Maud Von Pie of equestria!

by MaschinenPistole-40

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 3500

This is a displaced story, enough said.... Fine, you know the drill, went to a convention, bought something, got sent to equestria... You still want more?! Fine, I dressed up as EQG maud and now I'm her with endless supply of grenades and bullets!

My name is or rather was Franz Schmidt, now I'm Mauser Von Pie, or more commonly known as the 'mage of lead' by the equestrians. I wen't to a convention dressed up as maud, or rather an EQG version of her, despite the fact I'm a guy. But now I bought an item from some guy called 'the merchant', and now I'm in equestria, now normally I'd see this as a dream come true except for two facts, one, I sorta caused the crystal empire to vanish or some magic biz so now sun butt and moon cake imprisoned me in stone for the last eon or so (which not much has actually change around canterlot during that time, at least not in the gardens), two, I'm now a fricking girl! The upside is now I got unlimited grenades and a fully functioning MP-28 that I also have unlimited clips for! Now your probably wondering, 'why do I have grenades and an smg?' or 'How did I make the crystal empire vanish?', well to figure out you'll have to read.

Also on a side note, the dislikes are probably due to the fact I forgot to publish the first chapter until recently.

This story was inspired by 'Wub me or hate me' by vesperia, I suggest you read it.

I need better cover art, if you or some one you know is willing to id like someone to make one.

Edit: the mature tag is just to be safe.

Published 2015-06-27 02:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-28 19:20:28 UTC

Prologue

"Come on, come on, come on!" I said as I tried to get my car to start.

My name is Franz Schmidt, I'm 26 years old, I'm a historical weapons enthusiast and a brony, I'm also pretty good on the piano. I currently work at a military museum that's built a few miles down the street, we have weapons and vehicles varying from the civil war era to the end of the Vietnam War.

I'm six feet and two inches tall, I have Dark brown almost black hair and hazel nut eyes.

I live in Houston Texas, I moved here sixteen years ago from my home in Munich Germany,

I've always had a love for old things, and I own a lot of old weapons and vehicles, my car for example is a world war 2 era 'Horch 108 typ 40 KFZ. 18'

I, sold all my less interesting stuff to the museum, but kept my favorite items.

Anyways, right now I'm going to Comic con. I've gone for the last two years, the first year I went as a german soldier from Call of duty: World at war, last year I went as B.J Blazkowicz from Wolfenstein, this year I decided to change it up.

Recently becoming a brony I decided to go as a my little pony character or rather a EQG one, I would've done an anthro one but I couldn't get the costume to look right so I went with the equestria girls look, at first I had trouble figuring out who to go as but I remembered the episode where maud came to visit, I also remembered all the maud World War One Pics I've seen online, and being the history enthusiast I am, I decided to go as World War One maud.

Speaking of which I'm wearing it right now, for my costume i'm wearing a grayish-purple jumpsuit that covers me from the neck down, it also covered most of my head except for my face, I used makeup to make my face grayish-purple to match the suit and to get the same looks as her in the show, I didn't bother with doing any hair since the top of my head is mostly covered by a helmet, speaking of which, to go with my costume I'm wearing a uniform which consist of a helmet, which I sadly didn't have a World War One German spike helmet so I had to make do with a world war two German Stahlhelm, I'm also wearing a long Khaki-ish-green German World War One trench coat which I personally thought looked cool and a pair of pants that were the same color, and a pair of black leather boots.

To complete my costume I also had a German MP-28 machine gun, it's one of the few original one's still around and actually saw service during World War One by my grand father, it sadly is in rough shape mechanically and is no wheres near firing condition, but it still looked cool, it has belonged to my family since the end of World War One, which sort of made me feel guilty about using it in this way, but hey it's not like it's going to do anything else but sit on a shelf collecting dust, I'm also wearing a holster carrying a 20-round Mauser-C96 which was also an original one but that I actually bought, along with a leg sheath carrying a bayonet (which I made sure was dull so that I hopefully wouldn't be arrested).

