Like Paper Puppets

by goldeaglefire

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6
Length: 4284

A field trip! A fight! The stage is set! For who, you ask? Why, me, of course, master of dimensions, pleaser of crowds, Dimentio! But this time...Equestria isn't getting as much mercy.

You know, one thousand years trapped inside a statue can really be...what's the word...infuriating. I mean, I did Celestia a favor, destroying Discord as soon as he was blasted by those Elements of Harmony! I even helped those two obtain the Elements! I mean, sure, I was planning to take over Equestria, and I also backstabbed Discord, since, you know, I said I would help him and all, but who really cares about the details? Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I am the master of dimensions...pleaser of crowds...Dimentio! But, originally? I was just a guy in a Dimentio costume, looking for a pair of gloves to finish my outfit, who just so happened to run into the wrong merchant.

And I would tell you the whole story, but considering I was just freed from my prison by three little fillies, I think it's best if I go take over Equestria now. But this time...I'm not going to be so merciful with my tactics. Ciao!

Published 2015-06-17 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-30 19:38:12 UTC

"I'm baaaaaaaaack!"

'Put her in a mudslide, feed her to a lion, run her over with a crappy purple Scion; help me, help me, Sunbutt needs more ways to die...'
In case you couldn't tell, I'm not on good terms with Celestia. Why? Because she turned me into a statue for a thousand years, that's why! Well, I'm pretty sure it's a thousand years, anyway. As far as I can tell, Luna's back from her time-out in the moon. Ah, seeing Celestia having to banish her own sister after she went "cuckoo for cocoa puffs"...that was amusing. It at least provided a form of entertainment. But, anyway, you're probably wondering what I did to piss off the god, right? Well, consider me in that bandwagon, because I don't know either! I mean, really, I just killed Discord for her with my magic box powers. I mean, sure, I may or may not have let it slip that they had actually done my job for me and that I was going to take over Equestria, but I'm sure we could've worked something out! Like, say, I would get seventy five, she would get twenty five? But noooooo, she decided to blast me with the Elements instead and trap me in this eternal prison. Ugh. And it's really boring too...but wait, what's this? Something to distract me from pure boredom?

Indeed, I could hear a group of ponies over on the other side. Then I realized that it wasn't making as much sound as a patrol of royal guards. My initial joy deflated. It was a field trip. Of course. The pony I assumed was the teacher was currently speaking.

"I want to start our field trip here, in the world-famous Canterlot sculpture garden," she said. A short pause. "That one over there represents friendship." Of course, I knew which one she was referring to, the statue with the three ponies with their annoying eternal smiles, reminding me constantly of...never mind. Oh, sounds like some of the ponies bumped into each other. Then Teacher's voice again. "All right, my little ponies, this one represents victory." Again, another statue I hated. It didn't even make any sense. Why was it holding an orange flag with three squares? The Equestrian flag was much different in design, that I knew, so why did they go for that flag? But, the voice of a child interrupted my thoughts.

"How cool would it be to have that for a cutie mark?" If I could move, I probably would've created one of my boxes over her and snapped my fingers for asking such a stupid question. It wouldn't be cool, a cutie mark like that would most likely mean you were good at making no sense. Then another voice replied to the first.

"Cool...if you were actually victoryful at something!" And there's another one I wanted to throttle. Oh, hey, another one joined in.

"That's not a word!" Yes, someone with a lick of common sense!

"What are you, a dictionary?", said the first. Really want to throttle that filly right now...

"Girls!", that was the teacher, who caught the girls attention, along with mine; now I could actually see the ponies. The adult pony at the front; the teacher, had a magenta coat, almost like the shade of a cherry, and along with that she had a pink mane with one light pink streak, and to top it all off, green eyes. I look at her cutie mark. Three smiling flowers. I now nickname the teacher Flowerface. Flowerface turned around and pointed at me.

"Now, this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?", she asked. Of course, the response was almost immediate.

"It's got a weird mask!" said a yellow filly with a red mane and a ridiculously large pink bow. I noticed she was the second voice from that conversation.

"And a huge hat!" said an orange filly with noticeably small wings. She was the first voice from that conversation.

