No, please God/Celestia, no!

by Clawder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 4137

Pony Flash Sentry visits his human counterpart. It doesn't go very well for either of them.

Have you ever imagined how you would've been if you were born in a different place? With other parents or circumstances? Flash Sentry had. And he had expected anything but this.

Couldn't find a fitting cover art...

Published 2015-06-19 14:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-24 15:46:58 UTC

First bloo... ehm... encounter

Author's Note

So I had waited until the release of Friendship games to keep going. Now a few minor adjustments have been made.
Enjoy!

First bloo... ehm... encounter

Flash blinked repeatedly, it was like he had just woken up with a hangover and the sun decided to light up his eyes with no mercy.

“Agh!” He instinctively covered his eyes with his hooves... Umm... Hands, to protect them from wherever the light was coming from. His body felt weird, but that was expected. What was not expected was the feeling of his new skin. No fur covered him; he didn't need his eyes to notice that. It was soft at the touch and felt thinner than in his other form. It felt plainly wrong.

After a few seconds he heard an echoing voice, the princess' “Are you alright?” she asked for a second time.

“No, I'm not,” Flash was blinking repeatedly to regain his sight. By running his new fingers through his new body, he also felt clothing “What?” regaining sight, he saw his jacket, jeans on his legs and snickers on his feet. Are they even called hooves anymore?

“Huh... Interesting,” Twilight circled Flash, examining his reaction to the world “For some reason, you're suffering from a very strong dizziness, one that I did not feel even the first time I went through the portal.”

“I'll take it as bad news, thank you... Ugh,” Flash did not like anything of this version of him. By the looks of it, he had to compensate his lack of fur with clothes. And the clothes were everywhere. He felt like a model of Photo Finish in an extremely tight outfit “You know what, I'm just going to take these off,” he proceeded to angrily shaking out of the stuff.

“Wait! Stop!” Twilight warned.

Obedient, Flash stopped, halting in a rather awkward position “Is there something wrong? A venomous insect standing on me? Am I about to break a part of myself because of my limited knowledge on my anatomy?!” he panicked.

Twilight coughed “No... That wouldn't be the case,” she helped her guard adjust his jacket so he stayed in it “It's kind of a rule to stay dressed in this place.”

“What kind of rule is that? Not that I'm questioning your command, Princess,” he quickly added “But it's too hot, I'm actually glad I don't have fur right now, it would be Tartarus. Is this sun bigger or something?”

“It isn’t,” a realization stuck her mind “Or is it?” she scratched her right temple “I actually hadn’t thought about that.”

Flash sighted “Well then, looks like there’s a whole new subject to investigate, right princess? I’ll just be on my way to- Agh!”

Twilight pulled the neck of his shirt “Not until we’re done here, soldier.”

“Since when do you call us like that?” he waited until Twilight let go of his clothes to readjust them “But seriously, this is just an awful idea.”

“How can it be awful? Researching is a fundamental part to understanding the physics and laws of-”

“Not the research, Princess, the being dressed rule.”

“Oh,” she had indeed considered the social restriction to be unusual, but she didn’t mind as much as Flash did “Wow, we’ve been here for only five minutes and there’s already a lot to study! Thanks, Flash!”

“You are welcome, highness, although I really didn’t do anything other than express my opinion on this place.”

Twilight heard giggles from behind, so she turned her head slightly to her side and saw two girls walking away. Between mutters, she heard the words ‘highness’, ‘lost’ and ‘bet’.
She felt embarrassed when she realized what they meant “Flash, could you please just call me Twilight in here?”

“Why? Before an acquaintance, you are a princess. My princess,” he made a quick vow.

The giggles turned into light laughter, making Twilight blush “Well… Technically, but in this world I’m not. Besides, we aren’t strangers; I could even say we’re friends.”

Flash smiled proudly “Really? What an honor!” he truly appreciated the compliment.

Twilight returned the gesture and added “I’m no different from any other pony; you should be honored with each of your friends.”

“Oh, trust me, princess-”

“Twilight.”

“Trust me, Twilight,” he corrected “I am honored for having the friends I have. But just like there are many types of love, this is a different type of honor.”

“How so?” She asked.

