The Fast and the Funny

by Jeevesie

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Sex
Length: 3824

Super silly and super competitive doesn't necessarily make for the easiest of relationships, but Pinkie and Rainbow are determined to make it work!

Super silly and super competitive doesn't necessarily make for the easiest of relationships, but Pinkie and Rainbow are determined to make it work! <3

Published 2015-06-24 21:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-24 21:20:02 UTC

The Dating Game

The Dating Game

"So... this is really weird, huh?"

Sitting across the table from one another, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stared down at their empty plates. Gone were the precious mouthfuls of food that had provided them a reason not to speak, leaving only the blatantly obvious to escape the pale blue pegasus pony's mouth.

Pinkie nodded slowly, her normally perky, vibrant pink hair slightly sagging as she entirely failed to even attempt to look up and meet Rainbow's potential gaze.

"Y-yeah."

The earth pony sighed, kicking at the wooden floor with one foreleg.

"Was I being silly? Was it all just... just in our heads? That all the fun we have together, the games, the... the stuff we do when we're alone. Was it all in our imaginations that it... y'know? Meant something more? Was all that lovey dovey talk just our flanks getting ahead of our brains?"

Huffing softly, blowing her fringe out of her eyes with the lingering exhalation of her breath, Rainbow Dash shrugged. She too was far from her usual energetic self.

"I dunno. Maybe. But... but no. No. I don't want to think that. I don't wanna believe that. Pinkie, you're the silliest, weirdest, most awesomely random pony I know. You're never too calm or sensible or sensitive to turn down a chance at adventure or danger. You're so much like me, s-sometimes I feel like I'm not really complete without you close by."

The pegasus pony's cheeks flushed as she realised what a personal, intimate thing she had just confessed to. Hastily, not daring to look and see how Pinkie was reacting, she pressed on with the point she had been attempting to make.

"What I mean is, you're great. You're Pinkie Pie! And I wanna spend more time with you. Not just fooling around or... y'know. Fooling around. Actually getting to know you. Getting to see what Pinkie Pie does when she's not throwing parties and bursting into spontaneous song. I just... this? Dinner. Sitting down like two civilised ponies and being expected to talk and bond and stuff. It's not me. It's not us. A-and, I guess I just don't know how to properly date somepony I really care for... when neither one of us are the kind of pony who cares about dates."

For a few moments, Rainbow Dash sat in silence. Her head remained downcast, her eyes closed but ears perked; listening for any clue to what Pinkie Pie might be thinking. A gasp. A shuddering, emotional intake of breath. Any kind of breathing, for that matter.

"P-Pinkie?"

After almost thirty seconds of silence, Rainbow Dash could bare it no longer. She winced, and slowly, fearfully raised her head; eyes slipping open to nervously glance at where she had last seen her friend.

Rainbow's eyes met with Pinkie's own. They widened, and a lump rose in the pegasus pony's throat.

"Pinkie? I... a-are you, are you okay?"

The bubblegum pink earth pony was sitting up straight, painfully straight, exactly where Rainbow Dash had last seen her. Her location was, however, practically the only similarity between the Pinkie Pie which Rainbow Dash had seen recently, and the Pinkie Pie she found herself gazing upon now.

Pinkie's already bouncy, frizzy hair had practically doubled in size; in apparent correlation with the bulging, quivering ovals of the earth pony's wide eyes. A crazed, wild, toothy grin was spread from ear to ear across the renowned party-pony's muzzle, and she was trembling violently; practically vibrating upon the spot on which she was seated. She looked for all the world like a pony on the edge of madness. A pony who, if a single wrong word was spoken to her, might erupt into a fury of violence and chaos the likes of which even Discord might envy.

"Say something. Pinkie, please... talk to me. You've not been this quiet since... well. Since, uh. You've never been this quiet, okay? You're really starting to freak me out here!"

Just when Rainbow Dash thought Pinkie's eyes couldn't get any wider, they cracked open just the tiniest bit more, and a single tear sprang forth from the base of the earth pony's right eye. At the same instant, a familiar and wonderful sound rang out across the room. A giggle. Pinkie's all too frequent and oh so infectious giggle of glee.

"You... you feel like... you're not really complete, without me?"

