All the Trolls. ALL OF THEM.

Chapters

Act 1 Chapter 1
Act 1 Chapter 2
Act 1 Chapter 3 - End of Act 1
Act 2 Chapter 1
Act 2 Chapter 2
Act 2 Chapter 3 - End of Act 2
Intermission 2 - Again, For Something Completely Different!
Act 3 Chapter 1
Act 3 Chapter 2
Act 3 Chapter 3 - End of Act 3
Act 4 Chapter 1
Act 4 Chapter 2
Act 4 Chapter 3 - End of Act 4 (Crossover)
Intermission Three - This Time, Really, Something Completely Different!
Act 5 Chapter 1
Act 5 Chapter 2
Act 5 Chapter 3 - End of Act 5.
Begin Act Six: Everything Changes.
Act Six Chapter 2: Everything Goes To Hell
Act Six Chapter Three: Hell oveflows. Shits are wrecked.
Act Six Chapter IV: A New Hope (crossover)
Prologue
Intermission 1 - And Now, For Something Completely Different!
Intermission 4 - You're Getting Tired Of All These Promises Of Something Completely Different, Aren't You?

Act 1 Chapter 1

Act 1

Begin Chapter One

A flash of crimson light and eleven trolls tumbled onto the hard, cold ground. Vantas took a glance around, before sighing. “It would be the bloody moon lab, now wouldn’t it? Wonderful.”

“Aww, come on!” The male seadweller cried. “Wwe wwere just about to kick some pony ass! I had my wwand and evverything!”

“Hmph. Yeah, you 2ure were gonna take the Priince22e2 and her… friiend2, II gue22. 2ure, Ampora,” Captor smirked.

“And just wwhat is that supposed to mean?” Ampora questioned, glaring at Captor.

“Ju2t that you had two end up iin 2tone 2omehow,” he replied.

“OK boys, don’t you t)(ink it’s a bit too early for this?” the female seadweller interrupted. “We just got depetrified less t)(an ten minutes ago and you’re already starting up old feuds?”

“Hey, for the record, II diidn’t even want two get depetriifiied,” Captor said. “I wa2 very iin2ii2tant on the petriifiicatiion iin the fiir2t place.”

“As Was I,” The Caretaker said. “Though, Through The Lens Of Hindsight, Perhaps It Was A Hastily Made Decision.”

Vantas rolled his eyes. “Ya think?”

“Hmm.” The trolls turned to see Megido appear on the transportalizer platform.

“You know, this makes me realize. Aside from the obvious notion that we’ve all been transported to Equestria as Alternian Trolls, we have no idea what specifically has happened to each of us, or even when we got here. So, what say we go around in the circle- Vantas you can start- and we do the ‘how we got here’ storytime?”

Meanwhile, In Canterlot

Guards bustling, a blue hand appearing shortly while disappearing as quickly, ponies rushing through the castle’s halls, ferrying documents and orders to their destinations. And in the stained glass throneroom, a very important meeting was taking place.

“What the heck are we going to do?” Twilight cried. “Look at this! It’s Discord all over again!”

“Heck if I know,” snorted Pinkie. “We’re not the main characters anymore, our survival is not guaranteed anymore. Not that I’m currently in-character anyway.”

“Calm down, you two,” Celestia reprimanded, her voice gentle yet firm. “This is neither the time nor the place for a panic.”

“Our sister is correct. A plan is required should Equestria stand any hope of addressing this great calamity,” Luna added. “And if We may make a suggestion, t’would seem beneficial if we could locate just where these Doomed Gods have fled, and perhaps to discover what atrocities they might be planning.”

“That makes enough sense,” Rarity noted. “But how are we to go about tracing these fiends?”

“I’ve tried a magical tracking spell,” Twilight said. “It works by examining the mystic residue left behind at the scene of magic, and cross referencing it with any current activity in the Aether Stream. But for whatever reason, there appears to be some counter-influence, keeping the Doomed Gods’ magical influence hidden within the Stream. All I can say is that wherever they are, they’ve got mages powerful enough to blot out their presence.”

“Hmm. Then it’s back to good ol’ detective work, eh?” Applejack asked.

“Indeed. The Equestrian Intelligence Agency is working furiously to resolve the matter as we speak,” Celestia announced. “I’ve sent warnings out to the neighboring kingdoms. If they appear anywhere on this planet, I’m sure someone will spot them. In the meantime,” she said, addressing the Elements, “I’d appreciate it if you all would remain in Canterlot. Not only can I assure your safety here, but having you all on hoof could ensure a quick response to the Doomed Gods’ activities. I’m sorry for any disruptions.”

“It’s no problem, Princess,” Applejack said. “Mah family has the farm more than covered.”

“Mmm. Lucky thing I don’t currently have any large orders,” Rarity said. “Though, so long as I’m in Canterlot, I can see if I can drum up some publicity.”

“So long as I have some space to stretch my wings, I’ll be good,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Do you even have to ask!?” Pinkie cried.

“I think we’d all be honored to stay here and help you through this crisis,” Twilight summed up. Celestia gave a warm smile.

“I’m glad to hear that, my faithful student. However, I think one of you hasn’t said anything yet.” The ponies turned to face Fluttershy, who flinched a little at the attention.

“W-well,” she said. “I know this really is important, but the animals do really need somepony to look after them, and I’m not sure if I could ask anypony else.” When the rest of the ponies said nothing, Fluttershy sighed. “I’ll ask Spike.”

“Hmm. So that’s what happened.”

Having all gone around, the trolls sat back and contemplated for a while on all the antics they and their compatriots had gotten into. They sure were glad that they knew what had happened, and would feel real pity for anyone who didn’t yet. Ah well…

“sO, wAIT,” Nitram spoke up. “wHAT DO WE DO NOW?”

“We try to t8ke over the world,” Serket replied. “I mean, we had them going for a while there. May as well try again.”

“Now, Hold It There,” Maryam interjected. “You Do Not Exactly Have Me Convinced Of That Course Of Action Being The Best Of Ideas. I For One Think That It Would Be Better If We Made An Attempt At Friendly Relations With The Monarchy, At Least To The Point Of Their Ceasing To Actively Pursue Us Across The Country. From There We Could Perhaps Settle Down And Live Out Our Own Lives.”

“Diplomacy is 8oring,” Serket argued. “Dict8orship is fun!”

“And wwhile I wwon’t argue wwith Serket on that statement, I havve my sights set elsewwhere,” Ampora said.

“Yea)(!” Peixes squealed. “T)(at witc)( in the seapony empire )(as )(er days numbered. This time, W-E’LL COM-E PR-EPAR-ED!!!”

“Well,” snarked Captor, “Unle22 you lot want me two pulverii2e you wiith my de2tructiive, uncontrollable p2iioniic2, you better lock me back iintwo the 2tone where II belong.”

“N0w, n0w,” reprimanded Megido, “We were just reunited. Please, Capt0r. We’ll find a way t0 c0ntr0l y0ur psi0nics. I am handling the v0ices 0f the dead just fine!”

“:33 < I better catch up with that old kitty!” Leijon announced. “:33 < And I’m sure Zahhak would like to come with me.”

“...” said Zahhak.

“Look, everyone, we all seem to have different interests right now,” said Vantas. “Maybe we oughta just head our separate ways, do our own thing.”

And so, our intrepid heroes went on a long and boring journey to desperately search for their old acquaintances. But the journey itself is boring, so we’ll skip that.

“Heeeeeeeey!”

What?

“You can’t just up and skip character development like that! It’s essential to the plot!”

Is it, now? Say, how did you get into my narration anyway?

“Silly! You stole the fourth wall, I stole the relay tower!”

...Curses. I knew I should have been more careful with that one. Granted, heck if I know what I was going to actually do with it, but it was important to me!
...say, what’s that hand doing here?

“What hand?”

I must have imagined it. Where was I?

“...Was it?”

...No. Back to the story, then, everyone.

“N0,” Megido moaned. “We-we just g0t t0gether again. We can’t already be splitting apart.”

“Sorry, Meg, but Peixes and I do havve things to attend to,” Ampora said, stepping towards the transportalizer. “Wwe’ll sea you around.”

“Wait! I’ve g0t it!” Megido cried. “We can just all address this stuff t0gether!”

Ampora stopped. “I’m listening.”

“The last time we tried t0 d0 what we wanted, we g0t st0pped by the princesses 0r s0mething like that,” Megido explained. (‘You d1dn’t,’ muttered Pyrope) “But if we all travel t0gether, we’ll be unst0ppable!”

No one spoke for a couple seconds, till Ampora said, “It wwould take longer.”

“Is that really n0t w0rth the guarantee that we’d succeed?” Megido countered.

“Hmm,” Vantas said. “Well, it does make sense.” He held out his hand. “Everyone, put your hands on top of mine. From this point on, we’re a group, a team. We look out for other’s concerns, and we support each other. To invincibility through teamwork!”

“Invincibility through teamwork!” the trolls cheered.

“Yes!” Megido cheered, though much more quietly.

“So,” Vantas announced. “What’re we going to do next?”

The arguing broke out anew. Vantas sighed. “It’s going to be a long day…”

End Chapter 1

Author's Note

And so we have arrived to the first chapter!

It seem that this story has a narrator, who's being bothered by a character. Who knew?

Anyways, read, and post your opinions in the comments below.

Act 1 Chapter 2

“Closer… closer… closer… launch!” At Pinkie’s command, a great balloon of water fell from the sky, descending down upon the unsuspecting Rarity. Splat!

“Ugh, for the love of all… Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, you complete ruffians!” Rarity screamed at the two pranksters, who stood on the balcony above, rolling in laughter. “Ooh, I hope you didn’t get these new fabrics wet. Goodness knows I had to search everywhere to find them in stock.”

“Aha! Direct hit!” Rainbow giggled.

“Target destroyed! It’s over everypony!” Pinkie snorted.

“Alright now, y’all,” a familiar voice scolded. The two turned to see Applejack come up behind them. “You lot oughta tell Rarity that you’re sorry, ya hear?”

“Alright,” Pinkie sighed. “Sorry Rarity!” She shouted down to the soaked mare.

“And Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah yeah, Applejack,” Rainbow groaned. “Sorry Rarity!”

“Good enough,” Applejack said. “But what’re y’all doin’ messing around here in the first place? Shouldn’t y’all be waitin’ with the princess until they flush the Doomed Gods out?”

“Well, standing in that room with all the big monitors was fun for awhile, but you can only stay in one place waiting for something to happen for so long,” Rainbow explained. “Rarity went out shopping, you excused yourself, I think even Fluttershy went back to the gardens. The only pony who’d still be down there is Twilight, and that’s because she’s still super paranoid about this whole thing.”

“Twilight isn’t in the Monitoring Room, though,” Rarity called from down below. “Last I saw, she was in the castle library. And she was working herself into quite a tizzy as well.”

“Hmm. Maybe we oughtta go check on her, then,” Applejack said.

“You go ahead,” Rainbow replied. “I’ve got some flying to catch up on.” She jetted away without another word.

“Alright then. Pinkie, let’s go.”

“Ooh! Does this mean we get to see the five dashes?” Pinkie asked. “I love the five dashes!”

A hand floated by.

“Twilight?” Applejack asked as she entered the castle library, Pinkie bouncing along behind her. “Twilight? Where are- Twilight!”

“Oh. Uh… hi, Applejack,” Twilight said, the librarian’s head sticking out beneath an enormous mound of books. “Could you, um… help get these off me?”

Applejack was already there, seizing some of the tomes in her mouth and lifting them away. “How did this happen?” She asked, between lifts.

“I was looking for a particular book,” Twilight admitted, somewhat sheepish. “I couldn’t find it and I got upset. I… may have knocked over a bookshelf or two.”

“Twilight, y’all can’t just go causin’ damage all willy-nilly,” Applejack reprimanded. “You’ve gotta be more careful about these things.”

“I know, I know,” Twilight said. “It’s just- you see, I read about this spell awhile back, in Ponyville, that I think could be very helpful. But I didn’t quite remember how it went, so I came to the library to find the book it was in. But they didn’t have it! The castle library didn’t have the book, and they always have the book!” Twilight slumped over in defeat.

“Wow,” Pinkie Pie said. “Castle doesn’t have the one book you need? That seems awfully contrived.”

“Er- what I think Pinkie is trying to say,” Applejack explained, “is that you’ve had some bad luck, but there’s not really anything you can do about it. You just have to move on.”

“Maybe,” Twilight agreed. Suddenly, her eyes flew open. “I’ve got it! I know I have the book in the Ponyville library. I’ll just teleport back there, pick it up, and teleport back!”

“Err- you sure that’s the best of ideas there, Twilight?” Applejack questioned. “Ah mean, the Princess did want us all on hoof.”

“Don’t worry, Applejack,” Twilight quickly replied. “I’ll be in and out before anyone can even notice I’m gone- it‘ll just be a couple minutes.”

“Well... OK,” Applejack surrendered. “So long as it’s not too- *FLASH!* *Sigh* Ah well. Pinkie, you OK? Y’ah haven’t been talkin’ too much.” Applejack turned around after a couple more seconds of silence. “Pinkie?”

“S-s-s-sudden chills,” Pinkie stuttered. “Blurry vision. Short breath. Ooh! It took me forever to figure out what that one means!”

“Err- and what does it mean?” Applejack asked, just a bit nervous.

“Something immediately relevant is happening far away,” Pinkie grinned.

“Oh. And, uh… what does that mean?” Applejack wondered, puzzled by Pinkie’s vague answer.

Pinkie gave a wink. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll find out.”

“Kill them all!"

“Thii2 iis a terriible iidea,”

“The movie wwas better.”

“The books were better.”

Megido looked despairingly over the squabbling Trolls and gave an inward sigh. This was all going wrong! They were supposed to have a happy reunion, not argue until their friendships disappeared! They-

Her keen ears picked up a voice from the mess. "-4nd w3 don't 3v3n know th1s world’s h1story, or wh4t h4s h4pp3n3d r3c3ntly-"

She perked up. Of course! Not one of them had lived in Equestria for too long... Neither had she, for that matter. They knew next to nothing of the local history, or society. They could only make guesses as to the culture or structure of government. But she was the Maid of Time, and she could pop off to find a history book no problem! Since all the Elements of Harmony were at the capitol, she could pop off to Ponyville, grab some encyclopedias, and be back in a jiffy!

Megido disappeared in a swish. The trolls argued on in her absence.

With a spark of red, Megido materialized inside of the Golden Oaks library. A grin burst immediately onto her face as she found the shelf she needed. She reached out and grabbed a couple large history books and cultural analyses, ignoring a hand seemingly tucked in there for no discernible reason. Still smiling, she turned around and found herself face to face with a very surprised pony.

“You!” Twilight cried.
“Y0u!” Megido growled.

Now, to Twilight’s credit, she did try to react. She dropped the tome of magic in her telekinetic grip and lit her horn, preparing to blast Megido away. Unfortunately, time wasn’t exactly on her side.

With a wave of her hand, Megido sent Twilight flying into a bookshelf. She slammed into the rack of knowledge and fell to the ground, books raining down on her. She tried to struggle to her hooves, but with a second gesture, Megido flung Twilight into the ceiling, before rocketing her back towards the floor.

Her horn aglow, however, Twilight teleported in midair, appearing behind Megido. The troll barely realized what had happened before Twilight blasted her into a bookshelf. “That’s for knocking over my books,” Twilight growled. “Do you have any idea how long it’ll take to reorganize them?”

“Hmph,” Megido smirked, getting back to her feet. “Then this is g0ing t0 take y0u f0rever.” With a snap of her fingers, a large dictionary flew from one of the intact shelves at Twilight. The unicorn yelped in surprise, summoning a purple shield bubble. Megido’s smile widened as with another snap, she sent every book in the library shooting at Twilight.

“Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! OW! That was my encyclopedia first edition, you- ow!”

The hail of tomes forced Twilight farther and farther back, and littered the floor with pages and covers. Twilight, catching glimpses of the mess being made, let out a roar of anger. “That’s it!” she cried, releasing a wave of violet energy. The aerial books suddenly froze, then dropped limply to the ground. The enraged librarian followed with a volley of magic blasts, forcing Megido to dodge out of the way.

“Hey, Twilight!” Megido called, leaping over another burst of magic. “Y0u’re l00king a bit w0rked up. Maybe y0u 0ughtta take s0me time t0 sl0w d0wn.” With a snap of her fingers, a sphere of red congealed around the Element of Magic, freezing her in time and place.

For about a second.

“Gotcha,” Twilight grinned before blasting Megido into the empty shelves.

“What?” Megido cried, recovering quickly. “What? But… what?”

“I knew finding that spell was a good idea,” Twilight smirked. “It’s an enchantment that neutralizes temporal magic! I’ve cast it on myself.”

“Excellent,” Megido replied sarcastically. “Very very g00d Miss Exp0siti0n. W0nderful, I think y0u’ve just c0mpletely neutralized me. I mean, it’s quite 0bvi0us that I can’t d0 anything but st0p time, right?”

Before Twilight could give a confused response, the Maid of Time flash-stepped before her, and she found herself sent flying again into a bookshelf by a MEGIDO PUNCH! As she got back up, she rubbed her head in pain, sputtering, “Wha- how- how did you do that?”

“0h, c0me 0n. Y0u’re Twilight Sparkle, y0u can figure this 0ut,” Megido grinned.

Twilight recalled Megido on the ground, jabbering sarcastically one second, then knocking her away the next. “You- you sped time up- but only for yourself,” she gasped.

Suddenly Twilight was again sent flying by a Maid moving faster than everything around her. “See, I knew y0u’d get it,” Megido cheered at the downed unicorn. “Sadly for you, I think it’s about time I wrapped this up.” Twilight lay prone on the ground, moaning in pain. Megido grabbed a large atlas and hefted it over her head, preparing to bring it down.

Suddenly, both girl’s heads turned to see the library doors open.

“Aw jeez, that was a lot of animal- Twilight!” a small purple dragon cried, taking in the incredible scene before him.

With a growl, Twilight’s magic enveloped Megido’s atlas, and Twilight wrenched the book from the troll’s grip, before slamming her across the room with the improvised weapon. Megido landed hard next to her discarded pile of history books.

“Y0u kn0w what?” Megido said, rising and snatching the mound of text. “I just realized that I d0n’t really have much 0f a reas0n t0 kill y0u here. I’ll just be on my way.” Before Twilight could respond, Megido grabbed her books, snapped her fingers and, in a flash of scarlet, disappeared.

“...Twilight? What exactly just happened?” Spike asked.

“No time, Spike,” Twilight replied. “I have to report back to the princess. I’ll explain everything later!” In a flash of lavender, she too disappeared.

Spike sat down with a sigh, gazing at the wrecked library, pointedly ignoring a hand floating by. “I’m gonna have to clean this all up, aren’t I.”

“Hey, guys!” Megido cried. “L00k, I went 0ut and g0t s0me hist0ry b00ks. Now we can figure 0ut what exactly has been g0ing 0n ar0und here, and-”

“Yeah, that’s great, Megido,” Vantas groaned back. “But we may have a bit of a problem here.”

Megido took another look at the lab. Trolls were sprawled every which way, the walls dashed with scorch marks. And in the corner, Captor sat against the wall, a dazed look still etched across his face. “0h,” she whispered.

“Let’s just say we’ve made a decision,” Vantas said. “Captor’s eyes need to be addressed.”

And so went the Maid of Time’s first encounter with the Element of Magic, and both learned much. And though they’d both be prepared for their next encounter, the Maid’s days of freezing enemies in their tracks were over. For the most part.

“You’ve got to admit, that was a cheap move. I’m glad we don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Ah. I’ve still got you to deal with, don’t I.

“Silly Narrator. You can not simply ‘deal’ with Pinkie Pie. Especially when you’re trapped in stone!”

Hmm. But for how long, I wonder?

“... Huh?”

Can you feel it, Pinkie? A wave of chaos is approaching, and the first hint is already here. I wonder how Equestria will look in it’s wake...

“Oh no. That is not good, that is very not good!”

In fact, I have enough strength already to simply wash this conversation out of your mind. No, you won’t be bothering me for too much longer, young Pinkamena.

“Ugh… I feel…”

Allons-y, Pinkie. I’ve got my own business to attend to, and let’s just say the results could be... shattering.

*Crack. Crack crack.*

Author's Note

And here we are at Chapter Three, and guess what?

The Narrator might just be more trouble than expected....

Act 1 Chapter 3 - End of Act 1

“Ugh,” Rainbow groaned. “Ugh ugh ugh. This is so boring!”

“Rainbow, calm down,” Twilight said, turning back to the monitors.

“Ugh… ugh!!!” Rainbow cried. “I don’t know how long I can stand this castle. There’s just… why?”

“Rainbow, watchin’ the monitors is an important job,” Applejack said. “What if the Doomed Gods make a move and we aren’t there to respond?”

“Look, these Doomed Gods haven’t made a move since Twilight went back to get her book, and that’s like, two weeks ago,” Rainbow said. “I thought we’d be done with this in, like, a couple hours at most.”

“Well, that was a little silly of you, wasn’t it?” Rarity said. “Just because our past affairs with evil were wrapped up quickly doesn’t mean that this one will.”

“But… we’re trapped inside on Nightmare Night!!!”

“Mmm, yes, that is an issue, isn’t it,” A voice said serenely. The ponies turned around to see Celestia standing in the monitor room doorway.

“Err- Princess,” Twilight stuttered. “We were just-”

“Go,” Celestia smiled.

“Uh- what?”

“Go on,” Celestia said. “It is Nightmare Night. I’ll get Luna to give you all a ride back to Ponyville. I’ll take over here.”

“YES!!!” Rainbow screamed, dashing out of the room without a pause. Pinkie followed quickly after, followed by Applejack and Rarity. A stunned Twilight turned to leave as well.

“Err- thank you,” Fluttershy said, before exiting the room as well.

“Ah…” Celestia breathed. “Well, it’s about time now. Let’s get to work.”

“:33< Alrighty, Captor. Try again!” Leijon cheered. “I’m sure you’ll get it this time!”

Captor gave a frustrated sigh and took a deep breath. Concentrating, holding his breath, his eyes began to bubble with lights of red and blue. Struggling to control the wild energy, a bead of sweat dribbled down his forehead as the multicolored glow intensified. “H-hey, guy2?” he stuttered. “II thiink II may ju2t have iit-”

Suddenly, with an explosion of light, the energy blasted free, sending shockwaves through the room and throwing Captor to a nearby mattress. “Owww,” he groaned.

“:33< Dangit,” Leijon swore. “:33 I thought fur sure that you had it that time!”

“At least we thought to bring out the mattresses,” Vantas said. “That’s made it maybe half as likely that he’d kill himself over the course of this. Would be easier if we could find a more open space to practice.”

“:33< But Vantas, Zahhak said we couldn’t leave!” Leijon reminded.

“I know, I know, I just wish he’d tell us why,” Vantas complained, jabbing a finger in the direction of the massive troll. “He’s just sitting there over in the corner, staring at the wall and twiddling his fingers, telling us not to go anywhere.”

“...” Zahhak said.

“L00k, everyb0dy,” Megido interrupted. “We’ll get thr0ugh this, I kn0w it. We may have limited res0urces, but we’ve g0t the drive and determinati0n t0 succeed!”

“Uh, M3g1do?” Pyrope interrupted. “C4n 1 t4lk to you?”

“Sure,” Megido replied, breaking off as the group moved to help Captor back to his feet. Picking a deserted corner of the lab, she asked, “S0, what d0 y0u need?”

“L1st3n, M3g1do,” Pyrope said. “1 r34l1z3 th4t th1s 1s blunt 4s 4ll h3ll, but Captor h4s to go.”

“N0,” Megido said. “L00k, Pyr0pe, I d0n’t care what y0u 0r any0ne else has t0 say. We’re a team and we’ll stick t0gether, even if 0ne 0f 0ur members sp0ntane0usly emits deadly laser fire.”

“Look, 1 know you m3an w3ll, M3g,” Pyrope argued, “But th1s s1mply 1sn’t som3th1ng w3 c4n r1sk. 1n c4s3 you h4v3n’t not1c3d, w3’r3 on th3 fr1gg1n’ moon. Wh4t h4pp3ns 1f Captor sl1ps 4nd f1r3s 4 hol3 through th3 c31l1ng?”

“Pyr0pe, I d0n’t think y0u quite understand,” Megido cried. “This is about 0ur principles, and the highest principle we have is each 0ther. We’re here f0r each 0ther, we supp0rt each 0ther, and we’re n0t ab0ut t0 thr0w s0me0ne 0ut f0r an issue that we can fix.”

“Would you stop pr34ch1ng 4nd th1nk, M3g?” Pyrope glared. “Th1s 1sn’t 4n 4nnoy1ng hab1t or som3th1ng w3’r3 d34l1ng w1th, th3s3 4r3 d34dly d34th r4ys of d34th! 31th3r Captor l34av3s, or som3body 1s go1ng to g3t s3r1ously hurt.”

The two dissidents growled at each other in frustration as, elsewhere in the lab, another pair prepared for a stealthy exit. Nitram and Maryam slowly approached the transportalizer pad when suddenly, an angry voice rang out behind them.

“And y8u are going WHERE?”

The two trolls were shuffling awkwardly, neither wanting to meet their captor’s eyes. Nitram rubbed the back of his neck. “uHHHH, WELL, WE K1ND OF THOUGHT...”

Maryam took over. “Currently, Equestria Is Observing A Celebrartion Known As Nightmare Night, And Given The Somewhat Cramped Available Spacing In Combination With Our Recent Lack Of Outwards Ventures, We Thought We Would Disguise Ourselves As Local Populace And Observe The Current Festivities. I Read One Of The Books Megido Brought. It Had A Lovely Description Of The Modern Nightmare Night, And I thought I...” She quailed under Mindfang’s glare. “I Am Sorry.”

Serket rolled her eyes. “And h8w, ex8ctly, were y8u pl8nning to ‘8lend in’, hmmmmmmmm?” She cast another glare over the quavering trolls. “Need I rem8nd y8u th8t we are a compl8ly differ8nt species? I’m w8ing.”

Nitram spoke up. “wELL, i, UHHHH,” He paused. From the concentrated expression, it seemed that he was gathering himself. “Remem8er when we tr1ed our hand at work1ng under D1scord? He, uHHHH, AHEM. He gave me th1s.” He picked an item from his sylladex, a ray gun-esque device. “1t’s, uh, a pon1f1er. He sa1d 1t was, uh, ‘for contr1ved conven1ence’, 1 th1nk ... ”

Mindfang blinked. “Why is it th8t everything is so damn convenient f8r us? This is getting 8ooooooooring. Z8p me.”

This time, it was Maryam’s turn to blink. “Zap You? I Am Afraid I Do Not Understand.”

Serket rolled her eyes. “G8ds, you are such 8 fussyfangs. Zap me. Zip. Nada. I want in on the fun. Etc. Etc. Zap me!”

The two would-be escapees glanced at each other. Slowly, Nitram shrugged. “Ok.”

He leveled the device first at Serket and then at Maryam, zapping each once, before turning the ponifier on himself.

ZAP!

The other two trolls stared. “What?”

Nitram had gained height, his head now those of a bull’s, while his legs had gained cloven hooves. Simply put, he was now a minotaur. He shrugged. “1 just don’t know wh8t went wrong.” He took another look over the two trolls-turned-ponies. Both were unicorns with similar hairstyles to their anthropomorphic counterparts. Serket was a steely gray-blue, while Maryam was a rich green color.

“Nothing to do a8out it,” Mindfang said. “Now, let’s go!”

A woosh later, and all three were gone.

Megido snapped to attention at the telltale woosh of an outbound transportalizer. “0h n0. N0n0n0n0! Wh0 t00k 0ff?” She took a look around the lab. In retrospect, the question was kind of redundant. There was no obnoxious presence of Serket nor the stuttering Nitram. In a closer look, the mothering Maryam was also gone. That calmed her a little. No need for a complete panic, then. Wait, was that a hand? ...Alone. Huh. She shook herself out of it.

She raised her voice slightly. “Hey! D0es any0ne kn0w where Serket and Nitram w0uld have g0ne?” Most of the trolls in hearing range shook their heads with various degrees of annoyance. But there was one answer that surprised her.

“D --> Nightmare Night.” Megido turned to see Zahhak glaring at the empty transportalizer, his mighty fists clenched in rage. “D --> Those idiotic f001s.”

...What?

The night was dark, the air cool, as Spike stood on the balcony of the Golden Oaks library, surveying the sky for some expected visitors. “Come on, Twilight,” he whispered, scanning the horizon. “Wait- there!” Spike fled from the balcony, descending through the treehouse, and rushed quickly into town square. “They’re here!” He called “Twilight and everypony are back!”

A considerable crowd had gathered by the time Twilight’s golden carriage alighted into town square. Everypony cheered as the Elements exited the chariot, smiling at the crowd. Spike leapt up and gave Twilight a great hug. “Oh, I’ve missed you Twilight,” he whispered.

“It sure is good to be back,” Twilight replied.

Suddenly, the cheers of the crowds turned to gasps. Twilight and Spike turned around to see Princess Luna climb from the carriage, standing tall and proud. “Best greetings be upon ye!” she cried. “For on this Merry Evening, ye shall have the honor of partaking in the great celebration ye title ‘Nightmare Night’ with none other but Ourselves!”

As the crowd stared wide-mouthed, Spike gave Twilight a tap on the shoulder. “Twilight, could I talk to you for a moment?” he asked nervously, dragging Twilight behind the carriage.

“What were you thinking!” he whisper-shouted. “Bringing Nightmare Moon to Ponyville on a holiday meant to encourage fear of her?”

“That’s not Nightmare Moon,” Twilight whispered back. “That’s Princess Luna and she’s reformed now. All the townsponies saw it too, remember?”

“Yeah, but then Luna was smaller and lighter,” Spike argued. “Now, she’s Nightmare Moon without the armor!”

Twilight sighed. “Alright, look. I’m just going to wrap everything up here and now.” Stepping out from behind the chariot, she addressed the crowd. “Listen up, everypony,” she called. “This is not Nightmare Moon. This is your benevolent ruler, Princess Luna, Ruler of the Night and artist of this glorious starry sky we’re all glad to have tonight. You have no reason to fear her. She’s a pony just like you or I, and she just wants the best for her citizens.”

“Well spoken, Twilight Sparkle!” Luna shouted. “Ye are a truly talented speaker indeed. Citizens- truth pours from the unicorn’s mouth. We are here for the sole purpose of celebration and festivity, and therefor, by the powers invested in Us, please let Nightmare Night truly begin!”

The townsponies, though clearly still uneasy, seemed to have calm down a bit, and dispersed, readying themselves for the upcoming event. Twilight smiled at this development. “With any luck,” she said, “that will be the extent of panic tonight. I’d love a relaxing celebration right about now.”

It was unfortunate, however, that Twilight had none of the luck, owing of course to the fact that somepony else had all of the luck, and wasn’t about to share.

“So,” Vantas said, addressing the gathering of trolls-

“And also maybe someone else who might be tuning in!”

Pinkie, I thought I dealt with you’re interference already? How did you figure out how to get here?

“Simple. I just went back and reread the first part!”

Son of a… Fine then. Pinkie, you’re interrupting the story.

“Oops! Sorry, ‘Mr. Narrator.’ I’ll be quiet now.”

Excellent. Now where was I?

“So,” Vantas said, “You’re telling me that all this time you’ve been using your void powers to shield us from detection and that since Maryam, Serket, and Nitram left, they could be found out?”

“...” Zahhak nodded.

“And you didn’t tell use this before because you’re too busy working on… whatever it is you’re working on?”
“...” Another nod.

“Oh, for the love of… do you know how insufferable you can be?! Do you? Do you? Really freaking insufferable!” Vantas cried.

“We’ve g0t to g0 after them,” Megido said.

“W3 don’t h4v3 to,” Pyrope argued. “Th3y w3r3 stup1d 3nough to h34d out on th31r own, l3t th3m f1x th1s on th31r own.”

“No, we’re helping the wigglers,” Vantas growled. “Like it or not, Nitram and Serket are the most powerful ones here. We’re going after them.” Snapping into Leader Mode, Vantas climbed atop the transportalizer. “Alright everyone. We’re going to do this real simple. We transportalize down there. We grab the idiots. We transportalize back. Now come on.”

“Oof.”

“Ergh!”

“Thii2 ii2 really crowded.”

“Somebody hit the button or whatever!”

Woosh!

In the Canterlot Monitoring Station, alarms started blaring. Celestia spat out her coffee. Her hooves began flying over the keyboards, typing orders and commands. Turning to the stack of parchment on her right, she snatched a quill with her magic and scribbled a quick letter, before casting a spell that sent the message on its way.

Doomed Gods detected! Nearing your location! Wait for backup!

Two ponies and one minotaur stood on the outskirts of Ponyville, just staring somewhat awkwardly at the village before them. “So… I guess we just go in?” Nitram asked.

“I Suppose So,” Maryam replied. “We Ought To Dispel Any Notions Of Anxiousness Here, Though. Our Disguises Will Hold Up Only So Long As We Stay In Character, So Acting Nervous For No Discernable Reason Is Sure To Set Off Some Warning Alarms.”

With those words the trio took their first steps into Ponyville.

“Hey there!” Suddenly a pink Earth Pony, which Maryam recognized from the trolls’ escape from Canterlot, appeared before them. “I know word gets around, but I’d never expect ponies to travel here specifically for Nightmare Night! Though… it looks like not all of you are ponies!” Sticking her muzzled into Nitram’s face, she asked, “You’re a minotaur, aren’t you! Oh, I’ve never seen one of you in real life, before. What’s your name?”

“Uh- my name?” Nitram stumbled.

“Yes, your name, silly,” Pinkie said. “Everypony has a name!”

“His name is Swift Lance,” Serket interrupted. “I’m Silken Sheen. That’s Eclipse,” she gestured to Maryam. “We’re here for the Nightmare Night cele8ration, though you seem to have figured that out already.”

“Tee hee. Nothing get’s past me!” Pinkie giggled. “Come on, I’ll show you all the best spots for fun!”

Pinkie set off down the street. The pony trolls glanced at each other, then followed after. “Err- thanks, M1ndfang,” Nitram whispered.

Serket smirked back. “It never hurts to 8e prepared,” she replied. “Now hurry up. I think the pink pony wants to show us something.”

The group had now reached town square, and the eager Pinkie was already gesturing frantically at the attractions around them.

“Here’s some apple bobbing,” she announced, pointing to the water-filled barrel and its fruity content. “It’s being run by my friend Applejack here, so feel free to give it a try. Ooh, here’s a classic!” she rushed the group ahead to another game. “Take a spider, land it on that web!” she explained, grabbing an arachnid from the basket and tossing it towards the web. Serket looked intrigued until Pinkie hurried the group along again. “And here’s one of my personal favorites,” she explained, pointing to the enormous catapult. “See those targets out there. You can shoot a pumpkin at them! Ooh, but wait. You should probably wait ‘till Princess Luna is done with it.”

Pinkie trotted along, intent on explaining something else, and failed to notice that her charges were no longer following her. Instead, they stared in shock at the Princess, distraught at the sight of their enemy. Well, Serket and Nitram were distraught. Maryam, having never met Luna, was simply gazing upon the alicorn with undisguised curiosity. The Princess, noticing the stares, turned to face the disguised trolls. “Err- citizens? Be there anything with we ye require Our assistance?”

Serket grabbed the others and dragged them quickly away, to a deserted section of the town square.

“Hmm. Well that was rather rude. The things Celestia allows these days,” Luna muttered to herself.

“Princess!” Luna turned to see Twilight racing across to her. “Princess Luna, I’ve got some terrible news! The Doomed Gods have been detected in the immediate area.” Luna’s eyes widened in shock, before narrowing suspiciously and turning to face the citizens holding conference on the other side of the town square.

“We’ve got to go,” Serket announced.

“gO? b-But we just got here!” Nitram argued.

“It’s no use,” Serket declared. “It’s just too dangerous. We didn’t expect either the Princess or her companions to be here. Now let us escape while we still can!”

“I Would Hate To Be The Voice Of Pessimism, But Our Window Of Escape May Already Have Been Closed,” Maryam interrupted. The arguing trolls turned to see Princess Luna and the Elements of Harmony approaching. Serket blinked. “Screw it. Run!”

The Trolls-Turned-Pony(-And-Minotaur) turned tail and ran -- full tilt into the trolls approaching from the other side of town.

“We f0und y0u!” Megido cried as Serket, Nitram, and Maryam picked themselves up.

“Looks l1k3 th4t’s not th3 only th1ng th3y’ve found,” Pyrope warned, gesturing at the ponies. “M3g1do, fr33z3 th3m 4g41n!”

Before the Maid of Time could follow through on the command, Twilight’s horn glowed and a wave of purple washed over her and her companions. “You won’t be freezing us in time now that I have a counterspell running,” she grinned. “Now if you all hold still, Princess Celestia might give you mercy when she comes to collect you.”

“Hmph. Not likely,” Ampora replied, drawing his wand.

“No c)(eap time tricks just means we can give you lot a beatdown the R-E-EL way,” Peixes grinned. All around, the trolls were drawing their weapons and preparing for strife.

Luna glanced towards the townsponies, who were staring with shock at the unfolding scene. “Citizens!” she cried. “Get back. Your princess will defeat these fiends and keep you safe.”

A flash of the ponyfier and Nitram, Maryam, and Serket returned to their troll forms. Vantas gave them a look that said “We’re going to talk later,” before he turned to the rest of his team. “If Celestia is coming by, then we need to defeat this lot before she gets here,” he announced. “Take them out quickly and then we abscond. Understan-”

“Yaaa!!!” Rainbow Dash cried as she zoomed towards the trolls. Megido zoomed ahead to meet the pegasus head on, and knocked her away.

Strife!

From the start, the ponies were at somewhat of a disadvantage. There were only seven of them, as compared to the twelve trolls, and Fluttershy barely counted as she was hardly a fighter. In fact none of them were trained combatants, aside of course from Princess Luna, who hadn’t seen real combat in over a thousand years. The muscle memory of flight, however, of bucking enemies in the face and of offensive spells, was still deeply ingrained inside her as she flew towards the sheep-horned Megido. Her horn lit with the shine of night as she sent a blast of dark magic in the Maid’s direction. Megido avoided the attack and seized Applejack’s apple-bobbing-barrel in her telekinetic grip. She hurled the container at Luna, who responded by blasting the barrel to smithereens. Clearly, Luna was not one to be trifled with.

Applejack having seen how Rainbow’s reckless approach led to her immediate fall, was taking a more cautious approach. Leijon had engaged her soon after the Strife began, and the two were circling each other, each hoping for an opening. Leijon smiled, baring her sharpened teeth, and quite suddenly she pounced at farmer, deploying sharp blades from her claw gloves as she aimed to slice the pony in two. Applejack leapt backwards, barely avoiding Leijon’s swipes.

Pressing her advantage, Leijon sprung again, her claws scratching Applejack slightly as she was slow to dodge. Grunting in pain, the Earth Pony ducked beneath another slash, before she rushed forwards, intent on knocking the Troll down. Leijon nimbly bounced over the pony, and turned to attack only to be distracted by a floating hand and receive an Apple-family-buck to her chest. Leijon flew backwards and slid across the ground. Applejack dashed forwards to continue her attack only to be stopped by a much bulkier troll.

“D --> Don’t touch her.”

Rarity was not one for violence, as she found it unbefitting of a lady. She was not, however, naive. She lived in a dangerous world, and as such has taken classes on the art of combat, the elegant type. She had never guessed that she’d use these skills to dodge the vicious stabs of a mad troll, however. Pyrope gave a crazed grin as she continued to assault the seamstress with her stabbing cane. After barely avoiding a particularly wild swipe, Rarity’s eyes narrowed and she seized the weapon with her telekinesis. Pyrope clung to the cane, and the two struggled to gain control of the sharp instrument. Rarity grunted as she gave a great tug, finally ripping the cane from Pyrope’s hands.

From the corner of her eye, she spotted Maryam, wielding a large chainsaw, approaching. Swinging the sword cane, Rarity blocked Maryam’s initial attack. Twirling the cane in her dexterous telekinesis, Rarity made several stabs at the Dolorosa, all of which she avoided. Rarity prepared for another strike when Pyrope, her steps hidden by the whirring of the chainsaw, bodyslammed into the Element of Generosity. Rarity hit the ground, the wind knocked out of her. Before she could struggle to her feet, Pyrope grabbed Rarity around the horn, and slammed her head against the ground. Rarity’s vision spun before fading away.

“4nd 1,” Pyrope said, reaching for her stabbing cane, “W1ll t4k3 th4t b4ck.”

Rainbow Dash had barely recovered from her one-way flight into the ground when she found a trident at her throat. “Move, and you get speared,” Peixes threatened.
“Hmph. You think you’re fast enough?” Rainbow smirked, in spite of her situation.

“No. I t)(ink you aren’t,” Peixes grinned.

A flash of color and Rainbow was behind Peixes, grabbing her around the waist. “Big mistake,” she said before taking off, lifting the troll into the air. Peixes tried to stab at the pegasus, but the sheer speed of flight kept her from moving. Rainbow reached the peak of her flight before she looped around and dove back towards the ground. Streaking to the earth, she prepared to slam the seadweller into the hard rock below.

A blast of white filled her vision, and she dropped her passenger, spinning away as the beam of magic launched her across the sky. Peixes fell, descending uncontrollably until she felt herself caught in the arms of another troll.

“Gotcha,” Ampora said, wisps of white still flowing from his wand.

“Aww, you’re so sweet sometimes,” Peixes smiled. Glancing away for a moment, she saw Rainbow Dash up again and zooming towards them. Grabbing her nearby trident, Peixes said, “Excuse me for a moment,” and hurled her trident at the incoming pegasus. The fork soared through the air and caught Rainbow by her neck. It’s arc continued until it plunged into the town square, pinning Rainbow Dash to the ground between its prongs.

“You ever think?” Makara asked. “About all this existential shit, I mean. Like, what if who we are isn’t really who we are. And what if all our actions, these random miracles… aren’t so random. It just blows your motherfucking mind, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Pinkie replied a little tipsy, taking another drink from her cup. “This is some strong stuff here.”

“Faygo is the strongest of beverages,” Makara said. “It’s so unassuming, and yet so imposing. That’s like some paradoxical description there.”

Overhead, two figures darted back and forth across the sky, trading attacks. Luna fired several more volleys of dark magic, all of which Megido avoided with ease. Zooming towards the princess, Megido struck Luna across the jaw. To her surprise, the alicorn barely flinched, and instead gave Megido a massive headbutt. Megido spun through the air and crashed to the ground, dazed from the strength of the hit.

Luna’s horn lit with a dark glow as she charged a spell when suddenly she spotted a second attacker. Serket, clad now in her orange god pajamas, flew towards the Princess of the Night. Her hand glowing orange, a status message popped up next to the Thief of Light.

+ALL the Luck!

Luna glanced to her side to see that another message had popped up next to her.

--All of it!

Serket gave a mischievous grin before throwing the Fluorite Octet.

Arachnid of Unusual Size!

A monstrous white spider appeared before the suddenly terrified princess, baring its pincers and fangs. “I had no idea they could get that big,” she was heard muttering, before charging forth with eyes closed and her horn glowing. The gigantic arachnid took a leap to avoid the scorching beam, spitting web at the Princess. Luna opened her eyes in time to see and avoid the incoming blast of silk. She fired another ray of magic, and this one hit home.

“Aww, come on!” Serket yelled. “You’re killing spidermom? No8ody kills spidermom except me, dammit!”

Fluttershy cowered in a corner, careful not to interrupt any of the ongoing fights. Though she wanted to help her friends, she was terrified of getting in the way, and even more so that she may cause one of them to get hurt. Her fear was a powerful thing. It obscured her senses so, and she didn’t even notice the clanking of robotic legs as a troll approached.

“Hey, you,” Nitram said. Fluttershy leapt into the air in surprise, before nervously turning to face her aggressor. “What’s your name?” Nitram asked.

“F-f-fluttershy,” the pegasus stammered.

“Great,” Nitram said, holding his palms to his forehead. “Fluttershy. Go to sleep.”

The animal caretaker immediately flopped over, out like a light, and Nitram wondered how much of it was from his influence and how much of it was from sheer terror. “Well, at least it was easy,” he said. Glancing up at the sparring Thief of Light and Ruler of Night, he sighed. “This, on the other hand, will be hard.”

*hOnK*
Makara, with a mostly-drunk Pinkie draped across his shoulders, waltzed past.
“Yooo, starfield. I got yo motherfuckin’ pony right damn here.”

Ignoring the incredulous stares, he stepped on a transportalizer pad (where the hell did that even come from?) and vanished.

Twilight Sparkle avoided another swing of Vantas’s sickle. Readying her magic, she fired several blasts of violet at the troll, who barely dodged. Vantas growled and dashed toward the unicorn, slashing furiously at her. Suddenly, he was enveloped by a purple aura, as Twilight flung him away.

“Aww, come on!” Vantas yelled. “It figures that everyone else has cool magic powers and I get stuck fighting the one with cool magic powers.” Twilight ignored the troll’s rant for the most part, as she surveyed the field of Strife and shivered at what she saw. Rarity and Fluttershy were down, and Rainbow was solidly pinned. Pinkie had disappeared, and Applejack was struggling in the grip of Zahhak, futiley attempting to resist being repeatedly punched in the face.

Luna was the only one who was still fighting, but Twilight was unsure of how long she could keep it up. Megido was back on her feet, and Serket and her were circling Luna, occasionally swooping in for an attack. Megido grabbed the princess with her telekinesis and hurled her at the ground. Luna struggled to resist the attack, slowing herself with her wings. Serket dive bombed her, tackling her until Luna grabbed her in her blue aura and flung her away. Megido sped up time, zooming towards the princess and striking her to the ground. Serket rolled the Fluorite Octet again.

Weasel!

A platoon of warrior weasels appeared around Luna, attacking her with their practiced arts of flipping the fuck out. Megido absconded from the scene as the weasels descended on Luna, shaking uncontrollably and violently waving their swords around. Luna narrowed her eyes and let out a cry of anger. With a beam of magic, she blasted the weasels to oblivion. Turning to the God Tiered trolls hovering above her, her horn shone like the moon as she charged a destructive endgame spell.

Suddenly, she stopped, and Twilight Sparkle noted that something about her was different. Some indescribable change of expression, perhaps, that signified a sudden shift in demeanor. Twilight couldn’t quite tell, as she was a bit preoccupied being attacked by Luna.

Twilight hastily erected a shield to block the blaze of magic Luna shot her way, though it did little but cushion the blow that threw Twilight across the square. Twilight struggled to her hooves, and then quickly leapt to avoid a second beam of dark magic. A vaporized crater stood where she had but seconds before. Twilight squinted at Luna, trying to discern why she’d suddenly attacked her. Her gaze traveled downwards… there!

The Controller was standing tucked away in a corner, focusing intently on the Princess of the Night. He wore a devious grin and his hands were pressed to his forehead. Twilight recalled Celestia’s previous words: He is able to completely take over a pony's mind with nary a thought. No mind is safe from him.

Luna shot down at Twilight, rocketing towards her like a ballistic weapon. Twilight took a breath and teleported in a flash of purple. She appeared near Nitram, who took notice and jumped back in surprise. “H-hey. What’re you doing here?” he stammered

“You’ve been a naughty foal,” Twilight grinned. “Time to go to sleep.” A violet aura encircled the Controller, as his eyes slid shut and he drifted off into a deep slumber.

Fifty feet above, Luna shook her head, as if waking from a long dream. Her face curled into a snarling growl as she glared at Megido and Serket, who responded with nervous glances. Luna fired an enormous blast of magic at Megido, blasting her into the ground to the sound of crunching stone. Luna turned to Serket.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Ampora cried, his wand glowing white. With a swing of the instrument, Ampora let loose a powerful stream of white magic at the princess. Luna responded with a blast of dark magic. The two beams met, blinding white and suffocating darkness, each pushing against each other, vying to overtake its opposite. Luna’s jaw tightened with focus, and a bead of sweat rolled down Ampora’s cheek. Despite his best efforts, the dark magic was slowly coming closer, his own attack failing to repel Luna’s assault.

Luna’s beam pushed ever closer. Almost upon him now, Ampora prepared for a final push, hoping, but not quite believing, that he could turn the tables.

“Ampora, you iidiiot.” The seadweller barely had a chance to look before Captor slammed into him, knocking him away from the laser of death. Seeing the ray of darkness now zooming towards him, Captor sighed. He felt power well up in his eyes, at the tips of his pupils, waiting to be unleashed. He couldn’t control the energy, so… perhaps he could unleash it.

Twin beams of blue and red smashed into Luna’s blast of darkness. They struggled against the night’s power, before with a jolt, they cut through the laser. Both Luna’s and Captor’s eyes widened, though for different reasons, as the blaze of red and blue struck the Princess of Night in the horn. She dropped like a stone, crashing into the town square, her horn scorched, her body battered, her eyes shut tightly.

“Ha! Hahaha!” Captor laughed. “II’ve got iit! II’ve got control! II am the ma2ter!”

“Princess! No!” Twilight cried. She turned to Captor, readying a powerful spell, but didn’t see the enemy coming from behind.

“Yaa!!!” Vantas cried as he punched Twilight from behind. The librarian flew away, crashing hard against a building, and slumping over unconscious. Rarity and Applejack were beaten into submission. Fluttershy was asleep. Pinkie Pie had been taken gog-knows-where, and Rainbow Dash was still struggling to dislodge the trident that pinned her down. Luna was injured, lying motionless on the cold ground. On the trolls’ side, Nitram was asleep, Leijon was unconscious, and Megido was climbing out of her crater. The rest were unharmed.

“We- we did it,” Vantas whispered. The trolls gathered around him, looking at the bodies of their defeated enemies. “We’ve won! We actually fucking won! I can’t believe it - I didn’t even have a chance the first time around - and now we’ve done it!”

“C4n 1t, K4rkl3s.”
Pyrope limped forwards. “W3 n33d to fl33, 4nd qu1ckly.” She swept her gaze over the battlefield. “Two of us 4r3 out of th3 count, 4nd Tor34dork 1s on3 of th3m. 4nd th4t’s th3 probl3m. 1f 1t w3r3n’t for h1m, w3’d h4v3 b33n d3f34ted.”

Captor laughed. “2o? II fiinally have control of my optiic bla2t2! We wiill be iinviinciible! II defeated the Priince22 all by my own!”

Pyrope quickly showed what she was named for. “1d1ot! Th4t w4s only th3 young3r, l3ss pow3rful Pr1nc3ss. You’v3 m3t th3 3ld3r, 1 know you h4v3. Sh3 comm4nds th3 FR34K1NG. SUN. How do you th1nk sh3’s go1ng to r34ct wh3n sh3 r34l1z3s you just hurt. H3r. L1ttl3. S1st3r?”

Captor gulped. “2hiit. Zahhak! Get u2 out of here!”

“Hey! There they are!” The trolls looked up to see swarms of royal guards, descending from the skies.

“And that’s our cue to leave,” Vantas shouted. “Seriously, Zahhak, get us out of here!!!”

A flash of blue and the group faded away.

Celestia slammed her hoof on the table and sighed. Her commanders had updated her on the day’s events, and the news was rather grim. The elements of harmony and her sister, Princess Luna, had fallen before the might of the Doomed Gods, and if not for the timely arrival of the guards, worse may have occurred. Granted, the Elements had lacked the necessary regalia for their Rainbow of Friendship attack, and Luna hadn’t seen combat for over a thousand years, but she’d still never expected the Gods to be this powerful. One thing she knew, though, was that they’d regret everything, when they finally faced her wrath on the field of combat.

Celestia took a deep, shuddery breath. They’d survived, and that was all she could have asked for. At least it couldn’t get any worse.

“You understand your mission?” The dark figure asked. Her eyes glowed lime green, and her voice was laced with a deep venomous hatred. Her subordinate nodded in understanding. “Good,” she said. “Eliminate the targets. With Equestria that weakened, our conquest will be easier still.” The subordinate nodded again, before turning to leave the cavern. The figure smiled as he left, for she had complete confidence in his abilities.

Hive Lord Noir never failed a mission.

Pinkie showed up on the Golden Oaks doorstep the next day. Her mouth was stained red with faygo, she had somehow acquired troll horns, there momentarily appeared to be a hand in her hair and she was muttering in her sleep. “The secret to control was not to try to control it? How cliché…”

End Chapter 3

End of Act 1

Author's Note

And so we have arrived to the End of Act One!

Worry not, however-- the story's far from over.

Act 2 Chapter 1

Act Two

Begin Chapter One

“So… let me get this straight,” Vantas said. The trolls, who had before been celebrating their victory and escape over the ponies, were now quietly gathered round Vantas, taking in Zahhak’s story. “You’re telling me that this is not the only Equestria, that there are in fact multiple Equestrias, each with possibly radically different timelines and events, and that we can create tokens to send into the void in exchange for being randomly summoned by a variety of beings throughout the multiverse. And you figured all this out because you’re a void player. Correct?” Zahhak nodded in response. “Jeez. And I thought dreambubbles were complicated.”

“Wwhy wwould wwe do that, though?” Ampora asked. “It seems to me that wwe’re busy enough as it is.”

“D --> If you let them use yours, they’ll let you use theirs.”

As if on cue, tokens, all the tokens, in almost every form imaginable poured out of the ceiling. The trolls took several seconds to stare in amazement at the accumulating pile of crap on the lab floor, until Vantas spoke up. “Where are they coming from? Is there a fucking portal in the roof?”

“Just another motherfucking miracle,” was Makara’s helpful input.

“D --> Yes actually,” Zahhak said. “I mean, yes Vantas. There is a portal in the roof.”

“Oh. Um.. well then.”

“We sh0uld d0 this!” Megido spoke up. “I mean, imagine it! Allies fr0m acr0ss the multiverse, at 0ur beck and call!”

“Hmph. So long 4s w3 run 3rr4nds for th3m,” Pyrope muttered. “4nd how 3x4ctly w1ll w3 m4k3 th3s3 ‘tok3ns?’”

“D --> I can apply the necessary enchantments. I will be sure to make them of considerable STRENGTH. All you need do is provide the base object and your message to the multitudes.”

“And wwhere are wwe supposed to get these base objects?” Ampora asked. Zahhak pointed behind him, to the lab full of Cruxtruders, Alchemiters, and Totem Lathes.

“...Oh.”

Twilight Sparkle sat alone in her living room, lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. The books were all set neatly on the shelves, and for that she was thankful, because she didn’t have the energy to go reorganizing them again. After the guards had left, she’d come home and flopped exhausted on her couch. She’d woken up but a few hours before, and had been replaying the previous night’s events over and over, repeatedly seeing where it all went wrong.

“Hey, Twilight?” Spike asked, carrying a tray over to her. “I brought you some tea.” He set the tray down on the coffee table, and noticed that Twilight made no move to reach for her mug. “Twilight? Are you OK?”

“I don’t know, Spike,” Twilight moaned. “I just keep seeing last night over and over, and thinking about how I could’ve prevented what happened. If I’d just been quicker, or thought a bit faster, we could’ve beaten those trolls then and there. I just...”

“Twilight, er- do you want to talk about it?”

“...No,” Twilight said. “No, I just want to lay back and think.” Noticing that Spike didn’t turn to leave , she asked, “Spike? Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Well… I guess,” Spike admitted. “See I’m sorry, Twilight. I’m sorry I’m so useless. No!” he cried, holding up a finger to silence his surrogate mom, “Don’t say 'You’re not useless, Spike,' because I am! Last night, you all went up there and you stood up to those trolls, and all I could think to do was hide in here. I could’ve helped, I’m a dragon for pony’s sake, and yet…”

“Oh, Spike,” Twilight said, grabbing the young drake with her magic and levitating him closer. “I’m glad you didn’t fight. Do you know why?” She wrapped Spike in a tight hug. “Because I love you Spike. And I’d hate to see you get hurt. You’re just a child, and I know sometimes I’m not around enough to be there for you, but hear me now. I love you, Spike, and I’ll always be there to protect you.”

“I love you to, Twilight,” Spike said. The two hugged, and the Library got just a little bit cosier. The floating hand was ignored by everyone present.

Zahhak did his token first. “D --> Strength equals weakness,” he intoned, before dropping a bow into a pit conjured by void majyyks. “D --> Call upon your strength and snap this bow.” He turned away from the pit and gestured for the next troll to step forth.

Megido brought forwards an old-style clockface, with the hands positioned at 6:12. “When the cl0ck strikes twelve, the Maid 0f Time shall arrive by the final bell,” she chanted, depositing the timepiece into the portal.

Captor stepped forth, holding out a copied pair of his blue/red glasses. “Iif you want 2omethiing hacked quiickly and don’t miind the occa2iional de2tructiion, II’m your troll,” he muttered, letting the frames fall into the pit.

Leijon held out a pair of clawed gloves. “:33 < If you need help from this kitty, scratch your itch and the cat shall pounce!” She tossed the gloves into the pit.

Both Vantas and Pyrope stepped up, to the curiosity of their peers. Between Vantas’s fingers was a coin, with the sign of Blood on one side, and the sign of Mind on the other. “Need Vengeance? N33d Just1c3? Call Trollcops! Just fl1p th3 co1n 4nd w3’ll b3 th3r3!” they said, dropping the coin into the portal.

Maryam stepped up next, clutching a tube of lipstick that the rest strongly suspected was also a chainsaw. ““I Am A Caretaker. A Healer. I... Help People. If You Need My Help, Please Call Out. I Shall Not Refuse.”

Serket came forth, a magic 8 ball in her grip, Nitram following behind. “If you find yourself in need of a pir8, call for Mindfang and the Toreador. We are simply the 8est there are,” she said.

Makara stepped up, grinning wildly. In his hands he held the greatest friend anyone ever had that also creeped them out: Lil Cal. “HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO!” he cackled, drawing disturbed stares from the rest.

Finally came Ampora and Peixes, the later holding a golden coin with the symbols of Aquarius and Pisces engraved on either side. “If you wwant a wwuss, wwe are not your choice. On t)(e ot)(er fin, if you want a competent pair, we ARE, in fact, your c)(oice. Choose wwisely.” The pair let the last token drop into the pit. Zahhak summoned his powers of void and the portal slowly faded away.

The trolls stood around for another few seconds, smiling to themselves. “............ Well, that happened,” Captor said.

*Ding dong*

“No, Spike, I’ll get it,” Twilight ordered, getting up from her couch. She opened the door. “I’m sorry, but due to recent events the Golden Oaks Library is currently- Princess Luna!” Twilight stepped back to let Luna in. “I’m sorry Princess,” she stumbled as the Princess trotted inside. “I didn’t know it would be you, and I-”

“Cease, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said. Twilight’s mouth locked itself shut as Luna said, “Come. Let us sit. We have much to talk about.”

Spike brought out some more tea as Luna took a seat in the recliner across from Twilight’s couch. The Princess took a sip of her tea as Twilight waited patiently for her to finish.

“To begin, Twilight, We owe ye an apology,” she said.

“Ugh, what is it with everypony today apologizing to me!” Twilight cried. “If anything, I should be apologizing to you. You fought all those powerful trolls and I just…”

“Twilight Sparkle, please believe Us when We say that what We did last night was nothing special. Dare We say is was in truth rather pathetic of Us, to be bested so easily. Ye shall’nt remember given how ye weren’t yet alive, but even before Our… corruption, Our Sister and We were feared throughout the fields of battle as two of the greatest warriors alive. Monsters quaked in our presence, armies crumbled beneath our hooves, only the truly deranged dared stand against us. To be bested so easily, to face such difficult opposition… t’was an eye-opening experience.

And worse, to have Our very mind sullied by the touch of The Controller, to fall into his hypnotic grip and attack Our very allies. We owe ye three apologies, Twilight Sparkle: one for failing to best the enemy, one for failing to resist their assaults upon Our mind, and one for attacking thee.”

“Princess Luna,” Twilight said. “Really, there’s no need for all this apologizing. You were fantastic yesterday, it was me who should’ve done better.”

Luna gave Twilight a cold, disappointed look, piercing through her eyes straight to her mind. “It was not thy responsibility to best these foes,” she said. “It was Ours. We fear Our words do not do our former strength justice, so this will have to do. If We were anywhere near as powerful as We should’ve been, the Gods would’ve lasted less than five minutes.”

Twilight gave a shiver, breaking Luna out of her serious trance. “Ah, but tis not worth regret,” the princess decided, taking a sip of her tea. “We’d come here not simply to apologize, Twilight Sparkle. We’d come also to announce that we’re taking leave for a good while.”

“You’re leaving?” Twilight asked. “Where? For how long?”

“Of this, We can give no definitive answer,” Luna said, taking another gulp of tea. “We know but this- We shall go and train ourselves to Our former glory, the skill and power We should possess. And We shall return when We are ready and We shall crush the Doomed Gods like maggots beneath Our hooves.”

“Uhm…” Twilight said, nervously. “Err- does Princess Celestia know of this?”

Luna gave a sly smile. “Despite what she may think, she needs not know everything.”

“Alright then,” Twilight said. “I don’t suppose you’d like to stay for awhile. I could show you around town, and we could all send you off.”

“No, no,” Luna objected. “We planned for just a short visit. We’ve not time for such affairs.”

“Oh come on,” Twilight said. “It’ll be fun.”

“Well… alright,” Luna surrendered. “But only because thy assistant brews such wonderful tea.”

“He does, doesn’t he,” Twilight smiled, taking a sip from her own mug. Glancing outside, she spotted the mailbox, with its red flag-thingy turned up. “Spike!” she called. “Mail’s here!”

“Already?” Spike asked, opening the door. “Jeez, day’s gone by quick. Well, at least Twilight’s feeling better,” he said, mostly to himself, as he ambled down the little path that led to the mailbox. He glanced inside, spotting the pair laughing at something- probably Pinkie’s new horns, which had turned out to be permanent, somehow. Rarity was looking into hats.

Spike reached the mailbox. He stuck out his little hand and pulled open the lid, and suddenly there was a great ball of fire and a rush of smoke and a peace-shattering BOOM!!! as the mailbox exploded and Spike felt the world around him slip away.

End Chapter One

Author's Note

Slightly shorter chapter, but hey! Tokens!

And speaking of danger...

Act 2 Chapter 2

Begin Chapter Two

“Ugh…” Spike’s eyes gradually opened, and the blurry image before him focused. Twilight and Luna were standing over him, as well as the rest of the Elements of Harmony. “Aw, jeez. What happened? Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, Spike,” Twilight said. “Oh, I’m just glad to hear the nurses say you’re going to be alright.”

“Great,” Spike groaned. “Urk… you oughtta send a letter to that mailbox company and complain. Mailboxes aren’t supposed to go exploding on ponies.”

Twilight gave a short laugh at this. “No Spike, they aren’t.” From across the room, Applejack caught Twilight’s eye with a serious look. Twilight sighed. “I’m sorry Spike, but I can’t stay for much longer. I’ve got things to intend to.”

“It‘s alright,” Spike said. “Go do… that. I’m gonna take another nap.” He turned over and began snoozing away, leaving the ponies to glance awkwardly at each other. Applejack coughed, and led the group out of the room.

“Twilight, we need ta talk,” she said. “That exploding mailbox would’ve killed you if Spike hadn’t gone and got it instead. Thank goodness dragons are so resilient, but regardless…”

“It… looks like it was an accident,” Twilight explained. “I took a look at the wreckage. It seemed like a chemical explosion. There were some burnt packages in there, and I couldn’t get a good look at what they said. I guess they could’ve just been some deliveries for my lab that leaked together…”

“There. It was an accident and we’re lucky no one died. Problem solved,” Rainbow Dash said.

“It’s just… I didn’t think I’d ordered any chemicals in a while,” Twilight revealed, putting a hoof to her chin.

“Somethin’ about this just ain’t adding up,” Applejack said.

“Indeed,” Luna agreed. “Tis a most unlikely of coincidences. Methinks something more shadowy may be ahoof.”

“Oh- Princess Luna!” a voice cried. The group turned to see a nurse standing behind them. “I was coming by to give Spike his medicine when I spotted you. I just want to say how thankful I am that you helped the town last night.”

“Err- thank ye, citizen,” Luna stammered. “Truth be told, We are not quite use to such praise, so thank ye. Umm…”

“Shouldn’t we be seeing you off, Luna?” Twilight asked.

“What?” Luna cried. “Us? Leave now, when some menace may be plotting a dastardly crime? Never.”

“Luna, it’s OK, I swear,” Twilight swore. “I’m sure it was all an accident, and I shouldn’t let my life interrupt your plans. Go. We’ll all be fine.”

“We… thank ye again, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna wavered. “We shall be off, but- contact us if necessary. We shall work to complete Our training in as brief a period possible, but regardless- please, summon us if ye need assistance.” The group had reached the hospital entrance, and as they exited through the double doors, Luna took to the skies. “Farewell, Elements of Harmony. We shall see thee in short measure,” Luna called as she soared off. The Elements waved goodbye to the exiting Princess ‘till she flew below the horizon and disappeared.

“Well, we ought to be heading back home, eh?” Twilight asked.

“Twilight,” Applejack said seriously, “are you sure you’re OK? That nothing bad’s going to happen?”

“I’m… I’m fine, Applejack,” Twilight assured. “Now I need to go. I’ve got to order a new mailbox.”

The Elements of Harmony turned and, reluctantly, went their separate ways.

“Hey, everyone,” Captor called, gesturing to the trolls spread throughout the lab, doing their separate things. “Come here. You’re goiing to want to 2ee thii2.”

The trolls turned to gather around Captor, who was seated before one of the lab’s multiple computer systems. “Look at what I’ve found,” he said, opening one of the many programs. A view of Equestria suddenly appeared on the screen, a live map of the enormous country. Captor keyed in several commands and suddenly the view zoomed, to an image of Luna and the Elements of Harmony gathered around Spike’s hospital bed.

Redglare perked up. “W41t. 1s th1s r34l-t1m3?”

Captor made a jerky half-nod. “2ort of. There ii2 a biit of a lag, but ye2. Real enough.”

Zahhak narrowed his eyes. “D --> What f001 attacked a child?” He swept his gaze across the suddenly frightened trolls. “D --> Our fight was with our actual enemies. Who attacked the child?”

Captor pondered. “Unle22 there wa2 a 2tray bla2t, whiich there weren’t, iit wa2n’t me.”

Mindfang also shook her head. “My quarrel was with the Princess.”

Maryam, in contrast, narrowed her own eyes back. “Are You Suggesting That I Would Intentionally Harm A Young One? Especially Considering What Landed Me In Stone? Is That What You Are Saying, Zahhak?”

The muscled troll gulped. “D --> No, Maryam. That is not-- the very idea is 100dicrous!”

The Caretaker smiled sweetly. “Thank You, Zahhak.” Now it was her gaze sweeping across the remaining trolls. “But He Raises A Good Point. Who Attacked The Child?”

Nitram also shook his head rapidly. “nO,, i DIDN’T,, i--” He seemed to compose himself. “All 1 d1d was put K1ndness to sleep and t8ke over the Pr1ncess... 1... 1f she harmed a c1v1l1an... 1’m sorry.” He bowed his head. Mindfang facepalmed. “The Princess focused on the rest of the Elements, Tore8dork.”

Redglare shook her head. “1 don’t th1nk 4ny of us 4tt4ck3d 4 c1v1l14n. Must b3 som3on3 3ls3 4t work.”

“L00k everyb0dy, they’re m0ving,” Megido interrupted, pointing at the screen. “Capt0r, can y0u get a split-screen thing g0ing, tracking each 0f the Elements simultane0usly?”

“II’ll 2ee what II can do,” Captor said, his fingers already flying across the keyboard.

The trolls watched, enraptured, for the next thirty or so minutes as painful events unfolded on-screen.

“Ouch.” “Ooh, that’s gotta hurt.” “What’s with the hand?” “What hand?” “That looks like a painful way to die.”

“Shut 1t, S3rk3t.”

Maryam, who had watched in silence up until this point, spoke up. “We Need To Help Those Ponies.”

“Wwhat?” Ampora cried. “Look at this! All our enemies, taken care of! If wwe just let things play out, wwe’ll subjugate Equestria in one fell swwoop. Wwe-” Maryam fixed the seadweller with a glare that would melt stone. “...Wwe’ve gotta help those- you know what, no! Wwe do not havve to help those ponies, and nothing you can say is going to make me change my mind!” he shouted. “Come on, Peixes. Let’s go.”

“Maryam’s right,” Vantas growled at Ampora. The seadweller ignored him. Sighing, Vantas turned to the rest of his group. “Look at this, this is the obvious work of some other entity, a competing force trying to conquer Equestria. Cliché as it may be, only one can rule, and if it’s going to be us, we can’t have these guys in the picture. There’s only one thing for it.” He turned to his team. “Save the ponies, and stop the guys behind it. Let’s go.”

What events were these trolls referring to? Well, readers, this is where the Narrative takes a turn for the dark.

“Ooh! A spooky story! I love spooky stories!!!”

Ah yes, it’s you, Pinkie. I suppose you’ll just be another tag-along on my endless quest to chart out this great ordeal. I suppose we ought to get started-- cherub style!

There’s the Rainbow Dash pony. You like the Rainbow Dash pony best, don’t you? You can relate to her. She’s a like-minded prankster.

“Well, yeah. I mean, she’s my good friend. I wouldn’t say I like any of my friends best, but I love pulling pranks with her! Wait. She’s first to go, isn’t she?”

Look at these idiot ponies. Splitting up, letting their main powerhouse, Princess Luna, get away. You just know their foolishness will be punished, and rightly so.

And what have we here? Wait for it…

Rainbow Dash took to the skies, flying back to her house. She took a glance around, and noted what a beautiful day it was. Despite all the excitement and explosions earlier, the sun was out and everypony else seemed quite happy. It would be a perfect day for a nap.

Rainbow’s reminiscence on the beauty of the day was, however, one factor that lead to her noticing a storm cloud rolling in from the west, while searching for a comfy napping cloud. “That’s odd,” she said aloud. “I thought the weather team hadn’t scheduled rain till Saturday. Maybe it’s a rogue storm.”

Rainbow took off towards the cloud, intent on correcting a potential threat to her peaceful afternoon. Suddenly, a kite popped into her view, and the pegasus flew right into the hovering toy. Her rapidly beating wings tangled in the string and tails of the kite, and she found herself panicking. She glanced down, and spotted a young foal holding the kite’s string. The foal glanced up and smiled, before releasing the kite into the breeze.

Rainbow Dash had no time to yell for help, as the storm cloud suddenly rolled around her, pelting her with rain and pulsing with electricity. “Oh no,” Rainbow moaned, furiously flapping her wings but only succeeding in getting more tangled in the kite. “No no no no no!”

A flash of lightning and Rainbow felt the wind pick up as she dropped towards the ground, as well as the lightness of a rapidly fading consciousness.

Boo. Yeah.

“No! Rainbow! Is she going to be OK?”

Haa Haa Haa! Such a total goner.

She’s slipping away from us. Bye, Rainbow Dash Pony. Hee Hee Haa Haa Hoo Hoo.

“Mr. Narrator, I hope you’re just making a reference to something I can’t possibly know about, because otherwise you’re being a very mean pony right now.”

What can I say? It’s just loads of fun.

Will you get a mammoth load of this clueless unicorn Rarity? She actually “cares” about stuff. And like- always has moist eye holes. What a joke. I really hate her. Why all the stallions and young dragons flush over this rambling overly dramatic imbecile, I will never know. Talk about thick headed. Her skull is almost as thick as… somepony with a very thick skull. Yes.

“Umm… was this dialogue written for your species, Narrator? It seems to be referring to somepony else.”

Be quiet. We’re only now getting to the good part.

While Twilight had things to get done, Rarity thankfully did not, and as such was back in the hospital, peering through a sheet of glass at the napping dragon with obvious concern.

Few truly understood her feelings for the young drake- indeed, sometimes she barely grasped at it herself. It was an odd feeling, something she was sure she’d never experience anywhere else. Though completely platonic, some love stirred within her, some tug at her heart that kept her beside Spike’s hospital bed. She felt this strange, abnormal love for Spike, and it drove her to help him fight against the dragon’s more savage instincts, to tame a being who would’ve otherwise posed a threat to society. She never thought to look for some explanation for this strange love in another culture entirely...

“Hey! Rarity!” the seamstress turned to see a very famous cream-colored pony traipsing down the hallway.

“S-s-sapphire Shores?” Rarity stammered.

“In the flesh,” Sapphire Shores responded. “I was looking for you earlier, but had no idea where you’d gone. Then somepony told me to check the hospital and- well here I am. I need a new dress.”

“Oh. Now?” Rarity asked.

“Not now. By the end of the week, though,” Sapphire Shores explained. “We should head back to your boutique. I can tell you what I’m thinking on the way.”

“Err-” Rarity glanced back at Spike, snoozing away in his room. She turned to the nurse, who gave a smile.

“Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll be sure to alert you if there are any developments.”

Rarity nodded, then turned to follow the pop star, who was already trotting ahead. The two hurried out the hospital entrance.

A road ran across Ponyville, right in front of the hospital. Sapphire Shores galloped across the street, Rarity struggling to keep up. Suddenly her rear hoof went Splat! into something in the middle of the road. She glanced down and saw the hoof encased in some green slime that refused to release her, no matter how hard she tugged. “Err- Sapphire Shores?” Rarity called, glancing back up. Sapphire Shores was gone.

*Beep Beep* Rarity glanced to the left and saw a great carriage barreling down the street, at speeds too great to stop in time. All the Unicorn could do was close her eyes and brace for impact.

“Oh no! Rarity!”

Hmm? What are you so worried about? She is a worthless hack. Always caring far too much about what’s in style, up to date, trying to reinvent the wheel of fashion. Always wanting the attention of everypony, everything around her. Probably some day I’ll teach her a lesson for that.

“OK, Mr. Narrator. You’ve crossed the fine line from acceptably referential malevolence to flat out meanness by allusion, and if you don’t stop I’m going to get very upset and have to do something about it.”

How? You have no power in this dimension.

“Well- I’ll think of something!”

Mmm, yes. In the meantime, check out this tree-hugger, Fluttershy. Except she’s not really a tree-hugger. I hope I never meet an actual tree-hugger.

But I think this faux-ranger has gotten a bit carried away here. All thinking she can do heroic stuff and “save animal lives.” Ugh.

But the Fluttershy pony has miscalculated. This ridiculous female has failed to take into consideration that you can’t… escape… the wilds!

Fluttershy had a long walk back to her cottage, but she didn’t her mind. She took the time to give thought to something that had been eating at her for some time: the trolls. There were only twelve of them known to exist, and Celestia wanted to lock them away forever. Did one of the most critically endangered species on the planet truly deserve such a fate? She’d yet to object to the Princess’s plans, but she’d definitely thought of more questions. Which species deserved to exist, and which deserved to be locked away. How many species had ponies killed forever because they deemed them “too dangerous?” And how had this affected the environment? Removing species from their natural habitats never ended well.

Fluttershy’s rather tree-huggery musings were interrupted by the call of a nearby pony. “Fluttershy!” a townspony the pegasus had never seen before called. “Thank goodness I’ve found you. There’s a manticore on the outskirts of town, and it’s lying on the ground. I think it may be sick.”

“Oh- oh dear,” Fluttershy said with worry. “Well, don’t just stand there. Lead me to him!” The townspony nodded, and turn to gallop out of town, to a nearby field. Lying prone on the ground was a manticore, it’s chest rising in ragged huffs, it’s eyes tightly shut. Fluttershy stepped closer to examine him.

“He definitely seems ill. His breathing is arhythmic, and he’s sweating quite a bit. Perhaps if I went home and grabbed some herbs-”

Suddenly, the manticore sprang up from the ground, so quickly that Fluttershy stumbled back in surprise. She glanced back; the townspony was gone. She glanced forward. The manticore was poised on the balls of its paws, saliva dripping from its teeth, its eyes tinged with lime green. Fluttershy threw back her head and screamed.

Ah Haa Haa Haa Hee Hee! “You can’t escape the wilds” is totally going to become a thing, Pinkie. There’s nothing you can do about it because you’ll be dead! Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Haa Haa!

“Fluttershy… you know, I bet she’s still alive! You never showed her being attacked! I bet she’s actually fine and you’re just being a mean laughing meanie for nothing!”

Whatever. We both know the lame Fluttershy female was toast there.

“...”

OK. Say what you will about the lame ponies and the fashionista hacks. But the Applejack pony is a pretty cool mare. She gets things done and isn’t afraid to rough things up. Like- she actually listens to stuff that’s important for a mare to get off her chest. You know she gets exactly that which the others can never understand. I guess what I mean is she really knows what it means to truly be a family pony.

But don’t get me wrong about the Applejack pony. I’d still love to watch her die…

“No…”

Applejack, strolling with purpose along the road that wound up to her farm, suddenly noticed a trail of apples leading off the road and into the woods. The farmer sighed.

“Alright,” she said aloud, “You must think I’m a gosh-darned idiot if you think I’m gonna fall for such an obvious-” Applejack’s rant became a gasp as her eyes traveled upwards and she found Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith, gagged and tied together. Without a second thought, Applejack raced towards her family, never once stopping to glance at the ground flying by beneath her hooves.

The earth suddenly gave way, and Applejack fell. She looked up from the bottom of a steep pit, at the faces of her family, who’d shed their ropes. But they weren’t her family. Her family would never make those… twisted grins. They’d never glare at her as if they were about to do something very painful.

“A-applejack?”

Hee Hee Hee. Ooh, I wonder who’s next.

“You- you monster!”

Now hold up, Pinkie. I have no part in any of this. I’m just the narrator, and I’m only doing my- wait what are you doing with that?

“You’re going to apologize for what you said about my friends, Mr. Narrator!”

No! Ow! Ow ow ow! Stop that- OW!!! How are you even doing this?

“I don’t know. How could you be so cruel?!

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! OWWW!!!!! Don’t you think you have better things to worry about?

“Hmm? Like what?”

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe your own imminent demise.

“What?” Pinkie’s eyes shot open as she glanced around Sugar Cube Corner, having been jolted back to reality. “Oh no,” she moaned. “You heard the Narrator. I’m next!” She glanced around frantically, looking for the spot where the enemy could appear.

“They could bust through the windows!” Pinkie cried. She ran to fetch some wood and nails, and began hammering planks over the windows. “Wait- what if they come through the ventilation shafts?” She turned her tools on the ventilation, and began boarding up the grates. “But wait- what if they teleport in?” She dashed downstairs and retrieved one of her multiple tomes describing ancient rituals of magic-purging. “But wait-” Pinkie stopped yet again. “What if they come in through a portal from another dimension!?!”

Pinkie’s nervous surveying of the area became a frenzied blur as she analyzed the plentiful weak-points and entrances of Sugar Cube Corner. “I’ve got to get out of here,” she whispered to herself. With a jolt, she dashed out the front door, before turning and sprinting away down Ponyville’s main street. “I’ve got to go somewhere far away where they’ll never find me!” she screamed as her hooves became blurs of pink.

Two ponies stood outside Sugar Cube Corner’s swinging door. Each held knives, though no longer poised to strike. They glanced at each other, shrugged, and walked off.

Haa Haa Haa! I don’t think we’ll be seeing her anytime soon! Haa Haa Haa Hee Hee Hee.

Hee Hee Hoo Hoo.

Hoo Hoo Haa.

Hee.

…

Wow. I guess it’s just not as interesting without Pinkie around. Alright, here’s Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle was thinking cautiously about the day’s events. More specifically- could it be true? Was somepony out to get her? It seemed so crazy, and yet- she knew she hadn’t ordered any new chemicals in months. And if she really was being targeted, should she really be staying around? Spike had already been injured by these mystery ponies. What would happen if one of her friends was around- or worse, if they got worse then a few days in the hospital.

“Twilight!” The librarian in question looked up and saw a pony approaching, holding a strange bouquet. “I heard that Spike was hurt, so I bought these. i was wondering if you could give them to him.”

“Err- sure,” Twilight replied taking the bouquet. “Thank you Mr.-” She glanced up to get an answer, but the pony had disappeared. Taking another glance at the flowers, she spotted a couple odd blooms- the petals were curled in, and a deep black. She leaned in for a closer look--

Suddenly, the buds unfolded, and sprayed a cloud of pollen into Twilight’s face. She sneezed, though it didn’t do much good as her horn suddenly lit. Acting uncontrollably, Twilight’s horn lifted her into the sky. Twilight screamed as she fired several blasts of magic on the town below, against her will. The resulting explosions and screams made her cringe. Her crazed horn telekinetically threw her down on the ground, and then slammed her against the walls of a building several times. She turned upwards, and fired an enormous beam of energy into the sky. Finally, her horn tired, fizzling out before depositing her in the middle of the road. Twilight rose unsteadily to her hooves after several seconds lying in the street.

Suddenly, she turned and saw an empty cart rushing down the hill towards her. Twilight tried to move out of the way, but her bruised body ached under the strain of movement. With a jarring impact Twilight was knocked into the cart. She tried to reach out with her telekinesis and stop the cart, only to find her magic reserves empty, drained by her horn’s sudden attack. Twilight glimpsed through her half-closed eyelids the path on which she rode- and the cliff at which it ended.

Two hundred feet up, Rainbow Dash, her world fading away muttered softly, “Help…”

Stuck in the street, a carriage approaching, Rarity screeched, “HELP!!!”

Alone in a field, a crazed beast frothing at the mouth before her, Fluttershy cried, “Help!”

Trapped in a pit, grinning doppelgangers leering above her, Applejack shouted, “Help!”

Traveling at a rate that would quickly take her out of Ponyville, Pinkie Pie wailed, “Help!!!”

And weakened, riding a cart soon to tumble off a steep cliff, Twilight Sparkle moaned, “Help…”

End Chapter Two

Author's Note

Welp. The Narrator's being a meanie....

....and the chapter has a cliffie.

Haa Haa Hee Hee Hoo Hoo.

Act 2 Chapter 3 - End of Act 2

Begin Chapter Three

*SLAM!*

Without warning, Pinkie slammed into the concerned form of High Lord Makara. He quickly wrapped the pink pony into a hug. “What’s happened, sis? Where’s the rush at? Did some mothefuckin’ blasphemer... hurt you?”

Pinkie nodded so fast Makara thought for a moment her head would fall off. “Yes! No! Maybe! They hurt the others -- I’m in danger -- you have to help me!”

Makara frowned. “Well then. If my good sis says so, then I really oughta motherfuckin’ help her, don’t I?” With a thought, he captchalogued the party pony -“to keep you safe, sis”-, ingored a floating hand, and jogged off towards Ponyville. He had a sister in miracles to help.

Serket and Nitram materialized in mid-air, blazing forth in their rocketshoes, and took in the situation from above. “Cr8p, we can’t t8ke all of them. Tore8dor? You deal with the 8east. I’ll stop that cart!”

Nitram saluted and veered off towards the forest, hands already flying to his temples. He furrowed his brow when the attempted communion didn’t work.

“Th1s 1s go1ng to get compl1c8ted,” he muttered, equipping his lance.

Fluttershy shrieked as, without warning, the Controller fell out of the sky. “Aww shut 1t, 1’m here to help,” the troll groaned, placing himself between the pony and pegasus. Despite the sudden appearance of a mortal enemy, Fluttershy was perhaps a bit more scared of becoming manticore food, so she cowered behind Nitram like he were a shield, poking her head out from behind. “Wha- get 8ack!” he shouted at her. “1 can’t commune w1th 1t - this 8east has been t8mpered w1th - run!”

With that, he readied his - lance? - and faced the frothing manticore. “1 don’t know who has done th1s to you,” he snarled, “8ut 1 w1ll put you out of your m1sery.”

That shook Fluttershy out of her trance. “Waiiit!” she shrieked. “You said it yourself - he’s not in his right mind - please don’t kill him!”

She couldn’t see the Controller’s face, but she felt his body tense. Without warning, he blasted off the ground, throwing his lance at the manticore. Fluttershy gasped, until she saw the lance land just in front of the manticore, scaring it into leaping back. She gasped again, however, when Nitram turned and zoomed back down to the ground and quite literally swept her off her hooves. The pegasus felt her face heat up; such a thing had never happened to her before! She quickly shook herself out of it - what would her friends say?

Her friends!

With horror, she glanced around and looked upon Rainbow Dash falling, unconscious; Twilight about to run off a cliff; and Rarity about to be run over by a carriage. Moments later, however, she breathed a sigh of relief.

“HEEEELP!!!!” screeched Rarity again, but the streets seemed to be abandoned. Was this really how she was going to die? How undignified...

Without warning, a Troll teleported in the way of the carriage. He appeared to have blue wings and pajamas -horrid fashion choice, in Rarity’s opinion- and he wore a very long hood.

Without speaking a word, he stood quite still, and Rarity had just enough time to wonder if the Troll was stupid or suicidal. Suddenly, the carriage collided with the Heir of Void, and shattered to pieces around his bulky, well muscled body. The sight left Rarity in shock, so much so that she was staring with her mouth left open as the Troll turned back.

Without saying a word, the Troll took careful, measured steps towards her and crouched. “D --> I mean you no harm. Unlike most of my companions, I admit to feeling a certain fondness towards you ponies.”

With a practiced eye, he tapped a few spots on the green goo and it disappeared, freeing her leg. The troll bowed. “D --> Until we meet again.” He vanished in a flash of blue.

“Wait a minute- when did Zahhak go God Tier?”

Well, he’s been God Tier for quite a while now actually. It’ll probably be explained more in his Interlude chapter.

“Wha- but- why didn’t we know?”

The audience doesn’t need to know everything. It’s entirely plausible that this could happen again. In any sense, Zahhak’s godhood hasn’t exactly been relevant until now, has it? And how do you think he had such a good grasp of his Void powers?

“D --> I’m not a fan of pajamas. I prefer my standard attire.”

“Wait- he can get in here now?”

How do you think we’re communicating, Pinkie? Messages, crossing different dimentions, miles of nothing, miles of Void. Besides, weren’t you still supposed to be mad at me for the whole act with your friends?

“... >:(”

There we go… Back to the story, folks.

Twilight, shuddering as the cart bounced and jostled her on its bumpy ride to oblivion, was caught completely off guard as a Troll, dressed in bright orange pajamas, landed in the cart with her. “Y-you!” Twilight cried.

“Me,” Serket responded. “8e glad I’m actually on your side this time. Serket is here- your ass is saved.” Serket grabbed Twilight and pushed off the cart, taking the unicorn with her as she flew away. Serket hovered in midair,searching for a place to drop her cargo, before setting her down again on the doorstep of the hospital.

“Wha- what’s going on?” Twilight asked.

“We’re saving you and your friends,” Serket said, blasting back into the sky. “8e a 8it more gr8teful.”

The wind whistled through Rainbow Dash’s mane, and tickled at her wings, both feelings she would’ve enjoyed had she not been completely unconscious. As such, she dropped like a stone through water, her limbs flailing in the breeze as the ground rushed up to meet her. A flash of red, though, and her acceleration stopped, as she found herself caught in the arms of one Maid of Time.

“There we g0, I’ve g0t y0u, “Megido whispered, clutching the pegasus tightly, hoping not to drop her. She glanced up at the approaching storm cloud, before snapping her fingers, freezing the thunder cloud in a field of red. “Alright, n0w wake up,” the troll told Rainbow Dash. “... Seri0usly, wake up. Y0u’re actually pretty heavy… N0? N0thing? Ah well, I supp0se y0u did get electr0cuted. Let’s see what we can d0 ab0ut that.” With a wave of her arm, Megido encased Rainbow in a sphere of red. Her wounds started fading away, her eyelids sliding open.

“!ereh fo tuo em tel ,yeH ?tahW”

“00ps. Left the field 0n for t00 l0ng. Here we g0.” As the field dissipated, Rainbow Dash glanced around, before her eyes settled on Megido.

“You,” she growled. “Are you the one behind this?”

“Um, n0, I’m the 0ne wh0 just saved y0ur unc0nsci0us ass. Y0u’re welc0me,” Megido snarked, before turning away and gliding off.

“Wait, don’t leave me with that! Come back here!” Rainbow called, flying after the Maid.

Applejack cringed a little as her faux family came nearer. “Somepony help?”

One of the doppelgangers grinned. “So sorry, my dear. No ponies here!”

“A fucking good thing I’m not a pony, then, eh?”

A Troll stepped into view. His horns were but nubs, but he certainly made up for it with his two black sickles. The doppelgangers recoiled. “Threshecutioner!”

The Troll blinked. “Well that’s a fucking interesting title. One I haven’t really used much. Specifically, one I only told to the Princesses and Jack... sorry, Hive Lord Noir. You know, the changeling.” He grinned at their suddenly concerned faces. “Thought so. So it is Jack behind this after all. Didn’t realize the grouch was still alive. I mean, it’s been what, twelve hundred years? You lot sure are resilient.”

The newly-revealed changelings blinked, before they engulfed themselves in green flames. Applejack gave a yelp of surprise as they returned to their insectile selves. “What makes you so sure it’s The Hive Lord? Surely it could be one from another hive...?”

The troll shrugged. “You just told me. Now,” he added through the indignant protests of the Changelings, “It’s time for me to lop off some heads. Just like the old times.”

With that last remark, he pounced. Applejack shielded her face once the green ichor started raining down.

“Oh. Hey, Zahhak,” Ampora muttered as the Heir of Void materialized in the moon lab. He lay next to Peixes on a couch someone had alchemized, idly watching as Captor worked furiously on the Computer screen, sending updates to the trolls. “I don’t suppose you’d like to tell me wwhy you suddenly decided to go God Tier on everybody’s-” He couldn’t finish his droll sentence before Zahhak grabbed him by the throat, lifting him into the air.

“Ampora!” Peixes cried, leaping from her seat to assist her friend- Zahhak grabbed her with his other arm, and then hurled her through the lab wall.

