The First Feather on Earth

June 11, 2015

Dear Journal

We got him. We... We finally got rid of that guy. Look, I... I'd really like to not to go into too much detail about it. Listen, we did... What we had to do. H-He... He was a fucking monster. He would've killed Chatty if it wasn't f-for Marcy here. Right, yeah, Marcy. I should... I should get her to fill you guys in on today's events.

Hey, my turn? Alright, you go hug the spaz alright? Yes, I'm sure I can handle this, you just get your fucking ass over to her ok?

'Sup fuckers? Name's Marcy. So, here's the scoop. So, according to this list that the eggplant left me, they managed to set up a bit of a surround around the building the fucker was at. He had this whole plan laid out and everything too. Real detailed shit here. But, to summarize it, he was supposed to trap the piece of shit in his own base, then immobilize him with a swarm of wasps right?

Small flaw in the plan. Dude wasn't even in the building. Somehow he managed to slip away from the base and was on an early hunt for other survivors. Oh right, yeah, fellow human here too. Just I'm some sort of love-eating talking bug-horse. Yeah, weird, I know. Anyways, so like in order to keep Ms Bugs-For-Hair from coming with him, they decided it'd be best to start setting up signs to their home base.

I think you can see where I'm going with this. But if you want the long and short of it, they met up, she started to nope the fuck outta there and then bumped into me. It took me all of two seconds to recognize just what was going on and I proceeded to beat the tar outta the asshole. Then I fed his remains to my fox. Right around then was when the eggplant showed up and I passed her back off to him. They invited me to stay and offer up some minor explanations as to what the real situation is here.

Honestly man? Shit's straight fucked. Everyone has disappeared. Hell, the Barney rip-off over there woke up in his own house to find his parents completely gonezo along with the rest of the town. We're so far the only survivors and so far half of us are either dead or want to be... Not to mention that my appearance only confirms that humanity is almost guaranteed to be completely gone. I guess we're all horses now.

You know what though? Things aren't too bad. Gears-for-brains had the smarts to download basic farming techniques back when we had internet. Plus, we've got time to fuck up and learn so there's that. Oh, speaking of food. It turns out that not only can I actually see emotions, my diet consists of nothing but them. Well, water as well.

...Yeah, that's not gonna be easy to get used to. Oh! But I think I've narrowed it down to me needing to drink love and joy. Which, let's be honest here, is the dumbest fucking shit I've heard all day. And I'm the one who almost barfed when I tried to eat depression! Seriously, it's kind of fucking weird. But hey, that's kind of just how things are, y'know? Just gotta learn to roll with shit sometimes.

Anyways, sorry for this thing to be short and all, but it aint exactly my shtick. I'm sure the kids gonna be fine by tomorrow, so he can do his whole "Oh look at me, I'm a survivor of hard times, let's just talked about the day-to-day" thing.

For example, he tried to write down a detailed to-do list for what we're going to do. Well I'll give you what I'm gonna make them do.

1: HEAL

See ya on the flip-side. Marcy is OUT!