Rainbow Dash's own eyes widened.

"Uh. I... um. I..."

Pinkie leapt up onto the table; sending her plate and cup flying to the floor where they shattered with a loud crash that somehow failed to waken Gummy from where he was napping on a pile of cushions close by.

"You feel like you're not really complete without me!"

Pinkie somehow managed to both stride and creep across the length of the table all at once, until she was leaning off the edge; balanced on the tips of her four hooves, with her nose pressed up against Rainbow Dash's own and her eyes staring deep into those of the pegasus before her.

"Rainbow Dash. T-that's... that's the sweetest thing anypony has ever said to me."

The pegasus pony's cheeks flushed pink. As bright a pink as the coat of the wide eyed, beaming mare staring her square in the face with such a dazzling, gloriously happy expression.

"It... it is?"

Pinkie giggled softly.

"Yu-huh."

She moved her head another fraction of an inch forward. Bumping her nose gently against Rainbow Dash's own, before setting the pegasus' heart afire with the softest, most tender peck on the lips. Rainbow Dash tried not to react. Tried not to leap into the air and fly somersaults around the room. At that at least, she succeeded. React though, she did. She quivered, and giggled herself; a bashful, oddly girly giggle for a pony such as her to utter.

"Then... maybe we're not as bad at this dating thing as we thought."

Pinkie nodded, echoing her previous words as she pecked Rainbow Dash on the muzzle once more.

"Yu-huh."

Again, Rainbow sniggered girlishly at the rush that came from that softest of kisses.

"Maybe we're just so awesome at doing it... we've totally reinvented it. No boring dinners with romantic candles and tiny portions. Give me a pony who jumps up on the table. Give me a pony who makes me say things I never thought I'd want to say out loud, never mind things I couldn't stop myself from saying if I'd tried."

Once more Pinkie and Rainbow Dash kissed. A longer kiss. Deeper, but every bit as tender and intimate.

Their lips parted after some endless period of time. Minutes, most likely, but potentially millennia as far as they were concerned. They sighed softly, blushing at how alike their joyous murmurs had sounded, and giggled as their eyes met yet again.

"Pinkie?"

Pinkie Pie tilted her head playfully.

"Yes, Dashie?"

Rainbow Dash sighed, rolling her eyes at the use of that damnably cute nickname that she loved to hate, and hated to love.

"Wanna... um, do you want to... to be..."

The earth pony picked up where Rainbow's voice trailed off into embarrassed, overwhelmed silence.

"...to be more than just friends that play and laugh and care so much for one another that it makes them want to sing and shout and drag the other pony behind every cloud and bush and tree for kisses and..."

Rainbow Dash silenced Pinkie with another kiss; a firmer, more intense smooch as she saw the fire burning in that wonderfully manic pony's eyes, the fires of desire and passion that had been about to let loose in all manner of delightfully over descriptive ways.

"...and be my awesomely silly, special somepony."

The smile vanished from Pinkie Pie's face.

She stared intensely at Rainbow Dash for a moment, and just as the pegasus' own smile was beginning to fade with slight concern, Pinkie nodded.

She nodded, and flung herself forward off the table; tackling Rainbow Dash with a shriek of glee, and shaking with potent joy as she felt Rainbow's forelegs rising to meet her. Embracing her. Catching her. Falling to the ground with her, and staying there. Locked together, limbs, lips, eyes, and most inescapably of all, hearts.

By Jeeves

Friendly Competition

Friendly Competition

"Pinkie! C-c'mon... stop it."

Giggling wildly, the earth pony shook her head.

"Nu-uh. You c'mon. What happened to that Daring Do spirit? That never give up, anything you can do I can do better, attitude."

Pinkie Pie's left foreleg, buried between the thighs of her lover, caressed swiftly back and forth; the very tip of her hoof massaging the swelling, stiffening clitoris of the pegasus she had pinned up against the rear wall of the Carousel Boutique.

"T-that's not fair! I'll kick your t-tail at any contest... any sport or... ah, or whatever. But this?! I..."

The pegasus' voice trailed off into a guttural moan, and she shuddered violently as the hoof upon her clit quickened its pace and increased the pressure it was applying to her suddenly throbbing, dripping nether regions.