"And it's hands are suspended by magic!" said a white unicorn filly, jumping in the air as she did so. And her voice was the third one from that conversation. I could already tell there was a fight to be had between those three...

"This creature is called a Papling," I'd facepalm if my hands weren't stone and only connected to my body by a magical spell to keep them in place. I want to blow off Celestia's face for thinking of that ridiculous species name. "He has the ability to do spells and make himself as flat as paper. What do you suppose that represents?" Here it comes...

"Magic!", said Big Bow. She was knocked over by Dictionary.

"Puppeteer!", Dictionary insisted. She was knocked over by WbDiICM, which is short for Would be Dead if I Could Move.

"Chaos!", said WbDiICM. "It's not chaos, you dodo!" replied Dictionary. "Stop calling me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos!" yelled WbDiICM. Yes, girls, keep arguing, give me something to do...

"Is not!" Dictionary angrily replied. Then Big Bow hopped onto both of them. "You're both wrong!" she said. Both of the two fillies shoved her off and lunged at her. It quickly turned into a fight ball as the three little fillies tried to tear each others' throats out. And as I watched in amusement, I felt it. An incredibly weak point in the magic barrier that kept me encased in stone. Almost immediately, I started hitting it with my mental magic.

"Actually, in a way, you're all right," said the teacher. The fillies stopped fighting. "This statue represents manipulation, which is a series of tricks one puts up in order to control ponies. Like, say, manipulating them to fight. And since you provided such a good example of what ponies might do if they were manipulated to fight, you're each going to write me an essay explaining it." The three fillies expressions were quickly downcast as their class giggled. "Now let's go, and I don't want anymore fighting."

The class left me to continue their little field trip, and I could hear the fillies quietly arguing about what I was supposed to represent. Not that I was paying much attention, for I had just made a breakthrough. Mainly. I had made a giant crack in the stone prison. And all it needed was one...more...push...

"Ciao, Equestria~," I said as the stone shattered, freeing me at last. And as soon as I was free, the first thing I did was grin. "Oh, finally, some fresh air! Now, time to-" Then to my surprise, the magic formerly suspending my disconnected hands went into them. My hands then faced me, and were about to snap, but I forced them not to, quickly shaking off my surprise. Clearly, the magic levitating my hands into the right position also had a second function, but I had to figure out what, and fast. But what spell could possibly benefit Celesti...then it hit me before I finished my train of thought. If my last use of magic was to break myself out, then what if I was forced to do the opposite of that? Seal myself in? The spell most likely was to reverse the effects of whatever "spell" I did previously.

But magic wasn't the only thing I could use. With a smirk, I stepped off my pedestal and summoned a duplicate of myself. At once, the duplicate assumed the same position I was in before I broke out. I stopped resisting the mental magic, and let my fingers snap. At once, the duplicate was sealed back in stone. The magic left my hands and resumed their place, suspending my duplicate's hands and keeping them in the same spot as they were before.

"And it's an infinite loop, too? Clever, Celestia, clever...but you forget, I, too, am clever! Soon, like the sunset of winter tundra, I will get my revenge served cold!", I proclaimed, and, turning invisible, I floated after where I last saw the field trip headed.

Soon, Equestria would know my name...master of dimensions...pleaser of crowds...Dimentio!

Author's Note

So, my first story on Fimfiction! I'm just hoping this won't be too bad...

Time for Learning

So, of course, you might be wondering why I went after those school fillies, right? Well, very simple reason, really. Since those three helped me escape my prison, I decided to grace them with my presence first! I even decided not to kill Would be Dead if I Could Move as soon as possible! So, I had to follow them to figure out which town they came from. The field trip wasn't anything worth talking about. They avoided the throne room to not disturb Celestia, the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library was also off-limits, and overall, they just visited the parts of the castle that were...bleh. I mean, sure, I was grateful, as I was never able to travel in the new castle before, considering Celestia didn't move the place until after Luna's banishment, but still. Bo~ring.