“Well, you see…”

They began the argument right in front of the portal, not paying much heed to people who walked by nor the heat of the sun. They eventually sat down and discussed their points of view on the topics of royalty and relations between subject and ruler.
After five minutes, the school bell rang. Voices and some excited shouts could be heard from inside the building.
Immediately, Flash jumped to his feet balancing as best as he could. He also looked from side to side with haste as if looking for something.

Seeing this, Twilight also got up “What’s wrong?!”

“My spear! I left it back at the castle!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “And why do you need your spear?”

“To protect you, of course! An alarm has just sound! Are we under attack?”

Twilight chuckled “Calm down. We aren’t under attack,” she said.

“Then what does that alarm mean?”

“It’s not an alarm. It just indicates the end of class time.”

“Class?” Flash rehearsed. He looked at the tall building surrounding the statue “So this is a school?” he asked.

“Precisely,” She nodded.

“But that didn’t sound like a school bell at all!”

“It shouldn’t, they have very different ones in here. Also you just need to press a button and it will ring on its own! Isn’t that fantastic?”

“Huh. Magic sure is advanced in here.”

They were about to start yet another argument, but many voices in the air forced them to pay attention to the students that were leaving.
Among them, Canterlot High student Flash Sentry was chatting and sharing a laugh with his fellow classmates until he saw her.

“Twilight!” He called, waving an arm.

She turned around also saluting “Flash!”

“What is it, Twilight?” would-be-pony Flash answered.

“Uh? Oh! Right,” she cleared her throat “This is where the true experiment begins,” she pointed the student walking towards them “Flash Sentry, meet your alternate self!”

Out of the many students passing by, only a few seemed curious about the fact that there were two Flashs in the school. It was like they were used to weird stuff happening all the time. Twilight called it the ‘ponyville factor’, which seemed to follow her even to different planes of existence.

“Who, this guy?” pony Flash pointed straightforward.

“Indeed.”

“But he looks nothing like-”

Twilight got a hand mirror out a backpack that came from seemingly nowhere and put it in front of Flash.

“-me…” his face was almost flat and his nose was very small. He didn’t like the looks but now he had a wider field of view; enabling him to see his feet and more ground without turning his head down.

As he was analyzing himself, human Flash got in front of his pony self “Whoa!” he let his surprise out “You’re me! But from Equestria! Dude this is sick,”

“…” while the human was eyeing randomly at the similarities, the pony had a different thing in his mind “Why do we have the same clothes?” he simply asked.

Twilight jumped into the encounter “We are somewhat tied to our other selves in here. I still have details to study, but whatever is in contact with their skin at the moment we come through the portal, is what we will be wearing. Though, it also depends on the size and material.”

“Wow, that’s awesome!” human Flash said.

“How so?” pony Flash asked.

“For instance, if you come through the portal when your other self is touching a wall, another wall wouldn’t appear because its mass is bigger than the mass of the one who’s touching it. Clothes however-”

“Do not form a bigger mass even when combined… I think I get it,” the pony finished.

Twilight blinked a couple of times “Yes, that’s right.”

Human Flash stood still, just staring at them as they continued their discussion.

“But, shouldn’t it apply to every single molecule, then? Wouldn’t the clothes be ripped in the individual pieces the skin touches?”

“Not in this case. You see, the fabric of the clothes is directly touching a molecule of the same composure, which is why it stays attached.”

“Hmmm, that makes sense,” then he made an observation “What about our shoes?”

Twilight took a moment to think “The shoes?” she repeated.

“Yes, according to your explanation, only what their skin is touching is what we get. So why do we also get shoes? The jacket is touching my arms, so it’s understandable. But we should be wearing only socks, right?”

Twilight really didn’t know the answer to that “I… Don’t know,” she then saw the students leaving for home and remembered human Flash was still there, waiting to be noticed “Oh my, I’m very sorry! How rude of me,” she hit her head with the palm of her hand two times “I was so into the conversation that I ignored you.”

Human Flash chuckled “It’s nothing, Twilight. I can wait any time for you,” he leaned in to greet her properly by giving her a kiss on the cheek.

If pony Flash had had wings, they would’ve flared open. Reflexively, he threw himself against the human, pinning his to the ground before he could touch Twilight “And just who gave you permission to approach the Princess that way?” more than a question, it sounded like a menace.

