’s Dante?”

“He’s helping with damage control!” she hyperventilated, “He was right!”

“Right about what?” she asked before it dawned on her, “Wait, is it Applejack-related?”

The pegasus nodded. Twilight twitched in frustration, now looking for the demon hunter, only to find him power walking back to Fluttershy while covered in rabbits.

“There you are, Dante,” Fluttershy sighed in relief, “How did you get that many at once?”

“You simply need to lure them out of the gardens with carrots or lettuce.”

“Oh, why didn't I try that yet?”

“Dante,” Twilight called, “AJ has caused too much trouble; I’m putting my hoof down, you with me?”

“Let’s go,” he said, handing Fluttershy the rabbits.

Both went down the road to the farm to confront AJ. Fluttershy worried for her friend’s wellbeing but had to stay behind to round up the rest of the rabbits.

Applejack tiredly kicked the tree full of apples, only a few were falling at a time. Dante and Twilight marched up the hill to confront her about her refusal of her problem.

“Applejack,” Twilight called out to the mare, “Enough is enough.”

She gestured toward the devil hunter to give her the offer.

“Your harvestin has caused nothing but anarchy across the town,” he scolded, “Not only has it poisoned half the town, but it also injured Dash and me AND scared a herd of baby bunnies into eating more than half the gardens in the whole damn town. I honor your family way, but when you push yourself past your limits, you end up causing trouble not only for you but for the rest of us as well. I am going to help you rather you like it or not!”

The moment he finished his short speech, the last of the apples fell into the bucket, making AJ sigh in relief.

“Ha! I told you I can do it!” she boasted, “I harvested the entire farm on mah on!”

Out of nowhere, Big Mac loudly cleared his throat to get his sister’s attention.

“Uh, Lil sis?” he pointed out, “I think ya missed a spot.”

He pointed to the other section of the orchard where a good chunk of unharvested apples remained. The shock overwhelmed the farm mare to the point where she dropped on the ground, passing out from the impact.

“Don’t worry ‘bout mah Lil sis,” Big Mac explained, “This wasn’t the first time she tried to take a bite more than she could chew.”

“She’s ok, right? She’s not in any immediate danger?”

“Nope; just bushed. I kept tellin her not to stay up for days on end, but she insisted she didn’t need help.”

“Well, would you like mine and Twilight’s help?”

“Well, of course, I need ya help; my back still hurts and mah sister is out like a light. Apple Bloom is usually at school and Granny Smith’s gettin too old fer this sort of thing.”

“So you’re pretty much S.O.L. without our help.”

“Before you start helpin us, can you take AJ back to the farmhouse?”

“Of course,” he happily replied, picking up the farm mare and holding her bridal style. He followed Big Mac down the dirt trail.

“Now don’t get any funny ideas, now,” Mac looked at the devil hunter with a concerning look.

“Rule Number 5 of the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth: Make no sexual advances unless given the mating signal.”

“I wish more stallions were like you; some are just too horny for their own good.”

“Heh, Earth was worse.”

His ears shot up and gave the hunter a look of surprise.

“Really? It’s that bad?”

Dante’s usual smirk dwindled at his past experiences on the taboo topic before his encounter with the merchant.

“Let’s just say that some humans preferred either a particular piece of ass or kill both.”

“Sounded like you saw a lot of blood back on Earth.”

“More than I liked to,” he sadly said.

“On to a different topic,” he said, “What’s with these ‘Satanic’ rules you just said about?”

“There was this group of people known as LaVeyan Satanists. They didn’t believe in any deity and only used my worst enemy as a metaphor.”

“They sound really out there.”

“Yeah, but they had a set of rules I agreed more with than any of the major religions back home.”

“Y’know,” Big Mac pointed out, looking at both Dante and his little sister, “You two ain’t so different.”

“Like I said, we both are similar in terms of stubbornness,”

“I just say determined, but I guess it’s the same thing.”

