"Cupcakes! Get your cupcakes here!" The reedy voice echoed through Ponyville marketplace. Ponies shot disbelieving looks at the little filly with such a huge set of lungs. She was a tiny thing, pink as bubblegum with a mane so frizzy and voluminous it looked like, at any moment, it might sprout hooves and trot away. A high folding table had been set out before her laden with sugary treats that might have been cupcakes, though under the thick layers of frosting it was hard to tell. Ponies took one look at the young mare; at her mane streaked with flour, butter and frosting; at her eager, yet anxious smile; at her balloon based cutie-mark, and decided not to risk it. To a pony, they avoided eye contact, breaking into brief canters as they passed.
"Oh, come on!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, as a unicorn couple and their daughter swept by. The purple maned filly cast a forlorn look at the diabetes inducing display, but they didn’t stop to buy anything. "I'm never going to sell anything." Pinkie slumped on the table, gazing piteously at the cupcakes.
It was not a pretty sight. Some hadn’t risen properly, leaving blackened, rock hard disks, while some had risen far too well, escaping their cases as unidentifiable doughy blobs. The icing had fared little better. There was one batch where she’d forgotten to add any colouring, leaving the icing as white as the moon, and another batch where she’d added far too much. Those were blood red and had made the entire kitchen look like a murder scene. Everywhere she looked there were imperfections, crumbs instead of sprinkles, too much salt or way, way too much heat.
A groan escaped her. It should have been easy. She was a party pony, right? And parties always had cake. It was just so hard. Whenever she thought she was on top of the recipe it would wiggle away from her. It wasn't her fault she'd forgotten to set the oven timer, or missed the colouring step on the icing, or any of the other little errors that had ended up with a table full of baked-bads. No wonder the Cakes said she wasn't 'shop ready' yet.
"Cake! Want cake!" A foal's wail cut through Pinkie's fretting. Her head shot up. Before her stood a business pony with a bright pink foal on his back. Or, at least Pinkie assumed he was a business pony. All she knew about them was that they wore suits, and this one was wearing the sharpest suit she'd ever seen.
"Excuse me, young lady? My little Diamond would like one of your..." He cast a disparaging eye over her wares. "Cakes."
Pinkie beamed and saluted. "Right away." In a flash she'd bagged the most perfect cupcake and, with a flourish, hoofed it over. "Three bits!"
The jingle of coins into the little tin serving as a cash register was music to Pinkie's ears. She'd done it! She'd really done it! “My first sale!” She leapt into the air, punching the sky.
"Hey! There's a hair on this."
Pinkie deflated, as the stallion came storming back. There, amidst the pink frosting, and pink sprinkles, was a long pink hair. Sighing, she passed the three bits back and watched with weary resignation as the business pony stormed away. He held his nose in the air as the foal wailed her displeasure.
“Oh... my first refund.”
Snarling in frustration she grabbed a lock of her unruly mane and dragged it, kicking and screaming, down before her eyes. She had once tried wearing a hairnet, presumably it was still in there, somewhere. “Stupid hair!” she exclaimed, glowering at the frizzy locks. “Why can’t you ever do what you’re supposed to do?” Her mane escaped her grasp with an audible ‘poing’.
“Oh no! Don’t you run away from me, Missy.” She dragged her mane back down and fixed it with the fiercest stare she could muster. “Don’t test me. I own curling irons, and I know how to use them. You hear that! I’m crazy enough to do it.”
A stunned silence greeted her. Pinkie’s head snapped up as she realised she’d attracted the disbelieving stares of everypony in the marketplace. Letting her mane fall back into place, Pinkie affected a sheepish grin. “Umm... I mean... Cupcakes! Who wants to buy a cupcake?”
Slowly, the babble of the Ponyville market returned, and Pinkie found herself drifting into the background. Nopony stopped to buy a cupcake. It seemed random yelling was not a great way of winning customers.
“Ugh. Why is this so hard?” Pinkie said, dropping onto her haunches with a forlorn sigh. “Maybe the Cakes were right... maybe I should try again tomorrow?" She gazed at the table full of misshapen cupcakes. One. Just one sale and it would have all been worth it. That sale seemed an eternity away, though.
"No!" Pinkie bounced to her hooves. "I won't lose so easily. The next pony I see, I'm selling a cupcake, and I’m not letting anypony stand in my way."
"Look out below!"
A flash of rainbow colour streaked over Pinkie's head. The pegasus landed, hard, moments later, kicking up a cloud of dust as she furled her wings. She was young, smaller even than Pinkie Pie and clearly waiting for her growth spurt. Her coat was a pure sky blue but her mane drew all eyes. It was all colours of the rainbow, and Pinkie found herself staring along with everypony else.
