The Wrong Sort of Human (in Equestria)

by SeanofTheDead

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 3823

They were all surprised at how many mistakes were made by these "ponies" but that still didn't explain why their entire ship was dragged through their version of a space-time vortex. Anyway, their leader isn't the least bit amused. More pissed really

It wasn't supposed to be these weird things that we brought here, but we were looking forward to making a new friend. But, he doesn't want friends. He wants to go home more than anything else. He says his world NEEDS them to be there. Problem is... I don't even know how THEY got here. I was supposed to be engineering a meeting between my human friends and my pony friends. And thanks to a mare who will not be named *cough*Pinkie!*cough* somehow I got these things instead... oops?

That's better than what was here before huh? lol

Published 2015-09-21 23:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-26 21:37:07 UTC

The Worst Sort of Mistake

Chapter 1

Twilight stood amongst her friends anxiously awaiting Princess Celestia's approval of her latest idea. She was going to perform a spell of her own design that would pull her human friends into their world to meet her pony friends. And as anxious as she was she knew that the other Princesses were very busy at the present time. The minotaur's ambassadors were expected shortly in order to see if their once notably powerful allies were in fact still powerful. The Griffons were also skeptical of how well the "world defending" country was fairing. After all, many evil ponies, demons, and ancient powerful beings, had all come close to defeating them. The princesses had their plates full right now reassuring them that they were still able to hold their own amongst the world powers, if not wipe them from the face of world entirely.

'Politics, Twilight thought derisively, more like a contest for who has the biggest stick.' Twilight wasn't a mare to waste time however, so while she waited she poured over her notes, checked and double checked her calculations, made sure she was going to be reaching across the right dimensional barriers to get there as easily and quickly as possible. And everything looked perfect. The dimension she was trying to reach was right next door, so to speak, so there reall wasn't anything left to do. The spell was committed to memory, after all she created it. Well, the original source material for the concepts and such had come from Star Swirls notes as well as Clover the Clever. But that was more so she could research any negative effects it might have. As long as the visit was kept short, she pulled the right humans over, and they went home the same way the came... all would be well.

"TWIIIIIILIIIIIGHT!!" When are we gonna meet them?! You said they were just like us and they wanted to meet us, butwehavebeen waitingandwaitingandwaitingandIamgettingREALLYbored!" Pinkie said as she sprinted around Twilights room ignoring the laws of physics. The usual, though running circles on the ceiling was somewhat new.

"Pinkie, I told you. This kind of magic is more dangerous than most. Celestia has only done this magic twice in her life. And one of those times was to me an alicorn. Reaching through a self created dimensional rift is EXTREMELY difficult. That's why I need all of you here, you will serve as anchors and as a way for me to easily lock onto your human counterparts. But that will be impossible if you keep freaking out like this!"

"Twilight, it's just that we're all excited to these he-u-mans you told us about. And that they look and act like us is even COOLER! I mean one Dash is near perfect! But two.... imagine the possibilities..." Rainbow trailed off with an indescribable look on her face.

Twilight looked at Rainbow concernedly, and shuddered at the implications of what she said... Moreso in the case of Pinkie doing the exact same thing... the possibilities. She began to consider telling them all that prolonged contact with their doubles might bring about the end of the world, before a scroll and a book popped into existence in front of her causing the room to go silent, and Pinkie to drop unceremoniously to the floor.

Twilight picked up the scroll, and unrolled it. She looked at it for several minutes causing her friends a small amount of worry considering ho her face fell... and that she could read a lot faster than that. She than looked at the book and to her friends, before grinning sheepishly.

"She say's the spell exists, and that while I was right to look at all the possible things that can go wrong... the spell she made is better suited to eliminate them. And yes, we do have permission to bring them here, right now in fact, but..."

"No butts missy! We have ben waiting for this for a long time now! Months!" Pinkie shouted at the now somewhat exacerbated unicorn in front of her while waving her arms about frantically. Just do it for Pete's sake! By the way who's Pete?"

"Twilight dear, Pinkie is correct. We have been waiting a rather LONG time for this to happen, and if everything about the princesses spell is better suited, why not just go with the plan right now using it?" Rarity asked with a confused and anxious look on her face.

"Now simmer down ya'll, I'm sure Twilight will do it. She probably a bit embarrassed that she put so much work into a something she ain't gonna use right Twi?" Applejack said as she smiled somewhat wryly at Twilight's blushing, exacerbated face.

