Make it stop!

Oh hi there, my name's Pinkie- wait a minute, you’re new in Ponyville aren’t you- oh boy, you are new, oh my gosh, you have to let me show you around in Ponyville, I can help you make a lot of friends because I know everypony in Ponyville and I mean everypony and everypony’s my friend too, because I’m friends with everypony I meet and I’ve met everypony I know, of course, but now I’ve met you, and now we get to be the best of friends and I get to introduce you to new friends and we can hold a party with cakes and balloons and streamers and sugar and cakes and piñatas and coconut ice cream and cakes,

and we’ll invite Bon Bon and Lyra and Carrot Top and Cherilee and Big Mac and Lily and- oh hay, why don’t we just invite everypony and have a blast, ooh and I just gotta introduce you to my six bestest friends in all of Equestria, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Spike and Twilight Sparkle, ooh wanna hear the story of how I met Twilight, ‘course you do, it’s a gem, well, actually, it’s six gems, you see, she came to town five hundred and fifty eight days ago and wanted to make some new friends because she was new in town just like you so I helped her by throwing a huge surprise party which I arranged in three hours, do you know how much work that is, I mean sheesh,

and Twilight was so happy she was crying and steam was pouring out of her ears, I bet you’ve never seen anypony be as happy as that, ‘cause I’ve only ever seen Twilight do that, but then she went to bed really early, even though we were about to hold the Summer Sun Celebration, I guess she forgot since she ended up being a little late but instead of Celestia coming out and raising the sun for us, this total weirdo jumped out and called herself Nightmare Moon and was all like, “the night will last forever!” and she laughed for a really long time and then the six of us, y’know, me, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight went out to get the Elements of Harmony, which I bet you’ve heard about before and we looked in the Everfree Forest which is this really spooky place west of here where we laughed and danced and played and fell off cliffs and then we found this super old palace in the middle of nowhere with six huge rocks inside,

but then Nightmare Moon kidnapped Twi and we were all like, “oh no!” until we found her and we shot rainbows and magic and lasers and totally beat Nightmare Moon and we found the Elements of Harmony which were these really pretty gemstones that Rarity really liked and then we met Princess Luna and Celestia, and Twilight decided to move to Ponyville forever and that’s how Equ- I mean our friendship was made,

do you think anything like that’s going to happen to me and you- hey, where are you going, you can’t just walk away you know, because that would be rude and nopony can escape Pinkie Pie- ooh boy no, if I wanna be your friend you’re gonna be my friend whether you want to or not, but of course you want to, because I’m Pinkie Pie and I know everypony in Ponyville and I throw the best of the bestest parties in the whole world so you will be my friend, okey dokie lokie, nice to know we’re on the same page, now, where were we,

oh yes, I was just about to tell you all about Ponyville, because you’re new in Ponyville and you probably don’t know the first thing about this town lessee, we got the town hall where we listen to the Mayor talk, bo-ring, and there’s the library which is full of books but Twilight says you can only read them and she starts yelling at you if you try to throw them around or use them for dancing practice so that’s boring too, we got the big old Carousel Boutique which is full of huge pony-sized dolls that you can play with as long as Rarity doesn’t catch you and there’s Sweet Apple Acres with the best apples and apple cider and apple pie in all of Equestria, don’t tell Applejack, but her apple brisket’s kinda mediocre you’ll have to go to Russet Rose in Fillydelphia for the best of the best, oh, and then I can introduce you to her as well, and her family too, oh, we should totally go sometime, maybe tomorrow, oh well, back to Ponyville, oh right, right, right I forgot all about the best place in Ponyville of them all,