So, to say I was relieved that the group was leaving was an understatement. But, then again, the train ride isn't much to talk about either. Not because it was boring, I mean, it was, but mainly because it was annoying to try to not have any of these ignorant foals not blow my cover by bumping into me. I had to wait by the bathroom, which was near the end of the train, mind you, for someone to use the colt's bathroom...what's with that look? Did you expect me to go into the filly's bathroom or something? I wouldn't be so desperate as to go into the bathroom of the opposite gender! But I'm getting off-topic...wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right, the train ride. As I was saying, I had to wait for someone to use the colt's bathroom, and when someone finally did, I had to crawl underneath one of the stalls to get inside so the two colts who had entered wouldn't notice me, then turn flat inside the stall so no one would notice the white box that formed around me while I did it, hover up to the ceiling, put myself against it, then try to crawl my way over to the front of the train where the group was, and all the while, I had to listen to the two morons who had to go to the bathroom talk about the most stupid things, like, say, some sort of Pony version of Twilight, how to play Rock, Paper, Scissors with hooves, etcetera, etcetera. And I wanted to strangle the two so badly...but that would've blown my cover. I think their names were something stupid as well...oh, yeah, Snips and Snails. I did manage to get to the front, however, and I got to hear the sweet sound of those three still trying to figure out what Statue Me represented. Every cloud has a silver lining~.

And then the train stopped after what seemed like the longest time.

"Now arriving in Ponyville!"

Ponyville? Honestly, I wasn't expecting the school fillies to get up, but they did, and started heading out. It seemed like the horribly named town was their home, much to my regret. So, of course, I followed them. Joy. Looking around, I noticed that most of the houses were made out of wood for the walls and thatch for the ceiling. Not a good sign, considering I would think they would've moved beyond this sort of structure by now. I can barely remember my home, before all this, and I remember steel towers, paved roads, carriages that can travel by themselves, and...well, my home is a subject for another time. But my point is, I was hoping that the Ponies would've at least gotten close to that sort of technology, but from what I was seeing, there wasn't too much progress. Which was a bit of a problem for me. But, when I thought about it, I figured it would probably be a good idea to learn a bit on how Equestria is now. After all, this could just be a rural town. But that meant I needed to find the library, if this place even had one. And that meant I needed a disguise. And that meant...

'Makeover~!' I found a bridge, went underneath it, and then I felt the familiar feeling of being compressed as the white box I had summoned around myself took me somewhere else.

"Discord, I'm home!", I said, even though I knew there wasn't going to be any reply. I looked around. Bright colors constantly shifting, random things appearing here and there, said random things being destroyed in the oddest ways, and abominations that shouldn't have existed running around the place like no one was there...yup, seems like I formed Dimension C correctly. Now, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about, correct? Well, Dimentio, the character I am now, has several abilities I've already demonstrated, such as the ability to duplicate, turning invisible, hovering, and, of course, the ability to use magic. But his most powerful ability was the power to create pocket dimensions. When I offed Discord, in order to make sure he stayed dead, one of my last acts was to use his magic to create Dimension Chaos, or Dimension C for short. It took a lot out of me, especially to make it so quickly, rather then over a long period of time, but from what I was seeing now, it was worth it. Now, originally I had intended Dimension C to be a torture chamber of sorts to put those who opposed my rule in; drive them insane with the chaos happening around them. But, now I was here for a different reason. I knew for a fact that Dimentio had control over his pocket dimensions. So, considering I was him, combined with the fact that I formed this from Discord's magic, meant that I had Discord's abilities while I was in here...including the ability to transform.

So, with that in mind, I began my transformation. With a snap of my fingers, I turned into a white unicorn stallion. Or, at least my body was the shape of that. With another flash, I added some details. Yellow eyes, a mane of black, yellow, and purple, and a cutie mark of my own mask. With my "normal" appearance finished, I moved on to other details. A quick flash, and a black outfit, along with a purple and yellow headdress and a matching...er...poncho, I suppose, appeared, and I put them on. Putting my mane and ears underneath the headdress, I got to work on my face. At my will, a black powder, along with a few other things, appeared. Using the black powder, I made half of my face black. Next was to apply a fake pointed nose, which was also black and white for my convenience. With the right coloration on hand, I then put on some contacts, one purely black, one purely yellow. And, last but not least, I added some triangles with curved bottoms so as to make my normal head look like a mask. And just like that, voila! I looked like myself in pony form. See, while I did want to blend in, I also knew these ponies would drive me nuts, so this identity was a travelling magician, known on-stage as Dimentio (master of magic, pleaser of crowds), but off-stage, he was just a normal stallion. On-stage, I could actually act like myself, while off-stage, I could learn more. It was perfect! There was just one problem...I didn't know if the effects in this dimension on myself would stay or disappear as soon as I arrived back in Ponyville. But, to be honest, this was my best shot. So, creating a saddlebag to carry my things, I teleported back.