"Hehe, yeah I am sure that's probably it. Well here we go girls, a promise is a promise." Twilight said as she opened the book and began to let her magic flow through her. As she did however she failed to notice the even more than usual excited Pinkie, pull out a party cannon from nowhere. The magic began to flow naturally as she searched through space and time to find her friends and pull them through it. The spell given to her was extremely complex and didn't offer any solutions as to how she would know where to look or how to tell if she was grabbing the right group...but she figured that since the had come into contact with the Elements of Harmony the might have a lingering magical trace that she could grab hold of. And then she found them and began to pull, just as Pinkie's cannon went of, startling Rainbow from her reverie of all too imaginable things her and her counterpart might do as she suddenly found herself air born. Also crashing her into Twilight at the speed of confetti.

Twilight gave a yelp, and hurriedly tried to find her friends once more and lock onto the first magic signature she could find before pulling the rest of the way as quickly as possible.

"There all is fine, all is good. They should be here any-" Twilight tried to say as she was cut off by a loud boom and the ground beneath their feet trembling violently.

"Oops..." Pinkie said as they all glared at her from the now awkward positions on the floor they had assumed when the ground shook. "My bad?"

Well that's... good?

Chapter 2

"Well, I think I can safely say that we got something wrong," Twilight said as she stood and dusted off her clothes.

"What do you mean by WE?" asked Rainbow as she continued her upside down glare towards a VERY sheepish Pinkie.

"Sorry?" Pinkie said as her hair grew straight and he expression melancholy. "I really didn't mean to I swear. I just bumped it."

Twilight groaned as she stretched her back, that fall really hurt... not to mention the Pegasus she had taken to the kidneys. But that was the least of her worries. She had pulled something rather large from another universe and there was no way to tell if it was... wait.

"Rainbow do you know the training schedule of the Wonderbolts?" Twilight asked her friend musingly.

"Wha- NO! Of course I don't know their exact training schedule like if they were going to be running their drills over the Everfree today and that's why I insisted we do this today in order to show me how awesome my IDOLS are! C'mon Twilight! Hehhehhe.... yes, I do and they are," she said as her head sank down while Applejack chuckled.

Twilight suppressed a giggle at her friends embarrassment and spoke again. "Perfect! Then judging by how many screams of pain we aren't hearing I'd say whatever it was landed- er crashed there. Which means the Wonderbolts probably are investigating and are headed here right about now."

"Well, that's a um... Captain? What the heck is that?"

"Might be a pie... maybe..."

Spitfire shook her head and looked at Soarin. Who just so happened to be smiling at her, his smile faded away at her serious look however. This thing was massive, made out what appeared to be very hot metal and was rapidly cooling as though designed for such a situation to be commonplace. Her military mind was whirling with the possibilities. But first, she needed to calm her team. That thing had nearly crushed her and Soarin, if they had been any more focused on their drills, if Fleetfoot hadn't seen and heard the monstrosity...

'NO! No. Now is not time for that Spitfire. I need to focus, need to get my team fighting ready. The sisters only know what is inside that... thing. Not to mention Ponyville is... dear sisters no.'

"Team! FORM UP!" Immediately their soldiers instinct kicked in and they moved as one lining up in front of her on the cloud. 'Just how shaken up was I? I don't even remember landing...' "As far as I can tell, this... thing, isn't hostile, there appear to be no weapons mounted on it, not to mention nothing would use something like that to try to kill three pegasi, no matter how famous." she said in a calmer tone that what she or any of them felt. "But, Ponyville AKA disaster central, is less than five miles from here. We need to make sure no pony there was harmed, and notify Princess Twilight and the Elements of what this is and where it is, Soarin that's gonna be your job. In the event that there are ponies on board, Fleetfoot you will be staying behind to ensure that they are okay, and if hostile, you can outrun them if anypony can. I will head for Canterlot to inform the Princesses of what has transpired and to lead a battalion of the Royal Guard and all of the Wonderbolts back with me. For rescue, or combat. Move out!"

"See girls? There's Soarin now," Twilights said with satisfaction as he sped his way towards them.

"He looks pretty scared Twilight... I'm not so sure this was a good idea..." Fluttershy said as she moved to hide behind Applejack.

Soarin skidded to a halt in front of them, and taking notice of their disheveled state he chuckled a bit before asking, "So... guessing you felt that huh? Either that or you were in the middle of something..." he said as he waggled his eyebrows.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Yeah no. Anyway, don't you have a report to give?"

Soarin's look switched to one of seriousness. "Right, Princess. My squad and I were out performing drills when a large metal... thing fell from the sky and nearly crushed us. We stayed long enough to survey the area, and the object before we split up, Captain Spitfire headed to Canterlot to notify Celestia and Luna, as well as bring backup. Fleetfoot stayed at the crash site to be a sentry."

