Lazarus Bethany

by chillbook1

Rating: teen
Tags: Anthro, Princess Luna, Drama, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 23202

Celestia has been searching for the Elements of Harmony. When she meets an immortal unicorn named Lazarus, she thinks she may have found a new lead.

Lazarus, the immortal Lord apparent of the infamous House Bethany, crosses paths with Princess Celestia of Equestria, who quickly catches the Lord's attention. One driven by boredom and the other by their own conviction, these two make an unlikely alliance as they begin a search for the mythical Elements of Harmony.

Published 2015-06-19 17:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-12 20:34:09 UTC

Lazarus & Celestia

Lazarus

I looked down, making sure no clouds were in my way. It’d be rather disappointing if one little cloud ruined my fun. Luckily for me, everything seemed clear. My spell was still holding, evident by my lack of falling through the little white puff on which I stood. Unicorns don’t typically walk in the skies, but I was far from a typical unicorn. I reached into my saddlebag and pulled out a single gold coin. I kissed the bit and then grabbed it with my horn, the coin grasped by a wispy white light. The coin went from my hooves all the way up to the tip of my horn. I gave myself a mental countdown. 5. 4. 3. 2. When I reached 1, four things happened near-simultaneously: I released my magic on the coin, I stomped as hard as I could, the cloud puffed away, and both me and the coin fell from the very top of the troposphere.

The coin and I raced towards the ground, and it looked like I would win. I twisted so that my face would be looking up and my body was parallel with the ground, my necklace threatening to fly from my neck. I felt my heart stop ages before I even thought about hitting the ground. A smile crept on my face, a small, madman’s grin. I passed the coin and, before I could reason how long I’d be falling, it happened. I hit the hot desert sandstone.

My spine shattered, along with nearly every bone in my body. I felt the flesh of my back give in several places, and blood surely gushed from the wounds. My brain smashed against the inside of my skull, bending and melting into soup. A small sound escaped me, a low groan that went on for a few moments. Then, the bit landed on the tip of my nose, further ruining the already shattered bone. I screamed loudly, warping it into a manic laugh.

“Oh my lords and ladies!” a voice yelped. I couldn’t see the body it came from, but it was definitely a mare. I heard the clinking and clanking of armor as she ran forward.

“For the love of Faustia, he’s alive!” she exclaimed. I craned my neck to get a view of her. She was a unicorn, her mane was pale pink and tied up into a tight ponytail. Her armor was light chainmail, which, despite the shortsword on her hip, clearly displayed that she was not a warrior. She had a large saddlebag strapped to her back, no doubt a magically-enhanced camp pack. She was practically glowing, a white brighter than even my own skin despite the soft orange dust coating what I could see of her legs. Her eyes were shining magenta, twinkling with intrigue.

“So I am,” I growled. Rather difficult with a dislocated jaw. “Hello. How may I help you?”

“How in the name of the sun and the moon did you survive that fall?!” she demanded. I closed my eyes and puffed out a sigh.

“Will you let me come down from my high first, please? It was a hell of a fall.”

I sat up and went about my normal ritual. I gripped my wounds with my magic and pushed the skin together, soldering it into one piece. I used my telekinesis to twist my legs, just enough for them to support me. I did a similar process with my arms and pushed myself to my hooves.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” I said, popping my jaw back into place. “I don’t like to brag.”

“What are you?” she asked.

“You’re a mage. A rather bad one, too,” I noted suddenly. She seemed shocked and was about to open her mouth, but was silenced by my raised palm. “Perhaps it’s wrong to say that you’re bad. You’re learning.”

“How can you be so certain?” she asked.

“Your armor is light, so you can’t reasonably be a proper warrior. That said, you didn’t cast any detection spells when you saw a strange stallion survive a drop that would kill a man thrice over,” I reasoned. “You don’t know any detection spells, and they are a rather novice-level magic. You must be just getting into the Academy, no?”

She shed her camp pack and ripped her blade from her sheath, holding it parallel to her body. Her expression shifted from confusion to an intense glare.

“You have insulted and slandered my name. I, as witnessed by King Solaris, Queen Faustia, and all of the Lords and Ladies of their courts, challenge you to a duel,” she said fiercely. “You shall battle me so that I may reclaim my honor.”

“Slandered your name? I don’t even know it,” I said, shaking my head. “Very well. I will duel you.” I reached into my saddlebags and drew a small knife. “I have no sword, but this shall suffice. Shall we meet blades now?”

She nodded and tilted her sword in my direction. I pressed the base of my blade to hers and waited. We stepped backwards, and the duel began.

She leapt forward and slashed at my chest. Blood dripped from the gnash, causing my skin tingle. I barely flinched as she cut me again and again, grinning at her growingly frustrated expression.

“What did you expect to happen?” I asked. I buried my knife in my own neck. “Did you truly think that you could harm me?”

“You are truly a strange unicorn,” she noted. “Is there anything you cannot endure?”

“Nope. Try as you might, you won’t be able to do anything more but excite me,” I ripped the knife from my neck and leapt forward at her. “It was foolish of you to challenge a man to a duel without knowing what he is capable of.”

“You do not know what I am capable of,” she spat.

“It is irrelevant, mare, for you will not be able to defeat me.” I returned. She parried my swing, rolled forward, and placed the edge of her blade to my neck.

“No?” she asked. I grabbed the blade and pressed it into my own flesh.

“Oh, no. We fight to the death,” I gripped her wrist with my magic. “Do it, or I shall do it for you.”

To my shock, she nodded and brought her blade through me, severing my head. My body fell to the left, my head bouncing and rolling to the right. She sheathed her blade and stared at my body, waiting for me to react.

“Well? You won,” I said. “Mind rolling my head over to my body?” She shrugged her shoulders and lifted it up with her telekinesis, my head floating in a yellow glow. She plopped it down nearer to my body, where I went about soldering my head back to the rest of me.

“Very good. I was afraid that you didn’t have the will,” I said. I sat up and offered her my hand. “Hello. My name is Lazarus. What’s yours?”

Celestia

Despite my better judgement, I grasped Lazarus’ hand in my own. We shook, thus binding me as the winner of our duel. For an impossible stallion whom disrespected every single rule of nature and magic that I know, he was rather polite.

He was dressed plainly, a simple grey shirt and pants. The only thing of much note was a golden necklace around his neck, in the shape of a cross from a religion that must have faded into nothing many centuries ago.

“I am Celestia,” I said. “Do you… Do you enjoy being decapitated?”

“Well, it’s not my favorite, but it is rather enjoyable, yes,” said Lazarus. “It has been nice meeting you, Celestia. I pray that you have the sense to keep this to yourself. People will think you’ve gone mad if you tell them what you saw.”

“You seem to be under the delusion that I am going to let you walk away,” I said. “I won the duel, and you are at my mercy until such time as I dismiss you. Tis the rule of the land.”

“Since when?”

“Since I, as a princess, declared it to be. You will accompany me to my castle so that I may examine you,” I said with a devious smirk. Surely, as soon as he heard “princess”, he would fold in my hand.

“Princess of what exactly?” asked Lazarus. It took all my power to refrain from challenging him again. How dare he disrespect me in such a way! But, no matter how angry I was, there was one fact I could not deny: He had not been trying to beat me.

“I am Princess Celestia, Princess of Equestria! First-born daughter to the King and Queen, and the highest Lady of their court!” I declared. “Known also as Princess of the Rising Sun and All Its Light Touches!”

“So you’re a big deal?” he scoffed. Lazarus clearly had his reservations about my title, but he rose and bowed his head slightly.

“In so many words, yes. Are you ready to go?” I asked. Lazarus took a step, groaning as he did.

"I suppose so," said Lazarus. Without warning, he grasped my hand in his own. In one quick move, I drew my blade, severed his hand, and returned my blade to its sheath.

"You will show me respect," I warned. "Lest you offend me again."

"That was rather sudden," said Lazarus, quite calmly for someone who had just lost a hand. "And forgive me for complying with your wishes, Celestia."

In an instant, I drew my sword again and pressed its sharp tip to Lazarus' Adams apple. He stared at me boredly for a moment before I gestured downward with my sword. Still, he didn't understand.

"You are supposed to bend the knee," I growled impatiently. "Show some respect to your future queen."

Lazarus, still looking quite unbothered, took his merry time thinking, over a minute passing before he slowly knelt into a bow, resting his arms on his bent knee.

"Are you happy now, Princess?" asked Lazarus. He grabbed his fallen hand and reattached it to his wrist. "What was the purpose of that? Were we not headed for your castle?"

"We were indeed," I said. "Tis a rather lengthy journey, about five days."

"I beg pardon?"

"Five days and five nights by hoof, three days and two nights by air carriage," I said. "You live quite a ways from Canterlot."

"Five days and five nights? Are you mad?" demanded Lazarus, sounding quite mad himself. "Why in the name of all things holy would we walk five days and five nights?"

"I suppose you have an alternative, then," I said, crossing my arms. If I wasn't so intrigued, I'd have left Lazarus where he stood. My curiosity overtook my pride, and, ostensibly, my rationale.

"I was under the impression that you were going to teleport us there," snorted Lazarus. He fell onto his back, his head landing in a stone with an audible THUD! "Oh-ho-ho! That was good!"

"If I couldn't cast a simple detection charm, what made you think I could cast something as precise and complex as a teleportation spell?" I asked, mostly rhetorically. Lazarus snorted again, as if I offended him by not being able to teleport.

"Don't you have an archmage, Princess of the Sun? He could have easily turned anything into a teleporter," he said. “Unless all your mages are as novice as yourself."

"That is besides the point. The fact remains that I cannot teleport there, you cannot teleport there, and no one will teleport here," I said. "Our options are rather limited. Unless, of course, you can teleport us there.”

That seemed to silence him for the time being, much to be glee. I threw my pack over my shoulder and commanded Lazarus to stand with a waving gesture. He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and lurched to his hooves like a man undead. I glanced to the sky, my sweltering sun lowering to my right. I turned so that it was on my left side and began the march.

“Come along, now,” I said, pointing forward. “Five days and five nights is a long time, and I’d like to make a bit of progress before our first night.”

Lazarus followed me rather obediently, adding on to my desire to truly understand him. Nothing he did made any sense! One second he was as rebellious as could be, and the next he was a perfectly respectful and compliant companion. He marched besides me silently, brooding and thinking. We walked silently for nearly ten minutes before he decided to speak up.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” he said.

“Ask what?” I said curiously. He snorted, again offended by my apparent inabilities.

“I jumped off of a cloud to certain death, got up to duel you, stabbed myself in the neck, was decapitated, and had my hand severed,” scoffed Lazarus. “Normally, the first question someone asks me is ‘What are you’? I’ve gotten rather used to the prying questions.”

“Very well. How did you survive?” I decided to humor him.

“No clue. I’ve been unkillable for as long as I can remember,” he said. He snickered. “That didn’t make a wealth of sense, did it?”

“May I see your wand?” I asked. You’d have thought I was a jester, the way this unicorn laughed at me. He had an odd laugh, sort of wheezy and whistling. Like he was full of holes. His whole body shook, and he took a moment to move his matted ivory locks from his face before he spoke.

“Wand? Are you serious?” he cackled. “Was that a serious question?” In response, I reached into my camp pack and withdrew my wand. It was about the length of my forearm, made of four twisting branches of red mahogany. The wood came to a sort of claw which held a stunning red gem, a bright ruby that I had found and excavated myself many years ago.

“Yes, it was a serious question,” I said, pointing my wand at him. “I am going to ask you only once more to show me some respect, or face the consequences!”

“You use a wand to cast magic? I thought that was the point of these,” said Lazarus, tapping his horn. “You know, now that I think about it, my teacher did say something about lesser mages using wands to channel magic when their horns were still too feeble.”

I let out an angry growl and flicked my wrist, waving my wand in the motions I had memorized and practiced time and time again.
This time, I would do it. This time, I wouldn’t fail. I knew the motions, I knew the method, and I knew the theory. Up, right, neutral, down-left, up, neutral. Flick.

A puff of smoke shot from the end of my wand.

"That was truly pathetic," snorted Lazarus. "I've seen foals cast more solid spells." His horn lit up with a ghastly, smokey white glow.

"You will not make a fool out of me," I snarled. I did the motions again. Up, right, neutral, down-left, up, neutral. Flick. Again, my wand produced nothing more than a spittle of smoke.

"But it's not your fault," he said, with an infuriating amount of knowingness. "Not entirely, anyway."

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. "Explain."

"You should consider firing that archmage of yours," said Lazarus, moving towards me. "He really should've caught something this obvious." I drew my sword with my off-hand and pressed the edge of my blade gently against his chest.

"Enough of your riddles! Spit it out!" I admit, my temper was... A problem point for me, to say the absolute least.

"Your magical pathways are blocked," said Lazarus. His hands shot forward, and I caught them with the flat of my blade.

"I swear, it's like you don't want me to help you," said Lazarus. "You know, you really ought to trust me more." I lowered my blade, his hands following.

"And why exactly should I do that?" I asked.

"Because if I intended to harm you, don't you think I would've done it by now?"

His logic was hard to argue with. He had plenty of time to attack me if he so chose. He clearly had no qualms with injury, and he seemed to ignore the fact that I was a member of the Equestrian royal family. In short, he has nothing to fear in attacking me.

So why didn't he?

"What do you intend to do?" I asked. In place of a verbal answer, he pressed the middle finger on each hand to either side of my head.

"I am going to unblock your magic using my own," he said. A small jolt ran from his fingers to my skull, reverberating through my being.

"No wonder you're so blocked up," said Lazarus, his hands still to my head. "So bitter. Resentful. Angry. You are being run by your emotions."

