Does She Matter

by CompletelyClueless_246

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Sad, Princess Luna
Length: 1427

Luna who is suffering from depression reflects on her life then decides how to cope with her depression. The question is, was it the right way?

Depression is the feeling of severe despondency and dejectionion. In life we can all feel depression whether it be brief or everlasting, the fact is how we deal with it. Luna faces this same issue but does she face it the correct way?

Published 2015-06-19 00:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-19 00:40:02 UTC

Do I matter

“Why do I bother?”

It was a question Luna constantly asked herself. She often tried so hard and for what? To be constantly demeaned and ignored? To be forever forgotten? What was the point? Glistening tears streamed down her face as she sobbed quietly beneath the comfort of a weeping willow tree in still silence.

Multiple shades of blue adorned the twilight sky as the dying rays of the sun disappeared ending the day and beginning the night. Even though it was still early in the evening the full moon could be seen giving off its silvery glow while one lone star shone like a diamond amidst its dark surrounding. A blanket of fluffy white snow lay before her shimmering and shining like diamonds and beyond that, a mirror like pond reflecting everything to perfection.

“Why should I even try?”

Another question she frequently asked herself. Was she really so useless that life was no longer worth trying? Was her life really so pointless it was no longer worth trying to live? Luna glanced at her fore arms. Dark lines covered her otherwise flawless dark skin. Each cut led to another scarring memory. Each line represented an emotion. Resentment. Anger. Sadness. Bitterness. All these emotions were directed towards the daily happenings in her life, the people in her life although it was mainly towards one person. Luna looked skywards.

The blue hour was over and moonrise had begun and finished. The sky was now darkened to black; stars of silver, gold, green, blue and red dotted the skies, all of them glinting and glimmering in a silent chorus; the moon shone even brighter looking as if it was a glowing opal radiating from the confines of its velvet box. Even in the still forest she could pick up the sounds of the animals and the leaves of the trees. Her sensitive ears picked up the sounds of the whispery sounds of the trees in the slight breeze; the clattering of claws upon wooden bark; and the quiet sounds of hooting owls.

A wolf howled in the distance. Luna allowed herself a small watery smile. At least there were some others who appreciated the beauty and tranquillity of the night. Not many others enjoyed the night’s beauty and it was a shame. That thought made Luna’s moment of peace evaporate and lead to a new question.

“Why does no one appreciate me?”

This question caused a single tear to fall from her eye. Another memory was back with crystal clarity. Much like the night she was hardly ever appreciated. The only one who had appreciated her, understood her, loved her even; was gone and her heart constantly ached for him. Like her, he too had an appreciation for the artistic piece that was the night. She would often remember the times they would come to the very spot she sat and sit watching the nights for hours. She would remember the times that they sat searching for constellations; recall the way he would carefully sit and listen to her ramble on about the stars, moon and anything else to do with astronomy; reminisce all the jokes he made just to hear her laugh. Even that one phrase-

“Not enough fun for you?” Luna said quietly to herself as she remembered how he would mimic her strange accent.

The willow tree itself held tender memories. It was where they had first met; where they first admitted their love for each other; the place they first kissed; the place they held each other in passionate embrace. So, yes the spot was very special to Luna. No one has ever or will ever appreciate her as Sombra had. Sombra could have told if something was up with Luna by just glancing her way.

Her sister hadn’t even noticed her down spiralling depression. Most likely she had been caught with every one loving and adoring her. The ever wonderful Celestia could make no wrong. She was perfect, a being crafted by God Himself. She was always polite, always regal, always graceful, and always brilliant. Luna on the other hand was another story. True, she was as brilliant as her sister maybe even more so, but who ever noticed? Unlike Celestia who was a social butterfly Luna was very much introvert and more tentative to stay out of the spotlight. She was quiet, sullen and somewhat antisocial. She suppose it could just as easily be her fault for being ignored due to her habit of hiding in the shadows, but it would still be nice if someone would notice her even if for a minute.

“Would anyone even miss me should I disappear?”

A fresh wave of tears overcame her. If she disappeared she highly doubted if anyone would be bothered. As a matter of fact if she wasn’t Celestia’s sister she highly doubted anyone would know who she was. Luna brought her knees to her chest as sobs racked her ribs. Her heart felt as if someone had gotten a dagger, stabbed her with it and was now twisting and turning it in her heart. Her sight was blurred by her tears but she could clearly see the glimmering outline of the pond. Luna wiped away her tears with the back of her hand as she eyed the pond.

It could all be over. No more of the heart wrenching pain she felt day after day. The feeling of depreciation could be gone within seconds. No more being the lesser of the two. No more being the one no one remembered or knew. It could all be over within mere minutes, maybe even seconds. But…

The longer Luna eyed the pond the more the idea appealed to her. It wouldn’t matter, right? No one could possibly miss her she didn’t even have a significant place in the world that needed playing out. No one even acknowledge her existence. The glittering surface of the water beckoned to Luna as if daring her to make her inner thoughts a reality. She didn’t matter, right? So, it wouldn’t matter, right? Once the world had Celestia the world would keep spinning ‘til thy kingdom come. Besides, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought these kinds of thoughts before.

Luna rose to her feet. She hastily brushed her midnight hair from her in her eyes. Her green eyes, puffy and red from her consistent crying, sparked with determination as she strode towards the water. She stood at the edge of the dark waters staring at the reflecting dots of starlight dancing across the surface. Luna took a breath. If she did go through with this there was no going back. Luna slowly walked into the icy cold waters, a series of shivers rolled down her back, taking in her last sights of the world she had come to hate. Luna glanced up to admire the night once more. Before she left she wanted to remember at least the night. Its artistic beauty, the mysterious nature, the regal magnificence …

She was in by her knees now. She took in the fresh smells of the surrounding forest. The sweet, spicy fragrant smell of the pines; the healthy odor of green towering oaks; varying scents of delicious smelling fauna; she even welcomed the smell of the dung from the animals around her.

The water was close to her chest. Luna closed her eyes. It was all sweet music to her ears; the muted whispers of the trees; the howls of the choir of distant wolves; the soft bleating hoos of the quiet owls; the near noiseless scurrying of the nocturne animals. The sounds of the night, it left her at peace.

It was to her neck. A few more steps and it would be over. Luna opened her eyes. She could still turn away, go home and pretend it never happened. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t go through life like this, smiling and pretending everything was alright. She couldn’t deal with the depression anymore. She couldn’t deal with the constantly conflicting emotions of jealousy and rage against the love and respect she felt for her sister. She couldn’t deal with the fact she was constantly ignored in favor for her sister.
No, she could no longer deal with it anymore. Her intentions were written in stone.
Luna took the next few steps, exhaling in the process. Her head disappeared beneath the surface. Ripples echoed throughout the watery plain. Within seconds they stopped. Luna never came back. But maybe she was right.

Maybe she didn’t matter.