Grinning from ear to ear meanwhile, Pinkie drank in the sight and sounds of her partner in such glorious distress.

"You what? You can't do it? Can't handle it? You know the rule, Dashie. All you have to do in order to get me to stop, is to say the magic words. Pinkie's pie rules, Rainbow's pussy drools."

Rainbow Dash groaned hungrily, torn between the intense pleasure of having Pinkie Pie's talented hoof teasing her and the anxiety of knowing where they were; outside in an entirely public, albeit secluded street almost dead in the centre of Ponyville. She closed her eyes, trying to focus; to tell herself that it wasn't worth the risk, that she didn't have to play into Pinkie's hooves by being so damned competitive even in extreme situations like this. She tried so very hard not to want this... as much for the victory over Pinkie's expectations as the pleasure itself.

And yet...

"N-no way. You've never out sexed me yet, Pinkie, a-ahh... and just because you're gonna play dirty. Yes... oh... j-just because you're gonna try to catch me out by pushing the boundaries a little, doesn't mean I'm not gonna kick your big balloon butt to Canterlot and back."

To Rainbow Dash's horror, rather than stopping what she was doing, or at the very least hesitating when faced with the knowledge that her bluff was being thoroughly called, Pinkie squealed with delight.

"Oh Dashie, when are you gonna learn? It's not about winning or losing. It's not about competing. The reason I jumped your bones, the reason I spend my nights squealing and squirting and getting all hot and bothered with you, isn't because you're the only pony who can compete with me. Don't get me wrong, that helps! I dunno what I'd do if you wanted to stop after just two or three orgasms... jeez! But, seriously... I chose you, I fell for you, Dashie... because you're awesome. You're my awesome, stubborn, grade A hottie of a pegasus. And making a pony like you squirm and scream... making you go all cross eyed and goofy, making you cum... and cum... and cum? It makes me so happy... and so horny."

The already pleasure stricken pony's face flushed brighter than ever as she heard her lover speaking about her with such simultaneous tenderness and passion. Pinkie Pie was a strange creature; the weirdest and silliest and at times most frustratingly over the top pony she knew. But no matter how aggrivatingly crazy and wild Pinkie could be, Rainbow Dash knew that she'd never find another woman so perfectly suited for her. So eager to embrace all the fun, energetic things that Dash loved to do, and entirely unlikely to grow frustrated or annoyed by the pegasus pony's competitive nature.

"P-Pinkie... oh, ohh! Fine. Fine! M-make me cum... do it. But, n-not here. Not where we have to be quiet and quick. Let's go somewhere I can g-get my own back when you're done. Somewhere I can spend hours with your head between m-my legs, and where you can... a-ahh... g-get some hoof and tongue from me in return."

With a fresh burst of laughter, Pinkie Pie's hoof momentarily froze in its intense massage of Rainbow Dash's dripping slit and swollen love-button. She stepped closer still to the pegasus pinned against the smooth, painted exterior wall of the boutique, and bumped her nose up against Rainbow's own with a playful squeak. Her lips brushed those of her lover so softly, so swiftly that by that time Rainbow Dash tried to respond and reciprocate, Pinkie had already pulled her head away once more. Again she giggled, and whispered oh so gently into the winged pony's flushed, excitably twitching ears.

"I could. I could take you somewhere... home to my place, into the forest, out to Sweet Apple Acres. Anywhere I know is quiet and private, and make you scream so loud they'll hear in Manehatten."

Her hoof against Rainbow's pussy began to move once again, focusing ever more feverish strokes and squeezes upon the aching nub of the pegasus' clit. Rainbow Dash threw her head back, barely stifling a strangled cry of blissful frustration.

"Or... I could make you scream right here, and enjoy the look on your face as you lose control completely, knowing that with every passing second, every moment of pure pleasure you give into, you come closer and closer to being caught, and not being able to escape in time no matter how fast you fly."

Rainbow Dash's eyes bulged, and she let slip a louder, more genuinely frantic whimper than anything Pinkie Pie had ever heard escape her in any past love-making session of the many they'd shared.

"Oh... oh gosh..."

The pegasus groaned in horrified resignation as Pinkie continued to rub at her swollen clitoris, truly bombarding the rigid little nub with as much stimulus as Rainbow's mind could comfortably handle, and then some.

"Oh gosh... oh gosh..."

She tried to hold back. Tried to keep her voice low and her body's urges in check. She told herself that if she let it happen, if she opened herself up to the feelings, maybe she could control them better. Maybe she wouldn't have to cry out, and they'd be lucky enough to get away with this insane, overwhelmingly erotic plan of Pinkie's.

"O-oh gosh. Oh gosh. Oh! Oh m-my gosh!"

As the pleasure built however, and as Pinkie Pie's grin widened and her eyes sparkled with mischievous concentration on the rapid, firm motions of her hoof, Rainbow Dash began to realise how futile an effort she was engaged in. How could she hold back? How could she not scream. It was her, and it was Pinkie Pie. They were the two sexiest, horniest ponies in Ponyville; maybe in all of Equestria, as far as they were concerned. When they made love, songs were sung of the results... she knew, because often it was Pinkie who sang them to her!

"P-Pinkie!"

The earth pony grinned, staring with a delicious mixture of intimacy and savage lust into her quivering, overwhelmed lover's eyes.

"Pinkie, p-please!! I... I c-can't... I'm gonna... g-g-gonna..."

All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie's hoof dropped away from Rainbow Dash's crotch. She stepped back, and dropped down onto all fours.

Stunned, panting heavily and still trembling as her loins throbbed and twitched with residual pleasure, Rainbow Dash remained upright; leaning back against the wall of Rarity's beloved dressmaking store. She stared, confused and overwhelmed with a thousand different shades of relief and anguished denial, into Pinkie's still smiling face, and whimpered softly as her lover asked a simple, yet highly loaded question.

"You're gonna what, Dashie?"

Pinkie Pie giggled, reaching down between her own hindquarters with the same, still glistening hoof she had used on Rainbow Dash, and briefly rubbing at her own needy nether regions.

"You're gonna wait? Gonna be safe, and responsible, and a good girl?"

The curly haired, giddily grinning pony licked her lips, shivering in pleasurable excitement.

"Or are you gonna cum? Are you gonna scream? Are you gonna beg me to put my hoof back between your legs, and let all of Ponyville hear what a fearless, shameless sex-fiend I've been lucky enough to be dipping my hoof into?"

With her cheeks flushed scarlet, one final, frantic whimper of desire escaped Rainbow's lips. She nodded, and stared pleadingly into her lover's twinkling eyes.

"Pinkie... m-make me... make me cum."

For a moment or two, Pinkie Pie was too excited; too giddy to actually act on Rainbow Dash's request. She danced a little jig on all four hooves, giggling and bouncing up and down hurriedly enough to make her mane and tail jiggle wildly for some seconds after she'd stopped, before rushing forward and pinning her lover tightly to the wall once more.

Tenderly, deeply and with a giddy, joyous murmur, Pinkie pressed her mouth to Rainbow's own and kissed her lover with all the force and passion she could muster. Her forelimbs ran gently down the lithe, agile length of Rainbow Dash's winged torso, before pausing upon the pegasus pony's trembling thighs.

Their eyes lingered fierily upon one another, and Pinkie Pie giggled yet again as their lips and tongues parted company with a soft but audible slurping.

"Oh, Dashie... you're so..."

Pinkie pecked at her lover's lips.

"...so..."

Again she lavished Rainbow Dash with a brief, loving kiss.

"...so... gullible."

Pinkie pulled away from her lover, grinning from ear to ear as Rainbow Dash stared at her in stunned confusion.

"I... I, uh... w-what?"

The earth pony snorted with laughter, barely able to stand as she was wracked by fits of mirth she had been doubtlessly trying to hold back for quite some time.

"Oh my gosh, Dashie. I can't believe you actually thought I'd make you cum in the middle of town. I'm naughty, I'm silly, but I'm not stupid! Do you have any idea how much trouble we'd be in if someone caught us fooling around like that?"

Rainbow's eyes widened, and she glared at Pinkie Pie in furious dismay.

"I... but, you... you almost made me... y-you were rubbing my... a-and I'm... I want, I need to..."

Pinkie smiled tenderly, cocking her head to one side.

"Hmm? What? Oh... oh, you really, actually wanna cum?"

The pegasus pony's wings shook violently, every feather rigid and trembling with desire. She nodded, her left eye twitching in volatile fury. Pinkie however, remained entirely at ease.

"Like, right now?"

She shrugged, glancing from left to right, making sure that no-one was in view, before surging forward like a rocket. Before Rainbow Dash's dazed and confused mind could make sense of what was happening, her lover was behind her, and a long, wet, eager tongue was delving between the lips of her pussy as two hooves spread her rump wide apart. For a single instant, Pinkie's tongue slurped and lashed at the inner reaches of her lover's pussy, and with agonisingly efficient ease struck at Rainbow's g-spot; the only point in her entire body more sensitive and susceptible to Pinkie's touch than her clitoris.

"Now... be a good girl, and sit quietly."

In another instant, with impossible speed, Pinkie Pie was in front of the pegasus once more; one hoof upon Rainbow's rear and the other positioned beneath her chin, posing her into a more or less comfortable sitting position. She too span around and sat down, throwing a casual foreleg around Rainbow's shoulder and carefully turning her lover's head towards her, as if they were talking.

At that exact moment, as Rainbow Dash felt the last of her willpower subside and the sudden force of her orgasm beginning to rip through every rational, sensible thought and feeling in her possession, a group of ponies trotted around the corner.

Rainbow Dash's eyes bulged, and she shuddered as she began to squirt; her innermost workings throbbing and pulsing as hot gushes of her orgasmic juices began to flood out and pool between her hind legs. She stared desperately, pleadingly into Pinkie Pie's eyes, knowing full well that it was a matter of seconds before she opened her mouth and wailed in confirmation of the ecstasy surging through her.

"Hello, ladies... enjoying a day out together, are we?"

As they passed by, one of the ponies turned their head and smiled at Pinkie and Rainbow; calling out a friendly comment as they did so.

Without missing a beat, Pinkie giggled and nodded, confirming her response by turning her head and kissing Rainbow Dash tenderly on the lips mere fractions of a second before she had been about to let loose a frantic orgasmic scream.

The group of ponies chuckled and awww'd at the romantic sight of love in full bloom, before turning back to their conversation as they trotted onward and around the nearest corner of the boutique. No sooner had they done so, Pinkie Pie's lips were replaced by her hoof; the same hoof still stained by the glistening fluid and combined scent of her own and her lover's arousal. She held it tightly against Rainbow's maw, muffling the fevered cry of pleasure that erupted from her partner as the pegasus pony's orgasm reached a blissful, searingly intense crescendo.

Just a few seconds later, Rainbow Dash sagged forwards; practically collapsing into Pinkie Pie's waiting, outstretched forelegs.

"Ohmygosh... ohmygosh..."

The pegasus murmured breathlessly, her whole body shuddering; her rear end and thighs soaked by the veritable puddle of juices in which she was now seated. She reached out with trembling limbs, and threw both hooves around Pinkie's waist; clutching at her lover with helpless, post orgasmic affection.

Pinkie Pie meanwhile, holding her lover tenderly all the while, simply tutted at Rainbow Dash with a playful, teasing smirk.

"Honestly, Dashie... I can't believe you made me do that."

She giggled merrily as Rainbow's eyes bulged, only to flutter and grow half lidded once more as the pegasus realised she was too fatigued to even contemplate how she needed to punish Pinkie for her mischief.

"Silly pony. I love you."

Craning her neck downward, Pinkie Pie whispered fondly to her lover as she kissed Rainbow Dash between the eyes.

Helplessly tired, and honestly overwhelmed by all the affection and pleasure that had been lavished upon her by her partner, Rainbow couldn't even pretend to be truly angry. This was, after all, exactly why Pinkie Pie was the pony she always found herself in situations like this with. Because only she was crazy and playful enough to push Rainbow Dash so wildly beyond her limits, and sneaky enough to get away with it.

"Silly Pinkie... my Pinkie."

The earth pony's face flushed, and she sighed happily at the satisfied, joyous murmur which slipped through Rainbow Dash's lips.

"I... I think I love you too."

By Jeeves