FebruaryView OnlineA Year of DerpyFebruaryIt was Hearts and Hooves Day, and that was when I learned of Derpy's coltfriend. It broke my heart. Not because she wasn't single, of course. That would be selfish of me. No, it broke my heart because of who the stallion was. I'd seen him around town. He was simply awful. He was rude, disrespectful, loud, and inappropriate. He didn't deserve a mare as perfect as that. They were sitting together on the bench, wings around one another. To any passing onlooker, they appeared to be the perfect couple. But I had taken a special interest in the mare, so I knew the truth. "Thunder, you know I'm not a strong flier. I can't make the trip," I heard Derpy say. "Not a strong flier? Please. You competed in the Equestria games, for Celestia's sake," the stallion snorted. "That's completely different," Derpy tried to say, but Thunderlane cut her off. "No, it really isn't. You know what I think? I think that you just don't want to meet my parents," he accused her. "Excuse me?" Derpy demanded, offended. The argument would have been amusing to watch if not for the mare involved in the argument. Somehow, despite the fact that they were throwing angry remarks at each other that must've stung like a whip, they retained the appearance of the perfect couple. I wanted so badly to walk up to the pair and rid her of the stallion forever. They obviously weren't happy together, and Thunderlane was simply awful. I often heard him making crude jokes about Derpy with his friends. He objectified her. It was as clear as day. But I was only a stranger, and a shy one at that. I barely talked to ponies, and when I did, it was just small talk. Confronting an obnoxious stallion and stealing his partner was completely out of the question. So, like the coward I was, I continued watching, though is was painful to do so. "Look, I said I was sorry. Stop crying, honey," he told her. She shook her head and looked up at the clouds, probably wishing to be anywhere but there. "Please, look at me. Talk to me." Derpy shook her head again, and his face contorted in rage. "Look at me!" he shouted, roughly grabbing her head and forcing her to look his way. The birds went silent, and they all stared. Nopony came to help Derpy, though, as nopony else was in the park but me. There rarely was. Occasionally, in warmer weather, somepony might jog through the park, but it was extremely rare for anypony to come by in the wintertime. "Please stop," Derpy whispered. "Just stop. Please..." and then she broke down and rested her head on Thunderlane's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. The gray stallion's expression softened, and he stroked her head. "There there, it's okay," he murmured. "I'm really sorry. It won't happen again, I promise. It's just... work has been stressful lately, and I snapped at you." All lies and excuses, of course. I'd seen him at work. He does absolutely nothing but joke loudly with his friends. Stressful? Ha! Getting a massage was more stressful than his toughest work day. "And hey, if you really don't want to go, then we can always schedule the visit for another time when we can take the train up," he offered. "N-no, this is obviously important to you," Derpy sniffled. "I can fly." "That's not fair to you, though. How about this: we break the trip into four parts, regularly stopping to rest in different cities? We can split it up into a two-day trip rather than just one day. Does that sound like a good compromise?" Thunderlane asked. "Yeah. I like that." A smile formed on Derpy's face, and I felt sick to the stomach. Thunderlane was acting sweet and sappy just to win her back. I'd seen this behavior before with Cloudchaser. Yes, that's right - Derpy wasn't the only mare he was with, and somehow I doubt that Derpy knew this. "Not a very good start to a Valentine's day, is it? Thunderlane laughed sheepishly, earning a giggle from Derpy. "Here, I got you something." Derpy sat up, curious as to what her gift was. Thunderlane smiled and presented two tickets to her. "Two all-day passes to the Cloudsdale Muffin Factory. The best part is, you get unlimited free muffins at the end of the tour." Derpy gasped and hugged Thunderlane tightly. "Thank you! I love it!" she squealed. "I got you something too, but I lost it," she admitted, frowning a bit. "I'll cook you dinner tonight to make up for it, though." Thunderlane kissed her on the cheek. "That would be wonderful," he said. "We should head home. My hooves are going to freeze off if I stay outside any longer." "Yeah, mine too," Derpy joked. I watched sadly as the pair stood up and left. Thunderlane was so incredibly fake. I'd never seen him act even remotely like that towards anypony, with the exception of his other current girlfriend. What does he get out of this? He certainly doesn't love Derpy. If he did, he would never make such crude jokes about her to his friends. The only possible benefit I could see him getting out of this relationship was money. It was common knowledge that Derpy's parents were wealthy ponies. If not that, then Thunderlane was a changeling. But that's absolutely ridiculous. No doubt about it, Thunderlane was only interested in the money.
MarchView OnlineA Year of DerpyMarchThis time, she came with a foal. The weather that day was amazingly horrible. It was windy; so windy, in fact, that the bush I concealed myself behind kept whacking me in the face. It was also extremely cold, almost cold enough to be freezing. In addition to that, it was wet, as it had rained the previous night. The ground was a giant field of squishy mud, mud that splashed everywhere with every step one took. It had been years since I'd seen a day as bad as this one. Naturally, Derpy chose this day to have a picnic in the park. She sat on a large, red-and-white checkered blanket, she on one side and the foal on the other. In between them sat a pair of leather saddlebags. The poor saddlebags were splattered with mud, surely ruined. Either Derpy didn't care or she hadn't anticipated the horrible weather. The foal - a colt - was greedily digging into the bags, his grumbling stomach making his motives apparent. He was a cute little thing, although he had a rather dull color scheme of a light gray coat, a dark gray mane, and violet eyes, as well as a splash of red ketchup on the corner of his mouth from the huge bite he had just taken out of his sandwich. "Oh wow, this is really good," he said when he finally managed to swallow his huge bite. Derpy giggled. "I should hope so, seeing as I made it." Derpy took a small, more dainty bite out of her own sandwich. "Oh yeah, thanks for that! And for taking me here and stuff. I would've been home alone all day with nothing to do," the colt said gratefully. There was a long pause where he went to take another bite from his sandwich, and Derpy eyed him curiously. "Rumble," she