Hit the North

by MonolithiuM

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Nightmare Moon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1731

A displaced featuring Frank Sidebottom, better known simply as: Frank, and his mission to make everypony love one another. Even if one of those ponies is Nightmare Moon.

Buying this head might not have been the best idea, but I think it's best to make the best of a not-the-best situation. Paths are defined only by our feet, and you can follow someone else's feet or you can wear new shoes and walk a new path yourself. You can trailblaze. But your feet don't need to be on fire. Unless that's how you find your center. Then do it.

As for me, my center is all of you. I don't belong here, and I know none of you appreciate me or my music yet, nor my love of even your enemies. Love is for all, not for some. Nightmare Moon is no different from all of you, all there is is love and music.

Don't you get it?

I love you all.

Displaced featuring Frank Sidebottom, or just Frank. I will be including elements of the original Frank Sidebottom and Michael Fassbender's role as Frank in the movie 'Frank'. Expect lots and lots of silly lyrics and shenanigans, it's a music-heavy and imagination-reliant fic. Hum your own tunes!

Published 2015-11-04 08:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-04 08:50:01 UTC

Someone forgot to secure the galactic perimeter

The dust still swirling around the room was soon dispersed by a wave of concussive magic exploding outwards from the alicorn's dark ebony horn. The purple glow of powerful dark magic illuminated the moon-stained room further, casting an eerie, evil glow throughout. Between the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony and the sorceress Nightmare Moon stood a tall, clothed figure with a huge, obviously-fake head. Two large blue eyes and a passive expression were painted on the head, with small holes on either side, presumably where the ears would be.

The figure held a small stringed instrument resembling a cross between a banjo and a ukelele, and it slowly looked between the alicorn and the six ponies. Setting the strange instrument higher upon its chest, the large-headed figure gripped the neck of the instrument and began to strum slowly. It then sang in a male voice:

"A unicorn with wings,

Shooting lasers at things.

Dust swirling in the air,

Just like the unicorn's hair."

"There's more friends to meet,

Just follow along with the beat.

Listen to my banjoele

And we'll fit like PB and Jelly."

"Lalalalala

Lalalalalalala

Lala

Lala la

La~"

Nightmare Moon glared evilly at this interloper and stamped her hoof once. "I am an alicorn, fool. Almighty amongst both heaven and earth, and bringer of eternal night." Her introduction gave the strange being pause, but he then began to adjust the tune of the banjoele before beginning to strum again, this time faster.

"She's an alicorn,

A big alicorn,

And she's not too happy with me."

"She's an alicorn,

A mighty alicorn,

She'll make it hard to see."

"She's an alicorn,

A pretty alicorn,

But that's alright with me."

"Because we all should live together

In beautiful har-mo-ny!"

He then began to strum more aggressively and started jumping around, the suit jacket he was in flopping about as he strummed wildly and excitedly. The bearers couldn't move as they sat, perplexed and in awe of this being's behavior as he literally sang and danced in the midst of sure destruction. Nightmare Moon herself quirked an eyebrow, a small blush hardly noticeable on her features. The creature's erratic dancing brought the back of his head to Nightmare's snout, and he dropped to his knees and bent over backwards, halting his playing to give a bouquet of flowers to the alicorn.

She took them in her hoof, forgetting her magic for the moment, and the being turned around and sat cross-legged, cradling the banjoele across his lap gently. He began to pluck at the strings with both hands, looking down at the instrument with his painted-on eyes.

"Sitting down on the cobble, playing a song

About an alicorn with flowers,

Won't you sing along?"

"It goes: hi how are you?

How is your day?

Did you get some nice flowers?

A nice full bouquet?

Did you enjoy the smell?

Did you put them in your hair?

Did people say 'very nice'?

And did the flowers stay there?"

Nightmare Moon slowly floated a flower to her hair, where the ethereal mane wrapped about the stem and secured the rose behind her ear. The being looked up and nodded, and then looked back down toward the bajoele.

"The flower stayed there,

Right atop her head.

Nestled in her starry mane,

Like a kid in a bed.

They smelled very nice,

Just like her.

And in this next moment, she'll say..."

"Thank you kindly, sir." Nightmare Moon clasped her hooves over her mouth and stared at the being, who hopped up quickly and strummed the banjoele several times in rapid succession, the fake head looking up into the night sky. He then looked back down at the alicorn and bowed.

"You're welcome." Then, without another word, he sprinted past her and vaulted out into the night. A thump sounded out a few seconds after as he hit the ground below. In a panic, Nightmare Moon rushed over to the broken wall and window, looking below.

"Stranger? Where have you gone? Stranger!" She then leapt out after him. Reacting to this, the Element bearers galloped to the edge as well, peering out where the two had fled. It was a long, long way down. If the weird, musical being had survived, he'd have several broken bones atop a broken– yet beautiful– mind.