“Peixes!” Ampora screamed, his arms flailing as he reached for his wand, in hopes of escaping the mad troll and helping his friend. His struggle was futile- a quick squeeze to the throat left Ampora gasping for air before Zahhak dropped him to the floor.

“Hey, keep iit down back there,” Captor called. “II’m tryiing to work here.”

Ampora had barely regained his breath when Zahhak grabbed him again, this time by the scruff of his shirt, and forcefully pulled him back to his feet. “D --> Now listen to me, Ampora, for I will say this but once,” Zahhak whispered. “D --> You’re going to come with me and we’re going to go back down to Equestria, find the group responsible for this mess, and kill them. Do I make myself e%ceptionally clear?”

“I-I don’t think you understand,” Ampora stuttered, trying to look as confident as he could having been lifted five inches off the ground. “This isn’t some game wwe can all play heroes in. The Princesses want us petrified, AKA pretty much dead, and I’m not going back into stone anytime soon. Eliminating the Elements of Harmony is the only surefire wway to ensure that wwe stay free.”

“D --> You are a disgusting little eel, Ampora,” Zahhak growled.

“H-hey! Wwhat are you ragging on me for? Pyrope didn’t go along wwith you either,” Ampora cried, gesturing at the troll sitting in the back, silently observing the events take place.

“D --> You’re the one that might actually be useful, (H3y!) provided you clean up your sorry e%cuse of a villain act and just come with me,” Zahhak growled. “D --> Or are you actually so depraved as to let the injury of children and cold blooded murder of women play out?”

A fierce yell came from behind the two as Peixes charged Zahhak from behind. The enormous troll didn’t even glance at the incoming seadweller as he backhanded her away. “D --> Now let me ask one more time, before I truly become %. Are you coming with me or not?”

Ampora, maybe at the sound of Zahhak’s words and maybe also because he’d just decked an incoming fighter like it was nothing, began vigorously nodding his head. “D --> Good,” Zahhak said, releasing his grip on the seadweller.

“Hey, you two,” Captor called. “II ju2t zoomed iin on the dragon’2 room. You miight want two 2ee thii2.”

The nurse was emptying the contents of a large needle into Spike’s skinny arm when the whirring of a chainsaw announced Maryam’s arrival as she burst through the door, weapon at the ready. “If You Have Any Instinct Of Self-Preservation, You Will Back Away From The Dragon,” the Caretaker hissed.

The nurse gave a devious smile. “You’re in no situation to give orders,” she replied, holding up the emptied syringe.

Maryam’s eyes widened in concern. “What Foul Substance Did You Inject The Child With,” she snarled.

“This? Nothing harmful,” the nurse revealed, “just something to keep our bargaining chip asleep for a while. Now this-” she said, removing a sharper needle full of wicked green liquid- “This is the stuff you’ve got to worry about. Lower your weapon.” Maryam’s look of hate intensified as she, reluctantly, lowered the chainsaw. “Good,” the nurse grinned. “Now, let’s have a chat about how you figured out that you should be here.”

“I… Received A Call,” Maryam replied, tensely preparing to pounce at the first sign of opportunity. “As Did My Compatriots- They Will Arrive Shortly And It Will All Be Over For You When They Do.”

“Don’t bet on it, lady,” the nurse replied. “My bugs can get here quicker than yours.” On cue, several ponies burst through the windows- four miscellaneous townsponies, a young foal and… Sapphire Shores. The disguises, though, quickly went up in smoke- or rather, green flames, as the changelings they hid dispelled their illusions. The nurse also went up in a burst of fire, revealing yet another changeling beneath, this one considerably bigger than the others, with four wings and green, slit-pupilled eyes, as opposed to the drones’ blue. “Kill the troll,” he ordered, a grin springing to his face.

The first changeling caught Maryam off guard, springing at her as she was still raising her chainsaw, and thus tackling the troll out of Spike’s room. Maryam quickly threw the insect off of her, before leaping to her feet. The changeling snarled and leapt at her again, but this time Maryam was ready. A swift slice and the bug’s head rolled away, snagging on a hand for a moment.

A scorching pain blasted Maryam in the back, sending her tumbling down the hospital hall. She rose to her feet and spotted another changeling charging its horn with green energy, preparing for another attack. Maryam dodged several more bolts of magic, taking cover behind a hallway wastebin. She gripped her chainsaw tightly, poised to leap out from behind her shield, when the double doors at the end of the hallway were encased in a purple glow and ripped off their hinges.

“Where’s Spike?” Twilight Sparkle called as she barged into the room. The changeling fired another beam of green at the librarian, only for Twilight to respond with a beam of purple that quickly overwhelmed the insect and launched him across the hall. A third changeling emerged from Spike’s room, only for him to be encased in a blue aura as Rarity stepped out from behind Twilight. The seamstress flung the changeling through the corridor, where he crashed into his friend, the two out cold. Twilight and Rarity dashed through the hospital hall, soon joined by Maryam. The three slid to a stop in front of Spike’s room.

“We’ll say it again,” Rarity growled, clearly at the end of her patience. “Where’s Spike?”

“He’s right here,” the big changeling responded, gesturing at the unconscious dragon whose neck he held a syringe to. “Quite alright, for now, so long as you lot stay put. If not, well…” The changeling gripped the syringe a bit tighter. “I may have to harm this poor young fellow.”

Suddenly, the needle shattered, the toxin spilling harmlessly on Spike’s scaled chest. The big changeling glanced at his hoof, which couldn’t possibly have been holding the syringe that hard, before spotting a message hanging beside his head: - ALL THE LUCK! He turned to glare out the window, where a flying troll in orange pajamas smirked back. “Dammit,” he hissed. “New plan,” he told the remaining three changelings. “Retreat and regroup with the main force. Go!”

With that, the changelings fled through their windows of entry, barely avoiding magical blasts from Twilight. Their leader fired a series of laser blasts through his window at Serket (who gracefully swooped away, dodging the magic), before leaping out the window himself, and just before Maryam’s chainsaw swung through the space he’d occupied a second before.

One changeling made it halfway to the ground before a blur of color tackled him the rest of the way. Rainbow Dash rammed the changeling into the stone road below, leaving behind a squished and icky mess.

A second changeling actually landed on the ground before freezing, suddenly engulfed in a field of pulsing red as Megido hovered above. He stayed immobile for roughly two seconds before Nitram impaled the bug on the point of his lance, a sight that made Fluttershy flinch from where she stood several feet away.

And a third changeling landed next to his leader, surveying his opponents and growing more worried by the second. “Err- boss?” he asked, glancing in fright as Maryam, Twilight, and Rarity burst through the hospital doors and into the road with the rest of the ponies and trolls. “What do we do?”

“Well, I’d start by looking behind you,” the leader advised, just before Applejack rushed up and gave the confused bug a ferocious kick, sending him flying away. The earth pony turned to the bigger changeling, planning to repeat the maneuver, but was quickly sent flying herself from a powerful blast of magic. Applejack slid several feet before returning to her hooves, alongside her group of battle-ready allies (and Fluttershy). Vantas quickly ran up as well, joining the fray at last.

“Jack Noir,” he announced over the buzz of battle (which was probably what that noise was), pointing one of his sickles at the changeling. “I knew you’d be behind this.”

“Twelve hundred years hasn’t been very good to your memory, has it, Threshecutioner?” Noir growled back, drawing one of his numerous knives. “It’s Hive Lord Noir- none of this Jack shit. Now, who wants to die first?”

“*Snort* You’re going to fight all of us?” Vantas laughed, barely audible over the hum of his allies’ anticipation (he hoped that was where the noise was coming from).

“No,” Hive Lord Noir replied as the buzzing reached its peak. “They are.” The sky suddenly swarmed with changelings, filling the skies with their beating wings. The ponies eyes shot wide open, while the trolls grimaced and clutched their respective weapons a little bit tighter. Hive Lord Noir gave a humorless laugh as he addressed his insect army. “Kill them. Kill all of them.” At their lord’s command, the changelings attacked.

The trolls on the ground dashed towards the incoming enemy, meeting it head on. Vantas and Maryam sliced through a charge of insects, heads flying every which way. Applejack rushed up at their side, giving the bugs powerful kicks with her powerful legs, as Twilight and Rarity fired blasts of their own magic into the horde. A stray changeling broke from the group, zooming towards Rarity, but quickly found his head crushed into the ground beneath the black-belt’s hooves.

Serket and Megido took to the skies, cutting through changelings with dice rolls and telekinetic chokeholds, and were soon joined by a multicolored pegasus. Together, the three flew through swaths of airborne enemy, like a knife through butter.

“Hey, Nitram,” Vantas called as the troll in question stabbed an insect through its carapaced chest. “Why don’t you just take control of these suckers?”

“There’s way too many of them,” Nitram replied as he drove his lance through another bug. “1 mean, unless you want me to try and t8ke control of one at a t1me…”

“Then we just keep fighting,” Vantas growled, decapitating another changeling.

The fight raged on. Makara and Pinkie had turned up at some point: the former nimbly wielded clubs, whacking the bugs away; the latter hurled frosted pastries at the hordes, which proved surprisingly effective. Vantas’ sickle had become green with ichor and Maryam was finding it slightly difficult to resist the appetizing liquid that coated the battlefield. Nitram speared through a great line of changelings, clearing a path for Applejack to follow, sending any nearby insects packing. But she was slowing down. Vantas found it more and more difficult to swing his sickle, and Maryam found it harder to heft her chainsaw. Twilight and Rarity, their magical reserves quickly emptying, fired their beams of magic with lesser and lesser frequency. In the air, the god tiered trolls showed little sign of slowing, but were finding themselves somewhat overwhelmed by an enemy that could absorb losses with little issue. The group’s initial rush seemed to be backfiring- the trolls and the ponies (the tronies? Nah…) were surrounded.

A flash of blue and Zahhak appeared on scene, Ampora in tow. The Heir of Void promptly rushed into the swarming brawl, and found about twenty changelings rushing back at him. Ampora made to join Twilight and Rarity, but after several of his white magic attacks cut chunks from the enemy’s forces, a considerable portion detached to attack him as well. “So that’s howw you wwanna play it,” he grinned, twirling his glowing wand as the enemy approached.

Vantas sliced down yet another of the endless insects as he found himself standing next to Zahhak, who punched his way through the hordes of insects without concern. “Hey. Nice of you to finally show up,” Vantas muttered as he struggled to hold off one bug’s attack. “Can we expect anyone else?”

“D --> I don’t believe so,” Zahhak replied. “D --> Pei%es is currently, erm… out cold. Pyrope is being e%cruciatingly difficult. Captor is 100king in as we speak.”

“Ah wonderful,” Vantas groaned. “The sweaty horse and the wizard douche. Excellent backup, great job.”

“D --> Who would you have asked for?” Zahhak asked as he ripped open a portal to the void, shoving several changelings through. “D --> I for one feel that things are going considerably more smoothly now. In fact-”

But Zahhak never finished his statement as double edged sword pierced suddenly through his chest. The startled Vantas leapt back as Zahhak struggled to stay standing. He failed, and toppled to the ground, dead.

Hive Lord Noir yanked the double edged sword from Zahhak’s corpse, before returning it to his deck of cards and drawing instead a wickedly sharp knife. “Hey, kid. Draw.”

“Oh please don’t let it be heroic, please don’t let it be heroic,” Vantas muttered as he charged the Hive Lord with his sickles drawn.

The two enemies met, clashing to the sound of metal on metal, scythe on knife, as in the background Zahhak’s corpse became engulfed in blue and crackled with a multicolored light, his revival imminent (That’s not really too important, though). Vantas swung furiously, determined to strike Noir down here, before he could cause any more trouble. The Hive Lord ducked and weaved expertly around the troll’s attacks, evading a slash before lunging forwards. He caught Vantas in the shoulder with his blade’s very tip; the Threshecutioner cried out in pain, stumbling back. Noir stabbed again- Vantas blocked the attack, but screamed in pain again as the movement sent aches crawling from his stab wound. Noir made a wild slash; it didn’t hit Vantas, but it did cause him to take another step back, and trip over a strategically placed changeling corpse. Vantas tumbled to the ground and Noir made to finish the duel with a slit to the throat.

Suddenly, Maryam appeared between the two, chainsaw at the ready to block the Hive Lord’s stab. Noir’s knife caught in the saw’s chain, which tore the weapon from his grip and flung it away (incidentally, the projectile went and impaled Megido, but she revived soon after).

Hive Lord Noir looked quite unfazed as Maryam pressed her assault. The changeling evaded one swipe, than another. A card appeared in his hooves- then, a mighty cane with a horse head- the cast iron horse hitcher. Noir swung the horse hitcher as murderers would swing a lead pipe- the first blow, Maryam caught against her saw. The second sent her stumbling back. The third caught her in the stomach, and Maryam toppled away.

Hive Lord Noir glanced away from the Caretaker, and focused on Vantas, still lying on the ground clutching his bloody shoulder. He approached slowly, grinning with a sadistic joy and slapping the horse hitcher against the base of his hoof. This time, the kid was his-

A bolt of white magic struck Noir from behind, blasting him forwards. “Oh come on already,” Ampora cried. “Wwhy do I havve to keep savving evverybody?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Pinkie whispered, appearing out of nowhere, “but the writers are trying to make you seem a bit more badass. It’s not really working.” The baker hopped away, leaving the seadweller more than a little confused.

Noir returned to his hooves and saw that Vantas had done so as well. The two glared at each other, Vantas clutching his shoulder, Noir rubbing his burned back. The two charged at each other, Noir brandishing yet another sword, Vantas with his regisickle. The two met- Noir slashed at Vantas, the blade cutting through air like it could cut through flesh, and Vantas, spotting the attack, and leaning away as it swung harmlessly past. Vantas lunged forwards. The point of his sickle entered Noir’s right cheek, and as Vantas tugged upwards, dragging the weapon across his eye.

“Ahh! Fuck!” the Hive Lord swore as he leapt backwards, holding a hoof to his bloody eye. With his remaining optical receptor, he glanced around. The trolls and ponies seemed to be riding their second wind- in the sky the revived Zahhak had joined the revived Megido and Serket (who’d yet to die), and were battering the changelings without end, with Rainbow Dash’s help. On the ground, Nitram and Applejack were tearing through the insects, as Twilight, Rarity, and Ampora provided long-ranged assistance. If ever there was a time to leave, it was now.

“Retreat!” Hive Lord Noir called, marshalling his forces. From the corner of his eye, he spotted Maryam, dashing towards him, chainsaw raised. In a flash of green, Noir teleported away, and soon after the remaining changelings followed; Maryam sliced through nothing but empty air.

And like the descending of a conductor’s baton, the beating of wings and the cries of battle ceased. The road was quiet once more- the symphony adjourned.

“Well,” Rarity said, after a considerable length of time. “That’s two enormous battles in as many days. I need to take a nap.”

“Phew! Ya said it Rarity!” Applejack said. “I’m more tired than a suckling sow in spring. That sure was an acre’s worth of bugs, eh?”

“Ugh- you said it, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash groaned. “I’m exhausted. I’m gonna go home and take a shower.”

“Err- thank you,” Twilight said to the trolls, who were gathering now, off to the side. “I’m not sure we would have made it through that if you hadn’t come help us.”

“It’s No Issue,” Maryam swiftly replied. “We Were Glad To Be Of Assistance.”

“Hmm. Speak for yourself,” Ampora muttered.

“Why don’t you stay here for a while,” Twilight offered. “We could all go down to Sugarcube Corner, get some food. We could go down first, make sure everypony there is ready for your arrival. We don’t want any panic.”

“Well, I Don’t Pretend To Speak For Everyone, But I Believe That Sounds Lovely,” Maryam said. “If I Could Confer With The Group, We Could Follow You Down In About-” But the troll was cut off as suddenly, with the whoosh of a transportalizer, Captor appeared on the scene.

“Everybody, get out of here!” he cried. “II ju2t 2aw Priince22 Cele2tiia on the moniitor2, teleportiing away. We’ve got 2econd2 at mo2t before 2he arriive2!” The trolls tensed at this, while Twilight adopted a guilty look. Vantas spotted this, and his expression morphed quickly into a livid glare.

“You knew?!?” he screamed. “After all the help we gave you, you knew Celestia would be on her way and you tried to make us stay?!?”

“Err-” Twilight started, but was cut off as Vantas rushed forwards, grabbing the librarian around her neck and hoisting the small pony into the air.

“Listen to me right now, you slimy, silver-tongued savant. We helped you because we weren’t going to let the changelings get any more powerful. But I think you can forget ever receiving our help again.”

“And I think,” a regal voice said from behind, “that you can forget ever seeing the light of day again unless you put my faithful student down now.” Vantas glanced behind him, and gulped at the sight of Princess Celestia, hovering gracefully in the air above him.

“Ulp.” Before the princess could follow through with her threat, Zahhak leapt forwards. Vantas disappeared in a flash of blue, and the rest of the group quickly followed, leaving the street barren except for the ponies.

“Wha- but- Princess?” Twilight sputtered.

“Hmm. Thank you, Twilight, for trying to distract the Doomed Gods,” Celestia said (“But- I wasn’t-”). “However, it seems like Ponyville is much more dangerous even then I had originally thought. Come- we must return to Canterlot. Where it’s safe.” Twilight barely had an opportunity to stutter any additional objections before, with a golden shimmer, the ponies too disappeared.

“The nerve of that girl!” Vantas screeched as he reappeared in the lab, the rest of the trolls materializing soon after.

“Err- Vantas, Are You Sure-”

“1 know, r1fght?” Pyrope replied from her chair. “1 s4w th3 whol3 th1ng on th3 mon1t3r, 4nd 1’v3 got to s4y- 1 d1dn’t th1nk Sp4rkl3-bottom h4d 1t 1n h3r. Sh3 c4n b3 sn34ky wh3n sh3 w4nts to.”

“Pyrope, Are You Positive-”

“I can see why you decided not to come,” Vantas growled. “Though I still wish you had. We could’ve used your help.” The troll winced, his hand returning to his wounded shoulder- he needed to find some bandages or something.

“H3y, wh4t c4n 1 s4y? No god-t13r3d m4n14c s33m3d to f1nd 1t n3c3ss4ry to f3tch m3,” Pyrope said.

“Don’t act like that’s a bad thing,” Ampora muttered.

“Vantas, I Don’t Think-”

“D --> Wait!” Zahhak cried, to the surprise of those around him. “D --> Before you all start with your arguments and debates, I have a question. Has anyone seen Leijon?”

“:33 < It’s too bad that I couldn’t tell the others where I was going,” Leijon mewed to herself as she cut through more of the jungle’s thick vegetation. “:33 < But this is just something I need to do! That old kitty-lover would be furryous if I came back and never paid him a visit! Besides- I’ve put this off fur long enough already.” Ahead, the sight she’d waited for so long finally appeared on the horizon- a fortress, a terraced temple, looming ominously over the jungle’s lush hills...

End of Act 2

Author's Note

Oh hey, another Act's over. We sure do seem to be running through them quickly, eh?

Story's still far from over though.

Intermission 2 - Again, For Something Completely Different!

“Alright, I said my bit. It’s someone else’s turn. Umm… Captor. You go.”

“Err- guy2, II’m not 2ure II want two go. Maybe Maryam or Pyrope instead?”

“Aww, come on, Captor. I’m making you second, that’s gotta make you happy. We can’t have someone go cold turkey already.”

“...Alriight, ju2t… let me take iit 2low…”

Begin Interlude 2

Enter Name.
What, this again? Fine. Random Insult #4.13. Can we get on with this?

Try again, wiseguy.
Your name is WHAT now?

Unbelieveable. Your name is SHERLOCK HOLMSTRÖM, and you are SWEDISH, though you’re not entirely sure why this should that be RELEVANT. Similarly to your GOOD FRIEND, BEST PAL Alexandr, you too have caught the CONTAGION that is HOMESTUCK. He, you, and the REST of your WEBFRIENDS are all FANS of this INCREDIBLY SILLY, yet HELL-DAMNED AWESOME WEBCOMIC. So much, in fact, that yourself and Alexandr have agreed to arrange to show up at a GEEK PARTY. In COSPLAY, no less.

As your DE FACTO LEADER, Alexandr has been allowed to COSPLAY as KARKAT. Considering that you two are BROS, you have picked the cosplay of SOLLUX. It’s all here: the BLACK-AND-WHITE shoes, the RED-AND-BLUE glasses, a TWIN-HORNED HEADBAND, a shirt with GEMINI on it, and just in case, FANGS. The fangs have the added SIDE-EFFECT of giiviing you a biit of a lii2p. A definite WIN in your book.

What will you do now?

What’s with your name?
*Twitch* This? Again? Alright, mocking sacks of manure who may or may not exist solely in your mind, you ought to up because you’re only going to say this once. Your parents are HOLMES FREAKS. They are basically caricatures of the modern Sherlock fandom, obsessive and analytical, and sometimes go out of their way to show it off. They gave you your name with no thought to the ensuing consequences, among which include explaining this story to all the idiotic mind-voices who ask. So there! Now shut up.

Well, what did you think of the books?
Meh. The Lost World was better.

Sherlock: Check computer.
Yeah, why not. You YOUTH ROLL below a knife thrown by some miscellaneous ENRAGED FAN (“Blasphemy!!!”) and you turn on your LAPTOP (your precious, precious LAPTOP), opening up the PESTERCHUM app. Really, this NEW CHAT PROGRAM was the most awesome thing you have ever found on the Internet.

Hmm? It seems one of your chums is pestering you.

Sherlock: Answer chum

Show Pesterlog
jenniferStark [JS] began pestering sherlockHolström [SH] at 15:24

JS: Hey, Sherlock.
JS: Are you there?
SH: Yeah, I’m here Jen. Whaddya need?
JS: Oh great, you’re here! Is your costume ready?
SH: Yes, my costume is ready, though something tells me that isn’t quite what you pestered me about.
JS: Hmph. Nothing gets past you, I see. Do you have Alexandr’s emails? I seem to have deleted them awhile back. Too bad he doesn’t use Pesterchum.
SH: Actually, he just got Pesterchum. That’s somewhat besides the point, however. Give me a second…
SH: Yeah, I’ve got the emails.
JS: Did Alexandr set a meeting place?
SH: ...No, he didn’t. Typical.
JS: Well… don’t you live, like, right next to the convention hall? You could set a meeting place.
SH: I’m already on it. I’ll see you via memo.
sherlockHolmström [SH] ceased pestering jenniferStark [JS] at 15:27

Sherlock: Pick up your bro’s slack.

Show Pesterlog

CURRENT sherlockHolmström [CSH] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT.

CSH: Alright, then.
CSH: Attention, everybody. It seems Alexandr forgot to set a meeting place for us all to… meet, I guess.
CURRENT borisAndreyev [CBA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CBA: Hmph. Alexandr forgot something? What else is new?
CURRENT jenniferStark [CJS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CJS: Boris, that’s not a very nice thing to say.
CJS: We’re all supposed to be friends here, and friends don’t talk badly of each other.
CBA: But look at this fine mess he’s gotten us in, Jen.
CBA: He goes around claiming to be the one leading us to a nerdly triumph.
CBA: And forgets something so vital.
CBA: And he won’t even be around to listen as someone else picks up his slack.
CSH: Alright, not that I agree with anything that Boris is saying, but does anyone actually know why Alexandr isn’t here? Because I’d love to.
CURRENT lucyWardale [CLW] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CLW: He’s not online. Whatever he’s wasting his time with is beyond me.
CSH: Wonderful.
CBA: This is what I’m talking about. The man is all bark and no bite.
CURRENT amandaRedwood [CAR] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAR: I don’t believe that to be the correct usage of the idiom.
CBA: Perhaps not the conventional use of the phrase, but I wager it’s correct enough.
CBA: He barges in saying he’ll be our leader and all that crap, but he doesn’t exactly follow through with the promise, does he.
CAR: Perhaps you’re judging him too harshly.
CAR: After all, we can’t all live up to the BORIS ANDREYEV level of standards.
CSH: HOLD IT!!!
CSH: Before we all descend into fucking friendship debates.
CSH: As tends to happen when too many of us gather in one place.
CSH: Can we first accomplish what we set out to do in the first place.
CBA: What was that you were saying, Amanda?
CBA: About my standards?
CAR: They’re maybe a bit too harsh. You’re maybe a bit too pretentious for demanding we all uphold them.
CBA: So says miss fashion nazi.
CSH: THERE’S A BUNCH OF BENCHES IN FRONT OF THE CONVENTION HALL! THAT’S OUR MEETING PLACE!
CSH: LUCY, YOU TELL ALEXANDR, OK? GOOD.
CSH: FAREWELL, YOU FUCKING DISAGREEABLE INFANTS. I’LL SEE YOU ALL AT THE PARTY!!!
CSH ceased responding to memo.

======>
This always happens, this always happens, this always happens!

Yours is the most dysfunctional group of friends. So many arguments, so much disagreement… It wears on you over time. This is one of the reason’s it’s necessary to have Alexandr as a leader in the first place, because without someone to guide the masses they just struggle a bit, flop around, and eventually self destruct. And Alexandr just happens to be particularly good at guiding the masses. You swear he’s going to end up in politics some day…

======>
With a couple deep breaths, your rage dissipates. You’ve got to learn to control yourself in the future, or else you won’t have those outbursts.

A bit of programming never hurts your mood. You return to your computer and go to work.

Timeskip: Happen
You do some programming. Yeah. That’s about it. Standard fare. Later, you turn and exit your house, and walk across the street. You’ve arrived at the CONVENTION HALL- now it’s time to wait…

Another Timeskip: Happen
It doesn’t take long for some of your friends to show up, they’re all dressed in their own cosplay, with varying degrees of completion (where’s Nepeta’s tail?). You all sit together on your benches and have a lovely chat.

======>

Show Dialoglog
Sherlock: All right then. Um. Hi there, everyone.
Vriska: Well heeeeeeeey there, our illustrious second-in-command!
Sherlock: Very funny. Nice Vriska costume, though. God Tier, eh?
Vriska: Yep!
Tavros: Nice wings.
Vriska: Why thank you! Nice robot legs!
Tavros: Uh... thanks.
Feferi: Oh, I’m so excited! I can’t wait for the Geekparty to start. We’re gonna have so much fun doing… um… Wait a minute, what do you do at Geekparties?
Kanaya: Err… I believe it’s meant to be somewhat of a gathering, celebrating geekdom. We all get together, buy merchandise, chat with other fans and… fanboy over everything, I suppose.
Eridan: So… It’s a social event for asocial people? Is anyone else seeing the contradictions here?
Sherlock: Wait, wait wait. Hold up a second. There’s about 20% too little ornery in this conversation. Where’s Alexandr?
Tavros: (Ooh, sick burn! That is what you refer to as some truly unhealthy incendiaries!)
Vriska: (Quiet!)
Sherlock: No, seriously. Where’s Alexandr?

Sherlock: Find Alexandr
Oh, there he is. He’s just coming over the hill, heading towards your table. His Karkat cosplay is excellent, and his furious facial expressions give the impression that he really is Karkat. Wait… you don’t think he’s glaring just to be in character…

======>
Alexandr: How the hell are you lot already here?
Feferi: Oh, hi Alex… or should I say Karkat? We were wondering when you’d get here.
Alexandr: I have a question and I want it answered. How the hell are you lot already here?
Kanaya: Well, you do live the farthest from here, Alex.
Alexandr: I meant more along the lines of how the hell are you lot here together. I thought I forgot to prearrange a meeting place.
Sherlock: You did. It’s a good thing I picked up your slack.
Alexandr: And nobody thought to tell me this was happening?
Sherlock: ...
Kanaya: …
Feferi: ...
Terezi: Oops. Forgot to tell him.
Alexandr: Grrr… fine. Look, we’re all here now, let’s just not get separated again.
Gamzee: *Honk*
Alexandr: Hey, put that horn away!
Gamzee: Err- that wasn’t me.
*Honk! Honk!*

======>
Turning in the direction of the honking, you spot a golf cart hurtling towards your benches at unsafe speeds. You leap from your seat immediately, and scramble away from the benches as the uncontrolled vehicle smashes into the seats at which you sat just seconds before. You turn to look back. You don’t see anyone injured, but you can’t quite tell for sure as crowds of onlookers suddenly flood the area and your friends meld into the masses. Presently, you’re surrounded not by comrades but by strangers. Excellent. Just excellent.

Sherlock: Locate friends
You know the convention center, so you duck inside and take a look around the spots where people tend to gravitate. The snack bar- empty. The restrooms- empty. The booth with guys from The Walking Dead- empty.

After some time spent with deliberate searching, you sigh deeply and decide to simply wander without aim, and perhaps stumble upon a friend by chance. You walk idly for a while, occasionally scanning the crowds for your friends, and eventually come across a booth selling all sorts of knickknacks (even a hand for some reason) and some guy behind the counter. You take a moment to peruse the wares for whatever reason and you come across a good quality model of Sollux’s headset- with the blue and red “♊” to boot.

Sherlock: Purchase wares
You turn to the guy behind the counter- some old man- and ask him if it works. He smiles and assures you that it does. You fish through your pockets, extract a couple bucks, and toss it at him. Thanks for doing business, the man says. And, enjoy your trip.

Sherlock: Get transported to Equestria.
Transported to what where now? You can’t quite tell. One second you’re staring into the smug mug of a businessman and the next you’re staring into the speckled, everlasting darkness of space. Through some skylight. You sit up and put a hand to your head, nursing an aching headache. You feel like something is clawing at your eyes. Ignoring the pain, you glance around and find that you appear to be in a lab. A very familiar lab...

Sherlock: Draw the conclusions
What the fuck? The meteor lab? No wait- the white rocky surface, visible through some windows, indicates that you’re on the moon, not the meteor. And that blue planet, stuck high in the sky amidst a swirling void of black… that’s not Earth. Is that the “Equestria” place the voice in your head mentioned? What is that voice in your head anyways?

Sherlock: Operate computers
You know what, forget questioning the voice in your head, because it gives some damned good advice. You’re of relative certainty that a bit of minor computer manipulation will provide sufficient answers. You hop over to the computer and boot it up. Wait a minute… are your hands grey?

Computer: Compute
The computer monitor becomes aglow with white light, a sheen of divine brilliance, promising answers to all your prayers and inquiries. And in the center of the screen… a little blue wheel spins around. Figures.

Yet another timeskip: Happen
This computer must be running Windows 8 or something, because it takes a good deal of time before it boots up. When it’s initialization is complete, however… the results speak for themselves.

[Hello, Sherlock Captor, the Psiionic.]

[Welcome to Equestria.]

Sherlock: Engage Realization
The computer addressed you as Sherlock Captor. And your gray hands…

You have quite literally become Sollux Captor. Holy fuck.

Computer: Continue tutorial

[You, Captor, have entered Equestria as the troll SOLLUX CAPTOR.]

[You have gained the corresponding mental abilities.]

[However, you may have initial trouble controlling these powers.]

[Take this into account when you act.]

[When you’re ready to proceed, enter your transportalizer.]

[/End of tutorial.]

Captor: Take it all in
You lean back in your chair for a moment, staring in shock at the computer screen. It’s quite a bit to take in. You’ve been transformed into Sollux Captor, a tug on your now-permanent horns is all that’s necessary to prove that, and you’re apparently in Equestria- or, on its moon, at least. That name though, Equestria… it sounds familiar. Maybe something Alexandr once said…

Captor: Enter your transportalizer.
You… suppose that you’ll just do that. There don’t seem to be many other things to do, you guess.

You hop onto the series of transportalizers, taking you to a room with twelve pads lined up in a circle around its perimeter. You step onto the pad with your “♊” symbol floating above it. You vanish with a whoosh.

Captor: Go to the place.
You appear in the midst of some forest. It’s… really green. And there are a lot of trees. Yeah, just a forest. You glance backwards to find that your transportalizer pad has disappeared. Typical. You choose a completely random direction and start walking.

It’s a long trek, and you have a lot to think about. You’ve apparently been transported to a whole different world as a character from Homestuck. How was this possible? Did that Merchant have something to do with it? And more importantly, what do you do now? If you truly are Sollux Captor, you’ve got some cool psychic abilities to play around with, and you suppose that could help. But first off you’ve got to find some trace of civilization. Frolicking in the woods and hunting for meat doesn’t sound too appealing.

But most infuriating is that strange pain in your head, at the back of your corneas. It keeps building, as if there are batteries sparkling behind your eyes, and you’re concerned that sooner or later your eyes will just bust open or something. And that would really not be pleasant. You’d rather avoid that.

Village: Appear
As you crest a hill, you see the trees thin away. You’re standing now at the hill’s peak, overlooking a field down below. And in the middle of this field: civilization!

It’s just a simple looking village of moderate size, but you’re far too overjoyed by the sight of something artificial to care. You race down towards the town as fast as your troll legs can carry you.

Captor: Meet locals
You quickly reach the edge of the village. Glancing around at the bustling streets, your eyes shoot wide open at the sight of something you did not expect.

Ponies. Ponies everywhere.

And suddenly you remember where you heard the term “Equestria” from, and you drop to your knees and shake your fists at the sky.

======>

Open Dialoglog
Captor: WHY!?! WHY DID IIT HAPPEN TWO ME!?! DO YOU THINK THII2 II2 FUNNY!?! II2 THII2 YOUR 2IICK IIDEA OF A JOKE!?! YOU BASTARD2!!! II’M GONNA FIND WHOEVER II2 RE2PON2IIBLE FOR THII2 AND II’M GOIING TWO FUCKIING KIILL THEM!!! FUCK!!!
Random Pony: Umm… sir? There are children here.

Captor: Apologize
You glance over at the random pony, who seems to be slightly nervous speaking with you. You suppose that it’s never seen something like you before. On further inspection, however, it appears to be telling the truth- there are smaller child-ponies (or foals, you guess. Ugh.) that are gathered around the street, staring at you along with their parents, and pretty much every single pony. Most of the parents are covering the foals’ ears, while their eyes bug out at the sight of you.

======>

Open Dialoglog
Captor: Err- hii, everybody.
Ponies: AHHHHH!!!
Captor: Well, that’2 a liittle rude…

Captor: Look behind you
A sudden buzz of noise prompts you to take a look behind you, and you freeze at the sight of it. A swarm of black pony-bug looking things hovers in the air around you, swooping down at the town. You see them descend upon the village, firing green lasers at anything that moves and grabbing any pony they can. Screams of terror sound throughout the town, as the insects seem intent on tearing the village apart.

Something wells up deep within you, a strange strength that floods through your veins and builds within your red and blue eyes.

======>

Open Dialoglog
Captor: Hey! Over here!

Captor: Pulverize Bugs with Destructive, Uncontrollable Psionics
You’ve got no idea why or how, but without warning twin beams of blue and red burst from your eyes. You stumble back at the jolt of power as several of the bugs glance towards the prismatic lasers and are promptly obliterated. Thinking quickly, you sweep your deadly glare over the village, zapping insects everywhere into clouds of dust. Within seconds, the bugs are all gone. A few moments later your laser vision flickers, then cuts off.

Silence. Complete and utter silence, the ponies ceasing their panic to stare at you once again, you with a bead of sweat rolling down your face, wondering if you did something wrong.

Then the ponies suddenly and unanimously cheer with joy.

Captor: Be the hero
Before long you’re surrounded by admiring ponies. They quickly heft you onto their shoulders and turn to march down the streets, parading you like a hero. You’re kind of a little weirded out by this.

The ponies set you down when they finally reach the end of the street, but don’t release you from the mob. Instead, they bombard you with questions.

======>

Open Dialoglog
Random Pony 2: Thank you, sir. You saved us all!
Random Pony 3: You’re a right hero, mister! What’s your name?
Random Pony 4: What are you, even? What are you going to do now?
Random Pony 5: Are you busy tonight?
Captor: Alriight, hold up a 2econd.
Random Pony 6: Where did you come from?
Random Pony 7: Where are you going?
Random Pony 8: Can I touch your muscles?
Captor: I 2aiid hold on a 2econd. Plea2e!
Random Pony: Alright, you heard the guy, back off. Let’s give him some time to recover before praising his heroics, eh?
Random Ponies 2-8: Alright, ma’am.

Captor: Acquire Random Pony’s identity
You nod your thanks to the Random Pony. The’re a rusty red, with a black mane, and their build suggests them to be a female, and if the other Random Pony’s reactions are anything to go by, she must be a figure commanding some respect. This would be the pony to befriend.

======>

Open Dialoglog
Captor: Thank you, ma’am. May II iinquiire a2 two your name?
Random Pony: My name’s Calypso. I’m a figure of some respect in these parts. Now, what’s your name, heroboy?
Captor: Err- Sherlock. Sherlock Captor. But ju2t Captor wiill do.
Calypso: I see. Captor, eh? Odd name.
Captor: I’m, um, known iin 2ome ciircle2 a2 the P2iioniic. Riing any bell2?
Calypso: Mmm… nope. No bells rung. Regardless, this town owes you a great deal of thanks, Psionic. So on that note, would you mind answering some of our questions.
Captor: II 2uppo2e 2o, a2 long a2 they aren’t deliivered twelve at a tiime.
Calypso: Wonderful. Alright, anypony have questions?
Random Pony 4: What are you?
Captor: II’m a troll. Horns, grey 2kiin.
Random Pony 7: Where did you come from?
Captor: Umm… II’m not 2ure that II’m at liiberty two an2wer that. 2omewhere 2o far away II’m not 2ure II can get back.
Random Pony 5: Are you busy tonight?
Captor: Umm…
Random Pony 8: Can I please touch your muscles?
Captor: Err…
Calypso: Alright everypony, can we please stick to legitimate questions?
Random Pony 8: (That was legitimate…)
Random Pony 3: What are you gonna do now?
Captor: II’m… not 2ure, two be hone2t. II’m not 2ure of a lot of thiing2 riight now.
Random Pony 6: I know! You could stay in the village! You could help defend it from further attacks!
Captor: Well-
Random Pony 3: Yeah, that’s a great idea!
Captor: II’m not 2ure iif-
Random Pony 2: With someone as strong as you around, this town will always be safe!
Random Pony 8: (Yes. Stay. Please.)
Calypso: Everypony seems to be in agreement. Captor, would you stay here in this village?
Captor: Look, the thiing ii2… II…
Calypso: Yes?
Captor: 2ure. 2ure, II’ll 2tay.
Random Ponies 2-7: Yeah!!!
Random Pony 8: (Yes…)
Captor: Err- thii2 raii2e2 a whole new 2et of que2tiion2, though. Where wiill II 2tay for one.
Calypso: I have an extra bedroom at my house. You can stay there.
Captor: Oh… uh... thank2.
Calypso: Don’t mention it. Now, how about some fun?

Captor: Have fun
It’s a matter of minutes after Calypso’s statement that the streets are alive with jubilee. There are refreshments. There are banners (Yay-The-Town-Wasn’t-Destroyed Party!). You’ve got to admit, these ponies are efficient. They’re not half-bad partygoers either. They’re dancing through the roads, leaning against buildings and chatting with friends. You’re glad that these ponies seem to be of a culture that enjoys cutting loose every once in a while.

You make your way over to Calypso, who’s leaning against a simple house, enjoying a glass of some fruity beverage.

======>

Show Dialoglog
Captor: 2o. Calyp2o. II really oughtta be 2ure to thank you thoroughly. Thii2 town 2eem2 liike a niice place and II’m glad to have 2omewhere to 2tay.
Calypso: It’s no problem. It’ll be nice to have somepony else around the house. I do hate cleaning.
Captor: Waiit a miinute, you 2aiid nothiing about-
Calypso: What, you think I’m just gonna let you crash at my place and let that be the end of it? No. It’ll also be nice not to have to cook every day.
Captor: What?!
Calypso: And maybe if I had somepony to run a few errands now and then.
Captor: But- but- but-
Calypso: Hehe. I’m joking! Mostly. I do expect some level of help on your part.
Captor: IIf II’m gonna be thii2 town’2 defender or whatever, don’t II need two be on duty or 2omethiing?
Calypso: Not twenty-four seven, silly.
Captor: Err… faiir.
Calypso: Wonderful! I’m glad to hear it.

Captor: Look towards a brighter future
As Calypso walks off, you smile to yourself. You’re in a town that appreciates you, among a simple people, rooming with a pony that seems to have a nice personality. Perhaps this won’t all be so bad after all…

One More Timeskip: Happen
Perhaps you spoke a bit too soon.

Though initial reactions were quite warm and friendly, your town reputation has only gone downhill since your arrival in the village. Perhaps some variety of factors contributed to this change. Your differing of species, with such a jarring appearance, likely played some part. Being of such a foreign species doesn’t make ponies too comfortable, and your smug douchey personality doesn’t help. You’re just so otherworldly, in both mind and body, that perhaps this isolated the ponies from you to begin with. Perhaps it’s because the village is so peaceful. Travelers and visitors are a very rare occurrence, and the dangers of this peaceful valley are almost non-existent. You haven’t needed to respond to a single crime over the course of your eight-or-so month duty, which can make ponies a little bitter when they see your salary. But you don’t have too much extra money, due to what’s likely the main reason no one really seems to like you.

You can’t control your psionics and it is an issue. A big issue. Every so often power wells up in your eyes that you can’t control and with a BOOM! something goes up in smoke. You’re left with a smoking crater, a bunch of angry looks, and a bill to pay. Thankfully no one has yet been hurt by your spontaneous death rays, but it could very well be but a matter of time. Usually you can turn away before your eyes explode, but the close calls have been close. Very close.

Maybe it’s because they don’t want to get vaporized, maybe it’s because they’re not all sure you aren’t doing it on purpose, or maybe it is just due to your completely alien demeanor, but the townsponies generally stay away from you. And while this doesn’t make you all that happy, you’re not one to spend hours endlessly analyzing the situation, and wracking your brain for ways to fix it. No, not hours.

Calypso is the bright spot behind the eclipse. In a town full of semi-hostility, Calypso’s friendship makes you feel like you belong. It always brings a smile to your face to see the pony as you make your daily rounds through the town, or when you wake up in the morning to the scent of fresh tea. You treasure your friendship with Calypso. It’s your motivation to march further on, your diamond to protect in an otherwise rough village. It’s what gets you through the days.

Captor: Wake up
You’re stirred from your reminiscing as a cry of fear slices through the calm morning air. Your head whips towards the source of the scream, and your feet pound on the ground as you dash off towards the noise. You round a corner and find yourself staring at an enormous dragon, a monstrous reptile with its wings outstretched, glaring at a small, terrified pack of ponies before it. You sprint in front of them, spreading your arms wide as you return the dragon’s glare. The ponies, seemingly confident that you have it under control, quickly abscond, racing away down the streets. It’s just you and the dragon now…

Captor: Be the hero… again
You take a deep breath as you stare up at the dragon, looming above you. You plunge deep inside yourself, searching for a spark of energy. You feel the power flame, and the sensation of force welling up just behind your eyes, like sparkling lightning. A bead of sweat rolls slowly past your ear as your eyes glow with energy. With a quick burst, you force the energy out.

Except nothing happens.

You try again, pushing against the physical barrier of your eyes, as if they were walls blocking the power inside you. You succeed only in causing your eyes to ache all the more, but nary a spark flies from your eyes.

The dragon, apparently having enough of this, swings his massive arms, and knocks you away. You crash into the side of a building, splintering wood with your impact. Your back feels like one big bruise, but you force yourself to your legs as the dragon turns to continue on its rampage through town. As it throws its head back and releases a massive roar, you again urge the power within you into your eyes. Building, bubbling, like a pot yearning to overflow. You give it a tip.

An explosion, an earth-shattering boom as your vision swims with brightness and you’re flung backwards by your failed attack. Your head strikes something hard- the light fades away…

Captor: Stir
You feel the world slowly return, burning with pain and crackling with sound. You sit up, with a splitting headache and an above average ache everywhere else. You glance around.

The world is fire and wood. Splintered, crushed houses litter the field of flame, and the roar of raging infernos dominates the air. But through all of this, a single, coherent thought worms its way into you.

Calypso

You’re on your feet, sprinting on dying legs through a ruined village, ignoring the burning air and smoky smells. Ahead, Calypso’s house, collapsed and charred. And beneath a great timber, lying in a puddle of red, Calypso. You reach her lower your head and search for her heart. It flutters weakly, like a butterfly with one wing. No, you’re too late to save her now. Far too late…

Calypso breathes, shakily and unsure, and you catch hints of speech in what will be her final gasps.

======>
Calypso: Captor... Where are you?... Please… Save me…

World: Break
The field shatters. Cracks fraying the edges, white splinters of reality against black sorrow engulfing all that there is. There’s nothing now, nothing but you and Calypso dying at your feet. And then… there truly is nothing but you.

======>
The earth shakes with the stomping of feet. Behind you, the dragon rears its head, its teeth bared sharp and its eyes filled with rage. You spin, and energy flows unhindered from your eyes, the dragon releasing a primal screech of pain as it slowly degrades away. But you’re too late. You’re too fucking late and now there’s nothing you can do about it. As the dragon’s final scream echoes through the land, you drape yourself over an empty corpse and cry...

...
Canterlot Castle. A lone stranger in a billowing cape marches before the lone throne of Princess Celestia, flanked by a legion of guards on either side. He stops at the foot of the throne. You stop at the foot of the throne.

======>

Show Dialoglog
Celestia: Well, this is an oddity. It’s not often I’m met with a Troll, let alone one that dares enter Canterlot itself. State your business.
Captor: II come wiith… a reque2t.
Celestia: A request? Now this truly is unusual. Explain yourself.
Captor: II have… p2iioniic abiiliitiie2. II can project beam2 of energy from my eye2, but… II can’t control them. And wiithout control II’m… u2ele22. Wor2e: a threat.
Celestia: And you want my help learning to master your abilities, troll?
Captor: No. II’ve heard of your 2tatue Grove where other2 of my kiind liive iin 2tone. II wii2h to joiin them.
Celestia: Truly? Do not be hasty, Troll, for this is a decision you may not undo.
Captor: Truly. Look iinto my eye2, Cele2tiia. II can tell you’ve recently felt lo22. Can you feel mine?
Celestia: ...Very well. However, the Elements of Harmony… which we would normally use for the petrification, are unavailable, meaning we’d be forced to use, err… alternative means.
Captor: 2o be iit. My paiin end2 today.
Celestia: Before I grant your request, might I know your name?
Captor: … The P2iioniic. II am the P2iioniic.

======>
Your journey to Canterlot ends here, and with it your grief. Ahead looms a life of stone, a life of blissful apathy, and you don’t even think twice before accepting it.

End of Interlude 2

Author's Note

Oh hey, an Interlude.

And as the title promised, something completely different.
Did ya enjoy it?

Act 3 Chapter 1

Act Three

Begin Chapter 1

The jungle echoed with malicious laughter. Ahuizotl leered at his captive.

“This time, Daring Do, you will not escape.”

“Ahuizotl, you fiend!” Daring Do cried, struggling against her bonds as the fiend dangled her over a bubbling pit of oil. “You think that just by stealing my research you can discover the immortal secret of the Raidawren Ruins? You don’t have the brains to accomplish such a feat!”

“Mmm. Perhaps,” Ahuizotl chuckled. “But what I do have is a century’s worth of stockpiled wealth. I can buy the brains!”

“*Gasp!* You filthy swine!” Daring cursed. “If you think money and thievery can beat pure archeological spirit, then you’ve got another thing coming, Ahuizotl! I will defeat you!”

“Mhmm? And how, Miss Do, are you going to do that when you’ll be dead!?” Ahuizotl screamed. Daring Do let out a cry of surprise as suddenly the rope, dangling her from a tall tree, dropped slightly, bringing the boiling liquids below even closer. Ahuizotl broke into another fit of mad laughter at the sight of his arch-nemesis, so close to her demise.

Suddenly both turned at the sound of rustling to see a familiar, and very confused troll enter the clearing. “:33 < Err- Am I inpurrupting something here?”

“D --> How could this happen?”

“Beat2 me,” Captor replied as his fingers flew across the keyboard, navigating through windows and programs at an awe-inspiring speed. “II 2uppo2e you mu2t’ve looked away for a 2econd or 2omethiing.”

“...” Zahhak looked down at himself, then gave a depressed sigh.

“Hey, calm d0wn,” Megido reassured, gingerly placing a hand on Zahhak’s back. “Leij0n is t0ugher than y0u give her credit. I’m sure she’s d0ing fine!”

“D --> Well, I’m not,” Zahhak groaned. Megido gave him a shoosh, gently patting his back. Several seconds of silence passed between them, where the only sound was the constant background noise from the squabbling trolls. Then Zahhak turned back to Captor. “D --> Can’t you find her any faster?”

“Not wiith everyone behiind me yelliing liike wriiggler2 who mii22ed theiir nap2. Do you thiink you could do 2omethiing about-”

“D --> QUIET!!!” Zahhak screamed as he rose to his feet and turned to the arguing trolls behind him. Vantas and Ampora froze and stared with mutual terror as Zahhak approached them in two great strides.

“D --> Which one of your e%cruciating disagreements could possibly be so imperative that it runs the risk of delaying our search for Leijon?”

The two glanced briefly at each other before Ampora spoke up. “Wwell, you sea, I’vve been thinking for a wwhile that this wwhole “teamwwork savves the day” thing isn’t really wworking out and that me and Peixes should just get out of here.”

“No, you were saying that you were impatient that we didn’t just handle your drek before handling the much more immediately relevant drek, as if claiming that for some reason you occupy the highest shitty rung on the drek ladder,” Vantas growled.

“Oh, wwell excuse me if I wwas promised a servvice and wwish to actually recievve it,” Ampora shot back. “Imagine if you had some immediately pressing matter and found that evveryone else seemed blind to its urgence.”

“More urgent than reacting to what’s going on right now!? Ampora you idiot, we haven’t had a chance to do any of that stuff yet! In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve sort of been too busy dealing with all the shenanigans going on already to worry about your maniacal ambitions or whatever you’re talking about.”

“Oh, and wwhat havve wwe accomplished by dealing wwith those shenanigans? Wwe fought some ponies, savved the ponies wwe literally just fought, and then fought some bugs. My, such a broad vvariety of achivvements, don’t you agree?”

“D --> Both of you SHUT IT!!!” Zahhak interrupted, grabbing each of them in a separate, massive hand. “D --> This is some of the most childish tomf001ery I believe I’ve ever had the lu%ury of e%periencing! If you two wish to act this way then go dr001 of in a corner where you won’t bother anyone!!!”

“II’ve got iit!” Captor cried from his desk. Zahhak dropped the two trolls like jars of spiders as he rushed to the Psiionic’s side. His monitor showed Leijon staring at some great blue beast and a pony suspended above a vat of burning oil, with a puzzled expression on her face.

“Hmm. 2he 2eem2 two be iin 2ome 2ort of jungle. And who are tho2e guy2? Whatdya thiink, Zahhak… Zahhak?” But a couple wisps of blue light were all that remained of Zahhak. Captor turned to Vantas. “Err- 2hould we go after hiim?”

Vantas thought very carefully on the issue for the next quarter of a second. “No,” he replied.

“L-L-Leijon? Ahuizotl sputtered at the sight of a long-lost companion. “You’re alive?”

“The Huntress?” Daring Do cried, more so with fear than with surprise.

“:33< In the flesh!” Leijon smiled. “:33< How’ve you b33n, Mr. Furry Lips?”

Ahuizotl grimaced with annoyance as Daring stifled a giggle. “Leijon, I thought we agreed to forgo the nicknames. They compromise the villainous image.”

“:33< Fine,” Leijon groaned. “:33< That’s always the thing with you, isn’t it? You’re always trying to maintain appurrance.”

Ahuizotl sighed. “Alright, I suppose that’s not the way to greet an old friend, is it?”

“:33< No, not really,” Leijon said. “:33< It’s all right, though. How are the kitties doing?”

“Ah, you know. It’s usual business with them- always hungry, always eager to pounce.”

“:33< Well, it’s glad to know they’re alright.”

“Indeed,” Ahuizotl said. He glanced back at his captive, who was staring at the two, observing their conversation with a nervous look. “Ooh, that’s right. I almost forgot, didn’t I. Leijon, would you like to join me as we send Daring Do to her death?”

“Ooh? Are you using the oil?” Leijon cheered as she hopped up next to the vat for a close seat. Ahuizotl flashed a grin that was somehow caring and still villainous, before he slowly began lowering the rope that held Daring Do above her bubbly demise. The adventurer’s thrashings became more and more frenzied as the oil inched closer and closer. As she frantically struggled against the ropes wrapped tight around her, she glared at Ahuizotl.

“This isn’t over, you despicable dog! You’ll turn your back and I’ll escape, and then you’ll be finished once and for all!”

“But why would I ever turn my back on this?” Ahuizotl asked, smirking at his enemy’s fate. “No- this is a moment I will remember and cherish forever.”

“D --> Err- am I interrupting something here?”

Both Ahuizotl and Leijon turned to see Zahhak standing at the edge of the clearing “:33< Zahhak!” Leijon cried. “:33< I didn’t notice you! What are you doing here?”

“D --> Well, I was going to take you back to the meteor lab, but if you and your… friend are busy.”

“:33< Ah! I almost furgot!” Leijon turned to Ahuizotl. “Ahui, this is Zahhak. He’s a good friend of mine.”

“...Hello,” Ahuizotl responded. “You were interrupting something, actually.”

“D --> I see. Is your captive supposed to be swinging from her rope?”

Ahuizotl turned quickly to see Daring Do, her knots undone, swinging back and forth on her rope. With a roar of rage, Daring released her hold, and snapped open her sings as she zoomed towards Ahuizotl. The great creature recoiled as Daring gave him a flying kick to the face.

Daring landed feet first and immediately turned to the table where her stolen research journal lay, open and face down. She dashed towards her book, until a massive hit knocked her back. Daring glanced up to see Leijon standing between her and her goal, claws drawn. “Listen, Huntress. I’m no martial artist, but you can bet that if you don’t get out of the way I am going to kick your ass.”

“:33< Heh. Bring it,” Leijon replied, pouncing towards the pony. “:33< Rawr!”

The two combatants met, claw against hoof. Daring leapt back, before zooming forwards in a burst of speed. Leijon grinned, and sidestepped the speeding pegasus, before bringing down her fist as the pony passed, slamming her into the ground. Daring struggled to her hooves, before Leijon grabbed her and tossed her away. Daring hit a tree, but rebounded off it with a solid kick and rocketing towards the troll. Leijon sprung forwards, meeting Daring midair, before tossing her back to the ground. The archeologist hit the ground hard, but quickly stood up and dodged as Leijon slashed at her. Daring ducked beneath another few swipes, before giving the Huntress a solid punch to the gut. Leijon stumbled backwards, as Daring turned to deliver a powerful buck to the troll’s chest. The blow made Leijon slide back, and she panted with pain, but grinned all the while.

“:33< I’ve fought farmers stronger than you, Daring. Is that all you’ve got?”

Daring growled, before charging at the mocking troll. Leijon smirked, before blocking Daring’s first couple attacks. Daring turned for another kick, but Leijon sprang to the left, avoiding the hit. She gave Daring a punch that left her tumbling away. Daring returned to her hooves, only to leap back to avoid Leijon’s pounce. The Huntress followed up with several claw slashes. Daring ducked beneath the first two, but the third tore scratches through her exploration jacket. Daring winced, and Leijon pressed her advantage. Another slash left a long, red mark on Daring’s cheek. She tried to back away, but her hooves found themselves pressed against a jungle tree. Leijon smiled, baring her fangs, before the Huntress went for the kill.

In desperation, Daring gave the tree behind her a solid kick. A crack- then, a tree branch above snapped, tumbling down and striking Leijon on the head. She stumbled backwards, rubbing her wound. Daring’s gaze hardened, as she dashed forwards and took a leap over Leijon. Her wings shot out as she glided to the table. She grabbed her journal, stuffed it into her jacket, before turning and giving a smirk to the slowly recovering Ahuizotl. She leapt from the table, and dashed off.

...Before smacking face-first into something she couldn’t see.

With a gentle blue glow, Zahhak slowly became visible as Daring lay below him, rubbing her aching head. She glared at him and returned to her hooves, before throwing several sturdy punches at the troll. They simply bounced off his solid frame, and Zahhak’s perpetual frown became an annoyed glare. The Heir of Void gave the archeologist a powerful punch, sending Daring flying across the clearing. In a flash of blue, Zahhak teleported, obstructing Daring’s flight path. He caught the aerial explorer, before turning and hurling her with all his might from the clearing. Daring crashed through the brush, tearing through foliage before crashing to the ground. She could've sworn she saw Ahuizotl's hand for a moment, but she had more pressing concerns to deal with. To her horror, she began tumbling down the steep hill, thrashing and screaming and regretting not taking her warnings seriously. She’d been warned about hills. She’d been told.

“Ahhhhhhh!!!” With several bounces, Daring ricocheted off of all manner of bush, log, and rock, before the ground gave out beneath her and she fell away over the side of a cliff, screaming all the while.

“D --> There. She’s dead,” Zahhak said as Daring’s screams faded away. He knelt down to help Leijon back to her feet. “D --> Let’s go. Now.”

“She’s not dead, you idiot,” Ahuizotl cried as he too returned to his feet. “She’s a pegasus, so she could’ve just flown off. Or she could’ve grabbed a conveniently placed vine and swung to safety. Or she caught a ride on a flying saucer. How doesn’t really matter- the problem is that without fail, whenever Daring Do is subjected to something that should kill her, unless one were to personally supervise her demise she’ll escape unscarred.” The beast gave a great sigh. “And with her research, too. Without that, I won’t be able to find the Raidawren Ruins, much less navigate them to discover the immortal secret held within.”

“:33 < Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Leijon grinned. “:33 < You see, I know some people.”

“D --> No,” Zahhak interrupted. “D --> We are not going to lend assistance to this obno%ious buffoon.”

“I’m right here, you know,” Ahuizotl groaned.

“:33 < Yes we are,” Leijon grinned. “:33 < Because he’s my friend, and I always help a friend in n33d. But let’s s33 what Vantas thinks?” Leijon grinned, retrieving her computer-tablet.

“D --> *Sigh*”

With a slightly creased brow, Princess Celestia surveyed the group she had just rescued from the trolls. They did not appear to be in good spirits. Applejack was looking uncomfortable. Rainbow Dash was cursing up a storm. Fluttershy and Rarity were sitting very close together, discussing something with quiet voices. Twilight was lying on the floor, looking even more uncomfortable. And Pinkie Pie, whom she now noticed to sport very familiar-looking horns, was holding her head in her hooves. She decided to start from the party planner.

“Err- my little pony. Whatever is the matter?”

Pinkie looked up, and smiled wryly. “Princess Celestia, has anypony ever told you that you have incredibly bad timing?” She idly flicked a troll-horn with her hoof, turned, and walked away.

Celestia sighed. Typical Pinkie response.

She turned away from the retreating party planner. She didn’t quite know where Pinkie was going, but she didn’t quite care.

“Ooh, if she only knew.”

Quiet, Pinkie. I have a story to narrate.

“Oh shut it, Mr. Narrator. After that stunt you pulled back in Act Two, I think I deserve a couple interruptions!”

Pinkie, you’re compromising the integrity of the story!

“Fine.”

Celestia idled up to Twilight next. “My faithful student- is there… I mean, is something wrong?”

Twilight gave a sigh, before standing up. “No, I just… need to be alone in my thoughts for a while.” She too turned to leave. As Celestia glanced around, she found that the others seemed to be making to leave as well- Rarity, Rainbow, Applejack… Wait…

Celestia put a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder as the seamstress turned to the door. “Rarity, I’m not omniscient,” she said softly. “I won’t be able to understand why you all are acting so depressed unless one of you tells me.”

“No- I-I-I mean, not now, Princess. See, a lot of things happened that we need to spend some time thinking about- or, at least, that’s how it is for me.”

“I see,” Princess Celestia said. “And you’re sure you wouldn’t like to talk about it?”

“Yes. No. I mean-”

“I get what you mean,” Celestia said. “But I do have one more question. Did you see where Fluttershy got off to?”

“Oh. Now that was strange,” Rarity muttered. “One minute we were having a hushed chat about… private things, and the next, Fluttershy’s eyes went wide. She paused for a moment, and I tried to gain her attention, but to no avail. A couple seconds later, her eyes returned to normal and Fluttershy said she had to go. It was all very strange.”

“Hmm…” Celestia thought to herself.

“Can I help you ma’am?” a well-dressed waiter asked.

“Err- yes,” Fluttershy responded. She glanced around the fancy cafe, before saying, “May I have a table for two, please? My… friend… hasn’t shown up yet, but he will. His name’s… Swift Lance, I think it was.”

“Very well, ma’am,” the waiter responded, before turning to guide Fluttershy to an small, vacant table. The waiter made a gesture to sit, then returned to his post.

Fluttershy took a seat and laid her head on the table, all kinds of thoughts swimming through her mind. Why did he contact her? How did he contact her? Why did he want her to come?

“Hey.” Fluttershy looked up to see a minotaur, his skin grey, his eyes yellow, his horns long. “M1nd 1f 1 t8ke a seat?”

End of Chapter 1

Author's Note

We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

:pinkiehappy:

Act 3 Chapter 2

Begin Chapter 2

*jingle*

The chiming of Trollian shook Vantas out of his stupor. He flipped his husktop out of his modus and opened it.

theHuntress [TH] began trolling treshsecutionerVantas [TV] at 13:04.

TH: :33 < hi vantas!
TV: WHAT? LEIJON? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
TH: :33 < oh nowhere. just cat-ching up with an old friend!
TV: OH NO. THE UNSPELLABLE GUY? WHY THE FUCK FOR?
TH: :33 < silly! the old kitty would nefurr furgive me if i didn’t just drop in when i had the chance! can you imagine how grrrrumpy he would be?
TV: ...
TH: :33 < but that’s okay, because we’re here now! annnd he kinda n33ds our help a little. h33 h33!
TV: ...
TV: AND WHAT DOES THIS CATLOVER NEED WITH US?
TH: :33 < he needs brains in archeology! ruins and puzzles and the like.
TV: NO. NO WAY.
TV: YOU ASK MEGIDO.
TV: I REFUSE.
TH: :33 < oh haa haa, vantas. like she gave her trolltag to anyone or anything.
TV: ...
TV: FINE. I’LL ASK HER.
TV: BUT SHE’LL PROBABLY INSIST ON DRAGGING US ALL ALONG.
TV: AND YOU KNOW HOW THESE GLUBBERS WHINE.
TH :33 < you’ll be fine! i believe in you!
TV: ...
TV: ...
TV: FINE.

treshsecutionerVantas [TV] ceased trolling theHuntress [TH] at 13:10.

Vantas pocketed his husktop with a groan. This was going to suck.

“Err…” Fluttershy stared awkwardly at her drink, before glancing back up at Swift Lance. Or the Controller. Whatever his name was. In fact…

“What do you want me to call you?”

“Hmm?” Nitram said as he poured the rest of his beverage into his mouth. “I mean… What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just… I don’t know whether to call you Swift Lance because we’re in a crowded area, or the Controller because it’s your title, or-”

“No,” Nitram interrupted. “Forget Sw1ft Lance. We’re 1n a cafe for well-off pon1es, and they’re not go1ng to care a8out anyone 8ut themselves, and the Controller 1s just… too formal, 1 guess. Just… call me N1tram, OK?”

“OK,” Fluttershy replied. “And, um… thanks for buying me this drink. But… why did you want me to come here? And… how exactly did I know to come?”

“Oh, that,” Nitram said. “ 1 sent you a su8l1m1nal m1nd message- 1t’s just a th1ng 1 can do. As for the other th1ng… you see, 1’m not the most vocal of sorts, 1n any g1ven s1tuat1on, and that usually means 1’m g1ven more t1me to o8serve th1ngs than those actually part1cip81ng 1n sa1d th1ngs. As such, 1 not1ced someth1ng, err, at the end of our… encounter, the other day. At least, um, 1’m relat1vely sure 1 d1d. 8ut just 1n case, 1’d l1ke you to conf1rm.” He leaned in closer. “When M1ss… Tw1l1ght, was 1t? When M1ss Tw1l1ght suggested we all t8ke a 8r8k the other day… she wasn’t try1ng to d1stract us, was she?”

“Err- how should I know?” Fluttershy asked, backing away from the minotaur. Nitram’s eyes widened as he realized he’d essentially been sticking his face right into hers (small cafe tables, am I right?). He backed off before answering.

“You’re l1ke me,” he said. “You seem l1ke the qu1et one, 1 mean. 1’m not try1ng to 8e offens1ve or anyth1ng, and 1 apolog1ze 1f 1 am, 8ut you’d pro8a8ly the one to catch anyth1ng a8out your fr1ends. 8ecause you’re the qu1et one. 1 th1nk.”

“Err- yeah, I guess,” Fluttershy answered. “I mean… yeah, I’m the quiet one. And about Twilight… I guess I don’t really know what she was thinking exactly, but she seemed pretty surprised when the trolls accused her of stalling for time. And maybe a little offended, but the trolls don’t know her well and if somepony explained that to her I don’t think she’d be as upset. Also-”

“Wa1t,” Nitram interrupted. “One th1ng at a t1me, please.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy cried, putting a hoof to her mouth. “Sorry, I usually never talk this much.”

“Ne1ther do 1,” Nitram replied. “8ut regardless, th1s all 8ut conf1rms my prev1ous susp1c1ons.”

“...And what would those be?” Fluttershy inquired.

“That ne1ther or us really h8 each other and that we could all 8e fr1ends!”

This brought a smile to the pegasus’s face. “Oh, that’s great! And hearing it come from one of you… Oh, it’ll make Twilight and the rest so happy to hear that!”

“Woah. Slow down a sec,” Nitram said, accompanied with the cutting motion of his hand. “We may not want to advance that qu1ckly. There are most def1n1tely mem8ers of my group that aren’t exactly too exc1ted by the 1dea of a mutual fr1endsh1p for… um, the1r own reasons. And 1’m w1ll1ng to 8et that a 8unch of yours are a8out the same. Correct?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Fluttershy said. She put a hoof to her head as she thought. “I mean, Twilight seemed to be open to the idea of being friends with you since she offered to bring you all to Sugarcube Corner, but that was before you accused her of stalling, and besides that, Princess Celestia thinks you all are bad news and Twilight thinks Princess Celestia is always right. Applejack might be up for it, and she definitely seemed to be thinking hard about you all, but she’s a very practical, down-to-earth pony. She enjoys it when things can be simple, and she may have a hard time making up her mind about you, since so much of what you do contradicts itself. She’ll also be sure to remember the beating you lot gave her a while back. Rainbow Dash needed time to think as well, and I know that she definitely wasn’t very happy after your last fight where you pinned her to the ground. See, she’s got this big thing with being a hero, and she won’t like that you took her out so easily. But at the same time, she might just respect you for that, and want to learn your ways or something. It’s not always simple with Rainbow Dash. It’s never simple with Pinkie Pie, but she seems to be perpetually happy, so she’d probably just do whatever anyways. And Rarity… well she told me herself that she didn’t know what to think, so I don’t even have to wonder about that. Hey!” Fluttershy cried as her monologue petered out and she caught sight of Nitram’s grinning face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You undersell yourself, sister,” Nitram grinned. Suddenly, his smirk disappeared. “W8… 1 d1dn’t mean for 1t to sound so… You don’t do yourself serv1ce- no! You’re 8etter than you cla1m to 8e- no! Your… your descr1pt1on of yourself doesn’t do you just1ce… aw, forget it.”

“Umm…”

“cHANGING THE TOPIC! 1 mean… there’s one pony whose op1n1ons you haven’t g1ven me.”

“Really?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yes. Yours.”

“Oh! That’s an easy one,” Fluttershy smiled. “I’d love to be friends! I really don’t like all this fighting.

Nitram grinned. “You have no 1dea how glad 1 am to hear you say that.” Seconds later his eyes widened and his grin disappeared. “wAIT. sHIT.”

A sudden ding caught his attention. Nitram turned away from Fluttershy, who was now hiding a blush, incredibly gracious for such a distraction at such an awkward moment.

jenniferMegido [JM] began trolling toreadorNitram [TN] at 13:31

JM: Nitram! Wherever y0u are, get back here! ASAP!
JM: 0h, I’m just s0 excited. T0 think such a w0nderful 0ppurtunity w0uld just fall int0 0ur laps.
JM: Well, c0me 0N already!
TN: F1ne! 1’m com1ng! 1’ll see you soon!

toreadorNitram [TN] ceased trolling jenniferMegido [JM] at 13:33

“1 have to go,” Nitram said as he rose from his seat.

“What?” Fluttershy asked. “But- there’s so many things we need to talk about if we’re going to make everyone get along.”

“1’ll contact you aga1n a8out that stuff. 1n the meant1me, just try to encourage a pos1t1ve 1mpress1on of trolls w1th your fr1ends and 1’ll do the same w1th m1ne. Now, 1 really do need to go.”

With those words, Fluttershy watched as Nitram turned and walked out of the cafe on his metal legs. She gave a small sigh, ignored that damn hand floating by, and turned to her drink. It had gone lukewarm.

With a *whoosh* Nitram transportalized into the lab, to find everyone running every which way carrying every which thing to every which place. “Um- excuse me? Hello? What’s go1ng on?” When no one answered, he grabbed the shoulder of the closest passing troll. “Hey! Would you m1nd expla1n1ng to me what’s go1ng on here?”

The troll turned, and as soon as Nitram caught a glimpse of her face he knew he’d made a terrible mistake. “Nitram?” Serket asked. “What are you doing here? Where have you 8een?”

“Err... 1…”

“Were you down in Equestria?” Serket cried. “What were you doing down there? And you 8etter tell the truth, 8ecause trust me- I’ll know.”

“1… wAS…”

“Nitram!” The Controller gave a small sigh of relief at the enthusiastic voice of Megido, as she darted from the crowd and grabbed him, dragging him away from a suspicious Serket. “0h, it’s just w0nderful. I’m s0 excited t0 have a chance like this!” Megido cheered.

“Uhh… what’s so wonderful?” Nitram asked as he glanced around. Trolls were packing boxes, shuttling items to and from transportalizers, and making no shortage of noise while doing so.

“That’s right, y0u haven’t heard the news yet,” Megido remembered. “Leij0n and an 0ld acquaintance 0f hers have asked us t0 expl0re s0me ancient Equestrian ruins t0 find s0me ancient p0wer that was l0cked away there, l0ng ag0. 00h, I’m s0 excited! Imagine all the artifacts! All the culture! All the learning!”

Nitram gave a gulp. “Yeah, that sounds… gr8. 1, uMM, am fasc1n8ed by the ru1ns, and.. stuff?”

Megido giggled. “0h, Nitram. D0 try t0 take a m0re p0sitive 0utl00k 0n this expediti0n! We even get t0 w0rk with an animal expert!”

Somewhere behind her, Vantas and Redglare exchanged a confuddled look.
(Did she seriously just call Ahuizzbluhbluh-I-can-never-spell-that-name an animal expert?) (Y34h. 1 3xp3ct 1t h4s som3th1ng to do w1th th3 c4ts.) (That sneaky little... she must know Nitram can’t resist animals!) (G33, 1 wond3r how sh3 could h4v3 found out.) (Oh shut up, Redglare.)

“OK. For the t1me 8eing, and for the s8ke of rema1n1ng ‘entus1ast1c,’ 1 w1ll pretend my cat allerg1es aren’t that 8ad.”

“That’s the spirit!” Megido cheered.

“Hey! Indy-wannabe!” Megido turned to find Vantas, looking perhaps more annoyed than usual. “We’ve got all your ropes and compasses and shit packed up and ready to go. You’re welcome for that.”

“Great j0b, Vantas,” Megido replied. “I think we’ll be g00d t0 g0, then. Y0u can j0in all the supplies 0n the transp0rtalizer, and we can get g0ing.” She turned to the largest monitor in the lab, and the troll sitting in front of it. “Hey, Capt0r! Y0u g0t all 0f the surveillance stuff running?”

“Ye2, Megiido,” Captor sighed from his seat. “II thiink II’ve told you that already, by the way. Multiiple tiime2.”

“Just making sure,” Megido replied. She turned back to the *whooshing* transportalizers. “Well, c0me 0n, Nitram. It’s time we g0t g0ing!” Megido leapt onto and transportalizer and disappeared in a flash. Nitram sighed, and made to follow her when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey. Toreador.” Nitram turned and shivered a little as he found himself once again face to face with Serket. “We’re going to talk about your little romp through Equestria. L8ter.” Serket emphasized her point with a threatening glare, before walking onto the transportalizer herself and *whooshing* away.

“Gr8. Excellent. 1 am so 1n the doghouse.” Another *whoosh* and the lab was empty once again.

“Hey! Don’t forget about me, you piiece of 2hiit!”

OK, mostly empty. Wait, how can you hear me?

“Umm… weather balloon2?”

*Sigh*

The Raidawren Ruins were built into a mountain, shafts and tunnels dug over centuries of hard labor, cutting into the massive geologic landmark. The entrance consisted of a great, gaping hole, supported with all manner of columns and pillars, etched with centuries of ancient text. And Megido was loving every part of it.

“0h g0d, l00k at all this! It’s amazing!” She dashed back and forth among the entrance observing both structures of rock and piles of rubbled. “Hey, Capt0r. Y0u getting all this?” Megido spoke into the microphone of her headset.

“Readiing iit loud and clear,” Captor replied from his headset, as he took a look through the live video feed from his computer. “II’m analyziing the wriiting2 a2 we 2peak. Cataloguiing the character2 for later cro22-referenciing, you know the driill.”

“And h0w ab0ut structural integrity? Can we be sure this thing w0n’t c0llapse on us?”

“Ba2ed on my calculatiion2, ye2,” Captor answered. “Whatever ciiviiliizatiion de2iigned thii2 knew theiir engiineeriing 2hiit. Nothiing 2hort of a pre-iin2talled 2elf-de2truct button would take that thiing down. Though- don’t you thiink II 2hould’ve run the2e equatiion2 before you 2ent the other2 iin?”

“Ah, d0n’t w0rry,” Megido dismissed. “Serket’s with them, and she’s g0t all 0f the luck.”

“Wouldn’t operatiing on that 2ort of logiic diictate that all the re2t of them would have none of the luck?” Captor asked.

“Yes. Which means it’s a g00d thing this place is structurally s0und.” Megido turned to her partner. “Well, Zahhak. I supp0se we better get g0ing. 0therwise, Amp0ra might beat us t0 the treasure!”

Zahhak gave a quick grin before following Megido into the ruins.

“Shh,” Serket put a finger to her lips, a gesture for Nitram to stay quiet, as she peered around the corner of the corridor. Nitram tried his best to pant a bit less quietly as he hefted the heavy backpack full of adventuring supplies, waiting patiently as Vriska continued her analysis. The hallway ahead was lit with torches, burning purple with a magical flame. It seemed to be free of any traps- but she’d have to double check. They’d had five safe passages so far, a greater amount than any before. A trap had to come up sooner or later.

Serket took a closer look, tapping into her aspect and combing the hallway for knowledge of what may lie ahead. There.

Tiny, almost nonexistent holes lay scattered throughout the corridor’s walls, small slits just waiting for some absentminded explorer to stroll along to his doom. Her eyes narrowed and a smile came to her lips.

“Hey, Nitram,” she said, turning to the troll struggling to carry his enormous adventure bag. “I’m gonna need some luck for this.”

“Urgh. W8, what?” Nitram grunted.

“Gr8! Thanks!”

With the snap of her fingers, a status message popped up next to Serket. + ALL the luck. Nitram glanced over to see a similar message pop up next to him. - ALL the luck. “Uh oh.”

Serket took a step into the corridors. A dart flew from the slit in the wall, soaring across the hallway. By an incredible stroke of luck, the dart missed Serket entirely, bouncing harmlessly off the other wall. Serket kept walking. Around her, darts flew like bullets, shooting from either wall as soon as Serket approached, but none hit her. Either they fired early, or fired late, or a random gust of wind knocked them off course- whatever the reason, Serket emerged from the dart walls unharmed.

“See how easy that was? Thank’s for that, Nitram,” Serket smiled. When she didn’t hear a reply, she glanced back. “Nitram?”

“Err- M1ndfang?” Nitram stammered as he glanced at his feet. “1 don’t recall the floor 8e1ng th1s unsta8le 8efore. D1d you do some- aHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” Nitram let out a cry of fear as the temple floor beneath him collapsed, dropping him into the dark room below.

“Nitram!!!!!!!!” Serket screamed, turning to dash after her falling partner. The hallway flew by as she sprinted towards the hole. With a leap, Serket slid through the crack and fell into the dim chamber below.

Serket landed feet first, ready for action. The only source of illumination was the small hole above her, leaving most of the room shrouded in night. Serket squinted into the darkness, wishing for a moment that she were the Seer of Light- then retracting that wish. She had all of the respect for Rose Lalonde. She did not want to be Rose Lalonde.

Serket dug into her pocket and extracted the one piece of gear she hadn’t let Nitram carry- a powerful flashlight. She turned it on, letting the beam of brightness cut through the dark veil. It passed over some stone work and a couple shards of pottery she’d probably be interested in if she were an archeologist and not a treasure hunter.

Suddenly, an aggressive hiss pierced through the room, and Serket swung her light towards the source of the sound. Her eyes went wide as the flashlight revealed an enormous serpent, its mouth wide as it gave another threatening hiss. “Sn8kes,” she moaned. “Why did it have to 8e sn8kes?”

Suddenly, the snake turned to reveal a troll riding on its back. “Hey, M1ndfang,” Nitram called, giving the Thief a friendly wave. “Look who I found.”

Serket leapt up onto the snake’s back and gave Nitram a fierce slap across the face. “Oww,” he moaned. “What was that for?”

“N8xt time,” Serket hissed, “You will y8ll for me, t8ll me that you found the giant sn8ke, instead of alm8st sc8ring me to d8ath. G8t it!?”

“s-s-s-s-sORRY!” Nitram replied. “i’LL DO THAT!”

“Good,” Serket said as she turned away and hopped off the giant serpent.

“Can 1 at least get h1m to carry our stuff?”

“:33< Aww, who’s a good kitty. You are. Yes you are,” Leijon mewed as she gave the panther a vigorous loving belly rub. The tiger nudged her from behind, and gave a soft meow. “:33< I’ll get you, don’t worry,” Leijon grinned. “:33< Wait- I mean I’ll get to you, not I’ll get you. That’s what I meownt. Yeah.”

Softly, Ahuizotl facepalmed. Yes, he could admit that it was adorable. But still, his cats were supposed to be fearsome creatures! Oh well. He suppressed a smile. “Leijon?” She looked up. “While I can admit that you playing with my cats is rather adorable, shouldn’t we be going after the treasure? Otherwise your compatriots will arrive to the treasure before I do!”

Leijon giggled. “Silly kitty! That was the whole point of getting them here, wasn’t it? I mean, you weren’t able to find it yourself... right?”

Ahuizotl sighed. “Yes, you are correct. I wasn’t able to find it myself, so I needed someone to follow. But, must I remind you,” he raised his voice, “We’re already AT the ruins, so it’s less a matter of finding the temple and more a matter of ACTUALLY GOING INSIDE!” He panted a little.

Leijon giggled. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? Come on!” She pounced off towards the ruins, startling the blue creature. “Wait, wha-- Wait!” He pounded after her, his cats following.

“So… there’s supposed to be some mythical treasure in here or something?”

“That’s what I’ve been told, Ampora,” Vantas groaned. “According to our verifiably insane, kitten-loving sources, there’s an alleged, all-powerful horseshit MacGuffin at the end of the booby trap infested horseshit ruins. Possibly hidden deep under yet another pile of horseshit. And we’re searching for it.”

“So, are you saying wwe’re both of the opinion that this is all a colossal wwaste of time?” Ampora asked.

Vantas froze mid-stride and Ampora bumped into him from behind (“Oww. Wwarn me next time, you piece of shit.”).“Wait. Is that what I was saying? No. Since by principle we may never agree on anything, I therefore love this plan and think it’s the best idea to ever grace our idiot friends’ minds.”

“Oh har de har har, Vvantas. That’s awwful mature of you.”

“Shut up, Ampora. At least we’re finally doing something. Weren’t you complaining about our lack of action the other day or something?”

“You knoww wwhat I mean, Vvantas. I meant it’s about time wwe made plans to take on the fuckin seaponies.”

“OK, could you just go for a friggin hour not talking about the seaponies? Because I tell ya, it’d be mighty refreshing.”

“You knoww wwhat, you shut up, Vvantas. This is something that’s important to me and I wwon’t havve you yellin’ at me about it.”

“Why did I have to be the one to end up with you as a partner?”

“I wwonder wwhat Peixes is up to now.”

The sealed room flooded with water, gushing from large pipes above the troll’s heads. Peixes glanced disapprovingly at the trap. “Is t)(is t)(e best t)(ey can do?” she groaned. “I mean, we can both breathe underwater, so this is just completely pointless. T)(ey could at least add some piran)(as, don’t you t)(ink?”

Maryam gave Peixes an annoyed glare as she struggled to keep her head above the water level. Peixes blushed a little, before putting her hand behind her head and smiling awkwardly. “Sorry. Just too used to working wit)( Ampora, I guess.”

“Though I Accept Your Apology And Acknowledge Its Reasonable Cause, That Does Little In The Way Of Procuring A Solution To My Rapidly Approaching Demise Via Drowning, Peixes.”

“Sorry again,” Peixes quickly responded. “There’s probably a tile or something I can press to drain the water. Sea you in a sec.”

As Vantas and Ampora came to the end of one hallway and pushed the opposing door open, they found that it lead to a stubby platform jutting out over a deep, extensive chasm. Opposite the gorge, an identical platform led to an identical gorge, perhaps six meters away. Vantas gave a sigh, and dug through his pack for a grapple and some rope. Swinging the hook above his head, he tossed t he tool towards the ceiling above; it latched onto some rock and left the rope hanging, a perfect swing across the canyon.

Vantas gave it an experimental tug. “I think it’s safe, but just to be sure… Ampora, you go first.”

“Did you just bring me here to abuse me?” Ampora asked as he took the rope into his tight fishy grip.

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Vantas said. “I’ll catch you if the hook comes off, don’t worry.”

“Fine,” Ampora said as he pulled back on the rope. Dashing forwards, his feet left the ground and he swung safely across the canyon, landing on the opposing platform. He tossed the rope back. “Alright Vvantas, it’s your turn.”

“I know, I know,” Vantas replied as he too wound up. He leapt forwards, the rope pulled taut by his weight, as he swung like a pendulum across the gap.

*SLAM!*
Vantas collided mid-swing with something rather small. And feathery. Which happened to have a gray mane and a pith helmet. His eyes widened and his grip to the rope tightened. “Daring Do?”

End Chapter Two

Author's Note

Well then! Another chapter gone... Oh well.

Haven't heard a peep from the readers lately tho. Wonder why.
:pinkiesmile: Oh well, it probably has no significance whatsoever.

As always (except this is the first time I'm saying this), don't forget to like and comment! (well, at least comment. An author's curious, you know?)

Act 3 Chapter 3 - End of Act 3

Begin Chapter Three

A knocking on the door stirred Twilight from her inner monologue. She was prone to these sort of things recently, as late events had stirred up quite a bit to think about. Twilight encircled the door with her telekinesis, and pulled it open. Her friends stood in a group on the other side.

“Hey Twilight,” Applejack said. “Um- you asked us all to come over to your room, so here we are.”

“Great,” Twilight responded, with just a hint of exhaustion in her voice. “ Come in, come in. Listen, I’ve been thinking a lot.”

“What else is new?” Rainbow Dash remarked as she took a seat on a comfy cushion.

“Very funny Rainbow, but in all seriousness. It’s about the Doomed Gods. They act so… sporadically, I don’t quite know what to make of them.”

“I see what you mean,” Rarity said. “It is rather hard to pin these trolls down, given how their every action seems to contradict another. It really doesn’t make much sense.”

“Yeah,” Twilight said. “That’s it exactly. So… I was thinking we could all get together and bounce some ideas off each other. Maybe with all your help, I can come to a conclusion here.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “They attacked Ponyville. They caused a bunch of damage. From what I’ve heard, they basically rampaged through Equestria in the past. They’re a threat and we ought to stop them.”

“But then they saved us,” Twilight interjected. “And that’s the sticking part. Here are a bunch of ponies- err, trolls, who are trying to kill us one day, but literally saving us the next.”

“Well, yeah, but you heard them after that. They said they only helped us because they were trying to hurt the Changelings, and then they said we can’t expect any help again. Does that sound like an ally to you?”

“Actually,” Fluttershy spoke up. The other five ponies turned to look at her with shock, causing Fluttershy to cover her mouth with her hoof. “Sorry, I should’ve let you finish, I-”

“No, Fluttershy, please continue.” Rarity said. “You talk so little, it’d be a joy to have your input here.”

“Err- thank you,” Fluttershy murmured. “The trolls all seemed pretty keen on hanging out until they got caught up in that big misunderstanding and thought we were setting them up. I’m sure if we were to just explain the mistake, they’d forgive us and we could all get along.”

“Wait, we weren’t setting them up?” Rainbow Dash asked. Applejack gave the Pegasus a glare.

“Of course not, you idiot. What makes you think we’d ever try a left-hoofed, back-stabbing trick like that?”

“Hey, I’m left-hoofed!” Pinkie cried.

“Oh. Sorry Pinkie. ‘s just a sayin’,” Applejack said, rather sheepishly.

“Meh. “It’s OK.” Pinkie grinned.

“But I’d prefer if it didn’t happen again. That’s legitimately pretty offensive.”

“Hey Pinkie, you’ve been awful quiet so far. Why’s that?”

“No reason!” “Oops, I mean no reason,” Pinkie said aloud, a tad startled. Applejack raised a suspicious eyebrow at this, until Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter whether we were trying to trick the trolls or not. They’re still pretty mad at us anyways. I’m not sure peace would go over too well.”

“That’s one thing you’ve got right,” Rarity muttered. “The leader troll… what was his name?”

“Vantas,” Fluttershy said.

“Right, Vantas- he seemed pretty dead set on hating us for the rest of eternity.”

“See,” Rainbow Dash said. “Rarity agrees with me.”

“Not quite,” Rarity objected. “I was thinking a bit about how the Trolls’ actions are so contradictory, and it got me thinking. What if these trolls aren’t as cohesive a team as we thought.” The other ponies paused and thought about it as Rarity continued. “Sure, we have that fight in Ponyville and they do massive damage. But the next day they’re back and giving us a helping hoof against those Changelings? That can’t be the same pony’s decision. The actions of the group probably aren’t lead by a single pony- rather, it’s more along the lines of who has the best idea, and then they execute it.”

“But not all of them,” Fluttershy noted. “Several of the trolls weren’t at that last fight. Maybe those ones didn’t really agree with saving us.”

“Yeah. There are trolls there who want us to get murdered. You see why I’m having a hard time buying into their good intentions?” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“At the very least it points out that some among them have good intentions,” Rarity said.

“Good intentions!” Rainbow Dash cried. “Don’t you remember? This is the group that attacked Ponyville!”

“Did they really attack Ponyville?” Fluttershy spoke up. This again drew the stares of the other five, and Fluttershy winced, but pressed on. “I mean, what happened. Some trolls came by on Nightmare Night, maybe just to hang out and have a good time. They got found out and we were ready to capture them for it. The rest of their friends showed up and we all started fighting- not because they wanted to destroy Ponyville, but because they didn’t want us to lock them back in stone!”

As the rest of the Elements took this in, Fluttershy made one more point. “In addition, at one point they had us all knocked out, unable to resist attack. But what did they do? Nothing! They didn’t hurt us or try to kill us- they just left after we’d been beaten. It almost sounds like they didn’t want us to come by too much harm.”

The group sat in silence for several moments, individually processing this new information. Finally, Rainbow Dash piped up.

“I guess all of that makes sense,” the pegasus said. “Which just leaves one point left.” She looked around at the faces of her friends. “Celestia really doesn’t like these guys.”

Twilight nodded in agreement, her eyes flying back and forth as if darting between some imaginary diagram. “Ergh. This isn’t really helping me decide. Now I’m just more confused than ever.”

“I hear ya,” Applejack sympathetically replied. “Say- I wonder what the blighters are up to now?”

“Yaaa!” Vantas went flying as Daring Do delivered an aerial kick to his stomach. The archaeologist paused briefly to smirk as Vantas landed with a satisfying thud. A blast of white raced past her, skimming her mane: her cue to leave.

“Ha! Eat science, you fucking pain in the ass!” Ampora cried, firing blast after blast at the retreating pegasus. Daring Do leapt over a particularly nasty beam of magic, and barrelled through the door. She glided swiftly over the chasm, before disappearing through the opposing door.

“Dammit,” Ampora cursed. “I almost had her.”

“Relax, Ampora,” Vantas said as he got back on his feet.

“Wwhy? She got awway! Wwhat if she gets to the treasure before us?”

“I said relax, take a hint,” Vantas assured. “She went back the way we came. The only thing back that way is the fire trap.”

“Oh,” Ampora said, mostly to himself. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Vantas said. “Now come on. Let’s keep going.” He took a step forwards, but froze as he felt the new floor tile sink in beneath his foot. The ground beneath the two fell away, a great drop into the darkness below. Ampora flailed out, and caught Vantas around the waist. Vantas flailed out and caught the edge of the pit with his sickle. The weapon’s point dug into the stone, hooking Vantas to the ground. The two hung there, Vantas clutching to the sickle’s handle, Ampora clutching to Vantas.

“Uh, Vvantas. Come on, pull us up!” Ampora urged.

“Erg. I can’t!” Vantas shouted back as he gave a firm pull and failed to lift the two even a couple centimeters upwards. “You really ought to cut back on the oysters, you know?”

“Yeah. I knoww,” Ampora sighed back as Vantas gave another futile tug.

“Could you maybe fire your wand at the ground and give us some thrust?” Vantas groaned as he struggled to hold to the ledge.