"If you cannot learn to bite your tongue when speaking to a princess, I will have to remove it for you." I warned. Somehow, I sensed his excitement, an extra buzz of magic. "Then again, you'd enjoy that. How does one become a masochist?" I felt a similar buzz, this one less excited and more upset.

"Do not call me a masochist," he snarled. "Never, ever call me that. Do not trust a man whose title ends with '-ist'. Rapist, terrorist, and psychiatrist. Don't ignore the pattern."

I froze. I definitely knew that saying. Only one person in all of Equestrian thought like that. And Lazarus had met him.

"Where did you get that?" I asked, trying to keep my breathing steady.

"My teacher was odd. He taught me many things, one of which being that the suffix '-ist' is a sign from Satan," said Lazarus. He removed his hands from my head. "There. Your magic is now free."

"This teacher of yours," I said, barely noticing that I was doing the motions of my spell. "What was he called?"

"Hm? His name?" said Lazarus. "His name was Starswirl. He said that people knew him as Starswirl the Bearded."

I flicked my wand, and something a bit more drastic than smoke came from my it. An orb of fire, twice the size of my fist, zoomed right towards Lazarus. The orb hit his chest and burst outward, catching and burning most of his front. A manic scream came from him, turning into a crazed, terrifying cackle.

"It's not often I get burned," he laughed. "It's a lot of cleaning afterwards, but the payoff is more than worth it!"

"Lords and ladies, I am so sorry!" I yelped. I tried to do the reverse motions, to extinguish the flames, but nothing happened.

"You still don't seem to understand, Princess of the Sun," cackled Lazarus. "There's nothing to apologize for! You can't harm me!"

"Are you just going to let your body burn to ash?" I asked nervously. He was nothing to me as a pile of dust.

"No, I really should put this out," he admitted, still burning. "And so, this is where we part ways."

"I beg pardon?" But it was too late to argue; his gaseous alabaster aura was already shrouding his horn and wrapping around his body.

"You really do need to learn to let go, Celestia," said Lazarus. "I fear that you'll never grow as a mage if you keep chasing whatever it is you're chasing."

There was a loud pop, like a bottle of wine being uncorked, and Lazarus was gone. I quickly reached into my camp pack and yanked out my magic diary, a quill, and a jar of ink. I ripped open the book and nearly smashed the ink in my struggling before dipping in my quill and hastily scribbling my message.

Dearest sister,

I understand that you and Father are likely cross with me for leaving on my journey despite your advice against it. I hope my recklessness caused you no grief or worry. When I return, I promise I will take full responsibility, and make up for any punishment you might have received due to my actions.

But my excursion wasn't for naught. I met a rather interesting unicorn today. He was about my age, but his knowledge and mastery of magic far surpass either of us, perhaps even some of the Castle mages. He helped to unlock my magical pathways, and I am now able to cast the fire spell I’ve been attempting for the past few weeks! But that is not why he is so outstanding. He was also a student of Starswirl the Bearded, and he must have learned from him after Starswirl left. Oh, but sister, there is more! This stallion, Lazarus, he is apparently immortal! Which is why I need a sentry to teleport to my location (I will send my longitude and latitude as soon as I determine it), and return me home. I must search through the archives as soon as possible. I do not know very much about Lazarus, but I promise that I will be able to find him with enough time and research. He has them, or at least knows where to find them. I promise you this, dear sister, I am close! I can feel it!

Lazarus will be the key to finding the Elements of Harmony

Author's Note

Well, what do you think? Good start or was this terrible? I'm very keen to know. Comment down below with your feelings about this story, I'm very curious to see if people like this. Hope to see you in the next chapter.

All Manner of Scars & Wounds

Lazarus

I appeared just past the threshold of the tattered, desolate, dilapidated Bethany Manor, its former greatness a memory even before I was born. I returned to my homestead, my body still aflame, for only one reason.
Not many appreciate how difficult it is to magically repair the skin and tissue of your whole front. The easiest method will baffle all but the most experienced potion makers: a brew that consists of forty different ingredients and needs to brew for 2 years. Luckily, I had several batches prepares in advance, for an occasion such as this.

I gripped the still-crackling flames engulfing my body with my magic and snuffed out the fire. Celestia's spell had done quite a number on me. Most of my skin was burned away, and what was left was charred and blackened. Each step to the washroom hurt my legs deliciously, but I managed to make it to my tub without fainting, and began work.

To the left of the iron tub were four large wooden wine barrels. Sitting on top of one was a sharp hunting knife, caked with blood. I grabbed them both in my telekinetic white glow and brought them to me. The knife floated to the underside of the barrel and shot forward, impaling the soft, semi-rotting wood. When I removed the knife, a liquid just thinner than molasses poured into the tub. The potion, a murky shade of brown, wasn't very attractive to the eye, but it would serve my purposes just fine. When the barrel was empty, I lowered it to the floor, shed whatever remained of my clothing (save for my necklace) and stepped into the tub.

I slowly submerged myself, all the way to my neck. Bubbles rose over my chest in rhythm with my breathing.

"Nothing quite compares to a lungful of holes," I whispered to nobody. I sank lower and lower into the potion, all the while thinking about Celestia. She was hiding something, I knew that for certain. Which is why I planned to find her as soon as possible. I couldn’t very well do that with no face, so I sucked in a deep breath (entirely for my own amusement) and submerged my entire head in the potion.

A four hour soak was enough to entirely repair my flesh and replace my skin to its former alabaster glory. I pulled myself out of the tub, giving my legs a bend just to ensure that everything was in working order. I shook my body, the last drippings of muddy potion flying off in little droplets onto the wooden floor. I knew the house inside and out, so it was no trouble for me to levitate a towel and a spare set of clothes from three rooms over, and bring it here.

When I was sufficiently dry and dressed, my cross necklace hidden behind my shirt, I proceeded to pack. My old saddlebag, along with its contents, were scorched to hell, so I pulled a spare one from a bedroom one level up and strapped it to my hip. As I walked out of the bathroom to retrieve a bucket, objects floated through the house and into my bag, surrounded by my glow. I didn't pack much, just a hunting knife, a loaf of bread (I didn't need it, but you never know), and my personal Almanac, a collection of the Bethany's favorite spells and enchantments, along with the incantations involved for the more complex arcane arts. This book was older than me, spells scribbled in some places by my father, and his father before him, and likely even his father before him. Thousands of spells, illusion spells, restoration spells, destruction spells, conjuration spells, alteration spells.

And yet, I had to empty my tub by hand.

"I know everything about this house," I grumbled to myself. "Every crack, every crevice, every creaking floorboard, but I can't find this damned bucket!" I would have said more, if it weren't for me stepping into the very bucket I was searching for.

La vie est drôle. A saying from a country east of Equestria, across an ocean and shrouded in a seemingly never-ending cold wind called Mistral. The land is like ice, and not even the pegasi can do much about it. Despite the frigid winds, the people living there are said to be full of warmth and passion. Even their language was fiery and spicy. La vie est drôle was something of a national motto. It translates to "life is amusing". At the time, I thought the irony of my hoof in the bucket was the extent of life's amusement.

I later came to learn that it was a mere precursor.

"I swear, it's like you have a mind of your own," I said, pulling my hoof free. I returned to the washroom and scooped up a bucket of potion. It was a tedious job, but the potion would eat through the steel of the tub after a few days. I’d rather not have that happen, considering this house has been in my family for generations.

With a significantly heavier bucket in my hand, I lazily made my way out of my house. To my confusion and mild annoyance, there were people waiting just outside what was legally my land, a couple yards from my front door. Two unicorns with faces identical, from their emerald eyes to to their mischievous grins. They both had the same light yellow, near cream skin, auburn hair done in the same neat style, and the same lavish red and white striped coats. The only difference between the two was in the form of a thick, well-groomed mustache on one of their faces. Behind them was a cart with some sort of wares, the nature of which I couldn’t discern from here.

“Oh! Hello, dear sir!” said the mustached one. “Would you be willing to spare just a moment of your time?”

“My brother and I have something here that will no doubt make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!” promised the other. I rolled my eyes, but made my way over to them nonetheless. I lowered my bucket to the ground and crossed my arms.

“Well? I’m waiting,” I said with a small grin. “That’s quite a claim, so I hope you can back it up.”

“Why, of course!” said the first brother. “If there’s one thing we know, it’s how to make money, and make money this will!”

“And, of course, it will cost you nothing compared to the riches you’ll reap from our product!’ insisted the second brother. “Can we ask your name, kind sir?”

“Lazarus. Lazarus Bethany,” I said nonchalantly. The brothers spared a glance to each other, and it was clear that they thought they’d be making a pretty penny off of me.

“Ah, a Bethany? Well, sir, my charming brother here is Flim,” said the first brother.

“And he’s Flam, and we are honored that you, a Bethany, would take the time out of your busy day to hear about what we have to offer!” said Flam. So far, that seemed to be the only honest thing the two have said.

“Tell me, Ser Bethany, have you ever been challenged to a duel?” asked Flam.

“Why, yes. Just today, actually,” I said, mildly curious.

“Have you ever, and not to imply you have, mind you, just a question, have you ever lost?” asked Flim.

“Earlier today, I walked away the loser, yes,”

“Well, we have just the thing for you,” said Flim. “Show him, Flam.”

Flam’s horn lit with a green glow, and three items from his cart floated over to him. One of them, clearly the main product, fell into my hand, while Flim and Flam took one of the other two, both of which in coin bags. The thing in my hand was like nothing I’d ever seen. It was heavy in my hand, made of some sort of steel or iron, with a tube pointing straight forward and curving in the back into what I could only assume to be some sort of handle. In front of where my fingers rested was a tiny bit of steel pointing downwards and curving in. My confusion was obvious, and the brothers wasted no time explaining.

“You see, Ser Bethany, the problem with swords is that you need to be close for them to be any good,” said Flim.

“And magic requires time and energy to cast, and can be unreliable,” said Flam. “What you have in your hand is the perfect replacement for blades and wands alike!”

“What’s it called?” I asked. The brothers tilted their heads and smiled nervously.

“With all honesty, we haven’t given it a proper name yet,” admitted Flim. “This is the first one, and we’re still…”

“Testing names. Currently, it’s known as a hand cannon,” finished Flam. “And it works like this.”

They showed me how the tube actually was like a cannon barrel. Flim reached into his bag and withdrew an orb of lead smaller than a bit. He pushed it into the barrel while Flam took his bag, filled with blast powder, and poured some into a cavity near the top. They promised me that their hand cannon could drop a man in the blink of an eye and, to prove it, they captured a wild rabbit and held it in place with their magic. They guided my hand, and stood behind me.

“Keep a grip on that, tight as you can, and press down on the trigger whenever you’re ready,” said Flam.

“Be warned. It’s… Loud, to say the least.” said Flim. I shrugged slightly and pulled the trigger. The cannon exploded loudly in my hand, blowing my hand to a bloody, smoking stump. I let out a scream, a genuine, agonized scream. Killables can be so easy to fool. Just scream enough and they believe the end times are here.

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?!” asked Flim panickedly. Clearly, he hadn’t planned for this.

“Am I alright?! Am I alright?!” I screamed. “You blew my bloody hand off! Of course I’m not alright! I’ll have your heads for this!”

“Now, now, ser, let’s not do anything rash,” said Flim. “Honest mistake. Clearly, our product needs more work.”

“And, to express our regret and gratitude for you handling this as delicately as you are…” said Flam, digging through his pockets. He pulled out a small coin bag and pressed it into my good hand. “Are we… Are we on good terms?”

“Of course,” I said suddenly. I shoved my bloody stump into my bucket, held it for a moment, and withdrew my fully-repaired hand. The looks on the brothers’ face was priceless.

“Bah…”

“Eh…”

“You’re the type to get people to buy bull piss thinking it’s a health tonic,” I said, tucking the coin bag into my pack. “If you want to really make money, you need to be able to get people to buy a health tonic thinking it’s bull piss.”

“What is that potion?” asked Flim, finally recovering from his shock.

“As far as you’re concerned, it’s bull piss.”

“That could catch you a fair bit of coin if you sell it right,” noted Flam.

“I doubt it. The stuff’s deadly toxic,” I said, kicking the bucket to the side. Every blade of grass that the potion touched instantly wilted and shriveled. “A single drop will kill a man thrice over.”

“But…” said Flam confusedly.

“But, Flim, Flam, I like you,” I said. “You two can keep a secret, eh? One conman to another?”

They clearly weren’t capable of speech just then, so they just nodded their heads. I spun a tale, about the Bethany fortune that had gone missing years ago. I told them that I found it, and I had it hidden somewhere in the house. They fell for the bait, and asked where it was. I sold them on the idea that I hid the gold at the bottom of the bathtub, beneath the toxic regeneration potion. You’d never think to look for gold in a bathtub, would you?

“Only one problem,” I said. “The potion, I didn’t know until recently, is highly corrosive to gold. If the coins stay submerged for longer than twenty-four hours, they melt into nothing.”

“Why are you telling us this?” asked Flam.

“Because I want you to have it,” I said. “You see, I’m actually engaged to marry Princess Celestia. We’re keeping it quiet until the rest of House Bethany works out the details with the Royal Family, but I’m soon to be prince. In fact, I depart to see my beloved now. Clearly, I don’t need the bits, so you may as well have them.”

“This is… This must be a hoax,” said Flim.

“Look, the bits will be gone by tomorrow, either way. Do what you will,” I said. “But it’s a small fortune, enough for you two to live off comfortably till the end of your days. If you want the bits, go on. Just make sure that you don’t spill a drop on yourself. Remember: a single drop will kill you. But, if you want to let thousands of bits go to waste, that’s your choice.”

