Sweet Faust Above, What Is That Thing?!

by Highlord Langslock

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Random, Principal Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Vice-Principal Luna, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 4014

Sunset Shimmer has some very strange ideas for what makes a good float for a parade.

It’s time for the School Pride Parade, where students build floats that represent the reasons they are proud to attend Canterlot High School. This year, Sunset Shimmer has a few ideas for what will undoubtedly be the greatest float the school has ever seen, one that everyone will remember for ages to come.
Too bad the rest of the school doesn’t seem to agree.

One-shot, cover image pending.

Published 2015-06-24 02:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-24 02:40:02 UTC

Not quite the reaction I was looking for.

It went without saying that life at Canterlot High had become quite interesting in the past few months. First, during the Fall Formal, the most feared girl at school had turned into the Devil’s Prom-date and tried to enslave the entire school, only to be stopped by six other girls who suddenly grew fully-functioning magical pony appendages and shot a massive rainbow that somehow fixed everything (except of course the school’s entrance and the massive crater it had left). That night, everyone had learned that their school was home to a mystic portal to a world full of magical talking ponies. Not long after that, three new students, who apparently were also from the other side of the portal, brainwashed nearly the entire school (again) and turned the annual Musical Showcase into an overhyped Battle of the Bands as part of a plot to either suck them all dry or make everybody adore them (nobody was really certain of which). Fortunately, they too were defeated by the very same girls from before, plus in an ironic twist, the very girl they defeated before, using a steroid-boosted version of their rainbow in the form of a gigantic horse made of light with wings and a horn that shot a “freaking awesome giant laser beam,” to quote several eyewitnesses.

Between these incidents, and the trouble Principle Celestia and Vice-Principle Luna had to go through to keep word from spreading too far lest a horde of agents from an nameless government agency showed up to turn their beloved school into the next Area 51, a lot of people were not certain if the school’s next special event would even be held. Fortunately, that did not appear to be the case when Celestia announced that all students were to assemble in the school auditorium for an important announcement.

Applejack sat in the front row, listening aimlessly to the chatter of students conversing around her. In the seats next to her sat all of her closest friends; Rainbow Dash, a blue skinned girl with bright rainbow colored hair to go with her name, Fluttershy, who had yellow skin and bright pink hair, Rarity, whose snow-white skin and royal purple hair were as flawless and stylish as ever, and Pinkie Pie, whose name said it with her pink skin and deeper pink hair. Finally, there was a girl with amber skin and red and gold colored hair. This was Sunset Shimmer, former tyrant of Canterlot High, and now the best friend a girl could have, which made Applejack and the others some very lucky girls indeed.

A tapping sound from the speakers called everyone’s attention to the stage where Principle Celestia and her sister Vice-Principle Luna stood. “Good afternoon, everyone,” said Celestia. “I called you all here today to officially announce that in two weeks, we will be hosting our annual Canterlot High School Pride Parade.”

Celestia waited a moment for the ensuing cheers to die down before continuing. “For any new students who do not yet know about this event, it is a celebration where we share our school spirit with the rest of this fine city. For the next two weeks, you will all form teams and work together to create a float that represents your own views of what makes Canterlot High so special to you, be it the sports teams, the clubs, or anything else you can think of. Then, on the big day, your floats will be paraded through Canterlot City so all may see why Canterlot High is such a wonderful place to learn. While this is a non-competitive event, we urge everyone to give their all in creating their monuments our beloved school.”

While everyone cheered once again, Vice-Principle Luna took the microphone from Celestia. “We also ask that all of you be on the lookout for anything related to our ‘friends from out of town,’” she said firmly. “While the circumstances of this year’s last two events have certainly kept things interesting, I believe we could all use a break from all the excitement.” This earned a wave of chuckles from the audience, as well as more than a few angry glares at the three girls sitting way back in the corner.

Taking the microphone back, Celestia continued. “Agreed sister, we should all do our part to make certain everything goes smoothly this time. For now, however, let us put such thoughts from minds and focus on matters at hand. I would like all of you to take a minute to form your teams, and then come up front to register them.”