“No wway. This thing has no recoil,” Ampora replied, taking a look at his wand. “I wwonder wwhy that is. Maybe there’s some sort of shock absorber…”

“Urk! Stab wound flaring, stab wound flaring!” Vantas cried as shoulder was wracked with a burning pain. “Ow ow ow ow!!!” His grip slipped a little- he was holding on only by a couple fingers.

Ampora’s eyes narrowed. He loosened his grip, sliding from Vantas’s waist ‘till he was clutching his ankles. He started to swing back and forth from the troll’s legs (“Hey! Ampora? What are you doing? Ow!!!), before, at the peak of their swing, Ampora jumped. His arms shot up, and his hands wrapped around the ledge of the pit. With a colossal grunt, Ampora hefted himself back onto the solid ground. He turned back and offered a hand to Vantas; the troll took it, and with Ampora’s assistance Vantas pulled himself back up from the gaping hole below.

“Whew. Thanks, Ampora,” Vantas panted.

“No problem,” Ampora replied as he turned away. “Noww come on. Wwe’ve got to press on.” Vantas nodded, and started to follow. Just then, Ampora’s foot depressed another of the countless tiles. Another pit opened, but Ampora’s reflexes weren’t as quick. The two trolls disappeared into the dark hole below.

Leijon scanned the dark corridor, glancing from wall to wall, searching for secrets or signs of hidden passages. Ahuizotl’s cats followed her, and closely behind them came Ahuizotl himself. He appeared to be monologuing to himself about his plans once they discovered the ruins’ secret.

“Daring Do will die, slowly and painfully. She’s live in constant pain long enough to see me rise to power, and then die knowing I will never be stopped. The ponies will all bow before my eternal might! And this time, no one will be able to stop me! Ha ha ha ha!!!”

“:33< Hey, Ahui! Pipe down, would ya?” Leijon suggested.

“Err- yes, Leijon. Sorry,” Ahuizotl said.

“:33< Thank mew,” Leijon grinned as she turned to examine some glyphs carved into a nearby wall. She brushed her hands across the glyphs, before setting her hands on the one she wanted. With a quick push, the tile slid into the wall; with a grinding sound, a secret passage opened up nearby. “:33< Yes! I found it!” Leijon cheered.

Ahuizotl gave the new hallway a second glance. “Leijon, are you sure you want to go in here?” He asked. “There’s no source of light, and it’s too small for me to follow.”

“:33< Don’t worry about me, Ahui,” Leijon cheered. “:33< I can take care of myself. Here, I’ll take a kitty with me.” She glanced over at the duo’s animal companions, before gesturing to the panther. “:33< I’ll head through here and see where it leads. You can keep exploring this area.”

“If you say so, Leijon,” Ahuzotl said. “I’ve got some scheming to get back to, anyways…”

Leijon continued along the passage in almost complete darkness, save her flashlight. The panther trailed beside her, occasionally coming close and receiving an affectionate pat. Eventually, a light emerged at the end of the tunnel, and Leijon bounded towards it, emerging into a brightly lit hallway.

“:33< Hmm. Wonder where I am now,” Leijon said to herself, glancing off towards the left. She took a couple steps in that direction, before she suddenly felt a floor piece sink away beneath her.

The Huntress, with instinctual, primal reflexes, leapt backwards as a blaze of fire sprayed from a small hole in the wall, thoroughly roasting the air she’d occupied seconds before. “:33< Nope,” Leijon said. “Not going that way.”

She turned and walked the other way, occasionally glancing at the corridor’s intricately carved walls. Whatever civilization built this temple must’ve either been really advanced or really bored. The complex was a masterpiece of ancient art and architecture. If Daring Do were around, she’d probably be dashing from script to script, squealing in delight.

Leijon rounded a corner and found herself back at the ruins’ main entrance. Her initial displeasure at ending up right where she’d started was dampened by her realization that a certain pony lay in the middle of the gaping cavern, oblivious to the troll’s presence. :33< Well, speak of the devil...

Daring Do lay prone in the entrance’s center, fussing over a complex series of maps and diagrams and muttering to herself. “OK, I’ve been there. There were some trolls down that way. Sweet Celestia, where did all these trolls come from? The Huntress must’ve brought her friends.”

“:33< What can I say? You always worked alone. I never said I did,” Leijon announced as Daring’s head whipped back and her eyes widened at the sight of her. Daring stuffed her maps into some coat pocket as she quickly stood. The panther at Leijon’s side, catching sight of its target, pounced forwards. Daring leapt to the side, avoiding the attack, before darting back and punching the cat away. The cat flew several meters and slid across the rocky floor. Daring gave a brief smile before she was sent flying herself as Leijon struck her right in the side.

“:33< Don’t. Punch. THE KITTIES!!!” Leijon growled.

Daring landed sharply on the hard ground; she winced, and raised a hoof to her head, straightening her hat. “Crap. I don’t have time for this.” The little bird turned a flew off down another tunnel. The cat was in hot pursuit, for it didn’t want to let its prey escape.

Serket took a glance at the obstacle before her. “Giant pit of lava, eh?” She said. “How do we get around this?” She walked along the edge of the pit, glancing down at the bubbling rock below, and also waiting for a response. When none came, she continued. “I mean, I can fly over it just fine, 8eing an awesome god tier and all, 8ut Nitram, how do you get across?” She took a second to review her mental list of the supplies they’d brought, and simultaneously hoped that her silence would invite some response. It did not. “We could m8ke some sort of rope 8ridge, that you could sort of shuffle across. Or we could fix a rope to the ceiling and you could swing across. Or…”

Serket, irritated by the lack of response, turned to Nitram. “Why don’t you give me some ideas here, eh? It’s your 8utt I’m trying to get across here!”

“Hey, M1ndfang!” Nitram cried. Serket turned to see Nitram and his snake buddy had already crossed the lava pit, somehow. “Are you just go1ng to stand there talk1ng to yourself, or are you go1ng to come across already?”

“Wha- how did you get across?” Serket sputtered.

“Oh. Uh, 1 got on Capta1n Fang’s head, and he sort of stretched across the p1t and we got off over here,” Nitram answered.

“Captain Fang?” Serket groaned.

“Yes. That’s what 1 named the g1ant snake,” Nitram clarified, gesturing at the enormous serpent that just seemed to stand by docilely, waiting for its next command.

“Captain Fang is literally the worst name you could’ve thought of,” Serket chastised. “OK, may8e not the worst name. You could’ve named it Rufio, after all. 8ut that’s still really bad.”

“1 don’t care,” Nitram said. “He’s my snake and 1’ll call h1m whatever 1 want.”

Serket gave a sigh before flying over the lava pit to join Nitram and- ugh, Captain Fang.

Pyrope took a look down the long, foreboding hallway before her. The torches stopped at the entrance, leaving the corridor’s lengths shrouded in darkness. Pyrope held out her hand, gesturing for Makara to stop. “1’v3 got 4 b4d f33l1ng 4bout th1s,” she said. She gave the air a sniff. “1 sm3ll d4ng3r 1n th1s d1r3ct1on. B3 r34dy for 4nyth1ng.” Pyrope’s grip on her cane tightened as she made several elaborate gestures to her partner. Makara nodded, readying his clubs.

“Hey,” a voice spoke over Pyrope’s headset. “Hate to 2poiil your fun and all, but my 2can2 2how that that’2 a dead end.”

“My gut t3ll’s m3 th4t th3r3’s som3th1ng 1mport4nt down th1s w4y, 4nd my gut 1s mor3 r3l14bl3 th4n 4ny m4ch1n3,” Pyrope growled.

“... No. No iit’s not.”

“4ww, com3 on!” Pyrope cried. “You just h4d to spo1l th3 fun, d1dn’t you, C4ptor.”

“II’m 2orry, but ye2. II diid. We’re not ju2t here two fool around, we’re tryiing two get 2omethiing done, Pyrope. Quiit whiiniing about iit.”

“Grr. F1n3,” Pyrope sighed. She turned to Makara. “H3y, clownf4c3. L3t’s g3t a mov3 on!”

“Hmm. That’s motherfuckin odd,” Makara said, mostly to himself. “I could’ve sworn this tile was supposed to be some trap door or whatever.” He gave the floor tile another press. “Oh, that explains it! I wasn’t fucking pressing hard enough.” Before Pyrope could cry out an objection, the tile depressed into the floor, and the ground swung open beneath the two trolls. They dropped away into the depths of the catacombs below.

Maryam gazed out at the corridor before them, and the traps that swung like pendulums before them. “Swinging Axes Of Death?” she asked. “The Creative Staff Behind This Crypt May’ve Been Effective, But They Don’t Have Much In The Way Of Originality, Do They?”

Alright Maryam, can we keep the insults to the authors at a minimum? They’re very sensitive.

“Oh come on, Mr. Narrator. They resorted to using the Swinging Axes of Death! They deserve whatever hate is coming their way!”

Hmm. Perhaps you’re right. Very well then. Let the roast of the writers continue.

Peixes gave the axes a good looking over. “T)(ose are really s)(arp, aren’t t)(ey? But it’s OK. T)(ey’re swinging in a pattern, so t)(ere s)(ould be an opening w)(en we can just run rig)(t t)(roug)(!”

Maryam leapt at the nearest axe, chainsaw held high. With a swift stroke, she cleaved right through the swinging handle that held the axe to the ceiling, and the blade clattered harmlessly to the floor.

“Yea)(,” Peixes said. “T)(at works too.”

Loud smacks and thumps echoed through the tunnel as Megido and Zahhak sprinted down the passage, accompanied by a loud grinding roll produced by the source of the duo’s terror. Megido took a glance backwards at the enormous boulder that chased the two down and deeper into the ruins.

“Hey, Zahhak,” she yelled at the muscled troll, racing along beside her. “Y0u’re str0ng. Can y0u st0p that thing?”

Zahhak turned and held out his hands, catching the boulder as it barreled into him. He let out a cry of pain as his feet slid against the stone beneath, the great rock threatening to drive through his hold and just crush him. He was sweating as always, though this time it was quite justified.

“D --> Megido!” he wheezed. “D --> This isn’t going to work!” Megido nodded to Zahhak, and flew back. She grabbed Zahhak, yanking him away from his attempt to stop the boulder, before darting away as the boulder rushed forwards, now unimpeded. The two resumed their prior act of simply running away from the pursuing rock.

A grin finally flashed to Megido’s face as up ahead she spotted a great chasm, spanning the length of the tunnel. She glanced back to Zahhak. “Y0u might want t0 h0ld 0nt0 me. This is g0ing t0 get intense.”

As Zahhak followed Megido’s advice, she retrieved a nostalgic item from her sylladex- her bullwhip. Megido cracked the weapon at the ceiling; the tip wrapped itself firmly around a protruding stalactite. As Megido approached the gorge, she leapt, her feet leaving the ground as she gripped her whip tighter. Megido swung across the great canyon, Zahhak in tow, his arms wrapped firmly around her. Perhaps too firmly.

The two landed safely on the other side of the gap. The boulder behind them tumbled off the edge, disappearing into the chasm’s cavernous depths.

“Whew. Glad we g0t thr0ugh that 0ne alright,” Megido sighed. “... Y0u can st0p h0lding 0n t0 me n0w, Zahhak.”

Zahhak sprang back. “D --> Err, yes. Of course. *Cough*” He gazed off for a while, as the passage filled with an awkward silence, before his eyes returned to Megido. “D --> You do know that we could’ve both flown across that canyon, right?” he asked. “Or that I could’ve banished the boulder to the depths of the Void. Or that you could’ve stopped the boulder in the middle of a static time field.”

“Yeah,” Megido replied. “But I wanted t0 d0 it right.”

“D --> *Sigh* Fangirls,” Zahhak groaned.

Vantas slowly rose to his feet, taking care to inspect himself. It was a long fall down the surprise pit, but so far as he could tell he didn’t have any immediately pressing injuries- his shoulder ached, but that was nothing new. He glanced over his shoulder to see Ampora generally doing the same.

To Vantas’s surprise, they appeared to be in a whole new area of the ruins, not just the bottom of some trap. He glanced around the new area.

It appeared to be some sort of cavern, stretching out towards a wide hallway at its wide end. The cavern was brightly lit by an array of bright magical torches, and the ground was rather bumpy and uneven.

Vantas gestured to Ampora. “Well, don’t just stand there. It’s not like you’re an incompetent asshole. Wait…”

“Yes, Vvantas, I get it. Evverybody hate on Ampora, isn’t that all your favvorite pastimes,” Ampora muttered. “Let’s get out of here.”

The duo had taken nary a step when the mounds of earth scattered around the room began to stir. From the depths of the earth rose hooves rose again, rotted and green, or otherwise all bone. A pony’s head, empty eye sockets and rotting tongue, burst from the ground near Vantas. “Brains…” It muttered.

Off to the side a pony emerged fully from its grave. It was clothed fully in the tattered remains of a swastika-adorned leather jacket and matching hat. “Hail Hitler…” It muttered. A line of ponies dug themselves from the ground and stood in rank, each holding out a foreleg in salute.

“Oh, come on!!!” Vantas cried. “Zombie Nazi Ponies!? Just the existence of zombies or nazis here would be enough to cast a dark shadow over this place’s innocence, but no! They just had to go and combine both of these disgusting elements! I’m sure there are many trolls who would be incredibly offended by this whole affair!”

A zombie lunged at Vantas, but was quickly obliterated by a blast of white magic. “Vvantas, shut up and run!” Ampora cried as he darted forward, shooting several other zombies as he ran.

“Point taken,” Vantas replied as he too dashed away from the horrific scene.

Serket gave a glance around their current room. They’d hit a dead end in all ways but one: a sheer cliff-face that went up about thirty meters, then a single opening drilled into the rock high above them.

“Now, what do we do here?” She wondered aloud. “I can fly up there of course, 8ut you can’t, Nitram. I could throw you down a rope, or see if I can carry you up there. Or maybe…”

Serket’s speculation was cut short as Captain Fang lifted Nitram up to the opening, before slithering through it himself. Serket gave a huff and flew up after them, muttering something about an OP slithering piece of shit.

Daring Do skidded around the corner, occasionally glancing back to confirm that yes, The Huntress and her animal companion were still chasing her. She glanced ahead, and spotted several minecarts, set on a series of rails. Why the hell there were minecarts in a supposedly ancient temple eluded her, but given the enraged troll chasing her, she chose to ignore the inconsistencies.

And I advise that all of you do as well.

Without hesitation, Daring Do leapt into the first minecart on the track. She gave a small push, and the minecart started rolling away.

Leijon reached the minecarts soon after. The panther took a leap into a minecart, making to follow Daring, until Leijon put a hand on the cat’s side, gesturing for it to stop. She held out a couple of helmets she’d found lying around. “:33< Safety first, silly.”

They then proceeded to have a minecart chase. It was really boring, so I’m not going to bother with it. Instead, let’s describe something interesting!

It’s always night at the carnival. Some attendants take the rollercoaster. Its track is shaped like a great green “S” but it always repeats. The riders’ joy deepens every time they make a loop, their business suits thickening, their skin wearing away. Down on the midway, stuffy upperclassmen throw rocks at targets bearing ashen, impoverished faces. They’re rewarded every time they strike true in these carnival games. They eat the sweet food made from the sweat, blood, and flesh of the less fortunate.

All are enjoying themselves at the carnival. They know they must, for they can’t stay long. Soon, they must leave, and the place they’re heading is much less enjoyable.

“Alright, stop it with the Dark Carnival stuff! This is supposed to be rated T for Teen, not J for Juggalo!”

Well, what am I supposed to do?

“Do the minecart chase!”

I don’t want to. It’s boring.

“It’s not as dull as you think it is. Now, just give it a chance.”

...Fine, Pinkie. Fine.

The two minecarts set off along the track at great speeds. They quickly entered a pitch-dark tunnel; Daring dug through her bags and brought out a torch. She lit it and suddenly found herself surrounded in a mass of black fur and wing. The bats that filled the tunnel cave of surprised squees and all took to the air at once. Daring shrieked in surprise, accidentally flinging her torch away, and ducking into her cart. Leijon did the same when she saw the mass of bats flying her way.

Daring’s minecart zoomed across its tracks, swerving through tunnels both lit and dark. Glancing back, she saw The Huntress and her cat following in another minecart. She gave a quick grunt of frustration, then turned to her bag. Ropes, maps, adventuring gear; nothing that would be too helpful here.

They’d entered a great cavern now, with minecart tracks curling every which way. Up ahead the tracks split. One set of rails became two, paths that ran parallel ‘till they diverged farther along. Daring leaned to the right and her minecart took the according path. Leijon, who was quickly gaining on Daring, took the left path.

Before long the two minecarts had drawn up next to each other. Leijon stood from her crouching position, and reached over to Daring’s cart, claws drawn, attempting to slash at the pegasus. In response, Daring slid deeper into her minecart, ducking beneath the swipes. Leijon growled, and clutched the edges of the minecart, before giving it a vicious shake.

“Ow! Ow! Ow ow ow ow!” Daring rattled around inside her vehicle before finally she rose to her hooves. “Alright, enough of this.” She surprised Leijon with a powerful punch to the gut. Leijon was thrown backwards, before she toppled over the edge of her minecart and off the rails completely. She landed on another section of track, further down.

Daring grinned in victory, but her glee quickly turned to panic as her minecart rolled along its course. It turned, dropping downwards with a rush before swerving towards the strip of track where the Huntress was slowly returning to her feet.

The minecart sped towards Leijon as Daring looked desperately for some breaks, or a reverse button. Leijon snarled, before she pounced into the minecart. Daring attempted to dodge Leijon’s sharp claws, but quickly found herself trapped within the cart’s small area. Leijon pinned the pegasus to the floor, and delivering a frenzy of catlike scratches to the struggling explorer.

“Yaaah! Ow ow! Augh!! Get off of me!” Daring cried as Leijon’s claws left bright red lines across her exposed legs and tore ribbons of fabric from her jacket. Between attacks, she glanced around her, searching for some way to escape. She found the minecart to be empty of anything useful, but managed to glimpse the minecart tracks up ahead. Her eyes widened in fear.

“Hey, stop it!” Daring cried as she threw Leijon off her with a burst of strength. “The tracks are out!”

Leijon, directed away from her furious clawings, glanced along the minecart’s path. Ahead, the rails, charred and twisted, had broken away, leaving a great drop into the dark chasm below. Leijon had only just enough time to process what it all meant when the minecart left it’s tracks and dropped through the air.

“:33< Aahhhhhhh!!!!!” Leijon cried, clinging to Daring Do.

“Aahhhhhhh!!!!!” Daring cried, clinging to Leijon.

With a ferocious clatter, the minecart crashed into the rocky floor below. The metal shattered, splintering into broken chunks of steel, and the two occupants were flung screaming from the vehicle. Leijon hit the ground hard, but slowly rose to her feet. She caught sight of Daring doing the same.

The Huntress suddenly became aware of brilliant light, shining from behind her. She turned and saw an enormous door, emblazoned with gold and lit by dazzling torches. Leijon took a step towards the door, then another. Then she was running, sprinting full speed towards the door, and she took a glance and spotted Daring doing the same.

A sudden, harsh growl froze her in her tracks. Daring failed to stop on time, and as such ran full tilt into the looming stone behemoth before her. A giant dog with two heads, a statue animated by magic and likely meant to act as the guardian of whatever treasure lay beyond that door. Leijon’s eyes narrowed as the each of the dog’s heads gave a piercing howl, before turning to the intruders. It was time for a fight.

Makara rolled beneath a swing of the guardian’s rocky paws. The great dog statue growled in frustration, again attempting to crush the infuriating clown. Makara couldn’t move quick enough, and was tossed away by the bulky construct.

The guardian gave another growl as it took a step closer to Makara. He rose back to his feet, grinning. The guardian made a curious noise, as if wondering why Makara wasn’t screaming in rage. Makara smiled in response. “Nah, it’s OK. I was just supposed to be the distraction anyways.”

Pyrope leapt from the shadows, screaming as she gave the guardian’s left head a flying kick. The head turned, it’s jaws snapping viciously, until Pyrope swung her cane and the head burst into broken shards of stone. The remaining head gave a growl reminiscent of pain. It attempted to shake Pyrope from it’s now-bare shoulder, and in doing so failed to notice the clown crawling up his neck, or the brightly-colored deuce clubs he carried. *Smash!*

The guardian roared in pain as Maryam’s chainsaw sliced through one of its rocky legs. Off balanced, it struggled to remain standing and ultimately failed. Maryam dashed backwards to avoid being crushed by the enormous statue’s bulk. The statue writhed on the ground, attempting to return to its feet.

A flash of gold, and then a trident pierced through both statue’s heads, before impaling itself against the cavern wall. As the guardian slumped over, dead, Maryam turned nervously to Peixes. “If You Would, Remind Me Never To Anger You. Ever.”

Megido froze the statue in a time field. Zahhak pulverized it with a single punch. The two high-fived, then set Megido’s hand in a cast.

Vantas desperately leapt to avoid the crushing feet of the guardian. He glanced up at his stony foe, and again dodged away from it’s crunching jaws. Behind him, Ampora blasted the creature with a destructive beam of white magic. As the guardian winced, and stumbled backwards, Vantas grabbed onto one of its legs. Clinging desperately to the statue, he slowly climbed the hulking dog as Ampora continued to pepper the guardian with white magic. Vantas reached the guardian’s shoulder, and spotted a glowing white sigil inscribed onto its back. Gripping the creature’s back with all his might, Vantas stabbed his sickle into the sigil. The wound sprayed a blackish mist as the guardian went limp and toppled to the ground. Vantas stood from the wreckage and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, before turning to the golden door before him.

“Alright!” Serket cried as the guardian stood threateningly before them. “8oss 8attle time! Let’s see what happens when it gets a load of this!” She made to attack, but was unfortunately cut off as Captain Fang leapt towards the dog. It wrapped its coils around the enormous statue, before crushing it to rubble in its death grip.

Captain Fang turned to Nitram, who patted it affectionately on the head. “Good 8oy,” he cooed to the giant snake. “Gooooood 8oy-”

A flash of orange streaked by the giant snake, who fell limply to the ground, blood spurting from a grievous neck wound. Nitram stared in horror at the dying Captain, before Serket put a hand on his shoulder. “Get over it,” she growled. “We’ve got a treasure 8ehind a golden door to get to.”

As Leijon sunk her claws into the guardian’s last remaining head, she gave a sigh of relief. The fight had been difficult, and she felt weary from her multiple bruises, but now the statue was dead and she could proceed. She turned to the great door and pushed it open.

At that exact moment, the five other entrances also opened. All eleven trolls looked into the enormous, circular cavern, lit only by sunlight streaming through a great hole in the ceiling, and all twenty two of their eyes locked onto the brilliant red chest that sat in the center of the room, on what appeared to be an ancient shrine.

“There it is,” Serket grinned.

“Yes!” Megido cheered.

“About fucking time,” Vantas groaned.

All the trolls took a step towards the center altar, but froze as a tan blur streaked beside Leijon through the door, and towards the treasure. Daring’s smile widened as she neared the artifact she’d been searching for these past several months.

Suddenly, a cry of fear and surprise cut through the air. Daring glanced up to see a blurry blue shape fall through the air, crashing atop the chest. Ahuizotl crashed onto the shrine, and slowly rose to his paws rubbing his head. “Ah, so this is where that hole leads,” he muttered. Glancing around the cavern, he caught sight of the other trolls, and Daring Do. He made to attack, before noticing where he was. “Wait- is this?”

Daring shot forwards, but ran headfirst into Zahhak as he materialized before her in a flash of blue. Daring fell to the ground, nursing an incredible headache, as an enormous smile spread across Ahuizotl’s face.

Ahuizotl couldn’t help it; he laughed. He laughed a deep, throaty laugh. “At last, Daring Do, I have a victory!” He held the red chest aloft. “Now, I shall claim the treasure, and become more powerful than ever before!”

With a flick of his tail-hand, Ahuizotl flipped the chest open and peered inside.
“Huh?” He shook the chest a little. “What in the name of me is that?”

He shook the chest a little. “This is... I’m not sure. What even IS that? It looks like a... huh.”

He scratched his head. “I suppose I could just...”

He reached his tail-hand inside. “...reach in...” The hand went deeper. Way deeper. “...and-- the hell?” To the amazement of the Trolls (and Daring), his tail went almost all the way into the chest. Vantas and Pyrope exchanged glances. (The hell is that thing, a TARDIS?) (How should 1 know?) (Well you kind of are the expert around here....) (Shut up, not now. Th1s h4s to be 1mport4nt!)

Ahuizotl pulled his hand out of the chest. “That’s odd. Wait, wha-?”
His hand was glowing faintly. The glow was also slightly tinged blue. Zahhak narrowed his eyes. (D --> Wait a minute...)

To the horror of Ahuizotl, (and to some smaller extent, Leijon and Daring) the glow shot up his tail, enveloping his entire body. The entirety of his being was simply a white, glowing, blue-tinged hole in spacetime that held his shape. This time, it was Vantas and Zahhak who exchanged startled glances. (No way. It can’t be.) (D --> This makes no sense otherwise.)

With an underwhelming zap, Ahuizotl disappeared.

Hee hee. It appears that the Lord of Cats is missing.

“Lord of what?”

Not now, Pinkie. Back to the story.

Vantas ran up to where the chest had clattered. Ignoring the shouted warnings, he flipped the lid open and peered inside. His eyes widened.

“WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS THIS DOING HERE?!?!?”

With that enraged shout, he upended the chest. Turning to Zahhak, he cried out, “That’s it! Zahhak, get everyone out of here. We’re done with this shitshow!” Seconds later, the trolls disappeared in a flash of blue.

Daring couldn’t help it. She stared. It certainly didn’t seem dangerous... but she had witnessed its effect on Ahuizotl.

It looked harmless enough, but she wasn’t fooled. To be frank, she wasn’t quite sure what, exactly, it was.

After all, by all appearances it simply looked like a house!

Author's Note

Well then. Act 3 is over, and the treasure turns out to be the House Juju!

A little game for you people; go back and look for all the hands. :trollestia:

Act 4 Chapter 1

Begin Act 4

Chapter One

Fluttershy slinked across the quiet Canterlot streets. Not to say Canterlot streets were usually quiet; in actuality they were commonly abuzz with the gossip, intrigue, and romance associated with aristocracy. But now was night, and the upperclass needed their beauty sleep. And Fluttershy needed to get to the cafe.

Idly, she wondered why he felt it necessary to schedule a meeting for so late in the day. Did he think that this would be the only time she’d be able to escape the palace? If so, he was dreadfully mistaken. In the aftermath of a certain… announcement, all of Canterlot seemed abuzz with activity, and no one noticed the departure of a quiet pegasus. Or- at least as much activity as could occur within a city locked beneath an enormous pink shield. How did he even get in here…?

She rounded the street corner and came upon the cafe. It was small, unassuming, and out of the way, in stark contrast to the minotaur with metal legs who leaned against it, smiling slyly as Fluttershy approached.

“Hey, Fluttershy. Umm- m1nd expla1n1ng the g1ant p1nk 8u88le?”

“Alright,” Ampora said, gesturing at the war map spread before him. “So. After wwe’vve alchemized a bunch of breathing gear for the gill-less of our party-”

“And swimming equipment. T)(ey won’t be very mobile, but it’ll be better t)(an nofin.”

“And swwimming equipment. If Nitram wwas just a god tier he’d probably be able to let evveryone hold their breaths infinitely or something. You knoww, breath powwers... but I suppose that’s besides the point. Once wwe’vve got all that preparation shit done, wwe can enter the seapony kingdom through one of the wwaste ducts, right?”

“No. Remember, the outward waste gushes out way too quickly for anyfin to get inside.”

“No wwaste ducts then. Wwhat if wwe try to trick one of the guards at the front gate?”

“I dunno, t)(e guards are pretty swell trained. It’d )(ave to be one )(eck of a trick.”

“OK then. Do you have any fantastic ideas on howw wwe’ll get in?”

“...No. But maybe we could just…”

Vantas slammed his head on the table in a feeble attempt to knock himself out. It didn’t do diddly squat except perhaps work to further annoy him. He eventually just gave up all together and quit paying any attention to the seadwellers and their half-assed scheming.

To be fair, none of the others were paying any attention either. Captor was at his computer (what else was new) and simultaneously chatting with Megido. Zahhak and Leijon were hanging out, Pyrope was probably off flipping coins somewhere. Makara was eating a slimy pie and Vantas was thankful for it. Maryam was sewing. And the Narrator was tired of giving exposition.

Leijon caught sight of Vantas and waved him over. “:33 < Hey, Vantas? Could I ask you a question?”

“Whadya want?” Vantas grumbled, taking a seat next to the two.

“:33< Well, you had this whole big leader speech about how we just need to wait for Ahuizotl to show up, but I didn’t catch half of it. You were really loud and a bit panicky.”

“Ugh,” Vantas groaned. “OK, look. Ahuizotl just got canon-zapping powers like John did, right? But since he just zapped off, it’s obvious he can’t control them. So there’s basically nothing we can do but wait for him to show up again.”

“:33< Oh. OK then,” Leijon sighed, turning away. Vantas felt a sting of guilt for being a bit blunt.

“Hey, don’t look so sad,” Vantas said. “Look, I don’t know what insane reason compels you to like that guy, but we’re almost guaranteed to see him again. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who ever stays down for good.”

“:33< I suppaws you’re right, Vantas,” Leijon said, cheering up a little. “:33< It’s just- I dunno. I can’t help but feel a bit respawnsible for getting him into this mess.”

“D --> Leijon, he was obviously aiming to obtain that treasure regardless of our interference,” Zahhak objected. “He wouldn’t be stopped just by a lack of help, and he won’t stop now. His will is simply too STRONG.”

“Well, it was nice talking about a big furry asshole with you guys, but I’ve got important leader shit to get too,” Vantas declared, turning away. He took several steps away, but then swiveled back. “Wait a moment- has anyone seen Nitram? Did he sneak off again?”

The Cafè Amareicano was rather popular by day, but quickly became barren as the sun sank, to the delight of the workers. In fact, the cafe was currently barren except for a pale earth pony (a rarity in Canterlot), a steely-blue unicorn, and of course, a pegasus and a minotaur.

“So you’re tell1ng me that Tw1l1ght’s 8rother and her old foals1tter are gett1ng marr1ed?” Nitram asked.

“Yes. And there’s been some sort of threat made against Canterlot that made the shield bubble necessary,” Fluttershy confirmed. “And also Twilight thinks Cadence is a jerk.”

“Wow,” Nitram said. “That… sounds l1ke an ep1sode of a ch1ld’s cartoon.”

“A what?” Fluttershy asked.

“Never m1nd,” Nitram groaned. “Alr1ght then. 8es1des all that chaos happen1ng, how’s the whole mak1ng-everyone-love-and-toler8-th1ng go1ng?”

“Well… put simply, Celestia thinks you guys are evil and therefore you guys are evil,” Fluttershy explained with a sad demeanor. “At least, that’s how everypony seems to be reacting.”

“Hmm. So you’re say1ng 1f someone were to 1nfluence Celest1a…” Nitram started.

“No!” Fluttershy interrupted. “I mean- the mind control thing you do. Don’t do that. It’s not exactly a long-term solution.”

“Hmm. Fa1r enough,” Nitram conceded. “8ut we do need some way to conv1nce Celest1a that we’re not ev1l.”

“...Does this mean that we should just part ways and brainstorm?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much all 1 can th1nk to do here,” Nitram replied as he began to rise.

“Wait!” Fluttershy interrupted, remembering something important. She pulled out a white envelope. “Err- it’s an invitation. Apparently as a special guest of the princess I’ve got some authority to hand these out. Basically, you and a guest can come to the wedding.”

“Umm… OK,” Nitram said. “Cool, 1 mean. Yeah. 1’ll 8e there.”

“Great!” Fluttershy grinned. “I’ll see you there!” She turned and trotted out of the cafe, smiling to herself.

Nitram took another look at the invitation. “Should 1? 1t’d 8e pretty r1sky.” He stewed it over for a few seconds, before making a decision. “1 really shouldn’t. 1 oughta play 1t safe for once.”

“Oh, I don’t know a8out that.” Nitram turned to see the steely-blue unicorn standing behind him, glaring daggers yet smiling eerily. “I think you oughta take her up on her offer.”

Nitram’s eyes widened in recognition. “s-s-s-sERKET?”

“You failed.”

“Yes. I know that.”

“You weren’t supposed to fail. You were supposed to assassinate the Elements of Harmony. Now we have to deal with them as well.”

“I know that as well. You seem quite hung up on telling me things I already know.”

“I just cannot believe you were so sloppy in the execution of what you should’ve realized was the most important mission of your career. In fact, it is so difficult to believe that I am just going to assume you didn’t realize you were being so outrageously incompetent, and treat you as if you are, in fact, outrageously incompetent.”

“Alright, your majesty, listen to me for a moment, wouldja? The interference of the trolls was a destructive influence none of us could’ve predicted, and likely hinged on several chance variables which we cannot understand. So if you would, kindly get off my ass about this whole thing and we can get to slightly altering the current plan in order to deal with the added elements of Twilight Sparkle, her friends, and perhaps this time prepare contingencies in case of another interference by the Doomed Gods. That sound like a good idea?”

“You’re lucky you were born into your position, Hive Lord. Otherwise I’d kill you in an instant. What do you propose?”

“Simple. We imprison the Elements of Harmony, and if necessary, the trolls, with the Princess of Love in the crystal caves. Problem solved.”

“Your report indicates that several of the trolls exhibit Alicorn levels of power. How do you expect the crystal caves to hold them?”

“They’re working pretty well for the current Alicorn, aren’t they?”

“...Touché.”

“There, see? Problem solved.”

“There are still schemes to be had. We’ll need to figure out how best to ensnare the ponies before they’re able to deduce our presence.”

“It’s not like we need to be rid of them before we initiate the invasion. We can just overwhelm them with the rest of the guards, through sheer numbers and artillery. Simple, no?”

“Yes, if we want the ponies prepared to take a sizable chunk out of my army. You are aware that I would like to accomplish this with the least casualties possible, correct?”

“Yeah yeah, watching out for the pawns. Look, we act fast enough and there won’t be any issues.”

“...Fine. I do not, however, approve of how much of this plan relies on luck.”

“Don’t worry about that. No matter what happens, we win in the end. Nothing short of divine intervention can save these ponies.”

“Do you know what you’re doing right now? It’s called hubris. It usually proceeds and imminent downfall.”

“Well, don’t you just love your sass.”

“Hive Lord, you will bow down to your queen and apologize for your borderline traitorous remarks.”

“Like Tartarus I will.”

“Then it appears I will have to make you.”

*Hatesnog sounds*

Fluttershy quietly crept into the palace, making sure to avoid any attention. Most of the servants were still bustling around, tightening all the little bolts and nuts in Cadence’s massive wedding. Fluttershy knew that they probably wouldn’t question why she was returning this late, but chose to evade the butlers regardless.

Climbing the castle’s stairs, she made her way to the corridor that contained all six of her and her friends’ rooms, and found Rarity knocking on her door, the seamstress’s back turned. “Fluttershy, dear,” Rarity called. “Twilight wants us all to meet with her as quickly as possible.”

“And why is that?” Fluttershy asked.

Rarity gave a yelp of surprise and quickly turned around. “Oh, Fluttershy! I, um… thought you’d be in your room.”

“I had to go, um... to a place.” She blushed.

“Yes, I see that,” Rarity said, a bit annoyed. “Fluttershy, we really ought to head to Twilight’s room. She’s been expecting us for quite a while now.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Fluttershy apologized.

“Well, it’s no problem. Now, come on. Let’s get to it.” Rarity grabbed Fluttershy by the hoof and began dragging her down the hall to Twilight’s door.

“There you are, Fluttershy,” Twilight said as Rarity and Fluttershy entered Twilight’s room. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Err- yes. I’m sorry about that,” Fluttershy apologized quietly. “I was-”

Twilight cut the pegasus off by holding up her hoof, as her horn lit with a lavender glow. The room became encircled in a purple aura, and Twilight took several deep breaths as she wove the inner workings of the spell to perfection. She couldn’t take any risks with this one.

Finally, she let the spell drop. The walls quit shining brightly, and now only faintly shimmered with a purplish hue. “There we go,” Twilight breathed. “Complete sealing spell. We’re airtight, watertight, sound tight- just about as tight as it can get.”

“Umm- Twi?” Applejack asked. “Why was that necessary?”

“Because I need to have the utmost certainty that she doesn’t catch on to what we’re doing,” Twilight answered.

“She- Twilight, this isn’t about your ridiculous accusations that Princess Cadence is… not very well mannered, is it?” Rarity asked, a touch annoyed.

“You all don’t know Cadence like I do,” Twilight argued. “You don’t realize how different she is from before because you had no prior example to compare her to. But- ugh,” Twilight groaned. “And no, this isn’t about Cadence being not very well mannered. This is about Cadence being full on evil!”

At this, Rainbow Dash burst into laughter. “Ha ha ha! Ah hahahah ha ha!” Twilight glared angrily as Rainbow’s laughter faded away. “You’re serious?” She asked. “Evil? Twilight, she’s just a pink bride-to-be and she’s a bit stressed. I think you’re just overreacting to all of this.”

“I’m telling you all, Cadence is evil!” Twilight cried. “And what’s more: I have proof!!!”

“...You have proof?” Applejack asked. “Twilight how in the heck of things did you get proof?”

“Err- I was, um… shenanigans.”

“Psst. She was spying on her,” Pinkie whispered.

“But anyways,” Twilight continued. “I was at Shining’s place. Cadence called him away. Shining seemed a bit disoriented, like he was waking up from a long sleep. Then, Cadence’s eyes turned green and she performed some sort of mind spell that left Shining woozy and complacent! So I rushed back here to tell all of you.”

“Uh… Twilight. That doesn’t exactly sound like proof,” Applejack noticed. “That sounds like y’ah saw something that y’ah may’ve interpreted wrong, and that y’ah jumped to conclusions and ran out before y’ah could set anythin’ straight.”

“Well- I- you all weren’t there,” Twilight sputtered. “There was just… something very wrong about what I saw. I don’t know how to describe it. It just felt… sinister.”

“Twilight, I’m sure there’s a very simple explanation for this,” Rarity said. “Perhaps it was just some sort of healing spell, or something of that ilk. You don’t know everything about your brother or your soon-to-be sister-in-law, and you shouldn’t automatically turn to the worst assumption.”

Fluttershy took several glances around before she spoke up. “Well, I believe Twilight,” she said. The others gave her strange looks. Fluttershy flinched, but drove on regardless. “I mean, Twilight is our friend, and she’s right about several things. We weren’t there and we haven’t met Princess Cadence before today. Until proven otherwise, I think we should all trust Twilight.”

Applejack took a second to think. “Well, when you put it like that, I guess…”

An enormous grin spread across Twilight’s face. “So, you’ll all come with me and go tell Princess Celestia that Cadence is evil?”

“Oh, of course not!” Fluttershy cried. When faced with Twilight’s shocked and rather hurt look, Fluttershy quickly backpedaled. “I mean- not yet. You’re the only one who actually saw what happened, and we still don’t know for sure what it actually meant. I, uh, think that we should go confront Cadence.”

“What!?” Twilight shrieked. “Confront Cadence? But she’s evil! She’ll just lie, or she’ll attack us!”

“Mmm… she won’t lie,” Rainbow said. When she caught sight of the confused looks on the others’ faces, she sighed. “Really? Are you all genre blind?” She put on a metaphorical mortarboard and a literal smug grin as she said, “Daring Do and Book of Legend! When you confront a villain like this, they’ll try to eliminate you because you’re a threat to their evil plans.”

“Rainbow, I think you’re putting a lot of faith in a fictional series of novels,” Twilight said (ironically).

“But it makes sense!” Rainbow argued. “If it’s true that Cadence is evil, then we’re obstacles to her evil goals. Thus, she’s going to try to eliminate us!”

Twilight smiled. “OK Rainbow, now you’re just being silly.”

“Silly?” Rainbow cried. “These conclusions are based on cold hard fictional facts! There were hypothesises and analyzations and conclusions.”

“Not ‘hypothesises,’ Rainbow. Hypotheses,” Twilight corrected. “But- you know what? All this silly talk about Cadence attacking us and all has eased my mind a little. I mean- come on! We’re the Elements of Harmony! We beat Discord and Nightmare Moon! What could Cadence do to us?”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Rainbow cheered. “I mean, I’m sure this is all just some big misunderstanding, but even if we get into an epic fight with an alicorn- especially if we get into an epic fight with an alicorn- we can take her!”

A glance around the room confirmed that the rest of the Elements were in a similarly confident mood. Twilight gave a sure smile as she addressed her friends. “Listen- with all you by my side now… I feel wonderful! Confident! Invincible, in fact. Let’s go and see her now. The power of friendship is strong within us, and as such I’m sure no trouble will come to us. None whatsoever!”

-----Gilligan Cut-----

Rainbow glared at Twilight, or at least glared as much as she could from the chains she was wrapped in. “No trouble will come to us, hm?”

The unicorn groaned. “Shut up, Rainbow Dash.”

So what did happen, dear readers? Gee, I wonder.

Wait, what am I even saying? It’s obvious! They went on to confront the “Evil” Princess, who locked them into the ridiculously complex crystal maze inside Canterlot mountain. Problem solved.

“Why didn’t you describe it, Narrator? What happened was right up your alley!”

Why do YOU think, Pinkie? Lazy writers. duh.

Next chapter please!

End Chapter One

Author's Note

No Intermission this time, sorry. But hey, the Canterlot Wedding is coming up! :pinkiesmile:

And really, do give us some feedback. My co-author might be in it for the fun of it, but I personally feed on praise. Please tell me we're good? :scootangel:

Act 4 Chapter 2

Begin Chapter Two.
Officially subtitled:”Celestial P.I. and the Case of the Absent Academic”

“Has anypony seen Twilight Sparkle?”

This was a question many of the castle’s staff found themselves subjected to, from none other than the Princess herself. And regrettably, to her at least, the answer was always the same.

“No, Princess.”

“Sorry, your Highness.”

“Have you checked the library, your Highness?”

She had, for that matter. It had been the first place she’d checked.

After Twilight had failed to appear for a scheduled cup of tea, Celestia had immediately begun to worry. The unicorn was so well-organized, and so admired her… nothing but a catastrophic threat to society would cause her to miss this meeting. Celestia continued to trot down the palace corridors, asking any she came upon for the librarian’s whereabouts.

Internally, Celestia gave a frustrated sigh. This investigation shtick, figuring out what was happening… it didn’t really suit her. Celestia was used to being the one who made things happen in the first place- always aware, always ready to advance. Investigating the unknown, and all that this entailed, was much more Luna’s department. She could imagine it now… And so can I.

Inspector Luna paced through the moody darkened castle corridors, looking rather sharp in her detective outfit. Her deerstalker shaded over her eyes, and she took a quick puff of her pipe. Then she doubled over in coughing and wheezing, exhaling puffs of smoke. She took a glance at her pipe before she tossed it away. “Never again,” she muttered.

Turning to the opossum on her shoulder, she asked, “Dr. Tiberius. What do you think of the crime scene?”

The opossum gave a series of unintelligible chitteres. Luna nodded in response. “Yes, yes, I think you might be right. But how are we to be sure that the Elements were kidnapped, per say?” Another indiscernible reply. “Well, Tiberius, I would agree with you, were it not for one simple fact.” Chitter chitter. “What fact is this, you ask? Why, it’s elementary, my dear Tiberius.”

Celestia broke from her daydream as she saw Fancy Pants turn around the corner, escorted by a small squadron of guards. “Excuse me, Fancy Pants?” The princess asked.

“Yes, my lady?” Fancy replied.

“Have you seen Twilight Sparkle recently? I can’t seem to find her anywhere.”

Fancy gave a look of disappointment. “No, my lady. I regret to inform you that I haven’t seen the young unicorn for quite some time.”

“I see,” Celestia sighed.

Fancy put a hoof to his chin. “Come to think of it, I don’t believe I’ve seen any of her friends either. Where could they all have gotten off to?”

“Err- I saw them,” one of the guards peeped up. He shied away a bit when everypony else turned to look at him, but continued anyways. “It was, um, while I was on my way to relieve the prior shift, and I saw all six of the mares walking down the street. Since security is so tight and all, we’re supposed to ask most everypony we see where they’re heading off to, so I asked the Elements where they were going. They said they wanted to pay Cadence a visit.”

“Hmm…” Celestia said.

A knock resounded throughout Shining Armor’s apartment. The stallion stirred a little, before he slowly began to rise from his bed, yawning. A pink hoof placed itself on his shoulder. “Go back to sleep, honey,” Cadence said. “I’ll get it.” Shining didn’t argue, preferring instead to roll back over and return to his slumber.

Another loud knock came from the door. Cadence gave a small sigh as she opened the door, but her eyes quickly filled with shock as she realized who her guest was. “Aunt Celestia?” she asked. “Please, come in. What are you doing here?”

“I’m searching for my student, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia replied as she ducked to fit her large figure through the small doorway. “I was told she had come by here. Do you know of her whereabouts?”

“Twilight, eh?” Cadence asked. “Her friends and her came by the other day, yeah. Or is it she and her friends… never mind. Anyways, we all sat down for a cup of tea. Shining was out on one of his patrols, so we all sat down and talked. It was a good time.”

“Did you happen to see where Twilight went?” Celestia asked.

“Mmm… yes. She had some sort of errand to run for some literary thing, and she needed a paper stretcher. So, whatever sort of place has a thing like that, it’s probably where she went,” replied Cadence.

“Err- thank you, Cadence,” Celestia said. “I, um… I need to find Twilight. I’ll be going now.”

“Alright, then. Bye auntie!” Cadence called as Celestia turned to leave. “Good luck finding the paper stretcher!” As the door closed behind the princess, Cadence gave a small grin. “You know- if it existed.”

“Yaaa!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she blasted towards the great pile of collapsed rocks that presumably blocked the entrance. She slammed into the barrier at full speed, and predictably bounced off the blockade. On the ground, Applejack gave the rocks several powerful kicks, to no avail. Twilight sat in the middle of the small cavern, her horn aglow as she magically searched for a way out. As her light went out, she gave a defeated sigh, and slumped over.

“It’s useless,” she moaned. “Everything about this place is the perfect prison. It’s almost completely sealed off from the outer world. We can’t teleport out, we can’t break out, and no pony can trace us.”

“Oh come on, silly,” Pinkie said. “There’s no way we’ll be stuck down here forever. It doesn’t work like that.”

“Yeah, Twilight. Keep your spirits up,” Fluttershy added. “I’m sure Princess Celestia will handle the problem.”

“Princess Celestia doesn’t even know there’s a problem,” Twilight sighed. “As far as she knows, Cadence is still just her sweet niece. She’ll never suspect this sort of thing.”

The waiters of the Skystar Cafe were quite surprised to see a princess at their door. Nonetheless, they provided the biggest table they could and went off to brew the best coffee they could possibly brew, leaving Celestia alone to think.

Her frustration had grown ever since her contact with Cadence, after which she’d set off to find a shop at which she could obtain a paper stretcher, and ask if Twilight had come through. She quickly discovered that none of the likely candidates possessed such an item; on further inspection it appeared that the paper stretcher didn’t actually exist. As such, Celestia was left alone and without any leads. Desperate, she’d attempted a magical tracing spell, only to be shocked to discover that Twilight failed to appear even on that. It was as if she’d simply vanished off the face of the planet.

And so sat Celestia in a little cafe, nowhere closer to finding Twilight Sparkle then when she’d started. She gave a great sigh and laid her head on the table. Nothing but a convenient act of providence would save her now.

“Hey,” a pony at another table piped up, addressing their companion. “I saw the Elements of Harmony coming by the other day.”

“Uh huh. Sure you did,” their companion replied, skeptically.

“No, seriously. They were walking by just outside the cafe. I think they were saying something about confronting a great evil, too.”

“OK, now I know you’re messing with me.”

“No, it’s true, I swear! I’m just wondering why they’d call Princess Cadenza evil.”

Celestia was out the door five seconds later. The staff were disheartened by this, until they realized she’d left a very generous tip…

“Aunt Celestia? Again, and so soon?” Cadence asked as she let the Princess again into her apartment. She turned to her kitchen counter, where a pot of water was bubbling “Would you like some tea, auntie?”

“And how am I to know you won’t poison it, Cadence?” Celestia growled. Cadence froze, and slowly turned around.

“Why all this hostility, Celestia?” Cadence asked.

“You know exactly what I’m referring to,” Celestia replied, as she loomed threateningly over the smaller alicorn. “Twilight Sparkle and her friends came to your apartment, accusing you of foul play… and then they disappeared. You will take me to them. Now.”

Cadence gave her aunt an innocent smile, before with a flash of green she blasted Celestia through the apartment wall and across the street.

Celestia slammed into a building opposite the apartment, to the shock and fear of every pony present. The alicorn climbed from the dent she’d made, and glared at Cadence as she emerged from her broken apartment.

“What. Is that all the great Princess Celestia can do?” Cadence challenged. Celestia gave a furious growl, spreading her wings before she blasted off towards the pink pony. Cadence gave a sinister smile, before launching forwards to meet her opponent.

“1’m sorry, M1ndfang,” Nitram cried as Serket dragged him through the dark Canterlot alleyways. “Look, 1 made a mist8ke not tell1ng you and all, 8ut 1 th1nk you’re m1sunderstand1ng the s1tuat1on here.”

“Pssssssssh. What’s to misunderstand?” Serket growled. “You’ve 8een sneaking off all this time to see your… pony girlfriend. Meeting up in cafes and all. It m8kes sense, 8ecause you’re a pushover and she’s a pushover. Go ahead, forget all I’ve ever done for you and go kiss a horse. Leave me 8ehind, Nitram, 8ecause I guess I’m just not good enough for you!”

Nitram struggled free of Serket’s grip. He rose to his feet, but Serket grabbed him and slammed him against the alleyway wall. Nitram’s eyes widened in terror as Serket gave the troll a furious glare. “s-s-SERKET,” he pleaded. “i-iT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. i AM NOT IN A QUADRANT WITH FLUTTERSHY, nOR ANY OF HER SPECIES!”

“Then what were you doing with her alone in a cafe? At night? I’m not an idiot, Toreador, though maybe you are!”

“OK,” Nitram said. “So, th1s 1s go1ng to sound l1ke 1 just m8de 1t up, but 1 swear 1t’s the truth. Fluttershy and 1 both th1nk that the trolls and the pon1es are perfectly capable of gett1ng along, so we meet up when we can and d1scuss how we can m8ke it happen.”

Mindfang gave Nitram a dumbfounded look. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No. 1t’s the honest truth,” Nitram replied.

“And what a8out that wedding invit8tion?” Serket asked.

“Err… 1 honestly don’t know what the deal w1th that 1s. May8e she just thought 1’d enjoy 1t or someth1ng…”

“Oh Nitram, are you honestly so naive?” Serket cried. “She’s trying to set you up on a d8! She’s thinking that the two of you will go to the wedding and there’ll 8e love in the air or some sappy shit, and then she’ll kiss you under the mistletoe.”

“You’re m1x1ng your metaphors there, Serket,” Nitram pointed out. “And 8es1des, that can’t 8e true. You must be m1sread1ng the s1tuat1on.”

“Nope. It’s true as can 8e,” Serket replied. “Though, what sort of girl has a d8 at someone else’s wedding?”

Nitram’s breathing accelerated as he turned away from his matesprit. “oH. oH NO. i DID NOT SEE THIS COMING! i THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FRIENDS!”

“Wow, Nitram. You really are that naive,” Serket observed. “I almost feel like 8eing your m8sprit is actually just me taking advantage of your young, impressiona8le mind. I honestly feel kind of-”

Serket didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence, as Nitram, in a panic, flung himself forwards, wrapping his arms around Serket as his lips found hers and he kissed her. Serket’s eyes widened in surprised, and then sank into a deep, content passion. Her arms found his back as their kiss continued into the night.

“Ugh. Remind me never to sleep in an alleyway again,” Serket muttered as she pulled herself from the cold ground. She glanced down at Nitram, still slumbering away. “Hey, Nitram. W8ke up!” Serket called, reaching down to shake the troll awake. Nitram’s eyes flew open, and his legs clanked as he got to his feet.

“Ergh. What t1me 1s 1t?” he muttered.

“L8 in the day… and yet still too early,” Serket replied. “Alright, Toreador, I’ve 8een thinking. You can go to this wedding thing if you want and see your ‘friend,’ 8ut I’m coming along. To make sure you 8ehave.”

“Ugh. Alr1ght, Serket,” Nitram agreed, perhaps not yet fully awake. “Now, what say we head back to the lab and go back to sleep?”

“W8.” Serket pointed up into the bright sky, where it appeared that two blurs of pink and white were zooming across the blue horizon, as if locked in deadly combat…

Her eyes narrowed in focus, Celestia spun away from several bursts of lime green magic. She responded with a gold beam of her own, which Cadence nimbly avoided. The pink alicorn zoomed towards Celestia, front hooves outstretched as she collided with the Solar Princess in midair. Cadence rammed into Celestia, driving her through the sky. Celestia grimaced in pain, before snagging the alicorn with her telekinesis. With furious power, she hurled Cadence back down towards Canterlot. Cadence fell towards the city, before her wings sprang out, slowing her descent until she hovered in the air. She stayed still a second too long, however, and Celestia slammed into her with ludicrous speed and stupendous power. The Princess rammed her niece through the sky. A tower, one of Canterlot’s tallest, loomed ahead; Celestia flung her adversary at it. Cadence crashed through the structure, leaving shattered holes through either side, portals through which Celestia pursued her niece.

Cadence hovered outside the tower, injured but not out. Celestia fired another ray of scorching heat, which Cadence maneuvered around. The pink alicorn’s horn lit with her green magic- seconds later, a series of brilliant green explosions surrounded the Princess of the Sun, blasting her with intense energy. Celestia peered through the smoke, searching for her adversary. She glanced up, and caught sight of Cadence firing an enormous beam of lime.

Celestia, sent flying towards the ground by the force of the attack, slammed into the Canterlot road, cracking the stone beneath. As Cadence alighted lightly to the street a couple meters away, Celestia gritted her teeth as she slowly returned to her hooves. “You… are not my niece,” she groaned.

“Hmph. Looks like the cat’s out of the bag,” Cadence replied, pursing her lips into an evil grin. She took a breath, and her body shimmered with green magic. Seconds later, an altogether different creature stood where Cadence had seconds before. Tall and imposing, with insectile wings and a tangled mane, and piercing green eyes that held nothing but cruelty. “I am Chrysalis,” she announced. “Queen of the changelings. And if I’m revealed, my associates may as well follow.” She turned upwards, and released a blast of green towards the sky. Like a firework, it exploded high above the city, a message to all those who lay within, disguised and evasive, to reveal themselves.

Throughout the city, ponies became engulfed in green flames, revealing the black carapaces below. The townsponies’ screams echoed through the streets and districts of the town as the changelings wrecked havoc through Canterlot. Ponies on the streets buckled under blasts of green magic. Insects dragged the subjugated ponies away, broke through buildings, leaving destruction in their wake. They charged through the streets, an infestation of malign invaders. Several took to the skies, pursuing fleeing pegasi, while others subdued the ponies confined to the ground.

Members of the Canterlot royal court, politicians and princes, found themselves swarmed by intruding changelings, and quickly fell to the horde. Professors, researchers, found the Canterlot Royal Academy abuzz with the beating of insect wings and flew into a panic as anarchy spread through the campus. Shining Armor was nowhere to be seen; his subordinates, colonels and captains, found themselves overwhelmed as a third of their soldiers stripped away their disguises, and more poured from the skies, slaughtering the guards en masse and spilling blood through the chaotic streets.

And Nitram and Serket watched all this from the shadows of the alley. Nitram glanced in shock and terror at the brutal takeover unfolding, while Serket’s face became twisted in an expression of anger. Nitram turned to his matesprit. “...Holy sh1t.”

Mindfang turned to her sylladex, retrieving her headset. “Time to call in 8ackup.”

Vantas turned away from the chaos unfolding on the monitor and to his wristwatch-communicator-thing. “Serket?” he asked. “Where are you? What’ve you been doing? Is Nitram with you?” Serket responded with a reply, barely audible through his watch. “You’re doing what? You should get over there. Shit’s going down in Canterlot.” Another series of murmurs. “What’re you… oh.” Vantas glanced up from his watch, and at his friends, staring awestruck at the anarchy unfolding through the viewport. Then he turned back to his crustacean-shaped communicator. “Serket, I’m putting you on speaker crab.”

As the great shield bubble cracked and fell to pieces, he watched, through the green binoculars, as with a flash the twelve trolls appeared in Canterlot, and he smiled. Despite what he’d told his queen, he’d been secretly hoping for these twelve to make a reappearance. His revenge would be served cold and sweet, and every single one of them would pay. He glanced behind him, at the squad of elite he’d specifically trained for this job. He nodded. They nodded back, before they spread their wings and took to the air. Confident they’d serve their purpose, he let his gaze wander away from the Doomed Gods, and towards the road where the Black and White queen confronted each other, and wondered if the Black King would have to finish the job.

“Holy shit.” Vantas stared dumbly over Canterlot, and the skies above. “I mean, I knew the changelings were sort of carapacians, but… holy shit.”

The skies swarmed with huge black and green battleships, each surrounded by clouds of insects. Smaller dropships circled the air, lower to the ground, dispensing changelings like cheap candy. Enormous chess-mechs, black siege titans with glowing green eyes and tripedal deconstructors with cannons mounted on their arms, crawled throughout the streets, occasionally stopping to crush a building or blast a group of ponies.

The sight was one barely words could describe. What must’ve been hundreds of thousands of bugs had invaded Canterlot, running rampant through the streets, operating machinery, blotting out the sun.

Vantas took a second to glance at his allies, who exhibited most of the same emotions as him: surprise, shock, even a bit of anger. Before long several turned and met his gaze. It was another couple moments before one spoke.

“Um… Vantas?” Nitram asked. “Where do we beg1n?”

Vantas considered the question for several minutes. “Well… only one thing to do,” he finally answered. “We kill as many changelings as we can until we find Jack Noir. He’s obviously the one behind this whole thing…”

“R34lly, V4nt4s? Th4t’s th3 b3st you c4n com3 up w1th?” Pyrope groaned.

“Well, excuse me, princess!” Vantas cried “In case you hadn’t notice, the changeling invasion is perhaps something a bit bigger then we can handle. Look at all this shit! What would you have us do?”

“1’d… 4lr1ght th3n, f1n3,” Pyrope admitted. “Br34k th1ngs t1ll w3 w1n. L3t’s go do th4t.”

“I’m glad you agree,” Vantas said. “Now we’ve done enough arguing. We’ve got an invasion to stop.” He turned away from the trolls and took a step into the street. Suddenly, a jet of green slammed Vantas in the back. He toppled over from the blast, hitting the ground, unconscious. The trolls barely had time to react when two changelings landed on either side of Vantas’s body. Their horns lit up green, and a lime-colored sphere of magic encircled Vantas, sinking slowly away into the ground, taking the Threshecutioner with it. Seconds later, Vantas was gone, trapped in the caves beneath the city above.

“Hey. Trolls.” Maryam and Pyrope, followed shortly by their allies, whipped their heads in the direction of the voice, and found themselves faced with a large, smoothly dressed changeling at the forefront of a squad of roughly fifty of the insects. He brushed a speck of dust off his stylish black hat, and adjusted the red diamond pinned to his suit. “Hive Lord Noir sends his regards.”

And then the squad attacked.

A blast of green threw Celestia through a storefront window. The glass shattered around her; she landed inside and got to her hooves just as Chrysalis soared in through the broken window. The changeling queen fired another burst of magic, but with a flash Celestia teleported behind her. Chrysalis turned, only to receive an alicorn punch to the face. She stumbled back from the blow, and Celestia followed with two more strikes, and a two-hoofed buck that sent Chrysalis flying through the wall, back into the street.

Chrysalis stumbled back to her hooves as Celestia darted towards her. The queen dodged out of the way of the princess’s charge, before sending another blast of magic in the princess’s direction. Celestia hastily erected a shield to absorb the attack, before dispelling it just as quickly. She shot several more bolts of magic at Chrysalis, who dodged everyone, slowly backing up. Celestia stepped forwards, but was struck in the back with another magic blast. She glanced backwards, spotting a small group of changelings hovering behind her. Seconds later, the changelings were no more.

Celestia glanced back towards her opponent, and was struck blind by Chrysalis’s hoof. She stumbled back as Chrysalis made to follow through with her advantage. Celestia’s eyes narrowed, and the sunlight pouring from the sky seemed to intensify. It wrapped itself around her foreleg, before the yellow shimmer extended into a golden hammer. Celestia swung the warhammer, bashing Chrysalis away. The changeling queen flew through the air, before crashing to the street. She glanced up, and quickly leapt back to avoid another of Celestia’s strikes; the princess’s hammer missed her and instead sent shards of asphalt flying.

Celestia’s gaze grew harder still. Her horn lit, and to Chrysalis’s surprise, flames leapt from the street around her, trapping her in a circle of fire. Chrysalis shied away from the flames, before she took a deep breath and spit a stream of green resin, extinguishing the fire. Turning back to Celestia, she gave an enraged scowl and fired a blast of green magic at the Princess. Celestia responded with a gold burst of her own, and the two magic beams collided between the two combatants.

The two alicorns, the princess and the queen, each trying to outdo the other as each of their magic attacks collided with the other. Chrysalis gave a harsh growl, and her green beam lurched forwards, Celestia wincing back. A cloud crossed over the sun, darkening the square. “You can’t stop this!” Chrysalis grins. “The invasion has already begun, Celestia. Even if you kill me here, you can’t stop it all by your lonesome.”

Celestia stumbled back as Chrysalis’s beam pushed even farther towards her. For a second, her eyes filled with worry- then they hardened yet again. “No,” she whispered. With a burst of wind, the sun’s glow once again filled the sky, illuminating the grand battle taking place. “No! I am Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, ruler of Equestria!” Her expression burned with fury as Chrysalis’s beam suddenly stopped growing closer, then slowly, Celestia began to push the blast back. “Even if I have to tear through every single changeling in your entire army, I will protect my little ponies!” Chrysalis took a step back, squinting her eyes as Celestia began to glow, like a radiant star. “It seems you never learned, Chrysalis. You cannot defeat the Knight of Light!” With a blast of sound, Celestia’s beam widened, growing exponentially in power as it cut through Chrysalis’s feeble magic, and Chrysalis held a leg in front of her eyes, shielding them from the harsh light and knowing full well that they’d be no help against what would come next.

And then, as suddenly as Celestia had began her assault, she stopped. A shooting pain, spread through her chest, a coldness that had speared deep into her eternal warmth. She looked down, at the tip of the blade protruding from her chest. She looked behind her, at the large Changeling with the scar over his eyes.

“Erk… you know… this will not stop me… nothing will,” Celestia choked.

“Maybe,” Hive Lord Noir replied. “But I think you have other things to worry about now.”

There was a flash of green, and then everything was black…

Chaos descended upon the trolls. Changelings poured from every direction, green lasers shooting across the streets and insects slowly surrounding the Doomed Gods even as they fought desperately to resist the black tide. Pyrope swung her cane, slicing and walloping any bugs within reach, as Maryam did the same to her side. Makara repelled the swarms with his twirling clubs, and his green slime pies. Zahhak crushed the insects in his bare fists, as Leijon sunk her claws into several of the attacking bugs. Serket took to the air, cutting through swaths of changelings with her power, while on the ground Nitram impaled the insects upon the long point of his lance.

Megido raised her hand, catching a small clump of changelings in a red time field and freezing them where they stood. Captor stepped up, removing his eyewear as with a jolt he released his blazing psionics and vaporized the immobilized insects. He turned, and gave Megido a grin. She smiled back. Suddenly, Megido let out a cry of surprise as a large changeling swooped down and tackled her to the ground. Captor ran forwards to help, but Megido reacted quicker. Seizing the changeling with her telekinesis, she flung the bug back into the alleyway, crushing it against the passage’s brick walls. She turned, and got back to her feet, only to be blown back again, this time by a blast of green magic. Megido slid along the ground, but quickly returned to her feet. She spotted the changeling who’d hit her, well dressed, his diamond insignia the only bit of color in his attire. “Diamonds Droog, I assume?” she asked.

“Close. Drone Director. Not that it matters much to a dead girl walking.”

“That description is more accurate than you can possibly imagine,” Megido replied. Then she gave a snap of her fingers, encasing the Director in another pulsing time trap.

For a couple seconds.

“You do know there’s a spell that negates those tricks, right?” Diamonds asked. Megido didn’t have time to finish as with another burst of green the Drone Director blasted her across the street. She slumped to the ground, unconscious.

“Megido!” Captor cried. He rushed towards DD, but found his way blocked as a swarm of insects rushed in front of him, forming a massive wall between their boss and his attacker. Captor’s expression soured as he reached out psionically and scattered the bugs with his telekinesis. He again made to attack the Director, but was stopped as a bolt of magic blasted him to the ground. He got to his feet, glancing behind him. Another group of changelings hovered before him, their horns aglow with green as they charged their attacks. The squad fired their lasers as Captor raised his hand- the green magic beams slowed, before stopping all forward momentum completely. A bead of sweat rolled down Captor’s brow as his psychic powers struggled to hold the attacks at bay.

“Hey. Hadean Batterer,” Diamonds called. “Finish the job.” Captor caught sight of a massive, hulking changeling charging his way. His hands fully occupied, Captor again lit his eyes, charging for a couple seconds before releasing another burst of twin psionic blasts. To his surprise, HB froze as the lasers approached him. He fished around in his tightly fitting attire, before extracting an article that made Captor’s eyes widen in concern: a mirror. His lasers, reflected off the glass, barreled into him, blasting him to the ground, his mind reeling into darkness.

Makara continued flinging his gooey pastries at the changelings. He took a step towards another group, filling his arms with another load of soper confectionary, but found his foot stuck in something altogether different. He glanced down at the resin encasing his foot. “What the motherfuck is this? It ain’t any of my slime.” Those were his last words before a changeling struck him swiftly on the back of the head, and he kneeled over, unconscious.

Ampora twirled his wand, blasting holes in the clouds of changelings hovering around him. At his back, Peixes swung her trident, stabbing at any insect she could reach. She lunged forwards to impale another of the bugs when a small, stubby changeling tossed an unassuming little black box at the troll’s feet. Peixes glanced curiously at the box, before she noticed a strange ticking emulating from it. Panicked, she leapt backwards. She wasn’t quick enough. The resulting explosion blasted her away, and she hit the road hard as the Combustible Detonator had a short, gleeful victory dance.

“Peixes!” Ampora cried, turning to assist his fallen friend. This proved to be a mistake, as behind him, a score of changelings that had been held back by Ampora’s relentless fire now rushed forwards unimpeded and piled upon the vulnerable seadweller.

Diamonds turned away from the seadwellers, as his focus shifted to Zahhak and Leijon, who were tag teaming their way through the endless streams of changelings set upon them, slashing and pulverizing the enemy with no sign of tiring. He turned to the diamond pinned to his suit, and activated the special communications charm cast upon it. “We’re gonna need some backup,” he said. Taking another glance at Zahhak, he added, “And send in a siege titan,” posing it as an order.

No sooner had the order left his lips when a massive hulking fortress bulldozed through a nearby building- the dark siege titan, it’s eyes glowing green, it’s four arms menacingly poised to attack, and archers set upon the battlements atop its head. One of the archers readied his bow, and took aim at the young Huntress as she sliced through the neck of a nearby changeling, spilling green ichor over the streets. The arrow soared through the air- it missed Leijon but struck through her olive jacket, and pinned the girl by her garment to the road. Leijon, currently in mid pounce, was caught in the air by her jacket and slammed into the ground. She’d barely returned to her feet when a squad of changelings pounced upon her, burying her beneath their collective weight.

Quickly enough, the changeling pile was sent flying as Zahhak landed a destructive punch to its center, blasting the changelings away. Zahhak glanced down at the already-unconscious Nepeta, his eyes narrowing beneath his sunglasses in anger. He spun around, turning to face the enormous siege titan. He growled, spreading his wings, as he zoomed towards the enormous mech. The archers atop the titan, panicked, sent arrow after arrow at the incoming enemy, and were shocked to find the projectiles simply deflect off their aggressor’s well-muscled body. Zahhak slammed into the titan, with pure brute force, and knocked the enormous machine off balance. It tipped over, and toppled to the ground. Immediately, it went to work with the task of picking itself up again, but Zahhak wouldn’t let it. Zipping towards one of the structure’s enormous arms, Zahhak seized hold of the appendage. Then, placing his feet on the ground to increase his traction, he pulled. Sweat poured down his face and he felt his muscles strain with the enormous object as, with a roar of rage and an enormous feat of strength, Zahhak tore the arm from the siege titan’s arm sockets, before tossing the hulking appendage away. He gave several deep breaths, attempting to recover his energy.

Suddenly, another of the titan’s arms came down on him, as the mech was getting to its feet. Zahhak, spotting the limb’s approach, held out his hands and caught it. Immediately, he felt his arms ache with the effort of holding up the huge arm, the collective burden of ripping away one of the great appendages and holding back another shooting through his muscles. His legs threatened to buckle under the strain as he heard the cogs and gears of the great mech grinding slowly, laboring to crush the troll and failing at their duty.

Without warning, the arm rose away, and Zahhak was so relieved that he failed to notice another arm behind him, quickly swinging towards him. Seconds later, it slammed into him, and blasted the troll away. He flew straight through a brick wall and skidded to a stop inside the building, unconscious.

Maryam’s eyes filled with worry at the sight of her friends’ defeats, and then shot towards the massive swarm of changelings gathering around her and Pyrope. “Pyrope,” she called. “I Don’t Believe This Is A Confrontation We Will Win.”

“Do3sn’t m4tt3r,” Pyrope growled back. “W3 just focus on t4k1ng 4s m4ny bugs down 4s w3 c4n.”

“I Couldn’t Have Put It Better,” Maryam replied as she raised her chainsaw.

“4gr33d,” Pyrope finished, readying her cane. Completely in sync, the two rushed into the cloud of enemies before them, and green stained the asphalt until finally sheer numbers became completely overwhelming.

And then there were two. The Page of Breath, backing closer towards the Thief of Light as she looked out over her fallen friends and the massive, unending swarms of changelings that had brought them down, and that now turned their full attention upon her, and suddenly she found her mind beset by the unfamiliar emotions of fear and panic. “...F8ck.”

End of Chapter Two

Author's Note

The Invasion's here.

Next up: a crossover.

Act 4 Chapter 3 - End of Act 4 (Crossover)

Begin Chapter Three.

“Come ON!”

Nitram’s shout shook Mindfang out of her funk. She took to the air in a flash, glancing at the squad of changelings hovering before her, and then at Nitram. Only, he wasn’t where he stood before. She glanced behind, and spotted Nitram sprinting away along the damaged Canterlot roads. Serket groaned, and glided off after him, trying to stay ahead of the changelings pursuing her. “And where do you think we’re going, Toreador?”

The latter ignored her, running at top speed. Mindfang gave a sigh. “Oh for-- T8LK TO ME!”

“No t1me,” he huffed. “We have to get out of here and f1nd help, otherw1se we’re toast!” He rounded a corner and came to a sudden stop. “Scr8tch that. We ARE toast!”

A veritable wall of Changeling loomed above them. Behind them, the previous squad of insects were closing in. Serket gulped. “And I’m all out of luck, too...”

Out of nowhere, Nitram suddenly perked up. “Hold on to me, Serket!” With little thought, the latter hugged the former tightly. She had little care for her image, now. Nitram spared a look for her, and then turned to his wrist, around which was a device: a small gray pad was enscribed with familiar symbols, like the face of a watch. With a tap he activated a device on his wrist.

A *woosh* later, the two were gone.

As the two reappeared in the lab, Serket released him. “WH8T THE HELL WAS TH8T?” she screeched. “I---you--”

Nitram sighed. “At least we know 1t worked.” Seeing her panicked glare, he hurried to explain. Gesturing at the device on his wrist, he said, “1 alchem1zed a Transportal1zer && Wr1stw8tch. yOU KNOW,” he added, “fOR THE, uM. For the Fluttershy th1ng. D1dn’t have a chance to test 1t though.” He grinned sheepishly. “Er, sorry?”

Serket wrinkled her nose. “Never do th8t again without warning me.”
Nitram saluted. Serket sighed.

“What n8w? Our friends are captured. I’m not even sure if we could get them out. Not alone.” Nitram gave a sigh at this. Suddenly, his face lit up as if a lightbulb had appeared above his head. He turned and dashed away, leaving Serket obliviously ranting to herself. “We’d need b8ckup, but where could we find any?” She looked around, before her face curled into a frown. “Oh for... Nitram?”

She rose and went off to investigate.

She found Nitram digging through the pile of cosmic junk in a corner of the lab.

“And wh8t do you think you’re doing?” Nitram jumped.

“Well, you see, reme8er the tokens we made and the tokens we got?” At her nod, he smiled and continued. “So 1 thought we should, you know, get some help?”

Serket blinked. “Ooooooookay. I completely forgot a8out them. That’s actually rather intelligent of you.” Her eyes lit up. “Well then, what are we w8ing for? Let’s get to it!”She joined him in digging through the enormous piles.

The two trolls stood in the middle of the room, with plenty of open space on either side, preparing to use a token: an odd sort of black and green cylinder. Nitram listened again to the sender’s message.

"I am the changer of shape, seeking to understand the many forms of life. Call for the man of many shapes during your hour of need and I will come, a one man army. Activate the cylinder and in a flash I’ll be ready to clash."

The two trolls exchanged glances. “A one man army? Well, we are liter8lly trying to fight an army.” “Th1s sounds...” “Perfect.” Without another thought, Serket slammed her hand on the button.

There was a bright green flash and two figures appeared. One was a tall young man wearing jeans and a black shirt, a strange device wrapped around his wrist.
Next to him was a purple, dinosaur-like dog-creature-thing, with a similar device on its collar.

"Always, always when I'm relaxing..." The man grumbled, running a hand through his long, messy hair.

Serket blinked. “He doesn’t look like an army.”

Nitram shushed her. “Appearances and ce1l1ngs, M1ndfang!” He stepped toward the strange man. “Welcome to Equestr1a’s Moon! How can you be of service?”

"Well what did you summon me for?" The man replied, looking at the two with a critical eye.

Serket raised an unimpresssed eyebrow. “We were advertised a one man army. What do you THINK we summoned you for?”

Nitram rolled his eyes. “To put 1t less rudely, OUR FR1ENDS H8VE 8EEN SWALLOWED UP 8Y AN 1NVAS1ON AND WE’D REALLY ENJOY SOME ASS1STANCE!” He paused to inhale. “Sorry, th8t was actually ruder.”

"You need an army? Well, I sorta am," he said, holding his arm up and gesturing to the watch-like device around it. "Know what this is?”

Serket sighed. “No, I don’t, and unless this is a superweapon, I don’t particu--MMPH!”

Nitram, still holding a hand on her mouth, nodded. “Sure. An Omn1tr1x, but 1’m not sure how much help 1t would be what with the ten-m1--OW!” He pulled his hand back, as if it were bitten. (Wait, what am I even narrating. Of COURSE it was bitten. Even a complete moron could figure that out. Where was I?) He glared at his matesprit. “That wasn’t necessary!” He nodded at the man. “Cont1nue.”

"Hodgepodge says hi, Discord!" The young man shouted. (Do excuse you, and get back to your story. I have stuff to do, things to narrate, and Pinkie isn’t here.)

Serket and Nitram exchanged glances. “eR,” “You DO realize that there IS no Discord here?”

He just smiled, "That's what you think.”

“Um… Okay then. What’s your name, anyway?”

“My name is Jason Hughes and this is Zed, and we're everything you need."

Serket blinked. “Riiiiiiiight. Follow me, then. I think I may have gotten a viewport working at some point.” (“You mean Captor left 1t open.” “Shut it.”)

She led Jason, and the Canisaur (It’s a canine dinosaur, what am I supposed to call it?), to a transportalizer, wooshing off first. Nitram shrugged. “Off we go, then.”

"What's that?" Jason asked, looking at the platform with a raised eyebrow.

Nitram shrugged. “Just a transportal1zer. Hop on, and 1t’ll take you to the computer la8. Well,” he added as an afterthought, “there’s also a corr1dor 1n 8etween, but yeah. 1nstant transport.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on then!”

"Alright than, let's go for it." Jason said cracking his neck and getting onto the platform, Zed behind him. With a surprisingly strong push, Nitram ushered them onto the transportalizer, before using it himself. He let them see a dark corridor for a second, before ushering them onto another transportalizer.

They materialized in the computer lab, where Serket was already waiting. “Look what the cat dragged in. What took you so long?”

With another eyeroll, Nitram plopped himself onto a convenient chair. “T8ct, M1ndfang. They’ve never seen a transportal1zer 8efore.”

"Keep that up and I'll just go home," Jason glared, crossing his arms.

Nitram’s eyes widened. “nONONONO!” He composed himself. “1 mean, you can’t!” he glared at Serket. “Show them!”

Wide-eyed, Serket nodded. She clicked around for a moment, before opening the viewport. “8ehold. The Canterlot Invasion.”

And surely, it was indeed a sight to behold. Several massive flying battleships clouding the Canterlot skies, smaller but more agile dropships interspersed around, gigantic mechas crushing buildings beneath them... and between them, thousands, nay, tens of thousands of little dots swarming between.

“Changel1ngs,” supplied Nitram dryly. “When 1t was just a couple of hundred, we could t8ke them. 8ut th1s?” He snorted. “1’ll just repeat my quest1on. How can you 8e of serv1ce?”

Jason just stared before a smirk slowly grew across his face. "Well, well, well, today is in fact a good day to die." (“Better not be Heroic,” Nitram snarked. Ironically.) He pulled a sword out of his pocket, giving it a flick, extending it to its full length. "This is going to get messy."

The trolls exchanged glances, then grinned. “This...” “Oughta...” “8e...” “Fun.”

With another *whoosh,* the trolls and Jason (and his dog, I guess,) materialized mid-Canterlot. Around them, changelings flew through the streets in a frenzy, blotting the sky and surrounding any ponies still lucky enough to be uncaptured. Jason glanced back and forth at the sheer chaos around him. “So, did you have a plan here, or are we basically just going to fight until one of us dies?”

“Err- you provide a distraction,” Serket offered. “Nitram and I will try to find our friends, and get them free. After that… fight until they’re all dead, I guess.”

"Zed, hunt." Jason ordered. The Baskurr let out a happy growl before running off, shifting into a large crab-like creature and dozing through a nearby clump of changelings. Jason reached out, the Omnitrix passing a yellow light over Nitram. "Might as well scan one of you trolls, just in case. Omnitrix, Splice." There was a bright green flash and Jason was transformed into a car-sized komodo dragon with an electric blue mane. He let out a bloodcurdling roar, quickly scaling a building and leaping onto a passing dropship.

“Well. He doesn’t mess around,” Serket noted. Turning back to Nitram, she gestured down the street. “Come on. Let’s find our friends.”

(And how about a little music?)

The moment Jason climbed aboard the battleship, he found himself face to face with a legion of changelings streaming from the ship’s interior. He gave a toothy grin as he leapt towards the swarm of insects, tearing through the bugs. Several of the changelings took to the air above him, concentrating their blasts of magic at the great creature. At first, the magic actually seemed to have an effect, tearing into the beasts flesh... that is until it adapted. Its wounds healed almost instantly, the magic now having no effect whatsoever.

"Come to me!" He roared, racing through the ship’s corriders, ripping apart any changeling that came at him, reveling in the bloodshed. He burst through the doors to the bridge, letting out another roar, acid dripping from his maw. The changelings opperating the ship’s controls let out screams of terror as Jason leapt towards them, tearing them apart.

The battleship, absent of its recently deceased commanders, succumbed to the force of gravity as it careened towards the ground. In a ferocious crash, the ship dug into the Canterlot streets, twisting metal and sending debris flying before it slowly ground to a halt. Jason rose from the smoking wreckage.

“Weaklings," he snorted, tapping the Omnitrix and reverting to normal. He held his arm out and fired off a multicolored orb of swirling energy at another battleship, which exploded with a massive boom. Zed burst through a nearby building, before her Nemetrix timed out. She growled acknowledgemnt to Jason, who gave a confident grin as changelings starting to surround them. "You guys sure you want to do this?" he asked, drawing his sword. When the changelings made no move to retreat, he gave a shrug. “Suit yourselves.” And then metal flashed through the air and green coated the road.

With a jolt, Maryam returned to consciousness. Stirring, she glanced around her. The walls were rock, with bright crystals protruding from within the stone. The low ceiling gave off an air of confinement. She glanced around, and saw many of her friends already up and glancing around at their new prison. Maryam, quickly got to her feet, drawing attention.

“Oh. You’re awake,” Captor noted.

“Yes, I Am,” Maryam replied. “I Don’t Suppose You Know Where We Are.”

“II diidn’t,” Captor explained. “But 2omehow Makara wa2 able two 2hed 2ome liight on the topiic. Apparently, we’re trapped iin the abandoned cry2tal miine2 under Canterlot.”

“I… See,” Maryam said. “And Why Can’t We Simply Escape. Blast Our Way Out With Your Psionics. Or Ampora’s Magic. Or Zahhak’s Strength.”

“1t’s no us3,” Pyrope interrupted. “Th1s whol3 pl4c3 1s l4c3d w1th so m4ny m4g1c4l ch4rms 4nd 3nch4ntm3nts, 1t’s lock3d up t1ght3r th4n 4 Boondoll4r hor4d3r’s s3cr3t st4sh. Noth1ng w3’v3 tr13d so f4r h4s 3v3n scr3tch3d th3s3 w4lls. W3’r3 not g3tt1ng out 4ny t1m3 soon.”

“Hey!” Vantas called. Maryam turned to see him leaning closely to one of the cavern’s walls. “Would you shut up for a second?”

“4nd who 4r3 you to t3ll us off?” Pyrope cried. “Do you r3m3mb3r how you w3r3 th3 f1rst to go? W41t to s3t 4n 3x4mpl3, oh w1s3 4nd pow3rful l34d3r!”

“No, seriously,” Vantas insisted. “Shut the fuck up and listen.”

A sound, like the whistling of wind, was reverbrating through the caves. And it was getting closer.

Elsewhere...

Nitram ran full tilt into an alleyway, cursing in the back of his mind. He’d noticed a small swarm of ‘lings chasing some ponies there, and had followed. Only now, however, had he noticed that the changelings outnumbered both him and the ponies, which he noted consisted of several families.

“All r1ght,” he growled, attempting to mask his fear. “Step away from the pon1es.” Entirely unsurprisingly, his statement was recieved with unanimous amusement from the ‘lings. At the sound of the insects’ chuckles, Nitram gave a grimace, before hefting his lance and charging into the swarm.

“Nitram!” Serket called from the other side of the alley. “Stop running off like that. W8 up!” She took to the air, zooming towards her comrade, until a blast of magic struck her back and she crashed into the ground. Turning back, she saw another huge cloud of changelings hovering above her. “Oh shit,” she muttered as she gave the flourite octet a roll.

Get Equipped!

With a flash of blue, a sword appeared in Serket’s hand. She gave a glance back at Nitram, before she turned to the changelings before her. “Alright, let’s m8ke this quick.”

As Serket flew head first into her attackers, Nitram found himself quickly being overtaken. Between stabbing any bugs who came too close, and rolling out of the way of magic blasts, the troll could barely keep himself from being killed. A changeling rushed towards him, but Nitram swung his lance, knocking the bug away with it’s blunt side.

The changeling recovered, and leapt back towards the troll. This time, Nitram simply shoved his lance through the insect, impaling it like a marshmallow on a stick. A black marshmallow that was green on the inside, impaled on a very, very pointy stick.

A jet of green flew past Nitram’s ear. The troll glanced back, spotting the changeling who’d attacked him. He put a hand to his forehead, and the insect went limp at Nitram’s Communion. The changeling straightened itself, and under Nitram’s influence, turned and rapid-fired blasts of magic into the swarm of changelings still alive. Several of the bugs took the hits and fell away, before another insect tackled the Controller’s buggy puppet, and quickly ended him with a bite to the neck.

Nitram grimaced, before he caught the new changeling in his telepathic snare. The changeling’s eyes went blank; then, it hurled itself towards Nitram, making no attempts to resist as the troll stabbed through the bug.

The remaining changelings organized themselves, forming a line as they all rushed Nitram simultaneously. Nitram’s expression became more and more panicked as he raised his lance agianst the bugs. Frantically, he stabbed every changeling within reach, and occasionally took a step back as he found his efforts to hold the great changeling line at bay to be quite futile.

His back found the hard brick of a wall, and as he thrust his lance forwards, spearing one last bug on its tip, finally a changeling broke through his offence. The changeling’s insectile face filled Nitram’s vision as his lance clattered to the ground, the insect hissing as it’s mouth opened, revealing the razor fangs tucked away within. Nitram did what he could to shy away from the creature pinning him to the building wall, and waited for the pain.

A noise like the crushing of steel reverbrated through the streets. Nitram glanced up, and saw the changeling’s attention locked on a point farther along the street. It froze for a second or so, before it took to the air, zooming away from Nitram with a strange panic. Confused, Nitram glanced towards the spot the changeling had been looking at.

Up the road, stood an Arch Deconstructor, like a hulking black knight the size of a skyscraper, balanced on its three tripod legs. Its arm cannon was trained on Nitram and the group on ponies he’d been protecting, and glowed green as it was obviously charging some great magical blast. Nitram glanced at the ponies, cowering in fear, and then at the hulking mech. And he knew what he had to do.

As Nitram bent over and retrieved his lance, hidden mechanisms in his metal legs whirred into action, opening vents, aligning circuits. At Nitram’s command, the rocket jets fired and he was propelled through the sky, towards the enormous tripod and its massive cannon. Nitram readied his lance as the energies building up in the cannon swirled and crackled with power, clearly almost charged.

Just as the weapon was ready to fire, Nitram streaked into the cannon, and struck like an arrow at the center’s opening. The cannon exploded with a great green explosion, a ball of surging balefire-- and Nitram was caught in the center. The Deconstructor stumbled backwards from the force of the blast and toppled, broken, to the street, crushing the road beneath it. But the rising smoke, and that fiery blaze from which it streamed, was all that filled Serket’s tearing eyes.

“Nitram!” Serket shrieked as she caught sight of her matesprit’s burning demise. A changeling sprung at her from behind, but with a blur of orange it was sliced in two; Serket blasted into the air, jetting towards the cloud of smoke that remained of Nitram’s funeral pyre.

She caught sight of an object, envelloped in smoke, dropping swiftly from the cloud, and she dove towards it. Arms outstretched, she caught Nitram as he streaked towards the ground.
Slowly, horrified, she lowered herself to the road and gingerly placed Nitram’s body on the ground. His eyes were closed, his mouth barely open. His skin was streaked with charred burns, and the metal of his legs still glowed faintly with a blazing heat. His clothing was tattered, and one of his horns had snapped away from his head. He was, without a doubt, completely and utterly dead.

“N-Nitram?” Serket stammered futiley. “P-Please. Say something. Anything!” Nitram remained unresponsive, as droplets of water fell from Serket’s reddening eyes. Her face curled into a snarl of rage. “Nitr8m you idiot! H8w could you 8e so STUP8D!? H8w could y8u do s8mething so 8one-headed!? Nitr8m, you f8cking f8ck! H8w could you do this!?”

She slammed her fist into the ground, denting the asphalt in her rage. Slowly, her fingers uncurled, and her voice shook as she spoke. “D-d-don’t do this. Don’t… l-l-leave……..” And she leaned over the Page of Breath’s body and the living’s lips locked with the dead’s.

Serket sprung back as suddenly Nitram’s body lit with a golden glow. The light shone through the streets, a light of brilliant yellow as with a jolt Serket spotted the wavy golden lines of the Breath symbol hovering above Nitram, and beneath it, a single word, in font of gold. Heroic.

The winds circling through Canterlot picked up speed, their shrill voices merging into an eerie, yet almost calming, choir. The text above Nitram faded away, leaving only the golden symbol of Breath as it’s hue slowly darkened, changing from brilliant gold to a cooler shade of blue. Nitram’s body was encircled with the blue glow, as the freed light became harsher and harsher, more and more intense.

His body slowly pulsed with radiance, as the wind became faster still. Around his corpse, a blue spirograph faded into existance, a swirling pattern of circles. More of these circles appeared, each bigger than the last as they extended into the sky. The wind reached destructive levels, almost like a raging hurricane as the sky swirled with clouds of blue and gray.

Suddenly, the wind stopped, as the world lay still, caught in the eye of the storm. The brilliant glow of blue spread throughout Canterlot, a radience matching the sun in glory. Nitram’s body, in the center of it all, became completely invisible against the harsh blue, a shining spark in the middle of a glimmering fire.

Slowly, the spark rose into the air, as spirographs swirled around it and stray sparks danced in the cool blue light. Nitram was a shining beacon, and through all the light came the symbol of Breath, the cool blue lines shrinking slowly into the dazzling spark as the blue light faded away. The symbol took its place, the sky in the ocean of Nitram’s shirt, the deep blue of his cape and his pointed hood, the gold band around his scanty shorts, and the brown of his fairy-like wings.

Nitram floated, high in the sky, and looked down upon himself. “1...1 can fly…”

That’s as far as he got before Serket slammed into him midair, tackling him against a building as she gave the resurrected troll a frantic, but no less passionate kiss. Nitram’s eyes went wide as Serket’s arms wrapped around him, embracing him like a well loved stuffed animal.
Abruptly, she stopped, and pulled away, giving Nitram a glare filled with a terrifying fury. “Don’t y8u EVER DO TH8T AGAIN!!!” She shrieked at the confused, but no less horrified troll. Then, with another loving squeeze, she kissed him again.

“What… what happened?” Nitram asked when Serket finally broke away.