asked cautiously, "don't you think it would be a good thing if you found some friends of your own age?" Rumble tried to speak, but couldn't due to the food in his mouth, so he held up a hoof and continued chewing. "I'm fine, though," he finally responded. "I have you to hang out with, and Thunderlane plays with me when he's not too busy." "But what if I'm not always going to be around? What if I break up with your older brother?" Derpy asked. Rumble nearly choked on a tomato. "Break up with Thunderlane? But why? You two are supposed to kiss a lot and get married and stuff! Do... you even love him?" "Of course I do," Derpy exclaimed. "It was just a hypothetical question." "Oh." They continued eating in silence. So... if I'd been hearing things right, Thunderlane had a younger brother. A younger brother who possibly considered Derpy to be his only friend, and Derpy was aware of this fact. Was Thunderlane? Probably not. Thunderlane was an awful, smelly, horrible pony who should go and- Suddenly, a juicy chunk of watermelon hit me right on the muzzle. I pursed my lips together and went cross-eyed as it slid down my face, doing my best to keep as silent as possible. Keeping silent is really hard to do, by the way. The watermelon on my face just felt wrong. "Woah, the wind totally just stole my food!" Rumble exclaimed, with the same amount of enthusiasm he might have if Princess Celestia were to knock on his door and offer him cake. The foal must not have seen much excitement in his life. "No kidding. Don't worry, there's plenty more," Derpy reassured him. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief and wiped the watermelon juice off of my face, wincing slightly when the fruit hit the muddy grass with an audible splat. Good, he wasn't going to attempt to retrieve his lost food. Some foals do that - I did, when I was a young colt. Considering who his older brother was, Rumble seemed like a pretty good colt. I didn't see any of Thunderlane in him, so I figured that he must be left alone for most of the day. I felt really bad for him. He seemed to be having a good time right now, but I suspect that's only because he was with Derpy. Something about him just seemed... sad. I suspect that it was the same sadness I saw in Derpy. Why did Derpy have to be so sad? All I wanted was for her to be happy, but I didn't know how to make that happen. When she was sad, I was sad. Her sadness was infectious. But if she was happy, then would I still be attracted to her? Her sadness gave her depth, and that's what I think made me feel this way about her. No... I think I would still have loved her. My heart filled with joy when she smiles, and a little more sunshine was let into my life. If sadness gave her more depth, then happiness surely did too. The warm smell of muffins broke me out of my thoughts, and my eyes refocused on the scene in front of me. Derpy, having finished her sandwich, had filled her paper plate with a pile of muffins. "Hey, give me one," I heard Rumble say. "Of course. Take your pick." Derpy offered the plate to the younger pegasus, who inspected the variety. "Ooh, are those lemon poppy seed muffins?" he asked. Derpy nodded in confirmation. "Don't mind if I do." He grabbed a few of the lemon muffins off of the plate, licking his lips in anticipation as he did so. "I like the blueberry ones," Derpy told him. "I can tell," Rumble laughed, noting that the majority of the muffins were of that type. "Hey, did you get these at the Cloudsdale Muffin Factory?" "I sure did." "Sweet! Their muffins are awesome." Rumble then proceeded to practically inhale his entire muffin, but stopped when he noticed Derpy's raised eyebrow. "What? They smell good!" he insisted. Derpy shrugged and, after unwrapping it, took a bite of her muffin. Rumble stopped inhaling his and followed suit. If I was to... no, terrible idea. If I was to quickly snatch a muffin, then they would definitely have noticed. But the muffins smelled so good. They almost smelled as good as Derpy looked, actually. Almost. "So, how did your math test go?" Derpy asked. "I did okay." Rumble shrugged. "I guess I was stressed out for no reason." "Don't worry about it," Derpy assured him, "everypony gets stressed out now and then, myself included." "Really? You get stressed too?" Derpy nodded. "Yep! It's perfectly normal. Did you have any trouble with any of the problems?" "Not really, although there was one that was kinda tough and I couldn't solve it. They wanted me to find out the area of a trapezoid, but I couldn't remember the formula," Rumble admitted. "So what did you do?" "I wrote the words 'right here' inside the trapezoid." Ha. Cute. That tiny pony was pretty smart. "Clever," Derpy praised. "Yeah, I was proud of myself too, but the teacher marked it as wrong. Can you pass me another muffin? Chocolate this time." Derpy obliged. "Well, if I was your teacher, I would have given you an A+ on the test for that answer." "Thanks." "But Rumble, back to what I said earlier: I really do think that it would be a good idea for you to make some friends your own age," Derpy said gently. "I know, I know, but I don't know how. Everypony already has their own groups of friends and I can't just walk up and join them," he grumbled. "Sure you can," Derpy said, surprising him. "Um, no I can't. They'd laugh at me and turn me down," Rumble argued. "If they do that, then they're not the right group of friends for you. You move on and try again with different ponies." Wow, Derpy really had some good ideas. Rumble was lucky to have such a great mare in his life. But on the other hoof, I wanted to have her distanced as far away from Rumble as possible. "Okay, I'll try that. Thanks for the advice." Things were getting to be too confusing for me, so I sat down and stopped observing.
AprilView OnlineA Year of DerpyAprilFinally, she came alone again. No other ponies to draw my attention away from her. She came rather early today, and by rather, I mean extremely. The sun hadn't even risen yet and there she was, lying peacefully on that same bench, her silky blond tail dangling off of the edge and lightly brushing against the ground. Or maybe she was laying restlessly. I couldn't tell. It was too dark out and my eyes hadn't adjusted yet. After all, I'd have missed her coming here if I hadn't woken up from a nightmare and looked out into the lovely park area to gain some comfort from the moon and the light it cast onto the flowers that were just starting to bloom. Nature is something I've always appreciated. It seems to me that ponies these days rarely ever take time out of their busy days to just stop, look around, and enjoy the wonders of the world around them. I think that might be one of the things that draws me to Derpy—seeing her take a day out of every month to simply enjoy the outside world fills me with peace and happiness, and