“C’mon girls, let’s go get signed up” said Applejack as students began to bustle in the aisles.

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you guys,” Sunset said tentatively. “Would it be alright if I formed my own group for this?”

Applejack was surprised, to say the least. Ever since the Battle of the Bands, Sunset Shimmer had wanted to do everything with her new friends. Applejack didn’t think there had been single minute in the past month that she hadn’t spent with at least one of them, so for her to ask this of them was completely unexpected.

“Why, whatever for, darling?” asked Rarity.

Sunset started to fidget nervously. “Well, it’s just that, you guys probably all have your own ideas for what kind of float you want to build, but I have this one idea that I’ve always wanted to use ever since I came here, but I never got the chance to do so, and no offense, but if I work with you guys, I don’t think I’ll be able to this time either. Of course, if you guys aren’t ok with that…” Sunset trailed off, looking guilty.

Applejack smiled and placed her hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “It’s no problem at all, sugar cube, ya’ll go right on ahead and do what ya need to, it ain’t gonna offend us one bit.”

“Really, are you sure?” Sunset asked.

“Of course, darling,” said Rarity.

Sunset’s expression broke into a wide smile, and there seemed to be a tear leaking out of the corner of her eye. “Thanks guys, you have no idea what this means to me.”

“So what exactly is it that you want to make so badly?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I can’t tell you yet, it’s a surprise,” said Sunset. “Just trust me when I say, it’s going to knock your socks off.”

“Oh, I love having my socks knocked off! The best I can do by myself is knock my shoes off,” said Pinkie Pie, demonstrating with a sweeping kick that sent her shoe flying through the air and right into the back of another student’s head. “Sorry about that! Can you give it back, please?” Pinkie Pie called out, prompting the irate student to throw it at her, scoring a hit on her face. “Thank you!” Pinkie Pie shouted, completely unfazed.

“I’ll see you girls later, then,” said Sunset, walking away. “Snips, Snails! Would you guys like to build a float with me?” she called out to a short, fat boy and a tall, gangly one, who both eagerly saluted her.

“It’s a shame, I was really looking forward to building a float with her this year,” said Fluttershy, sighing.

“Me too, Fluttershy,” said Applejack. “But you saw that look in her eye. This is clearly pretty darn important to her, and who’re we to stand in her way? Now then, let’s go get signed up.”

After school, the gang (minus Sunset Shimmer) all met up at their usual table at the Sweet Shoppe to discuss the theme for their float.

“Okie-dokie, you’re the boss, Applejack. What do we do?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” said Rainbow Dash, standing up. “Why is Applejack the one in charge?”

“Silly Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie Pie chuckled. “Applejack is second-in-command, which means she’s in charge when Twilight’s not around. Well, actually, Sunset Shimmer is second-in-command. Or are they co-leaders? The point is, when they’re not around, Applejack is in charge.”

“Well, I say we put it to a vote!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Who do you want running things right now, Applejack or me?”

“Okay! All in favor of Applejack say aye; aye!” Pinkie Pie cried, raising her hand, with Rarity fallowing suite. After a moment, Fluttershy raised her hand as well with a meek “Aye”.

“Looks like it’s unanimous, Applejack is in charge,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Now hold on a minute,” said Rainbow Dash, desperation coloring her voice. “I think Sunset and Twilight should have a vote too.”

Everybody groaned. “Come now Rainbow Dash, I’m certain they would understand, and we really need to get started, so could you kindly let it go, please?” begged Rarity.

With a petulant “humph”, Rainbow Dash slumped back into her chair, folding her arms and pouting. Applejack just rolled her eyes. While she was a little annoyed that the decision had been made without anyone asking for her opinion, she also felt honored that her friends held such trust in her. Plus, she felt just a bit of guilty pleasure for getting one over on Rainbow Dash.

“Alright then, now that we all got that taken care of, let’s get started.” Opening her bag, Applejack pulled out several sheets of paper and pencils and passed them out. “First everybody write down what they think our float’s theme should be, and then we’ll read them all.”

“So what kind of float do you think Sunset wanted to make so badly that she couldn’t work with us?” Rainbow Dash asked as everyone started writing.