I started walking away, and heard the whispering of Flim and Flam, followed by them scrambling to grab the bucket and run inside my home in search of bits that weren’t there. As soon as I was out of earshot, I let out the laugh I’d been holding in. Those two were good, but I was better. I wasn’t quite done laughing for a while, even when I made it to whatever town the manor was nearest. I never could remember the name of the place, seeing as I was rarely there. I moved through the roads, doing my best not to be noticed on my way to town square, where four pegasi were standing idly, one of them leaning against the oak frame of their king carrier. It was little more than a large wooden box with four thick poles extending horizontally from each bottom corner.

“You,” I said, pointing to the one I thought to be in charge. “How quickly can you get me to Canterlot?”

“Depends on what you’re payin,” he said matter-of-factly. I pulled out the bits I had acquired from Flam and threw it to him. He pulled open the bag and peered at the gold.

“If we leave now, I can get you there by midnight,” he said.

“Wake me when we arrive,” I ordered, pulling open the door and taking a seat in the cushy bench. We were in the air before I even properly closed my eyes, and I was soon asleep and dreaming of Celestia in a wedding gown, and of me gifting my necklace around her neck.

Celestia

I strode swiftly down the clean, quiet, boring corridors of my castle, passing by a servant or a guard every now and then. My sentry had warned me that Father was livid, and urged me to change into something a little more respectful, but I kept on my armor nonetheless. As far as I was concerned, my armor was a second set of skin, and I wasn’t about to shed it for him.

Before I was halfway to the throne room’s massive doors, I saw that I would not be entering alone. Standing, staring at the door blankly, was an old friend of my parents, and something of a mentor to me. Normally, I saw her beautiful purple robes and smiled, remembering the years when she watched after me as a foal. Today, I felt nothing but bitter resentment for Twilight Sparkle.

“You sure took your time getting here,” she said, not looking from the door.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked, knowing her answer. I stood next to her, staring at the door in mimic.

“Wizard sense,” she said, me answering my own question in my head. “Are you alright?”

“I am not a child, Twilight Sparkle,” I said, my voice full of more venom than I intended. If Twilight noticed, she let it roll off her back.

“The girls were worried,” she said nonchalantly. “Especially Fluttershy,”

“Ms. Fluttershy is always worried about one thing or the other,” I scoffed. “Can we get this going? The sooner the old man runs out of breath, the sooner I can get back to work.”

“What do you plan to tell him?” asked Twilight.

“The truth, as shocking as that may be. Not that it matters,” I sighed. “Nothing I say will change how he feels about me.”

“Oh? And how does he feel about you?”

“If you can’t tell, you need your eyes checked, Twilight Sparkle. He clearly hates me,” I grumbled. “And suffice it to say, the sentiments are returned in full force.”

“You don’t really believe that. And I commend you for telling the truth,” said Twilight with a smile. She folded her arms behind her back in her favorite pacing pose, but never moved. “I’m sure your father will take your honesty into account when doling out your… Your punishment.”

“I doubt that old man has a concept of mercy,” I scoffed. For some reason, this particular rude comment made Twilight furrow her brow almost angrily.

“That’s enough, spoiled princess,” said Twilight firmly. “I think we’ve kept him waiting long enough.” I think she could feel my tension, because her tone softened slightly. “Don’t worry. Stick to the truth. I’ll be there the whole time to make sure he goes easy on you, okay?”

I nodded, then placed my palm on the door. Twilight did the same and, together, we pushed open into the throne room doors.

The massive chamber was mostly entirely empty, given its size. Directly ahead of me and sitting in his golden throne was the sad, angry, pathetic shell of a man that was unfortunately my father. He managed to keep his massive cerulean wings curled up, a sign of him restraining himself. Normally, when Father was angry, his wings would unfurl, making him seem three times as large as he actually was. On top of his head of long, tar-black hair was a golden crown with three gems: a pink one to the left, a blue one to the right, and, in the center, a gem that was both colors, split down the middle. In his hand was his staff, a long branch of golden oak containing two gems at the end, a sapphire and a white diamond.

On bended knee a few feet closer to me was Luna, dressed as the perfect princess we all knew she was. Her azure hair was tightly braided and belted with her sapphire diadem, sparkling and perfectly shined. She was, of course, in one of her ceremonial dresses, showing only the utmost respect for her dear Daddy.

To the right and left sides of her, standing in one line of three and one line of two, facing the center of the room were my father’s personal centurions, six mares, two of each race, that we had known for our entire lives. The line of three to Luna’s right consisted of Ms. Rarity, Ms. Applejack, and Ms. Rainbow Dash. The other line, to Luna’s right, were Ms. Pinkamena and Ms. Fluttershy, each of the five dressed in their normal golden armor for their job. Twilight nodded to me and took her spot at the head of the shorter line. I swallowed my fear, then my pride, and strode into the middle of the room, to the left of Luna. As though it would cause me physical pain, I gingerly bent the knee to my father.

And for about three minutes, nobody said anything.

“Thank you for finally delivering my daughter, Twilight Sparkle,” said his royal highness finally. “I take it she was trouble, as usual?”

“Not at all, my liege. She was quite cooperative, actually,” reported Twilight. “And I have no reason to believe that she will stop being as such anytime soon.”

“Excellent. Now, leave us,” commanded my father. Twilight sputtered for a second, trying to worm her way into staying without showing favoritism towards me.

“L-leave? But, your highness-”

“The Court is not needed at this moment. This is a personal matter, Twilight Sparkle, pertaining to my family. I take it you understand how I regard family matters,” said the king.

“Yes. Family matters,” said Twilight shakily. “Of course, my liege.”

The six centurions brought their right fists to their hearts in salute, then filed out of the room, Twilight muttering an apology under her breath. When the door was closed, I looked at my father expectantly. Again, he took his sweet time speaking.

“It has come to my attention that Luna not only was not involved in Celestia’s departure, but she actively tried to prevent it,” said Father. “Is this true, Luna?”

“Yes, Father,” I said. “Luna had nothing to do with it. She tried to-”

“Silence!” he commanded, effectively shutting me up. “Luna.”

“Yes, your highness, it is the truth,” said Luna, respectfully referring to our father as “your highness”, as opposed to my sarcastic variety of the title.

“Then why did you accept the punishment I sentenced?” asked Father. For him, everything needed to be a trial.

“I felt some sort of punishment would be appropriate, as I failed to stop her,” answered Luna. “As well as that, I doubt you’d be willing to believe me, had I told you when she departed eleven days ago.”

“Very well. Rise,” ordered Father, Luna obeying. “Take your position.” Luna gratefully strode across the room, stopping to Father’s left.

“Read the list, Luna,” said Father, handing Luna a scroll of parchment. My sister unrolled it and read it out loud.

“Truancy. Desertion of position,” listed Luna. “Thievery in the amount of a ruby-mahogany wand, a set of chainmail armor, a short sword, and three spellbooks from the King’s personal library. Disobeying the word of the King. Disobeying the word of the Castle Archmage.” She looked a little closer at the list. “Oh, and she broke a vase.”

“Would you like to refute any charges?” asked Father, mostly as a formality. He didn’t think I was foolish enough to actually argue with him when he was clearly right. As it turns out, I was.

“I would like to refute the charge of theft, in the amount of a ruby-mahogany wand and three spellbooks,” I said. “The wand is mine. I chopped the tree, dug out the ruby, and forged it myself. And Father allowed me to borrow the books weeks ago.”

“As you are a minor, and still a student of King Solaris’ Academy for the Magically Inclined, you cannot legally own a wand,” reported Luna matter-of-factly. “As such, the ruby-mahogany wand in question belongs either to your parents, the Academy, or a magical tutor appointed by his royal highness. In this case, that is the archmage, Twilight Sparkle. As for the books, that remains to be seen. We will check the library log shortly.”

“I would like to refute the charge of desertion,” I tried. “I was gone for eleven days, and I came back.”

“It would’ve been desertion if you were gone for an hour and returned,” countered Luna. “You had no permission to leave Canterlot, and deserted your post as Princess of Equestria and Symbol of the Sun.”

“I refute the charge of disobeying the word of Castle Archmage!” I said boldly. I knew I had this one. “Castle Canterlot doesn’t have an Archmage!”

“Twilight Sparkle, while not technically Archmage, is the closest Castle Canterlot has had in many years,” said Luna. “In fact, the only reason she is not Archmage is her age. The moment she turns 40 years of age, she will become Castle Archmage. That said, you are correct. As she is not currently the Archmage, that charge will be amended. Anything.else?”

“The vase,” I said sheepishly. “I would like to have that amended, as well. Besides the obvious that it was, in fact, my vase, I didn’t break it. Philomena did.”

“You expect me to try a bird in my court?” asked Father.

“Why, yes, I am. Are you afraid of being outsmarted?” I retorted.

“Careful, Celestia. This is a dangerous game you play,” warned Luna. I snorted quietly to myself, but tried to keep the snarky remarks to myself.

“Have you anything to say for yourself?” asked Father. “There is no justification good enough to explain eleven days of absence! Were you anyone but my daughter, you’d be staring at the cobblestones from the wrong side of a prison cell for six months! If you were lucky!”

“I had my reasons, and I regret absolutely nothing about my excursion.” I said boldly. “I’m sixteen years old, and can take care of myself. I have broken no laws. My actions and intentions were pure, and if you’re too senile to see that, then so be it. I face my punishment, head held high.” My father clenched his jaw tightly, his wings twitching slightly from his back. I was getting under his skin.

“For eleven days, you will be suspended from the Academy,” he said, his words like stone. “During these eleven days, any task you would have a servant do, you will do yourself. Perhaps even longer. Every moment you have that you are not cooking or cleaning, you will be studying. Every three days, I expect a new intermediate charm mastered. You are not to stray past the courtyard without an escort that I assign. You are to be in your bed by quarternight. Am I understood?”

Anger filled my being. This man! This heartless, shrivelled, husk of a man! Punishing me for attempting to complete his life’s work! How dare he, speak to me as if I am a child! As if he had never done exactly like I had.

“When will you come to your senses, Celestia?” he continued. “When will you understand! Your bull-headedness will be your demise!”

“Are you certain? You certainly lived a while,” I spat.

“Because I know when it’s time to stop chasing fairytales! Grow up, Celestia! The Elements of Harmony are not real!”

“Just because you can’t find them doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” I snarled. He was getting closer and closer to dangerous territory. “It’s time you, dear father, started accepting your failure!”

“I became king of Equestria because I refused to accept failure!” bellowed Solaris.

“And mother became queen by doing the exact opposite!” I shouted. He physically recoiled, as if smacked across the face. For a while, neither of us said anything. He pressed his staff into Luna’s hand and rose to his hooves.

“Rise,” he commanded, his tone leaving no room for misunderstanding. He was through playing games.

“Rise!” he shouted, shaking me from my thoughts. I immediately obeyed, some part of me regretting my outburst. That part was quickly silenced by my hubris.

“Show me your back,” ordered the King. I about-faced, my eyes now trained on the door. “Show me your back.” The second time he said it, I understood. I shakily pulled of my armor, then the shirt I had on beneath it, until all I was wearing on my chest was a linen brassiere. The doors flung open and, floating in an aura of cerulean light, was a thin, pliable branch of red mahogany.

“Repeat after me,” said the King. “I will not disobey my father.”

“I will not disobey my father,” I said, bracing myself.

SMACK!

The wood stung against my back, surely leaving a mark. I went to feel where I was struck, and my wrists were grasped in his magical aura. He raised my hands up high above my head, pulling me to the tips of my hooves.

“Again,” he said.

“I will not disobey my father,” I said again.

SMACK!

“Again.”

“I will not disobey my father.”

SMACK!

For the first couple of whips, I remember a small part of my brain laughing madly. The stick my father was disciplining me with, it was made of red mahogany! If I was recalling correctly, it was from the very tree that my wand was made of.

“I will not disobey my father.”

SMACK!

What was that saying? La vie est drôle? Life is amusing. Part of what I had stolen was being used to punish me.

“I will not disobey my father.”

SMACK!

He whipped me again and again, eventually totalling at 33. One lash for every meal I had missed while I was away. In the second I had before he released my arms, I wondered if he had done it intentionally. Even if he hadn’t, the irony was certainly amusing.

When he released me from his magical bondage, I collapsed onto the floor. All the pain seemed to flood me at once, overtaking my mind. I hardly processed his command to “Get her out of my sight!” or the hands that gently grabbed my arms and raised me up. Someone was carrying, no, dragging me out of the room and down the hall.

“You there!” said my savior. “Prepare a bath for the princess! Water and warm cream, hurry now!”

I blinked hard, trying to regain control of my brain. I knew who was carrying me, I definitely did. But who?

“Luna…” I said finally. I tried to push her off, but her grip was too tight.

“Sister, please stop fighting!” pleaded Luna. I shook myself free of her grasp and stumbled forward. I took maybe two steps before I felt my knees buckle, sending me tumbling down. I fell unconscious before I even hit the ground.

I awoke in a warm bath of milk, the pain of my back still alarmingly apparent. I was just so tired, I didn’t want to open my eyes. I had no clue how I had made it into the large bath, or who had filled it with milk, or why it felt so good, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep off the pain and run off to the archives so I could find Lazarus.

“Finally. I thought you’d be asleep all night,” said a voice directly in front of me. My eyes shot open and, sitting across from me with his legs crossed over each other, was Lazarus.

“Lords and ladies, what are you doing in my bath?!” I demanded.

“What? I’m not in your bath,” scoffed Lazarus. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m looking right at you!”

“Yes,” he nodded.

“How did you get into the castle?” I asked. “Who let you in?”

“I’m not in the castle,” he said, calm as can be. “I’m not rude enough to just run into your room at midnight.”

“It’s midnight?” I asked. I shook my head. “How are you here? Why are you here?!”