Sugarcube Corner, it’s where I live and the Cakes too and we bake cake, not the ponies of course, but the kinds made of flour and sugar with frosting and whipped cream on top and I can teach you my secret recipe for cupcakes if you want, I haven’t ever told anypony about them although I did get close to telling Derpy Hooves once or maybe it’s Ditzy Doo, nopony ever seems to know what her name really is or maybe both of them are hers I guess I’ll just call her both until she decides which one to use, anyway, she really wanted to know how I made my muffins and I told her I didn’t make muffins but cupcakes but she wouldn’t listen and really really wanted my recipe, but I mean it’s my secret recipe, I can’t just give it away to anypony, but we ended up making these weird cupcake and muffin mishmashes which didn’t really end well, I mean, when I wanted to add eggs, she wanted to add nuts and when we finally finished baking the things, she wanted to use oatmeal as a topping and I said “oatmeal, are you crazy?” but I guess she was ‘cause she ended up taking the muffin cupcakes and topping them with oatmeal and then she just flew off with them, dunno what happened to ‘em, though, I never even got to eat them and I always taste the things I bake just like I always make friends with the ponies I meet,

just like I’m doing with you, aren’t we just the bestest of best friends ever now, ooh, we need to take a look at your party, do you want it to be a surprise or just a regular old humongous party, I mean I can throw parties bigger than the Grand Galloping Gala have you ever been to the Grand Galloping Gala, I mean ponies say it’s best and hugest party in all of Equestria but, well, yeah, it’s huge, of course it is, they hold it in the Canterlot royal palace, which is huge so of course all the parties there are huge, but it’s soooo boring, I mean everypony just walks around and talks without dancing, they hardly even smile,

I mean you’d think we were all back at the rock farm where I grew up have you ever seen a rock farm, ‘cause I bet you’ve never even heard of one because actually there are only two rock farms in all of Equestria, ‘cause nopony seems to know how to grow rocks we just push them around in a counter clockwise motion and by the end of the year, we’ve got more rocks than when we started, don’t ask me how that works, ‘cause I never asked and I moved away before my parents could tell me and I went here to Ponyville to live with the Cakes, you know, the ponies, not the ones you bake and make out of flour and sugar and put frosting on top of, though you could say I live with those kind of cakes too, ‘cause we got all sorts of cakes because I hold parties for everypony I meet,

and oh, oh, oh something amazing just happened I’ve been talking nonstop for four whole minutes, that’s a new record, oh wow, I can’t believe I’ve just talked for four minutes without stopping a single time, not even once, and hey, I’m still going, how long do you think I can keep this up, oh no, no, no I have to stop thinking about me talking, oh right, your party, let’s talk about your party, so I’m thinking since I already told you I’m gonna throw you a party I should just go ahead and throw a plain old huuuuge party that’s bigger than the Grand Galloping Gala but, like, a thousand times funner because holding a party funner than the Gala is super duper easy because everypony there is like “duuuuuh,” but we’ll be all like “woohoo! par-tey!”

and we’ll be dancing and singing and falling off cli- no wait that was the Everfree Forest, we’ll be dancing, singing, and eating cake and oh, we can play my favoritest of favorite fantabulous games like Pin the Tail on the Pony and we’ll be partying all night long and all day long until everypony can hardly walk and then I’ll bring out my sugar cannon and we’ll party through till the sun rises again and we’ll keep partying until it’s determined that any further partying would be a health hazard, I’ve done that once, you know, aw man, that was a blast of a party, I mean most of Ponyville couldn’t walk for five days and that’s how I became mayor for a week and I passed a law that made sure I can always party and that nopony can ever stop me and they still haven’t revoked it ‘cause I made it completely legally bulletproof and stuff, I bet you don’t have the Declaration of Pinkie Pie Pink Pony Party-pendence of Ponyville in your hometown,

well, of course you don’t, since your hometown couldn’t possibly have been Ponyville unless there’s an exact replica of the town out there somewhere and you came from there and there was another Pinkie Pie out there, oh can you imagine the parties the two of us would be able to plan, ‘cause I think it would end in a total disaster, so I guess it’s good there’s only one of me and I just hang out in Ponyville, ‘cause Ponyville is the best place to live ever, and now you’re going to live here too and- wait, you’re just passing through and you aren’t gonna stay, well, sorry, I guess, hope you’ll come back soon, though!