hope that maybe ponykind can once again learn to take pleasure in nature. Lying there on the bench as she was, her figure a silhouette against the dim lights, it was easy to see that she was a mare with an eye for nature's beauty. She was one with nature, and such a wonderful element at that. Whether she was peaceful or restless, she was definitely lying on the bench, and I was in my normal position, hidden among the dense shrubbery, observing as usual—or trying to, anyway. It really was awfully dark out, and the lamppost wasn't doing much to illuminate the area. Why must Derpy always choose the coldest of days to go to the park? It may have been spring, but it still felt like winter. As this part of town wasn't frequented often, the weatherponies didn't put as much effort forth into ensuring that this area was warm. It would've been even colder if it weren't for Derpy. Her smile could warm me up on the most frigid of days. Of course, that meant absolutely nothing right now, as I couldn't actually see her. Since watching was out of the question, I settled on listening. I closed my eyes and perked my ears up, sitting down and immersing myself in the sounds around me—the wind as it rustled the leaves of the trees, the occasional early-rising bird tweeting its song, and, if I listened hard enough, the soft sounds of Derpy's breaths. Or maybe that was just more wind. I sat there for a while, content with listening to my surroundings, until I noticed a light shining through my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes and smiled, looking up at the warm colors of the sun as it started to peek out from beyond the horizon and paint the dark sky with red, gold, and all shades in between. Sunrise, the birth of a new day. The rising sun painted the sky with oranges and yellows, finally casting a much-needed warm glow onto the earth. Derpy yawned, stretching her hooves out on the bench and rotating her neck to get the kinks out. The movement drew my attention back to her, and I couldn't help but smile. The glow of the rising sun brought out the golden hue in her hair, making it shine brilliantly. It lit up the area, finally allowing me to see her. Her messy mane, her soft coat, her delicate lashes, and the... bruise on her cheek. A bruise. How had she gotten hurt? Oh. Oh no. Not good at all. Did he…? I clenched my teeth and was just about to storm away to murder whoever inflicted that injury upon her, but then I forced myself to calm down and think rationally. Any number of things could've caused that bruise, if it was even a bruise at all. It could just have easily been a shadow or a smudge of dirt. And then she touched it, and she flinched, and I found my suspicion confirmed. Smudges of dirt aren't painful to the touch. I shivered, and this time it was not from the cold bite of the wind. I suppose she could've fallen, right? Or maybe she had a flying accident or something of the sort. Yes, that's a possibility. I remember being a colt and dropping a textbook on my face. Teachers pulled me out of class because they saw the bruise on my jawline and assumed I was being abused. That's probably what happened with Derpy. No need to draw conclusions here. My love looked up, suddenly, ears perked up as she heard the sound of hoofsteps approaching. I heard them too. Then the hoofsteps turned a corner, and the owner of them became visible. It was that greedy, good for nothing snotbag, who should go and eat a— I mean, it was Thunderlane. Same thing. "Hey babe." He smirked as he swaggered over to my beautiful gray mare and sat down next to her, draping a hoof around her shoulders and tickling her muzzle with a wingtip. To my annoyance, it actually drew a smile out of her. I gagged a little, but composed myself, furrowing my brow and making myself still as a statue. Have you ever tried sitting back and doing absolutely nothing while you see a stomach-churning scenario unfold in front of your eyes? No? Well, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It feels as if the turn of the Earth is moving wrong in some way, like the whole universe has a fault in the system. Nothing in that moment is okay. "Hey Thunderlane," she said softly, managing a weak smile. Her smile said that she was happy to see him, but underneath that façade, I could see the deeper feelings she held. The way she held her body, tense, defensive, bordering on cringing away from him. The slight tremble of her hooves and the twitch in her wings gave it away—fear; fear of the stallion that supposedly loved her. I wonder, why did she not leave him? Was she clinging on to the thread of hope that perhaps he was genuine and that this was what love is like? Was she afraid he'd get angry and hurt her even more? I mean, no, there was no proof that he’d hit her… I’m still drawing conclusions. Overreacting. Even if he didn’t hit her, he was still a despicable pony, and I can’t understand why Derpy would stay with him. Maybe it was because of Rumble. I wouldn't be surprised if she was struggling through this hell just so that Rumble wouldn't be left alone with his older brother. The poor mare is way too sweet for her own good sometimes. Somehow, that dense sack of manure actually picked up on her body language, and he frowned. "You okay?" he asked, almost sounding like he actually cared. Almost. "I'm fine, don't worry about it." Derpy turned to him and smiled, and I flinched back as the her face caught the light again and illuminated the bruises on her face. "Is that...?" Thunderlane's face shifted from an expression of false concern to one of genuine horror. Wait, he didn't know? I shook my head, trying to make sense of my thoughts. But did he not cause the bruises? "It's mascara." A curt reply, and she turned her head away. "I... dropped it this morning. On my face. It's no big deal, honestly." "You don't wear mascara. I know you, Derpy... you hate makeup." Thunderlane gulped as a long silence stretched between them. "I hit you, didn't I?" he suddenly burst out. It was less of a question than a statement, and I felt my body tense up so much that it hurt. Wait, what? Oh, I knew it! I was right about this bastard. So much for overreacting and drawing inaccurate conclusions. "You were upset and you acted in the heat of the moment. You didn't mean to hurt me." "No, but I did hurt you, and that's unforgivable." Thunderlane gave Derpy a pitied frown, gingerly touching her cheek with such a light touch it seemed he had mistaken her for a house made out of cards, doomed to fall and become no more at even the slightest of touches. Derpy, however, pushed away his hoof and gave him a sharp glare that made it clear she was stronger than he thought she was. "But you apologized, and that's what counts." I could've sworn an annoyed expression flickered across his face as he realized she wasn't as damaged as he'd assumed, but if