“I thought we just went over this,” he snorted, shaking his head. “I’m not there.”

“But I’m looking at you,” I said.

“Now you’re getting it,” he said with a grin. This man was starting to make my blood boil by his very existence.

“You’re not making any sense!” I said.

“I’m making perfect sense. You were just asleep for the first half of the explanation,” he said. “When I was unlocking your magic, I put another spell on you that’d let me steal your eyes. Currently, I’m in an alley somewhere in Canterlot.

“Steal my eyes?”

“I see what you see, and put this image into your brain so that you can see and hear me,” explained Lazarus. “For conversational purposes.”

“So you can’t actually see me?” I asked, just to be certain.

“Well, yes and no. I see from your view, but also from the projection’s view,” he said. “The brain wasn’t meant to handle that much information, and it copes in an odd way. But I didn’t come here to give you a lesson in magical theory. I came to see why you were looking for Starswirl the Bearded.”

“Who said I was?” I asked nervously.

“You did. Maybe not with your words, but you definitely said it,” said Lazarus. “I know how to find him, if you’d like me to show you. Seeing as I’m in Canterlot and all, we may as well meet up and have a chat over some mead.” There was no need for thought. If he knew where Starswirl was, I would chase him to Tartarus and back.

“Where?” I asked.

“A little pub by the name of ‘The Berserking Barbarian’,” he said. Of course, he would pick the most violent, crime-ridden bar in Canterlot.

“How long will you stay?” I asked. “I might be a while.”

“All night, I expect. I ran into a bit of money, and this is some of the best wine I’ve ever had,” said Lazarus. “Take your time, Princess of the Sun.”

One second his image was there, and the next, there was no trace of it. As much as I wanted to soak in the milk, to let my pain melt away, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Lazarus had come to me! I needn’t search for him at all. A decade of looking and research, and all it took was for me to get flayed for the answers to fall into my lap.

I stepped out of the bath, which was, in reality, a glorified pit in the center of a mostly empty room. Directly in front of me was a shelved wall, with warm, folded towels and clothing for me. I dried myself, all the while thinking of how terrible it would be to wash and fold my own clothes from now on. There was a partition behind the tub, something I’d never bothered with. Besides, it was right in front of a window that perverted pegasi could easily peek through. I dressed myself in a disturbingly casual outfit for a princess, a simple yellow blouse with a black skirt.

Now all that remained was to find a way to sneak into my father’s room, steal my wand back, and leave the castle without being caught. As soon as I formed the thoughts in my head, I realized that I must’ve gone mad. I was planning to steal from a man who, just earlier today, flayed me with a stick, primarily for stealing from him. I was in no hurry for a repeat of that.

“No wand, then,” I muttered. Then, the thought hit me. “The window!”

It would be dangerous. I knew there was a vine of ivy that grew up the side of this particular tower that I could possibly climb down. Oh, it would be extremely dangerous, but I had no choice but to try. I ran across the room, past the partition and over to the open window. A glance down told me that a fall from this height would kill me in the best case scenario. Still, I needed to see Lazarus. I threw my leg over the windowsill and felt my leg grabbed by a cerulean aura.

“What was your plan, exactly?” asked Luna, stepping into more clear view. She had hidden behind the partition that I had disregarded earlier. “Did you think that, after this entire ordeal, Father would somehow not expect you to try to run off?”

“You’re just like him,” I growled.

“Thank you,” replied Luna cooly. She pulled me back into the room and shut the window with her magic. We stared each other down, her calm demeanor cutting through my own fiery gaze. Some part of me hated her. Some part of me wanted to blame all my troubles on her, to break her nose against the stone floor, to grab her by the hair and shove her perfect little face down into the tub until the bubbles stopped. That part of me was growing with every second we spent locked in each other’s gaze.

“I suppose you want me to apologize,” she said.

“Oh, what have you to apologize for?” I asked sarcastically. “Wait, was it perhaps the fact that you, my sister who is supposed to help and support me, was the main persecuting body in a case that ended with my back getting whipped off?”

“Celestia, do not make this any harder for me,” said Luna. “Do not act as if I enjoyed watching Father beat you. But do not act as if you did not deserve it, either.”

“You always take his side!” I snarled.

“Because he is almost always right,” she responded, still cool as can be. “He is your father, your elder. He cares for you and he does know better than you, as shocking as that may be.”

“What does that old fool know?” I scoffed.

“He knew that you’d be dumb enough to try to escape through the window,” pointed out Luna. “Why do you do this, Celestia? What is so worth you risking death to do?”

“You know exactly why, damn it! I do it because it needs to be done!”

“Chasing myths? That’s what needs to be done?” asked Luna. “Not honing your skills? Not learning how to be a royal? Not honouring your family? You think that you need to search the whole of Equestria for legends?!”

In sixteen years of life, I had never once laid hands on my sister. I had come dangerously close on many occasions, but I never once did. Not until that moment, when I gripped her around the throat.

“They are real! The Elements of Harmony do exist!” I bellowed. “They are real! And I will do anything to find them!”

“Release me, Celestia, lest harm befalls you,” said Luna, as calm as ever. She pushed my hand from her neck with shocking ease. “There is no evidence to their existence. Even Starswirl himself was skeptical when he departed.”

“I believe. I will find them, and I am not going to let your pointless skepticism stop me,” I said, noticeably more feeble than before. “We cannot afford to stop searching. I can’t afford to stop.”

“Celestia, you cannot cast a detection spell,” said Luna. “You can hardly levitate without a wand. Your magic is average, at best, and you think you can brave the worst of Equestria to find six magical artifacts? And what if you do find them? What’s the guarantee that they are of any use to you? Face it, sister, you are weak! You are a mouse in a land of lions.”

“The mouse outsmarted the lion, and ultimately emerged victorious,” I said bitterly.

“That’s all good and well, but you’re not a particularly smart mouse,” stated Luna. “You are going to get yourself killed, all for six stones that are most likely the machinations of a man who had on overzealous love for mead.”

“It doesn’t matter if I die or not! I have to try!” I screamed. “There is too much on the line for me to simply roll over and accept the Elements as myths! Need I remind you why we need the Elements of Harmony?”

“No, Celestia, you don’t need to remind me,” said Luna, her voice shifting from calm and cool to icy-cold and aloof. “But I think I may need to remind you.”

I screamed as loud as I could, refusing to allow my sister to get in my head. I would stand against her, finally best her in something! I wouldn’t let her hurt me, get under my skin. But, then, why was I falling to my knees? Why were there tears running down my face.

“I will find them,” I said feebly. Pathetically. Weakly. “I will find them.”

“Celestia…” said Luna, a bit more warmly than before. I felt her hand touch my shoulder, and I didn’t even have the energy to shake her off. “You… I understand your frustration and your desperation. Do you not think I share your pain? I searched for the Elements just as fervently as you did. But that time has passed. It is time for you to grow up, Celestia.”

“I will not stop. I might not be very smart, but I know that for certain,” I said boldly. “You can try to stop me, to prevent me from finding the Elements of Harmony, but I will not be defeated! I will march through rain and snow and ice and wind, and I will die a thousand deaths before I let my little sister stop me!”

We went silent for a moment. Luna seemed to be thinking about something, probably how she would subdue me so that she could bring me to my father for another thirty lashes. Luna let out a soft sigh, and lowered herself to the ground with me.

“Be careful down the ivy,” she said. “I will meet you in town square with your wand and sword. But this will be your last excursion in search of the Elements of Harmony, understood?”

She didn’t wait for an answer, striding out of the room without even glancing at me again. Part of me thought it must be a trap. Perfect little Princess Luna, going against her beloved father to aid and abet her criminal of a sister? Color me a skeptic, but I didn’t believe it. Not that it mattered terribly. My father could only do so much. I would return, receive my whippings, and live another day.

I could take another flaying if it meant another shot at the Elements.

The Smog Daemon

Lazarus

“Another!” I called, slamming my empty flagon onto the bar counter. I had five bags of bits to burn, and it took a hell of a lot of mead to get me drunk.

The barkeep, never did catch his name, replaced my cup with a fresh, full, frothing cup of Equestria’s favorite poison. Killables always did baffle me with their lives; They’ll drink mead but avoid nightlock, despite the fact that the berries tasted far better. Mead will kill just the same, though much slower, I suppose. Perhaps that’s what it’s all about: How long their deaths take to play out.

“I am already regretting this decision, Tia,” said a voice, a new one amidst the gentle buzz of the pub. I could tell this mare was a royal from her voice alone, and the voice that accompanied her was familiar.

“I never would have chosen this as a meeting place, but I hardly have control,” said Celestia. I never turned around, but it was clear that she hadn’t noticed me. I sipped my mead and waited, half a minute passing before her small “oh” marked her realization. She said nothing as she clinked and clanked, in an impressively indiscreet manner, over to my, taking a seat to my left. Her companion stood by her side, apparently too nervous to sit down.

“Do you drink?” I asked, finishing my flagon off.

“Not without reason to celebrate,” she returned. “I assure you, if what you say is true, I expect to have a reason very soon.”

“I requested to talk with you. Who is the spare?”

“Princess Luna,” said the aforementioned spare. She did a bit of a curtsy in her elegant blue dress. “And you must be Lazarus. Charmed.”

“Ah. There’s two Equestrian princesses,” I said. “Sun and Moon, hm?”

“We didn’t come here for idle chit-chat,” said Celestia, leaning forward. “You said that you knew where Starswirl is.”

“Does she do that often, Luna?” I asked. “The not listening bit?”

“You have no idea,” Luna muttered.

“I said I knew how to find him,” I said. “And even that might have been a lie.”

“So you wasted my time?” said Celestia. “I had important matters to attend to on this night.”

“Yes, so sorry I interrupted your milk bath,” I said. “If you knew Starswirl, which I am gathering you did, you know how odd he can be. I am sure I know him, but it is very possible I understand him as well as the worm understands the sparrow.”

“Can we please discuss these matters elsewhere?” asked Luna nervously. “This place makes me uncomfortable.”

“You want to hear uncomfortable?” I scoffed. “Two corpses spilled their drinks on me since I got here.”

I dropped a pile of bits onto the counter for the barkeep, then gestured for the door. The princesses followed me out the door of the bar, and onto the cold, dark roads of Canterlot’s underbelly. These streets were filled with crime and scum and, were I killable, I’d be a bit concerned for my safety. But, as I am not, I welcomed attack.

“You… You have blood in your hair,” said Luna, pointing. I gripped the lock to which she was referring and took a look.

“So I do. Doesn’t it twinkle in the moonlight?” I said, slightly amused. “So, we’re elsewhere. Let’s talk.”

“What have we to talk about?” asked Celestia. “You are going to bring us to Starswirl. End of story.”

“Oh, that’s adorable. I don’t work for free, Sun Princess,” I said. “If I do this for you, I expect something in return.”

“And that something is a big bag of coin, I take it?” said Luna.

“Ah, but you give me too little credit, Princess of the Moon,” I said. “I don’t want your coin. Money can’t buy happiness, only a more beautiful misery. What I do want is a spot in your father’s academy.”

“Why?” asked Celestia, her hand subconsciously falling to the hilt of her blade.

“Because I’m horribly bored with my life,” I said. “After seventeen years, you’ve really found every conceivable way to die, and then the world becomes terribly dull.”

It was obvious that they were skeptical. They kept trying to discern my ulterior motives, of which there were none. Celestia clenched her jaw, clearly thinking.

“You will help us find Starswirl, and then we will discuss you joining the Academy,” she said finally. I grinned and began down the street to the right.

“Very good, then. I’ll take you, after I deal with some…” I tried to think of a delicate way to say it. “Some business that came up.”

“You’re not leaving us here!” shrieked Luna. I scoffed and gestured for them to follow, which they did. I led them through the different, yet familiar, network of alleys and side streets. I stopped them before the alley I had used to contact Celestia to give them a precursory warning.

“You might want to wait out here,” I warned.

“Not a chance,” said Luna. “This is a part of Canterlot that I keep suggesting to Father that he burns to ash, but he never listens.”

“Do as you wish,” I said. I strode boldly down the alley, my hooves clacking against the slightly damp cobblestones. I heard the panicked, gagged, muted screaming halfway in. At the end of the alley, backs against the wall and tied with some rope I had manufactured from nothing, were the four pegasi who had flown me to Canterlot. They were each gagged with a greasy cloth that I easily could have cleaned, but chose not to. Besides the bondage, they were also dressed in bruises and cuts, one of them bleeding from their nose. The same blood that tainted my hair.

“I am back, just as I promised, boys,” I said, reaching into my pack and withdrawing my knife. “I am a man of my word. I have honor. Unlike you four, who are thieving scum.”

One of them tried to speak, but was impeded by the rag. My horn lit up with it’s glowing, wispy white glow, raising my four suspects to their hooves. I used my hand to rip the rags from each of their mouths and threw them to the floor.

“Release us!” shouted one. I rolled my eyes in disbelief and mild amusement.

“Now, I’ve been captured and tied up more times than I care to admit,” I said. “And that has never once worked for me, even when I added ‘please’. So, keep your mouths shut, and this will all be over.”

“Lazarus, what are you-” began Celestia.

“These thieves, these scum!” I shouted, suddenly gripped with anger. “They tried to steal my necklace from off of my neck! This necklace which has been in my family for generations, before me, before them, before their families had names!”

“Look, we just-” started what I took to be the leader, silenced by my fist connecting with the side of his face.

“For what? You thought you could sell it?” I asked. “You’d get all of four bits for it. That’s what all this is about. One of you is about to lose their life, all over four fucking bits!”

The air around us seemed to constrict, and it looked like the four thieves would drop dead from fright before I even touched them.

“Whose idea was it?” I asked. I was met with silence. “Who suggested to steal my necklace?!”