"Thank you," Pinkie whispered to the sky, before turning back to her table of treats. Selling the rainbow maned pony a cupcake was sure to get ponies talking. Quickly she grabbed the perfect cupcake, plunked the trailing hair free, secured it on her back and gambled after the pegasus.
The pegasus had found her way to the nearby fountain. Her method of drinking was unorthodox, sticking her whole head under the water while she took deep gulps of water. She sighed as she raised her head, glancing around.
Pinkie Pie stood less than an inch away. "Hi!"
"Argh!" the pegasus leapt in shock, her wings carrying her up into the air. "Don't do that!" she exclaimed, dropping onto the rim of the fountain. "What are you, some kind of crazy pony?"
"Nope, party pony," Pinkie shot back, bouncing in place. "Would you like to buy a cupcake?"
"Yeah... no." She made her way back down to ground level. "I just stopped in town for a drink. I--"
"Oh, are you new in town?" Pinkie continued in a rush, beaming. "I'm new in town too. I came here to learn all about baking with my aunt and uncle—things like cupcakes. Do you want one?"
"I--"
Pinkie gasped. "I didn't ask your name. What kind of friend am I that I don’t even know your name? What's your name? I'm Pinkie Pie, by the way, pleased to meet you."
"Rainbow Dash..." Rainbow shot Pinkie a bemused look, as if trying to figure out whether she was the kind of crazy that bites. "I'm not really new in town though. I'm just... well, drifting, I guess."
"Oh, well you should drift with a cupcake!" She held out the perfect treat. "Want one?"
Rainbow Dash glanced down at the cupcake. It was decidedly pink, half the frosting seemed to be making a break for it, and there were more sprinkles than she'd ever seen in one place. She was also pretty sure the paper-cup shouldn't be a charred black. "I'll pass."
Pinkie's smile vanished in an instant. "But... why?" she wailed, tears welling in her eyes. "This is the best cupcake I've ever made. What's wrong with it?"
Rubbing the back of her head, Rainbow Dash struggled to find the words. "Well, it's very pi--" she glanced up at the extremely pink pony before her. "--girly. And I'm the awesome future fastest pony in Equestria. I've got to think of my image, you know?"
"No." Pinkie tilted her head. "Oh! But if you're going to be the fastest pony in Equestria, you're going to need a lot of sugar. Missus Cake says that there's nothing that makes me go faster than a pound of sugar, and I put way more than that into these!" She pushed the cupcake under Dash's nose. "See. You sure you don't want one?"
"Very!" Rainbow Dash hopped backwards. "Will you get that thing out of my face?" Pinkie Pie advanced, bounding on three hooves as she kept the cupcake as close to Rainbow Dash as possible. "What are you doing?" Rainbow continued to back up, breaking into a reverse trot.
"Come on. Buy the cupcake!" Pinkie raced after her.
Rainbow Dash whirled, galloping around the fountain. "Never!"
Pinkie accelerated after her. Soon the pair were just a pink and blue blur as they chased each other's tails around the fountain.
"Enough!" Rainbow Dash shot into the air, stalling out above the fountain. Pinkie Pie reached out, perched on the rail and strained to get the cupcake as close as possible, but the pegasus hovered just inches out of reach. "I don't want a cupcake! All I wanted was a drink of water before I fly to... well, wherever it was I was flying to. I don't want one of your crummy cupcakes!"
Pinkie froze. "Crummy?" Her lower lip wobbled, and she cradled the cupcake close to her chest. "But... but this is the best cupcake I've ever made. Why doesn't anypony want it?"
Dash seemed to realise she’d gone too far. "Well, I can't say nopony wants it,” she said, hastily. “Just not this pony. Sorry.”
Pinkie glanced down at the cupcake. The frosting had escaped during their chase, along with its sprinkles, and the crumbling cake was coated with dust after the scuffle. “No, you’re right.” A tear ran down Pinkie’s muzzle and fell into the ruined confection. “I’m a terrible baker, and a terrible salespony.”
With a deep sigh she threw the remains of the cupcake into the fountain and, hooves dragging in the dirt, slunk her way back to her stand. The cakes were just as bad as she remembered, misshapen, strangely coloured and giving off odd smells. There was no point trying.
Rainbow Dash raced over. “Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry. They’re just cupcakes.”
Pinkie’s ear twitched.
“Just cupcakes?” she exclaimed, rounding on Rainbow Dash. “Just cupcakes! These are the best cupcakes I’ve ever made, and they’re awful, awful, awful!” She slammed a hoof down on the table, sending cakes flying. “How am I supposed to be a party pony if I can’t even make cupcakes? The Cakes are going to throw me out of the bakery for being a failure as an apprentice! I’m going to have go back to my dad’s rockfarm and grow aggregates for the rest of my life.”
“I’ll buy one,” Rainbow Dash interjected.