They finally arrived at the farmhouse where Dante set the apple farmer on the hammock. Big Mac placed her hat over her face to keep the sun out of her eyes when she wakes up.

“Thank you, Dante,” he smiled, “If possible, can you get yer friends on the horn to come down here and help us out? I’d very much appreciate it; especially Granny.”

“I’ll phone Rarity and Fluttershy,” Twilight offered, pulling out her phone to dial them.

“Then that leaves me to call Pinks and Dashie,” the devil hunter concluded, pulling out his phone and dialing Pinkie first.

“Hey, Danni! What’s up?” Pinkie asked.

“Applejack,” he simply stated.

“Say no more, Demoni-bro!”

*Click!*

He immediately phoned Rainbow Dash where she answered with the audible wind in the background.

“Dante!” she exclaimed, “What’s going on?”

“Take a wild guess…”

“Applejack? Okay; I’m on my way!”

*Click!*

He turned to Twilight who was already done phoning the others.

“Did you call Spike?” he asked.

“Yeah; everypony should be here soon.”

“And now we wait,” he joked.

Author's Note

Another Half-Life 3 length wait for another chapter.

The latest Blog post points to why the delay was in place.

Anyways, it's 2 A.M. at the time this was posted, so I'm going to get some sleep.

Up next is "Warming Up to AJ."

Edit: Added in a new joke to adhere to the Comedy tag. Hope it's funny for ya!

14-Warming Up to AJ

Chapter 14: Warming Up to AJ

(Dante POV)

Goddamn, this task took forever, but we did it. The whole fuckin orchard was harvested. Twilight, used her telekinesis to lift the apples from the tree to the buckets. Rainbow Dash took buckets and airlifted them to the barn. Rarity and Spike nursed AJ back to health while we harvested the apples. I did the heavy lifting by pulling the cart full of most of the harvest and Pinkie? Well...she led any pest that was eating the stray apples on the trees out of the farm.

I placed the empty cart outside the barn door and undid the harness on the cart. I wiped my brow and took a swig of Hard Apple Cider. I asked Big Mac if it was okay to drink them and he didn’t mind. The girls know how much I can drink before I get hammered. About 10 of the ciders are enough to give me a buzz and I’ve only drank 6, so I don’t feel anything amiss.

Applejack was awake for the past couple hours, resting in the hammock, drinking her pain off with my coat on the hanger next to her. I walked over to the girls to check on AJ.

“Hey,” I hesitantly said, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Not exactly 100% sugar cube, but thank you for helping me.”

“AJ, I know you have your pride, but you gotta know where to draw the line. If it affects your health, cognitive thought, and overall rational decision, you will need to reach out for help.”

Her head hung low as I lectured her, I could tell she knew she fucked up multiple times over a single day.

“I’m sorry everypony,” she said, “I was way in over mah head; I was a hard-ass about it and I should’ve reached out, but my pride got the better of me. I feel awful for everything and I feel like I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

“Applejack,” Twilight said, placing her hand on her friend’s shoulder.

“AJ, we’re your friends,” I reminded her, “We’re always a call away if you’re in a jam.”

“Thanks, Dante.”

“We need to look out for each other; you are the Elements of Harmony, the paragons of friendship. Equestria will be royally fucked if anything happens to us, and that’s putting it lightly.”

“Hey, I have an idea to cheer AJ up!” Pinks offered.

“Let’s hear it, I bet it’s something awesome like a good restaurant like McColt’s!” Dashie suggests.

“Again with the fast food?” Rarity cringes, “It’s very unhealthy and I’m on a diet.”

“They sell salads too, Rar.”

“But, if that’s what AJ wants, then I’ll have to consider putting the diet off for one night.”

“But what about the farmhouse here?” Spike suggested, “Granny Smith’s always the best cook and her apple pies are to DIE for!”

“Um, I was just wondering...if…” Flutters’ voice trailed off, catching my attention.

“Where would you like to go?” I asked her.