“Whatever it is, I hope it’s a bit more tasteful then what she built in the past,” said Rarity.

“Yeah, we really don’t need to see another giant bust of her head,” said Pinkie Pie.

“I’m pretty sure she won’t do that this year,” said Fluttershy.

“Let’s hope not,” said Applejack, collecting everyone’s paper once they finished writing. After reading them all, she set them down and faced her friends. “Alright, our choices are pretty much what I expected them to be, and fortunately, I’ve already thought of the perfect compromise.”

Two weeks later…

Applejack drove her riding lawnmower into Canterlot High’s sports field with the Rainbooms’ completed float in tow and her friends hitching a ride on it. The field was already littered with other floats as they awaited the start of the main event. As was tradition, every one of them was covered in a large tarp to keep their appearance a secret until the time came for them to be revealed.

“So do you think we’ll have any good competition this year?” asked Rainbow Dash as Applejack pulled them into a stop.

“Rainbow Dash, we talked about this,” Rarity said gently. “The School Pride Parade is a non-competitive event. There’s no winning or losing here.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Rainbow Dash said, waving her hand dismissively. “But we’re still gonna win.”

“Oh-oh, lookie, it’s Sunset, hi Sunset!” Pinkie Pie called out, waving franticly. Sure enough, Sunset was at the field’s entrance, pushing her own covered platform alongside Snips and Snails. Noticing them, she smiled and waved them over.

“So is this the thing you wanted to make so badly?” asked Applejack as she started to lift up the cover. “Mind if we take a peek?”

“No!” Sunset cried, slapping Applejack’s hand. “Sorry, it’s just that, I really want this to be a surprise.”

“Attention everyone,” Principle Celestia said into a megaphone. “Vice-principle Luna and I will now inspect everyone’s float to ensure that they are appropriate for a public audience, as well as to provide an opportunity for everyone to explain their themes. First up is Team Flashdrive, with honorary member Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody.”

Everybody gathered around the float built by the local boy band plus a grey skinned girl with black hair and a white skinned girl with icy-blue hair, plus signature headphones and sunglasses. The band’s leader Flash Sentry, a handsome boy with yellowish skin and blue hair, pulled the tarp off, revealing a platform with several instruments on it. There was a guitar, a turntable and some subwoofers, a cello, a pair of bongo drums, and a banjo.

“Interesting,” said Celestia. “How does this symbolized your version of school spirit?”

“Well, while the Battle of the Bands was a complete fiasco, it did show us all how diverse the musical talent at this school really is,” said Flash. “And Canterlot High has always stood for diversity, acceptance, tolerance, and cooperation. So we thought, what better way to show what makes this school so amazing then by showing different genres working together to create awesome music?”

“And have you created anything?” asked Luna.

Flash grinned. “I’m glad you asked. Everyone, take your places!”

What came next was a symphony of mix-matched sounds that shouldn’t have sounded good together and yet somehow did. When it was over, everyone gave a rousing round of applause.

“That was the best we could come up with in time for the parade,” Flash admitted. “If we had a little more time, I’m sure we could have come up with something better.”

“Nonsense, that was wonderful,” said Celestia. “You should all be very proud of yourselves. You have perfectly captured the heart and soul of Canterlot High.”

The crowd gave another round of applause while Team Flashdrive congratulated each other. When it was done, Celestia and Luna moved on to Trixie and the Illusions’ float.

Trixie, a blue skinned girl with silver hair, stood atop her float’s platform. “Ladies and gentlemen,” she cried in her usual grandiose fashion. “Prepare to be amazed, nay, stupefied, by the vision of wonder that is the great and powerful Trrrrixie’s school spirit!”

With a flourish, Trixie ripped the cover off of her own float revealing a balsa wood statue of herself set in a heroic poise, surrounded by several kneeling figures gazing up at her in awe. A collective groan sounded from the audience, with a few cries of “Not this again,” and “I thought we were finally done with this,” scattered about. Celestia gazed at the egotistical monument with an unamused expression, while Luna simply face palmed herself. Turning to look at Sunset, Applejack saw that she had a look on her face that clearly said “Oh my lord, what was I thinking?”

