Pinkiemania Diane Pie lived her life one day at a time. All those days were uneventful. All she ever did was bum around at "home". Where she was she didn't have any friends to hang out with, so she just watched cooking shows and B-rated horror movies on TV. Occasionally she was chased around by a dog or something when she happened to step outside to eat some grass, but that was it. Pinkie was sad, so her mane was all flat and straight instead of bouncy.
Living in a dead city is extremely boring. Pinkie used to live in Ponyville, which was bright, full of colors, and she had all of her friends. Now that she was on Earth, she had nothing. All there was here was abandoned factories, sagging houses with grass yard that provided her with food, and stray dogs that chased her. Life was extremely boring.
To escape from the monotony of life, Pinkie watched TV. All that was ever was on were cooking shows that told her how to bake cupcakes and skin rabbits, B-rated horror movies about people murdering their friends, and stupid soap operas. At first Pinkie thought these were stupid, and the soap operas were even stupider, then she realized they were still stupid, but they provided her with a small amount of entertainment, except the soap operas were so stupid that the only way one could watch them without your head exploding is if you were laughing at them with someone else. During one B-rated horror movie she was enticed by the darkness, excitement, and murder going in on the screen, and she wanted to reach out and join in the killing spree.
Only to be stopped by the TV screen.
Pinkie snapped back to reality, and shut off the TV. She went outside to eat some grass, then a stray dog chased her. They did that a lot. They chased her over the crumbly sidewalks and stuff, until she ran out of breath and returned home. On the way back she passed by graffiti on the walls of broken factories depicting ponies, reminding her of the life she had lost.
Before Pinkie was here in this deserted city that for some unknown reason still had electricity and a TV network she was in Ponyville. Then Twilight Sparkle had to be an idiot and opened a wormhole by accident, sucking in Pinkie Pie and abandoning her in this hell hole. Now she only had paintings she drew with art suppies that she found in one of the abandoned houses to show her what her past looked like. Ponyville was colorful, and had her friends and stuff. She also drew a picture of her old bakery, Sugar Cube Corner.
Pinkie guessed that was why she had a desire to have friends of her own and kill them, so she could bake them into food, like she used to do back in Ponyville. Ok, she didn't kill her friends, but she did bake food, and all there was to eat here was grass, and random baking supplies found in some of the abandoned houses. Pinkie killed one of the stray dogs and baked it into a cake, but it wasn't one of her friends.
It would have to do.
***
Today was an ordinary day, like usual. Pinkie walked outside and got chased by stray dogs, and soon enough she turned home. It was just an ordinary boring day, with nothing to see.
Or so she thought.
On the way home she saw a cardboard box. This didn't make any sense, as absolutely no one lived here except for Pinkie so there should have been no one to abandon the cardboard box. Pinkie got suspicious so she looked inside the box, and there she found.... another card board box. Pinkie then opened that cardboard box and found a newborn version of Rainbow Dash inside. This made even less sense, but Pinkie was happy as she now had a friend to murder. With that her hair sprang right back up.
Pinkie took the box home, then took the filly out of the box. The little filly began to explore the new environment, sniffing around and barking like one of those stupid stray dogs that always chased Pinkie as the the pink maniac sharpened her cleaver and carving knife and prepared cupcake batter. When she was at last ready she grabbed the filly and slit it's throat. She then proceeded to make stupid jokes that are too awful to write her as she skinned it. First she used the cleaver to chop off it's hooves, then she cut off it's head. This made Pinkie sad again, as she no longer had a "friend" to tell corny jokes to, but then she remembered she was making cupcakes, so she didn't feel so sad.
