The First Fic

by Mario

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 4405

its a joke

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-06 10:29:38 UTC

2/2.5

“Mario, wake up  man! Dude, I swear if you don't get up I will tea bag you”

“I'm up! But I had the weirdest dream ever, I mean there was this...”

“...Pony?” finished Tom

“Since when do you mind-read? But yea, it was. So, in that dream I wake up and...”

“Freak out and see AppleJack and Big Mac?”

Mario lift his head up and finally opens his eyes

“Stop it dickhead, you begin to freak me out” said Mario while rolling his eyes “guess I still do talk in my sleep”

“I don't think this was a dream, I mean look around mate”

Mario actually took notice to his surroundings. They were in a relatively small, highly hygienic hospital room.

“Am I right to guess that we partied a teeny bit too hard and got hurt? And is Callum here???” Said Mario while nervously looking around. “I could swear he was with us last night”

“Ah, I see you two are up” said a white mare with light pink hair. She smiled at the two lads as she run quick checks on their temperature. “Doing all right I hope?”

Tom relaxed and grinned at Mario. “told ya”

“Oh, before I forget, I must ask you some questions. Unless you want to rest some more?”

“No, no, we will answer miss...?” Said Tom

“Please, call me Nurse Redheart, everypony does.” “And you are?”

“I am Tom, nice to meet you”

Mario just stared at the pony-nurse with disbelief. His mouth was open and he began to dribble onto his sheets

“Oh my, he needs help!”

“Don't worry about him, he just needs some time to adjust to this... situation” said Tom “Now, about these questions?”

“Ah, of course. What species are you?”

“Human”

“Hue-man, got it. Gender?”

“Male”

“And your companion?”

“Male also, but you couldn't tell that from the length of his hair, could you?” said Tom snickering

“well, I personally like stallions with long manes. But, anyway, moving on. Age?”

“we are both 17”

“okie, almost done. Now, where are you from?”

“Britain”

“I beg your pardon? Is that in southern Equestria?”

“well, the thing is we are from the planet earth... ever heard of that?”

“hold on a minute, I shall contact her majesty about this matter” said the mare as she hurried out the room

“Feeling better Mario?” said Tom while taking a break from laughing

“Feeling insane if anything dude. What the fuck did just happen?”

“oh, just try and act natural”

“NATURAL? You where just questioned by a horse!”

“Sorry to disturb you, I just wanted to inform you that her Majesty has sent a messenger to your planet. You have mentioned somepony by the name of Callum, we are contacting him right now”

“Thank you nurse” Said Tom

Well, this chapter is a little longish, but I made it that way to introduce a new character into the story. Yup, It is the one and only, *epic drums* CALLUM! So, here is a chapter that doesn’t really expand on the story, it just includes Callum =D

Chapter 2.5

“Good Morning!”boomed a loud, majestic voice

Callum, still a little dazed, looked up from his bed. When he noticed the creature he stumbled out of his bed and bowed down. The dark blue allicorn, with beautiful, blue, almost see-through mane just looked at him “Is this gathering of bad timing?”

“no, I'm sorry.... I cant believe you are real!!! Ohmahgod can I hug you ?! Can I ask you something?! Are you real?! Can I... “

“Reconcile Hue-man! I came here with a matter of grave importance. I would not, however, object to some beverage”

“I will put the kettle on princess.... you do drink tea right???”

“Of course. And please, call me Luna.”

Callum dashed down his stairs almost breaking every bone in his body. The joy has overloaded his mind. A Pony in his house? And Not just Anypony, the princess herself!

“Luna, please, set yourself down” said Callum as he placed a cup of tea on the living room table.

“As you wish Hue-man”

“So, whats going on?”

“It would appear that two of your kind have stumbled onto our planet... The Hue-man Tom and Mario... We, ponies, don't mind them staying for a little while, but would ask that you gather resources needed to transport them back”

“Mario? Tom? Your planet? Scumbag friends, don't invite me. But anyway, how did they get there?”

“so you don't know?”

