Discord's Assistant

by Sir Allosar

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Dinky Hooves, Other, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad
Length: 5708

The story of Discord's unknown underling

Barmy Doo has been locked inside Ponyville's psychward for years for being a danger to society. Barmy has been waiting for the time to escape his prison. He has been waiting for his master, Discord.

Published 2012-05-24 06:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-30 06:28:29 UTC

Chapter 1: The Patient

Chapter 1: The Patient

Discord's Assistant Chapter 1:
The Patient

The sun was shinning on yet another beautiful day in Ponyville. Unfortunately, the rays of light did not reach into the sterile halls of the Ponyville Hospital Psych Ward. Inside the ward patients moaned in self-loathing or screamed at invisible phantoms. The only patient not part of the pain filled chorus was a single pegasus sitting alone inside a cushioned room and wrapped in a strait jacket.

The pegasus had a grey coat that was unkempt but not as much as his green mane which jutted out in a haphazard fashion. The pegasus’s green eyes were unfocused as one looked at the ceiling and the other looked out of the small window that the doctors looked through as they studied him. The most interesting thing about him was his lack of cutie mark on his flank. The pegasi was many years past foulhood but still lacked the necessary mark of adulthood that most young fouls coveted. In a whispered tone the pegasi sang a soft song that was barely audible to anyone but him.

Chaos lies defeated at the hands of the Moon and Sun
The master stands frozen inside their garden
And the ponies think they have won.

The Doos have gone mad and the ponies are glad
Because the Doos sided with their tormenter
And the ponies think they have won.

But the spell will not last
The curse shall pass
As the ponies think they have won.

Discord will rise
And Barmy Doo will fight by his side
As the ponies realize they will be defeated.

The pegasus continued the song over and over again only to stop to eat, sleep, or giggle. The pegasus was on the third verse has Nurse Redheart entered the room. The pegasus stopped his singing and looked with one emerald eye at the nurse. The nurse took a step back from the deranged pegasus but quickly corrected her self as she addressed the patient.

“Mr. Barmy Doo?” she asked the pegasi.

“Why yes my dear,” Barmy said with a slight smile, “How goes your job Nurse Redheart?”

“It has been lovely, Mr. Barmy.” The nurse replied with a smidge of discomfort.

“What brings a fine respectable mare like yourself to my lovely room this fine day.” Barmy straightened himself up against a wall.

“Well I was hoping to get your input on the incident the last week,” said Redheart as she pulled out a clipboard to take notes on.

“My dear, you will have to enlighten me of the incident for I have experienced many incidents last week,” the pegasus replied rather sarcastically.

“I am talking about the incident with doctor Stone.”

“Oh,” humped Barmy as he turned away from the nurse.

“No, need to be defensive,” consoled the nurse as she inched closer to her patient, “I just want to recite the account and maybe get input on the topic.”

“Go on.”

“Well of three o’clock three days ago you were in a session with Doctor Kidney Stone talking about your old job at the Canterlot Royal Gardens. You inferred on the stone statues situated in the garden and commented on your favorite statue, Discord the Sprit of Chaos. Doctor Stone then made a comment on his opinion on how the statue looked disgusting…” At this comment Barmy’s body went tense, “… and you began to violently beat him.”

“If I may speak bluntly,” Barmy stated, “violently beaten is a bit of an overstatement.”

“It took three guards to pull you off him and Dr. Stone had to be rushed into the Emergency Room.” The mare told the pegasus bluntly.

“Well at least we are already at a hospital.” With that Barmy again slumped against the wall. “Now, why are you really here Nurse Redheart?”

“The other nurses and doctors are saying you are an incurable patient. I have concurred with them but for other reasons. I do believe you are not insane in a treatable way. You are criminally insane. You understand right from wrong but refuse to follow the laws of society. You embrace the darkness instead of seeking the light.” With her last sentence the gray pegasi’s ears picked up. Barmy looked at the Nurse with the widest smile she had ever seen him give her and began to clap with his hind hooves.