“Would the cafe work?”

“The banquet tables are reservation-only, darling,” Rarity pointed out, “I remember my cousin’s marriage banquet; he had to get one month in advance.”

“So that’s out of the question,” Twilight scratched “cafe” off her list.

“Uh, guys?” Pinkie cut back into the conversation, “I was thinking of sugarcube corner.”

“They have some good pizza,” I brought up, making eyes look in my direction.

“Is it always pizza, sundaes, and booze with you?” Dashie asked with a raised eyebrow.

“What? Can’t a guy have simple tastes?”

Dashie and Spike shook their heads while Rarity and Twilight rolled their eyes before going back onto the subject.

“So what’s it going to be AJ?” Twilight asked the puzzled farm mare.

“Ahm goin with Sugarcube Corner,” she concluded.

“I’m paying,” I said with a raised finger in the air, “Reason one, I still have reward money from the Ursa Minor incident and reason two; I want to be more like a gentleman.”

The whole group nodded and stated voices of unanimous agreement.

“Well,” Twilight said, “Are we ready to head out?”

“YES!” everypony said.

“Then let’s go!” Rainbow smiled, flying off like a shot bullet.

“You guys go on ahead,” AJ said, “Dante and I’ll catch up.”

The moment the group got out of eyesight, AJ pulled me into a hug.

“Thank you, Dante,” she softly said, burrowing her head into my shoulder, “What you said really meant something to me.”

“I meant it because, without you girls, I’m just a drunk that hunts demons,” I stated, “I’ve lost too many friends over the years and I can’t stand losing another one from pushing herself too far.”

Tears formed in her eyes, clenching me tighter.

“That’s how my dad died,” she choked up, “It was summer, while mah mom was pregnant with Apple Bloom. He was harvestin the apples from the orchard. It was the hottest day of the year. Mom tried to reason with him, bet he insisted on working through the heat wave, saying he’s tougher than refined steel. He collapsed from heat stroke and exhaustion. We called for a doctor to have him taken to the hospital, but...but...he was...dead on arrival.”

I held her close, fighting back tears.

“It tore mom up to the point she went into labor with Apple Bloom and she...she died during foal birth. I don’t blame her for mom’s death and I don’t blame dad for it all either.”

“He thought he could accomplish it all by himself and you were days away from the deadline?”

She quietly nodded at my answer, softly sobbing.

“It’s a good thing I met you while you were in this funk,” I said, choking, “If you were in a heatwave while pulling that stunt, you could’ve ended up like your dad. I’m surprised you lived through all those times you acted the way you did, but I’m glad we were able to put a stop to this before it got any worse.”

“I’m glad yer here, Dante.”

“Heh, you’re not the first; all of you girls’ praise make it hard for me to have a modest appreciation of what I have in life. Tell ya, what? The girls are waiting for us; dinner’s on me.”

“Alright; enough feelin sorry fer myself. From now on, if I need help, I’ll know which demi-demon manly stallion to ask fer help.”

I smiled and nodded in approval.

“Let’s go get some grub, yeah?”

She nodded and followed me off the farm.

As we arrived over to Sugarcube Corner, we spotted the pink apocalypse hopping in place. I swear; that girl is constantly in a sugar rush. Pinkie zipped over to us with a smile on her face to rival the Joker.

“So, watchas talk about?” Pinkie asked.

“I’m sure you know,” I told her, knowing that she knew thanks to her Pinkie Sense (trademarked).

“So, silly-nillies, everypony is inside, shall we have a good lunch?”

“Sure thing, Pinkie,” AJ nodded with a smile on her face.

We entered the little sweet shop to see our friends waiting in a round booth in the corner, the moment we were seen, we were greeted with warm hellos and hugs. I tried my best not to blush or bleed from the nose when I got hugged; I didn’t really want to be pervy right now, especially when a friend is in need of cheering up. Pinkie dashed off into the kitchen the moment AJ and I scootched into our seats. Seconds later, Pinkie returned to the booth with a double-decked cake of sorts. It was a yellow-colored cake with pink frosting on the outer bottom layer, adorned with marzipan fruits on the top. Just looking at this thing is making me curious.