“Isn’t it o8vious? You went God Tier!” Serket proclaimed with joy. She gave a glance downwards. “Though, you might want to put on some shorts 8efore your friends see you like that.”

Nitram nodded in agreement. “Yeah. My… fr1ends.” He glanced away from Serket for a moment, staring off at something she couldn’t understand. “My… my fr1ends.” And with those words, Nitram dissolved into a gust of wind and blew away, off to spread the freedom of the breeze.

Vantas took a flying leap back as the rocky wall closest to him lit with a faint blue glow. “What the fuck is that?” The other trolls echoed his expression of shock and awe as the luminescent wall shone brighter, it’s glow intensifying. With a gust air, the rock dissolved away, a scattered wind flowing away through the mines, and the trolls’ shock swelled as they spotted the floating figure behind the vanished wall.

“Nitram?” Vantas asked incredulously.

“The one and only,” Nitram grinned back from beneath his hood, in his snug blue pajamas. “N1ce to see you all aga1n.”

“Y0u went G0d Tier?” Megido cried. “That’s amazing! H0w’d y0u d0 it?”

“Well…” Nitram rubbed the back of his head. “Err- 1n h1nds1ght, 1t’s k1nd of a b1t awkward to talk about.”

“Forget that. What the hell are you wearing?” Vantas shrieked. “Would it kill you to put some gog-damned shorts on?”

“Y3s. Pl34s3, N1tr4m,” Pyrope added, clamping a hand around her nose. “Oh gog th4t 1mag3 w1ll n3v3r l34v3.”

“Ugh. Forget that,” Nitram ordered. “Come on. We’ve st1ll got an 1nvas1on to stop!”

“And how are we goiing two do that?” Captor asked. “The la2t tiime we triied that, we got our a22e2 handed to u2 on a 2iilver, blood2taiined platter.”

“Serket and 1 called 1n some 8ackup,” Nitram grinned. “And that’s not all. Guess who else 1 found.” Before any guesses could be announced, Vantas spotted the group trotting in beneath Nitram: a coterie of familiar ponies, and a ragged, pink alicorn behind them.

"You all fought well," Jason said as he took a seat against a ruined building. All around him were dead changelings, killed in so many different ways: some were burned, crushed, frozen, vaporized, electrocuted, torn apart, shot full of diamond shards and many other imaginative ways. "May whatever deity you pray to reward you for your efforts and bravery."

Zed let put a short growl, trotting through the carnage, passing crashed ships and mechs. Entire blocks were full of bodies and wreckage. She moved over to him licking his hand.

"Hey girl," he said softly, petting her head. He let out a sigh, looking around, "You know...only a few months ago, killing was a big thing but now..."

Zed tilted her head, letting out a growl.

"But it’s not really about the killing, it’s about the battle itself, testing yourself against your enemies, to see who they are and how strong their convictions are."

Zed just stared at him.

"Don't give me that look, Gilgamesh isn't here and you understand this better than anyone."

Zed snorted, licking her lips.

Jason rolled his eyes, tossing her a price of meat, which she snapped up eagerly. He looked down at his torn clothes, sighing. "Rarity is going to be pissed..."

“Hey! Monster 8oy!” Jason glanced over to see Serket, flying over to meet him.

“Jeeeeeeeez,” The troll said as she alighted next to the human. “You’ve 8een 8usy.”

“What can I say?” Jason replied. “I get shit done.”

“No kidding,” Serket said, still a bit in awe. “I think Nitram sort of just freed pretty much everyone, so we’ll have some 8ackup soon enough.”

“It’s good to hear that,” Jason said, relief evident in his voice. “I can only deal with so many giant chess mechs and changeling battleships at a time, you know?”

“Hey!” The two turned to see Nitram swirl into the street on the breeze. “There you two are. We’ve 8een look1ng everywhere for you.”

“Dude, what happened to you?” Jason asked, catching sight of Nitram’s new outfit. “And- err, would you please put on some shorts or something?”

“Ugh. Aga1n with the shorts?!” Nitram moaned. “Look, can we may8e try to stay on-top1c? 1 was com1ng to tell you that 1 found the others.”

“Gr8! Where are they?” Serket asked.

Nitram gave a grin. “They’re already here.”

A flash of blue and a huge group of fighters appeared in the street. The trolls, weapons deployed and ready for battle, the Elements of Harmony, looking a bit nervous at the sight of the trolls but more than prepared to help out, and Cadence, looking haggard but determined. Jason gave a smile.

“Alright. Now that’s what I call backup.”

A crunching sound brought their attention back up the street. A siege titan ripped through a building, turning its attention towards the group. A deconstructor blasted through another building, intending to aid its mechanical counterpart. Several battleships appeared in the above airspace, raining changeling troops on the party below.

And with a smash, Queen Chrysalis landed in the midst of the road, smiling deviously at the amalgam of opponents before her. “Hmph. These are the heroes that are giving my forces such a hard time? This is Equestria’s last hope? Pathetic.”

“Let’s see you say that with your face shoved into the ground, Chrysalis,” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“You aren’t getting the drop on us this time,” Serket grinned.

Vantas couldn’t help himself. He gave a smirk. “Hey, everybody. Get them.”

Chrysalis raised her hoof, a command to her troops to attack. On cue, the changelings engulfed themselves in green magic and sent themselves spiraling like meteors towards the ground. Rainbow Dash took to the sky, smashing into one of the diving insects and sending it spiraling away. She darted towards another one, giving it a powerful kick. Zahhak and Serket followed swiftly after her, knocking away any incoming changelings. Megido raised her hand, telekinetically flinging clumps of the changelings into the ground.

Despite attempts, large groups of changelings made it, crashing into the ground and shaking rubble off of their shells before dashing towards the trolls and the ponies, but met heavy resistance. Vantas and Twilight lead the charge as insects locked in combat with their opponents. Applejack sent Changelings flying with her powerful kicks, as Twilight and Rarity provided magical assistance. In a flash of green, Jason shifted form, becoming a red manta-like creature. Taking to the air, Jason fired green lasers from his eyes and tail, blasting changelings left and right. Makara and Pinkie flung pies and related pastries into the enemy’s midst, as Captor and Ampora peppered the forces with beams of energy. Nitram and Peixes ran enemies through with their respective weapons, as Maryam and Leijon sliced changelings apart with both claw and saw.

Vantas made a rapid sprint towards Chrysalis. Dual-wielding sickles, he swung the weapons as if they were mere appendages, slicing through changelings like tissue paper. His trail of blood had almost reached the queen when he found himself in the shadow of something massive. Glancing up, he spotted the massive arm of a siege titan, threatening to crush him beneath its bulk. With a burst of agility, he leapt backwards, just avoiding the arm as it smashed into the road.

Vantas turned, and leapt onto the arm, before running along its length towards the shoulder. He stuck a sickle into the metal, dragging its tip along as he ran, making a long cut along the machine. Atop the titan’s castle-like head, changeling mages glanced over the edges, firing spells down at the Threshecutioner. One jet of green caught him in the shoulder, and sent him barreling over the edge of the limb. He crashed into the ground, but soon returned to his feet and leapt away to avoid more of the mages’ attacks.

A smaller dropship hovered just above the battle, chocked to the brim with changeling reinforcements. Pyrope glanced towards the drop ship, before equipping her jet pack. With a blast of flame, she took to the air, soaring towards the ship. Its doors slid open, revealing the squad of changelings inside, and revealing to the squad the maniacal troll waiting for them.

Pyrope zipped into the ship, and seconds later its floor was soaked with green. The troll gave a grin, before dashing to the ship’s controls. She quickly input a series of commands, before turning and leaping from the dropship’s doors. The vehicle blasted off as she allowed her rocket pack to slowly lower herself to the ground. Her gaze turned to the sky, as the dropship blasted off towards one of the larger battleships, and collided into it with a huge explosion.

Nitram dashed forwards spearing through a line of changelings. Applejack, galloping in the troll’s wake, turned and gave a buck to an insect as it leapt towards her. The unfortunate bug was sent flying into its friends, who in turn crashed into the ones behind them. Applejack turned, retrieving her lasso as another changeling pounced towards her. She knocked the bug away, before, twirling her rope, she lassoed him in midair. Giving the rope a tug, she slammed him into the ground, before flinging him into another group of his allies.

Applejack turned towards Chrysalis, still standing cocky as her army and the trolls clashed. Sprinting at the queen and whirling her lasso above her head, Applejack tossed the rope at her.

Chrysalis just gave a smirk as a changeling dove from the air, towards the lasso. Grabbing the rope in its mouth, the changeling dragged Applejack off the ground and into the air as she desperately tried to retrieve her lasso. The earth pony gave several vicious tugs on the rope as her legs flailed for ground, but the changeling held fast. Another changeling, soaring through the air, rammed into Applejack, before the two of them crashed into the ground.

The earth pony slowly rose to her hooves, brushing off a bit of dirt. “Yer gonna need more’n that t’ah stop me,” she muttered.

Jason zipped through the air, and blasted a group of changelings tailing Rainbow Dash out of the sky. Rainbow turned towards the Displaced. “Hey, thanks,” she said. “Who’re you again?”

“Jason Hughes. You don’t know me,” Jason replied. He glanced down towards Chrysalis, who was surrounded by a team of changelings. “There’s too many of these guys to take out individually. We’ve gotta get Chrysalis.”

“Heh. Leave it to me,” Rainbow replied, giving a grin. “Just blast a hole in their forces, and I’ll fly through it.”

“If you think you can handle Chrysalis, go ahead,” Jason said. Turning his attention back to the Queen, he readied a blast of energy. Releasing a great green laser beam, Jason attacked the buzzing swarm. The group predictably solidified into a wall of insect, protecting their queen. The laser blast obliterated the clump bugs, and Rainbow dove down through the resulting gap in the wall.

She streaked towards Chrysalis at such speeds that a cone of air began forming around her, and her eyes narrowed as she struggled to press against the drag. Chrysalis smirked, before turning. Rainbow’s eyes flew wide, and she furiously attempted to stop herself as she zoomed towards the Queen. Chrysalis gave Rainbow a powerful, double-legged kick, sending her flying yet again and crashing into another building.

“I warned her,” Jason said as he fired zoomed towards another group of changelings.

The changelings pressed their attack putting pressure on the ponies and the trolls. Maryam sawed through insects by the dozens, spilling green ichor through the streets. Pyrope stabbed through any changelings within reach as Peixes tossed her trident at another dropship.

Several archers peered over the top of a building, before firing arrows down at Zahhak. The troll, taking notice, zoomed towards the archers, their arrows simply bouncing off his well-muscled body. In a flash, Zahhak disappeared, only to reappear behind the archers. He gave the archers a tap, and they faded away into nonexistence.

The siege titan raised an arm, preparing to slam it down on the trolls below. Jason flew beneath its arm, before in another flash he became a tall, hulking dinosaur-like creature. He gave a grin as he caught the arm on its downwards swing. “Not gonna happen, buddy.”

One of the battleships fired a scorching red ray of energy down towards the trolls. Captor, floating into the air, removed his glasses. As energy bubbled up in his eyes, he released a blast of psionics, countering the battleship’s attack and resulting in a huge explosion where the beams met.

The deconstructor stepped towards the group. Its arm cannon lit with green energy, and it released another beam of energy. Twilight stepped up, her horn aglow with lavender. A great pink shield bubble appeared around the trolls and ponies. The beam blasted into Twilight’s shield. The barrier held for several seconds. Then, cracks spread across the bubble’s surface, before it shattered with a bang. The unicorn stumbled back, and fell to the ground.

Cadence gave Twilight a concerned look, before Twilight began to get to her hooves. The alicorn spread her wings and took to the air.

The Princess of Love soared through the sky, her horn charging with energy as she aimed for one of the battleships. Immediately, a dozen squads of changelings zipped towards her, preparing to attack the Princess.

Nitram gave a grin as his hand shone with blue. A gust of wind yanked the changelings in one direction, then blasted them in another. Before long, they found themselves trapped in a flurry of air currents, rapidly changing direction to keep them from making any progress. Serket, catching sight of the huge clump of changelings, gave a grin before giving the fluorite octet a roll.

Holmes’s Fury

An enormous magnifying glass appeared, floating above the group of insects. The sun’s light, magnified eightfold through the glass, flash fried the clump of changelings, who quickly dropped out of the air.

Serket turned and gave Cadence a thumbs up. The Princess gave an appreciative nod back, before she turned back towards the battleship. With a grunt, she released an enormous blast of magic at the carrier. The battleship exploded as Cadence’s attack hit it, the Princess smiling gleefully at her success.

The deconstructor released another blast of green at the ponies and trolls. Twilight fired a blast of her own magic at the beam, hoping to counter it; it did little more than slow it down. Rarity stepped up next to Twilight, and fired her own beam. The beam slowed a bit more, but still continued to press towards the group, and all of the two’s struggles would do nothing to stop it.

“Cadence!” The Princess glanced down towards the source of the cry, and spotted the unicorns’ plight. Cadence alighted behind them, and fired a her own blast of magic, joining with Twilight and Rarity. The two beams, both the ponies’ and the deconstructor’s, rammed into each other. Slowly, and ever so gradually, the ponies’ beam broke through the deconstructor’s, and impacted into the deconstructor with a huge explosion, knocking it into a building behind it.

Amazingly, the Deconstructor began to stand back up- that is, until Zed, again in the form of a rocky crab thing, rammed into the giant mech, crushing it beneath its bulk.

“Hey. Jason!” Jason, struggling to hold back the siege titan’s attack, turned to the source of the voice and found Nitram floating next to his head. “Can you hold that th1ng st1ll for a moment?”

“Depends. Whatdya have planned?” Jason asked.

“Oh, you’ll see,” Nitram replied, before darting away. Jason turned back to the siege titan, before slamming a hand on the omnitrix. With a flash of green, he became a towering creature with a great fin poking from his head. Now equal size to the titan, Jason wrapped the mech in a great bear hug, pinning its arms against its side.

Nitram, meanwhile, hovered down next to Leijon as she clawed through another squad of Changelings. “Hey, Le1jon,” he said. “1 need you for a sec.”

“:33< Ooh! What’re we doing?” Leijon asked.

Nitram gave a snap of his fingers. Leijon was encircled with a blue aura, before she found herself floating into the air on a gust of wind. Leijon’s face filled with delight as Nitram pointed to the siege titan. “You see that 81g mech over there? T8ke 1t down.”

With a squeel of joy, Leijon took to the sky, zooming through the air at the siege titan. Her claws deployed, she soared towards one of the pinned limbs, before slicing right through it. The arm fell to the ground as she zipped over, cutting off the next one… and the next one… and the next one. When all four of its arms had been severed, Leijon floated up to Jason. “:33< You can let it go now,” she grinned. “:33< Though, once you do, you may want to run.”

“Great. This thing struggles like all hell,” Jason grunted back. A flash of green and Jason had returned to his human form. He quickly turned and sprinted out of the way as Leijon turned and rocketed towards the mech’s legs. With a flick of her claws, she slashed through the mech’s legs, leaving its de-limbed torso to fall unsupported to the ground.

Pinkie Pie, tugging vainly at the green resin sticking her to the ground, noticed a shadow slowly darkening around her. She glanced up, and her eyes went wide as she saw the body of the siege titan toppling towards her. She let out a scream of fright as she tugged even more desperately at the goo binding her to the road.

Suddenly, with a rush of wind and a blur of colors, Pinkie was in Makara’s arms as he raced through the streets. The titan crashed into the ground harmlessly behind them as Pinkie glanced around wildy. “What? How? Where did…? Huh?”

“Shh,” Makara said, patting Pinkie on the head. “It’s OK now, sis. Everything’s OK now.”

“Aww, thanks for saving me, Maky,” Pinkie grinned. “Come here!”

Vantas turned his head away from the sight of Pinkie and Makara hugging it out, and towards Chrysalis. He gave a grin when he noticed Chrysalis no longer looked too confident.

Vinyl smiled at the changelings in her path. “Really, guys. That’s not a good idea. I could hurt you.” Her statement was met with grins and leers. She shrugged. “Your choice. I prefer not to blow up the audience, but you’ve made your stance quite clear to me.”

With a flash of her horn, all the changelings in her path collapsed, their corpses occasionally sparking in green lightning. The pure white unicorn shrugged and trotted off at a steady pace. She still had work to do.

The Hive Lord lowered his binoculars angrily. “Damn it. We’re being slaughtered up here.” He glanced at the Drone Director. “Where in Tartarus did they manage to pull THAT guy from?”

DD shrugged. “Don’t know, boss. I suspect shenanigans.”

Noir growled. “It’s always the bloody shenanigans. The Queen’s gonna chew my head off if this goes on like this. I think I need to step in.”

DD shook his head. “Not sure that’s a good idea boss. What can one changeling do, even if he is a hive lord?”

“They’re about to find out what I can do,” Noir replied, spreading his wings. “Besides, the Queen’ll be happy that I’m ‘taking initiative’ or whatever daft thing she’ll say. Anyways, I better get over there now.” With a leap, Noir was gliding off towards the battle, leaving DD alone on the rooftop.

“Why am I always the one getting left alone?” DD asked.

As tremors shook the area, Celestia regained conciousness, and peered around her. Everything was distorted, and a green filter obscured most of her vision. It took her several minutes to realize what had happened- after she’d been defeated, the changelings had sealed her off in a cocoon. Even so, she did what she could to observe her surroundings.

She couldn’t see much, but down the street she observed flashes of light, and figures moving about. What was going on? A couple shouts pierced through her slimy prison, and with a jolt, she recognized the voice of Twilight Sparkle.
She had escaped? And those taller figures next to her- were the Doomed Gods in Canterlot?

Her horn lit up as she slowly begun melting her way out of her cocoon. Whatever was going on, she’d figure out soon enough. And if the trolls were attacking Twilight… then they’d need Faust herself to save them from her wrath.

Ampora and Peixes, having broken through the Queen’s defences, attacked Chrysalis with all their might, though to little effect. The changeling queen blocked Ampora’s blasts with her shield bubbles, and moved too quickly for Peixes to land a solid hit. She took a flying leap over the seadwellers’ trident, and landed behind Peixes, before firing off a bolt of green magic. Peixes raised her trident to block the beam, but was sent flying back regardless.
Chrysalis turned, and fired another blast of magic at Ampora, who countered with a jolt from his wand. The beams of green and white met, and quickly, Chrysalis began to overtake her opponent. The changeling queen grinned, until she sensed motion behind her. Dodging to the side, she evaded another jab of Peixes’s trident. “Hmm,” she mused. “You recovered so quickly? Impressive.”

“You’ll find t)(at I am very resilient,” Peixes replied. Dashing forwards, she stabbed her trident into the ground, before vaulting through the air and landing a solid kick to Chrysalis’s face. The Queen stumbled back as Peixes turned to her teammate. “Now, Ampora!” she cried.

Ampora swung his wand, ready to release a blast of white, but a glob of green slime landed on the weapon’s tip. Ampora groaned, before turning to see who spat the disgusting resin. His eyes widened, and he leapt backwards to avoid a deadly knife swing. Instead of cutting skin, it only sliced the tip off his scarf.

“Hey, Chrysalis,” Hive Lord Noir said. “Am I late?”

“You better belive you are, Noir,” Chrysalis replied as she sent Peixes flying away. “Now, help me kill these idiots, or you’re going to be wearing one of those silly hats you force your subordinates into.”

“Sweet Tartarus, I hate you,” Noir growled.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Chrysalis smiled.

And from across the battlefield, Vantas spotted his enemies and his eyes shot wide. “Hey! Serket, Nitram!” he called. As the two flew over, Vantas narrowed his eyes. “Noir’s joined the battlefield. Come on. Let’s go.”

“Alright, hold on a second.” Vantas turned to see a purple unicorn standing to his left, and giving him a glare. “You don’t honsetly expect to take on both Chrysalis and this Noir guy without some pony assistance, do you?”

“I’ll be joining in too,” Cadence said, landing nearby. “I have a score to settle with these insects.”

“Fine, then,” Vantas said. “The more the merrier, I guess. Now, how’re we going to get to her?”

Nitram’s hand, covered in a blue aura, released a huge burst of wind and punching a hole through the cloud of changelings surrounding the Queen. Vantas gave a whistle. “Wow. OK then. Let’s go!”

The Threshecutioner lead the charge, dashing through the gap in the changeling’s defences before it could close again. Serket and Nitram flew alongside him, and Cadence and Twilight followed afterwards, blasting away any insects who came too close. As Peixes rolled to dodge one of Noir’s blasts, and Ampora countered one of Chrysalis’s, Vantas finally reached his opponents. “Peixes, Ampora! Tag out!” Vantas commanded. The two trolls glanced back at Vantas, then at each other. Then, they turned and fled.

“Hmph. Well, if it ain’t the Threshecutioner and his little friends,” Noir taunted. “I suppose I should’ve known you wouldn’t just stay locked away. You didn’t before.”

“You know me, Noir,” Vantas grinned. “I may be the leader, but I’m not tied down by it.”

Cadence took a step forwards. “Changeling Queen Chrysalis and Hive Lord Noir,” she said, with a very authoritative tone. “For crimes against Equestria, you are hereby placed under arrest. Now, will you surrender, or are we going to have to incapacitate you?”

“I believe you already know the answer to that, Cadence,” Chrysalis replied.

“You’re correct there,” Cadence grinned. “And I am so happy about your decision.”

Cadence leapt from her standing position, charging at the Queen. Chrysalis quickly dodged out of the way, and fired a blast of green magic. Cadence countered, with a blue beam of her own, the two attacks colliding and resulting in a huge explosion.

The Princess took the initiative, flying forwards through the smoke. Her eyes widened, though, when she saw Chrysalis’s feet soaring towards her face. The princess was sent flying away by a massive buck, and crashed into a building.

“Hmph. Pathetic,” Chrysalis grinned. Gazing at the spot where Cadence had hit the wall, she was blindsided when Twilight sent a blast of magic into her side, knocking her to her feet. Chrysalis glared back towards Twilight, but stopped when Twilight enveloped her in a purple aura and telekinetically slammed her into the ground.

The Changeling Queen groaned as she rose to her feet. “Hmm,” she said, a bit wearily. “Maybe this will be interesting after all…”

Over with Noir, Vantas was finding it difficult to land more than a glancing blow on the Hive Lord. Noir was fast, and his knife flew like a bullet, reflecting every one of Vantas’s sickle swings. Vantas growled as he sped up his pace, attacking with greater and greater frequency, and was only more frustrated to see Noir do the same. The space between them was so occupied with flashing metal and sharp edges that a flea could not make it through uncut.

Serket, flying in from the side, gave her flourite octet a roll, the dice landing by Noir’s hooves.

Geyser!

Noir leapt back to avoid the fountain of boiling water as it blasted from the street, spraying scalding liquid into the air. Put off guard by the bizarre attack, Noir was caught again when Vantas pounced upon him again. The Threshecutioner, swiping with his sickle, slashed Noir across his chest, opening a bleeding cut. The changeling growled in anger and pain, raising his knife to counterattack.

Vantas swung his sickle again, catching Noir’s knife inside the circle of the scythe’s blade. With another flick of his wrist, Vantas tore the knife from Noir’s grip. The weapon clattered away, useless, as Vantas made another slash. Noir leapt away from the attack, and a familiar horse-shaped bludgeon appeared in Noir’s hooves. Vantas charged again, but Noir raised the cast iron horse hitcher, and knocked Vantas away. The troll clattered to the street, before slowly beginning to return to his feet.

Meanwhile, Chrysalis and her enemies were slinging spells at each other, each trying their best to defeat the other. Chrysalis dodged a blast that turned a streetlamp into an orange, and another that made a newspaper stand behind her explode in a burst of feathers. She retaliated with a beam of her own.

Twilight put up a shield to block Chrysalis’s enormous laser, though when cracks began to appear, Cadence landed beside her, reinforcing the spell with some magic of her own. Chyrisalis grinned at her opponents’ troubles. “Transformative magic? Destructive magic? Hmph. Nothing I haven’t dealt with from your Princess, and I disposed of her long ago.”

Cadence grinned. “Oh Chrysalis, I’m quite sure you never had to deal with magic like this.” Cadence charged up a spell, before releasing a bolt of magic. The spell struck the ground below Chrysalis, and suddenly, a giant block of pink crystal burst from the street, catching Chrysalis below the jaw and knocking her away. Chyrsalis groaned, and returned to her hooves, only to find them encased with crystal and stuck to the ground.

The queen turned to see Cadence, her own front hooves enveloped in spiky gems as she threateningly smacked the crystal knuckles against each other. “Oh, this just keeps getting better and better,” Cadence grinned before she charged towards Chrysalis, eager to give the Queen a well-deserved beating.

(I do just love to set the mood, don’t I?)

Serket swooped down from the air, and grabbed Noir around the middle. She turned away, carrying him up into the sky as the changeling struggled to escape. Tossing him into thea air, Serket turned towards Nitram and nodded. The Page gave a nod in reply, then with the gesture of a hand, sent Noir slamming into the ground with a blast of wind.

The Hive Lord moaned, before amazingly, he began to stand. Serket, intent on fixing that as quickly as possible, zoomed down at Noir again, but was caught of guard as the Hive Lord fired a bolt of magic into her face. The Thief was blasted away by the attack, toppling to the ground. She rose quickly, and assumed a fighting stance as the scarred changeling approached her.

Noir, holding another of his countless knives in his hooves, swung the blade like a baseball bat, and Serket barely dodged the attack. She wound back for a punch when the cast iron horse hitcher, suspended in Noir’s telekinesis, whacked her from the side. Slamming into her head, Serket was sent flying by the weapon. She crashed into the ground, and struggled to get to her feet as the changeling began to approach.

“Oh f8ck no!” Nitram screamed as he appeared before Noir in a gust of wind. With the flick of a hand, the troll sent Noir riding an updraft into the sky. Nitram appeared before the floating Hive Lord in a flash, and punched him across the jaw. Before Noir could respond, Nitram was behind him, giving him another powerful hit.

Then, the Page was at Noir’s side, slamming his fist into the changeling’s stomach. With a gale-force blast, Noir was flung into one building, and then another, before another updraft sent him even higher into the sky. Nitram appeared above him, and before the changeling could react, the Page’s lance pierced through the Hive Lord’s chest.
He grimaced in pain as Nitram sent him shooting towards the ground, which he hit at speeds exceeding 100 miles per hour.

Noir groaned, beginning to get to his hooves. He spat a glob of resin onto a hoof, and then began rubbing it over the gaping hole in his chest, trying to contain the blood. Big mistake.

Nitram turned his attention to Vantas, who had returned to his feet. With a snap of his fingers, a blue breeze, lifted Vantas into the air. Another snap, and he went streaking towards Noir like a furious arrow.

Chrysalis spotted what was going on, and gave a roar of rage. With a swing of her horn, she blasted both Cadence and Twilight away with a magical shockwave. Then, she charged towards Noir, intending to stop what was about to happen.

“Nope!” Jason said, as in a flash of green he became a multicolored, Lego-esque creature. The alien expanded himself, surrounding Chrysalis like a great wall, before he built up and over to trap the Changeling Queen in a dome. “You’re not getting out of here,” Jason told the Queen. Chrysalis just growled, and began shooting the most powerful blasts she could muster at the dome confining her.

But it was too late. Noir glanced up and spotted Vantas, like an arrow soaring towards it’s insectile target. Noir made to dodge, but it was still far too late. With the swing of his sickle, Vantas sliced through carapace, and Noir’s severed right leg toppled to the ground.

“Ah! Fuck! Fuck again!” Noir screamed as he cradled the painful stump that was all that remained of his leg, desperately trying to keep his blood from spilling over the streets.

As Chrysalis finally smashed through Jason’s self-construct, Noir took a glance around. The streets were littered with the corpses of changelings, and those who remained were obviously quite tired. They could summon in a couple mechs or battleships, but the trolls had made it quite clear that those were only a minor nuisance. No… as much as he hated to admit it, there were many ways that this could end, and none ended with the changelings winning.

“Sorry, Chryssie,” Noir said. “Invasion’s off.” And then he disappeared in a flash.

“Noir? What are you doing!?” Chrysalis cried as her kismesis teleported away. She glanced angrily at the spot where the Hive Lord had previously stood, but in doing so failed to spot the incoming Page.

“Yaa!” Nitram cried as he flew towards the Changeling Queen. Chrysalis barely noticed in time, and sidestepped the incoming lance. Cadence stepped up, and with a fierce bolt of magic, the alicorn blasted Chrysalis into the air. The Queen involuntarily somersaulted away, before she spread her wings, straightening herself out.

Nitram stretched out his hand, engulfed in a blue aura. Chrysalis, hovering midair, found herself suddenly assaulted with a furious gust of wind, flinging her into one of the many buildings lining the street. The queen disappeared in the dust as she slammed into the third floor of the building, before her wings gave and she fell hard to the ground. She began struggling to her hooves when she caught sight of the eight dice, as they rolled to a stop before her.

A Swift Boot to the Rear!

“Wha-?” Chrysalis barely had time to process the scene when an invisible force gave her posterior a firm kick, sending her flying through the air towards Applejack and Zahhak.

“Together?” Applejack asked.

“D --> Together,” Zahhak replied, as he took an offensive stance.
Applejack turned and readied her legs as the Changeling Queen soared towards her. With a grin, she delivered a two-legged buck to Chrysalis’s face, just as Zahhak swung his fist and caught her in the barrel. The Queen changed trajectory yet again, Applejack and Zahhak’s dual strike knocking her down the street. She crashed into the road, sliding along the ground before she ground to a stop in the middle of the street.

Chrysalis groaned. Slowly, she began to rise to her hooves. She opened her eyes, and found Twilight standing before her, her horn aglow and pointed at the Queen’s heart. Behind Twilight, Vantas stood by, his sickle poised to attack should Chrysalis move. Twilight spoke up. “I’d advise you surrender, Chrysalis, before we have to make you.”

The queen’s face curled into a hate-filled scowl. Unbeknownst to Twilight, magic was gathering in the base of Chrysalis' horn, preparing a teleport. But as she readied her exit, a thought flashed through her mind. She took a glance at Nitram, hovering on the slight breeze, and on his insectile wings. Her gaze shifted to Vantas, standing behind Twilight. She smiled.

“Mmm. I’m sorry, Twily,” Chrysalis replied, lying through her teeth, “But my partners and I have other plans.” As she finished her sentence, the Changeling Queen reached out through the vast mental plane of the Dreamscape, seeking the mind of the troll closest to Twilight and pouring every ounce of her dominant, insectile influence into the Threshecutioner’s psyche.

Vantas gave a small cry and his free hand flew to his head. He released a groan, before he glanced towards Twilight, his eyes faintly glowing green, and the grip on his sickle tightened. With a war cry, Vantas leapt towards Twilight, whose eyes went wide as she spotted the weapon zooming towards her head.

“Twilight!” A beam of gold hit Vantas in the chest, and sent him flying into a building. As the troll slumped over, unconscious, Celestia soared into the street. “Are you OK, my student?” she asked the frazzled librarian.

“What- how- why- what is going on!?” Twilight cried. Celestia ignored her, turning towards Celestia. Chrysalis grinned, before she disappeared in a flash of green. Celestia gave a growl of annoyance, before she turned again to the rest of the trolls, as well as Jason.

“I should’ve known,” Celestia proclaimed. “It was all an elaborate setup all along. There were unanswered questions- How did you know the capabilities of the changeling’s machines? And why did you speak to Chrysalis and her lackeys with such a tone of similarity? The answer to both questions is the same: you were allies all along!”

The ponies gasped, and backed quickly away from their troll partners. The trolls gave expressions of shock and objection. Nitram shook his head in a gesture of denial, as Jason spoke up. “Now, hold it. You’ve got to be mistaken here-”
“How could you?” Twilight cried. “I thought we were allies! I trusted you!”
“You’re lucky I got here when I did,” Celestia told her student. “Otherwise, I’m quite sure you’d all be dead by now.”

“n-n-n-nO!” Nitram objected. “nO, yOU’VE GOT IT ALL WRONG! wE WERE NEVER ALLIED WITH THE CHANGELINGS. yOU’RE BEING TRICKED!”

“Quit your lies, heathen!” Celestia screamed, slamming her hooves down and lighting her horn.

“Oh no you don’t!” Jason shouted back, slamming his hand over the Omnitrix. In a flash of light, he became a green, plant-creature. At his command, vines sprung from the ground, wrapping themselves around Celestia’s body, her legs, and her horn. As the Princess struggled in Jason’s grip, the Displaced turned to the trolls. “I’ve got her. Get us out of here!” he cried.

“R0ger that,” Megido replied as she outstretched her arm. In a flash, a transportalizer platform appeared in the midddle of the street. Seizing the trolls with her telekinesis, making sure to drag the unconscious Vantas from his slumber by the building,

Megido dumped the lot onto the platform, where they vanished with a *whoosh.* Megido turned and nodded to Jason. The Displaced nodded back, and, releasing Celestia, he leapt towards the transportalizer and he too disappeared. *Whoosh.* Megido turned and gave a glance at the ponies, still reeling in shock. Then she, too stepped onto the platform, and the both of them disappeared. *Whoosh.*

The ponies were left alone, glancing awkwardly at each other, struck dumb by shock and confusion. They stood like that for a while, until Celestia broke the silence. “My little ponies, you should know that I am very proud of you. Even if you were taken with the trolls’ farce, you helped to stop a catastrophic invasion of Canterlot, and for that we are all in your debt.”

As the Elements of Harmony seemed to brighten at this, Celestia continued with the positive talk. “Besides,” she said, glancing towards the exhausted Cadence, “We’ve still got a wedding to celebrate!”

With a *whoosh,* the trolls materialized in the Moon Lab. Megido quickly laid Vantas’s unconscious body over a table. Maryam appeared by his side, checking his vitals, laying her hands on his forehead, and his arms. Finally, she spoke. “He’s going to be fine,” she said. “He just needs a bit of rest. Celestia wasn’t aiming to kill. However…”

The trolls all fell silent as they remembered the disastrous series of events that had landed them in this situation. “:33< Was… was Vantas really trying to attack Twilight?” Leijon asked.

“No. He wa2n’t,” Captor spoke up. “Ju2t before he attacked her, II 2en2ed a 2piike of p2ychiic actiiviity. II think Chry2alii2 maniipulated hiim.”
“But- )(ow did s)(e do it?” Peixes asked.

“Trolls 4r3 4n 1ns3ct1l3 r4c3,” Pyrope offered. “S331ng 4s Chrys4l1s w4s 4bl3 to control th3 Ch4ng3l1ngs- 4lso 4n 1ns3ct1l3 r4c3- m4yb3 sh3 h4s som3 sort of 1nflu3nc3 on us.”

Another bit of silence followed, before Leijon spoke up again. “:33< So… what do we do now?”

“Alright. With Vantas out of commission, looks like I’m stepping up,” Serket announced. “As for what we do- simple! We lay low for a while, keep quiet until we find an opportunity to prove Celestia wrong.”

“1 second that plan,” Nitram said. “Celest1a st1ll th1nks that we’re a threat. 8ut 81g 1sasters are a d1me a dozen 1n Equestr1a. The next t1me someth1ng 8ad happens, we’ll just 1ntervene and redeem ourselves.”

The rest of the trolls either nodded in agreement, or, like Pyrope and Ampora, simply remained silent. Jason chose this time to speak up.

“Hey, Zed and I ought to start heading back,” he announced. “Time works weirdly between worlds. I’ve stayed here maybe half a day. A week could’ve passed back home, or a minute. In any case, I don’t wanna risk missing something important back home.” He put a hand behind his head, a bit guilty. “I really hate to leave you all like this, but…”

“It’s not a pro8lem,” Serket said. “We can do this ourselves.”

“OK,” Jason replied. “But if you ever need some help, give me a call.” Several moments later, a large green portal had opened up in the lab. Jason strode towards it, before he froze, and glanced back at the trolls. “Hey. Thanks for calling me over. It was a good fight. And thanks for the troll scan.” Without another word, he turned and disappeared into the portal, leaving the lab silent in his wake.

Vantas stirred, before slowly he sat up. Opening his eyes, he glanced around. “What the fuck just happened?”

“…Stallion and Mare! You may now kiss the bride.” The occupants crowded into the Canterlot Palace Hall rose to their feet in cheer as Cadence and Shining Armor kissed with a passion that comes only from almost losing the one you love. Celestia gave a warm smile as Shining’s parents gave whoops of celebration and the Elements of Harmony joined in. And in the back of the hall, Vinyl Scratch leaned against the wall, smiling to herself.

“Vinyl!” The unicorn turned to see Octavia trotting up to her. “There you are. How was I?”

“Excellent as always, Octavia,” Vinyl replied. “You and the quartet were magnificent.”

“Thank you,” Octavia said. “Err- You probably ought to head up to your booth now, right? The after party will start soon.” Vinyl nodded in response. “Great. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there are a couple hor d’oeurvs I’m anxious to try.” Octavia almost galloped off in the direction of the buffet, Vinyl turned and left the hall.

Her booth sat out in the Palace Ballroom. She took a step up into her booth, and felt the familiar touch of her turntables and speakers. She gave a smile. For just a second, her glasses slid down her muzzle, revealing the bare, shiny white surface beneath. And as the first guests began pouring into the party room, her hooves touched her turn table and the records crackled with the slightest bit of green energy.

End of Act 4

Author's Note

Crossing over with Shagohad's the Equestrian Edda.
(Well. Jason at any rate.)

And also, Vinyl Scratch. How could we resist?

Intermission Three - This Time, Really, Something Completely Different!

“...”

“OK then. Err- Captor. Who’s gonna go next?”

“II dunno. Uh… doe2 anyone want two go?”

“...”

“D --> I suppose I will speak ne%t.”
“Oh. Uh… OK, Zahhak.”

Begin Interlude Three

Enter Name.
Oh no, not again...

Enter Name.
Siiigh...

Enter Name.
Your name is BORIS MIKHAILOVICH ANDREYEV. You’re myriad of life experiences have lead you to believe that you are RUSSIAN. This is a good thing, you guess. And while you do some BODYBUILDING from time to time, and you’ve noted that you are an EXCELLENT LIAR, your TRUE PASSION lies with HORSES. Despite being just TWENTY, you have dominated several EQUESTRIAN COMPETITIONS. You simply UNDERSTAND them so well.

You also find yourself quite enamored with a certain WEBCOMIC, written and drawn by another lover of horses: HOMESTUCK. Even a lad as gruff and serious as you has to admit a fondness for this silly yet suspenseful and epic comic. You’re so enamored, in fact, that you’ve agreed to join some FRIENDS, some FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, and maybe even a couple FRIENDS OF FRIENDS OF FRIENDS in a massive coordinated cosplay at a local GEEKPARTY. For this event, you’ve chosen to portray the role of EQUIUS ZAHHAK, the musclebound, robot-fighting blueblood with an affinity for high art. The part just fits so well…

Unfortunately, this excursion comes at the price of being “lead,” by Alexandr Zarevich, a man you sort of just don’t really like. He is, in a word, annoying. In several words, he’s a small child standing up in his high chair and pretending his bib is a tie, not that you know any small children who do that. He consistently makes rash decisions and relies on the council of his friends to advise against them, while simultaneously failing to acknowledge how imperative this advice is to his success. It gets grating. It’s not like he’s intolerable or anything, though the volume and orneriness of his diction can be difficult to ignore. No, you won’t let Zarevich ruin your fun.

Boris: Get dressed

You turn away from your odd mental rant concerning Zarevich- you don’t usually have those, you swear- and instead turn towards your bed, upon which contains your Equius cosplay: The GRAY SHORTS, the CRACKED SHADES, the MATCHING BLACK CLEATS AND KNEESOCKS, the SAGITTARIUS SHIRT, and the BROKEN-HORNED HEADBAND. Wearing this outfit just FEELS RIGHT for some reason you don’t think anyone short of a ninety-year-old philosopher could comprehend. Ah well… it’s a great feeling regardless.

You know you’re ready for this night. Now it’s time to make sure that your friends are as well.

Boris: Check up on friend

Turning to your SERVICEABLE PC, you open the AMAZING TRIBUTE TO HOMESTUCK that is the PESTERCHUM APP, and contact your friend.

======>

Show Pesterlog
borisAndreyev [BA] began pestering catherineDelaine [CD] at 15:20

BA: Good afternoon, Catherine.
CD: Oh! Hi Boris!
CD: What’s up?
BA: I’m sure you’re aware that this geekparty we’ve all been planning to attend is this afternoon. Are you ready?
CD: What sort of question is that? Of course I’m ready.
CD: I’ve been planning this out forever! My costume will be perfect!
BA: Hehe. I’m glad to hear that, Catherine.
CD: And what about you.
CD: Are you ready for the party?
BA: Yes, Catherine, I am ready.
BA: Despite the odds that Zarevich would drag us all down with him.
CD: Aw, come on, Boris. Alexandr’s a nice guy, and he’s done a lot to get us ready for this thing.
CD: I, for one, am looking forward to meeting him for the first time tonight!
BA: Ah, yes.
BA: Your curious infatuation.
CD: I’m not infatuated with him! I just think he’s an earnest guy!
BA: Ugh. Catherine, would it be possible we could move away from the topic of Zarevich. You know I’m not a fan of the guy.
CD: Yeah, yeah, you’re right.
CD: So, what’re you planning to do at the geekparty tonight?
BA: Um… party? Be a geek? Probably buy some useless memorabilia that I don’t need?
BA: Is that not what one usually does at this sort of event?
CD: Well, yeah but you’re going in cosplay right?
CD: So when you go to something like this in cosplay, sometimes you make a plan about what specific character-esque things you’re going to do.
CD: For example, I’m going to narrate the whole thing like I’m roleplaying.
CD: And if I see a mouse or a fish-themed character, I’m going to pounce on them.
CD: How about you?
BA: Uh…
BA: I will awkwardly hit on any characters in MLP cosplay.
BA: And if I meet a Strider, I will engage him in awkward rap battle.
CD: What no!
CD: Boris, I get that you are kind of new to the whole cosplaying thing.
CD: But when your character comes with this much baggage, you probably want to maybe not act fully in character all the time.
BA: Hmm…
BA: I suppose I should at least bring a towel.
CD: Yep.
CD: Probably several.
CD: Anyways, I sort of need to get ready to go now.
BA: Yes. I’ll see you later, I suppose.
BA: At the geekparty. We’ll meet with the others at… um.
CD: What? What’s the problem?
BA: ...By any chance, did Zarevich ever send you an email about meeting places? Because he sure didn’t send one to me.
CD: ...No, he didn’t send me one either.
BA: That fool… you know, I’m barely even surprised.
CD: Hey, look. Maybe he just forgot till now and he’s got a new memo about it or something.
CD: I’ll check.
BA: Oh wonderful. A Zarevich memo.
BA: Those always work out so splendidly.
CD: Hey, there is a new memo!
CD: Take a look!
BA: I will.
borisAndreyev [BA] ceased pestering catherineDelaine [CD] at 15:28

Boris: Check board
You open up the new memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT, and to your surprise, it seems it was not Alexandr who started this, but Sherlock. That one should really know better by now. Ah well. Time to give this whole group a piece of your mind.

Boris: Respond to memo

Show Pesterlog

CURRENT sherlockHolmström [CSH] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT.

======>
Huh. Well, you guess he’s gone now.

======>

Show Pesterlog

CLW: Well, now look at what you’ve done, Boris.
CLW: How did this escalate so quickly?
CBA: I believe you’ll find your answer should you ask the woman whose important contribution was to question my grammar.
CAR: Surely you couldn’t be referring to me. All I’ve done is try to police your clumsy, insulting mouth. Is this such a crime?
CBA: May we make a note here that she’s been deliberately trying to get on my case?
CBA: May this be submitted to the court under the official tab for evidence?
CLW: Boris, shut the hell up.
CBA: I will do no such thing, and you have no right to command me to do such.
CBA: I will continue to speak my mind and you will have to deal with it.
CLW: Ugh. Where’s Catherine when you need her?
CURRENT catherineDelaine [CCD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CCD: I’m right here, and I have to say Boris, I expected more of you.
CCD: I mean, come on! You’re basically throwing a temper tantrum in here!
CCD: Even without Zarevich this memo is sinking into insanity, so maybe you should think about what that means.
CBA: Catherine.
CCD: Look at yourself, Boris. You’re just sitting there saying bad about Zarevich, and then you go on a memo and raise up a stink just like he would.
CCD: You can be such a hypocrite sometimes.
CBA: Catherine.
CCD: I swear, we are going to have a LONG TALK about this when I see you at the GEEKPARY.
CBA: Catherine, could be maybe talk about this later? Perhaps in a place that isn’t so… public.
CLW: Hey, don’t mind me.
CAR: Me neither. I’m just enjoying the show.
CBA: Grr…
CCD: Alright, that’s it.
CCD: We are going to have a VERY LONG TALK!
CCD banned CBA from responding to memo
CCD: I’m sorry about that.
CCD ceased responding to memo

======>
Oh, you are so in the doghouse.

Boris: Go to the Geekparty
You go to the Geekparty. As Sherlock said, there are some benches near the front, under which several of your friends have gathered. You attempt to discreetly slide onto a bench. It must’ve worked, because no one acknowledges you. At least you hope that’s why no one acknowledges you.

Someone taps you on the back. You turn to see a girl dressed as Nepeta. Oh no.

Nepeta: Give VERY LONG TALK
Show Dialoglog

Nepeta: Boris.
Boris: No.
Nepeta: Boris, we need to talk.
Boris: No.
Nepeta: Boris, this is the third time this week. These are supposed to be your friends. You can’t keep insulting them like this.
Boris: No. Look, Zarevich isn’t even here!
Nepeta: Boris, you’re not going to convince me. Listen, I’m not going to give a long talk. Just… I want you to think about your friends and how you’ve been treating them. Think very very hard.
Boris: ... Fine. I’ll do that.
Nepeta: Good. Now then…
Boris: So, um… where’s your tail?
Nepeta: Shut up!

Sherlock: Say stuff.
Shelock launches into what you suppose is his attempt to give an authoritative speech. It doesn’t work all that well, seeing as he keeps being interrupted. You don’t pay too much attention.

Nepeta: Enter shipping mode

Show Dialoglog

Nepeta: Boris. I feel a ship coming on.
Boris: What?
Nepeta: I said, I feel-
Boris: I heard what you said, it’s just… what?
Nepeta: You see Vriska and Tavros. They’re gonna get together.
Boris: Are you saying that only because you ship the actual Vriska and Tavros?
Nepeta: No. Can’t you see it? I tell you, the next time you see them, they’re going to be locking lips.
Boris: I doubt that to be the case.
Nepeta: Doubt my ships, do you? Very well. I bet you ten bucks that they’re going to be kissing next time you see them together.
Boris: Deal.

Boris: Make a deal with the cat devil.
As you shake hands with Nepeta, you can’t help but feel an odd foreboding feeling. You immediately make a mental note to keep at least ten bucks in reserve.

Boris: Note Alexandr’s arrival.

Open Dialoglog

Boris: Oh, whadya know. There’s Zarevich
Nepeta: Hey, you’re right! Aww, he makes such a wonderful Karkat!
Boris: I will note that he has the livid, insufferable expression down pat.
Nepeta: I think I will go up and say hello.
Boris: … Go ahead. I’m staying here though.
Nepeta: Oh fine, be that way.
Nepeta: AC creeps slowly through the tall grass, completely camouflaged as she approaches Karkitty’s leg.
*Honk*
Boris: Wait a minute. What was-
*Honk! Honk!*

======>
You glance in the direction of the honking, and spot a golf cart barreling towards your picnic bench. You glance at Nepeta, still crawling along the ground, unaware of the honks. You don’t hesitate any longer. You leap forwards, tackling Nepeta from behind. You quickly scoop her up, and flee the bench as you notice your friends doing the same. You’ve just reached a safe distance when the golf cart crashes into the picnic bench, shattering the flimsy wooden structure. You are inexpressibly glad that you weren’t caught in that. That looks like it would hurt.

Nepeta tugs on your shoulder. You come to your senses and set her down.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Boris: Sorry.
Boris: Are you OK?
Nepeta: Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for saving me, though.
Nepeta: Don’t really know what I would’ve done without you there.
Boris: Err- no problem?
Boris: I’m glad you’re OK.
Nepeta: But seriously, thank you a lot for saving me.
Nepeta: Oh jeez, I… I could’ve just died.
Nepeta: Oh god, thank you Boris.
Bystander #1: Hey what’s happening over here?
Boris: Um… excuse me, sir, but I need my personal space.
Bystander #2: Oh god, what happened?
Bystander #3: Is anybody hurt?
Nepeta: Hey, buddy. Watch it!
Bystander #4: I’m calling the police.
Bystander #5: I’m taking a picture.
Bystander #6: Will this be on the news?
Bystander #7: What’s up with the driver? Was he drunk or something?
Nepeta: Boris!
Boris: Catherine!

======>
It’s no use. So many bystanders. So many bodies crowding the scene. You lose sight of Nepeta, and then she’s completely gone.

You’ve got to find her. Who knows what could happen to her alone at a place like this. You raise yourself to your maximum height (which is actually quite tall) and glance around, searching for Nepeta.

You spot what might be Nepeta’s blue cat-hat, entering the convention hall. What’s she doing in there? No matter: you follow her in.

The hall is crowded with people, shifting between booths, chatting things up with each other. You can’t see Nepeta. You wonder if she even came in here in the first place.

Perhaps you should ask for help.

Boris: Ask for help
The merchant over there has a booth in just the right spot that anyone who came in would be seen by him. He’s the one to ask.

You amble up to the merchant, trying to hide your desperateness. The merchant says hello, and asks if you want to buy something. You tell him that you’re not here for business, and that you’re looking for a girl dressed in a Nepeta costume. He says sorry but he hasn’ seen any girls in a Nepeta costume yet. Couple guys, but that’s all. You curse.

He says hey, maybe you should take a look at his wares regardless. He’s got a lot of stuff, maybe you’ll see something you like. You, however, can’t think of any bigger waste of time then to look through the merchant’s wares.

Boris: Look through merchant’s wares
He’s right. He does have a lot of stuff. Bunch of it looks pretty high quality too. You catch sight of a husktop, and a headset with the gemini symbol on it.

Suddenly, your eyes fall upon a strange item.

A broken bow? you ask. Really? Just… a broken bow? Why would you sell something like that? It can’t even be used as a regular bow. It’s just two broken pieces of wood attached by a string, what’s even the purpose of that?

The merchant tells you that some people really get into their cosplay. You say oh. You ask how much for the useless bow.

Boris: Get transported to Equestria.
The sudden change of scenery leaves you shocked. You glance at the starred black sky, then at the broken bow in your hand, then at the familiar laboratorial environment, and you realize exactly where you are. You’re not quite sure how it’s possible, but you have entered the meteor lab- or at least, a place that looks exactly like it. A planet looms off in the distance of space, a blue marble of unfamiliar continents- is this Equestria? The white surface of the land outside of the lab… is this Equestria’s moon?

As you attempt to wrap your mind around exactly what has just occured, a thought occurs to you. Why is your hand grey?

Boris: Be Zahhak.
Well. It would appear that you’ve been transported to Equestria and simultaneously transformed into Equius Zahhak. You’re freaking the fuck out about this. But you’re freaking the fuck out on the inside. For whatever reason, it just feels more natural.

Hmm… you still haven’t located Catherine. Could she also have been transported here? No… the merchant said he hadn’t seen her yet. You decide that, given that, the most important thing to do would be to locate a way to the planet ahead of you. Perhaps you can find a way home there.

You spend several minutes pondering this particular situation before the answer occurs to you. You turn towards the transportalizer pad at the center of the lab. You enter it. Predictably, it takes you to the ring of other transportalizers, each marked by the signs of the other trolls. Does this mean that all twelve of your cosplay group will be sent here, eventually? If so, maybe you don’t have to get home- you simply have to wait for Catherine to appear. Interesting.

You step on your transportalizer pad.

Tirek: Enter story
Enter? You don’t know what the voice in your head means. You’ve always been here.

You are Tirek, young prince of the Voryvnyn, and you are pissed. Your father’s suspicions, your brother’s annoyance, your failure to absorb that unicorn’s magic. If your intentions to overthrow your father are to succeed, you’re going to need more power and more control. Perhaps even more allies... But firstly, you need to blow off steam. And for you, that usually means a good monologue.

Tirek: Be the villain

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: You’re right, father. One day I will overpower you. I will take this land for myself.
Tirek: And once that is done, I will journey to Equestria and do what the elder could not.
Tirek: One day…
Tirek: I will be an indomitable force!

Zahhak: Be yourself.
Recovering from an odd out-of-body experience (are those common for transportalizers?) you glance around the area to which you’ve been sent. It appears to be a balcony of some sort, jutting out from some larger castle structure. You turn around completely, and find yourself face to face with an odd sort of… centaur, you suppose. It appears to be a juvenile. It has a red and black color scheme and wears silver armor. It is also looking at you with what must be an expression of shock and confusion similar to your own.

Awkward conversation: Happen

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Who… who’re you?
Zahhak: D --> Err- I am… Zahhak.
Tirek: Zahhak? What sort of name is that?
Zahhak: D --> It is a proud name of noble b100d and widely respected through all circles of high Alternian society.
Zahhak: D --> Though… I suppose that doesn’t matter much here.
Tirek: High Alternian society? Are you a foreign? How did you end up here?
Zahhak: D --> There was an incident involving an e%cess amount of magic.
Zahhak: D --> I wouldn’t be surprised if my last location was completely destroyed by it.
Zahhak: D --> For me, it appears I was simply teleported.

Tirek: Buy the lie
Hmph. This weak-minded f001 doesn’t even question your lie. You are a genius!

======>

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Hmm. Makes sense, I suppose. Magic is a finicky force. I am a prodigy in the art and I still find myself faced with tasks I can’t seem to surmount.
Tirek: I assume you were at the exact focal point of the spell?
Zahhak: D --> Yes, that’s correct.
Zahhak: D --> I might want to inform you that I also go by another title. The E%ecutioner.
Tirek: The Executioner?
Zahhak: D --> No, The E%ecutioner. It’s a very specific pronunciation.
Tirek: Hmm. I won’t pretend to understand your foreign tongue, but I must inquire- why would you take on such a formidable title?
Zahhak: D --> That would of course be because I am a being of equal, if not greater formidability.
Tirek: …
Tirek: Interesting. So soon?
Zahhak: Hmm?
Tirek: Nothing. Simply that a day of which I have long dreamed may arrive much sooner than I anticipated.
Tirek: But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Do you know where you are?
Zahhak: … No. Also, I have never seen any of your species, or this area.
Tirek: You really are displaced, aren’t you.
Tirek: No matter. I shall introduce you to my mother. I’m sure the queen will have something to say.
Zahhak: Your mother? The queen?
Tirek: Ah yes. I suppose I have some explaining to do as well, don’t I.
Tirek: I am Prince Tirek of the Kingdom of Voryvnyn, Heir to the Royal Throne and Prodigal Mage, and I am delighted to meet you.

Timeskip: Happen
It turns out Tirek’s mother did indeed want to meet with you.

Being a dignitary from an unknown land, whose name you seem to have forgotten due to a curious spell of magical backlash-induced amnesia, the queen quickly accepts you as an honored guest, free to stay at the palace. She’s such a nice person. Her husband, the king, seems a bit more annoyed by your presence following his return from his diplomatic mission, but he plays along regardless. He offers to help you find and then return to your home, but all the maps he brings are completely unfamiliar, and the only records of your species he can find exist as vague Equestrian legends. Curious, but nonetheless pointless.

In the end, you become something akin to an adoptive brother to the family, working to complete the power dynamic present in the two brothers’ previous relationship. You calm Tirek during his more emotional moments, while simultaneously bolstering Scorpan whenever possible, working to build his self-confidence. It’s a tiring job, and not one that feels too rewarding. It’s hard being an auspistice. It’s hard and no one understands. You’re also probably not very good at it.

But in the end, you are Tirek’s brother- apparently a younger brother, at that. And even if he is a bit brash, he’s been planning this scheme for years and years now to the point where you suspect it was hatched the day you first arrived in this castle. This is why, of course, you are going to help Tirek kill his father.

What!? Since when was that in the cards!?
Um… since always.

Then why was something like this never mentioned before? And why are you OK with this?
You’re pretty sure that the whole “Usurp the throne” thing was mentioned before, and you’re going along with it because let’s just say that Tirek can be very convincing when he wants to.

So, like, you’re going to help him carry out a long and well-planned plot to assassinate the king?
No, you mean you’re going to kill him RIGHT NOW.

You leap over a blast of orange as King Vorak blasts you with all the magic he can muster, as Queen Haydon watches in tears from the background. Tirek stands behind you, and just absorbs the blast like it’s nothing, to Vorak’s shock. Tirek blasts his father with a magical bolt of his own, and the centaur is flung across the throne room, crashing into the ground. You charge towards the fallen king. You prepare to unleash a powerful uppercut to your former ruler. Something stops you- perhaps a residual thread of loyalty to him. He always seemed to like you…

He doesn’t like you now, it seems, as he swings his legs at you, knocking you away as he gets to his hooves.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Zahhak, focus! You call yourself the E%ecutioner, so live up to the title!
King Vorak: Zahhak, relent! I can see that there’s still reason within you! Listen to it! Killing me leads only down the path of ruin!
Zahhak: D --> …

======>

Tirek fires another blast of magic, this one aimed at the ceiling. The peak of the roof caves in, raining chunks of stonework down at you and your surrogate father. Vorak dodges out of the way, while for you, the rock simply shatters against your bulky, muscled frame. Vorak turns to you again, and gallops towards you. He raises his fist, preparing to deliver a powerful strike. You casually catch his fist in one hand, grab his body with the other, and turn to hurl him towards Tirek.

Tirek throws a punch just as his father approaches, and his fist connects with Vorak’s jaw. The king topples to the floor. Before he can return to his hooves, Tirek takes a step forwards, pinning Vorak to the ground with one of his legs. His mouth opens, and something bright and orange flows from Vorak, a writhing, pulsing energy. Tirek lets all the magic funnel into his gaping maw; as Vorak lies defeated on the floor, Tirek throws his torso back, releasing a scream of primal release as his form shifts and grows with the added energy. Tirek gains another two feet of height, his horns elongating, his muscles becoming all the denser. Tirek glances down at his father, the king’s pathetic, frail form moaning on the ground beneath him. He kicks him towards you, and gives a nod you know only too well.

King Vorak lies bleeding on the ground below you, covered in scratches and bruises from his fight with Tirek and you. His magic is gone and his strength has faded- now he only cries out weakly as you heft a chunk of stone above his head.

======>

Show Dialoglog

King Vorak: Zahhak… don’t do it.
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him.
King Vorak: Please… this is not the right decision. This isn’t the way
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him now!
Queen Haydon: Zahhak, no!
King Vorak: Please Zahhak… don’t listen to him. He’s manipulated you. He’s controlled you. Don’t be the monster he’s turned you into.
Tirek: Zahhak, kill him now or so help me I am going to make you wish you were in his place.
Zahhak: D --> … I’m sorry, my lord.

Zahhak: E%ecute
You bring the chunk of rock down. Behind the shades of your glasses your eyes are closed, but the wet splat resonates through your ears. And that’s it. You’ve killed a man.

Tirek let’s out a victorious cackle as Haydon releases a shrill cry of agony. All you can do is kneel there in silence.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Zahhak: D --> ...
Queen Haydon: *Sobbing loudly.*
Tirek: Mother, I don’t want to have to do to you what I did to father.
Tirek: There are a couple new rules to enstate, so long as I’m in charge. Respect them and you won’t be harmed. I still care about you.
Queen Haydon: *Sob…* Your father was right about you.
Tirek: Hold, mother. My first order was to be that father never be mentioned again.
Queen Haydon: He told me so many times… how was I so blind?
Tirek: Mother, I advise you to step away from this course of conversation while you still can. I won’t hesitate to treat you like any other under my rule.
Queen Haydon: And now I’ve lost him forever… may as well go out the way he would’ve wanted.

======>
Haydon shoots towards Tirek like a starving jackalope towards a perfect carrot, her face alight with malice, her teeth bared and snarling. She would’ve torn Tirek in two had she not found you obstructing her path. She bounces off you as a wall reflects a rubber ball, and slams painfully to the floor. You stride towards her, and seize her by the neck, lifting her into the air.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Zahhak: D --> I’m sorry, my lady.
Queen Haydon: D-do it. At l-least I can... see Vorak… again…

======>
A quick flex of your wrist and it’s over. You drop Haydon’s corpse to the ground as you turn back to Tirek, whose face bears an injured look.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Shame. I thought she loved me.
Zahhak: D --> She did. More than you can ever imagine. She just can’t love what you’ve become.
Tirek: Watch your language, Zahhak, or you’ll go the same way.
Zahhak: D --> …
Scorpan: Err- Tirek? Is it… done?

======>
The both of you turn to the doorway, and see Scorpan standing in the doorway of the throne room, trying not to look at his parents’ corpses. He holds a ring of keys in his hand.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Yes, Scorpan. As you can see, the deed is done.
Tirek: Are those the keys to the mines?
Scorpan: Yes. Yes they are.
Tirek: Good. Come, Zahhak. We’ve still got lots of work to do.

Zahhak: Be Sendak
Very well. You are now Sendak the Elder, and as your frail arms feebly attempt to swing a pickaxe against the rock below, your mind wanders, as it usually does, towards feelings of regret and disappointment. Were your kidnappings, your experiments with forbidden magic, and your dreams of power really worth it? Haven’t you just bought yourself endless years slaving away in these mines? How long has it been… six? Seven years? No, you’ve lost count... You tug uselessly on the manacles chaining you to your work, as you continue to struggle away in the dark, regretting all that you’ve ever done.

Suddenly, a rumbling pierces the caverns. You glance up, and scurry back as a scorching beam of sunlight pierces through a small hole in the roof of the caves. You back further away as the hole widens, and then as the roof crumbles slowly away. With a crash of rocks, a great hole in the ceiling appears, and peering through it is a face you never thought you’d see again, looking even more aged and powerful than the last time you saw it. All your feelings of regret fade away as his booming voice fills the room.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Tirek: Sendak! It’s been a while.

Sendak: Plan Invasion

Show Dialoglog

Sendak: Are you sure that you have complete control?
Tirek: Yes, Sendak. Every single facet of this country is mine and mine alone to control.
Sendak: Good, because chances are you’re going to need it. Equestria is defended by a strictly trained regiment of royal guards, as well as its leaders, the two Royal Princesses.
Sendak: Their Earth Ponies are strong enough to crush stone. Their Pegasi are fast enough to cause winds. Their Unicorns are powerful enough to defend entire cities all on their lonesome. The Alicorn Princesses combine the most powerful traits of all three.
Tirek: But they are vulnerable to our magic-absorbtion spell. All their mighty strength, speed, and power can be ours.
Sendak: Yes, but the spell takes time to use, Tirek. You’d need a significant distraction in order to hold any guards at bay long enough for you to prepare and fire the spell.
Sendak: Some general reconnaissance may also be appreciated. Remember, all of my information is years out of date. You’re probably more interested in current observations.
Tirek: Hmm… yes. And I know just who I’ll send.

Zahhak: Infiltrate
By order of the newly christened “Lord Tirek,” (you believe “King” simply didn’t sound impressive enough) you and Scorpan are to take a trip to Equestria, posing as formal dignitaries in order to assess its STRENGTHS and weaknesses. You’re not quite sold on the idea, but hey. New country, new people, new chance to search for Catherine. You’re still not quite sure what you’ll do when you do finally find her. Ah well, that’s a bridge you’ll cross later.

The bridge you’re crossing now is a sturdily-made drawbridge leading across a great chasm surrounding the Castle of the Royal Sisters. Interesting. This being the only way of making it across, were it destroyed its inhabitants would be trapped. Possible siege tactic… no, wait. Magic. Pegasi. So many factors to take into account.

Scorpan, who always had the better mannerisms of the two of you, introduces you at the door.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Guard #1: Halt. Who goes there?
Scorpan: You needn’t fear. We are merely dignitaries from the faraway country of Vorvynyn, paying a diplomatic visit.
Guard #2: Vorvynyn? The last time one of you visited this country, it was to return a unicorn one of your subjects had kidnapped.
Scorpan: I assure you, I’ve brought no captives with me, nor do I intend to take any. This is a peaceful visit. I am Scorpan, and this is Zahhak. We are diplomats and brothers to Lord Tirek of Vorvynyn.
Guard #1: Hmm… OK then. Well, carry on, I suppose.
Zahhak: *Accidentally bumps into Guard #2*
Zahhak: D --> Oh. E%cuse me, my good sir.
Guard #2: Oh, it’s no problem. Carry on.
Zahhak: D --> Hmm.

Zahhak: Diplomatize
It would appear Equestrian tradition dictates that any foreign dignitaries be greeted with a feast and extended offer to stay in the castle for the extent of their trip. Interesting… these ponies sure are trusting. You’re surprised it’s yet to bite them in the flank.

As you are content to feast in silence, you allow Scorpan to do most of the talking. He’s gifted with words, and easily coaxes information from the Royal Sisters’ pliant tongues. When he talks to them at all, that is. Scorpan seems more interested in the court wizard, a bearded unicorn by the name of Starswirl. The two talk quite a bit, about life and philosophy and the study of magic. It’s rather amusing to behold.

You spend a peaceful night in the castle. In the morning, Starswirl takes you and Scorpan on a tour of the neighboring villages. The ponies within seem peaceful, amiable, and generally content with mild work and friendly relations. After the meritocracy of Vorvynyn, where inhabitants need to work and work hard to carve their niche in life, seeing a country lax as this is… disturbing. How do they survive? How are these ponies so soft?

Scorpan, however, reacts to everything with delight and an almost childlike sense of wonder. Starswirl and him converse endlessly about numerous topics relating to the running and function of Equestria, particularly how the country as a whole survives doing so little work. You’d call him a brilliant spy if not for how taken he seems to be with some of the ponies’ ideas. You wonder what the ponies may be doing to his morale.

Your question is answered that evening, after dinner, when Scorpan confronts you in private.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Scorpan: Zahhak, we need to talk.
Zahhak: D --> …?
Scorpan: I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.
Zahhak: D --> Surely you don’t mean.
Scorpan: I know what you think of these ponies, Zahhak. I know you well enough to know what you’re thinking.
Scorpan: You think these ponies are weak and easily conquerable. You’re wondering how they operate in such an easygoing system, and how come they haven’t been conquered yet.
Scorpan: I admit to thinking much of the same, but I’ve come to a realization. No matter how it works, it works nonetheless. These new ideas could be revolutionary to Vorynyn: A new dawn of society. These ponies would make much better allies than subjects.
Scorpan: I’m going to tell this to Tirek. I’m going to convince him of this.
Zahhak: D --> Go.
Scorpan: What? Aren’t you going to say something about how I should stick to the mission, or respect my brother’s original wishes?
Zahhak: D --> No. Because, Scorpan, you don’t know my thoughts as well as you claim to.
Scorpan: Do you mean…?
Zahhak: D --> Yes. And when you do confront Tirek, don’t simply tell him about these ponies being good allies. Tell him your real feelings about them. Tell him about these friends. If he’s really your brother, he’ll listen.
Scorpan: O-ok, Zahhak.
Zahhak: D --> Hold. Just because you’re going to do this doesn’t mean you should do it stupidly.
Zahhak: D --> I hate to admit it, but chances are that Tirek will not respond positively to this whole proposition. Should he seem ready to take action against you, flee. Flee imediately.
Scorpan: I-I’ll do that. Thank you, brother. For everything. Without all you’ve done for me, I don’t think I would’ve even thought of something like this.
Zahhak: D --> I e%pect good things from you Scorpan. Good luck.

======>
Scorpan leaves. You sleep.

Zahhak: Wake
You’re woken from a dream of war and peace by a telepathic noise that you recognize to be Tirek, calling you to his hideout. Reluctantly, you slip invisibly from the castle, unnoticed by anything around.

You enter the cave that you know to be where Tirek plots to wait for his rise, preying on anything that passes. You enter, and find him weeping softly at its back. This is unusual…

Zahhak: Confront your brother

Zahhak: D --> Ah, it’s you, Tirek.
Zahhak: D --> Have you seen Scorpan about?
Zahhak: D --> Err- are you crying?
Tirek: heheh.
Tirek: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT.
Tirek: it’s Zahhak.
Tirek: HEH HEH.
Tirek: fuckin heh.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, you’re not well.
Zahhak: D --> What is the matter? Does it involve Scorpan?
Tirek: if that idiot and his weak mind
Tirek: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG
Tirek: then soon
Tirek: HE WILL BE RUNNING
Tirek: through my motherfucking fingers.
Zahhak: D --> This anger is sickening.
Zahhak: D --> I realize you must feel betrayed by his actions, but you’ll stop.
Tirek: you’ll
Tirek: KNEEL. }>:)
Zahhak: D --> You are not in your right mind, Tirek.
Zahhak: D --> You are the Lord of Voryvyn, not some dignitary with a shattered mind.
Zahhak: D --> Cease this tantrum at once.
Zahhak: D --> Uh.
Zahhak: D --> If you please, sir.
Tirek: i’ll show you what i motherfuckin got
Tirek: IF YOU’LL SHOW ME WHAT’S MOTHERFUCKIN YOURS.
Zahhak: D --> What?
Tirek: it was
Tirek: A MOTHERFUCKING
Tirek: joke.
Tirek: HEHEHEHAHAHAHEHEH!!!
Zahhak: D --> We really should talk.
Tirek: you really should kneel.
Zahhak: D --> What was that?
Tirek: I SAID
Tirek: kneel motherfucker.

======>
You kneel. Tirek grins, approaching you with a maddened smile.

======>
Tirek: NOW LISTEN UP, MOTHERFUCKER
Tirek: or we’re gonna do this
Tirek: THE FUCKING HARD WAY.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, this isn’t right.
Zahhak: D --> I get you’re taking your brother’s betrayal hard, but you have a powerful will.
Zahhak: D --> Are you really going to allow it to be broken so easily?
Tirek: are you really going to
Tirek: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP
Tirek: or will i have to
Tirek: MOTHERFUCKING SILENCE YOU MYSELF?
Zahhak: D --> …
Tirek: forget scorpan and forget the plan
Tirek: I’M GONNA TAKE WHAT’S MOTHERFUCKING MINE.
Tirek: meaning of course, equestria
Tirek: AND ALL OF IT’S MAGIC.
Tirek: and if I find scorpan
Tirek: HE’S GONNA FUCKING GET WHAT’S FUCKING HIS.
Zahhak: D --> My lord-
Tirek: zahhak
Tirek: SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP.
Celestia: I’d say the same, but perhaps a bit less lewdly.

Zahhak: Be surprised
You turn to see the royal sisters, Celestia and Luna, surrounded by the swirling Elements of Harmony. Accompanying them is the court wizard, Starswirl the Bearded, looking combat ready. Tirek turns to you.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Luna: It seems the information Scorpan revealed was correct. Remind us to reward him later.
Celestia: Later, sister. Lord Tirek, for intending crimes against Equestria, I hereby place you under arrest. Your charges and thus your sentence shall be made harsher the more you resist.
Tirek: well dont just stand there zahhak
Tirek: MOTHERFUCKING KILL THOSE BITCHES.
Celestia: I see it will be the hard way then.
Zahhak: D --> …
Tirek: zahhak
Tirek: KILL THEM.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, I don’t think-
Tirek: just
Tirek: KILL
Tirek: the bitches.
Zahhak: D --> Tirek, that’s not-
Tirek: IS IT SO HARD
Tirek: for you to understand
Tirek: A MOTHERFUCKING ORDER?
Tirek: kill
Tirek: THE MOTHERFUCKING
Tirek: princesses.
Zahhak: D --> I… ergh…
Tirek: DO IT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
Zahhak: D --> Errroaaaaaaagh!!!

Zahhak: KILL THEM.
Tirek is your brother and your superior. You will do as he says.

You dash towards the Princesses, raising your fists as you prepare to engage in strife.

Starswirl takes a step forwards and a lance of magic pierces you through the chest. You topple to the ground, clutching your center in agony. Through your narrowed eyes, you catch sight of a brilliant light, a rainbow of unmatched radiance blazing towards your brother. And then even this light fades away.

Zahhak: Be Starswirl.
You are now Starswirl. You turn away from the scene of Tirek being banished away, and instead examine the biped’s cadaver. His death is nothing short of a right shame. Even looking past how you hate using magic as a tool to kill, you’ve never seen a creature like him before, or not a living one at least. You wonder if you ever will again. So much that could’ve been learned… you met him with Scorpan, and while he wasn’t overly vocal, he seemed to possess a good heart. Even here, he seemed to be resisting Tirek’s orders. That he was forced to comply only works to highlight how brutal Tirek truly was, if this is how he treats his subordinates. Perhaps-

Wait.

Why is he glowing?

Zahhak: E%ceed
In a flash, a hue of purple engulfs the troll’s- your- body. Above it, the purple energy forms into a message: the curved lines of the Void symbol, and beneath it, the word “Just.” Slowly, you lift from the ground, levitating into the air.

A shockwave of dust and debris blow outwards around you, slamming into Starswirl and the Princesses. When they glance back up, they find your floating corpse resonating with a dark aura, while indigo spirographs pulse around you. The dark aura around you grows darker, before solidifying into a sphere of blackness, completely shrouding your body from view. A deep indigo Void symbol blinks into existence in front of the sphere. Slowly, it backs into the dark shroud, fading away out of view. Starswirl’s eyes widen in surprise as another shockwave of energy blasts through the cave. The dark sphere begins to thin, stretching upwards into a more oblong shape. It fluctuates several times, before with a flash of blue it disappears completely.

In it’s place, only you are left, hovering above the ground in garbs of deep, dark blue. A long hood stretches out behind you as your new wings flutter slightly in a passing breeze. You glance down at the ponies below you. Then, with a cry of rage, you dart towards them.

You ram into a wall of solid gold light, conjured by Celestia, as you beat against the barrier, you hear the ponies conversing inside.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Celestia: That’s got him. Though for how long, I don’t know.
Starswirl: Princess, you have to blast him with the Elements of Harmony. It’s the only way to stop him.
Luna: I’d do as you say, Starswirl, were it not for the Elements themselves. After a full rainbow attack like that, they need time to charge and prepare another blast.
Wall: *Crack!*
Celestia: Ugh! Err- a couple more hits like that and this whole wall shatters. There’s no way I can hold him off long enough to build up another Harmonic Beam.
Starswirl: Worry not, Princesses. I’ll handle this.
Wall: *Cr-Crack! Shatter!*
Luna: Starswirl! Be careful!
Starswirl: *Nods.* Oh. I will.

Zahhak: Strife
You finally burst through the golden wall. You zoom towards the princesses, only to find Starswirl fire a bolt of magic into your face. The attack sends you spiralling backwards, but has no visibly harmful effect, much to Starswirl’s surprise. He quickly fires another bolt, but you fade away, and the magic slices through empty air. Starswirl glances back and forth, but doesn’t notice as you re-emerge behind him. He notices, however, when you deliver a powerful punch.

Starswirl flies across the cavern, slamming into the back wall. In a flash, you fade into existence in front of him, before delivering a sturdy uppercut to the recovering unicorn, blasting Starswirl into the air. You shoot up after him, catching him as gravity attempts to return him to the earth. You fling him towards another wall. As you touch gently to the ground, he slams into the rock at high velocity, crushing stone behind him and leaving an indent in the cavern stone. Amazingly, the old goat still struggles to his hooves. Seizing several large rocks in his telekinetic grip, her hurls the stones at you. The rocks simply shatter against you, exploding into dust and gravel as they hit you. Starswirl, shocked at your durability, gathers a large bundle of magic into the tip of his horn, before releasing a huge beam of magic. You cross your arms in front of you, and let the magic hit. Your guard effectively blocks the attack, and taking measured steps, you inch your way closer to the unicorn as he struggles to maintain the powerful attack.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Luna: Starswirl! We’re charged-get out of the way!

======>
Starswirl flashes a grin, before in a flash, he teleports away. You glance towards the princesses, only to find them levitating above the ground, each of the Elements of Harmony glowing with them. A wave of tingling static passes through the air- then, the princesses release an enormous rainbow of light, a beam that arcs towards you, swirling around you with a shine like a newborn star. You notice that you can no longer feel your toes; you glance down, and spot stone crawling up your legs. You can only attempt to struggle as the petrification climbs up your body, past your chest, spreading down your arms and inching up your neck. Your vision goes dark- seconds later, so does everything else.

End Intermission Three

Author's Note

So sorry this one was a little late; Real Life happened.

Act 5 Chapter 1

Begin Act Five

Chapter One

The doors to Celestia’s Throne Room slammed open. As the occupants as one whirled around to look at the intruder, the breathless guard took a moment to compose himself. “Your Highness!” he panted. “It has returned. The Crystal Empire is back!”

Naturally, the soon-to-be-scandalized guard took a moment to witness the rare sight of his Princess swearing her lips off. Oooh, that’s an amusing image.

“Discord....”

What? Oh. Right. Back to the... wait, no. Scene break!

Not everypony gets accepted into Princess Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns. It takes a brilliant, observant, and above all studious mind to perform such a feat. Even rarer are the cases in which Celestia takes on a student personally. Doing so requires a unicorn a cut above the rest. A personal student must be in constant calculation, observing everything around them and cross-referencing it with their presumably vast store of knowledge. A personal student must always be questioning, always checking for inconsistencies. A personal student must think.

Twilight Sparkle was thinking. Again and again her thoughts wandered towards the changeling invasion. She recalled fighting side-by-side with the Trolls, and she frowned when her memories pointed towards their leader's sudden betrayal. Something about the incident simply didn’t sit right with her, and it wasn’t the betrayal in itself. No, there was definitely something fishy occurring behind the scenes. She recalled how he had acted before attacking her. He'd grabbed his head, and then exhibited stilted behavior. She wasn't entirely certain it was a change of mind. Rather, it had felt like...

"Mind control."

"Sorry?"

Twilight shook herself out of her thoughts and looked straight into Rarity's concerned face.

"What's this about mind control, Darling?"

Twilight sighed. "I think I know why the trolls turned on us."

Rarity blinked. "You think they were... mind-controlled?"

Twilight nodded. "I do. Why else would they decimate the Changelings' forces, only to work with them a moment later? And if it was a clever ruse, then why sacrifice so much of their forces? It just doesn't make sense."

“I… suppose you’re right, darling,” Rarity replied. “Odd though… you make it sound so obvious, and yet I never bothered to think of it myself. It was just so easy to accept what Princess Celestia said.”

“I know,” Twilight said. “I never would’ve questioned something like this under different circumstances, but now… Well, it’s just too suspicious a situation for me to just accept that the trolls are evil just because Princess Celestia says they are.”

“I understand what you mean,” Rarity said. “Celestia is a professional. She’s so much older and wiser than us that it seems ridiculous that she could make such a mistake as misjudging the trolls. I wonder if we should confront her about this, offer up this theory?”

“No.” Both Rarity and Twilight’s heads spun towards the doorway, and they were shocked to see Fluttershy staring back at them. She winced at their sudden attention. “Sorry, I just sort of came by and heard you talking about the trolls.”

“How long were you listening?” Twilight asked.

“Since… about the beginning,” Fluttershy replied. “Sorry, it’s just… you didn’t look like you wanted to be interrupted. But so long as I am, uh… the Princess is waiting for us. The rest are already there.”

“Oh. Um- OK then,” Twilight said, getting to her hooves. “I guess I’ll head over now.” The librarian trotted out of the room, followed closely by Rarity and Fluttershy.

“So, Fluttershy, dear,” Rarity started as they walked. “What was that you were saying about not bringing our… theory to Princess Celestia’s attention?”

“I didn’t mean that it would be bad,” Fluttershy explained. “Though I guess it might make her mad that we still doubt her. I meant more that it wouldn’t do any good.” At the sight of Rarity’s confused look, Fluttershy decided to elaborate. “It’s like this. Celestia’s kind of grasping at straws when it comes to making the trolls out to be bad guys. They’ve helped us out twice now, and even saved our lives. I know they’ve done bad things in the past, but they must’ve changed to be so kind now. Celestia obviously doesn’t want to believe this, probably because it so goes against her beliefs. I doubt something like a possible theory will sway her if she’s so set in stone already. We’d need solid, undeniable evidence of the trolls’ benign intentions, and… well… they aren’t exactly making that easy to come by.”

“I see where you’re coming from,” Rarity said. “Though I disagree. After all, it never hurts to try. But Fluttershy, you must’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

“Well- err- I’d really appreciate it if everypony could just just get along, I guess,” Fluttershy said. “I mean… that’s not a problem, right?”

“No, of course not,” Rarity responded. “Personally, I find all this fighting dreadful, and though I don’t mind being an extended tennant in this marvelous castle, I do so miss my Carousel Boutique. It may not be as fancy, but it has charm. And… Sweetie Belle. I hope she’s doing alright with my parents.”

“I miss my animals. I hope Spike doesn’t mind caring for them too much,” Fluttershy sighed. “I know he’ll do a good job, but it’s tough work.”

A single word escaped Twilight’s lips, soaked in emotion. “Spike…”

The enormous door to the great stained glass hall appeared at the end of the corridor, flanked on either side by too burly stallions. Rarity gave approving looks to both, which they discreetly returned. “I will not, however, get tired of that. Ever.”

“There y’all are,” Applejack called as the doors opened. “We’ve been lookin’ everywhere for y’ah. Where y’ah been?”

“Just, err, talking a little,” Twilight answered. The Element of Magic turned towards Princess Celestia. “Your majesty.”

“Ah, Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student.” Celestia rose from her throne, walking towards the group. “I have a mission for you. The Crystal Empire has returned.”

“The Crystal what?” Applejack asked. “I mean- sorry, Princess, I’ve never heard ‘a the Crystal Empire before.”

“That’s not an issue,” Celestia said. “In reality, very few ponies are even aware of its existence.” She walked over to a large crystal standing on a pedestal near her throne. With a touch of her horn, the crystal projected a holographic image of an expansive city of diamond, all built around a huge tower of crystal in the city’s center. “Put simply, the Crystal Empire is a city-state to the snowy north. It is the home of the crystal ponies, a subspecies of more common ponies with a glimmering crystal coat. The Empire itself has the unique property of acting like an emotional broadcast network across the entire land of Equestria. If the Empire is filled with hope and love, those things are reflected across all of Equestria. But if hatred and fear take hold…” Celestia’s horn lit with a bubbling black energy. Twilight’s eyes widened as Celestia gasped in pain, and managed to emit a beam of black energy, shrouding the holographic empire in darkness.

“Bad things,” Rainbow Dash said. Smacking her hooves together, she asked, “So. What’s the mission?”

“Your objective is two-fold,” Celestia said. “The Empire was ruled in the past by a vicious unicorn named King Sombra. He subjugated the entire city and its whole population, spreading darkness over all of Equestria. It was only with the interventions of my sister and I that he was reduced to shadow, and sealed away. However, he took with him the Crystal Empire itself, causing both to vanish into thin air, a thousand years ago. If the Empire has returned, then so has Sombra. The first part of your mission is to defend the Crystal Empire from the tyrant, with the aid of Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor, who are waiting for you there. Cadence has been projecting a shield spell to encircle the empire, but she cannot maintain it forever. In order to effectively defend the Empire and defeat Sombra, you must complete the second part of your mission: to find the Crystal Heart.”

“Princess, what’s the Crystal Heart?” Twilight asked.

“It’s the big shiny thing that’ll solve all the problems,” Pinkie whispered.

“The Crystal Heart is an artifact powered by the love and joy of the crystal ponies,” Celestia said, ignoring Pinkie. “With it, you can effectively expel Sombra from the Empire permanently. I don’t know exactly where it’s hidden, but chances are you’ll be able to find more details once there.”

“Aaaaaaaand got it,” Twilight said, making one final note on the clipboard she’d written all this down on. “Great. Here’s your clipboard back, Pinkie.” Twilight hoofed the board back to the eccentric baker, who stuffed it into her mane. Turning back to the princess, she gave a smile. “Don’t worry, Princess. Together, the six of us can stop any-”

“No. Not just the six of you,” Celestia interjected. “Twilight, I want you to listen to me, and listen closely. This is the most important mission you’ve ever undertaken. If the Crystal Empire falls, Equestria falls with it. Sombra himself could conquer the weakened kingdom, or the opportunistic Doomed Gods. Seeing as this is such a vital endeavour, I have elected to supply a squadron of guards, for additional security.” Celestia’s mane lit, and a door opened. Into the hall walked four ponies in Royal Guard armor: two earth ponies, a pegasus, and a unicorn. Celestia went down the line.

“May I introduce you to Private Bramble Scout,” Celestia said, gesturing to a grayish Earth Pony with green eyes.

The guard saluted, his eyes wide. “G’day, mares.”

“This is Private Cloud Cover,” Celestia pointed to the pegasus, whitish blue in color, with a darker mane.

The guard saluted, smiling slyly. “Pleasure doin’ business.”

“Here we have Private Rune Blaze,” Celestia pointed to the unicorn, who was a pale green, like a robin’s egg.

The guard saluted, though his smile betrayed a bit of nervousness. “Salutations, everypony.”

“And finally, Lieutenant Escutcheon,” Celestia gestured towards the last Earth Pony, a sturdy guard, rusty red in color.

The guard gave a well-practiced salute. “Epsilon Squad, reporting for duty ma’am,” he said.

“At ease, soldier,” Celestia replied. Turning back to the Elements, she said, “These four will accompany you throughout your journey. If you’re ever in a dangerous situation, they’ll have your back.”

“Oh. Um, OK,” Twilight said, looking a little uneasy. Celestia took note of this.

“Is something amiss, Twilight?” Celestia inquired.

“No, it’s just… well, in the past my friends and I have always been the only ones to participate in this sort of thing. I guess I’m just not used to having an escort.”

“Oh, calm down darling,” Rarity assured, giving Twilight a pat on the back. “I think it’s a marvelous idea. I personally feel much safer with professional accompaniment,” she grinned, flashing a look at the squad. Cloud Cover returned the look. Bramble Scout gave an earnest grin back, while Rune Blaze gave a meek grin and Escutcheon sighed.

“I have a train waiting for you outside,” Celestia announced. “Good luck everypony. I know you’ll succeed.”

Epsilon Squad lead the way from the castle, marching in practiced formation. The Elements trailed close behind. Applejack turned towards Twilight. “Hey, Twi- why didja seem so against the idea of a bit ‘a backup?” she asked.

“Well, it’s… it’s silly,” Twilight said. “It’s just, Princess Celestia always sent us out alone on these missions. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out why she didn’t send us backup. It was like she didn’t care if something really bad happened. But then I came to a realization: Princess Celestia trusts me. She thinks that no matter what happens out there, I can handle it. We can handle it. Now though… giving us this squad, I wonder if she’s somehow lost trust in me, and doesn’t think we can handle this by ourselves anymore.”

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Applejack argued. “It’s just this- Celestia cares about y’ah, Twilight. She wants y’ah to be safe, and wants to make sure you come out ‘a this in one piece. If she’s sent us this squad ‘a guards, it must mean that this mission is a lot more dangerous than any before. Like- we need extra help if we’re t’ah succeed.”

“Pssh. Can’t be that hard, can it?” Rainbow said as she floated by. “I mean, what’s so dangerous? Ask around, find some dusty old rock, and boom. Problem solved. Though I have to admit, it’ll be nice to have some backup. Not that I need it or anything.”

“Rainbow, I think Applejack’s right,” Twilight said. “And if it really is going to be that difficult, I better get thinking right away on how we’re gonna deal with all this.”

“I just hope the guards are an actual help,” Rainbow snarked. “I mean, I didn’t exactly see any of them stopping the changeling invasion.”

Escutcheon spun around. “All due respect, Ma’am, let me get one thing straight.” He spoke at a volume just above normal conversation level, and in a tone like a rip tide, a calm sea hiding a vicious, seething current underneath. “The Royal Guard fought tooth and nail during the changeling invasion, and we did everything we could to protect the citizens. You may be my charges, but I will not have you speak so lightly of such a tragedy. This used to be a five pony squad, and many brave stallions died that day.”

“I… sorry. Jeez,” Rainbow said.

“Rainbow, that was out of line,” Applejack scolded. “Way out of line.”

“OK, OK already!” Rainbow shouted. “I mean… I’m sorry. I-I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.”

“... Very well,” Escutcheon replied. He returned to the head of his squad, the rest of whom had up until now been giving Rainbow Dash angry looks. Rainbow glanced awkwardly back at her friends, before hanging her head in shame. As Fluttershy moved to console her friend, Twilight returned to her thoughts. The aftermath of the changeling invasion had been anything but uplifting. As they made their way from the palace and towards the train station, Twilight could see construction crews repairing damaged buildings and streets, public workers scrubbing green resin from the sidewalks, and the passing ponies looking like they’d just came through a war. For all intents and purposes, they had. And with this looming mission ahead of them, Twilight found herself feeling just a little depressed. She realized just how much she could use a picker-upper about now.

“Twilight!” The unicorn’s head flew towards the sound of the familiar voice, and the little friend peeking through the window of the resting train. A tear rolled free from her eye as the corners of her mouth curved away, stretching a loving smile across her face.

“Spike!”

Equestria stretched out like a schoolboy’s diorama on Captor’s computer screen. The entire country was squeezed into his view: the central mountains of Canterlot, the southern deserts, the cloudy jungles to the west and lush forests to the east, and the dark, stormy icelands to the north. Wait… something wasn’t right in the northern mountains. A patch of blue light stood out amidst the swirling clouds, a speck of color in an otherwise colorless landscape. Captor frowned and, his curiosity piqued, he zoomed in on the anomaly. His eyes widened as he turned away from the screen.

“Hey, everybody?” he called to the full room and all the trolls lounging around within it. “Thii2 ii2 probably iimportant.”

“What the fuck is that?” Vantas asked as he leaned in closer to the monitor, surrounded by his fellow trolls. “It’s like… France? Made of diamond? In an upside-down goldfish bowl?”

