The Passing of Childhood

by HikariAkai

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Spike, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2628

Smarty Pants reflects on the good times she's had with Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle has grown up, a fact Smarty Pants has long accepted. But inside Twilight's chest, Smarty Pants still finds herself longing for those sweet days of childhood past, and dreaming of the day somepony will hold her close again.

Published 2011-11-16 23:52:21 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-15 20:26:28 UTC

The Passing of Childhood

I remember the day I met her, as if it had happened yesterday.

My toy line had been a complete failure. The fillies didn’t want a Smarty Pants doll; they wanted brightly colored princesses with manes you could brush and lots of accessories. We watched in envy as the other toys got sold, and dreamed of the adventures they could go on, adventures that we would never experience. We all knew it was a matter of time before we would all be simply thrown out.

“Mommy! Mommy! Can I have one?” The voice of a young filly begged. I peeked over the other toys to see what she wanted. A very young purple unicorn sat on the floor, cradling another Miss Smarty Pants doll. Even though I knew that we were all just as likely to get picked up as any other toy, I still seethed with jealousy all the same.

“Not now Twilight.” The mother answered gently, using her magic to put the doll back on the shelf. The little filly pouted, but didn't put up anymore of a fight, letting her mother lead her out of the aisle and taking our hopes away with them.
***

When the store was closed for the night, all the toys could leave their shelves and talk to one another. It was easy to tell which toys were new, and which toys had been there a long time. The newest toys were cheerful and full of hope, chatting with one another about what little child would pick them up and the games they would play together. The older toys, however, the spark in them was fading, and they didn't say or do very much. There were some who had been left there for far too long, and couldn't speak or move at all. We avoided them as best as we could, but they were inescapable; grim reminders of the fate we too would meet if some little pony didn't adopt us soon.

The Smarty Pants dolls mostly stuck together and avoided the other toys. The other toys sometimes snickered at our meager appearance, but most of them were simply too uncomfortable around such pathetic toys, and frankly their pity was more painful. So we stuck together, or around other unpopular toys without a chance of being sold.

The topic on everyone's mind that night was the near sell. “A kid finally wants us, and its parents are big ol' sticks in the mud.” One said bitterly, scuffing a felt foot on the ground.

“Maybe they’ll come back.” Another chipped in hopefully. None of us answered. We had seen too many toys get placed back on the shelf and then be immediately forgotten. We knew better than to get our hopes up.

Another toy broke the deafening silence. “What…did it feel like?” It asked the question we all wanted to. “To be held?”

The Smarty Pants that had been held didn’t respond, but instead stared off into space. “It was…” It paused, searching for the right words. “Warm. And safe. Like nothing could ever hurt me. Like eternal bliss.” Its voice hardened. “But it’s gone now. And it’ll never come back.”

I hope that doll found a home.

I sighed, blowing away the film of dust that had settled on me. It was unusual for me to reminisce on those dreary days in the store. Must be the dark getting to me. Usually, I stuck to the happy memories, like the first time Twilight held me, that eternal second when all that mattered was right in front of me, and I just knew I would forever be loved.

I was always so proud to be Twilight’s. She was so smart, so curious about everything. She spent her time divided between reading anything and everything she could find and exploring the big and beautiful world of Equestria.

“Take notes Smarty Pants!” Twilight whispered. “We have to record this historic moment!” She snuck behind a barrel, peeking out over it at the griffon walking down Canterlot’s main road. “For the first time in Equestria, the mysterious Epimanchus gryphos, common name griffon, has been spotted! Once believed to be a beast of legends, all doubts to its existence have now been dispelled!”

She turned to me.”You got all that?” she whispered. I nodded, my quill furiously scratching the notebook. “Isn’t she a beauty? Or is it a he? It’s hard to tell with birds of prey.”

“Why don’t you ask?” I whispered back. Twilight’s eyes widened.

“Oh that would be so amazing!” Her eyes sparkled. “Talking to a griffon! What do you think they talk about?”

I nudged her side and grinned. “Here’s your chance to find out! Who knows when you’ll see a griffon again?”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m gonna do it!” She stepped out from behind the barrel, only to see that the griffon was now long gone. Her ears flattened against her head.