“Thieves? We’ll admit to that,” said the leader. “Scum? We’ll take that, as well. But traitors? Rats? Weasels? Go fuck yourself.”

“You are trying my patience. I really don’t want to get blood all over the nice princesses over there,” I said. “See them? Look at how nice that dress is. Such a nice shade of blue. And your sharp tongue might ruin it with a spray of red.”

“Lazarus, enough of this,” said Celestia. Again, unexplainable rage gripped me.

“No! One of these men are going to die, because he thought he could steal from a Bethany and live to tell the tale!” I shouted. “Which one of you started it?”

Again, silence on all fronts. I pressed the blade of my knife against the leader’s throat, letting the steel of the blade slowly eat into his skin.

“Reveal the thief, and the other three go free,” I said, removing the knife. A small dripping of blood stained my blade. “I am going to ask only once more. Whose idea was it? If you wish to keep your silence, I’ll kill you all. I am going to free your hands, and you point to the ringleader of the operation.”

I gripped their legs with my glow, to keep them in place, then used my magic to melt the ropes into nothing. As soon as their arms were free, the other three pegasi pointed to the leader. His anger was as apparent as it was immediate.

“You fucking cowards!” the leader roared. “All of you! Cowards! Weaker than women!”

I looked the thief in the eye, gripping my knife tightly in my hand. I restrained his arms with magic, then gripped him around the back of the neck.

“Four bits,” I said. “If you were to melt four coins down, you could make two of this damned necklace. It’s not even worth ending your life over.”

Relief washed over his face, followed immediately by agonized terror as my blade entered his throat. I held the sharp steel in his throat, listening to him gurgle. I watched the life leave his eyes until he was nothing more than a shell of what he used to be.

“Four bits,” I said again. I took my knife to the nearest pegasi and wiped the blood onto his chest.

“Lazarus…” said Celestia shakily. “You didn’t have to kill him.”

“I know. It’s unfortunate, isn’t it?” I said, putting my knife away. “Shall we depart now?”

My horn fired up again, gripping the heads of the other three thieves. I used all the strength I had to slam their heads against the stone walls, their heads cracking like an over-ripe melon, and dropped their corpses to the floor. Together, Luna, Celestia and I exited the alley, with me two words bouncing around in my head.

“Four. Bits,” I said again.

Celestia

It was very rare that I admitted to making mistakes, mostly because I had faith that everything happened for a reason. I believed that anything that ever happened was meant to be, and that it wasn’t my place to question fate. My family, particularly my mother and Uncle Discord, had long ago taught me about a funny little thing called destiny, how some things are just supposed to happen. Looking back, that added a dimension of irony to my quest for the Elements of Harmony. I suppose I believed that even destiny had its limits, but, for the most part, I could not truly make a mistake, as everything was meant to happen.

As Lazarus shuffled out of the alley, leaving four corpses behind, I realized I might have made a mistake.

“We don’t have all day, princesses,” said Lazarus, terrifyingly calmly for a man who had just ended four lives. Luna and I followed a short distance behind him, my hand always on the hilt of my sword.

“Celestia,” hissed Luna. “You never told me he was a Bethany!”

“I never knew myself,” I whispered. “I assumed his only name was Lazarus. Still, it doesn’t matter much. This changes nothing.”

“Are you mad? This changes everything!” Luna half-shouted. “He is a Bethany. As in, of House Bethany! What good could possibly come from him?”

“Are you girls enjoying your little chat about me behind my back?” asked Lazarus, not turning around or breaking stride. “Calm yourself, Princess Luna. I don’t know what rumors you’ve heard about my House, but I assure you, any and all issues have been dealt with.”

On that ominous note, silence fell over us. From there, it was mostly our quiet shuffling to the North Gate of Canterlot. It wasn’t hard to get out of the city undetected, mostly because hardly anyone knew that I had returned. The ones who did weren’t aware of my punishment. Us three stood silent until after we left the boundaries of Canterlot.

“So, Celestia, I take it you spoke to Starswirl before he left?” asked Lazarus. “What did he tell you?”

“He said that he was heading north,” I said, deciding to keep Lazarus on a strictly need-to-know basis. “Last time I saw him was twelve years ago.”

“Hm. He said the same thing to me before he left,” said Lazarus, keeping an ample gait across the grassy plains. “If he said he was heading north, why were you nearing the Badlands?”

“Starswirl the Bearded had the unfortunate combination of extreme paranoia and an odd sense of humor,” said Luna. “Knowing him, he went south as soon as he said otherwise.”

“And besides, I had explored all of northern Equestria in search of him,” I added. Lazarus laughed derisively, throwing back his head and all-but howling at the moon.

“Why, pray tell, were you searching northern Equestria?” he cackled. I drew my sword and poked him in the back with the sharp tip, spitting a tiny bit of blood on my blade.

“You first mocked me for going south,” I said. “Then you mock me for going north? What should I have done?”

“You were right to go north, but you didn’t go near far enough,” said Lazarus. “If he was going someplace in Equestria, don’t you think he would’ve said precisely where? What if something happened to him? Wouldn’t he have wanted you to know the name of the place he was going, so you could send help?”

“That is logical, but Starswirl never told us the name of where he went,” said Luna.

“Exactly,” agreed Lazarus, nodding his head. “And why would he do that?” Suddenly, all the pieces fell into place. It all made so much sense! And I had reached it before Luna did! Not a particularly smart mouse, am I?

“Because he was going someplace else,” I said. “Someplace that wasn’t in Equestria. A place that doesn’t have a name.”

“See? I knew you could be clever if you put your mind to it,” said Lazarus, ignoring my sword slashing at his back. “Hey, mind the clothes. I only have one spare set, and I expect to need them soon, knowing where we’re going.”

“So, when Starswirl said he was ‘going north’...” said Luna. “He really meant he was going north.”

“Precisely. I do admit, this would have been a much quicker journey, had Celestia come alone,” noted Lazarus. “I can teleport one, but two useless mages? That’s a lot of dead weight.”

“Pah! How dare you!” exclaimed Luna. “I’ll have you know, I’m at the top of my class in my father’s academy! I’m three years ahead of my age!”

“Really? Can you teleport?” he asked.

“Only to places I’m familiar with, currently, but I am far from useless!”

“And, once again, my dear sister supports me when my name has been insulted,” I muttered dryly.

“Oh, well that makes things far more simple,” said Lazarus, stopping us. “Everyone touch hands.”

He offered his hand forward, which Luna and I accepted after only a moment of hesitation. His horn lit with wispy white light, which spread to engulf all of us.

“I am about to attempt what is called a back-handed teleport,” he said. “I am going to teleport to a place I’ve never been before, that I’ve never even seen. The dangers of a back-handed teleport is that I must remain totally focused, or I run the risk of splinching all involved. While that’s not a big deal for me, I would assume that you’d like to avoid that.”

“Right, of course. I’ve been told that splinching is rather uncomfortable,” said Luna with a nod. Her horn lit up as well, slowly engulfing herself in blue glow.

“Well, I guess I’ll just come out and ask the foolish question,” I said. “What in Tartarus are you talking about?”

“Splinching occurs when your focus shifts or waines during the teleportation process,” explained Lazarus. “If you’re not steady enough, you’ll send some of you where you want it to go, but leave the rest behind. I’ve splinched myself in half, once. Ah, if only I could replicate it.”

“The odds of us being splinched rise to 76% when doing a back-handed teleport,” said Luna. “Besides that, he could stone-splinch us, which would be us teleporting into something that’s already there. Like a mountain.”

“What could happen then?” I asked, despite my better judgement.

“One of two things. Either we teleport the mountain into our bodies, melting our blood and sinew into the mountain,” said Lazarus. “Or, and this is only slightly less likely, the universe cannot cope with two things taking up the same space, and it implodes.” I decided to stop asking questions before they told me something else utterly terrifying.

Their melding auras surrounded me, shrouding me with powerful arcane magic. This was a different type of teleport, not like how my sentry brought me home from the South. This was more shaky, trembly, like the aura would dispel itself at any moment. The world itself seemed to collapse onto me, a loud pop rocketing from through my chest. I felt like I was folding in on myself, the air being pressed out of my lungs. Just when I thought I was about to die, everything stopped. Sound, feeling, sight. Everything paused for a second that felt like an eternity. For all I know, it was.

Then everything came flooding back at once. The air that had left me suddenly forced its way into my chest, stretching out my lungs to accommodate the new, unexpected guest that was oxygen. My ears rang with such intensity that I was afraid I would never hear properly again. My skin went numb, and I hardly registered that I was sinking to my knees, dropping into something soft and cold.

“Lords and ladies, that was awful!” I wheezed.

“That’s what happens when two strangers use their magic in tandem,” coughed Lazarus. Immortality apparently did not save him from fatigue. “Be thankful we made it here.”

“Where is ‘here’, exactly?” asked Luna, equally out of breath. “Where are we? Where do we go?”

“This is the frozen north. The nameless place that Starswirl left to,” said Lazarus with a certain air of confidence. “If he’s alive, he’s somewhere here. At very least, he left some sort of clue as to where he was headed next. If we’re lucky, he casted a large spell at some point that I can pick up on.”

His horn lit with white light, and as he began pacing slowly, I took the time to properly survey my surroundings. I had collapsed on the bay of a frozen lake, a clear, perfect mirror of crystal water. Everything else for as far as I could see was snow; Snow hills, snow valleys, snow plateaus. In some places, the fluffy, freezing white went as high as my stomach.

“For the love of…” muttered Luna, lifting the hem of her dress slightly. “I loved this dress. It’s ruined now.”

“Nobody made you come,” I noted. “You could’ve stayed home.”

“And let you get killed by a Bethany? I’d never hear the end of it.”

“Wow, you do realize that I can multitask, don’t you?” asked Lazarus, stopping his pacing. “I can hear and walk, both at once.”

“Apologies. I meant no disrespect, but…” Luna said uneasily. “You must understand my discomfort.”

“No, actually, I don’t,” said Lazarus. He began pivoting slowly, his horn tilted slightly forward.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “Anyone of any importance in any House knows all about your little House Bethany.”

“Guess I’m not that important, then. Care to explain?” Lazarus’ tone never varied from slight annoyance.

“House Bethany, pioneers of Dark Magic,” said Luna. Lazarus just rolled his eyes.

“Please. Your royal family cast it’s fair share of black magic, just as my House did,” he scoffed. “We all have our demons, Princess Luna. The past is not an easy thing to escape, especially when your past is plagued by a darkness that is not your own. I implore you to recall that I am only Lazarus of Bethany. I am not House Bethany itself.”

His horn flashed slightly in the direction of north by north-east, if Luna’s moon was to be trusted, over the frozen lake.

“What my House did before me, whether good, bad, neutral, chaotic, evil, does not matter,” said Lazarus. “What they did is in the past. The past does not define me, for the past is not today.” Luna was shocked, to say the least. She had sensed it as well, saw it in Lazarus’ eyes, heard it in his voice. Just as I did, she saw the shame that Lazarus had for his House. A man who murdered four thieves in cold blood over a piece of jewelry was ashamed.

“I… Of course. My sincerest apologies,” said Luna, giving a curtsy and bowing her head in respect. Luna was certainly better than me when it came to the diplomacy of being a princess.

“Water under the bridge, so long as we leave the past where it belongs,” said Lazarus, still not particularly upset. “Ha! There, north by north-east, a spell was cast three months ago. Can’t tell what it was, but it was probably him! And his trail is fading, fast.”

“Let us go, then!” I declared, vigor filling my veins. Lazarus said nothing before running, full of piss and vinegar, across the frozen lake. I was about to follow, until I saw the tiny fissures spread in the ice. The frozen, reflective surface cracked, but not from Lazarus’ weight. That’s when I noticed the shifting beneath the surface.

“Lazarus!” I called, barely a second too late. The lake burst into an upward plume of freezing mist and hail, and something emerged.

A true daemon in every sense of the word, it was a massive, angry beast. Lazarus barely had time to stop himself before sliding right into his giant gaping maw. The thing didn’t seem to be made of any matter I’ve ever seen, instead comprised of some sort of odd, solid, pitch-black smoke. Arms the length of two men, laid out head to hoof, that moved ungracefully and heavily, and ended in massive, quad-clawed hands. As far as I could tell, it had no face other than a beak full of several sets of razor-sharp teeth. As Lazarus retreated slowly backward, the beast used his massive arms to push the rest of him from the depths of the lake. His legs, four of them connecting to the bottom of a seemingly ever-growing and shrinking torso, were long and thick, ending in three-toed claws. From it’s rear grew a long, spiked club of a tail. Finally, large, tattered blankets of smoke plumed from his back into the most terrifying and mysterious wings I had ever seen.

“Luna, Celestia, run,” said Lazarus quietly.

“It’s…” said Luna, words dying in her throat. She hiked up her dress and ripped out the wand that she had tied to her thigh with a leather strap. The wand was of blackwood in a similar construction to mine, with a gemstone of amethyst rather than ruby.

“Do nothing,” said Lazarus quietly. “I’ve woken him, but he doesn’t quite sense us yet.”

Almost as if the hellspawn could hear us, he shot his head forward, the tip of his snout a mere two feet from Lazarus’ chest. I could see the breath from the beast clouding into a grey smoke and warping around Lazarus.

“Alright. Maybe he has sensed us,” said Lazarus. “He’s… He’s thinking, looks like.”

“Thinking about what?” I asked.

“If he should kill us or not,” he said with a gulp. “Which, I fear, he can easily do. To any of us.”

“But you’re immortal, aren’t you?” said Luna. “You can’t die.”

“To him, I can. This is a Smog Daemon,” said Lazarus. “A creature made from the darkness of man. His claws rend your flesh and soul alike. All he need do is run his claw through me.”