“Urgh, I guess that won’t be too bad. It’s limestone that I never liked, you’d think a stone named after a fruit would at least taste okay, but-- sorry?”
Rainbow Dash sighed, rubbing the back of her head. “Yeah. I want to buy a cupcake. You got one?”
Pinkie stared, after a few moments Dash cleared her throat.
“You mean it?” she said, in an excited whisper.
“Yeah, I just said it, didn’t I.” Rainbow plucked a couple bits from a pouch hidden beneath her wing. “So, cupcake?”
“Yes!” In a flash Pinkie scooped the next best cupcake off her stall, and swapped the bits in Dash’s hoof for it. “My actual first sale!” She slammed the coins into her money tin and punched the air with her forehooves, whooping in joy.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Wow, and Dad used to say I overdid things.” She sniffed at the frosting. “You know, I don’t know why you were so worried, this isn’t too bad. I’m sure you would have sold one eventually.”
“Can’t hear you,” Pinkie said, not stopping her air guitar solo. “Celebrating.”
“Heh.” Rainbow shook her head, tearing her eyes away from Pinkie’s wild antics. “Ah well, bottoms up... You know, it’s funny, but I guess this’ll count as my birthday cake.”
Pinkie Pie froze. The world seemed to slow around her as she realised, with horror, that Rainbow was about to break a cardinal rule.
“STOP!” she yelled, throwing herself at Rainbow Dash.
Dash leapt, the cupcake going flying as she took to the air, again. Pinkie caught the cupcake, landing on three hooves and stumbling across the marketplace, somehow managing to keep the cake out of the dirt.
“What? What is it now?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, dropping down next to her.
“You can’t pay for cake on your birthday!” Pinkie hopped over to the money tin at blinding speed. “Here.” She hoofed the bits over and gave Rainbow Dash the cupcake back. “Happy birthday, Rainbow Dash. Sorry there are no candles.” She really had to get a stash of those somewhere in case of another birthday candle emergency.
Dash grinned. “Oh, no worries, this is awesome. I wasn’t expecting anything at all.” She took a big bite out of the cupcake, blanched then blinked the tears out of her eyes. “Whoa, is there hot-sauce in this?”
“Yeah! It’s amazing, isn’t it?”
“It does actually work; who’d have guessed?” With another messy bite, Rainbow Dash devoured the rest of the cupcake. “Well, thanks... Pinkie Pie, right?”
“Yep.” Pinkie gave her best customer-winning smile. “Be sure to recommend me to all your friends.”
“Psh, like that’s going to take any time.” Dash rolled her eyes and shook out her wings. “Anyway, see you around, maybe.” Her gaze caught on the empty coin tin. “Oh wait, what about your first sale?”
Pinkie’s grin vanished in an instant. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” she said, with a dismissive wave. “Ponies will be queuing up now that you’ve primed the pump. See?” She spread her forelegs wide. A tumbleweed blew past.
“Huh, I didn’t know those grew around here.” Rainbow shook her head. “Well, I am pretty hungry, how about I--”
“No! You can’t pay for cake on your birthday!” Pinkie shuddered, as if somepony had just poured ice water down her back. “You could have another, though.”
Dash’s frown deepened. “Well...” A smile spread across her muzzle. “Actually, no. I’ve got to jet. So long.” She took off so fast she left behind a rainbow coloured contrail.
Pinkie smiled for a moment, but it quickly faded away. “Oh... was it something I said?”
There was no answer though, nor any more customers. With a deep sigh she took up her familiar position behind the table and she set her hooves on the flimsy board. There were still cupcakes to sell, so she began her long practised pitch.
“Cupcakes! Get your cupcakes here!”
“Ho there, filly!”
On many occasions Pinkie Pie had been accused of having an over-active imagination. In that moment, she needed every scrap she could muster. There was no other way to imagine that the pegasus that landed in front of her was not just Rainbow Dash affecting a deep voice and wearing a false beard made out of cloud.
“Hello, I am C. Lonimbus, I would like to purchase a cupcake, young lady.”
Pinkie giggled. “Okay, Mister Lonimbus.” She plucked another one of her hot sauce specials from the table. “That’ll be three bits.” The musical jingle of coins changing hooves was music to Pinkie Pie’s ears. “Would you like it to go, Rainbow Dash?” She gave a conspiratorial wink.
Rainbow winked back. “I’ve no idea what you mean.” She dropped the silly accent. “But yeah. I probably need to get back on the wing, you know?”
“No. But here you go.” With a deft flip of the hoof, Pinkie secured the cupcake in a brown paper bag. “Where are you flying to anyway?”
Dash sighed. “I’m more flying away from things to be honest. Anyway, it was nice meeting you.” She turned to go, but paused after just a few steps. “Although...” She glanced around, taking in the bustle of Ponyville. “This place seems pretty cool. Do you know if they need a weathermare?”