Now, you might be thinking, 'why dress up as a female character if you're a guy?' or 'why maud? couldn't you just go as another character in a uniform?'. Well to answer the first question, I don't give a fuck about gender, to answer the second one I kind of just like her character, I like her expressionless personality and monotone voice, and despite her simple look, she looks kinda cute, ahem not like I have any feelings for her of course but still.

Anyways, so yeah going to a convention cosplaying as kaiser maud, what could go wrong?.....

My car finally started up after a couple try's and I made my way down the road, open the roof up since I was hot as hell wearing the trench coat in the middle of the day in Texas.

I checked the digital clock I had duck-taped to the dash board to see it was 12:36.

"Scheisse, I'm late, damn alarm clock never wakes me up when I actually wan't it to..." I grumbled while driving.

I got there after about twenty minutes and literally hopped out of my car locked it and made my way to the convention centers entrance.

I got a couple of stares but ignored them, if they don't like my little pony or germans thats their problem.

After going through a (surprisingly) short line (and a bit of bribing, what? I'm rich! How else do you think i bought all the guns and vehicles I have?) I finally made my way into the comic convention see ing cosplayers and booths, I admitted it wasn't as big as the last two I've been too but it was still huge! i spent around two hours walking meeting other bronys, listening to different booth owners talk about items there selling, and just plain out having a good time, when it was time for the convention to start closing I started to make my way to the door when I saw a particular booth that caught my eye, it sold a variety of things, ranging from masks, to plastic weapons, to clothing, and pretty much anything, the owner was dressed as the merchant from resident evil,one particular item that caught my eye was what looked like a german Stielhandgranate

"Hello there!" said the owner.

"Hello." I replied.

"I see you've noticed the grenade prop I have there, care to buy it?" He said

"Hmmm.... Yeah, how much for it?" I asked.

"Let's see the conventions closing so I think I'll give you a discount, hows twenty bucks sound?" Asked the merchant.

"Sure I'll take it!" I said enthusiastically.

I pulled my wallet out from one of my trench coat pockets and dug out a twenty dollar bill and gave it to him and then he handed me the prop.

As i made my way to the exit i started feeling a bit drowsy, i saw a light come from somewhere near the ground and when i looked i saw it was coming from the grenade, except now the grenade had a strange symbol on it that closely resembled the alicorn amulet except the wings were styled like that of the Nazi eagle from World War 2 and it was holding what look like celesta's cutie mark. What the hell?! What did that guy sell me?! Thats when a thought came to me, i've read a lot of displaced story's online and this is exactly as they go, sort of, wen't to a convention cosplaying as something, Check, bought something from a merchant selling something that i thought was interesting, check, falling unconscious, Che- wait, fuuuuccckk, then my vision went blank.

Author's Note

Hey everypony! So heres the first chapter of another one of my stories. So, i've been reading a lot of displaced story's and decided to try on myself.

Sadly, I won't be working on this a lot so don't expect frequent updates, maybe once a week I don't know, but do not fear the second chapter should be done by this sunday afternoon. Anyways, hope you enjoyed so far!

The arrival (Part 1)

I groaned as I felt myself become conscious again. Currently I couldn't remember what happened, I sat up and looked around me to see nothing but snow, only, it didn't look like snow, or at least none i'd ever seen, it was like something in one of those Team Fortress 2, Source Film Maker videos.

"Where the hell am I?" I said, I jumped after hearing myself.

The voice I heard was not mine, it sounded monotone and feminine, "What the fuck happened to my voice?" I tried yelling but it came out in that same expressionless voice. Looking around again I asked "And how am I not freezing to death?"

I looked down to see I was wearing a thick wool khaki-isn-green colored trench coat and a matching pair of pants, well that explains how I'm warm.

Then everything came flooding back to me as fast as a bullet, the convention, the merchant, and the dumb prop I bought.

I looked around me to see my stuff lying around me, except now there was a back pack. I took a closer look at what I was also wearing and notice pouches with what looked like magazines for my MP-28 and stripper-clips for my C96. I also notice that also was wearing a utility belt that had various things on it, trench shovel, canteen, binoculars, Flashlight, what looked like a lighter, my bayonet which looked like it was freshly sharpened and was now sheathed in a sheath on my belt, and the Stick grenade I bought which now looked real. I also still had on my helmet, which I could strangely clearly feel even with the body suit on... Wait... I felt over my self to realize I was in fact not wearing a suit, but instead I actually had purplish-grey skin, I also now had purple hair. While I was moving my hands over myself I felt to lumps on my chest which caused my eyes to dilate inhumanly small.