the expression was there, it vanished as quickly as it appeared. "Does it really? Do you really forgive me?" "No." Another long pause, stretched out for seemingly forever, made me realize that my back was starting to hurt, and then I looked down at my hooves and saw that I was leaning forward quite a lot to get a better view. Hastily, I adjusted my position to be better suited for observing the scene discreetly and comfortably, and settled down just in time to hear Thunderlane's reply. "That's what I thought. I—" "I think I need to be alone right now," Derpy cut in, and the stallion's ears drooped with disappointment. No, not disappointment. He was angry again. What right did he even have to be angry? Why, if I could, I would go over there and—well, no, not a good idea. I sighed and relaxed from my fighting stance. No fighting today. Maybe another day, though. It sure would be satisfying. "I understand," he finally said, releasing the breath he'd been holding, and with it, most of the anger. "I'll see you tonight at dinner, okay?" Derpy nodded, and Thunderlane gave her one last pitied look before walking off, with much less swagger in his step than when he had first arrived. Could it be that he actually felt bad? ...No, probably not. His hoofsteps faded away, and Derpy sighed, running a hoof through her mane and flicking her tail in agitation. I relaxed and leaned back on my haunches, wiping away the beads of sweat on my forehead. Yes, even in the freezing cold weather, I was sweating. It's probably a sign that I'm too emotionally invested in this whole ordeal, but how could I not be? My heart was hers, so I shared her heartache. Yawning, Derpy rubbed her eyes, and it took great effort for me not to let out a yawn of my own. “An apology means nothing if he keeps doing it again and again,” she muttered to herself. “I don’t think he even said sorry this time… just forgive me. Yeah, as if.” She snorted, hopping off of the park bench to pace around, head held high in defiance. A surge of pride hit me, and I found my cheeks sore as my mouth forced itself into a wide grin. My beautiful mare, staying strong despite her challenges, not letting the bruise on her cheek show on her personality. Something told me she isn’t going to put up with Thunderlane’s behavior for much longer. When that day comes… I imagine it’ll be the best day of both of our lives. I couldn’t wait.
MayView OnlineA Year of DerpyMayHave you ever heard the old saying of ‘April showers brings May flowers?’ Really, I think that’s complete nonsense, because come May and the constant rain had been so severe that there wasn’t a flower still standing. They’d all been toppled over by the force of the water and trampled by oblivious critters and ponies. Did the weatherponies just not care about doing their job anymore? I don’t think I’d seen sunshine in over a week. I stood under my cheap poncho, shivering, grumbling slightly as raindrops splattered on my head with no less force than bullets, shifting my hooves uncomfortably as mud splattered everywhere and coated my legs in a nice, thick coat of filth. I don’t know why I bothered in this weather. Not even Derpy would venture outside in these conditions, and it wasn’t like there was any garden left to admire. I doubted she had any interest in standing around in this horrid storm just to look at a giant mud pit with a bunch of plants that have been smashed and drowned and trampled on, just for good measure, because the first two things were apparently not enough. Seriously, this obscene weather just needs to be outlawed. I squinted my eyes shut as a sudden flash of lightning arced across the sky, setting my hairs on end. Before I’d even opened my eyes again, thunder boomed angrily, shaking the earth and rattling my skull. Grimacing, I considered my options, and it didn’t even take me five seconds to make my choice. At that point I figured the minuscule chance of Derpy arriving was not worth the risk of being fried to a crisp by a stray bolt of lightning. Sure, I’d die for her in a heartbeat, but what was the point if I died before she even knew I existed? With stiff legs, I zombie-walked back into the center of town, heading towards a little shop. It was one of those places that ponies could pass every day and not pay any notice to, it being tucked in a rather unfortunate spot, on the end of a street that had many more popular stores before it, and the only sign that it was even a shop was a little sign above the front door saying Keychain’s Kafé. Anxious to get out of the rain, I quickened my pace, dashing inside and shutting the door behind me with relief. Finally, someplace dry. A loud sigh greeted me. “Oh dear. Keychain, he’s back. I can’t believe he actually went outside again. Honestly, I really thought he’d have learned by now...” I looked up at the owner of the voice, smiling apologetically at the mare behind the counter, who didn’t smile back. She simply looked at me in that way my mother used to when I’d done something dumb and disappointed her. “Sorry, Maple… I’ll help clean up this time.” I gestured behind me, rather unnecessarily pointing out the mud dripping off of my coat and leaving a trail. A puddle was starting to form underneath me already, just from me standing there for a few seconds. “Yeah, you sure will. Clean yourself up first though, will you? You’re lucky there’s no customers in here.” I nodded my thanks to her, then made my way over to the bathroom, conscious of the mud trail closely following behind me. Why was it that bathrooms were never close to the entrance? It sure would save me a lot of cleaning. I swear this building was designed to be as inconvenient to me as possible. There was this loose board on the floor too that my hoof always got caught on, and that one flickering light in the back corner that just intrudes my peripheral vision and strives to give me nasty migraines… Pushing open the restroom door with a slippery hoof, I walked inside, letting the door swing shut behind me on its hinges, wincing a little at the muddy hoofprint before it vanished from sight on the other side of the door. What a mess. Honestly though, I’m sure I was much messier myself than the floors and doors I’d walked on and touched. My poncho was little more than a limp plastic bag at this point, having been ripped to shreds by the wild winds. Serves me right for shopping at the discount store, I suppose. I turned on the sink tap, letting the water run for a bit. It always came out cold at first, and being soaked with more cold water was the last thing I needed. My reflection caught my eye in the mirror above the sink, grimacing back at me before looking away. Now, I’m not going to claim that I’m ugly, nor do I consider myself exceptionally handsome, but the mud plastered across my face and the twigs entangled in my matted hair made me look like the sort