“Well, the lovely nurse uncovers what the doctors are too blind to see. I am indeed not mad. I believe the rest of Equestria just lacks a certain . . . element. No I am not insane my dear, I am quite sane. I just believe the world has experience the insanity of sanity. I think what Equestria needs is a shift in the power structure. I think we need to shun the sunlight. I mean, why should we worship Tyrant Celestia.” Readheart gave an expression of shock at the Barmy’s treacherous words. “To bad they will never take a nurse’s opinion on a subject.”

“So, you have confirmed my suspicions Barmy.” The nurse sighed as she pulled out a tape recorder from her coat. “I am going to play our little conversation to the board of trustees and let us see how long you last here. Maybe we can get you transferred to a more secure enclosure. Maybe some faraway place like Stalliongrad or even Tarturus.”

Barmy’s half-cocked smile evaporated from his face. “No, I need to be here. I need to be close to Ditzy and more importantly I need to be close to HIM!” Barmy screamed the last part of his plea at the nurse, foam starting to flow out of his mouth. Immediately, like a child caught telling a secret, Barmy retreated to a corner of the cell and gave the nurse a fearful look, a look almost to the point of begging.

Redheart was shocked. Of all the time Barmy had been at their ward, he had never shown fear. When other prisoners attacked him, he merely fought his attackers no matter how many until they ceased to move or left him alone. When the guards would grab him to give him a dose of sedatives, he would be fighting and laughing the entire time even as he slipped into the drug induced stupor. Not once had this one patient not smiled during any situation. The look of fear and frown on his face scared Redheart more than any threat or action that Barmy had ever committed.

“Who do you need to be near Barmy?” she asked her patient with renewed care, “Who is he?”

Barmy leaned close to the nurse and whispered in her ear, “Go to Tartarus you bitch.”

Redheart’s caring nature evaporated as she rose to leave the cushioned room. She opened the padded door but before stepping through into the door she turned back to her soon to be former patient and whispered, “I hope you have enjoyed your stay here Barmy, because today is your last day here.” Barmy lunged at the nurse but the door slammed before he could reach her. The entire ward became filled with the screams of the pegasi as he cursed the world in his rage.

Hours passed before Barmy grew too tired to scream at the cushioned door his torment had exited. Barmy instead moved to a unsoiled corner of the room and began to weep.

“Its not fair, its not fair,” Barmy whimpered to himself, “ … I need to be here near him and Ditzy.” As Barmy’s sorrow began to creep in his heart, Barmy began to remember his past. Like a movie production, Barmy’s life began to play in front of him.

He remembered laying in a crib, crying for what he couldn’t remember why. He saw his mothers face. A soft pink coated mare with hazel eyes looking down on him whispering “its okay, Mommy is here.” Barmy smiled to himself has he watched the memory of his mother consoling him. He remembered her as she taught him to walk by himself or when she read him stories in the night. Though as twisted as he had become, he enjoyed remembering his mother’s love.

His smile turned into a frown as he remembered that day, the day he learned of hate. He was so young so innocent. He had been playing in the street, he hadn’t seen the cart coming. He remembered flying into the sidewalk as his mother pushed him out of the way. He remember seeing her lay in the street in a puddle of expanding blood. He remember traveling in the emergency cart with his mother and Crafty Crate, his father, to the Canterlot Hospital. He remembered his mother, broken and bleeding, as she was carted off to surgery.

The doctor had told his dad that there was nothing they could do. He pleaded with them to do something anything to help her. Barmy remembered the doctor saying she was already gone.

His father had thrown a chair at the doctor and would have probably beaten the doctor to death if the guards had not detained and sedated him. Before he passed out though, Barmy remembered the look his father gave him before he passed out. The look told Barmy everything his father couldn’t say, “You killed my wife. I hate you.”

Barmy remembered running through the halls looking for anyone to help. He begged everypony he found in a white coat to help his mom but nopony stopped to even listen to him. He was still running through the hospital when he crashed into her.