“Flash!”

“What?”
“What?”

Twilight facepalmed “I knew it would happen and I still said it,” she shook her head “Royal guard Flash!”

“What is it, Pr-Twilight?”

“Get off him this instant!”

“But Princess! Will you forgive that loftiness of his that easy?”

“I already told you I’m not a Princess in this place. Also, that ‘loftiness’ is the way of greeting a person here.”

“Person?”

“Just get up already!”

Pony Flash obeyed and helped the human stand up “Forgive me; my lack of understanding led me to violent actions. I will make sure it won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay, man, no harm done. I know Twilight is a Princess and stuff, so it’s also kinda my fault.”

Pony Flash smiled at that. His other self didn’t speak with the careful choice of words needed to address royalty, but he didn’t have any bad intentions.

“Now,” human Flash faced Twilight again “Where were we?” he leaned again.

Twilight also moved to meet him. And pony Flashed watched confused as they did. At first, he thought it was going to be a kiss in the lips, in which case he would’ve thrown the ‘it’s how they greet’ theory overboard and attack again.
Instead, he saw how they gave each other a kiss on the cheek: A part of the body not found in a pony. He brought a hand to his own cheek and caressed it. It felt soft and malleable So this is the way of saying hello? he thought.

Human Flash extended a hand to pony Flash “Nice to meet you.”

Unsure of what to do, he grasped the hand with his own. The feeling of skin against skin was strange, and in addition, the human began shaking his hand. Is he pulling me? Still undecided, he took a step forward and ‘greeted’ him by giving him a quick kiss.

Both Twilight and human Flash blushed intensely. The movement had been too fast to react.
Noticing their reaction, pony Flash outlined a guilty smile “Did I do it wrong?”

Twilight began to laugh loudly, and another two students who witnessed the scene giggled from a distance.

Human Flash pushed his cheek against his arm as if wanting to clean it “DUDE!” he shouted.

Pony Flash didn’t know what was going on. He had carefully examined the process, but it looked like he got it wrong anyways.

After Twilight recovered from her fit of laughter, human Flash was still grimacing.
She coughed and cleared her throat “It's not your fault, I should've been more specific. Between males, you just shake hands or give a hoof bump.”

“Oh... Uh... Sorry?”

“Guh. I guess there’s no harm done. Just have in mind that I’m not into selfcest.”

“…What?”

“Y’know, that famous internet terminology? Doesn’t ring a bell?”

“…Internet?”

“Soooo,” Twilight stepped in, knowing they would get nowhere on their own “How’s your Twilight doing?”

Flash turned his attention to her “You mean this world’s Twilight? Pffft, could be better. A thousand times better. She doesn’t speak to anyone who isn’t the girls and pretty much avoids any conversation with me.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “Really? That’s odd. Who wouldn’t want to spend time with you?”

Pony Flash felt flattered even though the compliment wasn’t directed to him. He imagined the other Flash would also feel that way, but he heard something that ignited his anger once again: “I know! It’s great to be around me.”

He didn’t know why, but he unwillingly clenched his fists “What kind of narcissistic idiot are you?!”

Human Flash took the challenge “The kind that gets dates with princesses.”

Pony Flash tried to hit him, but Twilight put herself between them. “You are what we call a complete featherbrain! I can't believe there's even a part of the universe where I'm like that!”

“But you've just arrived! Maybe you need time to get to know each other better,” Twilight's words fell in deaf ears.

“And on top of that you can't even address the Princess properly. I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly dropped out of school to be a vagabond.”

“Flash! You're being extremely rude, apologize this instant!” Twilight ordered.

He then realized that he had, indeed, been very rude. It wasn't part of his job to be nice to anypony, but those words were uncalled for. As he was about to apologize, he heard an answer.

“Yeah well, you're stupid,” Human Flash smirked with a face that said 'Check Mate'.

“ARGH!!!!” Being the young pony he was, Flash still needed to control his emotions as a royal guard. And this time he couldn't. Fortunately for all of those present, his princess was blocking him, so he didn't get the chance to lecture the human.

“Cut it off, both of you!” she said, still holding her guard back.