Twilight paled when he said it nearly crushed them. She felt weak and she was sure that he knees would give out. 'What if it had landed in Ponyville? Or if they hadn't been able to dodge in time... I would have been responsible for someponies death... or many ponies' deaths.

"Hey Twilight? Woah! You don't look so good..." Rainbow never had a chance to say more before Twilight passed out barely being caught by Rainbow and Soarin.

"Princess! Whats wrong?!" Soarin asked his voice filled with alarm.

"It's my fault, not hers. Be mad at me not her." said a very downtrodden Pinkie as she made frowny faces I the dirt with her shoes. "It's my fault that thing fell from the sky, not Twilight's. And I didn't even get a twitchy tail this time either..."

"What are...you, talking... " he trailed off as it all clicked together. Soarin looked at them, the ones responsible for his close shave with death, knowing that they wouldn't have done it on purpose... and yet he could still feel anger bubbling up inside him. They had nearly cost him two dear friends as well as his own life! And they were... truly, deeply ashamed and sorry.

Rarity stepped forward as Soarin to glared at them. "Darling we need to talk, and wake Twilight so we can all find out what is really going on."

Soarin just kept looking at the mares in front of him with contempt and anger on his face, the ones that had nearly killed himself and his best friends. With a sigh Soarin stood and picked up Twilight. "Lets not waste time, who knows what is happening to Fleetfoot right now. Not to mention you do all deserve at least the chance to explain yourselves."

The girls beamed at him as he strode past carrying the unconscious and slightly drooling Twilight.

"Well all be darned Rainbow. No wonder ya'll like him." Applejack said as Dash spluttered and stumbled over her adamant denial of her liking Soarin "like that".

Fleetfoot, despite managing to maintain a calm outward presence, was in fact terrified. She had watched in abject horror as a burning metal monstrosity fell from they sky and nearly killed her best friends. She didn't remember screaming for them to move, but they did, and her throat hurt. She was surprised Spit fire held up as well as she had. She chuckled to herself, of course that was Spitfire in a nutshell though. Tough as nails, smart, cool headed. 'And here I am freaking out cause this thing nearly killed us. She just, took control calmed us down and kept her head. Guess that's why she made Captain.'

A soft noise from the crash site below her brought her to her senses. She looked down and with a mix of horror and wonder watched as a large section of the thing opened up to reveal bipedal figures. Fleetfoot quickly moved to a lower cloud nearby to get a better view and maybe catch something they said. And as the first one walked out she heard a soft gasp as she strained her ears. Three of these figures came out of the thing covered head to toe in bulky plastic looking suits and carrying strange looking tubes in their arms. They moved fluidly though, gracefully, as though they weren't suits but their actual bodies. She heard them talk amongst themselves but she was unable to pick up any words. They wandered around for a bit, pointing the tubes at the bushes that weren't burnt to a crisp and into the trees, before returning inside and closing the door behind them.

Fleetfoot was paralyzed with fear. She lay on the cloud over looking the thing, the transport. Whatever they were, they had never been to Equestria before. They had been surprised to see it. Which also meant they hadn't wanted this transport thing to bring them here. She wondered idly what their home looked like before shaking her head. 'If nothing happens in the next ten minutes, I am heading for Ponyville. Princess Twilight and Spitfire might get mad, but I don't want to be the first living creature these things see.'

And so Fleetfoot layed there for another ten minutes, before moving to stand and though to herself that she REALLY didn't want Spitfire mad at her. So she waited another five and sighed with relief. She stood to go, raised her wings and was air born when he heard the sound of that door opening again. This time accompanied by something moaning in pain. She quickly landed back on the low cloud and watched as a stretcher was moved out by of those metal suits with one... hairless ape thing, on the stretcher moaning in pain. One of the metal suits removed their helmet as well much to the surprise of the other revealing another hairless ape. The ape took several deep breaths before waving back to the door which then reopened. And so more and more hurt apes began to make their way out, accompanied by apes wearing armor and every last one (save for the more dramatically injured) were holding some kind of metal tube.

'Oh great some of em are hurt, now I have to stay'

She kept watching as another, more normally dressed save for the sword and large metal tube on his back, ape came off the transport he appeared nervous at first, twitching slightly and fidgeting.... and looked up right at her.

Lieutenant Sahara ran towards the Captains Quarters in search of their leader. She couldn't believe half the things that the away team had reported. And she needed to warn him before he sent all of the wounded to their graves. As luck would have it, she was almost there when she ran into him as he was leaving the room dressed in blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a fleecy looking zip up sweatshirt. Add that to his short dark blonde hair, and his hazel eyes... I've gotta give him that. He doesn't look the part of an absolute ruler.' Very odd choice considering what he had seen from the cockpit. And he was drinking... coffee? How the hell did he... right absolute ruler, of course he has coffee.