"Don't tell me those are what I think they are..." I said, looking down to see that I indeed had breasts.

"....." I just sat there for a minute letting this information set in, as a final check I reached down to where my Manhood should be and through the fabric of my pants I found didn't have a Penis but instead a vagina.

"Ok, what. The. Fuck... What kind of a sick joke is this?" I said towards the sky once again trying to yell but only coming out in a monotone voice.

I sat there for a moment to regain my senses, and rummaged through my newly acquired bag.

In the bag I found some tin boxes with rations, a set of tin eating utensils, a sleeping mat, I also found my iPhone 6 which I had taken to the convention with me. I pulled out the iPhone and check to see if it could make a call but found that it had no service. Of course it doesn't have service...

I looked back through the bag and found my earbuds, what looked like a gun cleaning kit, and some extra pieces of winter clothing which consisted of a pair of grey gloves, a grey and purple striped scarf, a grey bandana, and goggles which I guessed were for protecting my eyes from the winter wind, I also found another trench coat that was thinner and I guessed it was for warmer weather.

Looks like whoever that guy was that sent me here knew i'd need this stuff, I thought to myself.

After putting on the extra clothing, I looked around me to figure out which way to go, in front of me i saw snow, behind me I saw snow, to my left I saw, oh guess what? More snow! To my right I saw even MORE sno- Wait... I looked to my right to see that the sky looked brownish in the distance.

Well... It might not be the best choice, but it's the only direction that looks like it leads somewhere in this frozen wasteland... I thought to myself.

Satisfied with my decision, I walked in the direction I had picked.

As I walked I inspected my MP-28 to find every mechanism looked brand new and was in peak condition, which didn't exactly cause me to hold my breath since it wouldn't have been to hard to do in the first place, I just didn't do it because I wanted it to stay completely vintage, but what caught my attention rather was the way it looked, as if it was animated just like everything else in this place.

Taking another look, I noticed that I, along with my clothes, looked the same way, to say I was weirded at by this along with everything else i've learned so far would have been a huge understatement.

As I trekked through the snow I practiced some combat moves I had learned from old World War 2 training videos, though they were a bit difficult with the big trench coat.

Pretty soon night fall came and I worked to set up a camp in a cave that I had found in the side of a hill. I made a fire using some logs I found out side and the lighter I found in my new bag. And after eating a dinner of sauerkraut and cracker rations I got ready to sleep. Using my to trench coats as blankets I laid down on the mat which was surprisingly soft.

I laid there for a while unable to sleep and just stared at the crackling fire.

"Why did this have to happen to me?...." I asked, mostly to myself but also hoping maybe there was someone who could here me.

After a while I fell into the dark abyss of sleep.

I opened my eyes to see I was in a room that looked like its walls and ceiling were made of dirt, I was laying on a cot and saw a Desk with maps on it to my right, to my left I saw a door way. Suddenly I heard yelling and felt my self get up and walk out the doorway despite not making my self do it.

When I got out I saw soldiers standing in a long line in a trench shoulder to shoulder.

"Get ready ma'am, we're going over the top!" I heard someone to my left shout in german.

I felt my self walk up to the line and stand between to other soldiers.

One looked to me and nodded.

I felt my self return the nod.

"It's a shame to see a pretty face like you die like this but if we don't make it i'll see in the after life" He said and returned his attention forward.

What the hell is going on here?!!? I was practically screaming in my head.

Why couldn't I move? Why am I here? Why does this seem familiar and real? How come i'm fighting here if i'm a girl, i'm pretty sure they didn't allow females to join the army.... And Why do I have the feeling i'm about to die? Oh wait, the latter was probably because of the guy next to me, but still! All these question were flying through my head then I sensed my self grab something from my pocket and held up to my face to reveal a whistle in my grasp.