"Girls, we need to move, and fast! If we can't get Princess Celestia back, the sun will never rise!" Twilight Sparkle got a nod of recognition from all of the other fillies, all except Fluttershy and Rarity, who were both bawling their eyes out. "What's the matter with you two? We need to stop Nightmare Moon and rescue Princess Celestia!"

"B- but Twilight! It was so beautiful!" Rarity then went back to crying her eyes out, mascara running down her face in a torrent of tears and ink.

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. This was probably going to be a disaster.

Nightmare Moon moved with the haste of a mare possessed. She needed to hear more of this being's musical musings, and it didn't hurt that he immediately sought to flatter her with his song, dance, and flowers. It was then that she heard strumming and singing.

"Sprintin' through the ruins on this dark and chilly night,

One can't help but think that they might not be alright.

But I say shut up stop your whinin'

All of life's fun and fine dinin'

Nothin' to worry about while you're alive."

"You can worry once you're in the ground.

Worry about who's still left around.

'Cause when you're gone and no longer there,

Who will put flowers in her hair?

You can't, obviously, be-cause you're dead."

"Slingin' tunes left and not-left like I'm a pop cowboy.

Had this crazy weird dream since I played with my toys.

Though I still play with toys in my time

In this crazy life that is mine

Shut your pie-hole and come dance with me."

"You can worry once you've turned to ash.

Worry about your damn fine mustache.

'Cause when your fine 'stache is no more,

Won't your face be a damn bore?

Well, duh, obviously, be-cause you're dead."

The dark alicorn rushed to the singing, her eyes picking out every detail of the shattered masonry as she zoomed past. Memories of her sister and their fight began to resurface, as well as a small inkling of love. Shaking her head, Nightmare Moon continued on in search of the musical creature with the fake head. Small whispers of times long past tickled the back of her mind, a slight yet comforting warmth building in her barrel.

These thoughts were replaced by the sight of the large-headed musical creature vaulting over a fallen column and picking up speed, charging through the ruins with both hands on his banjoele. The being continuously strummed the strings of the small instrument, never once stopping to check his footwork or adjust his balance.

"I can't stop my feet from flying~!

This new world is mystifying~!

Hell-o, thank you ma'am,

Threw me in the frying pan,

Try-ing to get out again,

Got to keep on trying~!"

The creature tripped on a rock, fell over and tumbled, still playing the banjoele. After two rolls, he leapt back up and jumped across a small gap in a bridge as Nightmare Moon flew overhead, staring in awe. He couldn't fail, not while he was singing!

"Jump this gap,

I need a map,

Oh shit fuck,

Crap crap crap!"

He came upon a wall, still strumming along. A quick shift in tempo and he began to pick up speed.

"Cobble ain't no match for me, man,

I can step up just as you can,

Watch me rise and rise till I can't no more~

Watch me do what you can't and more~"

The bard ran straight up the wall, scaling the side of the ruined castle without any effort whatsoever. Nightmare Moon came face to face with him atop the roof as she landed suddenly in front of him. He stopped just in time to avoid having his diaphragm exposed to the cool night air via Nightmare's horn.

In a cheery voice, he said, "hello pretty pony," and gave a curt bow. "I had hoped to keep playing for you earlier, but I was getting some kinda... vibe? Yeah, a vibe from your smaller, more prismatic friends. It didn't feel all that great, I've gotta say. I had to high-tail it outta there, but I have no freakin' clue where I am!"

As this thing scratched its head in confusion, Nightmare Moon had only one question on her mind. "What is your name?"

"My name? Oh! So sorry, that I am, the name is Frank," he said gleefully, "and it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Frank? Hmmm, short and strange. I don't know if I like it, to be terribly honest." The Scourge of Day and Vanquisher of the Sun was acting far more cordial than what was normally to be expected from a monster. Truthfully, she felt very awkward and uncomfortable even considering this lifeform to be worthy of her attention, yet she couldn't help but find some small spot in her cold, black heart for him.

"Well, I would change it, but I like it. As did my Mum and my Pop, my Grandpappy, my Uncles and Aunts, my nieces and nephews, and my dog, Wilbur." Frank peeked behind Nightmare Moon. "Pardon me, but your friends are back. My, are they lookin' winded or what?"

The Elements of Harmony stood united once again, and the beams of Harmony once again streaked toward the Nightmare.

"I STOP YOUR NONSENSE!"

Strum-strum.

"WHILE I PLAY DEFENSE!"

Strum-strum.

"MAY-BE YOU SHOULD TRY SOMETHIN' NEW."

"GET ON OUTTA HERE,

MAKE YOURSELVES SCARCE.

GO ON GET

DON'T YOU DALLY,

'LESS YOU WANNA REDUCE THE TALLY."

A long string of notes that sounded far too electronic and loud for the small instrument came forth from Frank's banjoele. The Elements of Harmony had been canceled out by Frank's own pulse of harmonic music. The six mares stood together still, while the purple unicorn began to panic.

Author's Note

I don't know if I'll continue this displaced or not. Just striking up some creativity after my well went a little dry. All lyrics are written by me. Whoop.