“Nope”

“This is going to be a burden... Well Hue-man, Is there a possibility of Me, Princess Luna, staying at this location until we figure something out?”

“But Of course” Said Callum, already planning all the questions he was going to ask the pony princess...

So, Chapter 2.5, Full of Callum and Luna... I made this just for you dude, love ya Calls :D

Mario

3/3.5

Chapter 3

“Well, it seems you two are as healthy as can be” said Nurse Redheart smiling at the two boys. “You will leave the hospital today. Exciting, isn’t it?”

“It sure is” answered Mario, actually pumped about being able to see the dream-like land of Equestria.

“Just one question” interrupted Tom. “We can leave, that's fine and dandy, but where shall we stay?”

“Oh Celestia, I forgot to tell you, I'm so, so sorry. A Pony by the name of Pinkie Pie has volunteered to give you shelter for some time.”

“Pinkie Pie???” said Tom and Mario simultaneously, pure joy on their faces

“That is correct”

“As in the party-all-the-time Pinkie?” asked Mario

“If you are worried about your health, we can look for some other form of shelter...”said the nurse-pony

“NO!” yelled out Tom and Mario

“Well, she will pick you up from here any second now. I need to tend to some patients. Good luck Hue-mans, if you feel unwell don’t hesitate to contact me”

“Thanks Nurse” Said Mario, embracing the white mare

“Dude, not only are we in Equestria, we will live with Pinkie!” exclaimed Tom

“I Know right? This is going to be marvellous”

Tom brohoofed Mario and they both screamed as their knuckles connected at great velocity creating a loud clop.

*GASP* “OOOOOOH! That was loud! I Know! I Know! We can have a contest on who clops the loudest” said a pink mare with mega-curly mane

“Pinkie Pie!” said Mario

“That’s me silly! And your name is?... No! Don't tell me! I will guess it! Erm... actually tell me! Then we can get back and have that super-duper secret pa......... *COUGH  COUGH* I didn't say nothing about a party! What’s your name anyway?

“I'm Mario”

“And I'm Tom”

“Mario? Tom? *Giggle* Those are silly names! OOOOOH! I LOVE SILLY NAMES!” The pink mare skipped around the two lads, continuously giggling. Mario also began to laugh, fell to the floor and started rolling about. Seeing this, Pinkie burst out in a uber-laugh, falling next to Mario. They hugged and continued laughing

After  letting his friend and the mare laugh out whatever brain cells they had left in their heads  , Tom started getting impatient

“Can we go to your home now?”

“Aww, Tom is getting tired! I Know! We can go home!”

“I just sa... never mind” said Tom, face palming

The pink pony skipped away, the two boys following her with great excitment...

Thanks for reading the third chapter :) hope you are enjoying my story. So, chapter three, and the introduction of the one and only, Pinkie Pie :D Pinkie was my fav ever since I started watching the show. Her antics made her the most lovable, exciting character ever! Now for the happenings on our home planet, Earth, where Callum spends his first night with the company of Luna... Molestia.jpg

Chapter 3.5

“So Hue-man, hours of brainstorming and yet we have not resolved this botheration. Shall we rest for now?”

“Of course Luna. Can you tell me about yourself?”

Luna, feeling flattered that a representative of another race takes interest in her, decided to make a beautiful speech. She thought about what to say and, for effect, spread her wings. Callums room being relatively small got in the way. Luna’s wings knocked down plates and glasses from tables. The plates smashed into teeny pieces causing a terrible clatter.

“I am so sorry hue-man” quickly said Luna “Will you accept my apologies?” she asked, her eyes moist with fresh tears.

“Don't worry” replied Callum, hugging the pony-princess “Could have happened to anyone” pointed out Callum, at the verge of spewing rainbows out of his mouth.

*Knock knock* “Is everything all right love?” said Callum’s mum as she walked into the room. Her eyes quickly scanned the room, then stopped on the majestic allicorn “What is this?” she said and collapsed to the floor...

When she woke up a few minutes later, she looked around the room again

“Callum, please explain to me, what the hell are you doing at 11 pm, talking to a mystical being!? As a matter of fact, where is that creature?”