I appeared on a road leading to Ponyville. Quickly, I looked myself over. It worked; my form was that of what I had transformed it into. With a silent fist...er...hoof pump, I then added a final touch, turning part of my outfit and myself invisible. To be precise, my front legs. Now, with that, I did indeed look like myself, with the appearance of disconnected hooves and such. So, proud of my work, I walked down the path to Ponyville. But, for whatever reason, I had this feeling that I'd screwed up somehow...but I didn't know what it was...

Author's Note

Oh, poor Dimentio doesn't know what he's getting into. Just ask the last travelling magician who went into town. :trixieshiftleft:

Yup, this isn't going to end well. :pinkiecrazy:

Welcome to Plotholeville! (No Magicians Allowed)

You know, walking on four legs isn't that hard, even if I was originally a bipedal being before. The way to walk like a pony is sort of like a mixture of crawling and walking. Very interesting...but, back on topic, things started to go wrong as soon as I went into that town. At first, I didn't notice anything, the first few steps into Ponyville. A few seconds later, I began to notice I was getting some odd looks. Some were suspicious, some were glares, and some looked like they wanted me out as soon as possible. At first, I was confused. Weren't ponies supposed to be peaceful, not counting the high society idiots in Canterlot? What the Tartarus happened to this town? Then that slowly turned into amusement. Honestly, seeing a pony with a face other than stupidly cheerful grins or terror from whatever threat comes across was funny. Then that amusement turned into annoyance very quickly, because I realized the looks I was getting right now were the same ones Celestia gave me often. Anything that reminds me of that thorn in my side is annoying. And that's when it occured to me that I didn't know where the town hall was. You need to understand, I didn't bother to bring any stage things with me, as my magic was my main act, so finding the town hall in order to get a stage set up, get some equipment, etc, was my main goal at the time. The next step, after that, would be finding a place to stay.

So, with my annoyance growing way too quickly for my liking (as I said before, last I checked ponies were supposed to be peaceful), I started looking for someone to tell me directions. Not a lot of candidates, to be entirely honest. That's when I spotted someone who didn't notice me. It was a light blue Pegasus mare with an obnoxiously bright rainbow mane and tail, along with a cutie mark of a cloud with a tri-colored lightning bolt. Perfect. After all, rainbows are usually associated with peace and joy. So, forcing down my urges to make any sort of "gay pride" jokes, I walked over.

"Hello, miss, I'm a newcomer here; I happen to be looking for the town hall. Would you kindly point me in that direction?" I said, making sure to change my voice. After all, if I were to run across Celestia in this form, unlikely as it was, I needed her to not recognize my voice, and at the same time not confuse any potential ponies who had heard me speak before.

Cloudbutt turned around, her eyes unfocused. "Oh, sure, it's right...over..." And then she noticed my attire. A few moments after looking me over, Cloudbutt facehoofed, and I could hear her mutter "not another one...".

"Look, whoever you are, please tell me you're just wearing that because you have some weird sense of fashion..." Cloudbutt said, a desperate tone in her voice. Allowing suspicion to enter my fake voice, I said, "No, I'm a magician, madam. This is just how I dress for the-"

"Oh for Celestia's sake..." Cloudbutt muttered. "Look, if you're just going to do some tricks, that's fine and all...but if you're just here to show off; if you end up being another Trixie..." Cloudbutt got closer, and as she did, I had three thoughts. The first was "ever heard of personal space?". The second was "wait, judging by what she's saying...the ponies in this town have literally no idea what a magician is supposed to do. Magicians are supposed to be prideful and bragging, that's what makes them entertaining!". And the third one was "note to self, if I ever run across this 'Trixie', teleport her into Dimension C for giving me tartarus here.". Then I resumed attention to what she was saying. Probably should've paid attention.

