It's not your fault, you know? You never did anything wrong, except for letting me into your life. That day, when you proposed to me, was the most glorious day of my existence.
But it should have never happened. I shouldn't have said yes. I should have told you how I really felt, and let you down as gently as possible. I should never have married you.
It's not fair, you see? It's not fair for a pony like you, with so many bright and wonderful dreams, to spend their lives trying to fix a pony like me. To waste your time, trying to carry me along, convincing yourself, that if you try hard enough, love hard enough, hope hard enough, that maybe, one day, you'll be able to fix me. And we can be happy together. And life will work out.
That's the type of sickness I cause in ponies, Twilight. A sort of deliriousness that can't be soothed or salved. A sort of mental break down of reality where you commit to a pony that's faulty in the most unbearable ways, but you stick it through, because that's the sort of pony you are. The sort of pony that loves unconditionally regardless of how terrible things are. Or how terrible I am. You don't deserve this, and I don't deserve you.
I know you. I know you too well, sadly. You will condemn yourself to finalize the spark in my heart for you. To fix all my unfix-able problems, and staple together all of my broken dreams. To make me feel like the stars were something you dreamed up, just for me and to serve me happiness on a silver platter on Saturday morning while I was asleep in bed. You love me to much to see past my unlovable faults, and I love you too much to put you through the experience that is 'me.' I am not a good pony, Twilight.
I love you. I do. I really, truly do. I love you more than any pony could ever love another, this is why I set you free. Free from me to pursue whatever goals in life you wish to. To be a doctor at Hoofvard, or the successor to a princess. A talented scientist or the world's greatest magician. Your life is an open door and I offer you the key.
We will undoubtedly, be two ponies who love each other very much. We always will. I know you, and you know me. You will pour your heart out to me and do everything in your power to keep me with you and if it were anyone else, but me, that would be very noble. However, I am self centered, egotistical, brash, pushy, ill tempered and arrogant. I am not your soul mate, although you will love me like I was. And that is why this has to happen. We will undoubtedly be two ponies who love each other very much, but by the time you read this, we will be two ponies very far apart.
I am not a pony where happiness can grow. A happiness that you deserve. I am not the person that can give it to you, and I only fooled myself into believing that I could. That I was worth something more than a self imposed title of "Great and Powerful." That I was worth your heart. I am not. I don't know who is but I know that I am not.
I understand a great deal of sadness. I understand pity, and empathy, and suffering. I understand despair and hope, and I must ask what hope there is for me to be with a pony like you? I know you. You will move mountains for me. You will catch stars for me, and you would paint the sunset on the sky for me, if you could. If I asked you too. And that's the problem. You think I'm worthy of something I'm not. You think I'm worthy of someone I'm not. You think you know me,
Maybe you do. Maybe better than I know myself. I wish I knew how to change. How to fix the jagged parts of my life. To put them together like a picture. A picture of you and me. That's what I want. But it's not something I can have. Not here. Not with you. You don't deserve to be dragged through the mud of my path.
Maybe. One day. If I find out how to fix this shamble of existence I call a life ...
Maybe one day we can try again.
But until that day...
I'm sorry Twilight.
~Trixie
Twilight stared at the note as if trying to sear it with her vision. As if she could rewind the events of the day if she tried hard enough. Like her brain was rejecting the reality around her and instituting it's own. It wasn't real, of course. The letter sitting on the counter top. The cold splashing rain of a Monday morning. The empty tree. It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Trixie was still in town, probably just out getting groceries or something. She'd come waltzing through the door any second now, and the cold ice gripping Twilight's heart would melt away into love. Any moment now.
...
A dream. It had to be a dream. A nightmare. Some horrid hallucination preying on her deepest fears. She could handle a dream. She could deal with it, wake up on a sunny morning and start cooking breakfast for her lovely blue mare friend. All she had to do was wake up. Just open her eyes and pop into reality. This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. This wasn't real life. She was dreaming. She had to be dreaming.
...
A prank! It had to be a prank! Some silly letter Rainbow Dash got Trixie to write and left it on the table. Any moment, they'd jump out and yell surprise and they'd all have a good laugh and things would be okay again. This wasn't real. This couldn't be real. She peered at the letter again, looking for quill-strokes that were off. Trixie had an elegant style of writing, Rainbow Dash might have tried to copy it or something. She rubbed her eyes. This wasn't real. This was clearly some prank. Why couldn't she stop crying? She rubbed her eyes again, but her vision still swam, blurred with tears. She took the letter and tore at it. Slashed it and razed it to shreds. It wasn't funny! What did she mean she set Twilight free? This couldn't be happening! This wasn't happening!! Why was this happening?!!
"TRIXIE!?!" Twilight cried out, her voice a forced, choked shriek of desperation. There was no response from the tree. No boisterous scream of a reply. No haughty whine of annoyance. No arrogant curse of concentration ruined. No voices. No nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!
Twilight threw the door open and peered out into the cold uncaring rain. Ponyville. Even in the rain, it was bustling. Filled with life. Ponies scampered here and there, darting under umbrellas to get out from underneath the rain. and even though the town was filled with life, Twilight Sparkle never felt so alone.
Author's Note
It goes:
Blood Boil
All those little one shot stories
Then
This.
Curtain Call
The greatest trick of them all. Watch as Trixie disappears.
It's 3:25 am please excuse the spelling mistakes. Lady Rarity is very tired, and shell properly edit this tomorrow.