“Don’t know what are you talking about mum” said Calls, poker-facing to the best of his ability. “You must have imagined something”

“Well, I have been a little tired lately... But I have my eye on you young men! No strange creatures in this household, understood?”

“Yeah mum”

As Callums mum walked out of his room he quickly run to his closet. “You can come out now Luna, but we need to be more careful.”

“Ah, of course”

“Now, you where going to tell me something about yourself...?”

Luna told Callum the story of her life. They continued discussing different topics, talking and talking up to 3am.

“Well, princess, I'm afraid I need to go to bed now”

“Don-t worry Hue-man, I myself feel drained. I shall find a place to slumber...”

“No! Here, you can sleep on my bed. I will sleep on the floor”

“very well, so let it be. Good night Callum”

“Night Luna” said Callum, making himself as comfortable as one can be on the floor.

That’s it for chapter 3.5. If you have any comments, strong opinions, feel that I'm just amazing /)^3^(\ , I would appreciate any review you may give me. Thanks for reading through,

Your one and only, super mega hyper uber amazing brony ;)

Mario

TOMS TROLL CHAPETER :

HELLO WUNNA SIAD CALLUM FRESH WITH EXCITEMENT FOR THE MORNING , I MADE YOU SOME BACON .

BEER CON ? SAID WOONA , WHAT BE THIS BEER CAN I CAN CONSUME . ITS LIKE A NICE TASTY MEAT SAMMICH IT WILL KEEP YOU STRONG . DON'T YOU WANNA BE A BIG PRWINCESS WOONY?

WOONA SAID “ NOO” . CALL WAS HURT BROKUN AND RAIN OUT ROOM DOWN FUCKING HUGE STAIRS AND BROKE HIS UETHRA .

A CHAPTER WRITTEN BY THE AMAZING YET SLIGHTLY WORRYING, tomzie95 who was high on sperm

4

Chapter 4

Pinkie Pie continued skipping until the trio arrived at Sugar Cube Corner©. “OOOOH! I Can’t wait to show you my place! And we can play games! And have fun! OOOOOH! I LOVE FUN! But first the par... Just come on in!”

Tom and Mario slowly walked inside the building. All the lights where off.

“I know what to expect now, just act surprised to not offend anyone” whispered Tom

Pinkie turned the lights on. Contrary to what Tom and Mario thought, the shop had nopony in it.

“Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner! This is where I work and live! OOOOOH! Come on! You need to see my room!”

They walked up the stairs, simple wooden stairs that didn't seem pony-like at all.

“Just walk in through this door, I need to pick something up!”

“okay Pinkie” said Mario

They walked in through the door into complete darkness.

“Erm... suddenly I regret reading Cupcakes”

“I think I know what you mean”...

“SUPRISE!”

The lights went on, Tom and Mario screamed in shock...

This time just a teeny chapter, kinda left it on a verge of action, but it’s all for a reason ;) trying to engage anypony reading =D

5/5,5

Chapter 5

“SUPRISE!”

The lights went on, Tom and Mario screamed in shock...

Possibly everypony in Ponyville where gathered around in the room.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome, A fine welcome to you!” chanted all ponies gathered.

“ITS A WELCOME PARTY!” exclaimed Pinkie “Are you suprised!?”

Tom and Mario just nodded in agreement, still adjusting to the numerous ponies around the room.

“Now you can have friends! This is Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Ditzy, Lyra, Mac...

Tom and Mario greeted every pony Pinkie introduced to them. Name, hand-hoof shake, name, hand-hoof shake and so forth until everypony said their greetings.  Tom started dibbling when introduced to Vinyl Scratch

“Hiya, I'm Vinyl, you probably heard of me though, I'm pretty big in the industry” said the white unicorn smiling

“urgh... I... I a.... I'm Tom” stated Tom while maintaining an eye contact

“Umm... Tom... you can let go of my hoof now?”

“urgh... Wha?”

Mario smacked Tom’s head and whispered into his ear “Dude, you are behaving like a total spaz, control yourself man”

“Shut up” said Tom

“Hey Vinyl, I'm Mario, pleasure to meet you”

“Likewise dude. Your friend seems a bit off...”