"-Get. Out." Then Cloudbutt just...flew away. Now, remember that annoyance I mentioned earlier? And that I said I probably should've paid attention to what she was saying beforehand? Yeah, even though I knew she probably said some other things, I was just so fed up by everypony's behavior towards me that I decided to vent a little out.

"Well, f@#$ you too, plothole!" I yelled. I turned around, and then I spotted an incredibly large, cylindrical building with a brown ceiling with quite a few important looking ponies heading in and out of it. How did I miss that? That, most likely, was the town hall, and even if it wasn't, whoever was inside could probably give me directions. So, with that in mind, I teleported right to the front door. Just when I was about to open the door, however, I heard a sound that sounded like something colliding with the ground at high speed, followed by a faint 'ow!'.

The voice belonged to Cloudbutt.

That inspired me to quickly get myself inside as soon as possible. Of all the ponies I could've ticked off, I just had to tick off the one who happened to be incredibly fast and aggressive...and then I noticed a pony sitting at a desk, looking at me with a half-lidded expression, an eyebrow raised. With an embarrassed grin, I brushed myself off.

"Er, excuse me miss, would this happen to be the town hall?" I asked, after a moment of silence.

"Yes; this is the town hall." Secretary Pony answered in a monotone voice. Awkward silence. She casually filed some papers. "Do you wish to speak with the mayor?"

"Yes, I would. Is she free?" I asked, relieved to see a pony who wasn't immediately suspicious of me due to some misguided bias against travelling magicians. Secretary Pony looked at a piece of paper, then a clock.

"You're in luck. Her next appointment is in around three hours. You have plenty of time. Let me just inform the mayor real quick..." She got up and went down one of the halls. And as she did, a thought occurred to me.

'If she's the Mayor...then chances are she knows why this town is so aggressive towards magicians...'

Author's Note

Well, Dimentio's made an enemy of Rainbow, realized that he screwed up, and is about to get some answers from the Mayor! Clearly, none of this will come back to bite him in the butt later on! :pinkiehappy:

...I'm being sarcastic. Of course it will. :pinkiecrazy:

Teaser: Origins

So, flexing these gloves experimentally, it seems good. The fabric is soft as velvet, the gloves are comfortable - as proper gloves should be, and it looks accurate...meaning it's kinda squarish, which makes the quality of these gloves look even better in hindsight. I look at the guy selling me these. Did he know what he was selling?!? I mean, I could probably sell this on E-Bay for $50, maybe even $100 if I really wanted to annoy people, but this guy was just selling me these for five bucks. Five. Bucks. Either this guy was generous, gullible, stupid, I was lucky, or some combination of those had resulted in this. And I am totally going for it. Not that I'm going to let the guy know, of course. Just gotta do one more thing, and then I'll buy it.

Raising my hand in the air, flicking it down - noticing some sound effects, too; can't even tell that was there before - and now, my best Dimentio impression.

"Ciao!"

Snapping my fingers, and...wow, that kinda feels awesome. Heck, even the Merchant is grinning, albeit a creepy grin, but still grinning. It's almost as if I was Dimentio myself...the concept makes me laugh...wait, was that white frame always there? And why is it surrounding me? You know, it kinda reminds me of...Dimentio's...boxes...

Oh, f-

Author's Note

I LIVE!

So, you're probably wondering, what the heck was that all about? Well, besides me being an idiot (no, really; I have no excuse for taking this long), there's one other reason this took so long to get out that relates to how this chapter went. Specifically, the plan is that after three chapters of the main story (not counting crossover chapters), I'll post a chapter that's either a look into Dimentio's past or looking at something not currently related to the main story that might have an effect later on; these chapters are called Flashbacks and Intermissions, respectively. This chapter went through a lot of changes, but I eventually ended on this. What you see above is a teaser for the first flashback chapter, showing how Dimentio got into Equestria. Of course, I'm going to make you wait four chapters for that because I'm an evil little troll. :pinkiecrazy:

In other news, the next chapter is going to be the first CROSSOVER chapter! Yeah, I'm now open for crossovers! Private message me, and we can work something out.