I need to stop doing this. I had been warned by the other toys that Twilight had already outgrown. The older toys were wise, experienced, and knew better than I what was to come. I had seen many toys come and go, but I refused to see the signs. I was special, and Twilight would always love me. But childhood could only last so long. Twilight Sparkle has grown up, and no amount of dreaming was going to get that purple filly to poke her head in and go on an adventure with me.

Twilight flipped through the tattered encyclopedia. “Here it is! It’s a Chrysemys picta!"

“What the hay does that mean?” I laughed. The turtle squirmed out of my hooves. Not too difficult, considering I was made of felt and linen.

Twilight lay flat on the ground, eye level with the turtle. “It’s a painted turtle.” She explained. The turtle crawled slowly on the ground, pausing when Twilight’s leg blocked its path. We giggled. It attempted to crawl over her, but it wasn’t big enough. It continued to stubbornly attempt, until Twilight lifted her leg, allowing the turtle to crawl back into the stream and swim away.

“What a silly turtle.” Twilight laughed.

I shivered. The sun was beginning to glow a dark orange, the clouds various shades of pink and yellow. “We should go. The pegasi are starting to paint the sky.”

Twilight pouted. “But we didn’t find the end of the stream yet.”

“We’ll find it some other time. Right now we need to get home before dark. Being stuck in the woods at night is scary, and Mom and Dad will be mad if you don’t get home.”

The woods looked a lot different with the light fading. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but Twilight was depending on me. I couldn’t let anything happen to her.

We walked into a little clearing. Fireflies flew lazily around us, blinking erratically. It was the first time we had ever seen them. Fireflies don't like living in places with too many ponies like Canterlot.

Everything in the woods was starting to look the same to me. I was scared. But Twilight hadn't noticed, enamored she was with the fireflies, who multiplied the closer to nightfall it was. They swarmed around us, allowing me to catch one between my hooves and place it on Twilight's leg. Twilight was delighted. We forgot about going home, forgot the very concept of time as we chased the fireflies, long after the sun had set.

But the best was yet to come. The stars blinked into the sky, first slow and sparse, then multiplying rapidly, until the entire sky was lit up by vast numbers of tiny little lights. Twilight didn't say a word, just stared at the sky silently. In that moment we were smaller and younger than we'd ever been. The universe drowned out our existence.

When Twilight’s parents found us, Twilight was deep in sleep. They lifted her off the ground and carried her home. Twilight was in a lot of trouble the next morning for leaving without them, but they were glad that she was okay.

Yes, that was a good memory. Twilight grew more mature that night, and fell in love with the stars. We snuck out every night after that to watch the stars, and Twilight got a telescope her next birthday.

Those happy memories were bittersweet now, like sugarcoated tears. Such beautiful moments stood in stark contrast to the dark interior of the musty chest. I can't even remember the last time I saw a star. I wish I had known at that time I wouldn't see the stars again. I would have memorized every particle of light, absorbed every second of it.

“Where’s my calendar, where’s my calendar?” Twilight muffled voice seeped through the chest I had been kept in, pulling me out of my memories. That poor girl never handled pressure very well.

“Um...where it always is?” Spike responded. Oh Spike...as dependable as ever. I wonder if he’s grown any since I’ve last seen him.

I used to really hate Spike. When Twilight first brought him back home after passing her entrance exam, it was fun to have someone else to play with. But after he began talking, Twilight started talking to me much less often. I felt like he had stolen my dearest friend away from me.

I was so young back then. My bond with Twilight had already weakened; I just didn’t realize it yet. It probably started when Twilight started becoming interested in magic, when she started spending nearly all of her time reading and practicing magic and didn't have any time for me. It was inevitable.

No, Twilight needed a friend besides me. I am only a doll; I was outgrown and have lost my spark. But Spike was real. He would always be able to respond and move on his own accord. He existed independently of Twilight. A doll only exists as long as its owner remembers it. The moment I got thrown away or given away, this me would cease to be, and a new me would be born, to be created by the next child who took me in.