Pinkie took the carving knife and gently made a vertical incision from her mouth to her anus, taking care not to puncture the abdominal cavity. Once the incision was finished Pinkie removed the skin from the carcass by slipping it off like you would slip off a vest from a baby, if a baby happens to be wearing a vest, and the vest had leg holes as well as arm holes. She turned the body up side down and made a horizontal cut across it the gut. As she turned it right side up the intestines spilled out onto the floor. She then reached up into the whole and broke a membrane there, giving here access into the main organ cavity. She proceeded to grab the viscera and pull it out, admiring the beauty of each viscus before she chopped them up and added them to the cupcake batter which she had prepared earlier. She cleaved the meat off of the bone and added that as well. She poured the batter into cupcake molds, then put them in the oven. It's a real mystery how she managed to do this entire procedure as she has hooves instead of hands, but some how she did it.
As Pinkie looked over the broken corpse of the cyan foal-puppie hybrid thing she mourned the lost of a "friend" that she had only found in a cardboard box an hour ago. Then the oven beeped and she had to take the cupcakes out so they wouldn't burn, so she stopped feeling sad as she didn't have time. After she iced them for some unknown reason she then cut the skin off of the severed head and tried to wear it as a mask, but it was too small to fit, so instead she just wore it as an awkward hat. She then looked at herself in the mirror, and got the idea to make a Dashie plush toy from the skin. She scrapped the last bits of flesh clinging to the skins off with a stone, then stuffed the hides up with grass and sewed them shut. Dashie was reborn.
***
Pinke was now extremely happy as she had Dashie to be her friend, She and Dashie would play "together". They would bake cupcakes "together", throw parties for themselves, and watch stupid soap operas. Pinkie made sure they only watched the soap operas, as if Dashie saw a B-rated horror movie or cooking show she might learn that she was just a foal-puppie hybrid thing who was murdered and baked into cupcakes, and Pinkie couldn't let that happen.
***
Eventually the time came where Dashie needed to learn to fly, so she like moved to the abandoned mansion in the ghost town so their was more room for Dashie to fly. There was a lot more grass there as the yard was bigger, and no stray dogs, so Pinkie was happy. Pinkie taught Dashie how to fly by throwing her off of the roof, and then Pinkie learned that she could fly herself by jumping off the roof with her, only she broke her legs and face when she did that, so she left flying to Dashie while she just talked to the morbid plushie from the sidelines.
Then one day it happened.
***
Pinkie left Dashie to watch some stupid soap opera while she went outside and ate grass. When she came back inside she saw that the soap opera had ended and, to her horror, a B-rated Horror movie was now showing. Her hair deflated as she realized she had just lost her only friend FOREVER!
"Pinkie, why did you keep this secret from me all of this time? Now that I have discovered I am just a crudely made plushie made by a pony who has turned psychotic as a side effect of social isolation, and that in actuality I am not a Rainbow Dash, I am just a puppy who was murdered in one of your delusions as you hallucination that I was Dashie, I am now going through an exo-existentialist crisis and have decided that I hate you because you are a loser who has forced me to watch soap operas for all of these years. Why have you done this to me?"
"I was going to tell you eventually! I just didn't know how! I'm sorry you had to learn it this way! We can make things better! This isn't the end? Wait a minute, you are just a puppy? I always thought you were a foal version of Rainbow Dash..."
Just then a portal opened up out of nowhere and Twilight Sparkle, her friends, and Celestia popped out.
"Pinkie Pie, I'm here to save you! With Celestia's help I have finally figured out how to recreated the worm hole and keep it stable enough to rescue you! I...."
Twilight stopped as she noticed that Pinkie Pie was covered in blood, smelled like a week old corpse, her hair was all straight and filled with gunk, and she was talking to this rancid...thing...and making voices for it. The plushie was rotting as Pinkie had forgotten to tan the hides, and the end result was just awful. After the ponies were done staring the real Rainbow Dash walked up behind Pinkie and kicked her the back of the head, knocking her unconscious. Celestia then performed a powerful memory spell on Pinkie to erase all memory of whatever the ordeal was, and together the ponies dragged her back through the portal into Equestria, where they then washed her up and tried their best to forget this ever happened.
The End