He remembered her flowing rainbow mane and her snow-white coat. She had huge wings of a pegasi and the horn of the unicorn. He realized she must be Celestia, the Princess of the Sun. If she could move the sun, maybe she could save his mommy. He had must have been in tears because she asked, “What is wrong my little colt.”

“Please, save my mommy.” He had whispered to her. He had

He had led her through the maze of rooms, looking for his mother. They had found her in the morgue, her body covered by a sheet. Her body was still warm. He had begged Celestia, “Please, fix mommy.”

Celestia had looked at him with a sad look on her face and, chocking back tears, said “I’m sorry my little colt, I can’t.” Celestia had then led the despairing Barmy out of the morgue.

Barmy had been numb the rest of the day. Somehow he was able to find his way into the room where his father was asleep. Exhausted from the events of the day, he had finally passed out.

After his mother’s death, Crafty barely acknowledged Barmy’s presence. Of course Crafty would feed him and take him to school. The other times of the day though, Crafty acted like Barmy didn’t exist. Barmy hated his father for that, Barmy hated the cart that took his mothers life, Barmy even hated his mother for leaving him to his empty life without her, and more importantly, he hated Celestia for not saving his mother.

But even in his darkness there was a shining light. Barmy remembered the times when he had visited his mother’s family, the Doos. Their was Betsy Doo, the mother, and the Twins, Bally and Loosy, and finally there was his favorite cousin, Ditzy.

Barmy remembered all the fun he and Ditzy got in as kids. Barmy remembered her coat that was a match to his, a soft gray. He remembered her flowing blond mane and criss-crossed golden eyes that matched his own green ones. Not only were they the same age but they even had the same birthday. He remembered Ditzy smiling at him as he did something silly or stupid. She would always hug him and say, “You’re so silly Barmy.” She was his best friend, his only friend.

Barmy remembered the day before Ditzy lost her mother. Betsy had called all her foals and Barmy into the living room while Crafty was out shopping for Betsy.

“What do you need mommy?” Ditzy had asked.

Betsy had looked at each of her foals. As she looked from one filly to another, a quizzical look would come to their faces. When Betsy had finally looked to Barmy, he finally saw the look of sorrow and fear on her face. She had told them about “neural decay” and “hereditary” and still Barmy and the Doo foals did not understand. Finally, Betsy had broken into tears and kept whispering, “I’m so sorry…” over and over again. Barmy, Bally, Loosy, and Ditzy all had run to her side and hugged her and cried with her for hours.

The next morning Barmy had found her. He had walked into her room to wake her when he found her swinging from the ceiling. He had screamed and Crafty came running. He roared at Barmy to hold back Ditzy and her sisters from coming into the room. All Barmy could remember was sobbing and him holding Ditzy as she wept into his chest.

The Doo children had come to live with Crafty and him after the incident. They were sad for a year but Ditzy and Barmy had remained the best of friends and finally the clouds of depression had given way to light. Then, years later when Barmy and Ditzy were in their teens, the twins got sick. Finally, it made sense why Betsy had been so sad that day. Barmy and Ditzy had visited the twins every week as they slipped deeper into the abyss of madness. They had held them and cried with them at every visit until the twins couldn’t recognize them anymore.

There was a ray of hope in those dark days though. The doctors had examined Ditzy and had found nothing wrong with her. When they examined him though, they couldn’t say if he would get sick like the twins or not. He had been afraid but Ditzy was there to console him. On their shared sixteenth, they decided to travel to Canterlot on a little family vacation to forget the worry and the pain.

Barmy and Ditzy were fascinated by the posh capital of Equestria. He and Ditzy had gone to see the Canterlot Castle and the fancy shops on Mane Street. They were having such a wonderful time. Ditzy had wanted to see the Canterlot Gardens and dragged Barmy along with her. That’s when he had seen the statue.

At first Barmy had wondered what it was. It had the one claw that was that of a cockatrice, another claw of a manticore, the body of a dragon, the face of a pony, and had many other body parts composed of different animals. He had asked himself, “What is it? Is it a pony? Is it a dragon?”