“Then why hasn’t he?” I asked.

“Like I said, he’s thinking. Smog Daemons are awakened by bitterness and darkness,” he explained. “Any grim emotions, really. If he decides that we are too dark, he’ll shred our souls to pieces. Nevermind what that does to your body.”

“So, what do we do?” asked Luna. For the first time since we met, Lazarus fell silent, not in condescendence, not in arrogance, but in genuine ignorance. He had no idea what to do next.

“Lazarus, reach your hand back,” I said slowly. “Don’t question me, just do it.” Good lad he was, he obeyed without a thought. Now it was Luna’s turn.

“Sister, reach forward and begin walking towards Lazarus. Try to think of happy things,” I said.

“Like what?” she hissed.

“Think of Uncle Discord. Cadence,” I said. “Think of the sweets that Ms. Pinkamena bakes for you. Think of that feeling you get when you receive top marks on a class assignment. Think of Mother.”

Luna closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and extended her hand. Slowly, she inched her way forward, whispering something under her breath. I later learned that she was singing Mother’s favorite lullaby.

“Perfect, just like that, Luna,” I said. She latched hands with Lazarus, and now only I had to follow. I closed my eyes and focused as hard as I could on her, the mare that people swore looked near-identical to me. Her soft, kind voice. Her long, straight, beautiful maroon hair. Her very presence exuded an air of power, but her soul was as gentle and innocent as a child. I wished I could be half the mare my mother is… was.

I stepped forward, the snow crunching beneath my hoof. The cold sliced at my face, piercing the heart beating in my throat. Every step was call for celebration, because my plan was still holding. My hand wrapped around Luna’s, allowing me to breathe slightly easier.

“Get us the hell out of here,” I whispered. Luna’s horn lit up, as did Lazarus’, their glow melding to surround us. A wild grin grew on my face, my being filled with what I initially perceived to be joy. I soon found out that I was feeling confidence, bordering arrogance. And the Daemon did not like that.

He reared his ugly head, letting out a screeching roar unbefitting of any natural creature. He shot forward, mouth agape, and snapped shut a few inches from Lazarus before the world collapsed around us. Air fled us, into the darkness in that which we were surrounded. With a pop that rattled my bones, everything returned to us.

“Gah!” screamed Lazarus, falling to his knees. Blood dripped onto the floor, the clean, throne room floor, from Lazarus’ right hand. Perhaps it’d be more accurate to say where his hand used to be, because now nothing remained from the elbow down. He gripped his bleeding stump in what I could only perceive to be true agony.

“That… Was unexpected,” he panted. “I’m all for pain, but I would not do that again.” That was when I realized where the teleport had spit us out.

“What the blazes!” bellowed none other than my father, King Solaris.

“Ah, you must be Luna and Celestia’s father,” said Lazarus. “I’d offer to shake your hand, but I seem to have misplaced mine.”

“What are you doing in my throne room?!” demanded my father.

“A few things. Primarily?” said Lazarus. “Primarily, I’m bleeding.”

“What were you doing with my children?” My father’s wings were threatening to spread to their full extent.

“See, I was in a spot of bother,” said Lazarus. “Your daughters, the little angels, saw my struggle and offered to give me a hand.”

My father’s wings, as well as his temper, exploded. It looked as if he had grown taller, broader, more powerful. Like he could destroy you by swearing in your direction.

“Father…” said Luna gently.

“Say, do you happen to have any regeneration potion on hand?” asked Lazarus. “Rowling’s formula for regeneration?”

My father’s eye twitched, and you could practically see the smoke pouring from his ears. If I were to guess, the only thing that kept him from screaming was his fantasies and musings about how many ways you could execute someone.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’. Oh, well. Guess I’ll make the trip home. Nice meeting you, and girls?” said Lazarus. He shot me a toothy, mischievous grin. “Same time next week?”

With a loud pop, Lazarus was gone.

Teachers & Students, Lords & Ladies

Lazarus

I didn't see Celestia again for a fortnight, and, when I did, it was not in any setting that I could have predicted. I was in a pub in Canterlot, one considerably less questionable than The Berserking Barbarian. I walked in at around noon, the entirety of the bar area filled. Slightly annoyed, I instead took a seat near the center fire pit, fiddling with my knife out of boredom. That was when Celestia approached me from behind the counter in the dress of a proper barmaid. I don’t think she realized it was me until she was already upon me, and by that point, it was too late.

Suffice it to say, I laughed. Also needless to say, she was livid. She threatened to walk away, and it was only my overwhelming curiosity that managed to get my mouth shut.

“Hello, Celestia,” I said in a sort of half-cackle. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m obligated to ask, but you better say ‘no’,” she warned. “Would you fancy a drink?”

“Well, now that you mention it…” I said, watching celestia’s expression go from angrily embarrassed to murderously furious. “I think I’ve been well-watered enough.”

“You well better,” snarled Celestia. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you, Sun Princess,” I scoffed. My horn lit up, and a chair dragged itself under Celestia, who hesitantly sat down.

“Damn that man!” she said, quite suddenly. “Damn him! He cut my pocket money! I barely have five bits to my name!”

“Thus the job, eh?” I asked. She nodded bitterly. “Well, it could be worse.”

“And how, pray tell, could it be worse?”

“You could be a jobless deadbeat,” I tried. “Like myself. Or you could actually need money. You’re princess of Equestria, mind you. It’s not like you’re ever going to be late on rent or anything.”

“I’m not worried about keeping a roof over my head, you dolt,” snapped Celestia. She was even more temperamental than usual. “I need money to hire a teacher! Magic lessons aren’t cheap, you know, and I can only learn so much at the Academy.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” I said, reaching into my saddlebag. I pulled out a scroll of parchment and handed it to her. “Turns out, I didn’t need your help after all.” Celestia’s attempt at concealing her shock crumbled almost immediately after unrolling the letter.

“You got accepted into the Academy?!” she asked. “How is this even possible?”

“I spoke to Luna about a week ago, and she pulled a few strings,” I said. “I start at the top of next week. Oh, and I think I can solve your little tutor issue.”

“I don’t want or need your help, Lazarus,” said Celestia.

“I’ll tutor you for free, and you can quit this job,” I pointed out. Celestia threw my acceptance letter back into my lap and took on a much different expression.

“Lords and ladies, please let me quit this job!” she begged. “Two different peasants vomited on me today. Two! And it’s not even properly noon yet! Please let me quit this job!”

“Oh, I’ll teach you magic, provided you do something for me in return,” I said. Celestia’s face morphed back into the irate glare that was becoming her natural state when talking with me. “Come now, Sun Princess. Quid pro quo. I teach you magic, you teach me how to wield a sword.”

“I’m no swordmaster,” said Celestia honestly. “I know a bit, but I’m far from the best swordsman in Equestria. I don’t know just how much I can teach you.”

“Well, I’m not an archmage, but I still have invaluable knowledge to share,” I said. “Same goes for you and your swordsmanship.”

Celestia agreed, and we left the pub together. She made it clear that I would have to teach her before she taught me, so we set off to her castle. The rest went by in a blur; Her father yelling, Celestia yelling back, me laughing like a madman. Eventually, we found a quiet room to practice, and I taught her the basics of magic. Simple stuff, really. Where in the body magic originates from (the dead center of your chest), what different types of magic felt like (mental magic was a buzzing, physical magic was a stinging), how to ration out energy to avoid exhausting yourself from a single spell (she really struggled with that). Stuff she ought to have learned by now, but was too busy scheming to pay attention to.

After an hour of our little refresher course, I set out to gauge what she was capable of, both with and without a wand. Honestly, it was pathetic. Even after me unlocking her magic, she had trouble making any use of it. It was like having an axe blade, but no handle. Not utterly useless, but just try to get yourself some firewood. Her incendiary spell was, too put it bluntly, a fluke. Now, when I tried to get one out of her, I was lucky to feel a warm draft. It was taxing work, and, while I never expected much in the ways of tangible skill or talent, I was truly shocked at how bad she was.

Not to say that I was much better in the way of swordsmanship. I admittedly only held a sword once before, and I was never particularly good. We trained in alternating hours, an hour of magic, an hour swordplay. We called it a night at some point before dawn, and I was back the next day to repeat the process. I would keep up this schedule, adjusting it as needed for schooling and important royal events. Eventually, progress was becoming visible, even if minute. As time went on, it became less and less about her trying to prepare herself for another journey (though she showed no sign of giving up on her hunt completely). It started to become about her trying to surpass herself. To surpass me. We became rivals, her trying to beat me with the wand and me trying to beat her with the blade.

And for the first time in ages, I wasn’t ever bored.

I walked through the halls of Castle Canterlot, my presence not garnering more than a few odd looks, and that was probably more from the welded-shut wound on my right arm than from me being an apparent intruder. I knew the halls well by now, and it wouldn’t take me long to reach Celestia’s chamber doors. Dawn had barely broken, but we were falling behind. I wasn’t happy with her progress on the invisibility charm we had started on last week, and we needed to get in as much practice as possible. When I finally arrived outside Celestia’s bedroom, there was someone waiting for me. A small unicorn child, no older than seven years old. Her hair was a trio of soft purple, pink, and a light, almost cream color. Her dress, elegant and pristine, clearly denoted higher class, even at her age.

She was standing in wait outside of Celestia’s bedroom, and I promptly joined her. Neither of us looked at each other, instead focusing on the door in front of us. Silence reigned supreme until I reached forward to knock and the child stopped me.

“I already knocked,” she said, as if I somehow should’ve known that. “It’s rude to knock over and over again.”

“It’s also rude to keep people waiting,” I snorted. The girl seemed to accept that as fair, and fell quiet for another period.

“That’s a pretty necklace, Mister,” she said, quite out of the blue. I grasped my cross loosely, barely aware of the gesture.

“Thank you. It’s been in my family for…” I tried to count the generations. “At least two centuries.”

“A century is a hundred years,” said the girl. I nodded in agreement, and we grew silent once more.

“You know, strangers really aren’t supposed to be waiting at the princess’ quarters,” said the girl. “You’re breaking the rules.”

“I’m no stranger, little one,” I snorted. “I’ll have you know that Celestia is supposed to be meeting me at around now.”

“Still, villeins like yourself should be waiting outside,” she scolded. I couldn’t help but smile at her audacity.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not some commoner,” I said. “I am a noble.” Her face lit up like a warm, happy flame. She smiled and turned to me for the first time.

“I had no idea. Nobles really should greet each other,” she said. I chuckled to myself, but turned to her nonetheless.

“I am Lord Lazarus of House Bethany,” I said, holding my left arm behind my back and giving a scraping bow.

“Lady Mi Amore of Cadenza, charmed,” she said, giving one of the most dignified curtsies I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t help but laugh. This
little lady was just that: A little Lady. I was so amused that I didn’t at first notice the door to Celestia’s chambers open, nor did I notice her step halfway through her door in her pyjamas and a messy head of hair.

“Just wake half the castle, why don’t you?” she growled angrily, yanking my attention away from my dignified chat with a noblewoman.

“Lord Lazarus of House Bethany,” I said, bowing in the same way. “You must be Princess Celestia. How do you do?”

Celestia

I vowed that I would someday find a means of killing that man. The way he bowed just made my blood boil. What’s worse is he had somehow managed to corrupt my poor, impressionable little niece. Oh, he would rue the day he decided to mock me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I’m supposed to be teaching you magic, unless you forgot,” said Lazarus. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

“Not you, fool. I was talking to Cadance,” I said. “What brings you to my quarters this morning?”

“My daddy has to talk to your daddy, and he told me to go find you and Auntie Lulu!” said Cadance brightly. “Daddy said that you could teach me magic.”

“Her? Teach you magic?” scoffed Lazarus. “Perhaps when she learns some magic herself.” I extended my pointer finger and went through a quick set of motions (up, down-right, left, flick) and sent a small gust of wind flying into Lazarus’ face, throwing back his hair and stinging his eyes slightly.

“See? Auntie Tia can do magic!” exclaimed Cadance, always quick to come to my rescue. Her small smile quickly began to infect me.

“Yes, I suppose she can,” admitted Lazarus. “Even still, you ask not the sparrow how the eagle soars.”

“What exactly does that mean, Lord Bethany?” asked Cadance.

“I’m not quite sure myself, Lady Cadenza,” said Lazarus with a small smirk. “Sometimes, the words don’t quite make it to my head and just fall out of my mouth.”

“That’s not how words work!”

“I’d like to disagree,” Lazarus chuckled. It seemed as if he just then noticed my continued presence, because he turned and said, “Well? Are we going to practice or not?”

“My hair is a mess,” I complained, running a hand through the dirty, tangled, mangy mess. Lazarus snorted, then lit up his horn. He waved a few quick motions and I felt my hair tug slightly against my skull. When it settled down, Lazarus quite literally pulled a hand mirror from nowhere and held it in front of my face. My hair was now neat, combed, and in the tight ponytail I adorned whenever it wasn’t absolutely necessary to don my diadem or any ceremonial headgear (There was a massive sun-shaped headpiece that I was expected to wear every year for the summer solstice. What a nightmare).

“See, Lady Cadenza?” said Lazarus. “Celestia might be able to blow a bit of wind, but the power to make even her look somewhat attractive? That takes true magical prowess.”

“Oh! Can you do me?” begged Cadance. “Use your magic to make me look beautiful, too!” Lazarus nodded, and did something that actually made me forget his insult a second earlier. Lazarus lit up his horn again, and did the motions, but nothing happened. He took the mirror to Cadance and held it before her.

“Hey!” she said. “You didn’t do anything!”

“I did the spell perfectly, m’lady,” he said with a small smirk. “That spell was designed to make the most beautiful woman possible.”