“Yeah, he is just... A huge fan of your music” said Mario trying hard not to laugh as he gazed towards the dribbling Tom

“Well, I’m going to get this party started proper, chat to you later dudes” said the blue haired pony walking towards her turn table.

Soon, the room filled with heavy bass music. The lads continued mingling with the ponies making acquaintances and genuinely having a blast. When Mario found Pinkie again, she was just skipping about ensuring everyone is entertained.

“Pinks?”

“Oh, hey there! Everything all right?”

“yeah, just wondering, Where is Rarity?”

“She is working today silly! She said she might pop in to greet you tomorow”

“Thanks Pinkie” said Mario smiling

“Okie Dokie! Enjoy yourself!”

“Hey Tom! Rarity might come in tomorrow to see us”  said Mario, clearly excited with the news

“Rarity? Honestly, I don't really care for her, Dude, Vinyl is here”

“I don't think you understand Tom. THOMAS! I WANT A RARITY!”

The lads burst out laughing at the inside joke. Pinkie soon joined them, not knowing the joke but laughing all the same.

The party continued on until late night. Everypony started leaving, wishing luck to Mario and Tom, asking if they want to hang out sometime. Once everyone left, Tom and Mario collapsed with exhaustion, and slept on the floor in Pinkie’s room

Chapter 5.5

“Luna, what do you reckon my friends are doing right now?” asked Callum

“Well, considering they were departing the hospital, I would imagine they will attempt to find shelter. I Imagine Pinkie Pie will find them before then, and they will have a festivity organised just for them”

“So Pinkie Pie actually exists? And she does party often?”

“Often? I think that pony has a huge party in her head all the time.” Said Luna looking down at Callum from his bed. “Hue-man”

“Yes princess?”

“Are you frightened of me? Is that why you allow me to stay in your quarters?” asked the allicorn, clearly saddened by the idea

“Of course not Princess! I just... feel... very comfortable with you, that's all”

“Thank you Hue-ma... Thank you Callum. We shall make brilliant associates” Stated the mare smiling “Good night Callum”

“’night princess” Said Callum. He continued to listen to the mares breath for a long while, wishing this situation could last forever

6

Chapter 6

A deafening, unearthly, high pitched sound disturbed Mario’s dream about how... Actually, let’s not get into that. Mario sat up rapidly. Pinkie Pie’s big blue eyes where about an inch from his own. He also discovered the origin of the noise. Pinkie was holding an unusually large whistle.

“Ohai Pinks. Whatsup?”

Pinkie blew into the whistle cheerfully and discarded it onto the floor.

“You need to wake up silly! Otherwise you will not open the present I got you! Nopony sleeping can open a present! That would just be silly!” the pink mare giggled, clearly amused with the idea. “OH! Also Rarity might stop by to say hello! But first you get a present! OOOOOOH! I apso-posit-indubitably love presents!!!”

“aww, Thanks Pinkie, you didn't have to get me anything”

“NOT GET PRESENT!?” *Gasp* “Where is the fun in that?” Said the pony. She trotted away through the big passage leading from the colourful room to the corridor.

Mario looked around to see where Tom is. Surprisingly there was no sign of the lad.

“Scumbag Thomas, leaves Mario alone... Fuuuuucking Diiiiiiick” thought Mario bemused.

Pinkie skipped into the room holding a present wrapped in sparkly pink paper.

“Present!” Exclaimed the mare, gently throwing the package at Mario. “Open it!”

Mario proceeded to unwrap the gift. It turned out to be a cake and a picture, clearly drawn by the pink pony herself, portraying a human like shape and a pink pony hugging. Mario moved by the image shed a tear.

"Thanks Pinkie" Said Mario and hugged the mare

"Oh no, don't be sad, the cake isn't bad at all!"

Mario laughed "Its not the cake, just that picture is so nice" he smiled at Pinkie

"That made you sad? Something nice?" *Giggle* "You Hue-mans sure are silly* stated the pony rolling her eyes a little

Mario could not shake of the feeling that he forgot about something important...