Ditzy had come along side him to see what he had been staring at and read the inscription at the base of the statue; Discord, Spirit of Chaos. Barmy and Ditzy stood there for an half an hour observing the statue. They were standing there when the sound of wood hitting wood filled the air.

They had flown out of the garden to see a chariot crashed into a building titled, Stan Fiche’s Fancy Sandwiches. Ditzy and Barmy had flown down to examine the wreckage when they heard the cries of a foal crying. They had flown to the carriage to see a small unicorn filly, not even a year old, trapped in the wreckage. The crash had killed the parents but in their last moments, they had gripped the filly to cushion it from the crash. The filly was laying on her parents, crying for them to comfort her.

Ditzy had grasped the carriage door’s handle and tried desperately to pull open the door to save the child. Barmy started toward Ditzy when part of the building, damaged from the crash, collapsed and pinned him.

Ditzy had screamed, “Barmy! Hold on I’m coming.”

Barmy had screamed back, “No! Save the foal first!”

Ditzy had hesitated at first but went back to trying to open the chariot door. That’s when Barmy had notice the upper half of the building shift. He saw that if it fell, both he and Ditzy would die under the weight of a thousand pounds of brick and mortar. Barmy began struggle under the weight of the piece pinning him. He called out to Ditzy to run but she was too preoccupied in trying to save the small foal trapped in the carriage.

The building began to shift again and Barmy realized this was how they were to die. He started to cry and scream knowing that not only he but the only pony he cared about in the world would die with him. Barmy screamed for anyone to help. He screamed, “I’LL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE US, ANYONE!!!”

As soon as the words exited his mouth, he swore he could hear a low chuckle. And then he had heard him.

“All right I’ll help you. Remember though, you owe me.” The voice whispered in his head.

He saw an aura of green envelope the slab of the building on top of him. He saw brick and mortar turn into a swarm of small, winged bugs with round bodies and huge eyes. The swarm flew up and supported the crumbling building building, halting its collapse.

Barmy had run to Ditzy and together, they tore the door off the carriage. Ditzy reached in to save the foal and they both flew as fast as they could. When they were clear, the building finally collapse crushing the carriage.

Barmy was so relived to be alive. He hugged Ditzy and the filly and they added their tears to the foal’s own. The cried tears of sorrow for the foal’s parents and they cried tears of joy for being able to save the foal. The two pegasi landed inside the gardens to rest as guards finally arrived to help the injuried.

“More of evidence of Celestia’s uselessness.” He thought to himself.

“Indeed, she is rather late to the party.” Barmy turned to see who was talking and saw the green aura floating through the air. He watched it travel into the statue of Discord and phase into it.

“Thank you, Discord.” He had whispered to the not-so-ordinary statue

“What are you saying Barmy?” Ditzy had asked. Barmy drew himself together and went to check on his cousin. She was fine except for a few cuts and the foal had cried itself to sleep. The guards came to check on them and they were transported to the Royal Guard Headquarters.

The guards couldn’t find anypony to take in the foal. No family even came forward to claim the foal. Ditzy looked at the sleeping foal she was still caring with such sadness that it hurt Barmy’s heart. No family meant that the filly would be headed to the Canterlot Orphanage.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I need to take the filly now. “ The guard had told Ditzy. As the guard reached for the filly, Ditzy pressed her closer to her chest.

“What if we take care of her?” Ditzy had asked the guard.

The guard, who had worn the most intimidating face since they had arrived at the headquarters, looked at the two ponies and smiled. He said to Ditzy, “If you want, I rather send her to live with a family instead of shipping her to the orphanage.

The foal had woken up then. Barmy finally got a good look of her. As he looked at the small foal, he saw that she was a unicorn and more interesting, she seemed to share the same coat and mane as Ditzy. She even seemed to have the same criss-crossed eyes as him and Ditzy. The filly had giggled at the two pegasi who looked down at her.

“What will we call her?” Barmy had asked Dinky.