“Then how come nothing happened?” demanded my inquisitive little niece.

“I can only guess,” said Lazarus, returning his mirror to the aether from which he produced it. “Perhaps my magic is failing me. Perhaps the spell isn’t as perfect as I thought. Or perhaps, and this is what I’m willing to bet on, perhaps the spell can’t work on you.”

“Why wouldn’t the spell work on me?” asked Cadance. Lazarus just shrugged and left Cadance to her thoughts. Her tiny little face scrunched up in confusion, then slowly transitioned to understanding, and finally rested on joy.

“Cadance, dear, why don’t you go wake Auntie Lulu?” I suggested. “Then, the two of you can meet Lazarus and I in the practice room.” Cadance nodded and ran down the halls, laughing and singing to herself as she searched for my sister.

“I have to change,” I said.

“I’ll wait,” returned Lazarus. I rolled my eyes and delved back into my messy quarters. Father dearest had yet to lift his cruel sentencing of no servants, and my sun would burst before I did peasant work like cleaning. I slipped to the left of my bed, stepping over books and clothing, to hide behind my personal partition.

“Who would have thought that Lazarus Bethany is good with children?” I asked, stripping off my pyjamas.

“That’s Lord Bethany, to you,” he said. I could hear the smirk in his words.

“Only the day you die, you fool,” I spat. I lifted my underclothes from my closet and put them on. “You know, that was nice of you. What you said to Cadance.”

“Oh? And what was that?” asked Lazarus, as if he didn’t very well know. “All I did was say things in a way to cause her to think certain thoughts. I basically brainwashed her.”

“It’s not brainwashing if you’re being nice with it,” I scoffed. Next was my mail, which I slipped into easily and comfortably. My second skin. I maneuvered over my debris-littered floor and grabbed my satchel from the floor near the door, slinging it over my shoulder. I left my room, closed and locked it, then set off with Lazarus down the halls.

We walked in silence, as was usual with our morning walks. Lazarus usually took this time to think and plan out our lesson, while I used my knowledge from yesterday to decide when I should next leave. We soon intersected with Cadance and Luna, who joined us on our walk. Luna was her usual, sleep-deprived and groggy self, while Cadance ran little loops around us, asking questions about as fast as we could answer them.

“Lord Bethany?” asked Cadance. “Are you Auntie Tia’s boyfriend?”

“Absolutely not,” said Lazarus and I together. Cadance squinted her eyes in suspicion, trying to somehow read our minds.

“I don’t believe you,” she said finally.

“It matters not whether you believe me or not, m’lady,” said Lazarus. “Facts will be facts regardless of how dubious you may be to them.”

“Lord Bethany?” asked Luna. “Is that a legitimate title?”

“Don’t encourage him,” I said. “His head is big enough as it is, especially now that he’s got our niece calling him that.”

We arrived at our practice room, a large chamber near the south of the castle that used to be an armory. A few practice swords remained, some of them made of stone or wood and others of dull steel. Lazarus went about his usual business of closing the window shutters, locking the door, and lighting the dozen torch sconces.

“Why do you make it so dark?” asked Cadance, dropping to the floor near a corner with my sister following close behind.

“Because your Auntie Tia has trouble concentrating,” said Lazarus. “Which is why, m’lady, I’m going to ask you to keep quiet for a bit. Just until we switch topics.”

“Oh, I need silence to concentrate on my magic, but you can multitask?” I scoffed. “You’re not very good with a blade yet, yourself.” Lazarus snorted, as if he knew something I didn’t, and held out his palm. I reached into my satchel and handed him his Almanac, which he loaned me to practice with. That’s what he said, anyway.

“I take it you learned the spells I outlined in the book?” asked Lazarus.

“It’s rather hard to do when the damned book doesn’t open!” I snapped.

“Auntie!” exclaimed Cadance. “It’s not proper for a Lady to swear!” Lazarus flipped open the book with ease, and handed it back to me.

“She’s right, you know,” said Lazarus. “I don’t know why you couldn’t get in. The spell I put on it should’ve been lifted as soon as you ran your finger down its spine.”

“Why the hell would I do that?!” I asked, ignoring Cadance’s mild scolding.

“Because I told you to,” said Lazarus, picking up a discarded broadsword. He swung it through the air to test how it felt, then dropped it in favor of a longer bastard sword.

“You did no such thing, you dolt,” I snarled. I glanced down at the Almanac. I could have learned so many spells last night if he would have just removed his anti-theft spell. It’s not like I meant to run away with it, in any case.

“Hm. I suppose I didn’t,” he said after pondering it for a second. “My mistake. Well, in that case, we should go over our work from yesterday.”

In addition to the invisibility spell that I still struggled with, Lazarus had assigned me a relatively simple task in the form of conjuring an apple from thin air. The task was simple, but this does not mean it was easy.

“Remember,” said Lazarus. “Nothing is free. Even the universe goes on the principle of quid pro quo. In order to create an apple, you must sacrifice something.”

“Energy,” I said in agreement. As much as I hated his teacher-esque, condescending tone, it truly did help to hear the method spoken aloud. “My energy sacrificed must be equivalent to the mass of the apple. No more, and no less.”

“Precisely. One must first learn the rules of equivalent exchange,” said Lazarus. “Before they may learn to abuse them.” I nodded and withdrew my wand from my satchel. This spell had no motions, so I simply gripped my wand tightly and held it forward and to the sky. My horn lit up, and I felt a familiar stinging in my wand arm. I concentrated forcefully, forcing as much of my energy as I could from my chest to my arm. My vision blurred slightly, and I lightened up my concentration to compensate.

“Good, good,” said Lazarus. “Controlling magical flow to avoid exhausting yourself. Didn’t even have to tell you this time.”

“Please do not patronize me,” I said through gritted teeth. I swear, his smirk only grew larger. I shut him out, focusing wholly on my task. A small orb of yellow light appeared before me, shaking and trembling slightly. My arm stung as if I had reached into a nest of wasps, and I could feel the magic in my core begin to fade. I gave one final push, and my yellow orb turned a bright, angry shade of red.

“You might consider covering your ears, m’lady,” said Lazarus. Cadance clamped her hands down on top of her head, as did Luna. Lazarus just grinned madly, and my orb exploded in a bright flash of red light, with a noise akin to cannonfire. I could feel the walls of the castle shake, and I was sure that my father would hear it and be very, very upset.

“Well, that went poorly,” said Lazarus. He waved his right hand through the air, and a small blanket of wispy white energy fell from it. He glanced at it casually, reading a language in the smoke only he could understand. “Hm. It appears I have some business to take care of that I’ve neglected. I’ll have to take my leave now.”

“You can’t leave!” cried Cadance, jumping to her hooves. “You said you’d teach me and Auntie magic!”

“I said no such thing!” said Lazarus, in what would be the first time I ever heard him genuinely shocked. “I don’t appreciate people putting words in my mouth!”

“Don’t leave, please, Lord Bethany!” begged Cadance, grabbing Lazarus’ right hand.

“Careful, little one,” said Lazarus. “You’ll pull my arm off.”

“Lord Bethany, please don’t go!” whined Cadance. I was just about to tell her that Lazarus would be back tomorrow, and that she could see him then, when she tugged just a tad too hard and Lazarus’ arm came ripping off.

And then there was the screaming.

“Calm down, m’lady,” said Lazarus, grabbing his arm from Cadance. He pressed it to his stump and soldered it back. “Tis nothing to worry over. This sort of thing isn’t uncommon for me.”

“You got blood on my dress,” pouted my niece, grabbing the hem of her dress and rubbing at the red that now stained it. That child certainly had an odd idea of priorities.

“Practice those spells, Celestia,” said Lazarus, lighting up his horn. “We’ll double up on my lessons tomorrow. Farewell.”

He vanished with a pop, which nearly scared Cadance out of her skin. It only took a second to calm her down, and as soon as I did, she was startled again by the sudden bang as my father practically kicked the door down.

“Uncle Solaris, you scared me!” squealed Cadance. My father spared a small smile for Cadance, then turned back to his stony, angry glare for me.

“What can I do for his lordship?” I asked scathingly.

“I merely wished to alert you to the summit that is occurring at sunset on this day,” said my father, only minorly angered. “I have important things to discuss with Discord, Twilight and a few dignitaries from the east.”

“And I suppose you would like me to stand by your side and be the perfect, trophy of a daughter you wish I could be?” I wagered.

“Perfect is not a word I would use to describe you, unfortunately,” said the King. “All you must do today is stay out of the way and try your best not to embarrass me.”

“Well, you’ll likely do enough of that yourself,” I muttered.

“Uncle? Will the summit take long?” asked Cadance. “Daddy said that we could go out for sweets tonight.”

“I promise, Discord will be free from the meeting as soon as possible, Mia,” said Father. I wanted to tell him that she didn’t like that name, but I somehow doubted that he would care.

“And what shall my duties be for the summit?” asked Luna.

“The same as your sister’s,” ordered Solaris. “These matters do not concern you. You will remain out of sight and behave yourself.”

“Of course, Father,” said Luna obediently. “When have I ever not behaved myself?”

“When your sister convinced you to foolishly go to the North,” said Father, his voice like ice. “I would have liked to think that you at least had more sense than Celestia, but I fear her foolishness is spreading to infect you, as well.”

“Don’t you have a meeting to botch?” I asked. “Lords and Ladies know that you were never good with your words.”

“I don’t have time for this on this day, Celestia,” said Solaris, turning to exit. “Try not to disappoint me, for once.”

Cadance would likely never recover from the maelstrom of swears that erupted from my mouth when the door closed. After I emptied my lungs and dictionary of foul language, I kicked my sister and niece from the room and sat down to practice. And I practiced and practiced for hours, with perfection seeming to crawl further from my grasp with each attempt. I didn’t eat or drink on that day, all of my mind devoted to my spell. As the sun was setting and the summit was about to begin, I gave up hope.

And then I gave one more attempt and finally succeeded at turning myself invisible.

Author's Note

Hey, guys, hope at least some of you are enjoying this. If you are, please, comment and tell me why.

Now, if you don't like this story, which I'm sensing is the public opinion, can you please comment and tell me why? I'd like to know what is liked or disliked, so I can adjust future chapters and so I can learn from my mistakes in future stories. Just a minute of your time to help me out would be fantastic, if you don't mind.

The Summit

Lazarus

Solaris’ message completely caught me off guard, but I couldn’t very well ignore a summons from the King of Equestria. As much as it pained me to do so, I had to leave Celestia to practice alone so I could prepare. Looking back at it now, Lady Cadenza ripping off my arm was a blessing. Had she not caused that commotion, Celestia might have grown suspicious of my sudden need to depart.

I returned to the Bethany Manor with a flash of light, standing before one of its many closets. When I pulled open the door, I wished for the first time that I had taken better care of the place. The only dress clothes I had were tattered and full of moth-holes, and were probably too small for me. I thought it might have been rude to attend an important summit between leaders of at least two different countries in my normal attire.

Then I thought about my record for being polite, decided not to give a toss, and took a long nap. It was odd, the King summoning me to this summit, on the day it’s meant to happen. Shockingly disorganized for the ruler of the biggest nation in all directions. When I awoke from my nap, and the sun was significantly lower in the sky, I drained a jug of wine, and went to find my jewelry before I departed.

“Rings, rings, rings,” I said to myself. I scampered through my manor, dumping out some dressers in search of my ring box. I finally found it (in the attic, of course), and pulled on my four golden rings, one on each index and middle finger. I only ever wore them for special occasions, meaning I’ve worn them only once or twice. I sighed, lit up my horn, and teleported out of my home.

I appeared in front of the massive golden throne room, where two sentinels stood waiting for me, their golden armor shining and their halberds crossed in front of the door. They were an odd pair, both far too scrawny to be a guard, in my eyes. The one of the right was a pitch black pegasus, with steel grey eyes and a bit of his snow white hair (not unlike my own) hanging from beneath his helmet. The other was shining white unicorn (also like me), but with emerald eyes and a mane of fire.

“Alright, what’s your name?” I asked, pointing to the pegasus.

“Silver Rift, sir,” he said, saluting slightly. “How may I help you?”

“Alright, Silver. I’m supposed to be appearing at a summit tonight,” I said, running my hand through my hair. “I’m probably late. Is the King cross about that?” Silver thought about it, then shrugged his shoulders.

“King Solaris is always cross about one thing or the other,” he said. “Whether he’s pissed at your or not remains to be seen. Suppose you’d have to find out on your own.” He and his companion moved their weapons, and I proceeded. I pushed open the great chamber doors and stepped in.

The throne was gone, replaced with a large, round table. Sitting at the “head” of the table was the King, in his typical robe and crown. To his left was a purple unicorn in similarly purple robes, which I imagined must’ve been Twilight Sparkle. To his right was something that truly caught my eye. I’d never seen a draconequus in person before, only pictures in my Almanac. This one was different than my sketches, however. He was wearing a brown vest with golden buttons, and twin-colored pants, one leg of beige and one of green. He also had a patched grey tophat.

“Ah, so he arrives!” said the draconequus. “The great Lord Lazarus of House Bethany! We’ve been awaiting your arrival.”

“Apologies for my tardiness,” I said, at least partly genuinely. “Now, what have you called me here for? How may I assist you on this day?”

“You can start by having a seat,” said Twilight Sparkle. I looked at the seat before me, and shook my head.

“I’ll pass, thank you very much,” I said. “Last time I sat in a room with no idea why I was summoned, I ended up in prison for a month.”

“No point in loligagging,” said the King. He rose to his hooves. “We’re here to talk about Celestia.” I snickered, in the way I always do when I know something that the others don’t. Luckily, nobody caught on to it.

“Yet I’m noticing a shocking lack of Celestia herself,” I said. “Why isn’t she here, if this summit is all about her.”