"Erm... Oh YEAH! Pinks, where is Tom?"

"Vinyl invited him to do some musicy stuff!"

"Ah! Im sure he will enjoy that"

"Yup" Pinkie smiled "But now we have the whole day for ourselves, OOOOOOH! I will introduce you to Gummy!

I decided to make shorter chapters again, in case i delete my work by an accident :S

But yeah, hope y'all enjoy reading it :D

Chapter 6.5

Callum's home possessed the visual quality of a battlefield. But then again, his mom was out the house for almost 2 hours now.

"Hey, Princess, im gonna need to go to the shop and get some more food!" shouted Callum standing in his doorway.

"Do proceed Hue-man, one would gladly indulge in a nutritious meal"

As Callum neared the shop he felt as if he was being followed. He turned around

"LUNA!!!! what if people see you!" Callum started to swing his arms around, like a Gmod character "AAAARGH!! EUUUUURGH!"

"Note to self: Hue-mans lose all their sanity when leaving the premises of their home. But very well, i shall see you again soon said the Lunar goddess as she dissapeared into a puff of smoke

7/7.5

If you are reading this, and you are not Tom (Tomzie95), Callum (Luna) or Setter (TheMightyEater) you truly deserve something :S .... so, here is a something *Hands you a cupcake* also, it would only be fitting if you get some of this *Hands you a cup of tea* Now, that’s better. Please do enjoy yourself. And if you are one of the mentioned: Hey Guys :L cheers for the support and stuff  /)^3^(\

Chapter 7

Gummy adventured through the mess Pinkie Pie and Mario made while trying to bake cupcakes. Turns out flour mixed with eggs really can explode. The teeny alligator stood up on its hind legs and looked around. It passively avoided the two shapes outstretched on the floor and crawled up into the opened  refrigerator.

Pinkie and Mario where (unsuccessfully) trying to stop the laughter that was caused by the explosion of ingredients. When Mario fell to the floor, not having enough strength to stand & laugh, Pinkie started laughing even harder and did the same. The laughter was interrupted when someone knocked on the door.

“Oh, I wonder who could that be?” The pink mare seemed confused. As she skipped down the stairs and to the door, Mario finally managed to control his laughter, and listened to the door opening.

“I'm not interrupting anything, am I darling?“

That voice. That accent. Rarity!

Mario immediately got off the floor and started making sure he doesn’t look too messy...

“That’s pretty good dude, but go easy on the synthesiser, it doesn’t mix well with your tune” said the blue haired mare, light reflecting off her purple glasses that she never seems to take off.

Tom, still standing in front of the DJ equipment -Equipment beyond my comprehension- smiled

“Cheers Vinyl, it really means something hearing that from a professional musician”

“Professional Musician!?” The white unicorn burst out laughing. “Just don't let Octavia hear you saying that!” Vinyl started mimicking her friend “No, you are not a musician, a technician maybe, but not a musician” Both Tom and Vinyl laughed.

“Yeah, I heard that before” Said Tom thinking about all the times Mario argued about this subject.

“You sure are an interesting being. Dude, we need to hang out more” said the unicorn using magic to transport her glasses off her eyes and onto her mane. Her eyes where a beautiful shade of red, glistening with happiness.

Tom overloaded with joy to discover that he was always right about the colour of those eyes, just nodded.

“Would you like some Appleade? Or Cider?”

“Some Cider would be lovely, thanks” said Tom, following Vinyl into the kitchen.

That Skrillex kid, not a real musician, ey Tom ;)  I joke, I love the guy. But what I love even more is arguing about things I agree with, confusing the person I argue with :D  just like I was taught by the one and only Setter :L and Tom, Not Red :P

And now for the .5 part of the chapter, who all of you (i.e just Callum <3) have been waiting for. Enjoy

Chapter 7.5

*Knock Knock*

Callum couldn’t help but smile as he walked to the door. After all he was going to share his secret with someone today. And not just anyone but the brony with his own world domination plan and the looks of a serial killer. Ryan Setter, the friendliest of the human kind. Callum opened the door.