“We will call her Dinky, Dinky Doo.” Ditzy she had told him. They both smiled and the small unicorn filly. Ditzy began to rock the young filly in her arms and the filly quickly fell asleep.

Chapter 2: To Learn From Chaos

Chapter 2: To Learn from Chaos

Ditzy Doo decided to punch out of work early. The Equestrian Delivery Service knew that their community favorite mail Pegasus would need the time off. The EDS knew to always let her off on the twenty-first of each month. They also knew to give her a full day off on the twenty-second. They knew their clumsy mail carrier wouldn’t come to work on visiting day at the Ponyville Hospital.

Ditzy turned in her mailbag and slowly fluttered in the direction of her house deep in thought. Ditzy wondered if her sisters would actually recognize her and if they did, would they be accusing and vicious. She wondered if the doctors would want to examiner her for the thousandth time. She wondered what she would do with Barmy tomorrow. Most importantly though, Ditzy wondered if she should take Dinky to finally see Barmy.

Dinky had been barely old enough to remember Barmy when he was taken from them. Dinky for the first year would ask, “Where’s daddy?” Ditzy would feel a lump form in her throat and fight back a sob as she told the young filly, “He’s safe.” After a year, she stopped asking for her father.

It wasn’t like Barmy was dangerous to her or Dinky. In fact, the doctors said he was always on his best behavior when Ditzy came to visit him. Ditzy could always trust in Barmy to cheer her up after her visit to her sisters.

Ditzy constantly requested that the doctors have Barmy released so that she could take care of him. The doctors would always tell her he was too dangerous and then list over two dozen infractions he had committed the prior month. She would tell him they were wrong, that they couldn’t see him for how smart he was. She would tell them he isn’t truly crazy.

Ditzy did know her cousin wasn’t crazy. Yes, he had done a horrible deed, an evil action, and at the time had needed the help of the doctors in the ward. But, he wasn’t the same crazy as her sisters. The crazy that broke her heart every time she saw her sisters. She could see it in the way he spoke and acted toward her. He was the perfect gentlestallion, always making sure she was okay and comfortable as he talked with her.

Looking down, Dizty realized she was just over her house. She saw a crude bulls-eye made out of flowers in her front lawn and dove towards it. Unable to stop herself from descent, Ditzy aimed for the mattress cushioned center of the bulls-eye. Her flight came to an end completely off mark and in a nearby tree. A family of robins were disturbed from their nests and made irritated chirps at her. Ditzy quickly apologized to them and slip down to the ground below.

Trotting to her front door, Ditzy could make out a faint smell of carrots and dough coming from inside. She quietly slipped into the house and tip-hoofed towards the kitchen. She peeked into the kitchen to see an yellow coated, orange mane earth pony checking the oven window on the cooking treats. Ditzy slowly crept closer to her target until her mouth was inches from the earth pony’s ear.

“What are you making?” She whispered into the earth pony’s ear with a ear nibble to startle her. The earth pony’s muscles, toned from years of agriculture work, tensed from Ditzy’s voice. Turning around, the pony seeing Ditzy standing behind her with a silly smirk on her face caused her tension to escape.

“Ditzy! You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that.” Golden Harvest scolded at the gray Pegasus. “And if you must know I am trying a new recipe of carrot muffins…”

“Muffins!” Ditzy screamed with shrill delight, putting her face as close to the oven door to watch the pastries rise. “Harvest I…” Dizty began but was silenced by the other mares lips pressing against her own. Ditzy brought Harvest closer to her as their mouths embraced.

Ditzy had been in bad shape after Barmy’s admittance into the Psych ward. To drown her sorrow, she had turned to the bottle, suckling the fire water like Dinky did her milk bottle. Her care free attitude turned to sadness and the silly pegasus who couldn’t fly strait became the drunk now one wanted to associate with. The EDS had even put her on suspension with the stern warning to get sober. She had in turn walked to the nearest bar, The Salt Lick, and had began to drink.