“Ooooooooh, place like that is pro8a8ly filled to the 8rim with treasures! What is it, though?” Serket voiced.

“Err- was that there 8efore?” Nitram asked.

“Beat2 me,” Captor said. “II don’t think so, though. II haven’t 2een anythiing liike that on any of my other check2 through Eque2triia. II only found iit whiile randomly 2earchiing through the whole place. Who know2 how long iit’2 been there.”

Vantas turned away from the screen for a second, and caught sight of Pyrope turning away as well. “Hey Pyrope. What’re you up to?” Vantas asked.

Pyrope didn’t answer. Instead, she turned and dashed towards the transportalizer. She leapt forwards and landed neatly on the pad, vanishing away.

“Pyrope, what the fuck?” Vantas screeched, chasing after her. He too disappeared on the transportalizer. Megido made to follow until Serket grabbed her shoulder.

“No. Let them go,” Serket advised.

“What’re y0u talking ab0ut?” Megido cried. “She just ran 0ff like s0me0ne had accused her 0f murder. Whatever’s wr0ng, we need t0 help!”

“No,” Serket said. “I think I just realized what that city is.” Jabbing a finger at the monitor, she said, “That’s the Crystal Empire. 8ig city 8uilt of crystal? Remem8er what Redglare said when we were all swapping stories? She’s got history there. Whatever issues she’s trying to work out there- that’s priv8. Her 8usiness; not ours.”

“I still d0n’t think-”

“Trust me,” Serket dismissed. “8esides- Vantas is there. He’ll keep her out of trou8le.”

“Hey, Chief,” Bramble Scout said to Escutcheon as the train rattled onwards through the dense forests. “You really tore into that Rainbow Dash. I get where you were coming from, but don’t you think that was maybe a little harsh?”

“Was it? I dunno,” Escutcheon replied. “I just… I’m tired of everypony looking at the Royal Guard as a joke. I’m tired of them saying that just because we didn’t expect the unexpected, we’re failures. They didn’t go through our training. They don’t know how many disasters the Guard has actually stopped. They don’t live with the responsibility of being the pony other ponies look to in a time of need. They’ve got no grounds on which to disrespect us.”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” Bramble Scout cheered. “I mean- who made sure the Emerald Spirit was safely delivered to Fillydelphia? Who stopped that thing that escaped the Deep Catacombs? Who patrols the streets in every city and catches thirty something changelings a day? We do, Chief!”

“Heh. That’s the spirit,” Escutcheon chuckled. “I see you don’t seem too worried about this new mission, eh Private?”

“Don’t worry, sir,” Rune Blaze interjected. “I assure you that he’s appropriately concerned over how this new mission will play out. In fact, he’s probably working carefully to balance the exact level of appropriate anticipation with a complementary sizing of bright-eyed enthusiasm.”

“Aww, you know me so well, Doc,” Bramble Scout grinned.

“Well, good to see the team getting together so well,” Escutcheon said. His expression became more serious, however, as he turned to Rune Blaze. “Alright, Private, I know that look. You’ve got something else on your mind, don’t you?”

“Err- well, sir, if you’ll excuse me from saying this,” Rune Blaze started, “I’m of the opinion we do owe the citizens a bit more. Sure, everypony was caught off guard by the changeling invasion, but we were still much more flat-hoofed than we should’ve been. Why didn’t we respond as we should’ve, with immediate reaction and force? How did we let so many changelings infiltrate the guard in the first place? Should we’ve done more?”

“Private, as much as I respect the questions- actually, I quite admire that you take your duty as a guard seriously enough to question when it’s not being fulfilled- thinking like that won’t do us any good in this case. It’s good to examine when we’ve failed and what went wrong, but I assure you that by now the higher ups have taken care of that. Our own questions aren’t going to add much- if anything, it’ll just decrease morale, and we wanna be alert for this mission.”

“If you say so, sir,” Rune Blaze said, perhaps not too convincingly. Escutcheon gave a warm smile.

“Hey, enough about the invasion, Doc,” Bramble Scout said. “How about those mares, eh? The legendary Elements of of Harmony and one of them thinks we can’t do a thing to help. Sad, eh?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Rune Blaze said. “Guess we oughta upgrade the PR.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad, though,” Bramble Scout continued. “We’ll show them why they should respect us. Besides, we already deal with Chatter enough as it is.”

“Is somepony talking about me?” Cloud Cover asked, entering the car through the rear door.

“Private,” Escutcheon said. “How’re the Elements?”

“They’re doing fine,” Cloud Cover replied. “The white and yellow ones are talking something about a fashion whatsit or other. The blue and orange ones are hoofwrestling- really going at it, too. Bet they could give even you a run for your bits, sir. The pink one’s talking to herself. I asked her friends about it, but they said it was becoming increasingly normal as of late.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

It means, Pinkie, that you really oughta watch what you say out loud. Anyways…

“And the purple one is catching up with her dragon friend. A real swell guy he is, that little lizard. Telling the purple one how he’d missed her so much, or wondering what he could do to help on the mission. I wish my brother was that helpful. I hope he gets some real recognition later.”

“You’re aware, Private, that there’s such a thing as too many details, right?” Escutcheon said.”

“Sure thing, sir,” Cloud Cover replied. “I just seem to notice a lot, sir, and you know sometimes I have a problem figuring out what’s relevant information or not. For all we know, the charges’ specific moods could be mission critical information.”

“I see. Well then, Private, what are the charges’ “specific moods?”

“Oh, it’s intense in there,” Cloud Cover said. “This one time I was flying by the mountain and found myself caught in a mountain gust. Blew me right into a cumulonimbus. I was lucky to make it out unscorched. Anyways, that’s how it feels in there. The mares are all acting calm and ready on the surface, but the air is charged like a thunder cloud. They’ve got all their little cogs and gears turning away, calculating and anticipating this mission, and wondering what’ll happen. I gets me wondering what’d happen if the charge builds up enough, and lightning strikes.”

“Well, we’ll find out soon enough,” Rune Blaze called out from by the window. He pointed towards the exterior of the train, drawing stares from the rest of the squad.

The sky was snowing.

The train squealed to a stop amidst a valley shrouded in swirling snow. The Royal Guards marched into the biting cold and immediately regretted bringing only their armor to wear. The Elements of Harmony followed, looking uncomfortable in such a hostile environment. Rarity gave a particularly vicious shiver.

“Ooh. It’s a good thing I packed warm clothing,” she said. “Oh Spike.”

The young dragon struggled out of the train, balancing a swaying pile of suitcases in his stubby arms. Rarity grinned. “Oh, it’s good to have you back,” she said as she lifted the top suitcase off the tower with her telekinesis. Opening the case, she retrieved a long, bright pink scarf. “There we go. Warm and fashionable,” she said as she donned the length of wool. “Thank you, Spike,” she said, giving Spike an affectionate head rub. Spike blushed a little, and grinned in return.

“Twilight!” a voice cut through the frigid air. The librarian in question turned eagerly to the sound of the voice.

“Shining Armor?” she called back. To her delight, a unicorn emerged from the storm. Removing his goggles and lowering his scarf, Shining Armor ran to greet his little sister. The two met, embracing as family were meant to.

“Captain Armor, sir,” Escutcheon addressed, saluting his commanding officer. “Epsilon Squad reporting for duty.”

“At ease, Lieutenant,” Shining replied. “I run the Crystal guard now- or whatever part of it I can piece together. In any case, I’m no longer your Captain.”

“All due respect sir,” Bramble Scout spoke up, “You will always be our Captain.”

“Heh. Loyal to a fault,” Shining grinned. Turning to the Elements, his expression became a bit more grim. “We should go. There are things out here we really don’t want to run into after dark.” With those words, he set back off into the raging blizzard, Epsilon Squad obediently following after. The Elements shared a concerned glance, before they too trotted off into the storm.

Or they would have, if a piercing screech didn’t suddenly fill the night air, like the alien wail of something in pain. Fluttershy gave a cry of fear. “That- that’s not what I think it is, is it?”

Shining’s eyes narrowed. “We have to get to the Crystal Empire, now!” He screamed. And then, the train exploded.

A huge shockwave and a blast of noise was sent rolling like thunder through the valley. Twilight turned and saw the remnants of a fireball fade away at the spot where the train had stood moments before. Already, black smoke poured from the machines twisted metal wreckage. Wait… no! As the smoke took shape, forming into a vague and imposing figure, Epsilon Squad assumed a battle formation, with Shining Armor in the lead. And as a pair of leering green eyes emerged from the smoggy presence, Twilight began glancing back towards the raging storm and wondering how fast that thing could run.

“Twilight, go! Now!” Shining ordered as he fired a blast of magic at the creature before him, and succeeded in little more than cutting through air.

“We can’t leave you to face that thing!” Twilight screamed back. The minute the words had left her lips, the smoke monster emitted a blast of black energy, laced with purple and green. The beam hit the ground just beyond Twilight and company, and a wall of enormous black crystals sprouted from the snow, effectively cutting off the Element’s paths.

“Private Rune Blaze!” Escutcheon called as his hoof found the shaft of his spear. “Get rid of those crystals! We need you to secure the Elements an escape route!”

“On it, sir,” Rune Blaze answered back, galloping towards the wall of crystal. Escutcheon watched him go for a couple seconds, before turning to Shining Armor.

“We brought you your old spear, sir,” he said, hoofing the former Captain a worn, but still wickedly sharp lance.

“Heh. Just like when I first got it,” Shining said with a hint of reminiscence. Glancing at the squad, and then at the creature of smoke, he smiled. “Let’s do this the old Guard way.”

“Stand back, please,” Rune Blaze suggested. The Elements complied, taking a few steps away as the unicorn stepped up to the black crystal barrier impeding their escape. The royal guard emitted a searing beam of light from his horn, and cut a complex series of lines into the rock, forming an aggressive-looking symbol. “Fire in the hole!” he called, dashing away. Moments later, the rune erupted with a blast of fire, blowing away the imposing stone. When the smoke cleared, a large gap was left in the crystal wall.

Rune Blaze’s head turned at the sound of Cloud Cover crying out in pain. He turned and saw his comrade ripped from the sky and slammed into the ground in an aura of purple and green. His eyes narrowed. “There’s your escape route,” he said. “Now I need to assist my team.” He dashed off towards the brawl, leaving the Elements alone.

“Twilight, go!” Shining Armor called as, unsteadily, he rose from the ground. Glancing away from the fight, he screamed, “Go straight through the hole in the wall, and don’t stop running. The Empire isn’t far now!” Seeing the tears in his sister’s eyes, he gave a quick, confident smile. And as he was engulfed in smoke and shadow, he was glad to see Twilight turn away and gallop off into the blizzard.

Twilight ran. With Spike hanging on for dear life on her back, Twilight ran for safety. She ran like she was near the finish line of a the Running of the Leaves. She ran like the Apple Family Cider was just put on sale. She ran like a voracious creature of shadows was chasing after her, intent on seeing her dead before it. And glancing to her sides, she saw her friends doing much of the same. Good. Over the horizon, she saw a flash of light, and as she ran closer, a dome of brilliant blue appeared, coming ever nearer. Twilight sprinted towards the great bubble, imagining she could feel the sting of shadows nipping at her hooves, until with a leap she passed through the threshold and landed inside the Empire’s grassy plains.

The first thing she noticed was the spike in temperature. Inside the shield bubble, it felt to Twilight that she’d stepped into a meadow in summer, though a meadow that happened to be rife with plenty of colorful crystal spikes jutting from the ground. The second thing she noticed was how tired she was. Twilight collapsed to the ground, panting, gasping for breath. The sound of ponies hitting the ground told her that many of her friends were doing the same. Glancing around her, Twilight spotted Fluttershy and Rarity sucking up air like dogs. Pinkie Pie was to her left, her tongue hanging out as she panted. Even Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed winded. And the little lump by her hooves was Spike, tired even though he’d hardly done any running. Poor guy.

And that was when Twilight noticed a third thing. Glancing back out into the swirling snow, Twilight felt a deep, piercing pang stab right through her gut.

Shining Armor was nowhere to be found.

Twilight’s head fell towards the ground, her eyes swimming with tears as her mind was kicked into overdrive, imagining the countless horrible, despicable things that could be happening to Shining at this very moment, and hating herself for imagining them. She had ran, deserted her brother to a terrible fate, and now he could already be dead.

A small hand patted against her side. “Twilight?”

“Spike, what do you want to say?” Twilight groaned. “I don’t think it’s gonna help, but I could use some support.”

“Huh, funny. So could that guy,” Spike said. Twilight turned and saw a white pony dashing away from the city, towards the edge of the shield bubble.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuugh!!!!!!” the pony screamed as he sprinted towards the group. Applejack stood up, and stopped the pony as he approached.

“Alright, now, what’s the problem, sugarcube?” she asked.

“It’s over. It’s all over. Please, let me by. Let me out of here!” the pony begged, pleading to Applejack with desperate eyes.

“Uh, bad idea buddy,” Rainbow Dash said. “We just outran King Sombra, and he wasn’t looking too happy.”

“Sombra? Sombra!? I’d gladly see Sombra! I’d throw myself in chains for another thousand years if it meant being farther away from her!” the pony shrieked.

“Her?” Twilight asked between deep breaths.

“Don’t you understand? It doesn’t matter now,” the pony screamed wildly. “We’ve already lost. Hehe! We’re all gonna hang. Hehehe! Resistance is futile! Ahehehehehe!!!”

“Sir, I need you to give me a straight answer!” Twilight yelled. The pony ceased his mad laughter, as he adopted an expression of pure, unadulterated terror.

“The L3g1sl4c3r4tor has returned. The gallows are open for business!”

End of Chapter One.

Author's Note

Welp, have A5C1 early.
We are a generous god, after all.

....mostly because the next one should go up at around next Tuesday-ish. Oh well.
(Feedback?)

Act 5 Chapter 2

Begin Chapter Two

Earlier...

*Whoosh!* Pyrope flashed into existence, and found herself standing on what should be the Crystal Heart's podium. Idly, she noted that it still hadn't been found; the podium was barren of both crystals and hearts. She frowned. Without the Heart, his Honorable Tyranny would have free reign over the returned Empire already. She wasn't ready, dammit!

She stepped down the pedestal and looked around. The city was enshrouded within a glowing shield. Redglare grinned. That should give her some more-

*Whoosh!* "Pyrope, what the fuck?"

She whirled around, and came face to face with a rather crabby individual. Vantas! He'd followed her. She clenched her fists. She’d rather not deal with this little shit right now. Despite Megido making everyone swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, she hadn’t revealed the whole story during the trolls’ little exposition session. They had no reason to hate her. They didn't know the atrocities she'd...

"Aaaaaaaauuuuuughhhh!!!"

Aaaand she'd been noticed.

The pony in question, his eyes bulging out at the sight of Pyrope, turned and galloped off down the crystal street, still screaming his lungs out. Pyrope sighed. She probably deserved that.

“The hell was that? Pyrope, where are we?!” Vantas demanded, putting a hand on the L3g1sl4c3r4tor’s shoulder. Pyrope quickly knocked the hand away.

“W3’r3 1n th3 Cryst4l 3mp1r3, d1psh1t,” Pyrope growled. She made to walk away, only for Vantas to grab her by the hand and pull her back.

“That’s not an explanation,” Vantas hissed. “We’re in the Crystal Empire. That place where you were basically a bloodthirsty lawyer and served a mad king?”

“H3y! H1s Honor4bl3 Tyr4nny w4s not cr4zy!” Pyrope objected, yanking her hand from Vantas’s clutch.

“Pssh. Yeah, right.” Vantas snarked. “Every fucking troll on the street knows that enslaving the masses to mine some shiny crystals and constructing excessively elaborate staircases is just standard faire for a ruler. All in a day’s work for who must truly be the sanest king to ever grace this pathetic ponyland.”

“4lr1ght, h3 w4s, p3rh4ps, 4 l1ttl3 unh1ng3d, but h3 w4s v3ry s3ns1t1v3 4bout 1t,” Pyrope proclaimed. “ 3rr- 1s, 1 m34n. Not w4s.” She stopped for a moment, before she laid her head in her hands. “Oh gog, 3v3n now h3's work1ng h1s w4y b4ck.”

“Working his way back?” Vantas asked.

“Oh sh1t,” Pyrope groaned. “1 d1dn’t s4y 4nyth1ng. G3t out of h3r3, V4nt4s. 1t’s for th3 b3st.” Before the Threshecutioner could reply, Redglare turned and was gone.

“What? Wait, Pyrope! What the fuck was that about!?” Vantas called. When Pyrope failed to respond, Vantas raced after her.

Pyrope’s nose caught the whiff of a black and grey blob following after her. Shit. Why was Vantas always getting into other troll’s problems? Why did he so desperately need to get into hers? She rounded a corner, and came upon a street full of crystal ponies. The empire’s citizens took one glance at her and broke into a hysteric panic. Ponies gave frenzied shrieks of terror, abandoning whatever they were doing to sprint as far away from Pyrope as they could possibly manage. Pyrope gave a sigh as the street was barren of all life within seconds. “Ugh. Typ1c4l.”

Panting for breath, Vantas made his way to Pyrope’s side. “R-Redglare,” he gasped. “W-Wait up. Wait… wait up. Ughwhaa.” *Crash.* Pyrope gave another sigh, and stretched out a hand to the fallen Threshecutioner. Vantas took her hand, and got to his feet. “Ugh. Thanks,” he muttered back. Taking a few moments to catch his breath, he quickly composed himself. “Alright. Working his way back? Do you mean that your former King is encroaching on the Empire even as we speak? Is that why you suddenly just scampered out of the lab to come here?”

Pyrope gave a sigh. “Y34h. Th4t’s 4bout r1ght.” She turned away. “Th1s 1sn’t how 1t w4s suppos3d to go. You w3r3n’t suppos3d to follow m3.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Vantas cried. “You’re obviously going through some harsh shit right now, why the fuck wouldn’t you want some support? I mean, maybe you just didn’t want me. I’m not really the best at this sort of-”

“Oh for th3 lov3 of j3gus, would you shut th3 h3ll up V4nt4s!?” Pyrope shrieked. “St1ck your j4bb3rhol3 1nto th3 lo4dg4p3r wh3r3 1t b3longs and l1st3n for onc3! 1 don’t w4nt h3lp! 1 don’t w4nt support. 1 w4nt to b3 l3ft 4lon3, b3c4us3 th1s 1s 4 pr1v4t3 1ssu3 4nd 1 c4n 4ssur3 you th4t you won’t b3 of 4ny h3lp wh4tso3v3r!”

“Err- jeez, Redglare. Calm down, won’t you?” Vantas stuttered. “Look, I’m sorry for getting into your private business or whatever the hell this is. I guess you’re right about me not understanding anything that’s going on right now.”

Pyrope’s expression softened. “H3h. 1’m b31ng unf41r, V4nt4s. Pssh. Som3 uphold3r of just1c3 1 turn3d out to b3. Just got b4ck hom3 4nd 1’v3 4lr34dy got pon13s runn1ng 4w4y 1n f34r of h4ng1ng.”

“Look Pyrope, maybe we should just- wait. Hanging?” Vantas froze, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. “You mean to tell me that all those ponies that just ran off were…”

“No po1nt try1ng to h1d3 4nyth1ng now, 1 gu3ss,” Pyrope sighed. “Y3s, 1f 1 h4d to gu3ss, 1'd s4y th4t th3y prob4bly s4w th4t on3 tr14l wh3r3 1 pros3cut3d th3 4ccus3d on 4 ch4rg3 of tr34son to th3 crown 4nd brought h3r 4 gu1lty v3rd1ct... 4long w1th 4ll s1x of th3 w1tn3ss3s, th3 l4wy3r d3f3nd1ng h3r, 4nd th3 3nt1r3 jury. 4nd th3n 1 c4rv3d th3 L1br4 symbol 1nto th3m 4s th3y hung.”

Vantas’s eyes went wide. “What the fuck, Pyrope.”

“Th1s 1s wh4t 1’m t4lk1ng 4bout, V4nt4s,” Pyrope said. “1 c4n’t h4v3 4nyon3 4round h3r3, you most of 4ll. 1… 1 don’t know wh4t 1 m1ght do.”

Vantas held up a hand, gesturing for Redglare to be silent. “Pyrope, I’ll be honest here,” Vantas said. “There is a shit ton of things I don’t understand right now. I have exactly zero clues as to what’s going on. My comprehension has sank below sea level, and is currently sitting precisely at a sum total of negative forty-three. And that’s as much as four tens and three ones, which is just terrible. But I know one thing for certain.” Vantas took a step forwards, and placed a hand on Pyrope’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“V4nt4s… you-”

“There they are!” The trolls’ heads spun to see a prismatic pegasus staring at them, looking very very pissed. Seconds later, the rest of the elements ran into the street, joining her.

“There the varmints are,” Applejack said, threateningly. “I knew when I heard that crystal pony screamin’ about some legislacerwhatever that you’d be here. And you!” She jabbed a hoof in Vantas’s direction. “The beatin’ yer about t’ah recieve is for betrayin’ us in Canterlot!”

The Troll had the grace to look offended. “What the fuck? What the actual fuck?! Do you incompetent blithering assholes have no fucking concept of mental coercion? Oh wait, of course you don’t. You probing fucksquatting buckets of steaming ass-shits never pay any fucking attention to anything but your goddamn glorious leader, do you? GAH!” He threw his hands up in a manner that would look silly were it not for Vantas’s face, which bore an expression that said: Fuck it. I am tired of these flighty broads and their snarky horseshit and I am going to tear the them fuck apart with my bare hands. My bare hands clutching a weapon, that is.

“That exact sentence?”

Yes, Pinkie, that exact sentence. It was a very specific look. You should know. You’re there right now.

“I have had fucking enough of your self-righteous attitude. Come on, Pyrope,” Vantas growled, drawing two of his colorful sickles. “Let’s fucking finish these ponies.”

The aforementioned troll, barely holding back giggles, turned on her heel and followed suit, drawing her stabbing cane. “You’r3 g3tt1ng mor3 4nd mor3 orn3ry by th3 s3cond, you know?”

Vantas snorted. “Course. I just might be a little pissed off right now.”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack took a step forwards, while their slower friends glanced at each other, wondering if they should do the same. The trolls each stepped up to meet the challenge, glaring at each other from across the square. Were this an animated webcomic, there’d probably be a scene where the camera zooms in on the combatant’s narrowed eyes, showing that they were furious and ready to settle their differences in the art of hand-to-hoof combat. However, this isn’t an animated webcomic. Do those even exist? I’d love to see one.

“Mr. Narrator, didn’t you say we should keep the fourth wall breaking to a minimum?”

Lesson One, my young storytelling padawan. Do as I say, not as I do.

“So basically you’re just being a hypocrite?”

Mmm… yep. Anyways: Strife!!!

With a cry of rage, Applejack charged forwards, galloping towards the traitorous trolls. With a shout of anger, Karkat dashed towards the charging pony, his gleaming in the crystal light. The two leapt towards each other, preparing to meet in a battle sure to be worthy of a legendary epic, to be composed in the future by some questing bard. Yes, I can picture it now.

♪Fair Applejack leapt with a furious sound
But both parties soon found their butts on the ground.
A blur of yellow knocked them both to the floor
And then it begged them not to fight anymore.♪

Karkat rubbed his head, trying to dissipate the pain that comes from being slammed onto the cold floor. He groaned, before glancing up at the yellow pegasus hovering between him and the farm pony lying across from him. She didn’t look very happy.

“Alright!” Fluttershy announced. “I have had it up to here with this! We are not going to fight again based on some flimsy emotion-driven shit. Allow me to say it again. WE ARE NOT GOING TO FIGHT AGAIN BASED ON SOME FLIMSY EMOTION DRIVEN SHIT!!! So you can both calm the hell down and clam the hell up!”

“Uh… Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“WHAT!?” Fluttershy screamed, giving Dash a look of pure, unleashed frustration.

“Err- no, I’m not trying to interrupt,” Dash sputtered. “It’s just that- well, there are children here.” The pegasus pointed towards Spike, who was currently having his ears covered by Twilight.”

Fluttershy’s expression of fury melted away, being replaced by one more fitting of her character. “Oh, um. Yes. Of course.” Her gaze shifted to Applejack. “I’m still not finished with you though, so how about we sort this out right here and now? Applejack, why do you want to fight Vantas?”

“Fluttershy, don’t turn yer back on him! He’s just gonna stab you through the back!”

“Oh fuck no I won’t! What kind of horrible person do you think I am? Have you asslicking shitfuckers seriously not been listening to a thing I’ve said?”

“You have your sickles raised and ready to attack!”

“Well, that’s because I need to be ready in case you decide to attack me. Is that really so hard for you to understa-”

“QUIET!” Fluttershy screamed. Both parties instantly became quiet.

“Applejack,” Fluttershy calmly explained, lacing her voice with a barely controlled anger. “Answer the question.”

“Ugh- fine then. I wanna fight that guy because he’s evil! He’s the leader of a bunch of evil trolls trying to take over Equestria and the last time we tried to team up with him he betrayed us!”

“I did not!” Vantas cried. “You seriously weren’t listening to a thing I said, were you?”

“V4nt4s, you’r3 not 3x4ctly 4t your most compr3h3nd4bl3 wh3n you’r3 p1ss3d off. You know th4t, r1ght?” Pyrope argued.

“Both of you, shut up now,” Fluttershy groaned. “Now, Vantas, let me ask you a simple question. Did you betray us during the Changeling Invasion?”

“You horseshit shitters are all fucking deaf aren’t you?” Vantas moaned. “Seeing as your brains don’t seem to be capable of comprehending something not repeated thrice over, I’ll explain it again. I. Was. Fucking. Mind-controlled!”

“Yes! I knew it!” Twilight cheered. She pumped her hoof in celebration, until she noticed the odd looks she was drawing. “What? I was right and I’m happy about it.”

“Moving along,” Fluttershy urged. “If Vantas didn’t actually betray us, then Applejack, you’ve got no reason to fight him, do you?”

“Assumin’ that he’s even bein’ honest,” Applejack started, “He’s still the leader of a group of pests tryin’ to take over Equestria!”

“Is that so?” Fluttershy asked. Turning to Vantas, she made an inquiry. “Are you really trying to take over Equestria?”

“Fuck yes!” Vantas screamed back. “You better fucking believe we’re gonna take over. When we’re done with the place you six are gonna be propping up our feet and feeding us grapes!”

“Alright, that’s it!” Applejack cried. She leapt forwards, taking the offensive, only for Fluttershy to appear in front of her again. With the blur of her hoof, Fluttershy smacked Applejack away.

“No! We’re not fighting!” Fluttershy shrieked. “We are peacefully sitting down and reaching an understanding whether you like it or not!”

“Geez,” Spike muttered. “Fluttershy’s really going at it, isn’t she?”

“A true champion of pulchritude indeed,” Rarity responded.

Turning back to Vantas, Fluttershy began speaking again. “Now, you say that you’re trying to take over Equestria, correct?”

“Oh my fucking god do I have to say everything twice around you ponies!?” Karkat screamed. “Yes, we’re fucking taking over. We’re sweeping you aside! We’re causing upheaval! Out with the old and in with the fucking new!”

“OK, well, if you seem so intent on taking over why do you keep showing up and saving us?” Fluttershy asked.

Vantas seemed ready to scream his reply, but stopped as he opened his mouth. He then closed it, and put a finger to his chin. Finally he just gave a shrug. “Shit happens,” he finally muttered.

“Mhmm. You sound quite convinced,” Fluttershy muttered. Addressing the group as a whole, she said. “Listen. I’m tired of all of this fighting nonsense. Can we all just agree to shut up and get along, even if it’s just for now?”

“But-” Vantas and Applejack both spoke up, simultaneously.

“I said shut up and get along!” Fluttershy roared, giving the two a furious scowl. Vantas and Applejack looked at each other. They looked at Fluttershy. They looked back at each other. Then they both looked away from each other as each extended their appropriate appendage and gave a firm shake, hand-to-hoof.

“There. We’re all friends now. It’s been made official,” Fluttershy said, speaking with a frustrated, and just sort of tired tone. “Can we just get back to whatever we were doing before now?”

“Well, uh…” Twilight said. “I think going to see Cadence would probably be a good idea.”

“Yeah,” Fluttershy mumbled back. “Let’s- let’s go see Cadence.”

Neither of the ponies, nor Vantas, for that matter, noticed Pyrope’s delighted grin at the mention of their destination.

Princess Cadence sat depressively on her crystal throne. Her perpetual squint only made the bags beneath her eyes stand out more, and her mane was tangled and haggard. Yet, still her horn lit with blue magic, and still the shield around the Empire radiated its calming light throughout the city. It was a victory, if only a temporary one, for the Princess of Love.

“Cadence!” Cadence, recognizing the voice her favorite sister-in-law, raised her head, and her eyes widened just a little as she saw Twilight Sparkle bounding towards her. The two ponies rushed towards each other and hugged. Then they both ducked to the ground, and recited a rhyme they both should’ve grown out of.

“Sunshine sunshine, ladybugs awake
Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

The two then collapsed to the ground in a fit of giggles.

“Baaaaarf!” Vantas yelled. “Holy shit, can we start being serious already?”

“L3t th3 r3cord show th4t for th3 f1rst t1m3 1n months, V4nt4s 4nd 1 4ctu4lly m4n4g3d to 4gr33 on som3th1ng,” Pyrope groaned. “1n r3g4rds to both th3 comm3nc3m3nt of s3r1ousn3ss 4nd 3sp3c14lly th3 b4rf.”

In a blur of movement, Cadence rose to her hooves and pushed Twilight behind her. “Everypony get back!” she screamed assuming an aggressive stance. “I’m going to stop those traitors before they hurt anypony else!”

“Cadence, you don’t understand. They’re, uh. They’re helping us out right now,” Twilight explained.

“Twilight, dear, the last time they tried to ‘help us out’ you almost got killed!” Cadence shot back.

“Oh god. Not again,” Vantas groaned. “No, fuck no, I am just not going to explain this to you ponies again. You’ll get plenty of dirt on all this from me in future conversations. Tedious conversations. Ones I will have. But for now, you can all shut the fuck up about this whole betrayal thing.”

Cadence gave Twilight a look. “I trust him,” Twilight responded. “Well, no. I don’t trust him, exactly. I think it’s more like I mean I trust that if he makes the wrong decision, he doesn’t have the rest of his friends to back him up. So we can take him.”

“If you say so, Twilight,” Cadence moaned. “Under different circumstances, I’d probably be a bit more argumental about this, but I’m really tired and time is running out and-” her eyes shot open again, and frantically her gaze swept across the room. Finally, she turned back to Twilight, desperation bubbling within her. “Twilight… where’s Shining Armor?”

Twilight’s mouth closed. Then she looked down. Cadence’s eyes swam with tears and grief, as he legs threatened to give out from under her. He head turned to the floor, as beads of water dripped down from her eyes. “H-he…” she muttered. “He d-didn’t even…” Then she turned her gaze back up. “No,” she said. “No. Stay in control, Cadence. This isn’t what Shiny… this isn’t what he would’ve wanted.” Turning to the rest of the ponies, she entered Leader Mode. “There’s little time left to waste. I’m almost glad your here,” she said, addressing the trolls. “An extra pair of hooves never hurts. We need to find a more permanent way of protecting the Empire. We need the Crystal Heart.”

“I know,” Twilight said. “Celestia informed us of the Heart’s necessity. My plan was to start looking around for it.”

“Great job, Twilight,” Cadence said. “But you may not know this. The heart in and of itself is not enough to protect the Empire. It must first be activated by the love and joy of the crystal ponies.”

“Wait a second!” Rainbow interrupted. “So you’re saying we need to find this Crystal Heart thing and cheer up the crystal ponies at the same time?”

“I never said it would be easy,” Cadence said. “However, I may know a place to start. With my maintaining the shield and Shining’s patrol of the arctic, we haven’t had the time to do any extensive research into the whereabouts of the heart, or how to bring joy to the populace. However, when Shining heard you were coming here, he somehow found the time to search through the Crystal Library and find this.” Cadence reached behind her throne, and extracted an old tome titled “History of the Crystal Empire.” She turned and hooved the book to Twilight.

“This is amazing!” Twilight cried, paging through the old book. “How did he find the time to get this?”

“I have no earthly idea,” Cadence replied. “Somehow, he always gets done what needs to be done. He… he always…” The Princess’s gaze shifted, staring off into space, before she shook her head. “No, I already… no.”

“Ah! Here we go!” Twilight cried, pointing out a page in the book. “A Crystal Faire!”

“A party!” Pinkie screamed. “That’s brilliant! Nothing cheers ponies up like a big sparkly party!”

“According to the book it was established by their first queen, and became their most important tradition,” Twilight read on. “The faire was held every year to ‘renew the spirit of love and unity in the Empire, so they could protect it from harm!’”

“That does sound promising,” Cadence said. Resting back in her throne, she gave a yawn. “Aww… Twilight? Could you and your friends put this together? I need to… concentrate…”

“Of course, Cadence,” Twilight replied. “You stay tight. The Crystal Ponies will be feeling better in no time!”

As the ponies filed out of the room, Twilight took the lead. She raised her head to the sky, as music began to fill the area.

“Oh no,” Vantas groaned as the flutes kicked in. “Oh fuck no!”

Twilight opened her mouth and began to sing.

“♪Princess Cadence need our help
Her magic will not last forever.
I think we can do it
But we need to work together♪

♪We have to get this right
Yes we have to make them see
We can save the crystal ponies with their history♪”

“Fuck1ng sh1t!” Pyrope screamed

“♪It says that they like jousting♪” Rainbow sang.
“♪They flew a flag with many hues♪” Rarity added.
“♪Made sweets with crystal berries♪” Applejack trilled. Fluttershy stepped up.
“♪They had a petting zoo with tiny ewes♪”

“♪Oh we have to get this right
Yes we have to make them see
We can save the crystal ponies with their history♪”

“Hey,” Pinkie whispered to the silent, face-palming trolls. “You may want to join in.”

“What the hell is this? What the fuck is happening?” Vantas moaned.

“Listen, these things are kind of spontaneous and all, but I think you’ve got a verse coming up,” Pinkie warned. “Just a heads up.” She glanced back and noticed the chorus was done. “Ooh! My turn!” she giggled, taking center stage.

“♪There was a crystal flugelhorn
That every pony liked to play♪” Twilight stepped up, taking Pinkie’s place.
“♪And the Crystal Kingdom anthem
Can you learn it in a day♪”

The rest of the ponies, dancing in rhythm to the music, gave both trolls a nudge as they shook their flanks. The trolls stumbled forwards, regaining their balance, but finding themselves taking Twilight’s place as singers. They glanced at each other. They glanced back at the beaming ponies. They sang.

“♪Th1s f41r3 w1ll m4k3 th3m ch33rful.
P4rty1ng l1k3 th3y should♪”
“Guess we’ll assist these ponies.
Redeem ourselves for good♪”

The Elements stepped up next to Vantas and Pyrope for a group chorus.

“♪Oh we have to get this right,
Yes we have to make them see.
We can save the crystal ponies with their history.
Oh we have to get this right,
Yes we have to make them see.
We can save the crystal ponies with their history♪”

The ponies ended with a flourish, leaping forth through the crystal streets of the Empire. The trolls attempted to do the same, but tripped and fell to the ground. “Ow…” Vantas groaned, getting to his feet. He glanced around at the crystal faire, which was somehow completely set up and simply awaiting the first guests. “What the fuck just happened?”

“We set up the faire!” Pinkie grinned. “While we were singing about it! Really makes the time fly.”

“Wha… how… when did…”

“V4nt4s, just don’t qu3st1on 1t,” Pyrope advised. “1 should know. 1 tr13d to qu3st1on 1t 4nd look 4t m3 now.”

“Hey!” Twilight turned to spot a crystal pony trotting down the street, looking mighty curious. “What’s all the hubbub down here?”

“We’re holding a crystal faire!” Twilight cheered. “You know, to celebrate the spirit of love and unity!”

“Well that sounds fun!” the pony replied. “What do we do, sort of get some friends and- ah!” The pony released a yelp of terror at the sight of Pyrope. “The L3g1sl4c3r4tor! Please. I haven’t done anything wrong! Don’t kill me!” The pony turned and galloped away as fast as his hooves could take him.

For a while, everyone was quiet. Then Pyrope spoke up. “M4yb3 1 should b3 h3lp1ng to f1nd th4t Cryst4l H34rt, 3h.” The others quickly nodded in agreement.

“Alright, then,” Twilight said. “You five,” she ordered, addressing the remainder of the Elements of Harmony, “need to stay here and keep the fair going. Turn it into a big party. A downright galactic shindig. Basically I just need the crystal ponies to be ready to charge up the Crystal Heart as soon as we get back. I’ll leave the book with you, so you’ll know what to do.” Her friends nodded, looking quite determined.

“As for the rest of you,” Twilight said, turning to the rest of them. “Spike, you’re coming with me. You too, Threshecutioner and Legislacerator.”

“We have names you know,” Vantas shot back. “They’ve been used in your presence. Multiple times.”

“Fine then. Vantas. Pyrope. You’re with me,” Twilight groaned. “Now let’s just get going already.”

“Err- Twilight?” Rainbow piped up. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to go it alone with two trolls who could betray you at any given moment.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can handle these two,” Twilight responded.

“Hey!” Vantas screeched.

“Shut up V4nt4s, you know sh3’s r1ght,” Pyrope jabbed.

“Well fuck you too,” Vantas grumbled. “Now where the hell are we gonna start looking for that heart?”

“Well,” Twilight started. “If I was King Sombra and hiding away an artifact that could potentially stop my rule, I’d hide it in the one place nopony would dare look for it. So…”

“Th3 Cryst4l P4l4c3,” Pyrope said. “Th4t w4s wh3r3 both H1s Tyr4nny 4nd 1 l1v3d, 4nd 4lso th3 loc4t1on of th3 c1ty courthous3. Th3 g4llows w3r3 r1ght outs1d3. 1t w4s b4s1c4lly th3 most f34r3d loc4t1on 1n th3 3nt1r3 3mp1r3.”

“Well then, that’s where we’ll start looking,” Twilight responded.

Suddenly, Twilight heard a gasp from behind her. Turning around, she spotted Rarity, her hoof pointed to the sky, her eyes wide with fear. Tracing her line of sight, Twilight saw the Empire’s shield bubble flicker, alternating the sky color from a bright blue to a dark, stormy black and then back again. The sky held its lighter hue for a couple seconds, as if a tremendous effort was being put into maintaining the spell. Then it faded away, and the dark, tumultuous clouds began slowly engulfing the Empire.

“Cadence,” Twilight gasped. She grabbed Spike, shoving him onto her back and galloping off towards the palace.

“Hey, wait up!” Vantas called as Pyrope and him raced after the sprinting unicorn.

“Cadence!” Twilight burst into the throne room and found the Princess of Love collapsed on the floor, trying to pull herself up by the arm of her throne. Twilight rushed over and lifted Cadence up with her telekinesis, placing her gingerly onto the crystal chair. Cadence shook her head a bit, trying to stay awake.

“S-sorry, Twilight,” Cadence muttered. “*Yawn!* I just… dropped off for a moment there… give me a second.” Her horn lit again, and a bubble of blue once again surrounded the Empire, dispersing the creeping shadows that had come so close.

“Cadence, you need some rest,” Twilight said.

“Can’t rest,” Cadence groaned. “Must… protect Empire. Shiny would’ve wanted…”

“Hey! Vantas! Pyrope!” Twilight shouted through the open doorway. Before long, the two trolls in question dragged themselves into the throne room, gasping for breath.

“So… many… stairs,” Vantas groaned. “Why the fuck does anyone need that many stairs?”

“Stop complaining, you two,” Twilight groaned. “We’ve got to find the Crystal Heart, and soon. Cadence can barely keep herself conscious.”

“Wait… Twilight, you’re not going off to find the Crystal Heart alone with these two, are you?” Cadence questioned, levelling a suspicious eye at Vantas.

“I can handle it,” Twilight said. “Now calm down. I need you to hold the spell just a little longer.”

“Twilight, I can’t let you go alone with these two,” Cadence said. “If you insist on taking the trolls, you’re taking me too.”

“Cadence, that’s ridiculous,” Twilight objected. “We both know that you can barely maintain this spell, let alone find the Heart with us at the same time.”

“I-I’ll manage,” Cadence stuttered.

“No. I’ll manage. You’ll sit tight and keep the spell going. Spike,” Twilight called for her assistant. The little dragon came rushing loyally to her side. “You’re going to stay here with Cadence,” Twilight said. “If anything goes wrong- anything at all- you send me a message right away.”

“You got it, Twilight!” Spike responded enthusiastically. He took Cadence’s hoof in his little hand and lead her back to her throne, the Princess of Love looking none too happy.

“Alright,” Twilight said, turning back to the two trolls. “Pyrope, you said that the palace was the last place anypony from the empire would willingly go. What would be the last place within the palace that they’d like to be in.”

“Th4t would b3 31th3r th3 courthous3 or th1s thron3 room,” Pyrope answered. “Though, cons1d3r1ng th4t 1t w4s Sombr4, not m3, who h1d th3 H34rt, 1’d h4v3 to s4y th4t th3 thron3 room 1s our b3st b3t.”

“Great,” Twilight said. She turned, and began inspecting the throne room. Vantas and Pyrope joined in, investigating any crannies they could find, tapping around looking for secret passages and the like. Spike was left glancing around at the work, his gaze shifting from the tired, frustrated Cadence to the amateur sleuths.

“Hey, Twilight?” He called. “Just a bit of friendly advice. You might want to hurry it up.”

“I’m looking as fast as I can, Spike,” Twilight responded, investigating a clump of crystals near a window sill.

“Well, look faster!” Spike advised. “How many secret passages can their possibly be? This is just a bright, cheery, delicious looking castle!”

Twilight froze, before repeating Spike’s last sentence to herself. “Bright and cheery- wait a minute! Spike, you’re a genius!”

“I am?” Spike asked. Twilight ignored him, caught in a fit of epiphany.

“Pyrope,” she said, addressing the Legislacerator. “Was this castle as bright and cheery under Sombra’s rule?”

“Uh… now th4t you m3nt1on 1t, no. 1t w4sn’t. 1t’s b33n throw1ng m3 off th3 3nt1r3 t1m3 1’v3 b33n h3r3- th3 l4st t1m3 1 w4s h3r3, 4ll of th3 cryst4ls w3r3 4ll cr33py 4nd bl4ck. 1t w4s r34lly 4 b4d4ss d3s1gn cho1s3 on H1s Tyr4nny’s p4rt.”

“I knew it,” Twilight said to herself. “Alright, everypony. Stand back.” The occupants of the throne room backed towards the walls of the room as Twilight took to the center. She took a deep breath and summoned her magic. Jolts of agony shot through her head as the black energy bubbled up into her horn, chaotic and uncontrollable. With a gasp of pain, Twilight released a ray of dark magic, zapping the crystal atop Cadence’s throne. The crystal crackled with energy, before it turned black and cast a shadow upon the ground before it. A passageway appeared in the floor, revealing a set of downwards spiralling stairs, crawling deep into the earth below.

“Phew,” Twilight sighed. “Did it.”

“Really. More shitty stairs?” Karkat groaned, staring down into the deep hole. “I can’t even see the bottom. Who the hell designs things like this?”

“H3y. 4llow m3 to 1nform you th4t st41rs 4r3 4n 3xc3ll3nt 4dd1t1on to 4ny p13c3 of 4rch1t3ctur3 4nd cr34t3 f4nt4st1c moods of susp3ns3 4nd bu1ld-up,” Pyrope argued.

“We still don’t have time for all this bickering,” Twilight said. She turned to Cadence and Spike. “You two stay here. The rest of us… will be… climbing down… stairs…” Twilight took a glance at Cadence, who was looking more worn out than ever. She took a deep breath, summoned a confident expression, and galloped off down the stairs, Pyrope and Vantas following after.

The librarian’s enthusiasm did not, however, last very long. By the time she’d reached the bottom of the stairs, she was panting with exhaustion, and the trolls behind her weren’t doing much better. At least she’d finally reached the bottom. The door was right in front of her, so she stretched out her leg, reaching to grab it.

The door, however, zipped away from her, moving to the other side of the room. Vantas pounced towards it, trying to catch it, but the thing acted like it had a mind of its own. The door slid back and forth along the wall, evading all of Vantas’s attempts to reach it.

“See if you can surround it,” Twilight advised as she moved into position. Pyrope and Vantas nodded, before moving to either side of the door. They both crept slowly closer, and the door, trapped between the two trolls, didn’t seem to know what to do. Twilight took advantage of this, and aimed another bolt of dark magic at the door. It struck the crystal at the door’s top, and the door swung open.

Vantas gave a cheer of delight, only to realize that the door opened to nowhere, just another wall of crystal. “Wait a minute- Twilight, whatever magical thing you just did didn’t work. Any ideas on how to fix it?” The unicorn didn’t respond. Instead, she just stared forwards, unblinking, an expression of pure terror etched across her face. Vantas took a step up towards her, and noticed her eyes had become pure green, with pupils of red. She was mumbling to herself non-stop.

“Princess… Princess, how could you… you never said…”

“Uh… Twilight? Alternia to pony? What the fuck is up with-” Suddenly, the crystal atop the door crackled with magic and the scenery around Vantas melted away.

Pyrope, noticing Vantas’s sudden response- or lack there of- took a step up to the troll. “H3y, V4nt4s. Wh4t th3 h3ll 1s go1ng on? D1d you just compl3t3ly c34s3 funct1on1ng, or-”

Suddenly, the crystal gave off another magical spark and Pyrope too faded into fantasy.

Vantas opened his eyes. He wished he hadn’t.

The smell of smoke permeated the air, and the sounds of crackling fire and screams of agony filled the wrecked lab. Computer consoles were smashed to bits and the walls were covered in scorch marks. Vantas gasped at the sight, and turned around, seeking refuge from the horrid scene. What he saw next made him wish he’d just looked at the horrors ahead, and not dared explore the horrors behind.

His friends lay dead on the ground, their corpses mangle and burnt, their blood spilt across the floor, mixing like dirtied paints on some macabre canvas. Princess Celestia stood over them- or at least, something did, something twisted and bloodthirsty, something that burned with the fury of a thousand suns whose sole aim was to eradicate trollkind in the most painful way possible, and who giggled like they’d just received their greatest wish for Twelfth Pedigree. Vantas stood their, repulsed and yet enraptured by the sight of his worst nightmare come to life.

A chill passed through the blazing hot room. Vantas’s eyes widened as his friends’ head swiveled in unison to face him, their eyes empty spots of white, their faces mutilated almost beyond recognition. They spoke in a voice with which Vantas was intimately familiar: his own.

“Why, Vantas,” they whispered. “Why did you lead us to this fate? Why have you betrayed us?” In the darkness above the brilliant scene, a pair of green, slit pupiled eyes opened above the troll’s corpses, eyes that seemed eerily familiar. A chilling, feminine laugh pierced through the lab, a sound that made Vantas clutch his head in pain, and struck him like a spear through the chest when he realize he could feel his self-control slipping away with each consecutive cackle. Replacing it came an urge… an urge to destroy, destroy everything he’d once cared about, and in the end, destroy himself.

With the last of his self control Vantas frantically backed away from the terrifying scene before him. To his surprise, he felt his feet leave the ground, and then he was tumbling down a deep pit in pitch darkness. With a crash, he landed painfully on a gray platform. He slowly rose to his feet, brushing himself off. Observing his location, he found that the platform on which he stood was suspended by a system of pulleys to the outreaching arm of a great pole jutting from the ground. Oddly, it seemed there were another set of ropes and another arm on the opposite side. Or was it the same set of ropes. Almost as if it were… a giant set of scales.

And suddenly, the platform across the scales appeared, and on it stood a figure almost as familiar to Vantas as his own. Pyrope gave him a malicious grin.

“P-Pyrope. What’s going on? What’re you doing?”

“Why, th4t’s s1mpl3, V4nt4s,” Pyrope replied with glee. “You comm1t3d your cr1m3s. 4nd now- you’ll h4ng!”

Vantas’s hands found his neck, and then they found the rope wrapped tightly around it, the rope that lead to the arm of the scale above. Suddenly the platform didn’t exist anymore, and there was only him, swinging back and forth from the rope like a disturbing pendulum as Pyrope’s raspy voice filled his ears.

“You w3r3 4 fool. You b3l13v3d 1 m1ght r3turn your f33l1ngs? You d4r3d 1m4g1n3 1’d th1nk of you th4t w4y! You’r3 4 p4th3t1c w1mp, V4nt4s, 4nd you’ll do th3 world 4 f4vor 1f you’d shut up 4nd d13!!!”

And somewhere, somewhere far, far away, a small voice echoed through the endless void. “Twilight… Twilight… Twilight…”

“Twilight!” The world returned to the unicorn in question, and subsequently, the trolls surrounding her. They all turned to face the source of the saviour voice.

“Cadence?” Twilight cried. “I thought I told you to stay up there!”

“Twilight,” Cadence groaned, “I’m older than you. Also, I’m higher ranking. And yes, I am tired enough to play the rank card. Look, you were taking a while, and I just came down to check on you. What happened?”

“I saw pretty much the worst nightmare that I could possibly see,” Twilight said. She glanced back towards the crystal hanging above the door. “And I bet that had something to do with it.”

“I saw it too,” Vantas said. “Jegus, that was horrifying. You too, Pyrope?”

“1… 1 don’t w4nt to t4lk 4bout 1t,” Pyrope moaned. “1n f4ct, 1 th1nk 1’ll just d3l3t3 th4t 3p1sod3 from my m3mory. F4r too… uncomfort4bl3.”

Twilight took another look at the door. “You know… I think I’ve got it! If a spell of darkness leads to your worst fear, where does a spell of light lead?” With the wave of her horn, Twilight conjured a bright, joyous burst of magic. The crystal gave a flash, and the door popped open, leading to a bright room on the other side. Twilight smiled, and hopped through the door. She looked left and right for her next challenge. And then she looked up.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Vantas moaned as he caught sight of the endless set of stairs spiralling upwards into infinity. “Is this it? Did I stuff one too many coco prisms down my protein chute? Am I to be damned to Exercise Hell. Someone get me a fucking exorcist. Or maybe an exercist is more appropriate.”

“V4nt4s, m1ght 1 1nform you th4t th3 4rch1t3ctur4l cons3rv4t1on 4ct w4s on3 of th3 fi1rst h1s m4j3sty p4ss3d 4nd l4bl3d 3xc33d1ngly l4rg3 st41rc4s3s to b3 th3 gr34t3st poss1bl3 d3s1gn cho1c3 1n 4ll of 4rch1t3ctur3 4nd m4nd4t3d th4t 34ch publ1c bu1ld1ng b3 outf1tt3d w1th 4t l34st two?”

“Are you bullshitting me right now, Pyrope?” Vantas balked.

“No, 4ctu4lly. 1 n3v3r bullsh1t 1bout th3 l4w, V4nt4s. N3v3r.”

“Oh gog, don’t speak in that tone,” Vantas shivered. “Jegus, you’re giving me flashbacks already.”

“Oh gog, you’r3 r1ght,” Pyrope replied, trembling. “OK, r3m1nd m3 n3v3r to us3 th4t ton3 of vo1c3 4g41n. 3v3r. W41t, sh1t!”

“If you two would calm down,” Twilight said, “maybe we can figure out how to proceed.” She glanced over toward Cadence, whose energy seemed to be fading fast. “I can’t make you walk back up all those stairs. You’re too tired. But I can’t make you walk back up these ones.”

“Uhg…” Cadence moaned. She glanced over at Twilight, and gave a weak smile. “Don’t worry Twilight. Just… look at it from a different angle. You’ll think of something. You *Yawn* always do.”

“A different angle, eh?” Twilight said to herself, glancing back up towards the stairs. “Wait a minute-” Suddenly, inspiration hit. Twilight grabbed all four members of her party in a purple aura. Levitating them into the air, she activated a second spell. With a flash of light, the world reversed around them. Or they reversed around the world. They gave the universe a spin and gravity fell up. Yeah, it’s all basically a bunch of ambiguous ways to say that Twilight reversed gravity and the group slid up the stairs like going down a twisting slide. Twilight and Cadence giggled in delight. Vantas and Pyrope screamed in terror.

And finally, the four of them emerged from the carnival ride, adrenaline pumping through their veins, and liquid sloshing around their inner ears. All around them were windows displaying the farthest reaches of the Crystal Empire, in all its crystalline majesty. There location was no mystery. After such a long flight of stairs they could be in one place and one place only: the top-most floor of the crystal palace. Excited, and perhaps a little dizzy, Twilight flipped the universe’s sprite turnways and the party rose down to the ground. Vantas sat their for a moment, utterly confused and having no idea which direction was the right direction. Pyrope calmly pointed up. Vantas rose to his feet.

And all four of them beheld the spectacle that was the crystal heart. The great jewel, shaped of the finest crystal levitated off the ground in the middle of an intricately ornate circle. It gleamed in the radiant light like a drop of dew on a blade of grass, or a snowflake catching the sun’s rays. The air within the chamber seemed statically charged, alight with waves of peaceful serenity. Or perhaps serene peace. It was very calm.

Twilight beheld the precious artifact with a gaze of wonder. She gave a glance towards Cadence, who nodded in approval. “Go on,” the Princess urged. “Take it. We’re almost done.”

And then a grey fist soared into the Cadence’s face. The Princess of Love went sprawling to the ground, her magic flickering as she herself gave a yelp of pain. Cadence tried to stand, but the gray fist, and the cane it held, was simply too fast. The staff struck against Cadence’s horn and ripples of agony were sent shivering through Cadence’s head. The alicorn could not take any more of the pain and the sleep-deprivation. She passed out on the ground. The light of her horn winked out, and by extension, the light of the Crystal Empire’s shield winked out too. The grey fist leveled up, before evolving to a more useful form. No longer merely an article of destruction, the grey hand grabbed Cadence’s unconscious body by the throat, lifting her from the ground before hurling her at Twilight. The sleepy alicorn crashed into the librarian, and the two crashed into the ground in the midst of the decorative circle. The only problem was that, of course, the circle was not merely decorative.

The circle flashed black, and a siren blared through the room. Instinctively, Twilight leapt up and knocked the Crystal Heart from its perch of hovering. The artifact fell to the floor just as large crystal spikes rose from the circle, trapping Twilight within a ring of black diamonds. The Heart slid across the floor, and came to a stop at Pyrope’s feet.

All the while, Vantas stood in shock as Pyrope got to work.

“Pyrope, what the fuck!” Vantas screamed as the troll in question leaned down to retrieve the Heart. “I thought we had an agreement! No killing the ponies!”

“Sorry V4nt4s,” Pyrope said, inspecting the Crystal Heart. “1 th1nk 1t’s just ‘th3 L3g1stl4c3r4tor’ now.”

Faster than Vantas though possible, Pyrope leapt in front of him. Her arm was outstretched. At the same time, he became aware of an odd feeling in his chest. Like something was… cold. And wet. His gaze turned downwards, and he caught sight of Pyrope’s stabbing cane buried inside him, spotted with candy red that wasn’t part of the original coloring. Then he tumbled to the floor.

“Don’t worry,” Pyrope said, addressing the unicorn poking her head out between the crystals, watching everything with horrified eyes. “1 m1ss3d 4ll h1s v1t4l org4ns, 4nd you h4v3 pl3nty of t1m3 to m4g1c h1m b4ck tog3th3r b3for3 h3 bl33ds out. 1’ll b3 b4ck wh3n th3 co4st 1s cl34r 4nd 4ll th3 3xc1t3m3nt h4s d13d down- tomorrow m4yb3. 1’ll sn34k you 4nd your fr13nds out of th3 3mp1r3. You won’t com3 h3r3 4g41n.”

Pyrope didn’t wait for a response. Her cane in one hand, the Heart in the other, she strolled towards the open windows. With a flash, her rocket pack appeared on her back, and she took off, leaving a trail of smoke as she soared down towards the ground. And Twilight was left alone in a ring of crystal, with a sleeping alicorn and a bleeding troll, her mind still wondering what the fuck had just happened.

The smoke was marshalling on the Empire’s borders, concentrating into a central shape. Slowly, two green eyes emerged from the shadows, and then a full head. Teeth like a snake, a mane of darkness, and a crimson horn dyed red with the blood of all it had slain…

End of Chapter Two

Author's Note

Weren't expecting that one, hmm? Neither were we.
:trollestia:

I swear, if those guys got even more self-aware....
Somebody's gonna go and kill an author soon.

(feedback?)

Act 5 Chapter 3 - End of Act 5.

Begin Chapter Three

The Elements of Harmony (minus Twilight, of course) held a short conference by the Crystal Palace. “We can’t keep this up,” Applejack groaned. “Ah’m all plum out of crystal berries, and there are too many demanding ponies for me to stop and make more!”

“I just made a hat out of three pieces of hay and a drinking straw!” Rarity complained. “I made it work, but that’s besides the point. Unless Twilight gets here soon, we’re going to have some unhappy ponies on our hooves!”

“There’s nopony by the petting zoo anymore,” Fluttershy moaned. “They got bored of cute animals. How could they get bored of cute animals?”

“Hey, it’s nothing personal, Fluttershy. Even I can’t entertain everypony forever,” Pinkie said while balancing on a ball with her front two hooves, juggling flugelhorns with her back two hooves, and playing a guitar solo with her mane and tail. She glanced over at the crowd observing her. “See. Only fifteen ponies! I can’t believe the rest wandered off.”

“Well, we’ve got to keep up the work,” Rainbow Dash ordered. “Twilight’s counting on us to keep these ponies happy. We need to improvise. Improvise everything. Do whatever you have to do to make sure everypony has a great time!”

“Um- Rainbow? That might be harder than you think,” Rarity proclaimed. Pointing towards the sky. The others followed her hoof, and their eyes widened in fear as they saw Cadence’s shield dissolve into nothingness. And their expressions became more and more horrified as a laughter rose from the storm surrounding the Empire, a delighted cackle that spoke of a creature brimming with darkness, eager to commit atrocities against his slaves and overjoyed to be given another opportunity to do so.

“He hehehe he hehe he. He ha ha hahahaha! Ahaha ha haha!!!”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound pleasant,” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Hey! Up there!” Rainbow cried. A dark shape, wreathed with wings of flame, descended from the tip of the Crystal Palace. The ponies watched in shock as Pyrope alighted on the ground before them, to the horror of the surrounding crystal ponies.

“Oh boy! Is that the Crystal Heart?” Pinkie asked, pointing to the hunk of diamond Pyrope carried under her arm. The troll nodded. “Well, don’t just stand there, silly. Give it here!”

“1’m sorry, P1nk13. 1 c4n’t do th4t,” Pyrope replied.

“Pyrope? What happened to the others?” Fluttershy asked. This time, Pyrope didn’t respond, and Applejack’s face twisted into a furious scowl.

“You trolls betrayed us again, didn’t ya,” she whispered. Pyrope nodded back.

“I knew we never should’ve trusted ya!” Applejack shrieked. Gesturing to her friend, she cried out, “Come on, Rainbow. Let’s show this cloud-brained haysniffer what happens when you mess with us!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow cried. “Wait- did you just use cloud-brained as an insult?”

“Err- it’s just an expression, Dashie,” Applejack stammered.

Pyrope raised her cane, pointing it at the aggressing ponies. “1t 1s my most s1nc3r3 r3comm3ndat1on th4t you surr3ndur. 1 c4n 4ssur3 your s4f3ty so long 4s you coop3r4t3.”

“You’re one to talk about cooperation, you treacherous swine!” Rainbow screamed. “You’re going to hit the ground so quickly you’ll swear that you’d just slipped and fallen!”

“I’m gonna smash your grey face in so far you’ll be able to see outa the back ‘a yer head!” Applejack threatened.

“So b3 1t,” Pyrope responded. Almost robotically, she split her cane in two, revealing the blades hidden within. Applejack drew her lasso, while Rainbow spread her wings and prepared to knock the traitorous troll down a couple pegs.

“Stop.” Applejack and Rainbow slackened their fighting poses as Fluttershy stepped past them, holding one hoof outstretched. Pyrope sensed Fluttershy’s approach, her eyes watching the pony blindly from behind her red glasses. Fluttershy halted when she was about five meters away. For the longest time, the two parties simply stared at each other.

“Vantas isn’t with you,” Fluttershy finally said. “You betrayed not only us, but your own friend for Sombra?” Pyrope didn’t respond, or even so much as move. “You don’t have to do this,” Fluttershy pleaded. “This isn’t the way things have to be.”

“You don’t und3rst4nd,” Pyrope replied, her voice intentionally cold and emotionless. “1 d1dn’t 3xp3ct you to, 4nyw4ys. Wh3n som3body s4v3s your l1f3, no m4tt3r who 1t 1s, 4nd th3n off3rs you 4 ch4nc3 to fuf1ll your d4rk3st d3s1r3s… th3y’v3 34rn3d your loy4lty.”

“Oh, how sssweet? Isss sssomepony talking about me?” His coat was ashen and his shadow flickered and flowed with each passing instant. His step turned the crystals black beneath his hooves. Crystal ponies everywhere shied nervously away from his path as he took his place at Pyrope’s side.

King Sombra had entered the Empire. Everypony’s shit was wrecked.

“Ugh…” Vantas’s eyes slowly inched open. A crystal ceiling overhead, and a cold ache piercing through his chest. For a second he wondered where he was. Then the memories came rushing back.

“Aww FUCK! Pyrope!?” Vantas screamed, glancing around frantically. His eyes darted around the diamond room, confirming what his mind refused to believe. Pyrope had stabbed him and fled with the Heart. “Augh! That idiot!” he screamed. “She is going to doom us all!”

He rose to his feet, then turned to the ring of crystal through which Twilight Sparkle watched the troll’s temper flare. Vantas let out a scream of pure rage, burning like a match dropping slowly towards a lake of gasoline, growing brighter and louder with each passing moment. He turned to a wall, and smashed his fist against it in anger, cracking the crystal beneath his bleeding knuckles. Again and again he beat the diamond, as slowly his vision became less red and more blurry. His breathing fell, becoming more of a wheezing gasp, laced with the undertones of shuddering cries. His fist slammed into the crystal wall. Then his arm slackened and his hand unfurled. His arm leaned against the diamond and his head leaned against his arm and water dribbled down his cheeks and he muttered between his sobs.

“How could… what did… why was she…?”

Twilight watched all this in utter silence, a permanent look of worry creasing her brow as betrayal and despair unfolded before her. A noise woke her from her trance. Behind her, and alicorn was stirring. As Cadence rose, she did so with a smile, and the bags beneath her eyes looked perhaps a bit lighter.

“That was- without a doubt- the best sleep I’ve ever had,” Cadence smiled. Her expression, however, quickly became more serious. “What do we do now, though?”

“We break out,” Vantas said. Twilight turned to find the troll striding towards her. He ran a hand over his eyes, but his expression was set hard and determined. “That mother fucker is about to make the worst mistake of her life, and I’m not about to let her do it.” He seemed ready to say more, but paused for a second. “Err- I assume you patched me up while I was out, eh?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I did the best job, though, having to do it from in here. You’re probably going to have a scar on your chest.” She hesitated for a moment, before continuing. “As for Pyrope… I’d love to help you, but I’m completely trapped in here,” Twilight explained. “The crystals are magic resistant- I can’t break them. And my teleporting spells keep getting nullified.”

“Then we just need a new plan,” Cadence concluded. “Hey, Vantas. Do you have any magical powers like the other trolls?”

“...No,” Vantas admitted.

“What?” Twilight cried. “Come on! The others could stop time or turn invisible or shoot enormous lasers from their eyes and you’ve just got nothing?”

“Oh shit, here we go with the aspects. Look, Time and Void and stuff like that are maybe a bit more direct in their effects, but trust me, Blood is nothing to mess around with. A competent Blood player will make everyone you love turn against you and it will have been your fault to begin with. Don’t. Fuck. With Blood.”

“Umm… I didn’t really understand any of what you just said,” Twilight admitted. “I’d like to, though! Maybe after this is all over we could sit down with some lined paper and compare notes!”

“Ugh. Sure. Fine. I don’t suppose you have any ideas on how we’re going to get you out of here?”

“Mmm- no. We left that up to you, oh mighty Blood player,” Cadence snarked. Vantas glared back at her, before sighing.

“Well, we obviously don’t have the resources to do anything right now. Maybe I could go get some help,” Vantas offered.

“E-Excuse me?” someone panted. All heads in the room swiveled towards the owner of the voice, wheezing with exhaustion after just climbing an enormous set of stairs on his stubby legs. “A little glass of water… please?”

And as Twilight’s eyes widened in concern, Vantas’s widened with inspiration. “That could work,” he grinned, eying the little purple dragon.

“It’sss alwaysss wonderful to know that I can count on you, my Legissslacerator,” Sombra grinned as he slowly circled the rigid troll. “You’ve already disssabled both the Princesss and the Heart? Excellent, just excellent.” To Pyrope’s relief, Sombra broke his inspection of her, instead sweeping his gaze across the crowd of crystal ponies, the assembled population of the entire empire. The ponies cowered away from his glare, lowering themselves to the ground to prostrate before their returning overlord, trying to hide the tears running down their cheeks. “And we’ve even got the populace in check. Isssn’t thisss jussst a wonderful day?” Sombra’s scowl returned, however, as his gaze moved towards the Elements of Harmony, glaring at Sombra and readying themselves for the fight that was sure to ensue. “But then there’sss you five. I don’t sssuppossse you’ll lisssten to reassson and sssurrender?”

“In your dreams, you shady freak!” Rainbow spat back, an expression of absolute disgust scrawled across her face.

“When we’re done with you, you’ll wish you never thawed outta that glacier!” Applejack threatened.

“I’d admire your cape if only your color scheme wasn’t so bland,” Rarity proclaimed. The mare fixed Sombra with a hardened expression, before noticing the odd looks the others were giving her. “What? It really is a nice piece of work. Maybe if I gave it a dash of blue-”

“Focus Rarity,” Applejack ordered. Turning back to the dark king, she managed a threatening grin. “You really should be scared, Sombra. There’s five of us and only two of you.”

“Heheheha ha ha! Isss that ssso?” Sombra cackled. “Well then, I’d wager you’ve yet to be introduced to the new Empire Guard? Oh ssstallionsss!” Without a sound, five stallions emerged from the crowd of ponies, guards in armor, with black crystals sprouting from their helmets, pulsing with dark magic. Their faces were well known to the Elements, even if their eyes were green and red and their mouths curled into snarling scowls.

“S-S-Shining Armor?” Fluttershy stammered, her eyes widening with fright at the sight of Twilight’s brother, alive and completely enthralled by his new master.

“And the entirety of Epsilon Squad,” Applejack added in a weary voice, glancing at Cloud Cover, Bramble Scout, Rune Blaze, and Escutcheon. The five of them got into formation, surrounding and protecting the cackling Sombra and the silent Pyrope.

“Applejack, we can’t fight Shining,” Fluttershy whispered. “He’s Twilight’s brother! She thought he was dead!”

“...Far as I can tell,” Applejack said, lowering the brim of her hat over her eyes. “He is dead. That puppet of Sombra’s is no more Shining Armor than I am.” Raising her voice, she struck Sombra with a fiery glare. “And I ain’t gonna forgive you, Sombra!” she screamed. “Those were some good ponies before you spread whatever foul corruption you’ve cooked up, and I swear that I won’t show them or you any mercy!!!”

“Hmph. Be that way,” Sombra grinned. “I tire of you hero complex. Guardsss… dissspossse of thessse maresss.”

Applejack took off, her hooves flying across the crystal ground as she charged towards Sombra. Bramble Scout appeared in her path, raising his hoofs to block her rush. Applejack’s hooves met his, and the two stood there, locked in a struggle of power and will, each trying to shove the other away, but neither succeeding. Rarity and Rainbow rushed forwards behind Applejack, as Fluttershy rose into the sky. However, the pegasus was immediately thrown back to the ground as Cloud Cover zoomed through the air and rammed into her middle. Fluttershy crashed into a house of crystal before crumpling to the ground.

Cloud Cover turned and spotted Rarity and Escutcheon locked in a magical struggle, as their respective beams of magic collided and each attempted to overpower the other. Cloud Cover’s eyes narrowed as he soared towards the mare. Alighting quietly behind her, Rarity didn’t notice a thing until a sharp pain blasted through her head when the pegasus struck her on the horn. Her hoof went to her head, cradling it as pangs of agony swept through her skull. Suddenly a blast of searing magic threw her backwards, and she crashed into the tough, rocky ground.

Cloud Cover allowed himself a smirk. He shouldn’t have. A blast of confetti and frosting threw him across the square. “Bullseye!” Pinkie called as Cloud Cover barreled into a carnival stand. Escutcheon charged towards the bright mare, but Pinkie quickly wheeled her party cannon around and blasted the guard away with another burst of festive ammunitions. As Pinkie grinned at her success, Rune Blaze took a subtle step towards the cannon. Lighting his horn, a burst of magic carved an intricate series of lines into the side of the cannon. Pinkie squinted at the lines. "I prepared explosive runes tod-uh oh,” she said to herself, right before the cannon exploded.

With a blast of sound, the device burst, sending parts flying and flinging Pinkie to the earth. Rune Blaze turned away from the downed pony, only to spot a streak of color zooming towards him. Seconds later, Rainbow Dash tackled him to the ground, grinding him against the rough crystal before tossing him into a carnival stand. The pegasus smirked at her victory, before turning her gaze back to Sombra. Rainbow blasted towards the king, intent on making him suffer for all the pain he’d put her friends through. Her eyes narrowed as her speed increased and Sombra grew bigger and bigger in her field of vision.

Suddenly, a pink wall, conjured from thin air, met Rainbow’s charge and held firm. Rainbow bounced off the wall as if it were made of concrete, and she crashed into the ground, skidding across the cold earth. “Rainbow!” Applejack cried, spotting the pegasus’s descent in her peripheral vision. The earth pony turned to Bramble Scout, her face twisted almost beyond recognition with fury, and with a roar of rage she lifted the guard off his hooves before tossing him away. As the guard crashed into the crowd of spectators, Applejack turned her anger upon Sombra, resuming her stalwart charge. Shining Armor stepped in front of her, firing a beam of pink magic. In one fluid motion, Applejack sidestepped the attack, and rammed her hoof into Shining’s stomach. The stallion crumpled as now nopony stood between Applejack and her target. The farmer galloped ahead with reckless abandon, letting forth a shriek of wrath as she approached the shadow king.

Pyrope made to step forwards, but stopped as the King stepped forth instead. “No. I can handle her myssself,” he grinned as his horn lit and crystals crept up his right hoof, forming a black gauntlet. Applejack, thrown into an utter rage, whipped a hoof back, winding up to give Sombra a destructive punch. Sombra ducked, the hoof flying wildly over his head; then his crystallized hoof slammed into Applejack’s throat, and the mare was thrown away. She crashed to the ground, choking and gasping for breath.

“Foolisssh Mud Pony,” Sombra growled, glaring at the fallen Elements. His horn lit, and before Applejack could return to her hooves, crystals sprouted from the ground, encasing her legs and fixing them to the earth. “It’sss time for you to join the other ssslavesss. No, that’sss too generousss even ssstill. Oh, my dear Legissslacerator?” Sombra called, turning to Pyrope. “I believe thessse poniesss have commited a crime. Asss you loved to sssay- court isss in sssesssion.”

A voice pierced through the air, a scream of pure ecstasy and terror simultaneously intertwined. “Yaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!”

“You want me to do what?” Spike asked, a sceptical look etched across his little face.

“OK. Back where I’m from, there’s this tool known as a propane torch. Basically, it’s a concentrated flame that can reach extreme temperatures. It’s usually used for welding and things like that, but right now I’m hoping we can melt through the crystal, at least enough to make a passage they can escape through,” Vantas answered.

“And you want me to try and be a ‘propane torch?’” Spike asked.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Vantas confirmed. “Look it was the best I could come up with in such little time.”

“I know it may not sound easy, but from what I’ve gathered it makes sense,” Twilight offered. “But if you’re not comfortable with this Spike, we can always think of something else.”

“We don’t have time to think of-” Vantas’s outburst was silenced when he caught sight of Twilight’s harsh glare. The troll shut his trap.

“Hmph. No, if it could work then I at least have to try it,” Spike said. “I mean, you’re all kind of counting on me here, so I’d have to be some jerk not to give it a try. I just hope it works.” The little dragon steeled himself, taking a deep breath. Then, turning to the crystal, he blew out. Taking care to remain in control of the fire, Spike seared the shadowy diamond with a jet of green fire. Slowly, the crystal began to glow with heat, the black surface turning a fiery orange. Beads of sweat rolled down Spike’s forehead as he struggled to maintain the flame, keeping it steady as he heated the crystal’s base. The flame began to flicker and finally it went out, leaving Spike on the ground gasping for breath.

Vantas rushed towards the crystal. Seizing the spike in both hands, he gave a groan of effort as slowly he bent the crystal back, the melted base dripping and pooling on the floor below. When he was done, the crystal was almost parallel to the floor, leaving a sizable gap for Twilight and Cadence to climb through.

“Alright,” Vantas grinned as Twilight and Cadence regained their freedom. “OK. Now that we’ve got you two out of there, how are we gonna get back down to ground level? We need to help out Pyroooooooooopppee!!!!” Vantas’s question became a cry of surprise as he was lifted into the air by a blue telekinetic field. Spike and Twilight soon followed suit, leaving Cadence to grin evilly at the three of them.

“Oh, I’ve got an idea for getting down. I’ve always wanted to try this.”

Without further ado, Cadence shoved the three of them out the open window, before climbing through it herself. The facade of the Crystal Palace, stretched out beneath them, reaching down to the central plaza of all the Crystal Empire. Crazy as it sounds, it turns out that the curved surface of the Palace made for an exhilarating slide. As the wind whipped through his hair and the ground approached at an ever-increasing rate, Vantas released a scream of both terror and ecstasy. “Yaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!”

Vantas’s scream was silenced as he crashed into the ground at the palace’s base. Moments later, Spike crashed into the ground beside him.

“V4nt4s?” Pyrope asked, sniffing out the familiar shape of her friend as he slowly rose to his feet.

“Another one? Bah. Kill it. Kill them all!” Sombra ordered. “SSStrike them down where they- yah!” The king let out a scream of surprise as a blast of purple smashed into his face, knocking him to the ground. Twilight let out a squeal of delight before she too face planted into the ground at the palace’s base. The Crystal Heart, previously held aloft in Sombra’s magical grip, flew through the air before a streak of pink darted forth, seizing the heart. Cadence grabbed the hunk of diamond, gliding through the air and landing next to the fallen king.

“I’ve got the Crystal Heart,” Cadence grinned. “Sombra, it’s all over now.”

“Cadence?” The alicorn in question whirled towards the sound of the voice, a voice that, for a time, she’d worried she’d never hear again.

“Shining Armor?” Cadence dared to ask as her eyes filled with tears at the sight of a stallion she’d presumed dead. Shining Armor stared back at her, though for some reason his face seemed less filled with joy. In fact, it seemed… aggressive.

A beam of magic struck Cadence in the chest. The alicorn, blown away by Shining’s unexpected attack, dropped the Crystal Heart as she was blasted across the plaza. The heart sailed through the air, before coming to rest in Sombra’s hooves.

“Rule number one, Misss Cadenza,” Sombra sneered at Cadence’s slowly recovering form. “Only the villainsss are allowed to gloat. And now, my legissslacerator, comesss the time when you ssshould kill them all.”

Pyrope glanced at Cadence, at the Elements of Harmony struggling in their crystal bonds and at Twilight Sparkle, still trying to lift herself from her ungraceful landing. “...4s you w1sh, your m4j3sty.”

“Wait!” a voice cried out. Pyrope turned and saw Vantas, one arm clutching his side, the other held out, gesturing for her to stop. “Pyrope,” he said, desperation evident in his voice. “Pyrope, don’t do it.”

She looked, between Sombra and Vantas. Her breathing quickened; it was obvious that she was wrought with indecision.

“Pyrope?”

Vantas limped nearer. “Despite what you did, and let me assure you we are gonna have a fucking long talk about this, I will still tell you.” He narrowed his eyes at the assorted ponies. “And if any of you laugh I’ll just replace Black Snooty over there.” (Pinkie snorted with laughter, but managed to keep it quiet.)

“You’re about to doom everyone with a bad decision.” His eyes flashed brown. “I might be acting like a total fool, but I can see connections between stuff. You’ll doom them to another eternity. You’ll doom us to a life of betrayal. You’ll doom me.” He sighed. “And worst of all, you’ll doom yourself. You’ll doom yourself to a lifetime of blood and false justice, of serving a pony who shouldn’t be allowed to exist, and I can’t let that happen. This may or may not be the correct time, but frankly, I don’t fucking care and you really need to fucking hear it. Redglare Pyrope, I love you. Yes, I said what you think I said, I am completely flushed. I admire you, I adore everything about you, even now when you’re about to make this huge fucking mistake. I love you, Pyrope. And… I hope that you also love me.” He knew he had seconds at the most before Sombra said something. In those seconds, he summoned everything he loved about Pyrope into his mind, and collaged the scattered memories into a look, a soulful gaze that he knew Pyrope couldn’t possibly see, but that he hoped she could feel.

“Think about it.”

She thought about it. She thought about it for only a moment, but in that moment a recent memory surfaced, one that she’d once promised to lock away.

The sour scent of licorice stung at her nostrils, drawing tears to her red eyes and coughs from her dry mouth, and the sounds of crackling fire and screams of agony filled the wrecked lab. The surrounding scene was in complete disarray, a detail that only served to highlight the horrifying spectacle truly on display.

Pyrope’s friends lay dead on the ground, their bodies stacked in some great corpsepile, their blood spilt across the floor. The smell of death filled the air, mingling with an outright buffet of tangs and scents that would’ve smelled like a great feast had they been released in different circumstances- as a great meal of congeniality and not a twisted cornucopia of bloodied fragrances. The worst detail, and the one that no matter what she could not ignore, were the black marks around their wringed necks, or worse, the bloody symbols carved into their corpses. Her symbol. Libra.

A chill passed through the room. Pyrope’s eyes swiveled to spot a dark shadow, in the shape of a darker king, stalking slowly towards her.

“Excellent job, my legissslacerator,” it whispered. “You’ve done well. Now sssoon your journey will be complete. Embrace the darknesss within you. Give in to your desires. Admit that the justice you claim to ssseek is but a front, an excussse to bring ssstrife and despair to all you can.”

And to her horror, a tendril of smoke curled around her mouth, and the words slipped from her tongue without her mind’s approval. “Yes, your majesty.”

“Good,” the shadow rasped, extending itself further around Pyrope. It wrapped coils of darkness around her arms and legs, so as to stumble her forwards, guiding her body on a wispy string. Slowly, she advanced into the darkness, though her brain screamed for her to stop her limbs rebelled, carrying her farther into the night. She stepped onto her platform, one half of the scale, a lone spot series of gray blotches in a pitch black surrounding. And across the scales stood the creature that had vexed her ever since its introduction to her all those years ago. Alexandr Vantas stood on the other side of the law, staring up at her with fear in his eyes.

No, her mind said, but the shadow twisted itself tight around her stomach. It pinched at her lips, tugging her cheeks into a malicious grin as Vantas stood beholding her in absolute terror.

“P-Pyrope. What’s going on? What’re you doing?”

“Why, th4t’s s1mpl3, V4nt4s,” Pyrope replied with glee. “You comm1t3d your cr1m3s. 4nd now- you’ll h4ng!”

No! Pyrope’s interiors shrieked, frantically trying to fix this, to shake the black snake loose of its coils around the puppet girl. No! Th1s 1sn’t r1ght! Th3s3 4r3 l13s! Don’t l1st3n to us V4nt4s! Don’t l1st3n to us...

And somewhere, somewhere far, far away, a small voice echoed through the endless void. “Twilight… Twilight… Twilight…”

The memory flashed through Pyrope’s mind, and she gulped. She opened her mouth--

“Hehehehahaha. Aw, what a sssweet declaration, my loyal ssservant.” Sombra grinned, showing off his fangs. “For that, I can offer him a quick death. After all, he need not sssee what we are about to commit, eh, my L3g1sssl4c3r4tor?” Pyrope’s shoulders stiffened. “But it ssseemsss that you have your own opinion, hmm? Why won’t you ssshare with the classs? Actually,” Sombra gave an indifferent shrug, “I don’t really care. Hang them.”

“No.”

The unicorn blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“1 s41d no.”

“SSSurely you weren’t moved by that pathetic ssspeech? What do you mean by, no?”

“1t m34ns, no.”

“Then I’ll jussst kill them myssself.”

“No!”

She was panting in fury. “V4nt4s 1s r1ght. 1’m m4k1ng 4 m1st4k3!” Unnoticed by all at the moment, faint traces of green were sparking across her body. “Th1s 1s wh4t 1’m do1ng, Sombr4. 1m r3nounc1ng you!” The green sparks were forming the Mind Symbols. The Crystal ponies were yelping. “4nd 1’m not gonn4 stop th3r3! Now, 1 don’t th1nk 4ll my cr1m3s w1ll b3 forg1v3n. Th3y won’t!” Faint connections were forming between the neuron patterns, with a Mind Symbol appearing on her forehead. She remained oblivious. “But 1’m not do1ng th1s for th3m. 1 don’t g1v3 4 sh1t 4bout th3m, b3c4us3 1n th3 3nd 1t w4s 4lw4ys 4bout m3. 4nd now 1t’s 4bout m3 r3nounc1ng you 4nd your corrupt l3g1sl4tur3. 1’m r1dd1ng th3s3 poor souls of on3 monst3r, 4nd b3for3 1’m through 1’ll h4v3 r1dd3n th3m of 4noth3r. 1’m do1ng th1s for Just1c3!”

Sombra snorted. “And what would you accomplisssh? You can’t defeat me. You don’t have a weapon that could hurt me. The Heart isss mine. You don’t even have a plan!”

Pyrope hissed. “You’r3 r1ght- 1 h4v3 no pl4n. 4nd do3sn’t th4t sc4r3 you?”

The Black king considered it for a fraction of a second. “Nah.” And he stabbed a crystal spike through her heart.

For several seconds the world froze. Vantas opened his mouth but made no noise, Fluttershy’s eyes clouded with silent tears as Twilight attempted to avert Spike’s gaze, and Pyrope was but a black shadow of a figure, impaled upon a sharp rocky thorn. Then the spike retracted, leaving Pyrope with a minty green hole through her chest, teal liquids slowly dripping down her back. Then, she toppled like a wobbly tower of blocks, and fell.

The L3g1sl4c3r4tor’s body fell, almost in slow motion. Vantas’ eyes widened. ‘No. This wasn’t what I meant. You... You should have just fled. Redglare...’

One by one, the Mind Symbols were winking out. The Crystal Ponies were staring at the corpse. Only Pinkie, who had recognized them for what they were, was watching them wink out with concern. Suddenly, her eyes widened in realization. She bounced to a Crystal Pony with a dwindling symbol, whispered something in her ear, and bounded away. The pony glared at the body, and spoke the word.

“Just.”

The Neurons flared. One by one, they lit up again, as the Crystal ponies repeated the word, that fateful word. Its power grew, and the Neurons spread. King Sombra whirled around. “What isss the meaning of thisss?” But his word was ignored.

The Crystal Ponies were chanting now. Vantas perked up. That sounded like....

The glowing Neurons had spread across the entire Empire. A Neuron touched the fallen corpse, then lit up with a brilliant light. A single word was carved in the air, and the ponies’ chant of it had reached to deafening levels. Pinkie suspected that the chant was reaching Heartsong levels.

The body was in the air now. Teal and mint spirographs were circling it, the Mind symbols everywhere converging upon it. Even Sombra shied away from the spectacle. (Vantas on the other hand showed nothing but delight.)

Without warning, the glow ceased. The Neurons vanished. The chant stopped. And there, left hovering on minty-teal translucent wings, was Pyrope. She was left wearing a green robe with a hood that covered her eyes. And she was smiling. In each hand, she held half her cane.

“H3h3h3. Just1c3 pr3v41ls!”

Noticing Sombra’s furious glare, Pyrope made to back away from the unicorn. Thoughts ran through her mind, sparks of electricity along organic wires. Taking a breath, she retreated inward to the mind below sea level, and saw what her brilliant logic told would come next. Twilight Sparkle, always the eager friend, would set about freeing the Elements from their crystal bonds. Meanwhile, Sombra, desperate to reignite a spark of fear amongst the crystal ponies, would attempt to kill her. This was something that needed to be avoided, immediately.

“V4nt4s!” Pyrope called, signalling the overjoyed troll below.

“Oh my gog, Pyrope, you’re alive!” Vantas cheered. “I thought you were dead! I thought I’d never see you again!”

“Y3s, V4nt4s, 1 4m v3ry much 4l1v3. Th4nk you for po1nt1ng th4t out,” Pyrope groaned. “Now g1v3 m3 4 h4nd h3r3. W3 n33d to stop-”

“Kill them! Kill all of them!” Sombra ordered his corrupted guards. The crystals mounted on their helmets pulsed with magic, and the stallions obeyed, striding forwards towards the immobile Elements of Harmony. Twilight and Spike, working hard to free Rarity from her crystallized trap, glanced up to see the guard approaching. Their eyes widened with fear, until Vantas and Pyrope stepped up to defend them.

“ H3y, just work on fr331ng your fr13nds. W3’v3 got th1s,” Pyrope called. Twilight nodded, before she resumed her attempts to shatter the crystal fixing Rarity to the ground. Vantas and Pyrope, meanwhile, turned to the quickly encroaching guards.

“What was that about us having this?” Vantas whispered nervously.

“H3y. Trust m3 for onc3, w1ll y4?” Pyrope grinned. “W3’r3 gonna w1n. 1’v3 4lr34dy m4d3 up my m1nd 4bout 1t.”

With a growl, Shining Armor charged forwards, madly waving his spear about. Pyrope stepped forth, her cane-blades at the ready. Crossing the weapons in front of her, she blocked the Prince’s attack, before she shoved the unicorn away from her. Shining stumbled back, before Redglare leapt forwards, delivering a kick that sent Armor sprawling to the ground.

Escutcheon, aggressing Vantas, made a wild jab at the troll. Vantas caught the attack on a sickle, hooking the scythe around the spear head before yanking it from the pony’s grip. With his free hand, the Threshecutioner delivered a Vantas Punch! and Escutcheon was knocked away. Vantas grinned, before a blur of muscle slammed into him, and Bramble Scout tackled him to the ground. Vantas glanced up as his attacker leaned over him. As the Earth pony made a stab at Vantas’s head, the troll’s reflexes kicked in and Vantas moved his head to the right, barely avoiding the spear head as it plunged into the ground. Dropping his sickle, Vantas wrapped both his arms around Bramble Scout’s middle, before flinging the guard off of him. As Vantas began returning to his feet, a recovered Escutcheon charged towards the vulnerable Threshecutioner. Vantas grabbed his sickle, before with a furious swing he swatted Escutcheon away with the flat side of the tool.

Rune Blaze’s horn lit as he stepped towards the active fray. Building up energy, Rune Blaze smiled as his eyes narrowed on Vantas’s back. Suddenly, Pyrope was in front of him. His spell went out as Pyrope struck his horn with the flat side of her cane, sending waves of pain shooting towards his brain. Pyrope followed suit with an uppercut to the guard’s jaw, smashing him away. The wind whistled in her ear- Pyrope turned and raised her cane, blocking a blow from Cloud Cover. The Seer deftly gripped the other half of her cane, before with a swift strike she cleaved the pegasus’s spear in two. Discarding his now-useless weapon, Cloud Cover darted towards Pyrope and got a face full of boot for his troubles.

Pyrope grinned, before a blast of magic narrowly missed her, shooting right past her ear. Glancing backwards, she spotted Shining Armor on his hooves again, readying another energy beam. With a flap of her newly-acquired wings, Pyrope took to the sky, Shining’s attacks undershooting his mobile target. “Hey, Pyrope!” Vantas cried. Redglare glanced down to see Vantas again wrestling with Bramble Scout, a contest of strength which Vantas was quickly losing. “Urk- it’s a bit of a long shot, but any way we could maybe disable these guys permanently?”

“W3ll, only on3 w4y to know for sur3,” Pyrope replied. She glanced towards King Sombra, who stood taking the scene in with a harsh glare, the crystal ponies looking apprehensively at him. Bringing a hand to her forehead, Pyrope allowed her mind to flow, summoning the raging stream of consciousness to float a message in a bottle down to it’s dry shores.

“Br34k th31r h3lm3ts,” Pyrope ordered, grinning as the new information came to light. Vantas, his throat rapidly being crushed by the strong hooves gripping it, wasted no time applying Pyrope’s advice. Flailing his arms, Vantas knocked the helmet from Bramble Scout’s head. The guard’s expression mellowed, his eyes returning to their normal coloring. He dropped Vantas to the ground, where the troll lay for a while, gasping desperately for breath.

“What… what happened?” Bramble Scout asked.

With a cry of rage, Escutcheon came charging towards the two, his spear held aloft. The guard raised the weapon, preparing to bring it down on the pony before him. Bramble Scout’s hoof shot out, and socked his commanding officer in the face, hard. Escutcheon dropped his spear, his hoof instead flying to comfort his bleeding nose. Bramble Scout grabbed the Lieutenant’s helmet, tearing it from his skull.

“Oww,” Escutcheon groaned as his mind returned to him. “Private, if you could, next time attempt to disable me without any bodily harm. Err- thank you though.”

“No problem,” Bramble Scout replied. “I secretly wanted to do that for months.”