Trixie was, of course, completely oblivious to everyone’s annoyance and simply continued to preach. “As you can clearly see, Trixie’s magnificent visage symbolizes…”

“Thank you Trixie, but I think we can skip the explanation just this once,” Celestia said firmly.

Trixie looked devastated. “B-but how will everyone understand how Trixie’s great work represents her shining school spirit?”

“I think we all understand what your work represents,” Luna said flatly.

For the next half-hour, Celestia and Luna examined each float, and while none of them were as memorable of Flashdrive’s or Trixie’s, a few managed to stand out. Bonbon and Lyra had a scale replica of the school made entirely out of candy. Time Turner, Ditzy Doo and Carrot Top had made an old fashioned police box that seemed to be fighting a cinnamon shaker with several rods sticking out of it over a muffin. The low point was when Diamond tiara and Silver Spoon presented their portable runway for them to strut about on, complete with strobe lights and a sound system blasting a song about how they alone brought any spirit into their otherwise pathetic school with their mere presence. Fortunately, everyone’s mood was lifted back up when the CMC performed a new version of their single rock song, rewritten to be encouraging to their fellow students.

Finally, Celestia and Luna came to the Rainbooms’ float. “Well then girls, what do you have for us?” Celestia asked with an edge of anticipation in her voice.

Applejack and Rarity each grabbed a corner of the tarp covering their float and pulled it off, revealing a mechanical plate with several rods sticking out at an angle. On the end of each rod was another plate with a three foot tall figurine. One was modeled like an athlete kicking a ball. Another looked like an archetypal nerd, but with a prouder, more heroic air about him, his chest puffed out and his head held high with a proud expression on his face as he adjusted his glasses. Another depicted a young woman singing opera. There were nearly a dozen more, each engaged in a different activity. With the flick of a switch, music began to play while the base plate started to rotate and the rods extended several feet, allowing everyone to see the figurines better.

For a minute, everyone simply watched the display. Then Celestia turned to the Rainbooms.

“So tell me; what does this contraption represent?” she asked.

“It represents all of us,” said Rarity. “It represents the rockers, the jocks, the mathletes, and everybody else. Flash Sentry said it best; this school is all about diversity and getting along. For awhile, we all forgot about that and just stuck with those who were similar to ourselves. But then, the most wonderful girl we have ever met came to this school and reminded us that our differences should not be what drives us apart but what gives us a reason to come together, so that we can share what makes each of us special and unique with one another. Because the truth is that on the inside we are all the same, and this place is more than a building full of individuals. We are all one body, one school. We are all a part of Canterlot High!”

For a moment, nobody said anything, and Applejack began to worry that they said something wrong. Then Celestia raised her hand and wiped a tear from her eye. “Girls, I can say with absolute certainty that this is the best School Pride Parade float that I have ever seen,” she proclaimed.

The field exploded with the sound of cheers and applause. Rarity and Rainbow Dash both soaked it up while Pinkie Pie happily waved to everyone. Even Fluttershy seemed happy even as she shrunk into herself under all the attention. As for Applejack, she felt like she was about to burst with pride. She never expected their hard work to receive such praise.

Once the cheering finally died down, everybody turned their attention to the final float. “Well Team Sunshine, you’re our final entry,” said Celestia. “Do you think you can top that?”

“Let’s find out,” said Sunset, grabbing one side of her float’s cover while Snips and Snails grabbed the other. For some reason both boys looked worried.

“Feast your eyes on THIS!” Sunset cried as they yanked the tarp away.

A shriek pierced the air. Sunset’s float had a long, serpentine body that ended in a scorpion’s tail, complete with stinger. It had blood red scales and razor sharp spines protruding from its backside. It had four long, spindly legs that ended in three-toed claws. Its head was like a crocodile’s but with big curved horns and teeth like swords. Inside its open mouth was over a dozen models of human heads, their faces contorted in expressions of unspeakable agony.

Applejack felt like she was going to throw up. Fluttershy was hiding behind Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had caught Rairty as she fainted. Other students were displaying similar reactions of shock, horror and disgust.

