A Man's Best Friend

by 8th-Sin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 4300

After a spell is interrupted, Pinkie starts acting like a dog. Which means the life of a pet owner is forced on Anon while a guilt-ridden Twilight tries to work out what went wrong.

Pinkie being Pinkie gets in the way of one of Twilight's spell. Anon takes up the responsibility of being a pet owner so Twilight can work out a fix.
But how can anyone handle a Pinkie even more hyperactive than before?

Published 2015-06-18 21:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-18 21:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

You're walking towards the market when along the way you walk by Twilight's place. You pause for a moment and realise that it sounds like a diamond dog has gotten loose in there. Twilight is shouting, furniture crashing and furious barking. Before you have a chance to open the door yourself, the door swings open and Spike sprints through your legs with a loud shriek.

"Hey Spike, where are you going?"

It's no use, the little guy is long gone. Something has the kid spooked. You turn around, you’re instantly greeted by Pinkie Pie bowling you over. As you try and collect your head, you feel a tugging on your pants and a low, playful growl. It's Pinkie.

"Oi, quit it."

You give her a soft smack on the nose with two fingers and she instantly stops to stare at her nose with a scrunched up face.

"You're being more annoying than usual."

"Anon? Uh, I can explain," Twilight says in an erratic tone, "quick, come in before somepony sees."

You do as she asks and Pinkie trots happily close behind you with her tongue out. Twilight is a looks like a mess, both her mane and coat look like she has been dragged through the ride of her life. To get to the chairs on the other side of the room, you have to step over piles of books and even step over a few bookcases.

"What the hell happened in here?"

"Pinkie was in the mood to play, I think."

"You think?"

"Uh, yeah."

She takes a seat and lets out a long breath. You both take a look at Pinkie who is looking back at you two with a happy pant you'd see on a dog.

"What happened to her Twi?"

"I-I was... Practicing a spell that kind of turns fruit into animals. I made an orange into a frog once… Almost. Anyway, uh, I tried amplifying it so I could make larger fruit into larger animals, in this case, I was going to turn a watermelon into a dog and then, uh..."

"Pinkie got in the way?"

"Yeah… So now she’s acts just like a dog, as you can see."

You're not a fan of Pinkie, never have been. She's loud, annoying and 99.99% idiot but you can't help but feel bad for her. As you look into her big blue eyes, you wonder what she's going through and how this feels to her. She seems happy as she pants away with a giant grin but her new conscious. As pessimistic as it sounds, you can’t help but think Pinkie may not even be there subconsciously. She just sits there, staring up at you before scratching behind her ear with one of her hind legs.

"And the worst part, I haven't got the slightest clue on how to reverse the spell."

"What if you said the incantation backwards?"

She gives a light, tired chuckle before closing her eyes to concentrate.

"If only it were that simple. The spell wears off in 10 to 15 minutes but because I amplified it's strength beyond its original parameters, it's going to be harder to undo, also this spell is supposed to only work on fruit, which means side effects and such could be completely different."

"Relax, take a deep breath. You'll work something out Twi. You always do," she mutters to herself.

She’s clearly losing it, guilt is written all over her face. It’s not much but you give her a reassuring pat on the back. She take a long and drawn out breath before giving you a warm smile.

"You're right. I have to for Pinkie's sake and I'm going to but she doesn't sit still for a moment. She's even more hyperactive than--Pinkie, no! That's a first edition!"

Pinkie is standing beside you, happily chewing on a book and shaking it like a doll. You roll up the newspaper on the table beside you and bop her on the nose.

"Drop it!"

She does as she told straight away as she scrunches up her face and stares at the spot on her nose where you hit her.

"Lay."

At first, her response is to tilt her head and stare at you in confusion until you click, point towards the ground and repeat the command. Slowly she lays down, tucking her legs underneath her while looking up at you. You can tell she's still unsure if she's doing what you wanted so you scratch behind her ear and compliment her.

"Good girl," you say in a pleased, reassuring tone.