Then she had seen Harvest walk in. She had never seen the mare before but could tell she wasn’t very happy by the sad look she had on her face. Harvest had walked up to the bar and sat next to Ditzy. She ordered a drink but before the glass had met her lips she had started crying. Not knowing what possessed her, Dizty had initiated conversation with the down trodden mare.

They talked for hours about the most common things like the weather and gossip from Canterlot until they were kicked out so the bar could close. Ditzy had volunteered to fly her bar buddy to her home when Harvest had begun to cry again. Harvest then informed her that she had just lost her home to a fire earlier in the day and was now homeless. Ditzy, feeling sorry for her, had taken Harvest to spend a couple days at her home until she found a new home.

As the days passed with Harvest at her home, Ditzy found herself turning less and less to her bottle. She was even able to stop drinking entirely. The EDS had revoked her suspension and given her old job back. Dinky loved the new friend she found in Harvest and while Ditzy was at work, Dinky and Harvest would play with each other.

As the days turned into months, Ditzy started to fell a change. Every time Harvest looked at her she would blush. When Harvest laughed, Ditzy would laugh with her. Ditzy also had to stop herself from becoming hypnotized by Harvest’s flank. Before long, Ditzy accepted that she had fallen for the mare. And then Harvest had found a new home.
“It’s in Fillydelphia, just an hour flight from Ponyville. It’s not like I am not going to visit.” Harvest had told Ditzy. Ditzy, whose heart hurt with each beat, just stared at her crush.

“But you’ll move on. You’ll forget about me and Dinky” Ditzy had sobbed at Harvest. Harvest walked over to the weeping pegasus and comforted her.

“Please, don’t go…” Ditzy had whispered to her.

“I can’t keep imposing on you anymore. Harvest had told Ditzy, “I need to be able to stand on my own feet. I can’t have you supporting me forever.” Harvest had begun walking to the front door when Ditzy spoke her feelings.

“You can’t do this?” Harvest stopped at Ditzy’s hysterical shout. “You can’t just come into somepony’s life, teach her to love again, and then leave her?”

“Ditzy, what are you…”

“I love you?” Ditzy shouted at Harvest, “Please, don’t leave me all alone.” With her final outburst, Ditzy collapsed to the floor sobbing.

“She’ll run away now,” Ditzy had thought too herself, “She’ll run and I’ll never see Harvest again.” Surprisingly to her, she felt two hooves lift her head from the floor and a pair of lips meet hers. “I love you too, Ditzy,” Harvest had told Ditzy as tears began to form in her eyes. They kissed again and cried in each other’s arms. From that day forth, the two mares had belonged to each other.

Ditzy broke away from her flashback and her mare friend’s kiss, panting from excitement.

“I know tomorrow is going to be hard on you so I was making something to give you strength. You could even share them with Barmy.” Harvest told Ditzy.

“Thank you Harvest, “ Ditzy nuzzled Harvest, “And maybe . . . I could take Dinky along with me this time.”

Harvest smiled at Ditzy, the warmest smile she had ever given her. “Every filly needs to know their parent and every parent needs to see their filly.” Harvest whispered to Dinky as she brought her mouth to the pegasus’s mouth again. The two mares embraced each other again and the thoughts and worries of tomorrow disappeared with their love.

In his dank cell, Barmy remembered starting his family. He, Ditzy, and Dinky had moved into a new home. Ditzy became a full time mom while he was tasked into finding a new job. All pegasi-focused jobs near Ponyville were taken and he had become discouraged. He found an opening in the Canterlot Gardens and jokingly sent in a application as a joke. As dumb luck would have it, he actually got the job.

Since he was not an earth pony, Barmy couldn’t tend to plants in the garden or trim the hedges. He had one thing an earth pony didn’t though and that was the power of flight. The management noticed this and tasked him with repairing and polishing the statues.

Since most statues were five times larger than the average pony, Barmy was a key part in the upkeep of the Canterlot Garden. The pay wasn’t terrible. It was just enough to support Ditzy and Dinky. On his third day of his new job, Barmy encountered Discord again.