After a couple more insults and angry arm waves, pony Flash gave up on the cause “Listen Princess, I tried to please you, but I can't stand this. I'm going back now,” he started walking clumsily towards the portal.

“Yeah! Get back to Loserville!”Human Flash mocked.

“HEY!”

He then remembered Twilight was also from there “Oh right, sorry.”

Before pony Flash passed the threshold to Equestria, she pulled him again from the jacket “Neither of you are going anywhere. I have never seen so much negativity in a first encounter! And I swear over my title of Princess of Friendship that by the end of the day you two are going to be the best of friends!”

“I don't know Twilight...”
“Princess, this is not going to end well.”

“That's an order too, soldier!” she then addressed human Flash “Would you do it?” she asked in a soft voice.

They both thought in silence. A guard couldn't ignore a command. And no guy could ignore those adorable, puppy eyes.

“Ugh... Fine.”
“Ugh... Fine.”

It's a win-win situation! Right?

“Oh, Flash... you're so funny!” Twilight said as she giggled.

Flash chuckled to join her laughter “Well, I actually don't consider myself very funny, but I don't know,” he grabbed Twilight's shoulder “You make me a lot of things, Twilight.”

She smiled and stayed silent for a moment. A small blush appearing on her cheeks “W-well, I better get going, see you soon I guess.” Twilight ran to the portal to get back to Equestria, leaving Flash staring at her with a dreamy look and sigh.

Back in her pony self, Twilight jumped in circles like an excited filly, she didn't acknowledge Spike looking at her with his best 'are you kidding me?' expression. “Are you done?” he said.

The princess stopped in that moment and turned to see her assistant “Spike! How long have you been standing there?!”

“Long enough, I guess,” he shrugged “Look, to each their own. I like a pony so I'm not exactly one to talk but come on, not even I do those things.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “No, you just float and your pupils turn into hearts,” she smirked.

“Hey, I least I have an excuse! I've lived around ponies my whole life, you see the guy for like, once every month!”

“It's not like that, Spike.”

“It's exactly like that! I would understand it if you were attracted to... You know... Pony Flash.”

Twilight rolled her eyes “Oh, don't bring that up right now,” she said in an annoyed tone.

“You never speak with him! Even when Cadence transferred him you still prefer that-”

“Human, don't say 'thing' again” she interrupted.

“Human, right,” he crossed his arms and there was an awkward silence.

It had been a year since Twilight was given her own royal guard, composed by many of Luna, Celestia and Cadence's own. They weren't that many since Ponyville was no kingdom or great city but she still deserved it. Her incursions to the other world weren't frequent, and she often used them only to visit sunset and her alternate dimension friends, so that meant she never actually gave herself time to know the human in an actual conversation. Though the crush was still there, and crushes are never left alone until they go somewhere or are completely... Uh... Crushed.

“I know! Hang just a second, I'll bring Flash to talk to you and that way you can get to know him better! Maybe even forget about the other Flash.”

“Now wait just a minute, Spike. I don't think that's a good idea, what would we talk about? And even if we found a topic he's not the Flash I know.”

“You don't know either!”

“Aaand, they behave differently. I have found out that even if there are remarkable similarities between ponies and their alternate selves, they still are unique, complex beings.”

“Then who knows if you'll like our Flash even more! I'll be back in a second, just give it a try.”

Twilight opened her mouth to complaint, but Spike left too quickly. She bit her lip What am I supposed to say? she thought It's not like I really want to speak with him anyways. She wandered around the room until she heard Spike clear his throat. She looked at the entrance and saw Flash Sentry standing.

He made a quick vow “Did you summon me, Princess?”

This is a bad idea “Well, in fact...”

“She totally did! After all, I shouldn't have called you if she hadn't, right?” he grasped the room's door and pulled it as he made his way out “I will go uh... Read comics while you discuss your... matters...”
The ponies stared at him, then blinked in anticipation. “So yeah, uh, bye.”

“Is something troubling your mind, highness? Did I violate a code or am I not up to your expectations?”

“No, no! Nothing like that. I uh;” Might as well get done with it “You see, I just wanted to... Chat!”

“Chat?” Flash asked in confusion.