She replies with a happy yap and rolls onto her back for belly rubs. You can't help but laugh at her.

"Amazing," Twilight states with her mouth hanging ajar.

"What?"

"It took me half an hour to get her to sit and before I could even start a test she started chasing Spike like he was a bouncy ball. How did you do that?"

"Eh, I'm a dog person."

"Will you be able to help me? I just need her to sit still for a few minutes for each test, it shouldn't take long."

"Yeah, sure."

Getting the Pink mongrel to sit still was harder than you thought. And here you thought she never sat still before. Being strict only bought you small windows of time, then she'd be right back to her hyperactive playtime mode. In the end you had to go down to Sugarcube Corner to buy a few sweets which you shred up into bite sized parts to serve as treats. You didn't tell Mr or Mrs Cake what happened to Pinkie while you were there. Hopefully Twilight will have her fixed before it’ll come to that.

"So if the memories are..." is all you're able to make out from the beginning of Twilight's muttering.

You'd like to help her out with this part but you'd only be a hindrance considering the most you know about magic is a few coin and card tricks.

"It's pretty late."

Your offhand comment to no one in particular snaps Twilight's attention to the window.

"It is too. There's still so much to be done. In terms of tests, we're fine now so would I be able to ask something really selfish?"

You take a look at Pinkie who is sitting still in the corner, working on a jawbreaker and know full well what she's going to ask.

"Uh… I don't know about this Twi."

You scratch the back of your head, as much as you'd like to help out, temporarily adopting the hyperactive furball doesn't sound like your cup of tea.

"Knowing how she gets, we can't send her home. The more I can focus on this, the faster I can fix it. That and you're the only one I know who seems capable of getting her to behave."

You mull her request over in silence. She’s right, the cakes have the kids to care for so you can’t add Pinkie the dog on top of their responsibilities. However you don’t want to do this. As you look over to Pinkie, the jawbreaker has rolled a bit away and she’s trying to use her tongue to get it back without getting up. She stops briefly when she notices you watching her but returns to her struggle. Your heart sinks as you bury your face into your hands, trying to hide away from that feeling of regret you're about to get.

"I'll do it."

"You will? Are you sure?"

"Don’t give me a chance to change my mind."

"Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me."

Reluctantly, you take Pinkie home who decides to stop and smell everything along the way. It's like she really is a dog now.

"Pinkie?"

You call out from your doorstep when you notice that your new pink pet is no longer beside you.

"Should have used a leash," you comment to yourself.

"Pink-"

That's when you see that standing on your neighbour, Rose Luck's, garden is Pinkie who is now staring at you, deeply, while taking a pee.

"Wow, really?"

You again hide your face in your hands as you feel even more regret hit you like a tidal wave. When she finishes, she kicks ups some dirt then hops over to you with a satisfied grin.

"Come on."

Once you get home, Pinkie follows you inside and decides to curl up on your chair. You're really tired and hungry, so you let her be and go into the kitchen. First, you check the fridge. One tomato and half a carton of milk. A few tins and a quarter left of a loaf of bread in the cupboard but nothing that looks appetising so you opt for a tomato sandwich and a chocolate eclair left over from Pinkie training. Actually, more like half an eclair as she wanders into the kitchen sniffing.

"Here, take it," you say as you rip it in half.

She carefully plucks it from your grip before swallowing it whole. Even with the mentality of a dog, she lacks manners.

"How the hell am I gonna go shopping with you tomorrow? I doubt I can leave you at Twi's and I'm definitely not leaving you here."

She responds by wagging her tail and giving a yelp.

"God, this is such a pain."

She sinks immediately. Dropping her ears and head whine a low whine. You scratch behind her ear which perks her up a little.

"Relax, it's not your fault. I know we weren't BFFs, despite your constant attempts to be, but you're still a friend in need so I'm happy to help."

This makes her perk up some more, she nudges herself into your hand more and you respond by scratching harder. She starts kicking one of her hind legs which you can't help but elicit a laugh at.