It was a lesson I learned late, and one I still struggle with. The idea that I will one day be forgotten, that the world will continue on after I'm gone as if I had never been there, is terrifying. I wonder why I even existed at all, if only to cease to be, alone and unloved.

“Hold still.” Twilight said, concentrating hard to push the thread through the needle with her magic. She held the detached leg next to the rest of my body, and pushed the needle through the cloth. She messed up several times, but then again, her eyes were full of tears.

“I should have known better than to take you to school.” She said, her voice shaky. “Everypony at magic kindergarten is so mean to me! I hate school!”

I smiled. “Don't worry about me Twilight. It doesn’t hurt; I am a doll after all.”

Twilight continued bitterly. “Well who needs them? I sure don’t! I don’t need any other friends, as long as I have you!” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “You’ll always be my friend, right?”

I sat up, and wrapped her up in a tight embrace. “I love you Twilight, and I will always be your friend.” I wiped her eyes with my felt hoof. “So don’t worry about being alone. As long as I’m here, you’re never alone.”

Twilight hiccuped, and smiled through her tears. "So we'll always be together, even when I'm an old granny-pony?”

"You'll be the cutest grandma in Equestria." I teased, rubbed my still attached leg against her belly in a tickling motion. Twilight shrieked in laughter, and tried to escape my tickling clutches. Briefly, she forgot all about her rotten day, focused instead on our shared happy moment.

I was startled by a sudden bright light. Looking right at me was Twilight, her face desperate and scared. I wanted to ask her what happened, to comfort her. Most of all, I wanted to reach out and touch her, to know she was really there. I couldn't.

She lifted me out of the chest, giggling, broken down by stress. “Let’s find you a new home.”

***
I wasn’t ready yet. No amount of preparation could have prepared me for this moment, no matter how many times I told myself it was inevitable, that it was the natural order of things. But Twilight still had so much of her life left, so much that I wanted to see. I wanted to watch her grow old and accomplish all the things she dreamed of. Even if I could never speak or move again, I didn't mind, as long as I got to see her become everything she wanted to be.

At the very least, I want to say good-bye.

***

The fight over me had ended, and I flopped to the ground. The ponies that had previously been fighting over me stepped on me, the final indignity. I had been forgotten, and now abandoned. There wasn’t a thing in the world that wanted me. I would have wept, if I had tears to weep.

A warm mouth closed around one of my legs. I saw the red stallion from earlier (Big Macintosh?) carrying me, his eyes full of affection.

“Twilight don’t seem t’want ya no more.” He said softly. “Maybe, if it’s a’right, I can have ya.”

He walked a ways away with me, all the while peeking around to make sure we were alone. Once he was assured, he lay down in the grass, staring up into the sky while clutching me tightly. He was warm, and safe, like eternal bliss. “Ain’t it pretty?” He whispered. “I think it’s gotten prettier ever since that Princess Luna came back.”

The sky, the sky! It was just as beautiful, no, more beautiful than I had remembered it. Each star shone so clearly, twinkled so merrily. Their numbers infinite and beyond comprehension. Timeless, eternal, ancient splendor. And I, a tiny speck of existence, who couldn't even begin to properly describe it, let alone influence or affect it.

Somehow, that was okay. My existence meant very little, but Twilight had once needed me. That was enough.

She doesn't need me now. She has friends, real friends, who can hurt her, love her, protect her in ways I never could, because they truly existed. My chapter in the life of Twilight Sparkle was over.

And a new one is beginning. I felt a warmth rush through my body, coming to life as I did when I first met Twilight. What was my new friend going to be like? What kind of games would we play? The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Someone would play with me! Someone would want me!

And Twilight... I beamed with pride at the thought of her. Such a special girl, and I had played a role in her life. That was something I would always be proud of. I hope to be able to keep watching over her, even if it must be from afar. Even if I wasn't hers anymore.

"Thank you so much Mom and Dad! It's just what I wanted!" Twilight hugged her parents, then tenderly lifted me out of the mess of wrapping paper and tissue, cradling me in her hoofs. I never realized how warm living beings were.

Time froze, as I stared up into her affectionate, anticipating eyes. And it struck me; I knew why I was here. I was here to make this filly happy.

And I would always love her.