“Um, Sunset, what exactly is this?” Celestia asked, her expression as disturbed as everyone else’s.

“It’s a venom fiend from the fifth level of Tartarus,” Sunset said brightly. “It was originally supposed to be a Cerberus, but the outer heads weren’t coming out right, so we had to make some changes. The guys in its mouth are the souls of everyone from our rival schools.”

“I see…and how does this represent your school spirit?” Celestia asked hesitantly.

“It symbolizes our drive to ravage and slaughter those who dare to stand against our school, of course,” Sunset explained, her expression practically glowing.

Celestia took a deep breath, held it in for a moment, and then exhaled. “I’m sorry Team Sunshine, but I’m afraid we cannot allow your float in the parade.”

“WHAT?!” Sunset shouted in shock. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes we can,” said Celestia. “The whole point of this examination is to eliminate any floats we deem unsuitable for the parade, and I’m afraid yours is simply too…explicit.”

“Oh come on!” Sunset cried. “Never mind the parade, we should be taking this to all of our games! Our opponents would run in terror at the sight of it!”

“Yeah, along with any little children,” said Luna.

Sunset looked like she was about to pop a blood vessel. “This is an outrage! My rights are being violated! I thought this country had freedom of expression!”

“Yes well, this school has standards for what we consider appropriate content,” Celestia said flatly. “Your float will not be participating in the parade, and that is our final word on the matter.”

With that, Celestia and Luna turned and walked away, while Sunset worked her mouth soundlessly like a goldfish. Finally, with a loud moan, she fell to her hands and knees, her head hanging in defeat.

“Whelp, I saw this coming,” said Snips dryly. “Luckily, I came prepared.” Reaching into a compartment under the monstrosity, he pulled out two sledgehammers. “Smashy smashy?” he asked, offering one to Snails.

“Smashy smashy,” Snails agreed, taking it.

“Oh! Oh!” Pinkie Pie squealed. “I wanna do smashy smashy too! I wanna do sma-.” She cut off when she noticed Sunset glaring at her, and began to fidget guiltily. “Er, never mind,” she said, shuffling away.

Applejack placed a comforting hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Don’t worry sugar cube, there’s always next year,” she said.

Sunset just sighed as her “team” proceeded to demolish their work.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, alicorn, Princess of Friendship, arch-mage, and Element of Magic, sat in her castle’s study. It had been a rare week without any misadventures, reports from the Cutie Map, or attacks by the latest “sealed-ancient-evil-of-the-month”, and she was eager to use this much needed reprieve to sit back, relax, and catch up on her scheduling.

“Hey Twilight, your journal’s vibrating again,” said Spike. He was a small dragon with green scales and purple spines who served as her assistant and one of her oldest friends. Sure enough, the enchanted journal that allowed Twilight to communicate with Sunset Shimmer between worlds was glowing and vibrating, signaling a new message.

“Wonderful, it’s been forever since Sunset and I last talked,” said Twilight. Using her magic to pull the book towards her, she felt a surge of excitement as she anticipated what sort of lesson on friendship Sunset had learned this time. She wondered if Princess Celestia had felt the same way whenever she received one of Twilight’s own friendship reports.

Opening the journal to its latest entry, Twilight began to read out loud:

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, today I learned that people are all idiots who have no appreciation for great art.” Twilight frowned, taken aback by Sunset’s strange words. She turned to look at Spike, who merely shrugged, before she continued to read. “I also learned that Celestia is a jerk who will crush your hopes and dreams no matter which universe you’re in.”

Underneath this was a crude drawing of Sunset in her demon form standing atop a pile of stick figures with x’s for eyes and their tongs hanging out, with another sporting a familiar hairstyle and a tag that read “Principle Poop-Head” clenched in her fist, screaming “All your parade is belong to ME!” In the background, a pile of what looked like boxes with wheels burned.

“Maybe I should go visit her again,” Twilight muttered.

“Good idea,” said Spike.

Author's Note

I like to believe that Sunset Shimmer has a fondness for demonic and macarbe themed aesthetics, much like Edward Elric Full Metal Alchemist. It's sort of a lighter take on her transformation into a "raging she-demon".