of monster you’d encounter on a stroll through the Everfree Forest. Not really a sight that made me feel better. What did looks matter, anyway? I mean, Thunderlane is a horrible pony, but even I admit that he’s one handsome stallion. I shuddered, pushing him out of my mind and snatching a paper towel from the dispenser a bit more aggressively than I intended to. It ripped. Even the thought of his face made my stomach churn nastily. Why is it that sometimes I feel I’m the only one around here who has any sense? Are ponies really so blind when it comes to their friends? Of course, I can’t fault Derpy for not seeing Thunderlane’s true colors; I know very well that love can blind ponies and cloud their judgement--well, in this case, Derpy was blinded by what she thought was love. Real or imagined, it has the same effect. I looked down and frowned, seeing the white paper towel completely soaked with the dark brown mud. Was I really that dirty? I hadn’t even cleaned off my whole hoof yet. This wasn’t going to work. What I really needed was a shower, but the likelihood of my brother actually permitting me to go upstairs into his apartment was about the same as my chances for waking up tomorrow morning as a dragon. Be that as it may, though, it was still worth a shot. Better to try asking and be rejected than it was to give up and never ask. Pushing open the bathroom door a crack, I called out, “Keychain? Any chance you’d like to try being kind for once and let me use your shower?” “Yeah, right,” he called back, trotting over to me. “Do you know how expensive it is to clean mud out of those carpets?” “Surely you could put some towels down for me to walk on.” I gave him my best kicked puppy expression, making myself look small and desperate. “I haven’t been properly clean in days...” He sighed. “Fine, fine. But I swear to Celestia if you dirty my carpets in any way, you’re paying for it, and you’ll never be allowed to go in my house ever again. And you’ll totally owe Sugar Maple for making her help clean up your mess, so you better cover her shift sometimes. Got it?” I started to nod, but quickly stopped as murky water flew from my mane and splattered on the bathroom door. “Ah… Maybe you should get those towels out,” I suggested, and with a rather irritated glance at me, Keychain turned and left to get the towels from upstairs. “Why do you keep coming back here lately like this, completely soaked?” Maple spoke up once he’d gone. “You’re really stressing him out, you know.” “I enjoy walking in the rain. I find it refreshing.” Maple eyed me suspiciously, but said no more, and I stood there examining the artwork on the walls of the room until a pile of towels marched down the stairs. I squinted at it, and realized Keychain was buried under an absurd amount of towels, somehow managing to walk down the flight of stairs despite not being able to see a thing. “Hello there, Towels. Have you brought me a Keychain?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, just take your towels and get on with it,” he grumbled, and I found myself ducking as the towel pile was hurled towards my head. Seriously, what happened to being civilized? “Thank you,” I said plainly, bending down to gather up the mess of towels, but more importantly hiding my irritated expression. No need to appear anything less than grateful. I stumbled my way up the stairs, throwing towels down in front of me as I trotted upstairs in a hurry. I found it kind of funny that my biggest desire at that moment was taking a shower. Not being rich, or famous, or finding true love, but taking a shower. Go figure. The bathroom wasn’t very hard to find; it was actually the first door on the hallway. I abandoned the rest of my towels, dropping them in a heap outside of the door, and walked inside. It was small, sure, but the shower took up nearly half of it, and that was all I was interested in. It had shiny glass doors, a gleaming new shower head, and a wonderful assortment of shampoos and soaps. In other words, it was basically heaven on earth. Nearly dancing with excitement, I turned on the hot water and waited for it to heat up. I was expecting the sound of the water to make me explode with happiness, but honestly it just reminded me of rain. Oh well. Should be heated enough now. I stepped into the shower, shutting the door behind me and nearly moaning aloud as the warm water cascaded over my frozen body, melting my stiff legs. I sat down, letting it pour over my head, mud flowing off of my coat and mane in rivets. Nothing could compare to this feeling. Well… that wasn’t really true, but it was close.The only thing better than being in a hot shower after a day like this was being in a hot shower with a hot mare. Derpy Hooves, with the water running through her long mane, glistening off of her coat, spraying through the air as she fluttered her wings… then smiling at me with that sweet little smile of hers that said she knew exactly what I wanted… I shuddered, breaking out of my thoughts. The water had gone cold. Cursing myself, I grabbed the bar of soap and lathered up by body, rinsing as quickly as possible and shutting off the water. I shook myself dry before stepping out of the shower, then looked around for a towel, which I realized I’d left out in the hallway. Grumbling to myself, I bashed my idiotic forehead with a hoof before dashing out into the hallway to grab one of the towels, trying my best not to drip too much water everywhere. Shivering and wet was exactly what state I’d been trying to get out of, but at least I wasn’t plastered with filth from head to hoof anymore. I wondered if Derpy was a mare who didn’t mind dirty hooves. Some mares didn’t, and others had a tendency to freak out if so much as a speck of dust landed on them. Though I’ll admit those sorts of mares amuse me sometimes, it’s not really a good sort of amusement. I don’t think she’d be the latter type, though. No dirt-fearing pony would spend time outdoors like she does. I love mares who share my love for the outdoors. Well, all of the outdoors except for absurd amounts of rain. Sighing, I stared out of the fogged-up window, hoping that I might see a gray pegasus fly by, but all I saw was gross weather. I think I should invest in a proper raincoat sometime. “So how’s Sunflower doing?” Keychain asked, pulling out a chair and sitting himself down next to me at the table, a steaming cup of coffee in hoof. I stared at it enviously, the smell wafting over to me, impossible to ignore. He noticed me looking and snorted. “No bits, no coffee. I don’t run a charity here.” “No, I didn’t expect you to offer me any,” I sighed, turning away and trying very hard to think of anything but the scent of the warm, flavorful drink, sitting so close to me yet so far from reach. “You didn’t answer my question though. You talked to Sunflower lately?” I shrugged. “She’s away, has been away, will probably still be away when you decide to ask me again.” “Yes, you’ve said, but don’t you keep in touch at all?” I looked back over at him, stifling the urge to roll my eyes at the overly concerned look on his face. “She needs her space. She’s busy. It can wait until she gets back,” I said. Sugar Maple walked over and sat across from me with her own mug of coffee, doubling the tempting smell around me. “You should at least write,” she suggested, taking a long sip. My eye twitched as I heard the drink slosh around in its mug. “I know. Look, I appreciate you wanting to help me out, but I really don’t need it. I’m not the socially incompetent idiot that you think I am. I’m fine, we’re fine, it’s all fine.” I rubbed my forehead with a hoof, trying to fight off the migraine that threatened to come on. Caffeine withdrawal, probably. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now.” Sugar Maple and Keychain shared a look, but thankfully said no more on the subject, going quiet and hiding their faces in their drinks. I tapped my hooves on the table, staring at the ceiling as the silence loudly hung in the air. Awkward, certainly, but a lot less awkward than talking about my personal life with these two. So many things they didn’t know, and I had zero intention of changing that. Of course, they weren’t completely wrong about everything… I might not have liked it, but I knew I should probably write to Sunflower, at least to let her know that I haven’t dropped dead or anything like that. She deserved to know at least that. I’ll get around to it sometime, I guess. It made me wonder though, do they maybe have a point? If I couldn’t bring myself to write to even my wife once in a while, then how would I ever be able to approach Derpy Hooves? Author's Note Decided to mix up the perspectives a little bit, but I'll go back to the original pace of the story. What do you guys think?
JuneView OnlineA Year of DerpyJune“Sweet Celestia, it is hot out here. It’s a bit too early in the season to be blasting the sun like this, Princess.” By principle, I disagree with every foul word that comes out of Thunderlane’s mouth, but this one time was an exception to that rule. Barely a week into June and Equestria had been turned into an enormous oven. Even hidden as I was, what with the many plants and trees of the garden shielding me from sight and from the sun, my mane was plastered to my forehead with sticky sweat and I felt as if the heat was a pillow pushed against my face, smothering me, suffocating me, making me weak and exhausted. My vision swam before my eyes and I found myself wishing that I could evaporate into nothing and end the misery. I mean, my other option was to retreat and go somewhere indoors, but that would mean leaving Thunderlane alone with the mare he didn’t deserve, and I have no reservations about saying that I did not trust him. “I don’t think it’s too hot,” Derpy disagreed, shrugging. A bead of sweat ran down from her shoulder to the bottom of her hooves, dissolving into her gray fur. “Pleasant weather, really.” “Whatever. I want to go inside,” Thunderlane fumed. “Sure, you do that. I’ll be here.” Derpy looked over at the stallion, her expression unreadable as her gaze bore into his eyes. He returned the stare, mirroring her expression for a while, but then a flash of annoyance crossed his face and the mask dropped. “What, you don’t want to spend time with me, is that it? Isn’t that the whole point of a relationship?” Thunderlane asked, a bitter tone to his voice. “Because I feel like you avoid me all the time, and I don’t like that.” Derpy laughed, a dry laugh. There was no humor to it. “Yeah, like you don’t bail on me whenever I arrange something for us to do together. It’s all about what you want, isn’t it?” “You are seriously impossible sometimes, you know that?” The stallion shook his head, glaring at her with tired eyes. “Look, we’ll talk about this later. We’re both overheating—no, don’t give me that look, I’m not an idiot and I know you’re lying about the weather—and neither of us are thinking clearly.” He paused to shake sweat out of his mane, splattering the dirt around him with warm droplets of Eau de Thunderlane. “So I’m going inside, and whether you join me is up to you. I don’t care at this point.” “I’m staying,” Derpy insisted firmly, digging her hooves into the ground and planting herself there as if preparing for Thunderlane to attempt to drag her off forcefully. When he was evidently not planning on making any such move, Derpy stayed rooted to the ground anyway. “Sure, sure, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve died of heat stroke.” Thunderlane shrugged, uncaring. “Though I guess you technically couldn’t do that, being dead… ah, never mind,” he finished hastily, catching Derpy’s gaze. “I’ll see you back at my place for dinner.” Derpy let out a little hmmph and flicked her long golden locks over her shoulder, haughtily looking up at the cloudless sky as Thunderlane turned his back to her and made for the town center, towards one of its deliciously air-conditioned shops, no doubt. I panted, feeling my achingly parched tongue in my mouth, nearly letting out a small whine of envy. Lucky, undeserving stallion. I looked back over at Derpy, who had her eyes closed and wings extended slightly, bathing in the sunlight. From a distance it probably looked pleasant and relaxing, but I was out in the same darned heat as her, and I wasn’t fooled for an instant. She was just as miserable and uncomfortable as I was, maybe more, as her long mane of hair covered her neck and shoulders almost completely, almost certainly multiplying the heat. What was she even doing? Why would she put herself in this dreadful position? Even I have to admit that sometimes we don’t always completely understand the things we love the most. Maybe she’s a masochist. I don’t know. I can’t think of any other reason. Was there even any point in sticking around? Besides, if I were her, I wouldn’t want to be seen when I was a sweaty mess. Of course, she was a beautiful sweaty mess, but still a sweaty mess nonetheless, and I believe in protecting a mare’s privacy and respecting her wishes. So I left the garden, quietly, taking care not to rustle leaves and draw attention to myself. I wasn’t going home, though, or to Keychain’s. No, just because I wasn’t observing Derpy directly didn’t mean that I had to stop looking out for her, especially since she only came to this part of town once a month. Fact is, Derpy was in a “relationship”, and her current other half wasn’t with her. Though I didn’t like him, I knew I needed to learn about him in order to truly learn about Derpy. And no, this was totally not an excuse for me to get out of the sweltering heat. Though I’ll admit that was definitely a huge benefit. I think he went that way, along the main