It was snowing quietly. Fat flakes fluttering down in slow, lazy patterns, circling, spiraling, and dancing towards the ground where they would join their thousands and thousands of brothers and sisters. It was Saturday night, or, maybe it was Wednesday. It had been months since Twilight's trek from the library and away from Ponyville into the world around her. Following a path that didn't exist, aside from where her heart told her to go- and today it was telling her Trixie had come through this village. Maybe...It was impossible for Trixie to pass up an opportunity to put on a show. Maybe she'd come here? Maybe she was still here!! Twilight's eyes widened and she picked up her hooves, quickly pitching herself through the snow's fury into town. The burst of energy from her heart was easily enough to see her into the plaza, where she found herself lost in a mix of different ponies.
The village, for what it was, happened to be a quaint little town. Ponies marched through town slowly, covered in coats and hats and warm things that Twilight didn't have. It didn't matter. Every time she came to a new town, she found herself filled with hope anew. Refreshed and bright eyed, eager to find her long lost love. It didn't matter that she hadn't eaten, nor showered in days. Weeks? Doesn't matter. Trixie mattered. Find Trixie.
"E-Excuse me! My name is Twilight Sparkle and I'm-I'm looking for- oh? O-okay thank you for your time."
He didn't even give her a second glance, just kept walking.
"Please, please can you help me? I'm looking fo- okay then."
Barely a pause before they rolled their eyes.
"Have you seen a blue mare with a silver mane..and...-" Twilight sputtered as they walked by. Not their problem. Just her problem. No time to sulk, someone else was coming. She was getting desperate. She'd been struggling so long, and searching for eternity...
"Please?! Please, I just, I need someone to help me find-" Twilight whimpered. They frowned, walking past the sniveling pony, One with far to little clothing on during a winter this cold. Disheveled mane, ratty cloak, begging in the middle of the street like an urchin. Disgusting.
"Alright, Miss. Move along. We don't allow beggers here." A new voice. Deep. Baritone. Twilight turned quietly to the pony that had risen up like a phantom behind her. Out of nowhere. Bright, orange armor, face mask of a helmet. Twilight's heart soared. A guard!!
"N-no, no, you don't understand, I'm, looking-looking for my wife. Trixie! TRIXIE!! You have to help me find her! Please, sh-she's out here and she said she let me free b-but I don't understand and she left the library without telling me, and I don't know if she's okay or not, but she has to be okay! SHE HAS TO BE! "Twilight babbled, reaching up to grasp at the guard's chest. Please oh please oh please oh please oh please... Somepony HAD to help her!!
"OY! That's assault, lass!" He snarled, forcefully pushing the crazed girl off of him and into the snow. With one large hoof, he pinned the twitching pony down and leaned over her with a frown.
"Now look here, miss. You have two choices. I overlook this little incident, and I don't see you in town again, or we can find a nice cold cell for you to simmer down in. Your choice." He gruffed, slowly lifting the pressure from his hoofs. Enough so that Twilight could pull herself out from underneath him. She fled, spilling into a haggard run on wobbly knees. It didn't matter. Trixie wasn't in that town anyway. It didn't matter how hungry she was, or how tired she was. Her meals were tasteless and she only managed two to three hours of sleep, every few days, anyway. Didn't matter. Nothing mattered. She meandered away from the town and the unhelpful guards, staggering quietly into the nearby forest. Didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
It was only minutes after leaving town did she notice the snow. Snowing. It was snowing. Twilight never really noticed the weight of the snow before, or even that it was snowing, but now it seemed to grab at her attention. She turned thoughtfully back towards town and gawked at the slowly disappearing hoofsteps behind her. A long, long, long trail of hoof steps. She frowned. That didn't make any sense. She'd only been walking for a few minutes, but the steps that were vanishing were clearly from a mare who'd walked for hours.
"Not funny, Rainbow Dash." She grumbled, flattening her ears against her head. She heard a giggle from one of the naked trees around her. Rainbow Dash up to her old pranks again. Silly filly. Not that Twilight had time for pranks. She needed to get up and get back to the task at hoof.
Get up? Since when did she sit down? She blinked once or twice, trying to stave off a sudden overcoming drowsiness. She didn't have time for this, but the snow was strangely warm and her body just didn't want to answer her commands to get up. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she needed to keep moving, keep walking. Find Trixie. That was the goal. She needed to get up, but the snow was so pretty. Just for a moment, she watched the flakes tumble and fall through the sky. It wouldn't hurt to just watch for a moment, right? Just a moment... She would have to bring Trixie back here to see it. They could sit next to the fire and eat popcorn and just watch the snow. That sounded nice. And the snow was so heavy now...she'd try and lift it later. After some rest. All she needed was-
"Get up. You promised you'd teach me how to make a snow pony." Trixie snarled, rousing the purple unicorn with a playful shove. Huh? Twilight stood up, and shimmied the snow from her flanks. She had only sat down for a second, but now Trixie was standing there, glaring at her with a mock little pout across her pretty little lips. Twilight grinned. She loved spending winter with Trixie.
"Mmmmh, okay Trishe' the secret of a perfect snow sculpture...ish...slush to snow....ratio..." Twilight mumbled quietly, as the snow gently spiraled down out of the sky. It clung softly to the tattered cloak on the ground, and lightly covered the world in a blanket of beauty. Hoof steps disappeared, ragged disheveled mane vanished under uncompromising beauty, and the endless silence of the forest was the only sound to be heard for miles.
Author's Note
I wanted to write something sad.
That's all.
It doesn't need to be cannon.