Pyrope dodged another beam of pink, bobbing and weaving around Shining’s attacks. Cloud Cover darted into the air after her. The pegasus zoomed towards the troll, his eyes narrowed in concentration as he made to ram into her stomach. Redglare grinned, reconnecting the two parts of her stabbing cane. As the guard approached, Pyrope swung the cane like a golf club, walloping Cloud Cover across the head. As he fell towards the ground, his body went one direction while his helmet went the other. Both crashed into the crystal earth, but only one shattered to pieces, and thankfully it wasn’t the pony. Rune Blaze took aim, releasing a scorching beam of light. Pyrope evaded the attack as easily as any others, flashing Rune Blaze a taunting grin. The unicorn’s expression fiercened as he fired several more bursts of magic- then a fist he’d never seen coming slammed into the side of his head, and Vantas knocked the guard to the ground, before snatching the helmet from him. Rune Blaze groaned, and slowly returned to his hooves, regaining his senses.

Shining Armor glanced at Epsilon Squad, freed from King Sombra’s puppetry, and at the trolls who’d singlehandedly brought it about. His scowl deepened, his horn crackling with powerful energy as he began invoke a majyck sealed away millennia ago, unlocked once again due only to the powerful rage building inside him. A cry of pure anger pierced through the plaza as Shining Armor’s green eyes and the black crystals on his helmet bubbled with strange and foreign energies, and-

A pair of pink hooves wrap around Shining’s helmet, yanking it off. The spell at the tip of his horn fizzles out, his furious wrath fading away. Shining Armor returns to reality.

“Ugh. What? How did…” The pair of hooves turn Shining around, eager to introduce him to a pair of lips. Shining Armor’s eyes widen as Cadence kisses him like she hasn’t in over a week. The two wrap each other in a loving embrace, as tears slowly trickle down Cadence’s cheek. Finally, they break away.

“No, seriously. What happened?” Shining asked.

“I thought I’d lost you forever,” Cadence almost sobbed. “I’m so glad I was wrong.” She kissed Shining Armor again, drawing an “Aww!” from practically every sentient being in a five mile radius.

Sombra glanced from Pyrope and Vantas to the triumphant looks on the crystal ponies’ faces. This was not going anywhere near how he planned it, but it was still salvageable. He had the Heart, and so long as the artifact remained within his possession, he could not lose. Everything else was a trivial annoyance.

Sombra’s internal dialogue was interrupted as a blast of purple struck him in the side of the chest. Sombra barely flinched, but instead fixed the attack’s originator with a furious gaze. Twilight Sparkle met his glare, showing full well that she would not back down- and neither would her recently freed friends. Twilight and Rarity fired another volley of beams at Sombra, forcing him to erect a large crystal to absorb the attacks. Applejack raced towards the crystal, Bramble Scout not far behind. Together, the two grabbed the crystal, and with a tremendous feat of strength managed to rip the spike from the ground. Sombra backed away in surprise.

“Surprise!” Pinkie shrieked as she suddenly appeared in Sombra’s field of vision. Yanking a banana cream pie from the temporal anomaly that was her mane, Pinkie Pie hurled the pastry at the shadow king. In a flash of purple, Sombra teleported out of the projectile’s path, appearing behind Pinkie. Seizing the mare in his telekinesis, Sombra hurled her into a crystal house. Pinkie flew into the building, slamming face first into the house before peeling slowly off the wall and dropping to the ground with an additional *Oof.*.

“Now!” Applejack cried. The farmer and her guard companion hefted the large crystal spike between them. Then, each taking a deep breath, they hurled the crystal like a javelin towards Sombra. The king, spotting the crystal incoming, vanished into a cloud of smoke. The crystal sailed harmlessly through his incorporeal form as Sombra’s head emerged from the tip of the shadowy figure. His horn lighting with dark magic, Sombra summoned at least a dozen of the same size crystals the earth ponies had attacked with, levitating them effortlessly around him. “Oh dear,” Applejack squeaked as Sombra sent the black crystals rocketing towards Bramble Scout and her.

“Get down!” Rune Blaze screamed as he rushed in front of the two. Hefting a smaller crystal intricately carved with shapes and symbols of glowing red, Rune Blaze flung the rock into the cloud of rapidly approaching crystal spears. Seconds later, the crystal detonated, consuming Sombra’s attack in an enormous magical explosion, pulverizing every crystal caught inside it. Rainbow Dash and Cloud Cover flew through the clearing smoke, zooming towards the shadow king. Coordinating their movements, the two pegasi split apart, before rushing towards Sombra from different angles, their hooves outstretched. Sombra gave a low growl before surrounding himself in a shield bubble of purple and green- both pegasi bounced off the shield, crashing to the ground. Sombra gave a smirk and dispelled the bubble… only for a third pegasus to slam into him from behind. Fluttershy tossed the tyrant into the air, and Sombra struggled to right himself and land on his hooves. The unicorn glanced up at the retreating pegasus. Charging up a ball of energy on the tip of his horn, Sombra released a blast of dark magic that exploded just in front of Fluttershy, the force of the blast sending her careening into an abandoned carnival stand.

Sombra didn’t have a chance to rest, as Escutcheon dashed towards the king, his twirling his spear as he relentlessly aggressed the tyrant. Crystal’s crept up Sombra’s hoof- seconds later he had a threatening looking crystal gauntlet, which Sombra used to block another of Escutcheon’s stabs. The Earth pony appeared undaunted, continuing his attempts to skewer the unicorn, adding in some martial arts kicks between jabs. Sombra evaded and blocked each attack, growing more frustrated by the second. “Yaah!” With a scream, Vantas joined the brawl, slashing at Sombra with his sickle. Sombra’s movements sped up, his shadowy form becoming almost a blur as he countered, dodged, and fought back against his aggressors. Finally, with a roar of rage, Sombra teleported away from the two. Immediately following his retreat, Sombra’s horn released an enormous burst of energy, a shockwave of black magic lifting ponies off their hooves and flinging them like rag dolls, sending Vantas flying and landing next to a stumbling Twilight Sparkle.

“This isn’t going to work,” Vantas advised as he got to his feet. “We need to get that Crystal Heart back. It’s the only thing that can stop him now.”

“I can see if I can create an opening,” Twilight groaned back, her eyes narrowing as possibilities raced through her head. “Or maybe I can distract him and get Pinkie to swipe it.”

“Hmm. Looks like somebody’s beating you to it,” Vantas said, pointing towards Shining Armor and Cadence, staring down the furious Sombra.

“Your time is nigh, Sombra,” Shining threatened. “As Prince of the Crystal Empire, I will defeat you.”

“Hmph. You?” Sombra laughed. “You couldn’t defeat me alone before, nor can you defeat me now!”

“Oh, but he’s not alone,” Cadence said, stepping up next to her husband. “He’s never alone. And neither am I.”

“We have each other,” Shining finished. “And you, Sombra, have no one.”

“Eh, company is overrated anywaysss,” Sombra dismissed. “Now finisssh your babbling already. I want to watch you ssscream.”

Sombra’s horn lit with a dark, foreboding aura. Lunging forwards, the black unicorn released an enormous beam of black magic. Cadence and Shining Armor responded as one, their blasts of pink and blue twisting and swirling together, a single beacon of heart and hope, a beam of light to counter Sombra’s darkness. The two attacks met at the crossroads of fate, a power struggle for superiority, a confrontation to determine an Empire’s destiny, and the glistening sweat and clenched teeth of both sides indicated that each was giving it their all, the beams in the middle fluctuating in power, struggling against the other, vying of dominance and control.

“No! 3nough of th3s3 stup1d b34m struggl3s!” Pyrope appeared from nowhere, darting towards Sombra with her leg outstretched. The tyrant never saw the kick coming, and as he crashed to the ground, his light of his horn winking out, Pyrope seized both opportunity and the Crystal Heart. “C4tch!” Pyrope called as she tossed the artifact toward Cadence. The alicorn took to the sky, seizing the relic in her telekinesis before turning towards its pedestal at the Palace’s base. With a swift movement of her horn, the Heart took it’s place floating between two spires of Crystal, hovering midair waiting for a jumpstart.

“Citizens of the Crystal Empire!” Cadence proclaimed, addressing the amazed crowd. “The Crystal Heart has returned. Lend us your love and compassion to ensure that King Sombra does not!”

“What? No!” Sombra screamed, turning towards the bright-eyed crystal ponies. “Let fear and sssorrow into your heartsss. SSSubmit to my rule!” As he said that, their coats lit up, their bodies became shiny as crystal, and the Heart began to glow. And with it, Sombra’s declarations became even more desperate. “No! You can’t! My fear isss inessscapable. None can defeat me!” As the very streets below him lit with a lovely glow, and the heart pulsated with brilliant energy, Sombra’s apprehension turned to panic. “You can’t. It’sss… not… posssible. No. No!” The Crystal Heart shone like a star, and a wave of amourous energy rushed outwards, sweeping across the empire like a comforting gust of wind, a calming light banishing whatever shadows flickered there before. “Nooo!!!” Sombra screeched as he felt himself crackle with energy, before he was shattered and swept away. “Noooooo…”

His voice faded off, now merely an unpleasant memory. The Empire was bright and sparkly, a beacon of hope already spreading love to all who lay eyes on it. Pyrope gaped at the sight in disbelief, Vantas at her side. The Elements of Harmony gazed proudly over the newly-reclaimed empire, while Epsilon Squad glanced at each other, silently congratulating each other on a job well done. Shining Armor had eyes only for Cadence. Cadence had eyes only for Shining Armor… and a warm bed. She hadn’t slept in days.

“Are you sure you have to go?” Twilight asked. Vantas and Pyrope stood at the edge of the Empire’s border, ready to exit into the snowy hills beyond the Heart’s protection.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Vantas answered. “We kind of left our friends on a sudden note. We wouldn’t want to leave them waiting… Though, they’ve probably been watching everything that’s been going on since we left.”

“Aha ha ha ha ha!”

“I still think the best part wwas his proposal. Smooth movves VVantas. Smooth movves.”

“Are you kidding? The 8est part was their impromptu musical num8er. Oh, I am never going to let them live that down!”

“22h. Guy2, they’re talkiing agaiin. Quiiet down.”

“Well, we were oftly glad to have you here,” Applejack told the trolls. “Ya’ll were a big help… even if we weren’t always on the same side.”

“Y34h. 1’m r34lly sorry 4bout th4t,” Pyrope said, her head lowering a bit.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Pinkie smiled. “You came around in the end and that’s all the readers really care about!”

Cadence stepped forth. “I would like to make it official. On behalf of the Crystal Empire, its citizens, and its allies, I would like to thank you both for your serviced in aiding the state of defeating a dangerous criminal. You are both welcome here, always.”

“Thanks, Cadence,” Vantas said. “Though, I kind of have to ask a favor. Put in a good work for me with the Princess, would you? All this animosity between us is kind of getting old.”

“We’ll make sure Princess Celestia hears all about what you did,” Fluttershy said warmly. “And I hope that this can be the beginning of something really excellent.”

“...Well, I think that’s about it,” Vantas said, raising a hand to wave goodbye. “I’ll see you all another day, I guess.”

“F4r3w3ll, pon13s,” Pyrope grinned. “1 n3v3r h4d 4 ch4nc3 to s4y th1s b3for3, but you 4ll sm3ll d3l1c1ous.” With that unsettling comment, the two trolls exited the Empire and walked off together into the snowy fields.

“Geez. That is one wriggling shitmaggot of a temperature drop,” Vantas groaned as he wrapped his arms around himself. “Brr. Let’s just transportalize back home, eh?”

“Hold 1t,” Pyrope said. “You s33, 1 s33m to r3c4ll 4 c3rt41n troll m4k1ng 4 d3cl4r4t1on of 4n 1nt1m4t3 k1nd.”

“Oh. Oooohhh,” Vantas moaned. “Oh yeah, about that. Listen, Pyrope, I’m sorry if I sort of put you on the spot there, and I understand if you don’t feel the same way about-” Vantas was cut off as Pyrope swooped in, planting a kiss on his puckered lips as she wrapped him in a tight embrace. Vantas gave an initial yelp of surprise, before slowly his eyes drooped closed and he returned the hug.

The two stood like that for several minutes. And then, the cold became too much to bear, and they transportalized away.

End of Chapter Three.

End of Act Five.

Author's Note

So that is a little late. Oh well. :derpytongue2:

(Feedback?)

Begin Act Six: Everything Changes.

Begin Act Six

Begin Chapter One

Years in the future, but not many

“Hey! Check this, Pinkie!”

Rainbow Dash zoomed past in a blinding flash of light, a brilliant burst of chromatic bliss that would make most weep at the beauty. Pinkie just rolled her eyes.

“Well done, Dashie. You’ve managed to travel in time, and all it took for me to get it was because I was reading the script. I’d probably be more impressed if it hadn’t taken you six hundred and twelve tries, but never mind that. You are so good, Dash.”

The aforementioned pony rolled her eyes. “Gee, Pinks. No need for sarcasm.”

Pinkie disagreed, and she said it out. “Yes there is, considering what’s going to happen now.”

“Huh?”

Pinkie sighed again. The years had turned her from a cheerful filly to a cynical mare. C’est la vie, as I love to say.

“Shut it, Scratch. Discord was way better than you.”

Surely you don’t mean you miss him? Even considering what he did?

“Th-that doesn’t matter!”

Doesn’t it?

“Shut up and get on with it.”

As you wish.

Dash waved her hoof over Pinkie’s eyes. “Ey, Pinks. Equis to Pinks.”
Pinkie glared. “Quit it, Dash. Scratch was being a pain.”

“Scratch is okay. You are being a pain.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Pinkie.”

The mare sighed. “I’m sorry, Dash. It’s just… You’ve probably noticed. All this. Everything that’s happened already. Everything that’s going to happen later. I can see it all, Dashie, and it’s nothing to be excited about.”

“Hey, easy Pinkie. We both know there are tough times ahead, but we also both know that the only way we’re gonna make it through the tunnel is if we see the bright light at its end. For Celestia’s sake, keep your chin up, Pinks.”

“You’re- you’re right. As usual. I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask,” Rainbow grinned. “Sooo, where were you going with your stroke of genius?”

“Ah, right. Remember Future Dash?”

“…Oh.”

“Yes.”

“But, is now the time?”

“Rainbow, the time doesn’t matter. You can go back whenever, but at some point you have to go back- that’s just the laws of time loops.”

“But what if I’m not ready now? What if I don’t remember everything I need to do?”

“You’ll do fine, Rainbow. I mean, at this point there’s not much more you can do. You know what goes wrong to create this doomed timeline and you know what you need to do to fix it. We can both remember how much of a help you were. Or, how much help you will be. Or… you know, never mind. It’s just-”

Shall I direct you back to the exact spot?

“Nah. I can find my own way. Seeya, Scratch.”

Rainbow Dash, Thief of Time, was in the air with a flap of her wings. She flicked her mane off her horn and lit it in an aura of magenta. The Alicorn sped up faster and faster, until her horn was letting off sparks of gold and purple. One final flap, and she disappeared, leaving twin trails of rainbow flames behind. Pinkie gave a small sigh at the departure of her friend. Soon this offshoot timeline would disappear along with an infinity of others, and she’d just be another Pinkie in a sea of others. She hoped that the other her wouldn’t end up so cynical. Even if she was a fool, at least she was a happy one. At least she never had to watch her friends die before her...

Back in the past…

A flash of rainbow heralded the arrival of a new Alicorn over Canterlot. Clad in the pajamas of a Hero of time, she banked low and landed on top of Luna’s Observatory. She hopped onto a balcony and peeked into the empty room.
With a grin, the newest Alicorn hopped onto the bed. There, she composed a message.

Ey, Luna.
Lazing time’s over. Trolls aren’t a threat, you got it all wrong. Our enemy’s that changeling. Noir. Here’s to hoping he ain’t Ascended yet.
I’m waiting in your room. We need to talk.
-Thief of Time

Looking it over, the Alicorn incinerated it in a breath of dragonfire, and watched the nigh-invisible smoke escape from the window.

Satisfied that her missive was sent, she stretched herself out on the bed and waited. More likely than not, there was still time. At least for now.

“Canterlot has always held a moniker of being a, shall we say, proper city. Being occupied primarily by unicorns of considerable wealth and social standing, the capital of Equestria has obtained, and in some ways deserves, a reputation for being rife with upper-class ponies. A running joke among outsiders essentially portrays the greatest cause of injury within Canterlot to be tripping, as no pony ever looks at their hooves. And while this repute of snootiness may be hyperbolized, it is not entirely inaccurate. I might be the first to admit that I see nobles trip over a loose piece of brick or stonework with alarming frequency, and I might even declare the spectacle to be almost humorous if I wasn’t also aware that it costs many a worker-pony their jobs. But here’s something that may surprise anypony of the opinion that Canterlot is nothing but stuck-up social circles- Canterlot has quite an active network of underground clubs and dance halls. Unbelieveable as it may seem, it’s not entirely illogical. Children grow up in Canterlot same as any other place, and teenagers trapped in a city where everything is built on respect and politeness are perhaps the most likely to rebel. And though it may be horrifying to their parents, it’s good business for me. After all, I work there.

“Hmm… no, I don’t work there. To use the word “there” would imply that I’m employed under only one establishment, which is false. I bring my skills to a variety of establishments, all of whom are quite grateful for my business. You see, I am a specialist when it comes to the delicate art of music. Despite popular opinion, there is much more to spinning a record than meets the eye, a whole plethora of behind the scenes technicals and aesthetics that anypony familiar enough in the business can tell are impressive, considering they’re run only by one pony. That pony of course being me. Also in contrary to popular opinion, despite having such a wild job my personality may not quite seem to match my occupation. But don’t let the perceived difference jar you, readers. Make no mistake, in the end it’s all the same no matter where you turn, and I’m no longer talking only about music.

“Oh yes, but I don’t believe I’ve yet introduced myself. My name is Scratch. Doc Scratch, technically. PhD, musical theory and cognition. Most know me, however, under the pseudonym DJ-Pon3.

“Hmm… ah, but enough about that now. I sense that both me and my narrating friend know that these things may not be relevant for awhile. Why, it could very well be pages and pages…”

Scratch, I don’t have to keep the focus on you. You’re aware I can switch away at any moment.

“Is that so? And why haven’t you?”

I felt some foreshadowing would be appropriate, and you usually fit the bill.

“Haa haa. Hee hee. Hoo hoo. It’s quite a feat, ‘Mr. Narrator,’ when you can cause an omniscient being to laugh. Now, to start on that ridiculous sentence you just let pass your furry lips, we both know your intentions toward my appearance are a bit less than completely noble.”

Do we? Do we know that?

“Oh? Is it that only I know the truth? Ah, the immortal pain of omniscients- everyone else is always dumber than you. No, but moving on from this point, secondly- I ‘fit the bill?’ ‘Narrator.’ Poor, sweet, deluded ‘Narrator.’

“I work for the one responsible for this world’s existence and for this world’s events and who will be responsible for this world’s death. I am his instrument of manipulation, the silken voice through which he speaks to calm the masses who ought to be rioting. I am the epitome of ulteriorly motivated machination. If he is the bomb destined to destroy all of Paradox Space then I am the fuse that leads to him.

“I think I deserve a bit more credit than simply fitting the bill.”

Ugh. I’ve had about enough of your narcissism, you know. How about a change of scenery.

“Is that truly the attitude you wish to take against your inevitable successor? Surely it must be better to work together than against each other?”

I said scene change. Now.

“Hmph. Suit yourself. I’m tired of talking to a blank wall anyways.”

Tired though they may be, five ponies nonetheless made their way to the second tallest tower of Canterlot Palace in the late hours of the night. It may have seemed crazy to them, meeting so late, but their friend had requested their presence, and so there they were.

“What I don’t understand,” Twilight was telling the group as they trudged up the stairs, “is why she asked to meet us in Luna’s room. I mean, we’ve all got our own rooms too, right? So what’s the purpose of this?”

Rarity let out a yawn. “Oh, dreadfully sorry dears,” she apologized. “It’s just- *Yawn*- why did she set the meeting for this confounded hour? I don’t always need my beauty sleep, but I at least need sleep.”

“Aw, you lot are just a bunch of sissies,” Applejack dismissed.

“Oh, like you haven’t suffered from sleep deprivation before, AJ,” Rarity teased. “I still remember a certain applebuck season.”

“Wha- hey! I thought we agreed never t’ah talk about that again!” Applejack growled.

“Oh, I’m just teasing,” Rarity said, grinning good naturedly. Applejack gave a sigh, and then turned away.

“Whadya think this is all about?” Pinkie asked, seemingly energetic as ever. “I mean, maybe there’s this new trick she wants to show us or she’s discovered some secret passage beneath the castle or she’s found a way to make Princess Celestia-”

“Ugh. Princess Celestia. Please don’t mention her. I can’t believe how badly that went,” Twilight moaned.

“I don’t think it went all that badly,” Fluttershy consoled. “We presented our case. Celestia pointed out a number of holes in our theory.”

“I know. And that’s the part I hate,” Twilight sighed. “Have any of you ever- what am I saying, none of you have written a scientific paper. It’s a draining process. There’s such a rigorous air of skepticism and peer-review that unless you’ve got perfectly phrased, indisputable evidence you’re going to be sent away. There’s nothing wrong with that, I mean, but… It’s just frustrating.”

“Well if that’s how it works, then all that means is we’ll need some indisputable evidence towards the troll’s innocence to clear them,” Applejack said.

“It’s just that you’d think that helping to free the Crystal Empire would be about as indisputable as possible, but no! ‘So long as it benefits the trolls we can’t be sure it’s benign.’”

“Well Twilight, Celestia wasn’t there,” Fluttershy said. “She didn’t see what happened first hoof, and she’s just used to the idea that the trolls are evil. Sure ponies change, but with such delicate cases here, she needs be sure. I think she just needs to see this for herself.”

“You’re… you’re probably right, Fluttershy,” Twilight concedes. “It’s just a little frustrating, and- you know, let’s stop talking about this. We’re almost to the top now, so let’s all just go see what Rainbow’s note was about.”

To their surprise, Rainbow was nowhere to be seen; the hallway before Luna’s room was completely barren. “But- she said she would meet us-” Twilight sputtered, glancing around. Her friends made to join her search before a soft knocking on the window drew their attention. Applejack raised an eyebrow at this, but turned to the window anyways and opened it up. To everypony’s surprise, Rainbow Dash crawled into the hallway.

“Rainbow!” Rarity cried.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I’m late- did I miss the meeting? I was out flying all day, and didn’t see the note in my room until just now. What’s this all about anyways…”

“But- Rainbow, our notes said that you called this meeting,” Twilight said. Rainbow gave a bewildered look at this.

“But- I didn’t! Like I said, I didn’t even know we were having a meeting until a couple minutes ago. My note just said this meeting was being called by some ‘Thief of Time,’ or whatever, but this? Has somepony been going around pretending to be me?”

Sensing the entire group’s confusion, Twilight called for order. “Look- obviously something is up and we need to figure out what’s going on. But we were told to meet in Princess Luna’s tower, so maybe if we just… reached out…” Tentatively, the little unicorn reached out her hoof and gently knocked on the door to Luna’s room. To her surprise the door opened. To her greater surprise, it was Princess Luna who opened it.

“P-p-princess Luna,” Twilight stuttered.

“Yer back? When did you get here?” Applejack inquired.

“Those are some- err, nice additions to your look,” Rarity said, noticing that Luna now wore a pair of triangular sunglasses and a gray baseball cap.

“Why thank you, Rarity,” Luna replied. “In fact I acquired these quite recently, and I love the effect. It’s very imposing, especially when paired with this.” With the singing of metal on metal, Luna drew a long, thin sword from a sheath hanging on her side. The Elements all reflexively drew back from the weapon. “Ah yes. I forgot you didn’t just spend the last… how long has it been? Weeks? Months? Ah whatever. I forgot you haven’t been training for awhile. And to answer your question, Applejack, I only got back perhaps fifteen minutes ago. You see, I-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “Excuse me, Princess Luna, but I think there’s been some misunderstanding or something. See, we were all called here by notes written by somepony claiming to be me, and, well, I just got some suspicious false-name on my note. So were you the one who gathered us, or-”

“No, actually,” Luna said. “I am but another pony, gathered by the orchestrater of the meeting, and I think it’ll all make sense if I were to just step back for a moment.” Luna took a step away from the door, revealing the interior of her room to the Elements- and more importantly, the mare sitting on the bed. They took in her rainbow mane. Then her cyan coat. Then the snug red pajamas. And then the horn poking through her mane.

“Well it’s about time you got here,” Alicorn Princess Rainbow Dash addressed her shocked guests, grinning a cocky smile unmarred by age or inconsistencies. “But not everypony is here yet, so you’ll have to excuse me a moment. I should be back in… oh, a minute or two.” And then, with a flash of colors and a strong breeze, Rainbow Dash was out the window and gone.

Hive Lord Noir was stalking through the halls of Hive Chrysalis, the claws of his metallic replacement leg clicking against the obsidian floor. He glared at passing drones, who cowered before him, all too aware of their officer’s attitude. Then his view fell away from the underlings, resting instead on the door of her highness’s chambers. Soon. Soon? No. Now.

The throne room doors exploded inwards as Noir burst into Chrysalis’s chamber. The queen looked up for a moment, before turning back to the attendant Changeling giving her a hooficure. “I told you not to disturb me, Noir. What’s so important that you’d defy a direct order?”

A jet of green pierced through the queen’s servant, who seconds later toppled to the floor and expired. Chrysalis looked up in shock, glancing back towards Noir and only now noticing the murderous expression on his face. “Noir,” she whispered. “You had a chance to make up for everything you’ve done. You just lost it.”

“I know,” Noir replied. “Listen up you little bitch. I’m tired of you. I am going to kill you, and then I’m going to take my rightful place on your throne.”

“Well, I welcome you to try,” Chrysalis grinned, stepping down from her throne and assuming a fighting stance.

Noir leapt forwards, charging towards the queen, knife outstretched. With a jolt, however, he impacted against a barrier of green energy, bouncing off the shield like a car crashing off a house. Noir quickly forced himself to his hooves, and slashed and hacked away at the shield with a knife, while Chrysalis stood a meter or so away, looking unimpressed. Chrysalis lit her horn again, snaring Noir in her telekinesis, before with a gesture of her head she flung the dignitary into the throne room wall, where he disappeared in a cloud of dust.

“Now Noir,” Chrysalis taunted, dispelling her shield. “that was pathetic. I’m hoping to enjoy this, so don’t tell me that’s all you’ve got.” In response, a knife flew from the cloud of debris. Chrysalis flinched backwards, catching the knife telekinetically with its tip only centimeters from her face. The green aura gripping the weapon intensified as the blade melted into molten slag. Chrysalis dropped the melted slop to the ground and looked up, catching sight of Noir reemerging from the new dent in her chamber wall. He held a knife between his teeth, and his eyes glowed with flames of fury. “Heh. That’s better,” Chrysalis grinned.

Noir flung another knife queen-ward before spreading his wings and climbing into the air. He reached the peak of his ascent, before spiking downwards in a rush towards Chrysalis, knife drawn. Chrysalis deflected the thrown weapon with a burst of magic, before turning upwards and blasting Noir away in the same manner. The Hive Lord was sent flying up until he crashed into the ceiling, which shook with his impact, letting a bit of dust fall to the floor. Noir pried himself from the room before, with a flare of green, he teleported behind the queen. Noir made another leap with a knife, a leap which Chrysalis, in one fluid motion, dodged and then countered, leaning to the side to evade Noir’s attack before striking back with a roundhouse kick that flung Noir to another wall.

Noir rose, turning and scaling the wall with his insectile physiology, before turning again and raining a barrage of magic blasts towards Chrysalis. The queen avoided the first volley by leaping backwards, the bursts of green scorching the floor where she’d stood. Chrysalis’s horn lit with a brilliant glow, and her form shimmered as if viewed through a veil of heat. With a flash, magical duplicates filled the room, mirror images of herself blinking into existence until Noir found himself faced with a veritable platoon of Chrysalises scowling at him from the ground. As he continued to glance around in confusion, trying to spot the true queen through all the imposters, one of the Chrysalises lit her horn, before releasing a beam of magic striking the wall just above Noir. A portion of the wall crumbled away, taking Noir with it as he crashed to the floor in a rain of debris.

Noir got to his hooves and noticed Chrysalis and her innumerable clones closing in. With a growl, a variety of knives appeared in his right hoof. His growl become a roar as he flung the collection of blades towards a group of queens. Each clone gave a jolt and flashed out of existence as a knife found its way through each of them. Noir turned to another group, and flung another series of blades in their direction. Again, each vanished into nothingness as knives flew through them. With just a little bit of a flourish, Noir twirled a final knife in his hoof, before launching himself towards the only Chrysalis remaining, and dropped the cold-blooded line he’d spent an hour coming up with beforehand.

“Hate to cut and run.” Noir made a broad slashing motion as his pounce entered range, and he expected to see a spurt of blood followed by an heart-warming cry of pain. It was to his considerable shock, then, when the Chrysalis clone simply wavered and vanished, and Noir passed through the space it had occupied unhindered. “Another one!?” he cried. “But then- where is-”

He never got to finish the question as a blast of magic sent him tumbling forwards, his face skidding across the ground. Getting up, he turned and saw the final Chrysalis behind him, sporting a rage-inducing smirk. Noir, induced with rage, sprinted towards the queen, waving his knife wildly. Chrysalis’s horn lit, and Noir’s froze, his wrist caught in the monarch’s telekinetic clutches. There was a snapping sound as Noir’s wrist twisted against his will, and he dropped the knife and made to grab the warped, mangled limb, to soothe the intense pain. As Noir become vulnerable, Chrysalis rushed forwards. Her front hooves lit, engulfed in green flames as she delivered a punch to Noir’s face that sent him stumbling back. She followed with a barrage of fiery strikes, each hit sending the Hive Lord hobbling backwards, drawing grunts of pain from the dignitary, leaving searing marks on his black chitin. With a flaming uppercut to the jaw, Chrysalis sent Noir tumbling over backwards, sprawling across the floor. Noir made to rise, before he found Chrysalis’s hoof at his throat, pinning him to the ground.

“It’s too bad it had to go this way, Noir,” Chrysalis told the Hive Lord from above, speaking in a soft, silken tone. “We could have been so much more.” She leaned down and kissed the pinned Noir, drawing out a cry of surprise. Then, with a quick application of pressure, she crushed Noir’s neck beneath her hoof.

She turned away, ignoring the slowly fading sounds of gagging, as her subordinate expired. “Drone Director!” she called, signalling for DD. “Send up some janitors. There’s a corpse here I need you to dispose of. Wait-” she glanced towards the attendant changeling lying next to her throne, pierced through the middle. “Two corpses.” And then the room lit with a purple glow. Chrysalis whirled and found Noir’s body lying motionless, engulfed in a violet aura, words scrawled into the air above him. Just.

“What? No! No no no nono no!” Chrysalis screamed as Noir’s body began to rise. She dashed towards the ascending corpse, but a flash of red sent her tumbling away. She rose, and glancing towards Noir, looked on in horror as the glow surrounding his body faded from purple into brilliant, bloody red. The air around him crackled with bursts of scarlet energy, sizzling bolts of red lightning. The glow around him intensified as, with a blaze of light, tendrils of red energy spread from Noir’s body, twisting and arching and spreading outwards like the vermillion roots of some crimson tree. With a start, the tendrils curved, spearing their way back towards Noir, wrapping themselves around him until he was lost within a sphere of swirling red. The Blood symbol appeared from within the sphere, a signal within a raging bloodstorm. Suddenly, the raging red dispersed in a shockwave of energy that sent Chrysalis sprawling to the ground. When she rose to her hooves, she turned just in time to see Noir’s hooves touch the ground, clothed in an outfit of burgundy, the Blood symbol shimmering on his chest like an open wound. His eyes opened- green irises flecked with sparks of red, and slowly his lips curled into a grin.

Chrysalis gave a start as Noir burst towards her, gliding low across the ground and bodyslamming into her. Chrysalis stumbled back, and Noir pressed forth. There was a small flash as a horse-topped cane of iron appeared in his grip. Noir swung the hitcher, catching Chrysalis in the cheek, knocking her aside. A final knife appeared in Noir’s grip, and with a spurt of blood Chrysalis found the blade lodged within her chest. With a sharp gasp, she toppled to the floor, green slowly leaking from her wound. She glanced up at Noir, the emblem of hatred and fury, before she closed her eyes and stirred no more.

Noir grinned at the beautiful sight of his ex-queen’s corpse. He let out a laugh, a cackle soaked in malicious joy. “Hehehe ha hahaha hehe! I’ve done it! The queen is dead- long live the lord! Hahaha ha ha!” His grin stretched wider as his knife rose and then fell, severing Chrysalis’s crown from her head. He picked the object up, the black crown glimmering in the soft light. “It’s finally mine,” Noir crooned, examining the object more closely. “The Crown of Orbs Fourfold.” Slowly, the orbs atop the crown blinked on and off. One blinked blue, the next blinked purple, and the one after that green. One stayed dark.

Slowly, dramatically, Noir placed the crown atop his head, and his form became engulfed in light…

“Alright,” Ampora said, gesturing to a sprawling map laid out over a table. “So, wwe bust in through here, take out the guards-”

“We rus)( to cut the power-” Peixes added.

“WWe use the chaos to our advvantage-”

“We )(ead for the palace proper-”

A knocking sounded through their room. Ampora turned towards the door, but found it already open, and completely empty. Peixes, on the other hand, turned toward the window. Her mouth dropped open, and as she put a hand on Ampora’s shoulder, gesturing him towards the window, his did as well.

“Um- guys?” Ampora called to the rest of the lab. “You probably wwant to see this.” Then he turned back towards the window, staring at the blue alicorn with the rainbow mane knocking at the portal.

End Chapter One.

Author's Note

Jack: Ascend. Equestria style.

Shits are fucked, and Luna's Bro.
Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen next.

As I keep asking, please tell me what you thought.

Act Six Chapter 2: Everything Goes To Hell

Begin Chapter Two

Vantas strode toward the seadwellers’ room with a roll of his eyes. “You can’t be serious,” he groaned towards Ampora and Peixes. The fishy trolls pointed towards the window- Vantas’s gaze followed their gestures. “Holy asslicking fucksticks, you were actually serious.”

“Yep. That’2 a pony, alriight. IIn god tiier robe2. Out2iide our wiindow,” Captor deadpanned as the rest of the trolls slowly filed into the room and caught sight of the prismatic alicorn floating outside their base. Rainbow Dash gave a series of knocks on the window.

“... --- --..-- / .. ... / ... --- -- . .--. --- -. -.-- / --. --- -. -. .- / .-.. . - / -- . / .. -. / --- .-. / .-- .... .- - ..--..”

“Uh… so, wwhat’re wwe gonna do about her?” Ampora asked. “I get that wwe havve this tenuous no killing rule… at least I think wwe do… But on the other fin, wwe kind of need to keep the moonbase a secret.”

“We definitely need t0 keep this place a secret and all, but that’s n0 reas0n t0 kill anyb0dy!” Megido cried. “H0w ab0ut we invite her in and just s0rt 0f c0nvince her why she sh0uldn’t tell any0ne.”

“I’m sorry, I’m still wondering how the fuck Rainbow became an alicorn!” Vantas grumbled.

“.... . .-.. .-.. --- ..--.. / -.-. .- -. / .- -. -.-- .--. --- -. -.-- / .... . .-. . / -- . ..--..” Rainbow knocked.

“Uh… guys?” Nitram called.

“Pssh. You don’t just convince someone not to revveal vvital information,” Ampora scoffed. “It doesn’t wwork like that.”

“And Why Shouldn’t It?” Maryam asked. “It’s Not As If Any Of Us Has Ever Considered We Give Armistice A Chance, Let Alone Proposed The Idea.”

“No one but you, that is. I suppose that makes you better than us, eh?” Ampora snarked.

“Guys,” Nitram yelled.

“Hardly. You’re Simply Attempting To Discredit My Point By Implying That This Is A Matter Of Personal Pride And Not Pure Logistics,” Maryam replied dryly.

“WWell, it’s not particularly difficult to settle this argument,” Ampora grinned. He turned toward the green-robed Seer of Mind. “Hey, Pyrope! WWhat’ll happen if wwe don’t kill Princess Dash?”

“Wh4t? How 4m 1 suppos3d to know?” Pyrope questioned.

“Howw are you- you’re the flippin Seer of Mind! You’re supposed to knoww this sorta stuff!” Ampora screamed.

“My pow3rs r3volv3 4round us1ng som3on3’s d3c1s1on m4k1ng proc3ss to pr3d1ct th3m. ‘Pr1nc3ss D4sh’ 1s 4 compl3t3ly un3xp3ct3d f4ctor. How do you 3xp3ct m3 to d34l w1th th4t?” Pyrope clarified, an edge in her voice halfway between frustrated and unamused.

“WWell… I-”

“GUYS!” Nitram hailed. Finally, the arguing trolls turned towards the Page of Breath, whose face held an exasperated expression. “1f you’d shut up a moment, 1’d 8e a8le to tell you that Ra1n8ow’s try1ng to talk to us.”

“What? How?” Ampora stammered.

“-.-- --- ..- / - .-. --- .-.. .-.. ... / .- .-. . / ... .-.. --- .-- / .- ... / -- --- .-.. .- ... ... . ... .-.-.- / -.-- --- ..- / -.- -. --- .-- / - .... .- - ..--..” Rainbow knocked.

“Well, there’s no call for you to 8e rude!” Nitram scolded the alicorn outside the window. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes in response.

“No call for- wait! You don’t mean...” Karkat groaned.

“Yep,” Nitram replied. “Morse Code.”

“Pssssssssh! You memorized Morse Code?” Serket laughed. “Nitram, you’re such a 8oy scout.”

“Hey! 1t never hurts to 8e prepared,” Nitram countered.

“.- .-.. .-. .. --. .... - --..-- / .. .----. ...- . / .... .- -.. / .- -... --- ..- - / . -. --- ..- --. .... .-.-.- / .. .----. -- / .--- ..- ... - / --. --- -. -. .- / - . .-.. . .--. --- .-. - / .. -. .-.-.-” Rainbow knocked.

“Alright, Scout, what did she just say?” Serket challenged.

“Work1ng on 1t,” Nitram shouted back. “Alr1ght- huh, that’s the f1rst word. Alr1ght, 1’ve... had enough… 1’m just gonna… teleport-”

Not a second after Nitram had finished the word, a flash of light and accompanying sound effect signaled Rainbow’s entrance. The Alicorn shook herself a little, shivering. “About time I came in. You’d be surprised how cold it is out in the endless vacuum of space.”

“WWha- howw did you get in here?” Eridan cried.

“Um- I teleported. Pretty obvious,” Rainbow deadpanned.

“No, but- howw did you find us in the first place?”

“Almost didn’t actually,” Rainbow replied. She glanced towards Zahhak. “Your Voidy thing is working pretty well. It took me a little longer than expected to find you.”

“:33< Oh! That’s great to hear!” Leijon grinned.

“Yeah, whatever,” Rainbow said, mostly ignoring the Huntress. Maryam, on the other hand… “Hey, Maryam!” Rainbow called. “I meant to ask- can I borrow a lipstick?”

“...Lipstick? I’m Sure There Is No Tube Of Lipstick Lying In My Pocket. There Is, However, A Chainsaw,” Maryam replied, her straight words hiding a sly smile.

“Fine, can I borrow that then?” Rainbow groaned. Maryam tossed her the saw, which Rainbow captchalogued in her sylladex.

“Wait a minute, how the hell do you have a sylladex?” Karkat cried. “And why the fuck are you even here? And when did you ascend to alicorndom?”

“Alicorndom? Bro, is that even a word?” Makara’s voice faded in from the background.

“0h c0me 0n Vantas! The answer is kind 0f 0bvi0us,” Megido smiled.

“What? No it isn’t. I can’t for the life of me think of a way that Rainbow Dash somehow ascended to both God Tier and alicorndom, if that is in fact a word, in the span of time since we last saw her!”

“1t 1s k1nd of obv1ous, 4ctu4lly,” Pyrope said. “1 m31n, th1nk 4bout 1t. V3rs1on of D4sh w1th knowl3dg3 sh3 shouldn’t h4v3, who’s 4pp4r3ntly sc4l3d th3 3ch3l4dd3r 1n 4 s33m1ngly m1nut3 p3r1od of t1m3? Th3r3’s r34lly only on3 4nsw3r.”

Vantas’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean-”

Rainbow grinned. “Yeah. To avoid confusion, you probably ought to call me Future Dash.” She then took a glance at her wrist. “Welp, would you look at the time, I oughta be getting back to Equus. And, uh, you better be coming with me.”

“Wait, what?” Vantas asked. He got no reply- instead, a spiralling mix of colors flashed through the lab, filling everyone’s vision with spots. When the dazzling light faded away, the complex was deserted, save for an empty war map at an abandoned table.

With a flash of brilliant iridescence, Future Dash materialized in Luna’s room, twelve Doomed Gods appearing alongside her. “Hey. Sorry it took so long,” Dash apologized, rubbing the back of her head as her tagalongs glanced to and fro, surprised by the sudden change of location.

“Err- you’ve only been gone about two minutes,” Twilight said, glancing at a clock on the wall.

“...Right. Time shenanigans.”

“Egads, Rainbow. Your prismatic entrance hath smote mine corneas,” Luna cried, lifting her shades to rub at her eyeballs.

“Gah!” Vantas cried, stumbling backwards at the sight of the Princess of the Night. He fell to the floor, bringing up his arms to protect himself. Serket, on the other hand, sprang into action, dashing towards Luna, rushing to attack.

“Woah! Hold it, there,” Dash interrupted, telekinetically grabbing Serket’s cape.

“Hold it there!?” Serket cried, whirling around. “Fuck you! You just teleported us into a trap!”

“Hey, no I didn’t!” Future Dash shouted back. “We’re all friends here. We’re all gonna sit down and I’ll do some expository thing and we’ll all be friends. Hear that?”

“Oh for the love of gog, what the hell are you talking about, and what the fuck is she doing here!?” Vantas screamed, jabbing a finger in Luna’s direction.

“Yeah, what he said! But with less swearing and general angriness!” Pinkie giggled.

“No forget that! Let’s get out of here 8efore they can trick us anymore!” Serket ordered, struggling in Future Dash’s clutches.

“Serket, I Don’t Believe That Our Host’s Intentions Are So Nearly Malignant, And I Think You’d Notice That if You’d Calm Down For But A Moment,” Maryam advised.

“Uh, Twi? Were these twelve always so chaotic?” Applejack whispered, watching as the trolls’ argument regressed into a match of amplitude.

“I… don’t think so?” Twilight replied. “Then again, the only times we’ve ever actually seen them is under stressing circumstances that demand unification. Maybe they’re dysfunctional unless they’re in a pinch?”

“Twilight dear, I’d recommend you cover your ears,” Rarity piped up.

“What? Why?”

“Well, you see, I think Princess Luna is taking a deep breath.”

“Wha- oh. OH.” Twilight’s eyes widened in understanding, and with a quick spell she conjured several pairs of earplugs. Just in time too- Luna took a step toward the trolls, and opened her mouth.

The Royal Canterlot Voice is a relic of the past, and yet a fundamentally intriguing one. It plays into psychological aspects, views of authority and the power of volume. Many a being once prideful and feared has found itself cowed in the face of the overwhelming might of the Voice, and has then slunk off with its tail between its legs, perhaps under the effects of the familiar feeling of maternal scolding. The Voice is just so compelling, a blunt tool of manipulation nonetheless effective. Some have theorized that the very nature of the Voice contains manipulative spells woven into it, while others simply state that you usually listen to the loudest pony. Whatever the case, when Luna used the Voice it worked.

“I Command Thee, Cease Your Petty Squabbles At Once. Important Matters Rise Ever Higher O’er The Horizon, And Thy Childish Fizgigs Shalt Not Be The Ones To Doom Us All!” Luna shouted. Mmm… no, shouted is nowhere near a strong enough word. Luna vocalized the equivalent of the population of Luxembourg all screaming at the top of their lungs an order to stop acting like a child and get to work.

Needless to say, the trolls obeyed.

“Thank you, Luna,” Future Dash said, gratefully. “And now that I think I have all your attention, I can start with the explanations.”

“Yes. Please do,” Karkat snarked. One glance from Luna shut him up.

“As I was saying, and as many of you have probably guess, I am from the future,” Future Dash said. “In order to differentiate between me and the version of me from this timeline, I’d like you to call me Future Dash.”

“Original,” Serket snarked. Luna gave her a sour look. Serket returned it.

“As I was saying,” Future Dash interrupted, her voice holding a frustrated tone, “I come from an alternate timeline. A doomed timeline. Here’s the thing, guys- in the future, shit goes down and you guys mess up. We were all supposed to rise to the occasion or whatever, but instead we all died.” A couple of the room’s occupants, ponies mostly, gave a short gasp at this.

“A-are you joking?” Rainbow Dash (the indigenous one, that is,) interrupted, a little bit hesitantly. “I mean, how could any of us die? We’re far too awesome for that.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” Future Dash asked. Rainbow caught one look at her alternate self’s expression and froze. Then, a with a little bit of shame, she turned away. “I’m not. “ Future Dash clarified. “For a variety of reasons, in the future everything goes to hell and last I left it Pinkie and I were pretty much the only ones alive.”

“Reasons? What sort of reasons?” Twilight asked.

“I’m getting to that,” Future Dash replied.

“But art thou sure you wish to share your futuristic knowledge with… them?” Luna asked, casting a disapproving glare in the direction of the trolls.

“Don’t get cocky, Lulu,” Ampora replied, twirling his wand between his fingers. “As I recall, wwe mopped the floor wwith you last time.”

“And We would most enjoy seeing you attempt it again,” Luna responded, laying a hoof on the handle of her sheathed katana. “We’ve been told not to attack you, as apparently you are valuable allies. This, of course, remains to be seen.”

“Alright, hold up everpony!” Future Dash screeched. “All this arguing is exactly the reason that everything went to hell in the first place!”The arguing parties turned towards her, blushing a little at being called out.

“Wh4t do you m34n ‘4ll th1s 4rgu1ng?’” Pyrope inquired.

“I mean, one of the big reasons that we lost in the future was because nopony could agree on anything!” Future Dash shouted back. “Even after we all agreed that we had to work together, we were so discordant that barely any decisions were made. We couldn’t agree on plan of attack, our next step, heck, what to order for dinner! And don’t even get me started on what happened before we all agreed to team up.”

“Why? What happened?” Rarity asked.

“Well, there was that time Ampora killed Twilight in a hope-fueled rage,” Future Dash offered. The trolls closest to Ampora took a slow step away as the seadweller cast a nervous glance in Twilight’s direction. “Or the time that Applejack lynched Zahhak in a vengeance-fueled rampage.” Leijon gave a gasp, and Applejack turned a little green. “Oh, and there was the time Nitram and Fluttershy both went insane, killed a bunch of people, and were only stopped when they killed each other.”

“OK, now I know you’re just making this all up,” Serket challenged.

“Nope. That actually happened,” Future Dash responded. “And it wasn’t pretty.” Nitram glanced nervously at himself, while Fluttershy looked a little faint. “Yeah, needless to say we oughta dispel any notions of being enemies here and now,” Future Dash ordered. “Because there’s some serious events coming up and we’re gonna need the power of teamwork to pull through… shoot, that sounded really cheesy, didn’t it? Ah well.”

“So, what exactly went wrong in your timeline?” Twilight asked.

“Well… it was definitely a gradual degradation, but I suppose if you want to get specific it all started when that Hive Lord committed regicide…”

“This is a bright day for the Epsilon Squad!” Bramble Scout declared to no one in particular as he waltzed through the clouded streets. “A personal thanking from Princess Celestia herself, and a promotion! This sure is the high life!”

“...I dunno. Is it really all that great?” Rune Blaze asked. “I feel like like I’m walking on a big ball of cotton.”

“Yeah! And walking on cotton feels amazing!” Bramble Scout grinned.

“You sure about that?” Rune Blaze challenged. “I mean- it’s all so flimsy and unsupportive! I feel like at any minute I’m about to fall to my death.”

“Pssh. OK, Blaze, you’ve got to be joking,” Cloud Cover teased, hovering above the group. “Please don’t tell me that we got elected to the elite Cloudsdale guard and you still found something to complain about.”

“Alright you three, calm down back there,” Escutcheon called from the head of the group. “I’d like to think that being promoted to the Cloudsdale guard should be a call for you to act more maturely.”

“But sir-”

“Private Rune Blaze, look at all these ponies!” Escutcheon lectured, pointing towards the multitude of pegasi perusing the sunny streets, drifting idly through the sky or racing around the buildings. “All these innocent lives are in constant danger! A criminal lurks could lurk around every corner, or worse, every corner! We are the shield that’s called upon to protect these ponies. This is a serious business, Privates, and you lot need to start acting like it.”

“But sir, this cloudwalking spell itches,” Rune Blaze whined, trying to scratch beneath his armor.

“You’re a smart pony, Private. Do something about it.”

“Hey Team?” Bramble Scout interrupted, raising a hoof to gesture toward the sky. “What’s that?”

A spot of black appeared on the horizon, gradually growing bigger as it approached. Escutcheon narrowed his eyes. “That,” he muttered darkly, “is trouble.” He raised his voice. “Squad! We have an unidentified flying object, approaching from east. Prepare for the first sign of attack!”

The squad nodded, their hooves flying across the fluffy streets as the raced to meet the ever-approaching figure. The black object zoomed forwards, and slammed through a nearest house. As the squad scrambled away from the point of impact to get a better line of attack, it shook itself free from loose clouds. Rune Blaze’s eyes widened. He knew the shape, yet for the life of him he did not understand how had it happened.

The form of High Lord Noir unfolded himself. Taking advantage of Narrative Causalty, he allowed for a shot as dramatic as possible.

“Your subtlety truly knows no bounds.”

Scratch, quit it. I’m in the middle of some drama here.

“Exactly. Is this truly necessary?”

‘Course it is. Now stop hounding for my position. It’s not going to happen.

He truly had changed since the Invasion. Metallic claws-

“I was not finished.”

Gah! Stop it! I am trying to tell a story here, and you are NOT helping!

“You know why I’m doing this.”

Because in some alternate future you had the honor? HA! You can’t narrate your way out of a paper bag!

“Allow me to demonstrate.

“The Hive Lord’s ascension had wrought great changes to his physique. Strong skeletal hooves had replaced the holed abominations; his insectile wings were given a backseat in favor of stronger, draconic ones. His-”

Bah! You are boring, and worse! You’re biased at the magnificent creations of my people, that’s what!

“I hold no bias. You know my stand.”

Stand-schmand. Now can I PLEASE keep narrating? The Narrative Casualty has almost finished!

Scratch that. It HAS finished. The action’s in full swing, how in Tartarus do you expect me to relay to the readers what’s been going on?

“We shall speak again later.”

About goddamn time he- Ouch! That had to hurt... ahem.

Bramble Scout scrambled to his hooves, head still reeling from the Changeling’s blow. He charged forth, timing his jump with one of Escutcheon’s attacks.

As he slammed into the spot the Hive Lord had stood moments before, he suddenly realized that this was it for him. The thought was punctuated by his squadmate’s attack drilling though his ears.

Noir couldn’t help it; he laughed. “Ya just don’t get it, do ya?” He craned his neck forwards. “Ya lose. Red Miles.”

Stringy, red tendrils unraveled from his horn. The crown affixed on his head flashed. With nary a thought, the Miles dug into every street, every building... every pony both inside the houses and panicking on the streets. The bloody tendrils tore Cloudsdale apart, scattering the clouds into drifting wisps of vapor, searing through buildings, impaling ponies left and right.

The clouds, or those that remained, were stained with splotches of red, and what was left of the Epsilon Squad, caught in the midst of the attack, found the ground beneath them breaking up, and suddenly seemed so much more vulnerable to gravity.

Several pegasi took to the skies, attempting to escape the blaze of death, only for a stray tendril to drive itself through them, leaving their bodies to fall away.

The Wonderbolts darted towards Noir, simply blurs of color leaving trails of smoke as they jetted towards the creature. Noir grinned. “Ya still don’t get it. No matter what ya do, ya don’t live. Ya just can’t escape the miles!”

Noir’s statement was followed with three cries of pain as a tendril skewered through the attacking pegasi. Noir grinned, and with the flap of his wings he rose, ascending to see the city in the clouds become nothing but a collection of wisps and vapors as the monument to pegasus ability crumbled and crackled with red.

The lightshow was seen for, pardon the pun, miles.

Seeing the bloody flash that was his boss’s idea of a signal, Drone Director rolled his multifaceted eyes. “Right, lads. You got the go, let’s do this thing.”

He gazed over his team. Both Hadean Batterer and Combustible Detonator were there, looking as they always did. The new fourth member he’d chosen after some deliberating from the former library. Boss didn’t like libraries.

The new ‘ling was of the Scholar caste. He wasn’t as massive as HB, or as quick as CD. In fact, his build was quite similar to the boss, or what he’d been at any rate. It was a deciding factor.

The other deciding factor was his intelligence. DD was loath to admit it, but none of the other guys in the team were exactly smart. And an intelligent company was what he craved.

The ‘ling’s name was PD. All ‘lings, drones or not, had initials for names. It made much easier to add proper titles in accordance to their occupations.

Since PD had been a library ‘ling, his title had been Pattern Decoder. It had also been evidenced by his clip-on spectacles, though now he’d switched them for thin sunglasses. DD supposed it was a Scholar thing. After some deliberation, he’d promoted the ‘ling to Pyral Detractor. He’d taken to it like fish to water.

At yet another spike of the “Miles”, DD sent his wings to a whir and took into the air. He knew the team would be following, and the bulk of the forces behind them. They had a lot of work to do.

“...So when he caught the enormous ball of magic, instead of devouring it, he threw it back at us. It looked hopeless until Megido flew up and caught it in one of her timestop fields. But then the second guy came at her with a knife, and we were all to slow to react. It was Heroic because she’d been trying to save us. But yeah, that’s basically how you died,” Future Dash explained to the group. Megido, who had been holding her breath since the topic of her death came up, finally let it out.

“It’s n0t as bad as I th0ught it w0uld be,” she said with a relieved sigh. “A her0ic death, pr0tecting my friends, is just what I w0uld’ve wanted.”

“Yeah, you 2tiill probably want two try and prevent iit,” Captor said.

“Agreed,” Future Dash added. “Who next… ah! Maryam!”

“Hold a moment, Dash,” Luna interjected, placing a hoof on the alicorn’s shoulder. “I feel a great disturbance in the night, as if as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?” Dash asked. “That’s not supposed to happen for another-”

“Uh- guys?” Twilight asked from the window. “Why is there a spot of red on the horizon? It’s too early for Princess Celestia to raise the sun, right?”

“It- it can’t have happened already,” Future Dash gasped, rushing to the window. “I- I thought we had time-”

“Hey, what’re you talking about?” Vantas cried. “It’s too early for what?”

Vantas’s answer was answered not a second later, as with a flash of light a scrap of paper appeared at Twilight’s hooves. The unicorn spent a moment or two just staring at the missive, before, with shaking hooves, she picked it up and unfurled it. “To The Elements of Harmony,” she read with a shuddering voice, struggling to read the shaky hoofwriting. “Cloudsdale… destroyed. No ordinary changeling… too much power. Send help. NOW.”

“What!? Rainbow Dash cried. She turned to her future self, her eyes on the verge of tears. “I thought you said that this wasn’t supposed to happen for days!”

“I thought it wasn’t,” Future Dash responded, looking towards the ground. “This is all happening too fast- too soon.”

“Cloudsdale,” Rainbow breathed, glancing towards the dancing spot of red rising above the city buildings. “My family…”

“Luna, you and I are the fastest,” Future Dash said. “If we get there quick enough, we should be able to catch him before he can escape.”

“Agreed,” Luna replied, spreading her wings as she prepared for flight.

“What’re you talking about!” Rainbow Dash screamed. “That’s my home under attack as well as yours. I’m coming with you!”

“You won’t be able to keep up,” Future Dash responded.

“Hah! Try me,” Rainbow Dash grinned.

“Look, I’m not trying to be snarky here,” Future Dash growled, taking a step towards Rainbow Dash. “This isn’t the time for snark. This is the time for action, swift and devastating, and when I say you won’t be able to keep up I mean you’re not going to be able to keep up.”

“But what if you’re not strong enough?” Fluttershy piped up. “You said that Noir had the power of two alicorns!”

“Yeah. And look here,” Future Dash replied, gesturing to herself and Luna. “Two alicorns.”

“I’m still coming,” Rainbow Dash stubbornly growled.

“You’re still not!” Future Dash responded.

“Guys!” Twilight interrupted, raising a hoof towards the window. The arguing parties turned to see a small trail of smoke spotted with specks of green, floating towards the Element of Magic. Twilight raised her hoof and caught the scroll that appeared in a poof of flame. As she opened it, she let out a small gasp.

“Ponyville under attack,” she whispered. “Changelings. Send help. NOW.”

Spike lay curled in the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink, nestled in a niche between the plumbing. He’d sent his distress signal, but there wasn’t much more he could do to help. Now, he lay in hiding, hoping that none of the bugs would find him. It was all he could do to simply lie still and stay quiet as he his ears picked up the sound of hoofsteps, a tapping against the wooden floors of the library as the tree was searched. “Please, don’t come any closer,” Spike begged, praying to every deity he could think of that he’d stay hidden. “Please, go away, let me be safe in here.”

“Spike?” a voice called as the cabinet was suddenly flooded with light.

“Yaaahh!!!” Spike screeched in terror and surprise. Frantically, he tried to pull himself from the nest of pipes and valves in which he’d hid, but instead found himself tangled in the network of plumbing. He kept jerking his limbs, hoping to break free and escape, his eyes closed out of fear and panic.

“Spike, quiet down!” the voice scolded as it enveloped the little dragon in a magical aura, untangling him from the nest of plumbing. “There’s no need to be afraid, it’s only Trixie.”

“Oh. Phew,” Spike said in relief, opening his eyes to confirm that it was in fact the blue stage magician-turned-oddjobs pony. “For a moment there, I thought the changelings had found me.”

“No. Not yet, at least,” Trixie said in a low voice. “Amethyst Star and I are working on the evacuation procedure- the first step being of course to spread the plan.”

“OK then. What’s the plan?” Spike asked.

“Woah woah woah. Discord, you cannot simply throw a character nopony expects into a story without there being an appropriate explanation for why she’s there.”

I know that, Scratch, but this is a high tension moment. I added the little tag of “stage magician-turned-oddjobs pony” to imply that she’s come to Ponyville a more humble mare, and her behavior shows that she’s thoroughly on the side of good, but a full on paragraph of exposition would disrupt the flow of the situation!

“Well, you can’t simply expect the audience to accept such a seemingly random edition without sufficient explanations.”

Oh bollocks to that. You know what Scratch, seeing as this little interruption of yours has already derailed whatever pacing may have been there originally, why don’t you give us an explanation then?

“With pleasure. So you see, on a lonely night a pony had wandered into the town where all her troubles had arisen. A failed performer, without even the wagon that had symbolized her success, she truly had hit rock bottom. In some mares that may create a drive of anger, a thirst for vengeance, and it likely would’ve to her had not she had an epiphany. She chose to attempt to make better on her misdeeds, in the hope that in turn, the misdeeds done to her would likewise be made better upon. Now, to begin with she tried to procure a spot as librarian, filling in a void that had been left by Twilight Sparkle’s unfortunate departure, but-”

OK, you know, forget what I said. Don’t do exposition. Let’s just… try this again.

“The changelings are probably going to try driving everypony into townsquare, rounding everyone up and such,” Trixie explained. “We’re getting some of the faster pegasi to distract them, drawing away as many changelings as they can and spreading the numbers thin. Meanwhile, All Aboard and Steamer are working on getting the Friendship Express up and running. If we can get everypony onto the train, we’ll be able to escape to Canterlot.”

“All right then. How can I help?” Spike grinned, saluting the unicorn by raising a hand to his forehead. Trixie gave a little giggle.

“Well, you can come with me and help spread the word,” Trixie informed. “You’ve gotta be sneaky though. No more crying out in surprise.”

“You’ve got it!” Spike agreed.

“Excellent. I need to go now. More ponies to warn,” Trixie said. She lit her horn, and with a flash of magenta, disappeared. Spike took a moment to wonder which house to try first, before making his decision. The little dragon scurried towards the door. Poking his head out and glancing to and fro, and spotting no signs of changelings, Spike proceeded to slip out of the library and into the streets. Keeping low to the side of the road, he slunk alongside the corner of the road, constantly on the look out for any insects. Luck was on his side, as the streets were more or less barren, and he made his way to Scootaloo’s house without incident.

“I really hope you three had a sleepover last night,” Spike muttered to himself as he slowly opened the door. Slipping into the house, at first glance he found it abandoned. The rooms were deserted. Nopony was hiding under the beds, behind the curtains, or in the closets. “Girls?” Spike tentatively called, desperately hoping for an answer.

A small noise, like the drop of a hat, echoed through the silent halls. Spike turned towards the source of the sound, and found himself facing the granite counters and wooden cabinets of the kitchen. “Oh, don’t tell me,” Spike muttered to himself. With a deadpan expression, he walked across the room and opened the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink.

“Yaaaaaah!!!” the Cutie Mark Crusaders screamed as their hiding place flooded with light. As they frantically worked to free themselves from the plumbing, Spike’s palm met face as he gave a small sigh.

Silently, Spike lead the CMC out into the clear streets. The four slowly tiptoed through Ponyville’s back alleys, or at least the smaller streets that were the closest thing Ponyville had to back alleys. “Spike, are you sure this plan is gonna work?” Applebloom whispered.

“It has to,” Spike whispered back. “It’s the only one we have, isn’t it?”

“I’ve got a question,” Sweetie Belle said. “Where are we gonna meet all the other evacuees?”

Spike stopped in his tracks. “I… don’t know,” he said. “Trixie never told me.”

“Changeling!” Scootaloo quietly cried, spotting one of the bugs up ahead. Spike reacted quickly, dragging the fillies beneath a nearby bench as the changeling hovered by. After the insect passed, the four emerged from the hiding spot.

“OK,” Spike said. “So, if we’re all going to be escaping via train, we must be meeting up somewhere close to it then, right?”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Sweetie Belle responded.

“Then that’s where we’re going!” Spike announced. “To the station!”

“Changeling!” Scootaloo cried again. The four of them ducked back under the bench as another of the insects passed by. Soon as the bug was out of sight, the children extricated themselves from beneath the bench.

“Alright,” Spike said. “Now, to the station.”

The four of them made slow progress. Scrambling for cover whenever a changeling appeared, it was at least thirty minutes before they found themselves at the train station. From all appearances, it seemed abandoned as ever.

“Uh- Spike? Are you sure this is the right place?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Mmm- pretty sure it would be,” the dragon replied. “Let’s see here…” He glanced around the area. The station was at the very edge of Ponyville. A couple deserted shops lay close to the station, and a main road lead to the rest of Ponyville. Behind the station, there wasn’t much but fields and railroad tracks, save for a ditch and river running close by the terminal. Wait a minute…

“Here!” Spike cried, dashing towards the river. He reached its edge, and peered down just in time to see the first ponies emerge from a great pipe jutting out into the gulley.

“Spike!” Trixie cried as the she noticed the dragon above her. “Is it all clear up there?”

“Roger that,” Spike answered, grinning as what seemed to be the entire population of Ponyville made their way out of hiding in the ditch, gathering quietly near the train. Trixie lead the way, Spike and the Crusaders at her side, while the pink Amethyst Star took up the rear of the group, guiding the ponies towards the station.

“All Aboard?” Amethyst Star asked, stepping towards the Friendship Express as the last of the ponies filed into the square. “Is the train ready yet?”

For a moment or two, there was simply silence. Then, a brown stallion emerged from within, leaping wildly from the train. “Get back!” All Aboard screamed. “It’s gonna-”

He couldn’t finish his sentence as the train exploded. A wave of energy, and earsplitting boom that knocked over any pony too close to the vehicle, as a fireball rose into the sky. “No,” All Aboard whispered. “We’d just gotten it fixed.”

The ponies as one turned back towards the town, intent on rushing away from the scene. Their route of escape was cut off, however, when the buildings nearest the station lit in unison, a blazing inferno springing up as if consciously trying to trap the ponies. From the street, flanked by fire on either side, came a dark figure, grinning like mad. “Yes, rush for the train,” PD mocked in a drawling sneer. “Such a wonderful plan. If you’d actually gotten to it, there’d be no way we could keep up, eh boss?”

“Quite true, quite true,” DD responded, appearing suddenly next to a burning shop. “It’s just too bad, then, that we’re so good at thinking like ponies. Too bad indeed.”

“Oh no,” Spike whispered, the Crusaders inching closer to the stunned Trixie. DD gave a wild laugh, and made some gesture of advancement. Slowly, the sky above filled with black spots, and the ponies realized for once that they were completely and utterly surrounded.

PD and CD were cackling in glee as they cut off yet another herd attempting to run, lobbing explosives and molotovs. HB was knocking out stallions that fit his, err, requirements, though a large red one was giving him particular trouble. DD did his best not to think about that one. He spotted an amethyst mare attempting to sneak away, and with a flash of green teleported into her path. “Now, where might you be going?” the Director grinned, hefting his ultra-violence cue stick. The mare freezed, before slowly beginning to back away. DD’s grin widened as he stepped closer.

A bolt of violet magic struck the ground less than a meter before the Drone Director. He gave a growl, glancing towards the source, and found his vision filled with gray fist. Moments later Zahhak’s punch sent him flying into a building.

“Despicable,” Twilight spat as she floated down from the air. The rest of the Elements of Harmony, as well as the trolls, floated down next to her, the Breeze that held them aloft now setting them gently on the ground. Already, those with wings took to the skies, batting changelings out of the air as the rest of the group worked on the ground. Nitram raised his hand, and a gust of wind extinguished the roaring fires by the buildings.

“Twilight!” Spike cried with glee, rushing towards the unicorn. He gave the librarian a tight hug, wrapping his little arms around as much of her as he could reach. “I knew you’d come.”

“I’m sorry it took so long,” Twilight replied. “There was a little bit of an argument, and-” Twilight was cut off as she noticed the CMC and a certain mare approach. “Trixie?” she gasped. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s... a long story,” the ex-stage magician replied. “But I’m glad you showed up. Err- you brought some unusual help though,”

“Yeah. The Trolls are… I barely even know what to think of them anymore actually,” Twilight said. “It’s… a long story.”

“Over 100,000 words long in fact!” Pinkie giggled as she hopped by, delivering frosted justice to changelings everywhere.

“Well, any help is appreciated,” Trixie said. “Now, what happened to that changeling with a suit?”

“Hold 1t!” a voice cried. Pyrope, who had been passing by, froze and landed next to the ponies. “DD 1s h3r3? Wh3r3?”

“Um- Zahhak knocked him into that building, I think,” Twilight answered, gesturing towards a wrecked shop.

“1s h3 unconsc1ous? H3 h4s to b3 unconsc1ous! Th3 guy 1sn’t stup1d- 1f h3 s33s wh4t’s h4pp3n1ng, th3n h3’s go1ng to-”

“Mages!” DD called as he emerged from the building. “Retreat! And that’s an order!”

The changelings froze whatever they were doing to light their horns. The bulk of Ponyville, mostly still clustered near the wreckage of the Friendship Express, was caught in a brilliant green light. The Director turned towards Twilight and gave a smug tip of the hat just before he, his forces, and the entire population of Ponyville disappeared.

“What! No!” Twilight cried at the now barren square. “No no no! How- how did they!”

“Th3y t3l3port3d off,” Pyrope groaned. “W3 w3r3n’t f4st 3nough, 4nd now th3y got 4w4y w1th most of Ponyv1ll3.”

“My family,” Applejack gasped, glancing with horror at the emptied square.

“Applejack!” Applebloom cried, rushing towards her sister. Applejack turned, and at the sight of the filly, broke down crying, embracing the foal. Rarity did the same with Sweetie Belle. Rainbow and Scootaloo looked awkwardly at each other for a couple seconds, before they too hugged.

“Thanks for rescuing the foals, Trixie,” Twilight said. “At least they weren’t taken.”

“Yes,” Trixie replied. “Thank Celestia for that.”

“We’ve got to go after those changelings,” Twilight said, turning to the group at large. “We need to rescue everypony.”

“That’s not gonna happen anytime soon,” Vantas replied, downheartedly. “The Changelings probably teleported back to their hive. We don’t even know where that is, and a good raid would take planning and careful consideration, both things we don’t have time to do.”

“W3ll, 1sn’t th1s just 4 bust,” Pyrope groaned to herself. “1 hop3 Lun4 4nd Futur3 D4sh 4r3 do1ng b3tt3r th4n w3 4r3.”

At the mention of those two, the ponies and trolls instinctively swiveled their heads in the direction that Cloudsdale had once been. Now, all that was left in the spot were a few wisps of light clouds in the otherwise dark night sky. Over there, a ferocious battle was taking place, and the ponies could only hope that Luna and Dash would come out of it triumphant.

Suddenly, a great burst of green light rose above the treelines, a spike of energy that singed the traces of vapor that were all that was left of Cloudsdale. “Um… that energy burst was Luna’s, right? Or Dash’s?” Vantas asked, an edge of desperation in his voice.

“Oh No,” Maryam said, pointing upwards. The trolls followed her gesture to find stars streaking across the night sky, points of light becoming lines, flames clouding around the meteors as they entered the atmosphere. The astral projectiles zoomed one by one, arching towards the ground before crashing into the site of Luna and Noir’s battle, with a series of ferocious explosions.

“What’s going on over there?” Twilight wondered aloud, her tone full of concern.

“Oh no,” Pyrope gasped. “On no nono no no! How could 1 h4v3 b33n so bl1nd?”

“Uh, 2hould II an2wer that, or-” Captor shut his mouth when he caught sight of Pyrope’s grim expression.

“4 t1m3-tr4v3l3r from 4 doom3d t1m3l1n3,” Pyrope whispered. “4nd 4 pow3rful f1ght3r w1th 4 k4t4n4 4nd tr14ngul4r sh4d3s, str1f1ng 4 d3mon1c, 4sc3nd3d v3rs1on of J4ck No1r.”

It took seconds for the trolls to get it. Then a gasp echoed through the crowd as a wave of fear and disbelief washed over them. “Nitram, do the windy thing,” Vantas ordered. “We need to get to Cloudsdale, now.”

The site looked less like a battlefield and more like a bomb-testing site. The earth was baked hard and crisp, blackened and scorched, like a big scar on what once had been a field of grass. Now there was nothing green for several kilometers. The ground was speckled with pits and dents where blasts of searing magic had scoured away the dirt. Hive Lord Noir was nowhere to be seen, and the site was almost silent… that is, except for the shuddering sobs of Future Dash, at the bottom of an enormous crater kilometers wide, as she draped herself over a body still recognizable even if it was bruised and charred, and even if the crescent moon had been cut and scorched, and even if it oozed with red where the sword it had owned in life had entered its chest and dug into the ground beneath. The night sky was empty of all light, save the moon- the stars were gone, just like the spark of life had left the corpse below, and Future Dash’s wails helped only to cement one unimaginable point.

Princess Luna was dead.

…

“Alright, so here’s how I would’ve written that better. See, to start with, you- hold on a moment, are you even listening to me?”

...Too soon, Scratch. Too soon.

End of Chapter Two

Author's Note

:pinkiegasp:
Everything just went to hell.

As always, feedback?

Act Six Chapter Three: Hell oveflows. Shits are wrecked.

Begin Chapter Three

“Dash...”

“SHUT UP!”

Twilight paused a moment, taking in the horrific scenery around her, then glanced back towards weeping wreck that was Future Dash. She took a nervous step forwards as the alicorn turned back towards the… body, still clutching it, with a death grip, as if hoping in vain to bring it back to life. “I’m... sorry, Dash. I’m… so… so sorry.” The librarian broke her composure- her knees buckled beneath her as she crumpled to the blackened earth and sobbed.

Future Dash inhaled an oncoming sniff. “Don’t say you’re sorry,” she choked. Her eyebrows arched downwards as she lifted herself from Luna’s corpse, drops of water falling from her face. “I don’t deserve to be felt sorry for. I don’t deserve to be pitied.”

“What!” Twilight cried, glancing up from the ground at the Thief of Time. “Wait, I didn’t mean-”

“I’M NOT WORTH IT!” Future Dash screeched towards the unicorn. “I’M NOT WORTHY OF PITY! IT’S MY FAULT SHE’S DEAD, AND THERE’S NOTHING ANY OF US CAN DO ABOUT IT!” In the wake of Dash’s screams, the wasteland was left silent, save for the Thief’s exhausted panting, and Twilight stared with an utterly shocked look as Dash’s expression softened and her gaze sunk to the ground. “There’s… nothing we can do…”

Most of the others simply stood near the rim of the crater, staring in disbelief at the sight within. Fluttershy knelt sobbing on the ground, Nitram and Serket crouching near her. Spike bore an expression of sorrow and confusion, while Trixie bore one more akin to disgust. The CMC were crying as well, their respective sisters providing them what comfort they could, all the while holding back tears of their own.

“R-Rainbow?” Scootaloo asked between hiccups. “W-What did that other you mean w-when she said that it was h-her fault?”

“I… I dunno,” Rainbow Dash muttered in response, casting a worried look towards her alternate self. Within seconds, however, her depressed expression morphed into a rage-filled scowl. “I do know one thing though. Noir isn’t getting off scott-free. Not for this.”

“This… this isn’t happening, is it?” Vantas stammered, his eyes bugged out at the hellish sight. “This- this can’t be happening. I’m 100% certain that it’s completely impossible for this to happen.”

“1t’s h4pp3n1ng, though,” Pyrope moaned. “4nd wors3- w3 m4d3 1t h4pp3n. 1 m4d3 1t h4pp3n. 1f 1 h4d just p4us3d 4 mom3nt, t4k3n 4 look 4h34d… 4nd now 1t’s too l4t3…”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this,” Vantas reassured the Seer. “We’ve all got responsibility for this. You, me, the ponies… but there’s one changeling who’s got a bit more responsibility than the rest of us.” Vantas turned away from his matesprit, his face curling into an expression of pure hatred.

“I Can’t Help But Agree,” Maryam said, approaching the two from behind. “That Changeling Has One Thing Coming To Him- Us.” Zahhak, looking up from a snivelling Leijon, gave Maryam a nod. Peixes’s reddened eyes formed a grim expression as she and Ampora nodded as well.

“Noir is so dead!” Rainbow cried, smacking her hooves together.

“That’s something we can all agree on,” Applejack added, putting on a determined expression.

“I’m glad you lot feel that way.” The group turned to see Future Dash trudging up the walls of the crater, Twilight following closely behind. “We’ve got a long road ahead of us, and an great challenge at the end of it. But with all your help, well… we’re gonna stop that changeling.”

“We’re gonna avenge Luna!” The present Dash added!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie cried. “I always wanted to try revenge! I heard it’s best served cold, like ice cream or pizza, and those are delicious!”

“You’re not going to be that enthusiastic for long,” Future Dash warned. “But here’s the deal- from now on, all of us, we’ve got to be careful. We’ve got to expect the unexpected, because apparently my knowledge of the future isn’t as spot on as I thought it’d be. And it’s gonna be tough going. We’re gonna be in all sorts of tight places before long.”

“That won’t matter,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Because we’re not just doing this for ourselves. We’re not just doing this for Equestria. We’re doing this for Luna.”

“FOR LUNA!” the Crusaders cheered. “YEAH!”

“Violence.” The group turned on a dime, just in time to see the owner of the somber voice alight before them. “Violence is always the answer with you trolls. Any issue can be solved via brute force alone. No need for strategizing or subtlety.” The alicorn took a glance towards the crater. “No time for mourning the recently deceased.”

The group froze, simply staring at the Princess before them, before eventually Twilight spoke up. “Princess Celestia,” she began. “There’s… a lot we need to catch you up on, but first thing’s first. The trolls aren’t-”

“Twilight,” Celestia interrupted in an uncharacteristically cold voice. “You and I will have a talk about this later. A very, very long talk. Until then, however, might I request just a moment to mourn?” Her only response was silence. Celestia took slow measured steps, the clump of ponies and trolls parting through the middle to allow her into the crater. She stopped just short of Luna’s body, staring down at the lifeless husk that was once a sister, her face shrouded in shadow. For several minutes she simply stood there, head facing the ground, positioned before the dead alicorn. The ponies and trolls uncomfortably observed, their tongues still held mum.

Finally, Celestia lit her horn. The handle of Luna’s sword was surrounded in a golden aura, and Celestia flinched as with an unpleasantly wet noise, she retrieved the weapon. Then, her horn’s glow intensified. Flames slowly crept up Luna’s body, a glowing light in contrast to the shattered night sky. Slowly, the trolls and ponies filled into the crater, and sat down in a ring around the funeral pyre. Silence pervaded the area, aside from the crackling of flames and the occasional sob.

Celestia did not cry, and she did not look up until the body had reduced to nothing more than a small cloud of ash. Then, gingerly scooping the cinders into her hooves, Celestia raised the load towards the sky. A slight breeze came by, catching the ashes and carrying them off. Celestia’s horn lit, and as the moon dutifully sank and the sun replaced it, for just a moment the cinders were a shadow against the great ball of fire- then, they whirled away, just more debris in the wind.

Celestia spoke for the first time since she’d stepped up to Luna’s corpse. “Everypony dies in the end,” she said. “I think she’d be glad to ultimately end up the same as everypony else.” Then she turned to the ponies and trolls. “We should go. Back to Canterlot, that is.”

“Wait!” Heads spun towards the source of the voice. In the distance, growing ever larger as they neared, four silhouettes approached the crater. “Don’t leave without us!” Rune Blaze cried.

“Rune Blaze!?” Twilight gasped.

“Escutcheon, Cloud Cover? Bramble Scout?” Vantas cried in awe as the royal guards began making their way down from the crater’s sill. “You’re still alive? How did you…?”

“Let’s just say we got lucky. Very lucky,” Bramble Scout replied, rubbing the scorch marks on the side of his head.

“Epsilon Squad,” Escutcheon declared, saluting Princess Celestia, “formally reporting for duty.”

It didn’t quite make Celestia smile. Perhaps nothing would, now. But it did cause her mouth to twitch.

“Motherfuckin miracles, brothers,” Makara said. A moment later, a flash of gold left the wasteland of a battlefield deserted once again.

A few clots of smoke remained, suspended in the sky. Slowly, the wind worked away at them, the gray curls of aerosol drifting to the Breeze’s discretion. Slowly, they curled and uncurled, shaped by the random flow of air, until a symbol emerged- a large circle, with a tendril extending from the bottom, the offshoot curling into a spiral, like plasma drawn curling towards a black hole…

“Twilight,” Celestia said with a tone of disbelief. “Please allow me to confirm that what I’ve heard is true. You’re telling me that a Future version of Rainbow Dash travelled back in time. She summoned you, my sister, and the Doomed Gods. You allowed my sister and her to foolishly attack Hive Lord Noir on their own, while you attempted and failed to stop an invasion of Ponyville. And you did all this without telling me.”

Twilight looked for a moment as if she were going to answer. Then her mouth closed and her head dropped and she simply gave a small nod. “And what, may I ask, motivated you to do such things?” Celestia curtly asked.

“Princess, I-” Twilight started, before freezing. As if unable to find the words, she allowed her head to drop back to the ground. “We were… worried. Future Dash kept talking about how the Trolls were our allies, and how your suspicion of them was part of what lead to our downfall. We… it didn’t seem all that real, then. It was just Dash telling us about what we had to do, soon but not yet. We felt like we had time, that we could approach this gradually… nopony thought to come get you. Then suddenly Cloudsdale was destroyed, and… well it was all so quick after that, but…”

“You should’ve come get me,” Celestia said. “I… suppose, however, that I might’ve made a mistake in being so skeptical of the Trolls. Still remember, Twilight, that I am very disappointed in you.” She turned away from her scolded student, to the royal guards standing silently by the door. “Let them in,” she ordered.

The guards nodded in response, and tugged open the throne room doors. “Well, it’s about fucking time,” Vantas groaned as he stepped into the hall, followed by Spike, Future Dash, who hovered a couple inches above the ground, and the rest of the trolls, looking a little dissatisfied. “You couldn’t have waited any longer, could you’ve, eh Princess?” Vantas snarked. “I’m sure there’s nothing time sensitive going on here, no need to hurry-”

“Silence, Threshecutioner.” Vantas was frozen by the serious edge to the Princess’s voice. Her expression was one devoid of amusement, cold and stern. “You will not address me with such lack of respect,” Celestia ordered. “I have chosen for the time being to believe your claims of benevolence. If you give me reason to doubt your ‘benign intentions,’ I can assure you that I will respond swiftly and decisive.”

As Vantas was left speechless, quailing under the Princess’s glare, Celestia turned away from the Troll to address the group as a whole. “As you all know,” Celestia said, “we currently face a crisis of a dangerous scale. Hive Lord Noir is rampaging across Equestria, and his changeling armies are striking city after city, kidnapping swaths of ponies. We are all here now, under what will hopefully be a tight alliance, to develop and subsequently execute a plan to stop the Changeling. In order to do so, we will need information- especially concerning the Hive Lord himself. So…”

The Princess glanced towards Future Dash, whose gaze wasn’t on Celestia, but instead focused on some of the stained glass windows. Her eyes traveled from the painting of Luna and Celestia circling an imprisoned Discord to the image of the Elements of Harmony leveling their power against Nightmare Moon. “Err- Rainbow Dash?” Celestia asked.

“What?” Rainbow cried, the Princess’s remark snapping her out of her funk.

“If it’s alright, Rainbow, I’d like you to tell us all what happened during your battle with Hive Lord Noir.

“It’s…” Rainbow hesitated. “Yes, it’s fine. I… just uh… Here’s what happened…”

“The whole event… it’s vivid in my mind. Real vivid. I can imagine it almost like it’s happening now, and I swear it’s gonna haunt my dreams. When Luna and I arrived, the place looked like armageddon. Cloudsdale was almost completely destroyed, just a few puffs left, crackling with red. There were… bodies everywhere. It was horrific.

“While I was taking in the scene, Luna spotted a black shape moving off on the horizon, and moving fast. Naturally, we took off after it. Noir seemed to notice us approaching and he shot ahead. I sped up, trying to catch up to him. Gave myself a time boost and sorta rammed the guy right in the chest. He crashed into the ground, and was just picking himself up when Luna and I floated down on him.

“And it all went downhill from there.

“See the thing about this guy is- he’s strong. Like, really really fucking strong. He was teleporting everywhere in flashes of green, firing these stupidly powerful blasts of magic from every angle. Luna and I were barely able to keep up at first, just sort of trying to avoid what he was sending our way, and hoping for an opening. And eventually we got one.

“Noir misfired one of his teleports, appearing right in front of me. I reacted quickly, using the whole Thief of Time thing to gank his time. How does it work? Well, in this case basically I caused time to move slower for him, and faster for me. The guy was so fast already that this kind of just meant reducing him to normal speed, but it boosted my speed like crazy. I demonstrated this by delivering a supersonic beating to the piece of crap, just hitting him with a barrage of punches and kicks before diving down and slamming him into the ground. The force of the impact made a crater, but Noir still shrugged it off like it was nothing. He growled at me, and teleported above me, before attempting to blast me to smithereens. I say attempting because he didn’t succeed- at that point I was way too fast for him, and he got a little preoccupied.

“Luna came out of nowhere, and nearly severed Noir’s wing. Noir blocked Luna’s katana with his own sword, and just in time too. They then proceeded to have this insane sword duel. I swear, there were sparks flying off their weapons. I could barely even see the metal flashing between them. I noticed, however, when small cuts started appearing all over Luna, as if she still couldn’t keep up with this guy.

“I took this as a cue to intervene, and rammed into Noir from the bottom, tossing him up into the air. I hit him a couple times on flybys, before grabbing him and slamming him into the ground again, this time dragging him across the field and leaving this big trail of upturned dirt. He pulled the teleporting trick again, and blinked out of my grip. I looked above me and there he was, claw raised. Then we learned something new.

“Apparently Noir’s part Draconequus now.

“Suddenly there were some flashes of green and all sorts of wicked knives flashed into existence around Noir. He sent them flying at me and I only barely dodged them all. Luna came charging at him, sent him tumbling away through the air. Noir righted himself, then opened a green portal between his front claws. Suddenly, Luna was blasted with a stream of pianos, razors, and playing cards, and I’ve got to assure you it probably hurt way more than it sounds like. Luna managed to put up a shield after being clocked with a couple pianos, so most of the items reflected off it. I took the opportunity to bodyslam him again, disrupting his attack and launching him towards Luna. She dropped her shield as soon as the cards stopped hitting her, and instead conjured this massive sledgehammer and knocked Noir skywards. Just as he crossed infront of the moon, Luna teleported behind him and swung the hammer again, this time sending him crashing to the ground. Again. Somehow, Noir still got up. Again.

“So I guess by now he’d had enough of this fight. His crown flashed and his horn shone red and he did that attack he used to destroy Cloudsdale- the one with all the red tendrils. It was like… spears of fire, coming at us from every direction, burning and piercing. Luna brought out her shield bubble again, which seemed to hold off the tendrils, but I wasn’t sure how long it’d work for. I rushed Noir, swerving left and right to avoid the tendrils. I don’t think he saw me coming, because he gave me just enough time to pull off a more advanced temporal maneuver.

“See, stealing time is sort of a concept open to interpretation. There’s a lot of ways you could steal time and there’s a lot of ways you can use the stolen time. Heck, if he’d stayed still long enough I probably could’ve tried draining away the remaining years of his life. In this case though, I pulled a time stop- froze him in place by stealing all the time he had at that moment. The tendrils froze with him, allowing Luna to dispel her shield and charge up this big blast of magic. I released Noir only just when Luna’s beam was about to hit him.

“There was this big flash of light, and when it had cleared and we saw Noir smoking on the ground, we thought this was the end of it. For a second, we lowered our guard, and just when we were vulnerable, disaster struck.

“There was this flash of green around Noir’s neck, and when it cleared there was something there that wasn’t before. I think it was a locket, or maybe an amulet. It was gray, but set with red jewels, and it was shaped like an alicorn.

“Noir’s eyes opened, flashing green and red. I didn’t even see him come- one second he was lying on the ground and the next he was in my face, slashing at me with his sword, his claws, heck, probably even his teeth. I was all battered and stinging when he grabbed me around the neck and dove towards the ground, before smashing me into the dirt. I almost passed out from that attack alone.

“While I was getting to my knees, Noir was busy with Luna. His revival only seemed to make Luna madder, more determined than ever to beat him. I heard a couple chimes of metal on metal, so they must’ve had another sword fight. Luna let out a cry of pain, and I heard her sword clatter to the ground somewhere near me. Then there was this great electrical zap and I looked up and saw Noir and Luna locked in a beam struggle, one blue pulsing with black, another green crackling with red. A couple moments later and green won out, and Luna was sent crashing to the ground next to me. By then I had only barely started rising to my hooves. By the time I was on all fours, Luna was back in the air. Nothing could stop her.

“She rose above Noir, above the scarred battlefield until she was just a shadow against the moon. Her eyes lit white, and suddenly a star was ripped from the sky and sent hurtling down towards Noir. The changeling responded by blasting the meteor to dust. Another star shot towards him, and he vaporized it. At this point, Luna basically just lost her shit, and every star in the sky started streaking towards us, a shower of smoking lights.

“At first he seemed to shrug off the attack, teleporting out of the way of the asteroids, exploding them with bursts of green or cleaving them in two with a swing of his sword. I put up a shield bubble, trying to protect myself as hundreds of comets struck the ground, raising fiery explosions all around me. The land was burned black as night as Luna continued her assault, though it all seemed futile against Noir- he was too fast, too quick to respond. Then a single meteor clipped him; it didn’t hit him full on, just sort of clipped him and he was sent spiraling into the ground.

“He crashed to the earth in an explosion of dirt and debris, though he got up soon after. My eyes widened as I saw him snatch Luna’s fallen sword in a green aura, and I spread my wings as he carefully positioned the weapon, taking aim at it’s previous owner. As he sent the sword rocketing towards Luna, point first, I blasted into the air. My mind was racing as I made to intercept the object before it reached its destination. There were two concepts I grasped quickly as my speed hit Sonic Rainboom levels, a multicolored shockwave emanating in my wake. 1: I was still wasn’t faster than a speeding bullet, and 2: if I sped up fast enough I wouldn’t be able to simply knock the sword out of the way. I’d shoot up there, only just get in the way of the blade, and then I’d die… in a way that was most certainly heroic. I was ready for it… or more accurately, I thought I was.

“It happened just as I’d expected. I beat my wings faster and zoomed ahead just a little more. My path curved as I threw myself in front of Luna, waiting to take the attack. And then…

“I flinched. Or I just wasn’t ready. My self preservation kicked in, and my body twisted out of the way as I watched the sword fly past me and bury itself in Luna’s chest. And as I watched the… white in her eyes… go out…

“...Sorry, just needed a moment to compose myself there. It was quick after that. Noir teleported above Luna and sent her crashing into the ground with a huge beam of green. Then he turned to me. Moments later everything was black.

“And then it was light again. I guess that in failing to sacrifice myself, I had disqualified myself from a heroic death… yet since I was fighting Noir when I died it wasn’t quite just. I took a look over the battlefield, at the giant crater that Luna’s astral attack had created. Noir was nowhere to be seen. I did however, spot a dark splotch in the middle of the crater, a blackened corpse splattered with red, and…

“I think you know the rest…”

As Future Dash finished her explanation, the room was completely silent. Some held their expressions firm, while others held their hands, hooves, or other corresponding digits to their mouths. Future Dash, whose eyes had become tinged with red, gave somewhat of a sigh before settling down.

“Oh, Noir is going down!” Rainbow Dash cried, oblivious to her friends’ gestures to calm down, or the uncomfortable look Future Dash sported.

“I thank you for sharing this information with us,” Celestia said, stepping forwards and silencing Rainbow Dash. “And I’m truly sorry for making you relive such an experience.”