"SIR! The away team suggests that no one leave the ship without full armor, or suits designed to seal out atmospheric anomalies equipment. They report strange things growing from the ground, and fluffy looking pockets of gas in the air as well as..."

"Yes lieutenant? What else? Be quick." he said quietly with wide eyes, shock written across his face.

"... sir, the sky it's... it's blue."

His eyes stayed wide from the news. 'Has he heard of this kind of thing before? What the hell is going to happen to us out there?!' "Perhaps now you might consider NOT having our wounded go out into such an environment?" she asked him with a hopeful look.
"Send out all of them, but make the guard doubled. Oh, and have one of the men remove their helmet and take 3 deep breaths. Make sure no one knows about that BEFORE it happens."

"SIR?!"

""Nevermind, I will talk to one of them myself. Sahara, trust me for once. We will be more than fine under these conditions," he said as he placed his hands onto her shoulders. There was a look of happiness on his face, true joviality as he spoke next, "Not to mention you will all be seeing something I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought we might encounter again. But again, double the guards out with the wounded, medical is salvaging all they can, and they can't fit this number of injured in there..." he looked off to the side as Sahara squirmed, uncomfortable in his grasp, "just a bit short sighted I think, hmm? Thirty thousand on board and only 150 can fit in our treatment center. Make sure that all those able bodied enough are armed."

And with that he took off down the corridor and as Sahara looked behind her he was already gone. "Well shit."

'Horseapples, horseapples, horseapples!!!!' Fleetfoot thought as she ducked behind the cover of her cloud. 'Why the Tartarus would it look here?!'

So panicked was she that she barely registered the shallow stuttering breath he took before he spoke, "It really is blue... Remember men! If I so much as see you put your finger near that trigger without my approval... I'll lop off your head faster than you think "oh shit." GOT IT?" Following this was a chorus of "YES SIR'S" that would've put the Wonderbolts Academy to shame. Fleetfoot risked a look over the edge of the cloud once more ad saw a smile o his face as he took many deep breaths, almost reveling in the air. She hid herself once more and weighed her options. 'Okay, Soarin should be here any minute and Spitfire should be here in an hour at most. They have wounded and are prepared for fighting. The armored ones have swords and those weird tubes. They are jumpy. If I go down there I should grab the calm one, who was talking about something being blue. Or at least land near him, after asking if they need help. I'll wait until I see Soarin on the horizon before I do anything. If they are hostile... at least they will know and the Princesses can blast 'em to oblivion.

The ape things had erected some kind of tent system and were hauling the more hurt under their canopies. But it was obvious they would need a LOT more of them. Nearly one thousand had left their transport and they were showing no signs of slowing down. There were so many of them... and they NEEDED help. She steeled herself and stood up on her little cloud.

"HEY! YOU-"

She dropped down to the ground near a smaller more effeminate one and finished her sentence. "need any help?"

The smaller one looked in surprise at the creature before her, backing away quickly and nearly falling over. As well as responding to the question. "GUH!?"

Fleetfoot looked around feeling the eyes of a thousand beings on her before she saw one that wasn't staring... He was facepalming. "Well done Sahara, you have successfully initiated first contact. GUH! Yes. We do in fact need some kind of help. Especially if you know of any medical treatment centers nearby, or how to get I touch with some kind of authority."

"..."

"Time is of the essence here cloud dweller."

"They are... on their way."

"PERFECT!" he said with a happy expression on his face, before leaning towards the nearest armored one, "let's hope Sahara doesn't attempt to start diplomatic relations as well as first contact."

This started a small chain of giggles and chuckles throughout the quickly growing camp. "I am sorry for the initial reaction from my people. They are rather frightened, as this world is completely alien to our own. But at least our first meeting involved sapient life, madam," he then took her hand and kissed it causing her to blush slightly, "we are humans from the planet Earth. My name is John the... King of Earth. And you are?"

He looked at her expectantly, and so she started to give a graceful bow before he stood her upright and shook his head, "you miss, are more important than I am right now. Disregard my position. Just your name please."

She smiled at him, "Fleetfoot. Sergeant in the Wonderbolts member of the Pegasus tribe of the race of Ponies. Welcome to Equestria." she said as she looked around at the camp and saw that Sahara was looking at her with a sad expression on her face.

Author's Note

So? What do you all think so far? Pretty new to the whole Human in Equestria thing.