“Precisely, get to know you better. It has to do with Spike, he's playing matchmaker.”

“M-matchmaker?” Flash shook his head, and then bent his head as a symbol of respect “I-I-I I'm honored, your highness but, why did you chose me? Why not any other member of the guard or somepony you've met before?”

“That's the thing, Spike believes you are just like another Flash I know, one that I've met before, which is very probably not the case.”

“Oh, well, I certainly wouldn't know. However I must ask, you've met another Flash Sentry? As in with the same name?”

“No, I mean you in an alternate dimension.”

Flash's eyes were wide opened “Wow, and I thought our lives were weird enough.”

Twilight laughed at that “Haha! I know, there's always a way to make crazy things seem normal after many of them happen, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Flash smiled “Tell me, how is this... Other me like?”

“First of all, he is not a pony. It's a kind of creature called human.”

“A human? I don't remember reading anything about those.”

“Trust me, they're not in books, I've looked them up.”

“A shame, I'm always eager to learn something new.”

Twilight's ears perked up “Me too! I even found a way to make the portal to the other world work whenever I want.”

“That sounds amazing! Have you met your other self?”

Twilight tapped her chin “I have met her,” she shrugged “But I don't think I actually know her,” then an idea hit her “But you could meet your other self! Wouldn't that be incredible?”

“Splendid! I can already imagine discussing with another me about all the things I like without worry! Tell me, is he a royal guard like me? Has he sworn to protect the citizens of his world at all costs?” Flash finished with a heroic pose.

“Hmmm, well, not at all... I don't think there's a thing like the royal guard there... Hall monitor is more like it.”

Flash gave Twilight a questioning look “Hall monitor?” he glanced at the closed door of the room “Like, a guard of a main hall or a hall like the chamber's?”

Twilight laughed “More or less, but it's not quite as important and it's definitely not a profession.”

“Then, what does he do for a living? Is he a tailor? I was always curious about that art. Oh! Oh! I know, he's a talented fencer!”

Twilight cringed. Human Flash was nothing like that “He is uhm, still studying, to be better than anypony else at what he does!” she tried to defend him “Whenever he starts doing it, that is.” she mumbled.

“I guess that's acceptable...” Flash began to question if this counterpart of his was what he expected him to be “What does he do in his spare time?” he ventured.

“He plays the guitar, the electric guitar! And he's really good at it.”

Flash's right eye twitched “Electric guitar, you say?”

“That's right, he can also dance real good and has some very smooth moves and-” she saw that the guard wasn't paying attention “Flash? Equestria to Flash, are you there?”

Such a loud and irritating instrument! How can a some me play that thing?! “I might have second thoughts on meeting this... Human...”

“What? But why? I'm sure you two would have much to talk about.”

“We would talk alright... Mainly about his probable lifestyle...”

“Are you worried about that? I can almost guarantee he's doing something interesting for his future, he really seems like a nice guy.”

“That's an 'almost' and a 'seems' right there, Princess Twilight. I'm not sure of this.”

“Please! It could be the perfect field research to investigate interactions between two of the same pony from unique worlds!”

“Sorry Princess but it doesn't sound convincing enough.” Flash said with decision.

“Then it's a command.” Twilight answered, firm as well.

Flash gulped “You mean it?!”

“I do, and as the loyal pony you are, you will heed my order, won't you, Flash Sentry?” she taunted.

Maybe it's not that bad of a guy, I can even check if he needs to be knocked some sense into “Alright Princess, I will give this a try for the sake of... Hmmm.”

“Science?”

“Nah, that would be a lie. For the sake of my honor as a royal guard.”

“Good,” Twilight smiled “Let's go right now, there's no time to lose.”

The orange pegasus watched as his ruler powered up a strange machine, operating with magic and some kind of light bulbs he was unfamiliar with.
Finally, a portal opened and Twilight presented it with a hoof “Behold, a new world!”

Flash was hesitant to enter, but when he moved, he marched with strength. Whatever was on the other side, he would face it as the great soldier he was.

Poor Flash didn't know that ahead of him, was something not even a millennium of training in the academy could prepare him for.

Author's Note

I'd also like to say I'm not entirely ok with the fact that you have to add a human tag even when it's EG. But meh, minor details.