"Come on, let's put you to bed."

You don't have a spare bed so you put a blanket and pillow on your couch for her. Given her size, it makes more sense that she get the couch. Besides it's much more comfortable than your bed, in your opinion. She immediately curls up on the pillow and you put the blanket over her.

"Night Pinkie."

She replies with an "arf!"

You then turn off the light and head off to your own bed. Sleep doesn't come easy at first but you eventually drift off, uneasy about the following day's events.

You are Pinkie the pup who has just woken up and stretched out with a content yawn. Anon's couch is super comfy. You never sleep this good in your own bed. You jump off and trot to Anon's bedroom. He said needed to go shopping for food so you figure it'd be a good idea to go bright and early so there's less ponies and more stock. You nudge open his door and sit by his bed to work out how to wake him. He seems kind of sprawled out, like he slept wherever he dropped with a leg and arm hanging off the bed.

"Anon, it's time to wake up," is what you try to say. Instead, it comes out as a few short barks which Anon just groans at before covering his ears with a pillow.

You roll your eyes and jump up onto the bed. At first, you give Anon a few gentle nudges but he doesn't even budge or stir so you nudge harder.

"Ugh, goddammit," Anon grunts as he sits up to glare at you.

Even though he's got an irritated stare, you can clearly see the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile. He picks you up, which admittedly, makes you pretty excited. You think he is moving you closer for hugs or belly rubs or to play. Then he gently places you on the floor before rolling back into bed with a thud.

"Arf," you shout in protest.

Not willing to let Anon sleep, more for cheating you out of belly rubs and cuddles, you grab the corner of his blanket in your mouth and run out the room.

"Pinkie! Fine, I'm up now."

You can't help but feel triumphant and so you celebrate by peeing in the kitchen.

"It shouldn't be possible for a pony to piss that much," you hear Anon angrily mutter in the kitchen before entering the lounge room where you are.

He just looks at you with deep concentration, weighing his options and their consequences.

"So, we'll go see Twi and if she still hasn't got a fix then you're coming shopping. I can’t leave you at my place, you’ll just pee and break everything and I'm definitely not leaving you at Twilight’s for the same damn reason."

You give a sheepish grin. You do feel bad about that, you have no idea what came over you. You just did.

"Come on."

He doesn't need to tell you twice, you're already following right behind him. Anon doesn't waste a second. The moment he steps out that door, he makes a direct b-line for Twilight's. A few ponies wave and you bark back a friendly hello. They all just laugh and play it off as some typical Pinkie thing you're doing but Anon knows. He's even lowered his face to conceal what you assume is embarrassment. When you arrive, Anon hastily knocks until a sleepy eyed Spike answers the door.

"Hey Anon, everything al-"

He freezes when he sees you. He knows exactly what you're planning to do too, Spike recognises the look. You lower your head and put your rear up, ready to pounce. Spike instantly spins and bolts for the other room but just as you're about to give chase, Anon picks you up by the scruff of the neck. Your first instinct is to yelp and squirm but you quickly get that out your system. You’re not going anywhere if the giant green man can help it. Anon slings you under his arm and walks inside. Twilight slumps down the stairs as Spike sprints up.

"Oh good, you have her restrained. I don't think Spike could handle cleaning up that mess again."

"I don't blame him."

"Me either."

She gives a loud yawn before walking over to her desk.

"I'm afraid I haven't got anything concrete yet. I'll be sending a letter to Celestia later today to inform her of what's happened, hopefully she can shed some light."

"She controls the sun, I'm sure she can spare a little."

"Sorry, I'm too tired for your jokes."

Anon lets out a sigh as he scratches the back of his head.

"I guess this means we're going shopping."

"Arf!"

"Just, uh, be normal. And by that, I mean, normal but my standards not your old or new ones... Got it?"

"Arf!"

"God I hope that means yes."

Anon goes to leave the library before turning back around to look at you. He's clearly unsure of his decision but you just want to go along and help out.