Barmy had just finished repairing the arm to the statue representing Nike, Banner of Victory, when he heard a humming. Barmy followed the noise to through the hedge maze to discover its source. He had come back to the statue of Discord and recognizing him, Barmy was fascinated. He began polishing the statue and repairing any cracks he could find on him. An hour passed and Barmy finally finished his work.

“Thank you again Discord,” Barmy whispered to the statue, “thank you for my life and Ditzy’s life. I’m not sure if you are listening but thank you.” The garden suddenly fell into a deafening silence. The birds stopped chirping and the garden creatures were frozen in their hiding places. Barmy started to wonder why they had stopped when hysterical laughter shattered the silence. Barmy heard a sarcastic, familiar voice resonate in his head.

“Well, this is a surprise,” the voice’s laugh vibrated in Barmy’s ears, “no one thanked me for anything in a millennia.”

“So you’re really…” Barmy began to ask.”

“Yes, I am Discord, God of Chaos, Element of Disharmony, and Lord of the Dance. Please, hold your applase.” Discord responded in a booming, theatrical voice.
Barmy retreated from the statue, scared of his discovery of Discord. Realizing his error though, Barmy quickly returned to Discords feet.

“Why did you save us?” Barmy asked Discord, “Why save two little ponies from such a chaotic situation. I mean, you are the god of Chaos right?”

“Why, you asked for help.” Discord answered in a sarcastic tone.

“Anypony would ask for help at a time like that.”

“Yes, anypony would. The only difference is you didn’t cry out for Celestia to help you.”

“What do you…” Barmy began to ask before a zipper appeared on his lips and sealed them shut.

“Now now, it’s very rude to interrupt another’s explanation,” Discord told Barmy as Barmy struggled with the zipper keeping his mouth shut,” now where was I… Ah yes, not asking Celestia for help. Many accidents happen in Canterlot and most ponies cry out for help that end up in them. They ask Celestia for help like a prayer to a god. You know the result, a good maiming if not a painful death. Now, you were different. You didn’t ask for her help at all so I actually wanted to help you.” The zipper disappeared from Barmy’s mouth and he gulped a huge breath of air as Discord roared with laughter.

“Why would I ask that sunny bitch for anything.” Discord sputtered. Discord’s laughter ended as abruptly as it had started.

“What was that?” Discord asked Barmy, any hint of sarcasm or laughter gone from his voice.

“I wouldn’t … ask that bitch for anything…” Barmy frighteningly whispered wondering if he had upset the god. His fears disappeared as Discord screamed like a shrill girl.

“Finally, somepony who gets it,” Discord sang in a joyful voice, “a kindred spirit who finally gets it. I have found another who hates the sun.”
“You hate her too?” Barmy had asked as the excitement began to grow in his voice in his voice.

“Why yes, how do you think I turned me to stone.” Discord laughed. The pegasus’s and the dragonequise’s laughter filled the empty garden. The laughter was of that of two old friends meeting again or of two conspirators part of secret agenda.

“Oh, I must keep you around,” Discord told Barmy as the pair’s laughter subsided, “Maybe we could make a deal.”

“What sort of deal?” Barmy asked Discord defensively.

“I have grown so bored these last few centuries maybe you could keep me entertained. In return, I’ll teach you amazing things, things that will make you the smartest pegasus in all of Equestria and opens your eyes to the lies around you.”

“What, no pledge of loyalty?” Barmy jokingly asked Discord.

“Oh heavens no,” Discord assured Barmy, “trust me, when you learn my secrets, you’ll want to be loyal to me.

“No mind control right?”

“Not in the slightest. What, you don’t trust me?”

“As far as I can throw you.” Barmy told Discord with a smirk.

“Now you’re learning. So, how about it.”

“Alright, I’ll take your offer.” Barmy told his new teacher his decision. “Can we start tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Discord told his new pupil, “be sure not to tell a soul though.”

Barmy flew out of the garden and punched out of work. He had a kick in his wing as he took flight. The entire flight home, Barmy couldn’t stop smiling.