What's It Like?

Freedom

"Have a minute to talk?"

Big Mac would have jumped, turning around a little faster than he usually moved to find Rainbow Dash was behind him. He had just finished the rest of the plowing for the new field ahead of time, thanks to Applejack working extra hard on applebucking as of late, and he had returned to the barn to discard his yoke for the evening. He hadn't seen or heard Rainbow Dash around the farm that morning, so he could have only assumed she just flown in, although she apparently had enough time to shut the barn door behind her.

"Eeyup." Big Mac muttered, seeing no reason why he couldn't. Certainly he had left Rainbow Dash in a hurry the last time they were together, something that nagged at him for being rude to anypony, especially one of his sister's friends, but he'd had his time and was totally fine with being around her.

"Good, cause I wanted to talk to you about the flying thing."

And suddenly, he was less interested in talking to her, the corners of his mouth drooping into a slight frown. But he couldn't turn her away now. Not only would it be rude to do so after just confirming he could talk with her, but it'd raise suspicion on why he had gotten so upset. His best bet was to simply lie about his reasoning, even if it left a sour taste in his mouth.

Pushing away the thoughts for now, Big Mac threw on a white t-shirt and nodded. "Eeyup."

Rolling her eyes at the simple answer, Rainbow Dash walked up to the earth pony... wait, that was odd. She was walking. Usually she was flying, hovering, flitting, whatever. No matter how simple the situation, unless she was going to sit down or was expected to not fly, she seemed to avoid touching the ground. Seeing her truly standing on the ground gave Big Mac a sense for how small a pony she was. She was not a dwarf pony by any means, as she was still at eye level with his chest as many mares were, but the fact she wasn't making use of her wings and making herself seem taller gave him a better impression of how lithe she was. Sure, she was toned with muscle, but only that which was meant for speed, as anything else would weigh her down.

"Did you hear me Big Mac?" Rainbow Dash asked, snapping the earth pony out of his train of thought. A bad habit of his. Being the silent-type himself, he had no outlet for all the thoughts that filled his head, making it very easy for him to get lost in them, tuning out others unintentionally.

"Nnnope." he admitted wholeheartedly and apologetically.

Sighing, Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Pay attention this time. I was saying that I spoke with Applejack about the flying thing." she scolded, hands positioned at her hips as she stared him down.

Instantly, Big Mac's frown deepened, not liking the idea that his sister knew about the question. He should have known better than to ask anypony, especially Applejack's best friend. The only thing that threw him off about it was that if she knew he was asking about what it was like to fly, then why hadn't she pestered him about it yet? But to Rainbow Dash for the time being, he merely gave her another nod and an "Eeyup."

Chuckling a bit as she saw the frown, she continued "Don't worry about it, I asked her to lay off until I finish having a talk with you about it. Cause the thing is, as I was talking to her about it, I think I realized something."

At this, Big Mac lifted a brow in interest, somewhat amused at what her take on his reasoning was, giving another one word answer. "Oh?"

Nodding, Rainbow Dash started to walk around Big Mac, seemingly restless if she wasn't going to be able to fly, likely needing to burn off some level of energy that would otherwise be used flying. "Yeah, you got upset when I asked you about it before and I was wondering why. I mean, you asked me the question and I gave you an answer. It seemed to be pretty simple, so I couldn't wrap my head around it until I had a talk with Applejack."

Big Mac once more nodded, regarding the pegasus with a curious gaze. She seemed to be talking in circles as well as walking in them. Whatever the point could be, he was hoping she'd get to it soon, because this was starting to get emotionally exhausting.

Stopping at his side, Rainbow Dash suddenly leaned against the stallion, who didn't budge a bit as her light body weight proved nothing against his sturdy frame. "See, at first I thought it was just because you wanted to be able to fly. Seemed sort of like the obvious answer for anypony asking about it, and in part I still think you do want to fly, but it's not as simple as that, is it?" she asked, looking up to the big red pony for some sort of reaction. All she got was those large, green eyes staring back into her dark pink ones.

Internally though, Big Mac felt like fidgeting. It was true he wanted to fly, at least just once. But as Rainbow Dash said, it was more than just that. And the fact that she of all ponies was able to see that was starting to worry him. If she truly knew what it was that he wanted, what he saw in being able to fly, he was afraid what she'd do with that knowledge.

"So I thought about what I told you, cause I think you already knew what it was about flying that made it amazing and it drew your attention. And that is... freedom." Rainbow Dash declared, keeping her eyes locked on him as she uttered the last word. And sure enough, she could see an almost nonexistent movement at his throat. The large stallion gulping as he felt himself cornered, something she had picked up easily enough, making her grin in triumph.

"You've been stuck on this farm all your life, grounded here with nothing else but farming. Applejack told me how you quit school to keep the farm running. Since then, you've only been working on this farm, and even though you've had the opportunity to do something else now that Applejack's grown up and bucking alongside you, you don't know how to do anything else. Sure, you want to do something else, but you don't know how to." Rainbow Dash elaborated, pausing once more to look to Big Mac, wanting to know what he had to say, even if he remained silent.

Surprisingly enough, he looked away from her but spoke. "Does Applejack know?"

Rainbow Dash shook her head, her multi-colored mane swaying back and forth. "I figured there was a reason you didn't tell her about it."

"She can't ever know. Not her, not Granny, not Apple Bloom, none of them." Big Mac suddenly snapped, his eyes trained completely on Rainbow Dash, a stern look in his eye that scared her for a moment.

"O-Okay, but you mind explaining why?" the pegasus agreed, wanting to learn a little more.

Sighing, Big Mac motioned to a couple bales of hay, implying they would want to take a seat. Once they were sitting across from each other, the stallion started. "Ah ain't gonna lie, ya hit the nail straight on the head. Ah mean... don't get me wrong. Ah love workin' on the farm. It's mah home. Ah was born here, Ah grew up here, and Ah've helped make it what it is today. Ah always planned ta work here the rest of mah life and support mah kin."

Big Mac paused, looking to Rainbow Dash to make sure she understood that he didn't hate working on the farm. He earned his cutie mark doing so after all, it'd be going against who he very was to suddenly say he hated it. However, his sister's friend seemed just to be amazed at how much he was speaking, rarely getting so many words in a row out of the earth pony. He almost wanted to chuckle at her amazement, if he weren't so fearful of what fruits this discussion may bare.

"But Ah have ta admit, Ah've come ta feel... bound by it. Like ya said, Ah quit school early so Ah could start workin' on the farm. Guess ya could say Ah've skipped out on mah foalhood. And the thing is, Ah never really cared about it. Never paid it no mind or really noticed anythin' missin' from mah life fer years... but then, ya'll came along." Big Mac announced, the declaration suddenly shaking Rainbow Dash from her stupor, a somewhat angry look about her.

"What? You mean the Elements of Harmony or something? What the hay did we ever do that screwed things up for you!?" she shouted, only to get a hushing from the big red pony in front of her.

"Ah don't mean that nothin' personal. If anythin', Ah appreciate it." Big Mac quickly interjected, undercutting the potential tirade he'd receive from Rainbow Dash. "Ya see, Applejack was gonna end up an awful lot like mahself the way she was goin'. But then Miss Twilight came ta Ponyville an' ya'll became fast friends. Since then, Applejack's gone off on adventures, attended fancy parties, an' just generally had herself a good time in the company of friends. Somethin' that Apple Bloom's takin' ta with her friends, even if her antics with them can be just as worrisome as ya'll with them monster fightin' situations ya get inta."

Chuckling a bit, Rainbow Dash nodded with a somewhat embarrassed grin. "Yeah, I guess we do get into a lot of crazy things. Not like we want to get into those situations... well, sorta. Seems like anytime something happens, Twilight says we have to stop it and... yeah, that's pretty much how it goes." Rainbow Dash acknowledged, rubbing a hand against the back of her neck.

"Ah ain't complainin' 'bout that. Like Ah said, Ah'm happy for them both. But Ah recognize through watchin' them that Ah don't have any of that. Ah don't have friends like they do, Ah ain't never gone out ta any special celebrations that ain't apple farmin' related, an' Ah've never... really done anythin' outside of bein' on this farm. Like Ah said, Ah love it an' it's mah home. But after Ah came ta this realization, Ah started seein' it as... almost mah own personal prison. Stuck with it an' unable to go anywhere else."

Rainbow Dash continued nodding her head, hanging off his words and ready to hear more, but quickly realized something. "So, the reason you asked about flying was because you wanted to be able to fly away?"

"Yes... no... Ah dunno." Big Mac replied, scratching one of his ears as he was confused with his own emotions. "Ah figure'd ya've noticed by now, but Ah cannot stress enough how much Ah still love it here an' want ta support mah family. But... there are moments where Ah want ta get away from it all. Ah want ta go somewhere Ah've never been an' just forget all 'bout the farm... Ah realize Ah'm a terrible brother. Wantin' ta leave an' abandon mah family when they need me." Big Mac sighed, dropping his head into his hands.

"This is... um, wow..." Rainbow Dash mumbled, not really sure what to do. She was proud of herself for having been able to figure out all of this without the help of somepony like Twilight, but she hadn't really expected to cross over into such deep territory. This was more than she was really capable of handling on her own. "This is some pretty heavy stuff Big Mac. Maybe we should look into getting advice from somepony who knows more than I do about it. I'm thinking maybe Twi-"

"Ya can't!" Big Mac shouted, suddenly lunging forward to grab Rainbow Dash's shoulders. She jumped, but didn't move much. His strong grip and heavy hands made movement nearly impossible, yet she was surprised by how careful his grip was, preventing himself from harming her. Realizing he had startled her, Big Mac let up. "S-sorry, but Ah don't want anypony else ta know about this. The more that know, the more likely it is that this'll get back ta mah kin. Ah can't let them know this. Ah know they wouldn't call me a bad brother like Ah am, but they would blame themselves for lettin' me feel like this.

"That's... probably true." Rainbow Dash sighed, drooping her ears at the consideration. From what she had seen, it was some sort of hereditary trait for the Apples to shoulder any and all burdens they came across. It was the reason why she was sitting here, talking to Big Mac in the first place. If word ever came back to Applejack about how her big brother felt, she'd only blame herself over his feelings. Shaking off the bad feels, and Big Mac's hands, Rainbow Dash stared him straight in the eye. "Then what do we do about this?"

Big Mac gave a snort at the thought, as though trying to dismiss it, although he couldn't find the strength to pull away from Rainbow Dash's gaze. "Ain't nothin' Ah can do. Trust me, Ah've been wracking mah brain for some way of bein' able ta do somethin' without feelin' outta place an' Ah've found nothin'." Then, giving her a sad little smile, he tilted his head a bit and shrugged. "But Ah do appreciate the effort. Just talkin' 'bout it's left me feelin' a little less troubled. Just... don't tell anypony."

Rainbow Dash looked back at Big Mac, studying his face and movements. He seemed to be truly giving up on any progression. Indeed, he's probably already tried everything he could do to improve his situation, but getting out in life was a true handicap for someone his age with so little experience. On his own, he really didn't seem to have a chance...

"... no."

Big Mac's eyes widened as he heard Rainbow Dash's answer, quickly standing up, very well kicking the hay bale beneath him to the wall behind him by the force of the motion. "Ya can't! Ah already begged ya not ta tell anypony, Ah can't risk this gettin' back t-"

Before he could utter another syllable, Rainbow Dash was in the air, wings beating quickly to keep her hovering as she thrust a hand forward, covering the earth pony's mouth with her hand. "That's not what I'm talking about you big lug!" the Wonderbolt-in-training shouted, almost making the farm pony shrink back at the force of her words.

"You said that you have done everything you can to change this, to make things better for yourself so you won't feel so restricted, and I don't doubt you. But I'm not you!" Rainbow Dash bellowed, jabbing a finger into his chest, causing the digit to bend at the joints due to the firmness of his chest than cause it to sink in. "I haven't even begun trying yet, and guess what Mr. I-Can't-Be-Social-Cause-Blah-Blah-Blah? I'm not going to give up before I try! Rainbow Dash doesn't work that way! So shut up and sit back for a bit, cause I'm going to change that!" the infuriated pony concluded. With nothing else to be said, she turned tail on him and darted out the barn's loft, giving Big Mac no more room to argue.

Blinking, Big Mac moved back to sit on his hay bale, forgetting he had accidentally kicked it away, causing him to land on the ground with a grunt and a thud. He wasn't sure what to make of this. Rainbow Dash handling things would... definitely lead him to having to confront his family about his feelings, there was no doubt about that. It was a thought he had dreaded ever since these emotions started welling up inside him. His greatest fear that he never wanted to share...

... and yet, he couldn't help but smile. Despite the concern of what the pegasus might do that could screw things up for him, Big Mac couldn't be angry with her. She meant it in his best interest, and even if the results were going to be a handful, he just couldn't shake the warm feeling he got from knowing somepony cared so much to try, even if he had begged and pleaded for them not to.

"Element of Loyalty, huh? Ah reckon Ah can't argue with that... or her."