“It’s… it’s OK, I think. It… feels a little good to get that off my chest,” Future Dash said.

Celestia, nodded, and then continued. “I believe now we understand the seriousness of our situation. Noir is a fierce opponent to be capable of defeating two alicorns, and to… kill one. I’ve developed a two part plan that I believe will be bring about Noir’s defeat.

“As Twilight tells me, several of you trolls have ascended to godhood, putting you roughly on par power level-wise with an alicorn. Therefore, the first part of the plan involves locating Noir, if necessary luring him to an uninhabited area, and having Future Dash, me, and the ascended among you engage him in combat.

“Meanwhile, there’s a second crisis that we must avert. There’s a reason that Noir has sent his forces to attack cities, abducting ponies. I believe that after the failed changeling invasion, Noir’s hive is on its last legs. A vast majority of their forces have been depleted, forces that must be… replaced.”

Twilight gave a gasp at this. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes. The kidnapped ponies are most likely being transformed into changelings.” At Celestia’s words, the Elements of Harmony turned green with disgust. Even the trolls seemed unsettled by the prospect, and Celestia’s expression didn’t try to hide her loathing. “Now, this is the second part of the plan. As I take on part one, I will have Twilight lead the Elements of Harmony and the remaining trolls in a raid against the Changeling Hive, freeing the imprisoned ponies.”

Twilight nodded at this. “Yes, that makes sense. Err, Princess? Do we actually know where any of these things are?”

At this Celestia smiled. “In fact, we do. Prior to this meeting, I took the time to cast a few divination spells. In doing so, I discovered the location of the Changeling Hive, out in the badlands.”

“Oh. Well that’s pretty convenient,” Vantas said.

All eyes in the room turned to Pinkie Pie, waiting expectantly. “What?” Pinkie asked. “I don’t always make jokes about plot convenience. That’d be predictable.”

Before anyone was quite able to process the implications of Pinkie’s words, a knock sounded on the great throne room door. Followed by another, and then another, and then a flurry of frantic beats. Celestia sighed, and lighting her horn, opened the door. Hovering in midair was a familiar walleyed pegasus, a mailmare with a colorful winged cap and a golden mailbag slung over her shoulder. “Um… Princess Celestia?” she asked. “I have an urgent letter from a ‘Mr. Noir.’”

The room grew quiet, a wave of trepidation washing over the group. “Well, don’t leave us in suspense, Miss Doo. What did he write?” Celestia asked.

“Hold on, I jotted it down somewhere,” Ditzy replied. She reached into her mailbag, shuffling through a few parcels and envelopes before retrieving a thin piece of paper. “Let’s see here- ‘Hey, Princess Sunbutt! If you know what’s good for you, you’ll give me the Celestial Crown! If you don’t know what’s good for you, don’t worry. You’ll find out.’” Ditzy returned the letter to her bag. “Again, his words, not mine.”

“We know that, Miss Doo,” Celestia replied. “But are you to tell me he wrote out and sent a warning letter?”

“Well, maybe letter is the wrong word here. Um… message! Yes message. He gave me a message.”

“Message?” Celestia cried, straightening herself. “You mean he told you this in person?”

“Yeah,” Ditzy replied. “About five minutes ago, actually. Why?” Seconds after the words had escaped her lips, the entirety of the group had evacuated the room. The mailmare turned toward the throne room doors, still swinging. “Was it something I said?”

“Pssh. Unbelievable,” Trixie muttered. “I go to all the trouble of evacuating Ponyville and I’m sent on a palace shopping trip?”

“Ma’am, calm down,” Escutcheon advised. “The palace needs groceries just the same as any other place. This is an important job, so don’t stack the cart too high.”

“I know, I know,” Trixie groaned. “And you do too. They just wanted us out of the palace while they have their meeting on what to do next. As if we couldn’t be of any help.”

“Well, we couldn’t,” Rune Blaze said. “I mean, think about it. Of all the ponies over there, we probably understand the least. I can barely follow what’s happening on an event-by-event basis, and I doubt you’re doing much better. So no we wouldn’t be helping.”

“And besides,” Cloud Cover finished. “Somepony has to watch the foals.” He gestured up ahead where Bramble Scout seemed to be racing the Cutie Mark Crusaders back and forth through the market stalls.

“I… I suppose you may be right,” Trixie groaned. She continued pushing the cart along, before with a crash it bumped into the pony ahead of her. “Hey!” she cried. “Don’t just stop in the middle of the street like that! I’m trying to get some work done here!” To her surprise, the pony didn’t respond to her screaming, instead gaping at the sight above them. Trixie followed the pony’s line of sight, and her eyes widened in surprise at what she saw. A dark shape, a horrific spot of black, was encroaching on the horizon.

This had been an unusual day for Hive Lord Noir. After all, it wasn’t every Tuesday that you committed regicide, scaled power tiers like ladders on a playground, and ascended to the position of a virtual god. It also wasn’t everyday that you descended upon the streets of Canterlot, horn ablazing as you shot bursts of green fire towards the skyline, stabbing any ponies who come too close. And it definitely wasn’t every day that you broke out into song.

“♪This Day is going to be perfect♪” Noir sung, grinning madly.
“♪The kind of day of which I dreamed since I was small.
Every pony in their place.
Melting city, bloodied face.
When I’m through there won’t be nothing left at all♪”

Across town, a white alicorn stepped onto a high balcony, an enormous group of ponies and trolls following closely after. Her eyes filled with emotions that should’ve been foreign to a god- fear, worry, pain in seeing a creature of nightmares terrorizing her beloved ponies, and she sang in a tone drenched in despair.

“♪This day was going to be perfect.
The kind of day of which I’ve dreamed since I was small.
But instead of peace and love
Be it day or night above,
Beloved moon, it may not shine for us at all♪”

Noir gave a wild laugh as a squad of Royal Guards charged at him. He drew his sword, and in a blur of movement left their heads severed from their bodies.

“♪I could care less about the mess.
I love to leave red in my stead!
Am I crazy? While I’m not lying when I say
I’m a little bit unhinged,
but there’s still purpose to this binge.
Equestria will crumble and decay!

“♪No I’m not some weak-willed fool
I’ll topple the current rule!
Then this whole kingdom will be all mine!♪”

Back in Canterlot Palace, Celestia turned back towards her companions. She began urging them back into the palace, desperation showing through her normally neutral expression.

“♪You must escape before it’s too late
Find a way to save the day.
Oh! I’d be lying if I said
I don’t fear that I may fall to
him, then what would befall you.
I can’t let it end here with us all dead!

“♪For I still hold one regret;
I’ve business to settle yet.
Oh Hive Lord Noir! I’m coming for your head!♪”

With that, Celestia took to the skies. Setting off in the direction of Noir. Vantas took a glance at the alicorn, then at the motley crew she’d left behind. Then he gestured to follow her. Rainbow Dash gave a nod of approval, followed shortly by Twilight, and then Pyrope and then Maryam... finally, Future Dash gave her agreement, though rather reluctantly. The decision was unanimous, and the group reentered the palace to search for a ground-level exit.

Meanwhile, Noir had busted through a building and found himself in the residential district, families of ponies looking on in terror as he rampaged through the city.

“♪Finally the moment has arrived
To make sure that no pony survives♪!”

Celestia caught sight of the mad changeling just as he landed in the streets, crunching the stone beneath his claws.

“♪Oh I won’t arrive in time
Noir will commit this heinous crime!
And these innocents will-”

“Die!” Noir screamed as his horn lit red and the dreaded Red Miles spread across the streets, tearing buildings apart and skewering any ponies who came too close. “Ahahahahahaha!”

There was much clattering of both the hoof and shoe variety as the Elements of Harmony bounded out the front gate, followed closely by the Doomed Gods. They found the streets swelled with ponies, nobles and workers alike streaming through the roads in a seething mass, all desperate to escape.

“Oh shit,” Vantas groaned at the sight of the clotted streets. “We’ll never get to Noir at this rate. Pyrope,” he turned towards the Seer. “Can you fly up there, see how far back the crowd goes?”

Pyrope nodded in response. Spreading her wings, she leapt into the air, floating up level to some of the smaller buildings. “Th3 l1n3 go3s b4ck for 4 long w4y,” Pyrope shouted down. “1n f4ct, 1 th1nk 1t l34ds 4ll th3 w4y b4ck to…” She traced the crowd backwards through the curving streets, towards a part of town where rising apartment towers obscured her view… save of course for plumes of smoke and flashes of light. Glancing back down to the waiting trolls below, she said, “1t looks l1ke 1t go3s 4ll th3 w4y b4ck to th3 sourc3. 1f w3 follow th3 scr34m1ng pon13s, w3 f1nd No1r.”

“Wait a moment,” Fluttershy interrupted, hovering up next to Pyrope. Glancing towards the chaos just out of sight, her eyes widened. “That’s the residential district!”

“Residential district?” Twilight asked.

“Twilight! Your parents!” Spike screamed, his eyes widening in horror at the thought while Twilight looked a tad sickened by the thought.

“Applebloom!” Applejack cried. “Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle! Where did you say they were heading off to?”

“The shopping district,” Rarity replied, “but you know how they have a habit of getting into trouble. We need to get there, and quickly.”

“Yeah, but then we’re just back at the original problem,” Vantas said, gesturing towards the crowd of ponies still stampeding through the roads.

“Alright guys, calm down,” Nitram interrupted. “There’s a very simple solution to all this.”

“Oh? And just what might that be?” Vantas asked in a rather sarcastic tone. In response, Nitram raised his hand, which was surrounded with an aura of blue. The rest of the party was wrapped in a similar blue and with a burst of wind, whisked into the air. By Nitram’s command, the group soared above the city on a quick breeze, whooshing above the crowd towards the residential district.

As the ponies made an aerial approach, their view of the battlefield ahead was made unobscured. Twilight’s eyes narrowed against the rushing winds as she struggled to make sense of the image before her. The residential district was in complete disarray. Debris was strewn across the wrecked roads, fires blazed on shards of pulverized wood, and still there were ponies fleeing the scene, tugging family members along or else simply sprinting for their lives. Nitram set the group down in a relatively empty portion of road, where the streets were crushed but abandoned, the only noise being the crackling of flames and the occasional burst of noise that promised that danger wasn’t far around the corner.

“Alright then,” Vantas said, addressing the group. “We seem to be in a relatively safe part of town, so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re splitting in teams. Captor, Megido, Zahhak, Leijon, Ampora, and Peixes- you’re the Blue Team. Serket, Nitram, Makara, Maryam, Pyrope, and I are the Red Team. You got that? Good, because I’m not repeating it.

“You lot,” he said, pointing to Applejack and Rarity, “take both Dashes and the Blue Team. Find your siblings. Help out anyone who needs it. And you lot,” he turned this time to Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, “are stuck with the Red Team. Now let’s get going. We’ve got a Sovereign Slayer to slaughter.”

“Now hold it a moment,” Rainbow Dash interjected. “You think I’m gonna let you guys go fight Noir? I’m coming along too.”

“Dash,” Twilight said. “This isn’t something you should be excited about. You heard Future Dash- if you come with us you could die.”

“Exactly!” Dash responded. “That’s exactly why I’ve gotta come along. You need my help to stop him. That guy’s gone too far and it’s about time that I-”

“Oh sweet Celestia would you shut up!?” Future Dash interrupted. “I mean holy hell, are you even listening to yourself? Was I really that arrogant back then?”

“Oh what are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash shot back. “Jack Noir killed Luna. He bucking killed Luna and I’m gonna make him pay for it!”

“You’re damned right Noir killed Luna!” Future Dash retaliated. “And you know what else he did? He attacked a city and spread mass destruction, likely trapping innocents in burning buildings or collapsed homes and somebody has to save them. Like, right now!”

“But-”

“No!” Future Dash shrieked. “No! It took so much to get me to learn this lesson, so you better be sure I’m gonna carve it into you! It doesn’t matter that Noir killed somepony you looked up to, it matters that he killed somepony! And it doesn’t matter that you swear an oath to stop him, it matters that he gets stopped! So you’re going to stop whining, you’re going to come with me, and we’re gonna find Scootaloo and probably save a whole bunch of innocents, alright?”

Rainbow Dash gave her future self a hard look. Then, she turned and shot away through the air, jetting in the general direction of the explosions. “Rainbow!” Fluttershy cried, making to chase after her. Future Dash put a hoof on her shoulder, stopping the pegasus.

“Let her go,” Future Dash said. “This is a lesson she has to learn the hard way.” There was silence for several seconds before she spoke up again. “Well, don’t just stand there! Go after her! You aren’t supposed to let her be killed or anything!” Fluttershy and Twilight, taken a little off-guard by the alicorn’s behavior, turned after several moments of hesitation and were off down the streets, the Red Team in tow. Future Dash turned and, accompanied by an uneasy Applejack and Rarity, lead the Blue Team in the opposite direction.

Locating Celestia and Noir, and by extension Rainbow Dash, turned out to be much more work than anticipated. Though their initial plan consisted of “Follow explosions, fight Noir,” the blasts of sound that signified another confrontation echoed and bounced through the crumbling streets, and it sometimes seemed as if they were emanating from all around… and given the power levels of the parties involved, they very well could have been.

And so, as they reached another crossroads in the abandoned district, Twilight’s ears perked up as she caught a hint of a hoofstep coming just around the corner. She motioned for the team to press itself flat against a building as she carefully poked her head around the corner. “Yaaa!” Twilight cried, stumbling backwards in surprise as a face appeared in her view. The other pony screamed too, stumbling back in a similar manner, almost tumbling to the ground before somepony behind her caught her.

“Easy there, Velvet,” the stallion said. Turning towards Twilight, he gave an uneasy grin. “You know, Twilight, you really shouldn’t scare your mother like that.”

Night Light wasn’t allowed another word edgewise as Twilight leapt forwards and wrapped Twilight Velvet and him in a sudden, yet nonetheless tight, embrace. Night Light’s breath left his lungs and he stood their sputtering and coughing until Twilight got the message to loosen up a little.

“Hey there honey,” Twilight Velvet said. “It’s been awhile.”

“What are you doing here?” Twilight suddenly cried, breaking the hug. “You need to be getting as far from here as possible! There’s a psychotic killer on the loose!”

“We know, Twilight,” Night Light said. “Which is exactly why we stayed behind. Whenever something like this happens, you’re always tangled right up in the middle of it. Not today!”

“What are you talking about, Dad?” Twilight said. “I can handle myself, you know that.”

“Twilight,” Twilight Velvet spoke up, “there is a line that we can’t allow you to cross here. While we were searching for you, we caught sight of that alabanical thing fighting Princess Celestia. What’s worse is that I think it was winning!”

“Well then I can’t just sit here! I’ve got to help her!” Twilight argued.

“No,” Night Light said. “Twilight, we love you. We love you very, very much, and it’s only because of that love that we can tell you that if you fight that thing you will die!”

“Uh… h3y. Tw1l1ght’s mom 4nd d4d.” The arguing family turned to see Pyrope, looking unamused. “Look, 1 h4t3 to g3t 1n th3 w4y of f4m1ly d1sput3s 4nd wh4tnot, but w3’r3 k1nd of on 4 sch3dul3 h3r3.”

“Hey, stay out of this!” Twilight shot back.

“Look Twilight, honey,” Twilight Velvet said. “I know you’ve done some amazing things before. Amazing, impossible things, but this… this is just too much. We saw what that thing could do, Twilight, and we’re not letting you blindly throw yourself at it.”

“No!” Twilight said. “No. Mom, Dad, I am an independant adult. I care about you both, but I also care about Princess Celestia! I care about Luna! I care about this city and all its citizens and making sure that nopony else gets hurt! So I’m sorry, but Princess Celestia can’t stop Noir on her own, so we’re going to help!”

“I’m… sorry to hear that,” Night Light said. Then his lips curled into a devilish grin. “Wait- no I’m not. I always hoped that this would all come to blows eventually.”

“Didn’t we all?” Twilight Velvet replied, sporting the same sinister smirk.

“Mom?” Twilight asked, her voice quivering a tad as she slowly took a step backwards.

“Mom? Nope,” Twilight Velvet smiled. A burst of green flames and instead a familiar changeling took the mare’s place, wearing a black suit with a diamond emblem. “Only your friendly neighborhood Director here.”

Another burst of fire and Night Light became the Hadean Batterer, already making gestures with his hooves as if he were cracking his knuckles. Of course he wasn’t cracking his knuckles, as there are no knuckles in hooves, but the gesture was intimidating all the same. Similar fireballs flashed up all around the group, as more and more changelings appeared on the scene. Finally, with a feral roar and the smashing of masonry, a changeling none of the team had seen before arrived, riding atop some sort of snarling behemoth. It was like… a cross between… actually, what the hell even is that thing?

“PD, what the hell is that thing?” DD remarked, looking the creature up and down.

PD shrugged. “It’s a drake-dog. Might have gone a bit overboard with the resources ya gave me.” He grinned. “Intelligent enough to take orders, tough enough to bust a few skulls. And he’s allllllll under my control.”

“...Cool. Whatever. Just make sure that thing doesn’t eat us,” DD replied.

PD rolled his eyes. “The thing has a name, and that name is Snap.”

“Well bust my bulge on a giant statue of my middle finger, ain’t this a shitty situation,” Vantas swore, drawing his sickles.

“Ah don’t worry. We can t8ke em,” Serket grinned, fingering her dice.

“Hold it,” Twilight ordered. Confronting DD, she gave a disgusted glower. “Where are my actual parents?”

“Ah yes. The pièce de résistance,” DD grinned. “CD, bring them out.”

A stubby changeling arrived on the scene, dragging behind him two ponies bound together by a spare Stretch Armstrong doll. “Twilight!” Twilight Velvet cried out, looking up to catch her daughter’s eyes, while Night Light struggled against Stretch’s rubbery arms.

“Dad… Mom…” Twilight whispered, her eyes clouding with fear.

DD gave a groan. “CD, did you forget the rope again?”

CD shook his head. “Sure didn’t boss. Just thought I’d try something new for a change! Nopony’s ever held captives with a Stretch Armstrong before, and I’d eat my C4-filled hat if one did!”

Vantas blinked as a scene from the famous Midnight Crew Intermission came to his mind. “You know, Redglare, I think our Clubs Deuce actually IS Clubs Deuce. Like- the real one. From Homestuck. Which must also be real.”

“You m34n 1t w4sn’t obv1ous? Th3 M1dn1ght Cr3w h4s 4lw4ys b33n th3 M1dn1ght Cr3w, d1scount1ng th4t pr3t3nt1ous dr1v3l 4nd h1s sn4k3-pup or som3th1ng.”

“I heard that!”

The two trolls snapped their heads at the aforementioned bug. They gulped. The drake-dog (named Snap) towered above the Red Team, emitting a low, intimidating growl. As the Trolls drew their weapons and Twilight nervously eyed her captured parents, every reader’s eyes lay glued to the screen, wondering if all this build-up would finally pay off.

It did.

End of Chapter- pssh. No, I’m kidding. Who the hell would try to pull something like that? Well… besides me.

A burst of light flared for a moment over the tops of the buildings, followed by the whoosh of air that signified a massive explosion. Seconds later, a bruised and bloodied Celestia cleared the tip of an apartment complex, slamming into a parallel building and dropping to the ground. Moments later, a black shadow swooshed over the rooftops, casting a shadow on the group below.

“Boss’s here! Get back!” DD ordered as he turned to dash away from the scene, the rest of the changelings mirroring his actions. Celestia’s eyes cracked open as she struggled to her hooves- that is, until a blast of green magic struck her down once more. In midair, Noir made to follow through his attack and was stopped only when a blur of color slammed into his side. He was knocked aside, for a second- then the Hive Lord lunged towards the pegasus, and there was a sound like a butcher chopping a piece of liver, and a shrill scream that echoed through eardrums even after it was heard, as Rainbow Dash fell from the sky and crashed to the ground at Twilight’s hooves. Hate it though she may, Twilight’s head reflexively snapped away, gagging at the sight and scent of blood, and it was only through force of will that she could turn to face her friend, and noticed how all the red poured from an empty socket.

And then there was the crunching of stone as the black shape landed before the group, his powerful wings stretching across the road as he cracked with sparks of green and grinning like a maniac. “Well it’s about time you lot showed up. The Vendetta Itinerary ain’t filled out yet.”

The trolls’ only response was to charge towards the Hive Lord, a response that Noir met with a smirk. A slight flex of his wings released a shockwave of green, a burst of power that sent the trolls tumbling back, sprawled to the ground. A blur of pink signified Pinkie dashing towards Noir from the side- Noir batted her away with the flick of a wrist. A streak of yellow launched itself at him from the air- Noir a short burst of magic sent Fluttershy crashing to the ground.

Twilight Sparkle, however, only held still, staring at Noir in horror as he approached. She could see herself, her exact expression of pure fear reflected in Noir’s newly acquired triangular sunglasses, and she saw as, gradually, terror gave way to anger.

Twilight charged the changeling, her horn lighting with violet as she rushed towards Noir. The Hive Lord’s only response was to widen his grin, prompting Twilight to gallop faster. With a swing of her head she released a blazing bolt of magic. For several moments Noir was a blur- then he was behind her- then she was thrown forwards, and crashed and tumbled down the street. As she tried to raise herself to her hooves, a familiar voice called her name.

“Twilight!” Night Light called as he struggled evermore against his bonds. “Run! Save yourself, while you still can!”

“No,” Twilight responded. “Dad, we already had this talk. I’m not leaving you or anyone else behind.”

“Twilight, we’re serious,” Twilight Velvet ordered as she squirmed in Stretch’s elastic embrace. “Get out of here now, before he-” Velvet was cut off as a stream of green fire washed over the two ponies, the roar of flame so loud that even their screams went unheard, and so potent that seconds later all that remained was ash.

“Ah, that’s better. She sure was getting annoying,” Noir said, blowing the smoke from a claw. A flash of light in the corner of his eye caught his attention. “Eh?”

Noir turned to find Twilight collapsed on the ground, tears streaming from her eyes, and he noticed just in time as the aura around the librarian’s horn blacken like the sky at twilight. Then, there was a flare of energy so fierce that it shattered windows, raised clouds of settled dust, and caused Noir to stumble backwards. His gaze returned to Twilight Sparkle to find her quaking in the bloodeldritch throes of the broodfester tongues. Her skin had darkened to a shade resembling that of the black tears bled from the corruption-weary eyes of fifty thousand imaginary occultists, and from her body drifted wisps of the antiwhite aurashrouds, tendrils of dark energy creeping around her figure. It was painfully obvious to all present that she’d slipped into the fabled blackdeath trance of the woegothics, and in doing so had gone of the deep end in pretty much every conceivable way.

Twilight Sparkle had officially gone grimdark.

“Oh shit,” Vantas muttered as Twilight began to levitate off the ground. With a roar of rage, she launched herself at Noir, her horn aglow as she seized him with her telekinesis and flung him into a building. Noir recovered from the attack, prying himself from the smoking hole left in the building. He was simply a blur, dodging bolts of dark magic as he sped towards Twilight, and knocked her away through the air. A flash of green and he teleported behind Twilight, his sword outstretched. Twilight’s horn flared again, and a shield bubble of pure black surrounded her, blocking Noir’s attack. Noir wound his arm back again to deliver a stronger strike, but found the shield bubble suddenly reversing, as it ejected Twilight and encased him inside. Twilight gave a sly smirk as, not a second later, she sent the bubble shooting towards the ground like an asteroid, blasting Noir into the streets.

A wave of dust and debris washed over the trolls as they found themselves occupied with the Midnight Crew and their company of changelings… although not too occupied. It was, in all honesty, almost a trivial matter for Nitram to send a whirlwind to rip through a group of insects, scattering them in the Breeze, or for an opponent to find themselves suddenly trip and smash their bone bulge against a rock under Serket’s influence. The drake-dog, with its hulking strength, supported by its master’s pyrotechnics, proved to be a bit more of a challenge. Maryam kept busy avoiding powerful blows from the Hadean Batterer, while Pyrope and DD were locked in a fierce cane-strife. Off to the side, CD was playing blackjack with Makara and Pinkie, and none of them could see through each others’ poker faces.

Fluttershy, guarding Rainbow Dash’s unconscious body, let out perhaps the slightest squeak of fear as she found herself surrounded by several changelings, each eyeing her threateningly. She took a gulp, and lowered her head, making ready to pounce. She didn’t get a chance, though, as with a flurry of slashes Vantas left the bugs bleeding in the streets. The Threshecutioner took a moment to admire his handiwork, then turned back towards Fluttershy. “You OK?” he asked.

“I’m good, thank you,” Fluttershy answered gratefully. She glanced backwards, reaffirming that Rainbow was still OK… or at least as OK as she could be in this state. She glanced upwards, and spotted Twilight raining bursts of dark magic at Noir, stray blasts turning rubble into oranges or pineapples. “So… just what happened to Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.

“She went grimdark,” Vantas said. “She’s pretty much been lost in her rage and surrendered her soul to the eldritch deities of the furthest ring, and mastered forbidden arts of black majyyks.”

“What? Twilight would never do something like that!” Fluttershy argued.

“Look for yourself,” Vantas replied, pointing a finger towards the ashen mare as she ripped a streetlight from the road and proceeded to engage Noir in a duel.

“Hey, it’s not like it’s a 8ad thing,” Serket said as she dodged around several molotovs. “I mean, look at her go. She’s tearing Noir apart!”

“Serket, This Is Most Certainly A Bad Thing,” Maryam said, rubbing her sore fist and glancing at HB, knocked out cold on the ground. “This Is In Fact A Terrible Terrible Thing. Under The Doomtrance Of The Outer Gods, Twilight’s Rage Will Become Something Uncontrollable, Utterly Unstoppable. However, She Still Isn’t Strong Enough To Beat Noir. She’s Just Going To Continue Throwing Herself At Him Until He Kills Her.” As if to rub in Maryam’s point, Noir sliced her streetlamp in half, seized part of it in his telekinesis, and batted her into a supermarket. Twilight emerged from the hole for a second, before Noir levelled the building with an enormous green laser.

Noir gave a brisk laugh at his handiwork, and made to turn away. Then, something colorful shot through the air, slamming into him and tackling him into a building. “Hey, cockroach,” Future Dash growled. “Shut up.”

A blast of white magic sent the changelings scattering. Ampora gave his wand a bit of a flourish as the Blue Team poured onto the scene. DD took one glance at the new arrivals, and whistled. Seconds later there were bursts of green flame and the changelings were gone.

“Well, it’s a8out time you lot showed up,” Serket grumbled as Applejack and Rarity caught up with the trolls. These two were closely followed by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and then the Epsilon Squad.

“Terribly sorry. We simply ran into a bit of trouble,” Rarity said. One glance around the street however, and she noticed Celestia lying unconscious on the ground, and Fluttershy working to treat Rainbow Dash’s wounds. “Oh. Oh dear. It seems you’ve hit a bad spot too.”

“There are changelings crawlin’ all over this place! We had to save these three from a big group of ‘em,” Applejack explained, gesturing to the CMC.

“Hey. We were doing a fine job of that, thank you very much,” Cloud Cover objected as he and the rest of the squad moved to attend to Celestia.

“Well, you’re gonna need to do a better job of it now,” Vantas said. “Twilight’s gone nuts, and we need to stop Noir before he kills her.”

“Can do,” Peixes grinned, hefting her trident.

“Hold 1t 4 mom3nt,” Pyrope interrupted. “Wh3r3’s th4t oth3r m4r3? Th3 blu3 on3?”

“Trixie?” Applebloom asked. “Uh…” she glanced behind her, then turned her head this way and that, scanning the block. “Oh no! I think we lost her!”

“Eh. She’s probably fine,” Rune Blaze said. “She’s a strong unicorn. She can take care of herself.”

“Private, a mare’s life could be on the line here,” Escutcheon admonished. “This is no time to be acting like that!”

“1 couldn’t 4gr33 mor3,” Pyrope said. “1 d1dn’t g3t much off Tr1x13, but sh3’s 4 strong w1ll3d 1nd1v1du4l w1th 4 th1rst for 4tt3nt1on. 1f 1 h4d to gu3ss…” Pyrope put her hands to her temples, and concentrated. A small, flashing mind symbol appeared on her forehead for several moments, before fading away. “Just 4s 1 thought,” Pyrope announced. “Sh3’s 4t C4nt3rlot C4stl3, prob4bly br1ng1ng out th3 3l3m3nts of H4rmony.”

“Canterlot Castle? Huh, what a coinkydink,” Pinkie said with a cheer. “That looks like where they are heading.” Those present and conscious followed her line of sight, and spotted Noir flying off, continually peppered with magic blasts from the pursuing Twilight and Future Dash. It was clear to all that their route lead straight to Canterlot Castle.

“Alright you lot,” Vantas ordered. “Get Rainbow and Celestia and come on. We’re heading for the Palace.”

A beam of color by the name of Future Dash streaked toward the castle, and raising debris as she smashed into the roof. Seconds later Twilight landed next to her, bouncing once before she slid across the tile. Both were barely getting to their hooves when Hive Lord Noir landed gracefully on the roof. “Pssh. That the best ya can do?” he grinned.

“No. No it’s not,” Future Dash replied, struggling to stand.

“H͕̻̳̗͎̪̥̱͓̺̞̰̥͔̪̦̟̯̘̊̉͂ͯ̔̓̽̎ͪ̈́̀͊̓̿̐́͞ḁ̵̢͈͚͚̭̣̩̰̰̺̺̝̗̞͂̏̽̆̈́͛̇̊ͫͣ͛ͦ̊̋ͬ̾́̚ú̸̵̴͇̱̤̹͙̘̠͚̹͈̞̮͍̔ͨͯͫ̋͊̏ͯ̑ͤ̍͛ͫ̚ͅg̢̞̼̤͇̥̦͚̝̊ͩͦͤ̈ͧ̐ͤ̀͒̋̍ͩ͐ͧ̓͋̍́͡h̸ͤ̓̓ͧ̇̌̈́̓ͤ́͏̴̣̱͍͙̬̮̘̦̩̖̦͇͈͉̯͢a͐ͬ̒̂ͥ͗ͭͮ̍ͦ̈̅͏͏҉͍̩͍̱ų̅̂͒̎̑ͤ̉ͣ́̌ͨ̈́̄҉͏̬͙̖̠͈͓͍̮̩̫̩ǔ͔̤͖̙̘̬͎͓̜͍̺͙̜̺͚̫̗ͧ̃͆͆̇̓͑̿ͬ̚̕͝h̴̡̝͈̤͙̞͈̆ͭͧ̿ͦͬ̀ͯ͗͂̉̈͝t̵̢̼͈͉̯̻̪̥̝̯̗͚̳̺͍̟̠͐̅͂̏̇ͯͣ̌͂̐̄ͪ͊ͮ̕͢͜ȟ̷̨̼̠̬̭͆̐̌̉ͣ̃̆͆͋ͫ͘͞͡ȓ̑͒ͤͩͯ͗͋̃ͮ̈ͨ̍̚҉̛̬̣̦͎̙̘̖̰̳̖̕ͅ'̧̪̱͔̻̥̥̺̮̺̯̭̩̙͙̥̩̐̉̐̀̿̈́̂͐ͤ̋̾ͥ̋͛ͩ̕̕͟ļ̶̧͋͋̾̍ͤ̾̒̃ͦ̉͏̼̱͚̙̯̙̭̖̭…” Twilight growled.

Noir leapt forwards towards Twilight, but instead simply crashed into a shield bubble. He stumbled backwards, and Future Dash burst forwards, slamming into him as he was vulnerable. She turned around, rushing back for a second blow, but was caught off guard as Noir’s claw shot out, and grabbed her around the neck. Noir gave a threatening grin as Dash struggled against his grip. An enormous blast of black, however, sent both him and Dash flying in different directions.

Noir scowled towards Twilight, and lit his horn. A blaze of green met a blaze of black, and after several seconds green broke through and sent Twilight sprawling. Noir turned away towards Future Dash, and was met with an onslaught of blurring punches. Several hit their mark before Noir raised his own hooves and punched back. A flurry of blows and Future Dash was launched into the air. Noir smirked as a bolt of green lightning arced from his horn, and Dash gave a scream of pain as electricity coursed through her. She fell to the roof, smoking.

“F͑̉ͬ̍̊ͦͫ̋̔̋̎̚͠҉͇̘̺̖̩̙̻̥̜͖͍͓̮͕ͅR̴̸͍̙͙̟̹͎͍ͭͯ̎̑̆͌U̵̢̧͎̰͙̦̫̥̲̯͇̓ͮ͊ͭͦ̒ͣ͒̚'̸̧͕͙̜̬͓̰̞͍̪̣͍̼͇̪͑͐̐̐̅̋ͣͯ̿ͤ̔͂͌̚F̛͖̝̥͇͖̱̱̩͓̯̫̙͍̙̞̼̠̗̬ͫ̑̇̍͌ͧ̔́͠͠͡Ṟ̷̸͙̻͙̥̳͕̠͚̬͙̗̇̀̂ͮ͗ͣͯ̍͌͂̾ͫ͐̌̈̀̿̊͂́͝͠Ņ̛̘̖̰̹̓ͥ̌̃ͫ́͛̈̓́͋̀̇͊̃͊̌̃́͟U̡̿̇̉͗̊͛ͣ̊͂͏̛͉̙̩̠͎̳͡H̶̡͙̦̖̥̗̘̺̱̯̥͚́ͣ̈ͭ̍͝͡Ụ̡̮̲̠͍͉͉̦̜͚͓̝̂̎͋̆͋̑͒̊ͤ͘͟H̸̡̹̫̖̞̣̫̘͎̙͑͆͛̅̾̌̎̑͆ͫ̑ͤ͗ͫ̀̕͝ͅ ̴̧̻̟̪̼͕̬͎͔̜̠͚̹̞̯̜̞̳̬̌̈͋ͮ̓ͪ͌̓ͪͤͬ̎ͤͦͮ͑J̷̓̏ͯͭ͏̹̦̖̙̙G͉͕͈̲͔͎̳̗̩̯͂̈͒̊ͭ̋͂̚̕͠O̵̵͔̬̭͚̞̣͖̳͔̠̯͗ͦ̑ͭͪͨ̇͌ͧ̔ͫͣͯ̂ͥ̚ͅG̷̢̜͙̫͓̽͛̏̆͛͛́̅̚͜ͅ ̶̨̞̣͕ͭͪ͆ͤ̔̊͛̚͟͡Ḫ̢̟̝̖̙̺͂̒̓̐̈́ͧ̀͋̅ͬ͑ͤ̆H̢̛͇͖͚͍̺͓̲̼͈̱͉ͭ̆̄͒͆ͫ̋̑ͥ̾͆ͫͣ͒̇̚Ǵ̌ͥ́ͧ͒ͩ̌͌ͩ̉ͣͭ͏̸̴̵̶̖̼͉̗̬̞̳̟̘̞Ḩ͎̪̥̫̰ͦͫ̈́͒̉ͣͥͧ͂̅ͥ͒̿̒̓͟͟͢!̵̛̛̭̥̱̯̠͍̜͖̺̖̤̰̘̭̺̠̣̽̓̒͑ͧͤ̏̀͋ͫ̕͢” Twilight screamed, dashing towards Noir. Her horn bubbled with black, purple, and green as she conjured a chunk of enormous black crystal. She hurled the rock at Noir, who responded by simply blasting through it. Noir took to the skies, Twilight giving chase. He reached the peak of his ascent, and noticing Twilight nearing ever closer, sent a bolt of green downwards. Twilight erected another shield bubble, repelling the laser. Noir turned, and jetted towards the unicorn at furious speeds. A cone of air formed around him as he reached mach speeds- then a shockwave of green fire spread from his wake as he broke through the sound barrier. Twilight’s feeble bubble didn’t stand a chance.

When Twilight’s eyes opened, she found Noir’s claws wrapped around her throat, quickly cutting off her air supply. She glanced to her right, and saw fires of green burning throughout the city. She glanced to her left, and saw the roof riddled with cracks and scorch marks, held together only by Unicorn Magic and Earth Pony Architecture. She glanced towards Noir, and saw green crackling behind his blue eyes.

“Game over, kid,” Noir grinned. “And last words?”

“...Ģ̶̺͉̮̩̯͕̭̗͙̀̌̓̊̐̀̑͑́ͧ̿ͭ̄̐ͥ̎͑̆̾'̛̻̼͑̈́ͫ̍ͅͅh̷̦͍͈̣͙͍̺͈͉̹̤͕̝̩̝̮͔̘̍̌̆̾ͪ̊̉ͣ̇̒̔ͫ̅ͩͣ̇́͡r̸͎̜̝̘̪͔͉͚̣̮̥͖ͯ̏̍̈ͮ̏͗ͧ̏̑͠ò̡̗̘̙̗̘͚̩͇̭͔̀ͨͦ͆̓͌͠ồ̯̩͓̘̫̲͍̠͈̥͚̭̱̲̍ͫ͐̊͋́͢͞ͅg̡̪͔̫͍̮̠͈̽̄̄̓̉̏̓͂͐̃̽̒͛͘ ̸̞̝͕̮̙̬͕̪̲̎͂͐̌̓̎́̿͆̄̓̓̄ͨ̍́̚f͐̈̂̊̍̏̆̋͂ͣͨ̓̓͂̆ͣ̚̚͏͓̯̘̤̪͚͈͓̻̫̟̳̳̩̜͖ḭ̧̤̖͕̠̱̹͈̹͈̦̘ͮ͆̀͐̓ͦ͌̑̍̿ͫͤͤͦͨ́̉̔́̚͞b̴̵ͨͭ͑̓̅̍ͩ̍ͦ͗̑ͮ̓͊͐ͤ͡͏̹̹̞͈̖̩̦̳͉͖͉̰̩̹̻̤͓ͅ'̶͇͉̱͎̲͇̪̠̦̠͎̲̟̙͔̖ͥ͒̎̈́͜͞t̷̟͔̦̥͈̽̎̓ͮ̃ͣ͢͠h̶̛̲̝͔̗͎͖̫̠͔͎̣͆͒́ͬ ͧ̊͋̈́ͨ̏͌̄͑͌̔͏̭̭̱̜̦̭͎̗͉̤͖̳̹͝m̰̱̯͙͋̀̍̎ͦ̐̊̋͌ͭ͗͜ù̧̫̱̬̮̮͑̇͂͂ͣ̑̀̽́̃ͪ̕r̶̛̾̈ͦ̄̓̎ͨ̀͗͏̝͕̠̝̮̣̖̩̺̥͉̳͙̭͚̝͚ͅ ̷͔͈̘͓̤͍̰̰̝̻̲͙͛͊̈́ͤͦͤ̈́ͧͪͪ̏̂̋̔͂̍ͭ̀̓̀ͅb̎ͭ̑̉̇̓͊ͥͥ̈́̂̿̎̍̇̄̍͒͟҉̦̹̥͎̪͈͕̯͕̀͢͜r̷̗͈̺̪͕͈̘̱͚͙̹̭̾̈́̒̋̄ͭͩ͊ͨͮ̀ͤ̍͛̕͝u̬̰̜̻̖̗͕̤̜̬̜͉̺̰̦̫̞̯͌͆͊̓ͭ́̊͛̑͒ͧ͌̿͆͜͝p̅̈́ͨ̓̊ͬ͆͗҉̛̻͇͙͕͡ ̄̃̿͏̸̢̡̛̘̺̯̣̳̤̱̼b̴̵̞̜̹̥̼̰͖̭̬̠͖̰̘̝̦̖̦̠̊̎̌ͧ̈́̐̊̇ͥ̿ͦ͂̄̿͜r̷̤̙̻̥̳̙̟̯ͤ̿̍ͯͧ͗͌̊ͥ̒͆̚ȕ͌̄̐͑͗ͭͥ͏̧͈̲̱̫̫̯̭̲̹̝̟ͅp̰̱̻̝̯̯̝͔̪̹̮̝͖̳̌̍̑͗ͥ̑͐͆ͥ̕̕̕͜͢,” Twilight said.

“Huh?”

“Gͨ̐̊͛̿̊͑̂̇ͦ͐̏̒̿ͪ̚͏̵̨͉̻̟̠̰̟̹̪͎͉̭̬͡'̸̵̧̧͍̬̩̤̝̮͉͉̼͎̱͎̦̫̬͚̰̬̄͌͗ͯ͋̇͒̆̍̾͂ͫ͆̓͗͠H̱̳̠̙̹̺̤͈̖̲̤̮̑̓͐ͥͦ̓ͮ̉̽̅̂̈́ͨ̋͛͘͜ͅͅR͓͇͎͓̜̫͙̤̩̜̪͕͔ͥ̇̾̌͋͟͢ͅO̵̡̪̰͇̙̟̬̓ͤͧ̃ͧ̈́͋̓́̎̊̂͛̀͟͞Ȏ́̀ͧ̾͆ͦͬ͒͐́̈͐ͤ͌̓ͫ͠҉̛̦̜̣̙̪̫̙͖̤̟̰̹̭͓̰̱͞͞G̛̘̬̩͍͐̓̊ͦ́̍̑ͭ͊̈͛͋̓̔ͮ͟ ̋ͦͨ̃ͮ͛̑ͯͧ̈̾͆ͨ̿ͤ͏̛̬̖̪̗̮̪͇̱̹F̷ͬ͒͐͐ͤͩͤ͛ͯͥͨ̓͋͞҉̴͖̱̯̗̦͎̯̬̦̻͉̠̤̺͢ͅỊ̢̡͚͎͕̬̯̰̯͓̫̥̹̘͈̳̹̺͑́͑́̾͌̓̃͑̑̒ͬ͛ͯͩ̈́͠ͅB̴̛͙͇̞͛̌͊̑̃̀̌͒ͦ͋͂̕͢ͅ'̡͔̦͔̫̩ͮͤ̈ͤͨͮ͂̚͜T̶̲̮̼̣̍̾̇ͤ͒̌̽͋ͥͪ́̚̕͢͡H̞͈͇̖̟̗̠̬͉͙̬̙ͨ̀͊̃̀̚͘ ̲̖̰̻̰̭̄ͫ͌̃̀̊͂͌ͧ̇͆̅ͤ̅ͦ̕͟͢͟M̑̒ͤ̈́ͪ̄͑ͦ̔͗͋̈́́ͥ́̚̚̕͟҉̡͖͚͉̬͚̣̫͍̺̝̪̦̯̹̹ͅU̒ͨ̾̍̅ͩ͐ͫ͂͒̾͂͏̴̛̪̮͈̩̣͓̞̙̙Ŗ̙̼͖̹̤͕̬̫̥̞̘̘̟̖̫̩̪̤ͦ͑̆̓͗͌͂̈ͫ̀͜͡ ̇̌̔̐ͥ̓̈̾ͥ́̅ͮ͋̎͂ͣ̃͊̊́͏͔̫̞͎B̧̘͙̲͖̣͔̻̳̤͈̞̈́̓͐͆ͤ͊̈́̈ͩ͑͒͑̇͛ͫ̀̚̚͘R̛̜̻͍̥̜̫̉̾ͮ̀̈̎͆͋͒̃̓ͨ̌͘͟Ű̡̼̳͉̘̩̂̆͌͑ͦ̊ͯ͊͒͑͆̌ͭ̃͒̌͆͒̕Pͨ̾ͦ̔̓ͪ̃̐ͯ͏̟̣͎͉̳̱͓̦̙͉̻̝̦͖͎̲͍͎̙͟ ̷̨̤͔͇̗̦̠̘̣̱̻͉͖̯̺̟̥͉ͯͪ̋̈́ͨ͂̓̒́ͯ̂̀ͤ͞͠B̫̖̮̙͙͔͍̗̦͈͙̯͎̹͕̿ͨ̈̿̽̄̀ͪͭͩ̽ͭ̈́͛̓̉̏ͮ͟͢͞R͗͑ͫͭ̄̏̃ͨ̎̊҉́͏̱̝͇͉͔͕͔̰̲͚̪̭͎͉̭̱̝̟͡U̸̴̗̜̥̼̭͖̪̘͒̂̏̓̇̐̆̎̂̚ͅP̴̡̢̙̩͔̪̪͇͒ͫ̓̇͛ͥ̿ͣ̎͐̋̉̃̈́̂!̩̤͖̜̰͚̗̼̗̼̹͇̝͕̦̑ͦ̓̂̈́͋̽͋͐̄ͩ͒ͧͪ͆ͥ͛̕͡”

There was a blast of blue and Noir was sent flying. Twilight dropped to the ground, and glanced towards her savior.

“Twilight?” Trixie asked. “Twilight, what happened to you?”

“Ṅ̬̪̭̭͚̖̤̥͍̩͍͍̮͇̈́ͯ̍̽͑̾ͬ̽̍̑͐̋ͣ̄ͧ͋͐̔͘̕͝͡y̶̸̨͎̤͚̮̠̝̘̳̍̒̔̀̏̿͂̊ͦͅu̼̯̪̘̰͆ͫͨ̄̉̈͋̈̉͆̌̉̋̈́ͧ̔ͦ͛̌͘͞ȓ̊̔̓̑̇̐̐́҉҉̬̟̪̞͍̜͚̖͖̱̟̲̼͙̦̪͚b̸̆̔̌̇̈́͜҉̷͈̠͕̭͙̗͇͈̥̟̟̼͚̹̗̠ͅ ̢̛̪͙̩̣̲̙̜̫͙̝͇͕̳̟̯̠̬̦̻̒̒͋̌ͦͥ͑̌̀ͤ̿͒͂͌ͦ̃͜͝ģ̫̠̦̖̯̥̍ͭ̔͒̒̆ͧͩ̅͆ͤͮ̅͛̏ͮͦ̍u̸̢̝̟̗̦͎̭̟͎̖̲͗̾ͧͨ͂ͮͣ̍ͪ̾̃͜͝'̸̢̯̟̯̺̲͚͈́ͣͣͅîͨͫ̏̎̾̅̃̌̍ͧ̔̂ͣ̅͏̹̼̠̠͕̭͓̩͟lͧ͊ͮ̈͌͂͗̃̏͏̨̨͙̳̣̠̯̦̰̺̲͟ĝ̅̊̎̎̎̊ͩ̓͏̷̫̮̜̜̱̮̫͚̙̭̟͍̱̻͖̳̟́̕͞,” Twilight replied, turning towards Noir with a furious scowl.

“Twilight, this isn’t like you. You can’t beat him on your own,” Trixie pleaded.

“Ḟ̲̹͖̣͉̖̲̰͖̦̲̝͎͙ͣͯͭ̌ͭ̊̈͊͗͞͝n̶̢͉̤͉̣͈͖̼̓ͦ̑͒̉͂̅͒ͩ̾̈́ͨ̉ͣ̅̎͢͞͝ļ̸̯̠̩̠̝͍ͨͧ̀̈́̈́̈̈̃ͭ̓̆́͡͞t̡̜̱͈̬̤͕̦̮̖̳͓̟͕ͦ̇̀ͧ́ͧ̈͒̄͋͋͆̂ͥḫ̙͚͎̺͚͖̥̟̯̰̎̈ͫͫͪ͛͐̐̾́̎̔ͩ͞͞ ̶̘̳̯̯̗̥͇̦͎̲̙̗̦̝͎̻͉͎̎̔ͧ͛̋͆͜͠g͉̙̞̮̣̬̖̃̏̍̎͒̍ͬ̈͌̋̅̋̄̈́́͜͞ơ̡̜̫̖̬͖̹̣̱͖̼̺̝͓̲̫̘̖̑̊͛͆ͨ͆̈́̓͂͆̇̚͢ͅh̸̡̳͓̺͔̫̗̯̗͇͔̖͍̩̠̠̓ͮ̍ͣ̇̓̏̒ͯ͊̕̕͢l̡ͨ͛ͣ̑̊̕͢͏̰͎̥̜̫̜̬̖̞͈̗͖̼̦͍̪ų̡̺͓̥̝͍̙̬͇̟̮͓͍͚̳̥̬̳͓ͬͭ̽͛̍̽͑͛̉͐̎̄ͭ̽ͭͯ͊͂ͪ͢͡ȳ̢̨͕͖̥̖͎̜̹͙̠̍̐͛̉͗̏ͪͨ́̆̏̎͆ͨ̃ͭ͞ņ̛ͮ͌ͭ̐ͩ̓ͭ͆ͬ͌ͦ̀̚̚͞͏̝̮̗̼̰̤̰̙̦̭̠͇̞ͅg̡̨̳̗̥̮̙͕̬̗̫̗̘͎͈̟̱̟͖̲̑̇͗̌̿͞ ̶̢̨͓͕̬͉̱̠̘͔͚̜̪͇̘͉̟̓̓͆̍̏͒̃͝ͅj̵̨̛̲̺̩͔̙̜̖̺̬͈̜̫̭̞̿ͣ̇̂̊̚͠'͓̦̠͚̘̬̝ͬ̌ͧ͊͑ͩ́ͨ̍̐̎̾ͭ͑̒ͥ͛͘͘͟͟r̡̢̧̫̣͈̲̺̪͕͖̯ͬ̓̓̇̅͞gͧ͐ͣ́̚͘͘҉̪̘̞̩͉̱̥̣̱̫͎͓̙͎̩ ̂ͫ̃͑͐̔ͭ҉͇̹͉͔̀͡h̨̨̰̰̭̱̥̟̋̄̾̏̓ͤ̾̾͟ơ̶̴̛̪̦̻͍̦͚̤̠͙ͬ̋ͣͮͤ̒ͮ͒ͥ͂ͫ̐̈ͧͯ͗́̒͝ͅt̿ͪ̂́ͤ́̔ͭ͑̃̐̓̚҉̧̢̳̜̝̦͖͔̙̼́h̷̑͋̑ͦͫ̎͌̋̉҉̵̺̠̙͕̀a̷͓̣̳̦͇̙̞͚͖̗̫̩͓ͬͭ̈́ͣͨͣ̾̎͌ͪ̔̇ͭ͢ḫ̛̥̰̲̍̿ͫͧ̀̒̈͐̂̋́ͤͫt̟̭̙̗̺̗͕͐̂̒͒ͮ͘͟!̨͎͔̲̣͔̻͎͕̹̦͔̰̮̙̼̗̺̰̇ͥͩ͂͋͑̌ͤ͞” Twilight screamed back.

“Of for Celestia’s sake,” Trixie groaned. With her telekinesis, she snagged a blue chest. Popping it open, she drew from it a familiar golden crown. Quickly, Trixie set the Element of Magic on Twilight’s head.

There was a flash, a bright flare of purple as something dark and smoky was evicted from the scene. When the light cleared, Twilight was once again her old purple self. She wobbled a little, but managed to keep her balance.

“Twilight! You’re back!” Trixie grinned. “Of course, you wouldn’t be without my help,” she added with a bit of a grin.

Twilight gave a half-hearted smile at that. “Same as ever, Trixie,” she said with a bit of fatigue. She glanced back and forth. “Hey, where’d Noir go?” She was met only with silence. “...Uh, Trixie?”

Twilight turned to find Trixie frozen, her grin etched onto her face, and something black and red sticking out of the middle of her chest. Then, she toppled to the ground, revealing Noir standing behind her. Twilight’s expression morphed into shock and terror as Noir took to the air with a flap of his mighty wings. All around them, the city was alight with green flames, growing higher, creeping nearer. Above her, Noir’s horn lit and the castle beneath her rumbled and shook like something about to collapse.

Twilight glanced to the unsteady ground, then back up and found Noir gone. The palace shook again, and slowly, agonizingly, it began to slide away. Twilight panicked, turning to the unconscious Future Dash. “Dash. Dash, wake up,” she frantically whispered, shaking the alicorn. Dash simply mumbled something and turned away. Twilight turned away, and noticed for the first time how close the castle was to the edge of the mountain, and then how long a drop it was to the bottom.

“Twilight!” The unicorn glanced towards the source of the voice, and found Fluttershy zooming towards her, skirting just above the raging flames of Canterlot. She didn’t slow as she grabbed Twilight, and beating her wings with tremendous effort, lifted her away. Twilight glanced back down and saw Cloud Cover grab Future Dash, carrying her off as well. Then, they were gone.

With a tremendous thunder of noise, Canterlot Palace detached from the mountain and slid away down its side, ending the journey merely a pile of rubble. The city it left behind didn’t fare much better, a green inferno raging through the whole of the city. And on the tallest tower remaining, a black shape looked out over the whole place and grinned.

A flash of green and a white pony teleported next to him. “Oh. You again?” Noir asked. “What do you want this time?”

“I’ve upheld my end of the bargain,” Scratch replied. “Now it’s time for yours.”

End of Chapter Three

Author's Note

Carnage. GLORIOUS CARNAGE!!! :pinkiecrazy:

Also apologies for this being late. For those that have read my blog post about this story, I did warn you about updates being more sporadic.
For those that haven't, well, we have run out of pre-written chapters, and the story will be updated as we finish them.

As always, feedback please. :pinkiehappy:

Act Six Chapter IV: A New Hope (crossover)

Begin Chapter Four

“So... How did you feel?”

“Pardon?” Applejack asked. When Twilight had asked to speak with her privately, she’d shooed her sister and the rest of the ponies off to some other part of the trolls’ fancy moon-base. Now they were alone, and she noticed Twilight’s strong air of melancholy.

“Y-you know,” Twilight said. “When this happened... to you.”

“Oh!” Applejack exclaimed. She caught herself then, put a hoof to her mouth in embarrassment. “Oh,” she said. “Right. That.”

“Err- nevermind,” Twilight quickly cut in. “It was a stupid question. Just… forget it.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Applejack cried. “It was… you know, let me just sort of tell you what happened.” Twilight gave an apologetic look, but returned to her seat. Applejack took in a deep breath, and began.

“I was just twelve years old, at the time. Applebloom had barely been born, and Mac was out helping in the fields. It wasn’t anything fancy, but we were all content with it just the same. Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that make y’ah the happiest. But I’m gettin’ off on one of them tangents now, aren’t I?

“One day, my parents had this big delivery scheduled out in Manehatten. Mac begged and pleaded to be allowed to come along, and truth be told by folks really could’ve used his help. So they set off from the farm with Mac in tow, waving goodbye to us. Heh. At least I got to say goodbye before they left for good.

“They got to Manehatten and made their delivery. I hear the client was so impressed with their speed that they even paid a bonus. My parents decided to celebrate by spending the rest of the day in Manehatten, renting a room in a hotel, and heading back the next day. They treated Mac to a nice dinner and then they went and saw a show. Probably would’ve been the happiest day of Mac’s life, had what happened next never occurred.

“They were on the way to the hotel. They passed this dark alleyway and suddenly they were ordered to stop. They turned and found this unicorn holding a big ‘ol knife in his grip. And… well, I think you can infer what happened next.”

Applejack stopped then, choking back a couple sobs. Ooh… in order to avoid making this into a stereotypical sob story, I believe I’m gonna have to cut the view for a moment. So long as I am, allow me to say this: I can assure you that this is clearly all to Applejack's parents. They died in a completely normal and relatable fashion that surely has no hidden implications or connections to seemingly unrelated plot threads. For realsies.

Huh. The herring really is excellent this time of year. I especially love the red ones.

“Subtle. Very subtle.”

Oh, hello Pinkie. I haven’t seen you around here for awhile. It doesn’t look like I have time to chat, though, because it’s almost time to get back to the story.

Twilight’s wrapped her foreleg around the sniffling Applejack. “Applejack, I’m sorry for bringing this up,” she said. “I shouldn’t have made you relive these memories again.”

“N-no, Twilight,” Applejack stammered. “Ah mean-” She stopped herself, and took a couple deep, calming breaths. “No, Twilight. It ain’t your fault. This happens… well, it’s like sometimes you’ll hear a song or see a smile and that hole in yer chest will rip open again. Twilight…” Applejack turned to face the librarian, who’s eyes were moistening by the second. “A death ain’t something you can just get over. It’s somethin’ ya have to adapt to, somethin’ ya have to learn ta live with. It gets harder… but then it gets easier.”

It was too much. The tears broke free of Twilight’s eyes, streaming down her face. She turned away, embarrassed, ashamed of herself for losing her composure so easily. This time it was Applejack’s turn to comfort her with a foreleg wrapped around her shoulder. “Twilight, I’m here for ya,” Applejack whispered. “All of yer friends are here for ya, and while we may not understand what yer goin’ through, we’re here ta support you all the same. Ya understand that?” Twilight gave a slight nod. “Good.” Applejack gave a warm smile, one which Twilight attempted to return, though not with much success. “Eh, it’s a start,” Applejack joked.

“HEY DIPSHITS! MEETING IN THE MAIN ROOM! PASS IT THE FUCK ON!” The voice simply echoed through the room as it’s owner raced past the door, speeding off through the halls.

Plans happening already? Oh dear. I had hoped I would be able to squeeze in some character development here... oh wait. I can do that.

Earlier, in a different part of the lab, where Celestia had tucked herself away...

The Princess sighed. “Now explain it to me one more time. Why are we suddenly assisting the greatest criminals known to land?”

The Epsilons exchanged glances. “Shenanigans,” they said simultaneously.

Celestia frowned, her disapproval causing the squad to flatten their ears and cringe away in fear. “Very funny, recruits. Now give me a real answer before I feed you your insignia.”

The squad eyeballed each other, before Escutcheon took up the trail of thought. “Well, your highness, it kind of depends if they are the criminals they were.”

Celestia’s eyes flashed. “Elaborate.”

“I mean,” he began, his tail swishing as he sorted his thoughts, “I know some of them were as bad as you say they were, but a lot seem to be more shouty and harmless than anything else. It’s possible that only one or two are bad and the rest suffered from their fellows’ poor reputation.”

Celestia gave a small sigh. “For one, I’d like to remind you that none of you were present on the trolls initial arrival. You weren’t there when they assisted Tirek, or subjugated an Empire, or tried to kill me.” The squad seemed to shrink back at this. “In all fairness, however, it was rare that I ever had an extended interaction with any of them,” Celestia admitted. “Judging by their actions, however, I think that yes, I’d label them to be ‘As bad as I said they were.’”

“...I guess you’re right, Princess,” Escutcheon admitted.

“Too bad we need their help, eh?” Bramble Scout said.

“Yes, it does come back to that, doesn’t it,” Celestia groaned. “Noir is unfortunately an enemy that none of us can face alone. With the powers of us and the Doomed Gods combined, perhaps we may triumph, but still…”

Rune Blaze piped up. “So, in the increasingly unlikely situation that we succeed in defeating Noir, what then? We just go back to fighting each other?”

“With any luck? No,” Celestia proclaimed. “When we do eventually engage Noir, the fight is sure to be harrowing. Noir is currently one of the most powerful beings on this planet. He could kill us. He could kill the trolls. He could slaughter all of Equestria… As such I believe it stands to reason that should we defeat him, the trolls left alive will have been sufficiently weakened. Twilight and the rest can finish them off.”

The guards’s eyes widened at this, and they glanced at each other. “Err- Princess?” Bramble Scout spoke up. “Are you sure that’s the best plan?”

“Do you have a better one?” Celestia replied.

“Not exactly. It’s just that…”

“It’s not a very honorable idea,” Escutcheon said. “The Royal Guard is supposed to be noble in their defense of Equestria.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Rune Blaze offered. “What if the Elements are too tired, or the trolls are able to avoid the attack? Then they’d probably flat out declare war, and with Equestria in such a weakened state already… it wouldn’t end well.”

“I still don’t get why we have to fight them in the first place,” Bramble Scout said. “I mean, yeah I don’t know exactly what things they did in the past, but were they so bad that they’ve no chance to be reformed?”

“So much opposition? I’m surprised,” Celestia said, raising an eyebrow at the group.

“Well… they did help us out in the Crystal Empire,” Cloud Cover said. “Though I suppose they helped cause the problem too… I just can’t get a read on these guys.”

Celestia sighed. “And… I suppose the Elements of Harmony are going to be thinking roughly the same?”

“Probably,” Cloud Cover answered. Celestia gave another sigh.

“Very well. It seems I’m going to have to rethink this, though I can’t imagine where I’ll find the time,” Celestia groaned.

A grey, shouty head stuck itself into the room. “HEY! WOULD YOU STOP LAZING AROUND ON YOUR FAT ASSES AND HURRY UP? MEETING IN THE MAIN ROOM!” The head disappeared, leaving the Epsilon Squad staring in shock and Celestia facehooving.

A heavy air of silence lay over the room as Nitram and Fluttershy leaned against a metallic wall. Their expressions were slack, almost dead to the world around them. Serket hovered nearby, keeping an eye on Nitram, but her expression was much the same. Pinkie Pie kept trying to offer them cake.

“Aw, come on,” the party pony pleaded. “It’s good! Or at least, as good as I’m going to get it. It’s a pain to cook when you just have the Betty Crocker logo staring at you the whole time, but they didn’t have anything else.” No one replied, but Serket did give Pinkie a disbelieving look.

“Oh come on. Just take a slice, please?” Pinkie begged, gesturing towards Serket with a plate. “It’s too gloomy in this place. Everypony needs some cheering up.”

“Pinkie, I don’t think we’re supposed to be cheery right now,” Fluttershy said. “We’re… Twilight’s parents are dead. Luna’s dead. Canterlot’s destroyed… so many ponies…” She stopped herself, and forced herself to breathe slowly and deeply, shuddering from time to time.

To her right, Nitram didn’t seem to fare much better, though while Fluttershy was sorrowful, Nitram seemed outright panicked. His eyes darted back and forth, and he held his legs close, bunching them up and wrapping his arms around them. “Look at all th1s!” he suddenly cried. “1 mean, th1s 1s a more hopeless s1tuat1on than the Canterlot 1nvas1on! 1t’s great that everyone’s not captured and stuck 1n a cave, 8ut st1ll…”

“Eh, cheer up Nitram,” Serket advised. “We’ve got the wind at our 8acks and fortune on our side and… stuff…” Nitram cast a disbelieving glance at his matesprit. “Alright, cheesy stuff aside… this is pretty much rock 8ottom,” Serket admitted. “8ut that doesn’t mean we won’t still come out on top. We’ve 8eaten impossible odds 8efore, right? We cur8stomped Noir 8ack in the Canterlot Invasion, and in Ponyville even 8efore that. I’ve got my Light powers and you’ve got your 8reath powers, and Fluttershy’s got… whatever she’s got. And Pinkie’s got c8ke.” Serket glanced at the pink earth pony, still eagerly offering a loaded plate and a fork.

“OK,” Serket said, “I admit I’m not doing a gr8 jo8 of highlighting our advantages.”

“You can say that aga1n,” Nitram groaned.

“8ut!” Serket cut in, “That doesn’t mean we have none. We’ve 8attled alicorns and changelings and saved the world on occasion. We’re not a8out to give up here.”

“And why not!?” Nitram roared. “Any way you sl1ce 1t, Serket, we’re doomed. All the luck 1n the world and all the w1nd to carry you doesn’t do a th1ng when you’re fac1ng an un8eata8le 8oss.”

“Hey. Simply 8ecause we were licked a hundred years 8efore we started is no reason for us not to try to win,” Serket retorted.

“Oh, don’t you quote To K1ll a Mock1ng8ird at me!” Nitram growled. “What’s the relevance of that even?”

“How about this then? ‘i DON’T THINK i WILL GIVE IN TO BAD SELF ESTEEM THIS TIME ABOUT THIS, iT’S IMPORTANT TO STAY CONFIDENT ABOUT STUFF, dON’T YOU AGREE?’”

Nitram stood, his face flecked with tears. “M1ndfang, 1’m not qu1te sure you understand the sever1ty of what’s go1ng on! Any m1nute now No1r could f1nd us and we could d1e. 1 don’t want to d1e, M1ndfang!”

“Um...”

“You’re not going to die,” Serket dismissed. “Would ya calm down? You’re acting like a child.”

“Shut 1t, Serket!” Nitram screamed. “You can’t say that 1’m not go1ng to d1e. 1 am h1d1ng out on a meteor, forced to count the m1nutes and hope 1 l1ve to see the next. There’s someth1ng out there that wants my head on a s1lver platter! 1 th1nk 1 have a perfectly leg1t1m8 reason to 8e upset!”

“Oh, so now you’re dou8ting my a8ilities to protect you?” Serket asked, her tone shedding light on her offense. “You know I can 8arely 8elieve this, Nitram. One little 8ad guy and you’re sent into a panic. Un8elieva8le.”

“Er, pardon me...?”

“Shut up!” Nitram shot, rising to his metallic feet. “What d1d 1 do to deserve th1s, Serket!? ‘One l1ttle 8ad guy and you’re sent 1nto a pan1c’- one l1ttle 8ad guy!?” Serket almost flinched as Nitram took a furious step forwards. “We’ve faced No1r 8efore, 8ut not l1ke th1s! Th1s 1s the threat that forced Dash to come 8ack through t1me and warn us a8out 1t! Th1s 1s the threat that levelled Canterlot 1n, l1ke, an hour and a half! Th1s 1s the threat that k1lls al1corns when we can 8arely touch them!”

“Nitram, I think you should shut up!” Serket retorted. “Look at yourself, Toreador! You’re falling to pieces! I thought you were supposed to be the Controller, scourge of Equestria. I thought you were supposed to command affairs of the mind, not let them command you!”

“Oh go gag yourself,” Nitram shrieked. “Are you ser1ously tell1ng me th1s r1ght now? That 1 shouldn’t 8e afra1d? That 1 shouldn’t pan1c when my l1fe 1s on the l1ne? That 1 should just 8e fearless l1ke you!?” The room was suddenly quiet. Nitram stood inches away from Serket, his finger jabbed in her face. She looked somewhat shocked. “Well,” Nitram said in a lower voice, “1’m sorry. 1’m sorry that 1’m scared to d1e!”

For several moments, the trolls stood still, their angry gazes locked on each other. Then, a sharp cry pierced the silence. The two turned, and spotted Fluttershy, still sitting on the floor and watching them with teary eyes. “Stop it!” she screamed. “Stop it you two! If we’re going to die, don’t you want it to be as friends?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie added, jabbing a hoof in the trolls’ direction. “There is far too much negativity going around here. You both need to simmer down and have a calm, reasonable discussion here!”

The trolls glanced at Pinkie, then at each other. “Uh…” they said, simultaneously.

“Nope,” Pinkie said. “This is not up for debate! And after you’re done, we’re all gonna have some cake! That’s not up for debate either!”

“HEY!” The ground turned to see Vantas’s shouty face appear in the doorway. “MEETING IN THE MAIN ROOM! BE THERE OR BE WORTHLESS!”

“OK, so maybe we’re gonna have to do this later,” Pinkie said. “But I’ll save the cake!”

As her eyes crept open, Rainbow Dash noticed that she’d been moved inside. The ceiling above was grey, and metallic, while the bed beneath was soft. She tried to sit up, but stopped when a wave of pain rushed over her. She let out a hiss, and glancing over herself, noticed a plethora of bandages, wrapped carefully around her more serious cuts. They ached like all get up, but still she drew in a breath, bit her lip, and propped herself up on her elbow. Under great protest from her body, she managed to raise herself into a sitting position.

“Wow. I didn’t think you’d wake up so quickly.” The voice startled Rainbow- she almost lost her balance. Her head, whirled as she took in the room proper. It was the same lustrous grey as the ceiling, a single window leading out into the inky blackness beyond. A nightstand sat next to her, on which lay a lamp, a glass of water, and a bottle of pills. A row of chairs stood across from her bed, and Future Dash sat in one of them.

For a long time, neither of them spoke. Rainbow, feeling a little awkward given the situation, sought to fill the silence. “Err… thanks,” she finally said. Future Dash nodded back. Another pause, one that may have been considerably more awkward than the first.

“You might want to take some painkillers,” Future Dash suggested. “Bottle on the stand. Here, let me help.”

“No, I’ve got it,” Rainbow interrupted. She stifled a grunt of pain as she turned, swallowed a couple of pills and took a swig of water. She set the glass back on the stand, and waited for the medicine to kick in. It was then that she noticed something peculiar. She couldn’t quite put a hoof on it, but something felt… off…

On instinct, she glanced over her shoulder. “Oh right. That.”

“Yep,” Future Dash replied. “That.” Rainbow’s face fell when she saw not the folded wing she’d expected, but a small heap of bandages concealing what must be a tiny stump, the remainder of bones and muscles that had been there before. She turned to her other side, and was relieved to find that wing still attached- to be sure, she tried to flex it, and was rewarded with a sharp ache. She turned back to her missing wing- in some ways it still felt there. She could kind of feel the tips of her feathers brushing against the mattress, or the joints sliding as she folded or unfolded the phantom appendage, but it was nothing but a faint illusion.

“I… I’m never going to fly again, am I,” Rainbow said, her tone bearing a touch of melancholy.

“...Yep,” her Future self replied, casting a sympathetic look. Rainbow, perhaps not wanting to face her loss of limb, took another look over her visitor. She was surprised to find that Future Dash was not in much better shape than her. Some small cuts were faded red against the cyan of her fur, and some spots of discoloration showed where bruises had been raised underneath. She had bandages wrapped tightly around her foreleg, and, perhaps drawing the most attention-

“What happened to your eye?” Rainbow asked. Future Dash’s left eye was obscured beneath a black eyepatch. She looked, and Rainbow kicked herself for thinking this, almost like a stereotypical pirate, if not for the saddened look in her remaining eye.

“Something something Hive Lord Noir,” Future Dash answered. “Honestly, I’m not actually sure. It’ll take some getting used to. Doesn’t really compare to yours, though.”

“I dunno,” Rainbow replied. “I think lack of depth perception is pretty bad as far as flight goes.”

“Yeah. Guess so.” There was another pause now, this one perhaps the most uncomfortable yet. Future Dash and Present Dash glanced away from each other, wandering into their tumultuous thoughts for a second or two, wishing something would happen to break the moment. Eventually, their eyes found each other again.

“I’m sorry.” They said it at the same time. Future Dash’s hoof flew to her mouth as Rainbow cringed a little.

“Err- I’ll go first,” Rainbow said.

“No, please, let me,” Future Dash requested. Rainbow didn’t answer; taking her silence for approval, Future Dash continued. “I’m sorry that I was so hard on you. I’m sorry that I probably chose the worst possible time to bring it up, and I’m sorry I was so stubborn that I let you storm off afterwards. I was just…”

“I’m sorry, though. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” Rainbow said. “I’m sorry I was so set on being the hero and stopping Noir that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I was so immature about all this. I’m sorry for making you apologize now.”

“No, no, I need to apologize,” Future Dash disagreed. “Back in my timeline, I did a bunch of dumb things. Wasn’t always the advocate for peace I am now. I thought Celestia was always right, and I fought the trolls at any available situation… partly because I wanted to stop them, but mostly because I wanted to be this big hero. Even when the bigger bads showed up, I was always trying to fight everypony, hoping I’d be the one to save the day. But when it almost cost me my life… and then I guess I just didn’t want you to make the same mistake.”

“That’s… considerate of you,” Rainbow said. “Thanks. I still should’ve handled it better.”

“And I should’ve brought it up at a better time,” Future Dash said.

“...Are we really going to do this whole ‘it’s my fault’ stuff?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh please something happen soon,” Future Dash begged.

As if on cue, Vantas appeared at the doorway. “CALLING ALL EPILEPTIC NIGHTMARES! MEETING IN THE MAIN ROOM!”

“THANK CELESTIA!” the Dashes cried, springing to their hooves. Well, Future Dash sprung to her hooves. Rainbow just sort of tried to get up and fell backwards with a small cry.

“Ooh, let me give you a hoof there,” Future Dash said, extending a foreleg to help Rainbow up.

“IF YOU’RE NOT THERE SOON, WE’RE STARTING WITHOUT YOU!” Vantas cried, before moving off through the halls.

Ampora was pacing in the room he shared with Peixes. “This is bad. This is really, really bad.”

Peixes rolled her eyes. “O)( relax. As bad as Noir is, )(e isn’t exactly Bec Noir, no matter )(ow )(ard some of us might believe it.”

The male seadweller exhaled in disbelief. “Wwhat, you honestly think there’s an actual difference?” He shook his head. “That’s it, you’vve flipped. Havve you seen wwhat he’s doing to the place? Wwe are hiding out on this meteor for exactly the same reasons as our canon selvves, and wwe both knoww howw that ended! Not evven you can put a believvable spin on this.”

Peixes rose. “Alrig)(t, true as t)(at may ne, I’d argue we’re not quite as doomed as our fictional counterparts. I mean, more people are Glub Tier, we’ve got the ponies )(elping us, we don’t know if Noir can travel throug)( space-”

“Of course he can travel through space,” Ampora argued. “Peixes, he is Bec Noir. His head is definitely more dog-ish than it is pony-ish.”

“Look, let’s back up a second and take a look at )(ow you’re apparently trying to use a webcomic to predict the future,” Peixes said. “I don’t t)(ink you’re logic is s)(ips)(ape, Ampora.”

“Peixes. The Hivve Lord wwas Jack Noir, and noww he’s a god. Luna wwas Bro, and now she’s dead. I think this has passed the point of simple coincidence.”

“)(onestly, I’m just glad you’re not t)(inking of joining t)(e guy like -Eridan did.”

“Oh no,” Ampora groaned. “I wwas hoping that this wwould nevver be brought up.”

“What?” Peixes asked.

“Wwe all knoww that -Eridan doesn’t exactly do many good things,” Ampora said. “Wwhen wwe first came to this lab as a group, and agreed to be a team… I wwas wworried. Wworried howw people wwould treat me if I wwas -Eridan, wworried they might think I could snap at any moment.”

“Well, you’re not going to snap, rig)(t?” Peixes asked.

Ampora flared his gills. “Don’t evven joke about that.” He exhaled. “My canon counterpart may havve been a fool, but that doesn’t mean I wwould run around repeating his mistakes. At least… I don’t think I wwill.” He gave a great sigh, and put a hand to his head. “Peixes, when that Merchant back on Earth sent us here… wwe changed. It was subtle, but noticible. I’m more confident noww than I wwas before… but also maybe a little more lonely. Wwhat if I’m being changed into -Eridan right noww? Wwhat if it’s like one of those Greek myths, wwhere evverything you try to do to resist your destiny only helps make it happen? Wwhat if-”

“W)(at if you’re being ridiculous,” Peixes interrupted. “I mean seriously Dualscar, calm the s)(ell down. You’re not some mindless killing mac)(ine. You’re not some weapon on a )(air trigger. Do you )(onestly feel like you could go off at any moment?”

“...No,” Ampora answered. “No, you’re right. I’m bein glubbing ridiculous, aren’t I?”

The female seadweller crossed the room with a few quick strides, before planting a kiss on his lips. “Indeed. Suc)(... wisdom, my precious Orp)(aner.”

He smiled, brushing a lock of hair from the two scars running across her left eye. “WWhy do all our arguments end wwith us makin’ out?”

“Are you complaining?” Peixes joked.

As if on cue, a certain Vantas poked his shouty face in. “EY! LOVEBIRDS! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SMOOCHES, GET TO THE MAIN ROOM STAT!”

He disappeared as soon as he arrived. Both seadwellers facepalmed. “Wworst. Timing.”

“-EV-ER.”

With a *whoosh,* Vantas transportalized into the computer lab. For once, Captor wasn’t out tapping away at his terminal. Instead, he found Maryam and Pyrope to be the only others present, both of them seated on a couch. “Hey,” Vantas said. “Hear about the meeting that’s about to go down?”

“Pssh. H34r 4bout 1t?” Pyrope snarked. “How could 1, wh3n 1t w4s only 4ud1bl3 from fuck1ng Ponyv1ll3.”

“You Really Do Seem To Be Prioritizing This Meeting,” Maryam said. “Might I Ask Just What You Have Planned?”

“Oh no. I’m not getting into this now,” Vantas objected. “I’m going to explain this thing a grand total of one time, so when the rest of these laughing joking numbnuts get here, you best keep your glowy ears open.”

As if on cue, Maryam flared a little bit brighter. Pyrope shied away from her glowing skin. “4h! M4ry4m, turn 1t off, would y4?”

“Would That I Could,” the Caretaker replied. “However, I Don’t Believe That We’ve Yet Encountered An Ancestor Who Could Teach Me To Control My Glow.”

“Th4t do3s 4pp34r to b3 4 probl3m,” Pyrope giggled. “But th3r3 4r3 solut1ons, 3v3n to th3 tough3st 1ssu3s!” Pyrope reached out and grabbed a nearby blanket, before tossing the sheet over Maryam, smothering her glow beneath it. “Probl3m solv3d!”

As Pyrope descended into mad laughter, Maryam removed the quilt, though she smiled a little at the Seer’s playful antics. As the L3g1scl4c3r4tor began to calm down, though, Maryam’s smile faded off. “On A More Serious Note, However,” she said, turning back toward Vantas, “Do You Really Believe That We Can Defeat Noir? That We Can Emerge From These Events Intact, Much Less Unscarred?”

“Well I’m gonna do my damned best to try,” Vantas said. As he too found a chair, his expression became a bit more positive. “Eh, don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Maryam. This plan is something that’ll blow Noir’s socks off, assuming he ever wore any to begin with. But if you want to know the future and all that, I think you oughta consult our resident Trollstradamus.”

“Who, m3?” Pyrope saod. “B31ng 4 S33r of M1nd do3sn’t work th4t w4y. 1’m not just r4ndomly shown gl1mps3s of th3 futur3. 1 th1nk 4nd 1 m4k3 pr3d1c1t1ons b4s3d on s41d th1nk1ng.”

“Well, What Are You Thinking You’ll Predict?” Maryam asked.

“...Tw1l1ght’ll b3 t4lk1ng to som3 of h3r pony fr13nds, so sh3 prob4b4ly won’t h4v3 4 m3nt4l br34k down m1d f1ght,” Pyrope proclaimed. “S3rk3t 4nd N1tr4m w1ll b3 str3ss3d out, so you ought4 k33p th31r sp1r1ts up. 4mpor4’s 4 b1t n3rvous, but 1t shouldn’t b3 4nyth1ng m4jor. 4nd… you m1ght w4nt to k33p 4n 3y3 on C3l3st14.”

“Why?” Vantas asked.

“Th3r3’s l1k3 4 f1fty-f1fty ch4nc3 sh3’s go1ng to b3tr4y us 4s soon 4s No1r’s out of th3 w4y,” Pyrope answered.

Vantas blinked. “Well, that’s good to know,” he answered. “Shit, now I’ve got to do a little more thinking.”

“H3y, 4ny t1m3,” Pyrope laughed.

There was another *whoosh* and the trolls turned to see a glut of allies pour into the main room. Vantas reacted quickly. “Alright you lot, calm down and take a seat. We’ve got tables set up over there.” The people in question did as Vantas ordered, and the Threshecutioner took role call. “Let’s see. Troll. Pony. Good. All accounted for and whatever.”

“Hold It A Minute” Maryam butted in. “Leijon And Zahhak Aren’t Present.”

“Eh? Huh, you’re right,” Vantas admitted. “Where’d those two animals laze off to?”

Another whoosh, and the trolls appeared at the transportalizer pad. “:33< Sorry, Vantas!” Leijon pleaded. “:33< Zahhak kept wanting to finish this project he’s working on, and I’m telling him that he can finish the circuitry later, and he’s howling about how he wanted it done by now, and-”

“D --> Well, Leijon, I did want it done,” Zahhak interrupted. “It seems a tad late for that now, however.”

“Shut it, you two,” Vantas said. “You’re late. Take a seat.” Reluctantly, the trolls did as told. “Alright. All accounted for and shit,” Vantas said, addressing the group proper. “Let’s fucking do this thing.

“To start off with, the problem. There’s a batshit insane demigod floating ‘round Equestria with enough power to kick us to the curb while half his appendages are tied behind his back, and he’s out for our heads. I think all members of the meeting in possession of an operating thinkpan have already figured this out.” The ponies and trolls all nodded. “Hey!” Vantas cried. “I didn’t say you could nod! All I said was to sit tight and open up your listening portals. Don’t do anything unless I say you can. Understand?”

Though there were mixed reactions, generally the group seemed to understand. Vantas decided that given what a bunch of jokers this lot was, it’d half to do. “Zahhak,” he called. “You can do something. Get up here and explain the whole multiverse shenanigans to the group. Voidy stuff is much more your department than mine.”

Zahhak awkwardly got to his feet, and made his way to the front of the group. “Err- yes,” he started. “I believe Vantas wishes me to e%plain a procedure that has become known as the ‘Token System.’” He glanced towards Vantas, expecting confirmation.

“Well, don’t just stand there like some braindead mute!” Vantas ordered. “Go on, you can do it you little maggot.”

“Yes,” Zahhak said, with a little hint of a growl. “In essence, it ties into the ever-popular ‘Many Worlds Theory,’ which essentially states that there exist parallel universes, a nearly infinite number of them, with all kinds of variations between them. This is not the only Equestria- there are in fact hundreds of Equestrias, each with possibly radically different timelines and events, each confined to their own seperate universe. In addition, some beings, such as ourselves can create ‘tokens,’ items that are cast out into the void and end up drawn to any number of universes. At the same time, other beings have created tokens, thousands and thousands of them. A good portion of them have piled up in our lab base, and using them we could call on some of the most powerful beings in the multiverse, and hope that they respond to our plea for help.” He turned again towards Vantas. “Was that accurate?”

“Accurate enough,” Vantas growled back.

“So, these multiversal beings. Back in the Changeling Invasion, was that Jason guy one of them?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yep,” Vantas said. “Though I doubt we’ll ever see him again. The multiverse is pretty friggin’ huge.”

“The power to summon beings of insurmountable strength…” Celestia muttered. “You’ve held this ability all along?”

“We prefer t0 settle 0ur 0wn pr0blems,” Megido explained. “0f c0urse this time, we d0n’t appear t0 have much 0f a ch0ice.”

“In summary,” Vantas proclaimed, “We summon the most powerful ally we can and using their help, we stop Noir and save all those kidnapped ponies. Simple.”

Maryam rose. “I Believe That I Shall Take It Upon Myself To Call For Help This Time.” She peered at Serket and Nitram. “Where Did You Say The Pile Was Located?”

Serket shrugged. “Ecto8iology La8, last I saw. Wait, you’re calling?”

Maryam nodded. “I Shall Call What My Heart Tells Me Is The Best Option. Hopefully I’ll Be Able To Sense Any Deception Or Foul Intent.”

Applejack quirked her brow at this. “Uh-huh.”

The Troll cast a cool glance. “While You May Possess The Element Of Honesty, It Is My Decision To Make.”

“Uh… OK then,” Vantas said. “Glad someone volunteered and all. Go… be cheesy and summon us a champion.” Maryam nodded, before she strode to the transportalizer and whisked off.

The Troll materialized in the old Ectobiology Lab. With wide eyes, she looked at the veritable mountain of items piled in the middle of it, varying vastly in power, size, and shape. It seemed like if something existed, a Displaced had made a token out of it.

“It Looks Like I Have My Work Cut Out For Me.”

She closed her eyes and shoved both hands into the pile, searching by touch and instinct rather than sight. She must have gone through a couple dozen objects before her hand paused at the sensation of rough sandstone and a sense of righteous purpose. Grasping the object, she pulled out a square of reddish brown stone a little larger than her palm with two glittering gemstones set in its surface on opposite sides of a diagonal slash. While the orange gem filled her with a sense of loathing and filth as her finger brushed against it, the green gem did the exact opposite, giving her a sense of lightness and, if not joy then at least satisfaction. Then the message played:

"I am Dual, master of the Heroes of the Radiant and the Dire, and destroyer of the Ancients. If innocent blood has been spilled or enslaved, call on me and I will aid you however I can."

Well, that certainly sounded promising. She sighed, and began her plea for help. “I Am Not Certain If Or When This Message Will Be Heard. Yet I Send It Out There Nonetheless. Our Enemy Has Not Found Us Yet. I Am Certain He Will Soon. And When This Happens, He Will Surely Slaughter Us Like He Did For The Rest Of Equestria. If You Can Hear Me, Aid Us. Please.”

To her surprise, nothing happened… or at least she didn’t think anything was happening. Weren’t they supposed to show up by now? She sank onto the floor. “Please,” she begged, in a desperate tone. Still, nothing. Had they not heard her plea? Worse, had they refused her? She closed her eyes in resignation. “Please...”

Suddenly, the room trembled as a faint light shone out from the center of the pile of tokens, followed a crash that sent the trinkets flying in all directions, leaving a bald human covered in glowing green and orange lines, wearing only a black shirt and a pair of jeans with a satchel slung over his shoulder, sitting in the middle of the former stack and rubbing his head in a daze.

“Will I ever get a smooth landing?” he groaned to himself as his mismatched green and orange eyes fluttered open, and he looked up at Maryam with a sheepish grin that vanished the moment his eyes met hers. His entire body went slack like he’d gotten smacked in the face with a frying pan, and his mouth fell open in awe as he whispered, “Sweet Lord, the comics could never have done you justice.”

The Troll raised her eyebrows, a hint of jade glistening in the corners of her eyes. She made a motion as to bite her lip, but reconsidered. She rose.

“Greetings. I Presume You To Be The Dual I Sent A Plea To?” Each word was spoken with barely noticeable calculated precision. Maryam assessed the man in front of her. A shift in her eyes proclaimed him acceptable.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said with a wry grin as he stood and stretched, “So you’re the one who sent the message, Kanaya? Or do you prefer to be called something else?”

She lowered her eyes. “Please. Call Me Maryam Instead.”

He smiled and bowed over his closed fist, “A pleasure to meet you then, Ms. Maryam. Given how you asked for my help, would I be correct in guessing that time isn’t on our side?”

The Troll shook her head. “Indeed Not. From Your Initial Reaction, You Are Familiar With The Medium My Friends And I Hail From, Technically Speaking?”

“I can name all the zodiacs in order, so yes,” he replied, “In that case, could you please fill me in on what’s going on? I can’t exactly help if I don’t know what’s happening.”

Maryam nodded. “Come. Let Us Meet The Others. But Short Version? The Name Bec Noir Should Be Familiar Enough.” She strode off towards a transportalizer. “Follow Me.”

Dual frowned, nodded, and trailed after her with more than a little difficulty keeping his eyes above her waistline. She stepped onto a transportalizer, disappearing. Dual followed, eyeing the teleportation device with some trepidation before stepping onto it.

They reappeared in a corridor. Maryam held up her hand, motioning for him to stop. “Before We Enter the Meeting Room, I Must Tell You This. If You Possess Bad Relations With Any Equestrians, I Must Ask You To Put Them Aside. Understood?”

“I don’t really have any bad blood with them,” Dual said amiably, his eyes locked on her face and a slightly dopey smile on his, “The ponies on my world are under the influence of the Radiant and the Dire, insidious corrupting forces that have tainted all life on the planet. The only reason I’m not affected is because I indulge in both beauti-equally and they cancel each other out. Also, I wasn’t actually conscious when they locked me stone, and only am only recently able to show them that I wasn’t the monster they thought I was. It’s not their fault we’re at odds, just circumstances I can’t blame them for.”

She nodded back. “I See. Well, I Thank You For Your Honesty. The Next Transportalizer Is Over There. Go First, And I Shall Follow.”

Dual wavered, clearly wanting to ask her something, but another glance at her eyes quelled whatever doubts he’d been having as his smile broadened and he strode onto the platform and disappeared with an air of confidence.

He reappeared in a large room lined with computers, and quickly stepped off the platform to make room for his companion. On each corner sat a table, with various beings on each. The northeast corner had Celestia, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Spike, and a group of Royal Guards. The northwest corner had the rest of the Elements, a second Rainbow, and for some reason the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He turned. The southwest corner had Aradia Megido, Equius Zahhak, Nepeta Leijon, Sollux Captor, and Gamzee Makara. The Southeast corner had Terezi Pyrope, Karkat Vantas, Tavros Nitram, Vriska Serket, and two seadwellers presumed to be Eridan Ampora and Feferi Peixes. They had all tensed at his entrance, and only relaxed a bit when Maryam wooshed in on the transportalizer behind him. “This Is Dual,” she said as calmly as she could muster, “I Believe He Shall Be Our Ray Of Hope.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he said goofily, his eyes sliding across the room before settling on Maryam again. He blinked a few times, then shook himself hard all over and sobered up. “Ok, what’s the problem? Maryam here said Jack, but that’s all I know.”

Vantas took up the trail of thought, “Basically, shit’s gone all the way down the drain, and right on top of us.”

Pyrope rolled her eyes, “Wh4t h3 m34ns to s4y 1s th4t th3r3’s 4 ch4ng3l1ng out th3r3 w1th mor3 pow3r th4n h3 knows to do w1th, 4nd just go3s 4round k1ll1ng 3v3ryon3.”

Princess Celestia sighed. “He detached Canterlot from the mountain, killing hundreds if not thousands of my little ponies, and I was powerless to stop him.”

One of the Epsilons whispered a faint “Cloudsdale”, but none heard him.

Scootaloo spoke up. “His lackeys kidnapped Ponyville and Appleloosa and Fillydelphia and Manehattan and a buncha other cities too!”

The Rainbow Dash sharing a table with the Princess sighed. “He also killed Luna, and Trixie, and Twilight’s parents.” She leveled her tablemates a Look of forewarning. “It needed to be said.”

While they were talking, Dual had gone very quiet, and seemed to be trembling slightly. He took a deep breath and let it out again, hissing through his teeth as he did so, then said in a tone far too calm for the situation, “Are the bodies still intact?”

Twilight spoke up in a quiet tone of voice. “My parents are ashes. They didn’t even have time to- to-” She fell silent.

Celestia’s gaze hardened. “I cremated my sister’s remains, just,” she choked back a sob, “Just like she would’ve wanted.”

Dual sighed, pinching his brow between his fingers, “If the body isn’t completely destroyed, I can bring them back.” He reached into his satchel and pulled out a disk, its center a glowing yellow that faded to red, then brown at the edges, “These things only last for five minutes after I conjure them, though, so I’ll have to do it myself. However, without an anchor for the Aegis of Immortality to latch onto I can’t do anything. I’m sorry.”