“All right Setter?”

“Good Morning Callum” replied Ryan, with his (un) usual cheerfulness.

“Come on in mate, I might explode…”

“I BEG YOUR PARDON!” interrupted Setter, laughing at the innuendo

“… If I don't share this with everyone” finished Callum, his palm slamming into his face due to Ryan’s immature behaviour.

As Ryan walked inside, he noticed a strange scent hanging about the house. The scent so magical it couldn’t be described (by that I mean I was too tired to try). Meanwhile Callum ensured that his door was properly closed.

“Setter, you must see h...”

“Actually, I would not object to some sort of a snack? And a tasty beverage to wash it down with?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake” yet again, Callum’s palm almost succeeded in piercing his face. “How about I’ll get you some tea and crumpets?”

“That would be just dandy” replied Setter, his satisfied expression strangely making him look just like Boris Johnson.

After snacking, Callum  got back to trying to tell setter about the Moon Goddess, task which seemed almost impossible.

“Setter, go to my room, I need to show you my… new game... and stuff” lied Callum

“Yeah, sure, but first…”

“NO” said Callum and kicked Setter’s ass, leading him to the stairs.

When they finally managed to walk up the stairs (Ryan sure isn’t in a hurry) Callum opened the door to his room.

The magical mare stood in front of them, her wings stretched out.

“Welcome Hue-Man SETTER!” she said with a booming voice and a gentle smile”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeerhm... Ca... Ca.... Callsss... LUNA!” exclaimed Ryan, his jaw swung open, with no intention to close.

“Yeah, if you moved your ass you would have been good friends by now”

So, a new character involved, how exciting! And not just anyone, but TheMIghtyEater,

1

*yaaaaawn*...

Tom woke up and understood something isn’t right. He stretched his arms out to get the laziness out of his system, hopeful that once his mind is clear the feeling of uneasiness will deteriorate.

“What!?” he exclaimed as his hands made contact with moist grass.

“Dude, shut up, trying to get some sleep” said Mario.

“Mario? What did we do last night?”

Mario face palmed, and opened his eyes.

“What the fuck?, Why are we in a bloody forest?”

“I was hoping you would tell me...”

Mario looked over at Tom and burst out laughing.

“what’s wrong with you?” asked Tom

“Dude, we totally fucked up, we must have been out of it!” said Mario, barely controlling his laughter.

“This is not funny man, we are in some sort of a park or something... do ya reckon this is the Stony park?”

“Nah, don't think so, too many trees mate. We must have walked to the next county or something dude”

“how the fu...” said Tom, but was interrupted as a shadow loomed over him.

“What in tarnation are those?  ‘Ah never seen critters like tha’ before” said a calming voice, in a strong southern accent. “Any ideas Mac?”

“Eeynope.” Said the bigger creature.

“Shucks, ‘ah reckon something must ‘ave scared the hay out of ‘em fellers, jus’ look at their faces”

Mario and Tom simply stared in astonishment, not able to get a word out of their mouths. The creatures just looked at them with slight pity. Finally one of them smiled and said:

“Hiya strange creatures! ‘ah am Applejack, this is my brother Mac. Can ‘ah offer y’all some refreshments?

“Ar... Are... Are you real?” stuttered Tom, hopeful yet slightly  worried about his sanity

“Suppose ‘ah am” said the orange mare with a big smile

The red stallion, who just watched the two humans said “Who are you? Whatcha doing in the Everfree forest?”

Mario and Tom looked at each other, smiled with relief and simultaneously fainted.

I just want to make sure, that as a reader you understand a few things. First of all, I am a terrible writer (>_<) and secondly this fiction is only made as a joke :D . I wrote this chapter while taking a break from revising, and thought “Damn, I wish I could live with ponies” That’s when I thought up this weird, bizarre story :P If any of you find it funny/interesting/readable/*slightly arousing ;)* I will expand on it after my exams. Thank y’all for reading

your dearest, most treasured and definitely the most marvellous:

Mario

/)^3^(\