I heard the distant bangs of artillery and then heard and practically felt shells pound the ground in front of use, then it died and soon a chorus of whistles sounded from along our trench and I felt my self blow mine as well, and then we were climbing and then after that, we were in hell itself.

I ran across the field, with artillery shells blasting the earth like no tomorrow and machine gun nests raining death on me and my comrades.

All around me soldiers were falling and I was getting close to the enemy trench, suddenly I heard another chorus of whistles and a battle cry and saw thousands of french soldiers charge at me and what remained of us.

As I processed this I felt a sharp pain in my gut and looked down to see a fresh hole in my stomach and I felt myself fall I looked up to see a french soldier charging at my dyeing body, teeth bared and bayonet presented, he jumped at me and sinked his bayonet strait into my heart...

I bolted awake to find my self in the cave still. I looked to see everything was as I left it and I looked down to see I was fine with no bullet or bayonet wounds in sight. I gave a sigh of relief and looked to see it was morning.

"That felt so fucking real..." I said to myself.

Deciding to ponder on the dream later I packed my stuff, had a light breakfast of yet more crackers and snow water, did my business in a hole I found a bit deeper in the cave (It honestly felt weird to use the bathroom (or well as close to a bathroom this can get) with a genital I never had before), and then got dressed.

After I was done I made my way out and began my trek once again.

As I walked I kept getting the nagging feeling I was being watched, I turned my head here and there every once in a while until I heard a low growl and smelled an unbelievable bad stench, I looked to where I heard the growl emit from and saw a pack of about six small wolves and one big wolf walking towards me, their fangs, which also looked strangely like ice, were bared and were ready to pounce. They looked almost see through and their eyes seemed to glow blue but I didn't pay this much mind at the moment.

"G-good wolfys stay back, I-I d-don't want to hurt you..." I stuttered but somehow kept a monotone voice, though it looked that the feeling wasn't mutual, they look ready to tear me apart.

They got closer and closer, I raised my MP-28, ready to shoot. A wolf pounced and I fired a burst of 5 rounds, thats when I noticed something, they were actually made of ice! Shards of the first wolf went everywhere, and the others charged at me, but I wasn't having any of it.

I fired until my magazine was empty and all that was left was piles of ice shards and snow. After being certain I got them all, I got ready to leave when the wood started to shake I looked around to see it all slide across the snow, and then suddenly it all came together to form one giant timber wolf.

"Great, just great, they can reform themselves like Timberwolves? Can this day get any weirder." I mumbled, praying to god I didn't just jinx myself.

It roared at me. I attempted to reload my gun when a thought came to me, I remembered how spike had destroyed a timber wolf by chucking a rock into its throat, and while I didn't have a rock I did have the grenade...

Hoping it would work on this ice wolf, I got ready to pull the pin, while the wolf charged at me letting out another bone rattling roar.

I stood my ground waiting for the right moment, when the wolf was meters away I pulled the pin, and at the last moment let my self fall back and tossed the grenade up which was caught my the wolf's maw which passed right over me.

I ran to the nearest piece of cover I could find while the wolf began to choke until it exploded into a mix of green and orange fire.

I waited to see if it would get up again and after two minutes it didn't and I began walking again, as i walked I noticed that the grenade was still there.

"Huh, unlimited grenades huh? That'll come in handy in the future." I said in my monotone voice as I continued my journey.

Hours later I finally came up to a hill that was near where my destination appeared to be, I climbed up and when I got to the top my breath was taken away by what I saw, it was indeed one of the things I least expected. In front of me stood the great Crystal empire, or well at least king sombra's, since the it was obviously not the one ruled by cadence and shining armor.

"Well, at least I have a rough idea of what time period in equestrian history i'm in." I said, when suddenly I heard the crunching of someone walking on snow behind me, and I turned around just in time to see a crystal like hoof make contact with my face, then I fell into darkness with one last thought...

Fuck...

Author's Note

Hey guys heres part 1 of our character's arrival to equestria, also, if you haven't guessed and words in between quotation marks that are italicized are spoken in german, if it's not in quotation marks it's something being thought.

I'm sorry if it feels rushed.:fluttershbad: