The Thoughts of Pet Alligators
Morning in Ponyville began as it always did. As Celestia raised the sun, Pinkie jumped out of her bed with her usual enthusiasm.
“Good morning, Gummy!” Pinkie pulled her pet alligator out of his bed and gave him a tight squeeze. “Are you ready to start the day?”
Gummy stared at Pinkie as he allowed her to drag him out of the room and down the stairs into the kitchen. It depends on what you mean by “start the day”, he mentally noted. Technically, doesn’t Celestia “start the day” when she raises the sun? Alternatively, perhaps she raises the sun to symbolize the beginning of the day? Where does the concept of day start? Is the sun needed for the day? And if so, is the moon is needed for the night? Why then do we call the time of a new moon night? The phrase “new moon” is also a strange conception. How can the moon be new if we cannot see it in the sky? Does the phrase “new moon” suggest that a new moon will come as opposed to a new moon being present? How does one go from a simple phrase of greeting to a brief analysis of the terminology of the moon’s cycles?
I won’t even start on the concept of a “good morning”.
“Now it’s time for some baking!” Pinkie cheered as she jumped up and down in excitement. Gummy was vaguely aware of what was going on as Pinkie stuffed him into her mane as she began her daily routine of work.
Gummy was content to simply lie there. After all, his short legs would not take him very far even if he reached his top speed of half-a-step per second. He found no reason to not remain where he was and think as he observed Pinkie’s day.
She puts her heart and soul into creating those delicacies, he thought as he licked his lips. His eyes were on a set of freshly baked cupcakes that Pinkie was currently decorating. Her cutie mark shows her purpose in life is to throw parties, yet she finds the strength in herself to pursue other talents such as baking. She is one of the ponies who managed to break the mold of their destinies to expand their horizons. How often do other ponies do this?
“Want a cupcake, Gummy?” Pinkie asked as she gazed up at the mass of curls that made up her mane. “The Cakes don’t mind as long as we leave enough for the customers.”
Gummy licked his eyes.
“Here you go!” said Pinkie as she slipped the treat into her mane. “Just make sure to clean up after yourself! Aloe nearly fainted the last time I dropped by the spa with Rarity!"
Gummy looked at cupcake with the a distant expression on his face. It truly is a wonder how these Earth ponies manage to go about their lives. They are unable to fly from troubles or manipulate the forces of nature like their Pegasi counterparts. They cannot learn multiple shortcuts to the hard work of life like Unicorns. They simply plow through their challenges with an unbridled amount of energy and determination. Even now, I can remain safely in this pink alcove with enough food to last many days. She doesn’t even have to consciously attempt this because the amount of effort required is infinitesimally small compared to the amount of energy she uses to complete her daily tasks.
Gummy slowly padded over to the cupcake. Despite the fact that Pinkie had roughly stuffed it into her mane, it was still as perfect as ever. Gummy stuck out his tongue and licked off all the icing from the cupcake. Icing is the best part of any confection. It’s sweet, it’s fluffy, and no teeth are required to consume it. Why have icing on the cake, when the icing could be the cake? Ponies are strange creatures.
Gummy wrapped his tongue around the rest of the cupcake and swallowed it in one bite. Without their delicious icing, cupcakes appear to be hardly anything but over-glorified muffins. What is the difference between a cupcake and a muffin then? Are the differences nothing more than constructs that were set in place so long ago nopony dares to question them? Is there a law or a rulebook describing the differences? Can somepony take a muffin, top it with icing, and declare it a cupcake with retribution from the government or desert unions? How does one even discuss torts over the terminology of baked goods?
Pinkie interrupted Gummy’s thoughts by pulling him out of her mane. “Sorry Gummy, I’ve got to wait on tables and the Cakes don’t like when I take you along,” she said apologetically. “I still don’t understand why. I mean, it’s not like anypony is going to see you! And you never know when you could use a pet alligator in your mane! I mean, what would happen if I met a costumer that wanted to meet a baby alligator? And if I didn’t have you in my mane, I would have to say, ‘Sorry, I have a baby alligator named Gummy. But I’ll have to go grab him real quick.’ But what if they have to leave right away and I don’t have time…”
Gummy tuned out Pinkie’s ramble as he delved into his own thoughts. Perhaps I cannot be around the costumers for fear that my exposure would be frightening. Ponies are very easy to frighten, so they could easily mistake me for a fully-grown alligator. In fact, I have been called a crocodile and a dragon on multiple occasions. Can they not tell the difference between reptile families? Or do they simply not bother to distinguish us due to our similar appearances? Regardless, it is offensive to refer to one as a different species than it is. Do you know how many mares simultaneously combust when referred to as a buffalo or pig? If they feel similar sentiments, why do they not apply it to other species?
At some point in Gummy’s inner monologue Pinkie had placed him down on the counter. Unperturbed, he continued in his thoughts without as much as a glance at his environment. How many unanswered questions are there? What is the meaning of life? Is the world a flat surface, or a sphere? Where do babies come from? Is the Pinkie Sense genetic? Are the Princesses celestial deities? Where did everything in existence come from? Is the moon actually made of green cheese?
“Of course it is, silly! What else was Nightmare Moon eating for the thousand years she was banished? Rock candy?”
Author's Note
Didn't mean to be inspired by Slice of Life, but it was inevitable. Please leave a comment so I can improve!