road. It was pretty likely, given that all the popular shops were there—Rose’s Florist Shoppe, Pizza & Parchment, The Stuffy Antique Emporium—those were all heavily frequented and helped bring traffic into nearby stores. It was just a matter of peeking in each window until I found him, though I had to be careful not to look suspicious.. I trotted along the wide paved road, smiling at the passersby in greeting. And by passerby, I literally mean a single pony. It was insanity to be out in this weather, and as most ponies were quite sane, they were all crammed inside the various stores and restaurants. I hoped with all the crowding it wouldn’t be too difficult to spot Thunderlane. He tended to attract quite a mass of ponies wherever he went, anyway. He had that type of loud presence about him, hard to ignore. Unfortunately, since everyone always looked at him, that meant nopony ever noticed Derpy Hooves. It’s no wonder that ponies were never aware of how much she suffered, except for me, because I was probably one of few that had encountered her for the first time in the absence of that obnoxious foal of a stallion. I concluded that he was probably not browsing in Miss Sunflower’s Mature Mare Boutique and moved on to the next shop window. I didn’t know what she saw in him. If I had to guess, she was originally charmed by his personality and the sort of attitude he had where you couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing him or something that reminded you of him. Some stallions are just like that; I remember in high school those types were always surrounded by mares even though they were immature idiots. Most likely, I figured, with all the mares that they constantly shoved their faces in, some of the ponies who noticed it had to like them. It was just statistics. Dumb statistics, though. And sadly it seemed that the real world didn’t differ much from high school sometimes. He wasn’t in this cafe either. Okay, moving on. I hoped I’d find Thunderlane soon. There was no shade on this street at all, and the heat was getting completely unbearable as the sun rose higher in the sky. I wasn’t like Thunderlane at all, not now and not in high school either. Contrary to everypony knowing him, I barely existed to most ponies. I was always quiet, preferring reflecting on things by myself to talking to others. Most days I liked it; it was who I was and I was perfectly content with that. But sometimes I caught myself staring enviously at others, wishing I could be like them, popular and forming relationships with ease. I squinted at the dark gray coat inside the store, my eyes widening as I saw the familiar turquoise and white mohawk. Found him. He was inside a cozy little shop with the name… Hot Stone Spa. Of all the places in town… this is definitely not where I expected to find him. I had to stand there for a while, watching him intently, before I was sure it was really him. “Well… okay then,” I muttered to myself, pushing open the spa’s door, suddenly rather self-conscious that the other patrons could probably smell my sweaty self. Grimacing, I trotted up to the spa’s main desk. “Hello, and welcome to Hot Stone Spa!” The mare behind the desk smiled sweetly at me. “What can we do for you today?” “Ah…” I hadn’t thought of that. “I’m not really sure, honestly. My only goal was getting away from the heat and maybe relaxing a bit. What do most ponies get?” The mare’s eyes lit up. I had a feeling choosing treatments for her customers was something that she particularly enjoyed. “Well, for starters, a cool shower—I know, normally that phrase would totally turn me off too, but on a day like this it’s the best thing ever. It’s complimentary today too, as long as you get some other treatments done.” Some of my sweaty scent wafted into my nose. “Yes, I think that would probably be a good idea,” I agreed. “Splendid!” She clapped her hooves together with a grin and turned to the large blackboard behind her. “So, for stallions who just want some casual treatments, I usually recommend basic hoof treatments and shampooing for your mane and coat to really make it soft and silky again. And since you want to relax, we also have a large variety of massages to choose from, so you should be able to find all that you need. We have hoof massages, back massages, head, full body, all the works.” I glanced over at Thunderlane, who was reclining in a chair some distance away as a white pegasus filed down the edges of his back hooves. “Sounds good, though nothing too fancy, please. I don’t have much room in my budget for luxury activities like this, sadly.” The mare nodded, understanding. “No problem. When you’re ready, Quickflash”—she indicated a yellow pegasus standing off to the side—”can take you back to get rinsed off.” She chuckled, then added in a whisper, “No offense, but you need it.” I smiled sheepishly, then trudged my way over to the yellow pegasus. She was somewhat pretty—she had shockingly white hair pulled back in a ponytail, and her muzzle was the same bright white. I wondered how it looked when she ate tomato sauce. “So you’d like a cool shower?” she prompted, grabbing a towel from behind the front desk. “Yes, that would be nice.” She led me over to a large room in the back of the spa. It was spacious, with benches lining one of the walls. Shelves higher up held an assortment of fluffy towels and various products in colorful bottles. On the other side of the room was an area separated from the rest by a large sliding door of hammered glass. From what I could see, there appeared to be a few silver shower heads inside. “We added this just last year,” Quickflash explained, a note of pride in her voice. “Like, the idea didn’t occur to us until one day we were watching ponies run outside in the rain after days of hot, dry weather… and it was like bam, inspiration!” I nodded, feigning interest, but I was growing more and more uncomfortable in my sweat-matted coat. Catching my eye, she quickly said, “Right, so if you want to hop in now… the knobs on the left will control the water strength. Be careful not to turn it all the way accidentally; the highest setting is a pretty powerful jet. The knobs on the left can control the cool mist if you don’t really want to get soaked—though you look like you’re going to want to rinse off as well, not just cool down.” “You’re definitely right about that. Thank you.” I slid open the glass doors and walked inside the showers. “I’ll be waiting out here, whenever you’re ready!” I heard her call out, though her voice was muffled by the barrier between us. I turned on the water and sighed in relief. “I feel much better now,” I remarked as Quickflash toweled off the last of my mane. “Oh please, we’ve barely started!” She tossed the towel into a nearby bin. “You’ve still got your mane treatments, hoof treatments…” “Actually, I think I’ll skip the mane stuff