"Anon, you could always use this."

Twilight uses her magic to bring out a collar and leash from upstairs and rather than question why she has these and why they're just the perfect size for a pony, Anon takes it.

"I dunno, this seems a little weird."

"I know, but it'll make sure she doesn't run off after a squirrel or something."

"Good point. Sit Pinkie."

He then kneels down to put the collar on you. You comply, only for Anon's sake. He's not the only one who thinks wandering around town in leash and collar is weird. Your opinion completely changes however when he puts it on you. Wearing the collar feels right--no, more than that. It feels like it's your destiny to be here; in the collar. The moment he puts it on you, you get a feeling of inner peace. Everything feels safe, like it's where you're meant to be. It’s impossible to put it into words or even to explain it to yourself. Only somepony who has worn the collar would get this.

"Alright, here we go."

Anon then clips the leash onto the collar and leads you outside. The leash was a good idea, before you've even made it to the market, you tried chasing three different squirrels and a bird. Anon is a lot stronger than you are so you weren't able to get far before the leash stopped you dead in your tracks. You're a little glad it's there considering you have no control over these impulses. It's like another mind has taken over you.

"Howdy Anon, Pinkie. So it this isn’t, uh, one of them fetish type deals is it?"

"What?! No!"

You can't help but think it's cute seeing Anon get flustered.

"Relax, I'm just pulling yer leg. Twi has already told the gang, and the cakes. But try to keep the rest of the town finding out, okay? Twilight is still feeling awful guilty about the whole thing."

"Yeah, I understand."

"Anyway, what's with the leash?"

"To keep her from chasing every critter in town."

"Hmm, not a bad plan. You know I bet if we tie her to this here cart, you can get your shopping done right quick without parading Pinkie through half the town."

Anon is more than happy to go with her idea, immediately tying the leash off to the wheel of her stall-cart.

"Ta-da! See, nothing to worry about."

Then at that moment, as if the universe aligned just to spite AJ for saying that, Fluttershy came wandering through town with a series of baby rabbits in tow. You know you shouldn’t and you do your absolute best to resist the urge. But you’re no match for the urge’s strength and the cart is no match for yours.

You race off towards the rabbits, dragging the cart right out from underneath Applejack.
Apples fly everywhere, the cart breaks piece by piece as you drag it right behind you during the chase and rabbits flee in every which direction. You're pretty sure you can hear Anon shouting at you, Fluttershy is probably shouting too but she'd be too quiet about it. Applejack you can hear, mourning over the loss of hundreds of apples.

You want to listen, to go back and apologise, but you can't stop. Not until you catch one of these buggers. You're not even sure what to do with it. Eating it is definitely not an option, maybe you can keep it. Or give it to Anon as a gift, he’d like that.

However the rabbits are pretty agile. The moment you gain any distance on it, it'll swerve or turn around to go right underneath you. You need to be smart about this. Taking note of how many times you've seen Winona heard animals before, you hang more to the right of the rabbit and speed up before the nearby turn. Sure enough, the little guy darts down just like you intended. He's run right into a dead end. But he's determined, you'll give him that as he immediately turns back and tried to dart through your legs once more. This time however, you're ready for him as you lower your head and pluck him up in your mouth. He ceases all struggle. He knows it's all over now.

You've won and with a newfound sense of pride, you trot back to Anon to show off your trophy. When you get back to the centre of the square, you're met with a scolding instead of praise. Anon is mad. Really mad.

"I'll pay for the damages AJ, I swear."

"It's alright Anon. We have a bunch more carts and a thousand more apples where these came from," she replies in mourning.

You decide to let the rabbit go, gently placing him on the ground. He just lays there at first, trying to recover from his near heart attack before looking up at you then scurrying away. You're not completely sure, but you think you heard a soft thank you, or perhaps acting like a dog is finally getting to you. Anon takes you back to his place then. He asks you to stay put and not break anything before leaving you alone. You decide the best idea is to stay still.