“Since this cake is still in development, I was wondering if you guys could try this out before we finalize the recipe,” Pinkie explained.

“You know, just looking at it is making me curious, what’s in it?” I asked, wondering if the cake could weigh a lot. That could turn Rarity off, concerning her “diet.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” she said with a snap of her fingers, “Pink half-pound cake with a meringue mix for the inside, add the mascarpone cheese and decorated with marzipan fruits and frosting. We’re still developing the cake and there seems to be something missing, but nevertheless, it tastes good.”

“I’m curious,” Twilight pondered, “What is the name of this cake?”

“That’s the best part!” Pinkie added, “We don’t give our creations names until we complete the recipe and perfect it! But my bits are on a name I had an idea for, but I’ll save that for another day. Without any further ado, LET’S DIG IN!”

I took a bite of the cake and felt the flavor vibrate my body. The girls stared at me when I made a few funny noises.

“Are you alright, darling?” Rarity asked, “You made the same sound when you were in the V.I.P. room.”

My face grew flushed as I noticed a sly look from Dashie.

“Getting turned on by this cake, are we?” she said in a flirtatious tone.

“No, No!” I quickly said after I swallowed my mouthful, “It’s just delicious; that’s all.”

“I put a little extra something in that cake,” Pinkie explained, “Do you know what it is, Danni?”

I was afraid to ask, but my curious mind said NOPE.avi.

“What?” I said slowly.

“Aphrodisiacs!”

“Oh...my,” Flutters blushed.

The name made Twilight choke a bit on her drink, while Rarity looked at Pinkie with a surprised look on her face. Rainbow laughed so hard, she fell out of her seat and Applejack blushed a dark orange. I quickly covered my crotch the moment I noticed Pinkie staring at it.

“T-that’s a dirty trick!” I flustered, “No pun intended.”

After a few awkward moments, the drug wore off and everypony calmed down, the cake was gone and everypony seemed satisfied with the dessert.

“Y’know,” I said, “When it’s said and done, I think that this cake that your bosses are making will turn out amazing.”

“Thanks, Danni!” Pinkie gleamed, “I hope so because of the competition in only-”

Before she could finish her sentence, she started shivering violently. Her spastic twitching caused concerns from the whole group.

“What is it, Pinkie?” Dash asked, slightly sweating.

The front door was swung open and I saw Mayor Mare running over towards our booth.

“I apologize if I’m causing a disturbance,” she bowed, “But we have an emergency!”

I got out of my seat and approached her.

“What’s the problem?” I asked.

“I’ll give you the full details when we get to the town hall, but in short; There are a few dozen ponies missing and we need you to find them!”

I turned to the girls before heading out.

“Sorry to cut this short ladies, but duty calls.”

(Third Person POV)

On top of a rooftop across the street, a mysterious pony stood there with a slightly smaller acquaintance with him. She wore the same clothes as him and bore the same emblem on their hoods. The dark blue heart with holes. They watched as the front door of Sugarcube Corner swung open where the Mayor and Dante stepped out into the afternoon sun.

They kept their eyes on the two walking down the path to town hall before the female spoke.

“So this is the one,” she pointed out, “What’s HQ’s next move?”

“He will take care of this one.”

“Are you so sure?”

“He’s got an ace in his sleeve; best we should see how he will kill this next one.”

They both vanished in a bright green light with no trace of them left behind.

Author's Note

It seems that personal problems are a running theme for me.

Family disputes, mental problems and dealing with the fact that one of my friends from High School passed away from a drug overdose. I have no clue when or how the opioid epidemic will be resolved, but it's causing too much grief.

Anyways, enough negative emotions. Up next is "Back in the Game! A Date With Rainbow Dash!"