today,” I interrupted. My mane was already perfectly fine, and there was no reason to waste bits on what I didn’t need. “Sure, that’s fine. So just hoof treatments and massage.” She held open the door for me and led me back into the main room. “Which would you like first?” I looked around, my eyes instantly locking on my target. Thunderlane was still sitting at the front of the shop, lounging in a leather chair as that same white pegasus worked on him, trimming the fur around his hooves. “Hoof treatments, please,” I requested, my gaze still locked on Thunderlane. I forced myself to look away after a few seconds. “Sure thing,” she replied, noticing my staring. “Quite a looker, isn’t he? Don’t worry, I can make sure you two are set up close to each other.” She smiled, jerking her head towards Thunderlane, and I realized that she had massively misinterpreted the stare I was giving him. Oh dear. Well, it was probably for the better. Besides, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be right within earshot… “Yes, I’d like that. But not right next to him, please. I don’t think I’m… er, you know, I think it would be a bit too nerve-wracking if he started talking to me,” I requested, trying not to gag on the words. They tasted almost as bad as his personality. With a knowing—well, unknowing—smile, she draped the damp towel around my neck and led me over to the area where Thunderlane was stretching out his vile body. Difficult as it was, I took care to so much as peek at him from the corner of my eye, lest I catch his attention and have conversation take place. Being noticed by him was one of the last things I needed. If he caught me in the garden one day, I could always brush it off, but if he caught me and recognized me from here? Yeah. I’d be as good as dead. The chairs for the hoof massages were quite comfy, and I settled into mine as Quickflash said something about refilling lotion bottles and left me alone. Well, not quite alone, of course. Thunderlane and that white pegasus were really chatting away. “I swear, it pays really well,” the mare was insisting. “Not to mention I feel amazing all the time. Like, this cream I’m using for your hooves? It’s getting on my hooves too. Totally free hooficure.” “Nah, Junie—” Thunderlane was cut off by a glare, and he rolled his eyes. “Fine. June. I can’t imagine you make that much dough by doing this. You’re not still working your old job, are you?” June smirked. “Oh, think about it. I work at a spa and part of my work is giving ponies massages. Now, what could possibly be another job of someone who does that?” It took him a few seconds, but his eyes widened. “Oh, you little—ha! No way. You offer that type of massage?” “See, I knew you’d get it!” “Well, yeah. I should’ve guessed. You haven’t quit doing that stuff then.” “Never said I’d quit.” “So are you the only one here who does them or is this place a whorehouse in disgui—ow!” Thunderlane jerked back as a particularly hard stroke of the hoof was applied. “That was unnecessary. I’m allowed to be right, you know.” “Actually, you’re wrong. It’s totally off the books, so you better keep your mouth shut about it,” June warned. “Yeah, sure. Throw a discount in for me and I won’t say a thing.” My stomach wasn’t feeling well and Quickflash hadn’t returned, so I decided to slip out quietly. I didn’t bother shielding my eyes from the sun; part of me wished I was blind, and deaf, and completely ignorant to the goings-on of this idiot. I don’t know why I was surprised by the company that guy kept. He was Thunderlane, wannabe king of all the jerks. Of course he’d be messing around with a… another mare. A mare like that. No, I think it was less surprise than it was simply feeling horrible for Derpy. On top of everything else, I now knew about this, and there’s no way she’d ever come out of this relationship unharmed. Her world was going to crash and burn around her. ...Burn. Sunburn. An image of Derpy still standing ground in the garden, in the hot sun, floated to my mind. Despite the horrible imagery, I smiled a little. I didn’t doubt that she was still there. Brave defiance. I like that in a mare.
JanuaryView OnlineA Year of DerpyJanuaryAuthor's Note I've never worked with these genres before, so feedback would be greatly appreciated. January The first time I saw her, she was sitting on the park bench at night. She was sitting by herself, wrapped in a yellow scarf for warmth, using the faint light from the lamppost to read her book. She had one of her gorgeous wings lifted to shield the book from the snow, which was softly falling from the sky and coating her silky, blonde mane with sparkling ice crystals, shining like the brightest stars in the sky. Her name was Derpy Hooves, and from the moment I saw her, I knew that she was the love of my life. On that night, I stood there for hours, simply drinking in the sight of her. Her back was turned to me, but the one time she briefly glanced up and looked over her shoulder to check the time on the large clock tower, I caught a glimpse of her face and nearly fainted from her beauty. Her golden eyes shone as the moonlight glinted off of them, and they were full of kindness and love. I could have spent hours lost in those eyes, but she turned back around to resume her reading and I had to settle for watching her from this unsatisfactory angle. Not that she was unsatisfactory from this angle, of course - everything about her was lovely. I just wish that I could see her expression as she immersed herself in the book. I'd read the book myself, so I knew it was a good one. It was a romantic story about a royal guard having being deployed to a far-off land, and his fillyfriend enlisting in the guard as well just so that she could join him. I cried when the mare watched as the love of her life was shot down in front of her. No, I'm not overly emotional - the book really tugged at the heartstrings. Derpy Hooves twitched a lot. It was a very curious thing. Every so often, her adorable little ears would twitch, or maybe one of her hooves. She seemed to have trouble staying still. Was something troubling her? It certainly wasn't the book. Sure, the book was amazing, but it was the type of book that drew you in and made you feel relaxed and cozy, not twitchy with excitement. It was the type of book that brought a wide grin to your face, making you yearn for love. It made you laugh and cry with the characters. But it was not the type of book that made you twitch. There was probably no reason to be worried. Everyone is stressed out at some point or another, and perhaps Derpy was just going through a tough phase in her life. Maybe she was just a twitchy pony. Who knows? Certainly not I. Having known of her existence for less than a few hours, it was perfectly okay that I didn't know much about this gray mare. Besides, she was cute when she twitched.