As time goes by, you sit in front of the door and wait for Anon to come home with the growing feeling of guilt as your only company. It feels like he was gone all day but when you check the clock, you notice it was a little over an hour. He comes inside, shuffles around you with a few bags in hand and makes his way to the kitchen. You follow close behind him and watch him put everything away. It doesn't take long and you only get in the way once, nearly causing him to trip over you. Once that's done he drops on the couch to lie down and you sit in front of it, waiting for him to say something.

"So, did you break anything?"

You give short bark to signal no, hoping Anon can pick up on what you mean.

"Good… I think. Did that meant no?"

You give a happy yelp as he sits up.

"Heh, I have no idea what you mean. Or if you even understand me. Well in case you do understand, Mr Cake will be taking care of Gummy and I've got enough food for the both of us. So you're all set to live here until we can fix you up, just promise me you'll do your best to behave."

You jump up as you give a high-pitched yelp while wagging your tail like crazy. Anon chuckles to himself as he pushes you down and rubs your belly. It tickles, a lot so your first instinct is to bite into his arm and try push him away with your forehooves. Obviously, it doesn't work. Anon is stronger than Big Mac so you have no hope in fighting him off. As you try biting harder, Anon laughs and rubs harders, running his long fingers through your soft coat. You then stop biting and lean back as the tickling sensation slowly evolves into bliss.

As he ruffles your fur, you feel his fingernails gently scratching into your skin in random circular patterns. His arms are moving with enough force that he's shaking you but you don't mind as you've become enthralled in the belly scratches. He then places his right hand on you, just on your side and scratches. Your eyes flutter closed as you begin to enter a wonderful, subspace feeling. You become so absorbed you don't even notice that you're kicking your leg. As your leg twitches and kicks, you feel a bizarre itch right where Anon's right hand is.

Then, your blissful moment of subspace is torn apart as Anon stops scratching. You look up with pleading eyes but Anon just smiles back.

"I'm gonna get something to eat, hungry?"

You give a disappointed sigh and follow him into the kitchen.

The rest of the day goes by without you even noticing. You played fetch, Spike came over to deliver a message but both you and Anon have no idea what it was because you chased him around for the better part of an hour. Then you found Anon’s socks which he wasn’t happy about, so you played tug-of-war while Anon tried to get you to stop chewing them.

At the end of it all, the two of you are worn out. Anon heads straight to bed after laying out a pillow and blanket for you on the couch. Despite you feeling drained of all energy, you can't sleep. You lay there, facing the wall as you try and think of something that'll put you to sleep.

When nothing comes to mind, you sulk to Anon's room. The door is left slightly ajar, with a slight bump of the nose, it creaks open and you step inside. Anon is up on his bed, curled up into a ball all on his own. You sit beside the bed as you think of how you should approach this. You're incapable of telling him, "Anon, I can't sleep." Unfortunately you never were good at charades either so your message goes unsaid.

It's possible you could write it but you're too tired to hunt down pen and paper. Jumping into bed with him feels rude. So instead you sit there, waiting as you think while Anon sleeps soundly. The feeling of guilt returns alongside a feeling of being useless. You can't apologise for the mess you made or the trouble you've cause. You're unable to explain how you lose all self-control when these impulses take over. You can't even thank him for being so kind to you. As these thoughts echo inside your mind, you lay down and let out a low depressed whine.

"Woah, hey!"

Anon is still half asleep and it shows in his tone but he rolls over to lift you up and onto the bed with him.

"Can't sleep?"

His eyes are still closed as he adjust the blanket to wrap the two of you up but you don't try responding, you're too worn out. Anon places one arm under your head and with his free arm he begins to softly stroke your mane. You relax into his chest more when you hear the soothing rhythm of his heart.

"Night Pinkie," he says as he drifts back to sleep.

You give his cheek a lick, it's the best way you can think of to say thank you. Anon chuckles as he pushes your face away.

"Goodnight, Anon," you think to yourself as you both drift to sleep.