“You know how Celestia can be,” said Twilight. “She takes any attempts to help her as hostile, and we simply do not have time for her foolishness tonight.”

“Wise words, as to be expected from you, Miss Sparkle,” I said. “Such a young archmage. You must be no older than a quarter-century. Doesn’t this castle have some sort of age restriction for that position?” Twilight smiled slightly, but didn’t lower her guard at all.

“You flatter me, Lazarus,” she said. “I turn thirty-five this year. Half a decade away from being of age to take the archmage trials. But this isn’t about me.”

“It’s about my lovely niece, stubborn as she is,” said the draconequus, who I reasoned must have been that Uncle Discord that Celestia spoke of. “We’re all here because we care about her.”

“But why am I here?” I asked. “I don’t see my purpose at this summit.” Solaris began to pace around the room, likely to gather his thoughts.

“This quest of hers has to stop,” said Twilight, taking over for the King. “You’re her friend and she admires you, even if she won’t admit it. You could be the one to convince her to give up her crusade for the Elements of Harmony.” I cackled madly, throwing my head back with mirth.

“And here I was thinking you were smart, Twilight Sparkle,” I chuckled. “First of all, I am not Celestia’s friend. Celestia does not see me as a friend. To her, I am a means to an end. She requires me, and she will converse with me only until she does not. Her quest allows her no time for friendship”

“I don’t think you’re being fair,” said Discord. “Celestia is not as cold as she’d like you to believe.”

“Even still, she won’t listen to me,” I scoffed. “Have you met the girl? More stubborn than her father, and that’s saying something.” That seemed to be enough to snap his royal highness out of his stupor.

“I have half a mind to execute you right now!” he roared.

“Please do,” I taunted. “I can think of nothing I’d enjoy more than you attempting to kill me!” I used my horn to manufacture a knife that I then used to slit my own throat. “Execute me! Do it!”

Silence reigned supreme, and it was soon evident that I rattled their cage a bit more than I intended. I banished my knife, closed my wound, and cleaned up my blood with a wave of my hand.

“Apologies,” I said, clearing my throat. “I haven’t significantly hurt myself lately, and I’ve become rather pent up.”

“Fascinating,” said Discord, somehow appearing just to my right. He ran a finger across my wound, a finger that resembled an eagle’s talon. “Not only immortal, but a masochist.”

“Do not call me a masochist,” I growled. “Never trust a man whose title ends in -ist.”

“Rapist, terrorist, psychiatrist,” supplied Twilight. I looked to her with bemusement. “Were you under the impression that only you and the princesses have learned from Starswirl the Bearded? There’s a reason I call myself a potions master rather than an alchemist.”

“We seem to be straying further and further from the point.” growled Solaris angrily. “And I believe that may be Bethany’s entire purpose of speaking.”

“You want to get down to business?” I asked. I approached the table, dropped into the seat, and kicked my hooves onto the table’s surface. “Fine. Let us discuss Celestia. Now, I thought I was doing enough of your dirty work, keeping an eye on her as I have been.”

“It is not enough,” said Twilight. “Celestia is getting closer and closer to leaving the castle and, if she does, there’s no guarantee that she will return. Equestria cannot afford to lose the beloved Princess of the Sun.” I ran a hand through my ivory mane, trying to wrap my head around the whole situation.

“I don’t understand what you want me to do about it,” I said. “Celestia wants to go, and I couldn’t stop her if I wanted to.” Solaris made his way back to his seat and lowered himself into his chair.

“It is simple, Lazarus,” said Solaris. “All you must do is cease your lessons with Celestia. I won’t have you go uncompensated, of course. I am willing to pay you a large sum of gold to vanish until Celestia gains some sense.”

“It is likely the best course of action,” said Discord, somehow back in his seat. I threw my hands up in disbelief. I truly didn’t understand these people.

“How does Equestria function if every single person who runs it is so…” I struggled for a moment to find the right word. “So daft? Stupid, every single one of you.”

“Watch yourself, Lazarus,” warned Twilight. I refused to hear it this time.

“No! I will not watch myself!” I shouted. “I will not watch myself, because what I’ve said is true! Stupid, the lot of you! You’ve all known Celestia for far longer than me, yet I am the only one who understands her?”

Solaris pounded his fist onto the table, with enough force to slightly crack the stone. A gesture that would frighten a man who could be harmed.

“Do not pretend to know my daughter better than I do!” bellowed the King. “What do you understand about Celestia that I don’t?!”

“That she will search for the Elements until she finds them or dies,” I said. “Whichever comes first. I don’t even know what she wants the Elements for! I don’t care to know, either. What I do know is that Celestia is angry and bitter, and she believes that the Elements of Harmony will be her one shot at happiness.” I rose to my hooves, a sudden passion gripping me. “There are some dangerous things outside of your walls that Celestia is going to have to brave, whether I teach her the necessary skills or not. You can either learn to accept that your daughter will do whatever the hell it is she wants, and help her plan accordingly, or continue, foolishly, I might add, to protect her from the world, and crippling her growth.”

Solaris heard my words and let them stew for a spell. I could almost see him thinking, and it was clear that he wasn’t used to things not going his way. It explains a lot about Celestia’s behavior.

“You cannot continue to teach Celestia,” said Solaris finally. “If you stop teaching her magic, she will not be able to leave.”

“How are you so thick?” I asked. “Did her ignorance stop her from leaving for the Frozen North? Or the Badlands before that? Or wherever she went before that? Face facts, your highness; Your little treasure of a daughter hates her life. It means next to nothing to her. If you take this away from her, she will wither away into nothing, hating you all the while.” The King slammed his fist on the table again, fury apparent in his eyes.

“She already hates me!” he roared. “If she needs to hate me to be safe, then so be it! You will not teach her anymore, and that is final!” I sighed and rose to my feet, biting my lower lip sharply. Soon, blood was dripping from my mouth, the pain doing little to alleviate my frustration.

“You don’t seem to understand Solaris,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t care what you say. You do not govern me.”

“I rule all of Equestria!” he shouted. “I am your king, and you shall yield to my will! Stop teaching Celestia at once!”

“You are not my king, and I shall do whatever it is I damn well please,” I said. “You see, teaching Celestia and, in turn, being taught by Celestia, is immensely entertaining to me. Have you not seen how much she’s grown? Her pyromancy is holding up, she’s understanding the principles of magic. Last week, she couldn’t keep up an invisibility spell! Just look at her now!” Nobody reacted, which put a grin on my face. Twilight, Discord, and Solaris all had similar looks of confusion and annoyance.

“We’re not denying her growth,” said Twilight. “I just haven’t seen enough to say that she will ever grow enough. No matter how much you teach her she may never be ready.” I laughed derisively, my grin growing in both size and smugness.

“No, Archmage Sparkle, you misunderstand me,” I said. “I mean, literally, look at her now.” My horn lit up, grabbing the air to my right. The air shimmered and shook, eventually melting into the formerly invisible Sun Princess.

“Now, last week, Celestia couldn’t make herself semi-translucent” I said, draping my arm around her. “Tell me again how she’ll never be ready?”

Celestia

That smug bastard knew I was there the whole time and didn’t bother saying anything until he could milk it for every laugh he could. He made me sick, the way he toyed with me. As soon as he revealed my presence, I attempted to teleport away, only to have Twilight block my magic with a casual wave.

“Really, Lazarus?” said Twilight. “I understand that you really want to continue teaching Celestia, but was it necessary to stage this whole affair?”

“Stage? Oh, no, this is entirely incidental,” said Lazarus, squeezing me slightly. “I had no idea she’d be here, until, well, I heard her walk in.”

“Which was at what point?” asked Uncle Discord, who seemed to be the only one as amused as Lazarus.

“Just before he asked why I wasn’t invited,” I snarled. “Which is a fantastic question, by the way.” Lazarus, the prick he is, planted a small kiss on my forehead and rustled my hair, as f he was my father or uncle or older brother.

“Please, Sun Princess, let the adults speak for a moment,” said Lazarus. “It’s far past your bedtime, anyway.” Unsurprisingly, Solaris was the next to give his two cents. Also unsurprisingly, he didn’t intend to come to my defence.

“Twilight, I’m sure you have business to attend to with your Court of Centurions,” said Father. “And Discord, I promised Mia that I would let you go so the two of you could have the sweets you discussed.”

“Oh, of course!” said Uncle Discord, jumping to his feet. “Nearly forgot. I have a castle of sweet rolls to construct and consume with my daughter! Farewell!” He snapped his fingers and vanished in a pop of white light. Twilight decided nothing more needed saying, and she escorted herself out of the room. Now, I was left in a room with the two men in my life I despised the most.

“So, you have summits just to conspire against me now,” I said, freeing myself from Lazarus’ grasp. “You try to sabotage me at every turn, you make plans to have me stopped behind my back, and you wonder why I hate you? Why I don’t trust you? Because of this, Father.”

“Celestia, you don’t understand,” said Solaris. I don’t know what came over me, but I snapped. In an instant, my wand was in my grasp. Aiming at Solaris, I did the motions: Up, right, neutral, down-left, up, neutral, flick. A great orb of fire burst from my wand, rocketing at great speed towards my father. He barely flinched, summoning his staff from nowhere and dissipating my fire with a wave.

“Do not do something you’ll regret,” said Solaris. “You truly do not want to attack me, daughter.”

“Do not tell me what I want, or what I don’t understand!” I shouted, launching another orb of flame. Solaris blocked it similarly, and did the same for my next blast, and the next, and the next after that. He aimed his staff at me, the two gems glowing, when something truly spectacular happened.

Lazarus thrusted his right palm forward just as Father fired his spell. The jet of cerulean paused in midair, about a yard away from me. It just sat there, held in place by some outside force. Lazarus stepped forward, with fire in his eyes. He was furious, and I was a bit afraid as to what that could mean. My wand vanished from my hand, as did Solaris’ staff, reappearing in Lazarus’ left hand. Father’s spell (which I later learned would have only stunned me) then dissipated into vapor.

“That’s quite enough, I think,” he said curtly. “Now, I’ve lived alone for a very long time, so perhaps I’m mistaken. Please correct me if I’m wrong in thinking that, when you have a disagreement with family, you talk about it, rather than try to kill each other!”

“He is not family!” I shouted. I was about as shocked to hear the words as he was. But I couldn’t stop there. “He is not family! My family is all but gone because of that man!”

“Celestia, don’t-” began Solaris, but I didn’t let him finish.

“No! Stop telling me what to do!” I screamed. “Stop pretending as if you want to guide me, or that you care about me! We both know that you don’t! I’m nothing but a disappointment to you, aren’t I?”

“Celestia, you know I care about you,” lied Solaris. “Why else would I be trying so hard to protect you? I don’t make it a habit to keep my enemies out of harm’s way.”

“Because she told you to!” I snapped. “If it weren’t for Mother, you’d have me sent away, or imprisoned, or killed, and Luna would be heir, because that’s what you want! She should’ve been first-born!”

“Somehow, I think this is worse than the fighting,” said Lazarus sheepishly. “This got out of hand rather quickly, didn’t it?”

“Celestia, you are truly spouting nonsense now,” said Solaris. “Think about what you’re saying for a moment. Do you really believe I’d waste as much time and money on you as I did if I intended to send you away?” I tried to summon my wand back to me, but Lazarus would not loosen his grip. Momentarily, I considered casting a spell without my wand. I disregarded the idea shortly thereafter; It would probably blow up in my face, both literally and metaphorically.

“I believe that the only reason I am still Princess is because of Mother,” I said. “She made you keep me, didn’t she? I bet that, when you saw how feeble my magical pathways were, you’d have drowned me in a washtub had it not been for her.”

“Your mother has nothing to do with this,” he said, taking a well-measured step in my direction.

“Mother has everything to do with this,” I disagreed. “This is how you try to repay her, by keeping me in the castle.”

“You think me a failure,” said Solaris. “And you may very well be right.”

“You failed to protect her, so I’d say so,” I muttered under my breath.

“SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK!” roared the King. The anger, the rage in his eyes was chilling, freezing me in place. Solaris snapped his fingers, and a scroll of parchment appeared in his hand. He tossed it to me, the scroll bouncing off of my chest and onto the floor, where it remained for a moment until I bent over and picked it up. The scroll had a wax seal, in the shape of an inkwell and a raven quill. The Seal of Queen Faustia.

“Your mother wrote you a letter before she departed,” said Solaris, having apparently calmed himself down. “When we learned of her fate, I was to give it to you.”

“But you didn’t,” I snapped, even though everything about his tone said I should remain silent.

“I did. Can’t you recall? You were so distraught that you lost control of your magic,” said the King. “You burned it to ash, without even realizing it, you were so upset. Your mother, clever girl she is, wrote two, just in case.” I rolled the scroll over in my hand, unable to tear my gaze from it.

“Why did you give it to me?” I asked. Solaris’ horn began to glow, and his staff appeared in his hand.

“It belongs to you,” he said, turning for the exit to his chambers. “Read it, burn it, put it on a shelf. Whatever you wish. Just know that this letter is your only chance to understand a situation far too complex for you to unravel on your own.”

Before I could muster a reply, he was gone. I turned to release my rage onto Lazarus, who had also apparently evaporated. Must’ve teleported away in the confusion, dropping my wand onto the ground. I crouched to retrieve it, and fell on my rear in the process.

Then, I began to cry.

Author's Note

Ah, the last chapter written before the hiatus. It's been sitting in my docs for a couple of months now, and I was expecting to keep it there. However, I've decided to pic this story back up, and production has now resumed. Very slowly, but it has resumed nonetheless.

Remember to tell me why this story sucks, and why it doesn't suck, so that perhaps I may better please you dear readers in the future. Until the next one.