Elements of Sex

by CrackerZach

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Comedy, Random, Sex
Length: 1267

With the lacking number of males in Equestria, it's not hard to believe that the ponies that inhabit the land have a hard time looking for pleasures to pass the time.

A fatal tragedy about the loss of a loved one, "Elements of Sex" delivers a steamy and grimmer look on the life of the ponies of Equestria. Perpule is an dangerous sex addict, whilst Applejack-off is a safe, down to earth sex advocate. Can the two see eye to eye and help each other realize the benefits of both sides of the coin?

(This is purely comedic, no jimmies were intended to be rustled with the creation of this story.)

Published 2015-06-20 16:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-20 16:00:02 UTC

Apple Picking

Author's Note

Another collab between Vincoono and I. Dedicated to Ian, Jackson, and maybe Chad.

Apple Picking

Rarity is a cunt.

No-one likes her.

Therefore she is not in this series of stories. Them’s the rules of these here hills.

Twas a dark and spoopy night in the land of the place where our heroines awaited the cumming of dark times. Chodezilla riseth again and it's up to our busty heroines to stop it.

Our heroines consists of the elements of sexuality. Sporty Slut, the element of tomboyish butt-fun and a nice athletic body. Then we have Pinky Kinky the element of BDSM and with some dank cushion for a pushin’. Next we have Applejack-off, the element of masturbation because she is the ultimate loner and can't find a mate. George Bush, element of bushitude, what else. Then we have Perpule Cumdump the fo’ realest ho taught by the sunbooty. Futa-shy, the element of beastiality, you know damn why she is, them carrots ain’t just for feedin’ boyo (scrumpy belch).

Perpule had been “studying” very hard because she’s trying to level up her “endurance”. She’d been “working” extra hard to earn a promotion from Molestia. She was also hoping that getting on Molestia’s gud side would give her a better chance of banging that sweet, sun-sized, communist-red-smokin’-hot softer-than-clouds plot. Perpule got so caught up with envisioning it that she began to spring a leek. She slowly moved a hoof down to her taint, a spot of drool running down her cheek as she continued to imagine dat ass. As she parted her pussy lips, she could feel a slight breeze run through her insides, sending a chill down her spine. Perpule shivered in ecstasy as she continued to play with her privates. But then, rather suddenly there was a loud crash at the door. Then another. And another. Until there was one, final crash; louder than the rest. Perpule heard the clop of hasty hooves running through her home, but she didn’t give a fuck, because sex>safety. Abruptly, Applejack-off burst through the door to her room.

“WAIT, PERPULE, STOP! IF YOU KEEP MASTURBATING LIKE THAT YOU COULD GET BLEEDING URETHRAL MEATUS!!!1!!11!” Applejack-off exclaimed

“Fuck off AJ-O.” Perpule retorted nonchalantly.

“PLEASE PERPULE, DON’T MAKE HIM DO THIS.”

A low guitar and tambourine can be heard.

“What the fuck are you talking about Applejack-off?”

“HE WON’T SHOW ANY MERCY.’

“WHO THE FUCK IS HE!?” Perpule shouted.

“HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA.” Applejack-off announces as the trumpets begin to blare.

Mr. Cena soared in through the window and RKO’d Perpule out of nowhere, taking her out of the game for good.

“What the fuck John, you weren’t supposed to kill her!” Applejack-off proclaimed.

John Cena turns to Applejack-off, staring straight into her eyes, no sweating, no blinking, just the look. Applejack-off knew this look, and she knew what it meant. She feared not only for her virginity, but her life as well. Cena dove at her, clenching her neck whilst thrusting her into the air. His expression hadn’t changed, he was going to go all the way. He began his final slam-jam, but just before she hit the ground, a feint, withered voice said.

“My daddy always told me not to murder women.”

Bush appeared between Cena and Applejack-off, pulling his arm back into the air and preventing the untimely demise of another pony.

“You really think you can defeat me old man? I’m John Cena, the greatest wrestler to ever live!”

“But not the greatest president.”

Bush clenched his fist around Cena’s arm. The skin on John’s arm began to tear as Bush tore through the muscle and bone. The arm of the once great wrestler was now George’s and he began to clobber John with his own limb, finishing off the 63 hit combo with a grand-slam smash. John went soaring through the roof and into the sky, leaving nothing behind but the arm Bush had stolen.

“Well, at least your arm was handy.’ Bush said as he tossed the now useless limb out the window. Applejack-off ran to Bush, her eyes filled with stars.

“B-Bushu senpai! You’re so strongu!” Applejack-off said whilst blushing like a red delicious apple. “W-Will you be my first Bush senpai?”

“As former president of the United States of America, it would be my god-given pleasure to fuck you right in the pussy.”

“B-Bush sen-” But before she could finish George had his lips all over hers. Applejack-off was clearly inexperienced, but Bush did not care. He loved the sweet fresh taste of her apple flavored mouth. He then starts moving his hands towards her pearky apples and starts feeling her up while kissing her at the same time. Applejack-off was lost in the passion that the former president was giving her. She then starts to feel something poking her.

“W-What is that Bush senpai?”

“It’s my apple tree and its fruits.” George explained. “They only grow this large when someone who loves apples is nearby.”

“R-Really? Wow, I’m flattered!” She moves her hoof to his pants. “M-May I see your orchard Bush senpai?”

“Only if you promise to taste my fruits.”

She unearthed Bush’s massive republican. Applejack-off moved her tongue around Bush’s podium, causing it to twitch and throb with pleasure.

“It tastes better the further you go AJ-O.” Bush informed.

“I-If you say so Bush senpai…” She began to fit George’s erect flagpole into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down going deeper each time. A quarter the first, half the next, and finally all the way to the base of his podium. Applejack-off continued to bob at a steady rhythm until finally George held her head down at his base and gave her a taste of some of his homebrewed, non-gmo, gluten-free, locally grown applesauce.

“B-Bush senpai, i-it tastes so sweet! Like apples!”

“It’s not over yet my delicious dragon fruit.” George moved her back onto the floor. He moved down to her nether-regions, taking a whiff and a taste of her succulent apple fritter. He began to kiss his way back up to her mouth, locking lips with her for a sensual spit-swap. As Applejack-off was serenaded by the former president, she could feel his log making its way down to her vaj-oven™. Suddenly, he thrust himself in with the force of 50 mediocre senators (Sarah Palin, I’m looking at you), taking her completely by surprise. AJ-O let out a squeak as her insides expanded to accommodate for George’s fierce American pride (I am a real American, fight for your life, fight for your rights.) He began to pump in and out of the once pure earth pony, letting out soft grunts of joy with each movement. Applejack-off was constantly panting, she’d always been an intense “solo-performer”, but she’d never felt quite like this during her sessions.

After an erotic 20 months of fiery love-makin’, Bush began to speed up for the finisher. “This is it.” Bush thought to himself. “My daddy would be so proud of me if he could see me right now!”. He increased his speed, ready to release his seed onto a new farm. They both began to moan heavily with each other and finally…

“RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!”

JOHN CENA COMES BACK FROM THE SKIES dropping an elbow on the back of Bush’s neck, killing him instantly. Bush released inside, spraying his love for America all over AJ-O’s insides and on her chest, most definitely impregnating her. But it was over for Bush, as the lifeless body of our former leader collapsed dead on the floor of Twilight’s library.