Both student and teacher lower their heads in unison as Dual put the Aegis away. The other Rainbow, now wearing an eyepatch, spoke up, saying, “Trixie.”

The first Dash whipped her head towards her double. “Wha-huh?”

The one-eyed Dash repeated herself. “Trixie. Ya said she did a good deed and got a sword in her chest for her trouble. I think she’d deserve it. Er, no offense, Twi, Princess.”

Her addressees leaned into each other. “None taken,” they said in unison.

“This is not about ‘deserving it,’” Dual growled, “This is about life taken before its time for no other reason than sick amusement. I’m going to bring back everyone that I can, and it will having nothing to do with whether they ‘deserved it.’ However,” he walked straight across the room and stared out at the lunar landscape, “That doesn’t mean all will live at the end of this day, even beyond those I can’t save.”

Something in the air around him changed, and everyone in the room took a step back, or at the very least leaned away from him, “Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not enslave. Do not steal. These are the rules I live by when the official ones are stupid.”

“Uh, Dude,” Future!Dash asked, “Why is that relevant?”

“Because rule one is getting an exception,” Dual said, as if he’d just mentioned how nice the weather was that day, “Meepo.”

He split into five copies of himself, four of which stepped away from the fifth, who still hadn’t moved from his spot by the window.

“Visage,” the fifth continued. Like a beam of light, he phased right through the glass, floating down towards the blue and green sphere below the moon.

The remaining Dual copies turned to the group and said, “We’ll help rescue the kidnapping victims while Dual number One goes after Jack. If you want revenge against him for yourself, I suggest you move quickly. There’s not going to be much left after One is done with him.”

Slowly, all the trolls turned to stare at Maryam. “YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PICK THEM, DON’T YOU?” Threshecutioner shouted with a raised eyebrow, “NO PLANNING, NO TIME TO TALK THINGS OVER, JUST PICK UP YOUR SWORD AND GO, EH?”

“You have all made it abundantly clear that time is dead ponies,” Dual #2 retorted, “and unless your time player,” he jerked a thumb at Future!Dash, “is willing to loop us until we have a plan of attack, we can’t afford to wait.”

“He Does Have A Point,” Maryam said. “Should We Hesitate, We May Miss Our Window Of Opportunity. Noir Doesn’t Know Where We Are, And Thus We Hold The Element Of Surprise.”

“Wait- there’s a seventh Element of Harmony?” Pinkie gasped, “And here I was thinking there were six.”

“Pinkie, we don’t have time for this silliness,” Future Dash groaned. Turning back to Dual versions 2-5, she asked, “So why the duplication trick? That first one’s heading down to fight Noir. What’re the rest of you gonna do?”

“We already said we’re here to help with the kidnapping victims,” #2 answered, “A favorite tactic of most villains is to make the hero choose between saving innocents and going after him directly. This split is a direct counter to that tactic and allows us to help in both situations. Also, however close we may be to the original, we’re not perfect copies. We have only one slot in our satchels to his six, and it’s always going to be filled with his current boots of choice.”

“Huh. Almost seems a little overpowered,” Pinkie grinned.

“You have no idea,” #5 said as he smiled back at her.

“Do you th1nk you could d34l w1th th3 c4pt1v3s on your own?” Pyrope asked. “4ft3r 4ll, Du4l Pr1m3 41n’t th3 only on3 who w4nts 4 p13c3 of No1r.”

“Not entirely,” #3 replied, “We’ll need a guide or two to help us find where they ended up and get them to safety, not to mention deal with their kidnappers.”

Celestia spoke up. “I believe I can provide both. Epsilon Squad?” The Royal Guards snapped to attention. “I’m tasking you with assisting these… fellows, I suppose, with the retrieval of the kidnappees.”

“You can count on us, Princess!” Bramble Scout grinned. His squadmates rose to join the Dual clones.

“Glad that was wrapped up quickly,” Vantas said. “The rest of you, come on. We’re transportalizing to Noir. He’s about to learn just how many gods he’s pissed off.”

“Except you three,” Twilight spoke up, addressing the eager smiles of the CMC. Their faces fell at her mention of them, but Twilight held firm, “I don’t care what you say, I don’t care how you try to say it, you’re not going anywhere near the planet until we defeat Noir. Spike,” she called to her loyal assistant, “You’re in charge. Don’t break anything and keep them here.”

“You got it, Twilight!” Spike saluted, before turning to the CMC. “Seriously, girls, it’s for the best,” he assured. “Equestria is the last place I’d want to be right now.” The Crusaders still looked disappointed, but Spike’s logic wasn’t easy to argue against.

Captor turned to his computer. Typing a couple coordinates into the keyboard, he gestured towards a transportalizer pad. “You lot,” he said, referring to the Dual copies and the Epsilon Squad, “can take that pad. IIt’ll lead you two the badland2, where we thiink the Hiive ought to be. The re2t of u2,” he pointed to a different pad, “wiill take thii2 one.”

The two groups shared one glance between themselves, looks of varying emotions- fear, confidence, melancholy, hope, and overall, longing, longing that all would return from their missions alive. Then, there was a great *whoosh* as the transportalizers fired, whisking their users off towards the planet thousands of kilometers away. The lab was left almost empty.

“...So,” Spike said, addressing the bored fillies. “Charades?”

Earlier, above the ruins of Canterlot...

The former changeling scowled at the pony standing before him. “My part of the deal?” he asked. “Scratch, you better not have hidden something in the fine print.”

“Me? No,” Scratch replied, putting on an innocent tone. “I would never do something so underhanded. I’m not exactly one to lie.”

“That so? Then why are we getting around to my part already?” Noir asked. “You said that that wouldn’t be relevant for a long time- till I’ve had my fun, at least. And that’s not done until I’ve painted the ground in all the colors of the Hemospectrum.”

“Well, you’ll have to excuse me for being vague, but it seems we’ve encountered an unprecedented factor,” Scratch explained. “Something completely foreign, in fact; unexpected, but not unplanned for. As we speak, numerous contingencies are being set into motion, and as subtly as the drop of a leaf. Given the severity of the factor in question, however, we may unfortunately be forced to expedite the process.”

“You gave me your promise, Scratch,” Noir threatened, “And until I’ve set the world ablaze I ain’t lifting a hoof to help you.”

“Well then, by all means kill your foes,” Scratch said. “But you may want to do it quickly.”

“How? They fled on a warp pad thingy. They could be anywhere in Equestria by now.”

“You’ll have your opportunity sooner than you think- in fact, they’re coming here right now.”

“Heh. Brilliant.”

End Chapter Four

Author's Note

Crossover with Architect's I Don't Think I'm Supposed To Be Here, part 1.
Next part will come whenever ready.

Prologue

My faithful student,

You and your friends have done a most admirable job with handling Discord. Unfortunately, his existence has reminded me that he is not the only such threat the Canterlot Gardens have in store.

I ask you to gather your friends and return to Canterlot at your earliest convenience. I believe it is time I briefed you on the Doomed Gods.
I shall see you soon.

Your teacher,
Princess Celestia.

Twilight lowered the letter. She looked into the worried faces of her friends. Naturally, Rainbow Dash was the first to break the silence.

“So basically, there’s more of those guys around, and the Princess only got around to telling us now?”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Of coooooooourse she did, Dashie! Not warning somepony of a danger until it’s right at their doorstep is tradition, silly!” She tapped her chin with her hoof. “Except right now it isn’t! Which is kinda narratively strange, I guess…?” The pink mare shrugged. “Oh well.”

Twilight stared at her. “...Moving right along...”

“Good morning, my little ponies,” Princess Celestia said as Twilight and her friends stepped off of the barrage of colors that was the Friendship Express. “I am glad that you all got here so quickly.”

“Er- thank you, Princess,” Twilight replied. She glanced around at the surrounding ponies, most of them either bowing in respect to Celestia or otherwise just gaping at the sight of her. “Although, seeing as this matter does seem a little confidential, are you sure it was wise to greet us in person?”

“Twilight, it’s good for the citizens to see me out and about,” Celestia explained, giving a wave to the populus. “Besides, I need fresh air every now and then as well. Come, I’ll walk you all to the castle.”

The walk through the streets of Canterlot was mostly uneventful, aside from the stares of passing ponies. The Elements were making small talk.

“In yer letter, y’all mentioned somethin’ about a group of Doomed Gods,” Applejack said. “So I reckon we’re headin’ up ta see them now, eh?”

Celestia gave a warm smile. “Yes, and all will be explained, I assure you. But not by me alone.” She gestured up ahead to Canterlot Castle, where by the drawbridge waited Princess Luna, ruler of the night.

“Both Princesses, eh?” Rarity muttered. “This must really be important.”

“Yes, ‘tis so indeed,” Luna said. “And although We only have experience with a few of these Doomed Gods, We shall do Our best to help with Our sister’s explanation. Follow me, everypony.”

She led her entourage to the Canterlot Statue garden, pointedly ignoring the Element of Laughter. The latter ignored her back.

“Clichés aside,” she mumbled, “now would be about time for that scene transition.”

Unnoticed by the ponies, a blue hand floated by.

Celestia highlighted the first statue. It looked ancient; the stone showed signs of eons, while somehow still remaining whole. Its inhabitant appeared to be about to pounce; a snarl full of exceedingly sharp teeth was frozen on his face. Two curved horns rose from a tangled mane. The creature held club-like objects in its claws. Celestia coughed.

“We believe this was one of, if not the first creature to arrive in our world. Unfortunately, we cannot tell; it predates even me and my sister. Perhaps even Equestria itself. We are still not quite sure how it got sealed into stone.”

Luna took over. “We call it Rage. Its true name is unknown to us.” She glanced at the Elements. “It is most likely one of the most dangerous ones.”

Luna highlighted another statue. This one exhibited slightly less wear and tear; it depicted another of the creatures, standing proud. In one claw, it held a sickle; the other held nothing. It took Twilight a moment to recognize small, nubby horns from its mane. The creature’s face was frozen in an expression of annoyance. Celestia took over.

“This one called himself ‘Threshecutioner.’ We don’t really know what it means, but it was likely as nefarious as he himself.”

Celestia unveiled another statue. Its inhabitant looked almost normal compared to the others. Its pose showed discipline; behind the creature’s back was a deadly-sharp cane. Its horns were sharp and pointed; on its face were a pair of glasses.

Luna sneered. “This is The Legislacerator, or Redglare as she referred to herself. This… creature worked for a vile and corrupted unicorn. But We are to bet her methods disgusted even Him. She had the most horrendous obsession with blood.”

Methodically, the Royal Sisters moved from statue to statue:

-a creature standing completely symmetrically, four short horns poking through its mane;

"-This is the Psiionic. Its eyes were capable of ejecting highly destructive beams; it was one that actually asked to be locked away-"

-a creature sporting a broken horn and a frightening stature, crossing its forelimbs;

"-This is the E%ecutor. He used to work with a foul creature; thousands of years ago, of course-"

-two gilled creatures, one caped and robed, the other wearing what seemed to be a swimsuit, both cringing in terror;

"-These two attempted to assassinate the Seapony Queen; frankly we're surprised that they are still in one piece. We call them seadwellers-"

-a feline creature with a tail, capped with an odd cat-faced hat, seemingly fleeing from an unseen enemy;

"-This is the Huntress, we never got her name- yes, Fluttershy, she is part cat-"

-what could only be described as a maiden, in a pose that would inspire respect in the proudest of creatures;

"-The Caretaker, said I could call her Dolorosa, drowned in guilt after outliving her charge and asked me to lock her away to give her time to cope; still a dangerous entity though."

They had arrived at the last statue, or to be more specific, a pair of statues. They were two of the creatures, locked in a kiss. One had horns like a minotaur; the other's reminded Twilight of a scorpion. Celestia stepped in front of them with a grim expression.

"These two are the most dangerous of them all. The one on the left is called the Thief of Luck, or Mindfang as she referred to herself. Her powers revolved around the manipulation of probability. The only reason we were able to capture her at all was because she was using her powers for- err, personal purposes."

Celestia paused.
"That said, the Elements almost didn't work." She shook herself out of it.

"But enough about her. The other one is one of the most dangerous creatures known to ponykind. He is able to completely take over a pony's mind with nary a thought. Yes," her voice shook slightly, “even ours. No mind is safe from him."

It was several quiet minutes before Twilight spoke again. “Princess Celestia, it’s been enlightening seeing all this, but… why are you showing this to us now?”

“Twilight, I recently came to a realisation, helped in part by my sister here,” Celestia replied, gesturing to Luna. “Despite our long-held tradition of withholding information unless immediately relevant, we live today in a dangerous time. Villains from the distant past have twice now returned, and I sense many more dangers to come. I want you and the rest of the elements prepared should anything else return. The less damage my ponies need take, the better.”

“Constant vigilance, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna added. “Constant vigilance.”

“Well, that seems almost uncharacteristically logical,” Twilight muttered.

“Blame it on the plot. This is a convenient place to start,” Pinkie whispered.

“Moving right along!” Celestia said, drawing the group away from the Grove of the Doomed Gods, and elsewhere in her enormous Statue Garden.

“Mmm. C0nvenient indeed. Th0ugh I supp0se that was inevitable.” A pale figure stepped out into the Grove. Although nopony had seen her, she’d been there all along. Her mane was black and concealed beneath a scarlet hood, out of which were poking two curving horns. She was dressed in a robe… no, pajamas of scarlet red, and two breezie-like wings stretched from her back. On her face she wore nothing but red eyeliner and a wide smile.

“Hey every0ne!” she called out, her voice echoing through the garden. “Megid0 here. G0sh, I’ve been l00king f0r y0u all f0r s0 l0ng!” She stepped up closer to the group of statues, searching for any details hidden within the stone. “But it s0unds like y0u all have been pretty busy with0ut me, eh?” She took a glance at Mindfang and the Controller. “Mmm, very busy indeed. Well, seems t0 me that we’ve all been separated for far t00 l0ng.” A wave of red energy rushed from the tips of the girl’s appendages, and circled the Doomed Gods. “Reverse, the fl0w 0f time! N0w, 0ur grand reuni0n!”

Fractures, glowing with red energy, slowly spread through the statues, accompanied by the song of crackling stone. It was several seconds before finally The Huntress’s statue crumbled away, leaving it’s inhabitant standing in its wake. Soon after followed The Caretaker, then the two seadwellers. The Psiionic’s statue burst, and two beams of red and blue cut towards the sky. The E%ecutor gave a mighty roar as his statue was all but pulverised. The Threshecutioner and the Legislacerator, freed from their stony confines, joined in on the E%ecutor's primal release. Shattered shards of rock fell away from Mindfang and the Controller. The latter’s eyes widened in shock, while the former tightened her grip ‘round the Controller’s back. Finally, Rage’s statue fell apart, and he screamed in anger, or surprise. Could’ve been relief.

All eleven former-prisoners turned to face their grinning savior. None spoke for several seconds, until the Psionic cried out. “Oii! Ten Thou2and year2 wiill giive you 2uch a criick iin the neck!”

“Ugh,” the male seadweller said, stretching his arm. “You said it, Captor. Though...” He took a glance around. “It doesn’t seem like Ten Thousand years. If it wwere, evverything wwould probably be a bit more… metallic.”

The female seadweller let out a sigh. “Look, Megido, what t)(ese boys mean to say is that t)(ey’re glad you busted us out of )(ere.”

The male seadweller put his arm behind his head for another stretch. “Yeah, Jen, thanks.” He gave a moan of relief, before adding, “Seriously, I havven’t stretched this wwell for a presumably lengthy period of time, and it is quite refreshing.”

“It’s n0 pr0blem,” Jen replied.

“I’m sorry, everyone, but can we slow down for a minute?” the Threshecutioner asked. “I was a statue two minutes ago, and now I’m not. Is this hard for anyone else to comprehend?”

“Hmph. No, ju2t you, Vanta2,” Captor smirked.

“H3y! D1llbr4ins!” the Legislacerator called. “H4s 4nyon3 3ls3 not1c3d th4t Sp1d3r 4nd Tor34dork 4r3 st1ll m4k1ng out?” The group (with the exception of Vantas, who was still taking time to comprehend things) turned to see Mindfang and the Controller still wrapped in their eternal snog, the Controller’s eyes darting around nervously, Mindfang’s closed and oblivious.

“:33 < Ah. It always does me good to see these things play out like they were meownt to,” the Huntress sighed. “:33 < Zahhak, you owe me five bucks.” The E%ecutor grumbled and fished into the pocket of his shorts, extracting a couple scraps of paper.

“We were made of stone two fucking minutes ago!” Vantas cried. “Why are the rest of you so fucking casual about this?”

“Look here, bro,” Rage said. “Sometimes these motherfucking miracles come along in life and we just have to accept them, kay? You know you don’t like what comes along after you start questioning the miracles.”

“Excuse Me,” the Caretaker piped up. “While I Must Admit I Would Love To Engage In Some Thorough Catching Of The Times, I Believe An Immediately More Pressing Matter Is At Hand.” She gestured to the right, and the rest of the Doomed followed the pointing finger to the entrance to the Grove, where the Elements of Harmony and the Princesses of Equestria were standing wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

“Hmm. That wwould a bit more pressing, wwouldn’t it,” the male seadweller said, reaching into his wizardly robes to retrieve his white wand.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” the female seadweller replied, hefting a large golden trident. “W)(at say we s)(ow t)(em t)(e wrat)( of Alternia!!”

Threshecutioner and Legislacerator exchanged glances.
(I thought we all turned into our costumes?)(Y34h?)(Did she dress as Feferi or Meenah?)(H3h3h33. H3ck 1f w3 know!)

Megido lost her smile. “N0n0n0n0! We just g0t here! We are n0t t0 be separated again!”

She snapped her fingers. All eight ponies were encased in red, pulsating time fields. Another snap, and a familiar platform appeared. A gesture, and her companions were thrown haphazardly wherever the platform lead.

With a sigh, Jennifer Megido, Maid of Time, dispelled both the time traps and the platform. She looked at the shell-shocked equines.

“I’m s0rry.”

She blinked out of existence.

Pinkie was, naturally, the first pony to recover. “Now the narrative’s getting back on track! The danger’s loose!”

Her cheerful statement was met with dismayed groans.

End of Prologue

Author's Note

Allrighty then!

This is a fic from the Displaced genre, and my first published work on this site.
I'm not writing this story alone; no, it's co-written with SnapDrakeGames.
Neither of us have done something like this before, so bear with us.

As stated in the description, this is a crossover with Homestuck, specifically Hivebent, so expect random.

If any grammar mistakes slipped by our radar, be sure to let me know.

(Oh ye gods, I suck with inane chatter!)

Intermission 1 - And Now, For Something Completely Different!

“So, what say we go around in the circle- Vantas you can start- and we do the ‘how he got here’ storytime?”

“Say, why is it always me who has to start this stuff. I’m sure Pyrope would like to share.”

“V4nt4s, just st4rt 3xpl41n1ng stuff 4lr34dy. W3 don’t w4nt to l1st3n to your wh1n3y bullsh1t.”

“...Fine then.”

Begin Interlude 1

It is October Thirty-First, 2015. A teenager stands in his room. Though it was over eighteen years ago he was given a name, he seems to have forgotten it! What was the name of this young man?

Enter Name.
Oh no, this again? Let me guess. There’s going to be an awful name given, and then I would insult the giver, and THEN we would get the right name? How about no.

Enter Name.
Oh fine. Alexandr Zarevich? Where the hell are you from? Never mind that.

======>
Your name is ALEXANDR ZAREVICH, and you are from UKRAINE. At least you think it was Ukraine. No one ever told you.

You have a various number of INTERESTS, the remains of some of which litter your room. Amongst them are HOMESTUCK, PONIES, HOMESTUCK, GEORGE LUCAS, HOMESTUCK and just because, some more HOMESTUCK. Your affinity for this legendary WEBCOMIC has nigh become a legend itself. You love these twists the author tosses out, the subtle NUANCES and somesuch. On your DRESSER, NEATLY FOLDED, sits your KARKAT VANTAS COSPLAY: the logoed shirt, the greying pants, and the Homes Smell Ya Later. You are going to WEAR IT at tonight’s GEEKPARTY. There sure are a LOT OF THESE going around lately, with RUMORS of people disappearing.

But you don’t CARE about these rumors. For a lengthy period of time, you have led your WEBFRIENDS in an effort to make this the BEST NIGHT EVER. For some reason, your FRIEND OF A FRIEND with a russian name laughed himself SILLY over your declaration.

But enough about that. You have a PARTY to get to!

Alexandr: Don costume.
Yes. YES. You feel the costume breathing a new life into you. The shirt perfectly tailored, the pants comfortably snug around your waist. You ruffle your messy hair before carefully slipping on your HORNED HEADBAND. Beautiful.

You are now KARKAT VANTAS. You were always meant to be KARKAT VANTAS. The Homes Smell Ya Later within your grey hand is your Homes Smell Ya Later. Like some utterly contrived DESTINY, you play the part you were always meant to play.

Wait a minute.

This is incredibly silly!

======>
The underwhelming jingle at your MODERN COMPUTER signifies the pestering of some other friend. It only figures that the installation of a NEW BETA CHAT PROGRAM, in coordination with your other friends, would result in the OPENING OF THE FLOODGATES, the flapping of the butterflies wings that results in the hurricane of relentless, pointless messaging. You oughta just get this over with.

Alexandr: Get this over with.

Open Pesterlog
lucyWardale [LW] began pestering alexandrZarevich [AZ] at 16:03

LW: Alexandr…
LW: Alexandr…
AZ: What?
LW: Oh good, you’re finally here
LW: Did you get your costume together?
AZ: Of course I did. Do you really think I’d attend this party costumeless?
LW: There’s no way you’d ever let something like that happen.
LW: Your nerdpride is simply too great.
AZ: Are you going to get to whatever point you originally intended to make, or just drag this out far longer than necessary?
LW: Hmph. You’re rather crabby today, eh?
AZ: The point. Get to it.
LW: Who says I can’t just check up on a good friend and ensure that they’re doing alright, eh?
AZ: Are you saying
AZ: That this whole conversation was like a dull gardening implement
AZ: That has no point
AZ: And could have easily been avoided?
LW: Hey, you’ve put a lot of work into this.
LW: Arranging that everyone has their cosplay and stuff.
LW: Maybe I just want to make sure that it’s all coming together as planned.
AZ: And maybe yes it’s all coming together as planned now leave me alone.
AZ: I’ll see you at the party.
AZ: Jeez…
alexandrZarevich [AZ] ceased pestering lucyWardale [LW] at 16:10

Alexandr: Contemplate the concept of time and its mysterious ways
You turn away from your computer and hazard a glance at your watch. Yikes! It’s almost time to go. LW almost made you late!

Alexandr: Meet with WEBFRIENDS at prearranged meeting place
Prearranged meeting place? What prearranged meeting place… Dammit! You forgot to prearrange a meeting place! How could you be so stupid?

Alexandr: Flip the fuck out
There’s no time to flip the fuck out. You grab your wallet and your cellphone, stuff the two indispensable items into your pockets, and hastily exit your bedroom.

Alexandr: Go to party
You go to the party. Several festive individuals comment positively on your excellent cosplay. You smile to yourself; you may not have your friends, but at least you have your costume.

Suddenly, you spot a gathering of troll-cosplayers ahead, around a picnic bench. Inside the nearby building you hear the hustle and shouting that logically follows the convening of a large number of geeks in the same area. Your smile grows- your friends seem to have found each other. Then it disappears- how did your friends find each other?

Alexandr: Interrogate friends
Show dialoglog
Alexandr: How the hell are you lot already here?
Feferi: Oh, hi Alex… or should I say Karkat? We were wondering when you’d get here.
Alexandr: I have a question and I want it answered. How the hell are you lot already here?
Kanaya: Well, you do live the farthest from here, Alex.
Alexandr: I meant more along the lines of how the hell are you lot here together. I thought I forgot to prearrange a meeting place.
Sollux: You did. It’s a good thing I picked up your slack.
Alexandr: And nobody thought to tell me this was happening?
Sollux: ...
Kanaya: …
Feferi: ...
Terezi: Oops. Forgot to tell him.
Alexandr: Grrr… fine. Look, we’re all here now, let’s just not get separated again.
Gamzee: *Honk*
Alexandr: Hey, put that horn away!
Gamzee: Err- that wasn’t me.
*Honk! Honk!*

Alexandr: Get separated again.
You all turn to see a golf cart barreling down the street, honking furiously. You glance at your friends, then scamper out of your seat and away from the picnic bench, as you see your friends do the same.

The golf cart crashes into the picnic bench, completely obliterating the flimsy wooden structure. It sure is a good thing you weren’t sitting on it at the time.

Unfortunately, as commonly occurs at the scene of a destructive accident, a torrent of bystanders floods the scene, hoping for a closer look. In the chaos of the crowd, you see yourself and your friends meld into the confusing mass. You’re alone once again.

God Dammit!!!
You interacted with them for the whole of two minutes. TWO FUCKING MINUTES!

======>
Welp, seeing as the rest of the bunch has fucked it up so thoroughly, you take it upon yourself to find everyone else. It’s about as productive as you’d expect.

Eventually you find yourself inside the building, dodging partygoers and searching for your friends. You can’t seem to spot them in the horde of nerds, cosplayers, and celebrating geeks, so you idle up to a merchantry booth, preparing to question the old man behind the counter.

Alexandr: Question Old Man
This geezer looks like a sly one. He’ll probably try to extort money out of you, to get the info you want. You start off polite. Excuse me, sir, you say. Ah, another troll, he says. Please, feel free to browse my wares. I assure you, we have only the finest of stock. This item, for instance-

Ugh. This merchant is insufferable. Skip the sales pitch, you say. You mentioned other trolls, right? Do you happen to know where any of them may’ve gone?

Of course I do, the old man says. They all went to the same place, though not at the same time. Chances are they’re still there. OK, great, you say. Any chance he could point you in that direction?

The old man says he’ll be glad to, if you’d just pick something out to buy.

Threaten old man
Woah! You’re aware that you may not be the most pleasant of guys, but you’re no common thug. You settle for bonking your head against the table in frustration.

=======>
The old man says to calm down, look around. This doesn’t have to be a waste. You might find something you’d really like to get. You sigh and browse over the merchant’s selection. A bunch of models, recreations, and paraphernalia. Even a hand of some sort. It all seems good quality, sure, but not much stands out aside from a well-done model of a Husktop- spindly legs and all. You jab a finger at it.

The old man smiles as you fork over some cash. There, I bought something, you tell him. Now would you tell me where the others went? Why just tell you, the man says. Go there yourself.

Alexandr: Get transported to Equestria
Is that where you are? You couldn’t have guessed. The world turned to black and suddenly you were here, standing alone on a cold, hard floor, staring up through some viewport at an inky black sky. Computer terminals surround you, as well as more viewports. You see more darkness out there, as well as a white, craterous surface. Glancing out another window, you spy something hanging in the sky off to the distance, a blue orb swirling with clouds and green continents you’ve never seen before. And at the center of the mysterious room sits a strange metallic disc, emblazoned with symbols of equally vague familiarity as this whole fucking room.

Alexandr: Realize where you are.
You are in the meteor lab. Except it’s not on the meteor, drifting away in the veil. It’s on the fucking moon of Equestria. YOUR MIND IS FUCKING BLOWN RIGHT NOW!!!

And, on further examination, you may not be Alexandr anymore.

Vantas: Realize who you are.
Your skin is grey. Your eyes are yellow. You reach up to touch your HORNED HEADBAND, only to find it’s now just a pair of HORNS. YOU ARE KARKAT VANTAS IN THE LAB ON THE FUCKING MOON OF EQUESTRIA!!!

Vantas: Flip the fuck out
You spend a good twenty minutes or so flipping the fuck out.

Okay, stop now. No, seriously. Stop. You’ve done enough. Stop it. Stop it! Stop it!!!

Vantas: Stop it
Okay, you’ve calmed down a bit more. What are you to do now? You can’t very well stay in the lab on the fucking moon of Equestria forever.

Vantas: Examine transportalizer.
You examine the transportalizer. It certainly looks authentic, if slightly more intricate than you have seen. You wonder if you could just...
...reach out...
...and touch it.

Something: Happen.
You hesitantly reach out, stumble and fall head-over-heels onto the transportalizer. You hear a telltale woosh and suddenly you are in another room.

You step off the transportalizer and look around. There are two more transportalizers, just like they were in Alterniabound. Which will you take?

Vantas: Go to your room.
...Why didn’t you think of this before? You hurry to the frontside transportalizer and quickly transportalize yourself to the circular room of twelve pads.

You hop on the transportalizer.

Something unexpected: Happen.
You arrive in a place that is distinctly NOT Karkat’s room. It is also distinctly NOT a part of the lab at all. You think that maybe you don’t want to explore this new place and oh look the transportalizer’s gone.

Vantas: Explore this place anyway.
Since your way out has decided to make a run for it, you might as well take a look around.

You are in a huge structure, presumably underground. The intricacy of the architecture reminds you of Prospit. Or perhaps Derse. You can’t be sure, as the color scheme is neither gold or purple. It’s green and black. And glowing slightly.

The tunnels curve and twist, with no rhyme or reason, no pattern. You’ve barely walked two minutes and you’re already lost. You’d have better luck trying to navigate the maze of transportalizers back in the lab.

Suddenly, you hear a sound up ahead. An inhuman… or unpony sound, like the chittering of shelled wings. Your hand reaches down and grasps the handle of your trusty Homes Smell Ya Later. That really is an inconvenient title, isn’t it?

Vantas: Investigate sound
You peek around the corner and oh fuck there’s bugs everywhere oh god oh fuck oh god oh god fuck fuck fuck

Be Jack Noir.
Damn good idea that one. But your name isn’t Jack. What is a Jack anyway?

State name and rank.
You are Hive Lord Noir of the Chrysalis Hive. Your duty is making sure that every damn bug does their damn job. It’s not the most pleasant job. And you hate the paperwork. That is simply the worst.

At this point, however, the job is not simply the worst, and this is of course because you are currently participating in your favorite part- disciplining the bugs who do not do their damn job. They messed up and now they’ve got to suffer.

Noir: Discipline damn bugs
Here you have a couple fellows who couldn’t mind their own business and just do their work. Nope, these bugs took it upon themselves to schedule an extra coffee break. You’re so blown away by their intense rebelliousness that you can barely stand on your own four legs.

Noir: Listen to their pleas for mercy
You don’t have the time to listen to these grubs apologize. You’re a busy bug with your own concerns and contingencies to worry about. You jab your hoof in the direction of their punishment, ignoring their pleas for reprieve.

Changelings: Don silly hats
Yes. This will teach those sorry pawns. You allow yourself something vaguely resembling a smile as the bugs are forced to humiliate themselves with ridiculously colorful hats. They look like garish harlequins and it is amazing.

Noir: Stop being Noir
OK. You are now once again Vantas, and having recovered from your out of body experience brought upon by the shocking appearance of changelings in ridiculously colorful hats, you wonder what you should do. A cunning strategy is in order, some great plan to outwit these bugs and escape the confines of this hive-

Vantas: Rush blindly in
Well, that works too. None of the changelings are facing your way when you attack. You rush the first one.

VANTAS PUNCH!!!

The unsuspecting insect goes flying across the cavern. He goes sliding across the ground, flips into the air, spins, thuds back down, slides some more, before plopping to a stop. Wow.

A second bug leaps to attack you. You swing your Homes Smell Ya… your sickle, and cleave the changeling’s head clean from its body, which would probably hurt if it weren’t so dead. A third bug decides it doesn’t want to kill you after all and absconds. And that just leaves-

Woah. This last guy looks threatening. He’s just standing there, glaring at you. He’s bigger than the others, and he’s got a nasty-looking knife held in a telekinetic grip. This seems like a boss fight. You should probably prepare for a boss fight.

Vantas: Prepare for boss fight
You’re like, woah woah, slow down big fella. We can work this out. Let’s set our weapons down and talk. He says that the time for talking has long since passed. You say wait a minute, if we just stop preparing to kill each other and sit down for a relaxing, nonviolent chat, I’m sure we can settle our differences and avoid this whole unpleasant encounter.

He says it’s far too late for mercy. You just killed a changeling. The paper work he’ll have to submit will be hell.

He’s got to take out his frustration on someone.

Noir: Summon minions
The tunnels flood with changelings summoned from various odd jobs around the hive to exterminate the intruder.

Vantas: Draw the connections.
Wait a minute. Big knife, hatred of paperwork, presumably a high position -- is that…

...Jack Noir?

It seems that you are the second one today to call him that ‘jack’ name, and the first was a voice in his head. Or so he says. He demands to know how the hell do you know his name, or what the hell you even are.

======>
You say you’re Kar- wait no. You are not Karkat. You’re just Vantas. And that sickle he sees here? That makes you a Treshsecutioner. He says he’s never heard of a race called Treshsecutioners, and he doubts that it is even a word. You say it’s not a race, it’s a title. So what’s the damn race then, he asks. Troll, you say. He says it’s impossible. Trolls disappeared ages ago. You ask if he’s sure about that. He acknowledges that they did have an annoying tendency to pop up all over the place, but the ponies have taken care of them.

You ask what the fuck he means by ‘taken care of’. He says that the ponies have a damn big statue garden by now. You say oh. Well then.

He says, you know what, this whole thing has been going on for long enough. Hey, everyone. Destroy the intruder.

You say gog dammit!

Vantas: Abscond.
The strange voice in your head has the right idea. You flee down an empty corridor, your legs flying beneath you to escape the swarm of Changelings buzzing after you. You can’t help but feel that you should’ve dressed as god tier Karkat. At least then you could fly. And use cool blood powers. Whatever that would entail.

Through a series of random-yet-incredibly-fortunate tunnel choices, you suddenly find yourself dashing towards the bright light of the surface, insects almost literally nipping at your heels. You swing your sickle behind you, randomly catching a changeling with its point, as you burst from the hive into some strange forest.

Vantas: Stop and admire the beauty of nature.
You don’t take the time to stop and admire the beauty of nature as you’re kind of running for your life right now. Changelings continue to pour out of the opening to the hive, chasing you as you flee through the underbrush.

You run a little longer until finally the trees give way and you find yourself on the outskirts of a small village. Ponies all around drop their hay carts and wares and small foals and instead scream their pony heads off as you race through the streets, pursued by a mob of changelings.

You’re running into town square when you pick to glance over your shoulder, see how many changelings you’ve got on your proverbial tail. You’ve got a few, maybe ten or fifteen- not as many as you’d have thought. Well, that’s not to bad, you guess a bunch of them stayed behind when you left the-

You evidently picked the worst time to look behind you as your foot catches on the stonework and you tumble into the town fountain that every town square has. You get up quickly, shaking water off you when the changelings finally catch up.

You’re tackled back into the water by the changeling at the head of the group. Thinking quickly, you tumble through the water until you’re pinning him to the ground. You pull his head up and then slam it back into the fountain with a sickening crunch. The bug goes limp.

Another changeling grabs you from behind. This one hooks it’s legs under your arms and pulls you up into the air. You swing your sickle at the insect, catching it in the side. Its cry of pain signifies this as the perfect time to swing yourself onto its back. Riding the changeling like a horse, you try to urge it forwards. It growls at you and attempts to buck you off. Meanwhile, several more changelings rise into the air, intent on helping their comrade.

Seeing the opportunity for an epic combo, sickle in hand, you slit the bug’s throat. Its wings freeze and it begins to drop. You stand on its back, and leap off towards an incoming insect. Using your sickle like a hook, you catch the other changeling ‘round the neck, decapitating it. You fall, aiming for yet a third changeling. Your momentum turns into an epic drop kick as you slam into this last changeling, driving it to the ground. This is the single most epic thing you’ve ever done.

Two more changelings leap at you. A swift swing of your sickle and they drop, green blood spurting from their wounds. Another two attempt to attack from both sides. Dodging out of the way, the two slam into each other. Two more swipes and they’re down as well.

Only three more changelings remain. One flies up into the air and fires a barrage of green lasers from its horn. You dive behind the fountain, taking cover as the rain of magic chips away at the stone. A second changeling dashes around the corner of the fountain, baring its fangs as it attacks. You plunge the sickle into its chest, then stand up. With the sickle still buried deep within the dead changeling, you swing the weapon, hurling the bug’s corpse at the airborne insect. The two collide mid air, and both crash painfully to the ground.

Vantas: Wrap this up

It’s time to wrap this up, as now just one changeling remains, looking more and more like he has a much better place to be. He feebly raises a hoof at you.

======>

Show Dialoglog
Changeling: B-b-behind you…
Vantas: Hmph. Like I’d be dumb enough to fall for tha-
Regal Voice: Halt, monstrous scum!

Turn around
As a shadow falls over you, you slowly turn around. Floating in the air are the princesses Celestia and Luna, with the multicolored gems of the Elements of Harmony hovering around them. Almost unnoticed, a hand floats by.

======>

Show Dialoglog
Celestia: We heard word that this town was being attacked. It figures it would be by one of ye.
Vantas: The Princesses with the Elements of Harmony. And here I am in the middle of a destroyed town square, covered in Changeling blood. Fucking wonderful.
Vantas: Do I still have time to make an awesome pose?

End of Interlude 1

Author's Note

In case your were wondering, yes, that's exactly what Homestuck looks like.

Worry not, only the Interludes look like this.

Intermission 4 - You're Getting Tired Of All These Promises Of Something Completely Different, Aren't You?

...You know, I’m starting to realize why the authorities hate us.

OK V4nt4s, shut up. You d1dn’t do 4nyth1ng 4m4z1ng yours3lf.

Hey, I think we’ve established that violence against changelings doesn’t count. Probably.

St1ll, th3r3 w4s 4 r34son th3 Pr1nc3ss3s lock3d you 4w4y. Th3y thought you w3r3 4 thr34t.

Ugh. Can we just move on already? Who’s next.

Uh… ser1ously though, Vantas, a 8unch of us d1d some pretty 8ad th1ngs 1n the past. We’re all cr1m1nals here, and you’re not supposed to call us out a8out 1t.

OK then, Nitram. Why don’t you go ahead and tell us the horrible things you did, then.

Well then, 1 w1ll. Um… 1’m gonna need a 81t of help though.

I’ve got you, Nitram. This will 8e the gr8est story ever told!

...Joy.

Begin Intermission Four.

Enter Name.
adsfghsafkjshdfljias.

Invalid Name.
Whuh? Hey, it said something different this time! Woo-hoo!

Enter Name.
Oh come on.

Enter Name.
Fiiiiine... Wait, what? Two of them?
.....This oughta be interesting.

Player 1: Enter Name.
Your name is DANIEL JOHNSON. Huh, that’s actually kind of a normal name... Oh well. You are ENGLISH, specifically BRITISH, and do everything in your power to make sure that people know the distinction. You are not from Wales, so everyone needs to stop calling you English. Gah, why is it so hard for people to understand?

You are a person of CONSIDERABLY UNCONSIDERABLE STRENGTH. Sometimes you find it difficult to heft your laptop, and particularly rude passerby sometimes comment on your UTTER LACK OF MUSCLES. To compensate for this extreme physical weakness, you’ve sharpened your mind into a tool of CONSIDERABLE TACTICAL PRECISION. You’d like to think that if a war broke out, and the best strategists called in sick, you’d be the one to whom the world turned. In reality, though, it just means you’re excellent at TACTICAL AND STRATEGIC RPGS. Mixing in your soft spot for a CERTAIN WEB COMIC and your considerable IMAGINATION, you’ve sworn to turn FIDUSPAWN into a REAL THING. Your fan project will be the fan project that makes all other fan projects weep. Or it would… if you’d actually gotten past the concept stage. You’ve got some friends who could help with the PROGRAMMING and GENERAL DESIGN, but you always find yourself getting wrapped up in other things, and you lack any sort of focus whatsoever. Ah well. You’ll get it done one day.

Daniel: Go over plans.
Okay.

Tonight you are to take part in a glorious GROUP COSPLAY, with eleven other friends. It’s quite convenient that there are twelve of you in total, because you’re all going to attend tonight’s GEEK PARTY as the famous trolls from HOMESTUCK. For a variety of reasons, most of which you will assume to be positive, you will portray the character of TAVROS NITRAM. Your cosplay lies on your comfy bed, and it is quite elaborate. You have your COLLARED OVERSHIRT, your TAURUS UNDERSHIRT, your ENORMOUS HORNS, and a pair of elaborate METAL PANTS, which you spent a long time trying to get just right. They’re not actual metal, of course- that would be too costly and probably really heavy. No, instead, seeking the advice of a FASHION-MINDED FRIEND, you crafted these FALSE ROBOTICS with BLOOD, SWEAT, AND SHINY PAINT. You’re quite pleased with the results.

Daniel: Brag about your accomplishment.
What? Brag? You would never do something so arrogant, so hubristic. That just wouldn’t be very nice.

Now, casually mention it in passing conversation, that’s something you wouldn’t mind.

Daniel: Pester some friends.
You fire up your COMPUTER OF DISPUTABLE ORIGINS and open the Pesterchum app. You’ve studied the programmers behind this wonderful tribute to Homestuck in an attempt to figure out how they managed to make this a reality, always hoping to follow in their footsteps with Fiduspawn. You didn’t learn much, though. Regardless, you check to see who’s online.

Everyone? Curious. Welp, may as well pick a friend. Any friend. Who to pick… her? ...Yeah, her. You want to talk to her today.

======>

Show Pesterlog.

danielJohnson [DJ] began pestering shirleyLeClaire [SL] at 15:28

DJ: Hey! What’s up?
DJ: Are you ready for the geekparty tonight? It’s looking to be pretty cool! How’s your cosplay coming?
DJ: Because, in my opinion, my cosplay is pretty great.
SL: Shh.
DJ: Shh?
SL: Daniel, shush. I’m trying to watch Comedy Gold unfold before my eyes, and the little right whenever you message me is getting in the way.
DJ: Comedy Gold? Huh?
DJ: Quite suddenly, I understand nothing of what you’re saying.
SL: Suddenly? Daniel, you never understand what I say.
DJ: …Yeah.
SL: Look, did you have a reason for messaging me? As I said, I’m trying to watch something.
DJ: No reason, really. Well, there are some Fiduspawn designs I’d like you to double check.
SL: Oh my god not more Fiduspawn.
SL: I mean, really Daniel? All the masses of wonderful Homestuck plot devices to make reality and you choose fucking Fiduspawn!?
DJ: OK OK, I’ll send the Fiduspawn things to CD. Besides that, I guess I just want to talk to you.
SL: You always want to talk to me. Not that I’m not flattered.
SL: You know, speaking of CD, she just showed up.
SL: Ooh, she is giving it to Boris. I almost pity the guy.
DJ: Boris? Hey, what’re you looking at anyways?
SL: Sherlock made the mistake of opening a memo. The results speak for themselves.
DJ: Huh? Did he?

Daniel: Check out memo.
You check out the memo. Huh. This thing is long and expansive. Probably a lot of shouting, too. You decide to just skip to the end.

======>

Show Pesterlog.

CCD: We are going to have a VERY LONG TALK!
CCD banned CBA from responding to memo
CCD: I’m sorry about that.
CCD ceased responding to memo
CAR: …
CJS: …
CLW: We should probably go. You know, before this gets worse.
CJS: Mmm… yes, I think you’re right. Just to check- everyone know the meeting place?
CURRENT danielJohnson [CDJ] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CDJ: Wait. What meeting place?
CAR: SHUT UP, DANIEL!
CLW: SHUT UP, DANIEL!
CJS: WE ARE NOT GOING OVER THIS AGAIN, DANIEL!
CDJ: Alright, alright. Could we calm down maybe?
CAR: Just ask Shirley. I’m sure she’s been watching this entire thing play out.
CURRENT shirleyLeClaire [CSL] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CSL: Hehehehe. Guilty as charged.
CAR: Shirley. >:(
CSL: Amanda. ;)
CDJ: Donkey!
CLW: No. Stop.
CLW banned CAR from responding to memo.
CLW banned CSL from responding to memo.
CLW banned CDJ from responding to memo.
CJS: Hey! That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?
CLW banned CJS from responding to memo.
CLW: ...There. Isn’t that better?
CLW: Peace and quiet.
CURRENT darrenSeekreef [CDS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CDS: Wait, I’m still confused. What’s the meeting place again?
CLW banned CDS from responding to memo.
CLW closed memo on board GEEKPARTY SHIT.

======>
Huh. Well, that happened. That was a thing that happened. And knowing you and your friends, it is a thing that’ll keep happening.

======>

Open Pesterlog.

DJ: Well. That happened.
SL: Ahahahaha!
SL: Hee hee hehehehee!
SL: Oh hoo hoo hoo!
SL: Oh! Oh! Oh, that was too good.
DJ: Well, yeah, I guess that was funny.
DJ: A little, maybe.
DJ: Actually, it might be sad more than it is funny.
SL: No, shut up.
SL: CSL banned CDJ from responding to memo.
DJ: Uh… you do know that that doesn’t work when it’s just a pesterlog, right?
SL: Yes, I know. I was pretending. Why do you always have to ruin my games of pretend?
DJ: Oh, uh. Sorry.
SL: Not good enough. Now, you’ve gotta help me carry it out.
DJ: What? How?
SL: Cease responding. It’ll be just like if I banned you.
DJ: Uh…
SL: Yes?
DJ: Well, I was supposed to ask you a question.
DJ: Something about a meeting place.
SL: Ugh. You know what, forget it. I’ll leave.
DJ: But I haven’t asked you about the meeting place yet!
SL: It won’t be hard to find.
SL: Sniff the air and detect the highest concentration of assholes.
shirleyLeClaire [SL] ceased pestering danielJohnson [DJ] at 15:52
DJ: But I don’t know where the convention is!
DJ: Dangit. She’s already gone.
DJ: …
DJ: Ah well. This is what Google Maps is for.
danielJohnson [DJ] ceased pestering shirleyLeClaire at 15:53

======>
Well, that could’ve gone better. You’re pretty sure she won’t stay mad at you, though. She’s a nice person at heart. She’s strong and isn’t afraid to speak her mind… actually, there’s a lot about her you admire. She has lot of traits you don’t possess. Sometimes, you even wish you could be her. Just to see what it’d be like.

Daniel: Be SL.
You can’t be SL. SL is too busy being SL.

Enter name.
SL cannot enter a name. SL is too busy being SL to enter a name.

Player 2: Enter name.
Oh fine then. Pushy pushy.

Your name is Shirley LeClaire and you almost fell out of your chair laughing there. Oh geez your friends are so dysfunctional it’s wonderful. Err- anyways.

You are indisputably the COOLEST NERD YOU KNOW. While Daniel is off in the corner with headphones and some video games, you indulge your whimsical side with a bit of TABLETOP GAMING. You run a big RPG GROUP with a bunch of your other friends, as well as a bunch of people you wish didn’t come, but are good enough role-players that you suppose it’s excusable. Daniel actually comes from time to time, but you wish he’d stop picking weak classes like Monk and Rogue. He just ends up dragging the team down.

But back to the wonderful topic of YOU. Though you’re well known for being QUEEN OF THE TABLETOP, no one can touch you as you are also QUEEN OF THE FIELD as far as the Football team goes. What? Football. No, not American Football. Football! The thing with the checkered ball and you kick it around and nobody ever scores- oh, forget it. As a valuable member of the LOCAL FOOTBALL TEAM and an aforementioned STAR ROLE-PLAYER, you have mastered the ability to be unanimously loved in both the ATHLETIC AND GEEK SOCIAL GROUPS. Of course, it shouldn’t be a surprise. You are, after all, simply the best.

Shirley: Don Cosplay.
Why would you don your cosplay? You already have it on. This thing is comfy and snug and you’re probably never taking it off.

Along with all your friends, you will attend tonight’s geekparty in full Homestuck cosplay, as a sign of your love for the BRILLIANTLY WRITTEN WEBCOMIC. You will play the part of VRISKA SERKET, the BITCH WITH A HEART OF GOLD. For extra awesomeness, you’ve chosen to portray her GOD TIER DESIGN- the HOODIE PAJAMAS OF LIGHT, the RED BOOTS, and a pair of wonderfully crafted BLUE FAIRY WINGS. Combined with your HORNED-HEADBAND, some BLUE MAKEUP, and a blue set of D8, you will once again be the BEST. Amazingly, you didn’t even have to make a fuss to get this part- it was just offered. They said it would fit you. You ponder for a moment what exactly they meant by that… ah well, doesn’t matter.

You’ve got to say though, wearing pajamas all the time. It’s so comfortable.

Shirley: Head out.
Mmm… yeah, that’s probably a good idea. You live a fair ways away from the convention center, so you should probably start walking now.

Yup. Time to start walking.

Shirley: Start walking.
You walk. The convention center comes up. There’s Sherlock, and Boris. There’s Daniel, too. It seems that he was, in fact, competent enough to find the meeting place on his own. Or he wandered around until one of the others found him. The latter one’s probably more likely.

In any case, you sit down beside him.

Shirley and Daniel: Converse

Show Dialoglog

Shirley: Hey Daniel!
Daniel: Oh! Hey, Shirley. Uh…
Shirley: What is it? Don’t just stand there mumbling.
Daniel: Well, uh… are you still mad at me?
Shirley: Mad at- wow, Daniel, have I ever told you how socially inept you are?
Daniel: Yes.
Shirley: Well, I’ll say it again. You’re really socially inept.
Daniel: I know.
Shirley: I was never mad at you, Daniel. That was just you being frustrating and me being frustrated. It’s all good, mkay?
Daniel: Oh. Okay.

Sherlock: Give speech

Show Dialoglog

Sherlock: All right then. Um. Hi there, everyone.
Shirley: Well heeeeeeeey there, our illustrious second-in-command!
Sherlock: Very funny. Nice Vriska costume, though. God Tier, eh?
Shirley: Yep!
Daniel: Nice wings.
Shirley: Why thank you! Nice robot legs!
Daniel: Uh... thanks.
Feferi: Oh, I’m so excited! I can’t wait for the Geekparty to start. We’re gonna have so much fun doing… um… Wait a minute, what do you do at Geekparties?
Kanaya: Err… I believe it’s meant to be somewhat of a gathering, celebrating geekdom. We all get together, buy merchandise, chat with other fans and… fanboy over everything, I suppose.
Eridan: So… It’s a social event for asocial people? Is anyone else seeing the contradictions here?
Sherlock: Wait, wait wait. Hold up a second. There’s about 20% too little ornery in this conversation. Where’s Alexandr?
Daniel: (Ooh, sick burn! That is what you refer to as some truly unhealthy incendiaries!)
Shirley: (Quiet!)
Sherlock: No, seriously. Where’s Alexandr?

======>
You spot Alexandr then, coming over the hill, late as usual. Not much to worry about then, so long as you can blot out his perpetual screaming. You glance at Boris and his Nepeta friend, chatting together.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Shirley: Don’t look now Daniel, but I think we’re being shipped.
Daniel: What? Where?
Shirley: I said don’t look, Daniel. Anyways, Boris’s friend, I think. What was her name again…?
Daniel: Catherine. You should really remember that, you know?
Shirley: Yeah yeah, whatever. So, you wanna hang out?
Daniel: Um… I think we have to. All of us. Isn’t that part of this whole ‘attending in a group’ concept?
Shirley: No, it most certainly is not. How would you expect to see everything if you had to go everywhere in a big clunky blob of people. I’m gonna ditch these losers first chance I get, and I’m wondering if you’d like to come along.
Daniel: I’m not sure that that’s-
Shirley: Fine, I’ll just ditch you too.
Daniel: What? No! Don’t do that! I’ll come!
Shirley: Great! It’s boring going to these things by yourself.
Daniel: I thought you just said-
*Honk*
Shirley: Hold it. Was that-
*Honk! Honk!*

======>
Both of you glance at each other, and then at the golf cart barrelling towards the picnic bench. You grab Daniel and roughly yank him out of his seat, before pulling him with you as you dash away from the picnic bench. The cart pulverizes the table as you off towards the center.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Shirley: Whew. That was close.
Daniel: Ow! Ow! Would you let go of me, please?
Shirley: …
Daniel: Thanks. Oh, right. Thank you for saving me, Shirley.
Shirley: There we go, that’s better. Now, where’d the others get off to.
Daniel: I dunno. I… don’t see them anywhere. There’re a lot of people gathering around now.

======>
He’s right. The scene of the crash is now crawling with people, looking around, whipping out their phones… ugh. People really are horrible, aren’t they. You prepare to plunge into the crowd of horrible people to search for your friends, but Daniel grips your shoulder and shakes his head.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Daniel: No, bad idea. There’re too many people right now. You’ll never find them in there.
Shirley: Well, what do you think we should do, Daniel?
Daniel: Simple. We head for the convention hall. They’ll all end up in there eventually. Heck, some of them probably already have.
Shirley: That… actually makes a lot of sense. Your grip is really weak, by the way.
Daniel: *Unamused glare*

Daniel and Shirley: Enter Geekparty
The two of you enter into the Geekparty. It’s a land of wonderment and merry, where fandoms collide and friendships are made and broken by the hour, on the hour, every hour. The two of you scour the entrance for your friends and find none of them. Daniel signals you, however, when he spots something at a nearby booth.

Oh no, he says. You say what? What is it? He starts screaming oh come on! Really! They beat me to it! I knew I should’ve worked faster and now they’ve beaten me to it! Shoot! You ask what’s the matter? He points to a colorful little box at the booth that reads: Fiduspawn Starter Set! Oh fuck, not this again.

While Daniel frets about insignificant things, you decide to get something actually relevant done. You turn to the merchant running the booth, this old man who’s just been sort of smiling creepily this whole time. Weirdo. You ask him if he’s seen any homestuck cosplayers come by. He says yes he has. A John, a Jade, a Rose. You ask if he’s seen any trolls. He says yes again. You ask where they went. He says he’ll show you, if you buy something. Ugh. You hate people like this. You turn away when Daniel pipes up, saying he wants to buy that Fiduspawn Starter Kit. You say oh my god, Daniel, you’re playing right into his little hands! Daniel says but he wants to get it. The merchant says that your friend has the right idea, and maybe there might be something here that you’d like. You sigh. You take a glance at the selection, and spot a magic 8 ball. Sure, why the hell not. It doesn’t cost much, and only serves to better your cosplay. Even the best can always be better.

Daniel and Shirley: Get transported to Equestria.
You have got to be kidding. Equestria? What even is that? A place for horseback riding? There are no horses here. Point of fact, there’s no-one else here either. Well, no one else but Daniel.

In fact, it appears to be a... wait. Not a. It is the Meteor Lab. The very same one.

Daniel and Shirley: Look at each other.

Show Dialoglog

Daniel: Um… Shirley, where are- aah!
Shirley: Daniel, what are you whining about no- yaah!

======>
You flinch back at the sight of Daniel. His skin is grey, his eyes are yellow, and his metal legs suddenly look a lot more realistic. He flinches away at the sight of you. Your wings flutter, your fangs glistening in the odd light. An inspection of your horns reveals them to be… permanent? But that can only mean...

Daniel and you have been transformed into Tavros Nitram and Vriska Serket. You can’t quite figure out whether this is the coolest or most terrifying thing that has ever happened to you.

Serket: Wonder if there’s any loot.
Wonder? Ha! You have already transportalized into various corridors, searching for various treasures. From your whoops of delight we’ll assume you’re busy, and go back to Player 1.

Nitram: Inspection.
Given how Player 2 is off frolicking through the base, it seems that it’s turned to you be the grounded one. Heh. That would’ve been a pun if you were in a wheelchair. Wait no. That would be fucking awful and you’re a terrible person for thinking of it.

Anyways. First order of business- self inspection. Mmm… yep, everything looks in order. Aside from the enormous set of additions on your head, you don’t seem to have responded negatively to your new physiology. Your pockets are empty however, so maybe all your items were taken from you when- no, wait. Your Fiduspawn set appears in a flash in your hand. It seems you’d simply CAPTCHALOGUED it. You’re not quite sure how that worked.

Second order of business- environmental inspection. Yes, this is definitely the meteor lab, alright. The layout, the computers, the big transportalizer in the middle- it’s a faithful recreation to say the least. However, there are windows- and the surface of the meteor is looking rather white. Wait… you’re not on a meteor, are you. You’re on the moon.

How the hell did you get on the moon?!

Nitram: Look out of skylight.
The vast emptiness of space surrounds a sphere of blue and green. It’s a famous image, a compelling one, and at the same time one completely unfamiliar. You can’t see Europe, Africa, Asia or America. The continents are foreign, shapes of land that you’ve never seen before. You suddenly get the feeling that you’re an even longer way from home than you previously thought. It hits you. It hits you hard. You think you need some time away from windows for a while.

Serket: Summon Player 1

Show Dialoglog

Serket: Hey, Nitram! Come take a look at this! There is so much cool stuff just lying around here.
Nitram: Serket, 1 don’t th1nk that-
Serket: What does this thing do? Or this one? Shit, is this an alchemiter? Those aren’t supposed to exist!
Nitram: Serket, calm down. 1 bel1eve that there are more 1mportant th1ngs to 8e do1ng than running wildly through the meteor la8, don’t you?
Serket: Ugh. Fiiiiiiiine. What serious 8oring stuff do you want to talk about?
Nitram: Serket, th1s may 8e ser1ous, 8ut 1t’s not bor1ng. Look, a 8unch of th1ngs seem to have changed, right?
Serket: Pssh. Yeah, Nitram, I think that’s kind of o8vious.
Nitram: No, 8ut look! Have you real1zed that we’re not on the planet Earth anymore? We’re on the moon. And not even Earth’s moon, just some random moon somewhere else. Pro8a8ly the moon of “Equestr1a,” wherever that 1s.
Serket: OK, so we’re not on Earth anymore. No pro8lem! Just play this 8y ear and we’ll 8e fine.
Nitram: How can you know that? We’ve 8een snatched from our homes and plopped down 1n some other corner of the un1verse! How do you know everyth1ng’s go1ng to 8e f1ne!?
Serket: Simple. I know it will 8e fine. Therefore it will 8e fine. I’ve just got this feeling that no matter what happens I can make it all end up fine.
Nitram: That’s another th1ng we need to address, Serket. 1t’s not just our 8od1es that have 8een messed w1th. Our m1nds have 8een changed too!
Serket: ...Really?
Nitram: Yes! L1ke, for 1nstance, have you not1ced how we just sort of agreed to call each other Serket and N1tram without any need for talk1ng a8out 1t.
Serket: Yeah. It just sort of feels natural, though.
Nitram: That’s the th1ng. 1t’s not supposed to feel natural. We’re not humans 1n troll 8od1es, we’re actual trolls. We’ll probably be all wrapped up 1n quadrants and 8lood castes 8efore too long!
Serket: OK, Nitram. I think you need to step 8ack for a second and t8ke a deep 8reath. That’s it, inhale-exhale. And now, let’s look at the positives of 8eing actual trolls. Um- we’re awesome! Say it with me, Nitram. We are the coolest, and as soon as we figure out what’s going on we are going to 8e the 8est at what’s going on!
Nitram: Serket, 1 don’t th1nk 1t works l1ke that.
Serket: Why shouldn’t it? Nitram, what is there to stop us from 8eing the 8est at what’s going on.
Nitram: Well, to start w1th there’s the fact that we have no 1dea what’s going on. Or 1 could po1nt to how we’ve just 8een warped 1nto completely fore1gn 8od1es. 1 feel a b1t unsteady. Do these arms work the same way regular arms do?
Serket: Nitram, shut up. You’re just 8eing inflexi8le.
Nitram: And you’re just mak1ng l1ght of a complex s1tuat1on! We need to s1t down, talk th1s out, and f1gure out exactly what’s go1ng on!
Serket: Isn’t that what we’re doing now? Ooh, hey! If I’m Vriska now, does that mean I’ve got mind control powers?
Nitram: Um… Serket? Don’t you th1nk there are more 1mportant quest1ons to 8e ask1ng-
♏Nitram♏: 1 am 8e1ng annoy1ng and overth1nk1ng everyth1ng.
Nitram: Hey!
Serket: Oh, whadya know? It works.
Nitram: Serket, you need to t8ke th1s ser1ously! 1’m gett1ng t1red of repeat1ng myself, but we’re stranded on a moon far from home 1n the bod1es of our favor1te Homestuck trolls, and we have no 1dea why or even what’s go1ng on!
Serket: Again, calm down Nitram. I’m sort of getting tired of repeating myself too- it doesn’t matter what’s going on. We’ll find out what’s going on. We’ll totally own whatever is going on.
Nitram: You don’t know that, Serket.
Serket: How would you know?
Nitram: *Sigh.* Look, 1’m just k1nd of lost and confused r1ght now, and 1’d really l1ke to know what’s go1ng on.
Serket: Well, look. If we stop 8lathering and start snooping around, I’m sure we’ll figure out what’s going on.
Nitram: That… that sounds good, 1 guess. Let’s go f1gure out what’s go1ng on.
Discord: And I said-
Discord: Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey! Hey-ey-ey! I said hey-ey! What’s going on?

Discord: Appear
With pleasure.

A flash of gold heralds a smiling god. Discord, spirit of chaos, enters!

Clever entrance.

Why thank you.

Discord: Do the chaosy thing

Show Dialoglog

Nitram: What?
Serket: What?
Discord: Where? When? Why? Oh, and what other pointless things can we ask? How? Who? Me, of course. Also, you, if you agree with the terms and conditions. Not that you’ll take the time to read them.
Nitram: ...What the fuck 1s happen1ng?
Serket: Alright, 8ack up a second Hodgepodge. Who’re you and what’re you ram8ling on a8out?
Discord: I yam who I yam, missy. And that’s Discord, Keeper of the Magic Shinguard, Grand Poobah, Chaotic Neutral, Eee Cee Tee.
Serket: Yeah, that pretty much made no sense whatsoever.
Discord: Oh, Serket, you flatter me.
Nitram: Hey! How do you know her name?
Discord: Oh, Nitram. The first thing ponies learn about me is not to underestimate me. The second thing they learn about me is not to overestimate me. The third thing they learn about me is that I can’t be overestimated.
Discord: Ah yes, but that’s somewhat beside the point, isn’t it, and as our bullish friend here can tell us we’re all about points, aren’t we?
Nitram: 1 am not 8ull1sh- wa1t, 8ack up a second. Pon1es?
Discord: Ooh! I see you’re not yet acquainted with our neck of the woods, are you? Well, just listen to teacher!

======>
Discord then proceeds to explain a lot of things that you the reader already know, though they the characters don’t. In any case, we’ll skip over it for convenience.

Hey! There were a lot of complex, well-planned comedy bits in that explanation!

You aren’t Pinkie Pie. Your words hold no sway over me.

...Touche.

Discord: Offer Deal

Show Dialoglog

Discord: And that is why the world is flat and carried on the back of four elephants.
Nitram: For whatever reason 1 f1nd myself more confused now then 1 was 8efore.
Discord: Alright, you want the cliff notes? Ponies. Ponies everywhere. I’m the king, so hail to the me.
Serket: Still doesn’t explain why you suddenly showed up here.
Discord: Oh, doesn’t it? As Tyrannical Overlord Crazymaker of Equestria, I do believe it falls under my jurisdiction to investigate the sudden appearance of humans, don’t you?
Serket: We aren’t humans anymore, in case haven’t noticed. W8- how do you know so much a8out us?
Discord: Let’s just say that your minds are warped little pieces of art, my children.
Nitram: Oh. Well, that’s a l1ttle creepy-
Serket: You f8cking f8ck!
Serket: Alright, you little dipshit, let’s get one thing str8. You do not f8ck with my mind!!!!!!!!
Discord: Ooh. Sometroll’s a little ill tempered today, hmm?
Serket: OK, first off shut the hell up you invasive fuckass! For all I know you’re the reason we’re stuck on this cartoon planet!
Serket: And second off, sometroll? Why the fuck would you alter the perfectly legitim8 word “someone” just 8ecause we’re a different species? 8ack home we don’t go around spouting out “somehuman” like little precocious assholes!
Discord: Oh finally, someone who actually respects the Equish language. It’s been so long since one of those came along. It’s quite refreshing.
Serket: And may I go into the fact that all your whimsical ranting still hasn’t left us with a conclusive answer as to why the fuck are you messing with us?
Nitram: D1dn’t you prom1se that you’d get to some po1nt earl1er, just after 1nsulted my horns? All you’ve done 1s ramble on a8out pon1es and 1nsan1ty.
Discord: Ah, my bad. You’ll have to excuse me, I can get a little long winded from time to time. And all the ponies are so blown away by my antics that it’s a breath of fresh air when someone calls me out on it. It’s just that talking is such a breeze!
Nitram: Get on with it!
Serket: Yes, get on with it!
Discord: Yes, get on with it! Oh fine then, there’s no reason to be rude. So basically there are these two ponies who’ve been getting on my case and trying to run the whole revolution gambit. They call themselves Princesses, though what they’re princesses of I’ll never know. Their self proclaimed “Final Confrontation” is approaching and they’re armed with their “Ultimate Weapon of Justice,” and one of them will probably be all “Playtime is over, Discord!” Anyways, I’d fight them myself, but then again why fight them myself when I could get you to?
Nitram: So… you just want us to f1ght a couple of pon1es 8ecause you’re 8ored?
Serket: What’s in it for us?
Discord: I dunno, I’ll make you Pirate Queen of the High Seas and then I’ll raise the sea level for a couple decades. Something like that.
Nitram: 1’m not sure that sounds-
Serket: Deal.
Nitram: W8, what? No, shouldn’t we-
Serket: Deal. And I’m demoting you to Poopmaster Extraordinaire if you argue again.
Nitram: }:(
Discord: Oh, that’s just wonderful to hear. This’ll be so much fun to watch! Why, I ought to bring some popcorn. No, forget the popcorn, let’s get candy instead. I’m feeling wacky today. So simply review this thirty page contact, sign within the margins, don’t forget the fine print, oops your review time is up, you can start immediately, good luck don’t die!

Discord: Snap
That confounded mishmash snaps his fingers and the two of you are transported to a checkerboard arena in a stadium filled with antelopes. Across from you two ponies with both wings and horns glance around, apparently in an equal state of confusion.

======>

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Nitram: W8, so th1s 1s l1ke r1ght away?
Serket: Discord!
Nitram: 1 mean, 1’m not prepared for th1s! 1 thought we’d have t1me to get ready and 1 wasn’t prepared for th1s!
Serket: Diiiiscoooord!

======>
The ponies glance towards you, then towards the stadium around them. You choose this as an opportunity to size them up. The taller of them is pure white with a long horn and a grim expression. The shorter one is darker in hue, a night blue color, and appears to be a bit more confident. Both of them scan their puzzled gazes over the gladiatorial setting, then at you two.

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Show Dialoglog

Luna: Sister, what are those? We’ve never seen any creature like it. The one on the left seems to be some half-metal minotaur.
Celestia: Yes, and the one on the right appears to be a spider gifted wings. Regardless, methinks we ought to find a more polite term to refer to these beings. See the darting of their eyes, the twitchings of their heads. They’re obviously intelligent.
Serket: Hey! You talking a8out us?
Luna: …
Celestia: …
Luna: It can speak?
Celestia: Luna! Mind your tongue, sister. Hark, strangers. Please don’t take offense at my sister’s blunt language.
Serket: Eh, no harm done, I guess. It doesn’t really matter anyways.
Celestia: Doesn’t matter? Why, what do you mean by that?
Nitram: Well, you see… 1f 1’m not m1st8ken, you two are the pon1es that D1scord has 8een compla1n1ng a8out, no?
Luna: ...Yes, we are. And you ask this why?
Serket: He 8asically came 8y and offered us a 8unch of power so now we hafta kill you.
Celestia: What!!?
Nitram: Serket, 1 don’t th1nk they took that well.
Serket: Pssh. I’ll say.
Luna: Fiends! Demons and scoundrels the lot of you!
Celestia: You trust that foul snake to be good to his word? You’ll find yourselves with knives in your backs in an instant!
Serket: Yeah, all this coming from the guys we’re trying to kill sort of undermines your credi8ility. You could just 8e desper8 not to fight us.
Luna: Desperate not to fight you black-hearted knaves? Oh, please. Celestia and I could dispose of you in a heartbeat.
Celestia: We say this only to keep that foul snake from claiming another mind- repent on your deal at once. Join us and we can end this madstallion’s tyrrany once and for all!
Nitram: You know we l1terally just met you guys and you’re expect1ng us to sw1tch s1des r1ght away. That’s a l1ttle r1d1culous.
Serket: Yeah, my partner has a point. Not gonna happen.
Celestia: ...Then it seems we must come to blows after all. A pity.
Luna: Foul demons, prepare to meet your ends!

Discord: Spectate
A flash of gold and Discord appears in a splendorous throne levitating upside down above the arena. The draconequus smiles down at the combatants below, drawing furious scowls from the Royal Sisters.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Celestia: Discord! What manner of trickery is this?
Discord: Oh, Celestia my dear, is that you? My, how you’ve grown. And Luna, you look positively starstruck!
Serket: Hey, quit the attempts at humor. In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re 8ad at it.
Discord: Oh, and it seems you two have already met my newest champions. I present to you: Mindfang Serket, Thief of Light and Toreador Nitram, the Controller! You’ve probably already figured that you must defeat them before I allow you to confront me.
Luna: These delays will do you no good, Discord! We’ll dispatch these hellish imps as easily as we will dispatch you!
Discord: Well then you’re in for one hell of a fight, ladies. Do remember to tip the ferryman at Styx, I hear he’s raising a family of five off minimum wage.
Luna: Celestia, let us simply be rid of this distraction. One blast is all it should take.
Celestia: No, Luna. We don’t know the full limitations of these artifacts, so we need to save them for Discord himself.
Luna: Hmph. Then we settle this traditionally?
Celestia: You always prefered our combat be hoof-to-hoof.
Serket: Oh my gog, quit it with the horse puns already! Just start fighting us! I think we’ve had enough 8uild up!
Discord: I agree. Round one- FIGHT!!!

Nitram and Serket: FIGHT!!!
The Celestia’s horn lights, enveloping her in a ball of shimmering gold. As it clears, the Princess is left in a polished set of gleaming gold armor and hefting a great golden axe. Luna too envelops herself in a magical glow, emerging sporting a set of silver armor and levitating a blue spear. Nitram’s eyes widen with fear at the sight of his opponents. His hands shake a little as he equips a black lance from his sylladex. He turns towards his partner.

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Nitram: You know, may8e th1s wasn’t such a good 1dea. 1 mean may8e we ought to esc8pe.
Serket: Pssh? Esc8pe?
Nitram: Flee. A8scond. Get out and l1ve another day.
Serket: Calm down. We’ve got this.
Nitram: How do you know?! How can you 8e sure?! For all 1 can tell, th1s 1s utter su1ci1de!
Serket: All it t8kes, Nitram, is a lucky shot.

Serket: Roll.
The Light symbol flashes in Serket’s left eye, before Luna, Celestia, Discord, and countless Antelope Spectators flash in unison. A curious message appears in Celestia’s field of vision: - ALL the Luck. Serket gives a wide smile as the Fluorite Octet appears between her fingers. She gives the dice a roll.

Serket and Nitram are both surrounded by a flashing aura of dazzling colors and particles that gives half the audience seizures. It just isn’t their lucky day…

The startlingly bright transformation sequence fades away, leaving Serket dressed in a flowing black dress cobwebbed with crisscrossing lines of cobalt and holding a wicked blue cutlass. Nitram stands to her right, dressed in a muscle shirt and a red-tufted pants. clutching a long lance. An enormous pair of brown-tinted wings unfurl behind him. His face sports a confident smirk.

And across from the two, Celestia and Luna’s jaws hit the floor, before they fiercen their expressions, realizing just what kind of a fight they’re in for.

Stop levelling up and fight already!

Nitram and Serket: Stop levelling up and fight already!
Serket zooms forwards, levelling her sword to slice the ponies in half. Celestia meets her charge, her axe whirring through the air. Serket blocks the attack with ease, and quickly deflects the following strikes. In a blur, Serket appears behind the Princess, and a swing of her weapon sending the alicorn tumbling away. Luna lets out a cry of rage, blasting towards the Thief of Light until a flash of brown uppercuts her in the jaw, sending her spinning away.

The Princess recovers, casting a furious glare towards Nitram. The Controller grins back, prompting Luna to charge back down at him. Nitram sidesteps as Luna thrusts out her spear, evading the attack before he slaps the Princess away. The spear flies out of her grip, twirling through the air. Nitram zips upwards, catching it, and flings it back towards the falling alicorn. The spear strikes her shoulder-plate, rocketing her to the arena ground next to her sister.

The sisters rise to their hooves. They glance at each other for a moment, and nod. Celestia leaps back into the air, her axe raised. Serket swoops downwards to meet the charge. Her sword clashes against Celestia’s axe, sparks flying between the metal. Celestia’s expression narrows, and she gives another nod. In a flash of blue, Luna teleports behind Serket, and gives a thrust of her spear that Mindfang is only barely able to dodge. Celestia comes in with another swing of her axe, this one making contact, knocking Serket away. Nitram swoops down on Celestia, and hatchet meets lance. Luna darts in, assisting her sister as she whacks Nitram over the head. The troll tumbles backwards, straightens himself, then gets launched back again as Celestia strikes him with a golden blaze of magic.

A recovered Serket jets towards the hovering sisters. Noticing her approach, both Celestia and Luna fire beams of magic at her, two blasts of blinding light and shrouding darkness. Serket brakes in the air, raising her sword. The beams strike the blade, and Serket struggles to guard against the powerful magic. Celestia ceases her attack, instead teleporting closer to Serket. The alicorn rams into her, knocking her away. Luna prepares to follow, before Nitram bodyslams into her, sending her spinning off. Luna spreads her wings, regaining stability, but spots Nitram charging at her through the air, his lance raised like a jousting knight. In a flash, Luna erects a blue shield bubble, repelling Nitram’s assault.
Meanwhile, Serket and Celestia clash, darting through the air with their weapons raised, two jets of light ramming themselves against each other. Celestia reflects a vicious slash with the blade of her axe, and Serket bolts back to avoid the Princess’s return swing. Her dodge becomes a downwards swoop as the Thief dives towards the ground. Celestia peppers her with bursts of magic, all of which Mindfang simply outspeeds. She pulls out of her dive, flying even with the ground before rising again, climbing into the air, avoiding Celestia’s ranged attacks all the while.
The trail of fairydust behind her becomes a semicircle as Serket’s flight levels out and she rockets towards Celestia. The Princess raises her axe to block, but Serket simply speeds forth, her sword raised. The ring of metal on metal spreads through the arena as Serket zooms past Celestia, leaving a long scratch on her armor and Celestia staring in shock as the head of her axe, chopped off at the handle, tumbles down from the sky. Serket makes a sharp turn, zooming back towards the Princess. Celestia turns to face the incoming Thief only to receive a flying kick to the face that sends her flying into the coliseum floor.

Luna’s eyes widen at the sight of her sister set groundwards. Then her expression fills with anger as she dispels her shield. Nitram lunges forwards, but jabs at empty air as, in a flash, the Princess teleports behind him. Luna wraps a foreleg around Nitram’s neck and another around his chest, before she throws her head back and her rear legs forwards, flipping upside down and hurling Nitram to the ground.

Pssh. This is embarrassing. Just get Nitram to Commune already.

You just stop with the fourth wall breaking. I’ve lost count of the bits I’ve spent fixing that thing.

Don’t try to say that you don’t want to see it too.

...Yeah.

Nitram: C♉mmune.
In a flash of inspiration, you raise your hands to your temples. Both Princesses drop to their knees, hoofs on their heads as their minds are racked by an intense telepathic pain, like a migraine pulsing through their brains. Serket lands beside you, glancing curiously at the writhing alicorns.

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Serket: What did you do?
Nitram: *Huff huff* 1 tr1ed commun1ng w1th them. They’re pretty r-r-res1stant to 1t, though. There’s no way 1 can control them 8-8-8oth. Just *Huff* 1nfluenc1ng them 1s dra1n1ng enough.
Serket: Hmm. Could you control just one of them?
Nitram: W1th effort, yeah.
Serket: Do that, and then we’ll dou8le team the remaining one.
Nitram: You’re outr1ght ev1l, you know?
Serket: Aww, thanks Nitram.

Nitram: C♉mmune.
Luna’s eyes shoot open as the psychic pain wracking her mind suddenly disappears.

======>

Show Dialoglog

Luna: Celestia? What was that? What happened?
Celestia: …
Luna: Celestia?

Celestia: Kill
With robotic motions, Celestia turns and strikes Luna with a beam of brilliant gold. Luna crashes into the coliseum wall before she drops to the floor, leaving a pony-shaped dent in it. Luna struggles to her hooves, before Celestia seizes her in her telekinetic grip and slams her into the ground multiple times, before tossing her into another wall. Luna lets out a cry of rage, breaking free of Celestia’s clutch. With a flap of her wings, the Princess blasts towards her sister, her spear outstretched. Celestia’s eyes narrow as, with a flash, she summons another golden axe. The two alicorns clash, spear on axe, silver on gold. With a flurry of strikes, Celestia blocks each of Luna’s attacks, catching each stab on her hatchet. Luna gives a frustrated growl, before teleporting back and hurling her spear at Celestia.
The Princess is sent crashing to the floor by the force of the blow. Luna flies upwards towards the starry night sky. Lighting her horn, Luna gestures down, summoning a storm of meteors hailing from the sky. Celestia, returning to her hooves, spots the incoming asteroids. Her horn glows, and the moon and sun switch places in the sky. The sun flashes, brightening to a painful glow as the asteroids slowly disintegrate away. Luna rushes downwards, ramming into Celestia and tossing her away again. Celestia stretches her wings, righting herself midair before firing a blast of gold magic towards her sister. Luna responds with a beam of blue. The two lasers collide, struggling against each other. Celestia takes a sharp breath as Luna allows a bead of sweat to roll down her forehead.

A streak of black slams into Luna, sending the alicorn tumbling to the ground. The black-garbed Mindfang lands next to the fallen Princess, grinning wickedly. Luna squints upwards towards the grinning Thief, confused and wondering just what’s going on. Her gaze slips past Serket, and past her leering sister, landing on the silent figure of you, holding your hands up to his forehead, silent and immobile. Didn’t Discord introduce you as The Controller...

Luna releases a beam of magic and strikes you in the face. You topple to the ground, while Celestia’s eyes open wider, bearing an expression both confused and oddly refreshed.

Serket: React
You react. A swing of the fist sends Luna sprawling to the floor. Before she her head hits the ground you’re soaring towards Celestia, sword outraised. Seconds later, you slam into the dazed mare and she too is knocked to the ground. You pause a moment to help Nitram back to his feet. He was pretty good there, with making Celestia fight her sister, but then he had to go and mess it up. You hope that doesn’t happen again.

Oohoo, that was good fun! But alright I think I’ve had about enough of this.

Discord: Intervene.
I’m getting there, alright? Don’t rush me.

======>
With a snap of his fingers, Discord teleports the two of you to his side. Another snap and the arena in its entirety disappears, leaving Discord alone on his gaudy throne atop a checkerboard hill with a bag of black candy, and you two next to him, dressed in your usual clothing, your ancestral garbs faded away. Celestia and Luna struggle to their hooves, their armor scratched and battered, their faces scorched and frazzled.

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Discord: Ho ho, ho ho! That was a fun endeavor indeed, wasn’t it girls? I’m telling ya, I made a killing today! All the others were betting that you’d win!
Celestia: Enough of this trivial fighting. Playtime is over Discord, both for you and your little pets!
Serket: Hey! I’m no8ody’s pet, and if you say otherwise I’m just gonna come kick your ass again!
Luna: Be silent, demon. The time has come for us to end the lot of you, once and for all!
Discord: Oh, I doubt that. Hehehehaha!

Celestia: End the lot of them
Lighting her horn, Celestia opens the flap of her saddlebag, and extracts a series of six multicolored gems. Discord drops his bag of candy in surprise, before adopting a curious look.

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Discord: My my then. What have you got there?
Celestia: The Elements of Harmony.
Luna: With them, we shall defeat you!
Discord: Pssh. The Elements of Harmony? What kind of a name is that? It’s like you discover an ancient set of relics and name them the McGuffins of Do-Goodery. I always find myself amazed at your lack of creativity.
Celestia: …
Luna: …
Discord: That’s it then? Unamused silence? Ohoo hoo hoo! You should see the looks on your faces! So intense. So sure of yourselves. Hilarious! Aha haha ha!

Princesses: Fire Friendship Cannon
The Elements of Harmony begin to orbit the Princesses, revolving faster and faster until they’re simply rings of light. An energy field begins to surround the Princesses, to the troll’s chagrin and Discord’s delight. He keeps laughing, giggling madly, as Celestia and Luna touch horns, and a spiraling rainbow of magic shoots into the air. Nitram’s eyes widen as he grabs Serket and pulls the two away. They dive to the ground, covering their heads as the rainbow strikes the laughing Discord, resulting in a flash of light. When the trolls open their eyes, they find the ground beneath them to be grass and dirt, no longer a checkered pattern. Above, the sky is blue, and absent of any floating islands or airborne fish. Glancing back towards Discord’s throne, they see naught but a statue of polished marble, depicting the spirit mid laugh.

Serket’s eyes widen as she gets to her feet, realizing just how close she was to petrification. Her eyes widen again as she spots Celestia and Luna, glaring at Nitram and her, their horns lit.

Nitram: Think fast
You glance at Serket, who seems ready to fight these two again. You think fast, reaching to your temple as you commune with a princess one last time. Celestia’s eyes go blank as she surrounds Serket and you with a golden aura. Moments later, you two are teleported away.

======>
Serket: Huh? What happened?
Nitram: 1 communed w1th the Pr1ncesses aga1n. Got Celest1a to send us 8ack to the moon8ase.
Serket: Hmm. Well then, what do we do now? Things seem to have gone downhill for us.
Nitram: 1’m not that sure there’s much we can do. We sort just esta8l1shed ourselves as enem1es of the Pr1ncesses, so now that they’ve defeated D1scord they’ll 8e watch1ng out for us.
Serket: Huh. You’re right. Then I guess if we’re going to rule the seas we’ve got to do it ourselves, eh?
Nitram: What? Serket, how do you expect us to overthrow the Pr1ncesses on our own? We were 8arely a8le to hold our own aga1nst them there!
Serket: Well, yeah. Until you controlled one of them and we double teamed the other. We’ll just do that again.
Nitram: That happened 1n a controlled sett1ng. Now that the Princesses have defeated D1scord, they’ll 8e tak1ng control of Equestr1a. They’ll get a castle and have guards all around and we won’t 8e a8le to just 8rute force our way to v1ctory.
Serket: Are you trying to say we shouldn’t still try t8king over Equestria? You 8etter not 8e trying to say we shouldn’t be t8king over Equestria!
Nitram: No, 1’m not try1ng to say we shouldn’t t8ke over Equestr1a. 1’m just say1ng we have to 8e smart a8out th1s. We need to mon1tor the s1tuat1on down there, w8 for an oppurtun1ty to str1ke. We need to 8e pat1ent.
Serket: Fine then. Patience it is.
Nitram: … So yeah. 1 guess we just sort of hang out for a wh1le now?
Serket: I guess so.
Serket: Hey, uh. Thanks for pulling me away from that Rain8ow of Death thing, 8y the way.
Nitram: Oh, uh… anyt1me. 1 guess. Yeah.
Serket: …
Nitram: …
Serket: This is gonna get really awkward, isn’t it?
Nitram: Pro8a8ly.

Time: Skip
Weeks pass. Things happen, though not many of them. You do what you can to monitor the situation down in Equestria, which seems to be moving along pretty well in the Princess’s favor. They raise cities, establish governments, rule from their royal castle. They seem to have taken to raising the Sun and Moon to mark the progression of day and night, something that doesn’t make sense from a scientific standpoint but fuck it it’s magic everything you know is wrong.

In the meantime, you and Nitram spend time exploring the base, messing with all the alchemy and cloning equipment. Nothing serious. The serious things will have to wait for later.

You encounter Nitram in the halls, tinkering with some machinery or other. He’s not very good at it.

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Serket: Hey, Nitram!
Nitram: Oh! H1, Serket. Sorry, d1dn’t not1ce you there.
Serket: No pro8lem. So, hey. I was wondering- do you want to go have a picnic l8ter tonight?
Nitram: ...What?
Serket: A picnic? You know, take some food, go set it up in a meadow. It’s all so 8oring and lifeless in here. Need some of that fresh air, ya know?
Nitram: No, 1 got that part, 1t’s just- You’re actually stop1ng and ask1ng me for my op1n1on? 1f you wanted a p1cn1c, ususaly you’d go ahead and plan 1t and then you’d t8ke me there w1thout warn1ng me f1rst.
Serket: Dammit Nitram, I’m trying to 8e all consider8 and stuff! Stop acting so surprised!
Nitram: Sorry, sorry! 1t’s refresh1ng for you to actually ask for my 1nput.
Serket: I said to stop acting surprised.
Nitram: Sorry. And, uh… yeah. A p1cn1c would 8e gr8.
Serket: That’s good to hear, 8ecause I already picked out a spot. I’ll meet you there after I head out on patrol.
Nitram: Of course you d1d.
Serket: See you soon! <3

Nitram: Wait a minute-
Wait a minute? Was that… no. Couldn’t be. You were just imagining it. How would one even make a heart symbol noise in regular speech. It doesn’t make sense… But was it…

Serket: Patrol
You transportalize into your usual spot on an alcove overlooking the Princesses’ forest castle. You usually spend an hour or so just keeping watch on the rotating guards and all, to make sure the coast is clear before you step in and do a bit of snooping. For about twenty minutes, the guards stand in place as you’ve come to expect them to. Then something interesting happens. Princess Luna emerges from the castle entrance, dismissing most of the guards. As they file back into the castle, Luna spreads her wings and takes to the sky, soaring off towards some goal beyond the horizon. You make a split-seconds decision, and choose to follow her. She could be up to something interesting…

Luna: Do something interesting.
You have plans to do something interesting, alright. Perhaps even something a little drastic. But no matter- Celestia cannot control you. She simply does not understand quite what you are trying to accomplish. But soon, oh very soon, she will.

As you fly off through the night, you begin to sing a little song.

Luna: Sing
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Luna: ♪ Come little children, I’ll take thee away. Into a land of enchantment…♪

Children of the Night: Happen
It happens. You take the little children away into a land of enchantment. Or more specifically, into a hidden valley off in a remote corner of Equestria, with enough supplies to last them a week and promises to be back soon. Then you fly back, alighting a ways away from your castle to ensure nopony sees your return. You’re going to make the rest of the ways back on hoof.

Serket: Make yourself known

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Serket: Hello, Luna.

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The Princess lets out a small gasp, and whirls around as you step from the shadows. As Luna narrows her eyes, you smile. It’s not a nice smile.

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Serket: Foalnapping, hmm? I wonder what your sister would say....

Luna: Be blackmailed

Your eyes widen. If Celestia were to find out, she would surely do something drastic. ! You will be the first to admit that your sister can have somewhat of a volatile temper. You gulp as possible retributions spring to your mind. Removing your executive authority, banning your privilege to raise the moon, outright banishment into stone. Everything that matters most to you, gone in a flash. And your children in that remote valley… what of them?

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Luna: What dost thou want?

Luna: Scheme
Even as you say those words, your mind is whirling. This creature, the demon of Discord's... She has to be eliminated. Already she’s spinning a web designed to leave you tangled, enthralled in her clutches with your sister always dangling above your head. She will keep her secret. She has to. You barely listened as the Troll names her price. After all, it will mean nothing in the long run.

You’re cornered and desperate. And desperate ponies are the most dangerous ones.

Serket: Leave
You exit the scene, leaving Luna alone to stew in her thoughts. Perhaps this is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for, to catch the Princesses off-guard, drive a wedge between them and take control of this land of horses. You take off, a few flaps of your wings enough to send you soaring towards your destination. That was quite a lucky thing to catch Luna in the act tonight. It’s almost unfortunate, because you’ll need all the luck you can muster for what you’re planning tonight.

You spot the meadow up ahead. Slowing your flight, you alight gracefully onto the grassy plain. The sight of Nitram brings a smile to your face as you see he’s already laid out the picnic blanket. The night sky is something beautiful, though you’d probably appreciate it a bit more if you hadn’t just blackmailed its creator.

You sit down with your companion, popping the cap off some soda, and take in a deep breath as you slide your arm over his shoulder.

Serket: Pop the question

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Serket: So… Nitram…
Nitram: Yes?
Serket: Well… I’m not the 8est at these type of things, but… You’ve really grown on me, you know? You’re a person I genuinely admire, and you do a lot of gr8 things on a daily 8asis.
Nitram: Really? Huh… wow. Thanks Serket, I guess.
Serket: What I mean to say is… I sort of feel that you’re special…
Nitram: You don’t mean-
Serket: I love you Nitram. And I wondered if you wanted to be M8sprits.

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Nitram’s eyes pop wide, and his voice catches in his throat. And then, ever so slowly, he nods. LUCKY 8R8K!!!!!!!!

You grab his shoulders, and lean forwards, and then your lips connect and you’re kissing him. And it’s glorious.

Everything: Go to hell
Since your eyes are closed, you don’t spot Celestia and Luna as they burst from the trees near the meadows edge, the Elements of Harmony glowing around them. Luna’s exclamation of how you’re here, just like she’d said and Celestia’s cry of 'evildoers, now comes the time to face justice' go right over your head. And then you’re engulfed in a blaze of color and you can’t notice anything else.

End of Intermission Four

Author's Note

So sorry we've been taking so long. Mostly because school's been peeking over the shoulder. Or in the case of my co-writer, is dancing in his underpants.

The upd8 schedule will be limited to a single upd8 per week. Depends on how quick we write.

Also, next chapter?
I Believe Fecal Matter Will Be Impacting The Whirling Device.

Yeah, that. Also we're gonna bring Luna back at some point, so stay tuned and for the love of cheese let me know your opinions, comments, etc. Please? :pinkiehappy: